Podcast
Joy Lab | navigate stress, anxiety, & depression with the science of joy
Hosted by Henry Emmons MD, Holistic Psychiatry; Aimee Prasek PhD, Positive Psychology · EN
Joy Lab isn't your typical happiness podcast. We focus on navigating mental health experiences like depression, anxiety, stress, grief, and burnout with the science of joy. You can expect a blend of the best cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, positive psychology practices, stress management techniques, and mindfulness skills. Each month we focus on building one Element of Joy such as gratitude, self-compassion, confidence, self-acceptance, humility, and self-connection. It's a holistic approach to mental health that's refreshingly free of finger-wagging and toxic positivity and full of practical, whole-person support that's empowering and actually helps. Joy Lab is hosted by two leaders in mental health, Henry Emmons, MD (integrative psychiatrist) and Aimee Prasek, PhD (mental health researcher).
You'll probably find this podcast most useful if any of these feel familiar:
* You feel caught in cycles of worry, anxiety, or panic attacks.
* Stress has settled into your body, with tension, fatigue, and irritation showing up too often.
* The news of the world is getting under your skin, affecting your mood and focus more than you'd like to admit.
* Day-to-day life feels too "meh" and you want something more.
* Your mind feels full, foggy, or restless... maybe at 3am, when it seems especially determined to revisit everything you can't solve.
* You've been in a low mood or depression rut for a while and you want tools to move through it.
* Burnout has left you exhausted, detached, or running on empty.
New episodes drop every Wednesday + the 1st of each month. Each episode is a practical guide to managing depression and anxiety, building resilience, cultivating joy, and navigating life with more steadiness. It's an empowering approach that isn't just focused on what's wrong or endlessly chasing after fleeting moments of happiness.
Henry and Aimee bring 50+ combined years of mental health expertise, along with the lived experience to know that "not so bad" is not the end goal for mental health. Joy Lab is here to help you reclaim the resilience and joy that's already within you.
Joy Lab is an Ambie-nominated, trusted mental health resource and is powered by Pathways North, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit.
This content is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Consult your doctor or a qualified health professional before making changes to your health routine. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 (SAMHSA) or contact the NAMI HelpLine at 1-800-950-6264 (Mon–Fri, 10am–10pm ET), text "HelpLine" to 62640, or email helpline@nami.org.
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Confidence, Motivation, & Values: Focusing on Direction, Not Perfection [276]
1w ago00:24:36Tap to summarizeWhen confidence is built on external approval, performance, and outcomes, it's fragile. It's also a fragile support for motivation that depends on getting the win, which then boosts your confidence and motivation temporarily, priming you to start the search for your next win to fuel your sense of confidence and refill your motivation tank. The problem comes when the wins sit far apart and your , confidence and motivation start to run on fumes. Or, if you try and fail, then your confidence and motivation can collapse. This episode offers a more durable foundation for your confidence and motivation to be built on: your values. When you ground your confidence in your values rather than your performance, the question shifts from "Did I nail it?" to "Did I show up in alignment with what matters to me?" We'll dig into some practical values-clarification exercises to help you identify your values and follow-up next episode with how to take action. Here's the list of values from Dr. Brene Brown that we referenced: https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/ Note: This episode includes a brief reference to gun violence at 3:30. You can skip to 4:50 or 6:00 to avoid that section. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Common Questions & Mental Health Tips from this Episode: Q: What do my values have to do with building confidence? A: When confidence is anchored in values rather than performance and external approval, it becomes something you practice daily rather than something you achieve once and lose the next time you fail; this episode explains the shift and offers a twist on Viktor Frankl's three-category framework for identifying your own values. Q: How do I figure out what my values actually are and not what I think they should be? A: This episode offers a practical exercise using a twist on Viktor Frankl's categories (what you love to give, what you love to receive, what you stand up for). Henry also gives specific guidance on noticing when you're answering authentically vs. answering how you think you should. Key moments: [00:00] Content note: brief reference to gun violence at 3:30 — skip to 4:50 or 6:00 to avoid [00:30] Welcome back to the Element of Confidence — introducing values clarification as the next step [01:00] How confidence gets built on external factors: performance, "shoulds," what others think of us. This creates fragile confidence that's dependent on outcomes, approval, hitting specific standards [02:00] The shift: grounding confidence in values rather than performance [03:00] Values are not something you achieve — they're something you live from, an ongoing practice [03:30] Henry's story: asked to speak to a community deeply shaken by a school shooting [note: gun violence reference here — skip to 4:50 to avoid] [04:50] Henry's internal shift: moving from "do I have the expertise?" to "how can I show up with compassion?" [05:30] The result: compassion-based confidence doesn't require perfection, it requires alignment [06:00] When you're grounded in values, the question isn't "did I nail it?" — it's "did I show up with care?" [07:00] Defining values: the compass, not the destination — many of Joy Lab's Elements of Joy are values [07:30] Aimee shares the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) definition of values from Wilson and DuFrene — and why it's worth unpacking [08:00] Values are freely chosen — not what we've been told should matter, but what actually does [08:30] Values are verbally constructed and flexible — not rigid, not locked to immediate consequences [09:00] Values make effort more meaningful — the effort itself matters, not just the outcome [09:30] Intrinsic engagement: when we act in alignment with values, that alignment itself is reinforcing [10:30] Values-based motivation is more sustainable — you don't have to feel confident to act, or achieve a goal to know you're doing something that matters [11:30] Values-based motivation is more durable: outcomes are unpredictable; your values aren't [12:30] Values are not meant to become another "should" — they're for direction, not perfection [13:00] Henry coins it accidentally: "Values are for direction, not perfection" — Aimee immediately wants it on a T-shirt [14:00] The exercise: Viktor Frankl's three categories of values with a Joy Lab twist [14:30] Creative values: what do you love to give? Ways you contribute your talents to the world [15:00] Experiential values: what do you love to receive? What you love to witness or be part of [15:30] Attitudinal values: what do you stand up for? What you hold onto when things are hard [16:30] How to do it: three lists, pen and paper, free write — then look for themes that point to values [17:30] Some things that give you knots in your stomach may not align with your values at all — useful information [18:00] Things that do align with your values: worth pushing through the discomfort for [18:30] Henry: your values are yours — not your parents', your culture's, or what you think you should have [19:00] Notice if you're answering authentically or answering how you think you should — pause and ask "what do I actually care about?" [19:30] Values are not static — how Henry values compassion at 60 is different from how he valued it at 30 [20:00] Don't let values become another source of self-judgment — they're a direction, not a performance standard [21:30] This is what confidence grounded in values actually looks like: commitment to the direction, self-compassion when you fall short [22:30] Preview of next episode: taking action — bring your values lists, we'll put them to work [23:30] Closing wisdom from Dr. Howard Thurman: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Full transcript, sources and links mentioned: https://www.joylab.coach/podcasts/joy-lab-podcast/episodes/2149229954 Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Facebook YouTube Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
