How Not To Suck At Divorce

197. 5 Things You Should NEVER Do During a Divorce- And an Embarrasing Story- Mini Episode

Divorce is emotional. It's stressful. And if you're not careful, it can also become incredibly expensive.In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport shares five things you should absolutely never do during a divorce — from serious legal mistakes that can impact your case to a few embarrassing (but very real) moments she experienced during her own divorce.Because when emotions are running high, it’s easy to make decisions that feel good in the moment but can create bigger problems later.Whether you're navigating divorce right now or trying to prepare for what lies ahead, these practical tips will help you avoid common pitfalls and stay focused on what actually matters.Why Divorce Mistakes Can Cost You More Than You ThinkOne of the hardest parts of divorce is that you’re making major legal and financial decisions while under extreme emotional stress.During this episode, Andrea explains why some of the most common divorce mistakes happen when people:react emotionally instead of strategicallyrely on advice from the wrong sourcesallow their ex to provoke them into conflictbring outside people into the legal dramaLearning how to pause, reset, and respond thoughtfully can save you thousands of dollars in attorney’s fees — and a lot of unnecessary stress.The 5 Divorce Mistakes You Should Never Make1. Taking Legal Advice From Friends Who Got Divorced in Another State (or Another Decade)Divorce laws vary dramatically depending on where you live and when the divorce occurs.Andrea explains why taking advice from a friend who was divorced years ago — or in another state — can create unrealistic expectations and costly confusion.For example:Some states are more likely to award long-term alimonyOther states focus on short-term rehabilitative supportProperty division laws vary significantly across jurisdictionsRelying on outdated or out-of-state advice can lead to misunderstandings and expensive conversations with your attorney.2. Speaking in Court When No One Asked You ToDivorce court can be intimidating — especially in the age of virtual hearings.Andrea shares a hilarious (and slightly humiliating) story about accidentally unmuting herself during a Zoom court hearing when the judge was actually addressing an attorney with the same last name.Lesson learned:Never unmute yourself in court unless the judge is speaking directly to you.3. Responding to Threatening Emails ImmediatelyWhen you're in the middle of a divorce, aggressive emails or legal threats can trigger an emotional reaction.But responding immediately is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.Research shows it takes about 20 minutes for your nervous system to reset after a stressful event.Andrea recommends waiting at least an hour before responding, and using that time to regulate your body with simple strategies like:taking a walkdrinking ice-cold waterholding ice to your wristsdoing quick bursts of physical movementResponding calmly and strategically is always better than reacting emotionally.4. Bringing Your New Relationship Into the Divorce DramaDating during divorce happens more often than people admit.But involving your new partner in the details of your divorce can create unnecessary complications.Andrea explains why bringing your new love interest into legal conflicts can:create loyalty conflictsgenerate bad adviceescalate emotional tensionInstead, keep your dating life separate from the legal process whenever possible.5. Believing the Negative Things Your Ex Says About YouPerhaps the most important advice in this episode:Do not internalize the hurtful things your soon-to-be ex says about you during the divorce process.In many cases, these comments are designed to weaken your confidence or gain leverage in negotiations.Divorce is not the time to determine your self-worth.Your job right now is simply to survive the process and move forward.Healing and personal growth come later — after the legal storm has passed.Divorce Is a Marathon, Not a SprintDivorce often feels like an emotional roller coaster.Some days you’ll feel strong and hopeful. Other days you’ll feel completely overwhelmed.That’s normal.The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone in this process.The How Not to Suck at Divorce podcast exists to provide practical divorce advice, real-life experiences, and the support you need to navigate this difficult chapter with confidence.Coming Up Next on the PodcastIn this week’s full episode, Andrea and Morgan introduce two powerful acronyms designed to help you:respond to threats during divorcemanage aggressive communicationprotect your case while staying calmIf you struggle with how to respond to your ex during divorce, you won’t want to miss it.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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196. Divorce Questions Answered: Alimony, Custody, Community Property, GALs. Avoid Major Mistakes.

