EP 68: Waiting Well: Purity Before the Promise

Summary

Podcast Title: In Totality with Megan Ashley
Episode: EP 68: Waiting Well: Purity Before the Promise
Release Date: April 29, 2025
Host: Megan Ashley
Guests: Melody Fabian and CD Fabian

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Introduction

In EP 68 of In Totality with Megan Ashley, titled "Waiting Well: Purity Before the Promise," host Megan Ashley delves deep into the profound journey of maintaining purity and consecration before marriage. Joined by her dedicated guests, Melody and CD Fabian, Megan explores the challenges and triumphs of living a life wholly devoted to God amidst societal pressures and personal struggles.

Personal Journeys to Purity

CD Fabian’s Story:
CD shares his early experiences with faith and his commitment to purity. Raised nominally Catholic, CD's relationship with the church deepened after his mother began serving the Lord. At 16, influenced by church teachings on sexual purity, CD made a solemn commitment to wait until marriage to engage in sexual relations. This decision was met with skepticism and mockery from his mother, leading to a month-long period of emotional turmoil. CD reflects, “Only God was drawing me,” highlighting his reliance on divine guidance during his formative years.

Melody Fabian’s Transformation:
Melody recounts her transformative encounter with God during her college years. Initially a party-goer involved in destructive behaviors, Melody experienced a profound spiritual awakening after immersing herself in scripture. Reading Matthew 5:27-28, she felt convicted about her actions, leading her to surrender to the Lord. Melody describes this pivotal moment: “I surrendered… I felt the light and the warmth of God enter into my body,” emphasizing the profound impact of her newfound faith on her commitment to purity.

Meeting on a Mission Trip

The Fabians' paths converged on a mission trip to Uganda, Africa, marking the beginning of their remarkable love story. Both struggling to uphold their purity vows, they found solace and strength in each other’s commitment to God. CD narrates their initial interactions, highlighting the divine orchestration in their meeting: “He [God] showed me her beauty through her spirit.” Their bond was further cemented through shared challenges and mutual support, demonstrating the power of shared faith in fostering a strong, pure relationship.

Building a Faith-Based Relationship

Guidance and Discipline:
CD and Melody discuss the importance of establishing boundaries and seeking divine guidance in their relationship. CD emphasizes spiritual compatibility over physical attraction, stating, “Because we both love the Lord, but our views on ministry and hearing from God differed initially.” Melody adds, “Spiritual compatibility, in my view, is first and foremost, what did God say?” Together, they built a relationship founded on mutual respect, shared faith, and unwavering commitment to God’s teachings.

Overcoming Temptations:
Throughout their journey, both faced numerous temptations that tested their vows of purity. CD shares instances where he had to flee from situations that could jeopardize their commitment, saying, “I couldn't put myself in situations that would make it easy for me to fall.” Melody echoes this sentiment, highlighting the importance of guarding one's heart and maintaining integrity: “You need to protect her, even from yourself. That's the role of a man.”

Marriage and Ministry

Sixteen years into their marriage, Melody and CD Fabian exemplify a life of dedication to God, ministry, and family. Their union is a testament to the blessings of waiting and maintaining purity before and within marriage. Megan Ashley praises their journey, stating, “It needs to be seen and people need to know that it's possible.” The Fabians serve as role models, demonstrating that a life committed to God leads to fulfilling and sanctified relationships.

Key Insights and Lessons

1. Intimate Relationship with God:
   The Fabians stress the importance of cultivating an intimate relationship with God during singleness. Megan Ashley reflects on her own experiences, emphasizing, “If you do not learn how to have an intimate relationship with the Lord, you cannot build a strong marriage.”

2. Spiritual Compatibility Over Chemistry:
   Their stories highlight that shared faith and spiritual compatibility are more crucial than mere physical attraction. CD articulates, “Not every godly guy is your guy. You need to know your purpose and who you are.”

3. Integrity and Boundaries:
   Maintaining integrity and setting clear boundaries are pivotal in preserving purity. Melody shares, “But as women of God, we need to watch our mouth. We be saying too much, talking too much.”

4. Divine Timing and Guidance:
   Trusting in God’s timing and seeking His guidance are essential for aligning relationships with His will. CD recounts, “He [God] invites me to throw a fleece. So I said, okay, I won’t ever pursue a girl. You will have to show me who she is.”

Notable Quotes

• Megan Ashley (05:54):
  “This conversation is for all of you, whether you're single, dating, divorced, or married.”

• CD Fabian (07:05):
  “When you're about to make a decision that's going to impact your destiny, the devil will use the closest people to you.”

• Melody Fabian (14:26):
  “Spiritual compatibility, in my view, is first and foremost, what did God say?”

• CD Fabian (16:05):
  “Forget it. I'm not making this stupid purity commitment.”

• Melody Fabian (22:01):
  “If you do not learn how to benefit from your marriage, you can't.”

• Megan Ashley (31:54):
  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom.”

Conclusion

EP 68 of In Totality with Megan Ashley presents an inspiring narrative of faith, purity, and divine orchestration in relationships. Melody and CD Fabian's stories underscore the significance of waiting for God’s timing and maintaining a steadfast commitment to spiritual integrity before and within marriage. Their journey offers valuable lessons for listeners aspiring to live a life wholly devoted to God, demonstrating that with faith and dedication, purity before the promise is not only possible but profoundly rewarding.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own relationships and spiritual journeys, taking inspiration from the Fabians' lived experiences. As Megan Ashley aptly concludes, “Every day is a new opportunity to know better, choose better, and live better… In Totality.”

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Tune In Next Week:
In the following episode, Megan continues the Fabians' story, revealing the results of a pivotal test and how it further solidified their commitment to each other and to God. Don’t miss this continuation of their remarkable journey!

Transcript

[Megan Ashley]

With a $5 meal deal with new McValue.

[CD Fabian]

You pick a McDouble or a McChicken then get a small fry, a small.

[Megan Ashley]

Drink and a four piece McNuggets.

[CD Fabian]

That's a lot of McDonald's for not.

[Melody Fabian]

A lot of money.

[CD Fabian]

Prices and participation may vary. McDouble meal $6 in some markets for.

[Melody Fabian]

A limited time only.

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[Megan Ashley]

What's up you guys? Listen, this episode of In Totality is not something that you want to miss. I have two special guests that I am having a conversation with and listen. We are talking about purity, consecration. What does it mean to really sacrifice for the Lord? What does it mean to date and be holy and date and be pure? I'm talking to two of the most pure people that I know. They're fantastic. And if you're single or if you're dating, or maybe you're divorced like me, or maybe you are in a relationship, maybe you're married. I'm telling you, this conversation is for all of you. You don't want to miss this. Listen, I didn't get to the journal prompt at the end, but here's a journal prompt for you. So when you get done with this, I want you to ask yourself, what does God require? What does he require in my singleness? What does he require in my dating? What does he require in my marriage? Is he deserving of it? And what's keeping me from giving it all to Him? Those are your journal prompts. I hope this episode blesses you and I'll see you next week.

[CD Fabian]

Foreign.

[Megan Ashley]

What'S up you guys? Welcome back to another episode of In Totality. I am your host, Megan Ashley. Listen, if you are joining me for the first time, let me Just say, thank you so much for joining. I'm so happy that you're here, and I pray that you. That you enjoy this episode. But I pray that God meets you in this episode. That's what's most important, is that God meets you. So if you're driving on your way to work, or maybe you're at home cleaning up, or maybe you just got out of a class, wherever you are, I pray that the Lord meets you right where you are and that you are edified and encouraged by this episode. We are in season two, and this season, as you guys know, I have been really focused on Romans 12. That's just been my staple chapter in. In God's Word this year. It kind of hit me at the end of last year, and it's just been something that God has just cemented in me, and I just can't. It's like I can't let go of it. It's like Romans 12. And so, yeah, because of that, I really wanted to bring on guests that we can kind of help have conversations that are rooted in what it means to be wholly devoted to the Lord, to devote everything to him, which in Romans 12 says, is your true worship. Right. Presenting yourself as a living sacrifice is your true worship. And so what does that look like? And what avenues does that look like? And so my guest today, I'm so excited. Two of the most genuine, just nice, loving people that I have ever met. I was connected with them through another friend, and I am just so happy to have them here. So if you guys would help me welcome my guest today, Melody and CD Fabian.

[CD Fabian]

Hey.

[Melody Fabian]

Hey.

[Megan Ashley]

Hey. What's up?

