We're in our new "month of renewal" format. We're essentially exploring this question throughout the month... what if growth required less effort? This is an encore episode that helps us answer this question. Reminder that we'll be back with new episodes May 1, 2026.

Solitude and fun in the same sentence? Stick with us. In this episode, we'll explore how intentional alone time — free from devices, distractions, and the pressure to perform happiness — can actually be one of the most powerful tools for mental wellness and, yes, even joy. From the neuroscience of arousal states to Trappist monks in rural Iowa, this one is equal parts science and soul.

About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, ease anxiety, and uplift mood. Join Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek for practical, mindfulness-based tools and positive psychology strategies to build resilience and create lasting joy. Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with the Joy Lab Program.

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Full transcript here

Sources and Notes:

Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life.
Podcast episodes referenced:

#73 Lonely in crowded places (this isn't a country music song) (this is the episode that originally played before this one)
#28 Common Humanity vs Isolation

Related podcast episodes:

National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. 2020. Social Isolation and Loneliness in Older Adults: Opportunities for the Health Care System. https://doi.org/10.17226/25663
Loneliness and Social Isolation Linked to Serious Health Conditions
Brain systems underlying the affective and social monitoring of actions: An integrative review
How BIS/BAS and psycho-behavioral variables distinguish between social withdrawal subtypes during emerging adulthood
Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation
What Time Alone Offers: Narratives of Solitude From Adolescence to Older Adulthood
The Handbook of Solitude: Psychological Perspectives on Social Isolation, Social Withdrawal, and Being Alone, Second Edition
Descartes' Meditations
Maya Angelou's website

Key moments:

[00:01:00] — Defining Solitude Aimee offers a working definition: solitude is the voluntary experience of being alone, without devices or stimuli pulling attention away from oneself. Key distinction: solitude feels full, while loneliness feels like lack.

[00:02:30] — Solitude vs. Loneliness: A Useful Parallel Henry draws a parallel between solitude/loneliness and grief/depression — experiences that may look similar on the surface but lead to very different outcomes. Healthy solitude, like healthy grief, can free and open us up.

[00:05:00] — Obstacles to Solitude: Social Pressure Aimee calls out the cultural pressure to be perpetually social. In US culture, extroversion is rewarded, "table for one" is framed as sad, and choosing alone time can feel like going against the grain of good mental health — even though meaningful solitude actually supports it.

[00:06:30] — The Paradox of American Individualism Henry reflects on how a culture that prizes individualism can simultaneously use constant social activity as a defense against the loneliness that individualism breeds — a potential downward spiral.

[00:07:00] — Solitude as the Outbreath: Rhythm and Nature Drawing from his resilience retreat work, Henry introduces the breath as a metaphor for healthy life rhythm: activity needs rest, stress needs recovery, depletion needs renewal. Solitude, he suggests, is the outbreath after the inbreath of companionship and extroversion.

[00:09:00] — Descartes on Peaceful Solitude Aimee shares a passage from Descartes' Meditations on the freedom solitude offers — a chance to release rigid opinions and find spaciousness.

[00:10:00] — The Neuroscience: Arousal States Explained Aimee breaks down the arousal state spectrum — from deep sleep (lowest) to stress and agitation (highest) — and explains why US culture's incentivizing of high arousal states keeps our nervous systems chronically buzzing.

[00:11:00] — High Arousal Positive Affect & Toxic Positivity A nuanced look at the cultural pressure to display high-energy happiness — "high energy on top of high energy" — and why that contributes to nervous system overload and, in Aimee's view, is where toxic positivity lives.

[00:12:00] — Low Arousal States and the Healing Power of Solitude Research on how solitude can bring us into lower arousal states — awake, at ease, peaceful — and why that matters for overall balance. Aimee notes that individual differences matter: some people may actually need more activation, not less.

[00:14:00] — Henry's Story: Trappist Monks and Medical Training Henry shares how the chronic high-arousal state of his medical and psychiatric training led him to a Trappist monastery in rural Iowa — with no prior knowledge of Catholicism or contemplative practice. He found daily rhythms of work and contemplation, centering prayer (similar to mindfulness meditation), and came out renewed.

[00:17:30] — You Don't Need a Monastery Solitude doesn't require a silent retreat or foraging your own food in a cave (though that's an option). It can be 15 minutes in the garden — including relocating a very fat caterpillar eating your parsley.

[00:19:30] — What Solitude Can Look Like for You Henry shares his current practice: time in nature when possible, journaling, quiet reflection on what feeds him and what steals his joy. Not productivity — sometimes a crossword or simply zoning out. A.A. Milne gets a well-earned cameo.

[00:21:30] — What You'll Find in the Quiet Henry's invitation to those new to solitude: it may feel daunting, but what you'll encounter beneath the surface is worth it. "It's all love."

[00:22:30] — Closing Wisdom: Maya Angelou on Solitude Aimee closes with a passage from Maya Angelou on solitude as a desirable condition — a space to listen to yourself, describe yourself to yourself, and hear something deeper.

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Why Your Brain is Craving Quiet (And What to Do About It) (encore) [259]