← Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Loading summary
Transcript3 lines
- [00:01]
Gabby
The following podcast is a Dear media production and welcome back to another episode of Long Winded. Let me tell you about some things that are pissing me off, if I may, as we begin. Some things that get under my skin. Some things that make me see red of sorts. Some. Some things that make the blood within my veins boil to the temperature of a Kelvin. Way past the boiling point. We're in vapor. We are in vapor. Can I get a crack of an ollip? Ah, I'll feel that in about 10 to 12 hours, especially after my pad tie that's on the way. So I need to get to the point. You want to know what's getting under my skin? Lots of things. Lots of things. But I'll start with. I'll start with. I'll start with the men. Hello. Hello there. Always on my nerves. What's new? Nardo. Him. Pervert. Nardo. Come on. Whatever. What have they done? We'll get into that later. And then what is real? What is really making me mad? And the first time I saw it made me mad. Why are we talking about Amy Lou's teeth? Who cares? We're still talking about women's bodies and appearances. People can be like, what? Oh, Gabby, it's not that deep. Well, kinda. It was the first thing people said when we saw her on White Lotus. Has no one watched Sex Education? Has no one watched the first and second season? It's a masterpiece. The cinematography, the gays, the Amy Lou. She's hot and she's bitchy. And really nothing about her teeth. So what? Oh, I have to clean off my glasses for this. So what? So what? There's a gap. Okay, come on. You've never seen a different set of teeth before. Now we're forcing it on her. Now we're forcing it on her to make it her whole identity, to own it. Because she's giving representation to the gap tooth girls. And one person even said. Even said gap tooth and an overbite. Nobody's talking about her overbite. She's not here to give you representation, mind you. Mind you. Because. Because it's just. She's an amazing actor, she's hot as hell, and she's in the White Lotus. We don't actually need to bring in her teeth. We don't actually need to. Let me try that again. Bring her teeth into any of this. Like nobody's talking about it besides everyone. Because one person talked about it. Just leave it alone. Maybe she doesn't want to be the poster child. Maybe she doesn't want how this People to remember her by. And I can speak on this because one time I got an email, among other things. You don't want to know what I. What I've been called recently. I can't even remember. It doesn't even bother me. I. I can't even remember. It doesn't even. Block. Block. Keep my name out of your mouth, Block. Unless you're calling me gaggy. Unless you're saying. Unless you're saying. Unless you're saying great things, which literally. Which literally most of you, all of you do. And thank you for that. Thank you for your support and coming back time and time again. Okay, Leave her teeth alone. Nobody cares. Nobody's. Nobody's asking. We can. She can be quiet representation for all. We don't need to make it her whole tagline on. On an Instagram meme and then the SNL skit. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. And I even have a good sense of humor, which is really sick and twisted of me that this got under my skin. We're gonna drag her for being a woman. First of all, you made her teeth look way worse. That's offensive. She's not some Frankenstein looking. You are. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Because you're scaring me with your tall head and unflossed teeth. Don't project onto Amy, Lou. Leave her alone. Leave her alone. She's done nothing to you. Besides, like, be the best, I think. I mean, I'd only seen a couple episodes and she was. She was the most tolerable. I. I love her. I do. Which obviously, me going to bat for no reason. Actually, for a reason. Because. Why? Because why? The SNL skit didn't have anything to say about Patrick Schwarzenegger. There was nothing vile about his character. Okay, okay. He played that character too. Well, I'll say it. I'll say it. Fine. But I don't know. So then I'll stop there. But I'm just. I'm just saying. I know. A missed opportunity for the roofie that was hiding in his pocket the whole entire time they were filming that year and a half. Hello. Don't bring her into the rfk. Taking fluoride out of the water and showing like. Come on. Who was she even trying to play in the potus? Leave her alone. She's gotten enough. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Anyways, I stopped watching after that because hopefully some of the characters were incestual. On the potus. On the podisk. I don't even care. I'm losing interest in myself as I'm speaking. I'm boring myself. Just leave her alone. She doesn't even. She doesn't even. And then. And then the next thing really isn't getting under my skin, but it is something to lament. What about a good lament these days? This is how we connect. This is. This is how we. This is how we feel seen, and this is how we learn. If we can trust another is through the gossip, through the complaining, through the lamenting. Are you like me or do you like this world? Are we similar or are you so afraid to talk shit? Are you too good? No, because everyone's thinking the same thing. I just have to say it. But don't you dare tell. And if you do tell, I'm going to deny, deny, deny. And then say. And then if it's on camera, then I'll say it's AI. And that's how I'm gonna get out of it. Are you ever in desperate need for a blowy? No. No. A blowout. Me? Always. Because I keep canceling glam and I cannot leave the house for a 30 minute drive to get the perfect 90s blowout. Can't I do it myself already? Yes, I can. This podcast is brought to you by Dry bars all inclusive. 