Will Habeas Corpus Protect You? | History Hyenas

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Will Habeas Corpus Protect You?" | History Hyenas

Podcast Information:

• Title: History Hyenas with Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas
• Hosts: Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas
• Episode: Will Habeas Corpus Protect You?
• Release Date: May 15, 2025
• Description: Comedians Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano blend history and humor, bringing wild energy to every episode. In this installment, they explore the concept of habeas corpus, its historical significance, and its relevance in contemporary legal and political scenarios.

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1. Introduction to Habeas Corpus

The episode kicks off with Chris DiStefano introducing the topic of habeas corpus, setting the stage for an in-depth exploration of this fundamental legal principle.

Notable Quote:

• Chris [05:33]: "Habeas corpus is Latin for 'bring the body.' It means the authorities must present the detained individual before a judge to determine the legality of their imprisonment."

2. Historical Origins: The Magna Carta

Yannis Pappas delves into the historical roots of habeas corpus, tracing it back to the Magna Carta of 1215. He explains how this document laid the groundwork for limiting the powers of the monarchy and establishing the rule of law.

Notable Quote:

• Yannis [12:49]: "The Magna Carta became the foundation of habeas corpus and the rule of law we have today."

3. The First Barons' War and the Rule of Law

The hosts discuss the First Barons' War, highlighting King John's role in the Magna Carta's creation under pressure from the barons. They emphasize how this event marked the beginning of the end for absolute monarchy and the rise of legal protections for individuals.

Notable Quote:

• Chris [19:10]: "People started getting a little fed up with the king always just issuing edicts and doing whatever he wanted. So this was the beginning—the Magna Carta was the beginning of the rule of law over all men."

4. Landmark Cases: Ex Parte Quirin

Transitioning to the 20th century, Chris introduces the Supreme Court case Ex parte Quirin (1942). This case involved eight Nazi saboteurs attempting to disrupt American infrastructure during World War II. The Supreme Court upheld the use of military tribunals over civilian courts, ruling that these saboteurs were unlawful enemy combatants not entitled to habeas corpus protections.

Notable Quote:

• Chris [28:08]: "The Supreme Court unanimously upheld the use of a military tribunal, ruling that the saboteurs were unlawful enemy combatants not entitled to a civilian trial."

5. Modern Implications: Guantanamo Bay and Post-9/11 America

The conversation shifts to post-9/11 America, focusing on the detention center at Guantanamo Bay. The hosts explain how habeas corpus has been a central issue in legal battles over the detention of suspected terrorists without trial.

Notable Quote:

• Yannis [39:38]: "Guantanamo Bay detainees have the right to file habeas corpus petitions in U.S. federal court, despite being held outside U.S. borders."

6. Current Events: Trump Administration and Deportations

Chris and Yannis analyze contemporary issues surrounding habeas corpus, particularly within the Trump administration's immigration policies. They discuss allegations that the administration is attempting to suspend habeas corpus to facilitate mass deportations, equating undocumented migrants to enemy combatants.

Notable Quotes:

• Yannis [49:17]: "Trump and his administration are saying, 'These are enemy combatants,' thus trying to circumvent habeas corpus protections."
• Chris [55:00]: "The lawsuit JGG vs. Trump is challenging the suspension of habeas corpus under the Alien Enemies Act, but the administration continues deportations."

7. El Salvador's Mass Imprisonment and Its Impact

The hosts explore El Salvador's recent policies under its new president, who has incarcerated tens of thousands of men to combat crime. This mass imprisonment intersects with U.S. deportation policies, as deported individuals are sent to El Salvador, raising concerns about human rights and habeas corpus protections.

Notable Quote:

• Chris [58:30]: "El Salvador's mass incarceration of men has become a destination for deported migrants, creating a controversial intersection between U.S. immigration policies and human rights."

8. The Importance of Habeas Corpus in Democracy

Chris underscores the critical role of habeas corpus in maintaining democratic principles and protecting individual freedoms. He emphasizes that without habeas corpus, the state could detain individuals arbitrarily, undermining the rule of law.

Notable Quote:

• Chris [05:33]: "Habeas corpus ensures that no one can be detained without due legal process, serving as a check on governmental power."

9. Patreon Community Engagement and Humor

In a blend of humor and community interaction, the hosts invite listeners to participate in their Patreon community by suggesting creative and humorous names. This segment showcases their comedic style, even as they discuss serious topics.

Notable Segment:

• Yannis [66:53] to [75:44]: The hosts humorously list fictional and creative names from their Patreon community, encouraging listener engagement while maintaining the episode's lighthearted tone.

10. Conclusion: Reflecting on Habeas Corpus Today

The episode wraps up with a reflection on the ongoing relevance of habeas corpus. The hosts invite listeners to consider whether current political actions uphold or breach this fundamental legal protection and encourage further discussion within their community.

Notable Quote:

• Yannis [77:48]: "We do this whole episode about habeas corpus, and it's playing out in real time right now. Watch the news, see what's going on. Tell them the History Hyenas sent you."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Chris [05:33]: "Habeas corpus is Latin for 'bring the body.' It means the authorities must present the detained individual before a judge to determine the legality of their imprisonment."
• Yannis [12:49]: "The Magna Carta became the foundation of habeas corpus and the rule of law we have today."
• Chris [19:10]: "People started getting a little fed up with the king always just issuing edicts and doing whatever he wanted. So this was the beginning—the Magna Carta was the beginning of the rule of law over all men."
• Chris [28:08]: "The Supreme Court unanimously upheld the use of a military tribunal, ruling that the saboteurs were unlawful enemy combatants not entitled to a civilian trial."
• Yannis [39:38]: "Guantanamo Bay detainees have the right to file habeas corpus petitions in U.S. federal court, despite being held outside U.S. borders."
• Yannis [49:17]: "Trump and his administration are saying, 'These are enemy combatants,' thus trying to circumvent habeas corpus protections."
• Chris [55:00]: "The lawsuit JGG vs. Trump is challenging the suspension of habeas corpus under the Alien Enemies Act, but the administration continues deportations."
• Chris [58:30]: "El Salvador's mass incarceration of men has become a destination for deported migrants, creating a controversial intersection between U.S. immigration policies and human rights."
• Chris [05:33]: "Habeas corpus ensures that no one can be detained without due legal process, serving as a check on governmental power."
• Yannis [77:48]: "We do this whole episode about habeas corpus, and it's playing out in real time right now. Watch the news, see what's going on. Tell them the History Hyenas sent you."

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Final Thoughts

"History Hyenas" successfully merges educational content with comedic flair, making complex legal concepts like habeas corpus accessible and engaging. Through historical analysis, discussion of landmark cases, and examination of current political actions, Chris DiStefano and Yannis Pappas provide listeners with a comprehensive understanding of habeas corpus and its pivotal role in safeguarding individual rights within a democratic society.

Listeners are encouraged to participate in the conversation via Patreon, adding a layer of community interaction that complements the informative and entertaining nature of the podcast.

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Note: This summary focuses solely on the content-related sections of the podcast, excluding advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content segments, in accordance with the provided guidelines.

Transcript

[A]

What's up, everybody? We got a great episode for you today on Habeas Corpus. Before we do that, I just want to let you know something very special. My new standup special is available at Patreon only for three weeks. You can buy it as a one time purchase for $10 if you want to watch it early. Or you could join our Patreon at any level and enjoy the special as well and all the other content we have up there since the beginning of time.

[B]

That's patreon.com history hyenas. See all our dates up there as well at History Hyenas is back dot com. Enjoy this episode. Right now about Habeas Corpus. You're going to learn some things. Buckle up. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I am Chris DiStefano, aka Chrissy Haircuts. With me as always, Giannis Pappas, aka Yanni Flathair.

[A]

Yanni Flat Hair. And they're not sure whether this is another episode or not because you're still, still wearing that Queen shirt.

[B]

Did I wear it last week?

[A]

You've worn it, I think, for three or four episodes.

[B]

Just what it is.

[A]

That is. Are you sleeping in your car again?

[B]

It's just what it is. I've lost the family.

[A]

Because that Queen shirt is like your uniform at this point.

[B]

It gets a lot of reps. Yeah, that's.

[A]

Yeah, sure, I like it. And I like it a lot. Because you're from Queens.

[B]

I'm a Queen's kid. Now, here's the thing we wanted to talk about today. And here's the other thing, too. Donald Trump is a Queen's kid.

[A]

He's a Queen's kid from Queens.

[B]

He's from Jamaica Estate.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Queens. And so we want to talk about today, today's episode because you've probably heard about this a lot with the.

[A]

The market's up.

[B]

The market's way up.

[A]

We're doing good.

[B]

We're doing good. And so what you've heard about probably a lot in the news is a little thing called Habeas Corpus. And you said, what the hell is that? Well, we're here, we're going to tell you. The hyenas are going to explain what Habeas Corpus means and how Donald Trump may be well within his rights to remove migrants.

[A]

And we always love doing episodes where we can suggest some birth baby names to African American families.

[B]

That's what we like.

[A]

My new son, Habeas. Yeah, that's right. Or my daughter, Corpus.

[B]

It's beautiful.

[A]

It's beautiful.

[B]

And that's why we bring everyone together. And this was Habeas Corpus was actually Giannis's suggestion. I had suggested. I want. Because I've been watching a Netflix documentary about the blitz of the Battle of Britain, the London Blitz.

[A]

Okay. Because. Yeah, I mean, you just want to get an episode in whenever and whichever way you can to get the Germans in there.

[B]

That's just what it is. Because we haven't done anything World War II in a while, and my German is just trying to get a little out of control.

[A]

Yeah, we got it. Maybe we'll. Maybe we'll do Berlin pre Nazis.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because that was a fun time in Berlin. It was really wild. And the trans were really. That's where trans stuff started.

[B]

We had. We had a Romanian kid on Dragos. He's his episodes on the Patreon. He talked to us a lot about Berlin before the Nazis is a very interesting episode. Only available at patreon.com history hyenas where the community, the History Hyenas community exists for only five bones and up. You get, as you pay more, you get more things, more tiers. But patreon.com history hyenas, we actually have a little promo code, a little discount going on right now if you are a free member. You can now get a wild discount of 30% if you want to join one of the paid tiers. So you can go, go do that.

[A]

And we did speak to Patreon and unfortunately we were told that if you join up, make a name and then cancel to try again, unfortunately, you could get flagged for fraud and not be able to join again with that email address. So we want to say join one time, give it a shot. You know, give us your best name, try to make us laugh, and then, you know, stick around.

