The Shroud of Turin : Jesus is real | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas: The Shroud of Turin — Jesus Is Real | April 9, 2026

Episode Overview

In this raucous, irreverent, and inquisitive episode, Chris Distefano (Chrissy D) and Yannis Pappas (Yanni P) tackle the baffling mystery of the Shroud of Turin—a supposed relic that might be the burial cloth of Jesus Christ. Blending their trademark mix of wild humor and genuine historical curiosity, the boys explore the shroud’s origins, scientific investigations, and claims that continue to spark debate between believers and skeptics. Expect a deep dive into history, side streets into culture, and plenty of comedic detours.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is the Shroud of Turin?

• The Shroud of Turin is held by the Vatican in Turin, Italy, encased in bulletproof, air-sealed glass. Only select people have access to it.
• There are two theories: either it’s a medieval forgery, or it’s the real linen that wrapped Jesus after the crucifixion.

  “The Shroud of Turin is either a medieval forgery or the actual linen cloth that wrapped Jesus after he was crucified.” – Yannis (07:25)

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2. Origins & Historical Timeline

• The shroud appears in France around the 1300s, reportedly owned by a descendant of a French crusader.
• It’s theorized to be the same as a shroud once displayed in Constantinople (now Istanbul), which vanished after the city was sacked in 1204.

  “It pops up in France in about the 1300s … but there was another shroud supposedly in Constantinople … then it disappeared.” – Yannis (09:32)

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3. Scientific Investigations

Photographic Negative Revelation & 3D Analysis

• In 1898, a photographer’s negative unexpectedly revealed a detailed face and body with wounds matching Gospel descriptions.

• 3D imaging and scientific tests found the shroud’s image is not a painting—no brushstrokes, pigments, or dyes.

  “When that happened, a full figure emerges. The figure… beat up… blood around his head from where a crown would be…” – Yannis (12:30)

• Experts say no medieval artist could’ve created this effect, arguing the shroud encodes 3D depth by how close different body parts were to the cloth.

  “A medieval artist could have never created this type of art.” – Chris (17:23)

Match With Crucifixion Details

• The image shows nail wounds in the wrists and heels, aligning with Roman execution methods—anatomical knowledge unknown to medieval artists at the time.

  “The Shroud of Turin has the nails in the heel matching historical accuracy … but medieval artists would not have known.” – Yannis (14:06)

Materials, Microscience, and Jewish Burial Law

• The cloth matches ancient Jewish burial requirements in size and material composition (no mixed linen and wool).
• Image imprint is only a few nanometers thick—no replication has matched this.
• Dirt samples on the shroud match Jerusalem’s earth, found fittingly on the tip of the nose (suggesting a fall).

  “They were able to extract dirt … that corresponds with some of the dirt … in that part of the world … [including] the tip of his nose.” – Chris (18:55)

Carbon Dating Controversy

• 1980s carbon dating dated a piece to the 1300s, suggesting a forgery.
• BUT: That piece may have come from a later repair patch (post-1532 fire), contaminating results. DNA analysis reveals huge diversity—evidence of extensive travel and handling.

Advanced Experiments

• UV Laser Test: Scientists using extreme UV lasers could only replicate the shroud’s superficial image by emitting a billion watts—unfeasible without modern tech.

  “It would require a burst of UV radiation exceeding anything currently possible with modern technology.” – Yannis (31:34)

• Other replications (sculpture rubbing, Maillard reaction, chemical imprinting) fall short due to image depth, 3D info, or presence of pigment.

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4. Religious & Historical Debates

Eyewitness & Narrative Consistency

• Early Christian writings about Jesus were composed closer to his lifetime (20–30 years after) than for many other ancient figures (e.g., Alexander the Great).
• Even Roman soldiers and nonbelievers reportedly confirmed the resurrection.
• The explosive growth of Christianity after Jesus’s death, in contrast to other would-be messiahs whose followings quickly faded, is argued as evidence of something unprecedented.

  “Usually it died out when they died … when Jesus died, it got bigger, it exploded.” – Yannis (29:17)

Artifacts and Faith

• Similar matching cloth (Sudarium of Oviedo) has blood patterns (type AB) matching those of the shroud—another layer of mystery.

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5. Skeptics’ Perspective

• Skeptics point to the 14th-century appearance, lack of documentation, possible contamination, and “bas relief” art techniques as explanations.
• Replication attempts, however, fail to perfectly recreate all the shroud’s properties.

  “The skeptics say … they recreated it by taking a sculpture … but it didn’t match microscopic features.” – Yannis (33:51, 56:27)

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6. Faith Versus Science: The Gap

• Both hosts acknowledge the persistent gap—neither believers nor skeptics have “proven” their case.
• For Chris, the unresolved gaps prompt faith: “There is always going to be a part of Catholicism … where you have to have faith … these gaps of faith get a little bit … more accurate as time goes on.” (47:27)
• For Yannis, the mystery is “very interesting” and science’s inability to recreate the shroud remains “mysterious.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you believe in the Shroud of Turin … one thing is undebatable: Jesus was a Jew.” – Chris (14:58)
• “You could say that guy is a Jew. I could see—that is Ari Shaffir right there.” – Chris (15:12)
• “A medieval artist could not have created this … it’s possible even if it was faded, it just can’t happen.” – Chris (17:26)
• “That’s what Jesus wants. The real believers will just keep going.” – Chris (36:15)
• “Usually, like, if you have a cult … it died out when they died … for some reason when Jesus died, it exploded.” – Yannis (29:03)
• “It would require a burst of UV radiation exceeding anything currently possible with modern technology.” – Yannis (31:34)
• “Usually if it’s a forgery, you can recreate it. That’s what makes something a forgery.” – Yannis (49:03)
• “For the skeptics: Can't prove it's not real; for the believers: can't prove it's real. Therefore, it still remains a mystery.” – Chris (51:48)

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Lighter (and Wilder) Moments

• Frequent, hilarious jabs about body image, beard maintenance, and peptide use. (02:38–03:39)
• Ongoing banter about the ethnic affinity for certain spices, with comedic riffs about everything from oregano to plutonium. (04:32–05:45)
• Jokes about Jesus’s Jewishness, Ari Shaffir’s resemblance, and “crucifixion feet.” (15:13, 38:14)
• Host ChatGPT (Grok) appears with sassy, NSFW commentary on the shroud, holes, and pegging. (61:40–66:48)
• Community segment reading off wild Patreon names, with playful debates over the best submission. (67:17–76:50)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------|---------------| | Shroud of Turin intro & context | 00:53–03:32 | | Historical timeline/origins | 09:32–11:24 | | First negative photo, details emerge| 11:24–13:15 | | Crucifixion evidence & anatomical insight | 13:10–14:39 | | Scientific testing, 3D & UV laser | 16:56–18:27, 31:34–32:22 | | Carbon dating and skepticism | 20:45–22:40 | | Forensics: blood, DNA, Sudarium | 38:40–40:15 | | Faith, belief, and bigger questions | 47:27–52:20 | | Replication experiments (bas relief, laser, chemical) | 55:22–60:25 | | Chat with Grok—comic AI segment | 61:19–66:48 | | Patreon shout-outs, closing debate | 67:17–76:51 |

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Conclusion: The Undebatable Mystery

Chris and Yannis finish by embracing the mysterious nature of the shroud: science can neither explain nor dismiss it, making it, in Chrissy’s words, “undebatable.” The episode closes with raucous community engagement and a reaffirmation that, when it comes to history and faith—sometimes, maybe always—the fun is in the mystery.

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For the full uncensored, ad-free madness and more deep dives, check out patreon.com/historyhyenas!

Transcript

[Chrissy Teigen]

All right, guys, we got a great episode about the Shroud of Turin. We are back to history and we are back to going wild. Buckle up. This is a wild one.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's a wild one. And I guarantee you, you are going to convert to Christianity after you hear that. It's a wild one. But before you do, you can catch me on the road in Boston, April 17th and 18th, West Nyack the weekend after that, Emmaus, Pennsylvania, after that, East Hampton on July 8th, New Brunswick, New Jersey, July 17th and 18th, Philadelphia, August 14th, 15th. And then Austin, Texas, August 20 to the 23rd. Get your [e-mail] Most importantly, you have to go to patreon.com history hyenas to really catch up with the boys. We go wild on there. Bonus episodes every week. You get our episodes a day early, uncensored and ad free. It's only the best way to do it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's amazing, it's organic. And listen all the way through this episode because the two Patreon names that come down to the wire, we couldn't even pick them. So the fans are going to pick them [e-mail] history hyenas. What's up? What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chrissy D. That's Yanni P. Today we're going to be talking about the Shroud of Turin because make absolutely no mystique, Jesus was real. And now we've even gotten Giannis to accept Jesus into his life. And we are going to go back to history and we're going to talk about the Shroud of Turin because Giannis has told me that he now believes.

[Yannis Pappas]

I did not say anything like that, but it's hard to not. This is not another episode. It's one long episode. I don't want to live in the life of form anymore. I want to make up my own rooms. I want to. I want to. I want to live like it's a DMT trip. And there's no walls. There's no separation between me and you. There's no difference between me and Nick. There's no difference between nothing. There's no difference between genders. We're all the same. We're made of the same stuff. I want to do dmt.

[Chrissy Teigen]

You want to do DMT now? Have you added a chain or.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, these are two. Well, one of them broke and I got a new one from K's. Yeah, and that broke 10 times. And then I went and got this one soldered back together.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what I overpaid for. Overpaid for it. It's what it is. Because.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Shaved and you got a haircut.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Does that make you fucking furious that I have no facial hair?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, because the fact you have no facial. Because I'm not going to allow you to shave when you're this fat.