8 in 1 multi styler and blowout defense colle. An all in one game changing tool and liquids that together deliver blowouts that last up to 96 hours. Finally, now we're talking. I'm sick of trying to blow out my hair from the comfort of my own home, God forbid, just to end up looking like a frizzy, fluffy mushroom of sorts. But I had a Rachel Green in my head. Why isn't it working out? Well? Well, now we have something here to help meet the all inclusive Styler. Our first tool of its kind to combine both heated airflow and heated styling attachments so you can take your hair from wet to dry to styled with just one tool. This is what I'm talking about. I'd like to streamline all of these things. There's four attachments with two modes to give you eight different ways to style the concentrator, the flat iron, the curling iron, and the round blow dryer brush. Rachel Green is about to have absolutely nothing on me. I just got layers. There's less damage. The blowout defense, strengthen and extend Blowout accelerator spray cuts blow dry time by 32% while locking in styles. Don't just get ready, but stay ready. Get a blowout that lasts now. And shop Dry bars all inclusive. And blowout defense products@drybar.com. are your ears perked? Well, they should be. Is your interest piqued? Well, if it's not, let me help you open up that little brain of yours, because have you even heard about this new service for couples that makes it easier to break out of routine and bring the spark back? It's called Aria, and it turns been there, done that into wha. Oh, let's do that again. Here's how it works. You take a short quiz to figure out what your love life needs. Then you're matched with an intimacy concierge who hand selects curated experiences called scenes. Each scene includes premium items delivered discreetly to your door. There's no reason the UPS man should know about what goes on behind closed doors. And the best part, Aria's concierge is a real person. Think of them like your relationship's wingman, someone you can message anytime, who gets to know your vibe and tailors everything to you. The more they learn about you, the better it gets. No guesswork, no more awkward combos. We know you like to play around the butt, and that's okay. Just real connection. Customized. Ready to break out of routine with Aria? Visit A r y, a dot, FYI and use code gabby wendy for 15% off to get started today, but anyways. Okay, okay. Katy Perry. Going to space. Okay. The all women crew. Ooh, wow, look at this. We're going to send all the girls to space in case they blow up. This is not about empowerment. This is a case study. And you had to drag. You had to drag. I mean, it probably wasn't that hard to drag Katy Perry into this, but I wish I had something to say. People are like, don't go, Gayle King. Don't go. I don't know. I don't know enough about her, but I do know at the beginning she said her intuition, her gut was screaming, don't do it, Gail. Don't do it. And she's doing it, and she's going, gayle, you have free will. Jeff Bezos is not God. Universal leader. All almighty creator. No, maybe of the Blue Origin, but who cares about that? I thought that was a dog food. Maybe it's Origin Blue, but I bet they came first. Not very creative of you. Rocket ship. You would think. You would think they've had a better, more innovative name if they're flying to space, you don't have anything else to say. Blue Origin. Blue Crew. Okay, so about that. And some of. And there's. There's been discourse of sorts. There has been. Does Filler migrate in space. Great question. We're all wondering, is the centrifugal force, the force of the GS that will be pulled on your juvederm, will it be displaced from the bone into some kind of other area? Maybe, maybe like a lump in the mid cheek or this kind of lump flowing to the nose? Are you gonna look like some sort of a. Some sort of a hyaluronic acid? Picasso? You know, for your sake, I don't. I don't wish filler migration on anyone. I don't. I don't care if you're risking your life because you have a ton of money. You actually. I don't know. As it's coming out of my mouth, I don't know if. If I think your filler should migrate or not. Nardo's really distracting me because he can't get out. Will your fillers start to ripple like a toe in a puddle? Well. Well, that's the least of your worries, because I don't even know if you're gonna wake up dead. I'll tell you one thing for sure. Somebody's gonna get the bends. The bends are coming for them. And you know what that is? A gas bubble, I think, that travels right through your body and into the brain. And it's not a good experience. I don't even know if you live or die. But it's not going to be good. And you're going to be in space. You think they have a hospital? In the stratosphere? In urgent care? In the clouds? Dream on, dream on. You're going to have to maybe take a gas X for the seven minutes you have left to come back down. Oh, you want to see Mother Earth? Have you heard of Google Earth? It's the same. They're exactly the same. Maybe you should micro dose of a mushroom because. Because I'm sure all of the blue crew could use a psychedelic cure there. And then take out your fingertips in the QWERTY pad and type in Google Earth, stratosphere, and maybe put it on your projector. Whoa, whoa. You have an appreciation. Apparently Katy Perry's been studying the theory of strings. News to me. New news to me. I didn't know those big eyes could read. Of course I know she could read. I say the same about myself, okay? I just became