Jason Voorees Biography Flash a weekly Biography.

Alright, ghouls and slasher scholars, it’s time for another Jason Voorhees Biography Flash—because apparently, the hockey-masked menace never takes a day off, not even in the off-season. If you thought the only thing sharper than Jason’s machete was my commentary, buckle up, because the last few days have been a full-on Camp Crystal Lake soap opera.

First up on the machete menu, Universal Studios just announced that Halloween Horror Nights 2025 will feature a brand-spanking-new “Jason Universe” haunted house. Picture it: you, the air thick with fog and panic sweats as you dodge scareactors in Jason masks jumping out from ramshackle cabins that smell like teen spirit... and probably questionable plumbing. According to The Hollywood Reporter, this is the first time—get this—Jason’s entire blood-soaked resume will get its own “vengeance tour” walkthrough, from his humble beginnings in 1980 to his present day as a walking urban legend. Not to be outdone, they teased a new Jason mask, but there’s already online beef because original writer Victor Miller and director Sean Cunningham are reportedly bickering over which iconic version will be canon. It’s less “creative vision” and more “divorced parents fighting over Halloween custody.”

Meanwhile, if social media has taught us anything, it’s that nothing gets fans fired up like Jason fashion. Discourse is popping off about which version of the mask should dominate and whether Jason looks better sprinting after you or pursuing you with all the urgency of an under-caffeinated barista. According to Fridaythe13thfilms.com, fans still roast the 2009 remake Jason like an overdone marshmallow. Apparently, nothing unites us like complaining about bad continuity and missed hatchet notches.

Pop culture’s still cashing in: this weekend at San Diego Comic-Con, not only did Jason get a fancy new mask designed by Greg Nicotero—cheers all around, though purists grumbled it was missing that iconic hack from Part 3—but the panel also unveiled a bizarro teaser with Jason collaborating with, I kid you not, Angry Orchard. Because nothing says horror icon like sponsored cider and a creepy mascot side hustle.

Over on streaming, parts 1 through 8 of the original Friday the 13th saga just hit Paramount Plus, timed perfectly for your Labor Day horror binge. I’m sure “Family Movie Night” will never be the same.

And in the “Jason is now meta” files, Hollywood stuntman Douglas Tait—one of the many who’ve worn the sacred overalls—was seen headlining Halloween events, doing Q and A’s about being chased by teens and, presumably, how to clean fake blood off your laundry.

So there you have it—Supertanker-sized developments for a guy who technically still can’t talk and has fewer facial expressions than my pet goldfish. Don’t forget to subscribe so you’ll never miss a slash—uh, I mean, splash—of Jason Voorees updates, and hit up "Biography Flash" if you want more legendary biographies. Until next time, watch your back at the lake, and maybe your front, too—just ask anyone who survived Part VII. Thanks for listening!

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