The Blood Countess: How Elizabeth Bathory Became History’s Deadliest Woman

Summary

History Hyenas Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: The Blood Countess: How Elizabeth Bathory Became History’s Deadliest Woman

Release Date: April 3, 2025

Hosts: Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas

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Introduction to Elizabeth Bathory

In this gripping episode of History Hyenas, comedians Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas delve into the dark and intriguing life of Elizabeth Bathory, infamously known as the Blood Countess. Born on August 7, 1560, in Hungary, Bathory became one of history’s most notorious female figures, accused of torturing and murdering hundreds of young girls. The hosts set the stage by highlighting the blend of fact and myth that surrounds her legacy.

Notable Quote:

Chris Distefano [09:46]: "Elizabeth Bathory was a serial killer. She lived from August 7, 1560, to August 21, 1614. She belonged to one of the most powerful aristocratic families in Hungary."

Myth vs. Reality

Chris and Yannis explore the infamous legend that Bathory bathed in the blood of virgins to preserve her youth—a claim that has cemented her place in vampire lore and inspired Bram Stoker's Dracula. However, historians contest the veracity of these accusations, suggesting that Bathory may have been a victim of a patriarchal smear campaign aimed at silencing a powerful woman in a male-dominated society.

Notable Quotes:

Yannis Papas [12:15]: "She was a serial killer."

Chris Distefano [23:46]: "Elizabeth Bathory was mythologized as the chick who used to bathe in the blood of virgins. Although now historians say that's not true."

Historical Context and Possible Framing

The discussion shifts to the political and social dynamics of early 17th-century Hungary. Bathory’s family had significant influence and had lent substantial amounts of money to King Matthias II, who likely sought to eliminate her after her husband's death to cancel her debts. This context raises questions about the legitimacy of the charges against her, paralleling other historical instances where powerful individuals were unjustly accused, such as the Salem Witch Trials.

Notable Quote:

Chris Distefano [35:52]: "Matthias probably went after her husband died. She's just a lady now. So he owes the money to the lady, so he goes, you know what? I don't pay ladies. Why don't we just frame this bitch?"

Legacy and Influence on Pop Culture

The hosts examine Bathory’s enduring legacy, emphasizing her influence on modern vampire mythology. By combining elements from Bathory’s alleged crimes and the brutal tactics of Vlad the Impaler, Bram Stoker created a composite character that continues to captivate audiences today.

Notable Quote:

Yannis Papas [24:22]: "She was related to Vlad the Impaler through marriage."

Chris Distefano [37:12]: "She inspired books, movies, vampire myths. She even influenced Dracula."

Conclusions and Audience Engagement

Chris and Yannis conclude by weighing the evidence and inviting listeners to ponder whether Bathory was truly the sadistic killer legends portray or a victim of political maneuvering. They encourage audience participation, asking listeners to share their thoughts on whether Bathory's infamy is a product of historical truth or myth-making.

Notable Quote:

Chris Distefano [37:12]: "Now, we've just given you some facts. I want to know what you think. Was it a smear campaign or not?"

Yannis Papas [35:20]: "So what do you think? Was she framed or was she really the monster they say she was?"

Humorous Interludes

Throughout the episode, Chris and Yannis infuse their trademark humor, making light-hearted comparisons and amusing anecdotes that provide a comedic relief to the macabre subject matter. These moments include playful banter about modern-day issues and humorous takes on historical events, ensuring the episode remains both informative and entertaining.

Notable Quotes:

Yannis Papas [16:39]: "If her brains were eggs, it wouldn't be sunny side up, they'd be scrambled."

Chris Distefano [24:45]: "Bram Stoker. Because you already said that in the beginning of the episode."

Final Thoughts

History Hyenas successfully balances dark historical exploration with comedic elements, offering listeners a nuanced view of Elizabeth Bathory's life and legacy. By questioning historical narratives and blending humor with fact-based discussion, Chris and Yannis present a compelling episode that both educates and entertains.

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Listeners are encouraged to join the History Hyenas community on Patreon for exclusive content and to participate in discussions around episodes like this one.

Transcript

[Chris Distefano]

This episode is brought to you by Amazon. Sometimes the most painful part of getting sick is the getting better part. Waiting on hold for an appointment, sitting in crowded waiting rooms, standing in line at the pharmacy. That's painful. Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy remove those painful parts of getting better with things like 24. 7 virtual visits and prescriptions delivered to your door. Thanks to Amazon Pharmacy and Amazon One Medical Healthcare just got less painful. But here's what they say. Hindsight is what, 2020. Yeah, 2020, cuz.

[Giannis Papas]

Or for me, it's just 20. It's one off.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes, one. Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. What's up, everyone? It's Chris Estefano, AKA Chrissy Grease hair, with me as always. Giannis Papas, AKA Yanni, is about to get a cold. Papa.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, because I'm sitting in the room with two guys who slept with the same guy last night, and they both got a cold. And it's just what it is. And I. It's just part of your personality that you got to have more than one name.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is. And Jesse is getting sick, and you never really see the kid getting sick. And Giannis came in and said. And I said, I don't feel good. And then y said, oh, do you guys have a cold? And what I said is, to me, I said, listen to me, you fcf. You're a man.

[Giannis Papas]

You didn't. You didn't use an acronym. You said the word. Because we weren't being recorded.

[Chris Distefano]

We weren't. Well, because I said the word. Because we weren't in the first minute of the YouTube algorithm where we have to be clean. Yeah, because we're trying to get. We're. We're trying to make sure our every episode we do gets monetized.

[Giannis Papas]

You called me a pussycat.

[Chris Distefano]

Called you a pussycat. Because I said, listen, guys get sick, okay? You're going to have to deal with it, all right? I said, you know these people, like, oh, you're a cold. Don't come near me. It's like, you know what you are? You know, you are. You're.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You're supposed to take the germ straight on the face. It's part of being a man.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And that's what the news should have said during the epidemic, the pandemic.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Papas]

They should have said just. It should have just been women and children only.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

It should have just been women and children only.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Well, if you tell me. If you say to me, hey, you have a cold, please don't come near me. I said, well, you're a white guy that voted for Kamala. Yeah, that's what I know. You're a white guy for Harris.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You just got to take it on the face. And it's just women and children. We got to get back to the women and children only. And men are dispensed.

[Chris Distefano]

Men are dispenseable. And I'm telling you, cuz I'm telling you because I am. Do not forget it, that I'm a licensed physical therapist.

[Giannis Papas]

You are. You'll get your. You'll put your hands on somebody, but not in the way you think.

[Chris Distefano]

Do not forget it.

[Giannis Papas]

Exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

I'll. I'll go soft. I will massage you down big. Do not forget one fact. I'm a licensed physical therapist because I went to New York Institute of Technology in Old Westbury, which has two high property taxes for me.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But know that you are getting sick because I feel a cold coming on from you in. Your cold is coming at you in a different way.

[Giannis Papas]

It's coming at me in a different way. And can you just admit to the people. It's been a secret project, so we're revealing it now. We're letting everybody know that Chris will be starring in the new Grease movie coming up.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Papas]

And it's just what it is because I'm going to. You're going to be playing in Greece.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm playing Greece and I'm actually playing Frank of the Pink Ladies.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. I just. I mean, look at your hair. What do you think? Your hair really just looks like you're in Westside Story. I like it, though. Yeah, it's like. I love it. You got a curl hanging down again. I want to hang an ornament on it again. I mean, you look like the 1950s come to life.

[Chris Distefano]

You just.

[Giannis Papas]

It looks like you want to tell Puerto Ricans to get on the other side of the avenue.

[Chris Distefano]

Cuz I'm Chrissy the crooner. Yeah. Cuz I went. I went. I did.

[Giannis Papas]

I want to go get a soda pop with you. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Cuz I went. I did Madison Square Garden this week and I opened up for Tom Square and I came out just sick. I came. Yeah. It's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Because I love that. Go get tickets to see Chrissy at. At Madison Square Garden on September 11, 2001. Go celebrate the tragedy of America by laughing.

[Chris Distefano]

By laughing. And make no mistake, because I already said on the Sam Roberts show. I did this morning and my agent told me not do. But I did it anyway. Just go see Me, the show's been moved to the theater. So you're going to come to the same building. There's just going to be a security guard there telling you guys to go. Your show's actually downstairs. It's not upstairs. You can say, no, I'm seeing Chrissy's in the arena. Yeah, no, it's in the basement.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, but listen, you did the Garden opening for Tom Segura, and you're doing sections of the Garden.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm doing sections of the garden.

[Giannis Papas]

You're building. It's like you're doing. You're around the garden. You're peripheral around the Garden, but you're in the garden.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Courtside, you're at the Garden.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Shot promos to do the Garden. You did everything but the Garden. But you did all the things leading up to the Garden.

