What Makes a Step Dad w/ Dan Soder | History Hyenas

Summary

Podcast Summary: History Hyenas with Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas Episode: What Makes a Step Dad w/ Dan Soder Release Date: August 7, 2025

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Introduction

In this lively episode of History Hyenas, hosts Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas welcome comedian Dan Soder to delve into the intricate dynamics of stepfatherhood. True to the podcast's blend of history and humor, the trio navigates personal anecdotes, societal perceptions, and the emotional complexities that come with being a stepdad.

Guest Introduction: Dan Soder

Dan Soder, a renowned comedian from Denver, joins Chris and Yannis to share his experiences and insights on what defines a stepdad. The conversation kicks off with playful banter about Dan's hair transplant journey, setting a humorous tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Dan Soder [02:29]: "I had to sleep it. Now it's settled."

Personal Stories and Stepdad Dynamics

Dan opens up about his relationship with his stepdad, Nick, juxtaposed against his late biological father. He recounts childhood memories, such as a traumatic dog bite incident that left him with facial scars, highlighting how these experiences shaped his perception of father figures.

Notable Quotes:

• Dan Soder [07:06]: "I had to get 47 stitches, like. Like all the way down here, all the way under here."
• Dan Soder [40:56]: "Nobody ever graduated for stepdad status for you."

The Role of Stepdads in Blended Families

The discussion deepens as Chris and Yannis explore the transition from viewing a stepdad as just a parental figure to genuinely integrating them into the family structure. They touch upon the challenges children face in accepting a stepfather while maintaining loyalty to their biological parents.

Notable Quote:

• Chris DiStefano [43:02]: "I think one in PE was me being 15 years old and still needing to sleep in bed with my mom because I was scared of ghosts in my other room."

Male Insecurity and Its Impact

The conversation shifts towards broader themes of male insecurity, self-image, and the lengths individuals go to mask their vulnerabilities. Dan shares his journey through therapy, revealing how overcoming insecurities about his comedic peers led to personal growth.

Notable Quotes:

• Dan Soder [57:31]: "I had a thing with, like, really famous comics... it felt like all my heroes were picking people around me but me."
• Giannis Pappas [56:50]: "I think there's nothing wrong with it. I think what you're doing is not vain. I think it's the same as brushing your teeth."

Humorous Segments and "Walked into One" Awards

In true History Hyenas fashion, the episode features the comedic segment "Walked into One," where the hosts hilariously nominate fictional and exaggerated characters for amusing titles. While these segments provide comic relief, they also subtly underscore the episode's themes of identity and perception.

Notable Interaction:

• Dan Soder [71:21]: "Believe that."
• Giannis Pappas [72:20]: "Captain Epstein of the Itty Bitty Frisbee Committee."

Concluding Reflections

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the importance of honesty and self-acceptance. They emphasize that embracing one's true self, whether through personal changes or acknowledging past traumas, is crucial for personal growth and healthier relationships.

Notable Quote:

• Dan Soder [61:57]: "Because you do want to defend your dad. You want to be like, I'm not... I don't come from the stock of a loser."

Final Thoughts

History Hyenas successfully intertwines humor with heartfelt discussions, offering listeners both laughter and meaningful insights into the complexities of stepfatherhood and the broader implications of male insecurity. Dan Soder's candid anecdotes provide a relatable and engaging narrative, making this episode a standout in the podcast series.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Dan Soder [02:29]: "I had to sleep it. Now it's settled."
• Dan Soder [07:06]: "I had to get 47 stitches, like. Like all the way down here, all the way under here."
• Dan Soder [40:56]: "Nobody ever graduated for stepdad status for you."
• Chris DiStefano [43:02]: "I think one in PE was me being 15 years old and still needing to sleep in bed with my mom because I was scared of ghosts in my other room."
• Dan Soder [57:31]: "I had a thing with, like, really famous comics... it felt like all my heroes were picking people around me but me."
• Giannis Pappas [56:50]: "I think there's nothing wrong with it. I think what you're doing is not vain. I think it's the same as brushing your teeth."
• Dan Soder [61:57]: "Because you do want to defend your dad. You want to be like, I'm not... I don't come from the stock of a loser."

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For more engaging episodes that blend history and humor, tune into History Hyenas and join Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas on their comedic journeys through time.

Transcript

[Giannis Pappas]

What's up, everybody? We got an absolute banger of an episode with Dan Soder where we talk about stepdads and all types of stuff.

[Chris DiStefano]

And his hair plugs and his hair tits.

[Giannis Pappas]

See me live in Rosemont, Illinois. That's Chicago this weekend. Then Tampa next weekend. Then you could see me in Poughkeepsie, New York, the weekend after that. Miami, Florida, September 11th, 12th and 13th. Bakersfield, California, October 3rd and 4th. Toronto, October 18th. And then Tulsa, October 24th, 25th, and then Bozeman, Montana, November 22nd. And then more dates. Giannis Pappas, comedy.com or history hyenas. Pod.com or history hyenas back.com.

[Chris DiStefano]

That'S it, baby. Whichever one you want to go to. And then this weekend I will be in Oklahoma City on Friday. Oh, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Saturday. And then August 21st, Toronto. August 22nd, Royal Oak, Michigan, August 23rd, Pittsburgh. August 27th, we are in Stanford, Connecticut. Our live show is sold out. So if you want to get on the wait list, go there. September 5th, Chicago Theater and September 11th, Theater at Madison Square Garden. And September 27th, going to Saudi Arabia.

[Giannis Pappas]

Saudi Arabia.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is. Go to christycomedy.com or history hyenas is back.com and we got new merch.

[Giannis Pappas]

We got new merch coming up. So we will announce that very shortly. It's about to drop. Also, fellas, history and ladies, history hyenas. Patreon.com history hyenas. Go join for ad free episodes a day early, bonus episodes and other goodies.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, his Patreon is the show that we used to do five years ago for free. You just pay five bucks and you get it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Sam. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History hyenas. That's Chris DiStefano. I'm Giannis Pappas. We got one of the best in the biz and one of our favorites. One of your favorites in the house. He's going on a big theater tour. Go to his website, get the tickets. It's Dan Soder, the guy from Denver.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, Denver with the hair transplants coming in like a black woman.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, don't mess with my hair. I had to sleep it. Now it's.

[Chris DiStefano]

It looks good. Dude.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, Hair tits have been on for years now. This is all mine.

[Chris DiStefano]

Baby tits is the best we've talked about in the show many times. We think it's just the best coined term for hair. Yeah, it's hair tits and it belongs to you.

[Dan Soder]

It's the 90s for boys with hair tits.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's like the way women were getting tits in the 90s. Boys are getting hairdos.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You. The way it's grown in and kind of become one. It looks great.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. It's settled.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I said, you almost look, like, biracial, right? Your hair is biracial, right? You got, like. If Jason kid grew out his hair.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my God.

[Giannis Pappas]

You use a pick to comb it.

[Dan Soder]

No, it's not even that.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's curly.

[Dan Soder]

It's. Dude, my hair has always been fucking. It's not. I don't think it's that curly, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

It does. No. You got the most curls I've ever seen. It looks great, cuz.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. All fuzzed up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You look a little. It looks like it doesn't move.

[Dan Soder]

I'll be like, yo, y' all white. Y' all notice white people, man. Y' all white nuts. Y' all be going. Y' all be going to picnics with mayonnaise in your pocket.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. All of a sudden, Dan Soda's from Oakland.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I'm like, I. I. For real, though. Ain't no morks. I start talking about ass buster. Hey, for real debate, though, in the Bay, you're like, what? Where did this come from? I think hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's his hair.

[Dan Soder]

It's his black hair.

[Giannis Pappas]

You remember Jessica Kirsten had that great black woman character?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

She just had to stop doing it, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah. She's got in trouble on Facebook.

[Giannis Pappas]

But now she can do it again.

[Chris DiStefano]

She should just do it again.

[Giannis Pappas]

She should do it again.

[Dan Soder]

Very Robin Williams.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I don't know when Robin Williams would do a black guy. You go, what is this, a 70s blaxploitation film? Robin Williams would be like. He would do the thing where you go like, say, hey.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you're like, whoa, my guy.

[Dan Soder]

I have black hair, but I won't talk like that. Dude. I. Yeah, it took me 30 minutes to get ready with all my Afro sheen this morning.

[Chris DiStefano]

What? So when you get.

[Dan Soder]

You guys come over. I got a wave cap on.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It looks like you got dry Jerry curls. Like, today. You are not going to the club.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because you know a guy with jerry curls, there are days where he doesn't go to the club.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So they're not wet.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You guys just come over and it's just too.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Katie's like, you got. You can't come in right now, Dan. You're not here.

[Dan Soder]

Sorry. It just. The house just smells of. Of coconut butter. I have A lot of artwork with black canvases, but orange tigers in front of it.

[Giannis Pappas]

What I always say is cocoa butter is the smell of black friendship.

[Dan Soder]

It is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. If you have a black friend and they get in your car, it's just.

[Chris DiStefano]

Cocoa, but it smells great and I enjoy it.

[Dan Soder]

And it's unbelievably great at moisturizing your skin.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's really good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Us. Us cracked whites. Well, now that I'm half black.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you're halfway, dude, you look biracial.

[Dan Soder]

That's so funny. I go to the hair doctor. I go, what hair did you get?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You know those movies where they give, like, they give, like, the guy. The guy gets his arm cut off and they give him, like, the. The hand of a killer.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, like.

[Dan Soder]

Like that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They're like, we're giving them black thing. And I'm like, I' a lot of act outs on.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. They're looking. They're like yours, Tyrone Johnson. Right? Like, son. Like, oh, my God, they gave him the wrong hair.

[Dan Soder]

So you're not Saquan James. And why did we give you that? And he's walking around, like, long, like, emo hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's like, he's like, the way I'm.

[Giannis Pappas]

Crying and I'm wondering where.

[Dan Soder]

Why am I talking like this, man?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, there is that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Did you see?

[Giannis Pappas]

There's like, the. On the Internet, there's a group of black dudes who look like hoods. Like, kind of. They look like they're from the hood. I know, but they do, like, white songs.

[Chris DiStefano]

Making my way in the.

[Dan Soder]

And they all the best. And they lip sync. Like, that's a Carlton. All this.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's.

[Dan Soder]

It is great.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now we're obviously with history hyenas, right? And what I love about your face.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is it's. It's your face looks like it has all of history in it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Bobby Kelly used to say that I have the nose of, like, a Roman. Like. Like a Roman nickel.

[Giannis Pappas]

You have the face of a guy who fought in battle, who never fought in battle. Like, your face was formed by generations of ancestors who got their nose pushed. Like, face pushed in swords. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Getting the butt end of a sword as I charged into a group.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, if I met you, I'd be like, oh, dude, used to be a boxer. And you're like, oh, no, no, that's just.

[Dan Soder]

I grew up in Denver.

[Giannis Pappas]

I.

[Dan Soder]

Bus table.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I used to do shows at the Maui Taco.

[Dan Soder]

It was really hard. That Were. Those were my battles.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I have Swedish. I'm half Swedish. So it's definitely like guys running to take a hundred yards of mud from the fins.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And dying of tissue above your.

[Dan Soder]

That's true. I do have scar tissue above my.

[Chris DiStefano]

What happened?

[Dan Soder]

That's a drunken fall. This is a dog bite.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So dog bite on the eye is very white trash.