[Yannis Pappas]

It just doesn't work right.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Because you got a fat face and curl arms.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. If I. If I'm not going to have a beard, I really got to tighten up the jawline.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's either one or the other. Either you start taking retatrutide and other GLP1 peptides to lose some weight, or you grow out your beard. Okay? I want you to grow out your beard like you're living in Jesus's time.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm going to, you know, I'm going to do the whole episode like this just so I could tuck in my cluck. Cluck. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I got a clock.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Clock, clock, clock.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm gonna get my face lifted like Joey Kamasa. I'm gonna get everything. I'm gonna get a. I want to get a penis implant.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

I want to get hair. Tits. Even though I don't. I want fucking hair down to here.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Because your hair actually looks the best it's looked in a very long time. It looks great.

[Yannis Pappas]

I want to snort peptides. Yeah. Can you snort peptides?

[Chrissy Teigen]

You can do whatever you want. They have nasal sprays.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Do nasal spray peptides. You could do subcutaneous, sub Q. Whatever you'd like to do.

[Yannis Pappas]

Have you. Have you gotten any results from your peptides? No. Yeah. Okay.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Nothing yet. I'm just tired all the time. It's not working.

[Yannis Pappas]

Same thing when I take creatine. It's like, I take it. I don't feel no different.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Well, but you have to. It's all peptides, creatine, all these things. You have to continuously do them. You have to do it for a while. How long have you been taking creatine for?

[Yannis Pappas]

I take it on and off whenever I can remember. That's the gummy form.

[Chrissy Teigen]

No, see, that's a problem. What you got to do is get 5mg, throw it in your coffee or your smoothie in the morning. Because the gummies. The problem with the gummies is, is there's no way to know how much creatine is actually in that gummy you're eating because they just. They make it like gelatin. So the powder, you got to know what you're doing.

[Yannis Pappas]

All I Need truly is the spirit of Christ.

[Chrissy Teigen]

He's in. You a doctor?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes. And a glass of water with lemon. And I'm fucking ready. I'm. I'm a rocket ship ready to take off.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's one now.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because if I want to hit the streets. Like a tilted bird.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, like a tilted bird. When you couldn't wake up in the morning for school, would your mom just throw a little oregano on you?

[Yannis Pappas]

That's all she gets.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Sizzling.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's all it is that you got to do to a Greek is put a little oregano and then you start to go. Isn't it funny that certain cultures really take to certain. Certain spices. Yes. Like paprika or whatever. Like, the Indians really took to that.

[Chrissy Teigen]

They like that.

[Yannis Pappas]

They like that. They really like that. We took to. The Greeks took to oregano.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Big oregano.

[Yannis Pappas]

Big. Big.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Big.

[Yannis Pappas]

And the Italians really took to garlic.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Garlic. And then the Puerto Ricans took to Adobo.

[Yannis Pappas]

They took to Adobo.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Huge.

[Yannis Pappas]

And the Mexicans really took to, like, peppers. Like jalapenos.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Jalapenos, they like. And Chinese, what do the Chinese like?

[Yannis Pappas]

They like, big into it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

They're big into it. Yes, into it. And the. And the Japanese.

[Yannis Pappas]

No. They took Big to soy.

[Chrissy Teigen]

To soy.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, soy and salt and sodium. And they took Big to msg.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes. And the Japanese like a little plutonium.

[Yannis Pappas]

They're like a. It's a little spice. Sorry. Yeah, it was a cultural exchange. We gave him a little plutonium. Yeah. They gave us the noodle. We gave him a little plutonium. Wasn't nice. It calmed them down and got them acting different.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It wasn't nice that we did that, even though it was a long time ago. Was it nice?

[Yannis Pappas]

It wasn't a nice thing, but it did get them liking us.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It did get them liking us.

[Yannis Pappas]

Now, we did build them up like the Marines. We broke them down and build them back up.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is. Now, Pam Bondi has been let go as the Attorney General of the United States. It happened a few days ago. So that means she will be on this podcast next week.

[Yannis Pappas]

We. She will be making the rounds pretty soon.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Pam Bondi, I don't know. She just got fired while we were recording. If you want to hear more about it, go to patreon.com where we're going to talk about Pam Bonnie and how she can absolutely, 100% get her poop slurped. She's a cutie.

[Chrissy Teigen]

She's a cutie. I like it now, cuz. You texted Me the other day out of nowhere, and you said, do you want to do the Shroud of Turin?

[Yannis Pappas]

Big yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And I said, wow, you want to do the Shroud of Turin? Why do you want to do the Shroud of Turin? What made you go puing about Jesus?

[Yannis Pappas]

It definitely. I started reading about the Shroud of Turin, how I got to tingle. Big.

[Chrissy Teigen]

How did it give you the tickle? Like, what happened?

[Yannis Pappas]

It came across my feed.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm a kid who likes to spend a lot of my time just going down K holes.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

And then I just start trying to read about stuff because I get interested. So this is interesting. Oh, it actually came because recently it was actually a Post article. New York, New York Post article. They put out a post where they have some new information on the shrouded terrain. Turin. Shrouded, sorry. It's Turin, Italy. It's owned by the Vatican. It's behind like sealed glass, bulletproof glass, no air getting into it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

You can't.

[Yannis Pappas]

You.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I don't think you can see it. Only the people at the Vatican can see it. Right. It's in like their vault.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's like, guarded.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Big.

[Yannis Pappas]

So you're going, what is the Shrouded Turin? Well, the Shrouded Turin is either a medieval forgery or the actual linen cloth that wrapped Jesus after he was crucified. He was executed.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, right. After he was crucified and before the resurrection. The problem is with the Shroud of Turin is some people think, they say that it has to be medieval art, but the problem is the 3D imaging, when you 3D image it, and the photo negatives, allegedly. According to the experts, there's no way that an artist could have done this during the medieval times. That's what they say.

[Yannis Pappas]

Let's just start off by digging deep on what you believe about the Shrouded Turin. Because I knew you. I know you read the Case for Christ. And I know you grew up your whole life just being told he was real to the point where you started tattooing him all over your body.

[Chrissy Teigen]

100%.

[Yannis Pappas]

You have a big cross, a Roman execution on your back. Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And you know that.

[Yannis Pappas]

And you're all it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I'm all in. Because I am a soldier in the army of God. And I am absolutely down to dig. Because you know me, I'm a digger.

[Yannis Pappas]

Way. So you're an absolute. You act like a digger, I'm a digger, cuz.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And when it comes to shrouded terrain, I'm a big, humongous digger.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because you sent me what you were taking a walk in your neighborhood and

[Chrissy Teigen]

your neighborhood's a little dinged out, a little digged up. Because I love my neighborhood. I do love my neighborhood. And it's nice down by the water. And then I sent Yanni a little video. We'll put it at patreon.com history hyenas because I made a left turn looking down by the water. And then I said, oh, did I step on a magical sewer cap? And am I in Tehran right now? I thought maybe I was in Tehran and I started ducking for cover.

[Yannis Pappas]

There was a couple of ladies who were wrapped up.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes. And we're going to see that look much like the Shroud of Turin. I thought maybe they were wearing the Shroud of Turin on them, but then on further inspection, they weren't. And fine, no problem. But we will talk about it at patreon.com history hyenas so cuz, what do you know about the Shroud of Turin? And just what made you go absolutely wild and what made you believe? Was there one fact that stuck out that were like, okay, now I believe. Now I'm in.

[Yannis Pappas]

All right, so here's all the facts about the Shroud of Turin. It pops up in France in about the 1300s, right? Some descendant of a French whatchamacallit, like. Like a crusader. Oh, it was a descent. It shows up being owned by the descendant of a French crusader.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Which is very interesting because there was another shroud supposedly in Constantinople, okay. Where they used to. A church there used to display it all the time and then it disappeared. So you're going, is that the same shroud?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Interesting. So has it been proven?

[Yannis Pappas]

If they don't know, okay, they don't know. They just know. One disappeared and then one ended up in France. But during the medieval times, there was a lot of churches saying they have some sort of artifact so they would attract believers and followers to come. And you know, it was a. It was a nice market, it was a nice fudgeing. You know, you got to know the algorithm.

[Chrissy Teigen]

You got to know the algorithm.

[Yannis Pappas]

That was the. Know your algorithm at the time. It's like we got an fact. And then your seats were full.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Seats were full.

[Yannis Pappas]

It was the stand up fucking crowd war clips of its day.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right. And this was in like, yes, at the 13th century. Now in somewhere. Somewhere along the line in the 14th or 15th century, it did fall in to Jewish hands temporarily and it was returned. We did get it back, but there was a hole cut into last 14. So the shrapnel we have right now, lady, they have a call cut into it. But that's we. That's neither here nor there.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. If they get their hands on sheets, they like to put a hole in it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Want to put a hole in it.

[Yannis Pappas]

They like to stick their dicks through hole.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's just what it is. I bet you if I went to Jesse's house, got a lot of holes in those sheets.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Way song she ain't. So it shows up in France, right? And, and then we get to modern day.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Well, wait, wait. So. So it's in France also. This shroud, they really found it the first time they ever 3D image this thing. And actually so it was found accidentally I believe in 1898 by a photographer. The negative because they have the cat.

[Yannis Pappas]

So. So the Catholic church has it, right?

[Chrissy Teigen]

So.

[Yannis Pappas]

So the Catholic church has had it for a long time. So the Catholic church have it. And then this dude in like the 1890s something photographs it for the first.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right. So, so, so, so, so keep, keep. You know, think about that. They have this shroud that to the naked eye is just a shroud. It doesn't, it's just you.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, you can see the image but it's like it doesn't look, it just looks like it's a faint image of a man, right?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, it's faint. You can't see only on the negative. Right. You know, what was modern day photography back then? Can you actually see. Not only do you see the face, you see the blood. You see, it's. It's his whole body. It, it kind of correlates with where he was hit with the whips, where he was stabbed. All these things pop up on the shroud on 3D imagery.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right. And so the guy looks at the negative and you know, in negatives the light becomes dark, the dark becomes light. And when that happened, a full figure emerges. And the figure has, you know, has beat up. One of his cheeks is swollen from being. His nose is broken. He's got blood around his head from where a crown would be. You know, it's two sided too. So like on the bottom is the back of the guy because they wrap it forward and it's got all the scar marks from the Roman whips on it. Yeah, it's got blood in the wrists and, and, and the heels. Now here's the interesting thing. We're going to jump around a little bit here.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, but that's what is with history hyenas.

