Transcript
A (0:01)
The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm coming into the space. One second, one second. I'm letting it consume me so I'm ever present for you all. My audience, my friends, my loved ones. I love all of you dearly in an ancestral way. Take that as perversion. Okay, so I have a green tea and a mug that says let that go. Obviously. Obviously. Why are you holding on? Why are you holding on to your childhood trauma from a mom who never loved you when you should? You could just let that shit go. You know what? I've made the decision right here, right now. It's gone. Also, I was on a thread that was like, I'm feeling majorly depressed. I can't even get out of bed or watch a TV show. Can't. This is my day to day. This is my every other day. I only get up because there could be a little bit of money on the horizon which makes me feel alive. Or I get up because it's my turn to make coffee, which like there's never really a turn. It's just kind of like an inherent. Okay, you did it yesterday, so I guess I have to do it today. I wouldn't say either of us really likes it anyways. They're like, you know what? You know what I do when I'm in one of those slumps? I light a candle. So here I'm lighting a candle in solidarity to all the depressed girlies out there. And between the candle and the mug, we should all be feeling better in no time. I had to announce in the middle of a med spa like environment. It's like somewhere not a med spa for vitamins. I'm sure it's somewhere that Joe Rogan frequents. It's like cryotherapy and IV vitamins. And which are which. Those things I do kind of believe of believe in. But it's besides the point. It doesn't matter. I had to do which is very credible, I'm sure. And is a reliable way for them to cover all their bases and is not even just due diligence. I'm sure it's very thorough and making sure their practice is safe. Which is. It could be an AI provided doctor. We don't know who the doctor is. She doesn't look familiar. She doesn't look like anyone I've ever seen or interact with and through a screen. Just ask me if I have any conditions. And there are a lot of them. Have you ever been diagnosed with a condition? Not to my knowledge. I don't think so. Okay. You'll be cleared for any kind of vitamin you want. Terrific. But she did ask me what kind of medications I was on. They did not put me in a private room. And she was like, are you taking any medications? And I was like, lamictal. She was like, why is it lamictal in front of the whole waiting room? Hipaa, first of all. But I cannot be bothered to care. Second of all. And third of all, I kept the gabapentin to myself. Who knows if there could be an interaction to anything? Anyways, and welcome back to another episode of Long Win. We're back. We're back. I feel. I feel like, just like always, there's a lot to cover, so I hope you guys, I'm. I'm trying. I'm gonna try and get through it. Be succinct. I've been binge drinking. What's new? I don't know. I'm on a downward spiral. It's a slippery slope. It's just like, what are you supposed to do? People are like, dry January. I'm like, for who? But this is maybe my first day sober out of the whole month, so I am warning you about anything to come. It could explain my depressive mood, but that would make too much sense, wouldn't it? So I'm gonna lay off the bottle the next couple days. And then I was thinking, I'm like, drake didn't mean come with me. Leave all of your things. We can shop at Gucci. Shop at Louis V. Yeah, Come with me. I'll fly you to Greece. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. We. It's like. And even if we did ever believe it for a second, which I did, I was like, oh, my God, this is what romance is like. I genuinely believe if Robbie had the money, she would be saying those things to me. So I. So I'm not saying it's not from him. It's not going to happen from him. And Kendrick Lamar has since enlightened us with his diss track. That is not only a diss track, but an incredible art piece. And to do, do, do both of them in one piece of art is truly incredible. And we are probably onto him before. I don't know. I don't know. Didn't he invite Alex Earl, like, to a birthday? And that's how she got famous. But she wasn't actually invited in. She just got the pap walk. Could be any of us. You know, Robbie and I are always talking about our strap ons. We're strapping on. We're strapping Off. Then we're strapping on again. She might say, what is someone who cannot find the right strap on? The answer who is Goldie Cox? Me. But besides that, we're always looking for a way to spice up our relationship. Always finding different ways to get freaky and get deaky. But who says long term relationships have to be predictable? Aria turns been there, done that into whoa, let's do that again. I'd love to introduce you to Aria, a service for couples that makes it easy to break out of routine, deepen emotional connection and energize their relationship with curated experiences called scenes. You will also receive access to the Aria concierge, who is like your relationship's wingman, a real person who feels out your vibe and serves up spicy monthly experiences for two. Plus handpicked premium items delivered discreetly to your door. It's super simple to get started. Just take a short quiz about your relationship and the concierge will provide everything you need to connect and play. Aria takes away the mental load of figuring out how to, quote, unquote, spice things up by doing the work for you and sending you everything you need. Valentine's Day is coming up and I know people around here are not planning ahead. I am one of you and you are one of me. But don't worry. Here's Aria. And it's not just a box, but a lifestyle change to prioritize the most important relationship in your