[Chris Distefano]

And I'm going to still continue to do promos promoting the Garden. It's just after every promise, going to say the. The. That's just. And my merch is going to say MSG. My merch can say 911. MSG the theater.

[Giannis Papas]

But here's the thing. People have such a short memory and they don't care so much. And moves news moves so fast. You just used, like when your kids grow up, you say you show them the promos of you in the garden. Say, daddy was at the garden.

[Chris Distefano]

That's all it is.

[Giannis Papas]

That's all you got to do.

[Chris Distefano]

So, and here's what I'd like to do.

[Giannis Papas]

And you technically are at the Garden.

[Chris Distefano]

Now, what I, what I want to do is I want to do a Bay Ridge Boys sketch series with you. Because we used to do the Bay Ridge Boys and we put one out. We put out Chris Moan and the crew of 82. And we're dropping [e-mail] history hyenas. That is where all the fun apps on the show patreon.com history hyenas. That's where our community is. That's where our cuz community is. It's $5 a month. It's a cup of coffee a month to just join our matriarchy. So that's where you need to be. But I think what we should do is start bringing these Bay Ridge Boys sketches back.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

And I think we should start like, so. But make them like, where we're dads. Like Bay Ridge Boys dads. And I think at least for a few of them at the end, let's somehow make it MSG at the theater. Like little promo at the end.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like The Bay Ridge Boys are coming to the theater.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Is there any way I could.

[Chris Distefano]

Because here's the truth now.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Now you're on the show.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So what it is. So now Maurice is just on the show. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

I was going to say, is there any way that I could play a trans woman in these sketches? I just want to find ways to be a trans woman.

[Chris Distefano]

Because you're on the show, Sergio's on the show, and everyone's just on the show now. So that's what it's become.

[Giannis Papas]

It's an improv show now with 10 people.

[Chris Distefano]

It's on the show, and now we just are giving the section of, you know, we're money away to first respond. So that's just what it is. Okay. It's become a benefit sketch show.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, but.

[Chris Distefano]

So it's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

But you know what the people love about you? You know what I love about you? Because you went for it on 9 11. You were like this, let's go. Let's put it on 9 11. I mean, I'm not sure if that was the best day to do a comedy show.

[Chris Distefano]

In hindsight, it was. But here's. What did they say hindsight is? What, 20, 20? Yeah, 20. 20, cuz.

[Giannis Papas]

Or for me, it's just 20. It's one eye.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes, one eye. Because we went for it. And here's the thing. Now what we got to do.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's the two words that probably define me as human being. What we got to do is we got to back out. Yeah, you got to. Now just back out.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, you got to.

[Chris Distefano]

And then we got to back out.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. What happened is you're too drunk to drive and you handed your keys over to somebody else.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Back the car out of the driveway.

[Chris Distefano]

For you, because I just got a back out. But I don't think anyone's better at backing out than me.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, you're good at backing out. You're good at going sideways. You go forward. You go. You're good at movement.

[Chris Distefano]

Because I can move.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You're not a Buddhist.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I'm not a Buddhist.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You're not a guy who could go to the Eastern hemisphere and sit down with a shaman and sit still. No, you would be jittering. You'd be. You'd be biting your nails, you'd be chewing feet.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Because how was your week? It was as cute and sweeter. Were you chewing feet?

[Chris Distefano]

Because I was cute and sweet. Because I got to open up for Tommy Segways. Tommy Redman was calling him Tom Cigar because. Because black people just don't know who the White Comets are.

[Giannis Papas]

They just can't do white names.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, he called him Tom Cigar and then called him Tom Segura. Like, knocked the aura. And then here's what's great about Redman. We introduced ourselves to him, right? I said, hey, you know, I'm Chris Estefano, this is Joey Diaz. We're gonna be opening for Tom. Redman's going up first. And then Tom's people said to Redman, listen, you know, Redman, you go up, all you gotta do is do your music. Just do your music. Crush. 15 minutes. Amazing. And they knew it was gonna be more like 20, 25. Cause just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

So they said, black guys run the light.

[Chris Distefano]

They just budgeted 25, which is what he did. And it was great. He was killing. I said, you don't gotta do anything. Tom is going to be on the Voice of God. Mike in the back, and he's going to bring up Chris. Chris is the first comic up. And then you're free. He was like, got you, baby. Got you looked at. Got you. Redman does his set crushing. He goes, now, y'all ready for the man. You here to see. Y'all ready? And then the crowd's going nuts. They're like, tom Cigar. And then. And then Tom had to get on the Voice of God. Mike goes, guys, guys, no, no, it's not me. It's not me yet. We got a couple of comments, special guests. And then Redman comes down the stairs and sees me and Joey stand there. And he goes, y'all forgot about y'all. And then he just walked to his green room. So it was just like. You can't even get mad at. It's like, you know what? Yeah, it's amazing experience.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. It's. You know, mishaps happen. And today we're going to be talking about a young lady who possibly was the inspiration for Dracula. Her name was Katherine, but Catherine Bethri. I'm sorry, Elizabeth.

[Chris Distefano]

Elizabeth. I was going to say Elizabeth Bathory. And what I really. And we're going to talk about her. She. She was born in 1560, died in 1614. She is a wild, wild woman. And we're gonna get to it. But I just wanna acknowledge very quickly that if you wanna ever know if you ever wondered if the kid. Yanni P. Even though he looks like Rachel Maddow, if you thought the kid was not from Brooklyn, think again. Cause he just said Dracula. And if you put an R. At the end of the word Dracula, you're from one of the five boroughs, cuz. So the kids from Brooklyn, even though he's from the gay part, Park Slope, he said Dr. And that's how you know the kid is born and raised in New York City.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. There's two ways. Dracula and buffet.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

You don't call it a buffet, right?

[Chris Distefano]

I call it a buffet. But. But again, I'm from, I'm from the straight. But Dracula, cuz Dracula, you had what we like to call a New York moment.

[Giannis Papas]

Dracula. Did I say. I guess I did say Dracula. Yeah. Dracula. You can't. Yeah, we just can't say words like Dracula.

[Chris Distefano]

Dracula. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

How do you say it?

[Chris Distefano]

I would have said. I would have said Dracula.

[Giannis Papas]

Dracula.

[Chris Distefano]

But you said it, so. Yeah, because there's some times where people will be like, oh, Yanni, you know, did he lose his New York accent? Did he lose. And the answer is no because he said Dracula.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it comes out on certain words. Yeah, it comes out on certain words. But I tried it. My dad always said, say this, that, these and those.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what he said. To try to get rid of the Brooklyn accent, you go this, that, these. But then he would go Puerto Ricans by a Johnny Pump. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

In the vestibule.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Now here's the thing is you had a great subject idea, you had a great topic of a guy who we were going to talk about yesterday. And then I said, I tried to save the fan base for another week, but it's only one more week. I bought you guys. Yanni wanted to do yet another Greek.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And I said, we can't do another Greek because you guys said, no more Greeks. And I said, I've, I've bought you one week. The fans of no Greek, we're talking about this girl, Elizabeth Bathory, who's wild. But just know, next week it's going Greek.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, we're going Greek. And how great is that guy that he used to jerk off in public? Yeah, I mean, just stick around for next week. I did a little research into that guy. That guy was. He's one of the fathers of cynicism and he was a fucking wild dude. He, he insulted Alexander the Great in front of Alexander the Great and all that. And Alexander the Great just loved the guy. He's like, I want to be this guy.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And he, he lived, he lived most of his life in a barrel. So I mean, that's just what guys on 6th street in Austin do now.

[Giannis Papas]

The guy lived in a barrel. I mean, we're gonna. We got a wild one for you, but we got a wild one for you today as well, because, make zero mistake about it, mi gente Elizabeth Bathory was mythologized. Is that the word?

[Chris Distefano]

Sure.

[Giannis Papas]

Mythologized as the chick who used to bathe in the blood of virgins. Although now historians say that's not true. But this bitch was probably set up by the patriarchy to take a fall so King Matthias didn't have to pay her family back the debts. But she was torturing a lot of chicks. She was a serial killer.

[Chris Distefano]

She was a serial killer. She lived from August 7, 1560 to August 21, 1614. She belonged to one of the most powerful aristocratic families in Hungary, which I just say Hungary.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But it is Hungary. And the thing is, with this lady, as. As Giannis alluded to, is we're not sure if this is facti wackties or if this is patriarchy inventing stuff. Because she was just a crazy bee. Because that's what they did with the Salem Witch Trials.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

The Salem Witch Trials was just. And we'll do. We've done an episode on that. We will do a further inspection. Salem Witch Trials. The two things about the Salem Witch Trials were. Which is around this time, just in us is number one, they think it was like a weed, a ragweed that was growing, that was, like, making people crazy. And two, they really just think that all the women at that time, their periods synced up and they were just being a little bit more mouthy. So they said. So the patriarchy at the time said, well, you know what? Your witch is going to burn you alive for talking back.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And that's what happens.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You just get burned at the faggots.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

You don't have to bleep that one. You don't have to bleep that one. Because technically, that's what those sticks are called.

