← In Totality with Megan Ashley
In Totality with Megan Ashley
EP 106: Fix Your Gaze on Jesus: How to Stop Sinking in Fear & Doubt | In Totality with Megan Ashley
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A
What's up, family? Before we jump into today's episode, I want to share something close to my heart. Our In Totality Patreon community, the Village. If you ever listen to the podcast and you thought, wow, I really wish there was more. This is exactly why I created this space. You'll receive early access to every episode, so while others are hearing it for the first time, you'll already be watching it and soaking it in. But it's not just that. You'll also get access to the In Totality docuseries, which is like my vlog, which shows what I do when I'm not on the podc. And that's not it. You'll also be the first to know about merch drops, events and opportunities to connect in real life. One of my favorite parts is our Bible study and book clubs where we're walking through scripture together and encouraging one another in the faith. On Patreon, we are building a community that truly desires a relationship with the Lord, pursues truth, and supports one another. And I would love for you to be a part of that. So if you want more, come join the Village on Patreon. The link is in the description and I can't wait to see you. I was kind of just reflecting, thinking about Jackie doing the concert, thinking about Jordan choreographing the concert, and I'm like, man, like, God often caused us to do really scary things, and he doesn't remove the feeling of the fear. And I know, I know. I hear all of you right now screaming. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a love power. Sat by God is not giving us a spirit of fear, but a love power to savor. I know, but it's the spirit that we have on the inside of us that is not a spirit of fear, but of love power and a sound mind. But that doesn't mean that we don't have the human emotion of fear. It's not about your fear. It's more about your faith. Fix your eyes on me. Look at me. I'm your goal. Whatever it is that the Lord is asking you to do, just know that the Lord is after his glory and he's after your obedience and that whatever he's called you to, he'll be faithful to be with you all the way through it. Foreign. What's up, you guys? Welcome back to another episode of In Totality. I'm your host, Megan Ashley. I'm so excited that you are here again with me on another what day is this? What day these episodes come out Tuesday either. If you're listening to this, it's Tuesday. If you're watching this, it's Thursday. If you're on Patreon, you're watching this on Tuesday. So wherever you're watching or listening, how are you? Hope you're good. Hope you're well. I'm blessed to be here with Jordan, Jay and Nicole. We are a small but mighty team. It's the four of us, but we're here. And I wanted to talk to you guys today about what happened this past weekend. So I'm recording this. And last weekend we celebrated Jackie as she did her blameless weekend. And it was a whole weekend. I'm like, at this point, it's a festival we have. We spent the whole week with Jackie in preparation for her concert. After it was over, I had ran out early in the morning and I went to go get some coffee and I was just kind of reflecting on the weekend. And you guys see a finished product of a thing, right? Like, you see, you get to be either. Like, if you came to the concert, you got to enjoy the concert, right? But as people who are friends and like family of the people who put on a thing, you. We get the privilege of seeing the behind the scenes process from beginning to end. And I remember when Jackie told me that she wanted to do. Well, not even that she wanted to do. Let me correct that. It wasn't even like, I want to do a concert. It was kind of like, I feel like the Lord wants me to do a concert. And I remember her expressing some of the insecurities that she had. I remember her expressing some of the things that she experienced in the past with performing music live and how it kind of created an insecurity in her to not want to do it again. And so when I was reflecting on Sunday morning after having. We had the most amazing time, guys. Friday was a worship night. She taught on Revelation 5. Like, it was beautiful. I was a wreck. I was literally sobbing the whole time. News flash, I'm sure no one is surprised, but I was a mess because personally I'm. I'm experiencing some things that are kind of scary and I'm going to share a little bit about those things with you in this episode. I was kind of just reflecting on Jordan and Jackie. And with Jackie, like I said, I knew that there were some hesitancies and some, maybe some insecurities and fears that she had with doing the concert. And then when she decided to do it because she got a few prophetic words and like she really Just sensed that the Lord wanted her to do this. She reached out to Jordan to choreograph the show she wanted. Like, Jackie was like, I'm putting on a concert. Concert. This ain't about to be just a tiny desk. Cause that's what I was thinking. I was like, you know. Cause y' all know Jackie's personality. I'm thinking, like, Jackie gonna do some type of tiny desk type situation where it's gonna be, like, real intimate, you know, her sitting on a stool, just rapping, maybe have a live band, but it's gonna give. Tiny desk. That's what I was thinking. But when she said she wanted dancers and, like, I was like, oh, okay. Like, bet. Like, she's doing dancers. And so, of course, she reached out to Jordyn, because Jordyn is a dancer. Maybe a lot of you guys didn't know that before this past weekend, but Jordyn is a dancer, and she has range in her danceability. When Jackie asked Jordan to do it, it threw me back to a few years ago where Jordan and I were going to the gym. Jordan and I were going to the gym. So Jordan and I would used to sit in the car a lot and talk. Like, when I was going through my very depressive stage, we used to sit in the car and just talk a lot and listen to music and just, like, chill or whatever. And we. I mean, yeah, we would. We would chill and listen to music, whatever. And we used to, like, come up with dances in the car together. And that would be, like, just some time that we would spend together. We would come up with, like, dances to certain songs in the car. Anyway, we would. I remember this one time we went to the gym, and they had this room that had, like, mirrors and wood floors. And so Jordan was like, let's. You know, let's come up with a dance or whatever. Like, let's choreograph a dance. And so Jordan was expressing to me how she, you know, doesn't, like. She's like, I don't choreograph. Like, I'm not a choreographer. Like, teach me the dance and I'll do it. Don't expect me to come up with the moves. Right? You were so. She. Y', all. You don't understand. She was so mad at me. So we get to the. We get to the. To the gym, and we get to this little dance studio area, and Jordan's like, okay, come on. Like, come up. I'm like, jordan, we're supposed to choreograph together. Like, I wanted to stretch Her. Because let me just pause for some of you who may not know, I come from a dance background, right? I danced as a. As a kid all the way up to, you know, dancing for high school. And then when I went to Bible college, I danced. And then I became the choreographer and the dance instructor for my Bible college dance team. I had a team of maybe probably 20 to 25 students at one point. It was a