← In Totality with Megan Ashley
In Totality with Megan Ashley
EP 108: You Can’t Do Christianity Alone: Why Community Is Non-Negotiable
00:57:46
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- [00:01]
A
Hey everyone. My name is Torah Couture and I'm the host of Tell Me what Happened, a podcast that shares true stories of people helping people. We're back with another season and have a ton of amazing new episodes, from Freak Accidents to Unlikely friendships. Plus, this season has one of my favorite stories we've ever done on the podcast. If you're new here, welcome. And if you're already a fan of the show, welcome back. I can't wait for you to listen to season six of of the Tell Me what Happened podcast. Out now.
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B
What's up, family? Before we jump into today's episode, I want to share something close to my heart, our In Totality Patreon community, the Village. If you ever listen to the podcast and you thought, wow, I really wish there was more. This is exactly why I created this space. You'll receive early access to every episode, so while others are hearing it for the first time, you'll already be watching it and soaking it in. But it's not just that. You'll also get access to the In Totality docuseries, which is like my vlog shows what I do when I'm not on the podcast. And that's not it. You'll also be the first to know about merch drops events and opportunities to connect in real life. One of my favorite parts is our Bible study and book clubs where we're walking through scripture together and encouraging one another in the faith on Patreon. We are building a community that truly desires a relationship with the Lord, pursues truth, and supports one another, and I would love for you to be a part of that. So if you want more, come join the Village on Patreon. The link in the description and I can't wait to see you there. So I'm sitting there having this dialogue with myself. Like, I could really be doing this by myself. All I need is a little Pilates mat and I can do this myself. And as I say that, the Pilates instructor comes around and she corrects my form. And in that moment, I sense the Lord. Like, show me how. This is very similar to the Christian life. There are so many people who think that they can do Christianity independent of community. It's just the same. I can worship God alone. I can pray. I don't need to be in a church to to worship. I don't need to be in a church to read God's Word. And where that is true, that is just not the way God has called us to live as Christians. It's like we're Taking on Christ's identity but not being a part of his body. I'm going to be honest with y'.
- [02:26]
A
All.
- [02:26]
B
I have seen my life grow and be more fruit as God has put me in community. Like, my life has been more fruitful because I've been in community. What's up, you guys? Welcome back to another episode of In Totality. I am your host, Megan Ashley. I'm here with the team, of course. So happy that everybody's here. Jordan is over there bundled up under a blanket. It's kind of. It's a little cold in here. We just got everything up and running, so hopefully it'll warm up in here. I feel a little under the weather, so if my voice is a little off today, y' all bear with me. Um, but I'm super excited to be back. I know I. I looks like I have a lot of things out, but I have a lot of notes here that I'm trying to. To manage. If you just tuned in and you're watching, it's like, what are we about to get into? You got the Bible, the iPad, the phone. It looks like a lot. But I want to talk about something that is interesting to me. Um, last year, I think I talked about this in 2025, when I was. When I first started going to Pilates. I don't know. Did I talk about that? Going to Pilates? Well, I was doing Pilates, like, at the end of 2024, going into 2025, and then I just. My schedule got crazy, and I just stopped going. But I kept my subscription to the Pilates studio that was going to. And I really just felt like the Lord was like, you're not stewarding your funds because you're paying for this subscription to a Pilates studio, yet you're not going. And so I think it was towards the. Into last year, was it this year that I started going back or end of last year? I don't know. I think it was beginning of this year, so not that long, basically. But I was like, yeah, I'm gonna start going back and, like, just getting up early in the morning, going to Pilates, especially because in January, we were fasting, and, you know, I feel like January is everybody's, like, reset month, where it's like, I'm gonna start eating right. I'm start going back to the gym. And so I jumped back on that and started going, and I. What I really love about p. And before y' all come in, the comments, Pilates is not yoga. So, like, relax. Pilates is not Yoga. Yoga. Yoga is a different thing. I don't do yoga. I do Pilates. And so Pilates is a different thing. And Pilates has actually become, like, super popular lately. So I feel like everyone should be somewhat familiar with it. But Pilates is. Is like, you're on this reformer. That's what they call it. It's like a. Like this little contraption that you. That you use, and you're using your own body weight and a lot of resistance to streng your muscles to make you more flexible, to lengthen the spine, to elongate the spine. And so that's what I really love about Pilates. Let me be honest with you. I love the fact that I can work out laying down. There's something about that that just really soothes my soul. Like the fact that I can work my muscles tone. But I'm laying down doesn't mean that it's not hard because Pilates is. Is very challenging and difficult. But I love the fact that I can just lay down. Like, I'm not doing all that hustle and bustle from one machine to the next machine. It's just laying down using my own body weight. And I love it. But I was in a class one time, and so, like, what Pilates is, you have that reformer, but then there's also like a section next to your reformer that's like a mat. So you're on the floor and there's like a ballet bar. And so you use the ballet bar. You're still using, like, resistance with certain, like, strings and contraptions. All. I don't know the proper names for all this stuff. But anyway, there was one class, and it was like a hard class, but we weren't on the reformer. We were on the floor. And so we're working out. And I remember sitting there and I was like, I really could just be doing this at home. Like, I really don't need to wake up early in the morning, get in the car when. And this is during the time where it was cold in Atlanta. And I'm talking about cold. Like, it was 17 degrees, 20 degrees. And for some of y', all, y', all, like, that's normal in Georgia. That's not normal for us. Like, we are in the 60s, right? But it was like 15 degrees. It's really cold outside. And I was like, I really could have just stayed home and did, I can do this at home. Like, why do I need to have this membership when I can really do this at home? It was interesting because as I'm Sitting there, and I'm having this dialogue with myself. And you know how you could be talking to yourself and the Lord just started talking to you? And it's like, I was actually, you