Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:01]
A
The following podcast is a Dear Media production and welcome back to another episode of Long Winded. Let me start with this. I had to crack it without you. I was desperately parched. I'll start with giving you the latest with Carol. If you're new here. Carol is my therapist. We've been seeing each other for about a year now, and we've gone through many phases of our relationship. We're getting to know each other more, I guess. This is the longest I've seen a therapist straight, so I don't really know what happens after the six month mark. But now she's making everything about her. She's like, well, I hope you feel some sense of support in your life. Do you have anyone to go to for guidance? And I'm like, yeah, like, I go to Robb. She's the best. You know, she has great advice. We bounce ideas off of each other. She's just, I feel like, inherently wise. She's been through some. You guys know how much I love Robbie. I can go on and on and on. I'm so lucky. And yes, she gives me a lot of guidance. She's been in the industry for so long, so knows how to navigate it and has helped me. So I am really lucky to have her. I say, and Carol was like, well, I hope you can come to me. Oh, sorry, girl. I didn't know this was about you. I thought it was kind of a trick question, like just something you have to ask all of your clients. Oh, yeah. Well, let's make sure you have at least one person of support so you're not calling me every weekend. But not Carol. She's like, I hope you feel that way about me. Of course, I've never thought to ask you one question. I thought I'm supposed to. I'm supposed to show up every Wednesday with information that I'm trying to figure out, you know, about myself. What have I taken personally Last week so I can bring it to you this week so we can unpack it and discover how it's all related to my mother anyway. But no, she wants a different sort of dialogue. She knows I'm terrified of people. I tell her all the time. She's like, you're just very fearful. I've been telling you, Carol, I'm not on a slew of medications. Every two or three hours, I have to have three pill bottles in my purse, which can barely contain my cylindrical shaped purse. Mind you, exclusive spring Prada Yai splurged. You don't want to know how much those crispy Chicken nuggets gave me. Finally, I am overworked, but at least I'm being paid for my worth. Doesn't matter what kind of purse you have when it's taken up all by different pill bottles. And then Carol asks, well, I hope you're not afraid of me. Of course not. Of course not, Carol. But I didn't come here. I hope I'm not pissing your old ass right off, because I do love her. So now I'm going to start asking her a couple questions. Carol, be honest. Do you hate your job? You're in a safe space recorded on FaceTime. I will be ready to send to the board of doctors. Not doing. I'm just kidding. I really love her. I really love her. And Carol, if you're listening, thank you. I don't think she is, but she did get her hands on the New York Times article. I think I told you guys. And the. The Sunday section in the Style. And she was like, we have a lot to unpack. I was like, carol, it's all a joke. Please. So I want to ask her about her kids, how she feels about her kids and why she regrets having them. How long she's been married and if she thinks she could have been a lesbian in a different life or this life. Maybe it's just a different time. Anyways, we're kind of kindred souls. Please, please. Speaking of, my phone is blowing the up with work. I've been working more than I'd like recently. And not just I don't mind taking a zoom from home. You know, the old. You know, the old platitude. I have pajamas on. On the bottom. Yeah, yeah. It still goes for me. I don't want to change my pajama pants that I sweated in because I have nightly nightmares to get on a Zoom at 11am it's still early. I'm just waking up. I just finished my first cup of coffee. I can throw my hair back in a bun and put the pretty filter on and then it's fine. I'll have all the confidence in the world. I can take this meeting head on. I can convince anyone through a computer screen. But no, these days I have to go in person. I have to. To get up, find an outfit, put a full face of makeup on. Excuse me. So what? I'm on day seven of my chemical peel. I'm not supposed to put on makeup until I'm fully done peeling. I've told you guys I had this scheduled. I don't even care to meet with you. I Never wanted to know you in the first place, and I definitely don't want to know you after. But I can slap a dumbass smile on my face. Don't worry. And then there's. There's people who claim, who project, who insist you be friends with your co workers. These are the people who want to try and ruin it for everybody. I want to go into the office for the social aspect, to get out of the house. I'm sorry, you're not getting out of the house. Otherwise, why don't you walk and go get a cup of coffee? Why don't you leave the house for a facial? One of my estheticians just emailed you. Hey, Gabby. Haven't seen you in a while. They miss me. These are the relationships I want. We talk about everything under the sun. Fights at the Tesla charging station. She's actually given me a lot of insight. Oh. Oh. This is one of my favorites. That the plastic company invented recycling. We're living in a farce. We're living in an episode of. Oh, I don't want to say Black Mirror, because everyone says that. And it's like, okay, we get it. Okay, okay, we get it. We know how it goes. These companies are developing the problem and the solution, all for capitalistic gain. Hello. Open up your eyes. This is the society we're living in. I'm not just depressed because my mother didn't love me. It's