[B]

You know what it is. Here's the thing too. If, if you make. Because if you're new here to the show, at the end of every episode, we have the Patreon members. We read the newest members of. We call it the Matriarchy, and we ask them to make a funny name. And we will pick the funniest name that makes us laugh and we'll make that person the winner for that week. Now, if you feel that your name was funny and you didn't get a good laugh from us or we missed it, what you could do is on the community [e-mail] historyainas or on our chat, on our history chat that we have, tell us what your original name was and then say, I Want to change it to this. And Jesse, me, Jesse and Giannis will look through it every week, and we'll see if there's any real funny ones. We'll shout them out here on the show. That's how we'll do it.

[A]

That's how we do it, and that's how we do it. So when you join, join, don't cancel and join again, because you might get flagged for being a scam by Patreon. It's just what it is. And when you join and you give us a name, and a lot of people just join with their regular names, which is great, you're straight to the back, you're here for the content. Just like a guy who's going into the video store back in the day, wants to go straight to. Straight to the porn booth. But what you're basically doing when you join our Patreon is you are presenting yourself. You're. You're presenting the body.

[B]

Presenting the body, which is habeas corpus. Translate in Latin to what? Yeah, show us the body.

[A]

Show us the body.

[B]

That's what it means.

[A]

I want to see your tits.

[B]

I want to see that.

[A]

I want to see your whole body. Show me your body. Show me your feet.

[B]

Yeah, Giannis likes feet. It's just what it is.

[A]

I want to present. I'm your judge, and I want you to show me your body.

[B]

If you're a hottie with. If you're a female that goes to Yanni shows, bring an extra pair of socks because he's going to take a peek and he has, you know, people have those Ray Ban glasses now that recording everything. Yanni's glasses can see through your shoes and he can take a look at your toes.

[A]

I'm Johnny. I'm Yanni. Zoom fingers, I think, yeah, if your feet's out, I'm gonna do like that. I'm gonna make the image bigger and I'm gonna take a screenshot.

[B]

It's what it is. Because just know that Yanni's phone is full of screenshots of any Instagram picture you've ever posted of your feet.

[A]

I'll take your feet and I'll plug them in my mouth like a pacifier and I'll go.

[B]

That's what it is. If you post a bikini, worry about your tits and ass. It's your feet you got to worry about. That's what he's going to screenshot them big cuz.

[A]

Bring the body in front of a judge. It's a check on monarchies. It's a Check on the power of the state. It's a staple of democracy. It's called habeas corpus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It is Latin for bring the body.

[B]

To me because I have high cholesterol issues. And the other day, you saw me get a slice of pizza from Joe's Pizza, and I took the cheese off and I threw it on the floor, and you called the police and you tried to have me arrested, but because of habeas corpus, I did not commit a crime. You can't just throw me in prison.

[A]

Even though you wanted to know. Yeah, I tried to throw you in prison. They say, hey, did he commit a crime? We got to bring him in front of a judge and see if there was an actual crime committed. You can't just detain him without habeas corpus. And I said, but you don't understand. He's got 300 cholesterol. He's not a baseball player. He should not have 300 in his name. He's not a good singles hitter. The kid just eats too many fucking pizzas.

[B]

It's just what it is. Because I now, so what your cholesterol is.

[A]

I looked it up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I care about you. Yeah. So I looked it up on ChatGPT, and I asked the question, Is 300 cholesterol dangerously high? And it is. And it said, yes, it's dangerously high.

[B]

It's up there because I'm in the big league. So what I've done now is I'm still in pizza, but I've just thrown sushi on top of the pizza.

[A]

But have you actually checked the numbers when you were on the beam? Maybe when you got numbers checked, you were off the beam that day and you got off the beam numbers.

[B]

I was off the beam numbers. So I'm actually getting back on the beam. I'm doing a little thing called a cardiac scan on Thursday. So we actually have a fun, cute little day plan for Thursday. You ready for our day?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what we're gonna do is you're gonna come up to me. I have, at 8:30 in the morning.

[A]

I love when you make plans with me and then you tell me afterwards, which is what he did this morning, Jess. He calls. He calls me up and he goes. He goes, do you have any plans Thursday? I go, no. He goes, good, because I booked a little walking tour for us already. Yeah.

[B]

For Mother's Day, because we are members of the matriarchy. I given Yanni a late Mother's Day gift, and we're gonna do a little Dutch colonial New York history walking. Tour with the Bowery Boys. Cute. And it's gonna be fun. So you'll see episode and hopefully YouTube episode about all the Dutch colonial history of New York the following week. But the first thing I'm going to do is you're going to meet me up at Mount Sinai at 8:30 in the morning and we're going to get a little barium shot into the arm and we're going to do a little thing called a clear scan, called a soft plaque scan that Dr. Peter Attia suggested a longevity expert, where they just take a little peek at people with sky high cholesterol like me. Take a little peek at the soft plaque moving through your arteries. And then if they see some of that, they help you clean it out.

[A]

Yeah, you got to get cracked open and clean.

[B]

That's what it is. My cholesterol is TTR through the roof. But I have been taking berberine every day. I've been taking red yeast every day. I've been taking fish oil pills every day. I've been trying to eat more fish. I've been trying to be more Japanese. I've been shitting on the floor. And I've just been trying to get that cholesterol down. So here's what I know, and I know this for sure is number one. I am eating olives to be more like the olive tree is what I am doing. I'm trying to get longevity with the olive tree. I'm not being the onion plant where I will be dead in nine weeks. So I'm doing garlic and olives because that's longevity. Because in just I'm going to turn this puppy around in six months. I'm going to be like a vampire with all the garlic.

[A]

Yeah. And that's why habeas corpus is so important to democracies, because they want to ensure that we have a just system that lasts long. They want to make sure that our American experiment becomes the olive tree and not the olive.

[B]

The onion truck. And a lot of you people are saying that the onion isn't a tree, it's a plant. And I wouldn't say you're.

[A]

Yeah, I want to say you're.

[B]

Bleep that puppy out.

[A]

Because I want to say you are an onion though, because he got layers.

[B]

I do got layers. And I do cry a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz. But don't worry, we're going to turn it around because all you can do, all you could do. You listen to me and you listen to me right now, baby. Gorgeous is you. Do you. You have to Understand it this way. Okay, here it is. This is Chrissy Confucius coming at you. You have to understand it this way. There is no getting out of this planet alive.

[A]

So are you going to a prisoner planet scenario again?

[B]

They're feeding off. They're feeding off the negative emotions. No, there is no getting off this alive. So you might as well laugh at anything the world throws you. You might as well treat everyone kind and everyone respectfully and just laugh at whatever the world. You do not get any points at all for being stressed out, for worrying about everything, for being angry. That doesn't get. If that would lead to immortality, I could understand why we're doing it, but that doesn't. You're dying one way or another, whether you're happy or sad, so you might as well be happy because it's just a much fun, a much more fun life and it's a much more peaceful life. You be like, the olive tree is happy and long. The onion tree is short and tangy and makes you cry. And that's not what you want. So there aren't. Remember this, there are no. You do not get any points. You do not get immortality for being a dick.

[A]

Yeah. So if you are illegally detained in El Salvador, we want you to just relax, box, breathe, laugh it off. Think about it. If you're saying, hey, where's my habeas corpus? We say, hey, listen, you're a potential gang member.

[B]

It's just what it is.

[A]

How do we know you're a potential gang member? You got some tattoos in your hand. One of them is a marijuana tree, the other One is a one to three. You're Ms. 13.

[B]

It's just what it is.

[A]

Okay, look, if you're wearing a Chicago baseball hat, you're Ms. 13. Okay, look, if you came over from this country and you crossed the border, you're Ms. 13.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So just go with the flow, laugh about it, be the olive tree, have.

[B]

A sense of humor.

[A]

You're not getting off this planet any way alive. None of us are. So have a sense of humor about it. And look, this isn't your country.

[B]

It's what it is. Because, I mean, if Donald Trump really wants to clean up this country, just go to a fucking LA Dodgers home game, Ladder 14.

[A]

That's what the controversy.

[B]

We're just kidding around.

[A]

Yeah, the controversy has been coming up now, habeas corpus, because a lot of people are getting catapulted over the wall.

[B]

Catapulted.

[A]

There's a catapult out and they're getting it's they're not going on the list. They're getting flung over the wall.

[B]

And it's not cute and it's not cute. And we are. And, you know, we are comedians first. We always make jokes. We're not a Palestinian comedian, so we just make jokes first. We don't get serious, but it's just what it is. So here's the thing. Where did it all start? Where did the. Where was the seeds of habeas corpus born? Because the world wasn't always this way. And we got to go all the way back to the 1200s, a little thing called the Magna Carta.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know what the Magna Carta is?

[A]

The Magna Vince Carter. The Magna Vince Carter is the cornerstone.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For a just civilization. That's what was the first document, the first document of freedom.

[B]

Magna Carta actually translates to the Great Charter. And it was a legal document signed by King John of England on June 15, 1215. And what happened was, is a lot of. Basically, it's like what anything else. People, the rich people were called the barons at the time. They started losing their money because, you know, King John of England was. You ever heard of Richard? Richard the Lionheart? Yeah. So Richard Lionheart, real tough guy. A guy everybody loved. Richard Lionheart. Then he dies and King John of England takes over. And King John of England is just kind of a pussy. Yeah, they used to call him. I think it was called him something weak heart. Or they just call. Oh, King John the soft sword. Yeah, they call him King John the soft sword. Because kid could not get hard. That's why I need bluechew. Use promo code history. Get yourself a little Bluetooth sponsored by Bluechill. Yeah, but the kid had a soft sword. So King John of England. So they said. The baron said, listen to me, you're being a. Okay, you're finance. We're financing all these wars for you. No money. We're not getting any money back. You're spending the money. So he had all this dissatisfaction from the wealthy elites, which is what happens to people. The wealthy people, the 1%, the Illuminati of the time, they put pressure on the guy and they had this heavy taxation to fund these unsuccessful wars. So what they said was, listen, we're going to take London, the rich people, we're going to make our own army and take London unless John starts to negotiate with us. So what he said was, what they wanted was, they said, no. The 1215 Magna Carta that King John of England signed said, no free man shall be seized or Imprisoned except by the lawful judgment of his equals or. Or by the law of the land. Because what used to happen back then was, you know, you piss King John off or whatever. The king would just arrest a rich guy just for no reason. Just take him. Shut your mouth. So they started to get so strong, the rich people, they said, you can't do that anymore.

