The Greek General That Ended the Ottoman Empire with his Glue Gun

Summary

Summary of "The Greek General That Ended the Ottoman Empire with his Glue Gun"

History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas
Episode: The Greek General That Ended the Ottoman Empire with his Glue Gun
Release Date: January 16, 2025

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Introduction

In this lively episode of History Hyenas, hosts Chris Distefano (Chrissy) and Yannis Pappas (Yanni) embark on an uproarious journey through the Greek War of Independence. Combining their trademark humor with historical insights, they spotlight the flamboyant and unconventional figure of Georgios Karaskakis—a Greek general whose antics allegedly played a role in the downfall of the Ottoman Empire.

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Setting the Stage: The Greek War of Independence

Chrissy kicks off the episode by providing a brief historical backdrop, outlining the prolonged Ottoman rule over Greece that spanned nearly four centuries. He humorously remarks, "It was like Greece was on a really long, really annoying lease under the Ottomans," setting the tone for the episode's blend of education and comedy.

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Introducing Georgios Karaskakis

Yanni enthusiastically introduces the central figure of the episode, Georgios Karaskakis, dubbing him "one of the most wild figures we have ever had on this show." Chrissy adds, "You're going to want to strap in and strap up. This episode is gonna get nuts," highlighting Karaskakis' larger-than-life persona.

Early Life and Background

The duo delves into Karaskakis' tumultuous upbringing, noting that his mother was a nun who violated her vow of celibacy, resulting in Karaskakis being labeled a bastard. Chrissy quips, "When they called his mom a whore, he said, 'Yeah, she took 50,000 cocks. Yeah, my mom's a whore,'" emphasizing Karaskakis' unyielding defiance and humor in the face of societal stigma ([10:37]).

Karaskakis’ Role in the Revolution

Karaskakis emerges as a charismatic and rebellious general who not only fought against the Ottoman forces but also engaged in internal conflicts with other Greek factions. Yanni explains, "He wasn't really aligned with anyone. He just spun the wheel," illustrating his unpredictable loyalty and tactics.

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Notable Events and Anecdotes

1. Conflict with Ali Pasha

   • Karaskakis' interactions with the Ottoman official Ali Pasha are recounted with comedic flair. When captured, Karaskakis boldly states, "I asked my dick and it refused," leading Ali Pasha to both torture and ultimately spare his life due to his audacious nature ([24:08]).

2. Defiance in Battle

   • During a critical battle at Phaleron, Karaskakis employs a shocking act of defiance by mooning the enemy, resulting in him being shot in the genital area. Despite the severe injury, he humorously declares, "If I get well, I'll ruin the guy who shot me; if I die, kiss my ass" ([33:14]).

3. Leadership and Guerrilla Tactics

   • The hosts describe Karaskakis as a master of guerrilla warfare, effectively using the mountainous terrain to his advantage against the Ottoman forces. Chrissy jokes, "In those days with hand-to-hand combat, these Greek were hard to catch because they're all dipped in olive oil. They're very slippery," highlighting their strategic ingenuity with a humorous twist ([51:46]).

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Humorous Interludes and Comedic Commentary

Throughout the episode, Chrissy and Yanni intersperse their historical narration with playful banter and modern analogies. For instance, they compare the Janissaries to contemporary special forces, saying, "They were like the Marines, like the Green Berets" ([50:53]). Their comedic style keeps the discussion engaging, ensuring that listeners are both entertained and informed.

Selected Quotes:

• [10:37] Yanni: "He just loved it and he owned it."
• [24:12] Chrissy: "He was just running around like a nut."
• [33:27] Yanni: "Let me consult with my dick."
• [45:08] Chrissy: "If I get easy survival do."

These quotes underscore Karaskakis' fearless and irreverent approach to leadership and warfare, blending humor with historical events.

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Legacy and Conclusion

As the episode draws to a close, Chrissy and Yanni reflect on Karaskakis' enduring legacy in Greek history. They note that his bold antics and leadership were instrumental in unifying the Greek forces against the Ottomans, ultimately contributing to Greece's independence. Chrissy muses, "Not necessarily the Greek identity, but deep down he was a survivor. He hated the Turks the most," encapsulating Karaskakis' complex role in the revolution ([31:00]).

Final Remarks:

The hosts celebrate Karaskakis as a national hero whose eccentric strategies and indomitable spirit left an indelible mark on Greek history. They also promote their upcoming live shows and merchandise, maintaining their energetic and humorous rapport until the episode's end.

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Conclusion

This episode of History Hyenas masterfully intertwines historical facts about the Greek War of Independence with the comedic chemistry of Chrissy and Yanni. By spotlighting Georgios Karaskakis—a figure both heroic and hilariously unconventional—the hosts provide listeners with an engaging and memorable exploration of a pivotal moment in history. Whether you're a history buff or simply seeking a good laugh, this episode offers a delightful blend of both.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

What's up, History Hyenas fans? Today we're talking about the Greek revolution and how they shook off the yoke of the Ottoman Empire. And a wild, wild kid named Yorgos Gariscakis.

[A]

One of the most wild figures we have ever had on this show. You're going to want to strap in and strap up. This episode is gonna get nuts. And for all information, go to History Hyenas is back dot com. We will see you this Saturday at the Lincoln theater in Washington D.C. for our first ever live historic. Now enjoy this episode about the Greek War of Independence and Georgios Karaskakis. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chris Stefano, AKA Chrissy Cremini Mushrooms. And with me as always, Giannis Pappas, AKA Yanni the Faji yogurt. With me, Jesse. No wife, Scutoro. Cuz we got a fucking fun, fun, fun one. Today we're going Greek.

[B]

We're going Greek today. I was about to say you are Christos.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Christos de Fastanopoulos.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's why you wear that hat. And I just am Giannis Pappas.

[A]

It's what it is. Cuz with this hat on, I feel like a sheep.

[B]

Yeah, with that hat on. Cuz you look like a Greek revolutionary. And you look like. Somebody might call you the Turk eater.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because someone would say he's, oh, is he vicious against Turks during the revolution. Which is what we're going to do. Go. No, he likes to eat Turks. He likes to e their bum holes.

[A]

I like to eat their bum holes. And make no mistake, I'm a Greek kid today and I don't like cold cut turkey at all. And I also now don't.

[B]

Yeah, we don't today, yeah, we're against the Turks.

[A]

But just for today.

[B]

Just for today.

[A]

Other than that, we want you back in it because make no mistake, I like, I like Middle Eastern. I like, I can get through the fumes. Middle Easterns are hotties. They're Puerto Ricans without the problems.

[B]

Yeah. Like you said, they're probably swim throughs.

[A]

They are swim throughs. I mean, some of the hottest women in the world probably live in Turkey.

[B]

Yeah, they live in Turkey. The Turkish people, the arch rivals of the Greeks.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Just like with the Chinese episode, China against the boys. Just for the episode. We were, we were very American. We were against the Chinese, but it was just for the episode. We love the Chinese and for this episode we hate the Turks. And then when the podcast is finished, I will continue hating the Turks.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

We love the Chinese. I used my Chinese sperm extractor all weekend, so it's what it is. Because here's the truth too. This episode is going to be about the Greek War of Independence, which happened in the 1800s. And we're going to talk about a what One of the most wild characters in history. His name is Georgia.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that what it is? His name is Georgiolos. I bet, yeah.

[B]

Now, much like when we talked about the history the Chinese rise to power, there's a lot of names that are even difficult for me to pronounce. So we're just going to call a lot of these people. Guy.

[A]

Guy.

[B]

Yeah, this guy and that guy and then that Guy.

[A]

So this is Giorgio's guy. Yeah, Katicasak is this guy. But this guy in the Greek War of independence is going to be. This is a wild, wild episode. Buckle up. Strap in. I mean, this kid is absolutely nuts. And make no mistake, the Greek War of Independence is the only war of independence I've ever read about that. Simultaneously, while they were fighting a war of independence, they were also fighting a civil war amongst each. Amongst each other because they were getting mad about the price of raisins against each other. And it's just Greek people are just franks and beans.

[B]

They can't unify. They never can. That's why when they won the Euro cup, they needed a German coach to unify him. The city states always fought. That's why Greece could never have like an empire because they were just killing each other. And that hat on your head looks like a flower pot.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

It makes me want fit. Yeah. It doesn't fit. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I got too big of a head. And make no mistake, you're having a good hair day today. Today you have the hair of a 16 year old lesbian and it looks good.

[B]

Do you think what, whoever made these hats popular, you think it was just the first guy? Just Took a flower pot and put it on his head.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, what are these things? Because they're squares.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, they're squares. And I tried to pull this down, but it doesn't. To get it over my head. But it doesn't even fit over my head.

[B]

So.

[A]

Yeah. I can't even get on my head.

[B]

Yeah. Now here's the situation. When I buy a hat, I go to the kids section. That's not a joke.

[A]

That's not.

[B]

That is the true situation of my head size.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is I go to the kids section, I get the largest kid size because the small of the adult is too big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And people think when we talk about your head, we're joking. That thing doesn't fit on your head. You have a big head.

[A]

No, this is. This is. I got. They said a one size fits all, but they forgot to include Christie because it doesn't fit.

[B]

Because your head's so big, I could punch you in the head, still hit your head and miss your head.

[A]

Yes. That's. And that's a truth. Bader Ginsburg.

[B]

Peter Ginsburg, right there now, because I.

[A]

Just want to also say real quick, before we get started, this Greek war of independence is one thing I've learned, too, about. Learning about the Greeks. Being your friend, I will tell you that most Greeks, I think 99.9% of Greeks are born with a little bit of sugar in the tank. They all are a little. Gay. Yeah. They all got a little sugar in the tank. All of them.

[B]

Yeah. And they use that sugar to make candy. And with that candy, they. It is what it is.

[A]

They might have the most sugar in the tank of all the European countries.

[B]

Yeah. Because let's just call it what it is. Ancient Greece was. It was a candy factory. It was Hershey Park.

[A]

It's what it was.

[B]

And they were just. They were just using candy. Just like I use a black and white to get you the Poughkeepsie. They were just dangling candy and go, come with me, boy. And then they would just. What they thought was they were passing the knowledge through the.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that's just how it goes. People have different beliefs at different times, and they have different rationalizations to make excuses for what they want to do. And at that time, what they wanted to do is. They wanted to.

[A]

It's what it was. It's s. Low K S. Yeah.

[B]

And it's. It's no bueno now.