[Chris Distefano]

That's. Yes. And that. And I think we found a title of an episode. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Burned on the Faggots.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

You can't get censored.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, it's like we're talking about a wooden stick from England.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. We're talking about the snow. It's like the sticks. That's where the word comes from. The sticks that they put underneath the witch that they burned were called faggots.

[Chris Distefano]

So I wonder where the slur came from then. I wonder if it's.

[Giannis Papas]

If it's fiery burning them.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

Probably not from a good Place, Right? Yeah. Like, originally, the N word with two G's comes from the Latin with one G. Right, right.

[Chris Distefano]

Is that true?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Which just means black in Latin.

[Chris Distefano]

Got it.

[Giannis Papas]

It's just the guys that said it once Italian guys got it right, and they put a little umph behind it. And once Southern guys put a little umph behind it became problem. Sort of like mavri in. In Greek. In Greek just means black. But when a Greek guy says it, it's different. He says it with a little malice.

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So the N word technically just means black.

[Chris Distefano]

It's like Jesse can say, oh, I'm a Jew. But if I say Jesse's a Jew. Different.

[Giannis Papas]

Exactly. If you know, it's just the way you say it. That's all. Oh, there's a Jew in the room.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

If you say it. But, you know, hey, there's a Greek in the room. You say it like that, but if you go, there's a Greek.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah. The problem.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah. The way it's how disgusted you are, like, when you say you just can't get away with it.

[Chris Distefano]

Right, Right.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah. It's just, you know, you're a Nazi kid, and it's what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

In your heart, you want to be at the Garden, and we know why. Because you want to. You wanted to revamp what happened there in the 30s.

[Chris Distefano]

30S.

[Giannis Papas]

You wanted to bring Ridgewood back.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

The only other Ridgewood people to headline the guard were Nazi.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is. Yeah. It's what it is. And I said, every time I say the word Jew in my head, it computes as pew. Yeah. I'm just kidding. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

We're just around haircut.

[Chris Distefano]

It's just. It's just a hair joke.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But let's talk about Elizabeth Bathory cousin. Now, she has a little accent on the A. So how do we pronounce that? Right. Is it Bay 3 bath? Like, is it just. What is that? How do you say that?

[Giannis Papas]

It's some in some sort. We have to call Lukash to ask, because this is like pierogi part of the world. She's from the pierogi part.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

At this point, like, it's hats. It's Habsburg.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Austria, It's Hungary. I don't know what's going on over there. I don't really start paying attention till Franz Ferdinand gets clipped.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

After that, I'm going like, okay, there's something going on. But it was like the Ottomans and them were Fighting all the time. And they, they had counts and they had all these countesses. Yeah, stuff like that. They're just Eastern European, Eastern European kids.

[Chris Distefano]

So here's what it is. They all look like Luka Doncic.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So here's what it is. She belonged to a very powerful aristocratic family in Hungary, AKA Hungary. They had a long history of military. Her family, the Bathory's, they were like the Kennedys. Okay. They had military leaders and politicians and a king of Poland. One of them was the king of Poland. Well educated, spoke multiple languages. So this was like not a psycho. You know, like a lot of, you know, women back then, they would do crazy stuff, but they were psychotic. They were prostitutes. They were trying to do things to like make ends meet. They do anything. Not this lady. This lady was well educated and just a. Well to do. It would be like if, you know, Meghan Markle or somebody just started killing every. Started killing and eating kids.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, she was a woman of privilege. She spoke like four languages. She was inbred. That family was known to inbreed a little bit. And just what it is. Yeah. Her parents were related. And that's just part of the deal when you're a royal. And she did have seizures when she was a kid, so the kid would just freak out a lot and she would have seizures.

[Chris Distefano]

So we know now when people have seizures and that, you know, when you look back in history, they had these mental health conditions where a lot of people with seizures and maybe or back then, they lose empathy over time. It rattles a part of their brain if you have a certain part of seizures. So she might have actually not been really crazy. She might have just had a neurological condition that went unchecked.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. If her brains were eggs, it wouldn't be sunny side up, they'd be scrambled.

[Chris Distefano]

Be scrambled. Now here's the thing, because she's in bread and we don't have an actual picture of her, you can bet your bottom dollar her eyes were as close as Yannis.

[Giannis Papas]

That's just part of what happens when relatives have sex with each other is the eyes just get pulled in a little bit.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Here's the thing. I look at a face like yours, I look at eyes like yours and I say, you may not think your mom and dad were brother and sister, but your face tells a different story.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, what happens is when you, you know, when you come from a lineage of second class citizens and slaves and stuff for so long, the Romans, the Turks, you can just see that my ancestors were constantly getting their heads Put in vices.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And so they were just squeezing the head together. And so eventually I was just bred with a face that looked like it got molded in a vice.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Molded, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

What it is, I got a face. It looks like I owed the mob gambling debts. And they put my head in a vice.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Now, what did we say about. Too, what did we say why we figured out to via text last week why your head is as small. It is because. What. What is it? It was fitted for something. What did we say in the text?

[Giannis Papas]

It was fitted for a. Oh, it was fitted for a. A. The Muslim thing. The rap, right?

[Chris Distefano]

The rap, yeah. Cause there's a. If we can post a picture of what Yanni, what do you call that? The head wraps.

[Giannis Papas]

You call it a muzzy cap.

[Chris Distefano]

A muzzy cap, yeah. Because Giannis, when you look at somebody, did a thing of Giannis.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. By the way, patreon.com history hyenas is where the fans have been making all of those Photoshop photos that we post on our Instagram. So go over there and join. We need you to just become members of the show.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you need to.

[Giannis Papas]

The matriarchy over there goes wild and they have fun.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

We get in the chat with them.

[Chris Distefano]

And I'm sending this to you now, Jesse. This is. This is what. Whatever you call it. Whatever you call the muzzy cap. That's what we figured out, that actually, Giannis's face was designed to be Muslim. Yes. And we're going to get. Keep that story for the end. We're going to end. We're going to bring back our beautiful segment that we used to do every day on Patreon.

[Giannis Papas]

What the fuck of Florida?

[Chris Distefano]

What? What? The Florida is what we have to call Florida.

[Giannis Papas]

What? The Florida. It's because, you know, Florida stories are crazy. So we just love looking at local Florida news. Here's the thing about Elizabeth Bathory. Supposedly she was kind of a piece. That's right. You say she was a little bit of a piece, and then she marries this dude. They all got fucking pierogi names. And this guy is off at war all the. Against the Ottomans. And he's a celebrated war guy.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

And he's also pretty vicious. He's a vicious dude. There it is right there. There's Yanni Khomeani.

[Chris Distefano]

So Yanni.

[Giannis Papas]

That's Yoni Khomeini. Yeah. Ayatollahi.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. So Yanni's face right there. So Yanni's face.

[Giannis Papas]

Can you pull that up for them, Jesse?

[Chris Distefano]

On the.

[Giannis Papas]

On the Video.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's. It's just Osama bin Papa. So this is what Yanni. This is why when people are. That does his skull so small because he has a woman's brain. And maybe is his skull so small because inbred? Maybe. But the real answer is the skull was designed to be this.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It was designed to have that headgear on to be a full muzz. And that's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

It's just what it is. And they got. They put Chrissy, my favorite of Chrissy, first of all, they make me die laughing when the. When the fans make this.

[Chris Distefano]

But Patreon. Patreon.com history hyenas.

[Giannis Papas]

That's right. The one that got me with Chrissy is when they put him in Stephen Hawking's chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one. I just can't. There's a few. I just can't get enough.

[Chris Distefano]

Because it is a seamless edit.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And the one that. Where they made you a Chinese, like a Ho Chi Minh kind of Vietnam soldier.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's just what it is because we're just. We're just having a good time here.

[Giannis Papas]

Now, let's say three men with the baby is like a seamless. It looks seamless with me, you and Sergio.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And then of course, they put us. Unfortunately, a lot. They do a lot where they put us in the Nazi party.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's just what it is. And it's just. It's just par for the course. And then in the back they put Debo.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, like a Debo the B. Just look at you, cuz, with the mustache.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, and the smile. It's a little. It's a little scary.

[Giannis Papas]

It's scary and it's hard to take. But it's funny how seamlessly you fit. You don't fit.

[Chris Distefano]

You don't fit. But I. I look pretty. Like, I look like a guy from the 1940s.

[Giannis Papas]

And just your smirk. I mean, and then the ones they did a Sergio are just funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

They made him George Castano. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Sergio's got teeth.

[Chris Distefano]

Sergio's got.

[Giannis Papas]

That's why I think he loves beavers, because in another life, the kid was a beaver.

