White Slaves of Ottoman Empire: The Barbary Wars | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas Episode: White Slaves of Ottoman Empire: The Barbary Wars Release Date: July 17, 2025

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Introduction

In this gripping episode of History Hyenas, hosts Chris Distefano (A) and Yannis Pappas (B) dive deep into the tumultuous era of the Barbary Wars. They explore the lesser-known aspects of American history, focusing on the Barbary Pirates, the inception of the U.S. Navy, and the harrowing experiences of millions of white slaves under the Ottoman Empire.

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The Barbary Pirates and the Ottoman Empire

[01:46] A begins by setting the stage: "We're going to talk about a little time in history... late 1700s, early 1800s." The Barbary Pirates, operating from the Barbary Coast (modern-day North African cities like Algiers, Tunis, and Tripoli), were notorious for their brutal piracy and slave raids. These pirates were a mix of Berbers, Arabs, Ottoman Turks, and renegade Europeans—Christian converts to Islam.

[02:15] B adds, "There was no Johnny Depp cute pirates. This was not the Pirates of the Caribbean. These were the pirates of Allah." This stark contrast emphasizes the ferocity and lack of romanticism surrounding these historical figures.

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Slavery Practices of the Barbary Pirates

The Ottoman Empire's involvement in slavery was multifaceted:

• Sex Slavery and Concubines:
  [06:45] A explains, "Ottoman Empire... took slaves from Circassia... sold them in slave markets." Women, especially from regions like Circassia and Georgia, were prized for their beauty and often ended up in harems as concubines.

• Galley Slaves:
  Men, particularly from Christian regions such as Greece, Serbia, and Bulgaria, were captured and forced into naval slavery. These janissaries were elite infantry units, often rising to high ranks despite their origins as slaves.

• Forced Conversions:
  [05:21] B shares a personal anecdote about an Albanian gentleman, highlighting, "the Ottomans... you were Christian, we don't like that... you have to be Muslim."

[07:09] A humorously states, "We'd like to enslave the entire city of Miami. Hotties down there," juxtaposing modern sensibilities with historical brutality.

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Early United States and the Barbary Threat

Post-Independence, the nascent United States faced significant challenges:

• Loss of British Protection:
  [14:36] A highlights, "We lost the protection of the British... now we're the United States that doesn't even have a navy that barely has any money."

• Tribute Payments:
  Initially, the U.S. had to pay tributes to the Barbary States to prevent attacks on American merchant ships. [15:36] A likens it to paying a massive toll: "If you don’t pay the toll on the easy pass... you’re going to get a ticket," where tickets meant slavery or ransom.

• Economic Strain:
  [16:35] B calculates, "It was like all the European countries were paying it to some extent. America was giving pirates one trillion dollars a year to leave us alone," illustrating the financial burden these payments imposed on the young nation.

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The Birth of the U.S. Navy

In response to the Barbary threat, the U.S. took significant steps:

• Naval Act of 1794:
  [21:58] A notes, "In 1794, the Naval Act... was the first time the United States put a budget towards making and creating a U.S. Navy," marking the birth of America's naval power.

• First Naval Engagements:
  [17:39] A explains, "The USS Philadelphia is captured... but instead of letting them keep it, Lieutenant Stephen Decatur orchestrates a daring raid," showcasing early American resilience.

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Key Figures in the First Barbary War

Lieutenant Stephen Decatur emerges as a pivotal hero:

• [22:43] A: "Decatur... decided in a daring raid to burn the Philadelphia... this was hailed as a heroic naval action."

• [26:17] B praises him, "Stephen Decatur was a star... he was bold, he was daring."

Decatur's mission involved sneaking into Tripoli's harbor and setting the captured USS Philadelphia ablaze, preventing its use by the pirates. This act earned him acclaim from British Admiral Nelson as "the most bold and daring act of the age" [26:17] A.

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Outcomes of the First Barbary War

The First Barbary War yielded significant results:

• Peace Treaty of 1805:
  [24:45] A summarizes, "We paid sixty thousand dollars for the release of prisoners... no more payments are required."

• Demonstration of Naval Power:
  [24:27] B asserts, "Navy's a little weak... we're putting you in the water and boiling you like a lobster alive."

This treaty marked the first demonstrable use of U.S. military power abroad, bolstering the reputation of the U.S. Navy and Marine Corps.

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The Second Barbary War and Treaty with Morocco

Despite the First Barbary War's success, conflicts resumed:

• Renewed Attacks:
  [27:05] A explains, "The pirates started resuming their attacks because they thought we were weakened and vulnerable."

• James Madison's Leadership:
  [27:38] A introduces President James Madison, who took decisive action by sending another fleet led by Stephen Decatur to enforce peace.

• Final Treaty:
  [28:05] A states, "They forced Algiers, Tunis, and Tripoli to sign new peace treaties... no more tributes."

The Second Barbary War effectively ended the era of tribute payments, establishing a precedent for American military intervention to protect national interests.

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Impact on U.S.-Morocco Relations

A lasting legacy of the Barbary Wars is the enduring peace between the United States and Morocco:

• Longest-Standing Peace Treaty:
  [28:37] A: "The United States has the longest standing peace treaty with Morocco because they bent the knee early before all the others."

This treaty remains a testament to the successful diplomacy and military efforts of the early United States.

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Notable Quotes

• [02:15] B: "There was no Johnny Depp cute pirates. This was not the Pirates of the Caribbean. These were the pirates of Allah."
• [22:43] A: "Decatur... decided in a daring raid to burn the Philadelphia... this was hailed as a heroic naval action."
• [24:45] A: "We paid sixty thousand dollars for the release of prisoners... no more payments are required."
• [28:37] A: "The United States has the longest standing peace treaty with Morocco because they bent the knee early before all the others."
• [16:35] B: "It was like all the European countries were paying it to some extent. America was giving pirates one trillion dollars a year to leave us alone."

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Conclusion

The Barbary Wars were a defining moment in early American history, marking the birth of the U.S. Navy and establishing the United States as a force willing to assert its interests abroad. Through heroic actions, strategic diplomacy, and military might, the young nation broke free from the crippling tributes imposed by the Barbary Pirates. This episode of History Hyenas not only sheds light on these critical events but also underscores the enduring impact they have on America's role in global affairs today.

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Transcript

[A]

Guys we got an excellent episode for you right now it is about the barbary pirates the first barbary war the birth of the us navy and all the white slaves you've never heard of.

[B]

Oh yeah millions of them baby if you if you want whites to be enslaved this is for you it'll be cathartic come see me live giannispapascomedy dot com providence tampa chicago miami wherever else i'm gonna be go to see my dates history hyenas is back dot com.

[A]

That'S it baby mechristy comedy dot com or historyin isisback dot com you could see me montreal you could see me minneapolis i'm gonna be in canada winnipeg and we got a bunch of beautiful dates in august oklahoma and then september eleventh theater at madison square garden be there this episode is going to knock your socks off buckle up what's up everybody welcome to another episode of history hyenas it's chrissy d and yanni p we have got a great episode for you and here's why if you are someone who you like i can't stand those two guys they are sexist they are racist they do not make me laugh well then this is the episode for you because we're going to talk to you about a little time in history late seventeen hundreds early eighteen hundreds.

[B]

Where there were white slaves a lot of them millions millions and they were enslaved by the poor muslim muslims enslaving.

[A]

White people we're going to take you back to the beginning of the us navy to the shores of tripoli aka modern day libya we're going to talk to you about barbary the barbary coast pirates and when the ottoman empire was just doing their thing that they're most famous for and that's a jihad yeah.

