← Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Loading summary
Transcript35 lines
- [00:01]
Gabby
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hello? Hello? Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, hello, it's me. It's me, Gabby. And you're here with Long Winded, in case you forgot where the fuck you were. Hopefully some of you did. I don't know what you're doing at night. I don't know what you're doing the day, but you deserve a break from reality. Forget where you are. I don't. It's whatever. Okay, so here today. Today we're getting into the call in episode. Hello, Hello. Oh, yes, it's you. My best friends one could ever ask or I feel like I. We are really getting to know each other. And that I appreciate. I feel like I'm coming down here to talk to my friends, especially now because I'm listening to your voice memos and that I cannot thank you enough. So without further ado, let's get into some crazy shit that you have to say for me, okay? Okay. How should we start? I think I feel like we have to ease into it, take it slow. Actually, I'm gonna close the garage door because I am a little distracted before. Now no one can hear me as they shouldn't because I'm in the comfort of my own home. Look away. There's nothing for you here. There's nothing for you to hear. This is between me and you. All right, let's hit it.
- [01:50]
Jill
Hi, Gabby, gorgeous. It's one of your super f. My name is Jill.
- [01:56]
Gabby
Hi, Jill.
- [01:57]
Jill
I am single and cute and unfortunately, very straight. I know it's a tragedy. I've tried working on it. I, I, I tried being gay. It, it didn't work. I've dabbled, I've squibbled, I've squabbled. But unfortunately, your girl just loves the dick. So with all. How does a single, unfortunately straight woman navigate in a world like today? Like, this is such a crazy society. I just hate it so much. And men are despicable creatures, but, you know, I just love them. It's like, you know, it's just bad for you, but it's so good. Anyways, do I just, like, go onto a sugar daddy website and just, like, rob them blind? I'm a hopeless romantic. Keyword, hopeless. And again, unfortunately, I am straight. And I have tried to not be, and it's just a freaking tragedy. Help a girl out, kitten. What am I to do? What am I to do? Okay. Love you, kid. Bye, gorgeous. Hey, Robbie.
- [03:12]
Gabby
Well, I. Some people just have bad luck. I don't, I don't know if it's astrology. Or whatever house. What's in your Jupiter? Jupiter I think is. Is luck and career. I forget maybe what's Venus? Seems like it's failing you. It's not the best option. But don't worry, I do have an answer for you. The woman who is undeniably straight. So she says. So you want to attract a man, and men are undeniably gay. So the only option you have is to dress up like a man. That then attracts other men. This is what we're left with. You're down bad for the D. You want to suck on that thing so bad you sell your soul. Maybe you'll get the one. Maybe you'll get the one that respects you. For that I hope for you. But I think a good place to start is cross dress. Get on your. Get on your flat bill hat. Whatever kind of sports team you're into right now. Maybe the New York Nankis or the Knicks, they just won something big. So I hear we're seeing Timothy Chalamet at all of the games. So you could start there with the sports team you've never heard of. Maybe do a quick stats check, see what's going on so you can regurgitate that information. You probably have a good pair of boyfriend jeans that are kind of baggy. Don't use those. The tighter the better. Borrow one of Robbie's packers and put on a Patagonia or a Fratagonia, as I like. As I like to call them by. I think you just start there and see where it gets you see. See if it draws the men in. Because this is what they want. They want another man. They're all in the closet and they're all secretly fucking all of the other gay men on Grindr. I know what's going on because I have first hand resources. It's the older. It's the older men with the family who are all fucking the baby gays. Maybe they're not baby, but the twinks, they're getting in there. Oh, no, no. I can't tell my wife. No. I'm gonna live in this prison forever. Well, maybe you, but not me. Now my enema did its job and get the out of here. I don't know if that helps any, but that. That is a place to start. And where you go from there is up to you. I can only do so much that was. I had to take a step. On to the next. On to the next.
- [06:03]
Robbie
Okay, this is going to be the longest story ever, but I'm going to try to make it really fast so I'M going to talk really fast. So basically what happened was my roommate in college. I'm running for context. I'm running to be editor of the newspaper. My roommate ends up deciding to run for editor of the newspaper. I'm like, great, okay, that's fine. Let me sign your petition so you can run.
- [06:27]
Gabby
Turns out she already got all our.
- [06:28]
Robbie
Signatures because she went behind my back and literally just told everyone to keep it a secret from me and is just this whole big thing that it didn't need to be. She just fucking told me and I told her that, hey, I'm kind of hurt by the fact that you felt like you couldn't tell me this. And then now she's lying to literally everybody and saying, oh, my ex roommate's mad because she like she hates me and she hates that I'm running for creditor and she doesn't think I deserve it. And she's literally using our friendships to like, I don't know, like fucking get people to hate me or whatever. And I'm like, no, that's not what's happening. I. I told. Anyways, that's the whole big thing. What should I do? Because.