[Chris Distefano]

Was just a beaver. It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

He's got a face that looks like you could chew on wood. He's a woodpecker with his mouth. Me hen day, the start of a new year, is the perfect time to get organized, set goals, and prioritize what matters most. For me personally, I got to say, a top Priority is my financial wellness, which feels more important than ever right now. Thanks to Rocket Money, my goals feel achievable. They show me all the subscriptions right in one place and help me easily cancel ones that I forgot that I've been paying for. Rocket Money also pulls together all of my spending across all of my different accounts so I can clearly track my spending habits and see where I can cut back. Chris, here's the thing.

[Chris Distefano]

Rocket Money. What is it? It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I want you to be a grower, not a shower, baby.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses all across all of your accounts. You get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you go close to going over your budget. I have Rocket Money, and I can tell you that's the feature I love about it the most. You literally get a notification like they're basically saying, hey, Chrissy, relax, kid. Yeah, relax. And it really. At the end of the month, you look at your budget and you're like, wow, Rocket Money really, really, really helped me. They have over 5 million users and have saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions. I mean, that's like what Tom Segura makes in a saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I had Rocket Money before we started this podcast again, and I canceled it and got it again with our promo.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to Rocket Money.com/Hyenas H Y E N S today.

[Chris Distefano]

That's Rocket Money.com/HyenAs H Y E N A s He forgot the ad. Oh, it's just what it is. I just want to be crystal clear that it's Rocket Money.RocketM Hyenas. H Y E N A S RocketMoney.com Hyenas.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. It's tax season, and we're all a bit tired of numbers, but here's one you need to hear. $16.5 billion. That's how much the IRS flagged for possible identity fraud last year. Now, here's a good number. 100 million. That's how many data points Lifelock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed. Save up to 40% your first [e-mail] podcast terms apply now.

[Chris Distefano]

Here we go. Elizabeth Bathory. Now, she gets accused a lot of torturing and murdering hundreds of young girls. Mostly the servant girls, the local peasants. They say she bathed in the blood of virgins to preserve her youth. That's why they called her the Blood Countess.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Now, historians say maybe that didn't happen, but my thing is, like, why would you be making it up, right? Like, you don't just pick. I bathe in the blood of virgins out of nowhere, Right. Maybe. Maybe it's not as many as I said it was. But you definitely have to do it at least once. No.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, it depends. Maybe the establishment back then, just me, this.

[Chris Distefano]

Seriously.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, they just me tooed her. Like, the accusation just went out and that's just what it was. People believed it. Here's the. The story according to historians. First of all, she's probably the inspiration for Bram Stroker's Dracula. Yeah, I just stroked out. His name was a Stoker. It's Bram Stoker.

[Chris Distefano]

And you just had a Bram Stroker. Because you already said that in the beginning of the episode.

[Giannis Papas]

Because should we just call them Brad? When you have a stroke, you're. You're having a Bram Stroker.

[Chris Distefano]

Stroker. The kid had a Bram Stroker.

[Giannis Papas]

Get out of Bram Stroker. So, yeah, Bam, Bam Stoker. Yeah, yeah. But also Vlad the Impaler. So it was a combination of two. But she was account. She was a literal count. Count. She was a countess, so Count Dracula, you know, and she was supposedly drinking the blood of virgins and stuff like that. So I think Bram Stroker just combined. He combined Vlad the Impaler and he combined. We could do an episode on Vlad the Impaler.

[Chris Distefano]

I feel like we did one already. Did we not?

[Giannis Papas]

I don't know, because the kid liked to impale people back then, people. The punishments that they levied. It was a little harsh.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's like, you know what, guy? I don't know what. I know you're a little upset. You got to pay a little.

[Giannis Papas]

I know how to set up a steel pipe, Chris.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know what, guy? I know you might be a little bit upset. Debt that they're not giving you, you know, the pretzels you want on. On the airline, or you got to pay a little bit high property taxes, or you're not, you know, things are not as convenient as you want them to be in 2024. But what if I.

[Giannis Papas]

25.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, but what If I just impaled you.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What if we just lived in Romania?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And for you complaining. Yeah, I just impaled you.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What about that?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Because things are not as bad as that. Yeah. Just like I said this on my Instagram last week and I mean it. I like, I'm looking for neighborhoods now to move my family into that. I want to go towards the racist. Okay. I want to go. Not that I'm. My family's racist. I want to go towards a racist neighbor.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Because I want a guy to come out with a bat.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

A little bit. And say, hey, are you parking in front of my house?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And I'll say, yeah, cuz it's a public street. And they'll say, you're going to move your car. This is my property. Even though it's legally the city of New York's property. But those guys typically for years have been like pariahs of society, problematic. And I get why. I'm not saying I agree with his opinions, but I am saying guys like that, they keep the neighborhood safe a little bit and they just keep the guys who want to cause problems out. Because you're not going to live on that guy's block and have a. And start bitching and complaining about, you know, the school zones or you're not going to, you're not going to complain about, you're not going to make a noise, complain, complaint on a block with a guy like that.

[Giannis Papas]

Right. A guy like that's going to say.

[Chris Distefano]

You know what, if that family who pays fucking their mortgage here wants to put the music a little loud because his family's Puerto Rican, then that's what they're going to do.

[Giannis Papas]

Right?

[Chris Distefano]

And I. So I'm getting a little sick and tired of just everyone being free to do whatever they want whenever they want. We're going to bring back impaling.

[Giannis Papas]

Law and order.

[Chris Distefano]

Law and order. It's what I voted for.

[Giannis Papas]

Now you know what that was.

[Chris Distefano]

And if we're going to have a Democrat come back and lead the city, then it's going to be Andrew Cuomo because he likes a little criminality too. And I'm. And we got it. If you want to see save your city, then you need the Italians back in charge because guess what?

[Giannis Papas]

Guess.

[Chris Distefano]

When New York was safe, when the Mafia was running, it kind of was, unfortunately for black, white, Latino, Asians. As long as you weren't messing with the mafia, you were safe.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. A lot of people now, they weren't racist for sure. But you know what if you were a non Italian family living on a mafia guys block and you were just a well to do citizen, not causing any trouble, and somebody caused you trouble, they'd help you too. Yeah, they'd help you too.

[Giannis Papas]

So it sounds like what you saying is, is what you basically want to do is grab a steel pipe. Right. When you hear someone and you want to go, are you from this neighborhood? And you want to take that steel pipe and you want to rattle it. You want to rattle it against the light, lamppost, you want to just hit it. Warriors come out to play kind of style.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And just rattle it and say, this is steel pipe Chrissy's block.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And I like law and order.

[Chris Distefano]

And I like law and order.

[Giannis Papas]

And also I see you coming out in a bathrobe and boxers with a steel pipe and just rattle it against a street light. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And here's the thing. I got a. And I got a new rule too.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

If your mode of transportation isn't anything other than a car.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't think you're a guy.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So if you come down my block on a bicycle or scooter, you fold up.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You're not a guy.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And also if your car doesn't have a back seat, you're not a guy.

[Giannis Papas]

And if you're an immigrant, you're not part of Chrissy's family, he wants you out.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

It's the only immigrants. You wanted your family.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I like. No, I love immigrants. As long as they. As long as, you know, as long.

[Giannis Papas]

As they vote Republican.

[Chris Distefano]

Not even about that. As long as they got. I'm just sick and tired of just guys just being women.

[Giannis Papas]

Right. You want guys back?

[Chris Distefano]

I want. I want you to just be a guy.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Like when you said, don't come near me because I don't want to get sick either. I said you're not a guy. Right. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

You want men back?

[Chris Distefano]

I want men back. We've now had enough.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. This is Chrissy Tate right here.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Just the complaining.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Had enough of the complain.

[Giannis Papas]

You just enough, right? Yeah. Enough of the victim mentality.

[Chris Distefano]

You just stop it.

[Giannis Papas]

Suck it up, go to work. Yeah. Go to war and protect the border. It's what is. Get out of my neighborhood, Chrissy.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is, cuz.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And so. And so for me, it's one of those things. Now, how does that compare? How does that tie into Elizabeth Bath?

[Giannis Papas]

It doesn't at all. But we still all enjoyed it because steel pipe Chrissy is back. It's Been a while and I'm back.

[Chris Distefano]

And here's how, here's how it ties in. Because Bathory was cruel and abusive. Yeah. She was cruel and abusive. And sometimes you have to bring that back a little bit.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Sometimes you got to take one step back to take 10 steps forward.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes. You could basically shay and cackle this. She's of hungry.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

You cackle that.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

And cut it on the Patreon.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Now the reason why she may have been framed, they say, is she was a powerful woman in a male dominated world. Her wealth and land were desirable. King Matthias of Hungary, which by the way, went to St Matthias in Ridgewood Queen. So that's wild.

[Giannis Papas]

Great name, by the way. Matthias. Matthias. It's a strong, powerful.

