Life Kit Podcast Summary
Episode: How to be a working parent? Lower your standards
Host: Marielle Segarra
Reporter: Andy Tagle
Date: April 13, 2026
Theme: Navigating the transition to working parenthood—practical strategies, mindset shifts, and expert advice for surviving and thriving as a working parent, with a strong emphasis on flexibility and self-compassion.
Main Theme Overview
This episode dives into the realities of becoming a working parent, especially the transition right after a baby is born. With insights from experts in organizational psychology, neuroscience, and real-world working parents, the episode aims to demystify the process, highlight systemic challenges, and offer practical advice, all while underlining that perfection is neither possible nor required.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Prepare for Reentry—Start Planning Early
(00:52 – 03:08)
- Amy Becham (Center for Parental Leave Leadership) recommends planning your return from parental leave before you even go out:
“I often say the best way to prepare for leave is to plan your return.” (01:23)
- Schedule a pre-return check-in with your employer, so you’re not “totally in the dark.” (01:45)
- Think about your ideal schedule and communicate your needs early, even if things change later.
2. Ask for Flexibility—Your Job Is Malleable
(05:25 – 09:19)
- Many parents don’t know they can (and should) ask for adjustments:
“Just because it’s never been done or you don’t think it can be done, don’t let that stop you.” –Amy Becham (07:30)
- Creative scheduling (e.g., phased return, midweek start, adjusted hours) can ease transitions.
- Example: A boss publicly supported a new mom’s earlier leave time by leaving with her at 5 PM, sending a clear message about work-life balance. (09:04)
3. Internal Overload—It’s Normal to Feel Torn
(09:19 – 13:24)
- Andy Tagle and Aaron Steinberg discuss identity confusion when balancing new parenthood and professional roles:
“You don’t feel like you’re doing a good job parenting and you also don’t feel like you’re doing a good job at your job... half a good job at each does not equal one.” –Aaron Steinberg (11:33)
- Relief at returning to work is normal; full-time parenting is “more overstimulating and way more difficult than our job.” –Aaron Steinberg (12:03)
- Host Andy emphasizes self-compassion and prioritizing:
“Pack some extra self compassion alongside your sandwich today, will ya?” (12:14)
4. Systemic Limitations & Mom Guilt
(13:24 – 15:43)
- Reshma Saujani (author, activist) highlights the lack of structural support in the US:
“We’re the only industrialized nation that doesn’t have paid leave. One in four women go back to work two weeks after having a baby.” –Reshma Saujani (14:02)
“Not because we need more confidence, not because we have to color code our calendar. We don’t have the structural support in order to both be a mother and actually participate in the workforce.” (15:10)
- Reminder: guilt is normal, but much of what makes working parenthood hard is out of individual control.
5. Mental Health Matters—Seek Help and Support
(15:43 – 17:04)
- Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders are common: 1 in 5 moms, 1 in 10 dads. (15:43)
- Practical resources: National hotlines, screenings, and local or single-parent support organizations.
- For single parents, seeking and accepting help is both critical and challenging:
"You have to be graceful with yourself ... you know I’m doing the best that I can." –Aaron Steinberg (16:42)
6. Emotional Surge Protection—Be Explicit, Build Rituals
(20:07 – 23:18)
- Clear communication with partners, caregivers, and colleagues reduces ambiguity and stress:
“Make the things that you think are obvious, obvious anyway…everyone’s different.” –Aaron Steinberg (20:41)
- Steinberg’s gratitude ritual:
“We tell the other person what we want to be appreciated for…and the kids see that.” (21:36)
- Personal reset strategies don’t have to be big—10 minutes of walking, podcast listening, simple pleasures can make a big difference. (22:08)
7. Lower the Bar & Embrace Change—Perfection is a Myth
(23:27 – 26:53)
- Darby Saxby (USC psychology professor, “Dad Brain” author) on redefined expectations:
“Lower your standards. Don’t expect that you’re going to be amazing at everything.” (23:43)
- It can take up to two years (or more) for parents to adjust—longer with multiple kids.
“There’s evidence that we don’t really bounce back...until two years or maybe more.” (24:48)
- The changes are biological and can lead to increased empathy, patience, and efficiency—transferable to work.
“Great parents are made, not born.” (25:46)
- Parenting can be neuroprotective; “the more kids you have, the stronger and better connected your brain seems to be.” (27:07)
8. Find Community—Don’t Go It Alone
(28:08 – 28:30)
- Seek out parenting groups, local programs, online and in-person resources:
“The more that we seek out support and we lean on people in our lives, the easier it can be to get through those first few years of early parenthood.” –Darby Saxby (28:08)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “If you can raise a child, you can build a company.” –Amy Becham (02:50)
- “Half a good job at each does not equal one. It’s like it gets smaller fulfillment, you know.” –Aaron Steinberg (11:33)
- “Let no one say otherwise: parenting full-time is work.” –Andy Tagle (11:49)
- “We’re the only industrialized nation that doesn’t have paid leave.” –Reshma Saujani (14:02)
- “Lower your standards. Don’t expect that you’re going to be amazing at everything.” –Darby Saxby (23:43)
- “Great parents are made, not born.” –Darby Saxby (25:46)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [00:52–03:08] Early planning for parental leave and return
- [05:25–09:19] Asking for and structuring workplace flexibility
- [09:19–13:24] Internal struggles, dueling identities, and self-compassion
- [13:24–15:43] Systemic factors: structural challenges and working parent guilt
- [15:43–17:04] Perinatal mental health and the importance of support
- [20:07–23:18] Communication, explicit agreements, and self-care resets
- [23:27–26:53] Lowering the bar and rethinking the working parent “bounce back”
- [28:08–28:30] The importance of community and support networks
Takeaways Recap
(28:30–29:31, woven throughout)
- Flexibility: Ask for and create the flexibility you need.
- Grace: Allow for a messy, emotional, ever-shifting identity.
- Realism: Know your limits and prioritize for sustainability.
- Lower the Bar: Adapt, accept imperfection, and seek community.
This episode validates the complex, often contradictory feelings of working parents, challenges unrealistic standards, and offers a toolkit of practical ideas and needed grace—reminding listeners that, above all, you don’t have to do it all or do it alone.