[Dan Soder]

Six years old, man.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you didn't. You weren't in a lot of fights with other people. You were in fights with animals, Demons? Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, with the animals. Wait, how did a dog bite you on the face? What happened?

[Dan Soder]

I was at my friend's house. It was like six days before Christmas, seven days before Christmas. And it was just poor. Just dumping snow. And they had their. His dog hit a Husky chow mix, and it had a broken paw, but they didn't have it taped up or anything. They were, like, gonna take him to the vet and they had him. He was an outside dog, and they had him on the inside where. Like, you know those bars that go down to the basement? His. His leash and shit were attached. I was six. We were like. Me and my friend Justin were playing with our GI Joes. He got up to get some. Something to drink, stepped on his dog's paw by accident. I was right in front of it. The dog went forward, snapped the bar off the thing and just got my face. I had to get 47 stitches, like. Like all the way down here, all the way under here. He got me up here.

[Chris DiStefano]

Damn.

[Dan Soder]

He fucked my shit up.

[Chris DiStefano]

Would he not get off? Like, he was attacking him.

[Dan Soder]

My friend's dad was big. Big dude. Like, worked with his hands. And I. All I remember is him, like, picking the dog up WWF style and fucking throwing it into the backyard.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

And, like, I got up and I just felt. I was like. I just felt the warm blood. The warmth of blood.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And they picked me up and I was like, do I need stitches? That's the first thing I said.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's funny how you don't feel the pain from the wound. Like, when I got shot, the reason why I knew where it was was I felt the blood.

[Dan Soder]

You feel the warmth.

[Chris DiStefano]

Feel the warmth of the blood. But you didn't feel the pain of the bullet at all.

[Giannis Pappas]

No.

[Dan Soder]

And I didn't feel the pain until they took me to the hospital. They called my mom, and my mom went with us to the hospital.

[Giannis Pappas]

Trish.

[Dan Soder]

Trish. And she worked at Aetna. She, you know, always worked in the.

[Giannis Pappas]

She worked at Aetna. Those are the Good ticks.

[Chris DiStefano]

She had Aetna ts.

[Dan Soder]

Oh my gosh. She. She worked at the home office. That's why I was. That's why I was born in Hartford.

[Giannis Pappas]

I went to get that. Aetna.

[Chris DiStefano]

You were born in Hartford?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Cuz Trish was working Aetna home office.

[Giannis Pappas]

Holy. You just became more attracted to Mauricel.

[Dan Soder]

And then we moved to Colorado because of Aetna. But my mom was like. She called this, like, people she worked with because she worked in medical. And she was like, who should I call? My son's face is like falling off his face. And they're like, get a plastic surgeon. And they came in and this dude, Dr. Brady, like, came in and gave me like. But the pain was the. When he was doing novocaine shots in my face, that was the first time that I was like, yeah. Because he was just putting a. I mean, it was like, you can see this, right? The doctor was like quarter of an inch in and he would have lost his eye.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

White eye.

[Chris DiStefano]

Just an eye patch.

[Dan Soder]

That dogs. They bite.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, dude. You're the only dude I know who has hair, tits, and a facelift.

[Dan Soder]

And you've had plastic surgery and Lasik. Yeah, I'm like a criminal Interpols looking for.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They go, what if I told you your friend's name is Franken Von Dutch? You find out like, East German criminal and I've been on the run forever.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wow.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I didn't know you had plessy.

[Dan Soder]

No, I mean, my face looks exactly the same, but if you see like the guy, like my whole face was like a flap.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And the guy put it down and like, that's crazy. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

No. Yeah. I met you when you were in your early 20s and you just always had the face of a 42 year old guy.

[Dan Soder]

I've always been weathered.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, when you were drinking. Yeah. But now you look younger.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. When I quit smoking, it was like. It immediately pulls it back where you're like, damn. I was beating the shit out of my body. That when you quit drinking and smoking and you see people seven months later, they're like, you look great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was killing myself.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You're like, no, no. I frozen Skittles every day. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Freeze dried skittles are the fucking shit.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's crazy. So with the freeze dried skittles is like, that's what you're doing. Or they're selling them like they're pop.

[Dan Soder]

They're called Skittles Popped. But I got them on the Bert Kreischer's tour bus. He had a bag of them just like next to the door. And I was just like standing. And I just stand there and eat handfuls of it. I'm like, what are these?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

His tour managers like freeze dried Skittles. And then Skittles did the smart thing. Everyone was doing it. And then finally Skittles was like, fuck it. We'll do our own name brand. And those rock. Go get them.

[Chris DiStefano]

See, I'm not a sweets guy like that. I need chocolate. Like, if you told me they were freeze dried, like, like Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I do that. But skit. Like, I could not. You could take that candy away from me like Jolly Ranchers. I. I don't.

[Dan Soder]

You wouldn't miss it.

[Chris DiStefano]

I need chocolate.

[Dan Soder]

Big Reese's, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

Reese.

[Dan Soder]

I'm a Reese boy.

[Chris DiStefano]

I need peanut butter and chocolate almost every day in my life. That's the thing that's tough. Like, I would give up chocolate before if you told me you can. You have to give a pizza or chocolate. I'd give a pizza. Which is a lot to say.

[Giannis Pappas]

Whoa, yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Because I love chocolate.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't even know who you are, bro. I don't even know who you. Benedict Arnold turncoat. You'd give up beat. You give a pizza for chocolate?

[Chris DiStefano]

Because I love chocolate.

[Dan Soder]

Holy chocolate.

[Chris DiStefano]

I love Tiramisu's.

[Dan Soder]

Really?

[Chris DiStefano]

I love Tiramisu's.

[Dan Soder]

So the problem is, now that I'm. I'm about to do the theater tour, we already did a couple theaters. And my manager was like, you need a writer. And I just was like, you know, I don't know, coffee, water, whatever. I was like, I love Reese's Peanut butter Cups. And now they give me a fucking bag of them shits. And I just take it back to my hotel room. And I'm like, what am I doing?

[Giannis Pappas]

Let's just be honest. Can I just say something? I know you may be uncomfortable, but me and Chris won't be uncomfortable. But when the theater gets an act in.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And they see that the act is not. Is Caucasian.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're a little happier. They sigh a little bit of relief when they go, all right, let's talk about the writer.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Because, oh, we don't need a Magnum of Patron.

[Giannis Pappas]

We don't need, as Donnell Rawlings used to do for his, a bottle of lotion on ice and a new pair of sneakers like Eddie Griffin.

[Dan Soder]

I think we need to start doing it.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's like, Dan Soder's coming. Yeah, I'll Take some turkey sandwiches and maybe a Reese's peanut butter cups.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like, I'll have a Caesar salad, a vegetable crudita and some frozen peanut butter cups.

[Dan Soder]

Do you guys have any leftovers in your fridge?

[Chris DiStefano]

That's it. And then he. He does want a wave cap, but it's. It's for just his hair.

[Dan Soder]

They're go, this isn't the writer. Yeah, yeah. Where is my Don Julio?

[Chris DiStefano]

They're like, they're like, they're like, wave cap, extra room for his mama. Like, what is this? This is not.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is.

[Chris DiStefano]

This is Dan soda, right?

[Dan Soder]

Your family green room is prepared.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Like, no, no, no, it's.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. One black comic that had. It was at a club in his writer where he would have a bar of high end liquor. Right. And then the next day he would do two shows and then the next day all those B bottles had to be refilled.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That makes no sense.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make it. Or what about the. The, you know, everyone knows about like the. The Eddie Griffin one, like, extra pair, you know, needs get a new shoes.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then there was one comic, black comic. I forgot who it was, but it's somebody like, very famous that he wanted every show or at least every weekend, certain ethnicities of prostitutes in his green room. He would like, he would make the club or the theater get into like a potential, like, legal situation.

[Dan Soder]

There's no. I mean, there's no limits on your dreams.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

When you're just asking a business to do illegal shit.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think.

[Chris DiStefano]

And they would do it.

[Dan Soder]

It.

[Giannis Pappas]

They look at the writer. I think a little bit like, this is an opportunity for some quasi reparations.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And they're like, you know what? Let give me a few things.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah. Let it slide. We're gonna let it slide.

[Giannis Pappas]

I need to. Yeah. They'll be like, you know what? Go get me a bone from Queen and.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And put it in glass case.

[Dan Soder]

Bring back the Zulu shield. Dude, that's at the Smithsonian. And they go, absolutely. I'm really sorry we took that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. How about yesterday? I was at a birth like a party in like family party in Brooklyn. And. But it was friends and we did an episode two, three weeks ago on the Tripoli, the Barbary coast, like the, you know, you know, like in the. From the halls of Montezuma to the doors of Tripoli. So it was like. Because in Tripoli, which is like modern day Libya, that pirating was like a. For like it was their economy, like Somali pirates. Like, that was Tripoli and they had a lot. They would take, like, they, you know, were pirating American goods, and it's like, this whole thing. But they had white slaves. Like, they had. White slavery was a thing. Like, there were group. There were generations of, like, white people that grew up their entire life as full slaves. Like, they didn't know anything else. They were enslaved. Like, it's what it was. So we did this episode, whatever, and then I. Somebody was having a conversation, another part of the party, and they come over to me, and they were like, oh. Because I was like, it's Jasmine's friends.

[Dan Soder]

Sure.

[Chris DiStefano]

They were like, oh, you're Jasmine's husband, right? I was like, yeah. They're like, didn't you do a podcast a couple weeks ago saying how, like, white people were slaves, too, and, like, black people, like, were not the only ones who were slaves? And I was like, I didn't necessarily say that.

[Dan Soder]

Well, without the historical context, that sure does sound bad.

[Chris DiStefano]

I was like. I was like, no, that's not, like, what I said. I was like, you know, it's bad for black people obviously, too. But I was just saying, like, white, because the woman. The woman was like, who brought this up? Was like, you know, like, she was Asian type, but she had, like, all the tattoos. Like, you know, she was, like, very, very, very liberal.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, I always say, you can judge. You can't judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a conversation by its haircut.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And with me. Oh, we talking about everything.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Look at me go. I don't know where this conversation's gonna go.

[Chris DiStefano]

You would be perfect. You'd be like, I can justify white slavery and black slavery.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, mama.

[Chris DiStefano]

Hey, mama.

[Dan Soder]

Who's this white guy? Yeah, who's Gary Owen over here? Yeah, dude, that out of context is hilarious. You look like a guy that's like, nah, I met the Irish. Irish. We had a tough.

[Chris DiStefano]

I was. Literally had my daughter on my lap. I was cutting her pizza into, like, little triangles for her to feed her. And they're like, weren't you the guy that said slavery was for white love?

[Giannis Pappas]

You could. You could always use your kids like Hamas uses civilians.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

You can always just use them as a homing human shield.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Someone accuses you of being racist, you just pick up your daughter and hold it in front of you.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm like, look, she's Puerto Rican. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Feet are, like, dangling, just reaching out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

He's like, dad, you told me we were white. I'm like, not today.

[Dan Soder]

Do the accent. Do the accent.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Come on.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're trying to shoot their woke comments around the baby.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you're white racist.

[Giannis Pappas]

Hold the baby going.

[Dan Soder]

Use him as human shield.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wait, so when you get the hair transplants this fat. So where did you. You got him?

[Dan Soder]

I got it like the second year or like 2021.

[Chris DiStefano]

So everyone goes to Turkey. But you stayed here.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I mean, Turkey, you're going for. For the. For it to be cheap.