Mar 1300:40:07Tap to summarize

Real answers to the financial, parenting, and legal questions keeping you up at night.If you’re going through a divorce, chances are you’ve asked yourself at least one of these questions:Who keeps the house?Do I have to pay alimony?What happens if my ex won’t cooperate?How does a GAL affect custody?What counts as marital property after separation?In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea and Morgan answer real divorce questions submitted by members of their private community. From community property and spousal support to 50/50 parenting schedules, marital settlement agreements, home sales, custody concerns, and separation, this episode covers the kinds of issues that keep people up at night during divorce.This is an honest, practical, and empowering conversation designed to help you think more strategically, ask better questions, and make smarter decisions during the divorce process.In this episode, we discuss:What happens to business assets and property in divorceWhether keeping finances separate during marriage really protects an assetWhat to know about community property vs. separate propertyHow alimony, maintenance, or spousal support may be determinedWhether a salary increase can affect alimonyWhat to include in a divorce agreement if your ex may stop paying supportHow to think about custody, 50/50 parenting schedules, and parenting plan logisticsWhat a GAL (guardian ad litem) does in a divorce or custody caseHow to present concerns about the other parent without sounding reactiveWhether a spouse who moved out still has to help pay bills, utilities, or repairsWhat happens when an ex refuses to cooperate with the sale of the marital homeWhether retirement assets can be used to buy out a spouse’s share of the houseWhy having the right strategy with your attorney can save money and stressKey takeaways from this divorce Q&ADivorce is rarely just about one issue. It is often a mix of legal questions, emotional stress, parenting concerns, and financial uncertainty all happening at once.In this episode, Morgan explains why it is so important to be proactive, not reactive during divorce. Whether you are dealing with custody, alimony, property division, a difficult ex, or a confusing settlement agreement, the more informed and prepared you are, the better decisions you can make.Andrea also shares an important reminder for anyone deep in divorce stress: sometimes you do not need to blow up your life or make a dramatic change. Sometimes you just need a break, a reset, and a strategy.If you’re struggling with divorce right now…This episode is for you if you are:feeling overwhelmed by the divorce processworried about making the wrong financial decisionconfused about custody or parenting issuesdealing with an uncooperative exunsure what questions to ask your lawyertrying to figure out what is actually worth fighting forBecause divorce is not one-size-fits-all. And sometimes the biggest source of anxiety is simply not having enough information.Mentioned in this episodeOur Family Wizard – a co-parenting communication app often respected by courtsThe How Not to Suck at Divorce private communityThe upcoming Divorce Crash Course, including guidance on how to communicate more effectively with your attorneyAbout How Not to Suck at DivorceIf you’re going through a divorce or thinking about divorce, this podcast is here to help you avoid major divorce mistakes and move through the process with more clarity, confidence, and support.Hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, head of family law at the largest family law firm in the country, and Andrea Rappaport, comedian and marketing expert, How Not to Suck at Divorce combines legal insight, real-life perspective, and humor to help make divorce feel a little less overwhelming.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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195. Divorce Feels Impossible Right Now- But It Gets Better (A Real Story) Mini Episode

Mar 1100:12:20Tap to summarize

Divorce can feel overwhelming, lonely, and emotionally devastating. In fact, during the process it can feel like your entire life has fallen apart — like there’s no way things will ever feel normal again.But what if they do?In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan shares a real story about a client who struggled deeply during his divorce. At the time, he couldn’t imagine life without his marriage and could barely engage in the divorce process.Fast forward a few years, and his life looks completely different.This episode is a reminder that even when divorce feels impossible, there truly is light at the end of the tunnel.If you’re in the middle of divorce, newly divorced, or feeling stuck in the emotional aftermath, this episode is for you.What We Discuss in This EpisodeWhy divorce can feel emotionally debilitatingThe intense fear, overwhelm, and uncertainty that come with ending a marriageA real-life story of a client who struggled deeply during divorceWhy some people shut down during the divorce processHow life can change dramatically in the years after divorceWhy time truly is one of the most powerful healing toolsHow small steps and mindset shifts help you move forwardThe Truth About Divorce That People Don’t Talk AboutDuring divorce, many people feel:Paralyzed by fearOverwhelmed by decisionsEmotionally exhaustedUnsure what life will look like nextIt’s completely normal.Divorce isn’t just legal paperwork or financial negotiations — it’s a major emotional and mental transition.But as Morgan explains, even clients who struggle the most during divorce often look back years later and realize something powerful:Life didn’t fall apart — it changed, and in many cases, it got better.If You're Going Through Divorce Right NowIf you’re listening and thinking:"That might happen for someone else, but not for me."Take a breath.The truth is that healing from divorce doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it happens slowly — one hour, one day, one step at a time.But you will not feel this way forever.RememberEven when divorce feels like the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through:You are still standing. You are still moving forward. And you will get through this.You’ve got this.And we’ve got you.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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194. Divorce After an Affair: How to Protect Your Divorce Strategy When Betrayal Wrecks Your Brain