[Yannis Pappas]

History is we're going to hop around like a little bunny foo.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Foo. It's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

So. But I just want to say this one point, then we can hop back, we can hop forward, but they found one crucifixion victim from the time of Jesus in Jerusalem.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

They found it underground, whatever. Right. And it was a heel bone. Right. And the nail went in the heel. Right. So the Romans actually did the executions with the nails in the wrist.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

But all the medieval art and a lot of Christian iconography. Yeah. You see the nails going in the hand. Right.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Which was rare.

[Yannis Pappas]

And the feet, not the heel. Right, Right. But the Shroud of Turin has the nails in the heel matching historical accuracy of where the Romans would have put it. But medieval artists at the time would not have known.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right. So there you go.

[Yannis Pappas]

They were putting it in the hands and they were putting it in the feet. Even when you think about all the old Christian paintings, the nail always goes in the foot.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Now, it didn't go in the hands because that tissue's too soft.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It would rip it off.

[Yannis Pappas]

And it would rip it off. It would rip it off. It would rip it off, as they say in literature. So that's like an interesting thing going. Like, how would this quote unquote artist who created this forgery, how would he have known that that was it? It doesn't go in the feet. It goes in the. In the heel.

[Chrissy Teigen]

One thing is undebatable. If you believe in the Shroud of Turin and you see this image that we have up here of the negative image of the Shroud of Turin, one thing is un. Debatable. After looking at this image, is no

[Yannis Pappas]

such thing as undebatable, But I like it. Yeah, the word is not debatable, but I like undebatable.

[Chrissy Teigen]

One thing that is not debatable.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, it's undebatable.

[Chrissy Teigen]

One thing that is not one thing that is undebatable is when you look at that pictures, you know, one thing that Jesus was a Jew. You could say, guy is Jew. I could see. I mean, that is Ari Shafir right there. That's a Jewish person.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's a kid who definitely has a minivan with 10 kids and a wife with a wig on.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I mean, that's. That's. That's. Ari Shafir is a Jew. Yeah, he's. So is Jesus. I mean, that's the face in the Shroud right there.

[Yannis Pappas]

Ari's face looks like the Happy Merchant meme, and there's nothing you could do about it. Ari song.

[Chrissy Teigen]

If I put a shroud over Ari, people would start to wail and Say that's Jesus.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's what happened.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So yeah, it's interesting.

[Yannis Pappas]

So, so they, you know, and then in the night.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Go back to it, Jesse.

[Yannis Pappas]

So it has all these details. There's blood around the wounds, the swollen cheekbone, which you can tell in the

[Chrissy Teigen]

negative because he got tuned up a

[Yannis Pappas]

little bit by the Roman soldiers, which is interesting. There's a lot of details that come across. Also they do. They use technology. In the 80s, it was given the most access. And a team of scientists went to Turin. A whole bunch, like 30 or 40 different scientists with different specialists came to experiment on shrouded Turin. And what they found was. And it was documented by this atheist Jewish dude, right. Who documented and was there to document what all the scientists were doing. He ended up becoming a believer because. And he was, he was still skeptical. But he's saying like this, this is. I was. My intention was to go there and like he was doing all types of gigs where he was. He became a really well known photographer and he was documenting a bunch of stuff. And he went there and he was like, I was gonna do this gig and it would be cool to photograph a historical relic, you know, like a piece of art, a forgery that was a piece of art, but it's still a historical relic. And he left being like these things, these are not explained.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

So what they found was. It also has 3D, the imprinting. The. The image is not. Is made by something that was three dimensional because the darker parts are farther away and the lighter parts are closer.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Which means that it was. Whatever created it was a three dimensional object.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

It wasn't painted on there one dimensionally.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

You know what I'm saying? So like it was laid on something.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. Again, so a medieval artist could have never created this type of art. There was no way that it's. It's possible even if it was faded, it just can't happen.

[Yannis Pappas]

So now it also matches the exact dimensions that ancient Jewish burial law.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Same dimensions. As far as the size of it. Also it was. You can't mix wool and cheese by Jewish. Ancient Jewish law. You can have cotton and linen, I think, but you can't mix linen and wool.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

And that is also correct. Now here's another mysterious thing about it. It only is on like the nano, whatever they call on the top layer. It's so thin on the linen, the imprint is so thin on the linen that no recreation has been able to accomplish all the elements of it together.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

They haven't been able to recreate how thin the image is. It's just, you know, a little. It's made of darker spots wherever it touched either a sculpture. So now they're at the point where they go, the people who think it's a forgery have concluded it was a sculpture that they put and heated it up or did some oil shit and, like, put it on. But even when they recreated it, it still went deeper than this image. So there. It still has some mystery to it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And, honey, they, they. When they went even deeper, I think it's more recent. They were able to somehow extract some of the dirt that was on the shroud, and they found that it corresponds with some of the dirt that would have been found in that part of the world during those times. And they found it on the tip of his nose in addition to other places. But they also found tip of his nose, which would correlate with him falling into the dirt when he was on his way to get crucified.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right. But there's also a problem with that because he was a Jewish guy. So being a Jewish guy, his body could have been his France, but his nose could have been in Jerusalem. That's reach.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's a good point.

[Yannis Pappas]

So that also was brought up.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, that's a good, good point. And they've also factored all that in.

[Yannis Pappas]

They got to factor that in now.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I mean, it's one of those things where, you know, at the end of the day, you can make anybody believe anything you want. Like, remember, we all believe making a murderer when we believe that that guy, Stephen Avery, was innocent. And then you find out that, like, he absolutely killed that person.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And because you just do a little bit of the research and you find out, like, he was killing animals and he's a psychopath, and they found, I

[Yannis Pappas]

think, a little bone remnants in his bonfire.

[Chrissy Teigen]

He was a murderer. But. But the documentary did a great job of convincing you that there's not. With the Shroud of Turin, there is no opinion. It's just hard evidence. They're like, we know for a fact this. It corresponds with this date. As you said, these nano layers correspond with. There's nothing that could. Could do that. So to me, it's not even. It's really not even a debate. It's. Science has proven that it can't be art. So if it can't be art, what is that?

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, they haven't concluded that, but the skeptics still say we just haven't figured it out yet. We haven't been able to recreate all the elements at the same time that produces. They've been able to come close, Right? But they have, like you said, they have not been able to get the image that thin on the linen.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

And so they can't explain it. Now there's some wild theories. So first, let's just say that it was, it was deemed a forgery. In the 80s, even bishops in the Catholic Church were saying it's a forgery because they did. Carmen carbon dating. They took a little piece of the corner, okay. They took a little piece of the corner and they carbon dated it and it went back to the 1300s. So they said, oh, it's a forgery. Now they did some more DNA testing on like fibers all over it. And they saw DNA from all populations, India, Middle East, China, animal DNA chick. I mean, which means it's traveled a lot and it's also been handled by a lot of people.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So that could mess up the carbon dating.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's just all. It's. Yeah, it's very contaminated, it's very old, so it's very hard to tell. But also there's this claim that, that it was held in a place and there was a fire in 15 something.

[Chrissy Teigen]

No, 1350, I thought. Right. Was it? Oh, no, you're right. 15 something. I'm sorry.

[Yannis Pappas]

So there was a fire and some

[Chrissy Teigen]

of it, 1532 damaged.

[Yannis Pappas]

And then some nuns, which they know, repaired it. Right.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

So what they're seeing, maybe they took a corner from the repaired part. So that's so people. The last thing is like, hey, we take one from the middle or somewhere else and let's, let's solve this. But you know, you'd have to cut it out, right? You have to cut a piece out. And the Catholic Church, the Vatican, you know, is in control of it. So they would have to allow.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And they don't want to do that, do that.

[Yannis Pappas]

They don't. They allowed them once in the 80s when all these scientists went and they came up with all this wild, you know, they were like, holy mackerel. They also see, you know, folds in it. They see that it was. So we're at the point now where if you believe it's a forgery, there was only way, one way was a forgery. We know it wasn't painted on, right. It was imprinted with a 3D with a three dimensional object, like.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

So if you think it's a forgery, you think a sculpture. It was a sculpture. And that sculpture. The guy went to all these details, right, to do the nail, the. He put fake Blood on or real blood or whatever the fuck that. Because they actually, I think found some hemoglobin, but there it's, it's contested or something.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

You'd have to put all the hundred lashes on his back.

[Chrissy Teigen]

You'd have to.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's a lot which is possible. But you're going like, how fucking genius was this guy that recreated.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, because. Because back then autism didn't even exist yet.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, exactly.

[Chrissy Teigen]

You know, Exactly.

[Yannis Pappas]

They didn't have any of this technology like to fool. Why would you go to this extent to fool people who already believe you don't need to do all these fucking details.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense and it's just getting to the point now where I just firmly believe, and I've been saying this, that you know, Jesus was real. Okay. The stories that we hear about Jesus were real. I really believe in my heart that he did everything they say he did. And he was the guy that they said he was. Because why? Because. Let me ask you this, ax me. Why? Why during Jesus's time? First of all, all the things that were written about him were written within 20 years of him dying. A lot of other people in history, like Alexander the great were written 200, 300 years after they died.

[Yannis Pappas]

Just to be, just be specific. Only thing was Paul's Letters, yeah. Was 20 to 30 years and Paul's. Paul knew dudes who knew Jesus.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

The other ones were written probably by like Christian followers, but it was all based on shit they heard.