- [07:18]
Unknown
It'S.
- [07:19]
Robbie
It's a whole big thing in. Finals are soon, so let me know.
- [07:22]
Gabby
I wish you would have dropped. First of all, I'm so sorry and I'm here for you. You are gonna come out on top whether it's the editor or not. But you're gonna leave here with your head held high in some fucking couth that this bitch left in her APA formatted English 1 paper. Because I bet she's not even that good at editing. I bet she doesn't even know that we're not double spacing. We're single spacing these days. And forget that comma before the end. We don't need it. But she could never. So you have a couple of things I think you have to watch. You have to watch the episode of Schitt's Creek where Moira runs against. I always Forget her name. Mrs. Shit for City council. And so you have to get yourself a crazy wig and a crazy outfit to match. And you show up and you address. Let's have your assembly. You're going to have your campaign. We're going to get. Let's go head to head. Let's get the student body around. Let or offer maybe free drinks and a charcuterie board of like Oscar Mayer. But this is what college kids want. So we'll have everybody watching you and you and tell your truth. She could never. Because she's trying to get ahead of it. And that never works out. It stinks. I can smell you from here. It's fishy. Why are you saying so much about your ex roommate? She doesn't hate you. Well, maybe now. Maybe now she does you. And. And she deserves it. So when you take the stand to campaign for your rightful place as editor, you have to explain, bullet point by bullet point, her character flaws. Do you want this kind of editor on your paper? I don't know what totally an editor does or what concept. Do you want this to be your editor full of lies, spewing hatred? Offer a chance to review your stories? No, it's not that deep. So you got to call her out. You got to call her out. You gotta out mental gymnastics her. You do a back tuck over her ass in the mind and drag her. Drag her by whatever cheap extensions she has on. This is what she's giving. And you walk around and you walk out of there with your head held high in a short, spiky pixie wig. And remember, you are the Moira Rose and we would vote for you any day. Send me the petition. Send me the ballot. Forgery. Forgery. I'd white out everything. I'd white out everything. She has no supporters. She has no signatures. She has to go stand outside the Trader Joe's for the 15th time and try and get this shit filled. But they're not going to trust her. They're not going to trust her. Not outside Trader Joe's. Nobody stops. Nobody stops for them. It's too saturated. You got to get into a different place. Place. Why don't you stand outside the Sephora? You're judging me based on the demo of cheap organic produce. Why don't you see what the Charlotte Tilbury enthusiasts have to say about your green piece and see where it goes from there. But you know what? You have my vote. That's for sure. And she's got to go. If she is elected, which I. Which I hope to God she's not. I'll say. I'll say a little you. Forever and ever, you'll be the editor. But you're the editor in our hearts. That's for sure. Thank you for your call. I know. I know you're single. I know you're single. It happens to the best of us. And I know what kind of apps you're on. You're on Hinge. God forbid. Bumble. Well, here's Field. Field is a dating app for the curious. They're on a mission to elevate the human experience of sexuality and relationships. Now we're talking. Imagine a world where everyone is more intimately connected to each other and themselves. I think I'm transcending as I'm speaking. Field's ever evolving platform creates safer, more inclusive spaces online and in real life for everyone to. To express and explore gender, sexuality and desire outside of existing blueprints. This is what I'm talking about. It's Pride Month, and we're gay and we need some room to express ourselves outside of existing blueprints. And this is here it. This is Field for us. You have options, maybe way more than you think, with 20 plus sexuality and gender identities. Honestly, not enough for me to choose from. You have the freedom to explore who you are and what you like in ways you haven't imagined. We're all a little freaky around here, and we do. There's. We like to explore and find out more about ourselves. So download Field on the App Store or Google Play. That's F, E E L, D. Do you. Do you need a little help? Do you need a little help in the bedroom? Don't we all? Who doesn't? We want to spice things up already. We want to try something new. We want to break barriers and share an intimate experience that maybe you and your partner will only do together. Unless there's a third. So here's Aria. Here's Aria to help us. It turns been there, done that into whoa, let's do that again. You just take a short quiz to figure out what your love life needs. Then you're matched with an intimacy concierge who hand selects curated experiences called scenes. Each scene includes premium items delivered discreetly to your door. Nobody needs to know what you're getting delivered to your front door. No neighbor should be digging through your packages, but if they are, they will not find Aria. The best part, Aria's concierge is a real person. Think of them like your relationship's wingman, someone you can message anytime, who gets to know your vibe and tailors everything to you. So, ready to break out of routine with Aria? Visit A r y a dot, FYI and use code GABBYWINDY for 15. Off to get started today.