[Melody Fabian]

How are you?

[Megan Ashley]

Thanks for being here. Yes. How do you feel?

[CD Fabian]

We feel good.

[Melody Fabian]

Excited.

[Megan Ashley]

We feel good. All the way from Chicago, Florida, now Nashville, Tennessee, now.

[CD Fabian]

We're like neighbors.

[Megan Ashley]

Yes. You're only a couple hours away. That's right. And I can't wait to come. I'm ready to come to your new home. And. And I want to talk about that, too, because the way God worked that out was just crazy. Crazy, right? And so when I was thinking about kind of like, the guests that I wanted to have on, it wasn't a lot of people. Like, I don't have a long list. I do really want to be a good steward. I don't just see this as just something to do. I. I really do believe that the Lord has entrusted me with a platform, and I want to steward that well. And I think in stewarding that well, that means that I'm of who I introduced this audience to. And so when I was kind of going through the list and praying because I took some time off, which I'm so grateful that I did, I think everybody was like, yes, thank you. Take time off. I. I took some time off. And just as I was praying about, like, Lord, what are you, you know, going into this new season? What do you want? Like, what do you, like, who are the guests that you want? What are the conversations that you want me to have? I wanted to be very mindful of that. And when I. When I wrote you guys name down, there was only like two scriptures that kept coming up to me in my. In my mind, and one was in Matthew 5, Blessed are the pure heart, for they will see God. And that kept coming to me because I keep. When I think about you guys and. And I got to spend some time with you over the summer when we went to. To California and we got to talk a lot, and I just. Listening to your stories, I just feel like you guys have seen God.

[CD Fabian]

Amen.

[Megan Ashley]

Like, you've just seen him in so many ways, and he's moved in your lives in so many ways. And so I'm like, I want this audience to know the Fabians. I want them to know who you guys are. And because we live in a world that's super compromising. Right. And when I think about you guys, you guys do not compromise in your individual stories together as a couple. It's just like a life of unique compromise. And so it's so encouraging to me. And so I want. I know it's going to be encouraging to them. So I want to kind of just dive right in. Is that okay? Just kind of dive right in. So I want to talk about how, because you guys are, like, nationally known, like, your story was on cnn, Fox News, like, you guys were all over the news. Because, guys, listen to this. Their first kiss was their wedding day.

[CD Fabian]

Yes, it was.

[Melody Fabian]

That's right.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you ever. Do you get. Do you still get people that are like, are you serious?

[CD Fabian]

Yes.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes, all the time.

[Megan Ashley]

So tell us about. Because I want to know about your individual kind of journeys up into that moment.

[CD Fabian]

Sure.

[Megan Ashley]

What that was like.

[CD Fabian]

Sure.

[Megan Ashley]

And then. And then we can get into all the things. Okay.

[CD Fabian]

Yes. So, like, I didn't really grow up in church. Grew up nominally Catholic. You know, Christa's Christmas and Easter, that's the only time we went to church. Mom started serving the Lord. So I started serving the Lord. Then mom stepped away so that I was going to church by myself as a 12, 13 year old, which is the Lord, because only God was drawing me 14. But I was super boy crazy. I love to go to, like, they call it juking now, but back in the day, it was like, po po. Yeah, that was me at those. Oh, yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Melanie, baby, you a picture that.

[CD Fabian]

I know. You can't even picture that now.

[Megan Ashley]

She was twerking.

[CD Fabian]

Yes. I used to be twerking at all the parties. And praise God, at the age of 15, I'm at this party and I'm like. And we were battling. See who could twerk the best.

[Megan Ashley]

Come on.

[CD Fabian]

Did you win A Real Story? And I get the worst pain of my life. Okay? And I'm like, oh. And my friends are like, you were going to win. And I sit down, and Holy Spirit says to me, what are you doing here? And I'm like, God, like, I was saved. But I was like, lord, you don't. I'm young, you know? And he was like, who are you glorifying here? And I'm like, nobody. I'm not glorifying nobody. And the song's like, there's some hoes in this house, period. Yeah. And I'm like, that's not glorifying.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

So I remember being so convicted, and I said, I can't do this anymore. So I stopped going to the parties. Now I'm like, 16, and my mom is not serving the Lord. So she's like, what are you doing? Like, you don't go to parties anymore. You don't. Don't be. Are you in a cult? You know, like, she was scared for me. So at 16, we get this message about sexual purity as our church, and they're like, God created sex. I said, what? I thought the devil created sex. Like, I legit thought the devil created sex.

[Megan Ashley]

You said, I end up so bad, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

But they're like, no sex is good. And it was made by God. It was his idea for the context of a marriage relationship, and that's that where it's safe. And so I go home, and I'm like, mom, I'm not gonna have sex. I get married. And she said, who? What? What are you talking about? And I'm like, at church, we learned about purity, and we're gonna wait. And she's like, you really think a man's gonna wait for you? And I'm like, yeah. She's like, one in a million, melody. One in a million Are you gonna find a man that's gonna wait for you?

[Megan Ashley]

Wow.

[CD Fabian]

And I was like, well, I'm gonna find my one In a million. And she's like, what if you get married and your sex life sucks? I'm 16, okay?

[Megan Ashley]

So there's already seeds being planted, like, immediately. Immediately.

[CD Fabian]

And I'm like, but the thing is, my mom didn't really talk like that. So I was like, what is this? And because I was learning about spiritual warfare at our church, I'm like, is this spiritual warfare? It's like my mom tripping right now. So I went to my room, start crying, and I could feel evil in my room. Like, I literally felt ev. And I'm like, is this what they've been talking? So, like, Ephesians 6 was coming to life. And I'm like, what is happening? So for a whole month, my mom made fun of me. My mom, who I love, made fun of me, was like, you really think a man's going to wait for you? What, are you going to put a blanket on your head? You're not going to have sex till you get married? You think that the. What is this church teaching? And I'm like, why is she fighting me? And so as I started to really pray, I felt the Lord showing me, when you're about to make a decision that's going to impact your destiny, the devil will use the closest people to you.

[Megan Ashley]

Hello.

[CD Fabian]

The closest. The ones that hurt.

[Megan Ashley]

Yep.

[CD Fabian]

Right. And so I'm like, this is the enemy. But I didn't have the tools on what to do, so I said, forget it. I'm not making this stupid purity commitment. And I thank God for praying. Youth pastors. I had a youth pastor who called me, and he said, melody, you're on my heart. Like, my mom is making fun of me. And he's like, melody, do you know what courage is? Courage is when you do what's right when nobody's supporting you. That's courage. And I'm like, okay. So I'm about to make this commitment. My mom's like, what do you have to do? I'm like, well, we have to wear like. Like a white or. Or light dress. It's just like, are you marrying God? And I'm like, I'm not marrying God, Mom. And now I think about it, though, they should have had a parent class.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

They're like, what is this dress? Are you marrying God? So I get it.

[Melody Fabian]

But we are marrying God.

[Megan Ashley]

Hello.

[CD Fabian]

Yes. And so anyway, get this outfit about to go to this event, we lose the dress. The devil stole my dress.

[Megan Ashley]

No.

[CD Fabian]

To this day, I don't know where my dress went.

[Megan Ashley]

No.

[CD Fabian]

My mom's like, what? We just bought. I do not. I don't know where the dress went. I think the devil stole my dress. So I'm 16. That's a crisis. I don't have an outfit. I'm not going for sure.

[Megan Ashley]

I'm not going. That's it. I'm going.

[CD Fabian]

Right. I cry in the car and in the. In the house. When I got home, I start crying, and God's like, is this about a dress or a decision? And so I said, okay. So I was there with my little minty green dress on. Well, everybody else said something else, made this commitment. And now 17, 18. I'm. I'm waiting on God. Dated a guy in college. Purity. Yes. But callings were definitely.

[Megan Ashley]

I remember you telling me about this guy.

[CD Fabian]

Yes. Because people want to be sexually compatible. You need to wait on God on that, but you also need to be spiritually compatible.

[Megan Ashley]

Hello. And what is. Okay, so tell me what the difference. I. Well, I know the difference, but tell me what.

[CD Fabian]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

How they can know the difference between our chemistry and, like, spiritually combat compatible. How does that.