[A]

It's no bueno now. And we also got to get the. It's what it is sound effect in Japanese. We'll have that locked and loaded for next episode because now we're gonna have. It's what it is in Japanese. It's coming back. And also guys are thinking, you know what's really cute about them? Not the hat, not Yanni's hair, not Jesse's. No hair. It's their. Their merch. This sweatshirt right here and this T shirt that Yanni's got on are available right now at History Hyenas is back dot com. History Hyenas is back dot com. We got all the merch back up, so let's go scoop that up. And this Saturday, Lincoln Theater, 5pm Washington D.C. go to historynews is back.com and get those ticky wikis. Our first live podcast. We have yet to pick the topic, so if you want to tell us what topic we should do, go to patreon.comhistory Only way to get involved. And we are going to pick three to five lucky Patreon members and bring them on stage with us. I just decided that in the moment.

[B]

Yeah, let's do it. Just like you just told two fans downstairs exactly where we record the podcast.

[A]

And I told them to come to our sixth floor and bring a gun, because make no mistake, to where Jesse's sitting is he's going to get cap first because we are protected by the size of this tv. The TV that we have right now is the biggest TV ever. Because make no mistake, Chris Italia's franks and beans. And he's on the Runway.

[B]

That, to be honest with you, dude, our merch looks cute. You look cute in that merch. It looks really, really good. And I'll just say it. We have a special guest who's going to be live on the podcast. And of course, Chris is going to say the name.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

January 18th at the Lincoln Theater in D.C. we got a special guy to say the guest.

[A]

But we do have a special special guest. Come on D.C. and I swear to God, it's. This is true. And I just have two words to say. Pokeball.

[B]

Yeah. Guess who it is after that.

[A]

So Lincoln Theater is going to be absolutely wild. I would say come from wherever you're coming from in the. If you're in the Northeast and the original 13 colonies get there, and then obviously, you know, the big guys getting inaugurated that Monday. So if you want. Oh, I'm not going to be there for that. Yanni's going on a trip and I can't go. I got it. I got to go get bagels from the bagels that's what I got to do. Yeah. I can't remember what I got to do on Monday. Actually. Probably. Actually, you know what? I might stay to watch the big guy get in.

[B]

You might? Yeah. Yeah. So his name is Yorgios. Yorgos.

[A]

Like this guy we need to tell you about. This is the character of all characters. This guy is wild, strapping. Go ahead.

[B]

Yeah. Yorgos Garaskis.

[A]

That's how you say it.

[B]

And he is a hero in Greece. Even though at times he fought against other Greeks, he was just a bandit that lived in the mountains. He was one of these mountain people, these mountain Greeks.

[A]

And say that name again.

[B]

Yorgos Karaskakis.

[A]

That gets translated into I don't like black people.

[B]

Yeah, no blocks people. No Jews. No. This guy. Really?

[A]

Really.

[B]

It's funny because where the biggest, like the. One of the biggest stadiums in Greece is named, where they play soccer, is.

[A]

It called Giorgio's stadium or.

[B]

Stadium? He's a national hero. Even though at the time a lot of Greeks had mixed feelings about this guy. But ultimately that's what this Greek revolution was about. Greeks infighting. But then they united because they had a common enemy. And that common enemy was their day as Chinese.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

The Turkish.

[A]

It's just what it is. Now here's what's wild about Georgios Goddess car keys is because the first of all, the kid's mom was a nun. So isn't that wild? The kid's mom took a vow of celibacy, never have sex, and then got banged out and had this kid.

[B]

Ye, yeah, yeah. So he grew up constantly being ridiculed, constantly be calling a bastard stuff. And what this kid did is he just owned it.

[A]

He.

[B]

Yes. And he.

[A]

Yes, he owned it.

[B]

And then he, he, he, he. He topped what the people would say. So the people, when the kids called his mom a whore, he said, yeah, she took 50,000 cocks. Yeah, my mom's a whore. Yeah, I'm a bastard. Yeah. He just loved it and he owned it. And he became a charismatic, funny kid who everyone loved during the Greek revolution. His men loved him.

[A]

Men. Cuz started doing Chrissy needs.

[B]

I think that's going to be your new hat that you're gonna wear.

[A]

It's wild right now.

[B]

It's Greek. Chrissy is a wild Chrissy.

[A]

Yes. What is going wild and also what's wild. So we got to get that part out, but it'll be fine. But also what's wild about Georgio Scotty Scott is the kid not only was raised by a nun, he Was also raised in a cave. They raised his kid in a cave. And what we'll find out is the kid was also very dark skinned. So the Greeks, his own people used to basically like call him racial slurs.

[B]

Yeah, they called it racial slurs. And it's something that really took with Yorgo, who really loved racial slurs.

[A]

Now what's Yorgo? Is Yorgo like George? So. So George is Yorgo.

[B]

Yeah, George is Yorgo.

[A]

But. But this is not Yorgos Karisakis.

[B]

This is your. This is Yorgo Karaskakis. In Greek, when you're talking to the person or with affection, you call him Yorgo. Like if you were being affectionate to me, you'd call me Yanni or Yanaki.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then if you were talking about me to someone else, you'd say yanis. Or if you're being formal, you'd say, yeah, Yanis. Yeah. You come out of me and say, yeah, my fury Yanis. Yeah, yeah. You never say my fury Yanni, because that means we're boys.

[A]

We're boys. Yeah, yeah, Got it, got it. Okay.

[B]

I think they like. Because they love this guy, he was very chummy. They just always called him Yorgo.

[A]

And the kid, they then. But it was also known in Greek. I don't know what it translated to, but they used to call him orphan little bastard. Yeah, that's what they would call him when he would run around.

[B]

Yeah, they just really teased this kid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then this kid decided that he was just gonna own it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He was. He was also small and he was ruthless. So this was during the time of the Greek revolution. This is when the Greeks finally jettisoned.

[A]

Good word, good word.

[B]

If you don't know, it gets smarter. Jettisoned the yoke of the Ottoman Empire. And they were the first people to do it against the Ottomans in the Balkans. Yeah. And they inspired a bunch of nationalist movements after that. But the Greeks said we had had enough.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they started a revolution.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they started fighting the Turks.

[A]

Here's one thing that was very interesting about, about Greeks that, you know, you just learn is that I always just assumed that Greeks kind of. It was always Greece as it was, you know, had your problems, whatever. But this whole idea of like Socrates, Greece and this ancient Greece that was lost for thousands of years, nobody did that. And then for 400 years, like if you lived in that 400 year period between like the, I think the late 1400s to the 1800s, you would only know Greece was not a unified country. It wasn't even A country that existed. It was a property of Turkey. Yeah, that's just how it was.

[B]

Before that, it was a property of the Byzantine Empire. Rome. They called themselves Romans.

[A]

They called themselves Romans.

[B]

Called themselves Romans.

[A]

Up until the 1800s, they were still referring to themselves as Romans, which is wild because the 1800s was not that long ago. Like you. There's an ancestor there.

[B]

I was born in the 1800s, exactly, yeah. It was not that long ago.

[A]

Well, didn't you have a grandfather or great grandfather who was actually born into Ottoman rule? Is that, Is that a root? Is that a.

[B]

Truth be truth bader.

[A]

Tell us about that. That is, Tell us about that undercover. So I'm sorry, instead of saying that, just know when we say ucf, that's. We say the kid went. If kids go to ucf, that means they're an undercover.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if the kids go. So your grandfather went to ucf.

[B]

He went to ucf. He played ball at ucf.

[A]

We all actually go to ucf. And make no mistake, there's someone out there listening right now that's listening to this at UCF and is also going to ucf.

[B]

Yeah, it's a double entendre for him.

[A]

So you could be enrolled at ucf, but you're not going to ucf. But there's a few that are enrolled at ucf and you're going ucf.

[B]

Yeah, there are a few of them out there. And you know who you are.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

So, yeah. So the Ottomans took control, right? They conquered all the way down. Who are the Ottomans? They're Turkic people. They're like from. They migrated down nomadic tribes that came down from like Central Asia.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But they're not Arabic. Right. They ruled over Arabs. They, they, they converted to Islam and other Turks, not.

[A]

They're not Arabs considered European.

[B]

They're not Arabs. They're not considered Europeans. No.

[A]

What are they then?

[B]

They're, they're.

[A]

They have to be part. Where would Turkey be? It Does Turkey lay on the, on the landmass of Europe or the landmass of the Middle East?

[B]

It's the Middle East.

[A]

The Middle east in Europe.

[B]

No, the Middle East. The Middle East. They're in the Middle East. They're in Turkey. It's kind of in the Middle East.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It's right there. But it's right next to Greece. Right. So. But they conquered all that area. They got the Albanians who converted. Yeah, the Albanians converted.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They got the Bosniaks.

[A]

Who.

[B]

Bosnians. They converted.

[A]

When you say Converted. You mean that? They went muzzy.

[B]

They went muzz.

[A]

They went muzzy.

[B]

They went.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

Once you go muzzy, things get a little fuzzy. It's what it is.

[A]

That's why we're gonna give you a beeper and hit a buzzy. That was a Patreon. That was all Patreon name. That was just obviously I'm Joe. That was a lot of 14 Patreon name.

[B]

Got ASGI's favorite Patreon name every time. He would have chose the most racist as the winner.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

I like to be racist, as most.

[A]

Greeks do, because you're the. You're literally the most non racist Greek I've ever met. And your famous video is you dressed in a wig saying the N word. Yeah. And you're the most least racist Greek I've ever met.

[B]

The thing about Greeks is they only love Greeks and they really have racial jokes about every other ethnicity, including Italians. They don't even want you to marry an Italian. My mother in law married an Italian. She was disowned by her family.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

What it is is how it goes. Yeah, yeah. It's just they look at Italians as all criminals.

[A]

It's what it is. A lot of you guys have been asking how they hate you.

[B]

Yeah, I hate us German.

[A]

Yeah, a lot of people. A lot of people have been asking on the Patreon or even on the YouTube of saying, hey, why isn't Venity on the podcast anymore? And the truth is it wasn't our choice. It was her family's choice. She actually is dating a kid that lives in Mexico. So she's not allowed back in the country. Not from the government, from her family.

[B]

From her family.

[A]

So that she just can't come back to the U.S. it's unfortunate. And she just can't work for Mexico.

[B]

And also as a Greek, I just found it inappropriate that a Greek woman was working. Yeah, I don't like that.

[A]

Don't like. No.

[B]

I want you back in the village and I want you making the super. Yeah. I want you making dolmades and I want you making spanico. Get in that kitchen.

[A]

It's what it is. But if you do want to have a venate signing, you just got to go to Central park and look for the rock climbers. And then you'll see her up there smoking cigarettes, drinking wine, sitting on the rocks.

[B]

Yeah. Or you could go to Los Angeles and see her starting fires. It's what in the Trump presidency.

[A]

Surprised? Just because she just has superior brain. Is. We're still probably paying her somehow and I don't know how. Shout out Venativa. We miss you.

