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Marielle Segarra
I was telling Megan all about this. I was dog sitting for three days.
Malika Green Reeb
Really?
Marielle Segarra
I feel like I don't have the. What's the word? The stamina, the, like, constitution. I was starting to be like, can I have a baby? Like, if I can't even do this for three days?
Andy Tagle
And you know what they say, it's one of those things, like, when it's your dog, it's different. When it's your baby, it's different.
Marielle Segarra
Yeah.
Andy Tagle
I was never a kid person. I just remember being like, they're just sticky all the time. Why are they always sticky? And now my kid is always sticky. And I'm like, yeah, fine with it.
Malika Green Reeb
You get conditioned to being a gross cesspit and. And, like, always having, like, jam and yogurt.
Andy Tagle
I don't know if you're selling this, Monica. Yeah, I don't know if you're selling it.
Marielle Segarra
That's it. Hello and welcome to another edition of Dear Life Kit, the series where you send us your questions and we try to dole out some helpful advice with help from the collective wisdom in our archives. I am Marielle Segarra, and as always, for Dear Life Kit, reporter Andy Tagle is here. Hey, Andy.
Andy Tagle
Hi.
Marielle Segarra
And we've also got our digital editor, Malika Green Reeb here. What's up?
Malika Green Reeb
Hello.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
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Andy Tagle
Hi.
Marielle Segarra
I like your Dodgers jersey.
Andy Tagle
Me too. Me too.
Malika Green Reeb
It's the Filipino edition.
Andy Tagle
Oh, envy.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Cool.
Andy Tagle
A lot of envy.
Marielle Segarra
If you have a question for us, please get in touch, write us or record yourself asking your question and email the file to lifekitpr.org okay, Andy, let's get started. What's our first question?
Andy Tagle
All right, let's do it. So Lizeth writes, my best friend is expecting her first child, and we live in different countries. I want to be supportive, but my friend was clear in setting a boundary. No texts or communication until she appears with news, when she has time and energy to do it. I just want to be a good friend, but I miss her. How can I be supportive, respect her boundaries, but still be there even in the distance? I'm a childless person, and I don't plan to have kids, but being an auntie with my friend's child would be a dream.
Marielle Segarra
Wow, that sounds painful.
Malika Green Reeb
Can I just say, this sounds like a red flag for me, for the friend. Like, is she okay, is the friend okay? Like, this is a long distance friendship already. Like, long distance friendship is what sharing memes with each other, sending those Instagram videos to each other, like, how do you feel right now? Are you okay? Do you need anything? And, like, not wanting any of that communication is kind of wild for a best friend dynamic.
Andy Tagle
Or, like, does this friend just not know what's gonna happen? Like, I'm thinking, like, first baby on the way. There's a very high possibility if this is really what they think they need. There's a very high possibility if this person is really your best friend that that's gon. So, like, if it were me, if this was my best friend telling me this, I'd be like, okay, I'm gonna do my best to respect what you think that you need, but I'm gonna send you a giant care package. And in that giant care package, there's gonna be, like, a menu of options. You know, in that menu of options, it's gonna be like. Like a plane ticket that's gonna be, like, ready to go. A diaper delivery. It's gonna be a, you know, like a food train, whatever. Um, and, you know, the other thing I might do is I'm gonna, like, call that panel of experts that knows her. You know, I'm gonna call your partner. I'm gonna call your mom. I'm gonna be like, is she okay? You know, like, absolutely. This is a strange request with a baby on away.
Marielle Segarra
And although you can send something like a care package, like you said, Andy, and just be clear that they don't need to respond.
Andy Tagle
Totally. Yeah.
Marielle Segarra
I will say, though, like, the desire to be a supportive adult in a kid's life, I mean, it makes a lot of sense. And you mentioned that you don't have children and you don't plan to. We actually did an episode on being child free, and one of the points that people made was, just because you're child free doesn't mean you don't like kids. And in fact, like, kids are often a part of your community, and you want to play a role in their lives, just not as their guardian. So that impulse makes a lot of sense. But this might not be the right child and the right family to do that with right now. And there are people that you'll meet who you haven't even met yet, who you could become an auntie to. So just look out for those opportunities, too, and, like, share your love where it's appreciated.
Malika Green Reeb
Don't put all your eggs in this basket.
Marielle Segarra
Yeah, that's true. Never put all your eggs in one friendship basket.
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Andy Tagle
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Marielle Segarra
All right, next question, next question.