Mar 600:48:44Tap to summarize

An affair can destroy your marriage — but it does not have to destroy your divorce strategy.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport tackle one of the most emotionally explosive divorce triggers: infidelity. Joined by therapist and Now What? podcast host Amy Neufeld, we break down what betrayal does to your nervous system, why your brain goes into survival mode, and how that can lead to expensive, irreversible divorce mistakes.If you’re going through divorce after an affair, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening in your body and mind — and give you practical action steps so you can make smarter decisions around custody, finances, and communication.In this episode, we cover:Why an affair can’t destroy your divorce strategy unless you let emotions run the caseThe “Chad and Brenda” story: how revenge spending and legal warfare can implode the marital estateWhy infidelity is often attachment trauma (and why it feels like physical pain)What betrayal does to your brain: hypervigilance, panic, shutdown, and intrusive imagesThe 3 common responses to betrayal: attack, despair, or detachmentWhy anger can feel productive — but still cloud judgment during divorce negotiationsThe unpopular truth: divorce lawyers can fire clients, especially when trauma turns into sabotageHow to stop using the legal system for emotional relief (and why courts can’t “make it right”)Amy’s practical “Now What?” tools to stabilize after betrayal:Routine to rebuild predictabilityContain the pain so it doesn’t take over your entire daySeparate facts from your story to calm your nervous system and make clearer decisionsWhy “the story” can create collateral damage (friends, family, custody dynamics)Co-parenting boundaries: why tools like OurFamilyWizard can help reduce conflict and document patternsThe mic-drop takeaway: An affair is an event. The story you build around it can shape the next decade of your life.If you’re in the middle of divorce after cheating…This episode is for you if you’re:Struggling to eat, sleep, or think straightFeeling consumed by intrusive thoughts or mental imagesTorn between revenge and “doing the right thing”Afraid you’ll make a decision you’ll regret financially or with custodyTrying to co-parent while you’re still emotionally floodedAction Steps from this episodeBuild one predictable routine you can repeat dailyCreate a daily window to contain the pain (even 5 minutes counts)Write down what’s fact vs story so your brain stops spiralingAvoid processing betrayal in court — process it with a qualified trauma-trained therapistUse structured communication to protect yourself during co-parentingGuest: Amy Neufeld — Therapist, Founder of Intentional Action Therapy, Host of Now What?Website: amyneufeldtherapy.comPodcast: Now What? https://pod.link/1881151960Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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193. When I Knew It Was Time to Leave My Marriage: Personal Divorce Story- Mini Episode

Mar 400:14:47Tap to summarize

How do you know when it’s truly time to leave your marriage?In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport shares the deeply personal story of how she knew her marriage was over — and the warning signs she ignored long before she finally said the words, “I want a divorce.”Andrea talks openly about the quiet red flags that started as whispers, the gut feelings she tried to ignore, and the emotional toll of staying in a relationship that wasn’t healthy or sustainable. If you’re questioning your marriage, feeling lonely in your relationship, or wondering if divorce might be the right next step, this episode offers an honest and compassionate perspective.Sometimes the hardest part of divorce isn’t the legal process — it’s acknowledging what your heart has already been trying to tell you.This episode is about learning to listen to those whispers before they become screams.In This EpisodeAndrea shares:The early red flags she ignored while datingWhy unhealthy relationships can feel familiar and “normal”The emotional experience of living in a marriage that doesn’t feel rightWhat it feels like to avoid going home because the relationship feels so lonelyWhy many people stay in marriages long after they know something is wrongThe moment Andrea finally said “I want a divorce”Why gathering information about divorce can help you feel more empoweredThe importance of having a safe place to talk about what you're going throughIf You’re Wondering Whether It’s Time to Leave Your MarriageIf you're asking yourself questions like:Is my marriage over?Why do I feel so lonely in my relationship?How do I know when it's time to get divorced?What does it feel like when a marriage isn't working anymore?You are not alone. Many people experience the same doubts, fears, and emotional confusion before deciding to leave a marriage.This episode offers a reminder that listening to your instincts and seeking support can help you navigate one of the hardest decisions of your life.Resources MentionedIf you're thinking about divorce, these steps can help you start gathering information and support:Speak with a therapist or trusted professionalTalk to a divorce attorney to understand your optionsConnect with a supportive community of people going through similar experiencesContinue learning about the divorce process so you can make informed decisionsAbout the PodcastHow Not to Suck at Divorce is hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, head of family law at one of the largest family law firms in the country, and comedian Andrea Rappaport.Each episode helps people navigate divorce with expert guidance, honest conversations, and practical advice so you can avoid the biggest divorce mistakes.Divorce may be overwhelming, but you don’t have to go through it alone.Final ReminderDivorce is a marathon, not a sprint.Some days you need information. Other days you just need to feel seen and heard.And if you're listening to this episode and questioning your marriage, know this:You deserve happiness.And remember:You've got this… and we've got you.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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192. 5 People Who Suck at Divorce More Than You- Mini Episode