[CD Fabian]

Because we both love the Lord, but when it came to, like, our gifting and the way we hear from the Lord and see God, we had totally different views. So he had different views about a woman in ministry and what she can and cannot do. He had different views about even how you hear the Lord. So when I would say, yeah, the Lord was speaking to me, the Holy Spirit convicted me. He's like, no, God only speaks by what the word says. Only like, scripture. Scripture. I'm like, yes, but the Holy Spirit will prompt you. And he was like, be careful with that. Be careful with that. So I started to feel like I couldn't hear from the Lord anymore.

[Megan Ashley]

Got it. Got it.

[CD Fabian]

And so that was a big thing because.

[Megan Ashley]

Because being Christians, just both of us being Christians may not just be enough.

[Melody Fabian]

Right.

[Megan Ashley]

For us to say, like, oh, yeah, that we're. We should be together. I think that that's a. I think people need to know that, too. Just because this person says that they're a believer doesn't mean that that means, like, that's a good. You know what I mean?

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah. You know, I'll interject real quick. Scripture says that the sons of God are those who are led by the Spirit of God. Romans 8:14. So what melody is showing is a lot of people out there. What we do is we're Christians. We have the same faith in general, and so let's just do it. And I think what Melody experienced was being led by the Spirit of God, even in her choice, who she could and should date. So spiritual compatibility, in my view, is first and foremost, what did God say?

[Megan Ashley]

Correct.

[Melody Fabian]

And then from there, you start to see other things that start to line up. Because, you know, sometimes there are what we consider incompatibilities, and they're not. There might just be sharpenings, but you can understand, you know, discern if the Holy Spirit is really guiding you.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

So in this case, Melody is being sharpened, guided, directed by the Holy Spirit and can feel something's off.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

But she's struggling to listen and obey.

[Megan Ashley]

Okay, that's good.

[CD Fabian]

And because he was such a godly guy. But not every godly guy is your guy.

[Megan Ashley]

Hello.

[CD Fabian]

And you need to know your purpose and who you are. And I didn't know who I was, and so I was letting him tell me who I was. If you don't know who you are, somebody will tell you who you are. And so that's a fact. Facts. And so praise God for a praying father. My dad did get saved when I was 14, and he was like, I'm praying for you. I broke up with this guy. It was the hardest breakup of my life. And I'm at a broken state. You know, like, God, whatever you want. God like broken. And I feel the Lord say, I want you to be single. And I was like, let's pray again. The devil.

[Megan Ashley]

I didn't hear that right. Run that back.

[CD Fabian]

And so he said, I want you to be single for seven years, Melody.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you know how crazy that sounds?

[CD Fabian]

That's so nuts. I said, who does that? God. I, I.

[Megan Ashley]

When you told me that, I was like, lord, please, please.

[CD Fabian]

So I'm 20.

[Megan Ashley]

At least he told you the year he did. At least he told you the number. That is kindness. Because if he just said, I want you to be single. Till I said, because I was a.

[CD Fabian]

Hot mess, I was boy crazy.

[Megan Ashley]

I would have year five, year three, I'd have been like, I ain't hear him right? Yeah, I hear him. I hear him.

[CD Fabian]

Yes. And so, and I. I'm very careful with this, because sometimes people listen to this and are like, how do you pick a number? But you got to hear from the Lord. And confirmed by spiritual leaders in my life. And so when I spoke to the spiritual leaders in my life, they were all like, God is doing something very special with you. And one of them said, this is your Isaac. Will you sacrifice seven years onto him? And maybe as you're sacrificing, he'll say, no, it's only four. I Was like, I like that. That's good. I understand all that.

[Megan Ashley]

Right? You said, I come in agreement with that.

[CD Fabian]

Four, so seven years, I'm waiting on God. Gods are like, taking me out for coffee. I'm like, cool, I can't have a boyfriend for another five years. And they're like, what? You know? But most of the guys kept asking, how could we cut this short? Nobody said what my husband said. So let's fast forward now. I am on the 6th year of my 7 year vow. I go on a mission trip to Uganda.

[Megan Ashley]

Wait, wait, is this. When did.

[CD Fabian]

When did God tell you I'm 20.

[Megan Ashley]

To cut your hair?

[CD Fabian]

Oh, you want to know about that?

[Megan Ashley]

Because isn't that during the seven years? Yes, because I think that's really important. Because I think that we think that sometimes, like, God would tell us to sacrifice something that's major and you think the sacrificing is over.

[CD Fabian]

Oh, no.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? It's like, oh, well, he told me there ain't no way he won't tell me to do something else big like that. You know what I'm saying?

[CD Fabian]

Right, right.

[Megan Ashley]

Because that's my way. I'm going to be single for seven years. And I. And my hair is long. And you tell me to cut my hair.

[CD Fabian]

He told me to cut my hair. I like, got this beautiful.

[Megan Ashley]

What year is this? What in the seven years is?

[CD Fabian]

It was the first year.

[Megan Ashley]

The first year.

[CD Fabian]

It was, you're gonna make a commitment. You're gonna be single for seven years and you're gonna cut your hair.

[Melody Fabian]

It was a marker. It was a marker for her vow.

[CD Fabian]

It was, you're gonna be single for seven years, you're gonna cut your hair. And I had my purity ring. You're gonna add another. Another ring. And so I added a. He told me to add another ring because this is my commitment to him. So I had two rings. It looked like a wedding band.

[Megan Ashley]

Wow.

[CD Fabian]

I legit look. Married to God.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Unavailable, literally. He was like, I'll make sure you look unavailable.

[CD Fabian]

Yes. And so I'm like, come right here. That ain't biblical. Like, I'm like, that's. See, that ain't the Lord. And I'm reading about Paul and how he made a vow and shaved his head and then the Nazarite vows. And there's so many things about hair and vows. And I'm like, it is biblical. This is not. He's not saying something that's not, you know, in the word. And I'm like, but why? And he's like, because every time you get a haircut, you're going to remember your commitment to me.

[Melody Fabian]

And there's something really beautiful about that because in Scripture, it mentions how the woman's hair is her glory. And in Revelation, it talks about the elders, the 24 elders. They take off their crown, which is indicative of glory, and they lay it down at Jesus feet. So Melody was being asked to remove her glory. What would bring attention to her lay it at Jesus's feet? And like I said, when you were younger, you know, you made that vow at 16, you were marrying God. It was also prophetic and indicative that the church, because you embody a microcosmic view of the relationship that God has called us to as a whole.

[Megan Ashley]

And I love just the symbolism, too, is that he didn't tell you to cut it once. He told you to keep it that way. So it was like a constant thing. Like, you have to keep recommitting yourself to me. Keep. I just love. I just think the imagery of that is just beautiful.

[CD Fabian]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

Which, you know, when we take off our ring, we're still married. Right. And even in marriage, it's a constant.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

Taking care and tending to. Right. You don't just do the wedding and then you're done. No, it's attending to.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

And so I grew in love with the Lord. I grew in love with the Lord. And I mean, but that first year, ooh, I want to be with friends. I don't have a boyfriend now. And it felt like he was stripping me from my friends. And he would be like, spend time with me. And I'm like, that's lame. It's Saturday. I want to be out having fun. I'm in my room praying.

[Megan Ashley]

Right, right.

[CD Fabian]

He's like, yeah, I need you to enjoy my presence. And I'm like, I don't want to enjoy your presence. And I remember grabbing a journal. I love to journal. And I just. And I felt the spirit say, I can interpret that. I can interpret that for you. Because he interprets our groans. And so I'm sitting there, I'm crying, and I play this worship song. I don't remember what it was, but it was saying something like, you are looking for love so bad. It's me, Melody. I need. And I. I want to give this to the singles. If you don't find the love of the Lord now, you will not find it in marriage. I am so sorry, Melody.

[Megan Ashley]

Can we talk about it, please?

[CD Fabian]

Your spouse is not your savior.

[Megan Ashley]

And can I just say, as a. As A person who's been, who's divorced. I know that more now than I can eat. Like, I just want to plead with women, single women and men. Yeah. Amen. That like, if you do not learn how to have a intimate relationship with.

[CD Fabian]

The Lord, fight for it.

[Megan Ashley]

I mean, like, if you do not learn, because marriage isn't always, we all know it's not easy. But if you don't learn how to have an intimate relationship with the Lord, you will be more lonely at seasons.

[CD Fabian]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

If you don't learn how to like abide in him, be alone and be alone with him.

[CD Fabian]

And delight.

