Bill Nye (2:49)

by Bill Nye and I'm here to answer your questions, or at least pretend to without actually making things worse. It's a refuge here for the clumsy and the awkward. And if you're socially adept and enjoy healthy relationships, there's nothing for you here. This is a podcast for people who shave on tiptoe to avoid looking in their eyes. I actually have a mirror at home, which, it never occurred to me. I placed it on the wall where I thought it would look good, but when people come around, you'd have to be. You'd have to be 6 foot 7 to use it as a mirror. But it never ever occurred to me. It's only when people come around they say, why do you put a mirror so high you can't look into it? And I didn't think of it as a mirror. It was just like an object that looked. It was oval shaped, it was quite. It was dark brown and it looked kind of good. It just makes me laugh that, you know, but if you jump, you can see, if you jump up for a billionth of a second, you can just about see. You don't look very good because you've just jumped, but it's. You can actually use it. Thank you for all of your questions. Here goes.

Max (4:11)

Hi, Bill, this is Max here from Essex. I'm getting in touch because I'm currently struggling to ask a girl out or tell if a girl likes me who works in the same office as me. We have a similar group of friends, but I'm a bit of a scaredy cat about approaching people in the office, so we don't get to hang out a lot. I don't know if you have many cases of office romance or anything like that, but I don't have much luck in any walk of life. So how do you manage to ask girl out? Any advice would be possibly useful. Thank you so much and loving the pod.

Bill Nye (4:43)

Max. This is the hardest question in the history of questions and the idea that I would know the answer is, you should ask any of the girls who I tried to ask out how they feel about me doing that. But now, of course, when it's too late, I have all kinds of ideas. I think you should probably say something like, do you want to get a Soya Frappuccino? Trust me, it works every time. I don't know why. Maybe it's the Sawyer thing. No, I'M kidding. It probably doesn't work at all. You could say, I wondered if you would like to have, you know, breakfast with me in Paris. If you've got any money. I don't know how much money you got, Max. Or you could say, I feel really, really stupid, but I'm going to do it anyway. Can I take you out? I think the thing is not to pretend you're not nervous unless you want to turn what they call pro. And you really don't want to turn pro, Max, because that's a deeply unattractive status. So I. Yeah, you can see I'm struggling too. Maybe I should ask her out on your behalf because then it would be fine. Tell her to call ill advised on Bill Nye and I'll ask her out on your behalf. Only in, like, print. But, you know, I could say, you could tell me her name and I would say, you know, I understand that Max wants to ask you out and I'm doing it on his behalf. Could do that. Could work. Other than that, you know, office romance. I've never worked in an office, so I don't know. But I've worked in, you know, companies. Where is it a good idea? We don't know. Is it a good idea to be romantically involved? But then, as you say, where else are you going to, you know, have contact, substantial contact? You can hear I'm really struggling here. I'm about as. I wouldn't be able to ask her out, so therefore I should just come clean. I have no idea what you should do, Max, except just walk straight up to her the next time you see her and say anything. Just say, as long as you get the words, can I take you out and just see, I bet the sky won't fall. But then, of course, if she says no, and then you've got the rest of your life in the office with her, and then she gets married to some other bloke in the office and they have many children, they live happily and you're just a lonely guy who never really found the right girl. I mean, it could go really badly. Sorry, the women in the office here are shaking their heads and mouthing the word no like that. Which means I should probably shut up.

Lynn (7:29)

Hi, Bill, I'm curious about your minimalist approach to life. Can you describe if there was an influencing event where you became a non accumulator? Or was it just a slippery slope that you eventually moved towards minimalism? My next question is, do you like cold weather or hot weather? Are you a summer or a winter Person. I personally am pro. Cold summer is okay, but it's so uncomfortable. Thanks very much, Lynn in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Bill Nye (8:04)

Hey, Lyn.