Feb 2700:14:40Tap to summarize

If you think you’re messing up your divorce… relax.In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport bring you a much-needed mental break with five outrageous, real-life divorce stories that prove one thing:No matter how chaotic your situation feels… someone is doing it worse.From a $15,000 bedazzled Buddha that cost double to fight over in court, to a couple who spent $100,000 litigating an ashtray (yes, really), to a husband who tried to avoid divorce by claiming he was technically a zombie — this episode highlights the wildest ways people derail their own divorce cases.Because here’s the truth: divorce is emotional, but court is not.And when pettiness, revenge, or ego drive decisions, the only real winner is the attorney bill.In This Episode, We Cover:Why fighting over sentimental items can cost more than they’re worthThe $100,000 ashtray case (and why judges lose patience)The legal consequences of “in-game crime” during divorceThe Beyoncé “To the Left” security system revenge momentThe infamous “zombie defense” divorce caseWhy judges see more chaos than you realizeHow not to let ego drive your legal strategyWhile this mini episode brings humor, the underlying message is serious:✔️ Petty fights cost real money✔️ Emotional reactions extend litigation✔️ Judges have seen everything — including wackadoo defenses✔️ Revenge may feel good, but it rarely plays well in court✔️ Strategy > spectacleDivorce can feel overwhelming, nauseating, and heavy. Sometimes you need a break — and sometimes you need perspective.If you’re doggy-paddling through your divorce, consider this your reminder:You are not alone.You are not the most chaotic case in the courthouse.And you can absolutely get through this.Resources MentionedJoin our free, confidential divorce communityCheck out the updated Divorce Crash CourseExplore our downloadable divorce guidebooksOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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191. Divorcing an Alcoholic: Trauma Bonds, Fear, and Self-Preservation

Feb 2000:45:10Tap to summarize

Living with alcoholism can make you question everything—your judgment, your boundaries, even your reality. If you’re thinking about divorcing an alcoholic (or you’re not ready to leave yet, but you know something has to change), this episode is for you.Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport sit down with Jeff Wright, an insurance brokerage founder and mentor who has helped countless people navigate toxic, alcohol-fueled relationships—shaped by his own childhood experience with an abusive alcoholic parent.Together, they unpack why leaving an alcoholic spouse can feel impossible (even when the situation is clearly unsafe), how trauma bonds keep people stuck, and what “self-preservation” really looks like when you’re trying to protect your children and your sanity.You’ll also learn the practical steps to take before you file: who to talk to (and who not to), how to make a plan quietly, how to build confidence when you feel shattered, and what legal tools can help keep kids safe—including monitoring options like Soberlink, testing, and supervised parenting time.If you’ve been surviving in chaos, consider this your permission slip to stop normalizing it—and start building a path out.What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy living with an alcoholic partner can distort your reality and decision-makingThe real reasons people stay (hint: it’s often not money)What a trauma bond is and why “they hurt you, then hug you” feels like loveHow alcoholism impacts the drinker’s brain—and why denial can be extremeHow to assess your home environment: stress signals, kids’ behavior, and “waiting for them to come home” tensionWhat self-preservation actually means: privacy, planning, and choosing the right supportWhy your divorce attorney is not your therapist—and why you need bothConcrete action steps: quiet planning, go-bag/documents, separate accounts, and rebuilding confidenceLegal tools that can support safety for kids (monitoring/testing options and structured parenting arrangements)Episode Highlights / Timestamps00:00 The reality: alcoholism can make you question your judgment and reality00:57 Sponsor: OurFamilyWizard + discount code02:11 Who this episode is for (especially if you haven’t left yet)03:07 Meet Jeff Wright and why this is his mission06:07 Jeff’s childhood with an abusive alcoholic father (and lasting impact)08:17 Morgan explains why this becomes “normal” when you’re living it10:29 Why people don’t leave: kids, fear, finances, and responsibility12:25 The real trap: limiting beliefs and fear of what others think13:33 Trauma bonds explained in plain language15:33 Proving alcohol abuse legally + testing options18:04 Emotional detachment vs. physical leaving (why it’s the mind that keeps you stuck)20:15 A powerful self-check: what happens when the drinker isn’t home?22:07 Self-preservation #1: don’t tell the wrong people (privacy matters)26:03 Legal tools for safety: Soberlink, testing, supervision29:38 Unpopular truth: your attorney is not your therapist33:34 Jeff’s 3 action steps: plan quietly, keep promises to yourself, build confidence39:55 “Your gut has never lied to you.”41:10 Changing your role in the story—and protecting what your kids learn as “normal”Action Steps (Quick Takeaways)Make a plan quietly. Brick by brick—documents, accounts, go-bag, and a safe place to land.Talk to the right people only. Professionals bound by confidentiality (attorney/therapist), not the rumor mill.Build confidence with tiny wins. Keep promises to yourself—your nervous system needs proof you can trust you.Get the right team. Divorce strategy = attorney. Emotional survival = therapist.Pay attention to the whisper. The red flags don’t get quieter—they escalate.Get Jeff's ebook here: https://flinchnomore.com/Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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190. The 8 Best-Kept Secrets to Avoid Expensive Divorce Mistakes

