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The following podcast is a Dear Media production Wet My Wiz. All right, as you can see, Nardo is back to his old self. So the only likely diagnosis at this point is Munchausen's. As you can see, he was doing it for attention. No, no, this is not an actual diagnosis. Yes, yes, I'm making another funny. Or am I? All right, well, welcome back to another episode of Long Winded. I am your host and I'm glad. I'm glad. And newly, you might be wondering why I'm looking so fabulous. And to that I can say only one thing. I can't help it. And to that I can say one other thing. This is newly, the jacket and the skirt, two different prints. Of sorts. You might not like it. Of sorts. You may be thinking, oh, well, that doesn't match. Of sorts. Well, I don't care. I don't care. This is a cheetah print. I believe. This of something like a jaguar. I also believe, but it's unclear. The jury's out. I gotta close the doors. Okay. It's a feng shui thing. Plus the other cat in the house, besides this one, this one and this one, you know where I'm pointing, might come in and start hissing and I mean this one. Anyways, anyways, welcome back. Thank you for coming back time and time again. I do have something at the top of the hour, something that I think, something that I'd like to get off my chest. And, and no, and no, this isn't misinformation. I am a journalist. I see things. I, I, I, I perceive things. Don't get me started on the perceive. Don't get me started on. I don't. She just does it. Ah, the objectification of one who doesn't want to be perceived. It's never kept me up at night. I can't really, I can't really think about because I can't even really perceive myself. So you think whatever you want to think. It doesn't bother me none. Anyways, I report on the perceptions. It's called journalism. R. Kim K. And Elon Musk, fraternizing of sorts. Who's to say? I, like I said, I am a journalist. I never said, I never said they were. No, no, because he, he's most likely asexual. Now, I'm not judging. No, I don't judge. I just gather and report the facts. And she supports her man via, via the love of her Tesla truck. She loves it. Slithering all over it. And that is her prerogative. Slytherin all over it. And that's okay. And that is. Oh, I'm not saying. I'm not saying. No, no, because still the Tesla truck is everywhere. And no, no, you're judging at this point. You're putting words into my mouth. You are doing it all, not me. Don't bring me into it. That's all I got to say. That's all I have to say at the top of the hour. And then I'm picking up Robbie from the airport right after this. So. So we gotta keep it moving. We gotta keep it going. Okay? Because I'm excited to see my baby. I haven't seen her in over 10 days. And it sent me into a spiral. How does it feel to be left at home with a dying, very much alive dog? It sends me down a rabbit hole. Down a Reddit rabbit hole. Venlafax saying, how is this going to cure my mental health? I'm still looking for a cure. Will this give me some kind of a personality trait that I' to have? Am I missing something? It must. It must be procured by a different snri. SSRI of sorts. You know. You know, my drug of choice is a prescription antidepressant. I must try them all. So I know, so I can speak again from a place of knowledge. I'm a journalist. Ven vaccine. Is it going to save this deranged little brain? Is it going to save my dopamine receptors? Who's to say? Who's to say? And then I've tapered off my gabapentin. You know, things are awry. I'm still looking for a fix, for a cure. I was talking to Carol once again. Every week on Wednesdays there's this question. What do you do for fun? What do you mean? Carol, you've known me for over a year now. You know I'm not having any fun. You don't have any fun? No, I suppose. I suppose. And I've said again, once I take the first hit of a joint in the evening or the mid afternoon, at this point, it's the only thing to bring me any kind of peace. Things are. Things are better after the first puff of a slimy. Have you ever taken a hit and then lit up the vacuum? The shark's going and she has a new filter. This is what I'm talking about. We're sucking up the dirt. A metaphor for that of which I don't know. No, I will not be leaving the house today. Not today, not tomorrow. So what, I need some therapy? Some retail therapy. If CVS doesn't do it for me, then I have no choice but to go online. That's right. Which is why there's Nuuly. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service that's all about helping you have fun so you hope and get creative with your style. Should I buy that $250 sweater from Revolve to wear once for an Instagram story? I don't think so. It's all getting to be way too much and I can't do it anymore. 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When you sign up with code Gabby Wendy, just go to n U-U-L-Y.com that's Nuuly with two U's and enter the code Gabby Wendy and sign up to get 28 off your first month. That's N U-U-L-Y.com newly with two U's with code GABBY Wendy, Newly subscription clothing rental. Change your clothes. You guys know Carol? You know Carol, my therapist and I've been seeing her for a long time now every Wednesday. She helps me so much. You know, it's not so much mental health around here, but mental illness and therapy has helped me greatly. But it's hard because I know times in the past I've had to pick therapy over literal groceries. It's like, okay, well I can't afford it this week, so I guess I'll be somewhat satiated but still mentally ill. So here's Rula. Rula is an online therapy option and it's more accessible and affordable. Telehealth has made mental health care more convenient and accessible for millions of people. 