← Long Winded with Gabby Windey
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Gabby Wendy
The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Okay, okay. And we're back. I don't. I don't have a crack of a soda for you, and I cannot walk down to the gas station because that would add another 20 minutes for you to hear a soda crack. I have to do it for me, because if I'm doing it for you, it'll read wrong, and I don't care that much. And it's just not important to me to do the same thing every time. For continuity and for you to expect something to say the same, you have to expect the unexpected. Don't you need to switch up? Don't you want something different? I'm fresh out of Waterloo. What am I supposed to do? Go get some? And I have no one else to blame but myself. Baby, baby, where'd all the Waterloo go? She doesn't drink any. It's all on me. So now I'm drinking her Gatorade. 0ah, that's all you get. That's all you get. Now, let's commence. I feel like this is. Yes, Surprise. I'm doing my own tech, and everybody likes it that way. Everybody likes it that way. Well, this will include you to do your own production tech. Well, thank you very much. For nothing. Again. Oh, here's some ASMR for you. You want to come say hi? We moved the pod to the garage, so now I have to wait for the door to open. My baby to leave. Don't ruin my lips, babe. Don't. Don't ruin my lips. You know, I. You know, I carefully apply my lip liner every time to make sure I'm definitely outside of the lines. Luvia. Now get out of here, will ya? Now hit it. Now get the fuck out, will ya? Babe, I'm kidding, please. Okay, here she goes. Okay, here goes her muffler. Her muffler. Her muffler. The one episode I promised. No. I said there'd be no asmr. And now look what you're getting. An influx of noises that will hopefully some of you listen to this before bed. As to which, I don't know. Why? Because I don't know if that means you're paying attention. Oh, she just bottomed out. What's new? She just got her driver's license not that long ago. Really. Okay, okay. Now we can almost start into that. I will say. Let's go. Let's go. Now. You're not going anywhere with me like that. Let's go. Go away from me. Get away from me. Go anywhere but here with your. Let's go with your lfg. Not around here, you don't. No. Why don't you. Why don't you see yourself out of my face screaming like that, emphatically. The fuck you mean, let's fucking go. I'm already there. I've already went. I'm going. That's what you're seeing. That's what you're responding to. Now, again, that. That's out of the way. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I've said some things about it. I'm leaving. I have to go to work. And no, I don't like it. And I'm sick of this like, oh, you should be grateful for the opportunity. Oh, why don't you. Don't tell me how I feel and how I should feel. Why don't you keep that to yourself? Because I don't want. I don't want. And these are my feelings, and they're valid. And you can't talk to me about my experience. You should be grateful for the opportunity. Sorry you didn't get the opportunity. The opportunity came to me. So even if you say, oh, somebody else, give it to somebody else who would be grateful for the opportunity, well, that is a hypothetical situation that will never happen. That's fictitious. I don't do hypotheticals. I have too much going on in my actual reality to be thinking about something that is not real and that will never become real. Come to me when you have something rooted in the ground, tangible that we can talk about. There's no hypothetical here. And I'm already exhausted because I have all of this. I can't just go away for work. No, I have to pre. You'll be. I'm pre. Recording four to five episodes so that you are fed like the hungry animals you are. And thank God for you. Thank you, thank you. I cannot thank you again for coming back time and time again to a new episode of Long Landed because this is where we connect. This is where we really bond. But I still have to maintain. I have to put myself out there. I have to exert myself because I cannot take four weeks off of this kind of work. They say know your feed cannot go dark. Says who? One thing at a time. Who am I to be working myself to death when I'm preaching about a business hour? This doesn't seem aligned to my scripture, to my religion. That is a work life balance. Everybody needs to hear this. We work to live, not live to work. Sure, trite, but true. We need time away to get the creative juices flowing. We need time away to experience anything. Maybe one thing that I can talk about. I don't know what people are always asking how do you plan for your episodes? How do you know what you're going to say? Well I think. Well I just think I have a think I have a noodle. Have you ever, have you ever thought about something and then thought about something and then thought about something and extrapolated it so you're talking to yourself for around 48 minutes maybe. I used to go for an hour but then the ads take up so much so now I like to keep it under an hour because I know you don't have an attention span. I know your money mind is necrotizing from the way our information is fed