C (8:24)
Health Care that's actually built to last at. Okay, I have to get my together because we have a lot to talk about but just a different just a quick overview of the Golden Globes. I mean Nikki Glazer looked perfect. She's getting prettier and prettier and I think she's just so fun and such a professional and so hard working and so funny and just such a representation of women. And she was talking about sinners too and I feel like it's just not getting enough attention because it came out early in the year. And I think directors who just care so much about these awards and like nothing else, they plan at the end of the year to make sure they sweep all of the award shows. And it's like, why? Why are we continuing to forget about Sinners? It's easily the best movie I've seen, like last year and since then. And it's like, you know, it's. I don't even. We saw. Gotta be careful with your words. No, I don't. We saw the ping pong movie and it's like, okay, the extreme sport of ping pong is going to sweep, but not a double Michael B. Jordan. I almost called him Michael Bupalo. Not the same antonyms. These movies are up to three hours long now, these winners. It's like you have to be over 159 minutes in order to even be up for an award. But let me tell you, it's an abuse on my time and livelihood. And it's pretentious of you to. To think I'd like to sit down in a dark movie theater for three hours in a row to watch the 15 different storylines that could have been 1 and 14 could have been subtracted. I'm telling you, I hate to say it. You think. You assume I have the bladder of a clawfoot tub. You think that I have a bladder the size of the Beverly Hills Hotel? My pointer toes don't even touch the end. I can just keep that pee in there forever without it turning its back on me and giving me a bladder infection turned kidney infection turned sepsis. You're putting me in the hospital. Ping pong movie. I forget. But, but don't worry, I'll go during one of these aforementioned ping pong scenes because there's about 20 of them and I know I'm not going to miss anything. Timmy. Timmy's going to win. But my favorite joke of Nikki's was the Michael B. Jordan joke where she's like, okay, well, there's two Michael B. Jordans and sinners will Nikki be jerk. You know, she was like, should I say this? Because it's like, kind of dumb, but it's so funny. It's profound and I'm so glad she went with it. And he's gorgeous. The pan after him after she said jerkin, it just validated her joke. Honestly, the cameraman knew what they were doing. His side profile gives us permission to play with ourselves. It was a great pan. It put a button on the joke. I mean, could we ask for more? But okay, who else? J.J. law. I wish. Nikki Glaser said something about her facelift. I thought that JLAW was open about it, but she's just open about everything else, including talking shit on lost culturistas. But I before I said, you know, J Law has been running her mouth about her own facelift. I naturally googled it because I'm a fact checker, but AI Google said she denied. Even though she's known, she presents herself as this quirky little authentic diva. I mean, she looks gorgeous. She looks insane. That's. That's objective. But you know what? And she doesn't care about me. And I'm punching up here. I just don't think she has much sex appeal. I think that's what's missing. She looks, she looks very demure, very beautiful, very sweet. But it's like, why am I not barking on all fours for her? And that sheer flower dress. I loved the flower dress. I did. Even those nude, like her skin tone, it really went with it. But it's like, you know, we're all jla, J Law, Jayla. But in the depth of our honesty, we know she's not fuckable. But I'll tell you who is JLo. JLo it is. You know, I would say in my humble opinion, JLo is more than J Law. Even in the worst stress of the night. Jlo. You know, I say it's the worst dress of the night, which is. But it is something I would have worn maybe present or past. It was like a see through with the pattern and it's got my name all over it. I'm trying to get away from the usual, but what can you do? But I would have left that weird calf skirt. It's like a poof out. It's a circle of tulle. It's a skirt for your waist around your calves. It's a calf skirt. It's a mid shin skirt. It's a bottom leg flare. You can see all the tulle. It's like, okay, is this dress like unmade? I don't want to see the tulle. Give us something else. And I don't even know where to find dresses like that anymore. Maybe like David's bridal. But it's giving, it's giving mermaid. Which like nothing against my. I guess, yeah, he has something against mermaid dresses. Okay, I'm just gonna be honest. Who else is in the room besides me and these two lights and these cameras? I can say whatever I want because I'm alone and I prefer to be alone. But it's giving 2000s. And I hate to be presumptuous but she, I just don't even think she can swim. And I can say that because I can't swim either, you know, and I just know my non swimmer kind like we're not doing the freestyle, if anything we're doing the breaststroke because I'm a lesbian. Selena Gomez. Why she bringing Benny Blanco to these huge red carpets? He embarrasses her in any public interview. If he came near a red carpet host Selena would have to put him in a double Nelson headlock in front of E News with her fur trimmed dress. She'd have to take those frail little arms and put them around his big head and take him down. And her dress is tailored just right so with the bend of a knee and a flexion of the hip. Oh, her zipper popped. But she needs to get, she needs to use her hamstrings and her glute, the strongest muscle to get into the double Nelson. And she only had her last tattered nude Victoria's Secret thong on from junior high for no reason. It's just the one that she picked out of the drawer. Were all guilty. And now