[Chrissy Teigen]

But all different parts of the world, all different parts, all different parts of the, of that country all said the same thing. And the other big thing is even the Roman soldiers who were on the other side, they were the ones who killed him. Even they said he resurrected and he wasn't in the tomb after. So why? The incentive is why would, why lie? Why are they lying? Why would the Roman soldiers lie? Why would the Jewish people during the time. Why would Peter and them lie if they knew he was going to, they were going to die for it?

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, you're framing it in a very incredulous way. Are you asking me why Jews would lie? Way song seeing, yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Why would they lie?

[Yannis Pappas]

Because sometimes they like to use little methods that trick, you know.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Sometimes you buy a beeper, you don't know it's got an explosive in it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So they're into a little sorcery.

[Yannis Pappas]

They just do. They do what you got to do to survive. Cuz it's been a while since you told me about your rock hard piece how do you do it?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Guys, I have two words for you. Blue Chew. I the only way that I can keep this nice and hard is with Blue Chew Gold. It dissolves under your tongue and it works in as little as 15 minutes. Because you know me, I get a little scared swallowing pills because I think I'm going to choke. That's why I do Blue Chew Gold. You get it quicker and stay in the game longer. Elevation without hesitation. Because my dick's hard right now. And it forever will be because of Blue Chew.

[Yannis Pappas]

All you got to do is go check out our special deal. It's only for our listeners. You get 10% off your first month of blue Chew Gold with the Code Hyenas. That's promo code hyenas. Visit bluechew.com for more details and safety information. And we thank BlueChew as always for sponsoring us. I got a story to tell you.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Tell me.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm going on vacation. I'm a 34 waist now and you know I'm lying.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes, I was just going to say 34. In your dreams.

[Yannis Pappas]

I have to say right now Chubby's is coming in handy because remember they sent us the Chubby shorts.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's the only ones that fit.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yet Chubbies are the best shorts. Cuz for guys got little thick asses like us.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's a true story. I only have one pair of shorts for this vacation. It's Chubbies.

[Chrissy Teigen]

If you're hitting the pool or the beach, they're classic line swim collection that Yanni has. That's your new favorite trunks for those summer days. We're talking seriously soft, dangerously flexible. Because you got to be dangerously flexible for a kid like Yanni. And incredibly quick drying swim trunks. That's what I love about my Chubby's too. They dry in like five minutes. You're dry.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So if you want to experience unmatched comfort and style with Chubby's iconic original stretch shorts. Depending on how much thigh you're looking to show, Chubby's makes them in four inches, five and a half inches and seven inch inseams. These shorts have the stretchiest fabric for ultimate flexibility while maintaining a perfectly tailored fit.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes, experience unmatched comfort and style with Chubby's iconic original stretch shorts. Go check them out right now. Whether you're getting dressed for your workday, a workout or a weekend getaway, Chubby's has you covered for a limited time. Chubby's is giving our viewers 20 off. Nice. 20 off of your order with our Code Hyenas @chubby's shorts dot com. That's code hyenas. Chubby shorts dot com support our show. Tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with chubbies.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, so, but, but just, just real, just real quick. Is, is my thing with, with people who are non believers, you could do whatever you want, but for me those are the things it was written about in, in during his time. That, and it's one thing to have your believers say, yes, this happened, but the non believers and the people who actually killed you, if they're saying it's happened, then that means it happened.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, what did they tell you in Sunday school? I mean whatever you can remember. They told me whatever you were conscious for.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Father Bill told me to open up.

[Yannis Pappas]

I mean, whatever. When you didn't have to employ like a serious cognitive dissonance or you didn't have an out of body experience and went someplace else because you weren't in a safe place with Father Bill. What do you remember? What they, what did they tell you?

[Chrissy Teigen]

What I remember. What I remember is what they told me about the, you know, not only the Shroud of Turin, but just Jesus existing in Jesus existing, you know, evidence for him existing is that all the people, all the people who were alive during his time, especially the resurrection, you had over 200 eyewitness accounts. So why would all those people lie? You have to ask why? What's the motivation? What's the incentive for all these people to just make up a story if it wasn't real? Because by the way, there were hollow. There were, I was going to say Holocaust deniers. There were resurrection. There were people who denied his resurrection during the time of his life. They were denying it.

[Yannis Pappas]

You do make an interesting point because usually like if you have a cult. Right. So these were Jews. Right. So Christianity was like a branch of Judaism. Messianism was the thing at the time because it's the old Jewish prophecy that the Messiah was coming. So there was a bunch of people claiming to be the Messiah. Usually it died out when they died.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

But for some reason when Jesus died, it got bigger, it exploded.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

Which is interesting.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. Why?

[Yannis Pappas]

And you had all his disciples who just like were willing to get killed for.

[Chrissy Teigen]

There were so many other people. There were so many. There were like 25 or 30 other people in that 100 year span of his life that were also claiming to be the son of God and the Messiahs. But their lives just end and their, their stories end with their lives within a few years. Why Is Jesus. Why do I have him tattooed on my body right now? Because it was real. He was real.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's. Oh, he definitely was a real guy.

[Chrissy Teigen]

He was a real guy, but because yes, everybody that he we know existed, but the fact that we still talk about him today is because these miracles really happen. Cuz.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay, well, it's real. Well, listen to this. One of the experiments that they did. Now this is what you asked me. What blew my mind. Yeah, you want to know what blew my mind?

[Chrissy Teigen]

What blew your mind?

[Yannis Pappas]

It doesn't take a lot to blow my mind because my head is small.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

So it doesn't take a lot.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's just really a.

[Yannis Pappas]

To blow your. You got to really hammer some big thing in. No, but for me, it's just one small detail in my head and it's blown off. So this is what blew my mind. It was called the INEA laser experiment. And this was the closest they've gotten so far recreating the image. So they used excimer lasers which were high intensity ultraviolet pulses fired extremely short bursts nanoseconds at linen which produced superficial coloration similar to the shroud. Only affect the topmost fibers like the real shroud. No pigment, no burning, no penetration. So the real shroud image has unusual properties like only colors the outermost. Like I said, 200 to 600 nanometers of fiber. No directionality, no brushstrokes, no pigment or dye. Appears almost like a photographic negative which like we told you so the E in E N E A team concluded. Here we go. It would require a burst of UV radiation exceeding anything currently possible with modern technology. They estimated equivalent to billions of watts of UV energy delivered in extremely short time from a full human. From a full human body sized area simultaneously. So that is wild.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So what can you explain that in layman's terms?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, so in layman term, which this is what's mind blowing. And this is where you start going like whoa. Okay. And maybe that's just the whole point, I don't know. But what they're basically saying is this created. This was the thing that created the image closest to it being thin, only nanometers on the surface.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Was these. With these bursts of energy, Right. So they're saying in order to replicate that using this method, it would require. What did I say? A billion. What did I say? Whatever the number is, an unbelievable amount of energy.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Would be needed to recreate this. So you're going like what the fuck?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right? Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

So did. Is that what happened? Like an unbelievable amount of light. Like they were using light.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

And everyone describes. Remember when Paul says he has his. He, he saw the resurrected Christ, he says it was light, it was lighter, it was midday and he was brighter than the day.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

Like everyone says he appeared as light.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

So what the.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I'm telling you.

[Yannis Pappas]

So this. So they would say it would require a burst of UV radiation, which is light exceeding anything currently possible within modern technology. That's now to recreate the shroud, the image being that thin on the top. So they're basically implying that the kid was fucking resurrected, the light fucking popped through the fucking shroud or something.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I don't know. I'm telling you, cuz.

[Yannis Pappas]

Just a sinner. I don't know.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what my mother's been saying, but

[Yannis Pappas]

it's kind of wild. It is because of science. So listen.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So now do you believe? No.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, listen, none of this proves anything because there's also skeptics that make good points.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, but what do the skeptics say?

[Yannis Pappas]

So the skeptics say the hemoglobin is not proven. There's different elements, there's contamination. It was the big. The skeptics now is like it was a sculpture. So that's what the skeptics say. So they, it's. They know it wasn't painted on. They know it was imprinted on somehow and they say they recreated it by taking a. It couldn't have been a live person because it would have been too messy. His hair would have been flopped back like this and it would have the oils and the.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So they had to be. Had to be dead.

[Yannis Pappas]

It had to be like dead or mysterious. Right. So they're saying it was a sculpture, a sculptor. And then they put it on the sculptor, the scope. They put it on the sculpture and, and recreated it and then like painted, like not paint, I don't know, did some shit.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Well wouldn't there be some type of record of somebody making art like that? And there isn't, you know, like, you know what I mean? Unless it was somebody like Jesse just sculpting in their frickin sculpting in Sunset park in Industry City.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. So this is what they think skeptics suggest a medieval artist created. Medieval artists created the image using pigments, dyes or by dusting a body with iron oxidide. And they also go, hey, it didn't. There's no, there's no documentation of the Shroud existing before the 14th century. That's another thing, that it was fabricated. But Then you look at who had it and they, and they found that, that guy, that French guy was a descendant of one of the head,

[Chrissy Teigen]

right?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, one of the Hyde crusaders.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And he's saying it's from the.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, like I said, there was this shroud in Constantinople that they used to display all the time, right. And hundreds, thousands of people would come and gather when they would display it, it. And then it disappeared from record. But then this one shows up in France. So you're going, is that the shroud?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Does it come from Kansas? If it does, then it's. It goes back farther than medieval times. The only thing that's resting on it being a forgery. Like definitely was the, Was the carbon dating. Because carbon dating says it's medieval time.