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You Are Not Your Thoughts: Cognitive Defusion for Confidence & to Change Your Relationship With Self-Critical Thoughts [275]
2w ago00:25:08Tap to summarizeYou've likely had a situation where you wish you had confidence, but instead felt full of self-criticism, self-judgement, imposter feelings, and anxiety. The good news is that skills like cognitive defusion (the practice of loosening the grip that self-critical thoughts have on you) can help tremendously to help you get some space from those overwhelming thoughts. We'll dig into these thoughts in this episode, explore why they rise up, and introduce some practical tips and strategies to help you work with them. These powerful mental health tips will help create some space between you and your thoughts, helping you to take actions that build your confidence. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Sources and Notes for our Element of Confidence: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Episodes in this series: Not Feeling Confident & Want to Know How to Increase Confidence In Yourself? Start By Seeing Confidence as Trust, Not a Feeling [ep. 273] Building Confidence with Mindful Acceptance (even when anxiety, self-doubt, & the harsh inner-critic show up) [ep. 274] You Are Not Your Thoughts: Cognitive Defusion for Confidence & to Change Your Relationship With Self-Critical Thoughts [ep. 275] Related episodes: How to Calm the Mind & Not Feed the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) [ep. 264] Rumination: What It Is and How to Break Free From It [ep. 205] Imposter Syndrome is a Myth [ep. 175] What Imposter Syndrome Really Is [ep. 276] Book: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, PhD Book: Confidence Culture by Shani Orgad, PhD & Rosalind Gill, PhD Bandura. Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Access here. Baumeister et al. Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Access here. Donnelly et al. Do people know how others view them? Two approaches for identifying the accuracy of metaperceptions. Access here. Hayes et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Unified Model of Behavior Change. Access here. More about Victor Frankl's work from VFIA. Full transcript here Common Questions & Mental Health Tips from this Episode: Q: How do I stop self-critical thoughts from taking over right before something important? A: This episode teaches cognitive defusion, a practice from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that loosens the grip self-critical thoughts have on you without fighting or suppressing them; two specific techniques that we added in this episode (the "thank you, brain" method and psychological distancing) give you practical tools to use in the moment. Q: What's the difference between managing stress and actually changing my relationship with difficult thoughts? A: Stress management techniques are like inner tubes that are genuinely helpful for keeping your head above water. Cognitive defusion goes deeper, shifting you from reactive management to a more fundamental change in your relationship with the thought; this episode explains the distinction and why both have a place. Key moments: [00:00] Welcome back to the Element of Confidence — introducing cognitive defusion as this episode's core skill [01:00] Sometimes thoughts aren't peaceful branches on a stream — they're the Bunker Hills Wave Pool, circa late '80s [02:30] The lifeguard metaphor as an upgrade to the peaceful river observer — seasoned, present, with a broader view [03:00] The kinds of thoughts that come in like waves: "I'm never gonna get this. I'll embarrass myself. I always screw up. Everyone will think I'm an imposter." [03:30] When thoughts overwhelm: stress response surges, the only thought becomes "how do I get out of this?" [03:45] Reminder: if thoughts are feeling truly overwhelming, reaching out for extra support — therapist, NAMI helpline, 988 — is always an option [04:30] When we stop fusing with or fighting thoughts, they start to get smaller over time [05:30] How fusion works physically: heart rate rises, palms sweat, decisions made from the fused belief [06:00] The thought is not reality — it's neural activity generated by past experience, fear, or ingrained patterns [06:30] Cognitive defusion: loosening the grip, creating space between you and the thought [07:30] Defusion vs. positive thinking or cognitive restructuring: this doesn't fight the thought, it changes the relationship with it [08:30] Aimee introduces self-as-content vs. self-as-context from ACT [09:30] Stress management as inner tubes: helpful for riding waves, but you're still in the pool managing the waves [10:00] Self-as-context: the lifeguard — noticing "I've seen that wave before," seeing the bigger picture, able to take wiser action [10:30] From the lifeguard perspective: "The waves are uncomfortable, but they'll die down" — and you can give yourself true support [11:30] Henry: stress management is great and important — AND it keeps us in reactive mode; defusion is a different level [13:30] Henry on perfectionism and defusion: if you believe you need to be perfect to be confident, you'll become hypervigilant about thoughts [14:30] The truth: you don't have to be perfect; when you accept doubt and mistakes as normal, imperfect thoughts become no big deal [15:00] Aimee: strategies for defusion — not to dispute the thought, but to notice it and loosen its grip [17:00] Strategy 1 — Psychological distancing: "I'm noticing that I'm having the thought that..." instead of just "I'm going to blow it" [19:00] Adding levity: say the phrase in the silliest voice you can — trailer narrator, romance novel narrator, sports commentator [20:00] Henry introduces Strategy 2 — "Thank you, brain" [20:30] How it works: immediately positions you as observer; paradoxically accepts rather than fights; carries humor that defuses in the moment [22:30] Aimee: this is not about forcing a feeling or suppressing thoughts — it's about letting them matter less [23:00] Connection to last Element (Humility) and right-sizing: letting thoughts take up the space they need, no more, no less [23:30] Preview of next episode: values — what we care about, so we can choose where to put our energy and take action toward confidence [23:45] Closing wisdom from Eckhart Tolle: "The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive... It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly — you usually don't use it at all. It uses you." Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: <a href= "https://...