[Megan Ashley]

And delight. Yes. And even just developing how to hear him, how to like discern things. It's like you do that in your singleness. And I think people think that they come into a. I don't know, Like, I think for me, I got young, I got married really young. And I think I thought like I would know God in the way that I should know God when I'm married. Like, I couldn't know him. Really.

[CD Fabian]

Wow.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. And I'm like, I think, I think people think that you're going to, oh, I'll be, be you, I don't know, more mature. Once I'm like, once we come into this covenant, it would be, it's like, no, you gotta know how to have your own intimate relationship with the Lord. And I think it only benefits your marriage.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I mean? Not the marriage. Yes, the marriage can benefit your relationship with the Lord. You know, but I'm saying, I think it's just important that people know how to have a intimate, true relationship with the Lord before coming into a marriage. Like it changes everything.

[Melody Fabian]

One of the, one of the things I think that promote that false idea that marriage is going to somehow draw you or complete you. Right. Like even spiritually is the idea, like, you know, I, I married my better half.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. And the person who completes me.

[Melody Fabian]

The person who completes me. And so if you think about that like it's Jesus that's supposed to complete us. Right. And so if we are looking to our spouse to fill in a half to complete us in ways that only like we say in salvation, we got that God shaped heart, God shaped hole in our heart. And some of us don't realize that we created or we tried to fill the God shaped hole in our heart in marriage, that's only meant for God. And we were at, we call them dinner parties at our church and we were discussing that and we realized that we shouldn't say that I married My better half, or this is my better half. And I made a joke and I said, this is my better whole. Because we're supposed to be two holes. And that. That shows you the. The mystery, right? It's two holes becoming one.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

And two holes becoming one because Christ is in a center doing this beautiful miracle.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah, I love that. I love that. So. So you went through college. You cut your hair. You kept cutting your hair. You didn't add it on another ring. You're looking crazy. You ain't got no friends. You ain't partying. You ain't just. Melody is just literally, like, for sure, right?

[CD Fabian]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Cd what's happening with you until you guys meet? Like, what. What's your. What's. What's happening with you leading up to meeting your wife?

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah. So interestingly enough, the. The same year that my wife made her vow, we found out later that it's the same year I gave my life to the Lord.

[Megan Ashley]

Wow, that's beautiful. You guys literally have the perfect love story. It's like, write a book already. A movie.

[CD Fabian]

We need a book.

[Megan Ashley]

You guys need to make this a movie.

[Melody Fabian]

Come on. Christian prod.

[Megan Ashley]

No, I'm serious. Like, literally, y'all, someone needs to make this a movie, because it actually is, like, incredibly beautiful.

[Melody Fabian]

Anyway, thank you. Yeah. To God. Be the praise man. So, you know, we'll get to this part. But when I heard her story and she was testifying to a group of people, they asked me to testify. I came up like, well, my story is, like, the complete opposite of that up to a certain point. So I. I was also raised Catholic, but I was, like, not a creaser. I was like, every Sunday. I wanted to be a priest when I was younger. Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah. And then I found out priests.

[Megan Ashley]

He was gonna wear the collar.

[Melody Fabian]

Don't get married. I was. I was gonna do the whole caller, you know, do the whole Eucharist and the whole thing, But I found out priests don't get married.

[Megan Ashley]

And I was just like, I ain't doing that.

[Melody Fabian]

No, I'm good. I don't be no priest. I. Since a very young age, I. I always knew I wanted to be a married and a father. I always wanted. I always enjoyed family. So I thank God I have pretty good parents. My parents taught me right about, you know, relationships and things. I even had my dad once tell me how special it is for a married couple to come together and share sexual intimacy and them alone. But when I got to college, I went to the University of Arizona. It's a Party, school. And I got swallowed in and I joined fraternity. I started partying like crazy. My roommates were drug dealers, and I started smoking weed all the time. And, like. And then I didn't have the kind of discipline my friends had to be in. School, school, and party. So that really jacked me up. By my senior year in the year 2000, the year I was supposed to graduate, I had an encounter with God. My girlfriend at the time invited me to church. I had not returned to mass, that we call it mass in Catholic church for, like, a long time. And so I decided to go with her. And I'm hearing the scriptures, I'm hearing God about God in ways I never heard growing up, even though I went to, like, you know, private school. So I decided to research for myself. Who is Jesus? I'm hearing about that. I say I'm a believer of, but I don't know. So I'm in my dorm room and I'm reading through the scriptures. I decided to start with the Gospel. I'm in Matthew. I get to chapter five, verse 27, and he says, but among you. No, that's another verse. It says, you've heard it said, if you commit adultery, you should not commit adultery. But I say to you, if you even look at a woman with lust in your heart, you've already committed adultery. And he goes and talks.

[Megan Ashley]

He ups the stakes.

[Melody Fabian]

He ups the stakes. He looks at her heart, right? And I would later find that out. You know, God said to Samuel that, you know, man looks at the outward appearance, but I look at the heart. And this is that same concept. And he goes so far as to say, you know, if your right hand, it causes you to sin. If your eyes cause you to sin, pluck it out. And I was just like, man, this is intense, intense, intense. And I'm like. I was faced with a level of conviction I've never experienced before, because I was clearly a sexual immoral person. Not only with the acts that I did, but he even said, with your eyes. So having watched pornography and having engaged in those kind of acts, I was standing face to face with. It's kind of like the angel of the Lord's army with his sword drawn. I could feel it. But in my dorm room, immediately, I heard another voice in my soul, and it was, don't believe that. Do you really believe this is true?

[Megan Ashley]

I mean, Satan is so annoying.

[Melody Fabian]

Oh, yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

He tried to always interrupt tactics. Did God really say.

[Melody Fabian]

Did God really say Genesis 3 all over again? Look at all these people here at this university. You think that they all supposed to believe the one? Same thing. I mean, I had a real encounter with God and the devil in my dorm room.

[Megan Ashley]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

And so here I am, battling back and forth, and ultimately I fall to conviction and saying, no, I believe this is true. I fell on my knees, I raised my hands, and I said, father, I. I surrender. Tell me what to do. And the Holy Spirit said to me, go to church on the Sunday and give yourself to the Lord. So I go to church that Sunday, and I kid you not, I'm sitting in the back pretending to be all thugged out, you know, not really paying attention. But I said, if they have an altar call, I'm going to go up there. They did. I stand up, I could hear myriads of voices in my head telling me, don't go up there. We don't want to go up there. I'm not going up there. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? I have to push my body out of the aisle. And when I hit out of the pews and when I hit the aisle, I'm, like, bombarded with flashes of any and everything I've ever done wrong. Every lie, every time I was a widow girl, every time I looked at something inappropriate, every time I cheated, every time I did anything. And I am bombarded with conviction. And I'm weeping. And I see this one young lady who used to always talk to us about Jesus on campus. And she bothered me, but I figured, okay, she's legit. I go up to her. I am weeping. I fall on her shoulders. I want Jesus. I must have been such a bad person. She looks at me and she goes, cd what are you doing here?

[CD Fabian]

You did the same.

[Megan Ashley]

God is real.

[Melody Fabian]

And I said, I just want Jesus. I want Jesus.

[CD Fabian]

Amen.

[Melody Fabian]

Amen. She leads me to the prayer of salvation. And I could feel the light and the warmth of God enter into my body, enter into my chest, my soul. It filled me up. It came up to my eyes. I started turning my weeping of conviction, of grief into joy right then and there. My eyes were illumined. I walked out of that church so excited. And then I looked up, and I could just feel God's heart. Like the whole world needs to hear this. The conviction of evangelism hit me hard.

[Megan Ashley]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

And so now I'm telling everybody about Jesus. I'm the annoying one now, for sure.

[Megan Ashley]

I'm the annoying one. I'm the one that I. That used to get on my nerves.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah, for sure. But now I understand.

[Megan Ashley]

I get it.

[Melody Fabian]

And so I Went gung ho. And so now I'm reading through the Scriptures all the time. I'm studying, studying, studying. And the Holy Spirit's speaking to me like crazy throughout all the Scriptures. I get to Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 3, and says, but among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality. And I realized I need to have boundaries. So I said, I'll never be alone with a girl again. I will have to protect her name and mine in the Lord's name. I don't even want people to think that something happened. If I'm leaving some girl's house late at night in neighbor's seat, I don't even want that to happen.

[Megan Ashley]

That type of integrity, I'm just like. It almost doesn't exist anymore. I'm not saying it doesn't, because I do have hope that it does. But it's like that level. Level of integrity.

[CD Fabian]

Yeah. We're like, that's just being religious.