life. So adults need playtime too. Aria is just what you need for your valentine with expert crafted experiences that are totally personalized with zero guesswork. Make every date night Valentine's Day with Aria by your side. Visit A r y, a dot, FYI and use code GABBYWINDY for 15 off today. What season is it? No, it's not winter. It's engagement season. Yeah, you heard me. If your boyfriend girlfriend hasn't proposed yet, what's the deal? My boyfriend girlfriend needs to propose like yesterday. I am hoping for a very lesbian, very public engagement. Maybe Lily Rose step and oh, seven. Oh shake. Anyways, engagement season is upon us. And that means we'll be back in full blown wedding season before you know it. Thank God. I'm ready for an open bar and free food and a cutter rug. And you guys know Birdie Gray. They're going to be your bestie. They've got the most stylish, affordable dresses that are perfect for any vibe. And the best thing about Birdie Gray just. Well, just one of the good things. Please hear me out. Birdie Gray believes that being in a wedding should look great without breaking the bank. They're a real girl's girl. That's why all their bridesmaids dresses start at just 99. And each one is stunning. They come in so many colors. They've got the best neutral colors like champagne, all shades of green, the prettiest, pastels and pinks, purples and blurs and so much more. They also have a stunning collection of a really budget friendly little white dresses, all under $150. Please say less. They have something for all the bridal events, from engagement photos to the bachelorette and even the wedding party. So visit www.birdiegray.com now to get your first six swatches for free, available for a limited time only. That's B I r d y G-R-E-Y dot com. Find the bridesmaid dresses perfect for you. Okay, so. So I'll get into it. You're probably so sick of hearing about it at this point in time, but I don't care because I didn't talk about it last time because Brooke was on and we obviously had to give our conversation a chance to be a conversation and be a good conversation and let it be all about her, because she deserves it because she's a queen. So now I'll get into it. Okay, the fires sit. Here we go. No, Nardo, go sit. He's playing fetch with himself and he doesn't even play fetch. Like, he acts like he cares about this ball, but the second I take it to a park, he's not interested. Anyways, the LA fires, obviously, obviously, they're devastating. They're tragic. I mean, we've seen so many natural disasters. I feel like this year, I don't know. I don't know what it is. I'm sure there's a conspiracy behind. I know there is, but I'm not even going to get into that today. Aren't you lucky that there's been so many? It's truly tragic. We evacuated for four days because we woke up to a ton of smoke inside the house and saw the ridge on fire and used our critical thinking skills at best, in our intuition, at least. Maybe the other way around. Those two things combined. And even if you had one or the other, you should have gotten out of town. So we did. I had one friend who refused to leave Silver Lake even though at one point they were surrounded by like seven fires because the Hollywood signed fire. And she. She dug her heels in. She was like, nobody's getting me out of Silver Lake. Nobody's telling me to Leave on my own accord. And I have too much to live for in this rental very close to the highway. I'm like, you're not going to get. And this is, this is also my friend who's. Who buys the jugs of water because obviously we can't drink tap water here. But it's like, get a Brit. Get a Brita. But she needs a source where she can put back in minerals because she thinks that the water is filtered a little too much. So she'll take. She'll. She'll take a tiny dropper, refill her minerals every time she gets a big jug of water. But she is not going to leave in case of a fire. There's no way. Absolutely not. And I feel like the real takeaway is Spidey is Spencer and Heidi Pratt. I don't know if Heidi kept her last name. I don't. I don't really think I've known it. I feel like I watch Laguna beach more than I watch the hills. But anyways, we know. We know who Spidey is. Honest. My manager's first client. If that's crazy enough. It's really full circle. Admittedly, we know they're not the best for our money, so this is a true tragedy for them. They had to go on national TV and, and deem themselves house poor, which happens to us here, listening all around us. But it doesn't happen to people who have spent most of their lives on reality television. And I will go out on a limb and say that if Heidi got 20 surgeries today in 2020, 2025, I don't think it would have gotten the backlash like it did back then. Yes, she looks different, but she kind of looks fine. So really, so really, that is the true tragedy. And now, just in time for them to start making money off tick tock, it gets banned. Is there a God? Is there God, people? The TMZ interview with him. She couldn't go on. She was too distraught. Was heart wrenching, tugging, pulling at the heartstrings. Watching a grown man like that, who I'm sure has been on and off of roids his entire life, breaking down, crying. It was truly devastating. And then it's like, this is what, like, I want. Like there's just so many things to say. Like, this is what I wanted to see. Like, I wanted this on the news. It was like the Santa Ana winds are coming for us again. The Santa, the Santa Anna is really going to burn the whole city down. The city of hopes and dreams where all of you pretend to hate but you secretly love. It's going to take out each and every one of your air wand and you're going to be sorry because Lana Del Rey posted a Joan Didion quote on her Instagram deeming the Santa Ana wins. And and that is our