[Chris DiStefano]

Got it. They're doing the same procedure here.

[Dan Soder]

It's like 6,000, I think there.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, we get it. You're doing well.

[Dan Soder]

Listen, dude, I got my theater tour. That's what I say on stage is I got mine done in. In New York. Like a NASCAR wife.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

A friend of mine got her fake boobs done one time and she was like, yeah, get them done. Where the. The guy that does the NASCAR wives. And I thought that was so funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

She's like, I get my fake tits. Where the NASCAR wives get it? And you're like, oh, yeah, they probably have the best fake.

[Chris DiStefano]

100%.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

So they put it in and then what does it do?

[Dan Soder]

They cut your. I did the fut, which is different than the fue, where fue is plugs. A Lot of the comics that we know that have hair transplants that don't talk about it. Shout out Mateo. He talks about it.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's it.

[Dan Soder]

Rest of you little motherfucking snakes. I know who you are. I got a dossier.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, Jim Jeffries, I remember when he was balding and now he's got a full head of hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Who was like, Daniel Tosh was the OG one. But he's like. He's like, upfront about it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But. Oh, Steve Carell. If you watch like, season one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Of office. He's going bald.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But I got fut, which is they cut the strip off the back of your head and then they put it on and that's more permanent.

[Giannis Pappas]

So Rogan tried to do that before they were.

[Dan Soder]

But he did it in, like, the 90s. That's like getting Lasik in the 80s when they just zapped you with a laser pointer.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. It's just. They blow your eye out. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You, like, did it. He jumped the gun. If you would have waited.

[Chris DiStefano]

You. You. This. Your hair right now.

[Dan Soder]

It's all good.

[Chris DiStefano]

They took skin off your head and put, like, new. A new head on.

[Dan Soder]

Well, they like, scalp. Can't even see my scar. That's why the doctor's good. Because when they do, like when I told my friend who cuts My hair. I was getting it done. She works in TV and film and. And she was like, don't do it. I've seen so many actors get it done and it's just a giant scar on the back of their head. And then you got to cut your hair different or whatever. And then I got it done and then, like recently, she was cutting my hair and she's like. Like, I don't even fucking see the scar. Like, I'm back here.

[Giannis Pappas]

They do like laser.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, well, you got it. The whole point is they tell you with the recoup. That's why the fut is more. You have to take care of the scar because if you don't, it'll get fat and big. And so some guys have that and you can.

[Chris DiStefano]

Fat scar.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You can just fucking see it in the back of their head.

[Giannis Pappas]

But, you know, you might have been a little too early because, you know, now I just saw this article where they just have regrown hair.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah. No, it's. By the way, that's been on like the cusp of happening. Baldness is gone.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's going to be.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's. It's a choice now. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, I think it's like. I honestly think it's like there. I regret it. I would probably say, like, I regret 10% of it. I just.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because I have no regrets because there's no visible signs of it.

[Dan Soder]

It's great. I just feel like there's. When you watch movies from the 70s.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

People that are bald and shit, and they're in their 40s, you're like. It's like you could tell coach. Yeah. Just my head is so misshapen. Giant.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

That I was like, I need to throw a tarp on this. Even if it is black hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I need you to throw my hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

A rain delay right now.

[Dan Soder]

But it is like I just couldn't. I couldn't have a big ball if I had like a little round head. I think also culdesac on a good round head. Looks great.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're lucky. You got full head.

[Chris DiStefano]

I got a full head. Yeah. This is.

[Dan Soder]

Your dad had hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

My dad has full hair. We have no grace. We don't. So I don't grow body hair anywhere else. I have no arm hair, leg hair. I have a little bit of chest hair. I have very little pubes.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, you got the best deal.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, my hair is good. And that's what. My dad's hair is good. When I get hit with is the cholesterol. On the.

[Giannis Pappas]

The sugar. Yeah. We all get hit with something.

[Chris DiStefano]

We get hit with something.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm lucky I got a full head because I Greek. I just. But I need whatever can take up a little more space.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because my head is so small that with.

[Dan Soder]

We have opposite problems.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. My head. I.

[Chris DiStefano]

Same with me. You and I have big heads. He's got a little one.

[Giannis Pappas]

When I put on ten pounds, I look like Beetlejuice in that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I need bigger things. I need bigger accoutrements around my. More beard.

[Dan Soder]

Just accessory guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Everything's distracting with him to. Because if when he's just fully. No glasses, when he's just sitting there and no show in his apartment, you say, wow, the kid's got a little head.

[Dan Soder]

When he blinks, it makes that noise.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I've always known. I've had a giant head. And then when I started going bald, I was like, what are the options? And this dude was just like, one surgery. He was so confident. He was so confident. He's like, one surgery will never go bald.

[Chris DiStefano]

Do they have to knock you out for it? Everything.

[Dan Soder]

You stay, like. It's like, local. You're, like, kind of awake, but you're in a chair and you're just all eating your brain.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like in Silence of the Lambs.

[Dan Soder]

Exactly what it feels like when you wake up and you're like, are you guys touching my penis? I could have woke up in there. It's like that episode of Seinfeld where he's putting his stuff back on.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Me. But I was all like. My head was all bandaged up. Mateo. And his special is hilarious because it's right. You look like the alien from Mars Attack. Like, the way it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

I've seen. I've seen the videos.

[Chris DiStefano]

For somebody to do their special right after, like, the next day with your head all bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Have you.

[Chris DiStefano]

No. Have you seen the flights from Turkey? Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Have you seen when they come back from Turkey?

[Chris DiStefano]

No. Pull it up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Looks like a nuclear mushroom explosion on.

[Dan Soder]

It's just like a little thing because you're not allowed. Dude. What they tell you is, they're like. Because they're. It's like setting. So they're like, don't touch your head. So there was a news story about a guy that was flying Miami to New York. I think that's what it looks like. It's so weird because you touch it and it feels. There it is.

[Chris DiStefano]

Whoa.

[Dan Soder]

The one on the left is exactly.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what your head looked like.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. That's what it looks like.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you didn't call in for spots that week?

[Chris DiStefano]

Week.

[Dan Soder]

No, no, no. You know what's so funny is I lied to the bonfire. I was like. Because I was going to my grandma's for Thanksgiving, so I got it done on like, a Monday, and then I flew three days later. But the water settles weird in your head. So, like, I had, like, a bulge on my forehead. Flying to California. It was wild.

[Chris DiStefano]

The name of this episode, I lied to the bonfire.

[Dan Soder]

I did. But I did. And I was like. I was like, oh, yeah, I gotta. I gotta go out of town early. And then I got it done.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then you came back with that.

[Dan Soder]

No. It heals so fast. Within a week, you look. Look like yourself again. And then it just grows in. And then Giannis.

[Giannis Pappas]

I didn't know I was the first person.

[Dan Soder]

He was the first to call it out. He was guest hosting the bonfire, and he came in, he goes, what's up with your hair? And I go, nothing.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then that's because of you is when I went on the air and I was like, yeah, I got a hair transplant.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You want to know what it is? It's. You're too honest a guy.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You can't lie.

[Dan Soder]

But you know what?

[Chris DiStefano]

It's. Danny's got big time morals.

[Giannis Pappas]

Number one in the business. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But I would say this. There is. And. And this is for anybody that is lying about something. Just in general, it's always better to just get the truth out than getting found out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

That's why this Epstein thing is where it is. Because we're beyond him saying, oh, I was a part of it. I. There's nothing there. Like, we're beyond that right now. It's like, oh, so if you. You're. You're saying you had no involvement at all. That's like me going on here going, I don't have a hair transplant.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

My black hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then we pull up the picture. Like, what?

[Dan Soder]

That's what? That's.

[Chris DiStefano]

You look like a white guy.

[Dan Soder]

That's what other celebrities do.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Like, not comics, but, like, the best thing about being a comic is you go, I'm crazy insecure. I had to get a hair transplant. People go, oh, I fucking felt like that. Actors can't do that.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't see it as insecure. I see it as, like. I see it as, like, fashion. Not fashion. Yeah. Me and Jesse had this conversation, and I stumped them. What did I stump you on?

[Chris DiStefano]

Was it the teacher teeth?

[Giannis Pappas]

I stumped you on something.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, I said, are you gonna get some plans? I'd like to. I looked into Dan's doctor. Jesse should get some plans.

[Dan Soder]

Like Dr. Carlos.

[Giannis Pappas]

You didn't see him taking notes when Dan was.

[Chris DiStefano]

We talked about it, he was like, that's $6,000. Can I do that in layaway?

[Dan Soder]

It was like when. It was like when your closeted cousin goes by the touring theater company when they come to town, and he goes, so is it's life always like this? And they go, it's not. You gotta come out, baby. That was like me doing y podcast. I go, honey, you're going to thrive. Get out of this small midtown, move to a coast city, and stuck all the day.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

What did I stump you with? Remember that, though? You did get me. Yeah, Stumped you good. Because he was going, it's vanity. It's vanity. And then I stumped him with something that proved that it wasn't vanity.

[Dan Soder]

But I would say, wait, what are.

[Chris DiStefano]

You saying is vanity? Him getting hair trans.

[Dan Soder]

I said getting.

[Giannis Pappas]

Jesse was saying the same. Jesse was going, like, I don't want to be vain. I don't want to be.

[Chris DiStefano]

No.

[Dan Soder]

But to. To. To back Jesse on this.

[Giannis Pappas]

Get the out of here.

[Dan Soder]

It's not your turn doing you. You bailed on all the New York podcasts. We're having our time right now. We're having our time right now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wait here.

[Chris DiStefano]

Joe doesn't wait outside.

[Giannis Pappas]

Can you.

[Dan Soder]

I never promised you a rose garden is phenomenal, but Joe's in the background.

[Chris DiStefano]

And he picked podcast.

[Dan Soder]

Left us high and dry for a bunch of LA and Austin podcasts.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Joe thought there was some trans in here.

[Giannis Pappas]

Look at his g. He's got. I can see his ankles.

[Dan Soder]

Get the out of here.

[Giannis Pappas]

Get the the out of here. Go get shoulder transplants. You.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, they're doing that. Put a pig's shoulder on you, you bigger pig.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, he just walks in without knocking or anything.

[Chris DiStefano]

What a hockey, right?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that means.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, my God.

[Giannis Pappas]

Did you learn anything from your adoption? Somebody's got to do paperwork before they want you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like AMC poster Mommy. Yeah, Mommy. No God does it.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's how I think an adopted kid always walks in room. Kind of always looking for mommy.

[Dan Soder]

Always gonna be here, but she's holding a thing and going, joseph, I've been waiting.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's like, nope. It's just your friends who really don't care.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's like, Gary Goldman has that good bit where he's like, everyone. Every single comedian stand up special or one man show should just Be called mommy. Look at me. Yeah, that's true.

[Dan Soder]

All of us, we're constantly just doing pool flips. We're going, like, doing flips in the pool, going.

[Chris DiStefano]

And like, look at us.

[Dan Soder]

And our mom's like doing a crossword, like, great.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you go, I did three. I had three in a row.