because the plastic companies got me down. Well, and all of the recycle just goes to the same landfill. So you'll never get me to waste my time on a separate recycling bin. I know better. And time is money, baby. Where was I? So I was on this Reddit thread that was preaching through the max screen, through the dimmed max screen, as to not strain your eyes, screaming. You could feel this guy's desperation. I. I'm assuming he's a man because women have more social awareness. On all fours, crawling through the computer screen. You must be friends with your co workers, because the average American only has three friends. Well, that's three too many if you ask me. I need one. She's upstairs. Not wanting to get out of bed to answer the door, even though I'm at work. But I love her. My hubby, baby, Robbie, Wifey. You know her around here? She's the only one I need. She's the only one I really want to let loose around. She brings out the goofiest side of me. Making her laugh is akin to what I imagine the narcotic addicted people feel like when they take their first Percocet of the day. She hits all of my euphoria receptors. I forget exactly which ones they are. Opiate receptors. It's the best feeling in the whole entire world to have her next to me on the couch, preferably saying nothing. They say one person can't fulfill all of your needs. Well, that person would be straight. Try getting into a lesbian relationship. You'll never leave the house. If your wife leaves for a weekend work trip. You'll have baggies and baggies and baggies of dandruff falling from your scalp that you can then sell as baggies of cocaine. I hope that doesn't get me demonetized. I am working with YouTube to keep my monetization, but let me tell you, it is difficult. I'm like, I don't even know if this is worth it to censor myself for a dollar. For seven dollars, I'm not Trisha Paytas. I'm not getting a million views per YouTube and putting out three YouTubes per week. I want to make sure this censorship is worth it. Because, you know, I like to talk about things like what Sylvia Platt did to herself. I would like to talk about the GR to the ape. I would like to talk about handheld apparati with cylindrical balls in the barrel. So in order to not. You want me to change my whole personality for $7? I don't think so. Nonetheless, I'm desperate for a buck. So, of course, listen to me now. Anyways. Anyways. So you're upset that you only have three friends, so now it's my problem. As your co worker, the Post continues to say you already have one thing in common. Work. Who wants to talk about work? Nobody wants to talk about work. We have whole lives outside. It already takes up way too much of our time. 40 hours a week until we're dead. So this is my whole life, pushing papers and clack, clack, clacking around on what should be a number pad, but you can't even afford that. At least you have a mouse. At least you provide for the mouse, which I love. I would take that little USB stick everywhere just to have a mouse. I like the way I can rest my palm on it. It's very supportive coming from a person who used to have chronic. What did you call this? A ganglion cyst from all of those years of charting. Useless stuff. But I have to go out of my way. I. It takes away from my patient care to make sure I don't get sued. I know you're on the apps I know you're on the apps. I was on the apps. What else? What else is a girl to do? Come on, we want a date. Come on, we want a summer romance. And while most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself, and that's field. Field is a place where people discover themselves again and again, whether it's exploring their sexuality or realizing their queer. Hello, everyone listening to the episode to this podcast in general, let me tell you, if you don't already know you're gay, or if you're trying to explore your kinky side and realizing that you're a dom, what a realization. The possible, the possibilities are endless. On field, you have the breathing room to explore your desires. Think open relationships, cuddling, being a brat. Ooh, you're telling me. And find communities that share your interests, like gaming, tennis, sign making. I'm sure someone knows what that is, but I sure don't. But it sounds interesting, and it sounds like you should get on field to figure it out. If you have a curious bone in your body like me, you have. You have options, maybe more than you think. With 20 plus sexuality and gender identities to choose from, you have the freedom to explore who you are and what you like in ways you haven't imagined. Download Field on the App Store or Google Play. That's F E E L D. I'm a cinephile and I know you are too, you pervert. So what? We like movies. I want to be in the know. I want to stay cultured. And I just watched the Materialist and let me tell you, it's the movie of the summer. I don't care what article you read, you heard it here first. It's with Dakota Johnson, Pedro Pascal and Chris Evans. Say less. They're all gorgeously charming and gorgeously looking and they're in a love triangle. It's giving that one with Reese Witherspoon. This means war. I mean, who doesn't love a love triangle? Especially when you're dating the two hottest dudes on planet Earth. Dakota Johnson. Aren't you lucky if you like that sort of thing? I think Lucy, played by Dakota Johnson, I think all of her love triangle problems would be solved if she just dated a girl already. But that is not. That is not a part of the plot. Anyways. She's driven by money. She's a matchmaker, and all she wants is money, money, money. She's telling all of her clients, just date the rich dudes and we Know that isn't always the solution to the problem, but you can understand how we get there. We've tried to date so many guys, and