[B]

Wait, did you say she has a superior brain?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Should I? Yeah.

[B]

Well, she does it.

[A]

Oh, she does it right. She's a girl.

[B]

She's a girl.

[A]

And Greeks don't look at girls as. As.

[B]

As equals. As equals, yeah, absolutely. No, that's a joke. But. So the Greek revolution started in 1821 after about 400 years of second class citizens. Second class citizenry, yeah. Basically slavery. But there was some Greek merchants who were able to rise up, you know, and do very well. The success of the Ottoman Empire, which was the juggernaut of that time. They were big boys on the, on the, on the map.

[A]

They were like the Americans.

[B]

They were like the United States at that time was. They were very smart about their empire and they let the religions keep their religions. They just had to pay thing called the dima, I think it was called, which is you just got to pay a special tax.

[A]

So they weren't, they were, they weren't trying to, they weren't killing Greeks if they didn't convert to Islam. And what they said, you can go be Greek, pagan, Catholic, worship the goats, whatever you Greeks want to do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get a block of feta cheese, pray to it, whatever you guys want to do. We're fine with this. You just got to pay us some money and we're okay.

[B]

We're okay. They did that to the Jews and the Greeks were Christian.

[A]

Right. So there's no Greek Muslims. Very few.

[B]

Very few. Is there any next to none?

[A]

Is there anybody from. Who lives in Greece right now who's like, you know, name was, you know, Yanni Poopadoopas, whatever that's. Converted to Islam or. It almost never happens. Like unheard of.

[B]

It happens, but it's almost unheard of. It's almost unheard of.

[A]

Is that the biggest sin you can have?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Is that. That's number one.

[B]

That I don't know. From a, from a Greek family's perspective.

[A]

What would it like a Greek father, what the worst thing his daughter could.

[B]

Do besides bring home a Turkish. Bring home a Turkish man.

[A]

If you brought up. It would be bad.

[B]

It would be. I. Greek. Yeah, all of it would be bad. If you, if you're a Greek father and you're Greek, got a Greek daughter. It would all be bad if you brought home anyone who's not Greek. But I think top of the list would probably be Turk.

[A]

Can. Can't bring Home a Turk.

[B]

I think it would be tough.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

I think it'd be tough. I don't know. Mavre and Turk are the two tough ones. What it is tough ones for the Greek father.

[A]

That is what it is.

[B]

That was tough.

[A]

Because our names are Turks and Chrisos. Yeah.

[B]

Because I had a friend who. When I was in college, right. We worked together and this is the guy.

[A]

You didn't. You didn't hook up with this guy.

[B]

This was a girl.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This girl.

[A]

Because Greeks just are like, he's my friend. And yeah, we had sex on the battlefield, but it's what it is. We're not gay.

[B]

Yeah, no, exactly. It's not gay. It's warrior stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She got disowned by her father because I called the house and I was a Greek. He didn't know God.

[A]

And so that was like a WASP kind of thing.

[B]

No, she was a Greek. And he just didn't like that there was a boy calling the house.

[A]

But even though you were Greek, it was okay. But shouldn't have been okay because that's just how extreme.

[B]

Extreme the Greek fathers can.

[A]

Got it got.

[B]

They got a real hold on those Greek daughters. That's why they have need to start a Greek daughter underground railroad to escape these fathers. Just because they want to maybe date like a Serbian.

[A]

That's why they have a whole island there called Lesbos.

[B]

Yeah. Because.

[A]

Because that's where lesbians came from. Because that's. Because Greek lesbians. Lesbos became what it became with all lesbians because Greek fathers wouldn't let them date men, so they just started banging at each other.

[B]

That's exactly. That's a truth bit. That's a historical fact. That's what happened is father's fault. They fathers created lesbians.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you're not really lesbians. It's just you're rebelling against your father. But, you know, that's why somebody's got to be the boy one.

[A]

Someone's got to be the boy.

[B]

Someone's going to be able to lift the boxes and bring them into the house. Somebody's got to be able to pick up the Amazon box.

[A]

What it is.

[B]

Somebody's gonna be able to reach the top cabinet. There's gotta be one boy one.

[A]

Now this kid, she is the fire.

[B]

Chief of Los Angeles.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Women firefighters.

[A]

That's why your city burned down.

[B]

Ladder 14.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Shout out to the people of LA. Hope everyone's doing all right. All right, here we go. Georgios.

[B]

Scotty Scott notes.

[A]

Jordan. Scotty Scott. Yeah. Look At Patty the fatty. Here we go. So Georgiana, Scotty. Scotties. He was a well known klept. You know what the kleps were?

[B]

Yeah, I think.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you. Do you pronounce it klept or kleptus?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Either way. Yeah, they were. They were kleptos. Kleptes or klept.

[A]

And they were Greek guerrilla fighters who resisted the Ottoman rule. Ottoman all way through the whole time. So you act from 1453 to 1821 is when the Ottomans ruled Greece. For this whole period you had Greek guerrilla fighters. So you had generations of. Of people just like we are Greek guerrilla fighters.

[B]

And they lived in the mountains. And the mountains are always difficult for any occupier to conquer.

[A]

Even the Nazis.

[B]

Even the Nazis. Very difficult. Like the. The Montenegrins who we'll probably do an episode about once in a while. My friend Marcos Montenegrin. They were never got right. The Ottomans never got them.

[A]

They got Marcos a Montenegrin in Paris.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's another version of the song.

[A]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[B]

About to decorate in Paris. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was Kanye and Jay.

[A]

Z did that was. Yeah. Goods in Paris.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it is, what it is. So they couldn't ever get these guys. They would hide the mountains, they'd come down, they'd rob wealthy Greek merchants who were in bed with the Turks. They'd robbed Turks, they robbed everybody.

[A]

They didn't care.

[B]

They were just guerrilla fighters and they resisted the Turks.

[A]

So this kid, Georgios Gordiskakis was. Was just one of these guys, one of these clips. And it's interesting because he was that guerrilla fighter. He liked to. He was a, you know, scrappy guy. And then the Albanian see Albania back then a lot of the. Because they were kind of on the.

[B]

Turkish side, got conquered and they converted and they were. Were.

[A]

Albanians. They don't around on the patriot as well say. Because you know that I have family in the Ridgewood area which is where Albanian territories. Just want to know. I did not say that. That was Yanni and if you want you could DM me. I will give you his address as long as you keep my family out of harm's way.

[B]

Yeah, we're gonna have to even cackle that one on the page.

[A]

You don't want to with them.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Cuz they're a little crazy. So the Albanians. The Albanians at this time, what they had a sultan in place and his name was Ali Persia. And Ali Persia arrests. He Arrests Giorgio Scottish Caucas for just being a klept. For just running around killing people, stealing circumcised, being a fucking maniac. Just Christ. And then. But Pasha Most 9 times out of 10 these guys get killed. If you get arrested by the sultan, you're going to get killed. They don't want to deal with you get them out. But instead they decide to only torture Kati's kakis because Ali Persia knew Karikakis mom because he probably banged her out. So he was probably banging the mom in the harem. This reformed nun was just getting banged out all day. So that. So the kid escaped death because his mom was a two.

[B]

Yeah, his mom being a toot saved his life there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which is very.

[A]

Because that's the only in those days. If I knew your mom, I only knew her and I would only not. I would only spare the son's life if I banged her out.

[B]

Yeah. And didn't he even ask Karasaki he's like what should I do with you? And he was like, I don't know. If I was you, yes, I would tell you. Like take me on my team or I'd throw me off a cliff.

[A]

He goes, he goes. When Ollie Persia because, because what happens is he's. Then he. So he lets him, he just tortures him, right? And then he. And then he leaves, you know, got his caucus is back in the world. And then Ali Pasha starts a war with, you know, he just let this guy free and then there's a war that starts out and Gotti's caucus attacks Ali Persia again. Ali Persia's like what the fuck are you doing? I just gave you your life.

[B]

Yeah, what's up?

[A]

And now you're trying to kill me. They're like, you're like a little Greek fucking diner monkey. I can't get you out of here. So Ali Persia recaptures him and it's like now I'm definitely gonna kill you. Yeah, but. But again there was this likability to this guy where al pressure recaptures.

[B]

Charisma is everything.

[A]

It's everything. And he says, and he says what should I do with you? And Karikaka says if I were you, I'd either make me a boss or throw me in the lake.

[B]

Yeah, that's what he said. Yeah, the guy was bold. He did that. Here's the thing about it. This kid, he had no to get.

[A]

This kid gave no, no, he doesn't give a. So Ollie Persia says. So he says that Dolly personally, Persia makes him a bodyguard. But the kid was only like five three.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So Georgia. So he's. He was five three and he was dark skinned and he was suffering from tuberculosis.

[B]

So that's the whole life.

[A]

Pretty shitty. Bodyguard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where they saying like he would curse? Salon. He had a dirty mouth. He would flash his balls at Ollie Purse's son. He would just take his dick out. So Ollie Purse's wife was like, we can't have this little, this diner monkey spitting up blood, showing everyone his ball.

[B]

The kid is hilarious.

[A]

But he was basically saying, he's like, but babe, this guy is the best. He goes, I don't even want to kill him because he just running around like a nut.

[B]

Yeah. And here's the thing about him. Sometimes he'd fight with the Turks. He, he wasn't really aligned with anyone.

[A]

No, he wasn't like a Greek pride guy. Cuz he would fight with the Turks, then he'd fight with the Greeks, then he'd fight with the Turks again. It didn't matter. You know what he did? He spun the wheel.

[B]

Spun the wheel. He did not give a.

[A]

Here's the Giorgio Scotty's caucus was the definition of a guy who was for the table.

[B]

He was for the table. He, you, he. Literally, any militia that wanted him, he was for the table. He just had to make a nice offer on it.

[A]

What it is, by the way, shout out the waiter from the restaurant I went to on Saturday who brought over. We were sitting dinner with just the jazz and the kids and then he comes over with. He had a plate of fetuccini Alfredo. We didn't order. And the jazz goes, oh, that must be for the wrong table. He goes, no, no ma'am, this is for the table. Yeah, that put a fetuccini Alfredo. So he. Not only did he know the term, but he knew that not to give me an appetizer for the table. When you're at a restaurant, you got to order an entree.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And put that for the table.

[B]

Put it right in the middle for the table.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

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Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goes faster with Rocket Money. Right now go to Rocket Money.com hyenas today right now, that's RocketMoney.com hyenas RocketMoney.com hyenas so. So, yeah, so. So this kid, as Yanni was saying, what's was wild about him was the kid just didn't care because a lot of Greeks. Greeks have a lot of pride and this kid had a lot of pride, but he had a little pride in himself.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Not necessarily the Greek identity.