lot. And we had to, like, cut back because so many people wanted to be on this dance team. You don't need to go look it up, because it doesn't matter. Jordan is probably going to try to leak some information out, but you don't need to look it up because it's not important. Okay. Anyway, Jordan knew that I had choreography background, right? She knew that I could choreograph. And so she was expecting us to get to the gym, and I guess me come up with something, and I'm like, no, like, you need to grow as a dancer, and you can. Like, we can do this together. And so I remember sitting on the floor as we're, like, stretching and trying to get ready to, like, dance. And she got so mad at me because I would not just choreograph the dance because she was so out of her comfort zone with choreography. And so I thought about that, because when Jackie asked her to choreograph for the Blameless concert, I remember Jordan being like, what do you mean? She was like, call Daijah. Call Deja. Like, don't call me. But Jackie was like, no, like, I want you to do it. And I was encouraging Jordan. I'm like, I really feel like the Lord wants to stretch you in this, and not just in her physical dance ability, but just as a leader and doing something that's uncomfortable and trusting the Lord in the process of doing it. And so, yeah, I just was really encouraged watching the fruit of their obedience. And it made me think about how the Lord often calls us to do scary things, right? Like starting a podcast, right? Three years ago. Scary. Had no idea what I was doing, right? I had just come out of a crazy situation. I. Extremely insecure. Didn't know that I could carry a podcast on my own. Didn't know that people would even want to hear anything that I had to say. Felt very inadequate. Felt very insecure, scared, Right? Again, thinking about Jackie doing the concert, thinking about Jordan choreographing the concert, and I'm like, man, like, God often caused us to do really scary things, and he doesn't remove the feeling of the fear, right? Like, and I know, I know. I hear all of you right now screaming. God is not giving us a spirit of fear, but a love power. Sabi. God is not giving us a spirit of fear, but a love power to save. I know, I know, I know. I understand that. But it's. It's the spirit that we have on the inside of us that is not a spirit of fear or, but of love, power and a sound mind. But that doesn't mean that we don't have the human emotion of fear. Right? Like God often, even if we look at his word from beginning to end, he often calls people to do really scary things, period. You cannot tell me that Abraham wasn't. There, wasn't some sort of, like, uncomfortableness or maybe even fear going to a land that he had never been to, just trusting that God would lead him to that land. Right? You can still trust in the Lord and still have a present feeling of fear. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't mean that. I think the point of it is in second Timothy, when Paul is telling him, don't like the spirit. God hasn't given you a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind. It's saying, don't allow fear to rule. Don't allow fear to. To. To. To control you. Don't allow fear to have. Reign over you. Right? But some. But. But know that you have a present spirit, the Holy Spirit present in you to do scary things. And so when I look at Jackie and I look at Jordan and I even look at some of the things that I do, I look at Nicole, who's my assistant, who has. I don't correct me if I'm wrong, Nicole, You've never been in this position before as, like, an executive, Definitely not to this magnitude. So Nicole, you know, Nicole has been in the background for the last three years. You guys may not have seen her as much, but stuff doesn't run if Nicole doesn't do it. And she has taken on a lot of things that she probably doesn't feel the most secure in all the time. Right. I'm assuming you can correct me if I'm wrong that, yeah, you may not feel as secure all the time, but you've. You've. You trust the Lord, right? And I think that that's the thing. It's like, I can still be fearful in some things, but I trust the Lord. And so, yeah, we just kind of wanted to talk to you guys about what it means to have to be faithful and obedient in spite of Present fears and insecurities. And I think that, that. I think that everybody can relate to that. Like, I prom. If the Lord calls you to do something, it's always going to be too big for you to do on your own. Do you know what I mean? Think about the things that the Lord has called us to do, even as Christians. Pray for those who persecute you. That's hard to do. That may not be fearful. Right. But that's hard to do. Go make disciples. For those of you who have a fear of, like, talking to people, that doesn't mean that you're not required to make disciples. You still have to make disciples. Right? And so, uh, I think the Lord is always calling us to do things that require our dependency. And sometimes He. He. He even allows. It's even like a gift that he allows us to have that present maybe fear so that it produces a dependency. Does that make sense what I'm saying? Like, I hope that, I hope that that makes sense because I'm not trying to say that you live in fear. It's not that you live in it, but it's that you. You trust the Lord and you. And you're more. You're more fearful to disobey him than you are fearful to do the thing that he's calling you to obey. Does that make sense? And so it's like, I think that we have to hold. Learn how to hold that tension between, okay, God, you're calling me to do something that's really scary. I'm going to be scared doing it all the way up until the point of getting it done. But I'm doing that while holding on to trusting you, believing in you, being faithful to you in spite of being fearful. And I just think this past weekend was just a beautiful example of that. Like, I literally watched the fruit of their obedience in spite of them being fearful or scared. Does that make sense?
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Even as, like, I feel like when you are in Christ and you do have a relationship with him, because we're human, we're going to have that fear. But if you're mindful, like, I'm not being stressful because I want to be selfish, because I want to be prideful. And when you realize that it's just the fear, but the obedience outweighs the fear, it does help you lean into, okay, I have to do this.
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A
Yeah.
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It's not like, like for instance, me praying, because that was another thing. I don't like praying out loud. And yet I had to pray every rehearsal for some reason because they wanted Me to pray and pray at the concert. And it's like, I have a fear of speaking, but it's not to the point of I'm willing to mess up or jeopardize someone else's relationship. Like, I don't know what that prayer is. And if I was a truly selfish person or I don't love people, or I don't care about people, it would be easier for me to be like, I don't want to do it.
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Yeah.
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It's like, it's only a little bit of fear, but I really do have the desire to please the Lord, which
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is what helps me obey. Yes.
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And overcome the fear or just do it. Scared.