to us and I must oblige cuz who am I if I'm not an obliger? I'm a rule follower. I stick to the rules. Oh is that the worst thing you could ever do? And I need a break from thinking so I can re up. So then the next time that I think you know it's always the first time back after you, you, you're taking a tea break, you haven't smoked in a while and then the first puff back you're like ah, big deep exhale of the indica leaning hybrid and finally your mind is open. But it doesn't hit the same if you're doing it every day. Heaven forbid you exercise but the first time you exercise in a while you have a lot of reserve. You have a reservoir filled with pent up energy and actually feels good to get your 12, 3, 25 out. I can't hit the 30 anymore. I don't have the lung capacity. I've been on an organic cigarette. Between that and vitamin C my risk of cancer is lowered. Knock on. I heard someone say the wise Sarah Silverman. Yeah, that's right. I've swam in her pool. Not of any doing of my own but because my wife is in the community I've gone swimming at her pool and she says she has a cigarette with a coffee every morning, just one a day. Look at her successful, look at her wise. Look at her gorgeous and herself and paved the way for other women that is me over my American spirit. Please leave me alone. One thing at a time. So here I am lamenting about the flooding of my work schedule and you bet your ass I had a conversation about it with my whole team. I'm not doing this for this. I'm not doing this to be overworked and undercompensated. I'm Doing this for a funny, for a giggle. To connect with you and you and you. I don't know, to get some thoughts out. What do you think? I don't care because I'm going to have some wrong opinions sometimes. I saw on the Internet the other day, not everyone needs to have a take. Who are you to tell me what to do? Again, just because you have bad takes, we are allowed bad takes. We're allowed to change our mind. We're allowed to have bad opinions. That's on you. To listen to them, you have to have what is called discretion. Ever heard of it? Doesn't seem like it. Doesn't seem like it, the way you're acting. So, among other things, setting up my next contract for the podcast. No, I cannot be held to 50 episodes a year. I need it knocked down to 45. Thank you, God. Thank you. Even just the mental stress of knowing that you have something to do. Okay, I'm over it. I like a good pair of sunglasses and I wear them inside. They make me confident. Who's underneath this shield? What are her eyes saying? We'll never know. So Crap Eyewear is right up my alley. They're born in reaction to an overpriced and overly serious sunglass market. How can you be so serious about your sunglasses? They're, they're. They're supposed to be for fun and to protect you against the UVAs and UVBs. You know I don't do those. I have to protect my skin and my eyes. Where the. The wider, the more pale I am, the richer I am. And I'm telling my wealth is not whispering. This is a way, another way for me to signal for me to scream. And Crap Eyewear is helping me out. They make the best price premium sunglasses on the market. Handcrafted bioacetate, which means biodegradable, obviously. Frames with optical grade lenses. CR 39 lenses with 100% UVA and UVB protection. Certified carbon neutral. Business and independently owned. I mean, I don't know about you, but I don't need to go anywhere else. You hit all of the things that I love to hear about a sunglass head to crap eyewear.com to shop. That's C R A P E Y E w e a r.com to shop. Use the code GABBY at checkout for 20% off full priced items. I love a blowy on both of my heads. No, I'm talking about the one on my head. Okay? My top head. I'm always looking for the perfect blowout. I got layers finally. And I need to know what to do with them, but I can't do it on my own. I need assistance. And here is where Dry Bar comes in. And by the way, this podcast is presented by Drybars all inclusive 8 in 1 multi styler and Blowout Defense Collection. An all in one game changing tool and liquids that together deliver blowouts that last for up to 96 hours. Hours. So this 8 in 1 multi styler can help us with our layers. And it uses not only air, but air and active heat. Air is not going to do anything for a perfect folded under layered 90s blowout. And it cuts blow dry time by 32%. What are you going to do with that other 68% of your life? Probably waste it, but at least not on blow drying. So why don't we meet the all inclusive Styler. The first tool of its kind to combine both heated airflow and heated styling attachments so you can take your hair from wet to dry to styled in just one tool. Aren't you lucky? There's four attachments. The concentrator, the flat iron, the curling iron, and the round blow dryer brush. That's my favorite. So don't just get ready, but stay ready. Get a blowout that lasts now. And shop dry bars all inclusive and blow out defense products@drybar.com okay, let's get into the meat. So I'm going. I'm going away for work for like a month. And not only do I have to bank all these episodes, I need to get my face in order. I'm going back on tv. I need things. I need just a little re up. I shaved my eyebrows a little skinnier. I got some Botox, I got some this and I got some that. So. So I'm going through it. I have different injectors for different things. Yes, I cheat. It depends on their specialty. I go to a Korean med spa for my traps. They invented skin care. They invented trap botox and calf slimming. They've been doing it for much longer than you've been gay. Because it seems like you just came out of the closet. And welcome. The grass is green, the water tepid. We don't know if you want you. Just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. Please come. Please come. Come on. Come all. So. So I go to her for my trap Botox. Not only for aesthetic purposes. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't like the way my traps crinkle my neck, but also. Also for function. I can't. I have forward Rolling shoulders. What do you want me to do about it? And I have to have good posture on tv. I got my traps blasted with her. She as, as a woman would, who is good at their job, who is dedicated to their craft. She tried to upsell me. She gave me a mirror first thing in the morning. No makeup. I don't recognize, as I've said in the past, John C. Reilly staring back at me. Oof. Don't take this personally, Gabby. Light is harsh and you don't have any of that blurring ilia skin tint on to take away. To take away the even harsher skin discoloration you may feel. And that is a part of me. And that's okay. I'm sick of talking about it anyway. She gives me the mirror and she says instead of filler, we have a laser for you. Excuse me, I did not ask about a laser. I'm asking about 50 plus units to blast me the fuck off so I can engage my scapula for once and have a little bit of ro around the neck area. Okay, but I entertainer. What am I supposed to do? I see her once every six, six months. We're building a rapport. You could use this laser because you see this. She starts pulling back my face. She starts suddenly pulling back my face. You see this? You could use a skin tightening. There's one thing I don't need. I know it's a skin tightening. So I sit there, I take in her suggestions and I leave it right there on the table. See ya. See you never. I go next door to a surgeon's office. Here I am. I get my precisely placed Botox there. And anything else that is a little more risky. So she dissolved the filler under my eyes that I've had for years. She said this could be drying in fluid. I don't know. I doubt it. But sure, whatever you want. She had to use an an ultrasound to locate the concrete under my eyes, which some injection accepted my beg and plea for some five, six years ago. Send me out the door. I never needed it. I wanted to be like other girls. And who can blame me? Who can blame me? We're all living a basic body until we're not. Until we open up our eyes and smell the air that elates you from that of the basic. It takes time. It's a journey. Join me. Anyways, leaving the office, it looks like I had just recently gotten into a head on collision. I'm allergic to the lip dissolve or to the filler dissolver which I have gotten in my Lips. And that's how Blur Blur Blur went viral. The first time is because halfway through the video, I turned to the side and. And exposed my upper lip that had just gotten dissolved in what looked like an AI generated image. It looks like there's no way this can be real. It was. It's an allergic reaction. The video goes viral. That's okay with me. So I'm having an allergic reaction under my eyes. It's a little puffy. It's very red. I'm fresh off the needle of Botox. You know, they mix it with saline so you look like a prehistoric lizard, some kind of dinosaur with a lumpy skin. There's bumps and lumps and bumps and lumps and bumps and lumps along the forehead, along the eyes. Don't look in the mirror. Don't take a gander. I go to check out one of the plastic surgeons I can only assume from her tasteful work and her Cartier. Cartier watch. I never knew what that was until Robbie introduced me. She has great taste. And now I know that it's very expensive. It's a. Not only is it expensive, it's a sign of wealth. It signals to everybody in their presence that you are not as good as them. Worn loosely on the rich, somewhat unassuming context clues. Here you are in a surgeon's office with a head full of Botox and the signs of violence of whatever kind of synthetic injection that I put under my eyes in the name of gorgeousness. She looks at me straight in the face. This. Whoever I'm assuming to be to be one of the surgeons. You look great. Audaciously. How am I supposed to respond? I was taken aback. I was taken aback by her sheer why right to my face. I had nothing else to do but to look back and appreciate her gumption to lie to a customer. And I said, thank you. What else? There's nothing else I can say. Sure, sure, fine, sure, fine, whatever. And then my last injector, who I have skipped because I'm not getting any more lip filler. I'm laying off. That should be in my strange addiction because I know they're out there somewhere. She's a NASCAR pit stop. I've talked about her before. She's in the old parking lot of an old pharmacy. You're in and out within 10 minutes. And she goes so fast to leave you with