[Chris Distefano]

Do you know who Matthias was?

[Giannis Papas]

He was one of Jesus guys.

[Chris Distefano]

He was one of. He was the. He stepped in. He was the backup apostle. He stepped in when Judas killed himself. Thigh stepped up.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

So he was a six man.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow. So he was kind of like Tom Brady. Yeah. When Drew Bludel got hurt. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

He stepped up.

[Giannis Papas]

Stepped up and he did good.

[Chris Distefano]

He stepped up and he took. He took Linda Stephano to freedom.

[Giannis Papas]

He took her all the way. Yeah. You light a candle for the Apostle Matthias.

[Chris Distefano]

Matthias. So. So people didn't like her, that she was a wealthy woman, she was a powerful woman, a male dominated world. So they said they started making up stories about her. But there also could just be. The truth is that she didn't like girls, she just didn't like women and she thought they were annoying, so she started killing them.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I mean, I definitely, from what they say at this time, if you were a noble person, you couldn't be prosecuted and you can do whatever you want to your savior. You could really tune up your servants.

[Chris Distefano]

It was.

[Giannis Papas]

She was someone who liked to tune up her servants.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

There was one story where some servant was brushing her hair and it pulled her head a little back a little bit and she just struck her. She just struck her.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

She just gave her a nice clean fucking hook.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

And that's just kind of the chick she was. And so her husband was this war guy who was kind of brutal, was known to be brutal and learned a lot of torture methods that he would put on the Turks, which I'm not mad at.

[Chris Distefano]

Right, Right.

[Giannis Papas]

I'm not mad at that. I see. I listen to it. I go, oh, this guy was a little brutal with the Turks that he was fighting. He tortured a Few. I'm going, hey, hey. Sometimes that happens.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, what can you do?

[Giannis Papas]

Sometimes everyone's got to go to work and earn a living, right? So if you torture a couple of Turks, Yanni ain't protested what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

And that's just the way the cookie crumbles. It's not racist if Yanni says that, because that's Yanni's point of view. That's Yanni's truth.

[Giannis Papas]

That's my truth. Yeah, that's my truth. If I hear, hey, look, you like the Turkish. You like to torture some Turkish soldiers. I give you a stick. Sticker.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

I give you a sticker and say, you've been a good girl.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what I do. I give you a sticker. Like when my daughter does something right? Kids love stickers.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

I don't know why they put them on themselves. They put them on the floor. They love a sticker. So for her husband, I would have just given him a sticker and said, job well done. But the word is that he came back and he started teaching Elizabeth, his wife of 29 years. He would come back home after war and he would teach her some of these methods and say, hey, why don't you tune up the servants with some of these methods that I learned from war, right? So she started progressively getting a little more brutal. And then she kept inviting servants to come live at the house. And those people were. Those girls were just disappearing, right? They were just disappearing.

[Chris Distefano]

They were just disappearing.

[Giannis Papas]

And then she would say, oh, they died of Caleria or whatever the thing was. But then she started running out of girls.

[Chris Distefano]

So the thing is, they don't. It's. It's tough to pull this story out of nowhere. There had to be some truth. And back then, it's just death. And dying was just a little bit more normal. It was a little bit more acceptable. It wasn't like, shocking if you killed someone, you could go into a room and say, I just killed somebody down there. And they would say, well, what can you do? Yeah, let's have some pheasant.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it was just. Yeah, let's eat. It would be like, I just cut someone's head off. What's for dinner?

[Chris Distefano]

Right? It was just part of life back then. And I also think. Do you ever think, like, too, like, we're no different than those people back then. We're no less barbaric. They just have cameras now.

[Giannis Papas]

We just.

[Chris Distefano]

We'll just get caught easier now. But if you turned all the cameras off, right? And there was nobody around.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Do you think you could probably be. And we would probably be as barbaric eventually as those people without the cameras. There's no. I think the only difference between us and them is there's cameras now. Yeah. People play by the rules when there's cameras.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

When there's no cameras. Right. You start to play by the rules a little bit less.

[Giannis Papas]

There's definitely a lot of truth to that. For sure. For sure.

[Chris Distefano]

I tell my daughters, yeah, when you go out there in the world, you do the right thing even when nobody's looking.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Because that's a big thing. You can't do the right thing because you think someone's looking. You got to do it when nobody's looking. Because the truth is, when nobody's looking, it's when you want to get a little naughty.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why there's probably just like a lot of atrocities happening in the world that nobody cares about, because those parts of the world don't have cameras. I'm sure on the African continent, there's some brutality going on, but it's just not as filmed because some of the.

[Chris Distefano]

Films biggest atrocities, terrorist atrocities and all that I think are happening. What country? It might be Somalia, something, but it's just not. The media doesn't care about that. It's not a big of a story as Russia, Ukraine. But there's more worse stuff happening there, they say.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. I mean, Canon and Samsung just doesn't sell well in the Congo.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Apple just the phones, just not. They're still. They're using Nextels over there. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Hey, can you scroll down a little bit? Just because the reality versus the myth. So. So the accusations on this woman only surfaced after her husband died, when she was vulnerable.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

So what happens is in 1610, King Matthias II orders an investigation, had her castle Bathory, Elizabeth Bathory's castle raided. Witnesses testified against her. She couldn't be put to trial because as Yanni said, when you were noble like that, you just didn't have to play by the rules. Little thing we like to call Epstein's Island.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Now here's. Here's the interest. Yeah. Right. Now here's the interesting part about it. Just to set the background, her family had lent. Had lent a lot of money to King Matthias ii. So to. Because he was funding wars. Right. So she had lent a lot of money to the Habsburg family.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

Which is what Matthias was. So Matthias owed her A lot of money.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

So I think historians are going, Matthias probably went after her husband died. She's just a lady now. So he owes the money to the lady, so he goes, you know what? I don't pay ladies.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

So why don't we just frame this bitch? Yeah. Get her out of the picture. Because you know what the one result that happened from her home imprisonment was? The debts were canceled.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So that's where historians go, huh? Maybe she was framed. But there is a lot of evidence that she was doing bad stuff. But actually at the, at the trial, it was a. It was witness testimony. There was no firsthand accounts. There was not a lot of evidence that actually showed that she did these things.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

So we don't know if she did, but it's funner to think she did.

[Chris Distefano]

She did. Right. Because it's just. And listen, here's the thing here at the History Hyena show is we just. We take a stab at it.

[Giannis Papas]

We take a stab.

[Chris Distefano]

We know if it's 100% accurate. It's like, do you know if anything's 100% accurate? I don't know. Could we be AI right now?

[Giannis Papas]

Could be.

[Chris Distefano]

We could. Could we be. Could we be a simulation? Probably.

[Giannis Papas]

It's very possible.

[Chris Distefano]

So when you come out here on these comments and you say, we messed up here, we messed up there, it's like, yeah, well, that's your version of it.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Not ours.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, Take me to court. Yeah, take us to court.

[Chris Distefano]

How about that, Seiko?

[Giannis Papas]

Take us to court and say, hey, Chris Yagnani did not tell Eliz the story of Elizabeth Bathory correctly. Take us to court.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Because in the court of public opinion, we're accurate historians.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Now here's the thing. Here's the legacy of Elizabeth Bathory. Like Yanni said, she inspired books, movies, vampire myths. She even influenced Dracula. Dracula.

[Giannis Papas]

Dracula.

[Chris Distefano]

Now, the story's debated, but they said, you know, she was probably the victim of smear campaign. Now we've just given you some facts. I want to know what you think. I want to know what you think. I want you to write in the comments right now. If you're watching this on YouTube, if you're watching this on patreon.com historyainas what do you think? Was it a smear campaign or not? I really got to be honest with you, cuz I think that. I think it just really happened. And here's another fun fact. She was actually related to Vlad the Impaler through marriage.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So what a career. You think that Is.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So they were all little franks and bees. So the person who was in charge of the investigation against Elizabeth Bathory was actually her husband's boy. So her husband died. Right? Her husband died. They were married 29 years and they were boys. I can't remember his name. Some pierogi, just call him Pierogi.

[Chris Distefano]

Pierogi.

[Giannis Papas]

Pierogi won. So he.

[Chris Distefano]

Pierogi won. Kenobi.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, Pierogi won. Kenobi. Her husband, before her husband died, said to this to pierogi, Obi Wan Kenobi. Toby said, look after my wife.

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Giannis Papas]

You're gonna look after my wife. You're my boy. You look after my wife.