weather report for the day for the fires. They really leaned into that. There were no winds, there were no wins post. I'm talking about obviously the fires were so devastating because of the abnormal extreme conditions. It was record, do you understand? Record breaking. If it breaks a record, it's not going to happen all that often. Record breaking winds, extremely dry climate and whatever the fuck some might say Heidi and Spencer did start sunset fire that night or that I don't know. Or the night before, I don't know. Or obviously an arsonist taking advantage of the situation. But it moved so quickly and was so destructive because of the winds. And like people, the Palisades one started first and people didn't have enough time to gather their things. They had to get out. They were stuck in that parking lot bottleneck traffic so they had to get out, leave their cars. It's truly, truly devastating. And it's like, you know, people in the Palisades are probably of a socioeconomic class but there's people who work for them and people in Altadena are like, like normal. I feel like middle class. I was thinking, I'm like, oh my God. If this happened while I was still working as a nurse, paycheck to paycheck I could not survive on. I have a reputable job here. Dare I say it again that I'm, I'm saving your grandmammy and grandpappy's life. Treating them with delicate care, Scraping off their, their catheter into their urethra with ever from whatever kind of infection that it may be growing, cleaning up their diarrhea in the bed with some dignity, I would not be able to survive on that income. A natural disaster. I wouldn't be able to. To give two months rent for a deposit and month's rent to get a new house. I couldn't, I couldn't afford new furniture. I had all the hand me downs. When I was working as a nurse I would show you guys pictures but they're honestly so scary of what I was working with. I would not be able to buy, I wouldn't be able to buy a big bed. In fact I'm still sleeping on the $300 mattress that I got when I was a nurse and I put a big non latex mattress pad over. It works Like a charm, Robbie. And I love it. But it makes the bed five feet tall. So those are, I feel like those are most of the families in Altadena. This is devastating. This is where it's at. And instead it's like, okay, yeah, as an influencer, which I'm not complaining, I'm sure I want to always do what I can and help out. I'm always posting GoFundMes on my page. Make me say it again. I'm. I'm doing all this because I feel like now, just like Taylor Swift, it's like we have our second natural disaster so close and then everybody looks at Taylor Swift for a donation. Why? What? So then she has to do it publicly because people are depending on her. Not that I feel bad when if we required the Taylor Swifts and everybody to pay their taxes and reallocated it effectively, maybe, maybe in, in some kind of insurance for a natural disaster, then we wouldn't have to rely on my Instagram stories to, to save everybody in the state of California. Everybody who's been affected by the LA fires is on my shoulders. And these GoFundMes, what about our government? They don't have, they're not, they're not going to give any kind of aid or assistance. I just have to make sure that I'm following all of the LA based community Instagrams and that they're giving accurate information and that they're actually doing good with the money. Which is why it's like, you know, Robbie always speaks to this and she posted something and some people are like, like laughing at her, not because it's funny, but because it was so Robbie, she's like, give your money straight to the pockets. Because we don't know where these like, kind of big foundations and organizations are putting their money. Like, I was going to give a gift card to my vitamin Studio, but I'm like, I don't know what these receptionists are up to. What if they're emptying the gift card box every night and taking what they want, picking what they choose instead of going into the victims? I don't know. So my makeup artist posted like her housekeepers. Her housekeeper, like lost everything and her husband lost his job and they're working on paying her rent. So I obviously donate to their GoFundMe, among others, because I feel like it's my responsibility now to save the world because the government cannot step it up. So now all the social issues are. Do. Do you. You want to give? You want to give me. Who's that other And I think she just went to jail. Everybody was like, watching her lives. I forget me and Gypsy Rose the power to be of to, to save these social issues. When one obviously like this, this fire could have been predicted. The first sign was, the first sign of a massive forest fire was when my clit got burnt off in laser hair removal. It could have been the ember heard round the world. It was a hair so coarse that it generated so much heat it gave me a skin tag and jumped all the way to the Palisades and started the fire. But I'm not saying it did happen. I'm saying it could have been it. Maybe it was an omen. Another, more tangible one you might add is all the insurance dropped the fire insurance of people in LA like four months ago. Okay, so you're saying they're not in on it. So I've been through a fire before in Colorado. My dad was affected. Luckily his house was okay, but he was evacuated for 10 days. And I worked at a local Thai restaurant and we had a lot of like fire evacuees and they, you know, lived in apartments and stuff covered by insurance for two years because that's normal when you live in an area that could be affected by firefighters. It's like, and where's all the water? So water is not a renewable resource. Okay, agree to disagree. And like, Oregon has a ton of forest fires, but they also get rained on so much. So