Podcast
Inside The Consulting Room - Understanding the Child Behind the Behaviour
Hosted by Kim Lee · EN
I am a Chid & Adolescent Psychotherapist. The podcast are educational and orientated towards parents. We cover a wide range of sometimes, tricky subjects, in the hope of reassuring parents that no matter how hard things may seem, there are things you can do.
Thank you.
Kim
33episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Introduction to Coercive Control
2w ago00:15:18Tap to summarizeSend us Fan MailLove does not usually flip into fear overnight. It changes in small, almost invisible steps until you wake up one day and realize your confidence is smaller, your friendships are fewer, and your choices revolve around someone else’s moods. I am Kim Lee, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, and I am continuing my Dangerous Relationships series by turning to coercive control and emotionally abusive relationship patterns, not to help you diagnose someone, but to help you recognize what it feels like when your psychological freedom is being taken away.I walk through how manipulative relationships often begin with hope, affection, and the feeling of being seen, then tighten slowly through criticism, guilt, intimidation, dependency, or charm. The common outcome is the same: you stop trusting your own judgment, you avoid disagreement, and you start “walking on eggshells.” We also zoom out to show how coercive control can underpin dynamics that resemble addiction-centered families, narcissistic relationship behavior, or exploitative antisocial patterns, even when labels are unclear.To make change feel more navigable, I share my three R’s: recognition, reckoning, and recovering. Recognition is the hard, quiet moment you wonder if what you have accepted is not normal. Reckoning is the grief and clarity that precede action and truthful statements. Recovery is not simply returning to who you were, but redefining yourself through boundaries, self trust, and regained freedom.Because I cannot speak about coercive control without speaking about children, I explain why safeguarding matters and what kids may internalize when control seeps into the family. If this reminds you of someone you care about, share this series with them, and if it helps you, please subscribe, leave a review, and pass the episode along.
Transcribe →Dangerous Relationships Episode 2. Living Inside The Relationship
2w ago00:20:42Tap to summarizeSend us Fan MailDangerous relationships don’t usually start with danger. They start with attention, excitement, fast closeness, and that intoxicating sense of being truly seen. Then, slowly, the center of gravity shifts and you find yourself carrying more, questioning more, and shrinking more, while the other person keeps taking.We put diagnosis to the side and focus on lived experience: what it’s like inside an exploitative relationship, how manipulation can hide in plain sight, and why even smart, capable people stay. We break down the difference between mutual discovery and strategic observation, and how a relationship can become organized around acquisition rather than reciprocity. We also talk about “instrumental” dynamics where a partner is valued for what they provide, not who they are, and why that realization is both devastating and clarifying.We spend time on responsibility and trust: how blame gets externalized, how obligation quietly becomes expectation, and how your best qualities loyalty, patience, forgiveness, empathy can be turned into vulnerabilities. We also bring the focus to children and safeguarding, including why charming presentations can mislead professionals and why patterns and outcomes matter more than convincing stories.Finally, we walk into recovery with better questions: shifting from “How do I make this work?” to “What has this relationship been doing to me?” and “What’s in it for me?” If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review with the question you’re still sitting with.
Transcribe →Dangerous Relationships. Understanding Sociopathy
3w ago00:11:02Tap to summarizeSend us Fan MailA charming person can sound deeply self-aware, say all the right things, and still leave you stuck in the same painful loop. We pull apart that confusing experience by naming the gap between intellectual insight (knowing the words) and emotional insight (owning the impact), and we connect it to how dangerous relationships quietly erode your confidence in your own reality.We turn our attention to sociopathy as it’s commonly understood and clarify the clinical landscape along the way. “Sociopath” isn’t a formal diagnostic term, and responsible diagnosis requires professional assessment, history-taking, and ruling out other explanations. What matters for listeners is learning to recognize persistent patterns that show a consistent disregard for other people’s rights, feelings, and well-being. We also revisit emotional contamination and decontamination, because when you’ve been pulled into someone else’s emotional world, clarity is not just an idea, it’s a safety tool.We also tackle the big comparison: sociopathy versus narcissism. Both can involve charm, manipulation, deceit, and exploitation, but the organizing motive can differ. Narcissistic patterns often work to protect a vulnerable identity and defend against shame, while sociopathic patterns may center more on obtaining what they want, turning relationships into vehicles for advantage rather than mutual care. We close by respecting complexity in human development, naming risk factors without calling them destiny, and outlining the kinds of repeating behaviors clinicians actually track.If this helped you put language to something you’ve lived, subscribe for the rest of the series, share this episode with someone who needs clarity, and leave a review so more people can find it.