[A]

Yeah. No more arbitrary imprisonment just because you say so. Yeah, it's not happening. But.

[B]

And by the way, the. You know, it. The Magna Carta is very similar to the Declaration of Independence. Very similar to most documents where when they say all people are free and equal, they don't mean all. They just mean rich white property owners.

[A]

But that was just more. Because that was what was around at.

[B]

That time, what it is.

[A]

Yeah. They hadn't. And they hadn't had any other people around yet because they hadn't enslaved them yet.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the only people that were enslaved back then were women.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They just. Those were the slaves back then.

[A]

Yeah. But that was more of what I call a natural aurora. It's what it is. Slow on the button.

[B]

So 12:15, Magna Carta.

[A]

Now, this thing.

[B]

Just because. Here's the thing. Just because you say something doesn't mean that it's actually going to happen. Like we have. There's the. When we did the episode, I think it was last week or the week before, where there's a governing body of. Of NATO. No, not of NATO. Well, remember there was a governing body that said if you invade a country and. But don't. And you go outside the parameters of.

[A]

I don't know what you're talking about now. I don't know what you talked about. Was this a private conversation.

[B]

Public conversation a couple episodes ago.

[A]

And what were we talking about?

[B]

We were talk about. Nate. We were talking about war.

[A]

We were a couple guys talking about war at the time.

[B]

What was the episode we did before the stock market?

[A]

I don't remember. We were both two dogs.

[B]

We're just off the beat.

[A]

Off the beat. We're in the moment. I don't remember what are you referring to, But I want to get to.

[B]

The bottom of it now.

[A]

You got my curiosity peaked.

[B]

It was some. Because it was basically saying, did the stock market. There was a governing body. There was a governing body that basically.

[A]

What.

[B]

What episode was.

[A]

What was the governing body doing?

[B]

They were. It was something like they. It was. It was a court. It was an international court.

[A]

The.

[B]

Hey, was it the international. Was it the imf, The International Monetary Fund? Was it something like that?

[A]

It's very possible where they basically said loans. Yeah.

[B]

If you basically like, oh, Russia's going to sue the United States and then Russia wins in court. And. And. But the United States is going to say, okay, you want a corporate. I'm still not going to pay you, stupid.

[A]

I don't think we did anything like that. But yeah, it's just what it is. Yeah, but what do you refer.

[B]

So what I want to say is the Magna Carta said that, you know, everybody's created equal. And basically, Magna Carta said, hey, be a corpus. No free man shall be seized or imprisoned except by the lawful judgment of his equals or by the law of the land. But nobody really enforced it, right? So they would say, hey, we have this Magna Carta. But the kings would say, yeah, but basically you're just going to go to jail. I'm going to behead you. Because I said, yeah.

[A]

The funny thing is, is he created this because he was under pressure from the barons, right. So he was trying to just toss a bone to get them off their back. Yeah. Hey, this is what we'll do, okay? Just leave me alone. We won't really do it, but we'll do it. But it did set the foundation for habeas.

[B]

You just cop to one. You cop to one crime, you know, it's just. Yeah, yeah, I did that one, but leave me alone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So basically what it does, though, the Magna Carta, it does become the foundation for habeas corpus and the modern due process we have right now today in this country, in this beautiful land of ours, in this great nation of 50 states that we have that you are actually absolutely privileged to live in. What do you want to go live in Romania? Go.

[A]

Yeah, you're just going to. You're going to be. You're going to have to start a webcam business if you do what it is.

[B]

Start shaking that ass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this became the. The Magna Carta became, you know, the foundation for what eventually goes on to become.

[A]

It was basically the first document that gave a little power to the people and curtailed the power of elites.

[B]

Now, here's what it is. So here's what it is. Here's how the law worked back then. So we got Magna Carta, and then the Pope had a lot. The Pope had a lot of pull back then. Okay. But now I think because the Pope's a Chicago kid now, Pope Leo, we might start getting the Chicago Mafia back involved. And that's a good thing.

[A]

That could be a good thing because this, it makes the neighborhood safe.

[B]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

[A]

It just makes the neighborhood.

[B]

I can't wait to some of these. Some of these young boys in the Catholic Church now. Going to get a Portillo hot dog now.

[A]

Somebody did an AI video with the Pope. Someone did an AI video with the Pope, which was really funny, where it was the Pope arguing in his voice about why George the goat and LeBron is a B. Tch. And it was very funny.

[B]

Chicago.

[A]

Chicago. Yeah, very funny. Yeah.

[B]

So basically we have the Magna Carta. Everyone thinks, okay, we got this new law, we're all safe, they can't throw us in prison. But then the Pope at the time, Pope Innocent the Third, which is a fun name for a Pope because those kids were never really innocent. Pope Innocent the Third, just weeks after King John put forward the Magna Card.

[A]

That's like calling P. Diddy conscious sex.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or sex with your will. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They basically, Pope Innocent III annulled this. He annulled the Magna Carta. He basically said, yeah, I know they just said that, but we're not doing it.

[A]

Yeah. I have a little authority from someone called God, and we don't like to follow rules.

[B]

What it is. So that led to something called the first Barons War. Now, when you think of Baron, just. That's just a rich kid. That's what a baron was back then. That's a translation. They were just the wealthy. And so King.

[A]

What happened to Baron Vaughn?

[B]

Baron Vaughn's still out there.

[A]

He's still out there.

[B]

Yeah. Baron Vaughn's a good kid. Very funny comic. King John, who we mentioned, who wrote the Magna Carta, died a couple years later, 12, 16. And then his son Henry III reissued the Magna Carta to restore peace and eventually became part of English law. Now what's the long term, Long term significance? It was a failed peace treaty initially, but the Magna Carta got reissued, got revised multiple times, and over centuries, it came to symbolize the principle that the king is subject to the law, not above it. So in many ways, this is the beginning of the end for the monarchy. The monarch. Monarchy kind of ends three, 400 years later. 1700s, 1800s. But this is like the RICO act for the mob. They're basically saying, not for long. Not for long now, because now you're not above the law either.

[A]

Yeah. People started getting a little fed up with the king always just issuing edicts and doing whatever he wanted. And so this was the beginning. The Magna Carta was the beginning of the rule of law over all men.

[B]

Yeah. It's what it is. Over everyone. And it's actually a good thing.

[A]

Nobody's above the law.

[B]

Nobody's above the law. And here's the thing. Here's what you got to understand. Here's what you got to understand is the United States.

[A]

And you're going to do that like a black girl after school. And that's what this Puerto Rico. I will meet you after school.

[B]

That's what it is. Yeah.

[A]

We're going to settle this one way.

[B]

Or another, because that's what happens when people. When a cop comes up, so say, you ain't got a warrant, what they're really saying is habeas Corpus, motherfucker. Magna Carta. It's like, Magna Carta.

[A]

I'm filming you, officer.

[B]

Now, there is one thing 1000, 1000%. A child named Magna Carta who's alive right now, who, you know might be living in the city of Chicago.

[A]

Yeah, that's what we're saying. Like, we do it all these episodes, and we're giving black families great ideas on what to name their kids. It's Jakarta, Habeas, or Corpus.

[B]

It's a nice one.

[A]

It's a nice one.

[B]

Or innocent.

[A]

Or innocent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So I knew a kid growing up named Science.

[B]

So I knew a kid Scientific Map and Majestic Map. They were brothers, and they're very good basketball players.

[A]

People need to get a little bit more creative with the names now.

[B]

So you can actually. What's cute about this, which I didn't know, there are actually four surviving copies of the original Magna Carta. They are housed in the British Library. Got two copies. The Lincoln Cathedral and the Salisbury Cathedral. But I think the Lincoln Cathedral, that might be in the US should we go on a little field trip to the. Is that in the US it might have a copy. I don't know. Cuts.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Could possibly be there. And. And I really was at. Because at first when I started learning about this and you suggested, I was like, like, maybe not so cute. But then when I started to really research it, I was like, oh, no. Yanni picked a cute.

[A]

Oh. This is the foundation of why we're able to do this podcast. The foundation while you're able to say certain words. But sometimes we put cackles over it. But we're only putting cackles over it because we want to stay monetized. But we are free to say those words. And nobody can put us in prison because we got a little thing called freedom of speech. We got a little thing called Habeas Corpus. We Got a little thing called rule of law. And did I break the law? No.

[B]

No, I did it. Now, would the world be a little bit more fun if there was no habeas corpus? Because you just kind of do whatever you want and say whatever you want not and just there'd be no repercussions. Maybe. But that's why we have patreon.com history. That's a habeas corpus less world where we're just doing anything we want.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Saying anything. 1. And it's fun, fun, fun. And that's why you pay.

[A]

And there's no habeas corpses there because we rule over there.

[B]

Because there are no.

[A]

We are the law. Yeah.

[B]

There are no bodies over there.

[A]

I'll just give you. I'll just give you a great example right now of how we live under rule of law. Habeas corpus. Right. And you can't arbitrarily put me in prison. Okay. Want to do one?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, here we go. The pope is.

[B]

We're going to be right back after this break with more on habeas corpus.

[A]

I won't be in prison after this episode. That's a great thing, babe.

[B]

Look at this thing. It's called the Ridge Wallet, folks. This thing, I dare you to try to steal my credit card information because it has technology that will block that. I dare to try to make a digital copy of my credit card when I got a Ridge Wallet. You can't do it because this is the wall. Nothing's getting through.

[A]

And also, it doesn't get. You know, when you get the leather, it just gets all, like, old after a while. This is sturdy. It's nice. It keeps your credit cards nice and cozy in there. It looks sleek in your pocket. Ridge wallet is the way to go. Me and Chrissy both got them now. Thank you, Ridge Wallet for sending us our Ridge Wallet.

[B]

No more re. No, no. You don't have to have the clunky wallet weighing down your pants anymore. Ridge wallet is slim. It's sleek, and it's the upgrade your pockets were begging for. And I'm from Ridgewood. I'm from Bay Ridge, so you know me. I like anything with the word ridge in it.

[A]

Yeah, and don't let slim profile fool you. This thing's tough. Crafted from premium materials like titanium. They look very cool, too. Yes, carbon fiber. It's built to handle whatever life throws at you. It comes with a built in RFID blocking tech like Chris said.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Your card info safe from digital pickpockets, which is a thing now. And it's so confident in its quality that they offer a lifetime warranty. This thing holds up.

[B]

Holds up also.

[A]

Listen, if you get shot in the leg, yeah, it'll block it.