Feb 1300:43:35Tap to summarize

Think emailing your divorce lawyer is the “cheapest” way to communicate? Think again.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan (yes, Morgan is solo because Andrea has the flu 😷) breaks down one of the most expensive mistakes people make during divorce: sending emotional, scattered emails instead of getting real strategy.We’re talking about when to email, when to call, when a face-to-face meeting is worth every penny, and how to show up prepared so you’re not paying for chaos. Plus: switching attorneys (when it’s time and when it’s not), pre-divorce “move smarter” tips, how to protect evidence, what to know about non-marital assets, beneficiary red flags, and why tax implications can become negotiation leverage.Bottom line: you need a plan—and you don’t get one by spiraling in your inbox.What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy a phone call or face-to-face attorney meeting can be more cost-effective than emailsHow to stop reacting to your ex’s “urgent” messages and start operating with divorce strategyThe best way to prep for billable time: bullet points, goals, and an objectiveWhen it makes sense to consult another attorney (without immediately switching)What “collect evidence” actually means—and where to store it safelyWhy you should document what you entered the marriage with (non-marital assets)The red flag nobody thinks about: beneficiary changes during divorceHow divorce-related tax implications can become powerful negotiation pointsEpisode Highlights (Key Moments)00:00 Why face-to-face meetings can be more valuable (and cost-effective) than email01:15 Sponsor: OurFamilyWizard (co-parenting app / discount code)01:45 Morgan explains why Andrea is out + why this episode is a must-listen rerun03:48 The “nine emotional emails” problem—and what to do instead06:47 Secret #1: You don’t have to respond to everything on your ex’s timeline08:38 How to call your attorney with bullet points (and an objective)09:37 When a phone call isn’t enough and you need face-to-face strategy12:34 Secret #2: Move your body before you make decisions15:02 Secret #3: You can switch attorneys (but don’t do it while activated)20:38 Secret #4: Large purchases pre-filing (why timing matters)22:21 Secret #5: Collect evidence BEFORE it disappears25:44 Secret #6: Know what you came into the marriage with27:15 Secret #7: Watch for beneficiary changes28:35 Secret #8: Tax implications can be negotiation leverage40:09 Final takeaway: Divorce is a marathon—action steps matterThe 8 Best-Kept Secrets (Recap)You don’t have to respond immediately just because your ex demands it.Take a walk / move your body before making decisions.Phone calls or face-to-face meetings beat emotional emails (and can cost less).Consider timing for major purchases if divorce is imminent.Collect and store evidence safely (new email, new cloud, non-shared accounts).Document what you entered the marriage with (non-marital assets).Watch for beneficiary changes on insurance/retirement accounts.Understand tax implications—they can become negotiation points.Call to ActionNeed more support? Join our free community, grab our guides, and get the tools you need to make better decisions during divorce.And remember: You’ve got this… and we’ve got you.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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189. When Your Divorcing Spouse Is Still Trying to Control You ( It’s Hurting Your Case)