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Building Confidence with Mindful Acceptance (even when anxiety, self-doubt, & the harsh inner-critic show up) [274]
3w ago00:28:42Tap to summarizeOne of the most essential coping skills for building real confidence is mindful acceptance. This is the practice of noticing that fear, self-doubt, and self-consciousness are present and... that's ok. Henry puts it simply: you're acknowledging there's a passenger on the bus. You're just not letting that passenger drive. We'll also take some time to name and untangle the harsh inner critic. That's the voice that pretends to be accurate self-assessment but is usually something absorbed from a critical adult long ago and we've just pressed play on ever since. The three key questions Henry raised for distinguishing the harsh inner-critic from your true voice are: Does it attack? Does it use fear and shame? Is it absolute or extreme? If the answers is "Yes" to any of the above, then that's your inner-critic. Your authentic voice is gentler, clearer, and never tries to motivate through fear or shame. Simply acknowledging the difference can take the power away from the inner-critic. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Listen & follow the Joy Lab Podcast on your favorite listening app: Spotify | Apple | YouTube Full transcript available here. Sources and Notes for our Element of Confidence: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Related episodes about imposter phenomenon: Imposter Syndrome is a Myth [ep. 175] What Imposter Syndrome Really Is [ep. 276] Book: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, PhD Book: Confidence Culture by Shani Orgad, PhD & Rosalind Gill, PhD Bandura. Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Access here. Baumeister et al. Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Access here. Donnelly et al. Do people know how others view them? Two approaches for identifying the accuracy of metaperceptions. Access here. Hayes et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Unified Model of Behavior Change. Access here. More about Victor Frankl's work from VFIA. Common Questions: Q: How do I stop my fear and self-doubt from getting in the way every time I try something new? A: This episode introduces mindful acceptance, the skill of noticing uncomfortable feelings like fear, doubt, and embarrassment without fighting or avoiding them, so they don't hijack your actions. With this skill, the focus doesn't have to be about making the feelings go away, it's more about learning to move forward while they're present. Q: How do I know if the critical voice in my head is giving me useful information or just tearing me down? A: Here are some important point to help you distinguish your harsh inner critic from your true voice: The inner critic attacks, uses fear and shame as motivation, and deals in absolutes. Your true voice is gentler, more nuanced, and never tries to hurt you. Key moments: [00:00] Welcome back to the Element of Confidence — recap of last episode's definition: confidence as trust and willingness to act [00:30] How we'll build confidence: Mostly Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) strategies and Dr. Russ Harris' framework [01:00] First step: mindful acceptance — noticing rather than judging, allowing rather than fighting [01:30] What we're accepting: the uncomfortable feelings that arise when we wish we felt confident — nervousness, embarrassment, fear [02:30] Henry: acceptance is not resignation and not agreement with the anxiety [03:00] What acceptance actually is: "I notice I'm feeling anxious. I'm going to take action anyway." [03:30] The bus metaphor: fear and self-doubt are passengers — they don't need to drive [04:00] Why this matters: confidence doesn't come from feeling good first; it comes from acting despite not feeling good [04:30] Aimee's fellowship interview story: knowing all the behavior change theory, then getting a question about Boston housing [05:00] Pterodactyls, not butterflies — the full physical panic experience [05:30] Thirty minutes of talking to suppress the feelings, which only made them worse — the fellowship did not come through [06:30] Henry shares his own story: giving a large talk despite genuine anxiety, using mindful acceptance in real time [07:30] What shifted during the talk: nervousness moved to the background, attention shifted to connection with the audience [08:00] Genuine confidence appeared — not because anxiety was gone, but because he was succeeding despite it [08:30] Mindful acceptance doesn't mean not feeling uncomfortable — it means seeing clearly and choosing your actions anyway [09:30] The performance bell curve: a little anxiety is actually good for performance; fighting it isn't the goal [10:30] Experiential avoidance: using effort to suppress uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, and sensations to feel safer short-term [11:00] The Good Place medium place metaphor: warm beer and marching band music — feeling safe but not really living [11:30] How avoidance is protective in the short term but reinforces the idea that you can't handle the situation [12:30] Irony of avoidance: it boosts the scary power of what we're avoiding; the world gets smaller, anxiety increases [13:00] The brain is blunt — it can't fully distinguish fear of survival from fear of public speaking or starting a new career [13:30] We have to train a willingness: not enthusiasm for discomfort, but openness to experiencing it as part of skill-building [14:00] Henry: avoidance accumulates — the thing avoided gets bigger and scarier, and you sacrifice what you actually wanted [15:00] Social anxiety is up in recent years — fear of rejection is one of the most common mental health challenges [16:00] The brain doesn't distinguish social threats from survival threats — the amygdala alarm sounds equally loud [16:30] You can train your nervous system: every small forward step builds a new neural pathway and builds confidence [17:30] Naming the inner critic: the harsh, self-critical voice that rides along during experiential avoidance [18:00] Aimee's dual monologue during the fellowship interview — speaking outward and critiquing herself inward simultaneously [19:30] The inner critic may sometimes have useful information — and that's worth extracting [20:00] When the information is useful (you don't have the skill yet) versus when it's just harsh and paralyzing [20:30] The inner critic is usually a voice absorbed from a critical adult long ago — pressed play on ever since [21:30] Mindful acceptance: notice the voices, accept they're here, create space and retain energy rather than getting wrapped up [22:00] Henry: the key to working with the inner critic is simply realizing it's not you [22:30] Your authentic voice is gentler, clearer, and never tries to motivate through fear or shame [23:00] How to identify the inner critic: Does it attack? Does it use fear and shame? Is it absolute or extreme?<...