Bill Nye (8:06)

Thank you for the question. Interesting question. Actually, two questions. The first, was there a slippery slope to minimalism? There was no slippery slope. And I don't really, as they currently say, identify as a minimalist. I do identify as anally retentive. I've always liked things in alignment or in order. And even my childhood bedroom was pretty nailed down. And when I used to be in digs at work, if I was on tour, which I was always on tour in the early days, whatever room I was in, I would take anything extraneous out of it, as much as I could remove it. I'd put anything sort of, you know, that was hanging around. I put it all in the wardrobe

Bill Nye (9:01)

so that the space would be completely

Bill Nye (9:03)

clear, and then make the bed, you know, military style, and have nothing else in the room. And when I got an apartment of my own, rather than Diggs, I remember they were bringing the television in, and I thought. And it looked so ugly in my. In my beautiful, empty room. I thought, well, that can't come in. So I put it in the cellar, because I had a cellar. And I put the television in the cellar, and I made appointments to watch the tv, which worked out very well, because had it been in the front room ruining the aesthetic, I would have been a slave on the sofa with the remote in my hand because I'm like a. You know, I'm like a medieval peasant with the television. I just sit there. I just. Whenever. The only time I watch terrestrial TV or any TV is when I'm on a job and I'm in a hotel room. I spend half my life in hotel rooms like most actors, and I just flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. And the only thing I ever really watch is things where I might, you know, there might be somebody I know in it. You know, they're usually reruns of old English television programs. And I just see if there's anyone I've slept with or anyone I knew

Bill Nye (10:19)

in the old days.

Bill Nye (10:21)

And the second part of your. Or rather your second question, Lyn, is I'm with you. I don't like the heat, and I would much prefer to be cold. And when I'm working, I hate to

Bill Nye (10:32)

work in excessive heat.

Bill Nye (10:35)

You know, I made a film not that long ago in Rome in August. I mean, are they out of their minds?

Bill Nye (10:43)

And we.

Bill Nye (10:43)

It was brutally hot, and we were outside in the street most of the time, and I was in A suit and tie, obviously standards. And it was very unpleasant. Your makeup artist has to keep nipping in to clean you up in between takes because you're melting and it's just unpleasant. I'd rather be cold. I have acted in places so cold. In fact, recently I was on the coast outside Liverpool in the nighttime wearing four sets of thermals, that's tops and bottoms, four sets, three silk and one wool. I mean, I don't know about silk, but some kind of thin thing. And I was still cold and it became quite difficult to speak because your jaw and your mouth kind of starts to freeze up. So quite difficult like that. And when we were in Canada one time, 30 miles south of the Arctic Circle, one man's jaw actually did freeze up. We had to stop filming because he

Bill Nye (11:47)

couldn't talk at all.

Bill Nye (11:48)

And I don't know why I'm laughing, it's not funny. But then once in New York, when I went to New York to do a play in the wintertime and the New Yorkers would say, it gets cold here. And I'd think, yeah, I'm from London, do you know what I'm saying? And then it got cold and it got seriously cold and I was walking along the street with my mouth open at one point and somebody waved to me from a cafe and I went. And I had to go in the cafe and sit there for a while cuz my jaw had frozen up. So there you go. Hey. Hey, New York.

Sue (12:27)

Hello, Bill. I'm sue and I live in North Yorkshire. I recently came upon an appearance of yours in the vintage sitcom Agony in which you sported an unfortunate bleach blonde hairdo. I'm sure this was not by choice. I'm left wondering what advice you would give the mature man about coping with hair in later life.

Bill Nye (12:52)

Sue, that was a deep dive to

Bill Nye (12:56)

find me in agony.

Bill Nye (12:57)

You're quite right, it wasn't my choice. I have to say I'm, you know, I'm slightly sad to hear you say that you considered it unfortunate, but it's a long time ago. Yeah, I know. Well, thank you. My producer, Alice Williams has just done the same deep dive and she thinks it looks gorgeous. So I'm going to stick with her. Yeah, no, I took the job and it was when the Police, the band, the Police were very big and they were all, you know, they had chemically enhanced hair, at least I believe they did. And they were all blonded and so the producers of the show thought that I should have blonde hair like them. And I went to the Hairdresser. And the man, the young man who was doing it had white hair, you know, peroxide white straw. Like, not even straw white hair. And I said to him, with all due respect, I don't want it as white as your hair. And he said, no, no, no, no, no. And then he made it just as white as his hair. And I had this kind of white haystack. I had quite a lot of hair on my head. And on the way home, I phoned my then girlfriend and I said, look, you know, there's been a bit of an accident at the hairdressers. And so I just want to warn you before I come back home. And she said, oh, don't be stupid. Of course, it can't be that bad. What's the matter with you? Come home. You know. So I went home and I walked through the door and she went, oh, my God, how could you? Why did you let them do that? And I said, well, I didn't know what they were doing because I'd never had my hair ever done anything like that. And then I had to go back to have it softened with something called a blush or a plush, a gray blush, I think it was called, to make it less alarming, an advice to older men about their hair. Well, whenever I. I try not to see anything I've ever done, and I don't look at any films I've ever done unless I absolutely have to, and I don't have to. So most of the time, you know,

Bill Nye (15:02)

I am completely oblivious to my.