it's like, stop blaming it on the water. I feel like we got to get, we got to get a better scapegoat. It's not just like the water. And I will. We have to give props to those sick ass helicopters that are, that are dipping down into the Pacific Ocean, sucking up the top feeders and dumping it on the fires. What if they dump like a blue whale? Oh, that would be tragic. Forget I said it. Forget I said it. I spoke before I thought, I hope they don't. And I'm sure the siphon is too small, let's be honest. But I hope there's a net so there's no fish. You know, nobody's there to enjoy like a cod dinner. I gotta take a sip. And then there was the air quality. And I am a part of the problem, I'll give you that. Because that was we, we went to Vegas for four days and everybody was catastrophizing. They're like, are you gonna go back? We need a, we need a plan B. We're all moving to you. We're moving to New York. We're going to Austin. LA's in shambles. Okay. Okay. If there's one thing I need to do is decide for myself. I don't care what your credentials are. I don't care how smart you are. I don't care who you are. I need to decide. I need to breathe in the smoky, air, quality myself to decide, assess the situation for myself. Okay, but everybody was like, wear masks. Wear masks. Not. Not even an N95. We have to go plus five and N100 is the only thing that will protect you from the cancer promise to affect your lungs and plus 20 to 30 years. You need to find an N100. Good luck. Good luck finding that at Lowe's. No, they max out at N95. We bought three boxes. Indian air purifier. Get back to LA, Pierce. Blue skies, Blue skies. Okay, but everyone's saying you can't detect asbestos. First of all, do whatever you feel safe with. I'm never going to judge a mask because I did live through the pandemic and I wasn't nurse, and masks were the only things that kept us safe. So you're not going to get any judgment from me. I don't give a. You have to think for yourself. This is free speech number one amendment, baby. And I'm exercising my right because it's all about to be taken away with Tick tock. And I don't even know how many episodes of mine have been hidden because I'm apparently offending all the time. Cussing this, cussing that, graping this, graping that. I don't know. I had no idea I could get demonetized. Well, I'm not even monetized, so who gives a fuck? Please, just allow me some views. Buffalo. Everyone's favorite slot game is live on DraftKings Casino. Hit the reels wherever and whenever to play for wild Western wins. New players can play five bucks to get a spin on the mystery wheel for a shot at up to 2,000 in casino credits. Download the app and sign up with code Gabbywindy. Join the Stampede with Buffalo on DraftKings Casino. Now the crown is yours. Gambling problem, call 1-800- gambler in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-78-9-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly. 21 plus physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario eligibility restrictions apply. One per new customer. Play $5 in Spin Wheel to receive between 10 and $2,000 in non withdrawable casino credit for select games. That expire hours terms@casino draftkings.com promos ends February 16, 2025 at 11:59pm Eastern Time ZBiotics pre alcohol, their probiotic, was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next day. Pre alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. This is a proactive solution that wards off feeling miserable the next day instead of a reactive approach like drinking electrolytes or eating greasy food. I actually have had zebiotics many times and I honestly swear by them. I can just have a more productive day the day after, like actually getting out of bed and even getting some work done, I kept hearing about pre alcohol and wondered what it was actually like. Now that I've tried it, I get why everyone is talking about it. And with their GMO technology, ZBiotics is continuing to invent probiotics that will help with everyday challenges of modern living. Go to zbiotics.com gabbywinde to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use Gabby Wendy at checkout. Zebiotics is backed with 100% money back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember to head to zebiotics.com gabbywindy and use the code gabbywindy at checkout for 15% off. Thank you Zebiotics for sponsoring this episode and our good times. Hi guys, I'm Emma. I'm Julie. And I'm Isabel. And we're the minds behind comments by celebs. You may be familiar with our Instagram account, but what you may not know is that we also host a podcast where three times a week we talk all things pop culture, Bravo and Kardashians. If you've ever felt alone in your niche interests or desire to be informed on all things celebrity, just know we are your girls. So make sure to check out comments by celebs on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so I reposted something. You better have an N100 and watch out for the air quality. I get back here, I'm like, wait a second, wait a second. Our air purifier says the air quality is absolutely fine and so does the weather app. Oh, the government's in on it? No, I feel like the government is getting off on catastrophizing everything. We need to be the victims. We need to be the victims in mainstream media because actually they've failed us completely. The mayor was in Africa after she promised not to travel overseas during her mayorship. Why so specific? Why so specific? Who's holding a gun to your head and making you. How often do you travel that this need to be. This needed to be included in your swearing in as the mayor. And then the governor is embarrassing us by wearing a teenage boy outfit on the news with Anderson Cooper while he's in a firefighting jacket. Has been on scene all day. He