[B]

It'll block it. And anything that life throws at you. Because the ridge wall blocked the chancreta the other day. Because I get chunkretta thrown at me. Because it's just what it is. Right now the Ridge is having their huge Memorial Day sale. Get up to 40% [e-mail] hyenas. That's H Y e n a s. Just head to ridge.com/hyenas to see their biggest sale of the year. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them the hyenas sent you.

[A]

And check it out, they got 50 colors and styles. Go take a look at the website. They're great.

[B]

Rocket Money. I love Rocket Money. Honest. And I use it. It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[A]

Because you're a responsible kid, right? It's worth it because we all get those subscriptions we forget about always. Fees go up and you're unaware of it. So if you really want to maintain a tight budget, let Rocket Money do that for you. If.

[B]

If you're screwed in.

[A]

If you're screwed in.

[B]

If you're screwed in. If you're screwed in tight. Okay, up here you got Rocket Money.

[A]

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions. Monitors your spending. You said it.

[B]

Yeah, I opened it up with that.

[A]

You want to start?

[B]

Keep going. Yeah. Rocket Money tries to negotiate lower bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save and then you ask them to negotiate for you. And what's great about Yanni is he's sundowning. And I've been saving so much on Rocket Money that I'm going to be able to help his family get him into a hoe because I got more money in my pocket because of Rocket Money.

[A]

No, Rocket Money is a no brainer, dude. I tell you. We use it. I use it. I love it. It gives you updates all the time. It lets you know, oh, there's a new charge here. Yeah, it gives you an alert.

[B]

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[A]

Yes. So cancel your Unwanted subscriptions. Reach your financial goals faster with rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com hyenas h y e n a s today. That's RocketMoney.com hyenas RocketMoney.com hyenas okay, and we're back. See, that's just like.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

But, you know, back in the day, if I said that sentence and the king heard it or the Pope heard it, they just throw me in jail, feed me to lions, whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, do things with my cornhole. They could do whatever they want. But you can't do that anymore now.

[B]

Because here's the thing. Here's. Here's. Here's why I'm sneak in. Here's why. As I've told you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As I've told you, as you've coined. I have been studying the Jew. I have been studying our Jewish brothers.

[A]

You have a PhD in the Jew.

[B]

I've been studying our Jewish brothers and sisters. And I found. Because the thing is, what. They are very good at that, and that's what I love about them. They will find a way. They persevere, they keep going, and they just cannot be stopped. And I appreciate that about them. So you told me when we started.

[A]

This episode, and they can travel without a passport. Yeah. In your shoes.

[B]

In your shoes. So that's, that's the real reason why a lot of people think you have to take your shoes off if you're not TSA pre check because you can chew bottle. But it's really because the TSA is just looking.

[A]

They're looking for Jews.

[B]

It's what it is. So. So here's the thing is, here's the thing is, you thought that there was going to be no way that I could somehow shoehorn in Nazis into this episode, but I found a way.

[A]

How'd you do it?

[B]

I found a way because we talked about habeas corpus. We talked about. Show me the body. We talked about, you know, due process.

[A]

Yeah. Present the body in front of a.

[B]

Judge at the body front law. And I found a little thing called the Nazi Saboteurs on American Soil trial. Oh. So what happened was. Did you know, cuz, did you know that in the summer. In the summer of 1942, when our grandparents were just. When your dad was just in a full onesie bathing suit and your mom.

[A]

Was just in full onesie bathing suit.

[B]

Yeah. Right. Because how old was your mom, mom and pops in 1942?

[A]

I think they're about 56.

[B]

Yeah, they were. Yeah. So my pops Wasn't even born yet. But in the summer of 1942, right in the middle of World War II, eight Nazi agents, legitimate Nazis, some born in Germany, some German Americans actually landed in the us The U Boat submarines, the German submarines, they landed in Amangasset, Long island island, which is where the Hamptons is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And Guest. Long Island. And then. And then another four landed in Florida. And they had explosives, fake IDs, stacks of American cash, and they were ready to blow up bridges, railroads, and factories. Okay. They were acting like muzzies.

[A]

Yeah. Because this is the thing. We're doing an episode about individual rights. The birth of individual rights, the birth of the rule law, the birth of habeas corpus. There is. If Nazis show up, there will be a way to find evidence that they tried to violate those things.

[B]

Just what it is. Now. Here's the thing. These guys got all the way to the United States on U Boat. They were able to evade the mighty US Navy and all that, but they did suck at being spies. One of them's name was George Dosh. You can follow him right now at Tank Sinatra on Instagram. He immediately has a moral panic and he snitches to the FBI. The kid just goes up to the FBI and says, I am gifted. I am a Nazi.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Which is crazy.

[A]

That's a rare German with anxiety.

[B]

Right? Right. So the FBI nabs all eight of them within two weeks because George just tells them where they all are. The public does not hear about it. FDR is like, I don't want this out there. The fact that Nazis were able to get too close to the shore, that's scary.

[A]

And you know how they. You know how they made them flip? You know how. Because you're going, how did this happen? How did a Nazi just so quickly say, I'm a Nazi? Because usually they're very. You know, they're very stern.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Very in control. And, you know, they don't have anxiety. Right. Because they're all psychopaths. And Germans were born without souls.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you're going, how did they do that? Well, they used to do a little thing. This is a Truth Beta Ginsburg, where if they wanted to see if there was. If this person was actually a Nazi spy back then, what they would do is they would get a Jew. They'd set a. They'd. They'd go in a room and they'd set a Jew loose.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. And they would tie the Nazi up.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And if the Nazi could get himself loose and chase the Jew, then they knew that it was a Nazi, because the Nazi cannot resist chasing the Jew, right? That's what happens. That's why there was a lot of teams that were able to beat the German football teams, soccer teams, because what they would do is they would have Jews on their teams. So one time, there was actually a German goalkeeper, and the Jew was running around, and he ran out of the goal to chase the Jew, and he left the goal untended. So that's how you can always find a Nazi. He will always leave his post and chase a Jew.

[B]

And that's what it is.

[A]

And that's how they caught this guy, right?

[B]

It's just what it is.

[A]

Yeah, that's what Schmitty told me at the firehouse.

[B]

So what. So what happens there is. Is FDR says, look, let's keep this quiet.

[A]

Or as I like to call them, Hot Wheels.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, Hot Wheels is good. Hot Wheels is fun. That's. That's a 10. Yeah, Hot Wheels. So what he says is, look, let's have them. We got to put these kids through court. They want to have a secret military tribunal. Not an. Not a civilian court, because civilian court, public has to know, blah, blah, blah. Military trials, even still to this day, they kind of lie right outside habeas corpus a little bit, kind of. It gets complicated. But in. If you go. If you're in the military and you go to military court, it's. You don't love that, right? Because they could. Military could kind of just say it. Because if at any point the military feels like the way around habeas corpus is. And we're going to get to this with Guantanamo Bay, and what Trump is doing now is if they say that you're a threat to the nation and you're doing something, spying, if you're, you know, an enemy soldier, they go around habeas corpus and they say, no, no, we could do what we want with you. So this case, FDR saying, hey, they're. They're Nazis. They're. We. They don't f. Habeas corpus. They don't deserve it. But the lawyers, the saboteurs. Isn't this interesting? The Nazi saboteurs, lawyers, Jewish guys, right? Represented by Jews. That's how great Jewish people are. They represented Nazis because they believed in the laws. Country. And they filed the habeas corpus petition that they're civilians. They deserve a public trial. The case actually goes to the Supreme Court. It's called Ex parte Queer. And what is. I keep seeing ex parte. What is ex parte? Do we know.

[A]

No, we'd have to look that up.

[B]

Sounds like Latin ex parte queer in Jesse. Because it's part of this. You could put it in. Yeah, See it down there? Ex parte Quirin right there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Ex parte queer. And while you do that, I'll let you know. Governments can suspend habeas corpus only in extreme circum situations or circumstances like war, a national emergency, rebellion or insurrection. Lincoln suspended it during the American Civil War.

[B]

We're going to get to him.

[A]

And then post 9 11, Guantanamo Bay detained many people and it became the center of habeas corpus legal battles because a lot of people were detained without trial because they were said, oh, these are threat to national security.

[B]

So Lincoln is actually very interesting. And after we get to this, we'll talk about Lincoln. And Lincoln is very interesting because he was the only president in history that Congress basically told him, habeas corpus, you cannot confederate sympathizers. You can imprison them against their will. And Lincoln, as the President, said, I'm doing it anyway.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Only president ever in history to do that, to go against his own Congress. And basically they backed down because at the moment, at that time, the Union army was much bigger.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So what is ex parte queer? And I think ex parte is just. Must be Latin for something. I think every Supreme Court case is called ex parte. But anyway, 1942, landmark case, U.S. supreme Court that tested the limits of habeas corpus. So as we said, the eight German saboteurs part of was called Operation Pastorius. Operation Oscar Pastorius was a Nazi mission to sabotage American war infrastructure. FDR ordered them to be tried by the military tribunal, not civilian courts. One of the saboteurs, Herbert Hans hopped, was a US citizen. So the lawyers filed for a writ of habeas corpus challenging the legality of trying them in a military court. What happened? The Supreme Court unanimously upheld the use of a military tribunal, ruling that the saboteurs were unlawful enemy combatants not entitled to a civilian trial. Habeas corpus was available, but in this case, the military trial was legal under the articles of war. And the ruling made a distinction between lawful and unlawful combatants and basically ended the day. They hung six of them. And the two that, you know, the one guy, definitely George, that ratted everyone out, him and his other partner, they got spared and they just, I think, got life in prison or like 40 years.

[A]

Yeah, well, the problem was, was it was a franks and beans operation by the Nazis. Because if you're going to drop off a couple of kids By U boat. You don't want to send them to Florida and the Hamptons.

[B]

No.

[A]

Because they're going to get distracted from their mission. That's what it is. Those are two cute spots.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That Going to really seduce enemy combatants.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To be more American.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're going to go to a white party. You're going to be like, this is cute. I don't know. I no longer want to spy for the Nazis.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you're going to go to Miami and you go like, I'm done. Yeah. I just met a Cuban hottie and I'm staying.

[B]

If they were smart, they would have just dropped them off in Delaware.

[A]

That would have worked.

[B]

They would be like, this country sucks. Yeah, I'm all for the Nazis.

[A]

Yeah. I'm all. But you don't want to set them to a cuter place than where you're coming from. Nobody goes from Heidelberg to Miami and goes, you know what? I'm siding with Heidelberg.