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Yeah. I think that's the key is, like, I have more of a desire to please the Lord than I do a fear of doing the thing that the Lord has asked me to do. I have that, like, my desire to. Because I love him and I want to obey him. That is the thing that drives my obedience. That drives my obedience more than the fear paralyzing my obedience. And I think. And I. And what's beautiful about that is. Is, like, you thought it was just choreography, but the Lord has stretched you in your leadership praying. Like, he even. He even stretched you in areas that you didn't really think that. That, like, I was worried about choreography. But then he's like, I'm gonna throw in praying in front of people. I'm gonna throw in leadership. Imma throw in. Yeah. Like, all the things. Like, he was really stretching you. And that's why I put in the caption. I was, like, watching you be stretched spiritually, not even, just, like, in your physical abilities. Right. But how he stretched you spiritually was even, like, beautiful to see. And I think that the Lord. I think we have to understand that the Lord truly honors obedience. And we have to also understand that the obedience is tied in magnifying his glory. If the Lord is after his glory, do you know what I'm saying? Then whatever he's calling me to do, I can just trust that it's going to be good because he's after his glory. Right. So it's like, at the end of the day, he's not. It's not about me. It's just not about me. It's not about how I. How I feel. Like, the Lord cares. And please don't hear me say, I truly believe the Lord cares about how we feel. But I believe that the Lord is after his glory. And that although it may make us uncomfortable, although it might. There might be Some present fears in it that he's really after the obedience more than anything else. Like, he's after his glory and he wants us to be obedient and even just. I've seen examples in my own life where it's like, the more I'm obedient to the Lord, the quicker I am to obey the Lord. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, there have been things that the Lord has asked me to do. Big, what may be measured as big or small, to me, I think it all matters to the Lord. But for me, I can put levels to obedience. I'm like, oh, well, that's just a small little thing. And I think the Lord just sees it as obedience. But there have been things that the Lord has asked me to do that has taken me a long time to say yes to because of fears, because of anxieties. But then when I say yes, and I see that he remains faithful to me, right? And He. He carries me and he graces me through the insecurities, and he graces me through the fears, right? Then the next time he requires me to give Him a yes, I'm quicker to obey him because I've seen how he's moved prior. I've seen how he's kept me prior, right? And. And again, I always say this like, we don't necessarily have to just worry about our present experience. Also, look at the word like, and we can just see that God is faithful. We can see that when he asked Noah to build an ark, he was faithful. He sent the rain, even though for all those days, rain never, never came, right? We can see how he was. If he was faithful to Ezekiel. And we can see how he was faithful to. To Moses. And we can see how he was like, think about. Think about Moses. You. You got a staff and a sea. Think about that. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like, think about that. I would have been. I got all these people that are ready to stone me. You know what I'm saying? And here I am in front of this sea with a staff. There had to have been some type of, like, Lord, please come through, right? But he obeyed. Outstretch your staff. When I tell you to do it, do it. And he did it. And God was faithful. And we can just see that from beginning to the end, like, no matter what God is requiring you to do, be faithful in spite of being fearful. It's not about your fear. It's more about your faith, right? Perfect love, cast out all fear. So when again, going back to abiding in God's love. The more that you are knowing who God is, His character, his attributes, knowing that he is faithful, abounding in steadfast love, knowing that he has grace that is sufficient for you, that that his his strength is made perfect in your weakness. Like when you know who God is and you know his character, you know his attributes, that love poured into your heart, it really, it doesn't maybe eliminate completely the fear, but it makes the fear less than the desire to obey. What's up you guys? This episode is sponsored by Better Help March gives us a moment to pause and really honor women. Not just for what they accomplish, but for everything that they carry. And when I think about that, I immediately think about my mom. She is one of the most steady, prayerful, consistent women I know. She showed me what faith looks like in everyday life. Not in perfection, but in perseverance. She cared so much with grace and when no one was clapping for it. And that's the kind of quiet strength that shaped who I am today. And I know she's not alone in that. So many women are holding families together, showing up at work, caring for others, managing expectations that never seem to slow down. The world celebrates women for what they produce, but rarely pause and to acknowledge the emotional weight that they carry behind the scenes. So often women are taught to push through, keep going, and to be strong at all costs. Therapy can be a space to pause and take inventory of the roles you play, the expectations placed on you, and the emotions that come with them. It can help create balance, learn where to draw healthy boundaries, and tend to your own emotional well being with intention. Therapy isn't just about having all the answers. It's about giving yourself permission to slow down and be honest about what you're carrying. Whether you're navigating relationships, motherhood, career, or simply trying to hold it all together, therapy can support that process with care and clarity. Better Help works with fully licensed therapists in the US who follow a strict professional code of conduct. They also handle the matching process for you through a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences. With over 12 years of experience, they typically get it right the first time. But if the match isn't right, you can switch to a different therapist of their recommendation. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform with over 30,000 therapists and more than 6 million people served globally. And it works. Live Sessions average between 4.9 and 5 rating based on over 1.7 million client reviews. This month, as we celebrate Women, I want to remind you of this. You are allowed to be cared for. Your strength doesn't disappear when you ask for support. It deepens your emotional well being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com totality. That's B E T T E R h e l p.com totality. All right, guys, back to the conversation. I don't know if that makes sense.
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That makes sense.
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It doesn't eliminate the fear. It magnifies who he is in spite of the circumstances.
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Yeah.
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Like, even though I have these people behind me who are looking to be led, I have this sea in front of me and Pharaoh's trying to take his people back. This literally looks like there's no way. But when there's no way, that's grounds for him to show up for you.
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Yeah.