needs an N100I but I who he may not. I just can't tell that. I can't tell his age with his white hair. Okay? So I don't know, maybe he's like, you know, don't make me eat. Like, might not live, you know, long enough for it to. For. For it to really affect him like others. Anyways, Gavin Newsom shows up in a fret and like oppressed. Zip down. Collared zip down and a flat bill with the bear logo. Are you are embarrassing. What are you doing to us besides guzzling all the water for your vineyards? Ever think about that? Ever? Ever thinking about maybe putting some of that water into a swimming pool and saving it for times we were desperate, Everybody was asked to drain their pools. I will say our local water fountain was drained. And as I saw it, I was so proud. I was like, fuck yeah. Grassroots. Fuck yeah. We will not be a part of the problem over here. No, we're going to be part of the solution. So I think that's pretty much it. But oh yeah, I did put a link in last episode's description to donate. I'm keeping donating, truly. I just want us to laugh a little bit. But I understand that this is devastating, truly. I mean, but truly, I cannot stress enough. I filed as a Sole Proprietor Proprietor 2022 after dancing with the Stars, which was a mid range six digit paycheck. So I was taxed heavily. And I'm just one person. So please allocate those taxes, please. I got a W2, so I know how much and it's okay. It's okay. I know you have to. I said you chalk it up. You just gotta chalk it up. It's all gonna come out in the wash. You gotta chalk it up. But I wish it would. Where's it going? I wish it was going somewhere. Somewhere like this so we didn't have to rely on the GoFundMes. Oh my God, I don't know. This just is the way to go. And then they're banning tick tock and stuff. It's like, okay, well, we have. We honestly have not much to live for at this point. But it's like, people are like, oh, you know, millennials. This isn't the first loss of a nap we've been through. I was not much of a Viner, though. I think I saw him on YouTube, so. And, like, I didn't do Tumblr, so maybe this is. But it's like, we're gonna pivot, we're gonna survive. But what the fuck? This is all because. It's all because Mark Zuckerberg wants total control, and he thinks it's too much of a competition to be losing money and is scapegoating that we. That. That they don't want us to sell our information to China. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. They already have it. People are like, I'm going to Red Note. My username is going to be my Social Security number. It's like, don't go that far. Like, nobody's asking you to go that far. Plus, you're underestimating their intelligence. Like, don't you think. Don't you think that they want to challenge. Like, please, please don't insult them. Red Note is another Chinese app, but it's directly like, in China. Okay, let me move on. Let me. Let me move on. And there's gonna have to be a lot of bleeping in this one because I didn't know I was supposed to bleep sensitive content, but here we go. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? Not talk about this kind of stuff? So apparently four men invented a solution to date rape because they invented date rape. You smelt it, you dealt it. Of course. Don't pretend like you care about women when you have a pocket of Rohipnol. What are they good? What is that, a Destiny Child song? Pockets full of. I don't know, pockets heavy with rohip and all. So you think you're getting ahead of it by inventing a solution to date rape. And. And the big solution is fingernail polish, because you know anything about fingernail polish because you've ever stepped foot in a salon. And if you are, then you're gay. And that. And you need to lead with that because we do need to know your sexuality before speaking on things like this. Before we. Because it's. It's transparency needed. Insensitive manners. We'd like to know wearing. Good. I'm gay. Don't even get me started on the F word, which I can't say here, but it's not what you think. I think we should reclaim it. Obviously. Nail polish. Okay. Because if you've been in the nail salon in recent years, speaking from an expert, you would know that you can ask for three. You can. You can offer up three criticism max to your nail tech before they start talking shit to their auntie right in front of your face. Not even behind your back. In a different language. With facial expressions, in gestures, gesticulations. To make you feel like the gum underneath their shoe. To make you feel like the scum of the earth. Because you want to. You want a thicker French tip. No, it's not in. They say this is as thick as. I'll go. I'm turning red in the face. That's fine. That's fine. I gotta get out of here. Can I get a light pink? Oh, absolutely. With the Hailey Bieber chrome? No, just the light pink. No, but you'll get the chrome. Okay. We only do glazed donut here. Definitely. Absolutely. I came in wanting a neutral, maybe with a light sheen. And I'm coming out with. With something that. With a color that could be used to summon extraterrestrials. It looks suspiciously metallic, as if it is sending signals. Also known as a glazed donut. They don't know. They're not gonna. You're not gonna walk into the. To the nail salon with. I'm sure the packaging is terrible because it's. Because two dudes are in charge of the rape nail polish. You're not gonna come in with your own nail polish. This is not 2000s. And hand it to your nail tech. First of all, what's the. Is it shiny? Does it have the perfect amount of sheen? Is it going to get dull within the two weeks, the three weeks that I need it to last? Because. Because I can only sit in a nail salon for so many hours per month. Are they good shades? Have you ever sat down and looked through a basket of 1,000 to 2,000 individual fingernails, coded, all Roy G. Biv, but within each letter of the rainbow, each color, there's a hundred variants. And you're gonna give me five options that it's probably gonna bubble after it dries and chip. Okay. Okay. Thanks for nothing. Thanks for absolutely nothing. This is insulting. So I'm. I'm assuming the nail polish is. Is going to change when it comes in contact with the Quaalude that. That they themselves, who invented this, will be giving you, because obviously they have Access to them because how are they supposed to test their own product? So you're telling me you have easy access to date rape in the name of creating a solution for it? Sounds fishy to me. Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck. It is a fucking duck. A rapey duck. So how, you may ask, is your nail polish supposed to come into contact with your drink that has been assaulted by this substance that's supposed to make you go sleepy so. So they can take away your freedom? What are you supposed to. So you want me to put my finger into my Cosmopolitan that I ordered because I'm a lady? Allah, Carrie and Sex in the City. So you want me to dip my finger into. Into the one thing that's making me feel like I have some respect on my name and stir it around because only a man would think of this. Because they're such animals, they want us to be animals too. So now it's degrading. Let's see. Let's see what's wrong with it. That's just the whole idea in general. I don't think I need to pick it apart. But now this is another issue. It is degrading. Okay, you want me to stick my hot dog finger into my chic cosmo to test my own drink for what could possibly be infected with date rape? Why don't you just not date rape? Ever thought of that? Ever thought of that? Genuosos. That never crossed your inventive mind. They're like, okay, so. So you don't want to use a finger? Maybe you could use your toe. Is that what you're thinking? You want me to take off my 3.25 inch stiletto and dip my little piggy in my dirty martini because you're sick and twisted? This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy took a dive into my dirty martini because you're a sick and created this hell of a world that we have to live in. And now we have to embarrass ourselves and stir our own drink with our five toes and hope that it's accurate enough to somehow detect your sickness. Leave me alone. If that's the case, just give me too much. Just give me too much and hopefully I won't see you in the next life. Apparently around here there I. They don't like topics. My. One of my favorite topics that rhymes with pesticides, I'd say love to talk about it. Let's see if there is a way you can get around that. Because unalive doesn't have the same ring. I have an idea. I have an idea. You dip shits. You idiot twits. Why don't this is. And it's probably based in the same. And I'm giving so many ideas that I need to start patenting because above all, you guys know I'd like to be rich so I can finally get a hobby. Just kidding. I will never be interested in anything. Apparently besides this new nail polish on the market, the bars could offer just a litmus paper. I bet your rohip is basic as. So you take a litmus, you put it in your acidic drink and see what's going on there. And you do it right in front of the perpetrator. You do it right in front of the guy buying you a drink. You do it right in front of the bartender. You do. You hold court with every man in that bar and you make eye contact with each and every one of them so they know. They know how sick they are. When you find out in real time that there's a pervert waiting to attack, Duh. It's like I cannot think of everything. I guess I can. Yeah. Or maybe security could just do their job and like, I don't know, take a couple laps. Keep their eyes on each and every man wearing a Sperry loafer and looks like he hasn't washed his butt in the last week. If you're in a Sperry loafer and visibly look like you could have a dirty booty, kick him out. Kick him out. He's done for. He doesn't deserve to be one in public and two in the presence of women. Okay, I had to make that one quick because I do want to talk about trainers. Oh my God. Okay, well, where do I start? Can you guys believe I don't know if you're watching, if you're literally listening to this and not watching, Shame on you. Please, please, I need your support. I'm dying for your love and attention and affection invalidation. It's a sick cycle. I'm massively fucked up. I did not get enough attention as a kid, obviously. So what should I start with? Where did. Okay, okay, yeah, people, people are like asking me like basic stuff. They're like, how long did you film? It's like obviously a long time. What do you think this is, a walk in the park? You guys see those challenges? They're, they're way harder than they look. Devastatingly hard. That last challenge, the heads were roll when we literally had to carry up these huge weighed down statues by ourselves and Put our head on the statue in order to get a shield. And all the men left us for dead. I would like to make an amendment to my interview that I said about them. I was like, the dudes are using their brute force to show off. This isn't Gladiator Times. Everybody knows there's nothing between your ear. I don't care how big your biceps are. And I said, left the women who created life, the mother of their children for dead. But I would never mother their children, and I hope they know that. And that's all I'd like to say here. Yeah. So we filmed, like, each episode in a day, so that's why we change back into our outfits. When I watch it, I was like, surely this is editing. Why would they make us do that? But they do. The food's terrible. It is. It is something like the Mrs. Dash diet. It's for heart failure patients. There's no seasoning. It's very bland. And there's a lot of. There's a. There's a lot of meat that the heart failure patients need to stay away from that. But there's a meat pie on the side of everything. And the weather was worse than the food. So do I think you should go to northern Scotland? I don't. I've said it once. I'll say it again. There's Google Earth. I don't think it's a destination. Okay, I will. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's like Tony's banishment. I mean. I mean, I guess, like, I don't know if anyone watches Survivor. I didn't love him. This is not personal, by the way, until. It is. But this isn't in particular. And he was exactly how he was on the show. He was. He was kind of very sporadic. He was always talking a mile a minute, changing subjects. Always had, like, a new finger to point. I'm like, I don't know what's going on. But obviously this is a tactic to distract because I cannot follow this guy whatsoever. I can't keep up. And I don't know. I. I truly have never met anyone like him. Obviously, he's a traitor. I felt terrible watching it back and seeing his face. Watching a grown man cry over a murder mystery game of Clue will bust your heart wide open. Maybe this is. Maybe this will cure the misogyny in. In society is putting every single man through traders. I felt terrible until he made an Instagram post. Further dragging. And this is like, whatever, all in good fun. But this is kind of the quote, unquote, gamer they like to call themselves gamers. These ones that go on, like, competition shows like Big Brother and Survivor, or like, we're here for the game. Tony said himself that he wanted to be recruited as a trader asap. So it's like, hello. We weren't. I'm just. We're just doing our job. And then he wrote his instant caption. The. The Bambies orchestrated my banishment. What? I don't. Nobody orchestrated anything. It is just the way it goes. We just talk about it. And then. And then he asked to collab with each and every one of us on the Instagram post after. He's, like, still being petty. Like, they're, like, still playing the game months later. Obviously. Love him. Anyways, there was that. Let's see. What. Oh, my God. Yes. You guys know there's. There's another one of these. I don't know if you see the guest dog. This is Stevie, my goddaughter. She is, at times hard to read. She's been laying on top of the dining room table all day. I just gotta let her truly be herself, which. This is a safe space. Oh, my God. Okay, you guys know that I love or I'm loving Real Housewives of New York. I'm watching all the old seasons. I think I watched 6 through 10, or maybe 7 through 11, but I think it's 10. And the last. I. I wanted to watch the reunion of the last one because it's like, I gotta gear up for this reun. I want to know, like, when to bring the drama, like, how. Whatever this. I'm sure this reunion is going to go full scorched earth, just solely based on Tony's Instagram caption, which I'm sure is a pretty good indicator. But this was the season I'm trying to think of, like, oh, that Luann goes to jail. I actually kind of love the season. I love. I feel like Sonia. I love Sonia Morgan. She's kind of a light. And Luann has her cabaret. Oh, yeah. She's sober, but she relapses. Couldn't go. Couldn't go to the reunion, but I could not watch because, like, everybody turned on Bethany. And then you just question your own reality, which I'm sure each and every one of them has been like, fudge up. And I do think that Bethany is, like, maybe a little too harsh sometimes. It's like she doesn't play favorites, and she's always saying what she thinks. Oh, and, like, her and Carol's friendship breakup, which I kind of understand. They're like, Two different personalities. Me talking about traders, naturally finding a way. Because this is going to circle back to Dorinda, which this last thing I'll say about housewives is, like, especially on New York, is that they genuine friendship. So they. You see them come together and then break up. But it's like, that is they're, like, living. They have their partners as men, but they're getting all of their emotional fulfillment through their friendships, which is why their breakups are so, like, explosive, because it's like breaking up with a woman. But it's like, when you're a lesbian, you get all of that in one. Anyways, okay, so. But I only started watching Rahoney after Traitors, so everybody was like, oh, my God, Dorinda's a legend. And, like, clip. Everybody's like, clip, clip. And I'm like, oh, my God. Okay, that's fine. Meter in person. Terrifying. Just, like, has a huge presence, obviously. She was, like, teaching us an aerobics class at one point. And it's like, I have mommy issues. So, like, already motherly figures terrify me, but also, I desperately need them to like me. She did. She had no interest in me. She didn't know. Like, she doesn't watch the Bachelor. Totally fine. I don't take that stuff personally. She was, I will say, the problem in rowing the boat on the first challenge, which I don't think you guys saw the extent of, but we were partners, and she was like, gabby, Gabby. And it's like, no, like, I think you're doing it wrong. As you know, I go to Pilates. Like I said, it's like, you got to go the this and. But you got to use your core, not your muscles, and you have to, like, stay on rhythm. Anyway, so was I really, like, last interaction. But it's like, sometimes you gotta, like, it's. It's nice to, like, never meet your heroes. Like, I like admiring her from afar, you know? But also kind of tragic that I'm such a huge stand now, and I never got the chance to really, like, lean in. I heard she was a great storyteller. I was never in the room with her while she was telling these stories because I was terrified. One time, we were