[Megan Ashley]

That's too much.

[CD Fabian]

Being is being wise.

[Megan Ashley]

Because what?

[Melody Fabian]

Because.

[Megan Ashley]

Because the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. That feels like you had a rest.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Of the Lord. That. That's.

[Melody Fabian]

But I learned it the hard way because, see, I was kind of conceited as a young man. I thought I. I was an athlete, you know, I thought I was like my cup of tea, you know? So I tried to make myself ugly by growing out a beard. And my hair and it got so nappy, I needed to get it brai. And it got me in trouble because I would find myself getting braided by this young lady. And that's a bad deal. I just wanna let everybody know that's a bad deal. Ain't no man supposed to be who's not your husband or what, in between some girl's thighs while she's braiding your hair, it gets laid in a chair. And one thing. Yeah, get in a chair. Have her stand. Anyway, long story short, bad things would happen, and I would fear the Lord. I'm driving home and I'm. Please don't take me out. I would fear the Lord. I would think about Ananias and Sapphira and there's something that God was doing in acts, you know. But I would fear the Lord. And then it hit me. I can't. Because the flesh is weak. I can't put myself in situations that would make it easy for me to fall. So, yes, I got to a point to where I even started thinking about reputation. But initially it started because I didn't even want an opportunity Come on. I didn't even want to. There was a girl that. We were at the MLK center studying late, and I was the only one there left with a car. She asked for a ride home. I took her home, and I walked her to the door. I'm old school. My father taught me old school, all this kind of stuff. Would you kid? I kid you not. I went too far. I went up into the dorm building and walked her to the door. And I didn't realize she was flirting with me. And when I saw her to the door to give a little hug, and she goes to the door, she leaves the door a little open. I had the thought to put my foot in the door, and I was like. I ran. I ran out of.

[CD Fabian]

Why did you run?

[Melody Fabian]

CD because the scripture says, flee sexual immorality.

[Megan Ashley]

People have to understand that the Bible does not exaggerate.

[Melody Fabian]

It's not exaggeration.

[CD Fabian]

It's not a hyperbole.

[Megan Ashley]

Like, run, run, bro.

[CD Fabian]

Because that little second, you're like, oh, I literally ran.

[Melody Fabian]

I ran. I ran out the building. I ran into my car, started the car, and I was still. I was driving. I was like, okay, okay, hold on. But I said, it was by conviction. It was such a fear of the Lord, a healthy fear of the Lord. And so this was happening for me. And so I'm going through the Scriptures as I'm studying, and he's just refining me sanct. Sanctifying me, sanctifying me. First Peter 1:16. Be ye holy, for I am holy. I thought about that. What. What do you mean by be holy? Set apart, consecrated. I said, what? And. And this is. This is what he said to me. I said, God, how do you want me to be holy in this? And he said, this is what deposited in my heart. This is from God. I don't want you to kiss another girl till you get married. So I'm already convicted, like, not to have sex again till I get married. Now he's. He's removing my lips.

[Megan Ashley]

Lord was putting demands on y'all. Did you hear me? Good God.

[Melody Fabian]

I mean, I said, you are crazy for sure.

[Megan Ashley]

Like, what do you mean? I'm grown, right?

[Melody Fabian]

Who does this?

[Megan Ashley]

Like, what are you talking about?

[Melody Fabian]

That feels weird. I was literally imagining myself telling some girl in the future, yeah, I can't kiss you till we get married. She gonna think I'm strange. So I made that. I made that commitment. And the last thing that happened, a couple years later, I was complaining. All my friends were getting married. All my friends were getting married. Married. And And I literally said this to God. This is so bad. I said, God, I already had sex. I know what I'm missing out on. That's not fair. I want to get married so I can, like, alleviate this for sure. You know, obviously, marriage is much more than that, right? But that was something I, like, had a longing for. And the Holy Spirit interrupted me, and he said to me, you're making me jealous. And I said, what? How am I making you jealous? He says, often when you pray, it's about this desire to be married. And he says to me, am I not enough? Am I not enough? And I remember the weight of glory coming over me, and I couldn't stand it. And I changed the topic of conversation. I ended my prayer time. I went on, I came back to pray that day. No, no, no. You need to answer my question. For four days, he wouldn't let me talk about anything else when I would go to pray. And finally I surrendered and I said, you are enough. And he says, okay, fine. Now I own your right to be married. Then I said, how will I know if you do want me to be married? And he reminded me of Gideon. He invited me to throw a fleece. So I said, okay, I won't ever pursue a girl. You will have to show me who she is. And this is how I'll know. If you put a girl in my eyes three times in a row, and I'm not even trying, I'm, like, looking elsewhere. I'm even avoiding her. Then I'll ask you, is this you? I won't even bring it up again then. And that's the scenario that happened when I would later meet Melody. A couple years later, we meet each other on a mission trip in Uganda, Africa.

[Megan Ashley]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

I see this pretty Puerto Rican girl on the trip with us. And every time I would look at her, I would turn away. Every time, I would find myself lingering a little too much because, you know, I had a little swag. I had a little charisma. And I'd catch myself and I'd walk away. And night after night, I would pray. And I would complain about her being like, God, there's this girl.

[CD Fabian]

She in my section.

[Melody Fabian]

She in my section. Like, you need to remove her.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

I don't know how far I should go, but, I mean, I could swing into this. So on the third night that. The second night that. That day, I asked the Lord, this is too much. Can you send her to the opposite side of town?

[Megan Ashley]

Because we had a larger team passed her away.

[Melody Fabian]

And I literally let her Join that one team that goes to the opposite side of town. And he sent me to another side of town. And I was like, oh, we got to ministry. We did our thing. So we come back together for dinner that night, the whole team. I'm one of the leaders, and I have to convey some information to the others. I get to Melody now, my wife. Listen, let me tell you, Melody is hilarious.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah, she is.

[Melody Fabian]

The Lord showed me her beauty through her spirit. First, I watched how she worshiped. I heard her testimony. Everybody thought she was crazy for God.

[Megan Ashley]

You was like, she is great.

[Melody Fabian]

She's intense. She's 26 years old, Latina from Chicago in the hood, still a virgin. I thought they were extinct. I thought I was looking at a dinosaur. This is ridiculous. And she loves God. She would weep as she's worshiping. It was so attractive. That's one of the things I had to turn away from. I couldn't even watch her worship. And then we're sitting there watching, talking, interacting. She's cracking jokes. She's laughing with everybody else. She's just, like, just drawing positive energy and such a good personality. And so I would laugh. Ha, ha, ha. And then I'd find some reason to go do something else. And so finally now, like, my eyes just kind of hit, and I was like, I had to bring some information to her. I knelt down by the table where she was at, and I got lost in conversation.

[CD Fabian]

And he's like, so we need to go to the. And I'm like, are you okay, cd? And he's like, you are so beautiful. And I'm like, what? He's like, I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud? And he walks away. And I'm like, what is happening right now?

[Melody Fabian]

Oh, my God. I lost it all. I was like. I prayed that last. That last night, that third. It was three. The third night. I said, lord, I lost all my game. I got no swag no more. I can't hold it together. I literally. I sound like a dick. I sound like a nerd.

[CD Fabian]

Like, you look so beautiful.

[Melody Fabian]

I didn't say, like, that. No, I. I said that part kind of cool. I did say that. Like, wow.

[CD Fabian]

It was cute, but it was like, we are leaders on this trip. This dude is flirting. Why is he flirting with me right now?

[Melody Fabian]

But I lost it. Like, it was so. I'm. I can't believe this, Lord. I can't believe I just said that out loud. The devil is trying to mess me up. And with that kid, you know, the Holy Spirit interrupted me. See when we start walking with the Lord, we start discerning his presence, his voice. And he said, very fatherly, very gently, but very firmly, don't call my daughter of the devil. And I respond, I'm not saying, like, she of the devil. You know what I'm saying? It's like this whole situation. And then it reminds me I had completely forgot about what you did. He said to me that if I bring a girl up into your section, this is how the Lord speaks to me. You know, sometimes he uses ebonics, you know what I'm saying? Three times in a row, you'll even begin to ask, is this for me? And I was like, is this my wife? You know, I just, like, jump right to it. And he's just so for sure, hold your horses. You could be her friend and you can get her number. And retrospectively, she noticed there was a switch. Because that very next day, I started being very courting, like, and intentional. I got invited to the radio station. I invited her along with me. I'm like, helping her guide down when we're walking down a hill or something like that.

