Humility is not a weakness or a sign you're a pushover, instead it's a mental health tool that just might be exactly what our loneliness epidemic and anxiety culture are desperately craving. Humility is an accurate, grounded sense of who you are. And that grounded sense of self is a foundation for confidence, deeper connection, and holistic mental health.

Here's what we'll explore this episode:

There are four research-backed types of humility to focus on:

Relational humility — how you hold yourself in relation to others; not above, not below
Intellectual humility — holding beliefs with openness; curiosity over certainty
Cultural humility — recognizing the limits of your own cultural lens and genuinely welcoming differences
Existential humility — making peace with uncertainty, impermanence, and the big unanswerable questions of human life

You might be doing great in one area and struggling in another (that's normal). These types aren't perfectly clean categories, but they offer areas for self-reflection and focus as you work to boost your humility and emotional wellbeing throughout the month.

With these areas in mind, we'll use researcher Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework to build humility through three core ingredients:

Know Yourself — honest self-awareness of strengths and limits, without self-preoccupation
Check Yourself — reducing defensiveness and the need to protect your ego
Go Beyond Yourself — cultivating empathy and humility as a deep relational practice

These three ingredients aren't just a nice framework for self improvement, they're a pathway to reducing loneliness, increasing connection, and building the kind of holistic healing and joy that Joy Lab is all about. If you're in the Joy Lab Program, your first Experiment will help you locate yourself within these four types and start the work.

About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program. Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible).

Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials:

Instagram

Watch on YouTube

Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility:

Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life.

More on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation.

Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD
Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here.
Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here.
Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here.
Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here.
Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here.
Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here.
Wendell Berry's book Standing by Words

Key moments:

[00:00:00] Welcome + intro to Joy Lab's Element of Humility — solo episode with Dr. Aimee Prasek

[00:00:30] Clearing up the bad takes: what humility is not — not weakness, not martyrdom, not dismissing your talents

[00:01:00] The social science of humility: why we're drawn to humble people from mid-adolescence on, and why it primes us for connection

[00:02:00] Humility as antidote to certainty culture and self-destructive perfectionism; the formal definition unpacked

[00:02:45] C.S. Lewis on humility as self-forgetfulness — and the powerful paradox it reveals about hyper self-focus

[00:03:30] The reframed Lewis quote: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself — it's thinking of yourself less often"

[00:04:15] Introducing the four research-backed types of humility: relational, intellectual, cultural, and existential

[00:05:00] Deep dive into intellectual, cultural, and existential humility — leaning into curiosity over certainty

[00:06:00] Why humility is harder than other Elements — and why it's worth it anyway

[00:07:00] The obstacles: certainty culture, fear of being wrong, pressure to perform vs. just be

[00:08:00] Ego protection, the stress response, and why humility can feel like a physical threat to the nervous system

[00:08:45] Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's three ingredients for building humility: Know Yourself → Check Yourself → Go Beyond Yourself

[00:09:45] Humility as medicine for the loneliness epidemic, anxiety, and depression — why culture is craving this right now

[00:10:30] What's coming next: knowing ourselves, plus your first Joy Lab Program Experiment

[00:11:00] Closing poem: The Real Work by Wendell Berry

Full transcript here

Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program.

Please see our terms for more information.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.