because she has a hole in the back, her thongs hanging out, she has to walk like a kindergarten teacher in a pencil skirt and squeeze her butt each step. So it's like all dimply. I bet she doesn't have dimples. But if this was me it'd be all dimply. And if you take a big step the sea urchin of hairs escaping your tattered thong might come into vision. You gotta leave that guy at home. Celine. There was Jacob Elordi. Hated his sunglasses. He had a mullet. There was Connor's story. Loved what he was wearing. Loved his sunglasses. Had a mullet. Miley Cyrus. I loved, I don't know, I don't always love sunglasses on the red carpet but especially with a dress. But I loved hers and she had no mullet. And yeah, I mean back to the heated rivalry of it all. The Connor story, the Hudson. It's like why didn't they kiss on stage to get the crowd going? These crowds are like kind of cold. I feel really. They're really scary. It's a big room. They've been tongue twisting for the last six weeks now. But all of a sudden they're shy. All of a sudden you're scared. All of a sudden you don't want to play tonsil hockey when you know you can play real hockey on the ice. You think Madonna and Brittany were scared? No, they Marched into battle, brave. But they are women, after all. And that's what women do. We don't back down. They really could have done something with that. I don't know. I think they missed an opportunity and it's like, they could really use more press right now and sarcasm. No, But I love seeing them everywhere. Honestly, they're like. They're. They're real. Like, I don't fangirl over people, I feel. But if I saw them, I feel like I would fangirl. Like, they feel like real stars to me. But you know what? They didn't kiss on stage because now they're. They're so famous they don't care anymore and they turn their back on us. It just happens so fast. You know, when you start off as a nobody, then you get famous overnight. Now they don't even call their parents on Sundays. It's always the ones you think who are going to stay humble and not turn your back. But they wouldn't even give us the kiss on stage. And they won't give you an autograph. So you just stand there dumbfounded, staring at the tail of their mullet, wishing you had his scissors on you to cut it right off and take it for your voodoo doll. But the audience did. Like, I feel like these audiences are kind of like lukewarm. It's hard to hear the laughter. Like, not everyone is laughing or paint attention. But especially with the heated rivalry boys. Like, I thought they were going to be like, hooting and hollering because who hasn't seen that? But it's like, maybe they're jealous because they're new generation of actor. Like, how is George Clooney still presenting as the most famous and most revered and most hottest? Doesn't age. Blah, blah, blah. I haven't seen a movie of his since the Killer of the Tomatoes. I was looking at his wiki and he was in a movie called Killer of the Tomatoes. This is our. This is our lead Hollywood actor. This is our God. This is our country's salt and pepper never aging blockbuster heartthrob. And he's up against tomatoes and dying to make ketchup out of those ruddy ovicular fruit. Vegetable undecided. We still don't know which is which because it has seeds. But it's like, move over, veggie tails. It's time. There are new heartthrobs around these parts. And it's the heated rivalry boys. Jenna Ortega, her dress was incredible. It was tailored just right. It had all kinds of shapes. The drop waist. She's always like a gothic chic, but somehow it is always different. So I feel like she nailed it. I mean, easily. The star of the show was Teyana Taylor. She is so hot. Like, this is sex appeal. And Robbie was googling her yesterday. Came from nothing. Like, just made her way to the top. I thought her dress was amazingly cut. I thought think it was maybe custom Chaparelli, but I heard that from an AI bot on Access Hollywood on YouTube. Her makeup, like, her hair, everything. And I loved when she won. I'm getting teary eyed. And she got on stage and she immediately showed off her sparkly BO thong in a room of people who take themselves so seriously. Like these, you know, actors do eventually get like a God complex. Like surgeons, like, they think they are the holy spirit. And she got up there, showed off her thong, was so great, and then ended it with, like such a moving speech, like, we were clapping. She is amazing. And not to switch subjects, but Timmy's combat boots, like, you're not going to Coachella or even worse, the battle of Normandy. This is an award show. You know you're going to win. And you dare to go on stage with a combat boot. They just don't do much for your leg, Timmy. And I'm gonna be honest. It makes your little feetsies look like little feetsies. And subconsciously, you know what? We equate little feetsies to it. Just like I did, like, his outfits literally from the ankle bone up. It could have been so great with, like a normal shoe. And people are gonna be like, I love the combat boot. It's like, okay, that's fine. To each their own, objectively. You just don't wear combat boots to, like, a suit and tie event. Okay? It's the rules. And I didn't. I didn't get his Shark Tank joke. And the audience laughed way too hard on it. It's like, let's not be performative here just because he's gonna sweep the award show. Nobody understood this Shark Tank joke. Like, they laugh more at that than Nikki Glaser. And I do take it personally. So put on a towelbot. Take off the lace ups with the little heel and just put on a towel bot already. Especially, especially when you show up and your girlfriend is literally like a perfect doll. She was the best dressed easily. I love the straps that went like this over her shoulders. And he shows up in a combat boot. It's like just the audacity. You got to realize what's on your arm, Timmy. Okay, we're moving in.