Andy Tagle
All right, Brian writes, I am a single father of two kids, a girl 13 and a boy 11. Both play in a variety of sports. We spend countless hours, days and weekends at competitions, tournaments, practices, games and other gatherings. Personally, I think they should be spending more time improving themselves and their sports independently, but their mother thinks being enrolled in an activity is important to their improvement and to limit screen time. She often dismisses my concerns with it's just a busy time in our life. It's exhausting spending three to five hours a day supporting these activities on top of everything else I have to do. The financial side is also ridiculous. I don't know how families do this, especially single parents. How can I navigate this with my children? I want to be supportive, however, at what cost to my mental, physical and emotional well being.
Marielle Segarra
I hear this a lot.
Malika Green Reeb
That's a big no for me.
Marielle Segarra
Just feel like, yeah, I'm not doing that.
Malika Green Reeb
But I'm also like not like the most. I'm just thinking about myself. I'm not also like the most like, motivated to do a lot of extracurriculars. So I'm curious to hear about what you all will say.
Marielle Segarra
Wait a minute, Malika. You do all sorts things of sorts of extracurriculars.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
I know.
Malika Green Reeb
I know. I know what you're talking about. I don't do, like, organized extracurriculars.
Marielle Segarra
Organized ones. Okay.
Andy Tagle
Like, I'm not gonna, like, be in a class.
Malika Green Reeb
Okay.
Andy Tagle
Are you just saying sports? Like, you're just not big on sports.
Malika Green Reeb
I just think that it's so tiring for the parent and for the kid. But I. I want to, like, just hear what y' all have to say first. Or, you know what?
Marielle Segarra
Well, just, like, just to that point, Malika, I feel like what you're getting at is that you do a lot of unstructured play. Like, you'll be like, what do I feel like doing? You let get bored for maybe a microsecond, and then you're like, I'm gonna build a fountain in my backyard. But, like, all these ideas are coming from you. Nobody told you to do them. And they come when you got a little bored. Which that is definitely an asset for kids.
Andy Tagle
I think what I was gonna tell Brian is that I am like, I'm just. I'm tired for him. Poor Brian. It sounds definitely like both Brian and his kids are pretty over scheduled. So the first thing I'm wondering is, how do your kids feel about that? I feel like, you know, ages 11 and 13, that feels old enough to have at least some say in these scheduling decisions.
Marielle Segarra
That's often our first takeaway at Life Kit is consider why you're doing this. Do you actually enjoy this?
Malika Green Reeb
Are they, like, actually talented in sports? If they're not talented, take them out. Just kidding.
Andy Tagle
Oh, my God.
Marielle Segarra
Hot take. I don't know about all that.
Malika Green Reeb
Wait, wait. But on a serious note, though, a lot of the one refrain that I hear from parent friends here in my community in Nashville is that organized sports for children is so intense, everyone thinks that they're raising a little NFL player. And that's not going to be the story of everybody. There's got to be some kind of lower key, middle ground level of organized sports activity that is just a little chiller than others.
Andy Tagle
But I don't think it's necessarily about them having to be good at it. Like, do they enjoy it? Do they enjoy being all of these sports? Then from there, first, your time is as valuable as theirs, period. Full stop. Love that. If you're gonna keep the schedule, at the very least, you have to carve out some dedicated parent pto. This is something we talk about a lot. Every parent deserves to protect a few hours a day of the week, a weekend every month, whatever feels actually achievable and maintainable just for you. But I also think it's totally fair to go to your k to go to their mom and say, you know, let's just pick one sport if we're gonna. If you need a sport, if you need that organized activity, one sport per kid per season. Like, I'm a parent, but I'm also a person. I want you to be involved, but I shouldn't have to spend every free waking moment acting like a shuttle service or an equipment manager.
Marielle Segarra
I think that also teaches kids how to make priorities right. Because as adults, they're gonna have limited income like most people, and they're gonna have limited time like all of us. And so they need to start learning how to budget those things. And so you can say to them like, what are you most excited about?
Andy Tagle
I mean, along those lines, the last thing I was going to say is because is like the mom was talking about like they need to be scheduled because they need to be away from their tech. And so along along those lines, my last suggestion was about an episode we did for how to be better screen time role models for kids. I interviewed this researcher, Jean Twenge. She has these 10 rules for raising kids in a high tech world. And one of them was, in the absence of devices, give your kids real world freedom to help them be more independent. So for example, letting them go to the grocery store, like letting them bike to the grocery store if it's close enough, having them get the groceries, having them bring them home, having them cook dinner with those free afternoons. Yeah, and then two for one. Dad, you don't have to cook dinner.