[B]

There was no johnny depp cute pirates.

[A]

This was not cute no no this was not cute this was not the pirates of the caribbean these were the pirates of allah bub is now you here's the thing about you here's the thing with you yanni is we' together we've been sitting here for two hours and i've seen you i've seen you you've gotten a tingle twice today i got first tingle i can't say even on patreon why tingle yeah but you know it has to do with feet you got a tingle so we saw one tingle off camera but then we got to see a nice little tingle on camera because you said you said i got a lot of pleasure out of doing the research for today because you do not like the ottoman empire.

[B]

I am not a fan of the ottoman empire i'm obvious reasons i have to admit they were very successful yeah they did and contributed a few things not really but a little bit i mean you know everyone just benefited from the greeks yeah we started it all but they had a nice run yeah and they were naughty naughty yeah they were a little naughty yeah so i don't make the rules i just play.

[A]

By them that's what you have to.

[B]

Deal with karma because indians god is an indian kid karma is a real.

[A]

Thing it's what it is and karma is a taylor swift song it's a it's taylor swift karma it's a bitch.

[B]

It'S a bitch and you know what it is but in this case karma is a thing called whoops things are bad now because you did a lot.

[A]

Of slavery so here's the thing first of all here's a little fun fact and i'm going to ask this question i'm going to give you a moment home to answer i who has the longest standing peace treaty with the united states of america would it be the chinese no it actually rhymes with my.

[B]

Cacao oh my god is it morocco.

[A]

It'S morocco yeah that's who has the longest standing peace treaty with the united states and that's a truth bader ginsburg and something that was interesting because what happened was is we're going to take you back to we're going to start in we'll start a little backwards we'll start around roughly the nineteenth century where the us navy comes into existence because we're going to take you back to the barbary coast now who were the bar what was the barbary coast they.

[B]

Were fucking barbarians who were doing naughty.

[A]

Shit it's what it is they were barbarians on the sea they were barbarians.

[B]

Of the sea and they were barbarians and they were enslaved if you leave.

[A]

If you listen to the dollar twenty five episode we have a patreon dot com history hyenas you'll know that what we mean when we say they were they were barbarian sea yeah make sure.

[B]

You cackle what i said yeah and.

[A]

That'S only available at patreon dot com history at the twenty five dollars level because at the twenty five dollars level what we are doing there for twenty five dollars is doing the show that we used to do for free five.

[B]

Years ago so let me set the setting here okay i'll set the set it up ottoman empire right long reign a big part of their empire was slavery yeah forced conversions slavery the history books always just go oh i don't know what happened i don't know albania is just a muslim country now i don't know how that happened oh by.

[A]

The way i met an albanian kid a week ago at the community pool the new neighborhood i moved into yeah and the albanian said that he was a big fan he liked our show but he said exact quote he goes tell your greek friend that not all the albanians are muslims that is true so he just wanted to make sure that you knew that because and he said because he said make sure he knows that because albanians are crazy and then his eye twitch yeah that is.

[B]

True yeah we also we admitted that when we did the karaz kara's cockies yeah because there was some albanians who were christian who were also working with.

[A]

The greeks and blah blah blah talk.

[B]

To my dick yeah they're not all yeah but a good amount yeah she got a good amount so you tell.

[A]

Him that because i'm not doing it.

[B]

Well he already knows that they got.

[C]

A good amount there's a good amount.

[B]

But yeah wherever the conversions happen okay i don't think they just went over there and asked nicely no i don't think it was asked nicely and if you read history it's not really a nice esque it's more of like hey this is how it works now yeah and you're christian we don't like that yeah and we want you to be muslim and that's what it's going to be you're going to be muzzy now.

[A]

Yeah it's just yeah so the muzzies.

[B]

Just said this is a muzzy world and it was a muzzy world it's.

[A]

Just what it is which don't get.

[B]

Me wrong comes with some man it.

[A]

Comes with some of that i'm not.

[B]

Knocking the whole thing i like some of the manatees yeah it's nice but so the ottomans would constantly take slaves they took a lot of slaves from circassia which is an area like i don't know they're like the russians hated them but they're also russian like i.

[A]

Don'T know who they are it's one of those places people yeah but they.

[B]

Liked them because they were good looking so they would take a lot of the women there and they would sell them in slave markets and i'm just going to say constantinople right it's now called istanbul and a lot of the muslims and arabs would take them as concubines as into their hero like currency it was sex slavery is what it.

[A]

Was what it was it was sex slavery i'd like to enslave the entire city of miami yeah hotties down there.

[B]

And you know what this is this is this is what we tell you on this podcast it really was a buffet for the table back then it was because much like the greeks the romans everybody the ottomans also took women eunuchs and they liked they liked the africans for eunuchs right they would cut the nuts out of the africans for.

[A]

Some reason that's very interesting i wonder because the penis is so big you don't even need the nuts you don't even need the nuts i think that's.

[B]

What it is so they were so that's kind of what they did and.

[A]

Yeah i mean that's so the ottoman empire which here's the thing here's here's what you know we've talked about this like we have you have to like break free of what like the united states wasn't always number one britain wasn't always number one these countries were number one for a long time but at this moment in time the ottoman empire and the the countries right now the barbary coast of what is now modern day algiers tunis tripoli which is modern day libya and rabat these were the primary muslim north african countries ottoman subjects that had a lot a lot a lot of power so they weren't like number one but you know like you wouldn't think of libya as a power today back then they were if you had to pay money to get your ships it was like paying a toll it was like if you don't pay the toll on the easy pass in the verrazano you're going to get a ticket this is what it was at them except the ticket back then was.

[D]

Was cutting her head off and then.

[A]

Making convert to islam yeah or i'd rather just pay the seventeen bones to go across the verizon it was brutal.

[B]

Slavery they captured you they took you for ransom they were pirates their primary economy in these places which were kind of semi autonomous autonomous but they were sundowns yeah they were under ottoman protection in those areas right was piracy that's right they made their money and they would they would just extort everybody they would take slaves they would sell sex slaves they would take males for brutal galley slavery which they would chain them to they would force him to row right and so it was tons of.

[A]

Different types of slavery and that's the thing and this and this group very specifically the north african barbary coast we're going to do the whole episode on these barbary pirates is they were made up of berbers also known as justin berbers arabs ottoman turks and then renegade europeans and these were christian converts to islam yes so you would be called a renegade european but in actuality you just got skull fucked into islam yeah.

[B]

Or as i like to call you a traitor yeah yeah way so you know one thing take my body you're not taking my soul no way yeah.

[A]

So i soul ain't eating hummus yeah.

[B]

So the ottoman empire was a long time we're talking about like twelve ninety nine to nineteen twenty two so that's.

[A]

What is mind blowing to me is like we talk about these empires that are now in these modern times kind of only you know during antiquity nobody thinks about them but if you were alive for six hundred years it's like right now if you're alive you know you live in america and then five hundred years ago people like remember when america was a thing exactly like that's.

[B]

How wild it is it's crazy to think we we haven't even been around.

[A]

That long no it's nobody ever is.

[B]

And during that whole time they use slavery across religious ethnic and geographic lines it was a big part of their empire and but it was illegal to enslave another muslim so obviously they loved enslaving christians and this was their era where they had the upper hand and they took people from asia africa europe for domestic labor sexual slavery in their harems agriculture and urban labor and military and in administrative services it was a whole system they have right they they raided the balkans greece serbia bulgaria albania bosnians everyone were frequent targets of ottoman reigns wars forced tribute entire christian villages were sometimes enslaved for for after rebellions or during military campaigns in fact there is many instances where they raided these vulnerable like coastal towns in europe like all the way up to iceland and they wiped out the entire town right so they killed or took as slaves the entire town everyone yeah got on.