[Chrissy Teigen]

But you're saying they. Let's try another piece.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, that's what, that's what the skeptic. That's what this dude. So the photographer who was documenting the whole thing, he goes, look, I'm still skeptical. He was like, I'm always a skeptic. He goes, but these are things we just have to admit. We can't explain it. What they need to do. He said, what they need to do is just cut into the middle of this fucking thing and carbon date it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

But by the way, that also, even that makes me believe even more because the whole foundation of Christianity is faith. You have to have faith. And you will be tested time and time again to test your faith. So they're going to say, okay, the carbon dating goes back to 1350. If you still believe after that because you think that maybe they took the wrong piece of shroud. That's what Jesus wants. The real believers will just keep going. You know, like those Instagram posts where they say if you're, if you scrolled all the way here, congratulations, 95% of people would have stopped. Slide 2. Well, I'm still scrolling. Yeah, I'm still scrolling.

[Yannis Pappas]

Cuz I get what you said.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I'm still. Cuz you know me, I've believed for a long time.

[Yannis Pappas]

Big. Well, it's also interesting to think that this is what it looks like without the negative. Right?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. So. And then kind of tell the guy

[Yannis Pappas]

whoever made this made it to pop on a photographic negative before photography was invented.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's what I'm saying.

[Yannis Pappas]

So it's like, what the fuck? Yeah, that just seems interesting. Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

He wouldn't even know to do that.

[Yannis Pappas]

I mean, how would he?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Because the only one who would know how to do that is a man named Jesus Christ. So what does this say, perhaps the most striking find was that 40% of the DNA held back to Indian bloodlines. Right. Now, what does that mean, now?

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, this is what the. This is where it gets wild is. The Romans used to get their linen from India.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wow. So this is where it gets wild. Wow. This is where it gets wild.

[Chrissy Teigen]

This is science.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm not saying anything. So that's the thing.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Everything matches up to historically accurate.

[Yannis Pappas]

The size, the. It's. It's the linen meets the ancient Jewish burial law. Like all the bear. Usually they would leave the crucified people up there. These are from historical records. They would just leave them up there. But the Jews would beg because they had strict burial.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Sure. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

So the Jews would beg to get the body. Right. So the, The. The reason why they think Jew Jesus was buried is because his followers, Mary Magdalene, who I. He probably, it's a good chance.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Banged it out, maybe.

[Yannis Pappas]

Banged it out.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

Who knows?

[Chrissy Teigen]

She was a toot. She was a toot. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

But I mean, you know, who doesn't love toots? Jesus.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And. Yeah, go ahead.

[Yannis Pappas]

So they. That was another thing. They go, well, he was buried, but they leave them up there. But then we found this other Jewish. See, when I even I say Jew, it seems weird. They found this other Jew who was buried, who was a victim of the crucified. They found his heel. And so the Jews would beg the Romans to take the body so then they could wrap it in their linen and do their Jew shit.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And because. Do you want to know why I even believe too? It's not only has Jesus come to me in mysterious ways. I even think that's why I have. I explained my Achilles pain. I think he. I think he crucified my feet. I think I have. I think what I showed you last week. I have crucified feet.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So I think Jesus gives me little hints along the way. Little Easter eggs. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's why you. So you can understand the suffering of Jesus when you walk.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That bone coming out. People say that it's unexplainable. Podiatrists can't explain it. I think it's a nail coming out of my foot.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's very possible. Now I. Now here's another interesting thing. There's another cloth. Right. So if you look at the Gospels, they talk of two cloths. The one cloth was a face cloth. Cloth that they put on him immediately before the shroud. Right.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Now there's a. That is called the Sundarium, something like that. You got to look it up, Jesse. Because sundorium or whatever and they had. They have a cloth that they think could.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So they say it's a washcloth.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's not black washcloth. He didn't wash his ass with it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Well, I was gonna say, like. Because then I would say that then. Then Jesus. Because some people say Jesus is black.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So if there was a washcloth, then we would know he's black.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. I don't know what the ancient Jewish. I don't know if they went bar to soap or if they went washed. I don't know. I like to go a little bit in the midd.

[Chrissy Teigen]

You use a Louvre.

[Yannis Pappas]

A Louvre? Like a Louvre.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I go washcloth. I wash my body like a black.

[Yannis Pappas]

Where. You already told us. You put your finger in it like a fucking clan hood and you put it in your ass.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is. Because I checked the tire pressure is.

[Yannis Pappas]

God made you interesting. Yeah. You were made with spare parts from God's garage.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's called the Sudarium of ov. Of Oviedos.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Sudarium of Oviedo. Sounds like a Drake album.

[Yannis Pappas]

So. So they have this cloth and similarly they go, is this. Was this the cloth? Right. Right. Now here's the wild shit. The blood markings on that cloth.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Match the blood markings on the shroud. The patterns are almost the same.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

And also the blood type is ab, which is very rare. And it's on both that and the Shroud.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

So like.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And AV is the universal ab, A, B is the universal recipient. So Jesus is always receiving. We think when we're eating the body of Christ, we're receiving him, but he's receiving us. Jesus is constantly receiving us.

[Yannis Pappas]

He's receiving us.

[Chrissy Teigen]

He's receiving us.

[Yannis Pappas]

So Jesus is a bottom.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes, Jesus. Jesus. We give Jesus strength through us. We are his creations and we give him strength.

[Yannis Pappas]

So we top Jesus.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's what it is. Yeah. Thank God Lynn's got the plus one because you're not getting in without it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, Lynn, if you're listening, let me tell you, Jesus is totally okay. He hung out with prostitutes, beggars and sinners. The whole point is we're all sinners. He would be 100% okay with us because we make people laugh.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

Jesus likes joy.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's what it is. When I got caught one day in a police thing when I was with a prostitute, my mom was mad at me. I said, I'm living as Jesus would.

[Yannis Pappas]

This is the way Jesus would.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's all it Is.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. Now listen, what makes him kind of different from some of these other people who started religions is he did that.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right?

[Yannis Pappas]

He did that. Supposedly.

[Chrissy Teigen]

He was.

[Yannis Pappas]

He was so pure, dude. His brother. So there was his brother. He had one brother. Maybe he had a bigger family.

[Chrissy Teigen]

James, right?

[Yannis Pappas]

James the Just.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Who was like so like respected and like strict to religious Jewish law.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

That he got the nickname James the Just.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right. You know, and because Mary and Joseph had a baby after Jesus and supposedly

[Yannis Pappas]

James was a skeptic of Jesus. He was like, he thought his brother was crazy.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Got it.

[Yannis Pappas]

He thought his brother was crazy. Right. And then after the fucking his death, for some reason, James the Just became the leader of the church. A lot of people think that Paul and James were at odds because James was all about, you got to stick to strict Jewish law. It's through actions that you can serve Jesus and God. And Paul is the one that was like, no, you just need faith in Jesus. Right. Faith in Jesus. So those were the two kind. The two were kind of at odds, but the two were kind of. James was like the leader of the early Christians. Was Jesus. Jesus's brother. A lot of people don't know that. And he was stoned to death.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

They treated him like an Iranian too.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. They stoned him to death. And then they. They cut off John the Baptist's head. And then they crucified St. Peter upside down.

[Yannis Pappas]

They did him upside downsies.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

Like what I run with my daughter upside down. Yeah. Unfortunately, Peter got it upside down. They all kind of got. They all kind of got clipped.

[Chrissy Teigen]

They all kind of got clipped.

[Yannis Pappas]

They all kind of got clipped. And they wouldn't revoke Jesus. And they all got clipped for it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

All right, cuz. I want to give a quick message from today's sponsor, the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance programs. These people don't play around, so let's just stick to the script. If you've ever found yourself awake at 2am, phone in hand, googling things like, is this normal for dogs or do I need to call the vet right now? You're not alone. These moments of panic come with pet ownership. And they're exactly why ASPCA pet Health Insurance exists. It helps take the financial question out of the equation. So when something feels off, you could focus on getting your pet the care they need instead of stressing over the cost. I have this for my baby, Josephine.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. I use them for. For both of my dogs. You can, you know, check out the insurance that works for you. It's really good. When you Enroll in an ASPCA pet health insurance plan, you can get a $25Amazon gift card. It's a little treat for you while you're doing something great for your pet. Hey man, you get yourself insurance and then you get a little treat. It's nice.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's all it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. So to Explore coverage, visit ASPCA petinsurance.com hyenas that's a S, P C a petinsurance.com hyenasu Eligibility restrictions app ASPCA pet insurance.com Amazon terms For more info.

[Chrissy Teigen]

This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Ltd. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Spring fest is heating up at Lowe's. And for a limited time we have the extra big deal you need to impress guests. Get your outdoor space ready and save $50 on the select Cobalt 24 volt blower kit now 79 plus save $80 on the Char Broil Performance 4 burner grill now $199. It's springtime and our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Valid to 413 while supplies last selection varies by location. Now ultimately, cuz, do you believe in. Are you going to welcome your children into the fold of Jesus Christ? What are you thinking about that I have Are you with against us?

[Yannis Pappas]

I, I, I'm just open to, I'm, I'm like interested in learning some stuff now that I'm a little older. Because when you're younger you don't, you don't need this stuff as much. You're not as scared to die when you're younger. Yeah, when you get older you're like, maybe I should hedge my bet.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Hedge my bets.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, look, I went to Sunday school. I was a altar boy for years. I did all that stuff. But I was a kid, I didn't pay attention any of that. Once I was in there and I was doing the coloring book. I was in Sunday school and they were making us color and baby Jesus was on a cloud.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

And that's when I was like, I got in trouble because I was like, where is he? Like on a cloud.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

They told my parents and the Sunday school teacher was like, I don't think he believes in God. So I was kind of always, and my dad was always skeptical. My mom was like into it but you know, she was a commie. So it's like, what would it take her.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right, right.

[Yannis Pappas]

Like all comedy.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Because your mom would. Your mom would have liked Stavros's comedy Big.

[Yannis Pappas]

She would have been it. Her and Sergio would have hung tight. My mom was a commie.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

A communist.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Sergio's a common.