Transcribe →Dangerous relationships. Recovering Your Reality
3w ago00:16:57Tap to summarizeSend us Fan Mail
Transcribe →Dangerous Relationships. Narcissistic Patterns. Emotional Insight Vs Intellectual Insight
3w ago00:15:22Tap to summarizeSend us Fan MailSomeone can sound deeply self-aware and still be emotionally unreachable. That single contradiction sits at the center of many dangerous relationships, especially when narcissistic behaviors or narcissistic traits shape the rules of the bond. We start by answering two hard questions: how a person can appear generous, thoughtful, and believable to everyone else, while the people closest to them live with a completely different reality, and why smart, capable partners often end up doubting themselves instead of doubting the relationship.We break down a distinction that changes how you listen: intellectual insight versus emotional insight. Intellectual insight can be impressive, even persuasive. It uses the language of reflection, therapy concepts, and self-description. Emotional insight shows up in what someone is willing to feel, including the impact they have on you, and whether that feeling translates into real behavioral change. When you’re hearing apologies and explanations without a shift in how you’re treated, it creates a specific kind of confusion: the words sound right, but your body and your life keep telling a different story.From there we explore the “public face vs private reality” split, why admiration can become necessary, and how the relationship can slowly reorganize itself around protecting one person’s psychological equilibrium. We talk about what happens when you set boundaries, disagree, or say no, and how subtle patterns like tiny criticisms, dismissive reactions, and memory-challenging reframes can accumulate into self-doubt. We also touch on how narcissistic control can be expressed through dominance, intimidation, guilt, withdrawal, triangulation, or emotional dependency, and why the most important measure is the impact on partners and children.If any of this feels familiar, listen closely, then share this episode with someone who might need language for what they’re living. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what helped you start trusting your reality again?
Transcribe →Dangerous Relationships. Narcissistic Traits Vs Narcissistic Personality Disorder Ep1.
4w ago00:14:05Tap to summarizeSend us Fan Mail“Narcissist” is one of the most used words online and one of the most misunderstood. I want to slow the conversation down and bring the term back to something useful: not a casual insult, not a shortcut to certainty, but a way to think clearly about patterns that can make relationships feel confusing, destabilizing, and unsafe.We start with a distinction that surprises a lot of people: healthy narcissism is real, and it’s essential. It’s the self-recognition that helps us build confidence, set boundaries, and hold onto our worth when life gets hard. From there, we move into narcissistic traits, the very human moments of defensiveness, admiration-seeking, and sensitivity to criticism that can show up in any of us, especially under stress. The key question isn’t “do traits exist?” but “are they flexible?” Can someone reflect, take responsibility, repair, and genuinely empathize, or do they stay locked into denial and self-protection?Then we talk about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as something deeper than arrogance. I explain why behavior has consequences, yet also communicates an internal world, and why “explanation” is not the same thing as “excuse.” Finally, we connect all of this to dangerous relationships: the way one person’s inner world can gradually reorganize the emotional lives of partners, children, and even professionals, often while looking charming and credible to everyone on the outside.If you care about psychological safety, emotional abuse warning signs, and clearer boundaries, hit subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review. What’s one behavior pattern you wish people would stop calling “narcissism”?