[B]

I think deep down he was a survivor. He hated the Turks the most.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because when he was called. Just kidding. When he was called to fight, he became a general and he fought the Turks.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And in one battle he actually stood up on like a rock wall or something like that and he mooned them. Yeah, he took out his ass in his balls and he got shot in the nuts.

[A]

So this is what, what Jan is referring to is in June 8th in Cambodia. I don't know if Cambodi's in Greece or Turkey. I don't know where these places are. Sorry. I just know it's not one of the original 13 colonies, so I don't care.

[B]

Yeah, to be honest, I don't know either.

[A]

So this June 8, 1820, they. They're. They're fighting this war. I don't even know at this point what side Georgios Scotty Scott is on. He could be on the Greeks, he could be on the Albanians, it could be on the Turks, I don't know. But I just know the kids fighting. So they are winning this victory. Whatever side Kadikakis on is winning. And out of nowhere, Katie Kakis just climbs up on a boulder and just pulls his ass and balls out and an enemy shoots him in the ass and it goes through his dick and balls and he just gets shot in the ass. And then he says.

[B]

And then.

[A]

So he gets up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then so he goes into hiding because he's got his dick balls an got a trifecta.

[B]

I mean, at this point, the kid's got tuberculosis and now he's got a fucking shot off dick.

[A]

Yeah, he's got a bullet dick in the ass. So then out of nowhere, this is what does happen. So then out of nowhere, he gets shot in the ass. And then he just goes. He just goes in hiding and he realizes he's in a Turkish state. He's actually in Turkish state. He's not in Greece anymore more because he just runs away from the battle. So he then just sends a letter to the Greeks and he goes, basically, hey, I'm with the Turks now, but if anything goes down, you guys want me to come back, all good, just send me a letter. So they're like, what the. He sends us to like the head of Greece at the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then when Pasha, when Pasha Ali Pasha, one of these sultans, comes and says, comes to ask him in person, he says he's, you know, he's in Turkey, goes, kneel before me. Me in person. The, the, the, you know, this is the. They will behead you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For this. He goes, if you don't kneel, it goes, kneel for me in person. Pasha goes, kneel for me in person to Georgia Scotty Caucus. And he goes, okay. He goes, I asked my dick and it refused.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the kid asked his dick. He says, no, and normally that would behead him, but it got such a big laugh in the court that they just let him go.

[B]

Here's the thing about the kid. If there was a catchphrase that he could have, it would be Let me consult with my dick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he always just told whoever asked him anything pretty serious when his life was on the line.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or when they were making demands or trying to negotiate some sort of ceasefire or treaty or for him to give in. He would always just say, okay, first let me consult with my dick.

[A]

Let me consult my dick.

[B]

He'd go, I asked my dick and my dick said, fuck you.

[A]

So we want you guys to go out there and just console your dick a little bit and film it and let us know and hit it at patreon.com history hyenas. We want to see you consulting with your dick before anything, before you buy a house, I want you to tell the real estate broker, let me consult my dick. Dick.

[B]

That's how you know this guy was out of his mind. Because a kid would have a meeting with his dick and ask his dick questions and say, what should I do? And his dick would say, tell him.

[A]

You it's what it is. Cuz I've had a couple of meetings with my dick. And my dick would say, I'm too sick to talk to you. My dick would say, I got a runny nose.

[B]

I had a couple of talks with my dick too. Like, listen, listen, you gotta grow. Come on, come on. Just won't do it. It won't do it.

[A]

And the kids have little dicks. And the thing is, is what I fascinating about, did you ever talk with your dick?

[B]

And you said, come on, like girls?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Your dick said, fuck you.

[A]

Fuck you. Yeah, my. Yeah, I mean, I got so many, I think my dick would give me STDs on purpose. Say, we don't want pussy, we want man's ass. Because. But, but what's interesting about Giorgio Scotty's gokis and the just the Greeks in general is there's a part of this war where they are advancing against the Turkish troops. And they're advancing and they're doing well and they can absolutely crush the Turks and just be done out of the Ottoman Empire. And then for no reason whatsoever, the troops start having a civil war with each other where the Turkish are just watching them fight each other. Like, what are these guys doing? And then history tells us that the reason they started fighting is because they were raisins. Turkey had a lot of raisins. And they were getting these generals on, the Greek army were getting mad at each other who was going to get more of the raisins. So they just started killing each other and the Turks just ran away free.

[B]

Well, you remember what raisins Were from the first run of history. Hyenas.

[A]

What were they again?

[B]

When you, like. Just a couple of guys. Rem. We like in the cereal or something. Just a couple of raisins in there. We had something with the raisins.

[A]

Do you remember what it was?

[B]

It was something like that. Like, you like your cereal with a.

[A]

Couple of raisins, with a couple of races.

[B]

But the raisins were guys. So maybe they were fighting over guys. Who knows? So, yeah, the. The Greeks started infighting. They. At first, the gorillas. So there was the. The kleptos. Can you go back to that? And the. And then there was the. The armatoli. Now the armatoli.

[A]

Tell me about it. Were.

[B]

Were. Were the same thing as the kleptis. But I'm just waiting for Jesse to get it out.

[A]

Jesse slow fingers.

[B]

Yeah, Jesse slow. Forget to get it. But I do remember. So they were hired. They were. They were employed. They were assigned by the Ottomans to go kill the kleptos to stop the kleptos. So they would hire these Greeks who. And the Greeks would say, hey, we're loyal to you, or whatever. But ultimately they would switch sides and become the klept us. And the kleptos would come to Armatoli. They just kind of switched sides.

[A]

It's impossible to know who's who.

[B]

Yeah, they didn't know who's who because they were all just living in the mountains. And then the armatoli would be like, all right, we're up here with the. With the sanction of the Ottomans, but we're gonna go steal some too. And yeah, they become klepta. So they just went back and forth. And Yorgos himself did both, right? He did both. He would be on matoli. He would be kleptus. He didn't give a. These were mountain people that just live by their own law. Raided. I mean, there was no cell phones back. There was no cars. So the Ottomans didn't know what these guys were doing.

[A]

They didn't know what they were doing. And as we said, these kind of for the table. And it was what it was. Now, Greek army, as. As Yana said, is a Christian Greek militiaman who served under the Ottoman served under the Ottoman Empire, as he said. And they were hired to fight these Greeks, but they would all just switch sides, and it didn't matter. And the Greek war, this Greek war of independence, I think if you and I, because we like to put ourselves in that situation, I think here's what would happen is I Would just be. I would be. We both be UCF 100. We both be UCF. But that was okay back then. I think you would definitely be a stoic Greek and you would be all for the cause and I would probably be born a Turk. But then at some point I was just telling everyone I was Greek. Like I told everyone I was Italian because it was better for my comedy. So I think I was just. I think I was probably just like. I was just like, I'm an undercover German. But I told him when I'm Italian I think I'd be. I think I'd be a Turk. An undercover Turk. But I tell everyone I'm Greek.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you would have figured me out. But you say, you know what? I like this kid where I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna wrap.

[B]

This kid is funny. Cuz he just water village and sold it. Yeah. He couldn't walk to a feta storm. He's wild. Yeah, he's a wild kid.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz he just banged a 400 pound hippopotamus.

[B]

Yeah. So yos gakis. His wife. His wife cheated on him. His wife cheated on him. She's gone. Yeah. And then he said to all his men, he said, whoever the first gets like 50 grand. She's a. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Which is great.

[B]

He didn't like her. He had some great quotes about.

[A]

Yeah. I want you to read some of these. Quot Giannis sent these, sent us these quotes last night at like 2am and I started reading them. I was laughing hard, but I was like, Yanni has to read these as Mr. Panos.

[B]

Yeah. So the Greeks started infighting a lot because they had these different, different rulers. Right. There was a couple of generals. The main guy who was really was color. What was his name? Colo. Colo Kotronis was the main dude.

[A]

Theodores color Cotronis.

[B]

He was a real like brilliant tactician. He was, he was trained under the British. British, this guy Church and who actually ended up joining the fight.

[A]

What kind of the nickname is Church?

[B]

No, Church was a British guy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Who came down once, once this Hellenic movement started. Once the Europe and the powers that be, which were basically Britain, France and Russia at the time. And the Russians said that they were the, they were the de facto protectorate of all Christians in the Ottoman Empire. So the Russians and Ottomans always had beef and it was. A lot of it was a religious beef. Some of it was. Was Black Sea control and wanting territory.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But a lot of it was just a religious war. It's always been Christian Vers Muzzy.

[A]

It's what it is from the beginning of time. That's the Knicks versus the Lakers. It's what it is.

[B]

Celtics.

[A]

It's what? Lakers. Celtics. Old school.

[B]

Yeah. Yankees, Red Sox.

[A]

Yankees, red socks.

[B]

That's the rivalry. And so they started to gain a lot of sympathy for the Greek cause. And a lot of intellectuals and poets started trying to convince their political leaders and military leaders of their countries to help out the Greeks. But they didn't want to do it right initially. And then they did towards the end. But there was one guy, Lord Byron, who had a lot of money, who went himself and was fighting and funding the Greek revolution.

[A]

He was a British romantic poet. So this kid was also probably ucf. He was ucf.

[B]

Yeah. They just loved the Greeks, you know, it's like romantic. They. They loved what the Greeks gave to Western civilization. They loved that the Greeks were Christian. So they were constantly pressuring their governments to help the Greeks out. And eventually the French and Russians and British did, and that's what ended up turning the tide. But before that, Kolokotronis was the guy he was just picking off Turks. I think they called him the Turk Eater. Yes, I think his nickname. Him or somebody else became known as the Turk Eater. I think it was him. But then the civil war was happening. There was power struggle for control. Some dude actually put him in prison. Prison. But then when the Turks re attacked using the Egyptian guy. Yeah, some Egyptian guy's son. The guy who's running Egypt.

[A]

Yeah, Muhammad.

[B]

Yeah. Sultan Mehmed, I think his name was the second just. He was like. He was losing over there, and he's like, I'm not giving this land to these dirty Turk.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Dirty Greeks. Yeah, they called the Greeks. They had a slang. They had a. They had a term that they called the Greeks. Maybe we could turn it up. It was like they basically had an N word for Greeks, Right. And we got to find out what it was. But he was like, I'm not letting them win over here. So he was like. He said to his guy over in Egypt who was basically autonomous because he was a strong guy and they had a good navy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He goes, send your son up there and retake this land from these goddamn Greek N words.

[A]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[B]

You can have full control whatever you.

[A]

Take from these goat.

