Life Kit: Grow Your Dating Confidence and Ask Someone Out IRL
Host: Marielle Segarra
Release Date: July 14, 2025
Introduction: The Art of Asking Out in Real Life
In this engaging episode of Life Kit, host Marielle Segarra delves into the nuances of building dating confidence and the strategies to ask someone out in real life (IRL). Drawing from personal anecdotes and expert advice, Marielle explores practical methods to enhance self-assurance in romantic pursuits without relying on digital platforms.
Personal Anecdotes: Dylan Mietanen’s Creative Approaches
Marielle begins by sharing stories about her friend, Dylan Mietanen, who exemplifies confidence in his unique ways of asking someone out:
- At 00:19, Marielle recounts, "I have this friend who's really good at asking people out...he saw a guy outside who he thought was cute."
- Dylan Mietanen elaborates at 00:34, describing a scrappy method: "He opened up a Google Doc on his phone, turned the font size all the way up, typed out his number...it didn’t really go anywhere after that, but it was a scrappy sort of idea."
Another inventive technique Dylan employs is handing out business cards as a low-pressure way to express interest:
- At 01:15, Marielle mentions, "Another way Dylan has asked people out IRL is by handing them a business card as he gets off the subway."
- Dylan explains at 01:25, "If they reject you, you don't face that rejection in person. You just, you lost a business card and that's okay."
Dylan’s methods highlight that confidence can be nurtured and that creative approaches can make the process less daunting.
Building Confidence: Insights from Regina Bonds
To further explore confidence building, Marielle introduces Regina Bonds, a confidence coach, at 02:44. Regina emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and mindfulness in developing confidence:
- Regina Bonds states, "Meditation... allows you to get to know yourself and sit with yourself without judgment" (05:19).
- She explains the significance of self-reflection: "Who am I? Because chances are who you were five years ago is not who you are today" (05:39).
Key Strategies for Building Confidence:
-
Mindfulness Through Meditation
Regina advocates for incorporating meditation into daily routines to enhance self-awareness and reduce self-judgment. Starting with short periods, such as 30 seconds to a minute, can gradually build the practice (06:28). -
Body Awareness and Self-Appreciation
Engaging in body scans helps individuals identify and appreciate different parts of their bodies, fostering self-love and reducing anxiety (07:33).
Applying Confidence in Romantic Contexts
Marielle transitions the conversation to how general confidence translates into romantic interactions:
- Regina Bonds advises, "You have to speak to yourself highly if you want to get out there and be confident" (09:28).
- She encourages positive affirmations: "Tell yourself that you're the type of person that someone would love to be around" (09:28).
Practical Tips:
- Affirmations and Self-Talk: Developing a personal mantra to reinforce self-worth and attractiveness.
- Making Eye Contact and Smiling: Initiating connections with subtle gestures, such as maintaining eye contact and offering genuine smiles (09:28).
Approaching Someone and Handling Rejection
Marielle and Regina discuss techniques to approach someone with romantic interest without feeling intrusive:
- Regina Bonds highlights the importance of reading body language: "If they look back and smile, that's an invitation... but if they look away, maybe leave them be" (12:14).
- For initiating conversation, Regina suggests, "Give someone a compliment... to open the door to an amazing conversation" (10:31).
Handling Rejection:
- Regina emphasizes maintaining self-worth by not tying personal value to others' opinions: "Don't allow what someone else thinks of you be what you think of you" (19:41).
Meeting Through Mutual Activities: Navigating Group Dynamics
The conversation shifts to dating within group settings, such as workplaces or hobby clubs:
- Marielle Segarra raises concerns about potential awkwardness if the romantic interest doesn't reciprocate (13:51).
- Regina Bonds advises caution: "I do not recommend dating someone that you are in close proximity with on a regular basis... weigh all your options and make sure you both are mature enough to handle if it doesn't work out" (14:25).
Guidelines for Mutual Activities:
-
Take Time Before Acting
Assess the importance of the shared activity and the potential impact on your participation if the relationship doesn't work out. -
Expressing Interest Gently
When comfortable, initiate conversations about mutual interests without high stakes, allowing the relationship to develop naturally (16:31).
Maintaining Confidence After Rejection
In scenarios where romantic interest isn't reciprocated, Regina offers strategies to preserve self-confidence:
- Regina Bonds reflects, "I'm so glad it didn't work out. I'm so glad I didn't do that... I'm so much better off" (19:41).
Strategies Include:
- Self-Love and Acceptance: Understanding that rejection is not a reflection of self-worth.
- Growth Mindset: Viewing experiences as opportunities for personal growth and better understanding one's preferences.
Recap of Key Takeaways
Marielle Segarra concludes the episode with a succinct summary of the essential points discussed:
-
Build General Confidence
Start with self-confidence through meditation and body awareness to enhance dating confidence. -
Positive Affirmations and Body Language
Use affirmations and read body language cues to approach potential romantic interests confidently. -
Cautious Approach in Mutual Settings
Take time before acting on romantic interests within groups or mutual activities to avoid awkwardness. -
Slow Down and Enjoy the Journey
Allow relationships to develop naturally without rushing, maintaining a sense of self throughout the process.
Notable Quotes:
- Regina Bonds at 05:39: "Who am I? Because chances are who you were five years ago is not who you are today."
- Dylan Mietanen at 01:25: "If they reject you, you don't face that rejection in person. You just, you lost a business card and that's okay."
- Regina Bonds at 19:41: "Don't allow what someone else thinks of you be what you think of you."
Conclusion
This episode of Life Kit provides a comprehensive guide to building and applying confidence in the realm of real-life dating. Through personal stories and expert advice, listeners gain valuable insights into cultivating self-assurance, approaching romantic interests thoughtfully, and maintaining self-worth regardless of outcomes. Whether you're an introvert or someone looking to refine your dating skills, the strategies discussed offer practical tools to enhance your romantic endeavors.
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Produced by Margaret Serino.