know, talking to myself. I wasn't talking to you, Lord. And he'd be like, yeah, but I'm coming in the conversation. And I was. So I'm sitting there having this dialogue with myself. Like, I can really be doing this by myself. I can be like, all I need is, you know, a little Pilates mat, and I can do this myself. And as I say that I'm having this dialogue with myself, the Pilates instructor comes around and she corrects my form. And in that moment, I felt like the Lord, I sense. I don't want to say the Lord said, but I sensed the Lord. Like, show me how. This is why. This is very similar to the Christian life in the sense of there are so many people who think that they can do Christianity independent of community. And it was interesting because not too long after that, Jackie has sent me this article from Relevant magazine. And it was basically talking about how there's this study now that shows that there are a lot of gen zers and millennials that are coming to Christ. And I thought that that was really interesting because we. I think we can see and observe just off of social media that there are so many people that the Lord is drawing to himself. And we. And we also see that Christianity, to be honest, is like a trend. It's like a trend to be a Christ. Right? It's like a trend to create Christian content and get ready with me as I go to church. And like, we just see a lot. And maybe that's just my algorithm. I don't know. But I feel as if. I don't want to say I know for sure, but I feel as if I'm seeing a lot of Christian content, more than I've seen in the last five years. And so I believe that the Lord is doing a work and he's harvesting people to himself, which is. Which is amazing and. And beautiful. But as I read this. This article from Relevant magazine, they're talking about how there are ton gen zers and millennials that committed their lives to Christ, but don't necessarily want to identify as a Christian. And that is interesting to me. And they also don't want to. They don't want to do the institution of the church. Like, they don't want to be a part of the institution of the church. They don't necessarily want to go to church and be A part of church and be a part of a local body, but they want to identify as one who follows Christ. And that is so interesting to me because I thought about my experience at the Pilates studio, where I had thought that, oh, okay, like, I can get a Pilates mat and get on the floor, and, like, I have a floor in my house. I can get a mat. I can do this myself. But when the Pilates instructor came around, she corrected my form. Like, I was doing the move. I was feeling a burn, but I was doing the move incorrectly, and I wasn't targeting the muscle that it. The exercise was intended for it to target. And I thought a lot about how that seems very similar to a lot of Christians right now or young people who are coming to Christ, who think they can do this thing, they can walk this walk, they can be on the narrow. The narrow road, independent of community. And I feel like it's just the same where it's like, oh, I can do this alone. I can worship God alone. I can pray. I don't need to be in a church to pray. I don't need to be in a church to. To worship. I don't need to be in a church to read God's Word. And where that is true, that is just not the way God called us to live as Christians. He's called us to be a Christian in community with other Christians. He's never called us to be alone. If we even just think about God as an entity, who he is, he's always existed in community. We have God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. Right? He's always existed in community. And so if we are created in the image and likeness of God, then why would he call us to be like him, independent of a community? That just. It just is not the way. And I think that we need to. And I get it. Like, I want to sympathize and be sensitive to the fact that I understand that it might be hard to find community. I want to be sensitive to that it is hard to find community sometimes. I want to be sensitive to the fact that it may be hard knowing what church to go to, because there are a lot of churches. What church do I go to? What denomination do I go to? Am I Kojic? Am I Presbyterian? Am I this or am I that? Like, I. I can understand that there are tons of questions and obstacles that may be presented in. In knowing how to do it, but I'm not really necessarily talking about those who are talking to those or about those who are struggling in, in those ways. I'm talking about those who feel that they do not need to do this Christian walk with other believers who feel like, oh, I can just prop up my phone and be an expert and be a teacher, and I have no accountability. I have no covering, I have no community, I have no wise counsel. Like, I'm talking about those people who feel like I can just follow Christ and I don't need community. And I. And I want to challenge that thought because when I look at God's Word, even when I look at the earliest examples that we have in scripture of the church, when I think about Acts 2, 42, right? The scripture says they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching, to the fellowship, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and prayer. They. They devoted themselves. They devoted themselves together to the teachings of the apostle, to fellowship. Who did they fellowship with together? They fellowshiped with one another. They didn't fellowship with themselves. They fellowshiped with one another. They fellowshiped with the Lord like they. They did it together. And so I think it's really important that we. That we realize that God has also, in His Word, given us a blueprint on what it looks like to be a Christian personally and within community. Like, it's not just a personal walk, but it's a personal walk that you do along alongside of one another. So I also look at it as a. Because we're all on a narrow path, right? I look at it as being on a freeway. I have a lane, somebody else has a lane, somebody else has a lane. We're all in our individual lanes, but we're all on the. On a road together. We're all doing it alongside of each other. We're walking alongside of each other. Even if we're thinking about a racetrack, like a, you know, for runners, it's like somebody is in a lane, the other person is in the other lane, the other person's other lane. We're all running our individual races, but we're doing it alongside of one another. And that is the way God has called us to live as Christians. We're supposed to do this thing together. And, and I think what Tony Evans said is so important to me. He says that a disconnected Christian is a disobedient and unfruitful Christian. So if I want to be obedient, I want to be fruitful, I must do that in community. I must do alongside of other believers. I have to do that with community. I think about how the Word talks about where there's a multitude of counsel, there's wisdom, how am I going to have wisdom if I don't have a multitude of counsel? I need other people to help me in my growth in wisdom. Yes, the Lord gives wisdom to those who generously ask. We know that. So we get wisdom from the Lord. But that wisdom could come through somebody else. It's not just the