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How to Build Confidence (When You Don't Feel Confident Yet) [273]
Jul 100:26:34Tap to summarizeAre you not feeling confident and curious how to increase confidence in yourself? If so, know that you are not alone, you are not suffering from imposter syndrome, and you are not in need of fixing. As we start our series on Confidence, we'll work to dismantle the most common — and most damaging — myth about confidence: that confidence is just a feeling and that you need to be confident before you act. We'll focus on a confidence reframe: Confidence is a willingness to act and a trust in your own effort, not a feeling of certainty or how others perceive you. We'll lean on Dr. Russ Harris's foundational insight throughout our work: the actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later. The episode also does important myth-busting work around self-worth, self-esteem, and self-efficacy — three concepts we tend to mash together with confidence, often to our detriment. We'll make the case for unconditional self-acceptance over the self-esteem-building culture many of us grew up in, and approach confidence with a fresh and more empowering lens. This episode will set us up for some confidence-building work that is far more nourishing than the usual methods we've been taught. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Sources and Notes for our Element of Confidence: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Episodes about imposter phenomenon: Imposter Syndrome is a Myth [ep. 175] What Imposter Syndrome Really Is [ep. 276] Book: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, PhD Book: Confidence Culture by Shani Orgad, PhD & Rosalind Gill, PhD Bandura. Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Access here. Baumeister et al. Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Access here. Donnelly et al. Do people know how others view them? Two approaches for identifying the accuracy of metaperceptions. Access here. Hayes et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Unified Model of Behavior Change. Access here. More about Victor Frankl's work from VFIA. Full transcipt here Common Questions: Q: Why don't I feel confident even when I know I'm capable of something? A: Because confidence isn't just a feeling and it's not just about self-efficacy or your belief in your capabilities. This episode explains the neuroscience behind why waiting for the feeling often means waiting forever, and offers a more empowering definition to work with instead. Q: What's the difference between confidence, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and self-worth? A: This episode untangles all four: self-worth is your sense of inherent value, self-esteem is a more fragile self-evaluation based on comparison and performance, and self-efficacy is your belief in your ability to do a specific task. Confidence (redefined here as trust and willingness to act) can draw on all three, but is its own concept and understanding the differences can be genuinely freeing. Key moments: [00:00] Welcome to the new Element of Confidence — and the central premise: you don't need to feel confident to practice it [02:00] The cost of waiting for a feeling that wasn't coming — staying small, timid, paralyzed [03:30] The neuroscience: the amygdala looks for certainty before giving the green light to act [05:00] The common (and limiting) definition of confidence: a feeling, tied to certainty and how others perceive us [05:30] How imposter syndrome suffers from the same definitional hijacking [06:00] The reframe: confidence from Latin "com" (with) + "fidere" (trust) — to trust with [06:30] A behavioral definition: trust in your effort and a willingness to act — not a feeling [07:00] Dr. Russ Harris, The Confidence Gap: "The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later." [08:00] The swimming example: you don't feel confident first — you flail, then build confidence through repeated action [10:30] Fear is not the enemy and not the opposite of confidence — you need your threat detection system [11:00] How a feelings-only model of confidence puts 100% of the blame on the individual [11:30] Systemic and community barriers to confidence: healthcare disparities, pay gaps, and their real impact [12:30] Why "just feel more confident" is where toxic positivity lives — and why it doesn't address real barriers [13:00] Holding personal and collective responsibility together — confidence as a practiced relationship with uncertainty [14:00] Henry: confidence as trust and willingness to act becomes relational — built with self, others, and systems [15:00] Real confidence: acting precisely when you feel fearful, doubtful, and uncertain [16:00] Untying confidence from self-worth, self-esteem, and self-efficacy [16:30] Self-worth: how positively or negatively you perceive your value — and Dr. Albert Ellis's argument that it isn't actually up for evaluation [17:00] Self-esteem: more granular, shaped by frequent self-comparisons and judgments — fragile when tied to external validation [18:00] Self-efficacy: belief in your ability to do well in a specific situation — changeable, actionable, and domain-specific [19:00] How comparison and self-judgment can erode self-worth when held too tightly [19:30] The case for unconditional self-acceptance over self-esteem — Ellis's argument revisited [21:30] Henry unpacks the distinctions: comparison-based self-esteem (fragile, quicksand) vs. self-efficacy (grounded, built through repeated success) vs. self-worth (solid foundation, not performance-dependent) [23:00] Real confidence as a combination: building self-efficacy through action, grounding in unconditional self-worth, practicing self-acceptance [23:30] How early conditional approval ("I love you when you get good grades") shapes where you start — but doesn't have to be where you stay [24:30] None of these are fixed traits — they are skills that can be developed through practice [25:30] Preview: building this Element with Dr. Russ Harris's frameworks and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), with a Joy Lab twist [25:45] Closing wisdom from Seneca: "It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Facebook YouTube Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