not only are they dumb, but they're dumb and broke. But not for Lucy. These ones, these ones, they got it. This Chris Evans and Pedro Pascal, they got it going on. And you know what? She's just gonna have to listen to her heart. I don't want to give too much away, which is why I'm, you know, I'm just trying to. I'm just trying to set the scene for you because we all it dating these days. It's just hard, you know, it. So Lucy is somewhat on a journey of figuring out what is important to her in dating. It's about time. Lucy, you're in your 30s, but that's just like, how it goes. It takes us a while to figure out who we are, what's important to us, and who we want our lifelong partner to be. And it's not. It's not always as obvious as when you met your wife for the first time on the street corner. A small Jewish lesbian who's as beautiful as she is funny. Okay, I'm gonna cry. But anyways, I loved the movie. The soundtrack, it hits. I shazammed like all the songs. The last time I did that was in the Challengers. I love a good soundtrack. It also gives, like, an ASMR quality. It feels very relaxing, except they're. There are some scenes in there that really make you feel something again. I don't want to give it away, but it's. It's. It's deep at times, dark, and it pulls at your heartstrings. You know, it's really honest about some of the things that we face in dating these days. There's. There's hot makeout scenes. This. This is really what I need. This is what I'm talking about. Maybe if I were her. I'm not saying she does or she doesn't, but if I was, I. I would obviously pick Pedro Pascal. Not even. Because I know he's listening. Hey, Pedro. But he's gentlemanly. He is the rich one. I can tell you that much because you can tell by the trailer and. But he's still, like, paying her lots of attention. He's just. He's sweet and he's smooth. Anyways. Anyways, if you're asking my opinion. But the design in the movie and the style is amazing. Dakota Johnson is incredible. Just everything really keeps you hooked. So. So why don't you decide for yourself? Okay. I'M sick of telling you what to do already, so so go see it ASAP and let me know what you think. The materialists. You're not going to want to be the only one who hasn't seen it. Only in theaters June 13th anyways, so this guy thinks everybody wants to be friends with him. I don't know what crawled up your ass, what kind of a foreign object? Butt plug. But it's the sound. But it sounds like the type of thing that tells others what to do. You know how that ends. Nobody wants to listen to you. And based off what I know about you, you sound like you have a terrible personality. He also continues to say why wouldn't you want to make friends in case you need something from them? In case you need a shift covered? In case you need help with the product? In case you want a promotion? Okay, you don't be so transparent about your scheming slimy ways. Maybe those come as benefits second secondary to the fact that hopefully you like this person. But nothing is altruistic. Not with this guy and not with any of us. I know why I'm giving the guy on the street corner $20 and it's not because I'm wondering what he's doing with it afterwards. It's it's because I'd like points and my next life for karma. This one's a wash and it's not coming out in the wash and that I've chalked up. So I always make sure to have cash in in my purse for my future self. And I and honestly, they can take it. I can. I can count it as a loss because I don't even want a next life. This one is too much to handle being a child again. I'd rather not be so privy to another bout of childhood. So back to this guy who wants to be friends with all of his co workers. And I'm sure it's because he so desperately wants attention from his co workers, he's signaling to them. He's hoping they're on Reddit and finding the thread. But they don't want to be friends with him back. So he's pushing his problems onto any everybody else. And I bet that friend is a woman and he just doesn't want to be her friend. Well, to her I say don't be caught alone with him. Not in the break room, not in the med room, and not outside of your office space. It will be dangerous. Everybody in the comments agrees with me. They're like, just because you have work in common doesn't mean you have anything else in common that you would like to talk about? This friendship is doomed for failure. Nobody wants to hang out with you, bro. Nobody likes you. Maybe if you had an ounce of emotional availability, you could make your own friend. I've been on bumble bff. It was nice. I needed a friendship when I first moved to la, and it was quite fun. Women use their resources. Men could never. They put the big L in incel. Sure, sure. I'll gossip at work because what else is there to do? So we're gossiping about Michaela. You want me to hang out with Michaela after work? My co worker? You said that your co workers need friends. So I'm gonna befriend this one who ignores her patients to flirt at the doctor's station. Hey, Michaela. Hey. I just wanted to let you know that your patient in room 1056 is dropping their blood pressure again. They're seemingly going unconscious, so I. I flipped them on their head as to get a little blood flow to their cerebellar. Hey, Michaela. Dr. Bull doesn't want to hear about your kidney stone. Nobody wants to hear about your kidney stone again. We know you have kidney stones. Lay off the calcium. What are you taking all of those Tums for? Now you're involving me and your kidney stones? Dr. Bull is busy now and forever with his four daughters at home. He loves them so much, he has the My little Ponies memorized. Leave him alone and go check on your patient. I'm pretty sure she needs CPR at this point. You want me to go get a drink