[A]

A ship got on a ship and.

[B]

It wasn't it wasn't a nice sale now do you weren't on the royal.

[A]

Caribbean you weren't not on the royal caribbean you were on the poop cruise.

[B]

You were yeah that yeah yeah so.

[A]

Because here's another thing too is you know what what you said to paying tribute so what yanis means is it was not this was not like a group of thugs in i mean it was technically but i'm saying this was state sponsored so these north african countries the barbary coast got together a humongous part of their economy was was these tributes which was just them saying for you to come in here you have to give us money if you don't give us money we're going to ride alongside your ship and we're going to we're going to take you in and we're going to either kill you make you become part of our empire or just hold you as ransom and then the number's going to go up so this wasn't just a group of you know like right now you say somalian pirates but that's not the nation of somalia it's in these days it was the nation it was the nation of libya and algiers and morocco it was their nation economy to say we are pirates that's what we do like how gloucester massachusetts got fishermen algier's got pirates.

[B]

Yeah ethiopians got long distance runners yeah and the north african coast got pirates they're just good at it they were.

[A]

Doing it a long time long time and these countries by the way especially a country like england they willingly paid these tributes it actually made sense for england because if england wanted to knock out their you know the other superpowers they want to knock out their competitors what they would do is actually go to the barbary coast and say hey we'll give you guys more money yeah we'll give you more money so to piss off france and spain and all these other nations and then they would say we can keep giving you more and more money so you kind of roll you know you let our ships go in all day and if france doesn't want to pay steal their stuff yeah because if you can cripple their economy that'd be great for us yeah.

[B]

The ottoman empire was the empire before us america we had we had chattel slavery they had slavery just the same.

[A]

And they had slavery on land they had it on the sea they had.

[B]

It on the sea but they also had it on land but they had sea slaves they had sea slaves for sure yeah they had a whole system called the dev shermey system which was translated to a blood tax that was instituted around the fourteenth century so they had it for a long time where christian boys ages eight to eighteen were forcibly taken for them families in the balkans and i would imagine that was.

[A]

If i would imagine that the the boys who were taken were eight to eighteen old i imagine they were all.

[B]

Pretty hot they were pretty hot they.

[A]

Took any fat ugly ones no i don't think they because we're talking about christian slavery so we're talking about boys.

[B]

And butts yeah they enslaved christians they turned them into janissaries which would mean they would brainwash them take their families and turn them into elite infantry infantry units right in the military for the.

[A]

Ottomans right now we just call that.

[B]

Democrat yeah that's right and they brainwashed.

[A]

Kid take it from your family now.

[B]

You'Re trans and some of these janissaries actually rose to high ranks even grand viziers but they were slaves in origin but often not often you were just taking care of a house or you were getting your butthole plunged yeah it's just what it is but it was state run social engineering and slavery that converted people to islam and kept control and a hierarchy from the muslims at the top the christians at the bottom.

[A]

Yeah because you have to understand you know it was very important for nations you could not neglect the north african coast and the southern mediterranean sea that was a big part of commerce getting good salt spice and all that so they had to go through these countries there was not a way around and this is where it gets interesting because here's the thing we obviously fight a united states fights a war for independence seventeen seventy six ends roughly seventeen eighty three we get our independence boom now we're a country but here's the thing here's the thing that you lose you lost the protection of the british so the british were able to protect you very specifically from the barbary coast in north africa when you had the british's protection when you were just a colonist no problem and the british paid us for you baby girl but now you don't got your daddy no more yeah now britain is gone so now you little united states that doesn't even have a us navy that barely has any money you got to pay us money if you want to come and come.

[B]

Into algiers yeah because the british navy was strong and now we don't have that we don't even have a navy no but we still want to do.

[A]

Business but i still like to make you an offer mister mohammed so we.

[B]

Kept throwing our ships out there trying to go through there and they would just pick us off yeah they would pick us off and enslave us and force us to pay the tribute because that's how their economy worked they were.

[A]

Fucking criminals and do you want to know about what the tribute really was so initially the united states or which you know the booming united states we just got in our freedom they had no choice but to pay the tribute so initially seventeen eighty four seventeen eighty five they're paying the tripoli pirates and all that the money they said the us would pay the barbary states including tripoli modern day libya libya about twenty percent of the entire federal budget in ransom so that so do you understand a tribute to stop them from capturing american merchant ships that would be the same thing as if the us if twenty percent of their federal budget at the time you adjust that for inflation today that would be as if the united states were giving pirates one trillion dollars a year to leave us alone.

[B]

It'S a lot of money yeah so it was like all the european countries were paying it to some extent it was just it was they just had the power they could pick you off right they were good at it and and then so we had jefferson and adams were our first two presidents not.

[A]

Our first two presidents jefferson washington that's what i meant washington and john adams was the second and then jefferson was the third and then john quincy adams was the fourth and then james ma was the fifth i have what's called.

[B]

Autism you do have autism and i forgot your home warming gift today i got you a home war i keep forgetting it i forgot it again you're forgetting again that that just reminded me of what it is you're going to love it yeah i can't wait i.

[A]

Got you a housewar housewing gift i appreciate it yeah is it it's a.

[C]

Court order that says you can live.

[A]

Here yeah thank you that's what i needed.

[B]

No you're going to love the gift yeah i can't wait so yeah washington and adams the first two presidents just kind of dealt with it paid the ransoms tried to negotiate treaties whatever they didn't do much about it we didn't even have a navy yet we.

[A]

Did not that's the thing we did not you know you think back to the united states you think boom we all became the superpower that we are no no no baby we didn't even have a navy when we first became a country we didn't have a navy.

[B]

No we were just finding we were trying to find out who we were yeah we're like who am i as a country right and this helped us figure it out because these two wars we're about to tell you were actually the first two foreign wars that we fought as a country absolutely and we found that we're good at this yeah.

[A]

Well we did fight a couple other foreign wars when we fought with the native americans and the native americans like we lived here first and i would say no you're a foreigner even though.

[B]

Yeah those depending on how you look.

[A]

At that you look at it but.

[B]

Yeah yeah so these two military conflicts ended up being between the united states and the barbary states and actually because adams and washington did not fight this and just paid the tributes the people were like you know what why don't we spend the money that we're using to pay these tributes to get our captives back or whatever why don't we use this money to build the navy to go fight them and jefferson campaigned on that and that was part of the reason he got elected that is why so he was donny trump saying i'm closing the border and they elected him on it and he gave him a mandate jefferson had a mandate to go clean out the barbary coast they.

[A]

Clean out the barbary coast and then that's the thing is when thomas jefferson stepped up and acted like trump the same thing always happens thomas jefferson steps up and says this is what we're campaigning on we're going to stop the piracy and then there's always a counterbalance so just like jefferson stepped up trump steps up what always happens the muslims start screaming welcome mamdani yeah yeah jefferson.

[B]

Gets this mandate he goes to clean out the barbary coast to fight them and then all of a sudden people start going wait a second why a second why are we fighting the jews wars these are the jews enemies yeah then we realized that jefferson also was on the epstein list it's just what.

[A]

It is that's how it went pj so what actually happened yanni's right washington and adams just deal with it they said we don't even have the money we barely have boats we don't know what the hell we're doing just pay these libyan folks yeah so what jefferson though in eighteen oh one the pasha of tripoli which is like the king the prime minister of tripoli yousef khan manali was his name he demanded an increase in tribute from the united states and then jefferson says hold on wait.