wisdom that we get here, but it's the wisdom that we get through other people, too. That, that should come from our. The Bible, it should come from the word of God, but we can receive that through people. And so I think so much about, again, about my experience at the Pilates studio, and I'm just like, man, how many people are exhausting themselves doing the things independent, right. Of a community? So they're doing all the things, but because they don't have community, they're actually not growing. You're just wearing yourself out, but you're actually not growing. And, and what, what ends up happening spiritually is what could have happened to me physically at the Pilates studio is, is that if I continue to do that move in the way that I thought I was doing it, in the way. Not even the way that I thought I was doing in the way that I was doing it, which was incorrectly, if I didn't have somebody to come along to say Megan. And it was the simplest thing, y'. All, she. All she said was, shift your hips a little bit square. Just, you're. You're a little tilted. Shift your hips square and tilt your pelvic bone. Like, tilt your pelvis inward instead of out. Like, tuck your, Tuck your pelvic in two simple, little small corrections. That changed everything about the exercise. I started to feel the burn in the targeted area that it was meant to target. And I felt the, the pressure on my back release. Like, my back wasn't hurting as bad because I had someone to come alongside me to say, hey, you're doing this move wrong. You're actually going to hurt yourself. You're. You're actually hurting yourself. You're not growing yourself. And I think that that is the same way that happens spiritually with Christians who feel that they can do things independent of a community. You don't have anyone outside of you to correct something that you're doing. You don't have any accountability. You have no one to say, hey, you shouldn't have said that. That's not the proper interpretation of that scripture. Hey, God's word actually says this even in the simplest things where, where the Bible talks about to carry one another burdens. I am called as a Christian to carry other people's burdens. How am I going to do that if I'm independent of a body? Right. How am I, how am I to carry somebody's burdens if I don't have any, anybody around me? Right. First, Thessalonians tells us to encourage one another. We're supposed to encourage one another daily. As Christians, we're supposed to encourage one another daily. But if I'm a lone ranger and I'm not, I'm out here by myself, who am I encouraging? Love one another. I need people around me to love. And a lot of times I feel like we, we want to be independent because we don't want the responsibility and the accountability. Doing what. It's what it means to be a Christian. It's hard to love people. So I'm just going to stay away from people. It's hard to hear when I'm wrong. So I'm just going to stay away from people who would correct me. It's hard for me to be held accountable for things. So I'm just going to remove myself from any possibility of accountability. We, we have to interrogate that. This ain't even like super deep. It's like very clear in scripture that we're not, we're not called to do Christianity alone. It's just not what we're called to do. And I'm interested on why Gen Zers and millennials too. I mean, it's my generation and it's Jordan's generation and why we feel like we can do that independent maybe because. And Jordan, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like maybe is it because social media has made us feel so connected to one another that it feels like, you know what I'm saying, where it's like I, your favorite podcaster or your favorite whoever posts online, so it feels like you know them even though you don't really know them. But it's like, you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, my algorithm is my community.
- [19:22]
C
The fact that a lot of things, especially after Covid has like church has switched over to online. So that is a way of going to church. So not discounting those that like, you know, the digital disciples and everything. But I do think, especially for Gen Z, because millennials, y' all kind of had like both. But we grew up in a time where social media was prominent and self help and individuality and that's where you should be. You need to do this for yourself. So I think a lot of us, because Christianity is becoming a trend like we have the idea to get closer to the Lord but we're not doing it in the correct way. And because we live in a self help society, we think that Christianity falls under that in a sense of I can still be selfish even in my faith. Not coming to the faith and understanding that Christianity is actually a selfless life. So I feel like we're so like, oh, this is my walk, this is my walk. And yes it is your your walk. But we have like the wrong idea on what that my stand for. So that's why we have a lot of people that gets on social media and say their think pieces because they're Christian and this is their experience as opposed to doing it in the reverse and reidentifying yourself now that you're in Christ, you're keeping your identity and just adding Christianity into it instead of becoming a Christian and changing your identity or allowing the Holy Spirit and the Lord to change your identity.
- [20:54]
B
It's like we're taking on Christ's identity but not being a part of his body. And that's a problem. It's a twofer. It's like you gotta take on the identity of Christ and also be a part of Christ's body.
- [21:06]
C
Yeah. And I think we've gotten so far in society to the way that non believers operate in the world right now. It is so contradicting to living a Christian life. So because they're so extreme and so opposite, it does seem like this can't be what Christian. There's no way I have to live a selfless life in this world today. And that's what Christianity is because they're so. It's like it don't make sense. And I just feel like that's the part that we're missing. But that is the whole point of doing it with community.
- [21:44]
B
Yeah.
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C
And to our defense, like Christians right now aren't making it easy to come to the faith. So they do have a point in why they don't go to church or
- [21:56]
B
why or being a part of the body, not necessarily coming to the faith. But it's like the way the church is being presented right now, it's like, well, why would I want to kind of be a part of that when I can just follow Christ.
- [22:07]
C
Yes. However, if you are diligently seeking Christ, he will put some type of commute like always going to leave you out always. So it does depend on how bad do you want him.
- [22:21]
B
Yeah.
- [22:23]
C
It's not hard at all. Like if you have discernment, if you are going to church, keep trying or if you're at a church that's like, it's not the 2819, but it's not like a completely heretical church either. Like, learn how to eat the meat and spit out the bones. There are other options. But when you live in extreme, that also proves that you're not as intimate with Christ as you can, because he does bring the balance in a sense of. It's hard right now, but it's possible to find community.