touching up our Dior lip gloss together, and she was like, what about you? Are you married with the family? And it's like, I was like, no, I'm a lesbian. I just, like, had to lead with that everywhere because at some point, it was just gonna come out where everybody's like, where are you from, Bachelor? Bachelor. Okay. Have that turn. I'm a lesbian. You guys saw it. I was just, like, on a loop. Nobody really knew how to take it. But it's like, what else am I gonna say? Everybody's gotta know. And I met my prince charming. Okay. But anyways, so that was with Durin. Oh, my God. The. The Robin Bob roundtable. Spoiler. Spoiler. If you haven scene. What. What are you doing? The Robin Bob round table at the end. I mean, the cut was incredible. I think Emmy winning when, like, Rob had his big intro and then the music stopped, and then he looked at Bob and then it switched to Bob, and Bob had no idea what he was doing. Seeing that in. Honestly, seeing that back was, like, crazy dramatic. I was on the edge of my seat. I was never so invested, kid. Like, it's just like. Even though I knew it happens, it was, like, so unpredictable. Rob is also a showman. They all are. He's one. He's one survivor, like, five times or something. Like, he knows. Like, he knows what he's working with. He brings the drama. But the Bob of it all at the round table, talk about full scorched earth. I mean, there wasn't one little pile of a fire that had yet to be what he. He lit the whole thing on fire and went back and covered it with rubble is how that went. I don't think anything could do that roundtable justice. But that. But he is so quick, obviously, with his comebacks and the Zac Efron of it all. My brother's an actor, not a good one. Like, oh, who has the audacity? A drag queen, obviously. I always say drag queens, like, know how to do girlhood. Right? Right. Because they'll talk straight to your face. Like, girls, we like to talk, but it's like behind the backs. Like, Bethany Frankel does it to your face, but, like, she has no friends. So at some point, there is, like, a decorum that you have to learn and be very careful. But drag queens. But, like, everybody does it in the drag queen world, but it's like, you can't do it to me. I take everything personally. If a friend were to say something to me, like, I would really take it personally. And then, like, it would be so silent for a while. Like, when I think. I don't know if I told you guys, but one of my good friends, McKenna, recently, I went home with my skinny brows. Obviously, I'm going home to the Midwest with a 90s brow. She's like. She's like, Can I tell you what I think about your Brows. I'm like, well, it sounds like you're already gonna. What am I gonna say? No, what am I gonna say? Please don't. It looks like you're salivating to tell me, so just spit it out. And she's like, it makes look old. I was like, wrong. It makes me look like a baby. But the room was really awkward for, like, five to ten minutes. Stevie. Oh, my God. She's not a lady. Truly. Yeah. And then at the end of the last episode, Dylan thinks that he caught a traitor once, Bob the Drag Queen, which I will go out in a limb and say, rob led that charge. He thinks he's gonna come for me. When you give a mouse the cookie, Truly, when you give a mouse a cookie, they're gonna want some milk, and I am the milk. And I don't even like that. I don't. I'm lactose. And then he's gonna want another cookie. But it's like, hello. Hello. I obviously have to be careful. You know, Let me see if there's anything. And with the end of the last weeks, they put out the three when I. This is all out of order, but you guys want the. You guys want this scoop, so I'm gonna give it to you, okay? But when I hear V coming from the trap door in the bar area. Terrifying. I was so scared because it's like, I didn't really know how to handle it or how to manage it, but I didn't want anyone to catch me alone because point blank dead. I know how ruthless they are. So it's like, you really do have to, like, pick and choose, and you don't know who else is a traitor. So it's like, I can't go around telling the whole castle, Tanya Hardy, my ass, irl. They're not gonna wait for me to go to bed. They'll be so pissed at me. They'll do it. They'll do it. They'll just gonna. They're just gonna do it. Okay, so I couldn't. But the one thing I do regret is, like, I was, like, looking in the mirror. I wish I did a little jig. I wish I. I dragged it out a little longer. I wish I did a little tap dance waiting for them to come out, but it's like, I could not be caught by myself. I just can't risk it. And, oh, my God, I do. I know. I write Sierra's name down. It's like, truly, she's a fellow Capricorn, and I do love her, and literally, she hot. It's unfair. Like, God does have favorites, period. Dot. I could just end everything there. And she's just, like, so cool. And she's an ICU nurse, a medical. The same ICU as I was. Annie Capricorn. So basically, she's a soul sister. But it's like sometimes, you know, Derek put an idea in my head, and I was like, I don't know. I don't know. But why did I end up listening to this big white dude? This big, dumb white dude. But I love you, Sierra Sarah. Okay. Okay. I think that's it. As always, thank you for coming back again and again to another episode of Long Winded. I'll see you next week. And dear God, watch Traders. What are you doing? It's the number one streamed, unscripted show in the US whatever that means. Somebody DM'd me and was, like, unscripted? Sure. It's like, are you okay? Like, the producers are so hands off, truly. But people would act like they know everything, so. And that's okay. We're all a little bit of Bethany. We're all a little bit of know it all. But it's better to be strong. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