Bill Nye (15:05)

What's called my work, which is how I like it. But if I ever do catch a glimpse of anything from the past, I always think, why didn't you cut your hair? You know, when I was 30, 40, I mean, when I was young, I had a catastrophe, which was that when I reached puberty, my hair exploded in a cloud of tight curls, which was a disaster because it meant that I couldn't be in the Rolling Stones and because your mother's friends would say, I pay good money to get my hair like that, and you'd want to kill yourself. And eventually it did go straight, which would have been the greatest thing that ever happened to me. But I wonder. I'm amazed that I don't remember it happening. I mean, I would have rejoiced, you know, I would have. It would have been the one big thing I wanted. But I. I can't remember it happening. It may be just that I can't remember. Anyway, I always feel I should have cut my hair, and I have no advice to men about their hair. Come on. I'm not going to tell any man what he should do about his hair unless he asks me really, really nicely and signs a consent form so that after I've told him, he's not going to hit me or something.

Lynn (16:22)

Hi, Bill, this is Julie from New York. Well, not from New York, but that's home now. I recently read an article about a prisoner in Australia who sued for his human right to eat Vegemite. This made me think of your love of Marmite. I'm curious, if you were on death row, what would you request for your last meal?

Bill Nye (16:43)

That's interesting, Julie, and thank you for your question. I have lived with Vegemite. I had a period in Australia where Marmite was not readily available. And even now they have a version of Marmite in Australia. But with all due respect, it's not Marmite. It looks like Marmite and it kind of smells like Marmite, but it's not Vegemite. I came to be reasonably comfortable with.

Bill Nye (17:08)

It's too sweet.

Bill Nye (17:10)

But that's only if you punish it for not being Marmite. If you accept it as Vegemite, then it's fine. It's Vegemite and it's sweet. Ish. If I was on death row, please, honestly. Okay, can it not be death row? Could it be just like, I don't know, if it was the last Friday in the month or something. If it was the last Friday in the month and I was offered anything I wanted to eat, I would have baked beans with Marmite underneath. Somebody recently said that they do this thing because the danger with baked beans on toast, as we all know, is that if you time it wrong, then. And from now on, I can't really speak because all the words that I

Bill Nye (17:50)

might use are all on the banned word list.

Bill Nye (17:54)

So maybe that's a clue. Maybe you can figure out what those words might be. In other words, the toast becomes. Let's try limp.

Bill Nye (18:08)

Oh, dear. I'm working with children and that's with no disrespect to children.

Bill Nye (18:14)

Yeah. So you have to time it right. And somebody told me they have a trick which is they let the toast go cold so the toast is cold, it stays crisp longer. Try it.

Bill Nye (18:26)

Hot beans.

Bill Nye (18:27)

Cold toast. Marmite butter, obviously. Marmite beans. Pepper Football page in the old days when I used to read the newspaper, but I had to give them up. This week's band words or phrases include

Bill Nye (18:50)

On a bed of.

Bill Nye (18:52)

When I work away, which is a lot of the time, and I spend a lot of time in hotels and I'm sometimes away from home for months and I'm perfectly comfortable with that because I'm so used to it. But once in a while you'll come across another menu which has something which is described to be on a bed of. And as soon as I see the words on a bed of, I want to go home. It's just the straw that breaks the camel's back. It just makes me homesick on a bed of. Why anyone would want to pile food on top of itself, I have no idea. Also among this week's banned words are gristle. I think that's self explanatory meaty, which is also not hard to read. Less graphic is bandwidth when used in any other context apart from bandwidth. Totes amazeballs. That's absolutely apparently unforgivable. And time suck. That's also now eradicated from the English language forever. I'd never heard of either of those things until I started asking people for banned words. Also, an expression that should be on the banned list, probably, which I've been guilty of using many, many times, is Baby dollar. I do mitigate the use of it by calling men baby doll as well as women baby doll. I did actually say to a female friend of mine once baby doll in a postmodern, ironic way, and she said, I can't believe you've called me baby doll on International Women's Day. I of course, was unaware that it was International Women's Day. But every time International Women's Day comes around now, I text her, hey, Baby doll, how's it hanging? Which is obviously inappropriate and wrong and it should be a private affair, but now I've just exploded it into the public sphere.