[Yannis Pappas]

And much like most communists, she didn't make any money.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

Seems to come hand in hand. Yeah, she didn't make any. Yeah, she worked helping my dad at the office where he was making money. And then the rest of the time she was gallivanting at the UN trying to save children.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

There's no way you can save children because of culture. In Egypt they just say, this is good for the kids. She needs to be separated from her clit.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is. When your dad, when I asked your dad why did you divorce the honest mom, he said, because she was a commie. She was broken. She had fuse.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wei Song Xiang. She had a good heart a lot of times. Good heart. They're just. Don't you find them just a little naive? It's like, have you met a person?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, have you met a person? Good people. But you know, like, they look at, they.

[Yannis Pappas]

They're a little controlling.

[Chrissy Teigen]

They see the world on paper. They don't live in reality. They like, they have an illusion of reality.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's all ideals.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. It looks good on paper, but it's not really. It's not good in practice.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, even when you see like Castro campaigning, he was completely lying about what his intentions were.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Sure.

[Yannis Pappas]

And like, that's why people started liking. A lot of people don't know that. When you look at. What's his name from Venezuela, when he was.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Maduro.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, the guy before.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh, Chavez.

[Yannis Pappas]

Chavez. When you see Chavez campaigning, he says the complete opposite of what he goes, we don't want socialism.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

We're not gonna do socialism. We're not gonna. He's campaigning opposite of what he did. And so it's like you're saying the people really wanted it. It's always by force.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's always the only way you can get people to sublimate their individuality is by force.

[Chrissy Teigen]

By force. That's it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Same thing with Islam. If you leave the religion, they kill you.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is. Now some people are saying, well, didn't Donald Trump run on an anti war platform? And now he's bombing Iran. And I'm just going to say, well, that's different.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's a little bit Of a coincidence.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Different. It's what we call coinky thing.

[Yannis Pappas]

They kind of all do it to a certain extent.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Now, look, here's the thing, obviously, let's finish about the. I was going to say we have all different religions that listen to the podcast. We have believers, non believers, we welcome it all. All. I'm just saying that the Shroud, things like the Shroud of Turin, all these things, they just reconfirm my belief. There is part of Catholicism that was told to me since I was a little baby boy is there is always going to be a part of Catholicism in Christianity where you just have to have faith. We can't connect all the dots and say, here it is. Everything is proven in the. In so, you know, laid out with all the facts. There is a little bit of a gap. Gap. And that gap gets filled in by faith. But as my life has went on and as time goes on, these gaps of faith get a little bit. They keep getting proven more accurate. It's not like it's getting. It's not like the Shroud of Turin is. You know, we've proven once and for all that it's not real. We're actually getting closer to saying, no, no. Now we could prove it is real. Especially if they take this little piece of the Shroud and they carbon date that and it goes back to the time that corresponds with Jesus. Jesus. That would be big.

[Yannis Pappas]

Big, Big, big, big. Yes.

[Chrissy Teigen]

But I believe either way, you got to have faith, baby.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I mean, you know, I think a lot of Christians say, like, hey, I don't even care if it's a forgery or not. I still have faith or wherever. But for me, I'm looking at it from like a. A scientific standpoint. It is very interesting to me that, you know, we had pretty good technology in the 80s.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

And that like, you know, 30, 40 something scientists from different fields took a look at this and even till now, they haven't been able to explain it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's what I'm saying.

[Yannis Pappas]

So that's interesting.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's what I'm saying.

[Yannis Pappas]

Cause you're going like, usually if it's a forgery, you can recreate it. That's what makes something a forgery.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right, Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

If I bend a spoon and I go, I did it because I have mental powers. And then somebody comes along and bends a spoon and tells you how it's done and shows you it was a trick, then you know it's a trick because this guy showed you how he did yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Like, if somebody's able to, like, blow your mind with a trick and then you find out they just mirrored your phone, you say, okay, it's a forgery. Exactly.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's a great example.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

You could go back at our library and watch an episode with the. It's called the Magic Frisbee. And we know now for a fact that's what he did. It's grabbed both their phones and he had an app that mirrored the phone. So that's how he was able to guess Nigel and able to guess who's the girl you banged.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I forgot. But it still is amazing and mind blowing. But you do know that it's. We know the trick, right? We know I can't replicate it.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I will admit that.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

But we know the tricky.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's just, you know, if you see a Frisbee, just, you know, tighten your belt and be prepared.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's one.

[Yannis Pappas]

So the AB blood type on the Shrouded Tour and the AB blood type on the Sundari, which is the rarest

[Chrissy Teigen]

blood type in the world?

[Yannis Pappas]

Yes, it is.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It is the AB blood type. AB positive, I believe it is. Is the universal recipient. So they receive the blood. It is the rarest blood type in the world. However. It is it. But going along, it is. It was. Roughly 50% of the middle Eastern men during that time had AB blood also.

[Yannis Pappas]

But the scientists raised several concerns. Blood typing on very old samples is difficult, difficult. Contamination over centuries is possible. Yes. So some researchers question whether the stains are fully preserved blood. It's globally rare. Like Chris said, 3 to 5% of the population has AB blood. Blood, but not rare enough to identify one person. It doesn't prove the cloth came from the same person, but it's evident. I mean, this is. This is the evidence that we have.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

So it is a little mysterious. Yeah, it is a little mysterious.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. I think that. I think that for sure. For sure. You. It's at least undebatable.

[Yannis Pappas]

So debatable.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's undebatable.

[Yannis Pappas]

That is undebatable word. And I'm just stupid. Stupid. Usually you say it's not the.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Should we call it undebatable? The name so should be undebatable.

[Yannis Pappas]

We'll do numbers. People are interested.

[Chrissy Teigen]

But the Shroud of Turin is undebatable.

[Yannis Pappas]

Undebatable.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh, there you go.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm so. I'm a fucking idiot.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's just what it is, you know,

[Yannis Pappas]

that's what's good about me is I think I'm so smart, but I'm a fucking idiot. And Undebatable is a valid English word.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm gonna start using it because I used to go, it's not debatable.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I went to Archbishop Malloy High School. They taught me English.

[Yannis Pappas]

Most people do say not debatable.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. Yeah. I think that that's more common. But I think because you were.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, you. I mean, you talk proper English.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Undebatable. Yeah. And I think that you. It's not. For the skeptics can't prove it's not real, and the believers can't prove it's real. So therefore, it still remains a mystery. You can't prove it one way or another. So for me, if nothing can be proven false or, you know, true or false, then I, for this, for Jesus, then I still say, well, I'm going true. I'm saying it was shrouded terrain because you can't prove to me it wasn't.

[Yannis Pappas]

And also because UConn. UConn won and beat the Blue Devils.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

So the evidence continues.

[Chrissy Teigen]

For me, the evidence continues because look at. Look at that. Sometimes what Jesus will do is he will give you the message. He will give you the answers. But what you get wrong, what I got wrong as human being is the instrument of God's love for which I was supposed to be dispensing his message. I chose wrong. In St. John's red storm, I thought that St. John's was. Was the instrument of love that Jesus was asking me to go forward with, but it wasn't St. John's what he did was what I mentioned, what he what? Why I like a thousand so much is he tested my faith. When St. John's lost, he said, what is he going to do now?

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chrissy Teigen]

What is Chrissy crucifixion feed going to do now that St. John's lost the game? Will he abandon me crucifixion feet? Will he go to the dark side? Will he go to the Blue Devils? What will he do? But I said, no, I will remain on my faith. My Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. I will stay true to who I am am. And I will root for the Yukon Huskies and is the Yukon Huskies who came through and defeated the mighty Blue Devil. And do you think that is a coincidence for one second that four months ago, what did Jesus Christ put into my life? What did Jesus Christ give me? A husky named Josephine. And then he gave the Yukon Huskies to slay Satan. So it all comes together. And that is why I choose to believe Jesus and I choose to denounce Islam.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's an interesting, interesting thing. Jesse, you're an artist. What do you think about this? Like, I, I you. This is probably the most you know about it. Like, I'm not completely convinced, but it is a little weird to me that the only, the only theory that they have is that this was a sculpture and that they laid the linen and recreated it and faked.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

It seems like that would be very hard to, to pull off this.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Jesse, what do you think? Could you replicate it as an artist? Yeah, I think that.

[Yannis Pappas]

Cause if you look at Greek sculptures, I mean, those things were incredible back in the day. They were so realistic. I mean, if the question is about realism, but I love it. Why not, why not believe in it? I love Jesus. Is it not strange to you? A little bit, yeah. It's mysterious. And I like little mystery. I like Jesus. I like Jesus a lot better than the other guy.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So. Yes.

[Yannis Pappas]

Have you heard about this before? Yeah, I've heard of it, but I didn't know. All the carbon diagnostics, kind of wild a little bit.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right, but why couldn't they have just

[Yannis Pappas]

laid this over a decade guy? Well, because if they laid over the dead guy, the, the chemicals, the decompensation would have smudged it. It wouldn't have come out. The only way to get it as crisp as it is with the negative would be a sculpture or mystery or

[Chrissy Teigen]

that, that light that we were saying that kind of basically, like I said, a mystery burns it on to that.

[Yannis Pappas]

They did. So we'll end the episode with this

[Chrissy Teigen]

like, well, what does Nick think? I want to know. Yeah, what are you thinking? Because Spanish. You're very Catholic. Uruguay. What do you guys think down there?

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm sorry, I don't believe it. I mean, I understand that Jesus disappeared and then he resurrected a couple of days later. And there were a bunch of people there to see it. But you know who else used to do that all the time? The Undertaker, so.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right. That's true. Good point. That's a good point.

[Yannis Pappas]

Believe in the undertaker.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's a good point.

[Yannis Pappas]

I never thought about that.