[Chris DiStefano]

Because you know me, I like to see the rock hard cocks. You know me, I love a blue chew penis. It's what I'm into. It's what my family's into. We want blue chew cocks. We can know now when people have a blue chew boner and don't. Everyone's entering the room. Dick first, they're going to bluechew.com and they're getting all these chewable tablets that are made right here in the usa. I mean, Sydney Sweeney wants a nice little blue chill.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Look, you can either go to David Goggins to stay hard, or you can go to bluechew and stay hard.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is. Blue choose the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. Because you know me, if you're a guy like me, you know, I get a little nervous to swallow pills, so I got to chew them. They're like my Flintstone vitamins.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we like them. It helps out. Especially when you get a little older, you know, and you married and you just. You've had sex with your wife a lot. Sometimes you need a little help from BlueChew to make it happen.

[Chris DiStefano]

Here's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Here's what you got to do, guys. It's very simple. This isn't just about performance. It's about legacy or third legacy. Give her group chat something to talk about. You know how to lay it down. You do. They're talking about how to get it up.

[Chris DiStefano]

Get it up. All you got to do is go to bluetooth.com, discover your options. And this isn't about performance. It's about the third legacy. Give the group chat something to talk about, as Yanni said, and just get that heart. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. As always, you get the first month of Bluetooth free. Just use promo code hyenas at checkout. Pay five bucks for shipping. That's.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then you join bluechew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to bluechew.com for details and important safety info. And big thanks to BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast.

[Dan Soder]

But the vain thing, I. I get Jesse because I felt that, like after I got it done. It felt like the regret, you know, post nut clarity.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I got the surgery and I was like, dude, you should have just gone. Fucking cul de sac. Yeah, she just gone big heavy. But then I was like, nah, fuck it. Why not? If it's available.

[Giannis Pappas]

Was. Was your girl okay with the.

[Dan Soder]

I told her. I go, I think I'm gonna get a hand hair transplant. She goes, okay. She's like, I don't care if you do or don't. I go, here's the thing. I'm gonna try it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

If it works, great. If it doesn't, funnier.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Either way. That's the beauty about what we do. Either way, it works for you.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I was like, it. But it is. I think it is better just to tell people instead of, like, hiding it, because then the Internet. The Internet's sleuth.

[Chris DiStefano]

They will find out.

[Giannis Pappas]

They will find out.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you don't wanna. You don't wanna get called out. It's like when people. Matthew McConaughey is like. Like that. If you look him up, he got a hair transplant, but he goes, n, man. Started taking roots and berries. Had some roots and bears. Put a little water on there. Everything's fine. You're like, you got an fut surgery.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I know you did. Because if you look at it, he, like, you can see where it starts.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, that's not really him. Wait, there was one that.

[Dan Soder]

See, right there.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, there you go.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you can see.

[Dan Soder]

You can see. I start putting some topicals on there. Shut the up. Because then the Internet does the sleuth.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think there's nothing wrong with it. I think what you're doing is not vain. I think it's the same as brushing your teeth.

[Dan Soder]

I think it's. There is a little vanity to it, but I don't think it's like, I'm not the. You know, I really just think it's. The perfect comparison is fake tits. I think when it's like, women get fake tits and they feel better about themselves and you're like, great.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's also, there's, like, this is not, like, a risky procedure at all. Like, there's not. You're not gonna die on the table of a hair transplant.

[Dan Soder]

No, not at all. Even go all the way under.

[Chris DiStefano]

No.

[Dan Soder]

That's the whole point. You get, like, wonky, and then they set you out.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Like. Like the fake calves. Like, that is, like, now you're, like, risking stuff, and, like, that's kind of.

[Dan Soder]

You want to talk. Talk about vanity. I've wanted fake calves my whole life.

[Chris DiStefano]

Me too. My calves suck.

[Dan Soder]

They do. I would think you have great.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, no, I don't.

[Dan Soder]

I. Oh, you got them shorts on too.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, they're not bad, dude. Oh, but you have body dysmorphia.

[Chris DiStefano]

Thin on the side.

[Giannis Pappas]

Here's the thing about guy. Here's the thing about Chris. That's body dysmorphia. You got beautiful calves, cuz, let me say. Yeah, you need work.

[Dan Soder]

I got nothing. Yeah, look at that. That's nothing.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, yours aren't bad. Yeah, he's athletic.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm telling you, when I wear shorts and stuff like that, it's just kind of like a str. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I'm telling you, I look like. I look like I got healed by a preacher. Like, I just.

[Chris DiStefano]

Bobby said something once, like, you have the body of like a boxer in the 40s or something like that.

[Dan Soder]

I'm like a V stall head.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like before weightlifting. Like when you. They would just lift like freaking animals.

[Dan Soder]

That's what I do with Katie. With my shirt off I go. If I puff my chest out, I look like 1920s strong.

[Giannis Pappas]

The thing about you. The thing about you.

[Chris DiStefano]

What's the thing about me?

[Giannis Pappas]

Think about you is I. I always feel like you're fishing for a compliment. Right. Because you. You like feeling good. You like when men say you look good.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because those.

[Chris DiStefano]

I do this for men, not for women.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because you got sweet cap.

[Chris DiStefano]

Thank you.

[Giannis Pappas]

You got sweet cat.

[Dan Soder]

I'm trying to hold back how angry I am.

[Giannis Pappas]

And you got. I wanted to.

[Chris DiStefano]

I wanted. Well, maybe. Maybe they've gotten better. Maybe they've gotten better over the last couple of months. But I. I would always be guy who. People be like, why don't you work out legs, stick legs, things like that. So I don't know. So maybe it's just.

[Dan Soder]

The funniest my body's ever looked was when I played high school football because I. They used to laugh at me. So. Especially when you're on a team with black dudes, because they'll find like the way better.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And I had like thin calves, thin legs, and then thin arms, but like big pads. So it just looked. I had a. I had like a cowboy collar and like thin legs and like, look at him run around.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Either one of two ways that I don't know. Like. Because I had a friend that was tall, much taller than you, but skinny like you and he fight. You remember Alec curtain.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes, I did.

[Giannis Pappas]

He could fight. He was 6, 7, but he was.

[Chris DiStefano]

A fist fighter, I mean, he could.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just naturally throw hands. Like he was just a good tall guys.

[Dan Soder]

Tall guys have the ability to land tall and lengthy length.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And. And you'll see this on any street fighting video. The street straight punch is where it's at.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Not pull. Whenever I see street fights where they're like pulling the side. Always watch the tall long guys, cuz they just come in straight and that tall guy, probably, he's just shooting down.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was shooting down.

[Dan Soder]

He's got the high ground.

[Giannis Pappas]

He had just skill. He was just a skill.

[Dan Soder]

I'm not a good fighter, but yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I was gonna say it's either gonna. One way. It's like you're either a good fight or you're one of those guys that. You know on the Internet you see those guys that get knocked out and.

[Chris DiStefano]

They just go, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I get punched. I go, I go, hey, what's your problem, bro? Then I get up and I go.

[Giannis Pappas]

They just like, they're just like that thing. And then they just.

[Dan Soder]

It's so.

[Giannis Pappas]

You get more worried about them hitting the concrete than getting knocked out because they fall so unconscious.

[Dan Soder]

There is a great video that I saw yesterday online of, you know how Max Holloway in the UFC pointed at the middle of the octagon and they stood there and traded this guy on like a low level MMA thing, did it and that. He pointed it and the guy stepped up and the guy just knocked him out. So he pointed and he went. And then the ref was on top of him. He was like, what happened? The arms out or the snoring?

[Chris DiStefano]

It's bad. Like that woman who got knocked out in Cincinnati. Did you see that? That Cincinnati brawl? No, the way that this woman gets knocked out, it was like, oh, yeah, have nerve damage. Did you see that?

[Giannis Pappas]

That's one of those ones where you're like, is this going to start a race where I.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, it. Well, because what happened was, is this one was online. People were saying, everybody was saying, like this should be on the news, like this was racially motivated, blah, blah, blah.

[Dan Soder]

And.

[Chris DiStefano]

And then the news wouldn't talk about it, but now they are because the Internet. But the way this woman gets. It's not even funny. It's just the way that her eyes are open and weird. You're like, oh, this woman has like legitimately like brain. Like a. By the way, go up that. This is the. This is the woman that got Dan's hair.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, she got my hair.

[Chris DiStefano]

You got your. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Why is my hair all silky?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, but dude, if you look at this, man, I don't know if there's the video, Jesse, but did you see, like, the woman?

[Giannis Pappas]

I saw it. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Her face is bad.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. When they get. When you see a bad knockout online, you're like, oh. Oh. That's like, also an MMA where they'll knock a guy out and then they'll do the extra one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

You didn't have to do that. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Need that at all.

[Giannis Pappas]

One of the. One of the funniest. Well, one of the funniest knockouts in us.

[Chris DiStefano]

Somebody's hair got thrown off. That's funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Was when Brawl, when Anderson Silver knocked out. And Silver got knocked out by Chris Weidman from Long Island.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then he kept, like. He got knocked up, and then he kept grabbing his.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, when he grabs the leg. They've done that a couple times.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, because he's unconscious. He's kind of unconscious just in a.

[Giannis Pappas]

Dream where he's just, like, howling with him.

[Dan Soder]

You know how after a while. I think it was after he interviewed Daniel Cormier, Rogan was like, I'm not interviewing anybody after they get knocked out.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

I think his policy from now on should be he only has comedians on after we get knocked out. So, like, you got to fight one of those Navy seals out in his, like, gym.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then he starts the podcast, and you come in, you're like, Joe's like, keeping up with this Epstein stuff. And you go, I'm just smelling metal. He's like, up. He's like, ears bleeding, like, who's that guy in the thing? He rocks. And then Joe's like, yeah, Yeah. I never thought about it like that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you're like.

[Chris DiStefano]

Joe, is that ringing ever gonna stop?

[Dan Soder]

Because. So you're going on a tour. You dance, dude. You're like, I gotta go do Rogan. You go, yeah. You go. Yeah. I gotta show up, like, 30 minutes before and spar with one of his secur.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

God, yeah. Oh, I love Joe.

[Dan Soder]

That would be fantastic.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, it just when you think.

[Dan Soder]

About it, starting it on here. Who's on this?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Come in with blood trickling out. My nose.

[Chris DiStefano]

Transplant.

[Dan Soder]

It's like flapping like spade and Tommy boy flapped over.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, there was that meme going around while, like, everyone was doing that. Because when he interviewed, I think Connor.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, when he was sitting down with the broken legs, throwing him.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

That was great.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

They were Photoshopped.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They did it on, like, the 911. They did it on, like, everything.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That's that should be his policy from now on with stand up. Just stand up comedians.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Fresh knockout.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, know, he. I mean, he does do a lot of interviews with, you know, people who kind of respond that way.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like they have brain. They're brain injured people.

[Giannis Pappas]

Brain injured people.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right, right, right, right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Whether by trauma, physically or mentally.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, comedians. And then he has, like.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Giannis and I went on there like a couple months ago and just, I mean, we were throwing out some bombs like you can't even imagine. I mean, we, we. We would load up for like what we thought was going to be a home run joke, and it would just, Just get. What do you mean by that?

[Giannis Pappas]

What do you mean by that, man?

[Chris DiStefano]

And then we were kicking each other. It got to the point where we were like, kicking each other under the table, like.

[Dan Soder]

Failing.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I feel, I feel you got to slip something in his drink before you go on like a little Spanish fly to be like, this is going to be a comedy episode.

[Dan Soder]

And he goes, what are you doing? Get those pants off, man.

[Chris DiStefano]

Let's talk about the military.

[Giannis Pappas]

Let's get real.

[Dan Soder]

Let's get those tight jeans. Spanish fly is the wrong idea. Them denim off you, buddy.