- [22:50]
B
I want to be very clear that, like, I'm not, not. I know what the word says, so I'm very, I'm very clear that I know we were not supposed to do it independently, but I don't, I don't want to assume that. I know every reason why this is happening. These are just my observations. But I feel like with Gen Z, they're such a digital generation where it's like, like, and to. Y' all grew up in Covet, so it's like, you know, yeah, we can just do stuff online. Like, I think I, I, I think that's a great point that you brought up about COVID because I think it did isolate us. It made us more inverted. And, yeah, it just, it made us more of an isolated people. So I think we did get used to that. And I think that there was a, A profound amount of fear that was produced in us. Like, not maybe not fear, but like, any, like, social anxiety. Like, I think once people got out of COVID it was weird to know how to get back in the world. I feel like that was hard for a lot of people. Even for me, it was like, I'm cool to be at home. I think we got real comfortable being at home and being isolated, you know what I mean? Where it's like, I can just go home and I can watch church online from my bed. You know what I mean? I watch some YouTube videos and learn how to exegete this text, you know what I'm saying? So I think that we got comfortable. I think that's part of it too. I feel that, though, with some millennials, I want to be careful not to get make. Let that be a pat, because I feel like we've might have leaned on that as an excuse. Oh, well. Covid. Oh, Church online. Oh, what's up, you guys? This episode is sponsored by Better Help March. Gives us a moment to pause and really honor women, not just for what they accomplish, but for everything that they carry. And when I think about that, I immediately think about my mom. She is one of the most, most steady prayerful, consistent women. I know she showed me what faith looks like in everyday life. Not in perfection, but in perseverance. She carried so much with grace and when no one was clapping for it. And that's the kind of quiet strength that shaped who I am today. And I know she's not alone in that. So many women are holding families together, showing up at work, caring for others, managing expectations that never seem to slow down. Down. The world celebrates women for what they produce, but rarely pause and to acknowledge the emotional weight that they carry behind the scenes. So often women are taught to push through, keep going, and to be strong at all costs. Therapy can be a space to pause and take inventory of the roles you play, the expectations placed on you, and the emotions that come with them. It can help create balance, learn where to draw healthy boundaries, and tend to your own emotional well being with intention. Therapy isn't just about having all the answers. It's about giving yourself permission to slow down and be honest about what you're carrying. Whether you're navigating relationships, motherhood, career, or simply trying to hold it all together, therapy can support that process with care and clarity. BetterHelp works with fully licensed therapists in the US who follow a strict professional code of conduct conduct. They also handle the matching process for you through a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences. With over 12 years of experience, they typically get it right the first time. But if the match isn't right, you can switch to a different therapist of their recommendation. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform with over 30, 000 therapists and more than 6 million people served globally. And it works. Live Sessions average between 4.9 and 5 rating based on on over 1.7 million client reviews. This month, as we celebrate women, I want to remind you of this. You are allowed to be cared for. Your strength doesn't disappear when you ask for support. It deepens your emotional well being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com totality. That's B E T T E R H E-L-P.com all right guys, back to the conversation. So it's like we're so used to it. This is just it, whatever. But I think for millennials too, I think for us it might be a little different. Yes, all of those things with COVID and online church and all that, but I think a part of it too is like so much church hurt where for us, like growing up for millennials like, we was in church. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, for those of us who are millennials who grew up with a Christian context, we were in church all the time, and a lot of us have been hurt by the church. And I think that because we have been hurt by the church, all the other stuff that you mentioned, Covid, online church, all of that, we've leaned on that, because we don't. We are fearful of getting in community with people who are going to hurt us. You know what I'm saying? And I think. I think that that's a natural fear for humans in general. It's fear, like, it's. It's scary to put yourself in a vulnerable position to love somebody who might hurt you. And I think because in the church context, we have such a high expectation, because Christianity is stamped on that, that if somebody at your job hurts you, but somebody at your church hurts you, that person at your church hurts you hurts more than the person at your job, because Christ is a part of that. Does that make sense? What I'm saying?
- [28:23]
D
You know, what comes to mind, too, is like. And I'm always referencing past episodes, but when Jordan was on the couch, she says something about, like, it's easy to come to Christ as a teen because, like, you're already a child. And then, like, it's easy to be a child of God versus, like, being an adult and then getting saved and having to kind of, like, you know, just kind of literally change, be transformed. Yeah.
- [28:47]
B
Yeah.
- [28:48]
D
And, like, when I'm hearing you speak, what also just pops up for me is like, I remember growing up in church and, like, being in church, like, almost every day of the week, and there, it was, like, a. A comfort for me. So then, you know, when I moved out of my hometown, I was just like, that's my church. Like, it. My church never changed for me. It's like, that's my church. So then it was like, if I go back home, I go to church, you know, but, like, when I'm in. When. Cause, you know, it's like, when I. When I'm wherever I am, it's like, I'm not really interested in looking for a church because I'm like, that's church. So, like, I had to even grow and learn that, like, okay, I'm an adult now. You're an adult.
- [29:31]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [29:32]
D
Like, you have to go. And then, like, also the vulnerability of it.
- [29:37]
B
All.
- [29:37]
D
Right. Being just. The fear of being held accountable.
- [29:41]
B
Yeah.
- [29:42]
D
As an adult, like, going into community and. And opening yourself up to, you know, healthy criticism, you know, like, even that can, like, be anxious, you know, so.
- [29:55]
B
Especially when people who grew up in church, like, I know that there. There are experiences that I have had and spirit experiences that others who I know have had, who have had spiritual abuse. Do you know what I'm saying? Where it's like, I don't even want to open myself up to that again.
- [30:12]
D
It's hard to trust.
- [30:13]
B
Yeah, it's hard to trust. I don't want to open myself up to that. And so to that, I want to be very sensitive in saying, like, I understand that. Like, I get that there might be fears and anxieties that come along with, like, you know, it's kind of like choosing a spouse. It's like, am I doing. Am I going to. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you come out of a bad relationship, like. Like me. You know what I'm saying? Well, I don't want to say it like that. What I'm saying is, is that with. I. I'm divorced, so we know that. Like, that's. That's just what it is. I'm divorced. But it's like, you. You. You know, if you have a desire to. To enter into a relationship again, there's, like, that anxiety is like, am I going to choose wrongly? Am I going to choose right again? Am I going to get hurt in the same way that I got hurt last? Like, I don't want to go through that again, you know? And that was. And I'm gonna be honest with y', all. That was me. Like, before I moved to Atlanta, coming out of the church that I was at, like, in Ohio, I never wanted to be a part of a church again. I had no intentions on really being a part of a church again. I really had that mindset of, like, I'm just gonna love the Lord the best of my ability. But during that time, I really wasn't, like, save, saved. Like, I was just out here rebellious. But I still had a context of God, and I still consider myself a Christian and all that, but I had no intentions of being, like, locked into a church like that. And then when I got locked into a church, I got hurt again, and I was like, I am never doing. I knew I shouldn't have did this. I'm never doing this again. So. So in 2023, when I got hurt again after opening myself up again to a church and I got hurt again, I was like, I'm never going to do this again. But. But I just want to give, like, encouragement I tried again, and I. And the Lord led me to 2819. And I always talk about that experience when I first. When J. Jordan and I and the boys, we first went to Access. The first time that we went. Lena did not know me, bro. Like, she. Like she knew me, but she did not know it was me. When she hugged me the way she did, it was dark in there. You know what I'm saying? She walked past me. I noticed her, reached out to hug her. She hugged me like she knew me. And it wasn't until like, five seconds later, she realized it was me. Do you know what I'm saying? And she prayed for me, prayed over me. Then Phil came and he prayed for me and he prayed over me. And they haven't stopped praying for me. Sense. So I just want to encourage anybody out there. Like, yes, maybe. Maybe you've been hurt by a church before, maybe you've been hurt a second time, maybe you've been hurt a third time. But I promise you, God has called you to live in community, to be a part of a local body. And there is a church out there for you that will love you. There is a pastor who loves the Lord and who is going to shepherd his flock in the way that God has called him to shepherd it and who will love you and cover you and people that will love you and cover you. Like. Like that is possible, even if it means you might have been hurt two times, three times, maybe four times. I pray not four times. That's a lot. Like, I would be weary by the fourth. I would be like, all right, Lord, I'm about to be John the Baptist in the wilderness. Like, I'm not about to do all that, but I just want to encourage you. It's people that hurt you. It's not church. Do you know what I'm saying? But it. Because people are imperfect. Church. Church is going to be imperfect. You know what I mean? People are imperfect. You're never going to find a perfect church because people are there and people are imperfect. So you're never going to find a perfect place. And that's why scripture tells us to bear with one another. Like, that's why we gotta. We gotta be patient and kind. And you know what I'm saying? Like, we have to give grace for our. Our shortcomings because people are flawed. You know what I mean? But it doesn't mean that God is excusing you from doing what he's called you to do as a believer. You're not meant to walk this thing out alone. You're. The scripture talks about not forsaking the gathering. Like, don't forsake gathering in a local body of church. Like, don't forsake that.
