p*$$y toupee and RHOSLC

Summary

Podcast Summary: Long Winded with Gabby Windey

Episode Title: p*$$y toupee and RHOSLC
Date: October 23, 2025
Host: Gabby Windey

---

Main Theme / Purpose

In this episode, Gabby Windey blends free-wheeling confessional monologue and pop culture commentary, peppering her signature irreverence and sharp wit throughout. She covers themes including travel misadventures, intrusive thoughts and mental health, sexuality and body image (with a hilarious meditation on pubic hair and merkins), and a detailed, humor-laden breakdown of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Gabby’s reflections refuse to stay on the surface; she examines societal norms, self-worth, and internet culture with honesty and absurdist charm.

---

Detailed Breakdown & Key Discussion Points

1. Moving, New Beginnings, and Canadian Culture Shock

[02:19]

• Gabby opens in a hushed voice, explaining she’s just moved and is forced to keep quiet due to angry downstairs neighbors.
• She humorously describes the pains of DIY set design for the podcast, comparing it to a “Lynchian” film scene.
• Gabby’s observations on being in Canada:
  • The Air Canada lounge is marked by “the stench of roasted cabbage” ([03:30]) and “international perverts” ogling her.
  • She draws an immediate distinction between the feel of Canada and the U.S., especially regarding safety and gun culture.
  • “All of a sudden, here in Canada, I feel like I don't have to duck in the back seat of a Tesla… there’s road rage here, but there’s no guns. So I can sit a little more upright, a little more confidently.” ([15:56])

2. Airport and Immigration Adventures

• Gabby recounts her anxious scramble through the airport, worries about lost luggage, and the existential dread of bureaucratic purgatory.
• The immigration office becomes a metaphor for “solitary confinement” and the Sisyphean struggles of bureaucracy ([13:00]-[16:50]).
• Classic Gabby deadpan: “Waited in this line of 1 for at least 15 minutes to tell me that you're closed. Come back tomorrow.” ([13:50])

3. The "Pussy Toupee" (Merkins), Body Hair, and Language Play

[16:20–22:28]

• Gabby spins a hilarious and unfiltered meditation on body hair, merkins (pubic wigs), and female sexuality—fueled by a “pussy toupee” mention on TikTok and a reference to Lolita.
• She riffs on the awkwardness of “feminine” vocabulary—“I can’t say coochie comfortably. And vagina… feels clunky. Too many syllables… Words that start with a V. Except for violin. That sounds… Oui oui. France, France.” ([18:43])
• Gabby jokes about custom “pussy toupee” design options, like the “clittler— a box mustache right on top of the crack in your lips... I left the salon with a politically suspicious tuft of hair on top of my outer lips. What am I gonna do with this? Whose face am I going to sit on with this? It's offensive.” ([20:43])
• Signature self-awareness: “Can you imagine? Oh, they're going in and out. They're going in and out. I don't know if that's a message to me. Anyways, I was sent a nice DM that her photo shoot for… the pussy hairs was taken … from inspiration from my podcast, the Yellow Beef curtains.” ([22:31])

4. Mental Health: Intrusive Thoughts, Lethargy, and Coping Strategies

Throughout

• Gabby discusses fighting through exhaustion and depressive spells:
  • “What does one do when they're so tired by the intrusive thoughts followed by the sad, desperate reprieve of depression?” ([05:48])
  • Her humor is self-protective, often using surrealist metaphors about bodily functions (e.g., “bubble pop” as mind-clearing).
• Gabby’s acknowledgment of chronic overwork and her “seven Capricorn placements” speak to burnout culture.

5. Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Deep Dive

[23:00–31:00]

• Gabby recounts her latest binge-watch, complete with real-time emotional responses.
  • “I was watching it during my French manning, getting so much anxiety from the fighting.” ([22:45])
• Lisa Barlow gets a special callout: “I believe she has lost the plot… Her lawsuits aren’t that big of a deal… They’ll sue for anything.” ([23:23])
• Memorable moment:
  • “Lisa also said… when she called Bronwyn a gout dick sucker— that shall go down in history. At first I thought she meant something else… She was accusing Bronwyn's husband's dick of having a buildup of uric acid. How would uric acid get in your dick?” ([25:44])
• Gabby empathizes with cast member Whitney’s vulnerability about her failed business, defends Bronwyn’s intelligence despite not having a college degree, and takes aim at snobby dismissals of trade jobs.
• Gabby imagines her own all-star Real Housewives “philosophers,” choosing Bronwyn, Sonja Morgan, Nene Leakes, Marisol, Kathy Hilton, and Dorinda.

