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- [00:01]
Gabby Windey
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hello, hello, hello, hello. And welcome back to another episode of Long Winded. Already back again. Slam. Oops.
- [00:28]
Robbie Hoffman
Keep adjusting my shirt.
- [00:31]
Gabby Windey
I will say it's getting really annoying trying to find a different shirt to wear on the pod each time. I should honestly just have a uniform at this point. And maybe going forward, I will. I'll get a collared shirt that says Long Winded and it'll be tucked into my khaki pants. Is that what you want? Is that what you want to look at? I bet you don't even care.
- [00:56]
Robbie Hoffman
I bet you don't even care because this was the shirt was my last stitch.
- [01:01]
Gabby Windey
All right, well, shall we just get started already?
- [01:04]
Robbie Hoffman
Shout out to the USC School of Social Work.
- [01:08]
Gabby Windey
As you may or may not know, my sister in law, Debbie. Hi. Debbie graduated from here and she's going to be a social worker. And honestly, she's doing the Lord's work. She's an angel on this earth for doing. For doing that kind of work. Lest you forget, I was also an ICU nurse for eight years. So I. I am as well walking this earth with angel wings. Lest you forget. All right, enough of that. Juice up. Okay. All right. Shall we? Ah, let's start with a warm up. Maybe something light to get our muscles going. A push up for the brain, perhaps a Bulgarian squat for the cerebellum. A Russian twist for the hippocampus. Not that you know what any of that is. And you might be asking yourself, how do I know so much about physical activity? And I've. I've lived a life in the past. I didn't like it. But you're missing some of those said parts that are to be exercised like a man. I know a man I once knew who frequents the gym and does dance moves constantly everywhere he goes. Those parts that were referenced, you are missing some. And that's why you're here. And I am eternally grateful. Also, do you like my shoes? They're vintage Elune. Vintage Elino. They make me feel like I'm living my seventh grade dream. So I haven't taken them off since I got them last weekend. But I also need to warm up here because if you say certain things in the first seven seconds of your video, you. You will be punished. There goes your money. There goes all your views. Your video will not be pushed out. And I want to be able to talk freely, so I gotta lube you with that and with that. You know I sound like a. You know I sound like a. You know I sound like, yes, but it's too early. It's too early for that. It's too early in the so okay, now let's get in to some some other piece of pop culture hunting wise binge it finished it. It's horny and horny. And I know we're all definitely watching it for the plot and the amazing storytelling and dialogue. Obviously, we're not watching Vermolin Ackerman's perky breasts and myriad of wigs, are we? Are we, Olive? I appreciate, I appreciate the wigs. I honestly didn't even notice until a gay man pointed it out on Tick Tock and I was like, oh yeah, you're right and I love a wig. But we came for the wives all cheating on their husbands with each other, wives on wives and stayed for the mystery we did. I love, I love a mystery. I love some trash and mystery that's going to get me hooked in. It's exactly what I needed for the for the end of summer binge. This is what I thought the lives of Mormon wives was destined to be. But alas. And it's all I wished for. But you know what? Hunting wives scratched this itch for a little while because it is insatiable. This itch. A little to the right, a little to the left. Down, down, right there, right there. But with the wigs, I do appreciate the continuity, the through lines, the making sure we don't have any questions because when Malin changes her wig halfway through the season to an from a red to an ombre, they made sure to a scene with foils on her first wig so that when she came out with the ombre wig, we wouldn't have any questions. We'd like, oh, of course she didn't change her part. She didn't change the bangs or the way the leg weighs. She likes a left deep part. And honestly same, but this time it's balayage and there won't be a question why? Because we watched it happen. And honestly, I do appreciate that because I don't like anything undone. I would have been. I would have been thanking, as they say. I would have been thinking and thanking what was the motive to change her wig. But oh yeah, Mullen showed them tatis. She did. In the big state of Texas. She was showing off those mosquito bites and she was brave. I would do. I would do. And honestly, they weren't mosquito bites. They were. They were a mosquito bite with a decent allergic reaction post bite. I thought they were great. I would show my tits for way less Honestly, I do it for free on Instagram, always hoping for a nip slip. Please, for the last time, leak my nudes. But there's this, this guy I knew a friend of, of my. Or sorry, a boyfriend of my friend would like when we would go out and stuff, he would run around after, you know, whatever he's getting late into the night. Nothing happens, nothing good happens after midnight. He'd be like, dump them. Which