[B]

A second i'm the great negotiator i wrote the art of the deal that's.

[A]

Not how we're doing it yeah thomas yeah trump wrote the art of the deal thomas jefferson wrote the declaration of independence they're both authors to me so so what jefferson says is hold on hold on pasha yousef from tripoli i got people like you that work on my farms any more money okay the women that you got i have babies with them so her name's sally so thomas jefferson says absolutely not we're not giving you any more money and then tripoli says okay well then if you come in here baby girl guess what we're going to you're going to have problems with us so in response to that tripoli so libya the barbary coast declares war on us on the united states on may fourteenth eighteen oh one they say now we're fighting and guess.

[B]

What they did it with the blessing of the british because the british were like f ck you do it yeah weaken them we hate them we just lost the war to them so british british were all in cahoots with them those fucking turncoats right right so he sent a in eighteen oh one jefferson then sends a naval squadron to the mediterranean and and in eighteen oh three the uss philadelphia is captured and the crew imprisoned so at first it didn't.

[A]

Go so at first it didn't go so well and just real quick i just want to say in seventeen ninety four the naval act of seventeen ninety four this is the first time that the united states puts a budget towards making and creating a us navy and they did it in response to these pirates so the us navy actually goes into its first battle as yanni said in eighteen oh one they actually make a naval blockade the united states navy first time in action makes a naval blockade to blockade tripoli they sent a small thing and they were blocking tripoli saying you guys can't get out and these naval skirmishes started to occur but it wasn't until but it was seventeen ninety four when the us navy was even created so it's wild because if there was no pirates there'd be no.

[B]

Navy maybe we wouldn't have navy see sometimes bad things create good things yeah and sometimes wars are good i mean what do you want us to do just let them keep enslaving us and getting ransom payments no you don't negotiate.

[A]

With terrorists and that's the thing and thank god for pirates because if we didn't have any pirates and we'd have no navy and then we'd have nowhere for the gay men in our military.

[B]

To go and they need a place.

[A]

What it is and they serve it on the navy hello mister coxman yes.

[B]

So the uss philadelphia gets captured but instead of letting them they thought this is too big of a prize it's a big ship that costs a lot of money we don't want them to get it we don't want it to fall in their hands right so we have a guy named lieutenant stephen decatur.

[A]

Decatur decatur i grew up two blocks away from decatur street in bridgewood yeah.

[B]

So he was named after him probably.

[A]

It was yeah because that's what we do we name streets and our towns after american heroes yeah i grew up.

[B]

On schwarzkopf boulevard yeah remember they used to have the iraq war were trading cards yeah that was good times what was his name norman schwarzkopf norman schwarzkopf storm and norman storm and norman yeah so he decides in the daring raid to burn the philadelphia the ship the uss philadelphia uss philadelphia to keep it from falling into pirates hands and this was hailed as a heroic you know naval action of the time and the.

[A]

Uss philadelphia actually was captured relatively quickly because he was only shooting batteries out of his ship.

[B]

And then in eighteen oh five us marines and mercenaries from the area some of which were greek because we were like this is our chance to get back at these muzzies yeah march five hundred miles overland from egypt to attack during libya because what they found out is that the pasha took control from his brother they had like a civil war and he won control so what we did was teamed up with the brother right hired some mercenaries from there and used them and invaded by land smart yeah very smart we that our our enemy is your enemy is now our ally that's what.

[A]

It is so this is eighteen oh five this is the beginning of what is called the first barbary war and it was the first us military victory on foreign soil and the reason in that marine corps because we made some shawarma yeah when they go yeah from the halls of montezuma to the shores of tripoli this is what they're talking about the first barbary war and they were making some shawarma we made some.

[B]

Shawarma and we forced them to sign a treaty in eighteen oh five eighteen oh five where the us said okay we're going to pay a final ransom that releases our captives our sailors but from here on in no more money that's it no more money no we're not getting ripped off anymore we paid.

[A]

Sixty thousand dollars for the release of the prisoners less than all the other previous tributes and they said no more payments are required no more payment tributes the barbary company said you don't got to give us no more money and it was our first demonstration of what us military power can do strengthen the reputation of the us navy and the marine corps and we and we actually it helped us because we noticed our.

[B]

Navy'S a little weak yeah keep betting against the usa see how that goes.

[A]

See how that goes see how that goes for you see how that goes.

[B]

Bubba yeah see how that goes because we're putting you in the water and we're boiling you yeah like a fucking lobster alive that's what it is yeah.

[C]

We put we didn't put them in.

[B]

A microwave we put them in a.

[A]

Boiler in a boiler and one of the first navy heroes of all time before the admiral david robinson is in eighteen oh four the pirates force triple when we talked about the uss philadelphia giannis quickly mentioned stephen decatur street that i is in ridgewood queens stephen decatur what he did is he disguised himself this guy was like a navy seal before these were even a thing disguised himself and he snuck into tripoli's harbor at night with a team of commandos and they set the ship on fire the kid dressed up like a fisherman he looked just like a guy from algiers he just looked like a muzzy fisherman gets on the uss philadelphia and burned it down in front of the the ottoman empire capturers he burned it down in front of them and then british admiral nelson called it the most bold and daring act of the age so stephen decatur was a star the kid was bold he was daring he spoke up and spoke the truth when no one else would just like elon.

[B]

Musk yeah just like the liver king says good and true yeah he was good and true yeah he was good and true but then of course you know they don't learn so easily so they try again in eighteen fifteen they.

[A]

Try to won another fight because and can i just say we skipped over one thing one thing that the tripoli did that the pasha of tripoli did in eighteen oh one when we don't want to pay these tribute payments anymore you know what this fucking guy did you know what this guy did and this is what really got us mad at him he said now we're making neighborhood coming over i'm going to block your thing he went outside and he chopped down the pole that was holding up the american flag he chopped down a flag you don't do that he chopped down a flag and then he spit on it yeah and so that's why we're going to come hurt you.

[B]

Now we're going to come hurt you so they try again so they said they figured oh the united states is bogged down in the war of eighteen twelve with the british which by the.

[A]

Way the war of eighteen twelve with the british a lot of people don't we don't learn about that much because technically we didn't beat the british but it was a tie the british didn't win either and so what good for you got to keep canada we don't.

[B]

Want it anyway yeah it lasted three years so at that time the pirates started resuming their attacks because they thought we were weakened and vulnerable and so they they they started doing it again and algiers steps up to the plate and they become the the worst defender of this and they start doing it but we had another guy in office at this time james madison james madison.

[A]

Who was the fifth president who also there's another street in ridgewood called madison.

[B]

And my father went to madison high school and played football there it's what it is so he sent another powerful fleet led by stephen decatur again yeah and william bainbridge a couple of american boys yeah he sent the boys over there and they captured key algerian ships and they forced algiers tunis and tripoli to sign new peace treaties take the deal or we're making more shawarm they.

[A]

Literally put a treaty out and then they put their dick on and they said talk to my dick they basically.

[B]

Went over there with a fucking meat spin stick that you see at the gyro place and said sign this or you're going on the stick and that's.

[A]

What i like about james madison because he was the president that was all about manifest destiny and that motherfucker said manifest destiny we own the whole world.

[B]

Yes so all the barbary states therein ceased piracy they freed all the american captives and they stopped demanding tribute and the us would never again pay tribute to a foreign power never again and that was our never again never again.

[A]

And that's why they have this still to this day lasting peace treaty with morocco because they after that's why it's the longest peace treaty in american history because morocco still don't mess with this.