literate because I went to public school, you know, But I think. I think whether. Whether they live or die, that is not the question. Whether the filler shall migrate, that is not the question. The question is, what song is Katy Perry going To sing in space. No, I think ET Is too on the nose. It shall be California Girl. And as you hear the interlude, which I forget how it goes, but as you hear it, the rest of the blue crew women in their blue spacesuits shall get into formation to start their choreography in 5, 6, 7, 8. My hip bump. Won't bump. There's no gravity in here. Sanchez, you're late. You're a half a beat too late. Get it together. Suck in the core, squeeze the glutes, get your head whipped right. I don't care if there's no gravity. You got one day of training the day before. You should be ready for this now. Formation change. And then as they split, Snoop Dogg comes through hot boxes. The spaceship. And the smoke lingers because of all of the lack of. What do you call that in an airplane? A lack of pressure cabin neutralization. So the smoke really lingers. It's something of a smoke machine. But you don't need vapor. It's just the sativa coming straigh straight from his lungs. Tone, tan, fit and ready, rock and steady. And then they may or may not come back down and land four minutes later. You're gonna risk your life for a 10 minute flight? No way. No way. Not me. Because before I'd even feel the mass amounts of a pressure on my head. Maybe the fastest roller coaster that you've ever felt. I would. I would pass out and maybe die of a lack of a heartbeat due to shock. I don't want to. I don't want to know. There's enough. There's enough for me going on on Earth. I like to have my feet on the ground at all times. I don't even like to go upside down. I wasn't flipping around as a cheerleader. Now he's a professional dancer. We just called ourselves cheerleaders because we don't know what else to call. Girls with pom poms must be a cheerleader. But I was more into the hair ography and the shimmy of it all. You ever heard of the Bombshell bra? Talk about. Talk about defying gravity. Okay, so we'll see. So that's why we're all going to be watching early on a Monday morning. Not because. Not because we're enthralled or amazed or flabbergasted with the experience. We want to know what song Katy Perry's gonna sing and if she can even do the vocals up there. I don't know what her training was look like. And can you believe they only trained the day Prior. What do you. What, what are you. Blue Origin Setting them up for failure. Oh. You've gone on 30 trips. Whoa. 20 of which didn't even have people on them. Whoa. Who'd they have on them? Animal cruelty? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We'll see. But Lauren Sanchez, I hope your face is intact because I actually pretty much stay in her. I loved what she was wearing at the inauguration. Okay, so. Oh, yeah, and one other thing that's getting under my skin that's pissing me off. Right off. Off like a light bulb in your bathroom that you cannot replace. And you're too scared to call the landlord because you don't like any kind of confrontation. You don't want a stranger in your home. That we. A T shirt that says Trump is gangster. I have the proof. I have the proof to show you. So you deal with the dark bathroom, terrible lighting, and your foundation doesn't match your neck. Once again, your shades are off. No matter how many. No matter how many different ones. No, it's washing me out. No, I know it's too orange. No matter how many. No matter. Because this is what's pissing me off is all of a sudden Coachella got cool because Bernie Sanders showed up to give a speech. This is what it takes. Wherever Bernie goes is cool. Coachella was and still is the influencer Olympics until Bernie shows the up. We need some 80 something year old man to talk about the institution of healthcare, big pharma and the class gap to get me excited. And let me tell you. And let me tell you, the crowd was not as. Was not as enthused as I thought they. As I thought they were going to be. But maybe you have to take into account all of the tabs of acid they took. Mushrooms, Molly, etc. Opening their eyes, coming to their senses that Bernie Sanders is on stage. Maybe they thought it was a mirage. They probably didn't know what the fuck was going on. Yeah, we have to take that into account. And I do wish Bernie Sanders would have introduced Charlie xcx. Wouldn't that have been a thing? Wouldn't that have been up? Amazing. Because I knew Charlie XCX was going to be there. I had just seen her in concert a couple months before, but I didn't know Julia Fox was going to be there. I should have guessed. I should have guessed. What is she doing at the Revolve Suite? I want to go. If she's there, I want to be. And then I'm overcome with Something that I've never felt before. This new sensation, what the millennials may call fomo. Fear of missing out. It's dreaded. It's a terrible feeling. I don't wish it on my worst enemy. Yes, I do. Of course I do. I wish everything on them. Except not. I don't care. I don't care because I cannot carry the weight of. What do you call that? Resentment on my shoulders. But Julia Fox and Bernie Sanders were at Coachella. And now. Now I'm rethinking. Waiting in line for 10 hours and bringing my full dining room table to set up in the ground of the grass on the tarp that these influencers are doing for millions of likes on TikTok. I have to reinvent myself. I have to make my tent cowboy vintage. Or else. Or else I am nothing. I need that cowboy vintage cooler. I couldn't find her. I must bring a yeti. Probably way more efficient, but it doesn't