like, it is an excitable phrase. So then if you were within earshot and heard the call, your response would to be to pull down your scoop neck as to let the titties dump. And I partook. I didn't have a choice. This was my place in society at the time. And dare I say, I didn't hate it at this point I was, I was still prison to the heterosexuality. So every time I saw her bare breasts, Margot in the show, in my head I was like, they were already dumped. They were dumped every. I bet in the beginning, maybe every 30 seconds on the second and then at least once an episode. But like I said I would do if this was part of the script and they were like, are you interested in this role? I'd be like, yeah. I wouldn't have to read any of the dialogue or the story time. I'd be like, I get to show my titties, I get to dump them. Sign me up. And if you haven't seen. But this is the same actor from Couples Retreat, so I'm happy to see her working. Honestly, Britney Snow's in it. She was great. Horny and great. Someone DM to me and they were like, porn is banned in my state. So I'm using Hunting Wives in its place. And I feel like that could be the logline of the show. I'm assuming if a follower of mine, she is gay or bi, curious or just normal. Because who doesn't as a woman? This is the porn we'd like to see. Okay. And actually I thought the acting was, was pretty good. Britney Snow can cry. She's such a good crier. And like, I normally have a pretty hard time getting into shows, I think because it was just like so in your face. And again, Malin showed her tits in the first seven seconds that I'm like, oh, yeah, baby. I gotta see where this goes.
- [09:09]
Robbie Hoffman
Yeah, summer's winding down. I don't know where I was. I don't know where I was during the wind up. I don't. I feel like I never had a summer. But you know what? I don't care because I want to be cozy in my house already enough with the social activity in the sun. But one thing I am about is refreshing my wardrobe with staple pieces for the season ahead. Let me introduce you to Quince who nails it with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished, perfect for layering and mixing. Their styles are so versatile I've find myself reaching for them again and again and again. Honestly, I have one cashmere sweater from like a year ago, maybe a year and a half ago now and I wear it all the time. It's all seasons. I wear it in the summertime too because I don't always need sun on my skin because I believe in melanoma. So that's why I reach for the sweater. Honestly. But they they. Okay, this is what you're going to think. Think chic cashmere and cotton sweaters starting at just $40. Washable silk tops and classic denim pants. Timeless styles. You'll keep coming back to the best part. Everything with Quint is half the cost of similar brands. It really is. But it's luxurious and much more affordable, which we love around here. Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with quince. Go to quince.com gabbywindy for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com gabbywinde to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com gabbywindy are you tired of hair thinning and loss? Is your confidence being impacted by the.
- [11:05]
Gabby Windey
Health of your hair?
- [11:08]
Robbie Hoffman
Well, it shouldn't be because you're more than your hair.
- [11:11]
Gabby Windey
But it's okay.
- [11:13]
Robbie Hoffman
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- [12:33]
Gabby Windey
And you know what, I do appreciate that in Mary Cobb, who's the writer, you know, she's somewhat of closing the gender cap and laying the leveling the playing field for men and women. In a certain sense. Men aren't the only ones who get to run around and be perverts. Let a woman be the perverse provocateur for let the per vet go. Bring some diversity into the field of perversion. Move out of the way. A woman is here. This is what we want. Inclusion. And Mary Cobb is doing, is doing this for us. She's representing women in this certain field. After five seconds of the first episode, I was like, this is definitely written by a man. So I went to Google it and up pops a woman's name. And then I was like, I knew it, I knew it. I knew this had to be written by a woman, a sick woman, a male minded woman maybe, or maybe she's in on all of it. I don't know and I don't care because yeah, this wasn't, it was like that. And then as the series goes on, there's numerous different sexual acts that are very interesting to see kind of in like mainstream television. And by interesting I mean there were undertones of incest. I'm not promoting, I'm not promoting. This was in the show. I'm relaying information, but I bet some of you pervs just got your ears pked. I think like it was probably all fetishes, you know, but there was a mom who would walk in on her 18 year old son naked on purpose. Like he was in the shower and then he was getting out of the shower and she like didn't budge and he didn't seem to care either. So obviously this relationship was already established. That she walks in on her son naked. Ew, disgusting. Put a towel on but your clothes. Avert your eyes. Then the same woman, there was a scene when she first gave birth to him in the hospital