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Because he shows up as a pillar of fire separating y'. All. Not only splitting the seal, but I
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go before you and after you and behind you. Yeah, I love that. I think that we. And I think again, we have to just remember he's a covenant keeping God. He is a covenant keeping God. And I think because we project our human experiences so much on God, I think we forget that he's not man. Like he's not like us. Literally, like he's not like us. Like we are flaky and everything is conditional when it comes to us condition. Like it's. It's contingent upon how we feel the day, our mood, you know, whatever. But God is just consistent. You know what I mean? He is who he is and he is a covenant keeping God. And so whatever the Lord is requiring you to do, just know that he will be faithful to complete it. He will be faithful to bring you through it. If he called you to. I remember the old folks just ab. Called, did you do it? He'll bring you through it. He'll see it. He'll see you through it. Right. And that is the truth. And I, you know, I felt the nudge to go back to school. I felt that nudge last year, I want to say, probably towards the end of 2024. I know the majority of 2025, mostly all the 2025, I felt the nudge to go back to school. And I was just like, you know, Lord, I really feel I want to know your word more and I want to be able to accurately articulate and communicate God's word and be able to do that in a way that honors the text and that helps people know scripture, you know, What I mean, like, I feel like the Lord has blessed me with the gift of communication. I believe that he's gifted me in particularly to talk to people in a way that's relatable and practical. Like, I. To be able to talk about God's Word in a practical way that's digestible. And so I was like, lord, I just want to be faithful to that. And so I kept feeling the nudge to go to school. And so just all last year, just kind of praying about it. I really advise people to, like, get healthy community around you so that you aren't making. Making a decision absent of wise counsel. So I asked. Like, I talked to Dr. Eric Mason. Like, I talked to Phil. I talked to Jackie. I talked to my mom, who has two master's degree, one in Matt. She has a master's in divinity. So, like, I. You know, talking to people in my community about if I should go to school, whatever, whatever. Anyway, towards the end of last year, I applied to go to school to get my master's in theology. And, you know, thank you, Lord, that you have people in your life that can kind of put a good word in for you. And so, you know, Jackie and. And. And Phil and Dr. Mason, they put a good word in for me, but they still were like, girl, you don't have no college education, so you still have to, you know, you still got to write an essay. You still have to, you know, apply. You still have to go through the whole process, right? And so I was feeling really insecure. I believe we were on our way to Africa when I had to turn in my paper for admissions. I had to. I had to write a paper about a chapter in a book or whatever. And you guys, like, the amount of fear and anxiety that I felt doing it, like, I just felt so inadequate, so insecure about, you know, writing a paper and, you know, going to school and all the things. And so I turned in all my stuff, my application, turned in my paper, and I don't know, I think in my mind, I kind of thought I was just gonna be, like, accepted because, again, I had some, as some people put a good word in for me. So I thought I was just gonna be accepted. And the process actually was long. And it was like. No, like, it was long. And I remember asking the Lord, like, lord, if you don't want me to go to school, just close the door and, like, give me, like, if I don't, then, yeah, just give me the grace and the love and the assurance that, like, I won't take that hard that I will be able to just move on and know that, you know, you don't withhold any good thing for me. So if this is good for me, you'll allow it to happen. And if it doesn't happen, then it's because you know best, right? And so the process was kind of long. So, anyway, I got accepted, so I am officially a theology student. I had my first day of class a couple weeks ago. What were you about to say yesterday? I did go to. I did go to school yesterday. My first day in class, but my first. You know, I started a couple weeks ago, but. And Jordan has been on my tail. Y' all hear me? She took my phone, my iPad, she took over, she added herself. She got my assignments in her phone. She has my reading assignments, my writing assignments, my class discussions. All of it is in her phone. She's like, what you not gonna do is fail at school, okay? You are not gonna fail at school. And so. But yeah, I'm in school. I'm getting my master's in theology. I'm really, really excited, but I'm also really nervous because, you guys know I don't have, like, a college education. I'm ne. I went to Bible college, and it wasn't accredited, so it was like a year of just. And it was like, I went to a Pentecostal charismatic school. All we did was shout, jump, dance, run around, speak in tongues. Like, I didn't go and learn theology, right? So I don't have any college under my belt, and I feel very insecure doing this. Like, I'm in the class with people who are using terms that I have no idea what they're talking about. But I felt that the Lord wanted me to go to school, and so I'm just going to do it, and I'm going to take it a day at a time. And I sat in class and I. And I had to calm my mind down to not think term paper. But what are you learning right now? Take this step. Take this. Take the first step. Be in class today, and then take the next. You know, take assignment at a time, reading at a time. You know, all the things. But I have watched the Lord in my life call me to do some scary things, and I can name them. Just in the last few years, the podcast Acts 2:42, y' all know that story. I almost threw up before I walked on that stage. Okay? The. The. The Village retreat, speaking engagements, like, all of that sitting here on the mic today. Like, I never get on this mic and not Have a level of fear, insecurity? Never. But what I have learned is, number one, when I say yes to the Lord, he graces me. He gives me the grace to do the thing that he called me to do. I never have to do it apart from him, right? So if he called me to it, I have. I'm in partnership with him, so I don't have to do this. Absent of him, right? It's not like God calls you to do something and then he leaves you. He's like, all right, good luck. You know, that he doesn't do that. He calls you to it, and he's like, okay, let's. I'm gonna call you to this. Now. Take this step, and I'm gonna be here with you. Take the next step, and I'll be here with you. Like, there have been. I have a history with the Lord that He's been faithful and present even in the scary things that he has called me to do. And so, yeah, I kind of just wanted to encourage everybody. Like, if you. If the Lord is calling you to do some scary things, that's okay. You can have the human emotion of fear. But that fear doesn't have to be your identity, because God hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind. Paul is saying this to Timothy as he's calling Timothy to, like, shepherd a church. Timothy is young. There's all these false prophets and people out here saying crazy stuff in the church, the Church of Ephesus. And here is Paul telling him to do some scary stuff, right? But he's like, listen, in spite of your insecurities, in spite of your fears, God hasn't given you a spirit of fear. But you've been sealed with a promise, the promise of the Holy Spirit. Like, you've been sealed with the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit doesn't have fear. The Holy Spirit has power, love, and a sound mind. And so you don't have to do it apart from him. And this is where we get in trouble. The second we start to do things absent of the present help of the Holy Spirit is where we start to. When things start to go bad. So when the Lord calls you to it, you better stick with him the whole way through, right? You better stick with him the whole way through. Because the second you decide to start being independent, the old folks used to say, like, when you start smelling yourself, right? Like, oh, I took that first step. I'm good, right? Like, Jordan was like, okay, I did the choreography. I don't need you no more. And it's like, no, you need him to the completion of the thing and beyond. It's not just the first step, but it's the first step all the way to the last step. You need him all the way through. And so I think about Peter, and we were talking about this as a. As a team the other night. Now, listen, y', all, the chosen has really messed me up with. With some of my. With some of my scriptures. Now, I was talking about Scripture, but I was like, that wasn't in scripture. That was the cho. That was the chosen. However, I do believe that it gives a biblical framework. I think it's still true to an extent, right? But I think about Peter. You know, Scripture talks about this in Matthew 14. I believe it's also in Mark and it's also in John. The disciples. Jesus sends the disciples to go ahead of them or to go ahead of him. And they're on this boat. Jesus goes up to pray, and he comes and he. He's walking on the water. He's walking on the sea, right? As the disciples are on this boat, the storm is going crazy, and they see Jesus, they get scared. The Lord says, don't be fearful. You know, we know all that, right? And then Peter gets. Decides that he's gonna. He's like, command me to come or whatever, right? So Peter gets out of the boat. And I love the way the Chosen depicts this, because I. I truly do believe that this brings a lot of a visual picture to kind of what we're talking about when it comes to fear and obedience. But Peter gets out of the boat. He steps on the water. And I can imagine, like, I know we think about this, and it probably feels like a fairy tale in a way, like, oh, he walked on water. But, like, this is an actual account, right? He walked on water. So I can only imagine if it were Megan and I got out of the boat, and I took one step, and then I took two steps, and then maybe on that third step, I promise you, I would be, like, so enamored with the fact that I got out of this boat and I'm walking on water that I would. There would be, like, some sort of. Okay. Like, y' all see that looking at the other disciples, like, y' all in the boat, and I'm walking on water. Y' all see that? You know what I'm saying? Like, there are a little bit of, like, you know, Peter gets out of the boat, he takes a step. He takes a step. He looks at Jesus, but then there comes A point where Peter sinks. And Scripture. Scripture just goes to the point where Peter sinks, right? And he says, save me. And Jesus reaches out his hand and he pulls him out, right? But in the. In the chosen, there's all this dialogue between Peter and Jesus, right? And Jesus keeps telling him, look at me, look at me. Keep your eyes on me. Because the second Peter decided to take his gaze off of Christ and look at what was happening, right? Whether it was the. The awe of the miracle that it was that he was walking on water. Because I think that that can even be a distraction too, right? The fact that, like, oh, I'm actually doing this thing. Yeah, that was scary that I was like, I'm actually doing it. I think that that can even be a distraction that causes us to take our eyes off of Jesus and start to look at the miracle that Jesus did, right?