- [34:21]
E
Find one like so many do. It says, like, not only that. Like, it reminds you that a lot of people do that.
- [34:26]
B
Yeah.
- [34:26]
E
Like, that's a common thing. And I think hearing you talk about that right there reminds me of how scripture also reminds us to endure so
- [34:36]
B
that endurance can have.
- [34:37]
E
So it can have its finish, its perfect work and producing you what it's supposed to. So the idea of enduring in being a part of a church, you have to remind yourself that this is God's will for me, for my life, for me to be a part of a church according to His Word. And he doesn't have plans to harm me, me. So even if there are troubles and trials in the midst of that, even if I experience pains, these are things for me to endure because it is part of his will for me to find community. And if you seek him with all of your heart, instead of trying to preserve what you feel is left after maybe some of it shattered, and you continue to kind of like push through that to find what you know he has for you, I believe he shows up. Because as you draw closer to him, if I'm seeking it him, he draws closer to me.
- [35:22]
B
Yeah, that's good. I think that that's extremely important. Not preserving what you have left of your broken heart, but giving God what you have left of the brokenness. Like God. Here are the pieces that are left. Mend it and give me a new heart, you know what I'm saying? Because he gives us a new heart, you know what I'm saying? He doesn't just mend what's left, but He. He takes it and renews it and restores it and turns it into a heart of flesh. That. That him and desires what he. What he desires. And he desires us to love one another and to be with one another. You know what I'm saying? Scripture talks about exhort one another while the day is today. I have seen my life. I'm going to be honest with y'.
- [36:07]
D
All.
- [36:07]
B
I have seen my life grow and be more fruitful as God has put me in community. Like, my life has been more fruitful because I've been in community. The fact that J. Jordan and I all live together and we're in constant community with one another, my life has grown. And it doesn't mean my life has grown absent of trials. Right. It's been hard, you know, What I'm saying, we've had. We've shared difficulties. Right? We've shared. We've had to have hard conversations. We've had to correct one another in hard ways. We've irritated one another. We've. You know what I'm saying? Like, we.
- [36:42]
C
It.
- [36:43]
B
It's not like it's just been skipping through day daisies. It's hard. Community is hard. But I have seen the fruit. Fruit of persevering and enduring and bearing with one another. I've seen the fruit of it in my life. I've seen the fruit of it in Jordan's life. I've seen the fruit of it in Jay's life. And. And it's like, I've seen the fruit. Even though it's been hard, it's not. And we. Jordan. Jordan and I talk about this all the time. It's like, it's impossible. Honestly, she's the one that has to kind of remind me of this. Because as much as I'm not afraid of conflict, I don't like conflict. Like, I'm not afraid to address a thing. I don't like it, though. I don't prefer it. I just don't prefer a conflict. Yeah, I just would rather everything just be fine. Everything be fine, you know? And Jordan always has to remind me, like, it's impossible for me not to hurt you. It's impossible for you not to hurt me. Like, it's. We're gonna. It's not that we just purposely go out to do that. It's not like we make up in our minds, like, oh, I'm gonna hurt you today, or I'm just gonna make you mad today. You know, we all, We. We wanna be good stewards over the people that God has place right? And loving him and allowing the Holy Spirit to stand up fully in us so that we can love one another. Well, like that should be our desire. But it is impossible to be in community and not be hurt. And the more that you love somebody, the greater the opportunity it is for you to be hurt by that person. That's just what it is. But we have to trust the Lord and trust that he is going to be with us in that. And if she is on the path and Jay is on the path and Nicole is on the path. Path. And whoever else I'm in community with, if we are all pursuing the Lord and we are all desiring him, and we are all drawing near to him, then I can have trust that when the Lord, when I do something that is not pleasing to the Lord, I will be convicted. I will repent to the Lord, I'll repent to Jordan, J. Whoever. And I would trust that they would be doing the same thing because we're all pursuing the Lord. Does that make sense? So it's like, it doesn't mean that it alleviates the hurt. It means that we can trust, trust that they would be mended because we both are walking with the Holy Spirit. Does that make sense? Like, I. I can, I can trust that if Jay does hurt me, he's going to repent. And it, it doesn't mean that I'm alleviated of the hurt, but it mends it a little bit better. And, and it, it creates opportunity for more trust. Because the quicker you confess and repent you to the Lord and then one another, Bible says right here, James 5, therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The faster we do that, the faster that there's healing. Do you know what I'm saying? So it's like the faster I confess to the Lord, the faster I repent to the Lord and repent to you, the quicker the healing comes. So that way I don't have to live with anxiety if you'll hurt me again. Because I know that even if you do, the healing's gonna come quick because you repent quick. And I think that that's what we have to be mindful of in community, is that if I am going to place myself in community, know that there's a responsibility to live holy so that I am not damaging people that I am in community with. And I know that that is a responsibility that you might feel like you don't want to have, but it is a requirement to be a Christian. You must be in community with people. And that is beautiful if that's hard for you because it creates an opportunity for full dependency on the Lord. Lord, I know that if I'm left to me, I'mma hurt everybody around me. I'm going to hurt somebody's feelings bad. If I'm left to myself. I am. I am not an extrovert, naturally. I am an isolation type of person. I am due to history of depression, suicidal ideations. Like, I am naturally an isolator, right? I was the only child, so that produces isolation. But living with Jay and Jordan, I've learned so much of how that can be harmful to the people I'm in community with. And so even though it's my natural bent, because I love the Lord and because I love them, I have to Be mindful of that. That I have to be mindful that I cannot isolate in a simple thing. Jordan and I talk about this all the time. Simple thing. She was like, I don't like that you shut your door. That is a rejection cue to me. Like, don't come in my room. And it's like, okay, I may not be thinking of it that way, but I know that it matters to her, so I'm going to be mindful of that so that I am not hurting her or, Or.