and he latched to her breast for the first time. And she like says to the nurse, the woman, you know, the mom was like, I've, I've. No one's ever touched this part of my body. And then the baby started suckling and she like started to like get off. And then the Nurse was like, I'll let you have some alone time. Which is like we. Whenever you breastfeed, you do release oxytocin, which helps. Surprise, surprise, you guys. You know, I went to midwifery school, but it helps the uterus heal, like contract and stop the blood flow so you don't bleed out. But like, I do think this. I don't know. And obviously no, shame is not for me to say, but this, it was like hyper sexualizing breastfeeding freak. She probably saw him porn or something. I don't know. Maybe she has a six. Maybe she's from the south and this is what happens there. What? There's a hunting wife who bet. Who pegged her big police officer husband with a bright pink strap on. Now we're talking. You saw the pink strap on connected to a harness and she flipped it over. I'm like, I don't. I mean, I can kind of get down with this. There's everything. Let's see more strap ons on TV. Actually, we got a normal eyes. Said Margo Titty McTooth McGee. She's having sex with the 18 year old boy whose mother likes to watch him naked. And she, she is kind of the town slut. And you know what? She was good at it. She really got away with a lot and nobody seemed to care. She was also like the most popular, the most powerful. You know what? And I do imagine this is how. This is how Texas women are though. They have some kind of like exciting, messy affair. They're clad in buckle jeans, prepped with a martini in one hand and an AK 47 in the other. Hello. Welcome to my home. Live Laugh Ludwig, Texas. She has a sip of an aromatic vermouth followed by the round of a machine gun. She better not find out you voted libertarian. She'll get your ass. It's worse than being a Democrat. You can't make a decision. You threw away your vote. What are you, a heathen? If you don't make it to church to repent, I'm gonna repent it for you. And when I press down on this trigger, it sprays. I don't get just one. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But it's like, yeah. Where did she get all this inspiration? Maybe her husband was addicted to porn. She found out. She went through his saved videos on pornhub as a way of processing the. As a way of processing what do you feel the betrayal she felt. She watched all the porn videos and took all the storylines and compiled them into what is hunting wives or Maybe she's the one with the porn addiction. Hello. Women can do things too. Can't we be the problem for once? No. We don't have as much freedom as the men. There's no room for error. We have to show up every day, problem free. The smiling face, a clear why, a clear mind and a wound moral compass. It has to be zeroed in the. In the battery replaced in feeling the pulse if it's mechanical, to be right on time, make all the right decisions. Because we'll. Because then we'll lose our jobs, if not our families. Or worse, our designer bag collection which you've only recently started. Because. Because. Do I have to say again? My wealth isn't whispering. My money is screaming. I'm new around here. They did try and like up the middle class thing. I don't know. What do you expect from them? So Britney Snow gets kicked out of her house because she brings a gun into the house. And in Texas it's like, bro, come on, bro. Everybody's doing it. But she gets kicked out to the. To the nearest quote unquote motel. The motel has matching burl wood nightstands and a headboard. This looks like the hotel I'm gonna be staying in in New York for God knows how much a night. Because it's Fashion Week. Can you believe I'm going back to the cursed Fashion Week? We know what happened last time. And honestly. And you know what? It got me in trouble. Got me. I did. I'm gonna say it. So as a family, we did stay in motels we loved. We loved the Motel 6. And we didn't fuck with the Super 8. And it was arrival. For some odd reason, I. I never understood why. But we never went near the Super 8. I imagine it has something to do with the pool. And to this day, I still have the loyalty. But yeah. No. Marlon Ackerman and Britney Snow have a decent amount of lesbian sex right in the middle of this murder mystery where they. They both could be suspects. But you know what? Grief makes you horny. Grief makes you horny. I don't understand the mechanism of action, but it does it. And an organ at an. Or an orgasm could be a cure all sad over a death have a no. Got a sinus infection. Rub one out Bored and need to re up on your creativity. Reach for the strap. It is. It is what it is. I don't make the rules. It just. This is actually science. So. So, yeah, anyways, I highly recommend the end of the series just kind of like devolves into all These people dying. There's like a whole, there's a whole storyline. Spoiler. I don't know. I feel like I've spoiled everything already. There's a whole sex trafficking storyline that has absolutely nothing to do with any of the other mystery. They just like threw it in there. I will say I really like the woman police officer. She was so funny. She was my favorite.