match the aesthetic. What do you. What are you. How do you. What do you need to hire LA rock star movers just to get you to Coachella and reassemble your furniture? How much. How much energy do you have? And where can I spare a little? I have to contemplate. I have to make an active decision every day to not take a Ritalin to get a quarter of the energy that you have to bring a tablecloth over a picnic table and further decorate it with a messy deck of cards, an inflatable sofa bed that rolls out into a bed and then rolls back in into a sofa. And of course, I'll link it at the end. Okay, got me. Now I understand where this is going. Capitalism. We can't escape it. Don't make me say it. Don't make me. I will not say it. I won't say it. I already said it. Capitalism. I already said it. We're doomed. We're stuck in the cycle of spending money to make money. This is all we can do. Late stage, they say. Just like Athleisure. Yeah. I walked into an Owl the other day because there's a new store in the Studio City shopping complex. I'm like, I don't need any more. I don't need any more Athleisure because it was marketed to women to live a lifestyle that's surrounded by being fit and having a perky ass. Well. Well, at some point, I have. I have to reckon with my ass not being so perky anymore. No, it has the role underneath. And to that I say, I shall wear it with pride. And to that I say, I'll keep my two pairs of lulu leggings. I don't need any more. And to that I say, I might want a pair of a flare. The flares are coming back. And we're all victims. Of course, we're perpetrators. We're the perps and the victims. What are we supposed to do in this society? Not participate? But I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. Because I don't sell my cookies, I'll tell you what. I'm. I never get those targeted Instagram ads. No, I don't. Why don't you learn something from me today? You're welcome. This is just the first part. This is just the first part of the material that you're gonna learn throughout the however many minutes I'll talk to. However many minutes I'll feel like it today. Here I am again. Here I am again. Just when you forgot about my bronchitis, I am here to remind you about the ephemeral, elusive bronchitis. Yes, it's affecting me. It's affecting my nicotine habits. To be specific, someone made a TikTok that all I talk about is the nicotine. And to that I say, what else is there to talk about? So I've had to. I've had to transition to nicotine pouches in the upper deck. But we can't keep having the cheap, ugly nicotine cans cluttering up your vintage purse, cluttering up your coffee table, cluttering up whatever else you clutter. I'm sure it's a lot. So here comes Lucy. Lucy is the if you know, you know nicotine brand. They're not just your standard gas station pouches. Lucy is 100% pure nicotine and always tobacco free. They're cleaner, they're smoother, they taste better just for a premium experience. And we are premium girlies, so act like it already. Breakers have a tiny capsule inside so you can pop it for an instant burst of flavor. Something like a Camel Crush. But we have retired those long ago. So, ready to upgrade your nicotine routine? You can go to Lucy Co Gabby and use promo code Gabby to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy if you change your mind again, that's Lucy Co and use code gabby to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, which Is the all in one website platform for entrepreneur to stand out and succeed online. This is what we're talking about. Tell that boss of yours where to go and then go to HR to file a complaint. But whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience audience and sell anything from products to content to time. Time is money people all in one place, all on your own terms. They have design, intelligence. And there's Squarespace payments, which is the easiest way to manage your payment in one place. With Squarespace. Hello. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, more money. Plus give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna, Ach Direct Debit, Apple Pay, Afterpay and Clear Pay. And there's even SEO tools. So get discovered fast already and integrate SEO tools. Every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated site map and more. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch squarespace.com Gabby. To save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay, so I've talked about this a little bit before. Is the sexualization of it all. The three most famous women in the whole entire world who have been sexualized. Me, Britney Spears and Lady Liberty. We've had it. You've undermined us. We have no power. Because this is what happens. And some may say, well, Gabby, you knew what you were doing when you went on that TV show. Well, does that make it okay? No, because they need voices like me and Bethany Frankel from within the institution to blow the whistle. Blow the whistle. Because it doesn't make it okay. Whose side are you on? So bad behavior is just welcome. No, because you need someone to stand up for the other women. Enters me. And because nobody has talked about sex the way said person talked about it on this season of the Bachelor. That I went on. In a way, it was a place coming from power. He had the microphone literally in figuratively talking to two women who weren't allowed to talk back. Talking about their sex life without prior knowledge. Consent discussion. Oh, what? You know because you go to the fantasy suite. Yeah, it's inferred. Love island cast members will deny until their Pinocchio knows can reach 20ft across the room to a producer. Poke