- [41:22]
C
Or.
- [41:22]
B
Or harming her unnecessarily or giving the enemy any opportunity to plant a negative seed in her mind to say that I don her.
- [41:30]
D
Yeah.
- [41:30]
B
Do you know what I'm saying? Just little things like that we have to be mindful of. And I've been wrestling with this, and y' all know I was wrestling with this since last night, and I still don't know if I have the proper interpretation because Philip Anthony Mitchell has not text me back yet. And Dr. Mason was like, you think too deep. Let me. Let me. Give me a second to figure this thing out. But I do think that it could be said that if we confess our sins one to another and we pray for one another, I think that the healing of the wounds that we naturally cause one another are healed quicker because we confess to one another. And I think that that's important to know as you enter in community. Does that make sense, what I'm saying? I feel like I said a lot.
- [42:11]
E
It does. And I think even the vulnerability of, like, repenting to God and then repenting to somebody else, it's all a part of this conforming process to becoming more like him because it gives an opportunity for us to learn how to forgive. When somebody is taking accountability for whatever they did, it's an opportunity for you to. To forgive. And forgiving is hard. Sometimes. Forgiving costs something. Every time you forgive somebody, it costs something. That's a part of the Christian walk, because while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. And he forgives us of all of our sins in his atonement. So it's like that's an absorption we'll never know, because he didn't. Because he took on what He. He literally absorbed what we deserve. You know what I mean? But he gives us opportunities to become more like him in community when we forgive each other.
- [42:59]
B
And I think that's probably another reason people might shy away from actually being in community, because forgiving people is hard for them. So it's like, if I isolate myself, I don't even gotta give myself the opportunity to have to forgive someone else. You know what I mean? I got enough people I gotta try to forgive from my childhood and whatever. I don't want to add no other person to the list because I don't even know how to forgive. People that I have to be in community with, like a parent or a husband or a child, you know, whatever. But now I'm adding on these external people that I have to learn how to forgive. But again, I, I believe that that offers a, A, a beautiful opportunity to trust in God and to depend on Him. Like, like Jay said, forgiveness is hard because forgiveness is a miracle. Think about that. Forgiveness is actually a miracle. It's not just a thing. It's actually a miracle to forgive someone. The fact that Christ forgave us, us is a miracle. That's a miracle. So the idea of forgiveness, it, it, it's a miracle. And because it takes a miracle to do it means that we absolutely need God to do it. Like, we need God to forgive. We need God to love one another. We need God to, to have the, the humility to confess our sins to one another. Do you know, like, that all of it is a miracle?
- [44:25]
D
Yeah.
- [44:26]
B
Because if you're left to do that in your own won't. If I didn't have the Lord, I probably would never say sorry to nobody. I would just act like it didn't happen. Do you know what I'm saying?
- [44:37]
C
That's why even before, yes, forgiveness, for example, that is a miracle. But it does seem like if you are truly pursuing Christianity and you know the goal is to be like Christ and to honor and please him, then before you get to the miracle, in a sense, sense, like if you really do take inventory of your heart and realize, like, why am I holding on to this? When you acknowledge that, oh yeah, this is actually pride, like I'm actually being the person that's stopping myself from receiving the miracle. It does help a little bit more to, yeah, rely on community to actually give it to the Lord. But if, like, you just have like this stronghold in a sense of like, I don't want to, I don't want to. As a Christian, you have to see that, yeah, this, this is you that's stopping me. The miracle is the forgiveness part. But you won't even get to that. Like, you just are guarded with. Because that's like kind of what I had to do with my dad. Like, it's like, yes, I, like now at this point, like, I have forgiven my dad. But before that, it was just like, I don't want to and I'm not thinking no further about it. That's just not what I want to do. But like, if I love the Lord enough. And that goes back to the conversation from the other podcast. As far as like, what your gaze is on. If you're gazing on the past hurt, you cannot move forward in the future. Like, it's just. It's just impossible to do that. Yeah, I was in second Timothy. That's a good one. Like in a sense of community and how to be a Christ individually and how to mature in your. In your walk. But he says pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart, but reject foolish and ignorant disputes because you know what the they be. You know that they breed quarrels. But the part. Along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart, it's important to do community with people that you
- [46:30]
B
know for a fact or genuine pursuing the Lord. Absolutely.
- [46:33]
C
Because it's like, okay, we all are pursuing. We're pursuing love. That doesn't mean that we're going to successfully do that all. But the quarrels that we might have, it's not leading to rejection. It's still le. Leading to some type of righteousness. Because at the end it says perhaps God will grant them repentance, leading them to the knowledge of truth.