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Giannis Papas]

But then he was in charge of the investigation because King Matthias put him in charge of the investigation. So he had to look into the chick that he was supposed to look after.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

So, you know, it is what it is. He kind of. He wanted to spare her the embarrassment of the trial as a noble woman. So they ended up. She ended up getting convicted because there was, like, all these servants that testified against her. Right, whatever. She was basically arrested during a meal. But the rumor was she was arrested because they. They saw, like, an imp, like, the remains of a girl, and they actually caught her little torture crew torturing a chick. But none of that seems to be true. Most historians say she was just arrested at dinner like a noblewoman, and they just brought her in and they wanted to spare her all the embarrassment. So she ended up just living on house arrest. But supposedly there has. Supposedly, supposedly there has to be some truth to it, because she would blame it on her servants. She was. She was defiant to the end and said, I didn't do this, but my servants did. But those were probably the chicks that she made do it.

[Chris Distefano]

Here's the rule for wealthy people. When all else fails, you just blame it on the help.

[Giannis Papas]

You blame it on the hell. But it is because, yeah, that's what they do. And peasants just had no rights. I mean, she was. She was cheating peasants like chicken wings. Like peasant girls. Like, yeah, this chick sounds like she was one of those kind of jealous women who probably because the. All the victims were like, age 10 to 14, can't do that. So she didn't like youth.

[Chris Distefano]

She didn't like you.

[Giannis Papas]

She was like Ursula. Right, right. Didn't. Ursula. Was it Ursula, who's the one in Disney who was like, oh, my God, I. You know, I wanted to be the fairest in the land.

[Chris Distefano]

That's. Well, that's mirror, mirror on the wall. So that one Is. Was that not Cinderella, Snow White? Yeah, yeah. Ursula was the Little Mermaid.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

We have the same haircut.

[Giannis Papas]

Snow White bombed big at the box office.

[Chris Distefano]

They bomb big because the press was all about the, like the woke stuff. And then it was really Palestine, Israel stuff. But the show. The thing is, she just can't change these movies. And I just want to say one quick fact is that they do say that. Historians say that Elizabeth Bathory had the Guinness Book World of Records. Guinness Book of Records listed her as the most prolific female murderer. But that was before the abortion was invented.

[Giannis Papas]

So you'd say the biggest women serial killers are liberal women in America.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what I would say. I would say probably women living in Portland have probably overtaken. They'll probably do what Elizabeth did in a month. So, yeah, that's what it is. But she.

[Giannis Papas]

So actually it used to be her. Now it's Roe v. Wade. Yeah, the lady called Roe v. Wade.

[Chris Distefano]

That's just what it is. It's just. It's just a girl with blue hair right now just sitting in whatever liberal city you want. Sitting.

[Giannis Papas]

Ladder 14. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So. So this is what your year will.

[Giannis Papas]

Sound like in the new Lululemon Glow up type. How to do that move.

[Chris Distefano]

That's the energy of the all new.

[Giannis Papas]

Lululemon glow up type. Snug above the hips with plenty of.

[Chris Distefano]

Stretch through the legs for a fit that feels secure and spring loaded. You'll feel like saying, let's do this to just about anything. Grab your glow Ups in store [e-mail] now. Why wait until the count of three?

[Giannis Papas]

That sound is the leaky showerhead that came with your rental. The one that has you starting every morning with a low pressure nightmare that's nearly your age. Stop settling for someone else's shower. Consider this your wake up call to swap it for the relaxing feel of a Moen shower head and see how one easy change changes everything. Water designs our life. Who designs for water? Moen. But she had a good life. When she had a good life, she lived in a castle at Catchtis.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. It's a nice place.

[Giannis Papas]

It was just basically like, you know, she was in an upscale prison. Yeah, she's like. She was in a prison where like the mafia would go, yeah, or you know, where P. Diddy's at. Or no, P Did. He's in a bad place still.

[Chris Distefano]

He's in a metropolitan detention facility or something. It's like, it's not. It's not good. Wherever he is, not good. Yeah. Now you know to like, because women. Here's the thing. Women back then, they've been getting. You know, women have been getting persecuted against and railed against for years. But, you know, now I feel like we're living in a time where women are really like the WNBA and women's college basketball. Like you say, women's sports. It's starting to get good again. Again. It's starting to catch up a little bit. Like the wnba, it's something you're like, okay, I'll watch a couple of games or two. I don't have to watch this blackout drunk anymore.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, I can watch this somewhat sober.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Yeah. You're starting to get. You're starting to see women come up. You know, first of all, hats off. You know, if she was a serial killer, it just shows you that a woman can do it as good as a man can, 100%. And that's what's happening now with female basketball, where March madness is going on. And just the women. Women's game. Since Cheryl Swoops, and I like to call Cheryl Swoops the Elizabeth Bathory of women's basketball because she loves to torture verbally Caitlyn Clark, she just doesn't. She's very jealous of her.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Because she put in all this work. She, you know, she got the air Swoops. Nike gave her the air Swoops. And that's.

[Chris Distefano]

She.

[Giannis Papas]

She feels like she needs a lot of credit. But Caitlyn Clark is the Elvis of women's basketball. It's what it is. She just popularized the black game.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And it's also like when Charles. When you start to, like, complain about, you know, you were a pioneer 30 years ago, it's like, lady, stop. Yeah, stop. You're annoying. Like, Caitlin Clark doesn't say anything. She's just like.

[Giannis Papas]

She's nice.

[Chris Distefano]

She plays the game.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And it helps that she's a little bit of a piece.

[Chris Distefano]

Caitlin Clark.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. She's a little bit of a piece.

[Chris Distefano]

Now. Can I. Can I just be honest with you? Yeah. Can I be honest with you? Because I'm a big college basketball fan. I really am. I gotta be honest with you.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

The men's tournament, a little boring this year.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

No, real. Every number one seed made it.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Boring. St. John. Maybe it's personal because St. John's got knocked out so early. I was really pulling for them, but it's been a little boring. I do think. You ready for this. I do think, even though I'm all about y'all getting your money. I want people to get paid who play. I really do. I think it's awful that a college kid was dominating and not getting paid and the coach is sitting there with 10 mil. I want them to get paid. I do think that the NIL is ruining college basketball a little bit. I think that you're just like the really good teams are just really good and the middle is just not as. As good like these mid majors. It's like it's not as good anymore. It's not as exciting. Like the one seeds, the better teams, the top. They're just so much better than the other teams now because the NIL money is so good.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like it used to be the best player, a really great player in high school would just go to. Directly to the NBA.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Or would go play in Europe.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So what. What happened is, is a kid who wouldn't have gotten a scholarship scholarship would get a scholarship at like a. At a better school because a spot opened up because the kid who was going to get the scholarship at Duke went to the. Went to the NBA.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So. And then. And then the Duke would give a certain amount of scholarships and then, you know, really good kids who were going to. Who were. Who were at. Who could have played at high level had to go to mid major because there just wasn't enough spots anymore. So now. And that was the way how you would have this good, you know, competitiveness.

[Giannis Papas]

But now parody.

[Chris Distefano]

Parody. But now, now that really good kid doesn't go Cooper Flag doesn't go to the NBA. He goes and plays in on Duke because he's getting money from the nil.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

So now those teams get so good, they get all the money that the players who would have went mid major, they'd rather sit on the bench and get money from. From Duke as opposed to playing for freaking Valparaiso.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Because there's no NIL money there.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

So it starts to lessen that. There's no. To me. It's no coincidence that the all number one seeds made it because it's going to become like w. The. That's why women's college basketball wasn't that good and why we didn't watch that long because UConn was just so much better.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

They could not. You A team couldn't even come close to them.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Because they got the best girls.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

So that's what's going to happen here now.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Now it's like a professional league and you got the transfer portal and you look at that female TCU team.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And it's just a bunch of girls from other schools that were good and just, they all came together. Together. And now they're like, they're going to the final four with Haley Van Lif. But you know, the women are catching up to the men, you know, and maybe what we need to do to. To evolve even further because of the problem that Chrissy said is maybe we need to do a little Elizabeth Bathory kind of.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Papas]

Consequences if you lose a game. Like maybe she liked to put. She liked to put needles under girls fingernails. So you lose in the round of 16, you get your finger chopped off or you got needles put under your fucking thumbnails.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Then we just up the stakes.

[Chris Distefano]

Up the stakes. Or like, you know, I think back in like Native American lacrosse, like when they would play or like that first version of lacrosse where they would throw like a ball through a hoop that was on the side. That was like an old school sport.

[Giannis Papas]

If you lost, they give you a small pox sandwich.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, no. Ready for this?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

If you won, if you won, they thought it was such an honor to win that they, the they losers would kill the winners. And sexual bodies love it.

[Giannis Papas]

I fucking love it. Yeah, let's go. Let's get fucking medieval in these sports. I mean, let's get the ratings up. Now here's the deal. TCU women are really catching up to men, you know, because look, there's a girl on the TCU team, her name is sienna Prince, she's 6 foot 7, she's a lesbian, of course, and she likes to tune up the girl she dates. What it is, she's got multiple accusations. So there's real equality. Got to say, say, look, the world is getting very equal. You got Kanye west, he's a Nazi, he's black, hats off. Now you got women who are doing ex, are equal to men and are just tuning up chicks the same way male athletes like to tune up their broads.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is because it's what it is now. And it's, it's all good. This is all good for sports. And the TCU Horned Frogs is just a fun name. It's a team I play for Horned Up.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's a Horned Up Frogs.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Now this chick, she's just a big chick, she's 6 foot 7.