the producer in the belly button. It sagged a little bit because it's so heavy on the end m something. Something like a Barry's Boot Camp. In more ways than one. No, we Didn't. No we didn't. Interquatus. Okay. Because that's on respect and privacy. And if you are going to talk about said thing one there needs to be a conversation and one it needs to be from a woman. Because that's the whole thing about sexualization. Women already don't have the power of a man. So then when you sexualize them and deduce them to just their body or an object you think that they're sub human. Hello. Do I have to teach you everything around here at Long Winded? Gladly. Come on. Come back time and time again and. Yeah, maybe so I've safely created, I've said I've safely created a swarm. I've safely created maybe a bubble of sorts. I've safely created a biodome microflora ph balanced right in my. A wall around me. And on the inside are gay women and gay men a population that is the least likely to sexualize you. Okay, so I haven't really. So I didn't. So I'm just now getting the wake up call. Getting, getting, getting the, the alarm in my ear at 6:30am Gritting, grinding against my inner cochlear. My three micro bones, the smallest bones in the human body. Hello. It's time to get the up. Because I feel safe around. I'm allowed to want to feel and look sexy without. Without being deduced to a brainless. Without being deduced as something of a sex doll. Even though I would like to refer to myself as one. And that's okay, that's okay because that's me regaining the power. You don't have power over me. So I'm safely in a bubble and then things pop up. Pop, pop, pop, pop up. And then you realize the late night show that you went on and you were supposed to be interviewed by Jimmy Kibble but instead you were interviewed by the D Squad Anthony Anderson who sexualized you within the first five seconds of going on TV cable network in front of millions. The first thing he said to me. The first thing he said to me. So what? So what? I was in a semi sheer dress. It was gorgeous, cut just right and Chloe Bailey had worn it before. What am I gonna say? No? It was at my disposal with royal blue Tom Ford shoes I was forced to give back and have not stopped thinking about them ever since. Besides the point. In comes Anthony Anderson after giving me too close of a hug. He says you're not going to be the bachelorette long dressing like that. Excuse me, excuse me because I don't even know what you mean by that? Maybe, but. But something you are alluding to is that I'm dressing like this for you. No, I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. I do not actually give one what what you think about me. I came here for the a squad, Jimmy Kimmel and his wife to hopefully correctly pre what is going to happen in my season of the bachelorette and instead I endured two to three minutes of your pervy ass questions. Something like, what goes on in the fantasy suite? What the fuck? We're here to be interviewed about what? I just went through dating 30 dirty crusty dudes that I'd like to talk about for once. This is my reality. Can we talk about. Can we talk about. Can we talk about things that have to do with me? What happens in the fan? All you wanted to know is that the fantasy what happens in the fantasy suite? What do you do in the fan? What is the point of the fantasy suite? Why do they call it fantasy? Because they think it's okay to talk about us this way because of what happened on our season setting us up for sexualization. So I had to navigate that. I had to navigate that interview. Something like. Something. Something like. Something like. Something like going to your facial appointment without a Google map. I don't know. Okay, but I was head lead navigator then and I had to get us out of that situation. So I said. But the whole time I had to be polite and kind because as a woman, I'm. I have to diffuse the situation with the grade A pervert trying to see through my perfectly placed dress to see if he could get a slip of the areola. No, this isn't for you. This is for me. It's making me thirsty. Ah, we know about my long neck. Yeah, maybe at times it serves a purpose, but at other times there's too much. Too much space for activities. 4. The neck skin is thin, so it may wrinkle easier. Well, have. I have something for you. Go pure. We spend so much time caring for the skin on our face and then we get to the neck and you turn your back so fast. Well, people can see it. People can still. People can still see your neck even though you forgot about it. But that's why gopure beauty developed their revolutionary titan hand lift neck cream. Powered by clinically proven active ingredients, this advanced formula is designed to visibly firm, smooth and rejuvenate the delicate skin on your neck and chest in as little as four to eight weeks. And maybe then can we lay off the face tune of the neck wrinkle? But Even. But even not. It's okay. No, you're in good company because the skin on your neck is thinner, it's more delicate and less oily than facial skin, meaning it requires specialized care. Gopier's firming complex targets the unique concerns of the neck while nourishing and strengthening your skin for a more lifted, youthful look. And gopier products are cruelty free, paraben free and sulfate free. We love to hear it. With over 1 million jars sold, this beauty secret is no longer a secret. So for a limited time, our listeners get 25 off GoPure with code GABBY at checkout. Just head to GoPure.com, use code GABBY and you're all set. And after you buy, do us a favor. When they ask where you heard about Gopier, tell them it was from our show.