[Giannis Pappas]

But you know what you and Chrissy have in common?

[Chris DiStefano]

That.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's interesting.

[Chris DiStefano]

Big white heads.

[Giannis Pappas]

Big white heads.

[Chris DiStefano]

Stegosaurus.

[Dan Soder]

That's how we're done recording instead of clapping.

[Giannis Pappas]

You guys. Chrissy's a stepdad. And you. Did you ever. Did you ever. Did anyone ever graduate to the level of stepdad?

[Chris DiStefano]

But, like, did your mom ever have had one stepdad?

[Giannis Pappas]

You had one step.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like your mom was remarried or long relationship.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cuz is a. That's like a serious. It goes from mom's boyfriend. And then how does one get considered a stepdad?

[Dan Soder]

It's the same way that they share beer with them or it's the same way they tell you that they're invading a country on the news.

[Giannis Pappas]

What do you mean?

[Dan Soder]

You, like, hear it from other sources and they go, it's official. The United States has entered Iraq.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, it's like, it's like. It's like when a high profile NBA player gets traded.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Where they go?

[Giannis Pappas]

Finds out on Twitter. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You get a rumblings where you go, isn't it crazy? That kind of Nick move some stuff in, like, to the garage and yeah, like, we want to talk to you. And you're like, all right, Dove climbing. What do you got? Yeah, like this breaking in. Adam Schefter it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Oh, that's funny.

[Dan Soder]

Your aunt's like Adam Schefter. She's like, big rumors. Your mom's marrying that guy she loves. And you go, is this rich? I don't know what you're getting back. Yeah, the dowry is, does the kid.

[Giannis Pappas]

Consider the father the stepdad? So because even if you marry the mom, does that automatically make you a stepdad? Or you just. Because if you don't like the guy, do you. You refer to him as stepdad? It almost sounds like the kid has to like the dad in order to refer to him as stepdad.

[Chris DiStefano]

It depends. It used to be with. It used to be. It used to be. Here's why I think I've now become stepdad to my stepson. Because it used to be, you know, just to make things easier with my, you know, with. We are, you know, two biological daughters and our stepson, I would just say, oh, you know, it's my. This. My wife and three kids, you know, this. Whatever. Just make it easy. And like, a couple of years ago, my stepson would be like, he would make it a point to call me Chris in front of the person. So just make it. And then to make the guy be like, oh, wait, so that's your stepson then? Well, he doesn't do that anymore. Now he's just like, okay, we're all family.

[Dan Soder]

Because that is still at the beginning of that.

[Giannis Pappas]

So he refers to you as Chrissy D. Or.

[Chris DiStefano]

No, no, no. Now, now, now. He won't do that. He used to purposely say, like, if I said, these are my kids, he would say. He would say, oh, Chris. You know, like, he called you dad, though? No, he won't call me dad, but.

[Giannis Pappas]

But he's got a dad.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. So it's like, I would never expect that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that's the reason. Yeah, that's the reason you do it is because, like, it isn't that you want to be disrespectful to the dude. The dude is, like, there with your mom. Even if you're, like, not sure about him, it's you straigh repping your dad. So you're like, nah, man, you ain't my dad. That's like the big thing where you go, nah, you ain't him. You ain't got the same last name as me. But then if you like him, eventually you go, that's my stepdad. Yeah, yeah, like. But I called him Nick the whole time. I never was like, daddy.

[Chris DiStefano]

And when he. When him and your mom broke up, that were you upset by, like, I liked him.

[Dan Soder]

I was like, Bummed that he was leaving. But I also, like, again, it's this, like, weird loyalty thing. I don't know if every kid's like this, but you, like, feel loyalty to your mom, right? So when my mom was divorcing Nick, I was like, well, I'm Team Trish all day.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Why do you think I'm here?

[Giannis Pappas]

He can't dream, Nick.

[Dan Soder]

I can't be, but I liked him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So you do the thing where, like, it's like, when you get fired from a job, and then, like, a manager that you, like, will stop you before you hit the parking lot, like, hey, I'm really sorry this happened.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That's what you do with the stepdad when they're getting divorced. Where I meet him in the garage. I go, I know you got let go. I loved the work you did here.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But it was real good stuff.

[Chris DiStefano]

Really nice.

[Dan Soder]

Thanks. Upper management, thank you for cutting a gate into our back fence so I could walk through the fence to go to my bus stop.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Did a lot of good work.

[Chris DiStefano]

Thanks for giving me. Thanks for giving me a sip of beer. I appreciate you taking me to the San Francisco Giants games.

[Dan Soder]

Thanks for taking me to the Buckingham Mall so I could get toys from KB Toys. You ruled. And also, why I liked Nick was he was over with my dad. My dad liked him. My dad would call and they would.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, your dad was still alive, your dad.

[Dan Soder]

My dad died when I was 14.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wait a second. This guy banged his friends?

[Dan Soder]

No, this is different guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Guy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, no, no. He's saying that Dan's saying his biological father was alive then and actually met Nick and was.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, yeah, because they were divorced before your dad passed.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, my dad and mom got divorced 6. My mom married Nick when I was, like, 8, and I liked him, and he was there until I was, like, 11 or whatever. And then I was like, dude, this guy rules. And then I remember my dad would call to talk to me. Yeah, a few times. That he did.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And Nick would pick up, and I'd be, like, excited because Nick would be like, oh, what's up, Gary? And then they would talk.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And I remember that was the first time I was like, oh, there. My parents hated each other, Right. But I was like, oh, Nick's. That was the first time. I was like, oh, Nick isn't doing the. The thing where he's like, you motherfucker. My wife hates you. He's like, yeah, what's up, man? How you doing? And then they would talk for, like, too long.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right?

[Dan Soder]

Where I'd be like, I want to talk to my dad.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

You were.

[Chris DiStefano]

You.

[Giannis Pappas]

Nobody ever graduated for stepdad status for you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Nobody ever graduated.

[Giannis Pappas]

And would you think part of that was you constantly crawling in the bed as an adult?

[Chris DiStefano]

I think. I think one in PE was me being 15 years old and still needing to sleep in bed with my mom because I was scared of ghosts in my other room.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you just didn't want anyone in your spot?

[Chris DiStefano]

I thought the only way. Yeah, the only way that I thought I'd be able to say loyalty to my. To my dad is just block my mom for the rest of her life.

[Dan Soder]

I'm scared. And she goes, he's in the room again.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You guys have tissues? I have.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, how come nobody's ever done a comedy movie about kids blocking the mom? I think they have something.

[Dan Soder]

What was the.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, step brothers is step.

[Dan Soder]

There was the other one with Paul Rudd. Role models.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Where, like, Ken Marino plays the stepdad, and he's, like, getting blocked by the kid and he's like, this kid sucks.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. I think it's a very, very. Even though it's so normal now for, like, you know, blended families, it's just a very. It's the hardest, far and away the hardest on the kid, easily. Because you're like, what am I supposed to do now? I love my dad, so I don't want to be disloyal, loyal to him, but I also love my mom, and I know that the stepdad is being nice to my mom, so I don't want her to be upset. So what the hell do I do?

[Dan Soder]

How are you and his dad?

[Chris DiStefano]

Good.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Then it's fine. As long as that's because, like, my mom's boyfriend after my stepdad was my dad's ex. Best friend.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wow. Interesting.

[Dan Soder]

He's my godfather.

[Giannis Pappas]

Interesting.

[Dan Soder]

And they started dating because they were talking and they started dating again, and then there was nothing cool about anybody. My mom and her boyfriend hated my. My dad. My dad hated them. That was where I got that joke from that last special where I was like. I would go between the two, like, a little talking, traveling. Like, I would go, like, that's what Joe and my mom are saying about you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, we gotta. Yes, there it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's interesting because it's almost like nobody's ever set rules for how somebody becomes a stepdad. When you call him stepdad, how many years it has to go. Is it when you call them dad?

[Chris DiStefano]

Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Is it when a kid goes, dad, Dad? I think there should Be a stepdad ceremony. There's, like, where, like, it's.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

People gather.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right. Like a wedding I've now been friends with.

[Giannis Pappas]

Stepdad become your stepdad.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. I think that for me, I'm never going to ever require that, but it would. It would be. Not. It would be nice to get a little bit of acknowledgment of how good a job I'm doing. It would just be nice to have about how I'm really holding all this together and no one's saying thank you.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. How about a little fucking big day for Christmas?

[Chris DiStefano]

How about. How about a little bit. You know what I mean?

[Dan Soder]

Because my stepdad never did get that. He never got the payoff.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

The wedding was weird. We were at my mom's friend's house. I didn't really want to be there. I liked Nick. I told the story on the bonfire. But it's true. The closest moment I ever had with my stepdad, the gayest moment I ever had with my stepdad was my 10th birthday. Was. It was 93. Jurassic park was out.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

It was literally the summer Jurassic park came out. I'm in a huge Dino phase. He bought me for my birthday the T. Rex with a little chunk of the ribs missing. And that's all I want. That's all I wanted. And it was the last present. My mom's like, nick got you something. And I opened it, and I was like, yes, yes. And I went over and I kissed him on the lips. And we both had this moment of like, we did it.

[Chris DiStefano]

And we were like, is that a crime, actually.

[Dan Soder]

All right, what the fuck?

[Giannis Pappas]

We both.

[Dan Soder]

Instantly. We're like, that fuck.

[Chris DiStefano]

The fuck?

[Dan Soder]

And I was like, sorry, dude, I'm all drunk on T. Rex. I was like, oh, shit. I just picked my real dad. I don't know what's going on.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But I did. I laid a big old smooch on Nick, and the table got weird.

[Giannis Pappas]

When you're. When you're dating a mom, you're really going to. You're not only dealing with the wife and her trauma or whatever it is from a lost parent or a bad relationship, you're also swimming against the current with the kid. Yes. Because the kid's always going to put his dad first and always say, you're not my dad. No matter how bad the dad was, kids always romanticize their dad.

[Dan Soder]

My father was a legitimate deadbeat, and I loved him.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So much more than my stepdad.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

God. When it comes to his son and their dad, I mean, you'll just make your dad a fucking hero no matter who he is.

[Dan Soder]

Hulk Hogan.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Pre N word, Right? The man was over.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Soder]

Like he could do no wrong.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Soder]

Dad would be like. My dad would make promises and flake on him, and I'd be like, dude, I get it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Now I'm in my 40s in therapy. Like, oh, that's the reason that I have crippling anger sometimes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But it is. It was like, dude, especially when you have a deadbeat dad that's an alcoholic, because they make promises just to get out of shit, right? They'll make promises the way, like, young dudes will tell women they're going to fuck them all night.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right?

[Dan Soder]

They'll do that kind of stuff where they go, you come home with me, I'm going to fuck you all night. And girls are like, that sounds great. And then they nut once and the guy's like, don't touch me.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

My dad would be a drunk and be like, dude, I'm going to drive out to your football game. I'm g. Come to your Pop Warner game. And I'd be like, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, yeah, I'm a me and Jim is alcoholic roommate. We're paint ourselves purple.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. In the morning there be like, mom, I need the right turns. Got to iron dad's.

[Dan Soder]

And then. And then just end of the season, I go, dad.

[Chris DiStefano]

Wait, was that. Was that month next month.

[Dan Soder]

And he'd go like this. I don't think I'm gonna make. Make it, you know? You think we're playing the Bruins on Saturday. It's the last game of the year. And he's like, ah, is it. Oh, it's football season in the fall.