- [21:34]
Robbie Hoffman
The last one is when Nam is really lazy but trying to get food out of us. Nam is our cat, Nom Nom. Her name's Jocelyn, but we call her Nam. And if there's any, if there's any cat ladies around here, you guys know what I'm talking about. We love them. But is your cat having digestive issues? Is she throwing up her food? Or is your cat simply in need.
- [22:03]
Gabby Windey
Of a diet upgrade?
- [22:05]
Robbie Hoffman
Well, well. Let me introduce you to our next sponsor, Smalls. Smalls Cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients you'd find in your fridge. And that's what Nom Nom deserve deserves and it's delivered right to your door. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. Can you imagine? So you know Nom Nom prefers Smalls way more than her previous cat food. We do a taste test and put two bowls side by side and she immediately went to Smalls. She has good taste. What can she say?
- [22:43]
Gabby Windey
And you know what?
- [22:43]
Robbie Hoffman
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- [24:36]
Gabby Windey
So, so some videos, some tik toks I've been liking. I wanted to tell you our top pop culture moments. This, this guy, Jason Sappy, he's doing this Great recap on TikTok to his non chronically online friends of like all very important pop culture moments and, and I love to watch them. I pride myself in that I, I maybe know like every other reference, which is huge for me because I missed a lot of the chronically online culture because I didn't have a childhood. I've been screaming. I have gaps in memory, severe memory loss. What was I doing as a child? Fighting for my life. Every time people are like, oh, but don't you remember this and this and how have you. It's like I cannot remember. I don't know the reference. I didn't have a childhood. Nobody laughs. And I guess it's not really funny, is it? I'm always hit with the ah. I'm like, please, please just let out a chuckle in the face of my pain. It's actually how I cope with things. It makes me feel good, makes me feel seen. It's like the same. It's like the same. Whenever I'm getting my hair done without fail and they're like, oh, you have such thick hair. And I'm like, thank you. It's the only good thing. My mom gave me that in my butt nose, which I've said before and nobody ever laughs.
- [26:08]
Robbie Hoffman
It bombs every single time.
- [26:10]
Gabby Windey
But it doesn't stop me. It doesn't stop me. I continue to persevere and repeat and repeat and repeat. It's the only good thing my mother gave me until I get a laugh. One time I got a chuckle and they created a monster. And now I live for the next time it's going to happen. Like a drug that seemed, that seemed uncalled for because something new around here for me. I am newly self diagnosed with cstd, ctbd, ctsd, cptsd, Complex Post Traumatic Disorder. It's not simple, you know, I'm a deep dark person so there has to be some complexity, complexity to me. And I joined the r/CPTSD subreddit. And I'm learning a lot about myself and I read the criteria and I was like, oh, I. I meet this. It's like, it's like really? You know, it couldn't be a more perfect match. Most, most notably, the criteria is hating everyone and everything. Me. Check. Chronic fatigue. Hello. I. I did get worked up for an autoimmune because somebody leaves me my comments. Thank you. They said you should get worked up for an autoimmune. I did. I have a positive. A Just one other thing to chase, but it wasn't positive under anything else. So anyways, besides that. Hyper vigilance. Check. Night sweats. Wake up in a puddle. I always like, I can't keep the back of my hair clean. And somebody wrote, somebody wrote something of the confusing contradiction between hyper independence and wanting to be saved. Twist the knife. That sounds like me.
- [28:13]
Robbie Hoffman
May I be excused? I want to pull off all of.