- [36:15]
B
You're thinking it's slowly becoming, oh, I'm doing this.
- [36:18]
A
I'm doing it. I'm doing it, right?
- [36:20]
B
Because you chose to have faith.
- [36:23]
A
And it's really just the grace of God that's allowing this to happen. It's God's sovereignty and mercy and a miracle that this is even happening. But I think even the miracle of the obedience, like, the miracle of the thing, can even be a distraction. Like, don't even get caught up in the miracle. Just remain obedient. Don't even get caught up in the fact that, oh, I did the podcast. Oh, I did the choreography. Oh, I'm managing. Oh, wow. This is two years in, and I've managed this whole woman's production and podcast and life and event. Nicole said, Jesus speaking to me. You know what I'm saying? Or even for. For. For Jackie to be like, oh, okay, I booked the. I booked the venue. The. The show was sold out. Bet. You know what I'm saying? Don't even look at the miracle. Don't even look at the miracle. And to also don't look at the. The circumstances surrounding the miracle. Don't look at the chaos and the good. I'm sorry, the chaos and the storm. Like Peter, the second he started to look at the wind and the rain and the waves and the. The crashing of the wave, the second his gaze came off of Christ is where he's saying, right? How it's depicted in the chosen, we can just assume that that's kind of what happened, even though Scripture ain't explicit about it. But in the chosen, that's what happens, right, Is that he takes his gaze off of Christ and he begins to sink And I think that that is so pivotal. Like you, it's not just the. The. The courage to get out of the boat and to take one step, two steps, three steps, but it's also the obedience to get out of the boat and keep your eyes on Jesus. Keep your gaze on Him. And I've been talking about this a lot with my Patreon community, about where our gaze needs to be fixed at and where our glance needs to be fixed at. And when I think about glazing. Glazing. Glancing, Gazing, not glazing. I'm like, I have a teenager. Clearly you can tell when I think about gazing and I think about glancing, I think about driving in a car, right? And how our. Our windshield, our front windshield is how big. It's big, right? But our rear view mirror is what? It's small because our rear view mirror is intended to be glanced at. We are supposed to glance at the rear view mirror, but we're not supposed to drive looking at the rearview mirror. That's why the. The rear view mirror is small, but the windshield is big, because that's where our focus needs to be at. And so we have to learn how to gaze at the Lord. Gaze at the One, the founder and the perfecter of your faith, right? Gaze at him. Hebrews 12 talks about. Therefore, since we have such a. A large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, lay as lay. Let us lay aside every hindrance and sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus. You are not going to endure this race if your gaze isn't on Christ. No matter what he calls you to do, no matter how many times he calls you to do it, fix your gaze on Him. It doesn't matter how big or small it is. You need him from start to finish. It's not just stepping out of the boat, but it's continuing to walk towards him and keeping your eyes fixed on him until you get to Him. And that's just for me. That's how it is in this walk with Christ. We aren't going to re. My. My gaze isn't off of him until it's never like, you know what I'm saying? For all of eternity, our. Our gaze is going to be fixed on Him. But during this life, I keep my eyes on him and I. And I endure this race. And the only way I'm going to be able to do that is if my gaze is fixed on Him. But if I'm constantly gazing at what I should Be glancing at. I'm going to sink. I'm glancing at my insecurities. I'm glancing at my fears. I'm glancing at maybe the persecution, or I'm glancing at maybe the neg negative comments, or I'm glancing at maybe the inadequacies within myself. But I'm not gazing at those things. I'm gazing at Christ. I'm gazing at the One who loves me, who has called me to the thing. I'm gazing at the One who is the founder and the perfecter of my faith. That is where my gaze is. My gaze isn't on me. And so many times in our walk with Christ, we. We. We. We put ourselves at even. Even more, not even the disadvantage, but we. We cause ourselves to go through more suffering than necessary because we're too busy gazing at ourselves, gazing at our insecurities, gazing at our fears, when we need to be gazing at the Lord, fix your gaze on him. And just like in the Chosen, where Jesus is telling Peter, look at me. Don't look at these waves. Don't even look at the miracle that. That I've created in this. Don't even look at the miracle that I'm producing in this. Look at me. Look at me. Fix your eyes on me. Look at me. I'm your goal. I'm the prize. I'm the one you're after. Not even this. I'm. You're like, we. We. You can't even. For. Even like. For me, it's like I'm not. I'm not gazing at the numbers. I'm not gazing at how many people are watching the podcast, how many streams I have, how many downloads I have. I don't look at that. Don't even ask Nicole for those things. Don't care. I do not care. My gaze is on him. My gaze is on him. Because regardless if a thousand people watch it or 10 million people watch it, I still have to be obedient. It doesn't matter. When you truly know what the end goal is, when you truly know who the prize is, it's Christ. You didn't come to Christ to get all the things that Christ can give you, but you came to Christ to get him. He's the. He's the thing, he's the goal, he's the prize. So fix your gaze on him. Don't gaze at what is not going to perfect and finish your faith. We have to keep this. I don't know. We just have to keep this in mind because you're never going to get through the Christian life without being required to do very hard things and oftentimes very scary things. Abraham was called to sacrifice Isaac. You don't think that that was scary? You don't think that that was hard? You don't think that that was uncomfortable. But Abraham stayed obedient, and God came through and