- [14:38]
Robbie
All right, this is, like, weird to record. Anyways, so basically, I just went to go see the new Wes Anderson movie really early. For context, I'm a lesbo who is in. So I went to go see the new Wes Anderson movie early at the Arrow Theater, right? Shout out to American Cinema Tech, and I'm waiting in line. I get there really early. Because I'm like, let me enjoy a machan. A little book, okay? Because that's like my dream day or whatever. I'm listening to my CD because I have a portable CD player, and I think it's like. It's like, great. This guy keeps on staring at me and I'm like, well, okay, I guess. Anyways, so then we. Then he starts talking to me about my CD player, and I'm like, yeah, I'm listening to Simon and Garfunkel. Whatever, you know, it's fine. Oh, my God, I gotta get to the meat of it first. So basically, he just, like, talks to me a lot. And then he keeps on looking at me and staring at me. And I'm like, how, How. How do I, like, make sure people know I'm a lesbian in public without doing, like, really obvious flagging? Like, I don't know. Anyways, what should I have done in the situation? Because, like, he's an actor too, so it's like, I don't know.
- [15:56]
Gabby
I don't know. An actor? Well. Well, I do hate to break it to you, you are really signaling, Lace, being you are giving a wee les there with your matcha and your CD player. And Simon and Garfunkel, aren't they the first gays to ever walk the planet? I don't really know, but I think they're pretty gay in some other things. So. So that. It's not your fault. It's the audacity of men. They cannot take a hint and they think they're welcome everywhere. I don't know what color your hair is now, but you could dye it blue and tattoo they on your chest like a chest piece. Maybe slash them and they still would be on you like flies on like moth to a f lame like a bead of honey. They can't take a hint. No. They think everything is an invitation. They think everyone wants to talk to them so there's no way to get out of it. And I. I same. I feel you. I think my long hair is attracting the male gaze. And I don't know what to do about it, except to plan for my inevitable Britney Spears shaving my head moment. Also to signal, I don't want you get away from me. So maybe that's what you need to do. Maybe you need to pause your CD player, throw your matcha on his face and say, get away. Get away. Leave. And you start blowing your rape whistle and you bring out your taser and your mace. This is me scaring them away as if they were as if they were a bear. Because they're acting like animals. They're desperate. It's not you. It's not you. And I feel for you. But, yeah, I think maybe if you. If you carried around some defense, maybe people would know not to approach you. Not even people, but men. But you know what? They would walk right into your taser. They'd be, oh, this is fun. This probably feels good. That's what they would say. And you just wasted, like, 50 on Amazon because they still cannot take a hint. Like, how. How much more do we have to say? I'm at a loss. I'm at a loss for words. They're so lonely. The male loneliness epidemic. Surprising, because you're bothering the out of me. You're not acting lonely. And he probably had his fingernails painted, if I had to guess. Just because you have your fingernails painted doesn't mean that the other gays, that the elves are going to trust you, because we know better. And we don't want. We don't want no man in our presence. None. None. I'm sorry, you want to see your Wes Anderson movie alone? I don't totally know who Wes Anderson is, but it's probably giving gay, too. Girl, you're doing your best. You are doing the best you can. And sometimes that's all we can do. You might even be overachieving by presenting as a lesbo. But it's not enough. It's not enough because they want the power. They want the control. It's their ego. They think, oh, I can turn you gay. You won't be a lesbian after me. Like. Like, whoa. Oh, whoa. Why do you care? There has to be someone else at this. At this Americana AMC that you can harass. But even. But no one would enjoy it. No one. Okay.
- [19:36]
Unknown
Hi, Gabby. I guess my question is, like, do you think that watching Vanderpump Rules for the first time is enough to bond to people? Or is this guy gonna ghost me? Because, like, we went on a date on Monday, and then tonight, Wednesday, he had a work event canceled, and then I could have work early, so we went over. He was watching for the first time. He wanted to watch with me is what he said. And then, I don't know, we were, like, making out while Sheena was, like, rubbing sunscreen on Jax's back in Season one and, like, having a great time, whatever. And then, like, I don't know. I don't know. He, like, felt, like, my, like, actual body, and then, like, was like, okay, like, I have to go to sleep. And then, like, Text me when you get home. And then, like, I texted him, but he didn't text me back. I don't know. Maybe I'm making it all up in my head. Maybe. I don't know. Anyway, like, how do you survive as, like a skinny, fat gay guy in Los Angeles is my question. Maybe I don't really know.