Bill Nye (20:56)

It's now time for this episode's playlist. And this episode's playlist was originally called Adultery Soul two because we had a playlist called Adultery Soul a while back, which was all R B songs concerning themselves with adultery, obviously.

Bill Nye (21:18)

But this one is not called adultery soul 2.

Bill Nye (21:21)

It's called adultery Gets Lonely, because I

Bill Nye (21:25)

thought that was a more telling title.

Bill Nye (21:28)

And it starts with a song by Ray Charles called I've Got News for your, which starts with, you said before we met that your life was awful tame. Well I took you to a nightclub and the whole band knew your name. You wore a diamond watch, claimed it was from Uncle Joe but when I looked at the inscription it said love from daddy O. So you get the vibe. Did I actually just use the word vibe?

Bill Nye (21:58)

Yes, I did.

Bill Nye (21:59)

So that's I've Got News for you by Ray Charles.

Bill Nye (22:01)

And then we have another song from

Bill Nye (22:03)

Womack and Womack, who are quite good on acronyms.

Bill Nye (22:06)

They had a song called apb, All

Bill Nye (22:08)

Points, Bullets Bulletin, which was about adultery. But I had that on another playlist, and this one is also by Womack and Womack. It's from the same album, Love wars. And it's called tko, which stands for I'll spare you younger people Googling. It stands for technical knockout, as in I think I better let it go. It looks like another Love tko. And that's a very cool slice of sweet soul music. And then you've got Angie Stone with Could have been you, could have been you laying next to Me, which is another song about the aftermath of adulterous activities.

Bill Nye (22:54)

And then you've got Van Morrison singing

Bill Nye (22:58)

another Ray Charles song called I Believe To My Soul, you're trying to make

Bill Nye (23:03)

a fool out of me. And then there's an odd country song

Bill Nye (23:07)

from Shelby Lynn, one of my favorite country singers. And it's called Breakfast in Bed. It's an unusual premise for a song because it's somebody welcoming an ex lover

Bill Nye (23:20)

who now lives with somebody else into their home, knowing they've had a big fight with the person they currently live with.

Bill Nye (23:28)

So they've come around to see their ex.

Bill Nye (23:30)

It's that song. And they get breakfast in bed. So that's the whole of it.

Bill Nye (23:35)

And that's called Adultery Gets lonely. This week's book is called the Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, and it's written by Philip K. Dick. And I think, you know, I have to include a book by Philip K. Dick, of which there are hundreds. He was one of the most prolific writers in the history of writers, not least because I think he took huge amounts of various forms of speed. Not that that's a recommendation in terms of the book, but this is one of my favorites of his. And if you read around and you gamble on contemporary novels and you have some success and some not so successful reading experiences, you know, you can always

Bill Nye (24:26)

go back to Philip K. Dick and

Bill Nye (24:28)

kind of get your bearings and get your. I hesitate to use the expression, but get your palette cleansed. Because he can really, really write. And as soon as you start reading Philip K. Dick, your system kind of slows down and your shoulders lower and you become relaxed because you know you're

Bill Nye (24:49)

in whatever fantastical things are happening. And don't worry about it. Nothing but fantastical things happen with Philip Kidd.

Bill Nye (24:58)

You start to relax, and if you like it, there are hundreds more of Philip K. Dick, most of which have been made into films. If you Google films that have been made out of Philip K. Dick's books, you will be very surprised. And I'm just going to read a bit from it. This is Chapter one of the three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch. His head unnaturally aching, Barney Mason woke to find himself in an unfamiliar bedroom in an unfamiliar conapt building. Beside him, the covers up to her bare smooth shoulders, an unfamiliar girl slept on, breathing lightly through her mouth, her hair a tumble of cotton like white. I'll bet I'm late for work, he said to himself, slid from the bed and tottered to a standing position with eyes shut, keeping himself from being sick. For all he knew, he was several hours drive from his office.