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From Rumination and Defending to Right-Sizing: Recapping the Science & Tips to Build Humility for Mental Health & Wellbeing [272]
Jun 2400:09:18Tap to summarizeHumility is one of the most quietly powerful practices for positive psychology and mental health. It's also one of the most misunderstood. Here's the heart of it: humility is not a weakness. It's not about making yourself small or performing modesty for social approval. It's an accurate, grounded sense of self, what Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren calls "right-sizing." You own your strengths and weaknesses. And you hold your worth steady through all of it. We explored four types of humility this month: relational, intellectual, cultural, and existential. And we worked through three core ingredients to build humility up: Know Yourself. This is where self-compassion becomes essential. Self-knowledge without self-compassion tends to slide into rumination — that harsh, looping self-focus that keeps us stuck. Dr. Kristin Neff's research reminds us that genuine self-reflection requires feeling safe enough to look clearly, without bracing for an attack. When self-compassion is in place, honest self-awareness becomes possible. So does recognizing things like the better-than-average effect, which is our tendency to unconsciously and inaccurately position ourselves as a little more right, and others a little more wrong. Humility gently corrects that drift. Check Yourself. This is ego territory. When we feel threatened, the ego rises up. We deflect, deny, shut down, intellectualize. It's a very human, very normal response. But it doesn't have to run the show. One of the most practical tools from this series: when you feel defensive, pause. Breathe. Then ask yourself, "What would I think if I weren't feeling defensive?" That question can create some space for the ego to stand down and lets emotional regulation take over instead of reactivity. Go Beyond Yourself. This is where the magic of humility really shows itself as we build a genuine curiosity about other people and life's bigger questions. The self-forgetfulness that C.S. Lewis describes as essential to humility puts it all into action. When we're not so consumed by ourselves, the world opens up. And that's where connection, meaning, and joy actually show up in more noticeable, lasting ways. If you've worked through this series and feel less certain than when you started, that's not a problem. That's the practice of humility in action. Sitting with uncertainty, tolerating what's unresolved, resisting the cultural pressure toward easy answers and performed confidence is peak courage. It's often uncomfortable and it's always worth it. If this work has stirred something that feels bigger than you want to carry alone, please reach out to a therapist, a trusted friend, or a support community. Seeking support isn't weakness. It's an act of humility and one of the most courageous things you can do. And for Joy Lab Program members: your Episode Experiment includes a guided meditation and journal prompts to help you harvest and integrate the work you've done this month. We close with Rilke (we know, we close with Rilke a lot!): "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves." Keep tending to your humility. It grows good things. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Episodes in this Humility series: Humility Can Be Stressful... But Worth it for Mental Health [ep. 268] Know Yourself: The Humility Practice That Quiets Rumination and Builds Emotional Resilience [ep. 269] Check Yourself: Ego Threat, Stress Relief, & Needing to Prove Yourself [270] Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD Tara Brach's website Find more about Neff's work on Self-compassion at Self-Compassion.org More on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation. Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here. Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here. Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here. Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here. Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here. Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here. Wendell Berry's book Standing by Words Common Questions: Q: How do I stop being so hard on myself without losing self-awareness? A: Self-compassion and self-knowledge are partners. As researcher Dr. Kristin Neff puts it, "You can look clearly at yourself when you're not afraid of what you'll find." Self-compassion creates the psychological safety for honest, accurate self-appraisal, replacing harsh rumination with compassionate self-reflection. Humility is the result: an accurate, grounded sense of self that's neither inflated nor deflated. Q: Why does being humble feel so uncomfortable and countercultural? A: Because in many ways, it is. We live in a world that often rewards certainty, self-promotion, and being right, even when those things don't actually nourish us. Building humility means opening up to uncertainty and the unknown, which takes real courage. The good news is that discomfort is also building something called uncertainty-tolerance, a form of emotional resilience that reaches across every area of your life in really nourishing ways. Key moments: [00:00] Welcome & orientation — Aimee frames the three-part humility arc (Know Yourself → Check Yourself → Go Beyond Yourself) [01:30] Henry's realization: humility, like every Joy Lab Element, is ultimately about learning to love well and connect more deeply [03:00] Why humility is the antidote to loneliness — the difference between being surrounded by people and being genuinely seen; how isolation is really a form of alienation [05:00] What it feels like to be with a truly humble person — and why humility makes us safer, more trustworthy, and more magnetic in relationships and communities [06:30] The traffic circle of defensiveness — Aimee on why the risk of being burned by someone is still better than a lifetime of self-protective looping [07:30] Epistemic humility explained — the idea that your understanding of reality is always partial, always filtered, always a vantage point. And so is everyone else's. (Plus: a pronunciation debate.) [08:45] Why disagreement doesn't mean ...