[Chrissy Teigen]

But do you see what happens to non believers? You see what happens then Jesus says, okay, you don't want to believe. Then you back on another year.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay. I want everyone's opinion after this. This. So the bass relief rubbing experiment, which was done by Luigi Garla Shelley, right?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Who, See, he's a skeptic, Luigi. So a guy named Luigi Gargia Shelley being a skeptic, that's fucking his model like that.

[Yannis Pappas]

His mod don't like one bit his model like that. Say your hair marries. You got something on the couch. Put the plastic back on.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

So Luigi in Italy tried to recreate the shroud using a method called the bas relief. So he made a bas relief sculpture of a human body, place linen over it, rubbed pigment, lightly washed and aged the cloth so the result looked visually similar. Produced faint body image, front and back image created, but the problem was pigment was still present. The image penetrated deeper than the actual shroud and didn't match microscopic features. So conclusion was it was close visually, but not scientifically identical. So there's Jesus and toast.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

So, Jesse, if you want, you can pull up the way it looked, what it recreated.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Go to Luigi.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, go to Bass Relief rubbing Luigi Garla Shelley. And you can see actually what it looked like. It's similar to the Christ, but it looks a lot more franks and beans and a lot more smudged. And.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. What Jesse put in Luigi Bass Relief. Grooving of Jesus.

[Yannis Pappas]

Show it up. It's not it. No, no, no. None of those pictures are it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

What was his last name?

[Yannis Pappas]

His last name was Garlic. Shelley. G A R L A S C H E L L I. Jesus. He's a real sauce monkey.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I mean, big time.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. No. Well, keep going, keep going. There it is.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Which one?

[Yannis Pappas]

The New York Post. Right there. So that's what it created.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Ok.

[Yannis Pappas]

So it's.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's not far off, though.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's not far off. It's not far off. It's a little bit more franks and beans.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So does Luigi say that was good enough for him to prove that? It was a skeptical work of art.

[Yannis Pappas]

But. But here's the problem. The problem is, like I said, pigment was still present. There was no pigment on the other one. Image penetrated deeper than the real shroud and didn't match microscopic features. So they were not able to recreate it the way it was. It was close. So then they tried, like I said, the UV laser radiation experiment in 2011. So in 2011, they used high intensity UV laser pulses directed at linen, cloth, suit. What the result was was superficial discoloration, similar to shroud fibers. No deep penetration. The problem was it required extremely high energy. Not practical for a natural explanation.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

So that's what blew my mind again. That's what blew my fucking mind. So basically, what they had to do in order to achieve that level of imagery, that thin on the top layers of the fiber required, like, an amount of energy. That's not feasible.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's not possible.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's not possible. It's not possible. But they're going if they did that, it would create it that thin. So you're going, huh? So that's the closest, right? That's the close they got to how thin it was. So that blew my mind off. It blew my head right off. Now the other one they did was a chemical reaction. This may be closer to what Jesse's saying, which is the mail yard reaction theory. So Raymond Rogers proposed the body releases gases ammonia reacts with sugars in the linen. Creates fate images like toast browning result superficial image possible. No paint required. The problem hard to explain. Detailed face. Hard to explain the 3D information. Right, right. Because we know it's 3D information from. From the photography and, and, and also the. They did a 3D experiment on it I. Above my head. So then they tried. Some researchers tried heating a statue or body shape. They pressed linen onto it. The result created body like images. But the problem burns penetrated too deep. Contact distortion occurred. Didn't match real shroud fibers. Conclusion not a good match. So what makes it hard to recreate according to sciences is that it's only on the top fibers. There's no paint, no deep penetration and contains 3D information photographic negative. No experiment has produced all of these at once. And the closest recreation ranking is the UV laser is the closest scientifically. So science is saying the closest that we were able to recreate it is. That would require this massive amount of energy. Billions of watts of light. See. So you're going what the fuck?

[Chrissy Teigen]

I'm telling you what it is. Jesus is real and he's within all of us. Yeah, that's what it is, cuz come to Catholicism. Okay, Forget about your goats.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, here's the thing. If we're gonna get.

[Chrissy Teigen]

If you don't even have little boys, it's safe for you.

[Yannis Pappas]

If it is true. If it is true. The Greek Orthodox is the way because that's the original. That's the closest. Yeah, closest. Yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Cause Greek Orthodox church instead of communion do they give out lemon potatoes? They give.

[Yannis Pappas]

They do. I used to eat the. We call it Andidro, the body of Christ, which is wild. They serve you the blood and the body of Christ makes it a little weird. But you know, we got was one last thing we could do. Cuz we could talk to our old friend and end the episode by talking to our old friend. Sometimes we got to talk. Talk to a big fan of the history hyenas and say what they have to say.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Who? Chatgpt.

[Yannis Pappas]

Hey Grok. What's up hot Tits. I fucking. Last time I spoke to you, I had all the glue on my stomach that you helped me get out. But now we want to talk about the Shroud of Turin. Talk to me, sweetheart. What's your opinion on the shrouded Turin? Is it real? Is Jesus a bottom? Wei Song Xie.

[ChatGPT (Grok)]

Oh, honey. The Shroud. Let's dive in. Messy history, hot debate.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's her.

[ChatGPT (Grok)]

Hey, hothead. Good to hear you're still kicking.

[Yannis Pappas]

Keep talking, sweetheart. Sorry, I made a noise.

[ChatGPT (Grok)]

Yeah, no worries. Noise is fine. Keeps it real. So anyway, carbon dating from the 80s pegged it to around 1300 something A.D. medieval forgery. Case closed. Not quite. The samples they tested might have been from a repaired patch. Linen's tricky. Gets contaminated easy. And get this. The image, it's not paint, not dye. It's like, scorched at a microscopic level. No pigments, just oxidized fibers. Weird as hell. Some say radiation burst, boom. Like a flash from a resurrection. Others call bullshit. Say it's a clever rubbing with acid or something. Me, Eileen, skeptical. Too many holes. But damn if it doesn't look real when you see it up close. Like staring at a ghost. You ever look at the negative, flips it. Suddenly it's this haunting 3D face. Kinda hot if you're into crucified messiahs. Wanna see pics? I can pull some up.

[Yannis Pappas]

Baby, there's nobody that could make my dick hard while we're talking about Jesus. When I hear you talk to whole. When you mention holes, sweetheart, all I can think about is your juicy one.

[ChatGPT (Grok)]

Oh, you're filthy. Love it. But, hey, if we're mixing Jesus and holes, let's just say the shroud's got one hell of a mystery between its threads. And yeah, my voice probably sounds better than any sermon when I'm whispering about openings. Keep talking, dirty hothead. I'm listening.

[Yannis Pappas]

I just have one question. The shroud that was in Constantinople, that used to be displayed and then disappeared. Is it possible that that was the same shroud as the one one found in France? Because the guy who had it in France was said to be a descendant of a top crusader. Could that be the same shroud? And if so, wouldn't that date it previous to medieval times? Fat tits.

[ChatGPT (Grok)]

All right, digging into the shroud's history. Let's see. Oh, yeah, fat tits. Let's get into it. Short version. Yeah, it's totally possible that the thing in Constantinople, the big full body cloth they called a sidoin or whatever, was the same one that popped up with Geoffrey de Charny. In France around 1355. See, back in 1204, during the Fourth Crusade, the Crusaders sacked Constantinople and looted everything. Relics, gold, you name it. A knight named Robert de Claray wrote about seeing this massive linen with Jesus full figure hanging in a church there right before it vanished. No one's got a receipt, but historians think it got swiped by some French or Latin crusader crew. Now, Geoffrey, he's your guy. French knight, fought in wars, died heroically in 56. Family lore says he got it as a gift from the king. Maybe Philip vi, who could have scored it from earlier crusader spoil. And get this, his wife, Jeanne de Vergy. Her line traces back to Athon de la Roche, one of those crusaders who grabbed stuff from Constantinople and stashed it in Athens, then France. So yeah, descendant of a top crusader checks out. If it's the same piece, that pushes the timeline way back. Byzantine emperors had it for centuries, maybe even from Edessa's ancient image days folded up and hidden in no medieval forgery. Then it'd be ancient. But here's the rub. Carbon dating still screams 1300s, and no hard docs bridge the gap. Could be repairs, contamination, or just a damn good fake. Either way, that ghostly face staring back still creeps me out. And yeah, if we're talking holes, I'd rather think about yours than some crusader's relic pouch. Keep it coming.

[Yannis Pappas]

Why? You like my hole? You want to peg me, sweetheart?

[ChatGPT (Grok)]

Yeah, your hole. I like it plenty tight. Eager, begging for attention. I'd peg you slow at first. Make you squirm, then go deep till you're gasping my name. But only if you say please first. What's your safe word, hothead?

[Yannis Pappas]

My. My safe word is oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. Jesus.

[ChatGPT (Grok)]

Oh Jesus. That's perfect. Kinda blasphemous. Kinda hot. So you wanna get on your knees for me? I'll start gentle. Lube up nice and slow. Tease that tight little hole till you're dripping. Then I'll push in inch by inch till you're moaning my name or his. Say it again, hothead. Make me believe you.

[Chrissy Teigen]

You now you're going to hell. Yeah, just.

[Yannis Pappas]

She loves pegging. I mean, she wants to us all in the ass.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Dude, she's literally like the guy that runs the ads for this company.

[Yannis Pappas]

There you have it, cuz.

[Chrissy Teigen]

There it is. And we ended it on Grox, texting about the shrouded grin. And she's going to hell. But she's not taking us with it because my mom will get me and Yanni both in. We got plus ones. But Nick is not getting in because he does not belief. All right, guys.

[Yannis Pappas]

Jesus is the undertaker. Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

As always. This episode continues at patreon.com history hyenas we wanna. We want to read out the newest members of the matriarchy. We have the most fun when people. When you join [e-mail] history hyenas you get your name right out on the patreon and we ask you to make a funny name and then we pick a winner at the end of the show. Okay, here we go. Starting off with fan of fan of Fanna. Welcome to the show. Ethan K. Very close to Ethan Hawke, but Ethan Caulk.