Feb 600:37:39Tap to summarize

If your ex is still controlling you and you keep reacting, explaining, or trying to keep the peace… you might be actively hurting your legal case without even realizing it.Because here’s the thing: divorce doesn’t cure controlling behavior—it often exposes it. And control doesn’t always look loud. Sometimes it looks “polite.” Sometimes it looks like silence. Sometimes it looks like a thousand tiny moments that make your stomach drop.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport break down what control looks like after separation, why it escalates, and the legal + emotional action steps to shut it down.And yes—there’s also a story involving a tambourine, a fire-lit “happiness class,” and a man casually threatening everyone with a tombstone. (Welcome to the show.)What You’ll Learn in This Episode✅ How control shows up during divorce (even when it’s not obvious)Morgan explains that control can look like:Financial control: “I’ll pay when I feel like it,” monitoring spending, moving goalpostsMicromanaging parenting and second-guessing everything you doWeaponized silence / delayed responses to make you spiralMaking you feel like you need permission for decisions you don’t need permission for“Polite” manipulation disguised as “concern for the kids”Why control often escalates after separationAndrea explains the psychology: when someone loses access and power, they often pull harder—because control is how they regulate their discomfort.The dangerous legal issue most people miss: “splitting”Morgan explains how controlling behavior can drive a wedge between you and your attorney—making you doubt your lawyer, hold back details, or get pulled into the ex’s narrative.That’s not just stressful. It can derail your strategy and cost you serious money. The communication trap that keeps you stuckIf your nervous system is hijacked every time they text you, you’ll default to the old pattern:ReactingOver-explainingTrying to smooth things overTrying to get them to “understand”Which gives them exactly what they want: access.The Tools That Help You Stop the Control1) Tighten the structure (legally + logistically)Morgan explains why vague agreements don’t work with controlling people. Example of vague: “reasonable communication.” Problem: “reasonable” becomes a playground for manipulation.2) Reduce accessBecause (say it with us): control fades when access fades.That may mean:limiting communicationusing a parenting appnot responding to baitpushing communication through proper channels3) Stop JADE-ingAndrea shares the acronym JADE:JustifyingArguingDefendingExplainingMore words = more oxygen = more control.4) Use BIF responsesMorgan shares BIF (from Bill Eddy):BriefInformativeFirmFriendlyThe goal is to respond in a way that doesn’t invite more conflict—and doesn’t make you look unhinged if things end up in court.5) Use OurFamilyWizard (especially for parenting conflict)Morgan explains why a co-parenting app helps:reduces accesscreates recordsprevents chaosprovides structure and timelinesEpisode Takeaways (Your “Do This Now” List)If your stomach drops when they text you, do this:Tell your attorney what’s happening (don’t be embarrassed—this is common)Ask your lawyer how to tighten the structure with clearer court ordersReduce access and stop responding to baitUse JADE + BIF for cleaner communicationIf parenting is involved, get on OurFamilyWizard and stop trying to “co-parent” when you need to parallel parentResources MentionedOurFamilyWizard (court-respected co-parenting communication app)BIF communication method by Bill EddyOur $20 communication guide (how to respond without feeding the chaos)Our free private community for support + questionsAbout the PodcastHow Not to Suck at Divorce is hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, head of family law at the largest family law firm in the country, and comedian/marketing expert Andrea Rappaport. We help you avoid major divorce mistakes with expert guidance—plus the humor and levity you need to survive it.On your worst days, you’ve got this… and we’ve got you.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

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188. Top Divorce Regrets (and What to Do Instead)