he was faithful. Right? So even in the scary things, God is after his glory. God is after your obedience. He's conforming you more into the image of His Son. He's producing more faithfulness in you. He's producing more endurance in you, perseverance in you. He's humbling you. Do you know how much humility it takes to do something that you feel completely inadequate to do? Did you say sanctifying sanctifies you? Maturing you? There's so much that is produced in obedience. And so whatever it is that the Lord is asking you to do, I don't care what it is. Whether it's choreographing for a show, whether it's being executive assistant and managing a ministry, whether it's calling you to just be faithful in raising your children at home. I don't care what it is. Just know that the Lord is after his glory and he's after your obedience, and that whatever he's called you to, he'll be faithful to be with you all the way through it. He is producing a dependency. We have to live a life of dependency. The second I start to not need the Lord, that's a problem. The second you see me, just hop up on this mic and be like, anyway, ask those people that are sitting on the other side of that camera. They know podcast days are hard for me. I don't. I don't feel confident walking up to. On anybody's stage or anybody's mic, mine or someone else's. And I remember talking to Phil where I was like, you know, talking to him about some of the stuff that I was scared, and he was like, megan, listen, man. He was like, I just don't think that we're gonna get through this life not being scared of stuff. He's like, I think we're always. There's always gonna. He's like, I am weary of anybody that. That does God's work and that doesn't have some sort of present fear in them, because at any time you don't have that, then you're too dependent on yourself and not enough dependent on the Holy Spirit.
- [45:41]
C
Where's the faith?
- [45:42]
A
Where's the faith? The righteous live by faith. Yeah. Not by perfection, not by confidence. In self, not even by the amount of times that you've done a thing. The righteous live by faith and faith alone.
- [46:00]
C
And without that, it's impossible to please him.
- [46:02]
A
Correct. So you might do, you might do something. Like if you start off doing something, like God called you to do something, you started off doing it with him, but then you were like, ah, beat it, I got it from here. You didn't please him because now you're just doing it out of your own strength. Like Jay said, without faith it is impossible to please the Lord. So remain faithful in the obedience, whatever it is, whatever. And I, and I keep emphasizing whatever it is, because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. If he's telling you to turn off social media and you're, you have a fear of missing out. Fomo, right? Like I don't know when I'm gonna miss out. All this stuff doesn't matter. Guess what? You're not missing him, you're not missing the Lord. And that's really all that matters.
- [46:59]
C
That's it. No matter what circumstances the task, doesn't matter. Don't allow doubt to. Because doubt is the opposite of faith. Don't allow doubt to take root.
- [47:08]
A
Correct.
- [47:09]
C
Because at that point you're losing faith and that's when you begin to sink.
- [47:14]
A
That's when you drown.
- [47:15]
C
And how do we drive out doubt? We remember who he is. We remember who he is, what he's
- [47:21]
A
done, who he's always been, always keeping a proper perspective on who God is. At any point of the fear comes in and learn how to find a promise, right? That speaks to a fear. So if there's a present fear, find a promise in God's word. Like if I have a fear of being alone, I have a promise in God's word that he'll never leave me or forsake me. That is a promise. And because he's a covenant keeping God, I know that even though I might have this fear that of being alone, I have a covenant keeping God who has promised me and assured me that he will be with me, that he will never leave me or forsake me. He's also promised that he will be with me to the end of the age. I have those promises. Learn how to speak to the fear. Learn how to go in God's word and find a promise that speaks to that fear. And meditate more on the promise than you do on the fear.
- [48:19]
C
That's literally how you combat doubt. Literally, because it says faith is by
- [48:23]
A
hearing and hearing by the word of the Lord.
- [48:26]
C
So how do I drive out that doubt? I didn't like, Tell him. Tell him I'm struggling in my faith and meditate on that. The fact that I need to remember your past deeds. There's a book full of his past deeds.
- [48:36]
A
Correct.
- [48:37]
C
The entire word is his past deeds and His Word, which is true.
- [48:42]
A
Yeah. We can trust that God is who he says that he is and that he'll do what he said he'll do. You can trust that. And here's the thing. If you want to trust the Lord more, trust the Lord. You want to trust him more, trust Him. Because when. When. When he's giving you. When he's giving you something to do and you obey, it builds trust in Him. So it's like, lord, I'm struggling to trust you.
- [49:13]
C
Help my unbelief.
- [49:14]
A
You know what? Yeah, I believe. Help my unbelief. And you know what the Lord will often do? Give you an opportunity to trust Him. He doesn't just put trust in you. He doesn't just fill you with trust, but he gives you an opportunity to trust Him. And so when he gives you and he presents you an opportunity to trust him, trust Him. Even if I'm struggling to see your history in my life again, like Jay said, I have a whole book of your deeds. I have a whole book of your history. From begin. From the beginning of time, you have been faithful. From the beginning of time, you have been good. From the beginning of time, you have kept your promises from the beginning. So I can trust that. And so take those opportunities again, whether big or small. Take them. I want you to forgive this person. Oh, God. I don't know what that's going to do. I don't know. Take the opportunity. Take the opportunity. I want you to go say hi to that person in the grocery store that y'.
- [50:18]
C
All.