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Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to r u l a.com gabby and take the first step toward better mental health. Today you deserve quality care from someone who cares. That's r u l a.com Gabby which leads me. Which leads me to somewhat of a journalistic take on the co ed spaces. The co ed spaces, which as you can imagine I am not so fond of. Yes, yes. As you know, I would like to be relegated to the isle of Lesbos. I would like to be surrounded with women and by that I also mean the gay men and especially the drag queens. This is where I'd like to be. The gym is the co ed space, much to my chagrin. How am I. How am I supposed to infiltrate the free wet the free weights with two troglos on other side of me sweating from places you would not imagine their stomach. I didn't know we had a perspiration gland in the oblique. But their shirt may say otherwise. They're breathing heavy. And you know what? The men can have the free weights as long as I can have the machines. No, no. I don't want an ill intentioned man looking over me while I'm doing a lot. Pull down, get your own. Get your own. You're the only ones who know how to work the free weights with good form. I don't have any. I come with a deficit. A woman in the gym. Give me the machine where the form comes with the engineering of the weight. This is what he and I need. You to back away. The men. The men in gold chains here at the equinox where I lie. And if there had to be a man, he should be in a gold chain. The men who are swinging the ph of the environment a little bit too acidic, which comes along with the swinging of their tiny little dick and their. And their ill fitting lululemon shorts. No, I see it and I must balance it with a couple lesbians in the room. They don't want to be there, but there are enough to make me feel at home. And guess what? We're all in the machines. We're nowhere to be found on the freeway. Into that. I say women. Single women. Single women. You should be. You should be at the equinox and steer clear of the sprouts. Because I'm looking. I'm looking at the men. I'm looking at the. I can't even. At the. At the. At the. At the man child that occurs. That prelates the. The sprouts. I've seen you at the checkout. You're not paying. I've seen you follow around your girlfriend of five years, but you can't get it together enough to propose because you're. You're too insecure or you think. You think the grass is greener. The grass is not greener than the. And then a woman had a cute outfit out of sundae and sprouts. No, you're not gonna find that. And I see. I see you sneaking in a treat into the cart because you're too much of a coward to ask, even though you're nowhere near the checkout line when you need to be. Oh, you've gotten lost in the whey protein aisle. I hope not. The toilet can't handle the artificial protein. Go wait in the car. Stay away from the sprouts. The other co ed space I'd like to address is the spa. Is the spa. Because I had an experience recently which left me here. Which left me here speaking out. No, it cannot be. Good. I will set the tone. Not that you assumed otherwise, but in case. In case you haven't had your morning coffee, your afternoon diet coke, the minute anyone in a six ounce. Because you care about your sleep as much as I do. I needed a spa. I was in New York. I was incredibly stressed. I'm coming off of a two week straight work trip. Can you imagine? Can you imagine me flying here, flying there, ending up in New York, filled with tears in the morning? I will get. I will. I will get to that later. They need more out of me. Even though I spent six to seven weeks in middle of nowhere Scotland spending time with the cross dresser who I love. But that's despite. That's despite. That's besides the point. I'm not done working yet. You will be happy to know I received my money. NBC is less than happy with my behavior and that's the way we need it to be. Because how are we going to be known in the world? Oops. I'm sorry I screamed on live TV three different times. I didn't know it would cause such a stir. I'm working. I'm working. I need to relax. I need to clear my mind, which I. Which I normally do at the spa. So I AI Google search of sorts. No, not by. Not, not willingly. But I cannot get away from the AI. It's infiltrating no matter what. If I scroll down, it's the same exact answer, but sooner. My thumbs cannot. They cannot muster up the energy to scroll any further. Okay, here's a nice spa with pictures filled with gorgeous pools that are, mind you, empty. Oh, this one. This must be one of my spas. A 20 person max filled with old ladies with tits to their knees who have lost all kind of perception and bucks to be given. They left them in the 1900s where they belong. Now they cannot be bothered. Their fucks slowly sweat off of them in the steam