[Chris Distefano]

But I like a bitch.

[Giannis Papas]

I like. Yeah, I like a. I would like to date her. A lesbian, 6 foot 7 chicks to just tune me.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Put me in my place.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah. I kind of like that. I Like a big girl. I want to get on my tippy toes to kiss you.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And here's the funny thing about her is like, she's so good at basketball that like they're, they're, they're covering it, you know, they're. They're covering, covering it up. They're just going in, they're just letting her play.

[Chris Distefano]

She tuned up her girlfriend's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. There's just more than one. Yeah. There's like four accusations where she's tuned up some chicks.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

So we finally. That's when, you know, we definitely have title nine. Equality is when female athletes have the privilege to just tune up their significance.

[Chris Distefano]

Here we go. Sedona Prince controversy. Explain here. Can you hit on that, Jess up there? Yeah. College football. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Just a big girl.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Off court issues.

[Giannis Papas]

She's. She's what, she's what they call. She's not. She's not even a. She's a master.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, go down. Yeah, go down a little bit. How tall? She's six, seven. Go down. Go down. Let's. Yeah, so, yeah, go down because I want to see what the off court says. While she was at Oregon Viral TikTok video calling the difference between men and women's height. The final four sites. Okay. The weight room. Okay, good. What allegations? Here we go. Princess faced multiple assault and sexual abuse allegations. The latest coming in January.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Corona police, a TCU student reported Prince assaulted her and that Prince asked her to sign an NDA.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Prince went to the police as well to report she had been assaulted and suffered a black eye. No charges have been filed. So it seems like one of those things, wings, where it was just two freaking lesbos got into a fist fight.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, she's got. No, no, but she's got a. She's got a bunch. Yeah, she's got, she's got allegations going back to 2019. She's got like four or five of them.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Here's the problem with sexual misconduct. If it starts hitting the gays.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

A lot of people are in trouble because the gay sexually misconduct. More than anyone I've ever met in my life, I've been sexually misconducted. I've witnessed some sexual misconduct by gay men.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

In wild, wild ways.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Yeah, she's. She look, she says, oh, I was hit too. She's six, seven. And the girls she were dating were like normal sized girls, so they can't even reach her face.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

One girl just accused her Just straight fucking like almost raping her.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Papas]

So I mean she's just. She's a wild chick. She's got tattoos. She's 6 foot 7. She's a guy.

[Chris Distefano]

She's a guy. But this is what. But it's the same thing as men. But this is what the scouts are looking for. This is why she's a number one draft.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, she's gonna go fucking lottery, baby.

[Chris Distefano]

You know the wnbi, we've spoken about this here before but like it is other than a few of them, it's crazy how little money they make and I. Why because it's a business. But it is, it is kind of wild how it's like they don't make like. They make like almost non livable wages.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah. It's the only one that makes a lot of money is Clark. Caitlin Clark. But a lot of these chicks. There's a few others that are making money. Newton too because of all their endorsement deals. Like Juju Watkins.

[Chris Distefano]

And I feel bad for her. She blew her knee out the first or second game and she was really good player. And also peace.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah, she was a little bit of a piece. So I mean the salaries are coming up.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, 147.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Sorry, I thought, I thought it was like 30 grand a year to be. But now it's 147 pretty good.

[Giannis Papas]

It's the Caitlin Clark effect. She's starting to bring everyone's money up.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, people are starting to go to the games now.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, they're going to her. All the, all her games are like, they're going into like bigger arenas.

[Chris Distefano]

We got.

[Giannis Papas]

Just want to look at her.

[Chris Distefano]

We got. By the way, we got a great episode that we're going to put [e-mail] history. It's about. We have an expert coming on to tell us about the Lindenberg baby, like and all that stuff and, and, and it's. That's. It's really going to be like a pure history episode. And that's only going to be. We're only going to put that puppy [e-mail] history and we're also starting to do. We've put up a Giannis and I put up a couple of walking talks up there. We've put up, you know, all the episodes too. At Patreon you get them all uncackled. So there's a lot of things we can't say on YouTube but on Patreon you get it all as is. No edits, no cuts, no. And you Get a bonus episode once a week. That usually is off the rails. Nuts. And very, very, very interesting. That's where Giannis and I have a lot of fun. And it's where if you're looking to be part of a community, like you really want to be a part of something. Patreon.com history. For as little as $5 a month, you become more part of a community than almost any other Patreon I've ever seen out there. And you can ask the fans if you know any of them or if you want to test it out and see there's a full. Like, a dating site on there. There's, like, people hanging out, getting meetup groups.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

We speak a different language. It's something you want to be a part of.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's. I don't think there is a fan base that makes the actual comedians laugh as much as ours, and that's why I love it. It's just the funniest fan base back there, and I like to peek in on there and just laugh.

[Chris Distefano]

Take a peek.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And what we do at the end of every episode is we read the newest members of the Patreon. The newest members of the matriarchy. We encourage them to make fun names, and then we pick a winner. The funniest name, which we call the PPW Pseudo Penis of the Week, and we put them up on our website at history hyenas is back.com, which has all our standup updates and all the information you need to know about us. All right, so welcome to the. Welcome to the Matriarchy. Mike P. Tina Fields. Then we got Chrissy D. Got MSG by taking a knee and sucking the D of a transgender. Peas. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Almost. Almost. The last word needed to rhyme. So you Almost.

[Chris Distefano]

But pretty much almost a Drexler.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got not ashamed to say him from Staten Island Liberals. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Tenzing was gay. Mm. Kokonda Ready. My girl was mad I paid for porn. But wait till she finds out about this. It's what it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Chicken finger. Yeah. Yeah, It's a nice one.

[Chris Distefano]

Brandon Starkovich. Trampusteschkal. Mike Davis, Kevin Burke. Then we got yoked. Frisbee. So call me Pat McAbee. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Yolked. Frisbee would have been nice as a chicken finger. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Tampa Tony Bone Me and Shoney's Cooper Fly flag it.

[Giannis Papas]

Put him on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

On the list.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

There we go. There we go. There's a lot of people would just drop the L and do that, but Cooper flag. It's interesting.

[Giannis Papas]

If you don't know, Cooper Flag is. He's a star and he's a duke. Duke. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Garrett Montoya. Bobby Sands. Bobby Sands. That's interesting. Bobby Sands is like a Irish guy from Northern Ireland who went on a hunger strike and. And died from not eating to protest against.

[Giannis Papas]

Is that a real guy?

[Chris Distefano]

Catholicism verse? Yeah, like the, the, the. The troubles. In Ireland. In Northern Ireland.

[Giannis Papas]

We'll do an episode on that.

[Chris Distefano]

Bobby Santa. Nice. You came back to life and joined the patreon.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Vincenzo Drumpus.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, that's. That is horse. Monkey sauce monkey.

[Chris Distefano]

Brittany McCarty. Kyle Borelati. Mike sat on my emoji face and I jet blued my glue. I. I got. Here we go. Hold on. I got a uti. And the doctor didn't believe it wasn't from a man. All one word.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, very funny, Mike.

[Chris Distefano]

Savannah Engle. Then we got Petey with a tuck back weenie. I got Zinn in my foreskin. No fumes.

[Giannis Papas]

Put him on the list. Put him on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

It's not gay if you don't push people back.

[Giannis Papas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay, there we go. Ronald Jones. Maverick. Juliet Galio. Robert Herrera. Mason Sanders. Then we got real life. Uncle Daddy situation. Okay. Dest death took a. In my hand.

[Giannis Papas]

Put him on.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Cackle my crackle baby. Melissa Rose Paxton, Josh Oswald, Brian Las Joe Young Knee Haas Papas. So Chrissy had to move. Okay. Matt Gleason, Antoine Johnson. Inspector.

[Giannis Papas]

That deserves to be on the list. But you get to walk into him award. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Eva Braun's boy toy. Because make no mistake, the dude preferred his niece. It's a character piece. Now, see, Eva Braun's boy toy might have worked.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. But it's still good because she's. He's basically saying Hitler was gay.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Because he liked men. I'm gonna. I'm just gonna give it a strong Drexler, but a shout out to how good that is.

[Chris Distefano]

Lewis Thurman, Nicholas Johnson, Casey Cameron. Then we got Might vote Democrat because Donnie T. Took my landscapers.

[Giannis Papas]

Put him on the list. Put him on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Burrito Bomber 65. Philip Christian Bailey. Morning. Then we got big boy, small toy, Sl. Ks. Then we got Daniel Sh. Mike Peter Lucas Klimashevsky. Oh, that's my boy.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, is that him?