- [34:35]
Caroline Stanbury
Hi, I'm Caroline Stanbry, star of the Real Housewives of Dubai, entrepreneur, wife and mother of three, once divorced and now remarried to a much younger man. Uncut and Uncensored with Caroline Stanbury follows me as I live my life unapologetically and shows you that there is life after falling. I discuss everything from relationships, health, wellness, business, parenting, friendships. I'm here to let you know that not only is there a life after divorce, but you have the power to make it your best one yet. Just like I did. Listen to all new episodes every Wednesday, anywhere you get your podcasts.
- [35:10]
Gabby
And then the Britney Spears. I just started listening to her memoir. I'm almost done with it. It is riveting. Is so crazy. I knew we. I know we want to free Britney. And I did. I marched. I saw a march in weho and I and I marched right along and I chanted free Britney. Free the out of Britney. Because no one's going to be in captivity on my watch. But then it gets even darker. She had not one person to protect her the whole time. She had been working since nine to support her family and they all turned their back on her while living off her wages. Kept her locked up, made her go to four AA meetings a week. She wasn't even an alcoholic. Counting each and every calorie. She couldn't have a carb and she had a chef, but she would still eating canned vegetables. Excuse me, excuse me. And the judge didn't have her back because we still hate women, especially successful women. In comes Justin Timberlake to ride her coattails, to use her as a stepping stone. All while trying to take her down at the end. Can we not, can you not try and get the fame on your own? Tail as old as time. Shall I say I've experienced it myself. They're so jealous of your success, they're so jealous of your fame that they have to tell. They have to tell lies. Justin Timberlake. No. You cry me a river with your ramen head. Do those crunchy ramen noodles release any moisture? No, because they haven't been boiled yet. How about we get them in some condensation? They're looking a little breakable. I never got on the. I never got on the raw ramen noodles. No, I like mine cooked. So you had to make up lies about her cheating when you were the cheater all along because you felt insecure and in. In. In your relationship? Public enemy number one. I'm glad that your mug shot is plastered all over the Hamptons boutique shop for sale. I'm glad the whole world got to see your tiny little Peter poking through that harness. I don't care if it was flaccid. It's still maybe one to two centimeters, I'd say. And that is being gracious. Now, I saw how little your member was and that tracks. It honestly tracks. And then the Kevin Fetter left her alone to make his rap album. You're disgusting. And you're embarrassing. Because if. Because if I was her, I would have flipped the roles. No, now you're in a conservative. You must stay home, learn how to be a father and take care of these kids. And you can't have any money, no money, unless I give it to you. How do you like that? That. No, I bet you don't. And then. And then, of course, her father, who's an abuser, alcoholic, puts her in the conservatorship. And then, well, all before that. And then. And then she came out with Hit Me Baby One more time at 16. What does hit Me Baby even mean? I didn't know until I found out a Swedish writer wrote the song and in his language doesn't translate, so I think it was supposed to mean hit me up one more time. Whatever. Nobody questioned because we were all looking at her perfect navel. From the belly button to the pubic, to be specific. Okay, so what? We don't have to lock her up and put her in a conservatorship and say that she can't make her own decisions. Yes, she shaved her head. You're making it miserable for her. She doesn't. We. She doesn't want to be the object of your objectification. If I was there, I would have done way more than shave my head. I would have shaved My eyebrows to boo paparazzi. You think this umbrella is bad? Smashing the side of your car after you're harassing me, chasing me and then suing me. You ass. No. Into his leather seats. No. I would have done everything that Carrie Underwood did in the car. And then I would have gotten in the car and then I would have said, jesus, take the wheel. And had a field day. No, because she was actually nice. All wild. Now you talk about. You talk about being interviewed, Being sexualized in an interview. Diane Sawyer, the audacity. Asked if her 16 year old breasts were real. Are you sick? Are you okay? Encouraging this kind of discourse, this kind of public behavior. As a woman to a younger woman. Know your duty is to protect her, to lift her up. Because unfortunately. Unfortunately, sometimes it comes from your own kind. There's always a bad egg. There's the Elizabet Holmes, isn't there? That really takes us back a bit. There's the. There's the. There's the Elizabeth Holmes. Because why did. Why did any kind of a CVS buy that product? Hello. Has anyone ever worked in the actual medical of medicine? You step foot in a hospital and they gather five vials of blood to run their testing. What are you going to predict cancer with a drop? Hello? Hello? Use your common sense. Your senses are not firing. She's faking her voice. Why are we trusting her? She's off the rocker. Okay, but anyways. Okay, but anyways. Sometimes. Sometimes you get one or two. Because. Because you