[B]

Just doesn't happen.

[A]

No.

[B]

Now, do you want to talk about next. Whatever you got, or do you want to talk about Lincoln? Let's do what you got.

[A]

No, I just want to say that.

[B]

I want to say that I love you.

[A]

I want to say that I love you too. But let's talk about Lincoln so we can build to what I want to talk about, which is how it relates to today and why we're doing this episode. Because it's become a big issue.

[B]

Big, big, big, big, big.

[A]

Cause here's the.

[B]

Here's why you and I work. What I love to do is just stay in the past. I like to hide away. I like to have fun and make believe I'm in the past because I can have some control of it. And I like to just make. Make believe I'm fun, fun, fun. I'm in the past. What you like to do is think about the past, but related to the future. How does it help me now?

[A]

Right.

[B]

So that's why we're good. Because I like living in the past. You like living in the present.

[A]

Yeah. Well, we both like living in the past, but for different reasons. Because you like living in the past. When the Germans had a little power for like a couple of decades. Not the. Yeah. You know, a certain group of those. Yeah. Germans.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you guys lost. I like thinking about the past because it was when my people were glorious.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But now they' basically selling shoes. Yeah. So we're basically the Al Bundia country.

[B]

We told. We figured out today that the powers that be, the prison planet that you Know the rulers of the prison planet who have enslaved our negative emotions that they feed off. We have figured out that they, like the. The. The. The head of this simulation, really has fun with every human being, but they really have fun with Giannis and I. What they like for me is they like to say, you know what? This kid loves sweets. This kid loves Pete's. So what we're going to do is we're going to make him eat it, and we're going to give him genetically high cholesterol and predispose him to diabetes, so the more he eats, the closer he is to dying. So we're going to make. It's going to be fun for us to watch him try to eat cacao and take the cheese off his pizza. We're going to try to find him. That's what's going to be fun for us, is just watch his kids struggle. And then with Yanni, what they've done is they said, we're going to give him the mindset, we're going to give him the exact brain, and we're going to give him the exact spirit of a Greek emperor, but we're going to put him alive at a time when Greece doesn't even have money in their ATM machines. We're going to put him at the worst possible time to ever be Greek, but give him the mind of a Greek emperor. And these guys just sit up here and laugh.

[A]

Yeah. So Ex parte curiean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

317 U.S. 1 was the case, the United States Supreme Court, that during World War II, upheld the jurisdiction of a United States military tribunal over the trial of eight German saboteurs. So that Ex Parte Quirum is just actually the name of the case.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So that answers that question.

[B]

So, like, tell us about. About that. What? Because I know you want to get to present day, and we all want to get to present day. So tell us about why, how you think Lincoln connects all this.

[A]

Well, you tell us about Lincoln and I'll tell us. Well, Lincoln did it during the Civil War. He suspended habeas corpus.

[B]

But didn't you have something cute? I have some loaded up.

[A]

I got something cute loaded up about Trump.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

There's not much more to say about that. That. That just during the Civil War, Lincoln upheld. He upheld not using habeas corpus because he was like, these are. These are enemy combatants. And that's what it is. Oh, they don't get. They don't get the rights before before.

[B]

We get to Trump, can we at least be cute and talk about Guantanamo Bay?

[A]

Yeah, that's. There's nothing cuter than Guantanamo Bay. Are cute, cute.

[B]

Guantanamo Bay designed those suits. Oh my God. We're in Cuba cuz Guantanamo Bay. And I want to watch Jesse spell Guantanamo Bay. G U A N T A M A O. Actually very. I think that might be it. Well put in habeas corpus too.

[A]

Guantanamo Bay is interesting too, because it's in Cuba, but it's like ours, which is wild. It's a military base that's ours, but.

[B]

It'S also, it's like, it's like Flushing, Queens is in New York, but it's China.

[A]

Yeah. It's just very weird.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's a detection center.

[B]

This is what I want to do. Rasool versus Bush. So. So Supreme Court ruled in 2004 that foreign detainees at Guantanamo Bay have the right to file habeas corpus petitions in US Federal court. So basically, because they were basically saying like, look, I know that you're technically on US soil even though we're not in the US at all, we're in Cuba, but you don't, you don't have any rights here. You're a detainee of war. And then the lawyers were able to kind of accept that they have actually it's Boumedine versus Bush. 2008 is the bigger one. Supreme Court ruled that detainees have a constitutional right to habeas corpus despite being held out outside the U.S. so wherever you are, the basically us is saying wherever you are, if you have anything to do with the United States, if you're being held in Russia, you have a right to habeas corpus through us. So they, they, their attempt. Congress's attempt to strip courts of jurisdiction was struck down. So basically they were trying. We were a Congress. Congress probably really would rather habeas corpus not be there. Because they want to just arrest everybody. Well, because they want, they want a little thing. Because modern day slavery is the U.S. prison system. So they want to put everyone in jail so they can make license plates and toothpaste.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I would say especially I think the executive branch or the one that's in power at the time probably has the most motivation to suspend habeas corpus, especially post 9, 11. So George Bush was trying to do a big.

[B]

George Bush wanted to spend habeas corporate. Why? He wanted to arrest. He wanted to arrest. Everyone was a terrorist.

[A]

Everyone was a terrorist.

[B]

Just what it is.

[A]

Just like right now everyone's in Ms. 13. It was. We're we're, we're reliving what was happening then. Right. So then it was like, if you were Muslim and you were. They're like, who are you? Guy. Yeah. And they were like, hey, I'm just a guy who owns the auto body shop. They were like, yeah, but you're working for isis. Yeah.

[B]

Because the thing is too, like, when you would see these things online, like during the middle of the pandemic, when China would just like lock people in their homes, they don't have habeas corporations, corpus.

[A]

No.

[B]

So we do. So that's why you're just free here. And don't let the algorithm fool you to tell you that the United States is not the number one country and the best place for you to live. It absolutely is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I said, if you don't think it, then go try another one on for size and see what happens.

[A]

And then when we have an enemy, we just go a little overboard. It's what we do. We were fighting Japan. We threw them in camps.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We're American citizens. It's what we do. When. When 9, 11 happened afterwards, if you were Muslim, we just threw you in camps and you were American citizens. What we do right now, we're a little thing called catapult wall. Yeah. Where we're just taking Mexicans and we're shooting them over the wall. And a lot of them are going, hey, I'm an American citizen. And we're going, but, you know, we're just catapulting you because it's what we do. We go a little overboard and we like to invoke a little thing called non combatant law, or whatever it's called.

[B]

What it is, because we call you.

[A]

In a part of a national emergency.

[B]

We catapult you, catapult you. And you better start getting your real ID going, because right now you can't even get on an airplane if you don't have a real id. You got to have your passport. And I'm kind of just feeling that one way or another, they're going revoking U.S. passports. You better have that real ID.

[A]

I think it's just a good time, if your name is Jorge, to just start calling yourself George.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

Just like in World War II if your name was Ting Tao or hey De Ku or something like that. Just call yourself John Smith.

[B]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[A]

You know. You know, your name was Matsui back then. Hadouki Masui. You just want to call yourself Steve Matsui.

[B]

It's just what it is.

[A]

That's what you want to do right now. If your name or during after 9, 11, your name was Muhammad. Muhammad. You just want to change your name name to Steve. Yeah, yeah, my name's Steve.

[B]

Or be cute and do what Mohammed Amar does. Just go by Mo.

[A]

Mo.

[B]

What's up, Mo? I'm Mo. Hey, it's Mo.

[A]

I'm just an American guy.

[B]

Now Yanni's gonna tell us all about how this affects the present day United States and Donald Trump right after this break. I want you to close your eyes right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And imagine what you're gonna look like in six months. Do it.

[A]

Yeah. Because I started using hymns and my hair is getting thicker. You can see it already. Yeah. Doesn't it look good? Yeah.

[B]

Now picture, picture. Because imagine you didn't have it, how bad it would look. But since you got.

[A]

I look like a bird, right?

[B]

But since you got that hims, now you're looking nice and thick. What can happen in three to six months? You can pick up a new hobby, get anything you want. This can go. Life can go this way, life can go that way. You can do about half your year, New Year's resolution, whatever you want to do. Or you can just start seeing thicker, fuller hair regrowth through hims. Not bad for just three to six months. That kid, Stephen Miller needs a little hims.

[A]

He needs a little bit. And here's the thing about hims. You can avoid jumping through a bunch of frustrating hoops and get access to treatments without even leaving your home. Hims provides you with convenient access to a range of hair loss treatments that work all from the comfort of your couch.

[B]

I love it, dude. Choose from personalized chewable oral spray and serum treatments to find what works best for you. That would work good for me cuz. Cause I don't like to swallow pills. I gotta chew them.

[A]

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[A]

So you get the picture, right? We have habeas corpus until the government deems we have some sort of natural. We have a national emergency or, you know, we feel like there's some nefarious groups in the country that are trying to, you know, cause some problems. Right. And they have allegiances to foreign powers or whatever.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then we seek to suspend and just start catapulting.

[B]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[A]

So right now we got a huge catapult out.

[B]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[A]

I think Trump has put his name on it just like he puts his name on buildings and everything else. It's just a Trump catapult. It's just fun and it's what they're doing. ICE is just catapulting. Their budget is crazy. They're going to run out of money because they're just running all over the place and they're just catapulting people.

[B]

That's what it is. Because, yeah, ICE is funded by bitcoin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They got a lot of cash.

[A]

They really are spending money right now to get people out of the country. And the Trump administration is going, hey, everybody is in this gang.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And everyone's in this Venezuelan gang. What's it called? Tres Leches or something like that? Some Tres. Something.

[B]

Oh, yes, yes. I know one of these.

[A]

So they're just going. They're all in that. They're all in Ms. 13. And a lot of lawyers are going like, hey, this is just a Mexican guy. And Trump is going, no, they all got gang affiliation. So right now, Stephen Miller, Right. Everyone knows who he is. He's the bald guy who, you know, if you look at his Internet history, it's going to be weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. But he's a well spoken guy and he's kind of.

[B]

Oh, yeah, it's going to be real weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, that guy, he's.

[A]

Yes. He's got the face. I like to call his face. Weird Internet history.

[B]

Yeah, he does.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's just.

[A]

I mean, that kid.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's just who he is.

[B]

He's a lawyer, this kid.

[A]

Now he is. Is he a lawyer? Actually, go back, Jesse, off the IM images where you were. I think he is. He's the deputy chief of staff. I'm not sure if he's an actual lawyer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I know he was like a. He was a big time think tank guy kind of person. Right.