with Michaela after work? You want me to bond over an espresso martini with a woman who cannot shut the fuck up about her ailments? It's called health anxiety. I don't care if you have a history of them, because God forbid I choke on an espresso bean while I'm downing my martini as fast as I can as to numb. God forbid it goes down the wrong pipe. My trachea. Oh, no. I can't get any wind in my trachea. It's a big bean, if you're wondering and you guessed it, Michaela doesn't know the Heimlich. And I will teach you one thing about the Heimlich that I'm sure you don't know, because I'm here to educate you. Once again, you. In order for someone to initiate the Heimlich, you as the choking person must give them a sign or else they can't do the reach around and the Hump. So first you have to put your hands together. Something like if you put your thumbs together and fly away and then flip them around so your hands are like this. And then you have to put them around your neck and make that sound like you're really trying to breathe, but you can't. For someone to initiate the thrust it takes that produces enough kinetic energy to pop that bean right out of your mouth and into the poor server's mouth across the way. Now he's choking. And Michaela, as a medical professional is just watching it all happen because she's too busy at the doctor's station. You want me to be friends with her? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh God. This. You know those people who wash their drink around their mouth? Is that a sign of psychosis? Because what do you. What is going on? Like they take a sip of wine and they're like, like, okay, performative. Save that for your Listerine in the morning. So I've been going to way more meetings than I'd like. I try and schedule them Tuesday through Thursday. I don't like meetings on Mondays, I'm too tired. And Fridays, I've checked for the week. So I have three days that we can pack in. I need to consider 40 minutes each way. I wake up around 9:30. I have my coffee so I. The earliest I can get there is noon and I got to get home before dinner. So I have noon to 4, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday to schedule my meetings. Whatever you can fit in is fine. Other than that we will have to push to next week. Nothing is an emergency around here. It's entertainment. Get a hold of yourself. So I'm having these meetings. I was at a meeting last week, mind you, not of little importance. It was with very prominent members of, of a streaming network that you use to chill with, if you know what I mean. These people are in charge of, of casting and development. And if you're watching. Love ya, love you. This is all about me. And they, they were really great. They were great. I am the problem. When it's like you're going down a self help rabbit hole and Mel Robbins is on TikTok. Like saying things like, you are not the problem. It's like this is false information. This is false news. You are the problem. Which is why all of us need to be in therapy if you don't want to take accountability. Your, your mom and your dad are the problem, but you are the problem. Don't get me started on Mel Robbins. Let them. Let Them not invite you? What am I, a door Matt? What, do I not respect myself? Let them treat you bad. They're showing their true colors. Is this an ill matched fight? What's next? Let them slap you across the face? Just kidding. She didn't say that. But if you are in a wlw, I mean, I mean, wouldn't you consider that a fair fight? Summer making you hot. It's making you sweat and get hot and heavy and, dare I say, horny. Well, here's Aria. Have you guys even heard about this new service for couples that makes it easier to break out of routine and bring the spring bark back? It's called Arya. I just told you. It turns been there, done that into let's do that again. So you just have to take a short quiz to figure out what your love life needs. Then you're matched with an intimacy concierge who hand selects curated experiences called scenes. Each scene includes premium items delivered discreetly to your door. And the best part is that Aria's concierge is a real person. So think of them like your relationship's wingman. Someone you can message anytime, who gets to know your vibe and tailors everything to you. The more they learn about you, the better it gets. No guesswork, no more awkward combos. Just real connection customized. Let me tell you, your friend is sick of your text messages at 11:30 at night asking if they've ever wanted to try a butt plug. Because you do. No worries. No worries. That's what Aria is here for. So if you just want to bring back the excitement of the early days while keeping the deep connection you've built, go with Aria. 75% of couples report feeling closer after exploring with Aria. Ready to break out of routine with Aria? Visit A r y, a dot, FYI and use code gabby wendy for 15% off to get started today. I love a sunny. I always need a sunny. I have to protect these retinas in the skin around them. It's very delicate. So that's why I love crap eyewear. They're an independent sunglass brand designed and tested Beachside in Los Angeles, California. Where better to test out your sunglasses than the sunny city of Los Angeles? No ozone, no problem. These sunglasses are handcrafted bioacetate, which is biodegradable frames with optical grade lenses. CR 39 lenses with 100% UVA and UVB protection. That's what I'm talking about. They're certified carbon neutral, business and independently owned. I love them because they have such cute styles that honestly go with Anything. But you know that they protect against UVA and uvb. Can you believe there's even a sunglass out there that doesn't offer protection against the sun? What is the point? Crap Eyewear is on a mission to create funky Earth friendlier eyewear without the heavy retail markup. So head to crap eyewear.com that's C-R-A P E Y-E W-E-A-R.com to shop use the code GABBY at checkout for 20 off full priced items. I've been screaming that I want a butterfly cut like yesterday. There's too much hair. There's too much hair for the summertime and I need something fresh and funky. Something. Something that makes me not recognize the woman in the mirror. Not because she looks like Jack Nicholson, but because she looks like Rachel Green. Who is that girl? It's going to be me. And I'm going to use Dry Bar Blowout Defense Collection to style because because it makes your blowout last up to 96 hours and cuts blow dry time down by 32%. Hello. I'm sick of blow drying my hair. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it when it doesn't last as much time and it takes forever. The all new Dry Bar Blowout Defense Collection Game changing hair products that prep for a gorgeous blowout that lasts for up to 96 hours. No shower. No problem. Who's washing their hair every 96 hours anyways? Not me. More like 170 something hours. I definitely passed the 100 point. The blowout Defense strengthen and extended blowout Accelerator spray cuts blow dry time by 32% while locking in styles. A total game changer when you're in a rush. Not only does it speed things up, but it also detangles and protects hair from heat. So you're styling smarter, not harder. Get a gorgeous blowout that lasts now and shop Dry Bars Blowout defense products@drybar.com anyways, so I'm fully willing to admit I'm the problem. I walk into this meeting, I'm having a good day. I find out about this meeting like the day of. I got it wrong in my calendar. What's new? Never happens to me. I thought this meeting was next week. No, I have the text message that says you would agree to move it a week earlier. I'm caught red handed. My manager's like it's 10 minutes away as to not accept the zoom offer. He knows I only want to do things in the comfort of my own home. He caught Me. But it's very important to go in person is what Robbie says. Oh, fine, fine. I'll go. So as last minute, I'm actually feeling quite good. I laid off the gabapentin. Big mistake. I stepped foot into the conference room. The walls are closing in. I'm sweating under my tits, pits and the back of my shirt. I don't know what's going on. This is baseline for me. This is my normal. And in the conference room, the fluorescent lights overhead are blaring. It's highlighting all of my vulnerabilities, my insecurities. It's making it ever so obvious I'm in a room full of strangers. And now I am a stranger to myself. I don't recognize myself anymore with these harsh lights above me. If you want me to build a full picture, if you want me to literally read the room to respond to my intuition, why don't you put a dimmer in the room with warm lighting in a Netflix building? I know you have the money. Looking around here, you have a 20 foot statue of a squid game character, but you can't afford a dimmer. So I can use my full 180 or something perception. Use my peripherals to gather information. But instead, I'm operating from a place of lack as I cannot intake all of my surroundings through the degree of a pinhole. I'm squinting. I can't see fully in these bright lights. I'm wondering if you can see the singular sweat bead falling from my hairline conceived through anxiety. Nonetheless, the fluorescent lights go straight through my high pony and I continue to razzle and dazzle. I pull out the four or five jokes I keep in my back pocket. Dance, monkey, dance. You got it. I know my job here and I don't back down from a challenge. If there's one thing about me, I am a hard worker. I can deliver. I lead the conversation. With nude photos not being leaked like I want them to, my soul has officially left its body. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who I am. It's these fluorescent lights. So for the next 30 minutes, I continue to operate above myself. Get back in here. Why did I bring up those nude photos so quickly? This is my warm up. And obviously after the meeting you get the scaries. So I'm like, oh my God. Oh, they were probably picturing me take nude photos of myself. But what woman of this generation is not getting a chemical peel or taking tasteful nudes of themselves? Come on, get with the program. This is Good for production value. I'm bringing you an idea. Isn't that what I'm here for? To be a talent and a star and change your network forever? And then they were like, congratulations on your second wedding. I was like, oh, my God, thank you. Who knows? We could. We could have three, four, five, six weddings. We love an excuse to celebrate our relationship. We don't want kids, so we really want to prioritize us and our careers, even though our jobs are like the stepchildren. Just as much work with not as much fulfillment. And I'm not saying this is the case for them. But then also, as I was spiraling post meeting over An American Spirit, my manager on overhead speaker in the car, hey, do you think everything went okay? He was like, yeah, okay. I just need to double check. Stress, smoking. This is what happens after a meeting. I'm like, I hope I didn't offend them by saying we don't want kids. Because I said, you know, which I can't remember what I said five seconds ago. I haven't even smoked weed in three, four days. But yeah, I'm like, we. We want to keep having celebrations because we won't have kids to celebrate. We don't want kids. Okay, yeah, yeah, no, I did say that. That ever happened to you. You can't remember what you said five seconds ago because you killed all of your neurons with an indigested and your history of drama. Anyways, so they were like, oh, you don't. And they were really nice about it. And I'm like, yeah. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, I hope I didn't offend them. Like I said, they didn't act offended or anything. And then Robbie and I were talking about it later, and I go, well, it doesn't seem to work both ways because I've been asked if I want kids, when I want kids. For the larger part of my life, until. Until most recently, I've been screaming that I don't want kids, but did. But these people who are inquiring about my desire to rear children, and then when I say no or act surprised, do they. Are they ever worried that they offended me? No. No. Because in their viewpoint, they're in the right. This is what society tells them. And I understand some. Some people really have the calling to want to mother, to want to nurture, and that I just will never know. You know, I have severe mommy issues, obviously, but it's like, why do you care so much that I don't want kids? Oh, because why do you care so much that I don't want kids. Misery. Love company much. She's Chapel Rome, they say. But is she insensitive? And speaking on behalf of all of mothers. No. No. Leave me alone. Do they ever wonder if they hurt my feelings? Did they ever think of it from my perspective where it's incredibly awkward to tell somebody who is a mother of four that you don't want kids? Oh, there's. You won't experience a love like a mother who loves her child. Well, that is. The difference is I wouldn't love the child. Hurt people. Hurt people. The abuse. This, the cycle of abuse is cyclical. As said in the name, this cycle of abuse. I was hurt. I was spanked, slapped and sucker punched. Not really. Not really too far. So imagine my kid out of the birth canal. He goes with headgear immediately. I don't know what's going to happen to him. I can't control it. I'm the victim of abuse and so is he. These people should not have to procreate. You don't know who you're working with. Which brings me to the next topic. Who would have thunk that I'd be running my mouth exasperated talking about children? Well, this is all you get and I'm sure it's not what you wanted to hear. Oh, I'm sorry, you're getting a dose of a different opinion of what you don't want to hear. I've been trying to expand my horizons and listen to things on both sides because I don't understand still how people can have different opinions. But I know they exist. So I'm trying to put myself in their shoes. I don't know if we're really getting anywhere. What am I even supposed to do? What am I supposed to do now that the temperature is changing and I'm dressing weather confused? I'm back in the same worn out rotation, same tank, same shorts, everything. So now I need to upgrade my uniform with quints. And honestly, that's easy because their pieces are elevated and somehow make me feel more put together without even trying. And I do love quints. I have one of their cashmere sweaters and I wear it all of the time. Honestly, I'll even try and fit it in in the summer season. But like, they have items of clothing that are 100% European linen shorts and dresses from $30 Luxe Swimwear and Italian leather platform sandals and honestly, so much more. And the best part about quints is they're priced 50 to 80% less than what you'd find at similar brands, more bang for your buck. That's what we want to do around here. They work directly with top artisans and cut out the middleman. Quince gives you luxury without the markup. Okay, so wealth whispers, money talks. But now your money can kind of whisper a little bit here too. In Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices in premium fabrics and finishes. Treat your closet to a little summer glow up with quince. Go to quince.com gabbywindy for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com gabbywindy to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com gabbywindy I do, I love to crack a cold one. A cold soda and do I have news for you. Simply has launched a new prebiotic soda. Simply, Simply, Simply Pop. The new Juicy soda. There are five flavors. Pineapple, Mango, Lime, Strawberry, Citrus punch and fruit punch. C less. All my favorite flavors. They're made with real fruit juice because please, I hate it when they're not. Simply Pop supports gut health with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber, no added sugar and is sweetened with juices. Monk Fruit extract. Now we're talking. Supports immune health with zinc and vitamin C. Simply Pop is a flavor that just pops. I'm always looking for something that's carbonated and that is Simply Pop. It's a fruit forward bevy of prebiotic sodas made with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber to support gut health and vitamin C and zinc to support immune function. I personally like the strawberry flavor because obviously it's the most decadent. So for flavor that pops Long winded chooses Simply pop. Go to cokeurl.com simply pop to find out where you can try it. So let's talk about something called pronatalism. And before I get censored, let me lead with Love it. Love it. Believe in it. Don't want anything but it me calling to the government people who want all women to have so many children as a tactic to keep them down and to make no money and stay uneducated. But love it. Okay, so this, whatever it is now an economical issue that women are not having kids. What? That literally just please just make sense every once in a while. Just use critical thinking. Kids are incredibly expensive. Okay, Maybe that's why they want that. It's like stimulate the economy, but like we just don't have enough money around here. They're saying it's a cultural issue. Excuse me. Who's defining this culture? Things are changing around here. So as a solution to the problem that our birth rates are quote