swelling that'll make your lips. Lips as perky as you'll ever see them. Perky and happier. The higher the lip crest, the closer to God I was Religious. Then I felt like I really knew him. I talked to him through my Cupid's bow for once in my life. So here's. So this is how I prepped. Now we're on the other side of things. And you might have seen if you follow me on Instagram and if you don't. What are you doing? That I did. I attended Kylie Jenner's Kai party. Here I go. What am I supposed to say? No, like I do to everything else. I heard recently that through the grapevine, someone thinks it's going to cost them $100,000 to get me on a podcast. Whoa, whoa. Your team's lying to you. But I still don't want to go. It's in the power of no. It's something I'm really believing lately. I think that actually the more you say no, the more people want you. Take this to heart when you're dating, when you're so desperate going from bar to bar to bar. I need another tequila soda. The power of no. You can drink that tequila soda, but say no to that lizard looking man staring back at you that you think you're going to settle for just for the night. It's never for one night and it never leaves you feeling good in the morning. You ever had the post? The post sex blues, actually. So much good TV right now. Oh, aren't we lucky? This is what we always hope for. And I did watch the trailer for Adults. It's an FX new original comedy and honestly, it's so cute and funny I was guffawing at multiple points and then my jaw dropped on the floor when I saw Julia Fox. Hello, Adults is a comedy that will feel relatable if you ever find humor and the struggles of being an adult in 2025. Who doesn't? You know, like remembering your full Social Security number? You probably don't, but I do. Because I needed to know that when I was a child because no one else doing it for me. But like, I don't. I know, but I know everyone's experience is different. Or remembering to drink water or perhaps having your third existential crisis of the month. That part I can relate to. The best part is that all episodes will be ready for your next weekend binge Watch FX Adults Wednesday on fx. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. Guess who's in the room with me? No, I. I actually mean it. It's not that. It's not that trend, is it? In the room? No, she's actually in the room with me. Nom nom nomine. She's a great work companion and all the time companion. And that's why I feed her Smalls. She doesn't ask for much. Honestly. She does scream for her breakfast. And I just learned it's because she cannot believe you survived the night. I did. I didn't know it was something to be worried about, but she's in such relief. And then she screams for her food. She's just a little picky about what to eat. So I gave her Smalls just this morning and she went cuckoo insane. Which is just the way I like her. And she honestly does prefer Smalls way more than her other cat food. I did a taste test, put two bowls side by side, and she immediately went to Smalls because like me, she has taste. She's inherently feminine, like me, mysterious and has taste. And that's why we love Smalls. It gets her excited to eat. I love, I love seeing her excited about anything, especially sometimes. You know, she doesn't totally love the dog. He kind of gets her down, but she always gets excited to eat Smalls. So even if your cat loves kibble, Smalls makes the perfect topper as you trans transition them to a fresh diet for a limited time only because you are a long winded listener. You can get 35% off smalls plus an additional 50 off your first order by using my code Gabby Wendy. That's an additional 50 off when you head to smalls.com and use promo code Gabby Wendy. Again, that's promo code Gabby Wendy for an additional 50 off your first order plus free shipping@smalls.com. i don't know if I talked about this last time. Anyway, so I did. So I went to. I went to Kylie Jenner's party. I. I texted my publicist right before naturally trying to get out of it. Do you have the guest list? She said no, you organize this on your own and therefore we will not be of any service to you. Okay, fine. I respect it. It's a Saturday. It's too late to cancel my hair and makeup. So I. I said to myself, maybe you should try this just one time. See how it goes. Maybe you'll even meet a friend. You can do this for yourself. As long as it's for yourself and not anyone else, then you can do it. Mind you, I had just had a night out. The night before I went to. This is a Kendrick Lamar concert. What am I supposed to say no to a Casamigo suite? Brought my friends. We had a good time. The suite was a hit. They said they can never Go back to coach. After that, there was a bathroom inside the suite. Are you kidding me? It was amazing. I cannot thank you enough, Casamigos. We had the time of our lives. We naturally had the coolest suite. I don't know how they ever thought of me to be among these. Just fun, well dressed, cool. Don't be uncool. It's like there's really nothing else to say. Sometimes the best adjective is cool. What do you want me to do about it in this? Cool. Sweet. And the next night I had to go out again. Maybe this is one you should try and go to. I went by myself. I was having an existential crisis along the way in the uber. Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. What did I get myself into? I walk in, here I go. Here I go. Kylie Jenner is so sweet. She came right up to me and said hi. And then I was introduced to the Kris Jenner. Can you even believe that these words are coming out of my mouth? Not me. Not me. And everyone, everyone is going to ask. I know exactly what you're thinking. How is her face? How do you think? They're the richest women in the world. How do you think her face is? No, she's not gonna. She's not on botched those. Botched is. Is for the patients, the patrons who are buying their surgeries on sale. We're not buying any anesthesia, any kind of a surgery on sale. And if you do, you will get on a TV show but not one of your liking. Maybe now you can go on Married at first sight. Just kidding. Just kidding. I don't know. Anyways, she looked amazing. What she looked. She looked like. She's about five to 10 years away from retirement. She just changed her diet. Her skin is glowing. She looks amazing. The belt was cinched at the waist. The whole. Her whole aura was about 25 to 30 years younger of her actual age on Wikipedia. Now, we don't know if that's true given what we know around here. She looked like she just signed up for her first 10k and she's really training. She looked like she's been happily married for about seven years. No kids. Now we know that's not true. Because the kids make you age. Because. Because they make you stressed. Always feeding them with your titty. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I'm ovulating and I can't even take one chafe wrong. Oh, please don't come near. I need a Motrin. She looks amazing. And she has the same presence as you would expect. She's such A mom. I was sitting next to Khloe Kardashian and she was like, mom, you know Gabby, first of all, mom. So casual. I'm like, oh, hey mom. Hey mom. Kris Jenner goes, of course I do. Of course I know Gabby. She had no idea who I was. And, and you know what? To that I respect. And then a couple minutes later, Chris had announced she wants to take a lap. She wants to walk around the party. She's got to get her steps in. Definitely. I caught her sitting on the back of a couch by herself, staring off into what kind of a space? It doesn't matter. With her sunglasses on. She didn't have her sunglasses on before, but she wears her sunglasses at night and I think that's great. And it really, it really was giving what it was supposed to give. Now, mind you, I had no idea how to act around these people. I didn't know what had overcome me. Kris Jenner is next to, to me. How do I make casual conversation? Should I ask her about her relationship with Corey Gamble? How's it going? Are you deeply in love? What are your relationship secrets? And then going through my mind, all I could see with were the images of her front row at the Blue Crew launch. Well, you know, I have nothing good to say about that. So what? Is there any way I could bring it up into conversation? Ah, yes, I saw you there. And then, and then where do you go from there? Because then in my mind, all I could see were Carrie, Katy Perry clips of her tour where she's sprinting across the stage, across the huge arena like a bionic woman with, with freshly oiled joints. She's running. But there is something, Is there always something space like about her? I don't know. Maybe just because we saw her in space, I don't know. But she's just like she's always reminding me of, of a space diva, of a space princess. And her choreographer needs to be fired, that's for sure. She's doing the running man on stage in between baby shark claps. I'm assuming this is where the inspiration came from. Who is your choreographer? It seems like it's the same teacher I had in the fourth grade to teach me hip hop. And she was white. The running man. The half assed running man. Mixed with different moves that you would only give the kid who had no technique and no talent. They have to have a private lesson. And no, they can't take their solo to compete in order to prove that you are deserving of their mom's money. You have to put on a recital of just her and close family and friends, and she'll do exactly what Katy Perry did. And I did just remember something. I got this. This isn't even what I was going to say. Sorry, I'm all over the place. Welcome to Long Winded, as I do the weave. Our dear President Trump thinks that he invented the weave, but. But he got it from me. It's when you go in and out of stories, you got to keep up. Did you take your Adderall this morning or did you just take a fresh hit of the bong? Either one. Rewind a little and catch up. This is a separate thought from the Katy Perry choreography, but somehow they're all intertwined to give you this feeling of what I can only assume and hope for is happiness. Was. Okay, this is what I'm gonna say. And then that was what I was gonna say. There was this. This girl. There was an Instagram story. Let me start there. Someone to add reposted one of my clips to their story. She said, I've been seeing this girl's clips for a while, and I thought she was funny. Well, thank