- [20:39]
Gabby
Laughs I'm not laughing at your plight. I'm laughing at the way you framed things. I thought VPR would be good enough to bond two gay men together because if not, then the rest of us have no hope. And I don't know what it's like to be a skinny, fat gay guy in Los Angeles, but by the tone and the sound of your voice, it seems like you're gonna fare well. It seems like someone is going to fall for you the way Sheena fell for Jack's deltoids, the way somebody will fall for you. The way the melanin in the skin falls for the sun. Not Jack's back because he has spf. So I think you're doing amazing. I don't know. I wish I could give you some more advice, but I honestly do not know how the gays work at all. I feel like every time I come into contact with one, I don't know if they're open, if they want a relationship or if they want two relationships or if they want one and then a boyfriend, I don't know, but it sound like you, you want to be committed and you have an. A nice makeout sex session. So maybe, yeah, maybe he didn't text you back because he's playing hard to get or something. I think you're doing great. And what I was trying to say is being a skinny, fat gay guy is not the problem. They need diversity. This other guy who doesn't appreciate award winning TV is the problem. Everyone's all, what are you watching? What are you watching? What are you watching? You know, honestly is one of my favorite questions because it's like, yeah, let's cut the and just get to know each other a little bit. So FX has a new original comedy called Adults. And after. And after checking it out, it feels all too familiar. Adults is a comedy that will feel relatable if you ever find humor in the struggles of being an adult in 2025. Who doesn't? Where do I start? Maybe I can start and end with taxes and then give me a second and then. And then I'll continue with tariffs. But you know, there's other things, like remembering your full Social Security number, which I do, but you probably don't. Or to drink water two liters. Or perhaps having your third existential crisis of the month. Get it together. But the best part is that all episodes will be ready for your next weekend binge. Watch FX's Adults Wednesdays on FX. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. Spring is in Full bloom on DraftKings casino. New offers and promos are sprouting up daily. Right now, new players can play five bucks on anything and get 350 casino spins instantly on a featured slot game. Download the app and sign up with code Gabby Wendy. Take the featured slot for a spin and explore thousands of others in the DraftKings game library. Check back daily to claim the hottest offers and promos on DraftKings Casino. The crown is yours. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly. 21/physically present in Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Connecticut and Ontario, eligibility restrictions apply. New customers only. Non withdrawable casino spins valid for featured game only and expire in 168 hours. See terms@casino.draftkings.com promos ends June 15, 2025 at 11:59pm Eastern Time.
- [25:06]
Unknown
Okay, so I'm back again. I actually need your advice as well on this because my friend, I'm studying abroad right now and my friend literally has a boyfriend and we come here for like two years they've been dating. Sorry, I'm like all over the place, but that's besides the point. So my friend has a boyfriend of two years. We come here, we're in Austria, and she meets this like, bartender and they have made out three nights in a row and she's like, oh no. Like, me and my boyfriend talked about it. Like I think it's okay, but I don't. I'm not sure I believe her. And then her boyfriend was supposed to come to to Austria to like, see her, and then she's been ghosting him, so he canceled his flight and now they're like fighting. And honestly, I just don't know what to do because I feel really guilty about this boyfriend. I feel like she should tell him, but I don't think she's going to by herself. But I don't want to be the one to tell him either. So I honestly don't know what the fuck to do. So give me your advice. I don't know. This is why I don't Fuck with straight couples. Anyways, love you, bye.
- [26:13]
Gabby
No, literally, this is the problem with being straight is they will cheat. Maybe it happens every once in a while in a lesbian couple, but I don't want to know about it. This is what the heterose do. So to that I say don't involve yourself. You got to turn a blind eye if you're closer with your friend. You gotta. We support women's rights and wrongs. We know that, We've established it. You're in not even a different zip code in a different country code. I wouldn't even know how to dial up anyone in Austria. So you don't have to get in the middle of that. Logistically it would be hard. We don't know each other's. We don't know how to get a hold of one another. Miles and miles and oceans and oceans away. Don't ask, don't tell. Listen to our military for once. It was great what they did there. Don't ask, don't tell. They didn't say be gay. They definitely didn't say that. They didn't say don't be gay. Right? Of course not. It's totally fine. You just don't ask anyone if they're gay. And if you get asked, just don't tell them. Duh. And you can just be yourself. So. So to your friend, just don't. So turn the other way. Be complicit. Aid and abet. How was I supposed to know she ghosted you and you lost all the money on your non refundable flight. Oh, that one's going to bite. That one's going to hurt. That one's going to sting the bank account. But it doesn't have to be your fault. You're not the one cheating. No, in fact, in fact you're getting yourself out. This couldn't happen to you because you're a lesbian. Knock on wood. Is it just. Oh, we have overall a lesser chance. I hope you guys. This is what I like to think, but I do hear horror stories. So unfortunately. Unfortunately. I think. I think you just gotta put some acid in your eyes for the rest of the trip so you cannot see. Okay.