- [46:51]
B
Yeah.
- [46:51]
C
Then they may come to their senses and escape the trap of the devil who has taken them captive to do his will.
- [46:56]
B
Yeah.
- [46:56]
C
It's just like it makes sense. Number one, when you read your word.
- [47:01]
B
Correct.
- [47:01]
C
You truly, like all the people, like Christianity is a trend or whatever. But if you truly do want to be a Christian, like really sit with yourself and understand what that means. Because I think, I'm not saying that it's easy, easy, but once you have an understanding of what being a Christian truly is, it does make the decisions that you choose to make. It makes it a lot more easier when you know who you're doing it for and why you're doing it. Yeah. It's not just a. It's not just a characteristic added on to who you are. Like, it truly is a life. Like you're just a new creature.
- [47:32]
B
Yeah.
- [47:32]
C
You're new in him.
- [47:33]
B
Now, one thing that you pointed out that is interesting to me is, is who call on the alongside of those who call on the Lord with a pure heart. I think it's extremely important that get that you're mindful. Like, once you get into community, you're taking inventory of that Community. I think a lot of times we get into community with people who struggle in the same way that we struggle and who are okay with staying in that struggle because it doesn't give us the accountability to grow in our struggle. Right? So it's like, oh, you got a gossip problem too. I'm a link up with you and we just gonna gossip and we not encouraging and exhorting one another to stop gossip of being. Do you understand? So I'm not saying don't be in community with people who struggle like you. I think that that's fine. It's like, oh, you struggled in that same context. But yeah, but with a pure heart. Do you have a pure heart to pursue the Lord and put to death the passions of the flesh and, and the wickedness that exists in you. Are you putting that to death now? If you are actively putting that to death, we can rock. We going, we gonna be locked in if we both actively put. And I think that that's the thing, like, even when I think about my relationship with Jackie is like our relationship has been fruit. Are pursuing the Lord with a pure heart. We are actively putting things to death all the time. Actively, bro. I am struggling here, I am struggling here. Confessing to one another, putting those things to death. Jordan and Jackie and I were all talking about a. Let's get a day, a week where we all fast. Let's put it on a calendar where we fast for three days quarterly. That's what it looks like to walk alongside one another who are pursuing the Lord with a pure, pure heart. I'm not just getting with somebody who I recognize. Oh, she, she, you know, she like to sleep with her boyfriend too. So, and I got a boyfriend. I'm. So we just gonna all stay friends and, and appease one another's wickedness or sin. But I'm not putting myself in community with people who would exhort me and challenge me to love the Lord and to obey his commands and to live righteously. So, so there's like all these different spectrums of community and it's like, don't just be in a community with people like, like the, like scripture says, with a. Who are, who are walking alongside you with a pure heart. I, I, I, I, I want to see you love God. I want to see you obey the Lord. I want to see you love and delight in his word. Do you know what I'm saying? Like just getting around people who are going to build you up in the things of the faith. Faith in the ways of righteousness. That's the community you want.
- [50:12]
C
We all struggle with pride, isolation, a lot like cuz we're all sinners so the things that we link up with is cool and all but it's even better cuz it's like the point of community. It's like I can recognize that and I can also point you back to how you're supposed to deal with it because I deal with it like we're not even in community with oh a bunch of people that don't know what I'm going through and just to point me in the right direction. We're in community with people like you get an attitude. I get attitudes too. But that makes it easier for me to tell you hey, you might want to repent or it makes it easier for Megan to say I feel convicted. Let me. Because we already know sharing this same burden.
- [50:52]
B
In a sense Jordan, Jackie and I are very similar in the sense of our context of how we grew up too. We grew up single parent, single mother, only children. So we're very, very sin. Like there can be selfishness in us. There can be like she said, isolate, isolation. We. And we're all moody. Like all three of us can be kind of moody. And so but what it does is because we have pure hearts who love the Lord and who are seeking righteousness and seeking to please the Lord. We can also give grace to one another when one another is struggling. Where I'm not offended with your attitude or I'm not offended because you had a mood switch or I'm not offended because you want to isolate or I'm not offended, I'm not offended because I understand in, in the same way that God has given me grace when I'm being moody or whatever. I extend that grace to you doesn't mean that I allow you to stay like that. Right? So there, there have been plenty of times where I've gotten checked and that's
- [51:49]
E
love for somebody to see where you are but love you enough not to let you stay where you're at.
- [51:53]
B
Yeah, they have checked me. No, that's not right. No, you shouldn't have did that. You shouldn't have said it that way. You shouldn't whatever. And then when they have their opportunity to be corrected, they receive it because I have received the correction. They have received the correction and now we're just helping each other grow and be. And be more godly and loving one another in confessing our sins to one another, repenting. And you just see what I'm saying? Like it, it matters. And again I have seen the growth in myself and Jay, Jordan, all the people that I've. That I've been in community with, I've seen the growth in that. All because we've been pursuing the Lord with a pure heart. And I just think that that is so vital that we get in communities with people who have pure hearts, who are seeking to do the will of the Lord at all times. Not in just big ways either, but just little ways. Not in big ministry ways, but just in relationships. Do you know what I'm saying?
- [52:56]
C
That's really a kicker for me because in a sense of community has always been important to me outside of Christ and especially now in Christ. But it's been beautiful in Christ because not even saying that just because you're in community, you're not going to take on an offense. Because I still take offense and I still get irritated. But the point of doing community, like, even with me and Jay, for example, say if you. Well, there has been a time you've done something to me and I got offended and that wasn't your intent. And I go to Jay, Jay's not hyping. Like, he's not adding on to your offense.
- [53:28]
B
Yeah.
- [53:28]
C
Let's pan out. Let's think about the. The totality of the situation and still leading me to repentance. And he has nothing to do with it.
- [53:37]
B
Yeah.
- [53:38]
C
Even if you do take on offense, who. Who's around you, are you going to somebody that's going to be like, yeah, she's wrong. Yeah, get your lick back or whatever. Yeah, going to somebody. Somebody that is ultimately pursuing the Lord, both of y'.