[Chris DiStefano]

I go, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. It was like people with deadbeat dads who are alcoholics that try to make excuses. This is what I'm talking about with just coming forth and like, it's like getting the secret out so then it doesn't do damage. If my dad was like, dude, I would have had been so much more well rounded if my dad was just like, yeah, you, dude. I don't like you. And I'd have been like, all right, well, I'm gonna deal with that.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think he probably still would have made excuses for it, but I think there's something about how we romanticize our fathers. I remember when I found out my dad wasn't a starter on the high school football. I was crushed.

[Chris DiStefano]

Was he telling?

[Giannis Pappas]

No. Oh, I just built it in my.

[Chris DiStefano]

Head that he was so Good football.

[Dan Soder]

And mom took him away from.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then I saw. Yeah, I saw the old news clippings that he would put in. He was clipping the. The. The.

[Chris DiStefano]

The.

[Giannis Pappas]

The football news from, like, the Daily. He played for Madison in Brooklyn. And he was clipping it like a. One of those bench. Yeah. Where just when it was just like. And Chris Pappas contributed. Just to get contributed. Just because they mentioned his name on there, I was like, you're a bench loser.

[Dan Soder]

But in your mind it was O.J.

[Giannis Pappas]

Simpson.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You're like, not.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just because he hit my momers and.

[Dan Soder]

Would threaten her with a knife. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

In my mind, he was like a football star. And I remember I was cr. I was really like. I didn't. I was like, who am I now?

[Dan Soder]

I'm sorry.

[Giannis Pappas]

Am I now?

[Dan Soder]

For anybody that's heard me tell the story before, I'm sorry, but this is exactly the example you're about talking. Talking about. I used to lie for my dad because he was so pathetic. My dad was a cook in the Navy. Right, right. That's all he did. He was a cook in the Navy. Would get drunk on the ships and watch them shoot missiles in the North Bay of Vietnam. Literally. He'd just go on the top of the ship and with a case of beer and sit there with the shirt.

[Giannis Pappas]

Off, watching it like the sunset.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And there's like. There's all these people going like, my dad's going like that. Got someone pull top Budweiser.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Well, we just took out that fucking hut. And so. But it was like, I kind of knew that. I always knew he was a cook in the Navy. You know what I mean? Whatever. That's why it was Tim Walls. Well, no, my dad. I lied for him.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because when Under Siege came out, the Steven Seagal movie, I was like, yeah, it's based on my dad. I would tell everyone in fifth grade, but I gave. My dad was like a chef in the Navy, but he was like, really a secret badass.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is that. You're talking about the same guy.

[Dan Soder]

Your guy was on the USS Chicago.

[Giannis Pappas]

I just met his roommate, Jim.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Jim was the. He got caught looking under the stalls. Yeah, that's Jim.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it was like he was.

[Chris DiStefano]

That guy's asleep in the car in.

[Dan Soder]

The parking lot right there.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It reminds me of. You ever seen the movie Stand, Stand By? Me?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. You remember.

[Giannis Pappas]

Remember, it was Corey Feldman's character.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Your dad was a loony. My dad stormed the beach At Norman.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Looney, Looney, Looney.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He put your head to his stove. Yeah, exactly. The guy burned his ear off. And this guy's. This kid is praising him.

[Dan Soder]

It's going, no, my dad's a war vet.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, he's like, yeah, he's a war vet because he burnt your ear off.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, but it is. You do want to defend your dad. You want to be like, I'm not. I don't come from the stock of a loser.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, right. I remember I first got like, my dad, like the kind of. I thought he was. He would tell me, like, you know, got drafted and a baseball player, like, was drafted. Then he, you know, he was working like these really like, high up firms, like in accounting and, and all this, like, I thought he was like this crazy, like, businessman. And then I remember, like, I was talking to my dad on a cell phone, like a, like the first, like Nokia. I was like, What? I was 14 and I was talking to my dad and saying something about his job. And then my mom was on the phone with one of her friends in the kitchen. And I guess she was listening to what I was saying, and she got on the phone, she's like, barbara, you got Tony's now telling Chris. She goes, tony's telling Christopher that he was, you know, played for the Yankees and that he was, he was like, if he only knew. And then. So I was one of those things where I was like, oh, whatever. My. I didn't know. I didn't ask my dad ever. But I was like, whatever my dad's telling me is a lie because my mom is like, talking to her friends about it.

[Dan Soder]

There is the crazy kryptonite.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

For a lying father, angry ex, ex wife. Because they'll let you know. My mom was like, your father's a liar.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just straight out, don't talk about my dad like that.

[Dan Soder]

Shut up. I want to live with him. Go for it. I'd be like, I want to live with him. She's like, you want to live in your grandma's house?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Or with Jim.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

For the six months he's got a house. You want to live with Jim?

[Giannis Pappas]

That's the first. That's like the, the illusion busting fact. It's like, who do you live with and why?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, right. Dude. When I pulled that, when I was like, I want to live with D, my mom would go, no. You know, and I think go like, oh, you mean that? It's like when a tough person, they're like, let's go outside. And he goes, buddy, you don't want to do this. Yeah, listen to that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember once me being like, I'm gonna go live with my dad and my mom was like, go ahead, do it. I remember I asked him and my dad was like, I'd love for you to live with me, buddy, but I don't have the space. Seven year old child. What? What do you mean you don't have the space? That's what he said.

[Dan Soder]

And then I did realize he was not wrong. He was living in my grandma's office on a pull out couch. But.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

He didn't have the space. But it hurts for some reason you saying that it brought up the pain of him going, buddy, I just don't have the space. And you go, I thought we were best friends.

[Giannis Pappas]

Best friends.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm looking how little I am, man.

[Giannis Pappas]

Hide anywhere.

[Dan Soder]

Sleep under the bed, actually. Think that's kind of cool, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think whatever we can do for the to analyze and improve male insecurity will be good for the world 100% because male insecurity is the thing that wreaks the most havoc.

[Dan Soder]

Every problem we have right now is male wealth hoarding.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

War started.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Lying bitcoin. Bitcoin male insecurity. Oh, you need a fake computer coin because the money coin don't do it for you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Not to bring this full circle, but hair tits can help that.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean if hair taps, which I think they can.

[Giannis Pappas]

A little more confidence to an incel or just a normal, a normal person. God bless.

[Dan Soder]

But also, let's legalize sex work so that some of these incels can pop a nut.

[Giannis Pappas]

Absolutely.

[Dan Soder]

They don't have to go online and make people want to kill themselves.

[Chris DiStefano]

Absolutely.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Anytime you see any guy just, you know, acting a fool, you're going like, tell me about your dad.

[Dan Soder]

It's a hundred percent.

[Giannis Pappas]

I want to know about your dad.

[Dan Soder]

No one from a secure place does any where they just go. Unless you're just an absolute socio or psychopath like which is very few people very, very. Well, a lot of people like to claim it because it's easier to claim being a psychopath than being insecure. And you know, it's easier to go, I'm a psycho.

[Giannis Pappas]

Instead of going, I realized it's the psychopaths and the sociopaths are never really the problem. It's the people they seduce.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

That are the problem.

[Dan Soder]

It's the people that do the working. I don't know if you Ever had somebody because there's so few of them. If you've ever had somebody that's mentally been broken before, you'll notice the person that's closest to them will like, they're like that lady that, like a press secretary for the White House. They go up there, they go, they're doing fine. Stressed out at work right now. And you go, they're crazy.

[Chris DiStefano]

I can see them, right?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but it is, that's all it is. It's all like no one. Like insecurity makes people close to you lie to cover it, which makes it worse. Instead of you just going, I don't know, man, I'm insecure.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you just be honest with it. But that's, I'm telling you, dude. Hair, tits. You're right.

[Dan Soder]

Hair, tits, calf implants.

[Giannis Pappas]

Whatever it takes.

[Dan Soder]

Fuck it, let's go. I'm going to come in with like one of those, those fucking faces and you're like, guys, I did it too.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, whatever it takes.

[Chris DiStefano]

Ozempic, facelift, that's another thing that's cure. Baldness is cured. And also obesity. There's no reason for our generation, people alive right now, to be obese. You don't have to be obese.

[Dan Soder]

You're not thinking about the long term effects of Ozempic. We're going to lose a whole generation of funny people when all the fat kids are gone.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's true.

[Dan Soder]

Because where is those personalities going to be created and hardened and fire. Yeah, you need insecure people to become funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Because it's a defense mechanism. Three of us are funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because you're throwing a wrench in the whole fucking premise.

[Dan Soder]

No, but I'm. But it is, there is benefits. It's kind of like, you know, sometimes there's bad stuff, but good stuff comes out of it.

[Giannis Pappas]

The truly funny people have alchemized their insecurity and turned it into something that benefits others.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. Which is why.

[Giannis Pappas]

So if you're not funny, what can you do?

[Dan Soder]

I think like, I don't know, you're.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just like alchemize your insecurity.

[Dan Soder]

Just try to work on your work out. I don't know. Yeah, just go to therapy.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, go to therapy is big.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think part of it, I think a good, good, a good start would be for people who have those problems who are like angry or bitter or young. It's like if everyone starts to understand that that is a projection of something else, then, then people will be like, will have more awareness of their own shit. Because the problem is people buy that. They don't go. I mean, what's going on in your childhood that's making you act like a.

[Dan Soder]

Can I tell you an insecurity thing of mine that I realized that was, like, crazy?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I had a thing with, like, really famous comics that we all, like, love. And for some reason in my, like, they were all like Louis Chappelle Burr. They were all, like, loving my friends, you know, Like, Louie was like, joe List, you're the best. And then Chappelle would be like, I love Michelle Wolf. I think she's the greatest of all time. And then, like, Louie would be like Shane, and they would all. It felt like all my heroes were, like, picking people. Everyone around me but me. And I was like, I started to get really insecure about it, and I'm like, what the. Why don't they like me? I'm, like, good at comedy or whatever. And then in therapy, they were like. He was like, oh, it's just. This is for your dad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You just want your dad's.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's right.

[Dan Soder]

Acknowledgement. And the second I realized that I don't give a. About Louie or Chris Rock or Chappelle anymore.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I'm like, yeah, they're more of a headache.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I got to deal with them going up or their headache. It instantly washed away in a way.

[Chris DiStefano]

Very interesting.

[Dan Soder]

That is a. That was like. Therapy doesn't always work like that. It takes years to fudgeing. Have breakthroughs, but sometimes you have a breakthrough, it immediately clears up where you go, like. It's like taking an antibiotic and you go, oh, fuck, that rash is gone.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And it was like, I was so consumed with people I idolized or looked up to being nice to me. And then in therapy, it was like, well, your dad died when you were 14. You never got the opportunity to see that he was just a loser. And you would have let go of that. Like, most men grow up and see their fathers as people. So you go, oh, he's just a dude. He's got good, he's got bad, but he's a dude. When your dad dies when you're a kid, it's like Superman died.

[Giannis Pappas]

Can you put Carl Young quote about what the extent people will go to to avoid their own souls? I mean.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And that's what makes a lot of the human comedy, which is funny because we're basically just watching everyone just, like, trying to run.

[Dan Soder]

15 minutes. I was going, I don't have Black Arrow. And now I'm going to come Home occasionally. Go shut your ass up. Look at your ass up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Let's just take a moment for the fans. Carl, Jong, extend humans with two A's go to hide. Yeah, that's how Jesse Googled what I asked him to Google. John.