[B]

Morocco they bend the knee early they bend the knee before all the other ones right but this is where the us navy's reputation as a global force started we gained confidence the marine corps gained national prestige the people were celebrating this and it proved that the united states as a new nation right could defend its interests abroad and boy did.

[A]

We keep doing that we kept doing that and that is why and that's why too what we also did is we showed the other countries the united states showed the other countries that you don't have to pay for this barbarism either you don't have to pay this tribute to them we did it you could do it and then we really collapsed this north african pirate economy because these evildoers these evildoers because after that about the eighteen thirties eighteen forties that was all gone yeah and now look at algeria now yeah and the europeans.

[B]

Got confident over this said oh wow we don't have to do this we could do that we could just fight back and then you know it culminated in france's invasion of algiers in eighteen thirty and they just took it over right so then they took it over so a lot of people they don't know the context sometimes they go oh look the french colonized algiers where if you ask me they gave algiers what they deserved it's what it is and.

[A]

Now right after this quick break we're going to talk to you about all the white slaves they had you have life insurance because well that's the thing i want to tell you because you and i both have daughters and so what we need when you have a family we need to think about life insurance i know we're young kids but we're also getting older as kids and you just need life insurance and i found i use select quote select quote is awesome because for me you know me i got high blood pressure i got pre diabetes you're close and i yeah i'm close and i probably got early stage heart disease but quote they matched me up with partners that had policies that were designed for my many pre existing health conditions so i got the protection that i feel like i.

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Deserve i'm going to use select quote.

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You seriously should it's all you don't need a medical exam either no no medical exam no they partner with providers they offer the same day coverage up to two million dollars you don't even have to go to the doctor i didn't have to go to doctor lukash.

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Save guys get the right life insurance for you for less and save more than fifty percent at select quote dot com slash hyenas save more than fifty percent on term life insurance x at selectquote dot com hyenas today to get started that's selectquote dot com slash hyenas h y e n a s go do it let me ask you a question cuz are you because we've been drinking we've been going out since we got back together we've just been having a few brews yeah and we've been drinking and we've been waking up hungover calories and we've said how can we get how can we get like a little bit of a buzz without the calories and then you told me about.

[B]

Soul that's what i did you said.

[A]

You said brother let me talk to you about soul and that's exactly how.

[B]

I did it i said soul is a wellness brand that believes feeling good yeah i mean be easy and fun you hurt yeah soul specializes in delicious hemp derived thc and cbd products designed to boost your mood and help you unwind their best selling out of office gummies were designed to provide a mild relaxing buzz boost your mood and enhance creativity and relaxation yeah i just ripped.

[A]

A fart and that's what i call.

[B]

A soul fart that's what it is.

[A]

It relax me to the point where i just stop passing gas baby girl yeah plus what i like about soul they have so many other amazing wellness products with or without th so if you're going to say i'm a guy i don't do thc i'm going to say well soul has a variety of gummies and capsules that can improve sleep stress pain focus bloating and more because a lot of you are just bloated.

[B]

Yeah they also have an out of office beverage a refreshing alcohol free alternative for perfect summer sipping they sent us.

[A]

Some it is delicious it's delishy wishy.

[B]

Yeah so they got a lot of stuff so what you got to do is bring on the good vibes and treat yourself to soul today right now seoul is offering our audience thirty percent off your entire order that's a lot go to getsoul dot com getsoul g dash e dash t s o dash u l dot com use the code history hyenas all one word that's getsoul dot com promo code history hyenas for your thirty percent off let me just start this segment by saying one of the slogans that came out of this was millions for defense but not one cent for tribute right we don't negotiate.

[A]

With terrorists we don't zero dollars so.

[B]

Yeah and so and and like i said now we're going to talk about the ottoman slave trade so the ottoman.

[A]

Slave trade okay so first of all they what they would do their slavery as giannis was saying a lot of it was whatever kind of whatever ships they captured like how a shark will eat anything you'll find a license plate in there you'll find some fish you'll find a human hand that's what the north african barbary states were like whoever we catch is a slave doesn't matter if you're white that's the one thing i do respect about them that did not discriminate amongst their slaves and that's good yeah they were they were not.

[B]

Racist took a diverse array of slaves which is nice which makes the slavery last bad as long as it's not racist slavery is okay that's what it.

[A]

Is yeah so what they did is a lot of these european ships that they took they enslaved the sailors so you had hundreds to maybe thousands of white christians over the over the two hundred three hundred years of slavery that were full slaves some of these guys got taken into slavery as little as ten years old and were slaves till they died at eighty yeah most of.

[B]

Them that's crazy yeah most of them were they took could you imagine being.

[A]

A white slave dying and going.

[C]

Wei.

[B]

Song xien.

[A]

Ladder fourteen.

[B]

Something got wrong in the matrix the glitch yeah you're.

[A]

Like wait this isn't something got wrong in the creators of the matrix too did you see them those guys are girls now yeah did you see that.

[B]

Yeah yeah two brothers the two guys who wrote the matrix or or directed.

[A]

Or who are they well some people say they stole the script they were.

[B]

The menendez brothers and now they are the menendez sisters it's what it is yeah they actually did our episode and.

[A]

Turned into the sisters see that's what i respect i think the wachowski brothers they both went trance i respect it because we just did a bit calling our the menendez sisters but they became the menendez sisters i like that that's.

[B]

Commitment they did yeah so and they.

[A]

Will also by the way by the way what do you think if you're a white guy you're a european you're a european you're you know you're white pirate you're a white sailor you get captured now you're a slave and they tell you okay you're you're slave now and they say all right i can handle that but then they say you also have to convert to islam yeah.

[E]

This episode is brought to you by lifelock between two factor authentication strong passwords and a vpn you try to be in control of how your info is protected but many other places also have it and they might not be as careful that's why lifelock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats if your identity is stolen they'll fix it guaranteed or your money back save up to forty percent your first year here visit lifelock dot com podcast for forty percent off terms apply and.

[B]

What do you do me personally yeah i convert to islam and just enjoy.

[A]

The amenities meaning like the women don't.

[B]

Yeah i mean seventy two versions yeah i think that's one of the hadiths you get seventy versions seventy two you get the law works in your favor pretty good it does yeah you're a muslim man at that time the law works in your favor here's the thing talk about white privilege at that time it was like really there was no white privilege if you were white it was no good here's the thing here's.

[A]

The thing i have to say about about islam and being muslim is one of those things where it's like i understand the complexities of the religion i understand how you know people certain people could think sharia law it's not fun but those people are women right i'm a guy right so sharia law's kind.

[B]

Of nice it's kind of nice to have just a little quiet just a.

[A]

Little quiet and then if you just if the garlic isn't sliced enough you.

[B]

Get what we call get a little.

[A]

Talking to you get a little talk to and we are spoken to obviously i know we're joking but this is one of these things where we are joking but that is a real thing that that we don't do yeah like.

[B]

If you're not getting blowjobs on the regular you just go this one's that's rad for d and then you get a new one who knows what the rules are that's all one that operates more the way it was advertised to operate so they would take the frequent sources for their white slaves were from greeks serbs bulgarians albanians bosnians like i said the caucuses georgians circassians armenians supplied them with their white slaves for harems and elite households and like i told you the circassian women were especially prized for their beauty and were often sold into the they had a harem system so you just went into the harem.

[A]

What is circassian modern day circassian they.

[B]

Don'T they don't really exist anymore they're.

[A]

Found it's by russia you said circassia.

[B]

Yeah and the russians discriminated and brutalized them too yeah and the armenian blonde.

[A]

Chicks oh hottie blondes and then the armenians all had fake butts yeah they.

[B]

Just all went into the harem system yeah which was part of you know the their system was you know you go sex slavery you're just in the.