[B]

Wild that I'm older than him.

[A]

Yeah, he's 39 years old. He's 39. He went to. No, he's not a lawyer. He went to Duke. So he went to Duke. And that's a good education.

[B]

He needs is a little thing called Neutrophone, which is also sponsored this podcast, which can help. His hair thin again, hair loss. I mean, the kids. Kids bald. Big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At this point, you shave it.

[A]

He needs hair tits big time.

[B]

He needs hair tits. But I do. But he's doing good things for this country.

[A]

He's. Well, okay. I mean, that's an opinion. Maybe. I don't know. See, so he's. He's been the spokesperson for this. He's been the one out there talking to the press, and he's saying that currently, and this is his words, quote, unquote, they are actively looking at suspending habeas corpus to facilitate these mass deportations.

[B]

Oh, he's not doing great things.

[A]

Well, I don't know. It depends. Are these. Are they all gang members? So it's Trend de Aragua is the gang. That's the Venezuelan gang. And the administration is arguing that the current influx of migrants constitutes an invasion. So basically they're saying this is an invasion, and this justifies the suspension of habeas corpus under constitutional provisions.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So there's a case court right now where that's been challenged, and it's JGG versus Trump, which is a class action habeas corpus lawsuit lawsuit which was filed on behalf of these Venezuelan migrants detained under the Alien Enemies Act. So they've been detained under the Alien Enemies act, and a federal judge has issued a temporary restraining order to halt their deportation while they look at this. But the administration has proceeded with the deportations in spite of the legal ruling. So this is very concerning because Trump and his administration is basically saying, fuck the law, right? Invoking the Aliens Enemies Act. And we're just going, these are. These are enemy combatants, and we're invoking that, and so fuck your legal ruling.

[B]

So he's basically pretty crazy.

[A]

So it's a little concerning and it's got a lot of people concerned.

[B]

I still don't think that they're going to be able to do that. I don't think that they're going to be able to. The United States government is not going to be able to suspend Habeas Corp. I think it's just like when Trump said he's going to, people are worried that he's going to run for three terms, and he's like, I'm not going to do that. I just. I Think our imaginations and our anxieties get the best of us. I don't think that this is actually going to happen.

[A]

Well, it is happening, and that's the thing. So currently, no, but it's not.

[B]

This is recorded habeas corpus right now.

[A]

Yeah, but we do. But if you're deemed an invader.

[B]

Oh, so you're saying right now, if you're like a good citizen, like you've never committed a crime at all. At any moment, the US Government could say you're an invader.

[A]

They can.

[B]

And now habeas corpus, that's what.

[A]

That's what the fear is. So the fear is they can just grab anybody.

[B]

Is there a way. Is there a way to get my family in front of. Is there a way that I can pick certain members of my family and just say, can you just take a look and do they.

[A]

Are they enemy cabats?

[B]

Are enemy cabats or not?

[A]

Yeah. Are they invading our country?

[B]

Can I upload a picture? Is there a site? I got a couple of people that showed up to the barbecue the other day, and I just want to know if they're enemy combatants.

[A]

Yeah, well, they look like they could be. I mean, it's definitely. They got the look. Yeah, they got the look.

[B]

Not all of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's certain members of the family, though.

[A]

Yeah. So they're doing it to expedite the deportations. They don't want anything to hold it up. They just want to get them out. And they're calling it an invasion. And so that's what's going on.

[B]

Because if you come up to my pool this summer, you're going to see a lot of people of the family I married into. You're going to see a lot of guys in the pool with jean shorts on.

[A]

So you'd have to look. You'd have to look at every one of these guys and say, are these guys. Are they gang members? Are they invaders? And even if they are, do they still have the right to go in front of a judge?

[B]

We just say this. Can we just make this one rule? No matter what you look like, no matter what country you're from, if you have a tattoo on your face or an enemy come combatant. Can we just say that if you have a tattoo of anywhere on your face, we're an enemy combatant, you're out of here.

[A]

We're going to be getting. Well, then Post Malone is out of here.

[B]

Get him out of here. Yeah. Can we just say. Can we make sweeping rules? Start. If you have a tattoo on Your face, you're an enemy combatant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're not. If you're outside the city of Los Angeles, but yet you're wearing Los Angeles Dodgers gear, you're an enemy combat.

[A]

Yeah, okay, that's it. I think, listen, I think we should clarify that.

[B]

Yeah. If you're, we. If, if you're, if you're wearing, if you're driving one of those low riding cars. Enemy combatant.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The Constitution actually says in Article 1 that the writ of. The writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion, the public safety may require.

[B]

But this is what I'm saying. I think the same way. How. The only thing is if Donnie T. Pulls an Abe Lincoln and said that's the only thing. If Donny T. Pulls an Abe Lincoln and says, says, well, you know, like when Congress told Abe Lincoln, you have to listen to us, and Abe said, no, we're at war. If Donald Trump says, no, we're at war, that's the only thing where he can suspend habeas corpus and not listen.

[A]

But that's a tough thing to advocate for because this isn't a war, even.

[B]

Though it might be.

[A]

He's trying to frame it as that. But let's be honest, most of these people are not committing crimes.

[B]

No, most of them are not.

[A]

Now the United States has only, only suspended habeas corpus four times. And Jesse, can you scroll back to where you just had that? Sometimes you scroll a little faster than we need. So the four times was like we said, during the Civil War, during Reconstruction, in South Carolina, in the Philippines, during. During a 1905 insurrection. And in Hawaii in 1941, after Pearl harbor was, bam, bombed by Japan during World War II.

[B]

That's why they took the Japanese and put them in internment camps.

[A]

They just put them in camps.

[B]

So what we might have is a little thing. This time it might get suspended and we'll just call them Internment Camp Campos. It just might be a little. Because there might just be. The new Japanese may just be here.

[A]

It's right. It's kind of what's happening right now. You know, history repeats itself. So here we are again. Are we overreacting? That's the thing. Are we not? Are we.

[B]

I'll say that.

[A]

Did we overreact after 9 11? Did you react with the Japanese in World War II?

[B]

Well, here's the thing I want to say. I want to say that I do think. Here's the thing. Is911 deaf and overreaction for sure. Sure. However, today, in today's world.

[A]

But it. Did it bother us, that overreaction? Well, I'm asking, I'm not saying it depends. It depends on what your face looked like.

[B]

Right? Yeah. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. We just, we just spit the facts here.

[A]

It was just harder to catch a cab for a couple years.

[B]

So it was, I'll say in New York City, in New York City, though, if you go look outside in the New York that I've grown up in, I'm, you know, been here for 40 years.

[A]

That you love.

[B]

That I love, love. It does feel a little bit more unsafe and it does look a little bit different than any other time in history. So what I will say is if you are going to call some of this stuff and when I say invasion.

[A]

Just don't take my landscaper.

[B]

Right. When I say invasion, I'm not talking about, I'm not talking about illegal immigrants. I'm talking about fentanyl. I'm talking about there's like a mine virus invasion. Then yes, I do think some of this country has changed and we got to watch out for that. But I don't think that, I don't think I genuinely, in my heart, in my cholesterol filter, Wilhart, I do not think that Donald Trump is going to change the constitutional law of the United States to just mass deport people who would otherwise be good US Citizens. I genuinely think he's looking for gang members and he's trying to get out the people who are committing crimes. I do think there are a lot of people in this country now who are just full on gang members who are trying to exploit the United States States and they're coming here for business opportunities that are not good. I don't think he's trying to throw out the guy who's just trying to, you know, work with his family, you know, work for his family, send the check home and drink a beer and watch Ugly Betty reruns at night.

[A]

Yeah. Well, the only problem with that is, and I'm just, I'm just bringing it up is a few people because this.

[B]

Is why your country always gets subjugated by other countries, because you Greeks, you're always looking for problems.

[A]

So there's been a few people who've been, they've attempted to catapult because they were pro Palestine protesters on campuses. So that's another thing. They got a few of those going on. We got a couple of annoying. So Mamodu Tal, a British Gambian, PhD student at Cornell Was was informed by immigration officials that his student visa had been revoked. The action followed his involvement in pro Palestinian protests on campus, including the dis of a career fair featuring defense contractors.

[B]

Oh, so this kid, he was just. He was just a regular protester, which is a legal right here. And they revoked his citizenship, basically, and made him a, like, agitator. And they could get out.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So, okay, so that's cute.

[A]

Well, I don't know. So he filed a lawsuit challenging the executive orders that targeted international students engaged in such activism. But a federal judge denied his request to halt the deportation proceedings, citing concerns for his safety and freedom of expression. Tal chose to leave the US voluntary on voluntarily on March 31st to Mohamed Khalil.

[B]

Talking about.

[A]

No, we were talking about Momo Do Tall.

[B]

Momo Do Tall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Actually decided on his own accord to just leave.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And go back. And go where?

[A]

Because he was concerned for his safety.

[B]

But where did he go?

[A]

I don't know where he went. Probably back to his country because he was here on a student visa.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

So there's been a few of those. Then we got the NYU Abu Dhabi wore a Palestinian K, Whatever it's called, and shouted free Palestine as he received his diploma. Days later, he was reportedly detained and deported back to the uae. So the UAE maintains strict regulations on political expression, and such acts are often met with swift gubernatorial response. The NYU Abu Dhabi stated that while his academic authority on campus, it does not have jurisdiction over local laws. And so this is complex. So it's just a little complex because you're going like, these guys are just saying stuff. They're just saying stuff. And they're being deported because they're saying stuff.

[B]

Yeah. So.

[A]

So is that cute or is it brutes?

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

And why these are cuter brutes. It's a mixed bag.

[B]

It's a mixed bag back. So why don't you write in the YouTube comments, do you think habeas corpus is going to get upheld or taken away? And is it cute or brutes? And do we just have to protect this great nation of laws?

[A]

Yeah. Well, here's the thing also is a lot of these migrants are being deported to this El Salvadorian fucking prison, which is definitely not cute.

[B]

Not cute.

[A]

Do you know anything about the El Salvadorian prison?

[B]

Do you want to talk about it?

[A]

Yeah, I do want to talk about it. And we'll do that with our final 10 minutes, because it is very not cute. Me and Jesse were talking about it. So the president of El Salvador is a guy that just came into being power and he put everyone in prison.

[B]

Just one.