unquote declining. They're not even declining, they're just not increasing as much as they were because we've gotten a handle on teen pregnancy. They say take that sex education. And the other half of the semester of P.E. they'll do P.E. for three months and then sex ed for the, for the other three months. But too bad they're playing dodgeball ball for six months straight. We've educated them too much. And the hypocrisy you want the teenagers undergoing, experiencing all this hormonal surge that makes them horny as disgusting thinking about teenagers. You pervert. There's only room for one pervert around here and that's me. I have the microphone. So you want them to abstain somehow and you don't want to give them birth control, but you want the number of children to be born to increase back to where it was, which is when teens were having these kids. They're like, we just want Teen mom back on mtv. Is that too much to ask when we've all gone to school with that, with that one student who got pregnant. She's obviously always a top athlete and then immediately she was ripped away. You don't know where she went, but you knew she was pregnant because there were rumors and she was starting to show a little bit. And then you never hear from her again. What is this, the CIA? And then you hear that the parents are going to raise the kid instead so the kid won't ever know its family tree, its lineage. It's going to be all confused like the French prime minister in his lineage and the first lady in quotes. If you don't know the conspiracy, please go down a rabbit hole. Candace Owen has a great six part series. Yes, this is the, this is the news I'm consuming but this is actually really good research in journalism. And while listening to this, I did hear Candace Owens ads on a Christian backed organization who is encourage you, encouraging you to keep your baby. Papa, don't preach. I'm in trouble deep. No you're not. No, there's an organization that will help you for two years after you keep your baby. You may endure feelings like shame and guilt and regret that you wouldn't expect with having abortion, which I, which I agree. But I don't know. Pros and cons. But anyways, so pro life. And then you will be supported for two whole years for just enough time to where your baby starts cussing. You out and having formed stools in their diaper because you don't have the time to potty train them. But don't worry. And then after that they'll drop you like a bad habit. So when they're four and come home from preschool with hand, foot and mouth disease, you don't know where the to go. Which one is it, the hand or the foot? Should we amputate? What the. Is it my baby or a different baby? Keep your hands out of my baby's foot and then the mouth. Like they're not gonna stick around to support you. So anyways, so then as a part of this pronatal movement, they're offering baby bonuses, which we've all been in a place in college. Probably you can't afford ladies night on Wednesdays even though drinks are $2 and you know all of the line dances. But. But the drinks are $2, you'd like three and you have $4 to your name. What are you going to do about it? We've all been in this place and you start to research selling your eggs. I got nervous. I wasn't recording for a second. We've all looked into it. How much money can I get for selling my eggs? And then you don't even have to keep the baby. You don't even have to know the baby existed. Out of sight, out of mind. For me. I am honestly a great candidate. But I heard it hurts. And I don't want to go through the harvesting. And I got a job at the local Thai restaurant. I worked there four days a week. And every shift they would give you a meal. And if you went in for the brunch shift, you ate family style, the most delicious Thai food you'd ever have. So I had to get a job. And then I brought chicken spring rolls to all of the parties. So this baby bonus, you get $5,000 if you have a baby. So you know all these college, it's impossible to find a job. All these college aged girls, all these young women are going to be running to have a baby. And Australia was like, oh, we already did that. Who knew they were the first to do anything? Who knew they were of the progressive all the way over there in the middle of nowhere on a huge but barely inhabitable island. They were like, we tried it. And now we just have a bunch of kids whose parents hate them. Obviously you cannot monetize your baby and expect a good outcome. And $5,000, it's probably going to be taxed like a bonus. So maybe you'll get $3,000 of it. Do you know how much a boppy is? Have you ever heard of a boppy? So you don't have to do everything else around the house. You don't have to. I'm sure you're the one paying your bills because your husband has a spending problem. So you have to go through your spreadsheets and you have to do the laundry and you have to do the kitchen and you have to go grocery shopping and you have to cook. Where are you going to put the baby? In the boppy. Can you imagine how expensive those are? Supporting your baby's core. That's an expensive job. And so what I want the where the wild things are wallpaper and in the nursery. How much is that gonna cost? So this is bear, never mind the medical cost to actually have a baby. So this money is immediately going to go right down the toilet. Write down the clogged toilet that needs a cleaning. But you have no time because you're too busy trying to have this baby and work two other jobs. And. And they're also suggesting this award system where there's a bronze, a silver and a gold medal tier. It was largely inspired by World War II Hitler era. The Germans did something like this. Not calling all Germans. Like I know there was the ones who hid Jewish people and stuff. I