- [28:15]
Unknown
Hey, are you interested in doing a show about donor conceived people? Because I am. Donor conceived. I have like 50 siblings and I just met one of my sisters a couple years ago and now we're traveling all over the world together. Nobody seems to talk about this, but since you've been making me eat Taco Bell nuggets for like a couple weeks now, I feel like Maybe you'd be interested in something.
- [28:36]
Gabby
Something.
- [28:38]
Unknown
Thanks a lot for ruining my figure. Bye, Gabby.
- [28:41]
Gabby
I don't know if you guys heard, but there's chicken nuggets at Taco Bell. I mean, I think donor conceived children is very interesting. Maybe she could be a daughter of Elon Musk. I don't know if that means she'd be entitled to his soon to be trillions of dollars, but hopefully she doesn't have his mannerisms. You. You. And it is. It is. 50 siblings is wild. I just think that's a crazy story. I don't know if you' to meet all 50 of them. That could take up a whole year, one day to week, but obviously you like one. I wonder how similar you are. I wonder how different. It's like that triplet documentary that's like nature versus nurture. But there was no ethics behind it. It was all very morally correct. Like the adoption agency was in. On. On putting these triplets into three different families and like three different cities in three different environments so they could study them later. What part of them, how they were different and how are they the same and which is a stronger influence. Nature versus nurture. I don't know what it ended up with, but I do think nurture. But you could maybe do something similar, but just more ethical. But then it's like, I don't know, how do you guys feel about your dad? Is he still doing that or did he finally make some money? Like, I don't even know what would come up. But I guess then you would have somebody to talk about it. But there's no way you could like, oh, 49 siblings, right? So maybe, maybe you should. Now you're here, you've pitched your show. If anybody's interested, if any production company is listening. I know, I have friends. Netflix, Hulu. I don't even. I think that's where the list ends. So let me know. I'll give you the contact. I'm sure it's a fake email. You guys all give me fake emails. I think it's fine. Here's a yahoo.com. yeah, right. Yeah, right. Hi, grandpa. Just kidding. He does aol. Hey, girl. Love you. I'm curious, like, do you have like a leaky coochie throughout the day? Like, I've just always, always had a very moist vagina. And so sometimes I put little toilet.
- [30:57]
Jill
Papers in there, which I probably shouldn't.
- [30:59]
Gabby
But just to catch it, you know, so it's not on the undies all day. How. What? Like, did I just let her Rock. I don't know.
- [31:08]
Jill
Help me out, bestie.
- [31:09]
Gabby
Who doesn't leave the trail of a snail when they get up these days? I can't even sit down in thin workout pants without leaving the sign of distress underneath. And by distress, I mean a leaky. I don't think it's that dis. I don't think it's that stressful, though. I think it's natural. You gotta. You got to let. You've got to let the supernatural beautiful. What else do you call it? It's like miracle lollity of your pussy. Be. Let her leak. She wants to leak. She's crying tears of joy. She loves what you're doing to her. This is her way of giving thanks. And what. What are we supposed to be so ashamed of a shallow puddle of fluid coming from. Coming from a vagina that is to be treated delicately like a flower. Am I supposed to tell her what to do? Am I supposed to judge her on what she leaks on? Am I supposed to stop her? No. You gotta let her be free. I think it could be a good sign. It could be. She could. I mean, ask your partner. He. She. They. What they think. Because I bet they don't have a problem. No, you're giving them a lot of confidence in the bedroom. You don't have to tell them. It's your natural state. You don't have to tell them that you're blessed with a weeping willow. Let them think if you want to. If you want to, until they piss you off. And then you tell them the truth. This isn't because of you. This is because of what God gifted me. Would you rather have dry vagina ridges? Something like a raisin, Anytime you want to put something fun up there? No, you have a natural fountain of KY jelly, which. With these tariffs, who know, who knows how much money you're saving just by being yourself. But if it gets too much, I would use a panty liner. Maybe not the tissues, but I think you're in good company. I never wear underwear. And then I. And then I was on a. Whatever. I was at a photo shoot the other day and I was like changing, getting styled, and then I put my pants in the corner and there was all kinds of substances on them. From the vagina. Please. I. I clean my asshole, unlike you dirty freaks. Wipe it two, three, four times and then hit the wet one. But all of the other. But all the other leakies that come out of my pussy, and then they were just unfolded kind of like a napkin, and you could see all those in them, I was like, should I start wearing underwear? But who are we to change what we are? For who? For My stylist, she gets me. Close your eyes. You don't want to see that we're all human. I think your leaky is great. I do. I love to crack a cold one. A cold soda and do I have news for you. Simply has launched a new prebiotic soda. Simply Simply. Simply Pop, the new Juicy soda. There are five flavors. Pineapple, mango, lime, strawberry, citrus punch and fruit punch Salus. All my favorite flavors. They're made with real fruit juice because, please, I hate it when they're not. Simply Pop supports gut health with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber, no added sugar and is sweetened with juices. Monk fruit extract. Now we're talking. Supports immune health with zinc and vitamin C. Simply Pop is a flavor that just pops. I'm always looking for something that's carbonated and that is Simply Pop. It's a fruit forward bevy of prebiotic sodas made with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber to support gut health and vitamin C and zinc to support immune function. I personally like the strawberry flavor because obviously it's the most decadent. So for flavor that Pops Long winded chooses Simply pop. Go to cokeurl.com simply pop to find out where you can try it.