pool, further exfoliate in the sauna. And they get to recharge in the cold plunge. This. This is what we need to reset to make it through a work trip. Naturally, naturally. I must get high before to get myself in the exact right headspace. A little indica as to not onset the paranoia that is sure to come with the sativa. I walk. It's within walking distance. I step into the lobby. Oh, oh. Alarms are going off. There's men here. As I step in, I try and calm myself. This is not the time. Maybe it's two levels. There has to be a designated space for the men. I know there's not a real estate in New York. So instead of being side by side to the women's section, it must be upstairs. What if there's a leak? That's not for me to know. That's for. That's for the plumber. I'm not an architect. What do I look like? They have some kind of waterproof drywall built of cement. That makes a lot of sense on a multiple story floor. As to not leak from the cold plunge, we must be separate. Do not let your fear center engage. Know the weed, know the indica. Is still not helping, I am afraid. She gives me the wristband. She teaches me how to work it. I immediately forget, for I am still scared. I walk into the locker room. No, there's not men, but there is way too many women. This locker room is huge. Lots of women walking around, coming from all sorts of career fields. I can tell by their gait. I can tell by the way they walk. I can tell from one arthritic knuckle, from typing away all day. Oh, fuck. One more email. One more email. As per my last fucking email. Don't get me. No. Oh, do not bump me. Don't bump it. I don't want to talk to you. Their fingers are arthritic. Ah, there's one in healthcare. She's moving extra fast and the last thing she shall take off to get naked before the spa is her dance go. Because she understands what the support of a sciatica might mean to her in her future. Luckily I brought a bathing suit. Nobody is naked. This is all very concerning to me. I'm starting to panic. I'm starting to panic. Do not give up. You've paid $85 times too. Because you thought Robbie was going to be able to go with you. No. You have no moral support. She had. She has a prior engagement. It's okay. Fight through what is on the other side. The hit of a dopamine akin to a cocaine that I've said before that the cold plunge gives you. You're almost there. It's all gonna be okay once you get inside. Boy. Boy, have I never been so wrong. I stepped foot barefoot. I didn't bring a flip flop. Oh, great. Here comes the planner wart. Men everywhere, everywhere looking at me. Ugh. Oh, here's that distant feeling of what it's like to be sexualized. I thought. I thought that was in the past. Now I'm acutely aware of the word. Of the word that is perceived. Here we go. I feel a retina graze my areola. Don't cower. You've lived your whole life cowering because you're 58 and everybody else is shorter than you. Yes, including the man. You must hunt your shoulders and get down to their level. Thanks for nothing. Forward rolling shoulders. That's why I need to go to the gym. I have to engage my scapulas to pull the shoulders back. To lead with confidence that I've never had. But they might take it a different way. The men. The men in their speedo and happy trail and furry chest looking at you. They might take it Differently. They might remember the Quaalude they bought from Hugh Hefner's estate sale, which they have been saving just for you. Just for this moment. Oh, they're gonna sneak it into the bathtub where you soak and it will permeate your pores on the epidermis. There you go. This is what they've been waiting for. No, this is a co ed space. Not only do I have senecol on the horizon, there's nowhere to go. They're packed like sardines. They're packed like sardines. The men and the woman. The bath house. Flatiron is for where people to go is where people to go for procreation. This is where they go to make a fetus. The pool is milky with the substance that I shall not be named. No, it's not milky. Come on. But it could be. It could be for how close these men and women are to each other. There's a funny substance on the floor. Oh, no. If it's not a plan or wart, it is something of a substance that could impregnate me from the sole of my foot. It could crawl up my main artery and lie in my uterus. I'm afraid I have to immediately leave. Thank you so much for your nice service. But. But I thought there was going to be a woman screaming in every steam room, sauna and pool because it's time for your body scrub. Scrub me Like a dinner plate. Where there is no sexualization infiltrating the space. No, her whole purpose is to make you think that your skin could be scrubbed or raw, but it shant and will leave you with. With nothing more. With nothing less than a buttery surface for your lesbian wife at home to appreciate. This is a co ed space because there's only one type of man who will not sexualize you. And no, I'm not talking about your father. He is a pervert, as you know. He looks at my breasts whenever I come close and plays with my hair during conversation. Please, please, get that booty digger away from my freshly cut moisturized locks. I got a deep conditioning. Deep con. Deep conditioning treatment. It is the Portuguese man. Yes, they do exist, the Portuguese and the man who does