[B]

Yeah. So this guy came while the Greeks were having a civil war, and he started just mowing down, Right. And then they let Kolokotronis out of prison because he was such a good Fighter and go. Go fight the Turks. The Greeks were constantly fighting with each other. The only thing that unified them is when the Turks came and they had to fight the Turks.

[A]

It's what it is. So that Turkish slang, they were called rum.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Greeks were called rum, which translates to Roman. And it's derived from how Byzantine Greeks refer to themselves as Roma, Leo. Yeah, Roma. So rum. So they would just call them rum.

[B]

They're basically. Which meant scum.

[A]

Scum.

[B]

Yeah, they were just. Yeah.

[A]

Now can we go back? Can we go back?

[B]

Can you put up with the Ottomans called the Turks, though?

[A]

Do that. Let's get that. And then. And then. Because I want. I want to get to the parts where we read where Yanni Reed, some of the written down, historically factual quotes that Georgie Scotty's Gawkes literally said and wrote in letters to, like, really important people that would kill him. And how the kid used to talk was wild.

[B]

Yeah, he was a wild kid. So he famously.

[A]

Can we pull it up, Jesse?

[B]

This is big news in Greece. This letter is a big deal.

[A]

So let me. So he. This kid is a hero in Greece. The children know about this.

[B]

They know about this.

[A]

Who can we say he's similar to an American history like this?

[B]

There's nobody.

[A]

No.

[B]

Talk like this guy. No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm trying to think who.

[A]

Somebody just ran his. So let me say somebody just ran his mouth.

[B]

David Duke.

[A]

David Duke, I was gonna say somebody just ran his mouth. Is an American hero and brought us out of civil war. That's Donald Trump. He's kind of like, he's our father. He's our Donnie T. He's a little. Dottie. I like this guy because he's like, Donnie.

[B]

Yeah. He really does shoot off at the mouth. So he sent a letter in response to Rezid Mehmed Pasha, who was the. Basically the viceroy in Athens. So at this time, the Ottomans still had control of Athens.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, the Venetians were in there for a while too. Venetians were like Italians, Venetians. They had some control of Greece at this time, too. Little areas. Right. That weren't in the Ottoman control, but Athens was in Ottoman control. So he sent the letter back to him when that guy was basically saying, hey, man, just surrender. We'll give you riches, we'll give you whatever.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So.

[A]

So he writes, this is April 20th, 1827.

[B]

Yeah, April 20th, 1827, which is a day that will leave and live in Greek infamy.

[A]

This is General Giorgio Scotty Scott.

[B]

Yeah. General George writes back. I'm just Reading the letter.

[A]

Can you read it as pano so we have a little spin on it?

[B]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

So, yes. And by the way. Yes, let me. I'm sorry. This is him just reading the letter. Any of our Muslim brothers and sisters out there, we love for you. We are not saying this. This is Georgio saying this. So please, please don't. I don't want to. I'm not with you.

[B]

No, we're not. This has nothing to do. This is what he said.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. This is the act. This is a historical. This is hard for you to accept that this is a historical document.

[A]

This kid wrote this word.

[B]

Not my opinion. This is what he word for. It's a historic. It actually is a historical document. It's history. Okay. This is a part of a major happening in history.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he says, two resident Mehmed Pasca put honey in Athens your. And what do you think you're doing? Don't you have shame asking to negotiate with a Koja Sultan Mehmedite. Let me on him and your vizier and that Jew, Silitar Boda, that if I live, I will them. Them. If. If I die, they will fart on my dick.

[A]

Yes. Not even on my dick. He goes, fart my dick.

[B]

Fart my dick. The General Yos Kasakis, the 20th of April, 1827. Yeah, that's what it is. That's just a historical document.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

I am not taking. I'm just reading what he wrote about that. Yeah.

[A]

And that's what the kid said. And that is just absolutely wild. And he sent that. For real?

[B]

He said that. For real.

[A]

Like sometimes you'll send an email or a text and you'll screenshot and send your friends back. Imagine I said that. But of course, we never said that. That kid really said that. Kid put it in the mail.

[B]

Yeah, that kid, he basically. He did not give a fuck whether he lived to die. You know, part of it is because the kid had tuberculosis. So he knew he was on the.

[A]

Runway constantly in the beginning.

[B]

And he had no fucks to give because he goes, fuck it. If I live, I will fuck them. Meaning I will kill them and fuck them in the ass. And if they kill me, they can fart on my dick.

[A]

Doesn't matter.

[B]

It doesn't matter because fart on my dick is hilarious. Is there any way to say you don't give a about nothing? Yeah, somebody's threatening you. Go, I don't give a what you do with me.

[A]

Part of my.

[B]

Part of my dick I want to personally thank the people over at Lucy for sending me a ton of nicotine pouches. As you know, I'm a nicotine kid.

[A]

You are.

[B]

Lucy's nice. You got that 8 milligram option. I like it a lot. Yeah, I like it a lot. I love Lucy, cuz. It's the way to go. It's a company more people should know about. They got delicious flavors. Yeah, Very delicious.

[A]

What's your favorite flavor, cuz?

[B]

Oh, I like espresso.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Espresso. Yeah, that's that me. Espresso.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Lucy.

[B]

Yeah. Cause dancing's not your forte.

[A]

It's what it is. Because with this hat on, I kind of just look like an.

[B]

Because Lucy's great and I'm enjoying it. And they, they really, they turned me. I love Lucy. So 100 pure nicotine, always tobacco free. I got one in my mouth right now. Lucy breakers are nicotine pouches with an extra surplus. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken up to release extra flavor and hydration.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

So it's a little extra. Set yourself up with a subscription, which I have, and have Lucy delivered straight to your door.

[A]

So right now, let's level up your nicotine routine with lucy. Go to lucy.comco hyenas and use promo code HYENAS to get 20 off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind again, that's Lucy Co and use code H Y E N A s to get 20% off.

[B]

And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified.

[A]

Warning.

[B]

This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive ABC.

[A]

Wednesdays, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star.

[B]

In the new family comedy show Shifting Gears. Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out.

[A]

What the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days when his.

[B]

Daughter moves back in.

[A]

The last time you walked out that.

[B]

Door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird. I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[A]

The wheels come off.

[B]

Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults? Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore.

[A]

New Wednesdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC.

[B]

And stream on Hulu Chemical.

[A]

I can guarantee you one thing and one thing only. The amount of Patreon names we're gonna have over the next few weeks that somehow incorporate fart on my dick and ucf. Yeah. Are going to be in the thousands.

[B]

Or let me consult my dick.

[A]

Or let me first.

[B]

Let me. Let me ask my dick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This kid constantly told everyone, yeah, I'm gonna ask my dick and then I'll get back to you.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

Which is basically saying, go yourself. I don't give a. Yeah.

[A]

And it's a beautiful thing. So this is. And this is one of many. One of many quotes and things that he said that were just wild. Now the kid, Georgia Jos. He keeps fighting, you know, because the kid just was a fighter, fighter, fighter. And at one point, of course, all things got to come. All good things got to come to an end. And Georgios eventually one day is, you guessed it, gonna get killed in battle by doing something stupid.

[B]

Yeah. And this is after his dick got shut off, he continued to fight.

[A]

He got shot by the. Yes. Oh, yes. That's a good.

[B]

His balls shot off his ass.

[A]

Dick and balls got shot. Shot, yeah. Completely off. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Just because he was mooning them. So what you don't recommend. You don't want to recommend that when the other side's got guns in their shooting at you don't want to just stand up high on a boulder and show your asshole to them.

[A]

So they're fighting. They're fighting in. In. In a war, you know, in one of these battles against Mustafa Bay. Turk who? Mustafa Bay, who was this? One of the most famous Turk. Albanian leaders. Right.

[B]

And. Okay, now bays, you know what bays were?

[A]

No, tell me.

[B]

They were basically viceroys.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Romans had viceroys, were basically governors of the provinces. So those were the guys that basically ran that part of the empire.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

For the sultan.

[A]

Got it. So this guy's a famous one, Mustafa Bay. And he. In this battle, he. He gets. Actually gets injured. So he. Back at those days. And this is just what would happen if you got injured. You did not want to get taken by the other side. So they had these pacts where Mustafa Bey had a pact with his brother. He said if he gets injured just to get. Just. He had his brother kill him because he was like, I'd rather you kill me because to what the Greeks are going to do to me. And vice versa. Versa, it's going to be no bueno. So Georgie wins that battle, and then as a trophy, he takes 300 heads of Turks and, like, prominent Turks and Albanians, and he just rolls out into the town with just 300 Turks and Albanians heads.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And people are kind of now starting to be like, he's definitely a hero, but they're like, georgios you're getting a little wild.

[B]

Yeah, the kid was wild. And the confusing thing was you had Albanians who were Christian that would fight with the Greeks, and then you had Albanian who were Muslim, who would fight with the Sultan. So it's very confusing. And then you had formerly Christian Greeks.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Who were brainwashed. Now, the Ottomans had a system called the Dev Shermi system.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Where they would take boys 8 to 18, right. They take them from their homes and they would train them. They would force them to renounce their Christianity.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Force them into becoming Muslims. And they would train them in military.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they would. And they became the Janissaries, I think they were called.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

And they were actually like one of.

[A]

The ill fighting force. Yeah.

[B]

And they were like the Sultan's like Special Forces.

[A]

They were like the Marines, like the Green Berets. Yeah.

[B]

And they were all brainwashed Greek kids.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Who were like, vicious.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But that would go back and kill Greeks.

[A]

Because if we're going to do warriors, if we're going to take. If we're. If we're able to unify them, then the Greeks are probably our best warriors.

[B]

Yes, right.

[A]

Just as a human race, I think.

[B]

I mean, they're good. When they're unified, they're good. I mean, they're good, but they just can never be unified. Because you look at what they did with this revolution, they were outnumbered all the time. All these guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They'd be facing forces that had like seven, 8,000.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

And these guys would have like a thousand, two thousand, sometimes hundreds.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they would mow them down.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

They just mow them down and they use glue. They knew the terrain better too, so they would just. From the mountains, they would just pluck pl.

[A]

Pl. Pl.

[B]

And then run back and back.

[A]

In those days with hand to hand combat, these Greek were hard to catch because they're all dipped in olive oil.

[B]

Yeah, they're very slippery.

[A]

Slippery.

[B]

And they went for the ass and balls like hyenas.

[A]

Yeah, it's what it is. So these kids are just olive oil. They're running at you like fasha breads that would bite your dick off.

[B]

Yeah, they really would. Yeah. So the Janissaries were a tough, tough force.

[A]

Tough, tough force. So. And then what happens is, of course it's all going to come to an end at some point. And Georgios Gakis, they were told, the Greeks were told, do not intervene. They have basically the Turks on the ropes again. And they're being told by the head People in Greece do not intervene. We got them on the ropes. Don't do anything but a bunch of drunk cretins. Because as you could tell, right? Creed cretins from island of Creto. Just wild, wild kids.