[Chris DiStefano]

He sounds like someone Dan's dad killed in Vietnam.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

I think we launched it into the Bay of John.

[Giannis Pappas]

Whatever I asked for. Google. You, you, you. It's almost like you go for the thing that won't bring it up.

[Chris DiStefano]

I go quick.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm not even looking.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah. He's just.

[Chris DiStefano]

And laughing.

[Giannis Pappas]

Carl, jog extended. Humans go to hide. You know what, though?

[Dan Soder]

This is like when your. When your mic gets left on in your. In your pocket. Like, you hit auto thing and you go, oh, that's what I. That's what I thought I said. Carl Jung go to.

[Giannis Pappas]

Hi, Carl, Jog extent. Humans go to hide. And I like the two A's.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Believe that.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's such a great quote.

[Chris DiStefano]

The person has a she, the Persona as a shield.

[Giannis Pappas]

Jesse's like, not even getting close.

[Chris DiStefano]

Not even close. Wait, what do you want me to call.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's the hide or to hide or.

[Dan Soder]

Repress certain aspects of their.

[Giannis Pappas]

Avoid their souls. Just go.

[Chris DiStefano]

Carl Jung.

[Giannis Pappas]

Avoid their souls. This is a good. We'll end the episode like this. Their souls.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, I think I got it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. Exactly right.

[Dan Soder]

I love that.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's the best. It sums up the hum. It's. It sums up humanity.

[Dan Soder]

It's when you start realizing that all the calls are coming from inside the house.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's all internal.

[Dan Soder]

You just go, like, I just got to clean it up.

[Giannis Pappas]

You just got to clean up inside.

[Dan Soder]

Like, I. I didn't realize the concept. I know we got to end the podcast, but it's like a thing that I've.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, but we got.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, because is waiting. Right? Yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah, look. And he's pointing at his watch.

[Giannis Pappas]

You have no rights. You have no rights. You're Ethiopian. You're 10 Ethiopian. You got no rights.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, we're. We're trying to be here at 12 o'.

[Chris DiStefano]

Clock.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's 12:20. What are we doing? We're finishing right now.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, this is the Stern show. Yeah, we're going over.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're going over because we got a funny comic. You're not the only funny comic in the world.

[Chris DiStefano]

There's another funny comic. I had to wait. I had to eat my oatmeal. Where. So we were late.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm Greek. We're late. It's like, your parents were.

[Dan Soder]

Of course, derosa ruin such a great moment.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, he does. It's what he does.

[Dan Soder]

I was just gonna say, d. Just don't be ins. Oh, being mean to yourself.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I didn't know that was a concept from my 40s.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It took an ex girlfriend and my current fiance to go, stop being mean to yourself.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you go, what? Yeah, I'm not being mean to me, dude.

[Chris DiStefano]

Just. I'm gay, dude. Yesterday. Yeah, Yesterday was like, something so subtle. Friend of mine, very, like, enlightened. Like, good dude. He was saying that he goes, like, the grounding, you know, you take your shoes and socks off and, like, go and like, a field or whatever. He lives. They live, like, in a nice part of Brooklyn, Bed Stuy. But it's still like, you know, he says he goes and grounds himself in the park, like, right up street from his house. And I was like, so you go, no shoes, no socks on? You know, growing up, how I grew up, I was like, wouldn't you be worried about, like, stepping on, like, shards of glass or, like, a needle? And he literally just very comfortably was like, oh, I don't live my life that way. I don't worry about that. If I stepped in glass, I would deal with it then.

[Dan Soder]

But I would. I have no concept of that, right? Because I go, I won't leave the house because I'll think about the needle and toe in the park.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I'm like, walking my dog. If you ever see me in the city walking my dog, I'm having a fight with someone in my head, right? I'm going like this. Oh, yeah, you. You like picking up her? I go, yeah, that's why you suck. I come home, like, ready to fight Katie, and she's like, what's going on? Like, oh, my brain is turning.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when you fist fight people in the shower or you go crazy, what.

[Dan Soder]

It is where you're like, oh, yeah, fuck you. It's like 2006 in your head.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you go, I remember that guy at Outback was fucking rude to me.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, as I found in my. In my journeys, my mental journeys. Anger. Anger is a protector emotion. What's underneath it?

[Chris DiStefano]

Fear.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's a protector emotion.

[Dan Soder]

Jelly on the inside.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's the jelly on the inside. Dan Soder, thank you for coming on the History Hyenas.

[Dan Soder]

I love you guys so much.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're going on a big tour.

[Dan Soder]

The Golden Retriever of comedy tour starts September 23rd or 24th in Los Angeles at the United Theater. Dance odor.com all the date we got the wet the west coast dates listed. Some east coast, but the first half of the tour is announced. Dance Otter.com please buy tickets. I love this hour. I think you'll enjoy yourself. I love the hyenas. I'm glad you guys are back.

[Chris DiStefano]

Love you too, baby. Happy back. All right, folks, as always, you know we end every episode going to patreon.com history hyenas the best way to join the matriarchy and be a part of everything we have. We read the funniest names out and the winner will, you know, be the pseudo penis of the week, which means.

[Giannis Pappas]

Your name's up in lights. It's a big deal. It's like being on the Wikipedia podcast.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's like you made the hall of fame. It's great. And we also have tons of bonus content there where we go off the rails. And if you want to crash your car laughing, go to patreon.com history hyenas.

[Giannis Pappas]

And Joe Derosa has no but I'm sitting in the seat he was just sitting in. And it's stiffer.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's stiffer. Yeah. Joe doesn't have a butt or shoulders. Mateo Marino. Welcome, Kevin. Then we got dip my egg roll and duck sauce. Now walked into one can't.

[Giannis Pappas]

But very funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Very funny. But it's racial. And we can't. We just. We don't like that. Then we got was banging out a toot when they crucified my lord. Old school fallback. You know.

[Giannis Pappas]

Were you there fan who probably just came back. Welcome back.

[Chris DiStefano]

Welcome back. Then we got tucked back squeak in lapuing. Catapult engaged. I feel like we had that week.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was last week.

[Chris DiStefano]

There may be be we I.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was last episode. I remember that one.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, but these are different names.

[Giannis Pappas]

So maybe he tried again.

[Chris DiStefano]

Tried again. I think he. Oh, because he got mad that we he was the victim of a bad read. So he probably tried again. But it's a good one.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's a good one. It's a good one. It's your Drexler. I'll give you Drexler for trying twice.

[Chris DiStefano]

Adam Smith, great regular guy who is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Into the free market.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. I was gonna say like great economists coming back from the dead listening to the pod. Then we got Vote Mom. Yani bringing two eyes together as one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put him on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

On the list.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's That's a catapult. It's possibly a contender.

[Chris DiStefano]

Y. We got Jay. Then we got Tampa. Tony's Twink.

[Giannis Pappas]

I like it.

[Chris DiStefano]

So the guys just say, my dad's got twinks. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. We're going to. Yeah, it's almost.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got My Fumar is fubar. Adam Cassidy, Jackie Onassis and Tits Got Brain on Zacuta film.

[Dan Soder]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's deep, deep cut and it's just. Yeah. Then we got the law offices of Frisbee and Frisbee.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put them on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, on the list. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's basically everyone's lawyer.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

We got a chicken finger contender, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's nothing like a good, good sweet short one like.

[Chris DiStefano]

Like Suzuki Ichiro.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just a nice band single.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. This is the story of a girl who fumed a river and drenched the whole world. Is the story of a girl perfumed a river and drenched the whole world.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I've got to put that on the list for inventiveness.

[Chris DiStefano]

And you got Will Drizzly soup Steve.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, that is not okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

That is not okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's not okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Sydney Sweeney's jeans, Brady Waitling. Then we got screwed. And to who eats glue in a suit? It's just professional guy that eats a little glue.

[Giannis Pappas]

He gets. He gets his gay sex when he's at work.

[Chris DiStefano]

At work. His wife and family have. It's not hurting them. That's a Drexler Charles Gabriel. Then we got Chrissy D, aka Mr. McGlue keeps walking into one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, okay, that's true.

[Chris DiStefano]

That is true.

[Giannis Pappas]

True statement.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got kid out of Bay Ridge with an inch from the stitch. It's just a little smidge on my ridge. It's what it is. I don't get it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

But he's from the ridge, so we give him a direct. So just from being from our. Our place.

[Chris DiStefano]

Oh, I see. Kid out of Bay Ridge with an itch from the sitch. It's just a little smidge on my ridge.

[Giannis Pappas]

From the situation.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yes. I guess saying he has a situation.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's got a situation.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay. We'll give him a direction from the ridge.

[Chris DiStefano]

Tim, Spencer, Jordan. Then we got Jack Deep Carada, Uncle Russell's Leroy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just what it is. We can't list it, right?

[Chris DiStefano]

List it. No, it's disparaging. We can't do that.

[Giannis Pappas]

But it's funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got the. The Muad Dabib dead stretch.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's what you call. What is it? Muab Dabib Moad Dib.

[Chris DiStefano]

The Muad Dib.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's what you call airport scrutiny.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's airport scrutiny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Airport scrutiny award.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got Captain Epstein of the Itty Bitty Frisbee Committee.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's so good. Yeah, that's so good. I'm listing it.

[Chris DiStefano]

I'm listening. And make the call.

[Giannis Pappas]

That one has moved into first place.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yep. Then we got John Dallas Liver Enzymes. Milkman. Atn, Muta, bgb. Found out Muzzy Cozy was a bear, so they threw him off the roof.

[Giannis Pappas]

The bear in the community of gays.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So they threw him off the roof.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what it is not.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's walked into one. But it's true. I'm going to Drexler it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. Then we got three finger twisting Michelle's balls. Just Michelle's balls. Might have been it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, Michelle's. It's the. It's Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Drexler. Okay. Alex Montes. Then we got. Met a lady boy and told her, don't tuck it. I want to lick Thai sweet chili off your chicken meat.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wei Song good.

[Chris DiStefano]

They got to put on the list like that. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Don't. No, no, baby.

[Chris DiStefano]

Don't tuck it. Yeah, I got a plan for this. Yeah. Okay. So then we got. Had a late night. Muzzy scuffle ate her ass like it was. That's falafel. Okay? That's the definition of a Drexler.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Kanye's former shirt designer looking for work.

[Giannis Pappas]

Funny. We're gonna Drexler it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Case.

[Giannis Pappas]

That was funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, see this one? I can't. I can't even say. So this one. Just listen.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you didn't walk into one. You got. You caught this.

[Chris DiStefano]

I caught this one. Yeah. So I can't even say it.

[Giannis Pappas]

We'll say it and he'll bleep it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Well, I'll say I'll be. But it's. Now I'm getting cocoed by a hung black. Can't say. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, but that one is more of a fact.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

His grandfather used to do that.

[Chris DiStefano]

He doesn't do that. And now he's getting. And now he's. This girl is getting cracked open by a black man with a large penis.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because that's a girl.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what she's saying. She's getting cracked open. Unless he's a gay man.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right. I don't even think it's that bad.

[Chris DiStefano]

You don't bleep.

[Dan Soder]

It.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Walked into one, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got Giannis's Seafood Toothpicks. Then we got Epstein's, alive and on the beam with some Catholic roommates.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's somebody who at some point heard me say, say I use fish bones to pick my teeth.