[CD Fabian]

He was very attentive. So to rewind a little. When I'm 24, I had a crisis. Like, all my friends are getting married. All these guys that I thought were potential, they're getting marri. I'm like, all the potentials are gone, you know, I'm like, when this seven years done, I ain't going to have nobody. They. They're gone. And so I'm crying, and my dad. I love my dad. He's like, why are you crying? And I could be very real with my dad. And I'm like, dad, all the good men are running out. There will be none left. When I'm 27. He's like, you don't think God has a. You know, the Puerto Rican. You don't think God has a man for you? And I'm like, no, I don't. I don't think he does. And he's like, But I think, you know, wait a second. He goes and he gets this world huge map.

[Megan Ashley]

Okay?

[CD Fabian]

It's, like, covered.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

And I'm like, what are you doing? And he's like, you don't think God has a man for you in this big old world? And I'm looking at this world map, and I'm like, you know, China, Spain, where is he?

[Melody Fabian]

Where is he?

[CD Fabian]

You know? And he's like, we're gonna pray. We're gonna pray for your man of God. God. And I want you to get a journal and you're going to pray for your future husband. Don't get a girly journal, get a man journal. Okay? And you're going to write prayers for him, you're going to write letters to him. You're going to even put like, just say you see a card at Walgreens. You're like, I wish I had a boyfriend. Buy it. And you're going to put it in there for your future husband and on your wedding day you're going to give it to him. And I'm like, but like, what if like, like I do that and there's no man? And he's like, well, you give it to Jesus when he returns, but do it in faith. So I did. I bought this beautiful brown journal. I start writing to the unknown man of God. You know, I'm writing prayers and something I prayed is for an attentive man, for, for us to be a team in ministry, for him to be pure in heart. Every time I wanted to pray for a virgin, cuz I was still a virgin, I felt no pray for a pure in heart. Because you could be a virgin and not pure.

[Megan Ashley]

Well, hello.

[Melody Fabian]

How about that?

[CD Fabian]

Not about penetration, it's about your heart.

[Megan Ashley]

Okay?

[CD Fabian]

Okay.

[Megan Ashley]

Period.

[CD Fabian]

Okay. And your eyes and your, all of it. And so I was like a pure heart God that he would have at least a history. Not like I stopped having sex last week, but like a year five something, you know, reputation, all this stuff. So I'm seeing this man and I think he's cute, but he's not moving me in my flesh. I'll be 100. Okay? I'm like, he cute but you're not making me faint. You know what I'm saying? And I was still vain.

[Megan Ashley]

He said the Lord was still getting some stuff out of me.

[CD Fabian]

And I'm like, he cute guy, but like my man. Because I waited seven years, I had this entitlement.

[Melody Fabian]

Come on.

[CD Fabian]

Because I waited seven years, my man gonna make me faint. That's what I used to always say. I was like, he cute but he ain't making me faint. And so, but I'm loving his character and I'm loving his heart and I'm loving his leadership. Like every time there's a problem, oh go scd. And I'm like, oh, he a leader. Well Lord, but he ain't making me faint. And I kept going to that. So now he's being very attentive. Hey, I noticed. Did you need this? And the lights go out. He brings candles to our room. Super sweet. It starts raining, and he's like throwing rocks at the window. And I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, come on, dance in the rain. Cause all the kids were dancing, and I had said I always wanted to dance in the rain with my husband. And I'm like, no. Like, he ain't my husband. Okay? This is me in my head. But then I was like, that's so random that he would ask that. I'm like, I'm in my head. I'm in my head. And so, long story short, it's the last day. He's like, can we take a picture together? So we take a picture together. Kind of funny in the jungle, because we're. It's not the jungle, but there's these beautiful bushes. He's like, let's take a picture. Like, we're in the jungle. And I'm like, he's funny, and I could be funny with him. And I'm like, no, he's not that fine. Like, he's supposed to make me, you know? But I'm so. I'm fighting my spirit, my flesh, right? So we're at the end of the trip. There is this Lebanese, fine Brazilian man there, okay?

[Megan Ashley]

She said, that's him.

[Melody Fabian]

He like six, three. He's in shape.

[CD Fabian]

Everybody.

[Melody Fabian]

He had like one green eye, one yellow eye. He like. I mean, all the girls were like, all over him. And my guys, you know, they were discipling. They were like evangelizing and talking to. And he's receiving it. He's like, getting saved. And all the girls are in the background.

[Megan Ashley]

He's getting saved, right?

[Melody Fabian]

They're like. They're like, that's the one for me. That's the one. Look. Lord, he's getting saved.

[CD Fabian]

Oh, my God. So all the girls are like that, dude. So cute. Blue, right? So we're all. And I said, father, thank you that you gave me a vision of what my future will look like.

[Megan Ashley]

I am screaming, that's hilarious.

[CD Fabian]

This is a true story. I take a picture, Becky. So we didn't have these phones, okay? We had the old school cameras back then, right? So I take a picture of myself, but I really take a picture of.

[Melody Fabian]

The guy in the background.

[CD Fabian]

I'm zooming it in so you can see cropping and going. Thank you, God. Thank you, guys. Okay. Stalking Mr. Right?

[Melody Fabian]

Why didn't. When girls do it, it's so funny.

[CD Fabian]

Manifesting is evil.

[Megan Ashley]

He said, if I would have did that, I'd have been a creep. Yes, exactly. But you over here, manifesting.

[CD Fabian]

He's a. He's. He's very like, in your face look. Too touchy, right? So he comes to the room, he's like, you girl's good. You got your candles, you got. I'm like, yeah, we're good. He's like, hey, I want to see that picture we took earlier. And I'm like, no, I'm, you know, I'll show you later. He grabs my camera and I'm like, I. I'll.

[Melody Fabian]

I'll.

[CD Fabian]

I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get. And I'm like, get in my camera. And he's like, like, you took a picture of that guy at the restaurant. I'm so exposed. It's all zoomed in, caught.

[Megan Ashley]

That's what you get.

[CD Fabian]

And now I got to hold that pride together, right? So I was like, yeah, I did. And he's like, why? I was like, cuz, he was fine. But I felt terrible. I felt so terrible. I was being so mean. And he's like, all right, cool. And he walks away.

[Melody Fabian]

Yo, this lasted for like several days, a couple of days. This is the last day of our trip. And then we have to fly back. We have a layover in London. And we're all excited because this layover, we have a lot of time. So we go see the sights. We went to Buckingham palace, we saw Big Ben. Like, we saw the things. And as we're going, and I'm still trying to, like, now let me say this, this was good for me. Because Melody started becoming elevated in my mind. This woman got this crazy story. She loved God. God gave me permission to start to pursue. And let me just say, fellas, this is good. Cause, like, we don't have to be fine to pursue. We just gotta get a word from the Lord.

[Megan Ashley]

I am crazy. He said, don't worry if you ain't a 10. Yeah, it's all right, bro.

[Melody Fabian]

He might be a 4.

[Megan Ashley]

That's all right.

[CD Fabian]

But he knows the Lord.

[Megan Ashley]

Hello.

[Melody Fabian]

Well, so when she said that, it. It was. It grounded that. It grounded me, like, okay, she's a normal human being. She's not perfect. And. And I forgave her in my heart, you know, cuz she was kind of mean. But that whole trip in London, she didn't respond to any of my advances, any of my kind gestures. I opened up the door, I can hold it for myself. Myself, you know, I was just like.

[Megan Ashley]

I'm standing 10 toes down. I was exposed.

[CD Fabian]

So now I got in the install my Brazilian man. This is literally. I took A picture, okay, So I get home, I print it. Cuz that's the printing days back in the day, printed at Walgreens.

[Megan Ashley]

You did not print the picture.

[CD Fabian]

I printed it. I confess that I printed this picture.

[Megan Ashley]

You said, didn't y'all hear? I said, he said, seven years now. I didn't cut my hair.

[CD Fabian]

I thought cut my hair. I got one.

[Megan Ashley]

I didn't see this Brazilian man with two color eyes. He's mine. I deserve that.

[CD Fabian]

I deserve.

[Melody Fabian]

That's a good word.