know. You know. And this is the thing. You've heard me with the trad wife. Our arms are open. Please leap in. I can catch. I'll catch you softly in my arms and I'll hold you and cradle you like a baby. It's okay. You don't need to make a souffle anymore. It's okay. I make a great Gillette. It's okay. You don't have to rear the kids all by yourself. It's okay. You don't have to take his behavior. Do you actually think he's going on vacation quarterly. With his college best friend? With his college bff? What are you. What do you have to bond over? Kurz Light and Patrick Swayze's leftover Ruffalin? No, no. They're not going golfing all weekend without their phones. You can't contact them. They're going off the grid because they need a retreat of some kind. Alone. Just you two. Oh, it's giving drag race. I know what you're doing. You're painting your. You're painting your face and your eyebrows on and bopping your head around with a wig that you bring from the basement that is disguised as golf clubs. No, I know what you're doing at the Trixie Motel. And. And you know what? You should have the room to be you. To be free. But don't keep a woman down with you. But they're too scared. So they see an empowered woman and they're like. Her nipples. My eyes, they're burning. No, it's freedom. And if your nipples aren't. If you don't like the nipple, you should try the Bombshell. You should try a little push up. It's truly amazing. Now, you don't need to be under their thumb. But. But they've been trained and they've been gaslit and they've been manipulated and brainwashed to think this way. So they see a free woman and they. They automatically hate her. Are your breasts real? Yeah, of course. And they're perky because she was a teenager. What are you jealous? A little sag is okay. Again with the gravity pull. It shows your wisdom. Then you can perk them back up with a push up bra. Leave her alone. The red pill. The red pill is turning a magenta of some sort. Violet. You're turning violet. Violet. They're so red. They're blue. Isn't that something? Isn't that something to think about? Because. Because despite. Just know. Just know you're always welcome over here. If you don't want your husband going on that trip one more time and you look through his phone and you see where the wigs are hidden. It's okay. Let him be free. Come over here. Come over here to the bubble that is Ph balance microflora free from yeasts and beasts. There will be no sourdough risen from your pussy here because we all take bath. And don't take the butthole. Don't take a finger to the butthole and then insert it in the closest, nearest hole, the vagina. No, you must wash your hands in between. We know that. And if accidentally. If accidentally you get too close, we have Diflucan by the thousands, by the zillions, whatever you need. Last but not least, the sexualization of Lady Liberty, which maybe had only occurred in my mind. But I blame you. I blame you. Because I didn't get here on my own. No. I've been learning from the society of what is being told for me. Yeah. I told everyone in the fourth grade I was voting for Bish because that's what my dad said. Hello. Hello. I don't even know. I still don't even know what I was doing in the fourth grade besides reading Captain Underpants and telling everyone my political views. Why was this conversation coming up in school? This is not the dialogue that should be promoted of a 10 year old without any kind of a fully formed. Anything in their brain. Cerebellum. No way. The ridges. You're supposed to see the sulkai. The deep trenches. They're flat. They're flat. It's all one plateau in the ridges. You may find nuance in critical thinking. No. No. Hello. We're a military family. First and foremost. Lady Liberty. Lady in my. In my mind in the cartoonized version. She has big green titties and a tiny waist and long flowing hair. She is the woman of freedom. Come on all, all thou that I come through Ellis Island. Come on here and get in a tenement home. And by golly, you better behave here. I'm gonna take this lit torch and put it up your ass. There's. There's just not enough room for everybody. We have to make it work. You listen to me. I'm a big green sexy lady. And then. And then you take the 3:15 boat ride off of a maybe. Off of a maybe. Midtown Manhattan in the snowing rain because you never get to go when it's summertime because you never think of it. So the last time you were there is winner and Robbie insisted you go. They were. They were salting the paveway every five seconds. I was going to slip in my bridal loafers. There's no grip. I'm terrified. I'm high. I'm going to break an ankle. I have a long big life ahead of me. No. I cannot sustain an ankle injury because do you even know what the recovery is like? There lot of little bones in this joint. No, I highly recommend not. And then you get on the 3:15 tour. We can't figure out which side will eventually see our sexy lady lib. So you keep having. You have to go back and forth from side to side and scurry and scurry soaking wet from the snow. You're ill prepared. There's no hood. And finally you get close enough and through the flurries you see her. She's gorgeously masculine. She has something of a top surgery and a big bicep. Oh yeah. Now this makes sense. We need. We need a mask lesbian to scare the out of all these newcomers. Hello. You around. You're gonna get some of me. There's really nothing scarier at times. You're not gonna