[A]

El Salvador was having a lot of problems, admittedly a lot of problems with crime. Right, right. So what he said is he did a feminist argument.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He went, who commits crimes? Guys.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he just took the entire population of El Salvador. That was guys.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he put him in prison.

[B]

So if we were in El Salvador right now, we would just be in jail.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

But at least they have masks on and they're keeping social distancing.

[A]

I mean, look at that prison. It is not cute.

[B]

So those are their. There's no room for anybody.

[A]

It is over flowing. How many people did he put in prison again? It was like. It was insane.

[B]

Like 60,000.

[A]

It was incredible. 80,000. Something like that. Men. He just put them in prison and for life.

[B]

There would. No. No habeas corpus in El Salvador right now.

[A]

If you want to meet a hot lady, go to El Salvador. There's just no dudes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They're all in prison. It's just ladies walking around. I mean, he's taken. And so what is actually.

[B]

How can we. Can we. Yeah.

[A]

So this is. What's happened is the crime was so bad, he put all the men in the country in prison. Prison. And now the crime rate has plummeted to like, zero.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because there's no guys on the street. So some people are going, he's going overboard. Some people are. Trump, like, Trump are going, I like this guy's style.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I like this guy's fucking MO ammo. So he created this big, massive prison, and the prison is. Is. Is. Is really bad.

[B]

Yeah. The homicide rate went down to 1.9 homicides per 100.

[A]

Now what happens is Trump has incentivized this guy to take our prisoners. So. Not our prisoners, I'm sorry. To take our deported. The deported migrants.

[B]

So from El Salvador, you're going to the Salvador.

[A]

So they get. They get financial assistance for every. Every deported person they receive. So he's just taking in all these people. People. So one of those people was. The guy was the famous guy, or infamous, however you want to talk about it, who had the tattoos on his hands. And they said he was an MS.13 gang member, where they call him Maryland Man. So Maryland man was this guy who's living in Maryland, but the Trump administration is saying he is an Ms. 13 Chicago gang member, even though he doesn't live in Chicago. But they say, look at his tattoos in his hands. And he had a marijuana leaf, something Else, something else. And they say that translates to MS.13, which it probably does. He has known affiliate. He's affiliated with people who are in the gang. So Trump took him, deported him, and put him in this El Salvadorian prison. So his lawyers are going, like, what the fuck? He's not an Ms. 13. And what do you. Put him in this prison? And we need you to release him right now. And then the Supreme Court of the United States said, release him. He needs habeas corpus. But the El Salvadorian president says, I can't release him. I'm not releasing terrorists. But then the lawyers are going, this guy's not releasing him because he's financially incentivized to keep him in.

[B]

So the United States.

[A]

True.

[B]

So the United States ruled our own. So basically the United States, from their point of view, we. They have a hostage. El Salvador has a hostage in their prison.

[A]

Right. And the El Salvador prison is just going, come get him. I'm not releasing him. I don't release terrorists. He's a terrorist. That's it. And then they're going, but. But you're being paid to keep them by the Trump administration. And he's going, like what?

[B]

I don't release terrorists. I don't really just say the same thing. I don't really. Terrorists. I don't want to say, babe, she's just a friend.

[A]

Yeah. And Trump is going, hey, I know what the Supreme Court ruled, but there's nothing I can do about it because the El Salvadoran president won't release him. And then he's just winking at the camera, and that's just what's going on. Jesse, was that an accurate summation? In colloquial parlance, yes.

[B]

But he is El Salvador.

[A]

Nobody can hear you. Can you speak it to the mic? He's El Salvadorian. He's El Salvadorian. He is in his right country. He's in the country.

[B]

I just noticed right now that Jesse is wearing bow check shoes. He just wearing boat shoes with no socks. What are you doing, Jeff? Going somewhere?

[A]

No, it's an even worse story than that. His neighbor gave him those shoes. No, he put him out on the street. He put him out in the street?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Can you put. Throw me your shoe. You don't want to see my feet. Might be worth it.

[A]

Yours. So that's what's going on right now is Marilyn man is at the center. Center of this habeas corpus controversy. A lot of these protesters are at the center of this habeas corpus.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And this free speech Controversy. You're to going. Going like, hey, what are we doing here? And some people are going, hey, we're doing a little cleaning. And some people are going, hey, you're suspended rights. So which side are you on? Are we cleaning or are we doing. Or are we suspending rights?

[B]

So that's. So it's very interesting. We do this whole episode about habeas corpus, and it's playing out in real time right now. Watch the news, see what's going on. Tell them the History Hyena sent you. Any other fun things you want to know about habeas corpus, let us know in the comments. YouTube.comhistory hyenas like and subscribe. Tell your friends. Friends.

[A]

And if you're a member of ice, Chris will provide his address to you after this.

[B]

Cuz, just know that pickup.

[A]

Just know.

[B]

Yeah. I'm going to treat you like I'm the king of El Salvador. And I'm just going to get financially incentivized. You could stay with me. So. Patreon.com history Hyenas, the newest members of the matriarchy. Where the community exists. The most fun we have is at Patreon. Here are the newest members of the matriarchy. Funniest name wins. Chrissy. How do I tell my wife? Hold on. Newest member of the matriarchy. Chrissy. How do I tell my wife it. What? Chrissy, how do I tell my wife it? Me. Who? It's me who's eating all her yogurt. Okay, Just tell her.

[A]

Tell her. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, and then here we go. We got somebody who might be on the list. Fardeen Chowdhury. And when I say list, I mean deportation list. Just kidding. Tim Dylan. Me with the Ralph Lauren strap on.

[A]

I like that. I like that.

[B]

Ryan Dunyan. Caitlyn Lowe. Touch of the Tiz. It's what it is. Okay, Not Clay. Rupert Everton. Brandon Beaker. Mandy Palmer. William Collins.

[A]

David to the back.

[B]

Yep. David Moncaio. Wan Tomato. Jason. Ken Snavely. Then we got laser beams. Make my nose squeam.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Johnny Rhodes. Kicking Chair Hats. Nima Muhammad Zada.

[A]

That's someone who's definitely on Bush's suspension of habeas.

[B]

That's just what it is. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll call those names like that. Habeas Corp. Yeah. Lauren Jones. Then we got AOC's back shot fumes. Not gross. It's a character piece. A side of chicken grease with Big Mike's piece.

[A]

Drexler. Drexler. Yeah, that's a good Drex.

[B]

Tao. Tao Tao is but my chills wrong. Too much. Ching Chong. Ching Chong.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

Cody Milam. Travis Lutrol. Chicken Factory. Jesus Estrada. Make no mistake.

[A]

Habeas Corpus.

[B]

Habeas Corpus. Make no mistake. Mike Rockefeller is for the table because he was put.

[A]

Put him on the list.

[B]

He's upon the list.

[A]

Put him on the list.

[B]

That's a throw. Throw. Throwback to about 15 episodes ago where Mike Rockefeller, grandson of Nelson Rockefeller, was eaten by Castle Edibles. Then we got Vlad the Impalers Fluffer. Ooh.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

GP Wong Tong Thut. Okay. Wong Tong Thut.

[A]

Wong Tong thought. I don't know instead. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's okay.

[B]

Then we got one. Glue over the Cuckoo's Chest.

[A]

Very good.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

I'm gonna list that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, I like that. Instead of One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. Yeah.

[B]

Then we got Sat on a wiener and Spun Me Around. Okay. Big Sweeze, Patrick Kelly, Sam T. Johnny Danny Eli Sam, Max zarchin. Steve Kerr son, aka. It's a loophole.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah. I. I have to just take a moment to give credit to the Walked into ones for how creative they do to sneak them past.

[B]

You said it's a loophole.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's a good one. That was a real. That was so good. That was so good. Good, because what do you call it? Nick? What's the name?

[B]

Said Steve curse son, a.k.a. it's a loophole.

[A]

I mean, and then he calls it a loophole.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it deserves to be the PPW for how creative it is, but it's a walked into one. It's a walk. You get the Walked into him award. Let me tell you something. If you're listening, that was one of the most creative names we've ever had.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, Chris didn't even. Could never have seen that coming.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. No, because he tricked you with the Steve Kerr.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then just kept getting trick.

[B]

Yeah, Dawson. Then we got Peace poking through my jeans like Miss Rachel's titty piercings. Yeah. Raj put on a Frisbee. Now. Hey, Walked into one. Can't do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jason Mitchell. Then we got Yanni mansplaining Mesopotamia.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Then we got Stefani Germanata. Gentrified grease. Paul Kumar.

[A]

What's the germanata? That sounds.

[B]

Oh, Stephanie, it's Lady Gaga.

[A]

Lady G Gaga.

[B]

Nicholas Valenoti. Leroy Dairo.

[A]

Is a chicken figure.

[B]

Danny P. Straight to the back.

[A]

His kids are black.

[B]

It's what it is. Tanner Piece. Rocco, Mattia, Nico Bruther Brown. Last name is Muzzy. But I'm white.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Elon, Dawn K. Alex Lee, Jack Schultz might be black considering his sperm can't swim.

[A]

Put him on the list. Jesus Christ. Good one. Yeah. That's a good Goodwood. You don't get it. So Andrew Schultz, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Lot big black audience. His sperm can't swim. He has trouble getting his woman pregnant. And so who can't swim? Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Layers.

[A]

Black. Yeah, it's got layers. It's great.

[B]

Then we got Captain.

[A]

I'd say contender.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Captain Joshua Blocks. Glue filled. Went with Steph Germanata and she let me poke her face. Poker face. It's a good. Good.

[A]

On the list.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

On the list.

[B]

Good. Crazy creative chat. GPT. Chrissy D. Yanni touched my pee pee. Never met a Muzzy. Kind of weird. They before it's fuzzy. Okay. My hip good.

[A]

About that. It's a pedophile joke.

[B]

Yes. They before it's fuzzy.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

They. They saying that that community has sex with young girls.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Drexler.

[B]

My hippie ex girlfriend's bush did 9, 11. Never forget. Louder. 14. Pro frisbee golf Sulfer called Ice on the missus. Now the pool boy gives me kisses. Nathan Pence, Shane Kuniff, Alex Kim. Your de wanks on all fours, Madam. Mike. Mike. Brittany Bergeron. Sam Succomano, House on Fire. But I'm not leaving this closet Indian. Steve PPW Bush doesn't care about black people. Okay. I don't know what that means. The Sun. AKA Andrew Santino's worst nightmare. Joan of Arc's flaming flip flops. History. Hyena cum slut. Allegedly. No, babe, yours is perfect. The tight ones hurt.