[Megan Ashley]

No, seriously, like I, I think we, I, yeah, I deserve that entitlement. I don't even think we realize how entitled we are. We were talking about that last night. I'm like, yeah, you don't like almost kind of like job or not job. Jonah, how like entitled. He was like, you didn't. You did something so amazing and you still entitled. You feel like you got the right. Like you know better than God. Like I deserve that. I'm like, we all have to address that entitlement. Like, oh, you think your contribution, like, oh, I'm contributing something because I am saved, right? That's what you, that's your reasonable response, right? That's what you should be doing. But we think that like oh, I'm not having sex. So God owe me.

[CD Fabian]

He owe me.

[Megan Ashley]

He better reward me, right? He better be six, six, three, six, four, six pack.

[Melody Fabian]

Why six something.

[CD Fabian]

I don't know.

[Melody Fabian]

Melody is five zero. I don't even know why she want somebody that tall. She going to be. Have to be. You know, she was always trying to breaking his back just to give her a kiss.

[Megan Ashley]

But yeah, that entitlement is real.

[CD Fabian]

So God is so good. My dad is super prophetic. We go out to dinner, I'm telling him about Africa and he goes, the Lord gave me a word for you. And I said, really?

[Megan Ashley]

Shout out to good dads, cuz your dad sounds amazing.

[CD Fabian]

Like you got to have my dad.

[Megan Ashley]

He. Your dad sounds. I can't wait to meet him. He sounds amazing.

[CD Fabian]

And he said, your husband's coming. And I'm like, I know. I said confirmation. I think he's in Brazil, right? He's like, brazil? And I go, yeah, babe, Dad. I think like, I think. And he's like, no, you're like, you.

[Megan Ashley]

The one who showed me the map. Now he cuts it off.

[CD Fabian]

He cuts me off and he goes, what I felt the Lord say is take the kodak of what you think your man looks like out of your mind. Lest you miss what God has for you.

[Melody Fabian]

You.

[CD Fabian]

Hello, I'm like, why am I getting rebuked at this dinner? And I'm like, kodak picture. Uhhuh. I said, I'mma rip that picture. I ripped that picture. When I got home, he said, he may not look what, like, what you're thinking. And I said, well, I did meet this man of God in Africa, dad. He has so much character. He's so fun. And. And I'm saying all this stuff. I go, but he's cute. But it wasn't like, you know. And he's like, that. Deal with that, deal with that. And I'm like, well, start praying about this guy with me, dad. So we start praying about him. Cuz I have one year left now. So CD Calls me and he's like, hey, I just want to make sure you got home safe, you know? Just so kind, you know? And so he starts calling me a lot. And I'm like, hey, you know? And then he just stops calling me. And I'm like, I'm not gonna pursue him. He stopped calling me. Fine. So he calls me a month later. He's like, I am so sorry. I lost my phone. I had to find your number. And I'm like, he's pursuing me. He looking for me. And so he said, hey, I just want to share my intentions with you.

[Megan Ashley]

Come on, man. Who share intentions, you better have intentions.

[CD Fabian]

Hallelujah.

[Megan Ashley]

I know that's right. Men ain't got do any man got intentions. Y'all just out here. Do you have an intent? Good God, who sent you?

[CD Fabian]

Hello, Mr. Intentional, right? And he said, I know that you have a year left of your vow, and I think what you are doing for God is beautiful. First man to ever say that.

[Megan Ashley]

He said, some unicorns, y'all get on my nerves.

[CD Fabian]

And he said, you have to finish this commitment to the Lord. First man who says that. And he said, so I just ask, can we be friends for a year and see where this goes? Because I honestly feel like we would be a great team. When he said team, that's like a code word in my journal.

[Megan Ashley]

You said buzzword. Hello.

[CD Fabian]

And so I was like. But I was learning about how as women of God, we need to watch our mouth.

[Megan Ashley]

We be saying too much, talking too.

[CD Fabian]

Much, saying too much, too fast. Stop.

[Megan Ashley]

Now, the proverbs talk about that. Like, be quiet, be quiet.

[CD Fabian]

Hold it in your heart. Hold it in your heart. Not like, well, I got this journal, and that's rotating, and you're the man. Stop. You have a dream. You're like, you're the husband. You're My husband. No, write it down.

[Megan Ashley]

Test it. Yeah, test it.

[CD Fabian]

You don't gotta do.

[Megan Ashley]

Doing too much.

[CD Fabian]

If it's God, you don't gotta do too much. And so I was like. Like, yeah, we could be friends. And so I said, but you can't call me every day. And he said, oh, okay. What days are good for you? Not fighting me.

[Megan Ashley]

Not.

[CD Fabian]

Why can't I call? No. He's just like, okay, what days? I'm like, Tuesdays are good. Okay. And he would call me those two days. Those two days. And I want to say that because our culture doesn't know. Pace we in the DMs. We're. We're on FaceTime. We're where it's too much.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

You don't give. Like, how are these last two days for you? How you been?

[Megan Ashley]

So you believe distance can make the heart grow fonder in some type of way? Not too much distance.

[CD Fabian]

Not too much.

[Megan Ashley]

But I think, yeah, a little mystery.

[CD Fabian]

A little mystery leaves a mystery.

[Megan Ashley]

And so we just know everything. Where you at, Got location. On posting your meals. It's like, good God, I know everything before I even talk to you. Exactly.

[CD Fabian]

There's nothing to ask. Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

There's nothing to ask.

[CD Fabian]

Yeah. I saw it on Instagram. Okay. Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

We know people who. They. They track each other's location.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

I'm like, y'all not even married, but you need to track her location for.

[CD Fabian]

Right.

[Melody Fabian]

To develop some trust.

[Megan Ashley]

Yes. That's good.

[CD Fabian]

So we're getting to know each other, and that's another long, beautiful story, because now we're getting to know each other, we're asking these questions, and things are confirming for the both of us.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

And because we both come from a divorced home, my heart was when I marry.

[Megan Ashley]

That's it.

[CD Fabian]

That's it.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

It's. We're gonna work it out or we're gonna work it out.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

So that's it. And so now I'm like, lord, please show me if this is my husband. So one of the big ones, I call them my God moments. One of the big ones is my dad's like, hey, my job is sending me to Phoenix for work, for a conference. I'm like, that's where that guy.

[Megan Ashley]

You said, I will be on that flight.

[CD Fabian]

I couldn't go, but I said, said, yeah, CD Lives there. He goes, tell him I want to meet him for lunch.

[Megan Ashley]

I said, so cool.

[CD Fabian]

My dad would like to meet you for lunch. He's like, he's gonna be here. I said, yeah, for work. He goes, I'd love to meet your father.

[Megan Ashley]

Not intimidated, not scared.

[CD Fabian]

I said, you'd meet my dad even though I'm not there. He said, melody, I don't have anything to hide. I was like, this is a man on the phone. There is a man. Not a boy, a man on the phone. He met my dad in person. That was a good meeting. Then another big thing was I wouldn't send him any pictures of me because he was like, can I have a picture? Can I have the picture that we took? And I'm like, no, it's mine. I don't be giving pictures if you ain't my man. He's like, this girl with all these rules, right? So on one of the trips, it was your dad's wedding.

[Melody Fabian]

My father got remarried, which, side note, I was upset further that both of my parents, they got divorced and remarried before I even got married once. I'm like, come on, man, how'd they.

[Megan Ashley]

Get it before me?

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah, because they got. They got, unfortunately divorced later on in life. I was an adult already. So anyhow, my father gets remarried and I'm there. And while I'm there, it's a great spot. There's this bartender, Dominican girl, pretty.

[CD Fabian]

And.

[Melody Fabian]

And she catches my eye, so I'm avoiding her. She seems to be like, everywhere I'm at. I'm like, this is weird. And I'm text. I. I don't know if I texted you. I'm texting Melody.

[CD Fabian]

He said, pray for me. There's a lot of temptation out here.

[Megan Ashley]

Oh, okay. I remember.

[Melody Fabian]

And we're in Miami, you know, so this is where my dad got remarried. And it's the. The night is about to wind down. I'm speaking to my cousin. He's asking if I'm gonna spend the night with him or I'm gonna go back up to my mom's house. She lived up north, I said. And then right when I'm about to answer, she overhears from the bar as she's like, he's coming home with me tonight. And, you know, all my cousins, you know, and I. I look back and, you know, in my heart, I'm not gonna do that.

[Megan Ashley]

Right, Right.

[Melody Fabian]

But I started entertaining the idea, like, well, maybe I could get a number and, you know, we'll see what's up. But I'm like, nah. Like, I'm still trying to figure things out. And I had to make this decision in my mind right then and there. But the Lord was amazing. My Melody, I get a text from her right at that moment.