- [36:02]
Tabria Majors
Hi, I'm Tabria Majors. I'm a model, an influencer, and a new mom who's not afraid to be open and honest or challenge the status quo. I may know what I'm doing in front of of the camera, but parenting is all new and there's a lot I want to learn. Every week on this season of Milk Drunk, we'll get real with trusted experts, parents, friends and more to learn together and support each other with empathy and humor on this wild ride called modern parenting. So check your parental guilt and anxiety at the door because I got you. Make sure to tune in every Tuesday and follow so you don't miss a feeding. I mean, any of the action. Milk Drunk is brought to you by Bobby, the only mom founded and lit organic and found formula company who was evolving the conversation around feeding.
- [36:45]
Gabby
Oh, this one's crazy. I think.
- [36:49]
Hannah
Okay. Hi, Gabby, I'm Hannah and I want to tell you a story about the last date I ever went on. And this was like a few years ago. It was with a guy that was actually friends with my ex boyfriend who the ex boyfriend told me to go on this date with him. So we go on a date, we go for drinks and stuff. Everything was really good. And he was super nice. And then we. I was walking back home.
- [37:10]
Gabby
Never trust an ex boyfriend after with him.
- [37:14]
Hannah
And then I had to go pee, so he invited me up so I could quickly use his bathroom before I went home. So we go upstairs into his apartment. The second the door opens, it is the most rancid, awful, disgusting, putrid smell I've ever smelled. And so he points towards the bathroom. It's right by the front door. And then he sits on the couch and is waiting for me. So I go into the bathroom, open up the lid of the toilet, and there is a massive old rotting poo that has been sitting in there for God knows how long. It smelled terrible. It was disgusting. Anyways, I flushed it. I didn't want to embarrass him. I didn't want to say anything, so I just flushed it and then I peed and then came out and he was trying to kiss me and make out with me and he was so into it. And I had just seen his poo in the toilet. Anyways, obviously we didn't go on any more dates from there and. And then I met my partner and now we're engaged. And I love her. And I'm gay. Okay, love you.