[B]

Wild kids.

[A]

So these drunk cretins, they start. Start cursing at the Turks who are right across the valley, and they start cursing them out. And Georgio's showing his dick and balls and pulling his ass out. All true. And so an actual shootout begins and the Turks start shooting at them. You know, they were told, don't provoke the Turks and the Georgios. And they're yelling them dick and balls. They're mooning them. The kid Georgios gets shot in the abdomen, and this is going to prove to be a fatal wound. And he famously says, if I get well, I'll ruin the guy who shot me if I die. Kiss my ass. Yeah, yeah. And so. And then. And you know, it was at the Battle of Phaleron. That's what it was. He was mortally wounded.

[B]

It's actually in Athens, not in Crete. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, sorry. But no, but it was drunk cretins who were that fighting who supposedly caused the problem. This was April 23, 1827. This is a very significant day because this is when Giorgio Scottish Gak is probably the most famous general in the Greek independence history, succumbs to his wounds because he's pulled his dick and balls at the Turks and he shouldn't have.

[B]

Yeah. And the people really loved him because he, you know, the word would spread about the things he would say and how brave he was and stuff. So his day, his death really was a blow to the morale, the Greek forces and, you know, they were defeated there.

[A]

And that's what's funny, Franks and beans too, about the Greeks. And this just happens is they were saying that his death could have been from enemy, but gunfire. But more probably it was from one of the drunk cretins that accidentally shot him. It was just running around.

[B]

Yeah. Very, very positive fog of war. Yeah. Very, very, very possible. But eventually after he died, you know.

[A]

Is he a hero in Greece? Like, has statues up of him.

[B]

And I think statue. You can even Google it is probably statues of him.

[A]

See, in Greece, they're not going to take down statues because if you look back in history of Greece, everyone kind of said or did something wild.

[B]

So they.

[A]

It's not like American culture where they. If they look back in Greek history, I mean, everybody.

[B]

Yeah, look at the statues. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And he's just a little guy and a big horse.

[B]

Yeah. Is there he is. And there's another one right there. That's we look at his mustache. Greeks were serious about their mustache.

[A]

Serious about their mustache.

[B]

Seriously, cuz you got.

[A]

You're cuz you look good with facial hair like this. You like that? You like that? You're growing it out a little bit, right? It looks nice.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean cuz you're just put together and make no mistake, absolutely no mistake, there is a person right now. Just pull up Giorgio Scotty's caucus right there with the hat.

[B]

Looks Puerto Rican. Looks like he'd be playing kid. Looks like he'd be talking have a pet pigeon sitting on a milk crate outside of a Puerto Rican social club.

[A]

It looks like he's playing handball.

[B]

Yeah, I mean the kid does look like Cuban.

[A]

The kid looks Cuban or something. And he also does look like somebody's Greek wife. It's all the same. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So that is the Greek revolution. Eventually it, it the Greeks got their state and then there was a whole bunch of strife that happened after that. But.

[A]

And now the Greeks are unified. They just have no cash in the ATM machine.

[B]

That's just what the job is.

[A]

But they are unified.

[B]

That's what it is. But they got their freedom and it inspired a whole bunch of nationalist movements around the world. The Ottomans got this was good time for them to rebel because the Ottomans were facing the Russians on the other side of the their empire. The Russians were invading them and so their military was stretched thin and they had a good run. They had a good run.

[A]

And this is also significant because not only did the Greeks gain their independence, but this was also the end of the Ottoman Empire. Now the Ottoman Empire, I'll put my feet on it and watch the football game.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. That's what's the country of Turkey now?

[A]

That's what it's come. No, I'm just saying down to just an Ottoman and I throw my feet up there and I watch the game. That's what the empire is now is.

[B]

That empire became a foot stool.

[A]

It became a footstool.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

It's what it is. So, so so. And it was very, very, you know, interesting learning about it because cuz make absolutely zero mistake is I don't know really much about anything outside of American history. But this was very fascinating to learn because I really did not understand how Greece like you know, 100 years ago even wasn't the Greece that we know today. Yeah, it's just wild.

[B]

Yeah. And here's the Funny thing, the Greek slogan at the time was very similar to Patrick Henry's give me freedom or give me death. So the Greeks would say thanatos, which means give me freedom or death. And that was what my mother kept repeating after she had dementia. And that's a true story. So she would just repeat Eleanor because it's over and over and over again.

[A]

It's one of those things your mom, when she was sundowning, she turned into Giorgio Scotty Scott did.

[B]

It's. I'm not even exaggerating. For some reason she just kept repeating that. Yeah, because I think the Greeks lived so long under fucking rule, right before that it was the Romans and then the fudgeing Venetians were there, then the Ottomans. I mean it just didn't stop. And so.

[A]

And now do you think they'll get taken over by the Chinese or the Greeks will resist?

[B]

The Greeks will always resist.

[A]

Right?

[B]

The Greeks are a tough band to take. They just, they have a tough Greek spirit that you can't stamp out.

[A]

I read, surprise. I read something to Greeks are like the N. Americans, like the native Americans. Like, you know, the United States tried to make them into slaves and do all that, but the Native American kids just would not. They would just start killing themselves, killing each other, scalping everybody. It's like just let these fuckers just go live on a reservation, then give them cigarettes.

[B]

Greeks would rather die. They just, you know. But I respect that with some Greeks that, you know, played ball, did both sides of the fence played ball. And look, a lot of them flourished under the Ottoman Empire, you know, made some money. Yeah, they had to. Look, the Ottomans were controlling a bunch of different ethnicities, cultures, religions. They did a pretty decent job. I'll credit right. You know, and unfortunately I did my 23andMe and hopefully my Anatolian genes are Greek. Anatolians.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's very possible Turkish in there. Yes, it's very possible there's Turkish in there.

[A]

So what happens now?

[B]

Like I have to honor kill myself. Yeah, that's what happens. It's just, it's what I got to do.

[A]

It's what it is. What is your wife. There's one half your wife that just can't even be in bed with you.

[B]

Can't eat around me. It's funny, my mother in law I think has a tough time eating around because she's like 100 Spartan. Yeah. So I.

[A]

And they hate the Turks.

[B]

They hate everyone who's Greek just has a little sour taste in their mouth. Because the Turks and the Turks still Have half of the Cypriot island. And the Greek Cypriots are not happy about that.

[A]

So will that. Will that that turn into like an Israel Palestine?

[B]

It could have. But what happened is. And this is what they got to do over there. There's a UN line of demarcation. There's just a. And they just are both living with it. They both hate each other, but they're both dealing with it.

[A]

Right. They just deal with it. Right. So. So just.

[B]

It's just dealt with.

[A]

So since this Greek word, the peninsula.

[B]

Saying is flourishing, the Greek side of Cyprus is flourishing.

[A]

Right. And the Turk side, not great.

[B]

All the Russians put their money in the Cypriot banks and they hide their oligarch money there and whatever. But they're doing well and they just deal with it. They hate it. Once in a while they maybe throw rocks at each other, they curse each other.

[A]

But it is.

[B]

There's nobody dying. There's no problem. But.

[A]

But this kid's a hero. Georgios guys grandfather was born. Oh yeah.

[B]

Tell me of Imros.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he was probably born late 1800s or something like that.

[A]

Under OTT.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Technically.

[B]

Yeah. He was. It's a Ottoman. It's an Ottoman island. Right.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It was a Greek island the Ottomans took and then the Turkish. The Turks took it back. Got it when they had this great. The big population exchange. So they took that island back so much like they used to do where they would take Greek kids from 8 to 18 and the family could do nothing about it. There was a Greek bay. I mean. Sorry like a Greek Ottoman viceroy who controlled that area who had the reputation of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And for the soldiers order. So the guy liked to bang him out. So my great grandparents sent him because he was a little boy. They sent him to Egypt to escape the Ottomans and he never saw his family again. Then he came to America and that's why I'm here. If it wasn't for Turkish rape, I wouldn't be here. So I got kind of like a. Yeah. Love hate relationship with history in that way. I mean seriously, if they didn't. They sent them away for the. That reason.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So if it wasn't for the Ottomans, they. I would just be in Imbros right now chilling. I'd be a little island.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With. With a little grapevine in my mouth and drinking olive oil.

[A]

That's what it is. That would be it. But it says you're here about the Yankees. Yeah.

[B]

There would be no podcast cuz if there was no Holocaust, you wouldn't be here. I know it's I don't know why, but I think it's. Something has to do with it.

[A]

Something has to do with it. I think Jesus, who. Again, you just. Every turn that you look, if you doubt for one second, just look around and open your eyes. I don't care where you are from, what cor the world. It does not matter who you're politically affiliated with, who your religion is. I don't care. We're all one people. We are all one united people. And you just look around and if you don't think. I mean, look at who has the upper hand in most of history. If you don't think that Jesus Christ himself was not, you got another thing coming.

[B]

You just do. You got to look at the facts a little bit.

[A]

Look at the facts. The kid was Republican. I know you tell me he's from the Middle east and he probably wasn't white, but he probably was. Because, I mean, look around, folks.

[B]

Way song she ain't. Yeah, we're all one people, except for the Israelis, Palestinians and the Greeks and Turks and the Ukrainians and Russians and the list goes on. If there's one thing that sums up history, I'll say this. People really struggle to get along.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

It's just a tough thing that will always be, can't we all just get along? I think Rodney King said that. And the answer is unequivocally, nope, nope, nope.

[A]

They said Rodney, if you want to take a look at the footage. Yeah. And so that's unfortunate. And those. Those police officers should have went to jail. But it was a different time.

[B]

So it was a different time. They didn't go. Right.

[A]

They did not go to jail. Jesus Christ did not go to jail.

[B]

Yeah, I don't remember.

[A]

That was not good. But we should do an episode on Rodney King with LA riots, I think. Or we maybe.

[B]

I think we did.

[A]

So we'll just do the second one.

[B]

Yeah, we'll do it.

[A]

The second one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I want to ask the people before we get to the or your favorite part of the show, the Patreon names where you can get [e-mail] and.

[B]

I'll give you an answer to that question to them. Ask my dick. Ask my dick.

[A]

So that should be the name of this episode is. But if you go to patreon.com history hyenas we want to also ask you is we were flirting with the idea of on Patreon once in a while if we do a watch back of an old episode like the Frank Rizzo was wild episode. Or Pearl harbor, whatever. So let us know if you like that. If you don't like that, obviously, we're a family here with the matriarchy. So without further ado, these lucky people went to patreon.com here. Mystery hyenas made a funny name. And we're going to read those names out and we will pick a winner of PPW. And it's wild. And January 18th, you better be at that Lincoln Theater because we are going to go nuts in Washington, D.C. and one of you Patreon members is going to get called on to stay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Actually three to five of you.