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Going Beyond Yourself: How Humility Fights Loneliness, Builds Connection, & Protects Mental Health [271]
Jun 1700:17:17Tap to summarizeHumility is a powerful mental health tool we have. The science of happiness is clear: genuine connection and belonging are among the strongest predictors of emotional resilience and wellbeing. In this episode of Joy Lab we'll explore the final dimension of humility: going beyond yourself. Building on Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework from Humble, we'll explore how knowing yourself and checking your ego aren't the finish line. That's prep work so you can show up for others with open eyes and an open heart. Whether you've been lonely, stuck in defensive loops, or just tired of running into yourself everywhere you turn, this episode offers a warm, science-grounded roadmap toward deeper connection. This is Episode 4 of Joy Lab's Element of Humility series, following Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework: know yourself, check yourself, and go beyond yourself. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Full transcript Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Episodes in this Humility series: Humility Can Be Stressful... But Worth it for Mental Health [ep. 268] Know Yourself: The Humility Practice That Quiets Rumination and Builds Emotional Resilience [ep. 269] Check Yourself: Ego Threat, Stress Relief, & Needing to Prove Yourself [270] Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD Tara Brach's website Find more about Neff's work on Self-compassion at Self-Compassion.org More on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation. Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here. Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here. Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here. Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here. Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here. Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here. Wendell Berry's book Standing by Words Key moments: [00:00] Welcome & orientation — Aimee frames the three-part humility arc (Know Yourself → Check Yourself → Go Beyond Yourself) [01:30] Henry's realization: humility, like every Joy Lab Element, is ultimately about learning to love well and connect more deeply [03:00] Why humility is the antidote to loneliness — the difference between being surrounded by people and being genuinely seen; how isolation is really a form of alienation [05:00] What it feels like to be with a truly humble person — and why humility makes us safer, more trustworthy, and more magnetic in relationships and communities [06:30] The traffic circle of defensiveness — Aimee on why the risk of being burned by someone is still better than a lifetime of self-protective looping [07:30] Epistemic humility explained — the idea that your understanding of reality is always partial, always filtered, always a vantage point. And so is everyone else's. (Plus: a pronunciation debate.) [08:45] Why disagreement doesn't mean someone is wrong, and how truth is larger than any one person's grasp of it [10:30] William James on the deepest craving in human nature: to be appreciated and seen [11:00] Two practical strategies for going beyond yourself: (1) deep, active listening as a humility practice — not formulating your response, but truly receiving another person; (2) seeing the innocence of others [12:30] Thich Nhat Hanh: "Listen until they empty their hearts." Henry shares this as a guide for showing up and listening [13:30] Seeing the innocence in others — Henry's 30+ years of clinical wisdom distilled: most people are doing the best they can with what they have, right now. How holding that awareness softens judgment without eliminating boundaries [15:30] Aimee reflects: "That's the wisdom I'd want somebody to hold when they see me messing up." [16:00] Experiment preview for Joy Lab Program members + closing Rumi quote: "You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop." Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Facebook YouTube Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
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Check Yourself: Ego Threat, Stress Relief, & Needing to Prove Yourself [270]
Jun 1000:21:47Tap to summarizeHumility and mental health are more connected than you might think. And if you add self-compassion to the humility-ego mix, then you have a recipe that can support mood, offer stress relief, and give your mind and body a break from constantly trying to defend yourself. We'll dig into all this with the "Check Yourself" step of the humility framework, unpacking ego threat, defensive thinking patterns, and the very human stress response that kicks in when we feel criticized, wrong, or uncertain. Spoiler: the ego is not the villain here. It's more like an overzealous bodyguard, and humility is how you can teach it to stand down. This is Episode 3 of Joy Lab's Element of Humility series, following Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework: know yourself, check yourself, and go beyond yourself. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program. Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Watch this episode on YouTube Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Episodes in this Humility series: Humility Can Be Stressful... But Worth it for Mental Health [ep. 268] Know Yourself: The Humility Practice That Quiets Rumination and Builds Emotional Resilience [ep. 269] Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD Tara Brach's website Find more about Neff's work on Self-compassion at Self-Compassion.org More on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation. Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here. Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here. Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here. Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here. Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here. Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here. Wendell Berry's book Standing by Words Key moments: [00:00] Welcome and episode framing — checking ourselves means we accept that we don't know it all, recognize our own cultural lenses, and can sit with uncertainty without losing ourselves. [02:00] Henry on accepting uncertainty as a form of letting go of control — and why the self-knowledge work from last episode makes this possible. True inner strength means being secure enough to admit when you're wrong and hold your ground when you need to. [04:00] Enter: the ego. Aimee makes the case that the ego isn't the root of all evil. A healthy ego helps us maintain a coherent, positive sense of self. The problem isn't the ego itself; it's when the ego runs the whole show, making every decision from a place of fear. [06:30] Ego threat explained — when criticism, mistakes, or uncertainty shake our sense of self, a stress response activates. This triggers cognitive distortions: black-and-white thinking, confirmation-seeking, and rigid beliefs. It's common, it's wired in, and it doesn't have to take us down. [08:30] Henry's bodyguard metaphor: the ego is a zealous protector that sometimes overreacts wildly — treating a questioned idea like a life-or-death threat. Humility doesn't fire the bodyguard. It just teaches it to relax. [11:00] Signs the bodyguard has overstepped. Aimee walks through the obvious ones (counterattacking, deflecting, blame-shifting) and the subtler ones (shutting down, overexplaining, people-pleasing, doubling down on beliefs to avoid