Cross me. You're not gonna cross me with this. With this build. I'm a big, big. And I'm gonna get you. And I'm gonna get you know, this is the Lady Liberty we would like to see. And is in her truest form. She is green, not through spores of fungi, but through oxidization from being out there for so long dealing with your ass. Dealing with our ancestors as. Can you imagine. She's tired. No wonder the French want her back. The French are mad because of our support for tyranny. Take her back, they say. Put her back on the ship that she came from. Come on. We want her. She's gonna go right next to the Eiffel Tower. Gorgeous, gorgeous, beautiful. And I bet they'll give her a bath. But before the French go, I want to put in my bed. I'll take her. My bed. Come with me. I'll make room in the backyard. I shall scrub you dry to your bronze skin that you were always meant to have. I'll take care of you. I'll patch every patch that needs to be patched. Oh, I'll. I'll hug and I'll hold you by the corner of your pinky toe. And no, I won't call any press. This isn't. This isn't further relevancy. This isn't for the discussion. I'll only talk to those of a New York Times variety in Vogue. They want to know your beauty secrets. Well, she is French, so a skinny Ziggy pack a day, an espresso and a bob. Those are her beauty secrets. Okay. Classic grape. I do love a grape. Okay, so I was scrolling Reddit, obviously. What else is there to do? I've recently acquired a burner phone. It was given to me through a brand deal. And. And I get free service. So I'm like, I gotta use this bad boy. But I will not download social media on it. It is grueling, devastating. After I'm away from my other phone for 36 hours, I'm foaming at the mouth, shaking. What has gone on without me? Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. So, anyways, as I'm scrolling through Reddit late at night, I come across. I come across a topic. Am I addicted to masturbation? Whoa. Hello? Hello? I don't sell any of my cookies. How are you learning what I'm thinking? I was on private mode when I went on the ph.com. what are you talking about? Yes, my sex life is fulfilled. Sometimes she travels. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? Am I Addicted to the mass? Am I addicted to the Master of the Bashan? Well, it depends. So what? You rub one out before your 6:30am shift? Are you making it on time? Are you there at 6:25 or around 6:45? I don't give a fuck. Because your work is already taking too much of your time. Are you making money? Is it interfering with any other part of your life? You eating and drinking? Are you hydrating? Or are you constantly masturbating to the point. To the point where you're perspiring more than you're taking in? I don't think so. It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like more. It sounds like which. This is what the discourse Apparently. Apparently it's very common among women with adhd. In fact, they thought it was the women with ADHD thread automatically join Do I have adhd? Is ADHD even real? I'm sorry. I've used and abused Adderall and Ritalin. It's gotten me nowhere, but everywhere. Got me through nursing school and it also now gives me an anxiety attack. Yes, yes, I have some from Mexico. Always calling my name. Always tempting me with a good productive day. But what will the next day be? A deep dark hole. A deep dark hole. I shall not go down. But maybe I will. Because it's a quick dopamine hit. And you know me. I'm looking around every dusty corner for one sliver of a dopamine. I don't care if it's covered in a fur ball, a red fur ball from Nardo's hair. I don't care if it's covered in the cat fur ball. She coughs it up. So can I. It could be a hit of the dopamine. An orgasm. It's quick. So what? It's in the middle of the day. I'll have lunch after. God knows I need a boost. I'm constantly in a state. A post prandial. Yeah. Because what else is going to make me happy besides rubbing one out and a tuna sandwich or a white fish? Either. Or either or. It gets me the dopamine. And then that's what they say. And then that's what they say, basically. Is a porn addiction real? Well, I don't know, you sick pervert freak. Because I'm sure they're all men into your furry. And to that I say go for it. I don't kink Shame. Because. Because it's the same. Is it affecting any other part of your negatively? That is for you to decide. It sounds like it's coming from a lot of shame. That religious cult you're growing up in, you grew up in. I know. It's terrible. We have to talk more about religious shame. It's awful. It comes in every shape and size. And now you cannot leave the pornhub. God forbid you leave it on your public Google setting and your dance teacher comes around asking for you to Google a picture and any incomes. Girl on girl porn. Yeah, I was doing it early. Was that a sign? I don't know. I don't know. Obviously, I was grounded for it. And I was grounded for making my Sims gay. Hello? Was I repressed? I don't know. I don't know. Obviously. Obviously. So hump the back of the couch as long as you can do all your other activities of daily life. I don't know. I don't. You can do whatever you want to do in the privacy of your own. Doesn't bother me none. But thank you. And thank you time and time again for coming back to your daily dose of a sentence without a breath of a breath, without air of a thought with no seed that is long winded. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.