Marielle Segarra
Cooking skills are much more important for the average adult than soccer skills.
Malika Green Reeb
Dang, she said it. During the World cup season, no less.
Andy Tagle
I know Marielle Segarra hates the World Cup.
Malika Green Reeb
Just kidding.
Andy Tagle
Just kidding.
Marielle Segarra
Just kidding. Andy, wanna take us to our next question?
Andy Tagle
Yes, I will. Okay, our next question. Dear life Kit, After a pleasant four way conversation with my wife, my pregnant daughter and my son in law, we all say love you, bye or something to that effect. Recently my son in law started embellishing the phrase by saying love you bye. Send money. What? I don't know if he's serious or I don't know if he's serious or joking. We've given them money in the past, but we've never been specifically asked for it. How do I respond? Wow.
Malika Green Reeb
He's bold.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
He's bold.
Andy Tagle
Yes. Malika, please.
Malika Green Reeb
Yeah. Okay, so there's two things here. One is that, like, I love that he's in a relationship with his father in law where he can tell him he loves him. Let's give him his flowers for that.
Marielle Segarra
Okay.
Malika Green Reeb
I think that there's no way around this other than to just pull him aside, address the elephant in the room, and say in a kind way, like, I notice you've been joking about needing money. Are you guys okay? Are you in a tough financial spot? And I think just like addressing it right there hopefully tells the son in law, like, okay, yeah, that might have been an awkward joke to make and will shut the joke down. But then it also shows the son in law that, yeah, the father in law hears what he's putting down and he's addressing the issue.
Andy Tagle
Right.
Marielle Segarra
I think conversation is often the answer when it comes to money awkwardness. So many things get weird because people don't want to talk about money.
Malika Green Reeb
It's awkward talking about money, though. I hate talking about money. Yeah, you love talking about money, Marielle. You love talking about money.
Marielle Segarra
I kind of do.
Andy Tagle
You do?
Marielle Segarra
I don't know. I think, like, we actually just did an episode on financial guilt. And one piece of advice that Lauren Williams, the financial planner gave us is if you are going to give money to someone in your family or your friend, first think about how much you want to give and can afford to give before you have a conversation with them or ideally before they even ask you. Because that can help you make decisions from a place of tapping into your values and from a clear headed place versus making decisions from a place of guilt and pressure? Yeah, absolutely. Would we want them to pay us back?
Andy Tagle
What?
Marielle Segarra
Would we be willing to give them money for all of those things? So, like, you're on the same page when you go to them and you have your clear boundaries set up. I think it all starts with a conversation.
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Marielle Segarra
All right, Andy, last question.
Andy Tagle
Okay, let's do it. Dear life Kit, My husband and I have dear friends that we've Known for about a decade. We love them both. They're kind and generous, but every time we're with them, she's mean to her husband. She gets super irritable and critical, and he's clearly stepping on eggshells and super deferential. Do I risk our friendship by pulling her aside and confronting her? I know marriages are private and challenging, but it's so uncomfortable and sad to witness her cut him down.
Marielle Segarra
Yeah.
Malika Green Reeb
Yikes.
Marielle Segarra
I mean, obviously, we don't know what's happening behind the scenes. I mean, there are two options here, right? You could talk to her, you could talk to him. Either way, one way to start is by telling them how much you value them and the friendship. That's advice we've gotten from the psychologist Marisa Franco in an episode about conflict in friendship. Because that signals the reason you're bringing the issue up is because you're invested in them and because you care about them. So you could go to the wife and say, hey, I really value our friendship, and there's something I want to talk about. Like, I've noticed a few times recently that you put Tim down when we're all hanging out. Can we talk about that? Like, what is going on for you guys?
Malika Green Reeb
Yeah.
Marielle Segarra
And the other version is going to the husband saying something similar. Like, I notice Tammy puts you down a lot in front of us. Are you okay? Do you want to talk? Even if they don't want to talk, you can tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and make the request that they don't do it in front of you.
Malika Green Reeb
I think that's all really good advice. Marielle plus one. No changes, no comment.
Marielle Segarra
Andy has comment.
Andy Tagle
I don't have comment. I just, you know, I think other people's marriages are such tricky territory.
Marielle Segarra
Yeah, this is true.
Andy Tagle
Your very best friend in the world. Maybe. Maybe you can say something very gently one time. And I think you should still prepare for it to backfire, you know, because if you're wrong, because if you caught him at the wrong time, you know, because if you're just seeing that sliver, you know, like you said, Marielle, you have no idea what's happening the rest of their life.