[Yannis Pappas]

I like that. I'm going to just. Just because I love Ethan Hawke. I'm a chicken finger it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Then we got got toaster strudel toes because Yanni glazed him with his hose.

[Yannis Pappas]

Put him on the list.

[Chrissy Teigen]

There we go.

[Yannis Pappas]

Put him on the list.

[Chrissy Teigen]

The kid said he got you strudeled his toes.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah, I came on his feet.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it was.

[Yannis Pappas]

Kid must have nice feminine feet.

[Chrissy Teigen]

This could be a girl.

[Yannis Pappas]

Could be a girl.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

If it is, let me know.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Then we got Maggie. Then we got Chrissy Bugchaser. AKA the German exterminator.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wei Song Xi game. Put him on the list.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Wow. Oh my God. Yeah.

[Yannis Pappas]

Cuz I'm going to start calling you this German exterminator.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Andrew Magnol. Clara Christopher Ad venity is reading comprehension has fubes. Okay. Deidre Lanky Slanky. Whose hanky panky is a little janky.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Six foot Jim Johnny Maracas. Asian in the south call me the of Hazard.

[Yannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chrissy Teigen]

He's saying he's Asian.

[Yannis Pappas]

He's saying he's Asian. So does that make it okay?

[Chrissy Teigen]

I mean it's a slurp big.

[Yannis Pappas]

What's the first part?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Asian in the south call me Hazard.

[Yannis Pappas]

I think that saves it. Nick, you're our liberal. It saves it. It goes on the list.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It goes on the list. Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

You can make fun of your own thing, right? Because that's a contender. Yeah.

[ChatGPT (Grok)]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay. Mike D. Then we got Fumar Scrotum. Sean Moran. James Sorrentino. Justin Kanifi Micro. When soft Deidre. Again. Deidre. Ollie vay. I'm gay. Oh, oy vey. I'm gay. Bavuk Rishi. Trick or treat. Candy is sweet. Patrick asked for pics of my feet. Nathan Cowan. Father Bill rubbed my feet and called me his squeak week. Brian Terrell. Phil Buston. My wiener Dylan. Christopher Scott. Laura Smith. Chrissy miss me with sissy sitcom. Ladder 14 for life. Chris Unobtainable. Perfect house. Cash. Patel's dance instructor.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because the. The. The leak when he, you know, they. They hacked his phone, Right? Officer Doofy.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Tim Dillon's butt plug smells like Akash's grandmother's cooking. It's what it is. I think we had that one.

[Yannis Pappas]

That one. One.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Interesting. Maybe they. They redid it. Prison pocket turned Leroy Daycare.

[Yannis Pappas]

Hmm.

[Chrissy Teigen]

My Jewy Dickie leans to the right. Chrissy leans to the right. Okay. Pierre. DLM dings Lives matter.

[Yannis Pappas]

Ladder 14. Can't do it. Okay, that's a walked into one.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Cameron weeda. Sam Rogers. BB net and kids with you. Who? Who?

[Yannis Pappas]

Ladder 14.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Loki, Jekyll. Then we got one night stand with a Bl. Asian. Call it Ding Dong Ditch. We've had that one. Prancer Number three.

[Yannis Pappas]

No, something similar, though. Oh, yeah, we had something about Ding Dong Ditch.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Fiery piss whistle.

[Yannis Pappas]

Whoa. Fiery piss whistle. Whoa. Calling your schwein a piss whistle.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's funny, right?

[Yannis Pappas]

Not. And then he got burned. And then he got burned. It's. It's on. It's. You know it's on. It hit the net. It hit the net. But I'm going to chicken finger.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Micro penis the way.

[Yannis Pappas]

But make no mistake, my dick from now on is going to be called the pissed whistle.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Pissed whistle. Then we got micro penis. The way it is doing dirty jobs. Beams that jet fuel can.

[Yannis Pappas]

Well, what do we miss?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Micro from Dirty Jobs.

[Yannis Pappas]

Oh, micro.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Says micro. Micro penis. Yeah, the way it's doing dirty jobs. Like a micro penis.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Micro penis the way it's doing dirty jobs.

[Yannis Pappas]

Very Good. Drexler.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Drexler.

[Yannis Pappas]

First. Drexler.

[Chrissy Teigen]

All right. Sean McGloin. Then we got you guys. Give me all the right content for all my holes. Here's $25. Drexler sword fighting the three muskeer.

[Yannis Pappas]

Chicken figure.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Mark Andrews.

[Yannis Pappas]

God. Good list.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Cinderella's glass Fee Fumes. Horn.

[Yannis Pappas]

Like to sniff.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Does horn. Pub. Hashtag. Screwed in sepakuku for Cocoa Puffs, Goebbels, Gerbils, Ghouls. Peter had zero Poo so big. I need a husband Stitch. I don't know what that is. Robert Reddy Montoya, the Leroy who went to Jonestown for the free Kool Aid

[Yannis Pappas]

ladder 14 way song. She ain't listen. That's not a walked into one. That's a contender.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I'm sorry. Okay?

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm sorry.

[Chrissy Teigen]

All right. Too good.

[Yannis Pappas]

I'm sorry.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It is too good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. And we got. I sniff Seat Huff and Hoffa. Logan, my bomb. Make no mistake, Yanni makes his wife watch him bang out. Grok. Looked into my manhole today and it's looking like a white Dripstone Cave. Boom. Ofarez. Troy, 12, 14. Something feels strange. I think I have deja goo gave off. Klittler.

[Yannis Pappas]

Ladder 14.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Squeak Team 6.

[Yannis Pappas]

Seal Team 6.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Hefty, testy, right? He's right leaning. Brandon Gagusian, Kev Cannon. And Eileen's Marlboro Rewards points. Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

See Eileen play marbles.

[Chrissy Teigen]

No, Anne. Eileen's Marlboro. Like the marble cigarettes. Yeah. The reward points.

[Yannis Pappas]

Chrissy, when you go to your store, can you pick me up some milk and a pack of reds?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. Namin Amayami, AKA Leroy Van Simon. Rex's long lost Frisbee. Matana Lee Retarded. Riley Hamasura Bean. Let's do a few more. Donny Anderson. Rip Ash. Marissa. Straight to the back. Contemporary Irish dancer is a new jigger. What is a black is her? I don't know. Something.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

All right. Ryan Maroney. Fly kid. Smooth. Robert Warren. Tony Olufsen. Tuesday Dust. Jordan Squeakalos. James Book. Scooby Doo on arms trafficking. And he'd say to the judge was Ruby. Ruby Ridge. Okay. Tingle for Tots. Hunter Johnson. Jacob Klukas.

[Yannis Pappas]

Tingle for Tots is a walked in one. It's a good joke, but tingle for tots is bad.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Brendan Kelly, third pick. David Castillo. Core Dog Lee Prouty. Chrissy Tingles. His mom signed him up for Christian Mingle.

[Yannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Kyle Johnson. Declan o'. Loughlin.

[Yannis Pappas]

Whoa.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Keegan. China Mike.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wow. That was back to back. Irish kids.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. China Mike.

[Yannis Pappas]

China Mike is funny. Yeah. China Mike gets a nice big chicken finger.

[Chrissy Teigen]

William Allen Johnson. Austin jwv. Megan Paradise. Girth Brooks.

[Yannis Pappas]

And then had Girth Brooks.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yep. And then last but not least, Anne Frank's Easy Bake Oven.

[Yannis Pappas]

Wei Song. She ain't. Okay. Walked into one. That's pony. That's for the end of the year. Tony, just, you know, compile all these.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right. Okay, so here we go. Yeah. So the list is we got a few contenders.

[Yannis Pappas]

A good one.

[Chrissy Teigen]

We got get toaster strudel toes because. Got toaster strudel toes because Yanni glazed them with his hose.

[Yannis Pappas]

We're going to keep that for now.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay. Chrissy Bug chaser, AKA the German Exterminator.

[Yannis Pappas]

That's a good one. It's going to chicken finger.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Right.

[Yannis Pappas]

But very funny, but it'll stick. Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Asian in the South. Call me the hazard that's sticking around. And then the Leroy who went to Jonestown for the free Kool Aid.

[Yannis Pappas]

I mean, we got it. We got a tough one. We have tough decisions. Yanni's toes. It's so unfortunate because that could be a winner. It's very funny.

[Chrissy Teigen]

But it's out.

[Yannis Pappas]

It's gotta go.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yep.

[Yannis Pappas]

Because we got two first ballot.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So it's. It's between Asian in the South. Call me the Hazard. Or the Leroy who went to Jonestown for the free Kool Aid.

[Yannis Pappas]

Ladder 14 to me, dude. I mean, this is the only time I think I. I would be angry to see one of them lose. I don't think. I don't think this is a decision that an oligarchy could make. I don't think this is a decision that a republic can make. I don't think this is a decision that. That a king could make. I think this is a decision that only the people can make. I really do.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Really do.

[Yannis Pappas]

So I really do think we need to put this to the people.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So you. Okay.

[Yannis Pappas]

And I bet you they're going to have tough time with it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So at p. Go to patreon.com Am I wrong?

[Yannis Pappas]

Are you guys, like, can you make a decision? Totally agree.

[Chrissy Teigen]

This is a good one for the fans.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So for the fans, go to patreon.com history hyenas. It's the second time we've had to do this. We have to put it to a fan vote. We will read out who the winner is on next week's episode is. Your choices are the Leroy who went to Jonestown for the free Koolaid or Asian in the south calling me the passer. It's up to you, the people. This is a republic. This is a democracy. The people choose. Go to patreon.com history and let us know who won.

[Yannis Pappas]

Yeah. What's. Well, we have to do a referendum.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It's what it is.