- [28:18]
Gabby Windey
My toenails one by one because same, I'm always at odds with myself. I'm like, oh, I'm independent. But then I'm desperate for attention. Oh, I can do this. I don't want to be alone. It's a terrible trap to be in. But anyways, I think I've lost the plot once again. So to circle back. CPTSD people, they don't have hobbies because we were too busy being traumatized. So. So one thing I read, it was like, don't let other people. You will not make me feel bad for not having any interest. You won't is what the thread said. You will not judge me or look at me side eyed because I cannot remember the Lizzie McGuire movie. But I know I'm a fan of Hillary Duff and I did really like even Stevens. I. I don't remember anything that happened. I just knew I watched it. And as an adult, if you have a hobby, you are the problem. Get a job. Aren't we all working? I don't need to be. I don't need to be meant to feel bad because I'm an adult. You should take a good look in the mirror and wondering why you have so many of those crocheted pillows hanging around. I'm just kidding. I'm not gonna shame you for crocheting. I think it's great. I think it's great. But anyways, it's because we weren't able to learn enough about ourselves as children. These CPTSD people. So now I'm taking time to. To learn about myself. And you know what I figured out is that shocker. I. I like to shop and I like to be chronically online. And I think probably both of those things are for depressed people. I need a hit of dopamine. TikTok was made for me. Yeah, it's addictive. It also brings me immense pleasure right after the hit of a joint, a scroll of a TikTok on this guy's feed who's re recapping important pop culture moments like Demi Lovato's poot. I'm sure this is what it was like to have a free and enjoyable childhood, but now I have to work really hard to get it. So anyways, I've been down a rabbit hole making up for lost time on these pop culture things. Like I said, some of my favorites are the poop from Demi Lovato. I didn't know about Demi Lovato's digital footprint and how artistic and important it is until my stylist assistant, Leah. She's amazing. She has a gorgeous tramp stamp and I told her that hers makes me want to get one. But we were talking about Demi Lovato and Pooh and it's just really incredible. It is the way that lighting hit her to make that moment is. Could only be sent from God. There was some kind of divine intervention for that to happen. But also I. I saw like, what's her favorite dish? A mug. I mean, you just can't make this up. Admittedly, I have not. This has not gotten to listen to her new album or her new song, but I hope she succeeds. I want nothing for. For the best. I want nothing but the best from her. What are some I ana burgers? I think that's good. And just like a nice reference. It's a. It's a litmus test to find out if you're in the presence of other people who are like you. And then it's like meeting somebody who's a Real Housewives franchise fan. I just started this season of Miami. Damn. Is it good? Whoa. Is it good. I am like. I do like Miami though. I like them all. I like them all. I like them all. But it's like once you meet someone who then you have endless things to talk about immediately. Friends. I learned about the Donatella Versace when she commented on all caps. Versace Purple Heart on like a Free Palestine post. Kooky. But one of the one and this guy's Snappy. I already forgot Peter Snappy's videos. One was recapping a moment in time in which I was present for Lost Culturistas Diet Pepsi cover by Ben Platt, which we've had on the pod. Brooke Averick. I'm. I'm sure she is a staunch fan of Ben Black because he's on Broadway and honestly it was mesmerizing. It was my favorite act besides my speech which we'll get into of the night. I mean he, he has, he truly has the voice of a Broadway train star which he is in, in the stage presence of Mariah Carey, someone really powerful. And you can stream Diet Pepsi, his cover of Diet Pepsi. I it honestly, it could have been written for him. I never really listened to the lyrics until it was 10ft in front of me. In case you missed it. I was sat in the front because I was an integral part of the show. If you missed that, read my speech which we'll get into because they did cut some of it out and I'm here to give you the rest, to give you some BTs. But it was, it honestly was a work of art. Ben Platt, there was like, there was violinists. I mean they were hitting it. It was like Fantasia. And the lyrics were. I mean, Addison Rae is it. Diet Pepsi is iconic in her own way because of her like softer kind of like Lana esque thing that she was doing. But then you can't really hear the lyrics. It's like singing in cursive. But this is like singing like to me and like cursive plus plus like five fonts. Like it's not 12 times. It was like so tiny and low. I just couldn't understand. But when he's saying it I could really understand. And when he, he hits the beginning with his whole diaphragm. Lose. Losing all my innocence in the back seat just like that. With his whole being. I. I feel like it could have been written for. For with him in mind as the artist in another world in this version. And I with. And then I'm like actually this could have been written for Sam Smith. He could have. His aura matches the lyrics. My ass looks good in these ripped blue jeans. You know, Sam Smith could have just like killed that and like a pretty high octave which rip. Sam Smith, he really fell off. I don't know what happened. He was such an important part of my younger dating years. You know, maybe he'll have a comeback. We can only. We can only hope. I do. I love to crack a cold one. A cold soda and do I have news for you. Simply has launched a new prebiotic soda. Simply, Simply, Simply Pop. The new juicy soda. There are five flavors. Pineapple, mango, lime, strawberry Citrus punch and fruit punch.