Malika Green Reeb
Actually, Andy, you had this dear life kit once, and I don't remember the exact context, so maybe you can try to remember. Maybe this will jog your memory. But it was something about how, like, just support your friend, you know, you don't have to, like, try to fix what's going on between the friend and the spouse. Just ask the friend, like, how you doing? Are you okay? How you been? Like, let me take you out.
Andy Tagle
That's what it was. It was like, mind your business.
Malika Green Reeb
Yeah. But also, like, support the friend who's hurting.
Andy Tagle
It's like, you. You can be right, but your friend's never gonna thank you for that. You know, like, what good. What good will come from that? Like, of you pointing that out. Right? Like, they need to. They need to. It needs to come up from them. It needs to come. It needs to come from their own heart, basically. And all you can do is be ready to help them. Help them through it.
Malika Green Reeb
That's right.
Andy Tagle
But saying they're awful doesn't help in the situation if they're still in the relationship.
Malika Green Reeb
You know, if they're like, energy vampires, too, and, like, you're not feeling refreshed hanging out with them, then also it's totally okay for you to put a little distance between yourselves. You know, pull back. Right.
Marielle Segarra
Okay. Before we go, Malika, let's share a comment that we got in response to our last episode of Dear Life Kit. And this comes from a listener on Spotify.
Malika Green Reeb
Yes, this was someone who was reacting to the question in our last episode where someone was dealing with extra responsibilities at work. Basically, they were picking up a lot of slack because a colleague was out. One of our Spotify listeners had this suggestion. Say to your boss, here are the things I am working on. Which of these things should I hold off on so I can take on this other responsibility? If the answer is do it all, then the conversation should become about additional pay or title.
Marielle Segarra
Dang, I love that. Love that.
Andy Tagle
It's one of those, like, expert level.
Marielle Segarra
If this, then that, you know, tool for the toolbox.
Andy Tagle
Yeah, adding it. Adding it.
Marielle Segarra
All right, once again, if you have a question for Life Kit, send it to us. We want to hear your questions about money, about healthcare, about staying organized, about messy breakups or annoying friends. Whatever you got. Email us your question or record yourself asking it and send the file to lifekitpr.org I'm Marielle Segarra. Thanks for listening.
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Podcast Summary: Life Kit (NPR)
Episode: "When your best friend tells you to stop texting her"
Date: July 16, 2026
Host: Marielle Segarra, with Andy Tagle and Malika Green Reeb
This episode of "Life Kit" features the "Dear Life Kit" series, where listeners write in with personal dilemmas seeking practical, empathic advice. Host Marielle Segarra, joined by reporter Andy Tagle and digital editor Malika Green Reeb, tackle a variety of friendship, parenting, and boundary-setting challenges, sharing wisdom from their archives and guest experts. The tone is warm, candid, and often playfully irreverent.
[01:47 – 04:31]
Situation:
Lizeth writes in: Her best friend, expecting her first child and living overseas, sets a strict no-communication boundary until she initiates contact. Lizeth wants to be supportive but also misses her friend.
Panel’s Reactions & Advice:
Memorable Moment:
[06:06 – 11:09]
Situation:
Brian, a single father of two, feels overwhelmed by his kids’ busy sports schedules, the costs, and the time demands, while co-parent's philosophy is "it's just a busy time."
Panel’s Reactions & Advice:
[11:13 – 13:42]
Situation:
A listener hears their son-in-law jokingly add "send money" to their usual closing in family calls and wonders how to handle the possible hint or joke.
Panel’s Reactions & Advice:
[14:14 – 17:18]
Situation:
A listener is distressed that their friend's wife openly cuts down her husband during gatherings. Should they confront her?
Panel’s Reactions & Advice:
[17:30 – 18:16]
Comment Highlight:
Listener suggests when overloaded at work, say:
"Here are the things I am working on. Which of these things should I hold off on so I can take on this other responsibility? If the answer is do it all, then the conversation should become about additional pay or title." [17:40]
Panel’s Response:
The episode masterfully addresses the messy, complex dynamics of friendship, parenting, and adult relationships. The hosts blend humor and warmth with clear, actionable advice, always leaning toward empathy, communication, and boundary-setting. Perfect for listeners seeking both validation and practical tools for navigating the everyday dilemmas of modern life.
Timestamps Overview:
For more questions or to share your own, email: lifekitpr.org.