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Rushing a divorce can cost you money, leverage, and peace—especially if you’re dating, listening to family “advice,” or skipping the right experts. In this episode, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport break down the most common divorce regrets and the smart, strategic moves to avoid them.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea unpack the most common divorce regrets they see over and over again: the ones that quietly cost you money, complicate custody, drag out the process, and make you look back thinking… why did I do that?Get real divorce advice your lawyer may be too polite to share. We break down unpopular divorce opinions and practical divorce tips that can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees, reduce stress, and help you avoid costly mistakes. How Not to Suck at Divorce is the divorce podcast for people who want clarity, strategy, and supportFrom rushing because you’ve moved on romantically, to letting your dad become your “legal strategist,” to skipping experts like OurFamilyWizard because you’re trying to save money—this is your highlight reel of what not to do (and what to do instead).And yes… Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie make an appearance. Because apparently six marriages is one way to earn a PhD in divorce.In this episode, we cover:The #1 regret: rushing your divorce and leaving money on the tableWhy “I want to be divorced by March” can backfire fastHow outdated financials and an old balance sheet can cost you thousandsWhy your new partner should not be part of the divorce “mischigas”The danger of letting family and friends influence legal decisionsHow well-meaning parents can accidentally run up your legal billWhen outside experts (forensic accountants, co-parenting tools, therapists) actually save you moneyWhy trying to “cheap out” can lead to a future court nightmareThe difference between fighting for what matters vs. fighting over balsamic vinegarHow to decide what’s worth it (and what’s just ego, fear, or control)Key Takeaways (Quick & Skimmable)1) Don’t rush the process and leave money on the tableWhen you’re desperate to be done, you cut corners. That’s how people sign agreements with missing details, outdated account values, or unclear parenting language—then regret it later.Do this instead: Ask your attorney if your timeline is realistic, and if it is—map the steps from A to Z.2) Don’t bring your new relationship into your divorce chaosYour new person may mean well, but they are not your lawyer—and emotionally, it can start poisoning the relationship fast.Do this instead: Process the divorce with your therapist, your support system, and your attorney—not your new partner.3) Don’t let non-lawyers steer legal decisionsEven smart, loving parents can unintentionally derail the strategy—especially when they aren’t in the day-to-day “trenches” of your case.Do this instead: If a family member must join a call, keep it controlled: you’re present, they stay muted, and they ask questions at the end.4) Don’t skip tools and experts just to “save money”Skipping the right expert can create a bigger bill later—especially in co-parenting disputes, business valuations, and post-decree enforcement.Do this instead: If your attorney recommends something like OurFamilyWizard or a valuation expert, ask why—and seriously consider it.5) Don’t drag out your divorce fighting over small stuffThere’s a difference between protecting what matters and spending thousands to win a couch, condiment collection, or “principle.”Do this instead: Ask your attorney: Is this worth the cost to fight over?Action Steps (What to do today)Write down your goals: “What do I NEED vs. what do I WANT?”Ask your lawyer directly: “Am I rushing—and what could that cost me?”Update your financials before signing anything (especially account balances).Keep your support team clean: attorney + therapist + trusted friend (not your new partner).Stop paying legal fees for emotional processing—save that for therapy.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cyles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription Natural Cycles

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All episodes

197. 5 Things You Should NEVER Do During a Divorce- And an Embarrasing Story- Mini Episode

196. Divorce Questions Answered: Alimony, Custody, Community Property, GALs. Avoid Major Mistakes.

195. Divorce Feels Impossible Right Now- But It Gets Better (A Real Story) Mini Episode

194. Divorce After an Affair: How to Protect Your Divorce Strategy When Betrayal Wrecks Your Brain

193. When I Knew It Was Time to Leave My Marriage: Personal Divorce Story- Mini Episode

192. 5 People Who Suck at Divorce More Than You- Mini Episode

191. Divorcing an Alcoholic: Trauma Bonds, Fear, and Self-Preservation

190. The 8 Best-Kept Secrets to Avoid Expensive Divorce Mistakes

189. When Your Divorcing Spouse Is Still Trying to Control You ( It’s Hurting Your Case)

188. Top Divorce Regrets (and What to Do Instead)

How Not To Suck At Divorce

All episodes

197. 5 Things You Should NEVER Do During a Divorce- And an Embarrasing Story- Mini Episode

196. Divorce Questions Answered: Alimony, Custody, Community Property, GALs. Avoid Major Mistakes.

195. Divorce Feels Impossible Right Now- But It Gets Better (A Real Story) Mini Episode

194. Divorce After an Affair: How to Protect Your Divorce Strategy When Betrayal Wrecks Your Brain

193. When I Knew It Was Time to Leave My Marriage: Personal Divorce Story- Mini Episode

192. 5 People Who Suck at Divorce More Than You- Mini Episode

191. Divorcing an Alcoholic: Trauma Bonds, Fear, and Self-Preservation

190. The 8 Best-Kept Secrets to Avoid Expensive Divorce Mistakes

189. When Your Divorcing Spouse Is Still Trying to Control You ( It’s Hurting Your Case)

188. Top Divorce Regrets (and What to Do Instead)