don't know. I'm not like doing this. This isn't polarizing. I'm just saying that this was the histories. What I heard, allegedly. So you get an award. It's like the more kids you have, the golder the award gets, the more expensive the metal gets. The metal, metal and metal. M E D A L. It's kind of like that real TV award. Not even reality TV awards. Real TV award that I was nominated for. But you don't even get to go in person to accept your award. All the voting and the winners are going to be announced online. It's like it's a fake award. They're like, encourage people to vote. I'm like, for what? A certificate? You want me to clog up my social media with this fake awards program? I don't think so. I'll wait for a queerty. If RFK and Elon Musk actually cared about this state of the country, they could put their two little pea brains together, the public health brain and the tech oligarchy guru. They could create something really special for us. They could create a uterus for a man. A uterus. And they could have a baby. They could solve all of these problems that don't exist because the birth rate is still increasing. But we want the woman to bear interior. We want her to experience the miracle that is childbirth, which I do believe. But we want her to go through the nine months of heartburn. Oh, it just means the baby's hairy. Tell that to the Gaviscon, which is the best antacid on the market if you haven't tried. Which means you don't have chronic acid reflux like me. Aren't you lucky? Wait. Wait till you get impregnated with a baby. They don't want to experience any kind of a medical anomaly, including sobriety. I can't punch one dart, so it just might make the birth weight smaller. I could use it as a prophylactic. Prophylactic Preventative treatment as to where my pubis doesn't split into. I was a 10 pound baby. How much is my baby going to be? Is it going to try and one up me? We're talking a 1213 pounder and they don't want to stay home to raise it because it's so important to them to have the power to have to be the bread winner so they can dangle something above you so you're afraid to leave them so they have all of the control. Well, if they did this in same sex male couples, oh, come on, they wouldn't have that problem. Two dudes do a double patriarchy, they can figure it out amongst themselves, but they don't want to come up with actual good creative solutions. The uterus. And I would like to touch on the state of the physical appearance of masculinity today. It's looking nefarious. Why do you need so many biceps, so many biceps behind a tiny little intersection of a joint, the wrist and your fingers. What are you planning to do with that hand backed by so much force? Don't tell me, don't tell me. Tell the judge. He'll decide for himself. Of course. Of course. I believe in due process. I don't know if you're going to need a full jury to decide whether this was premeditated or not. It seems pretty obvious that you've been planning with each push up what to do with that tiny little hand of yours. Even if it's not tiny, but the ratio to your Dorito body is looking very small. And of course I believe in the legal system. Obviously you deserve a trial if you can afford it. And I know where your money's going. You can barely afford the Equinox membership and you're on loan from the smoothie bar. Why are you putting extra protein in your shake. It's expensive, you can't afford it and it cannot be good for your kidneys. Not that I give up a about you go on dialysis for all I care. This male loneliness epidemic epidemic infers that it's contagious. It's a widespread disease. News to me that you can catch it. Do you have a fever from wanting to control your mates? The opposite sex? Are you feeling weak from all the progression women are making as a society? Oh, do you have a wet cough from being in the victim and locking yourself in the basement and going down rabbit holes about how it's always the women's fault that no one wants to date you? No. You did this to yourself. You're insufferable. And we're figuring out a different way. We've been lonely with and without you for years. It's like now. Now dudes are doing all of these Get Ready with me. Tick Tock Shop is for girls. And we created the Get Ready with me by design to keep you out of it. It's truly at its core for the girls. It's not a cattle call to the opposite sex to watch you bare faced, swollen, puffy and disgusting. Apply your full face of makeup. Have you ever seen foundation with no contour or blush or eyes on? It's terrifying. It's alien. Like we don't want you to see that. This is for. This is for other girls because we do care how you're applying your eyeliner and what kind of blow dry brush is the best for sake. I'm looking. I want a butterfly cut like yesterday. But now the men are doing it because they see how successful it is for the women. But instead the impetus behind their videos, behind their Get Ready with Me's which are completely deranged. They're rubbing fruits on their face and filming themselves in weird apartments that look like they were on a space station, while I wish they were. This is a signal to the other side. They think this is going to make women fall in love with them. They think that women are going to find this attractive because they think it's the woman's problem that they're lonely. This isn't helping you out. It's giving me the heebie GB's and it's making you look like you're gay. You look like a homosexual. So that's your problem. Actually, it's not my fault. It's that you're closeted and. And repressed from all of your religious trauma that you cannot face. So, so with that being said, I think that's it for today. And send my regards to all of your children. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.