[A]

Harem by the way white slavery in the barbary world between the fifteen hundreds and early eighteen hundreds i misspoke it was captured that it was thought to one to one point five million europeans were captured and sold into slavery and slave by the barbary world i think.

[B]

Maybe even sometimes even even more now for the janissaries like i said it was always christian boys from the balkans the eunuchs they like i said they like the africans for the eunuchs and they took some from the caucuses so you had a lot of you had a russian type people got their nuts sliced out and africans got their nuts.

[A]

Sliced out but again we said with the africans not a big deal because.

[B]

The penis was so big exactly and then for the harem concubines circassians greeks georgians they like those georgian women are beautiful too domestic slaves everybody that was for the table domestic slave yeah so if you're just working in the house or whatever they took whatever like if.

[A]

Mean if you're like a woman just who like is lives in algiers or.

[B]

A dude yeah or do for domestic slavery meaning like in the house oh okay my slave in the house got.

[A]

It got it house slave yeah yeah.

[B]

And then for agriculture and urban labor they took christian and african slaves and then galley slaves the pirates would take and that was very brutal that was when they would chain you to the boat and you just have to row and that was europeans and that was via these pirates that we're talking about that would do that so this this slavery lasted from the thirteen hundreds to the eighteen hundreds and a lot of people say it went on until technically persisted till like the early nineteen hundreds right especially in some of the outer provinces of the ottoman empire well one.

[A]

Of the other things they say too is like this whole some historians argue that the reason why one of the main reasons why we today like you sit in the united states in twenty twenty five why we have like we're always in everybody's business we're always feel like oh we're the country that's to take care of the whole world these barbary wars was a first step towards that because we went over there and kind of changed the whole scope this was such a big part of the economy that the united states won a war to change so the earliest american efforts a lot of people think like how we protect citizens abroad and how we you know assert sovereignty amongst all nations it all started with these barbary wars yeah so it's very interesting barbary.

[B]

Walters yeah barbary wars the barbary walters yet it's also interesting to think about like before the slavery in america that you know this was just what empires in power did right it was just a massive part slavery was just a massive if not the most massive part of your economy that made your economy run i mean free labor yeah when people got in control they're like hey we don't want to work anymore right so let's get people to work for.

[A]

Us that's all it is yeah and.

[B]

So it was just a part of their systems and what do you want when you're in charge you want right you want things done for you right so you know and so that's what.

[A]

You listen here's the thing slavery is around in any human beings as long as there's mass numbers of human beings there will always be some sort of slavery of course actually having your full body enslaved is the most brutal cannot argue that but right now i guarantee you the people two hundred from years from now are going to say that we were enslaved by our phones and technology yeah so it is just who's the master yeah back in these times another human being was the slave master and that was awful and much much more brutal way to live but make absolutely no mistake baby gorgeous you are a slave to technology right now and the people from the future will see.

[B]

That yeah so you can look at your phone and call it a poshka.

[A]

That'S what i do yeah here's the thing some of the guys i know in my life are hungry for whole i'm hungry for root hungry root hungry root is like having your own personal shopper which is interesting because if you want if you typically hungry root if you have a personal shopper who's a guy typically they're hungry for hulk yeah so a fun name for this company would have been hungry hall yeah but.

[B]

It'S hungry root it's hungry root yeah.

[A]

And it's like you're having your own personal shopper they take care of your weekly grocery shopping recommending healthy groceries tailored to your taste nutrition preferences and health goals so this is yet one of these companies that yanni and i found that they just because what we're always looking for what we're looking for is we're trying to eat healthy eat clean and we don't want our wives to always have to cook we want to be able to help out around the house because we just sit around and talk shit all day while our wives take care of our children so how can we help and we found this company hungry root because it offers options for the whole family with healthy growth groceries like smoothies kids snacks sweets ready to eat meals salad kits and even supplements that we could just make one two three no problema for the wife.

[B]

And the kids yeah just tell them about your goals and preferences and they'll fill your cart for you with personalized recommendations that get smarter as they learn more about what you liked or didn't love this is great no high fructose corn syrup artificial sweeteners or preservatives of any of hungry roots food the only source top quality meat and seafood free of hormones and antibiotics that's very nice so you're going to love hungry root as much as we do we promise you so take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time get forty percent off off your first box plus get a free item in every box for life wow that's crazy that's a.

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Crazy deal yeah they're gonna give you a free item in every box you get from hungerroot for the rest of.

[B]

Your life that is great gonna be.

[A]

Living longer because hungry got healthy foods.

[B]

Yeah so right now go to hungryroot dot com hyenas and use the code hyenas that's hungryroot dot com hyenas code hyenas to get get forty percent off your first box that's a hell of a way to welcome you in the door and a free item of your choice for life like we said so hungryroot dot com hyenas code hyenas there were a few exceptions and some of the most exceptions to the rule powerful men and women in the ottoman empire rose from slavery to become people but these are exceptions there's not a lot so you had this guy sokolu mehmed pashka he was a grand vizier which is a prime minister under three sultans and he was serbian and he was taken via devshirma so he was taken from his family and converted and whatever and then you had roxelana whose name was hurrem sultan who was a ukrainian concubine who he was a whore she was a whore from the ukraine she was taken for sex slavery and she ended up becoming the wife of sultan suleiman and wielded vast power so he fell in love with that puss and he turned her into somebody that's the.

[A]

Thing cause nothing's fought i think in human history the two things are puss and salt yes but everybody fights over.

[B]

And then we had kolsum sultan who was a greek concubine who ruled as a regent and power broker so there.

[A]

Was a few i like the word concubine i want to start bringing back because what does concubine mean like i i is concubine like a slave owner.

[B]

What is a concubine a concubine basically.

[A]

Is a whore right jesse wrote concubine.

[B]

Yeah it's it's a concubine a woman who lives with a man in a sexual relationship but is not legally his.

[A]

Wife so i jasmine's a concubine a woman so your girlfriend before your wife was your wife she was your girlfriend she was your concubine well no because.

[B]

It depends a woman a concubine the historical definition of a concubine is a woman who is a lower status in sexual relationship so it's basically she's not there because she loves it got it.

[A]

Yeah i thought it just meant if you're having sex with a woman you're not married to that's your conqueror no that'd be funny if i started introducing my girlfriend as my concubine and i said no this is a this is the definition of yeah yeah so basically.

[B]

It'S a a man with power or wealth who has a household or palace so he has multiple wives and partners and his concubines would be in his harem so he it's you know how rich guys have cars yeah they got like loads of cars and they go i'm taking out the gx eighty or whatever today or i'm taking out the bmw or i'm taking out my cybertruck today basically they'd go to the harem and say which one do i feel like banging out today so in other.

[A]

Words how we have to today in modern day sounds good so that it's interesting how they had literally harems of sex slaves and that's what they would call loopholes yeah so we and they get yet have full castles of sex.

[B]

Slaves yeah yeah they weren't loopholes because that was the law yeah so it was the norm yeah so their loophole would be to not do it yeah yeah that would it would be the opposite if they saw a guy who didn't do it be like you found a loophole to be somewhat decent yeah it's just what it is so the concubines would entertain serve please the sultan whatever they wanted right and i gotta.

[A]

Be honest with you yeah yeah i gotta be honest with you it's kind of nice to think about i know that there's a lot of problems with that i get it but it's kind of nice just to like not be under pressure to always be making the right move we're in like a surveillance state here everybody knows everything about you you make one man mistake there's evidence of it forever it would have been nice to just be in the ottoman empire in the sixteen hundreds and have.