uncertainty). If you're nodding, you're in good company. [13:00] Henry adds the physical signs of ego threat to watch for: chest tightness, heat rising, clenched jaw, shallow breathing. Your body knows you're in ego threat before your mind does. Also: the urgency to respond immediately, spinning narratives to justify reactions, needing the last word. [15:00] The good news — and the real mental health payoff. Admitting mistakes makes us more liked and respected. Humility builds psychological safety in relationships, keeps small harms from becoming earthquakes, reduces thought distortions, and separates self-worth from performance. It's a genuine resilience-booster. [17:00] Henry's three-step in-the-moment practice: pause (especially when it feels most urgent), take one slow breath (gives your brain a chance to come back online), and ask "What would I think about this if I weren't feeling defensive?" Shift from threat response to curiosity response — and still hold your ground if you need to, just from a grounded place. [19:00] Aimee adds supportive touch as an emotional regulation tool — hands stacked gently on the body, a breath, a moment of self-compassion. Getting out of the traffic circle doesn't require a response or a win. Sometimes you just drive on your way. [20:30] Closing wisdom from Tara Brach: "The ego is not your enemy, it is your partner. Make peace with it." Full transcript here Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
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Know Yourself: The Humility Practice That Quiets Rumination and Builds Emotional Resilience [269]
Jun 300:26:56Tap to summarizeHumility is a powerful (and mostly misunderstood) mental health skill that's grounded by self-knowledge and self-compassion. Humility is also a powerful antidote to rumination and harsh self-criticism and a tool to support mood and emotional resilience. We'll build up humility through this series by taking a positive psychology approach along with Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework to build humility (know yourself, check yourself, go beyond yourself.) This episode is all about Step 1 (know yourself) and it turns out it's both the most uncomfortable and the most freeing place to start. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program. Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Watch this episode on YouTube Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Episodes in this Humility series: Humility Can Be Stressful... But Worth it for Mental Health [ep. 268] Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD Find more about Neff's work on Self-compassion at Self-Compassion.org More on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation. Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here. Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here. Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here. Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here. Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here. Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here. Wendell Berry's book Standing by Words Key moments: [00:00] Why self-knowledge comes first in the humility framework — and why skipping it makes the rest of the work harder. [02:00] The humility paradox: who scores highest on self-reported humility? People with narcissistic traits. What this reveals about why self-knowledge matters. [04:30] Reflection vs. rumination: same self-focused action, completely different energy — and very different effects on anxiety and depression. [07:30] Clark Griswold on the roundabout: Aimee's perfect visual for rumination, plus Van Tongeren's concept of "right-sizing yourself." [09:30] Obstacle #1: The idealized self. When the gap between who you are and who you think you should be stops motivating and starts deflating. [12:00] Obstacle #2: The better-than-average effect. Most of us rank ourselves above average — and that's statistically impossible. How this positivity bias quietly inflates us. [14:30] Obstacle #3: The harsh inner critic disguised as self-awareness. Why beating yourself up isn't humility — it's ego turned inward. [17:00] Dr. Kristin Neff's insight: self-compassion is the foundation of honest self-awareness. You can look clearly when you're not afraid of what you'll find. [19:30] Rumination as an internal courtroom — and Aimee's personal story about chronic lateness, hard feedback from a friend, and what it took to actually receive it. [23:30] Henry's simple journaling practice: notice what you observed about yourself this week. No analysis, no judgment — just patterns, held gently. [25:30] Preview of next week's "Check Yourself" episode, and a closing note from Aristotle. Full transcript here Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
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Humility Can Be Stressful... And Worth it for Mental Health [268]
Jun 100:11:58Tap to summarizeHumility is not a weakness or a sign you're a pushover, instead it's a mental health tool that just might be exactly what our loneliness epidemic and anxiety culture are desperately craving. Humility is an accurate, grounded sense of who you are. And that grounded sense of self is a foundation for confidence, deeper connection, and holistic mental health. Here's what we'll explore this episode: There are four research-backed types of humility to focus on: Relational humility — how you hold yourself in relation to others; not above, not below Intellectual humility — holding beliefs with openness; curiosity over certainty Cultural humility — recognizing the limits of your own cultural lens and genuinely welcoming differences Existential humility — making peace with uncertainty, impermanence, and the big unanswerable questions of human life You might be doing great in one area and struggling in another (that's normal). These types aren't perfectly clean categories, but they offer areas for self-reflection and focus as you work to boost your humility and emotional wellbeing throughout the month. With these areas in mind, we'll use researcher Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework to build humility through three core ingredients: Know Yourself — honest self-awareness of strengths and limits, without self-preoccupation Check Yourself — reducing defensiveness and the need to protect your ego Go Beyond Yourself — cultivating empathy and humility as a deep relational practice These three ingredients aren't just a nice framework for self improvement, they're a pathway to reducing loneliness, increasing connection, and building the kind of holistic healing and joy that Joy Lab is all about. If you're in the Joy Lab Program, your first Experiment will help you locate yourself within these four types and start the work. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program. Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Watch on YouTube Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. More on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation. Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhD Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here. Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here. Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here. Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here. Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here. Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here. Wendell Berry's book Standing by Words Key moments: [00:00:00] Welcome + intro to Joy Lab's Element of Humility — solo episode with Dr. Aimee Prasek [00:00:30] Clearing up the bad takes: what humility is not — not weakness, not martyrdom, not dismissing your talents [00:01:00] The social science of humility: why we're drawn to humble people from mid-adolescence on, and why it primes us for connection [00:02:00] Humility as antidote to certainty culture and self-destructive perfectionism; the formal definition unpacked [00:02:45] C.S. Lewis on humility as self-forgetfulness — and the powerful paradox it reveals about hyper self-focus [00:03:30] The reframed Lewis quote: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself — it's thinking of yourself less often" [00:04:15] Introducing the four research-backed types of humility: relational, intellectual, cultural, and existential [00:05:00] Deep dive into intellectual, cultural, and existential humility — leaning into curiosity over certainty [00:06:00] Why humility is harder than other Elements — and why it's worth it anyway [00:07:00] The obstacles: certainty culture, fear of being wrong, pressure to perform vs. just be [00:08:00] Ego protection, the stress response, and why humility can feel like a physical threat to the nervous system [00:08:45] Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's three ingredients for building humility: Know Yourself → Check Yourself → Go Beyond Yourself [00:09:45] Humility as medicine for the loneliness epidemic, anxiety, and depression — why culture is craving this right now [00:10:30] What's coming next: knowing ourselves, plus your first Joy Lab Program Experiment [00:11:00] Closing poem: The Real Work by Wendell Berry Full transcript here Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
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You Can't Do Life Alone: Deep Connection is a Key to True Resilience [267]
May 2700:19:55Tap to summarizeSpoiler: you were never meant to do this alone. In the final episode of Joy Lab's Resilience series, Dr. Aimee Prasek and Dr. Henry Emmons explore the most powerful — and most underrated — ingredient in lasting resilience: deep, meaningful connection. They unpack the neuroscience of belonging, the illusion of separation that quietly wrecks our wellbeing, and two surprisingly accessible practices: shared-joy and moral elevation. These practices can open us to greater connection right now, no personality overhaul required. The takeaway from this episode is that deep connection isn't a bonus feature of a resilient life. It's the foundation. And the good news? You're already wired for it. Try It Free 🎉 The Joy Lab Program is free for 30 days — offer ends May 31st. Head to JoyLab.coach/program to sign up. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, ease anxiety, and uplift mood. Join Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek for practical, mindfulness-based tools and positive psychology strategies to build resilience and create lasting joy. Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with the Joy Lab Program. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review us wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts! And... if you want to spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free, then please join our mission by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Watch this episode on YouTube Full transcript here Sources and Notes for our Element of Resilience: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Joy Lab Episodes referenced: Our latest Resilience episodes: Cultivating a Good Heart: The Resilience Shortcut That Beats The Latest 'Morning Routine' TikTok (ep. 266) The Art & Science (+ Shoveling) of Letting Emotions Move Through You (ep. 265) How to Calm the Mind & Not Feed the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) (ep. 264) From Surviving to Thriving: The Science and Soul of Resilience (ep. 263) Our Grief series starts here: The Grief Series: The Wholeness of Being Human Chemistry of Calm (Dr. Emmons' book referenced in this series) The Neuroscience of Human Relationships by Louis Cozolino, PhD Dr. Cozolino's website A General Theory of Love by Dr. Thomas Lewis John O'Donohue's legacy site Dr. Catherine Panter-Brick- Yale faculty page Resilience definitions, theory, and challenges: interdisciplinary perspectives Annual Research Review: Positive adjustment to adversity -Trajectories of minimal-impact resilience and emergent resilience Adaptive growth of tree root systems in response to wind action and site conditions. Brain meta-state transitions demarcate thoughts across task contexts exposing the mental noise of trait neuroticism. Effects of a 12-week endurance training program on the physiological response to psychosocial stress in men: a randomized controlled trial No man is an island: social resources, stress and mental health at mid-life How does the brain deal with cumulative stress? A review with focus on developmental stress, HPA axis function and hippocampal structure in humans Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind (this is the study of people shocking themselves out of boredom) Emotion Suppression and Mortality Risk Over a 12-Year Follow-up Cumulative Stress and Health Ordinary Magic, Resilience in Development Summary of the Project Competence Longitudinal Study The Times of Our Lives: Interaction Among Different Biological Periodicities Key moments: [0:00] Welcome & Episode Framing Henry and Aimee open the final episode of the Resilience series: creating deep connections. Quote from neuroscientist Dr. Louis Cozolino on why relationships are our "natural habitat" — and why isolation isn't just lonely, it's physiologically dangerous. [1:00] We Are Not Built for Solo Resilience Aimee challenges the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" myth, calling it as toxic as toxic positivity. [2:00] Henry's Three Pillars of Mental Wellbeing Henry shares his framework: sleep, self-acceptance, and connection — with deep, meaningful connection as arguably the most powerful of the three for sustaining both resilience and joy. [3:00] Connection in the Broadest Sense Henry expands what "connection" means beyond just relationships — encompassing meaning and purpose, connecting with your own inner self, and a sense of the transcendent. All of these require staying open, even when it's hard. [5:00] John O'Donohue Quote + Introducing the Illusion of Separation Quote from John O'Donohue: "Our bodies know they belong; it is our minds that make our lives so homeless." This illusion is framed as one of the greatest enemies of joy. [6:00] Henry Unpacks the Illusion of Separation Henry explains how the belief in separation is created and reinforced by our own minds — even though all major wisdom and spiritual traditions agree we are not isolated beings. He addresses the real paradox: we do live in separate bodies, yet that separateness is an overlay, not our deepest nature. [7:30] Feeding the Illusion Every Day Henry describes how we inadvertently maintain the illusion — managing only our own small "container" of resilience — and why that container will always be insufficient on its own. Connection is what makes it larger. [8:30] Awareness of Unity — Not a Social To-Do List Aimee reframes the goal: not making five new best friends, but cultivating an awareness of unity. Simple shifts in attention — not wholesale life changes — are what matter here. [9:00] Henry's Shared-Joy Practice Henry introduces a powerful and playful practice: spending 20–30 minutes in a public space observing people enjoying themselves — a park, a concert, a holiday gathering — and silently repeating, "Your happiness is my happiness." He shares h...
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