Transcribe →Dangerous Relationships. Episode 1 part 2. Addiction. When Love Becomes Enabling
4w ago00:18:15Tap to summarizeSend us Fan MailDanger has a way of becoming normal when addiction sits in the middle of a family. Promises break, fear spikes, secrets multiply, and suddenly everyone is living around the addiction instead of living their own life. We name that reality clearly and then do something harder: we hold compassion for the person struggling with addiction while staying honest about the profound damage carried by partners, children, parents, and siblings.From a psychotherapy and family systems perspective, we talk about enabling, boundaries, and why recovery often starts by increasing discomfort rather than reducing it. We explore what it means to think strategically instead of reactively, how responsibility gets quietly redistributed across a household, and why addiction recovery is rarely an individual project. Real change typically involves a wider recovery system: addiction services, medical and mental health support, therapists, family members, and safeguarding professionals when children are involved.We also spend time on the child’s experience, because kids in addicted homes adapt in heartbreaking ways: becoming little carers, peacekeepers, perfectionists, or going invisible to stay safe. Those survival roles can echo into adult life, shaping future relationships and increasing risk for addiction or abusive dynamics. The turning point is learning that love and boundaries are not opposites. Love tells the truth, stops protecting the addiction, and supports recovery with clear limits.If this resonates, share it with someone who needs language for what they’re living, then subscribe and leave a review so more families can find support and practical guidance. What boundary feels hardest for you to hold right now?
Transcribe →Dangerous Relationships. Ep 1 part 1. Living With Addiction
4w ago00:14:25Tap to summarizeSend us Fan MailAddiction doesn’t just change the person using. It rewires the whole home. When someone is living with addiction, everyone else can end up living in a constant state of watchfulness, waiting to find out who is coming through the door, what mood they’ll be in, and what damage might follow. That unpredictability is exhausting, and it quietly trains partners and children to organize their nervous systems around danger. We break down why addiction becomes a family system problem, not simply an individual behavior problem. We talk about the progressive loss of freedom that can make “good intentions” collapse under pressure, and we map the familiar loop of craving, use, relief, regret, promises, renewed hope, and relapse. We also name one of the most painful dynamics I see in families: the way hope can keep a relationship alive while keeping everyone trapped when meaningful recovery and treatment are missing. Then we go deeper into enabling, not as weakness, but as a protective strategy rooted in love, fear, and the unbearable urge to prevent consequences. We address the unspoken terror many partners carry about setting boundaries, insisting on treatment, or leaving, especially when overdose risk and suicidal talk are part of the picture. We close with a hard truth that can also be liberating: you can support someone, but you cannot recover on their behalf, and confronting reality is often the first step toward reclaiming your life. If this resonates, subscribe for Part Two, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find support. What boundary feels hardest to set right now?
Transcribe →Dangerous Relationships, Introduction to the series.
4w ago00:15:13Tap to summarizeSend us Fan MailSomething about the word “dangerous” feels extreme until you’ve lived through a relationship that quietly teaches you to shrink. I’m Kim Lee, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, and I’m opening a new series called Dangerous Relationships with a clear definition: this isn’t about ordinary conflict, rough patches, or a couple who argues. It’s about a repeated pattern of behavior that steadily diminishes emotional wellbeing, psychological freedom, sense of identity, and the ability to make independent choices, sometimes alongside threats or risk of physical harm.I dig into why patterns matter more than isolated incidents and why so many smart, capable people don’t recognize the danger while they’re still in it. Harm often grows gradually, almost imperceptibly, until the relationship reorganizes around one person’s needs, fears, and expectations. Along the way, confidence fades, decision-making gets harder, self-trust erodes, and you may start seeing yourself through the other person’s eyes. I also name common red flags like control replacing mutual influence, fear replacing safety, guilt replacing honest conversation, conditional affection, and apologies that repeat while the behavior never changes.I also push back on the pressure to label someone a narcissist, psychopath, or “disordered.” Diagnosis is complex and requires a qualified clinical assessment. The more useful question is simpler and more urgent: what is it like to be in a relationship with this person, and what is it doing to you and your sense of self? When children are involved, the stakes are even higher, because kids don’t just witness relationships, they grow up inside them and build their attachment blueprint from what they experience.If you want the next episodes on addiction-centered family systems, narcissistic patterns, borderline dynamics, antisocial traits, and recovery, follow the show now. If this resonates, share it with someone who needs language for what they’re living through, and please leave a review so more people can find it.
Transcribe →Emotional Decontamination And The Self Beneath
4w ago00:14:19Tap to summarizeSend us Fan Mail
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