[B]

A couple of concubines it would be nice to be a muslim guy in the ottoman empire being a muslim if.

[A]

You'Re gonna if you're gonna if you're gonna be muzz yeah being mus in the ottoman empire is glo.

[B]

It really is glory and i just love the way they they were kind of they were smart but they were brutal right brutal but smart like this janissary system was kind of smart right so you don't want to die in war right like where if you're in control and everything's good and you're a muslim dude you don't want to die so what you do is you take young balkan men from age eight to eighteen but probably they probably got them like around eight or younger right you just take them from their families and you force convert them to islam and then you train them in war discipline and loyalty to the sultan alone so that's all they know right and you turn them into these manchurian candidates that fight for you yeah so that's just right there all your evidence that all your issues and problems come from your childhood and what you know is from your childhood because these people would actually go and fight for the sultan the guy who actually fucking kidnapped them and took him away from their parents he turned them and so it's just how you can turn anyone's reality and mold anyone's reality.

[A]

The way you want this is my problem with culture wars and when people talk about their culture whatever your culture is today there's a ninety nine point nine percent chance it was raped into your great great great great great grandmothers and grandfathers by whatever person conquered your land so whatever your culture is is an amalgamation of a bunch of other cultures so that's why there is no culture it's just being a human yeah so you can put your hair whatever way you want to put your hair because the people that are saying that's the way my ha stealing my culture idea it's like i don't know bitch maybe my grandfather was the sultan who raped your grandmother five hundred years ago and really you're stealing my hair everybody's.

[B]

Got a grape gene that's what it is everyone's taking a little sip of.

[A]

Grape juice everybody everybody's ancestry dot com should say welch's yeah but it's kind.

[B]

Of ingenious when you think about it because they would actually train these janissaries they isolated them it's kind of what cults do right so they isolate them they were not allowed allowed to to marry own property or have outside contracts and they were better fed trained and paid than most soldiers they were treated real well so although they were being abused and brainwashed they felt like they were great because they were trained to be the elite soldiers and they were fed well and they were like they were you know idolized for being such right soldiers so they felt like the so they forgot about their mom and they dad and they were like we get good we're we're the sultan treats.

[A]

Us good that's all it is so.

[B]

We'Ll go die for the sultan so so they were brutalized when they were young but they you know they were that's how they broke them yeah and they turned them into vicious soldiers for.

[A]

The soul so there you go you could tell everyone how you know now how the us navy started you know why they say the shores of tripoli and that yes there were white slaves yeah that's what it is it was.

[B]

Millions of millions of them and it was brutal and it was magoo and.

[A]

It was brut and when someone asks you a question who does the united states have the longest standing peace treaty with you're going to know the answer.

[B]

That'S right and it's morocco yeah it's it's a time where this we're telling you about the time where america became the force for good yeah and that.

[A]

We'Re still here and we're still the good guys folks as always at the you know we like to end off every episode you know patreon dot com history we love the newest members of the matriarchy you know we got a lot of great bonus content up there.

[D]

You get early access to all the.

[A]

Episodes where real all the fun happens where nothing's cackled out except for some of the stuff i said last week we know that some of you guys are mad about that we won't let it happen again but we we we like on these live shows we love when the audience gets involved and helps us pick who the winner is as we call the pseudo penis of the of the week so here we go here are the names these are the newest members of the matriarchy we'll get through as many as we can we only got a few minutes here but.

[D]

Starting off we got tj schlosschlit okay then we got my truck has an eastern hemi call it a dodge lamb.

[A]

Eastern hemi is a chinese person no.

[C]

Wait i don't know if they got.

[B]

That did you get it you know you know to dodge he's struggling with.

[C]

The r and the l's so he called it a dodge lamb instead of a dodge ram drexler drexler drexler yeah.

[A]

Okay then we have thatcher helton that.

[D]

Sounds like a white man yeah and then we got so deep in the closet they call me anne frank.

[C]

You can't you can't go this is a democracy you can't yeah it's got to be on that's got to be a.

[A]

Catapult that's a catapult that's on the.

[D]

List that's the first one on the.

[A]

List they're in contention guys decide i.

[C]

Didn'T do that you did it then.

[D]

We got robbie howe then we got was asked to leave for saying it's actually pronounced chingis khan.

[A]

Was asked to.

[C]

Leave kid kid was probably a he was probably at college yeah and he probably was in a history class he.

[B]

Was and he said i heard on.

[C]

The history hyenas that the way you call it is chingus khan and they kicked him out of school cuz of.

[A]

You because they asked him to leave yeah is the way you don't say genghis khan it's chingis khan that is the mongolian pronunciation and if you know one thing about me i'm pro mongolia.

[C]

Yeah what is that one no no.

[D]

No direct all right brian montanaz austin schleicher dildo baggins chicken finger river pena john dreher weenix montez then we got got my cousin married a muzzy and now hold on hold on oh here we go my cousin married a muzzy and now her chest is ticking.

[A]

You.

[C]

See yeah what happens with the live ones is their favorites are going to be the walked into ones that's just.

[A]

What it is sorry about that i.

[C]

Mean that's another catapult if you ask me to be honest okay then we.

[D]

We got then next we got it's not gay if you pull out.

[C]

Good point drexler drexler okay and then we.

[D]

Got user nine six seven four five.

[A]

Nine eight four one four this person just gave their phone number okay then we got brown and proud but don't tell ice.

[D]

Last chicken finger.

[C]

Lift second it's a list but i think it's.

[B]

You know i think the other ones.

[C]

May be better but give them an.

[D]

Honorary list jessica perna kevin fitzsimmons hans jobs then we got i just love.

[A]

Flip hans jobs wait you missed one.

[D]

Hans jobs yeah like hand jobs hans.

[A]

Chicken finger sorry yeah sorry about that yeah i thought that was just one of my german friends yeah han stops.

[D]

Then we got i just love flipping southern bags baptist beam me up scotty i don't know all right get it c tuck then we got man sloppy ho nick guida vishal mishra then we got dm me for tt jerry and tim dillon sex tape guys got some valuable info then we got michael vicente then we got kick me in the balls and call me by my transgender name was that you was that.

[C]

You got to put that on the list by the crowd reaction you have to.

[A]

Put it on the list put on.

[D]

The list okay jack burnett taylor harris then we got my hussy is my cuzzy wuzzy which hold on my hussy is my cousy wuzzy which is okay because i'm a muzzy.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Landed at.

[C]

Night that's a list you got to do it yeah i mean but it's also walked into one i mean what are we supposed to do okay got.

[D]

My cemetery science degree now.

[C]

No no chris you're slow you are so it takes you a second i mean it's.

[A]

Just now i see it it's just.

[D]

You can't sorry about that i mean.

[A]

It'S like he's the worst stop doing.

[D]

That you you you gotta stop no.

[A]

No you're like a hockey goalie with that it can't be a hockey goalie i swear to god i don't know what it is about my brain i.

[D]

Don'T even see it and know until.

[A]

Giannis reacts and starts going like this.

[D]

I have no idea but i gotta.

[C]

Say you guys are getting very inventive with them i have to say that.

[A]

Okay here we go when my dog.

[D]

Is tired i call him yanis puppus that's just a cute one that's good chicken finger chicken finger then we got hans gunderson a lot of germans today doctor cumsock arlen halil then we got watching louis ck stroke his glue gun but i signed the permission slip.

[C]

Put him on the list yeah that's really good it's really good old habits die.

[D]

Hard chris booth christine jenkins then we got my eighth grade teacher was a solid seven the frisbees for sure did.

[A]

Nine eleven.