- [50:19]
A
Y' all want to know something that terrifies me? Talking to strangers unprovoked. I'm a. I'm a hospitality person, so I'm good at, like, hospitality. Like, if it's. You know, I can walk into a room of people if it's something that I'm hosting or helping host. Like, I'm. I'm good to be, like. Because I'm. I know it's my. It's a. It's a job. Not a job at that point, but you know what I'm saying? It's like, yeah. How I want to make you feel welcomed. Right. Being at a grocery store when I'm minding my own business and they're minding their business. And the Lord says, go say hi to that person. Lord, please don't make me do that. Please do not make me do that. I do not want to do that. Go. Go speak to that mom on Jonah's baseball team. Please don't make me do that. Right? But whatever that nudge is, trust me, whether big or small, just do it. Because it's building. It's building more trust in the Lord. It's building more faithfulness in you. It's even training you to know how to, like, to discern and sense when you're hearing from the Holy Spirit. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, when. Like, sometimes I'll get a sense of, like, oh, I feel like I need to go talk to this person, or I feel like I need to go do that. And then when I do it and there's fruit that comes from that, I'm like, okay, I know that that was the Holy Spirit. So it kind of builds this, like, cadence in me to know, you know what I'm saying? Like, example. I'm gonna give y' all example. The other day, Jordan knows what happened the other day. I was in my car. My. My normal routine is. Is when Eli has basketball practice in the morning, he has to be there at, like, 6am so we leave the house around 5, 35, 45, something like that. And I usually sit in my car because me, you know, I might have a mild case of adhd. I can't bounce. I have to stay in one spot where I'm going to get distracted. Okay? So I usually stay in my car until it's time to take Jonah to school. Jonah comes out to the car. He says, mom, I want some tea. Remember last night? You said you were going to make me some tea? In that moment, there was a nudge. Go make that boy some tea. Go make that boy some tea. But I ignored that nudge. And I'm like, no. Jonah is 11. He about to be 12. Go make your own tea. Like, I'm gonna tell him how to do it. He can make his own tea. Now. The night before when he asked me to make this tea, there was a bag in the kitchen that had a portable kettle. You know those portable kettles? You plug it into the wall and you sit it on. On, like, a little dock thing. You know, you sit it on the thing, and it. It's a plastic kettle, but it. It's a portable one, right? That was in the bag with all the tea stuff. I told Jonah that I would make him tea, but then in the morning, I didn't want to get out of the car, so I just said, make it yourself. I said, put a pot. Hear my instructions. Put a pot on the stove. Put hot water in the pot. When you start to see it get hot and steam, turn the stove off. Put the tea bag in a cup, put the water in there, a little bit of honey, there's your tea. About seven minutes later, Jonah FaceTimes me, and all I see is smoke in the house. So I immediately get out of the car and run into the house, and there's smoke everywhere. Jonah took the portable plastic tea kettle, filled it with water and turned the stove on and put it on the stove. And it melted the plastic on the stove, and the house almost went up in flames. Now, I said all that to say I felt the nudge to go make the boy some tea, and I ignored it. And what happened? My house almost went in flames. So in those moments, now I have a cadence to know. Okay, that probably was the Holy Spirit telling you to go make that boy some tea. Because if I didn't know if I would have obeyed, I wouldn't have a house full of smoke. It smelled like burnt plastic in my house for at least two days. It's little stuff like that, even in little ways. I mean, it was kind of little, but, I mean, thank God the house didn't get on fire, or it would have been a big thing. But in little ways like that, you can start to build a cadence to know, okay, was this the Holy Spirit? Was that just me? And that in that case, I saw the fruit of disobedience. Right? And so I think learning little things like that, paying attention, if you feel that nudge, just move along with it.
- [55:10]
C
Yeah.
- [55:11]
A
The Lord tells you to go say hi to that person in the grocery store. Go do it. Because the next time he tells you to do something that's even bigger than just saying hi to that, you have a cadence and a trust in him that that wasn't so bad. Maybe it felt awkward, but the Lord saw me through it. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. And it makes your obedience cadence quicker. Now I'm quicker to obey. And so, like I said, we just see this constantly in God's word. And I just want to encourage us. Like, I was really encouraged this past weekend. Like, looking at Jackie, looking at Jordan, I just was really encouraged. Like, wow. Like, they really stepped out on faith and they were obedient to the Lord. And I say this all the time, like, obedience is our job. Outcome is God's job. I just have to be obedient. The outcome of that obedience is really on the Lord. My participation is to fix my gaze on Him. My participation is to keep stepping towards him with every instruction. I say yes, and I fix my gaze on him, and that's my participation.
- [56:16]
C
And what a kindness for him to even allow us to participate in His.
- [56:19]
A
In a miracle. In a miracle. Those are miracles that happen. Do you understand? When God is involved in something that is a miracle. And the fact that he caused us to come alongside him and to partner with him to do miracles, I mean, we're not doing the miracle, but we're in partnership of the miracle. That's amazing.
- [56:39]
C
And it cements that faith in you and the others around you who are witnesses.
- [56:43]
A
Correct.
- [56:43]
B
And when it comes, like, specifically for Jackie's case, when it comes to obedience, that's how you know that that's all the Lord is really looking for, is your obedience. And he'll do the rest, is because for this show, what we were fearful of, which is what Jackie was fearful of.
- [57:00]
A
The stage presence. The stage presence, yes.
- [57:03]
B
And none of that. It wasn't as grand as we thought it was gonna be. All Jackie had to do was say yes to the show, and what she thought the outcome would have been wasn't the outcome. But yet nothing changed with her. So it's like, that's truly all you had to do was say yes. The Lord wanted you to do that. You said yes, and he literally took the rest. Because when her gaze is on the pat in the sense of maybe that wasn't the right time, maybe the Lord has something other. Other plans for you. It wasn't that he never wanted you to perform again. It just wasn't the time. But when you do remind yourself of. I feel like the biggest promise when it comes to fears is he doesn't have plans that'll harm you. It's only to prosper you. So, and even in the Chosen with Peter, if you pay attention to the whole storyline, he came out on that boat already mad because of a disappointment that he had with Jesus before that. But it's like, don't focus on that, because even that plan wasn't to harm you. But it's like just, you have to give your daily yes, accept the daily bread and remain obedient, because that's really all you have to do, is just say yes. It's not much that you have to do, but that obedience, if you're too busy gazing on the past, that will affect how you obey in the future.