- [38:10]
Gabby
Bye, you guys. You cannot make this shit up. You see? You see what she did? She was in the trenches with these disgusting animal freaks and now she's engaged to a woman. I keep saying, how much more proof do you need? This. This is her. Can you imagine seeing that and then peeing on top of it? I think I would have pissed in the toilet or. No, in the bathtub or the sink for that matter. Is. And then you had to make out with them afterwards. And this is what we feel bad inherently as women to where we don't even want to embarrass these troglodytes. Still shitting as if they were cavemen. No, you can flush the toilet now. We have plumbing. You don't need to dig a hole in there and leave it forever. How do you. And how do you miss the smell? I imagine there's another bathroom that he had been peeing in. Or is your that stinky? Is your gut microbiome that off. That is giving off the scent and the feel of an old stinky poo. Ew. It was probably caked. This is me walking out of the bathroom after I walked in. I would have held it and pissed outside. Oh, what is wrong with you? You let a woman walk into that? You think it's appropriate to have a woman come inside to step Foot inside this outhouse. You're running this joint like a porta Potty. At this point, I would have pissed on his floor because this is how he treats his own possessions. We have to get used to embarrassing him. We do. You should have sat down and been like, do you know the atrocities that I have just seen in your toilet? You thought the Florida hurricanes were bad. You thought the Palisade fires are. We're bad. You thought. Insert the last natural disaster or any disaster that you've seen recently was bad. I've just seen the biggest disaster of my whole life waiting for me in the toilet. I looked at its eyes, and you want to shove your tongue down my throat? Is this. Is this what it's going to take for all women to finally open up their eyes and realize that you're a lesbian? Don't let this be. You try it before. Before you end up like this poor victim. And if it happens to you, pull out your camera, videotape the in the toilet, and then videotape him in the face and zoom in so you can see every defining feature and put it into an AI reverse image. Because I'm sure he's lying about his name. You have no idea what his identity is. I don't know what this disgusting freak is capable of. AI AI Search. Match him and blast his name all over Twitter. The world needs to know this is a criminal. If you think this guy is asking for consent, you're dead wrong, because you know where he's going to shit next? In your bed. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He'll leave it there for you to find. Then he'll expect you to pick it up and put in the toilet like he's a dog. He's a canine. He is the not so distant cousin of my dumbass Goldendoodle upstairs. But you know what's different is Nardo knows where to shit, and he would flush it if he could. He just, like, can't be trained, and he's really embarrassed when he poops. He looks at me with sad eyes, not like this guy who's proud of it. What are you keeping it for? How do you intentionally forget about this? And for him to act like everything's okay. I'm. I can't. I'm. See, I'm seeing red. I'm getting dizzy, actually. I don't know. My heart's racing. My. My. My blood pressure and my blood sugar are probably in the toilet. I don't know if I can go on. I should do a couple More. Hi, Gabby.
- [42:25]
Maggie
I love you. I just need some advice. So on the night of my 23rd birthday, a solid seven years ago at this point, you know, there was lots of tequila, you know, whatever. I had my best friend there and my other guy best friend, and we had a threesome. And, you know, that's the boring part. Basically it was a huge mistake because he had a girlfriend. But the worst part was, was that, like, I was kind of the confidant of that relationship. Like, I knew all the issues. He tried to break up with her. She literally was like, no. And then he was just scared and he didn't end up breaking up with her. And long story short, she found out. Of course my life blew up and I would walk into bars and they would all like, point and stare, like I had a giant A on me. And, you know, it was just really bad time. And I moved out of the country for five years. I'm back. I keep running into her and it's really, really, really awkward. And I'm just wondering, should I, like, go up to her and apologize at this point and, like, put it behind us, or should I just forget about it and try to, like, just not acknowledge her when we see her? Because, I don't know, small town vibes at that point. What do I do?
- [43:42]
Gabby
You got to go back to that country you came from, where you were five years, this is when you were 23. So it's like, we have. We have time. I feel like you do have a couple options if you can't go back to the country that you came from. I know, like, it's getting weird these days. People are being detained. Why are you coming back? You know, I didn't. They might not like, they actually might like that. You have a bit of a freaky past, but you don't have to sell it to them anyways. So, yeah, I actually. I don't know. I mean, this girl cannot be holding on to a grudge since 23. But like, I. Sometimes these small town people, you don't know what else they have going on in their life. That's like, they might need to hold on to that forever because they're not getting. They're not really getting any stimulation anywhere else. I don't know how good the therapy is in your town. I don't know what kind of resources you each have. So I think, yeah, you could go up to her the next time you see her and be like, look, it was the tequila talking. I would never. With a clear mind and a fully formed frontal Lobe, prefrontal cortex. Ever want to get in a situation with your boyfriend? I don't want to him. This is what you say. I don't care if you did or didn't. I never wanted to him. You could really take it far as say you were coerced, but say you don't want to do. Okay, okay, you don't want to. You don't want to do that. That could be extortion or something. I don't. I don't know what all these words mean, but I didn't ever want to him. I wanted to be with number three. Man or woman? Hopefully it's a woman then. You could really play that up. I've been gay for so long. I don't know, but I don't know. Okay, let me. I'm getting ahead of myself. I. You could say a number of those things, but. Yeah, I think you could try and apologize and be like, this is so uncomfortable. I don't want it to be uncomfortable for us anymore because we go to the same King Supers, and I know we're shopping in the same aisles. We're both eating chobani and half and half for our milk. And every time we cross arms, I feel a pang of regret. And I just feel like I need to apologize to you. And I hope we can move on from here, and I hope we can start over. Now, that's only if you want to, because if you don't and you're. And you're sick of her, this is when you were 23. I don't know what she's telling all the townspeople, but it's not any of their business. But they're gonna make it their business. So it's like no time has passed at all during those years of front porch sitting in curves, like, drinking. There's just no time. So it's fresh. So you're going to have to look back at them the way they look back at you. Oh, you're looking at me. You're looking at me while I'm looking at you. So who's looking at who? And you got to carry that attitude with you everywhere you go. Every kind of local pet boutique, every grocery store, the corner, 7 11, everyone that you pass, you better look at them in the eye and kind of. And kind of do a pump fake like, huh? They won't with you. You want to be next, is it? That's what you have to do. And you have to. And then maybe you'll earn some of their respect back. Who's to say or you could just get out of that town. I don't know why. Or. Yeah, or you could just focus on whatever deliveries they are around there. Stay in the house for a while, get on Zillow, see what other neighboring cities you'll still be close to home, but maybe just far enough away so they don't totally know your business. And then if it travels from town to town, you can tell your side of the story and no one knows your side of the story but you. And if it's true or not. Anyways, as far as I know, you're my friend. And my friends are never wrong.