- [53:50]
B
All.
- [53:50]
C
To do whatever is best for the Lord as opposed to doing whatever best for you. Or just say this to appease her. But what's biblically correct?
- [53:59]
E
How do we reconcile?
- [54:00]
C
Yeah.
- [54:00]
B
Yeah.
- [54:01]
D
I just want to also encourage, too, because, like, doubling off of what Jay said earlier about knowing what the Lord has for you. Yeah.
- [54:09]
C
Right.
- [54:09]
D
I live across the country, and he's put me in a community with you all, you know, know. And. And also, even what Jordan just said is like, there's times that I text Jordan, I'm like, I need help, you know, and like, just going to people that are going to, you know, remind you.
- [54:27]
B
Yes, right.
- [54:28]
D
Of like the Christ way. The Christ way. To deal with something or just. Yeah. Not going to someone who's going to agree with your offense. Exactly. You know, like, all of those things are just like, super duper important.
- [54:41]
B
And I think that's why you. You keep where there is a multitude of counsel. Right. Wisdom is there. That's why, like, if, you know, with all of us, like, she said, if. If me and Jordan get into it, there's someone on. Outside of this situation that's also pursuing the Lord, that's able to add love and wisdom and counsel to that, where it's like, I'm leading you both back to repentance. I'm leading you both back to godliness. I'm leading you both back to unity. I'm not saying just grab another person. And that's community. If that's all you got, then, like, yes, I'. I'm not. I don't. I just don't want anybody to be alone. But don't stop at just one person. Like, I have a community of people where there's more than two of us, there's three. More than three of us. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just think having a multitude of people is important. And. And it is the way that God, I, I believe, designed his church to be. And I just think this is a conversation that could linger into so many different things because y' all know how we are over here. Like, community is a big. It's a big pillar for us as we walk this narrow path. Like, it's a big pillar. But I just want to pause this conversation, let. Give the listeners time to kind of digest, because I feel like we dumped a lot on them. We were like, community. Like, we dubbed a lot on y'. All. And I don't. I don't want you to feel beat up if you felt like you don't need community or if you don't have. Like, I don't want anyone to feel beat up. I do want you to feel encouraged that. And see us as an example, as, like, this is the fruit of being obedient to having community in your life. I want you to be encouraged by that. And so, yeah, I would. I just want to pause on this, and we're going to come back and talk about unity. Yeah, the journal prompt I want to give. I was thinking about that. I'm like, what is a good journal prompt?
- [56:34]
C
Maybe take inventory of your community.
- [56:37]
B
Yeah, take inventory of your community. Like, do I have community? Community? Do I have community with people who I can. Can confess to? Like, am I confessing to my community? You know, am I stewarding the relationships that God has placed in my life? Well, and even just to go back to the beginning part of this episode when we were talking about being a part of a local body so that we can grow in the ways that God has called us to grow and to mature. You know, am I a part of a local church? Church is my local church. You know, does it align with scripture? Does it have elders and, and all the, the, the church structure that that scripture gives us? Is it a biblically sound church? Is Price preached?
- [57:20]
C
Christ preached?
- [57:22]
B
What did I just say?
- [57:23]
C
Is Price Creech?
- [57:26]
B
Is Christ preached? Lord, is Christ preached in my church? Church? Is he the main subject? Right? Or am I just getting a bunch of motivational speeches and TED talks every week? So those are some things to take inventory of. And if I, if I'm hesitant to be a part of a local body, why, like what are, what are the hesitancies that I have when it comes to being a part of, of community? And so yeah, and I would just challenge you, like, go read Second Timothy. Jordan gave us a great scripture in Second Timothy to go look at Acts 2, 42 again. Go read Ephesians, like go read those books and kind of really dig into that. Like, what does it mean to be a part of the body, not just taking on the identity of Christ, which we get when we repent and we, and we receive salvation. Right? But what does it mean to be a part of Christ's body? So I, I want to leave that with you guys, but I love you guys and I hope you have an amazing week. Let me just pray for those that are watching right now and then we'll end the episode. Lord, I thank you Father, for you. I thank you God that you have always existed in community. We thank you that you have given us examples in your word on what it means to be a Christian and walk alongside others. God, I pray for all of those right now who are listening, who may have been hurt by the church or people in the church and may find it hard to be and in relationships with people again. And so God, I just pray Lord that this episode would help them. I pray they would lead them to seek you. I pray it would lead them to read your word. I pray Lord that you would even bring healthy, pure hearted Christians into their lives. That they could walk alongside and do this, this Christian walk together. I pray Lord that you would mend hearts. I pray Lord that you would renew minds. I pray Lord that you would restore strength souls. And I pray Lord that ultimately you would be glorified and magnified in Jesus name. We thank you. Amen. All right guys, see you next week. Hey y', all, thank you so much for being here with me on in totality this week. If this episode. Bless you or challenge you or even stirred up something in your spirit. Go ahead and like this video, drop a comment below and share with us what part of the conversation really stuck out the most. Share with someone who you think might might benefit from watching this. It really helps the show. And listen if you want more of In Totality on a weekly basis, then join my Patreon community. You get early access to watch In Totality episodes, exclusive behind the scenes content, an In Totality docu series which is like my vlog. First access to merch drops events, Bible studies where we're walking through the Word together, book clubs and so much more work. We're growing in our faith together and I would love for you to be a part of it. If you haven't already, subscribe and tap the notification bell so that you never miss an episode Thursdays. You'll find me right here on YouTube in the live chat when the episode premieres. I hope this message encouraged you today. I pray that you find a good Godly community and a Bible based church where you're rooted in love and growing. Keep stepping into God, God's truth In Totality. I'll see you next time. I just got up there and I
- [60:55]
C
was just like oh my God.
- [60:56]
B
Thank you. Thank you.
- [60:57]
A
The award winning Tell Me what happened podcast from OnStar is back. New Emergencies, New Heroes Find out what happened in season six of Tell Me what Happened.
- [61:08]
C
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