not sexualize you. They don't care if you're wearing. They don't care if you're walking around in a see through dress in the name of fashion. They won't even look twice. No, no. They're busy smoking a cig and gossiping about the earthquake that they cannot get over. That Happened a thousand years ago. But the city is still rebuilding. They have priorities. So what? So you might think of me as a conspiracy theorist of sorts. And it is a slippery slope, the conspiracy of it all. And not a not kind of not. Not. Now you're wearing socks around the house and you got. You got a fresh piece of floor that's just been cleaned. Could never be me. So you slip. Oh, I can get myself back up again. No, no, this is a severe slip. This is of the tailbone kind. You're sore for days, you have to sit on a donut in public. No, this is the sort. Think. Think dishwasher soap on the slip and slide. Think extra KY on one finger, in and out and in and out and in and out. No friction. They're disgusting. This is kind. This is the kind of slope that is slippery. That will lead you to a conspir. I am susceptible. There has to be a different meaning. It is not what it seems. So. So I am afraid to say. So I am afraid to say I started to go down. What do you mean? What do you mean? I should be buying stock in a pharmaceutical company because of a vaccine? How do the two go? Hand in hand. Oh yeah, because of the business capitalization our country is. Oh yeah. What do you mean? I still have to get a booster every six months. Oh, that is for the immunocompromised boy. I was a healthcare worker, so you bet your ass I was getting my vaccines because I had to. I couldn't not have a job. I was living paycheck to paycheck. So I got my flu A and my flu B, which is all in one. And I don't even know if it. It's like, hello. It's like, hello? There's research that can predict what kind of flu is going to be the most traumatic in the season. Okay, But I'm not around sick people all the time. I got the flu, I got the flu B, I'm still dealing with my bronchitis, re, nausea, post vitamin D, C and Z. Okay, so. So what does this all mean? I go to a fairly important dinner with people surrounded by people who I should care about what they think of me for. They are in charge of my career somewhat. I sit down, the lights are dim. Well. Well, I think I might be somewhat of an anti vaxxer. The lights flip on. There's a spotlight on my head. The table in the restaurant falls silent. They don't know what to say. Oh no, we shouldn't have taken her on. What kind of Road is she going down? There's nothing left. There's nothing left to do but to shove my mouth full of monkey bread because I cannot think of a sentence to muster to this woman. I circle back. I can read the room. I circle back minutes later and my mind can be changed at any second. I'm just trying something new. No, you should not try this one. Okay, you're right. Because then, because then I was like, ah, I thought the anti. The real anti vaccine began and ended with Jenny McCarthy's book. Didn't she have to put out an apology? So what? She has some iconic photos from the 90s. She has a cute little head with a somewhat questionable little brain. Ah, that's what. Ah, that's what they thought I meant by this. So then, so then I learn there's a measles outbreak in the Texas Mennonite community. The first one in two decades. Ah, also, it didn't begin and end with Jenny McCarthy. I thought this was all of the proof that we needed because this is science backed and we've been doing it for years. So what is going on now? RFK. Because then we heard things like, oh, yes, maybe 88 people and 50,000 died from the COVID vaccine. Oh, okay, well. Well, it's not. Nobody and two offspring have passed away from this outbreak in measles due to not getting their children vaccine. Well, I don't. I don't know if the numbers are there, if I'm being honest, but wait, it's not about that. It's the spread. It's highly contagious. And maybe this is the one thing that the good Lord has done for us, is give RFK this dysphony of sorts and where his larynx fights for its life. Every time he wants to say one word, maybe it's because his voice should be silenced. Okay, so I think there's only one thing left to do. I think there's only one solution to the problem. And the children need to speak for themselves. They need to get up off their tummy time, engage their core and their cephalic, including their neck, and speak up for themselves. Use your diaphragm. Do you. Are you opting in or are you opting out? Fresh out of the womb. Loosen that umbilical cord. Come on, use your oxygen. Let me know what you want to do. It's the only solution. Because do you, infant child, want to end up in a wheelchair from that is polio watching your wife at a wedding bump and grind with a man who has full neuromuscular function of his legs. But she wants to have fun and have a dance at a wedding. And you have to sit and watch. There is a song about that. There's a tragic song about that. Do you want that to be? You poor child. And to that you shall make a decision. It doesn't sound like it. Birdie Gray, Birdie Gray, Birdie Gray, your friend. All things wedding. You can do it like us and go to Vegas with Reverend Nature. Or you can use Birdie Gray. 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