Bill Nye (26:01)

Perhaps he was not even in the United States.

Bill Nye (26:04)

However, he was on Earth. The gravity that made him sway was familiar and normal. And there in the next room by the sofa, a familiar suitcase, that of his psychiatrist, Dr. Smile. Barefoot, he padded into the living room and seated himself by the suitcase. He opened it, clicked switches, and turned on Dr. Smile. Meters began to register and the mechanism hummed. Where am I? Barney asked it. And how far am I from New York? That was the main point he saw now, a clock on the wall of the apts kitchen. The time was 7:30am not late. The mechanism, which was the portable extension of Dr. Smile, connected by micro relay to the computer itself in the basement level of Barney's own connapt building in New York, the renown 33 Tinnnerley declared. Ah, where am I? Barney asked it. And how far am I from New York? That was the main point he saw now, a clock on the wall of the Apt's kitchen. The time was 7:30am not late at all. The mechanism, which was the portable extension of Dr. Smile, connected by micro relay to the computer itself. In the basement level of Barney's own connapt building in New York, the renowned 33 tinnally declared. Ah, Mr. Bayerson. Meyerson, Barney corrected, smoothing his hair with fingers that shook. What do you remember about last night? Now he saw with intense physical aversion, half empty bottles of bourbon and sparkling water, lemons, bitters, and ice cube trays on the sideboard in the kitchen.

Bill Nye (27:56)

Who is this girl?

Bill Nye (27:58)

Dr. Smiles said. This girl in the bed is Ms. Rondinella Fugate, Ronnie, as she asked you to call her. It sounded vaguely familiar and oddly, in some manner tied up with his job. Listen, he said to the suitcase. But then in the bedroom, the girl began to stir. At once he shut off Dr. Smile and stood up, feeling humble and awkward in only his underpants. Are you up? The girl asked sleepily. She thrashed about and sat facing him. Quite pretty, he decided with lovely large eyes. What time is it?

Bill Nye (28:38)

And did you put on the coffee pot?

Bill Nye (28:41)

He tramped into the kitchen and punched the stove into life. It began to heat water for coffee. Meanwhile, he heard the shutting of a door. She had gone into the bathroom. Water ran. Ronnie was taking a shower again in the living room. He switched Dr. Smile back on. What's she got to do with PP layouts? He asked. Ms. Fugate is your new assistant. She arrived yesterday from People's China, where she worked for PP Lay as their pre fash consultant for that region. However, Ms. Fugate, although talented, is highly inexperienced, and Mr. Bolero decided that a short period as your assistant, I would say under you, but that might be misconstrued considering Great, barney said. He entered the bedroom, found his clothes. They had been deposited, no doubt by him in a heap on the floor and began with care to dress. He still felt terrible, and it remained an effort not to give up and be violently sick. That's right, he said to Dr. Smile as he came back into the living room, buttoning his shirt. I remember the memo from Friday about Ms. Fugate. She's erratic in her talent. Picked wrong on the US Civil War picture window item, if you can imagine it. She thought it'd be a smash hit in People's China. He laughed. The bathroom door opened a crack. He caught a glimpse of Ronnie, pink and rubbery and clean, drying herself. Did you call me, dear? She asked. No, he said. I was talking to my doctor.

Bill Nye (30:30)

I think we've squandered enough time, frankly, and maybe it's time to get back to the real world. Until next time, thank you for all your questions. Please, if you feel inspired, send some questions via Instagram, which is ll advised by Bill Nye, or email us at. Contact us at ill-advertised by Bill nye.com In the meantime, stay loose.

Bill Nye (31:18)

Ill Advised by Bill Nighy is produced by Alice Williams and Chiara Gregori, with a system production by Angelique Somers pronounced Somers, and Charlotte Ross pronounced Ross. And it's an Ipod Studios production.

Sue (31:40)

Are you really buying a car online

Bill Nye (31:42)

on Autotrader right now?

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Really? I can get super specific with dealer

Bill Nye (31:45)

listings and see cars based on my budget.

Nikayla Matthews Akomay (31:48)

You can really have it delivered or pick it up.

Sue (31:50)

Mommy, I think kid is walking up the slide.

Bill Nye (31:52)

Really?

Nikayla Matthews Akomay (31:53)

Autotrader? Buy your car online? Really?

Bill Nye (31:58)

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