- [47:46]
Unknown
Hi, Gabby. My name is Maggie. I'm from Seattle, and I just wanted to ask you. I actually just experienced my first fender bender at the ripe old age of 24, and it happened in a grocery store parking lot. I don't think I've ever wanted to die in a grocery store parking lot more. And my Mazda hit a Tesla that crumpled like tin foil. I just want to know your thoughts on the state of things. Email on the state of things, of planned obsolescence and how things are, like, made to break now so you have to buy something new and how so much of that is geared towards women and so much of it is just so wrong. And just. I'm feeling like a victim today.
- [48:31]
Gabby
Maggie. Maggie, you are a victim to this society into obsolescence. Obsolescence, absolutes. I don't quite know what that word is, but I love being introduced to new vocabulary that I can use against people. I'm really sorry what you went through at the grocery store parking lot. You did not deserve to even be in the same vicinity as a Tesla. They're still roaming these streets with their now we know plastic bumpers and immoral interiors. And it sounds like parts of the body that break off so easy. All I'm gonna say is that's crazy. I had no idea that it was geared towards women. I hope your Mazda's okay, because I want you to be on the other side of things. And you know what? With enough research, it sounds like you're really smart. I feel like you have the tools that you allow yourself to heal from the fender bender. You really learn from a grocery store parking lot fender. Let me tell you firsthand. I've hit everything that can move or it doesn't move. Cars in a parking lot, poles, garage doors, trash cans. I've driven right into a ditch for no reason at all. I had to be towed out. I've made all of those mistakes early on to where Now I can't even remember the last time I got a ticket because I got out of my last one. Said, have you ever seen Dancing with the Star? Then I pulled up pictures on my phone of the cha cha cha. This is me. She can move and shake like this. Live in the vida loca. Then he let me off with a warning. But anyways, you're going to learn a lot from this. I hope your Mazda is okay. And it's so fucked up that whatever is happening, that things are made to broke. This idea is geared towards women. But I believe it. I believe it. And when you don't have enough money to buy a quality thing, not that Tesla gaslit. Everybody we know, there's still 40, $50,000 a Tesla and their bumpers still crumple like plastic. I mean, based on the tone of your voice, I don't think that you were going that fast. And a Mazda isn't like a, like a Ford F250. It's just not. So I think it's. Teslas are made like that obviously because Elon Musk invented them and he just wants more money, money, money, money. And you don't get to the top ethically, you don't get to the top buying a good product that stays around for a while. You'll get to the middle, but you won't get to the top. But as people who can't afford much, you know, you, you can't afford, you can, you can't probably can't even afford a car that maybe doesn't break. You guys know I love Toyota. Save your money for a. But even then, it's not like you can afford new and it's not like you can afford the maintenance. I bring mine into a, A service, whatever. And I got free or I got a couple, you know, that are on the warranty. I didn't know how much they were because I was down to my last one. I'm like, oh, I should probably save this, expecting it to be a couple hundred dollars, thousands of dollars. You want me to do this every 20,000 miles or whatever the fuck. Who can afford that? So then you buy cheaper things which break more. Fuck this obsolescence and fuck that Tesla. He deserved to have his bumper fall to the ground. Little weak tree fall hard. Well, or plastic, I don't know, I don't know. Whatever you want to insert there. It sounds like it was only a matter of a matter of time for, for your bumper to dismember. And yeah, I do judge, I do judge the Tesla drivers I told you. My one friend who has a Tesla traded it in for a Kia. Now we're closer than ever. Okay, well, I hoped you liked my advice. And we'll see. We'll see you next week. You know where, girl. You know where. Right here on Long Wind. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.