you. And then I tried to listen to her podcast in my adhd. I just couldn't follow a word she was saying. Has anyone else had this issue? And then tagged me. Why are you tagging me? Talking on me, and then tagging me? You want me? Is this rage bait? You can't follow what I'm saying. I think that's the allure of it. Allure or lure? I. That is what it's about. And then I went to her bio, and it was in Spanish. Okay, why don't you lead with that, please? Because. Because I just remembered. I just remembered, you know what? That I was talking about how maybe I had bad opinions in the beginning, that everyone deserves to have a take. And you guys know I am vehemently opposed to AI While I take it all back, I'm here for it. I'm here for kind of AI. And that's the baby being dubbed over the adult. You guys have seen those on Tik Tok. And it's like a baby toddler face talking as if maybe I was talking. Or the Real Housewives of Atlanta during their reunion. And their clothes are. Are fitted to. To the baby. But there's an adult speaking. This is the kind of AI we need. It's for entertainment. I just want to take a load off at the end of the day. And look at these. And look at these babies. Never thought I was going to Say that. Huh? Never thought those words were going to come out of my mouth. I can't even lie to people's faces anymore when they show me a picture of their baby and say they're cute. What do you think I'm supposed to say? It looks like every other baby. And then you take a shot. A 50. 50 shot. On the gender. And naturally you get it wrong, even though you. You thought you were going to be 99% right. This is a true story. He's so cute. He's a she. Well, I think. I think they're the original non binaries. They're agender without gender. That's what the A means as a prefix. If you're a D H D, it's too rampant. So a gender original. They are the first they thems. They get a gender when they're like four and their features kind of start to come in. Or maybe their hair or maybe that society. No, not me thinking, no, no, no, I'm not getting in this topic. Please forget. Please forget I said anything. Your baby can have a gender. That's what I'm saying. No, no, no. Of course, of course. Absolutely pervert. Maybe. Maybe. I don't care. I don't judge around here because it takes one to know one. And so what, you just want the spark back in the bedroom? Who doesn't? And that's why we have Aria. You know, Aria around here, it's a service for couples that makes it easier to break out the routine. Come on. We all need a little help with that. It's getting boring. Aria turns Been There, Done that into Whoa Nelly. Let's do that again. So you just take a quick quiz to figure out what your. What your love life needs. Then you're matched with an intimacy concierge who hand selects curated experiences called scenes. And each scene includes premium items delivered discreetly to your door. We don't want your neighbors looking through your packages, stealing your aria or. Or wondering why, wondering why the bed is squeaking a little more often. They'll figure out Aria on their own time. But the best part is Arya's concierge is a real person. Think of them like your relationship's wingman, someone you can message anytime, who gets to know your vibe and tailors everything to you. Ready to break out of routine with arya? Visit Arya, FYI, and use code GABBY Wendy for 15. Off to get started today. I do. I love to crack a cold one. A cold soda and do I have news for you. Simply has launched a new prebiotic soda. Simply Simply Simply Pop, the new Juicy soda. There are five flavors. Pineapple, Mango, lime, strawberry, Citrus punch and fruit punch Salus. All my favorite flavors. They're made with real fruit juice because, please, I hate it when they're not. Simply Pop Supports gut health with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber, no added sugar and is sweetened with juices. Monk Fruit Extract. Now we're talking. Supports immune health with zinc and vitamin C. Simply Pop is a flavor that just pops. I'm always looking for something that's carbonated and that is Simply Pop. It's a fruit forward bevy of prebiotic sodas made with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber to support gut health and vitamin C and zinc to support immune function. I personally like the strawberry flavor because obviously it's the most decadent. So for flavor that pops long winded chooses Simply pop. Go to cokeurl.com simply pop to find out where you can try it. Hi, I'm Moshe Kasher and I would like you to meet my thick ass thang. I guess that's me. I'm Natasha Leggero. We are comedians and we're married. And we do a relationship relationship and life advice show called the Endless Honeymoon Podcast. And here's the exciting part. We want to advise you we're a no judgment zone. So anything you want to ask about, it's all good. Yes. Send us your questions to Endless Honeymoon Pod at gmail and tune in to the Endless Honeymoon podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube or wherever you like to listen. So this is the kind of AI that I stand for is the baby generated kind. I have detoured so much from Kris Jenner and that I am aware of. So let's bring