- [36:05]
Robbie Hoffman
Say less.
- [36:05]
Gabby Windey
All my favorite flavors, they're made with real fruit juice because please, I hate.
- [36:12]
Robbie Hoffman
It when they're not.
- [36:13]
Gabby Windey
Simply Pop Supports gut health with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber, no added sugar and is sweetened with juices. Monk Fruit extract. Now we're talking. Supports immune health with zinc and vitamin.
- [36:31]
Robbie Hoffman
C. Simply Pop is a flavor that just pops.
- [36:38]
Gabby Windey
I'm always looking for something that's carbonated and that is Simply Pop. It's a fruit forward bevy of prebiotic sodas made with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber to support gut health and vitamin C and zinc to support immune function. I personally like the strawberry flavor because obviously it's the most decadent. So for flavor that pops long winded chooses Simply Pop. Go to coke URL.com simply pop pop to find out where you can try it.
- [37:24]
Carla
If you've ever been laying awake at three in the morning replaying something you said literally months ago, this show is for you. I'm Carla, the host of Don't Think, a podcast that will not fix you, but it will make you laugh, make you feel seen, and hopefully give you a break from the chaos of your own brain. New episodes every Thursday. This is Don't Think a break for your brain.
- [37:50]
Gabby Windey
Okay. But I did. I went okay, let me so in my law School Teresa speech, it was at the very end of the show, my propanel, I had already tried to time my propanell perfectly twice. The show was a whole hour behind. My propanolol was starting to wear off. My adrenaline was at this point in the journey where is making me tired because I had so much adrenaline. And then it's in the beginning when.
- [38:22]
Robbie Hoffman
I saw Jeff Goldblum, which somebody on.
- [38:25]
Gabby Windey
Somebody has compared me to him that I remind them of a young Jeff Goldblum. So already then I was like, I see myself in you. Incredibly nervous after seeing him. Kristen Wiig. I mean this was the biggest room I had ever been in and I'm supposed to give a speech. I was thinking hopefully I could be one of the first, get it over with and then enjoy for once in my life. But no, I was at the end. So I don't even know what what I was running on a combination of old nerves, bright lights and Ben Platt's Diet Pepsi. But it got me through my speech. So let me read it to you in case you missed it. But they did. They did cut some of it off. Where is it? Love me losing all the innocence in the back se.
- [39:31]
Robbie Hoffman
Like naturally, the one.
- [39:32]
Gabby Windey
Thing you Want to find is disappeared. But I do think I texted it to my friend. Love me. Okay, here it is. I won the best new artist, by the way. And I had a stacked category and I beat them all out. Woo. Gabby. I walk up clad in vintage D squared. Shout out to my stylist, Ellie. Shout out to somebody who wrote about me, a review, a critic. Those who can't do critique, saying that they wouldn't have chosen my hairstyle, which I think was crazy because I got so many compliments on my hairstyle and the theme was old Hollywood. So please. Okay, so anyways, I go up. Oh, my God. Wow. Thank you so much. This is not the first time a gay. A gay man help me win something big. Shout out to Dylan Efron. I cleared this by Dylan first. Don't worry. He's such a good sport. It's a joke. Okay, Everyone laughed. The crowd is already erupting. I want to say thank you to everyone who helped me be the best new artist of the year. My wife, Robbie Hoffman. The crowd goes crazy. She does the scissor emoji and plays to the camera. Who made my dreams of marrying an old Jewish man come true. Laughs again. My agents and manager, who continue to take all of my money. Subtle chuckles. The idea of sunglasses, the concept of coming out on the View.
- [41:16]
Robbie Hoffman
All cut for some reason.