[B]

Yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe.

[A]

Who knows? It doesn't matter. Okay, so here we go. You guys ready? These are the newest members of the matriarchy. Thank you for joining. Thank you for everything. So we got to lead it off. We got Chrissy D. And Yanni P. DP'd a post op trainer.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Corey Mack. Straight to the back, but with the little right turn.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Drexler.

[B]

Okay, starting it off.

[A]

Jeffrey Dahmer. Skin flute. Skin flute.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Donnie, America is back. Grab my clam.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Drexler. Long Dong, Ding dong.

[B]

Welcome.

[A]

Then we got Girls. Earthquake.

[B]

Put them on the list.

[A]

Put them on the list. That's great. Love the Latinas. But make no mistake, I voted red.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cruising for a Jewish bruising. Okay. Walked into one.

[B]

Walked into what, Hank?

[A]

Then we got Eastern Hemis. Got me going Poin Yang.

[B]

Put up on the list, but it is contender.

[A]

Contender. Then we got Kamala. Took it in the Buddha church. I think we've had that already.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Very interesting, but nice. Make a pretty finger painting inside my Buddha church. Then we got Sister Jill, formerly Father Bill. It's what it is.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. That's a nice.

[B]

It's a nice rhyme ski. I'll give you an honorary Drexler. Father Bill's at this point with so many fathers. Yeah.

[A]

Ramon. Then we got Zach, ISIS. C4 vest. Oh, Zach ISIS's CP4 vest.

[B]

Yeah. That's a chicken figure. It's a good chicken figure.

[A]

Another one. Yeah. Then we got inching closer to strangers in the sauna.

[B]

Contender. Good.

[A]

Funny. Then we got Father Bill. Gave me a Cosby pill and don't walk right. Still.

[B]

See, I keep saying that we're done with the Father Bills, but that's goody. But I'm going to direct slurp because of the other ones. Any other day.

[A]

Okay. The little Fumarade.

[B]

The Little Fumarade.

[A]

Like the little Mermaid, I guess. The Little Fumarade. It's.

[B]

It's good. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, then we got John Balls.

[B]

What's up, Johnny?

[A]

Then he go, my. My wife makes me dress like a pilot and calls me Debo. It's what it is.

[B]

Drugstore.

[A]

Then we got no dsp, so I decided to cut it off and just have a crease. It's what it is.

[B]

Put them on the list.

[A]

Put them on the list.

[B]

Put them on the list.

[A]

Then we got toys.

[B]

Toys for toots.

[A]

Chicken figure. Then we got Kamala Ambala Parody Nuts. Donnie T. Coming to see Jose in a different way. Okay. Kamala's Namine accent. Dcas. And then we got Jesse. You will never be Zach Isis. Okay. Walked into one. Get the one. Then we got Coco cracked open and cleaned out. We haven't heard that in a while. Coco in Eastern Hemi. My semi. Now I got fumes. Okay, Then we got Anti Surgeon General. Okay. Then we got Eddie straight to the back with Father Bill Sack. Okay. Praise be to Yanni P. Okay. WEPA Wednesday. Biden's breath smells good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Stavros Stratis. Just a Greek.

[B]

Just a Greek kid. He wins the Diner Monkey award.

[A]

Yeah. Then we got. Chrissy's not gay. He's bromosexual.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Thomas Crook's Pocket Puss. Okay. Mike Ed, AKA Chrissy Crusades. Father Bill's Ball Sack. Okay. Another Father Bill.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The Piano House of Comedy. Soccer Sucks ass.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The Plano House of Comedy Sucks ass.

[B]

Can't disagree.

[A]

Can't disagree. Not a great one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Chrissy, it's 420. Call me back. Babe, we've had that a few times. I'm not going to call you back. Then we got. Can't think of a name because I'm a riri. And Robert.

[B]

Okay, Break some beans.

[A]

Then we got Father Pat. Put glue on my forehead every Sunday. Wwjd. Amen. I guess. What would Jesus do?

[B]

Yeah, what would Jesus.

[A]

Okay, then we got bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon. HBB Bandit. Finnish rye bread monkey.

[B]

But half rye bread. Monkey is very funny. He's a Finnish kid. Yeah, just shout out to the Finnish people.

[A]

Finish, people, he says. Finnish rye bread monkey but half German. Trying to keep my head down.

[B]

Drexler. Okay.

[A]

Then we got Joey Ricotta Sauce Monkey Sauce Monkey Ward. Then we got Jan P. Sucker Fella.

[B]

Yanp instead of Rockefeller. Yeah, very funny, Drexler.

[A]

Then we got Henry Rugg School of Driving. Okay.

[B]

Screwed in.

[A]

Screwed in. Fat Cock Jr. Donnie 2 terms sucking bottom Bobby RFK Jr's brain. Worm. Okay. Denny darts his glue gun through that fume. Hun. Okay, your. Your pal Nate buy my book After Automation on Amazon. Okay.

[B]

Okay. I don't understand.

[A]

Screw that.

[B]

I was just plugging his book. I'll just buy book.

[A]

Yeah. Hurricane of Thoughts. Then we got. Oh, oh, sorry. Can't do that. Can't do that.

[B]

Security.

[A]

Security. Sorry.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Damn it.

[A]

Then we got Dingbat. Then we got Just a wee Todd who loves to and spank. Okay. Father bill's favorite $3 bill. We've had Lewis from south of the border. Now a Trump supporter. Slks Ed a.

[B]

That's a Drexler.

[A]

Drexler. Then we got Bobby Lee's glue gun. Smells like kimchi. Okay. Drexler, Sonic Schofield, Qui Gong, John. Then I got my glue gun was itty bitty, so I turned it inside out into a clitty.

[B]

See, he. That's a perfect example of why the Drexler exists.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because they have the same name as the guy before, but the crease is just better.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you would be a contender if it wasn't for that guy.

[A]

Wasn't for Chris.

[B]

So that guy's Jordan. Your Drexer. Your Drex. Sorry, sorry.

[A]

Then we got he, she, they, them, My thumbs Brown from AOC's Bum Bum.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Then we got Bego Us with an F. Okay. Okay. So I guess. Okay. Yeah, right.

[B]

Sort of walked into one.

[A]

Yep. So Chrissy the crumb bum makes my bum come. Okay, then we got Dildo Swaggin 69. Then we got Sharkus Farticus Tuck back for a Chrissy Clean out. Justin beiner goth girl 420. Then we got frisbee cap cutie kisses, father bill's three dollar booty. Okay, another one. Chrissy Pissy Whisperson, Unincorporated Rocky Pagodas. Toot Shoot has glue gun fumes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Grant, dump him out for Ladder 14. Johnson wet dreaming about peeing in Chrissy D's lunch lady ass. Then we got Bring back. Hey, babe, I hate you too. Yeah. Then we got I want Chrissy's feet on my meat. Paint my fat ass, please, Jesse, and.

[B]

Make me complete Drex.

[A]

Okay. Diddy for Prezi.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Mikey Obama, Wash me down with your water.

[B]

Hose me down Drexler.

[A]

Then we got David Fumario, LeBron LeBaron. Then we got Magic Johnson's daughter's glue gun.

[B]

Yeah, that's a. Yeah, I think we didn't know we need to do category just called.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Put them on the list.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're in the giving mood. Then we got flagrant two without the L range rant too. I don't know what that means. Okay. Yanni loves Chachi. Okay. Emmanuel Estrella. So you got the. You got the Spanish word. Yeah. Then we got cute dick, but pubes thick, so fumes are like the bags of an Eastern hemis broomstick.

[B]

Drexler. Good one. Good.

[A]

Okay, so we got, in high school, this FF Father Squeak did a no, no take and picks up the skirts of the high school pieces on the neutrals. It's what it is, cuz. Okay. That's a lot confessing session.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then we got Fresh Little Cutie. Voting's my duty. So Trump 2024. Okay. Then we got Frank the Tanky. Gave Yanni a wanky while Father Bill put it in Chris's stanky.

[B]

Good one.

[A]

Then we got Big Mike's discarded Adam's apple.

[B]

Okay. Okay, that's. That's a good Drexler.

[A]

Okay. Then we got Father Bill. Yeah, Father Bill gave me a pill. Now I spill out of my rectum. Okay. Then we got Micah Can't See Shit. Beef Barn, Peggy, Shea Saxon, Quinn, Bricked Up Piece. Then we got the Staten Island Housing Devaluation Jihad. Okay, okay, let's see that.

[B]

Okay, that's a walked into wood, but also funny. Funny, yeah.

[A]

Then we got Matt Gaetz. Gave my daughter Water. It's what it is.

[B]

Very funny. Very funny.

[A]

Yeah. Then we got Nico the Greek with a glue gun leak. Then we got an Armenian kid that would never ever shoot Yanni.

[B]

Drex.

[A]

Drex. Okay, so then we got Tape it back and Suck my dick, babe. 3,000. Then we got Mike Hunt. Mike Hunt. Mike Hunt. Mike Hunt, My cunt. Mike Hunt.

[B]

Okay, it's my cunt.

[A]

Mike Hunt. Like Mike Hunt. H U N T Like Mike.

[B]

Okay, now here's what he did, I assume.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He put so many of there because the more you repeat it, it sounds like Mike Hunt.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Can you do that again?

[A]

Mike Hunt. My hunt. My hunt. My hunt. My hunt. My hunt. Put them on the list for the originality.

[B]

Originality.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Then we got Yeasty Squeak with a drippy piece down the street. Fumes on Fleek. Then we got Chrissy Toe Jam, Finger in My Poopy Pop His Butthole. Then we got Tony Hinchcliffe is just for the table. Then we got Obama's birth certificate.

[B]

Chicken Finger.

[A]

Then we got Suck my. Suck my. Oh, Suck My. Amenities of Modernity.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Then we got Christopher Boggan. Then we got Officer Glue gun 15 precinct. Open wide Unicorn. Yanni and Chrissy Cockatrice. Okay. Chrissy hips. Chrissy's hips were built to play when jazz is away.

[B]

Walked into one.

[A]

Walked into. Didn't want. Then we got. I saw Pete Buddha molest the Cheerios. Being 04. Okay. Peter Speth able. Then we got if you. If, if found a $3 bill in my toot. Then we got Yanni's fart from election night. Your fart's coming back.

[B]

Yeah. Chicken figure.