it back. The last I saw of her, she was on the couch with her sunglasses on, staring, I don't know where because the sunglasses were so dark. You just could not tell. I didn't know how to interact with these people. All of a sudden I. I was just screaming, I'm a lesbian. I didn't know. I. I don't. It was compulsive. Hey, I'm Gabby. I'm a lesbian. Oh, my God, yes, of course. I'm at the girls table. I'm a lesbian. Yes, yes. I live on the east side. That's where the gays are. I'm a lady, She's a Liz. I have to talk about it. At the most prominent table filled with a room full of Haley Bieber. Bieber, Kendall Jenner, Kylie Jenner, Chloride, Chris Kardashian. Like, I just can't even. I Just can't even. Why can't you take it back some? Does everyone need to know you're a lesbian? Well, yeah. I don't know. It's some kind of 40. Maybe I'm just re. I need to let everyone know I'm different. I look the same as you. Yes. But inside. Inside, there's. There's a lot that you might not necessarily know. And I don't know why I have to tell you right away. I don't know why. I just can't be normal. But I'm a lace lesbian and I use a strap on. You could do it. You could be a lesbian. You just get a strap on. No one's laughing. No one particularly thinks what I have to say about being a lesbian is very interesting. Well, I do. And I cannot shut the up about it. And then I asked Kylie. We were in casual conversation. Big fan. Big fan of your relationship. You look so happy. Do you ever call Timmy Timmy? She. Yes. Timothy definitely, definitely would never. But in this household, it's Kylie and Timmy. Should have kept that one to myself as well. Why can't you get it together? Why can't you be normal? Be yourself? They say she was foregoed long ago. And then. And then, obviously people know you're at the party, so I'm sure you know some more people are following me on Instagram. But I'm. I've said it once, I'll say it again. You're not gonna like this corner of the mill, you environment. Zeitgeist. Apropos. This little page may shock you. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. So they'll come and they'll leave really fast, and for a split second, I'll think it's me. I think I'm not good enough. But I know. I know I am. Because once again, I'm a lesbian. And that's the best thing you can be to me. To me. And there was paparazzi there. Papa. Papa. Ratsy papa. See, what I don't even know. I. You guys, you know, I'm not a little monster, so I don't even know what context, but I can only assume. It's like, she doesn't like the paparazzi because everyone at their level wouldn't like them. Not me, not around here. I'm not too cool. I'm not too cool for anything. I see a camera like that that has the flash separate. Oh, yeah. You're gonna get a pose and a smile from me. I'm gonna walk with my head Down. Try and hide my face at a high profile event that you're already here to see. Yeah. I'm gonna strike a pose. Yes. I'm gonna give it to you. And I'm gonna lift my chin up and pull my shoulders back as to accentuate what the Botox has done for me. I'm gonna look at you square in the face. Hold on, let me touch up my lip liner. I'm not running from the paparazzi. This isn't something that's happening to me every day. You're not getting me in and out of the grocery store. And if you were, I would pose two with my produce. You ever seen romaine lettuce on tmz? Well, send them to me. I'll show them I'm not casual. There's nothing about me that's casual. I understand. I never thought I'd get here before. There's a paparazzi here. They're gonna see my face. I'll get in every. I'll post for every single camera. Here, here. My name's Gabby. Here, here, here. Gabby. Wendy is my Instagram. Please tag me here, here. I can't. They didn't care that much about me. Let's be honest. They really didn't give a fuck. I thought. I did make one friend, actually. Can you believe? So I gotta cut another one loose because there's only room for three around here. One in, one out. I haven't decided to yet. I'm just kidding. I'm really kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Whatever. My friends don't even listen to this. So I'm not kidding. The ones who don't listen are out. Yes, they do. Thank you. And thank you for your support. Anyways, so I made a friend. I was scanning the room. I'm like, who's the loosest one here? Who lick. Who looks like they can. They can take a drag, they can rip a heater, they can hit a dart. I gotta take a break halfway. I need some fresh air. I need a break from the room, from scanning from. From small groups of people having small talk. Conversation over, mind you, a soda water and. And lime. I am. I said I'm. I don't even want to say I'm sober because sometimes I will have. I will have a skinny margarita. People are like, ah, you know. And I said, I said, I can only tolerate top shelf tequila, Don Julio. And everyone, of course, they have to ruin the fun. No fun zone. You post one tik tok about Don Julio, everyone Writes in. Well, they found trash in their concoction and the type of alcohol they. They're using preservatives. I don't know. It goes down like water. It doesn't leave me with such a hangover. But I had such a busy weekend, as you know. I