- [41:18]
Gabby Windey
And the lesbians, Everyone dies. I'm not done yet. However, many of us are left. Jamie Lee, I love your hair. We're here whenever you're ready. I love you lesbians. Thank you. Jamie Lee Curtis was in the audience, but she had left by the time I did this. And thank God and Robbie did help me really polish my script. So I have to give credit where credit is due. I love my baby, but, you know, you know, and you know, I. At the end, everybody, everybody really died for it. Falling out of their seat. Guffaws, guffaws. Galar. Some other videos that are getting me through my depressive episodes, which are many and more between, are these, you know, I love AI baby videos. I loved the ones of the AI babies. Put on the cast of Real Housewives of Atlanta in the setting of their reunion. Talk about a dopamine hit straight to the dome. But these AI babies, they're. They're like a raspberry or a blueberry or a hot dog. That's the one I saw most recently. They're getting really creative, this AI now. But these videos, they. They take a cynical turn, and this is probably why I like them. You see the AI Baby and The cute face. And you're like, oh my God, a baby is a blueberry. But then they get fed a blueberry. They get fed themselves. It's like if it's a hot dog, AI baby. Then it gets fed a hot dog by someone off camera. We don't know who it is, but presumably it's by its hot dog mommy. So they're cannibals. Sick and twisted. And all the comments are like, what the. They're like gerbils. You know, gerbils eat their young. And that's not even an expression. I've seen it with my own eyes. Well, I've heard about it. My sister had a gerbil and she ate her own kin. They gobble up their freshly born children for breakfast. And then they lick each of their little diseased talon fingers after, one by one. And they do, they do the kiss of the fingertip of the finger talon. There goes my baby. Delicious. Yummy. Their little rat brains say, I know PETA is probably gonna come for me, but they have been blocked on my Instagram since I wore my first fur. But I hate to break it to you, it's vintage. I don't even think designers make real fur anymore. I just got this for Shaw and I assumed it wasn't real, but just to make sure, I did check the tag and it was polyester, so I, I didn't check before because I knew there's no chance that it was going to be real. But then after checking the tag and realizing it's polyester, I'm like, well then why is it so expensive? But it came with like very specific care instructions. So may, maybe that's why. Maybe it's like really high end, high quality polyester. But back to the gerbils. I don't with rodents, with varmints. Rat gerbils. Parents should be ashamed of themselves if they get their kid a gerbil just because they don't want them to have a real pet. Just say no. Just say no altogether. Stand up for yourself and stand up to your 5 year old. Do you think Trump was ever said no to as a child? Do you think we got to this communist state because his parents had the temerity to say no to getting him a gerbil? Or do you think he got that gerbil? He found it behind the washing machine later and then you found. Oh, it had a litter. I thought it's gerbil mate was of the same gender. Turns out it doesn't matter or something because here's the litter and she went after the sickly ones. I understand. I understand. This is the circle of life. Come on. This is a joke. Come on. Trump's parents, we can assume, were cowardly and got him the two for one. Durable. And a ferret discount at Allen's Pet Center. Down and around the corner of 42nd Avenue, Central Park. I don't know if those coordinates actually exist. I don't care, because that's besides the point. No one's ever told him no and still never tells him no, which is why he will be our first dictator. Changing the laws around how many years he can serve as president and concretizing the rose garden. Did you guys get a load of that? Did you guys see some of that? Robby brought this to my attention. I was appalled. A rose garden. A gorgeous rose garden from a New Yorker who should have amazing taste. I mean, New York has the best park in. In the country, and they love it. And now you're gonna put concrete all over the rose garden. Don't worry, he foot the bill. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about the aesthetics. And what was his motivation behind this? Oh, because he wants to be like his great friend and dictator Kim Jong Un is also what Robbie said. Because I'm like, why would he want to do that? It's just so ugly. And she's like, that's what they do in North Korea. I'm like, oh, my God. Terrifying. Terrifying. And you know what? This could have all been avoided if his parents said no when he wanted a gerbil. And I'm not. I'm not telling you how to parent. Okay. Don't get all your panties in a wad. Don't get out. Don't. Don't take it out on me. I am just giving you some advice, though, which seems like you need it. I don't know. I don't even know what a gerbil is. Please. Please. I know all animals are sentient, but when they're. But I don't know about them, I don't know. Sure. Of course they are. Just don't. Don't come around me none. And you know what? And you know what? I think that's all for today. So thanks for coming back time and time again. I know it just ends abruptly around here. Take a look at the time. It's. It's enough time for me to get the fuck out. And I'm leaving for like a month tomorrow, so. You act like I don't have. You act like I don't have places to be.
- [48:29]
Robbie Hoffman
I have to search for every pharmacy.
- [48:31]
Gabby Windey
In LA to find Nardo, the name brand because my depression is medication resistant. You want to know why I don't have hobbies? Because I'm an. I'm currently on an. On foot. On a. On a. On a by foot search to find this medication that will hopefully clear my depression. Okay. Until next week on Long Winded. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.