- [58:18]
A
And it's. It will. That's so good. If you gaze too much on the past, it will affect how you obey in the future. And I think that that's so key. I cannot focus on what happened before. All I can do is say yes today and don't even. And don't even be discouraged at your no yesterday. Don't even worry about how you disappointed yourself or maybe you felt like you disappointed God or you disobeyed him yesterday. What is he requiring you to do today? Did. Did. Is there a yes that you are required to give today? And if you're a Christian, yes, There is always a yes that you have to give the Lord every single day. Sometimes multiple, all the time, multiple yeses. Right. And so I think that that's so profound, what Jordan just said. It's like, don't gaze at again. That rearview mirror is not to be gazed at. It's to be glanced at. Oh, I saw how I was disobedient. Won't be doing that again.
- [59:19]
C
That's doubt.
- [59:20]
A
I saw the fruit of that disobedience. Won't be doing that again. I'm going to fix my eyes on him, the founder and the perfecter of my faith. I'm going to gaze at him and I'm going to be obedient and say yes to whatever the yes means, whatever that is, whatever he's telling me to sacrifice, whatever he's telling me to pick up, whatever he's telling me to lay down, whatever relationship I'm supposed to be in, whatever relationship I'm not supposed to be in, whether I'm supposed to go to school, whether I'm not supposed to go to school, where I'm supposed to start the podcast, not start the podcast, whether I'm supposed to be at this church, not be at this church. Maybe my feelings are hurt and I want to leave this church, but the Lord hasn't told me to leave. So I'm going to say yes even when I want to. I'm going to say yes to staying even when I want to say no.
- [60:04]
C
By faith.
- [60:05]
A
By faith. Maybe there's a relationship. There's. There's some of you who might be married where you want to end the marriage, but God hasn't said to end the marriage. So you gotta say yes. You serving, maybe you want to be in the forefront, but the Lord is calling you to serve right now. Saying yes to that. Whatever it is, continue to say yes to him, because at the end of the day, all of it is about his glory. It's not about us. It's not about adding. When we. The crowns that we get added to our crown. We are la. At the end of the day, we're gonna lay it at his feet. It doesn't matter. It's all for him. It's all for the glory of the Lord. And so I hope this encourages all of you who are listening. Yeah. To say yes to the Lord, even if it's hard, even if it's scary, even if it's. If there's some present fears. Like, just know that your fear doesn't have to be your identity. Even if it's an emotion that you have, it's not your identity. I can still have some fears, but fear not be my identity because I have the Holy Spirit who is present in me, that has power, love, and a sound mind. Right. That's not my identity, even though it might be how I feel. And that really goes with any emotion, truly. So I want to pray for us before we get out of here. I hope this episode blesses you guys. Did you guys have anything else you wanted to add? I think you guys were so helpful in this.
- [61:29]
C
Thanks. Yeah, you did great. I think it's just. See, let fear be your indicator of a faith opportunity. I think that perspective on fear allows you to be strengthened in the things of the Lord. And the main thing is your faith. The enemy has been after our faith since the beginning by planting doubt. Doubt is the opposite of faith. And we drive that out by hearing his word and remembering who he is.
- [61:55]
A
Yeah. I don't want anyone to feel that fear disqualifies you. Fear does not disqualify you, but it does open up an invitation to trust him and to depend on the Lord even more in spite of the fear. So I'm gonna pray for us and then I'll let you guys go. And I hope this episode was good for you. Lord, we thank you for your love. We thank you for you, God. We thank you for being an ever present help. No matter our fears, no matter our insecurities, God, that if you've called us to it, then you'll see us all the way through it. And so, Lord, I just pray that you would help us fix our gaze on you. You are the founder and the perfecter of our faith. God, help us lay aside everything that hinders our endurance, that hinders our our us running this race with faithfulness and endurance. Help us lay aside all of that and help us keep our eyes on you. You are the goal. You are the prize. It's not the accomplishments, it's not the even the miracles that you have graciously and generously invited us into participation of. But Lord, I just, I pray that we would have the humility to know that everything that you have called us to is for your glory. And so God, help us fix our gaze on you. I pray, Father, that we would not be. We would not allow insecurity or fear to be our identity, but we would, we would use those feelings as an invitation to depend on youn, to trust in youn and to rely on youn in everything that yout've called us to do. And so God, I pray, Lord, that this episode would help someone, even right now who's listening, who may feel that you are calling them to do something that is really scary. And so God, I just pray that they would trust you that you are a covenant keeping God and that you will be with them all the way through. And so Lord, help us love you more, help us trust you more, help us depend on you more, and help us fix our gaze on you until we are with you forever in eternity. So we thank you and we love you in Jesus name. Amen. All right guys, see you next week. Before we leave, here's a journal prompt. Forgot to give you a journal prompt. I would, I would just interrogate, like, what are some things that I've been hesitant to say yes to? Why am I hesitant to say yes? Is it fear? Is it insecurities? Is it feeling inadequate? Like, what are the things that are causing me to not say yes to the Lord? Maybe interrogate that and then ask the Lord for His help to say yes. Like, everything we apart from the Lord, we can do nothing, right? And so even the yes that we give him, we need him to help us give that yes. And so yeah, ask the Lord what are some things interrogate even in your own heart. But what are some things that I that Lord, you're requiring me to do that I've been hesitant to say yes to? And yeah, take that before the Lord wrestle with it. Interrogate your heart and allow the Lord to lead you through that. All right, guys, see you next week. Hey y', all, thank you so much for being here with me on In Totality this week. If this episode bless you or challenge you or even stirred up something in your spirit, go ahead and like this video. Drop a comment below and share with us what part of the conversation really stuck out the most. Share with someone who you think might benefit from watching this. It really helps. Helps the show and listen. If you want more of In Totality on a weekly basis, then join my Patreon community. You get early access to watch In Totality episodes, exclusive behind the scenes content and In Totality docu series which is like my vlog, first access to merch drops events, Bible studies where we're walking through the Word together, book clubs and so much more. We're growing in our faith together and I I would love for you to be a part of it. If you haven't already, subscribe and tap the notification bell so that you never miss an episode Thursdays. You'll find me right here on YouTube in the live chat when the episode premieres. I hope this message encouraged you today. I pray that you find a good Godly community and a Bible based church where you're rooted in love and growing. Keep stepping into God's truth In Totality. I'll see you next time.
- [66:16]
C
Time.
- [66:29]
A
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