will not shut the fuck up about it that I just couldn't. I couldn't risk it. And I actually like to have my mind be a little clear because I have more control me with the paparazzi. You're not getting a bad angle of me. I can't take that. We can't have that. This is just the beginning. And there's already enough footage of a hormonal breakout on my chin to which people will write in. You should really try spiralactone or birth control pre. Please don't prescribe me hormonal medication for. For a breakout that I'm not even ashamed about. It all happens where women. What are they putting in our food anyways? Read Don Julio. I don't give a about Don Julio. What they put in their food is the other things that are making me break. Anyways, so I'm largely sober, scanning the room, going in and out of little groups, trying to really connect, make them laugh, tell them you're a lesbian. It works. One time out of 10, I find a girl who's the loosest, you know, who can really banter. I looked at her, I said, oh, you look like you smoke. You want to go have a cigarette? She's like, no, I don't, but I'll have one for you. And I was like, thank. I need a break. We hit it off. We had a Kiki outside. The paparazzi were there. We were standing. Not one flash, not one photo of us. No, they did. We had to beg. Where the D squad. Please take our photo already. This is chic. It's giving Kate moss in the 90s sharing a cigarette. Who knows what we're gonna do after maybe of absolutely nothing. Because as we know, my mental health cannot tolerate it. See, and that's how. That's how you really get that. But I do. But see, here, I'm in and out. My. I'm scatterbrained. I will have to tell you one more thing. I went in for laser hair removal. Highly recommend. Talked about it before. The experience is something of another world, something that you may not have another chance to feel the way you do in a laser hair removal clinic. The room is big, the bed's on one side, the chair to put your items like your Dirty underwear. Because I know you didn't get in there with a Summer's Eve wipe before you spread it to your laser hair technician. You sick? Hopefully you did. So you put down your clean or dirty drawers. I don't know if you're a folder. I'm not. I feel like time is running out. I don't know how long. So you have to take off your pants and your shoes. You're not going to keep your socks on. What is this, risky business? Be an adult. So from your toes to your waist, nothing on your body, no fabric. But as you get closer to the top, you can keep your T shirt on. Winnie the Pooh. Here we are, we made it. And you have to shuffle. You have to shuffle your feet. You don't really know how to walk barefoot in front of someone who's waiting for you to sit your ass down with her laser goggles on and a weapon of mass destruction in her right hand. But she's left handed. There goes your clitoris. It's burned straight off singed. You'll never see it again. So you have to shuffle. You have to shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle till you get to the bed. Winnie the Pooh, sit down on the bed. Spread your legs like a butterfly. Okay, Totally fine. All the while you're trying to make small talk. Oh, where are you from? I love what you've done with your hair. One side of it is completely white, the other side is black. I wish I could do something funny with my hair. I do. She's been doing it for six years now. I'm spreading. I'm in a butterfly and I'm spreading the lips. Not unlike when you're receiving a licky licky, if you know what I mean. Casual. It's hurting, it's wincing. Oh no, I'm okay with the same settings as last time. I'm terrified of a fourth degree burn in an area where I can't put any burn cream. Really? It's sensitive. It needs to be PH balanced. Now flip over. You have to go tummy side down. You can't go to the side as to preserve some integrity. You have to go face down. And if you put your head straight down like this on the table, you'll suffocate. So you have to move your head as far as you can to the right or to the left. But you're no snowy owl, so you can only go about 45. Your chin is resting on the bed. All while still trying to make small talk as to avoid the silence of what is really going on her. Making eye contact with my. While you're holding on for dear life to either butt cheek, spread them like this. Oh, a little wider. Okay, now you're really stretching. And then you slither off the table. But you're left. You're left in about two weeks looking very hairless and very soft. And over time, you'll accumulate a tuft. A tuft in the back where all the laser hair went. Where all the hair that was lasered off goes and gathers right at the tuft. It's the. It's right. It's right at the taint, at the gooch, at the perineum. Perineum, whatever, Tomato, potato, whatever you prefer. That's where it gathers because the laser can't get to there. So every once in a while, your husband or your wife or your husband. Wife will say to you, oh, you got a tufty. And that's what you're left with. And so, thank you. That. That was a wild ride, I know. But thank you for coming back time and time again for. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.