[Chris DiStefano]

I mean, when is that from? Years ago.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't know. But sometimes it's scary how they know us.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got lg. Then we got my Tiny Dick as a character piece. Mike Hinkle, Shane Berry, Jordan Adam Non Dairy Latina Titty Milk. Sammy Cycles. Straight to the Cackle. Travis Zond. Kicked off the diving team because I'm a. You got caught Inwards. You got caught. Yeah, you got. Yeah, sorry about that.

[Giannis Pappas]

They get creative.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that.

[Giannis Pappas]

And let me just say, I like Sammy Cycles. Sammy Cycles.

[Chris DiStefano]

Kids just openly on steroids.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I just like Sammy Cycles.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got Ben Stoden.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cuz if you ever break up, maybe your wife will meet a guy named Sam. He'll be good for my kids. They could ride off nowhere together. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're on a cycle.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, they're on the cycle.

[Giannis Pappas]

They. It doesn't go anywhere, but it's still. They're still cycling.

[Chris DiStefano]

They're st. They're going as fast as they can.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got Ben Stoden, the Legal Horse Porn Company. Jack Ruby Girthquake, Reno Torres, Charlie Tong, Mine Fumor.

[Giannis Pappas]

We've had that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yep. Cody Herring, Jeremy Howard Pink v China, John Slater. I want to tuck it back, but my squeak piece won't reach. Alex Barclay. Glue shots from the logo. Call me Caitlyn Clark.

[Giannis Pappas]

I like that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Money, Andrew.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken finger money. Just a couple good, funny.

[Chris DiStefano]

Andrew Cuomo's tit handshake, which we've had.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Aaron Jose Menendez was a hell of a balls player. I feel like we've had that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wait, so this is getting confusing because we've had these.

[Chris DiStefano]

Maybe some of them got mixed up. Yeah, they could have gotten mixed up. Most of them sound new, but.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, because Titty Handshake got on the list.

[Chris DiStefano]

Maybe they upgraded their membership. Sometimes that happens. Into the new list. George Washington's George Washington's Pepperoni and my asshole. Okay, okay. John Dunn, Bubba Flubber. Brian M. Bring back Aunt Jemima's juice.

[Giannis Pappas]

I don't know. I don't know if it was ever here.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

What are we bringing back?

[Chris DiStefano]

Barry? $3. Bill McCock in him.

[Giannis Pappas]

My cocking him. Yeah. I like that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Funny, George. Floyd Mayweather.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very Funny, Matthew.

[Chris DiStefano]

Looking for a glue from a Fumi Jew. Pee pee poo Poo potazo.

[Giannis Pappas]

Lot of 14. Yeah, good, good.

[Chris DiStefano]

Jack Kaufman. Pollock Pollock polisher. My cousin married a muzzy and now she can't stop ululating. Ulu lading. I don't get it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Don't know.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. Dr. Biden. Explodey monkey, Gypsum F. Long dong. Latina colonizer. Kay Wilson. Snow Monkey with Leroy Glue in my buttonwood. Cousin Nikki. Travis Gray. Leroy Frisbee from the Bible oven made me. I've been. Wait. Leroy Frisbee from the Bible oven made me.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right there. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Braden Bickle. Casey Anthony, social media manager.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put her on the list. Just put them on the list. Yep, she's back on socials.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got Vincenzo Leroy Destroyer, Puglisi Sauce Monkey Award. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Grouchy Gooch.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, wait a second. That's a. Walked in.

[Chris DiStefano]

Leroy Destroyer. You can't say that.

[Giannis Pappas]

You can't say you're a Leroy Destroyer. Italian name.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Grouchy Gooch. Rachel. Sean Combs my hair. It's not that serious. Okay. Laura Hockley. Big Dick Dave. UCF class of 2009.

[Giannis Pappas]

I like it.

[Chris DiStefano]

Matt and the Poconos. Victor Van Go. Who's got a Puerto Rican flag? Got nicked by getting tricked into tummy sticks. Good one, Homie Schmoocher. TT Jerry's Fuzzy Wuzzy Hunter. Thomas Cannon, Tom Gibbs. Dragon Master. Kanan Santiago, Kyle Klein, Pointer and Pine. Dustin Olsen. Colin V. Chrissy D's. Right Pectoral. Chrissy's Pelvic Floor therapist. Let me just do one more and then we'll. And then this list is over.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Perks. Thomas Headland. Peter Felter Bush from Edak. Dickenberg. Go Stillers. Dylan. Mike Sweeney. Foley's weird looking mole. Br. Doug Whitaker.

[Giannis Pappas]

Logan. Hitler. They got you.

[Chris DiStefano]

Brad Off Hitler.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Brad Off Hitler.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right off Hitler. Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

All right. Tyle Peterson. I recoil when my girl touches me because I didn't lose my V till I was 23.

[Giannis Pappas]

Kids. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. Yeah. So he's just trying to get in it.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's just trying to. You're. What he's doing is you're trying to walk around with a rationalization that you like. Guys, just what it is. If you're recoiling from your girl touching you, it means you want a man. You want a man's.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Kyle Jim Smith, Rebecca Irene. Straight gay magnet. Trapped. Travis Dupree. Morphed into a laser beam when Ice was in town. Drexler, Peter Mansuelo. Two plus flute equals Tingle in My poop Chute. Daniel Garrett, Owen Gansey, Francisco Rios, Brandon G. Robert Bezjak, Clay Campbell, Tuna Taint Tails, Dopey Joe Hayden, True Lazy Leroy, AKA the Certified Welfare Warrior.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris DiStefano]

Don'T. Rogers, Maddie Bo Batty, San Diego Fatty, Camilo Vallis, Natural Born Turd. Balzac Harry, Chris Coon, Dinky Donalds, Colby P. Drew Monahan, Addison Portelli, Griffin O', Brien, Tybanger27, Marvin Lapara, Alex Warnicki, Sean Beer, Papa Bear, Ted Cruz, Disaster relief airline. Epstein fumed himself.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a good one, because he's always taking a trip while there's a disaster in Texas. So you get a direct subscriber. A smart kid.

[Chris DiStefano]

Dustin Elliott, Jeff Dawak, Noah Williams, Megan Ellis, Alex Pollard, Antonio Tim Keaton. Then we got. Beautiful day to toss a Frisbee. And.

[Giannis Pappas]

But very good. That's a very good.

[Chris DiStefano]

Not good.

[Giannis Pappas]

But it's not. Okay, but I have to give you the walked into one award.

[Chris DiStefano]

Then we got, last but not least, Tucker Carlson stomping on Tel Aviv. Ted Frisbees. Tel Aviv. Ted's Frisbees.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I don't. Yeah, okay. Oh, that's te. This list must have been when that interview came out. I thought we were caught up, though. But anyway, we got some good ones. Also, Shout out to the. Walk to the back. Straight to the backs. Shout out to you guys as well. I hope you enjoyed having your name read. You know, you're straight to the back. You're here for the content, and we respect that.

[Chris DiStefano]

You have a job.

[Giannis Pappas]

Not everyone's got to play the game.

[Chris DiStefano]

That's what it is. Okay, so here we go. So let's do. So we got Casey Anthony, social media manager.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're keeping that around.

[Chris DiStefano]

Keeping that around. Okay, let me circle her. Then we got. Met a lady boy and told her, don't tuck it. I want to lick ti sweet chili. Or for chicken meat.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're keeping that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay, so they are still there. Captain Epstein of the Itty Bitty Frisbee committee.

[Giannis Pappas]

God, that. We're keeping that.

[Dan Soder]

We are.

[Giannis Pappas]

Keep.

[Chris DiStefano]

Great. This is the story of a girl who fumed a river and drenched the whole world.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're going to Drex for that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's a good rhyme scheme. Very funny. But any other day, the law offices.

[Chris DiStefano]

Of Frisbee and Frisbee.

[Giannis Pappas]

We got to keep that.

[Chris DiStefano]

Got to keep that then.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because that. I love that. You could just go like, yeah, I don't know who my lawyers are. It's the law firm of Frisbee.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah. Then we got vote mom Yanni bringing two eyes together as one. We're going to Drex for that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very good, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

So it is between Casey Anthony, social media manager, the law offices of Frisbee and Frisbee. Captain Epstein of the Itty Bitty Frisbee committee, or met a lady boy and told her, don't tuck it. I want to lick Thai sweet chili off of chicken meat.

[Giannis Pappas]

Definitely the funniest one there. You know, surprisingly, this is one of the tougher ones we've ever had, because these are four strongies. So just read them again, because I know. I think I. I know where I'm going.

[Chris DiStefano]

Casey Anthony, social media manager.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm going to dress to that. What do you guys think?

[Chris DiStefano]

Yep. That's a Drexler.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Captain Epstein of the Itty Bitty Frisbee committee.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm keeping that one.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

The law offices of Frisbee and Frisbee.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm going to. I'm going to just let everyone know to remember that one, because it's hilarious, but I'm going to. I'm going to Drexler.

[Chris DiStefano]

Drexler.

[Giannis Pappas]

That.

[Chris DiStefano]

Okay. And then met a lady boy and told her, don't tuck it. I want to lick Thai sweet chili off of chicken meat.

[Giannis Pappas]

So that is. We always do this. Right. I. I really. I. I'm proud of myself here.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I'm pro, guys.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm proud of you guys, and I'm proud of myself, and I'm proud of the people who send the names, because I feel like we get this. Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because those are two bangers, and those are the two best bangers, and it's a tossup. And there's no way this one doesn't go to a vote, because I want.

[Chris DiStefano]

Them both to win. So for me, I like, well, Jesse, you go. It's always. We always go with you first. Okay. So you Drexlered my pick, which was.

[Giannis Pappas]

The law offices of Frisbee and Frisbee. Yeah.

[Chris DiStefano]

But I am going Thai meat. Chicken meat is the funniest.

[Giannis Pappas]

But I feel like we got a lot of gay ones, though.

[Chris DiStefano]

I do.

[Giannis Pappas]

But it's the funniest.

[Chris DiStefano]

Yeah, the funniest.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's the most descriptive. It's long, it's beautiful.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's. There was work put into it. I do a chick.

[Giannis Pappas]

But referring to the Epstein thing as the Itty Bitty Frisbee committee.

[Chris DiStefano]

Is good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is good.

[Chris DiStefano]

But I honestly, if. If you would have kept in law offices of Frisbee and Frisbee, I would have picked.

[Giannis Pappas]

That you would have picked.

[Chris DiStefano]

Since that's out, I'm also going with.

[Giannis Pappas]

Did I make a mistake?

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't think you made a mistake. But I'm just saying I don't think you made a mistake picking the winner.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris DiStefano]

I don't think you made a mistake picking the winner.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, so you're between those two. But would you go. But you would go with Frisbee and.

[Chris DiStefano]

Frisbee if this one wasn't here, like the playoffs, that. The NBA playoffs, like, the Knicks should have played the Thunder, and the Thunder should have won. The Knicks should have been there.

[Giannis Pappas]

I got you.

[Chris DiStefano]

So the Thunder. So the. The chicken meat, chili.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I'm Adam. I'm. I'm Adam Sil Silver. And I threw the whole thing for ratings.

[Chris DiStefano]

It's just what it is. Yeah. So the winner. Congratulations. Met a lady boy and told her, don't tuck it. I want to lick Thai sweet chili or chicken meat. Go see your name up in lights at history Hyenas is back dot com.

[Giannis Pappas]

And let me just say this, pun intended. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.