[A]

Chicken figure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then we got Family Enterprise, AKA Deadbeat Bro uses my account. Then we got Hunter. Hunter Crook. Marcus Aurelius. Oh, wow. Welcome, Marcus. Big fan of your work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then we got Half Leroy, half. Oh, hold on. Half Leroy, half sp.1c adopted by white lesbians. Trump. 20, 24.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, so I almost walked into one, but I spelled it out and did it.

[B]

Yeah, good.

[A]

Then we got Unser Jerk. Trump is back, so I'm back to work. Then we got Sniff My Scruffy Scrotum fumes like Cleopatra's lost lost tomb. Okay. Asap Noki. Okay. Oh, like asap Rocky Noki. Then we got Barry the Squeak Swims through Big Mike's fumes. Ladder 14.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Then we got Fruity Tootie with a juicy booty. Squeeze it in My Poopy Three Dollar Bill. No Homo. Then we got Danger Ooze. Then we got Chrissy D. Numeral Uno Unic. Then we got the Ricotta cream pie. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ginzelberg. Ruth Bader Ginzelberg. Okay.

[B]

Ricotta. Very nice.

[A]

Ricarda. Kermit the Pog. Like, you know, like a pog. Like a fat ass white girl. Kermit the Pog. P, A, W, G. Yeah. Chicken finger.

[B]

Yeah, that's a good chicken finger.

[A]

Then we got Gimme AOC Gimme, gimme AOC Mommy Milkers. No Buddha judge give me AOC Mommy Milkers. No Buddha judge wants aoc Boobs.

[B]

He wants knockers. He doesn't want the ass.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then we got Clean me out with your Mouth serpent. Okay.

[B]

That's. He called the tongue of Mouth Serpent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very original, Drexler. Very good.

[A]

Very good. Then we got make no mistake, I'm a toot that's going to spread Chrissy's glutes and go brutes on that cute little poop shoot. Then we got Trump Put a tariff on my toot Brazian Cajun. Then we got Smashing Blumpkins. Then we got Can Farat Usamanas. So I guess that's just. That's the Middle Eastern award.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jeremy the Squeak Rafiki. Then we got. I think my boyfriend's gay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Then we got Ball sanga chin.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Dr. Trash Panda. Missy Chrissy made my glue gun all sticky. Then we got Benny and Eastern Hemi gave me a semi. So I peeked under the hood and found some wood. She said it's a character piece. McKenzie.

[B]

That'd be funny.

[A]

Then we got Cackle My Cock, Chrissy D Is a squeaky cuck. Garbage to the TT Then we got Black Lives Matter. Just stay away from my daughter. Ladder 14.

[B]

Ladder wanted toy Drag slur.

[A]

Drag slur. Then we got FF alum of Father Bill's Archbishop Malloy Boot Camp. We got Moving the Vegetables Maximo. Let's go Canucks. Sergeant Snuggles. Cleveland Steamers and Carpet Cleaners established 1776. Matriarchal screwed in matriarchal Monkey tits. Father Bill's fumes. Benjamin Carbonella Leroy with a squeak toy. Smash that beam Namim. We got I Dream of Genie eating panini with a tuck to the back. Teeny Weeny straight to the back with Kamala s lo k s Kinky for a wedgie but won't take it in the Buddha change. S lo k s fully charged and radiated Eastern Hemming Cuzzy. Donnie T Could have been in line of 14 if not for the spray tan.

[B]

Very true.

[A]

$3. Bill went up to the hill and got in the buttigieg. Diddy's freak off Lube to dispenser. Very good Cox knot Rocket.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Call my piece Yanni. Because that head getting squeezed cuz.

[B]

He'S. He's banging a virgin. Maybe he squeezes his head.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Faji. Bill went up the hill to fetch some Smithtown water.

[B]

Chicken finger.

[A]

Yep. Father Bill touched my scro with the back of his throat.

[B]

Very funny.

[A]

That's what it is. Banging toots and little boots S O K s. Then we got Falafel. Hi. Then we got Lucy Goosey who takes it in the booty. Bobby, I got a pseudo piece that needs. Okay.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

So I walked into one. Sorry about that. Yeah. So. Okay, so we can't. So that's just walked in security. Yeah. Then we got. Okay, then we got Diddy's dark dick. Baby oil drip Fume free Ridgewood toot assembly. Yanni's feta feet. A tale of two cheeks. Toots. Maggots. Very cute. Poop shoot. Kamala Harris AKA Denzel Curry. Okay. Maurice's skin flute cracks open Chrissy's poop shoot. Father Bill's virgin hands Gooey for chewy Kaiser Philip Iv Boots. Threats to the Father and the Son and the holy fuck. Bill, Stop.

[B]

Very funny.

[A]

Very funny. Chrissy D And Tony and Donnie T's love child under Crack me open to the sound of thunder. Schultz. Stop stealing Chrissy's bits. Okay, okay. Walked into one confused robot. Little bit of fumes Abby.

[B]

Fumes Abby.

[A]

Just a little hint. Little hint. Yeah.

[B]

Self aware.

[A]

I like that. I like Abby. Yeah. Meow, meow, meow. Special K. Gorlok the Smusher. Big Ben, Ruthless Boner, Rattlesnake Roy, John Graffanini. Urethra Franklin.

[B]

Put him on the list.

[A]

Put them on the list. That's our first list in a few minutes. Franklin is in Y chy. Health insurance comparisons. Hashtag screwed in.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

We're all $3 bills in Houston. Chicken Sandwich CEO Kosh Singh Apasia Zru P Pulus. Good. Good Greek kid. Good Greek kid Screwed in New Jew. AKA Eastern Hemi. Sorry.

[B]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean, you know this Yorgos would have liked that one. Yeah, it's.

[A]

What is. That's a yos.

[B]

It's a funny one, but it's. It's a. Walked into one too.

[A]

Dirty dollar. Danny.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Named my piece Uncle Russell cuz I'm hairless. And an ff.

[B]

Good one. Chicken Finger.

[A]

And last but least, I'm a squeak for Rome, squeak for Ro. So the list is not too many this time.

[B]

There's some good strong content.

[A]

Okay, but let me. Let me get the list because. Yeah, it was rough. Yeah, because. But we cannot put that one on the list. Okay, okay. Okay. Hold on.

[B]

Jesse can't handle it.

[A]

Jesse likes that one. You ever heard that before?

[B]

Never heard. It's very inventive.

[A]

Very inventive.

[B]

But it's also very racist.

[A]

Yeah, we can't put him on the list.

[B]

It's security. It's security situation.

[A]

Yes, yes, but you know, it's on Patreon. We. We will talk about it on Patreon. But we can't talk about here.

[B]

Maybe we just. That's just go. That's Yorgo Kakis award.

[A]

Yeah, Some. Some of them. If you want to do like that instead of security, we're going to give you the gorge award. Okay, here we go. All right, so here is the lit. Here are the contenders. Here's the list. So we got Girthquake.

[B]

Earthquake. All right, that's going to be Drexler. But very day.

[A]

Then we got Eastern Hemis. Got me going Pyang Contender Killing.

[B]

Because Pyang is a city.

[A]

Yes, yes. Then we got inching closer to strangers in the sauna.

[B]

Contender still in.

[A]

No dp. So I decided to cut it off and just have a crease. It's what it.

[B]

Contender.

[A]

They're still in. In. Okay. Magic Johnson's daughter's glue gun.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Okay. But.

[B]

But funny.

[A]

Funny. Okay. Mike Hunt. Mike Hunt. Mike Hunt. Mike Hunt. Mike Hunt.

[B]

So good. So good. I'm going to Drex. It's so good. Any other day.

[A]

Urethra Franklin, contender.

[B]

Four strong contenders.

[A]

So the contenders are Urethra, Frank Franklin. Eastern hemis got me going, peeling, inching closer to strangers in the sauna, and no dp, So I decided to cut it off and just have a crease. It's what it is. What do we like?

[B]

Oh, boy. Here's another tough situation. Okay. God damn it. These are four winners. Yeah. These are four winners.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I'll help you boys out. I think we're gonna. We're gonna Drexler. I can't. Uretha Franklin gets Drexlered. Even though it's just so good.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

Just the other ones. It's the other ones.

[A]

So you're saying right now it's between Eastern hemis got me going Pyongyang. Yang inching closer to strangers in the sauna and no dsp. So I decided to cut it off and just have a crease. What it is.

[B]

Here's another situation where I promise you I cannot make a decision.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this is two episodes in a row. I cannot make a decision. Three way fucking time.

[A]

So we got to defer to Jesse. Jesse. Because I know. I know Jesse wants it to be the. Can't be that.

[B]

Can't be that.

[A]

It can't be that.

[B]

That one's not. I'm going crease.

[A]

I'm going with the crease. He goes crease. No dp. So I decided to cut it off and just have a crease. It's what it is. You know what, man? Inching closer to strangers in the sauna I like just because it's just. It's just out of nowhere. And it's funny.

[B]

Funny.

[A]

But I. I get that one out for me. Eastern hemis got me going poing. Yoing Yang is tough, but I do want to take a little bit of the heat off the eastern hemis because we've went back to back China episodes and crazy.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

So for that reason and because of its originality, the winner and pp and you will see your name up @historyainas is back.com right now.

[B]

Then I gotta vote because it's two.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Yeah.

[B]

So go ahead. What's yours?

[A]

I'm gonna say no dcp. So I decided to cut it off because I'm a crease. It's what it is.

[B]

You won.

[A]

That's the winner.

[B]

Yes. You're the winner.

[A]

So congratulations, you won. And for some people I know I saw some comments saying that we've been going soft and we're trying to go politically correct on the Patreon names. Well, no more are you talking. Some people are getting. Yeah, some people. There's been some. Some chatter on the Patreon.

[B]

Last week we didn't give it to someone who had another one of those.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So can't give it to that.

[A]

We can't give it to that person.

[B]

But we're giving them a shout out just by how wild we're going at the reaction.

[A]

It's what it is. So come go to patreon.com history hyenas. We got a bonus episode starting right now. And go to history is back dot com. See. Come see us this Saturday, January 18th, Lincoln Theater Live show in Washington, D.C. our first live podcast. So go check it out.

[B]

Yeah. And see me in Chicago, in Tucson, in Philadelphia and Rochester and Springfield, Missouri. Just go to my website, giannispappiscomedy.com or history hyenas is back.com for those tickets.

[A]

You can see it all there. And you could see me. I'm in Florida in March, Tampa and Orlando. And then we got Providence, Rhode island, at the end of March, and we were adding a lot of dates. I'm coming to Texas, Dallas, Houston, Austin. So go check it out. Christy, comedy.com history hyenas is back.com it's probably best if you guys just go to History is His back dot com. You get all our information, information there. And bonus episode starting at patreon.com history hyenas right now. See you over there.