[A]

Drexler just for the funny.

[B]

Carlos lamaroc. Andrew Reed. Billy Beans. Matt Johnson. Andrew Andrew Sparuli. Nick cash. Harry Captain Ron. 19. Gypsy Anonymous. Stu bend over. Alexis Harales. Brad Andy Frasco. Gal named Christy. Who wants Chrissy D in her pee. 2 inches in Alex. Joshua Myers.

[A]

2 inches in Alex.

[B]

Yeah. Jeremy Walton. Chrissy's fat black ass. I like my coffee like my farm equipment, Leroy. Okay, okay. What's farm is Leroy farm equipment. I don't get it.

[A]

Slavery joke maybe? Oh.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Thank you, Jesse.

[B]

Matt Falla. Yanni Papas is Fritas Anthony Hodges. Ian. I want to put my duck sauce in Ali Wong's bento box. That's what it is.

[A]

What it is.

[B]

Caesar a cocktisses. My wife is Fred table in between making her cream. Still on the beam.

[A]

Good one, Drexler.

[B]

VV 22682. Somebody just put their screen name Jake Dean Stephanie M. With the sauce on the water JV dance CPA Young boy, make no mistake Stephanie Germanata makes my peace quake. Stephanie Germanata can toss my encelada. Damn, these are a few back. Stephanie Germana was from like.

[A]

We got up, we're catching up.

[B]

T. Come to Connor Martin, Jonathan McKee, Dylan Long Bad Friends podcast aka Twin Not. It's pretty funny, though.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it's very funny.

[B]

Tony R Drives home from the bar cuz jail smells better than an Uber. Chandler Davis Nicotine Monkey Yanni P. AKA.

[A]

General Snoo Al Baloney Funny, funny.

[B]

Charlie Crack Pipe Steve Bannon's glue cannon Impractical jokers PR team. Oh, Impractical jokers PR team Suey Woo Watch like suicide watch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stephen Lewis. Cutie patootie with a sticky booty. That's Gloomari Live.

[A]

Oh, Glomari.

[B]

Glumari. That's Glomari.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cutie patootie with a sticky booty. That's Glomare.

[A]

And for like, that's really good.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Live from the ccp, AKA Chrissy's colon polyps.

[A]

Put them on the list.

[B]

Nice. Richard Cuckenstein, Michael McKenna, Kanye's glue gun paintings on his new white sheets. Joey Germanata is for the table. Mark Cuban isn't Cuban, but I deport him.

[A]

Kid is a Republican kid.

[B]

Daniel Zabrowski, we're peeking. Fucked Lady Gaza.

[A]

Phil a chicken finger.

[B]

Okay. Philosophagus. Stephanie Germanott is gay armada. Jessica held at glue gun point and burnt off. That's such a good one.

[A]

It's such a good one.

[B]

Point and.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good one. It's walking one, though. I can't do it.

[B]

Joshua Cashwell, Jacob Boyd, Michael Little, Derek Couglin, Annie Kim, Travis Couture, Nathaniel Atkins, Matt Re, AKA Pope Francis's last me. Yeah.

[A]

List.

[B]

All right. Yeah.

[A]

List.

[B]

Joe Germ sperm makes a return. AKA Stephanie Germanata is coming to New York. Nico McDonald, Andrew Pizroich. Mr. T is God. Stephanie Germanata made me nut in her frittata. Ladder 40, Ladder 14, OTA. Okay. Samantha land. Oh, wow. From the Patreon.

[A]

Who?

[B]

Samantha Land.

[A]

Who's that from?

[B]

Our. The girl who helps us with our Patreon.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

She's on the list.

[A]

She's on the list. Okay.

[B]

Blaze Nimmons, Eduardo father bill. Had J.D. vance and Pope Francis to the Epstein list. Okay. Colby Minick, Kanye's cousin, but not that cousin.

[A]

All I. Oh, right. The money. William. Yeah.

[B]

Dropping my care package on AOC's landing strip Lee Lee E. Gaga. Cuz he was. He was a fuzzy muzzy who did Upper Decky Poops. When the stench hits your nose of the burnt.

[A]

Yeah, you just walked into a big one. You just walked into a big one.

[B]

If you're a joke. Not. Not.

[A]

Okay, yeah. But I gotta say these walked into ones are very creative.

[B]

ET beats his meat to Chrissy D's up feet James Culver Andrew Carver Michael Lawrence Levi's daughter okay, one more, one more page. Peter more turd doesn't fall too far from walking into one. Can't use that word, folks. Marie Newman maybe we can use that word. Yeah. Jose Guevara, William Cole. I met Chrissy in Charleston and I said. I listened to all his podcasts and he said go to therapy. Alexis Pinault Dalaya Local cougar M D My Frisbee went into that one, into that one. Tyler Florence Losing the war. Only thing I can do is move to Argentina and. Hey guys, we can't. This is not the place.

[A]

But keep them coming.

[B]

Brian W. Danielle Bruce Aran okay.

[A]

14 heavy a heavy flow walked into once.

[B]

Yanni's eyes are having a border crisis. It's what it is.

[A]

Put him on the list.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good chicken figure. Listy. Yeah.

[B]

Dougie Fresh check Matt BTX llc Wiley Sam Francher Call my piece Three Musketeers cuz it's soft and covered in chocolate Latin Squeak still growing from muzzy cheeks Colton Coltage Tim Dillon blows guys and eats pies.

[A]

It'S more of a fact.

[B]

Joey Germs buys Chrissy and Stephanie a nice slice James irwin Mikhail Sean McPherson, Santiago Kano Potato monkeys Leaky lubed loophole catapult survivor Listening from a cell in El Salvador I gotta go babes. The guards are coming.

[A]

Well put out the catapult and put him on the list.

[B]

What it is.

[A]

Jesus Christ, that's good. Especially since we just did an episode.

[B]

About about that Mike Fusco Daniel Edwards King Solomon Sperm Spreader, Maryland Fertility Wow come gravy kisses Sean McGlowin got my muff Diving Brack, Burt and King Fumes Sunny days are for the gays. Chazwick Cleckley Father Bill went up the hill to fetch a Chrissy D. Josh Aguilar Hojo Elliot Horst, Matt Monahan Ariel Legrand Sunday John Flaherty Johnny Perks Israel hernandez Lovely Time 420 Matthew Bishop Clinton Spears Clinton Spears Chicken finger Helen Yeller Colby Booker, Thomas Wubin, John Lagana and then dairy farming beavers Anal glands for Raspberry flavoring.

[A]

Drexler.

[B]

All right, all right, here we go.

[A]

We got a good list.

[B]

This is a pretty good list. Best. Okay, so here we go.

[A]

It's a goodie.

[B]

All right, so live from the ccp, AKA Chrissy's colon polyps, Matt Rife, AKA Pope Francis's last meal.

[A]

Okay, we're gonna. We're gonna. We're gonna Drexer that one.

[B]

Okay. Drexler.

[A]

Yeah, we're gonna drex to that good one, though. Any other day.

[B]

Schultz might be black considering his sperm can't swim.

[A]

We're gonna keep that on. I like it personally.

[B]

Went with Steph Germanotta, and she let me. Poker face.

[A]

Face. We're going to drex through that one, but it's a good one. Any other day, okay?

[B]

Okay. All right, so we got that. Make no mistake, Mike Rockefeller is for the table.

[A]

We're going to drex through that good one.

[B]

One glue over the cuckoo's chest.

[A]

It's a good one. Any other day. It's a tough one.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[A]

Really good.

[B]

All right, and then we got. Yanni's eyes are having a border crisis. It's what it is.

[A]

We're going to keep that chicken finger as a contender. That's a. That's a good, good one.

[B]

Call my piece Three Musketeers because it's soft and covered in chalk.

[A]

That's a contender.

[B]

Catapult Survivor listening from a cell in El Salvador. I got to go, babes. The guards are coming.

[A]

That's a contender.

[B]

Okay, so the contenders here are. Here we go. So we got Live from the ccp, AKA Chrissy's colon polyps.

[A]

Good one.

[B]

Schultz might be black considering his sperm can swim. Yanni's eyes having a border crisis. It's what it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Call my piece Three Musketeers because it's soft and covered in chalk. Chocolate Catapult Survivor listening from a cell in El Salvador. I gotta go, babes. The guards are coming.

[A]

Okay, okay, so we do this right, because these are outstanding. These are outstanding. I'm gonna take the chocolate. You know, the three musketeers because it's.

[B]

Soft and covered in chocolate.

[A]

Yeah, it's really funny, but we do a lot of gay ones. Okay, so that's the definition of a Drexer. Is that right? I'm sorry.

[B]

Right. You should win.

[A]

But it's just the other ones, and it's what it is. Okay, Drexler.

[B]

Okay, Drexler. Live from the ccp, Chrissy's colon polyps, AKA Chrissy's colon polyps. Schultz might be black considering her sperm can't swim. Yanni's eyes having a border crisis. It's what it is. Catapult Survivor listening from a cell in El Salvador. I gotta go, babes. The guards are coming.

[A]

All right, so for me personally, this is so hard. So I'm just gonna say this is so hard just because they're all deserve to win. So our episode was about that. So leaning towards that. But I'm also leaning towards Yanni's border crisis because that's very funny because it is a very thin piece of land.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Basically call this cashmere.

[B]

Yeah, it's just what it is.

[A]

Basically. This is a disputed land strip in India.

[B]

And that's funny.

[A]

So it's very funny.

[B]

So Schultz CCP is out. And Schultz can't swim. Is out.

[A]

Yeah. Schultz can't swim is out. Would have won on any other day. And so. So would the polyps.

[B]

So, Jesse, what do you like between Yanni's eyes having a border crisis. It's what it is. Or Catapult Survivor listening from selling El Salvador. I got gold, babes. The guards are coming.

[A]

I agree with Yanni. I love the catapult one. It is about what the show is about today, but we haven't had a good eye joke in a long time. And it's really tight, so I'm going. It's really tight.

[B]

So that's the winner intended. Yanni's eyes having a border crisis. It's what it is. You are the PPW pseudo penis of the week. Congratulations to you. You're gonna see your name up there in lights. And that's it, babe. Go to history hyenas is back.com to see that. See our all dates at the end of this month. I am in South Carolina, North Carolina and Washington, DC. Christy, comedy.com for tickies.

[A]

Yeah, I'm in Stanford, Connecticut, and that's about it for the summer right now. And something in Montana.

[B]

And your special's coming out.

[A]

Yeah.