[Chris Distefano]

No, but this is another Luke. This is Luke I went to school with.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Franchesco.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow. You were around a lot of polls.

[Chris Distefano]

A lot of polls. I mean, they. The Polish kids in my. In my school, they were all, you know, Polish Kids, but they all like listen to rap and like love music. And they used to call themselves UPN United Polish.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Nice guys. Francis Francesco Patrizi. Wayne Labow. Jessica Daniel. Then we got Cute toot with the tube full of glue pointed at you.

[Giannis Papas]

Very nice.

[Chris Distefano]

Tucked it back. So now I have a mangione.

[Giannis Papas]

Get out the catapult.

[Chris Distefano]

There it is.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow. Get out the catapult.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, that was going to be hard to beat.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Luigi Magione. Now he's got a Magione.

[Chris Distefano]

Glue Man Group. Amber Miller. I'm under sauna bench watching my mom and dad have sex and they know it Drag Drexler, Roberto Hernandez, John Farris. Then we got Michelle Obama's Leroy Peace. Makes my glue gun jam. Drexler, David Von Hommeson, Wendy Cruz. Then we got so Puerto Rican. By the time you finish this, I'll be pregnant.

[Giannis Papas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Managing my family's culture. So what can you do?

[Giannis Papas]

It's a lot of funny ones.

[Chris Distefano]

Timmy D. Sticky icky glue on an everything bagel.

[Giannis Papas]

Chicken figure.

[Chris Distefano]

Ladder 14. Dream Team, not meat.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Hooker, pussy, chicken. Schwarmakazi.

[Giannis Papas]

Schwarmakazzi.

[Chris Distefano]

Like it like comedy. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

It's a chicken finger Pepper.

[Chris Distefano]

Andre Davos. Paul Dwyer Dyer. Jennifer McGann. Artie Smith. Then we got local 5 sheet metal cuz he was he. Now that's union screwed in Vivek Pajit. Then we got Vivek the pudding Jeet. Lay sheets in the streets. Okay. FDR's only ramps.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow. FDR's only ramps because he was in wheelchair.

[Chris Distefano]

It's one of them.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's a Drexler. Yeah, it's a good one. Yeah, it's funny.

[Chris Distefano]

One Mexican. Sydney Sweeney. Flat but legal. Here to redeem one fake tit.

[Giannis Papas]

Drexler. Wow. This is a fucking heavy flow.

[Chris Distefano]

Nicholas Andriano. Kumail's 80. Then we got Leroy P. Is my Peroni's disease Has my piece bent like. Like my knees. Peron's disease. When your dick is bent. Oh, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Wyatt Palmer, Alex Group. Jordan Heymon. Then we got German kid with a forehead shelf. Blake Christensen. Matthew Woff, Isaac Yost. Then we got Hillary Clinton, pseudo penis. Still no Epstein list. Then we got the good guys. Missing hood. Then we got eaten Bluechew to shoot my glue through. Chrissy D's new herb Eversmells. Adrian Carrera. Then we got Colombian Jew and Chrissy Shue. He's German, but his feet are cute. Then we got. I almost divorced my wife because she said Chrissy is too straight. Cyran Cyrn Jr Jr oh. Saran Siron Jr Jr. Yeah, yeah. James Collier. Sporis'scrotum dechromis. No more. Sporis'scrotum decorums. No more. More.

[Giannis Papas]

Got it.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

The Unix spores.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep. I like it in the butt. Yeah. Chicken figure One basket in my arse. Shaw. Institutional Joseph. Dylan Hayden. The woke Frisbee.

[Giannis Papas]

J.

[Chris Distefano]

Dog Talk to my president like that again and Arizona is going to come see you in a different way. Hashtag walking white guy. Andrew McDonald. Make no mistake.

[Giannis Papas]

Real you walked in. They gotcha.

[Chris Distefano]

Sorry.

[Giannis Papas]

Hey, guys, that's your fault. They tricked.

[Chris Distefano]

Sorry about that.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Sean Ramsey. Sean spelled the Leroy way, but is an Irish kid. McKee. Oh, because he spells it S H A W, N. Right. Kevin. Then we got ovulation. Got me feeling. Feeling like. Okay. Ovulation. Got me feeling like Hitler chewing on a bluey being sucked off by a Twinkie winky. Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Too long. Sorry about that. Not that. Robert Smith. Danny. Alex Carspazak. Then we got. Wiggle that witch hazel faster. You Frisbee.

[Giannis Papas]

List it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's gonna be a tough one. I'm gonna end at this page. Yeah, we got a lot of lists.

[Giannis Papas]

So many. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Ethan Bram. Then we got if you're feeling crippled because your mortgage triple, just take a little sippy on Yanni's Nippy Drexler. Jack Kob Kavish. Tony.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Simonas. Then we got. I can't get hard unless you fart my dick, babe.

[Giannis Papas]

What do I do? Too many. Yeah, it's the Drexler. It's just too bad. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Glizzy Gobbler. Rabbi Schmolly's Frisky.

[Giannis Papas]

Frisbee Rabbi. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Alex Sterzer. Then we got Biffy Wiffy with a stiffy. Ready for that, Giphy. Then we got Shane Gillis's missing chromosome. Martin Rossi. Gavin Kane. Cody Fernandez. Been jerking nut and Yoo hoo.

[Giannis Papas]

Been jerking nut and yoohoo. Yeah, we had that before. Yeah, we got a better variation.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got. I walk into bodegas and tell the clerk to Sandra D's nuts. Hashtag never forget. Right. Carl Beach. Then we got. I like wwe, but my roof isn't intact. Like doesn't have a leaky roof. He's saying is intact.

[Giannis Papas]

He's right.

[Chris Distefano]

But he does like wwe.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I like that. I'm a Drex for that.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. All right. So here we go, guys. So we got the other day for.

[Giannis Papas]

The Drexers, this was a very Heavy flag.

[Chris Distefano]

Easy. All right.

[Giannis Papas]

And we had kind of a whack list last time, so we really made.

[Chris Distefano]

Up for a bit. Okay. So let me just read them all out before we make any decisions here.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Tucked it back. So now I have a mangi that's a contender. So Puerto Rican. By the time you finish, I'll be pregnant.

[Giannis Papas]

That's a goodie. Jesse says keep it for now.

[Chris Distefano]

Keep it out.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

So that we're in. So then we got Cooper flag it.

[Giannis Papas]

We have we. It's very funny, but we have to drag through because it's a walked in one.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

But it's funny.

[Chris Distefano]

PD with a tucked back weenie. I got zinn in my foreskin. No fumes.

[Giannis Papas]

We're gonna drexler it.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexler.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Any other day. Any other.

[Chris Distefano]

The day it's not gay if you don't push back.

[Giannis Papas]

It's a contender. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay. We got a couple.

[Chris Distefano]

Took a in my hand.

[Giannis Papas]

Chicken fingered.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Might vote democrat because Donnie T. Took my landscapers.

[Giannis Papas]

We're going to contender that. I mean it's going to be tough. We're going to have to narrow it down. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

And then we got wiggle that witch hazel faster you frisbee.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

So I got a lot of cadet guys. So here are the contenders. Okay, folks, this is one of the hardest lists we've had in a while. We got wiggle that witch hazel fast you fucking frisbee. Tucked it back. So now I have a mangione. So Puerto Rico, by the time you finish this, I'll be pregnant. It's not gay. If you don't push back. Might vote democrat because Donnie T. Took my landscapers.

[Giannis Papas]

You know what? This is a unique list. We're an ever evolving show. Let me ask you guys a question. Since there's so many good ones and this one is hard. I don't remember a list that had this many good ones. Ones. What if we put it to a vote? What if we let the fans decide this one?

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

What if we do that one time?

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Because this is so many. What we're going to do is we'll put it on patreon.com/history hyenas. We'll make a poll.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep.

[Giannis Papas]

And. And you tell us at patreon.com history hyenas on of this list. Who is the PPW?

[Chris Distefano]

Who is it is so again. Let me read them out again. Wiggle. Which hazer faster you fridge me. Tucked it back. So now I have a mangione. So Puerto Rican by the time you finish this, I'll be pregnant. It's not gay if you don't push back or might vote Democrat because Donnie T. Took my landscape. So that's so you're going to help us pick it out first time you've ever done this. So you let us know. Go to history is back.com for all our dates. Giannis and I have a bunch of dates going up. I mean, April, I'm going to be in New Haven, Connecticut and Albany. I'll be in Boise this weekend. And the Austin, Dallas, Houston shows that we're going to do in April, we're going to find another day for because it's my daughter's daddy daughter dance Friday, April 11, which was the day of Moontower. So your boy can't miss that.

[Giannis Papas]

You cannot miss that. See me in Cleveland this month. And that's it for this month. So see me in Cleveland.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is, baby.