[C]

They gotta put it on the list the people the people want.

[D]

It then we got harry harry larry patriarchal matriarch m sampson a girl named corey josh going donnie bomb then we got zoran bomb dunni him i don't.

[C]

Know i don't know it's kind of a walked into one i think yeah.

[D]

All right all right then we got a lee a leroy cartoon comedy called.

[C]

Christ do that jesus christ i as.

[A]

Soon as it ended i saw y'.

[D]

All i'm sorry jesus sorry about that.

[C]

Christ what is wrong with you dude.

[D]

Drew mcdaniel brendan schob's lost joke book drexler drexler very funny zechariah leak free roof stitchings okay seth souza then this is a good one but i think we've had it before yanni p's unibrow aka the graza strip we haven't had that is that good though i don't.

[B]

Know it's more of a drexter i.

[A]

Think yeah good raza strip okay travis.

[D]

Shaky susan fixing roof leaks for squeak freaks a muzzy kid who likes money aka lebanese or scrooge.

[C]

That'S a catapult right there that is a definite catapult.

[D]

Okay yeah santiago de la torre yeah colleen me out like clean me out.

[A]

But colleen me out that's over there.

[B]

In the corner yeah that's that's a.

[D]

Ch that's a strong chicken finger then we got my frisbee is a cowboy hat call me corpus crispy okay just found out you're supposed to use a metal coat hanger oh god oh god.

[C]

Oh god jesus christ it means it broke off in there that's horrible that's a walk that is is a walked.

[A]

Into one award kyle lacer bodie inventive.

[D]

Bod hungerford then we got the og finger pharaoh freddie from maine not fox news ministo joe leroy ceiling cricket which we missed before then we got ucf who needs a dick oh wait ucf who needs a dick to the caboose or i can't sometimes when you put.

[A]

When you just make it one word.

[D]

I can't read it sorry then we got nancy jew in the case of the missing frisbee walked in okay thomas petrowski eight dollars white sauce in my belly button drexler cia beam recruitment noah ferrari tatintrot danny gravel tim david beefcake daddy yank me wow wow wow put.

[C]

Him on the list instead of daddy yankee daddy yank me sometimes i gotta.

[B]

Override the reaction that was goody then.

[D]

We got schultz's shoe recycling and ash disposal i don't get it maybe the.

[C]

Screw oh my god it's a walk in one that's a bad walked into.

[B]

One that's horrible jesus christ i don't.

[D]

Know what oh my god sorry all right my sengalese doordasher is a bridge and tunnel boy i don't know chris rubin tom morrissey matthew chilbeck put it in my dog ball cuz my stink wrinkle is busy i don't even know what that means soy sauce monkey vitamin leroy jeremy fleming grandpa was a frisbee but i take the host and have a three inch post i don't know.

[B]

What that means all right a couple.

[A]

More and then we're going yeah and then we'll pick it finish this off.

[D]

Okay john cougar my god but it.

[C]

Is very good though it's very funny but it's a walk into one okay can't do it but very inventive boom.

[D]

Shakalaka felton kemp robert santiago yanni salami in bin in buri yani punani okay biryani i don't get it i don't.

[C]

Get it victim of a bad read.

[D]

Though sponge thug square nuts kev bots for rome jacob sallow timmy d sucked on my wean and amp now i ain't gay no more okay black and white half poo half glue.

[C]

Technically came.

[D]

To got a description of yeah walter soaker chris cruz sausage monkey with a little smoke soul sized piece kiefer hernandez thomas you're not catapulting my gf all the way back to brazil oh brazil.

[C]

You read it as brazil.

[D]

He spelled.

[A]

It with an s isn't it with.

[C]

A z yeah you're right you're right.

[D]

Yeah sean reynolds your fat uncle aka h foley's ozempic plus right when i drink tequilas and when i drink tequilas i end up texting to scoutmaster kevin.

[C]

Okay it's a good one but it was a victim of a bad read.

[D]

Okay had enough of king louie shitting while we talk so i told him to go to the corner turn around and don't wipe okay listen do you like that episode beam me up to holly hobbs michael raines guten fishing some of these are just my friends nicholas morgan i was promised the membership three thousand years ago time to blow you.

[A]

Up it's a good one though serge.

[D]

P my octopus's teacher swim through fish fumes the backstroke lifeguard kirshan gupta sir harrison mohammed saleed tucked it back so the frisbees can't clip me and then.

[A]

Nicholas morgan okay so should we just do there's one more page of names left but should we just actually know there's two more let's do the list let's do the let yeah let's do it okay here we're getting no we're.

[B]

Getting we're getting we're getting five minutes.

[A]

Okay go okay let's go okay here we go so this is the list and then we'll pick so deep in.

[D]

The closet they call me anne frank my cousin my cousin married a muzzy my cousin married a muzzy and now.

[A]

Her chest is ticking gotta keep him.

[C]

You gotta keep both of those okay.

[B]

It'S i'm going on crowd reaction yeah.

[D]

Brown and proud but don't call me ice drexler drexler kick me in the balls and call me by my transgender name name drexler not enough yeah yeah not enough my hussy is my cousy wuzzy which is okay because i'm a.

[C]

Muzzy gotta keep it in keep it.

[D]

In watching louis ck stroke his glue gun but i signed the permission slip.

[C]

Keep it in keep it in my.

[D]

Eighth grade teacher was a solid seven the frisbees did nine eleven keep it.

[C]

In keep it in we're gonna have.

[B]

We'Re gonna have a real race off.

[A]

Here it's gonna get hard here we.

[B]

Go this is a very highbrow podcast.

[D]

A muzzy kid who likes money aka lebanese or scrooge that i mean to.

[C]

Me that is a tough one to.

[D]

Be daddy yank me that's another that's.

[C]

Another good one gotta keep it wow.

[B]

It'S gonna be tough.

[D]

And then okay.

[A]

That'S it so go tough all right here we go so so deep in.

[D]

The closet they call me anne frank drexler it drexler yeah my cousin married.

[A]

A muzzy and now her chest is.

[C]

Ticking yeah i just got a drexler.

[D]

It my husb is my cousy which is okay because i'm a muzzy drexler yeah i think the watching louis ck stroke his glue gun but i signed.

[C]

The permission slip that's still in the game game that's still in the race.

[D]

My eighth grade teacher was a solid seven the frisbees did nine eleven that's.

[C]

Still in the race.

[D]

A muzzy kid who likes money aka lebanese or scrooge.

[C]

Wow that could be it and daddy.

[B]

Yanked me yeah so we got four.

[C]

We got four now we got to.

[B]

Do it from those four let's let them see you guys decide with what.

[D]

Your reaction okay daddy yankee me.

[C]

A.

[D]

Muzzy kid who likes money aka lebanese.

[C]

Or scrooge so daddy yank me's out.

[D]

Watching lou ck stroke his glue gun but i signed the permission slip no lebanese and then my eighth grade teacher.

[A]

Was a solid seven the frisbees did nine hundred eleven.

[C]

It'S between that one and lebanese or scrooge so let's do it one more time time the only.

[D]

Thing i think we can do is let the jamaican people decide that's it.

[C]

I think that's it i think that's what we're gonna do i think we're gonna let you two guys decide this right now what do you like so it's either lebanese or we got lebanese or scrooge or we have the the.

[B]

Frisbees did nine hundred eleven one i.

[A]

Think we're gonna go with scrooge scrooge.

[D]

Scrooge you are the winner give it.

[C]

Up for the jamaican bob everybody give it up for the eunuch smart christy.

[A]

And the greek kid thank you thank.

[C]

You everybody thank you so much thanks for coming out.