[Megan Ashley]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

Go Ahead, tell, tell them, tell them what happened in that moment.

[CD Fabian]

I'm praying for him because he's like, hey, pray for me. So I'm like, lord, protect him wherever he's at, especially if this is my future husband, you know, protect him. And I'm like, thank you, Lord, that he's being so honest about, like, it's tempting right now in Miami right now. And I feel the Lord say, you can send him the picture. I'm like, I can't, man. Okay, I'm gonna send them that picture. So I was like, remember our time in Africa?

[Melody Fabian]

I get it right when that girl said, he's coming home with me tonight.

[Megan Ashley]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

I get that text and I'm like, no, I'm not. You know, and you know, they're hooting and hollering and I'm like, I'm out. And I say I'm out. And I leave immediately.

[Megan Ashley]

And I get into the car, flee once again.

[Melody Fabian]

That, you know, I should write a whole thing about fleeing.

[Megan Ashley]

Fleeing for sure. Cuz you a master at fleeing. You be out of there.

[Melody Fabian]

So I call her on the drive and, and she explains why she felt free to, to send it. And I thought it was special because it wasn't because I had been texting her, hey, there's temptation. Da da da. She fell from the Lord to send it at that time. And the timing couldn't have been no better.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

And like you said, man, God writes the best stories.

[Megan Ashley]

I mean, y story is literally like, like, literally the best. Like, I, I, I think if someone does not make this a movie on Lifetime.

[CD Fabian]

Lifetime.

[Megan Ashley]

It's just, it's just incredible to me. I think the reason, again, the reason why I wanted to share your story with, with my audience is because I think we see so much of another way.

[CD Fabian]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

That it makes it feel like this is impossible. And I think the more that we platform and share what holiness looks like, what consecration looks like, and show that it is possible. Here you guys are how many years married now? 16. 16. 16.

[CD Fabian]

Oh, my God.

[Megan Ashley]

Okay. Married, children, ministry, team.

[CD Fabian]

Team.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I just think that, but it's important to see that that is possible and that God's way is possible and it's better.

[CD Fabian]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it just is better. And I don't, I don't ever want to be. There's a few things that was going kind of in my heart. The reason why I really wanted to, to bring you guys on is because I think that naturally People think that because I am divorced that all I could. All I would want to speak to or platform is singleness or how to be a strong single woman and how to. And I think, I think that it's like my heart is, is that, yes, I want you to have an intimate relationship with the Lord in your singleness. I want you to love him, I want you to know Him. And I think that it's going to be. It's impossible to say that you can go into. I'm ready for marriage, I'm ready for submission. If you have not submitted to the lor, you can't. And I know this firsthand. I know this firsthand because I did not live a life submitted to the Lord and it made my marriage impossible. I could never submit to him because I did not know what submission looked like. I didn't know what it meant to put. To do hard things. I didn't know what it meant to be self sacrificing. I didn't. So there's no way I could go into this marriage and be like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna put you first and I'm gonna love you and I'm gonna pr.

[CD Fabian]

How right?

[Megan Ashley]

You ain't never been. You. You don't even know what submission looks like.

[CD Fabian]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Especially coming from a divorced home. I didn't. You know what I'm saying? So there's no so I. But so that's one thing, like learning how to be in a committed, intimate relationship with the Lord. Because what I think is beautiful about you two is that going into your marriage, there had to been so much trust that you had in one another because of how you both individually submitted to the Lord? And I just think that that is like a game changer. Like, oh man, how much more can I go in to this marriage submitting to this person, right? Loving this person, when I've seen the fruits of how their relationship with the Lord has been. Like, you could submit to him because you saw how he trusted the Lord. You saw how he listened to the Lord and how he honored the Lord and you know what I'm saying? And you could trust that she was going to submit to you because you saw how she submitted to the Lord. I just think that that is beautiful and it needs to be seen and people need to know that it's possible.

[CD Fabian]

It is possible.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. I just think that it's possible.

[CD Fabian]

So I'm praying about everything. Okay. And now I'm like, okay, he has a sexual past. How do I say? How many partners have you had? Like, when do you bring that up? Like, when do you talk about that? You know? And so I'm like.

[Megan Ashley]

Which is something that should be brought up for sure.

[CD Fabian]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

And.

[CD Fabian]

And when I. I used to teach in the hood, in the schools, and I would tell the kids when I have sex, when I get married, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get my guy to show me his results. And my former last is Ms. La Luz. And they're like, Ms. La lose. Ain't nobody gonna show you their results. Like, we're just, like, trying to, like. And I'm like, my man will. My man will. So now we're in it, right? So I'm like, so I talked to my dad. I'm like, dad, how do I ask a man that question? And, like, when. And like, how do I say, I want to see your results of std? Like, you know, he's like, let's pray. And so we would pray, like, lord, make it clear, show the right timing, blah, blah, blah. And I'd write it in my journal. So one night he calls me and we would try not to talk past 10. And the reason why is because the later it gets, the more like, how you doing?

[Megan Ashley]

What you thinking about? It's like, yeah, you laying down?

[CD Fabian]

You're like, you want to FaceTime?

[Megan Ashley]

No. So.

[CD Fabian]

So it was past 10, and he goes, I know it's late. Something's heavy on my heart. Can I call you? And I was like, sure, you can call me. You know? So he calls me and he's like, I just couldn't wait for tomorrow. Like, I feel heavy hearted about them. Like, you okay? He's like, you know, we. Because he would teach in the schools, too. And he's like, you know, we teach in the schools, like, every six months. You should get tested if you're sexually active. If you're sexually active. And I'm like, I cannot believe this guy's bringing up what I've been praying about. About, like, it's happening. I don't even. What? And so I'm like, yeah. He's like, I've been celibate for six years, Melody. Like, I have not had sex with anyone for six years, but I have not been tested. And I just felt this conviction that I should get tested. And I want to show you my results.

[Megan Ashley]

It's like, write this. Write the story. Y'all get the producing it.

[CD Fabian]

Wow, thank you. You know, and he's like, and the thought that, what if I do have something that could possibly hinder this beautiful thing we have Breaks me. And his, like, heart is like. He's kind of getting emotional. I'm like, are you okay, CD he's like, melody, I. I know you're not. We know, obviously, where this might be going, right? We don't know for sure what God has for us. But I just want you to know, know I only have eyes for you. I'm gonna show you my results. And I'm sorry for my past. Like, I'm genuinely broken that I didn't wait for you. And I'm like.

[Melody Fabian]

Because that was a lie I had believed when I lost my virginity. I was late compared to my contemporaries. I was 19, a sophomore in college. But that night, I literally had the thought cross my mind, go for it. No one else is waiting. And immediately afterward, I felt grief. And then I heard a lie that says, well, continue. Because who waits for their second time? And so the enemy was trying to rob from me. Melody has a great story of preservation. I believe the Lord has a story for me of transformation. I just want to say that to anybody listening. Like, I know we're hearing these wonderful, beautiful God stories, but it took a lot of brokenness and confession and submission to the spirit of God, the word of God, to heal.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

And so no matter where we're at and no matter where you are, Megan, the Lord is walking with you and putting his spirit upon you and healing you, revealing things to you that you didn't know before. And the transformation that you're going through is also preservation from this point forward. And he is the one who restores the years that the locusts have eaten. So I just want to encourage that. And so now we're in this place in my life where I feel like the Lord is challenging me further. You mentioned this word earlier on, to be a man of integrity. And so I heard it said that we can show that we will be faithful in marriage by practicing faithfulness even before we. We get married, and our faithfulness to the Lord and our walk of integrity and so forth and so on. So I felt like I needed to protect her. This was the word that the Lord gave me. You need to protect Melody even from yourself. And I said that to her. I need to protect you even from myself. That's the role of a man.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[CD Fabian]

Amen.

[Melody Fabian]

So I called her, and I hope.

[Megan Ashley]

You guys have enjoyed this conversation with CD And Melody Fabian. Listen, next week, we're going to get into. I know we left off on a cliffhanger. Like, what were the test results? Well, you're going to find out. Next week. So come back same time, same place next week and we'll conclude the conversation. What's up you guys? I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you so much for listening and I hope you felt encouraged in some way. Be sure to like and follow into Tality Podcast everywhere you listen to your favorite shows. Follow into Tality on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and be sure to turn on your post notifications so that you can be the first to listen whenever there's a new episode.