6. Billboard & Pop Culture Rant: Hollywood, Scientology, and PETA

[31:15–44:33]

• Gabby details the surreality of driving through LA and seeing endless celebrity endorsements (“Kendall Jenner—what about me?”), followed by a “pathetic” Scientology recruitment billboard:
  • “If they're looking for people to convert to Scientology, this is not it. But you know what could be… I heard their buffet is actually really good. So why don't… you give people free lunch?” ([39:01])
• She unleashes a sharp critique on PETA’s “crab see the individual, go vegan” billboard:
  • “Who thinks crabs are the best animal for us to feel bad to eat? … They’re barely sentient, can’t even move in a way that really makes sense… Crack it and eat it in a dip of butter.” ([41:05])
• Gabby’s trademark logic-twisting: “You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel— but you don’t want to because you want to tear people down and beat them up emotionally, but you’re a compassionate organization.” ([41:42])

7. Favorite Vocabulary & Philosophy Bits

[45:36–49:30]

• As a palate cleanser, Gabby reads from her curated list of favorite words and phrases (“baroque,” “colloquial,” “prodigal,” “odious,” “anti-macassar,” “desultory,” “indelible”).
• “When you lend [money] to them, you give it to them. You cannot expect anything in return… That’s not illegal.” ([46:40])
• She delivers Joan Didion quotes about existentialism, anxiety, and meaninglessness:
  • “Time brings odd mutations.”
  • “I have seldom seen a house so evocative of the unspeakable. That’s an ugly ass house.” ([48:59])

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On airport chaos:
  “If I don't get on this flight, I don't know what would happen. I would downward spiral into an abyss of shame because I was too busy eating a meat pie to check the gate number.” ([07:02])

• On personal safety in Canada:
  “Here in Canada, I feel like I don't have to duck in the back seat of a Tesla… There's road rage here, but there's no guns. So I can sit a little more upright, a little more confidently.” ([15:56])

• On the “pussy toupee” concept:
  “Maybe Kim Kardashian will make the magician mustache of a merkin. Maybe she'll make a banana leaf to protect the soft mushy fruit that is inside. Alas, the fauxhair micro string thong is out of stock.” ([21:34])

• On Housewives insults:
  “Lisa also said some… when she called Bronwyn a gout dick sucker— that shall go down in history.” ([25:44])

• On the PETA billboard:
  “You think crabs are the best animal for us to feel bad to eat?... They’re shellfish, they don’t even have neurons. … Tell a shark he can’t have the seafood platter of the crab. It’s the natural food chain.” ([41:05])

• On anxiety and existential dread:
  “I have the type of anxiety when things are going too well. I’m afraid that time is going to bring an odd mutation. When are things going to go bad? Because they're going well now. When is it going to turn on me?” ([49:15])

---

Important Timestamps

• 02:19 — Gabby’s move, set design, and new (quiet) recording location
• 05:48 — Mental health: intrusive thoughts & being burnt out
• 13:00–16:50 — Immigration saga; Canada vs. U.S. ruminations
• 16:20–22:28 — Full “pussy toupee”/merkin/sexuality monologue
• 23:00–31:00 — Real Housewives of Salt Lake City commentary (cast, drama, iconic lines)
• 31:15–44:33 — Billboard and pop culture rants: LA, Hollywood, Scientology, PETA
• 45:36–49:30 — Gabby’s favorite vocabulary, philosophy on life, Didion quotes

---

Summary

This episode is a rollercoaster of sharp, confessional comedy, satirical pop culture analysis, and surprisingly tender moments of real talk about self-worth, anxiety, and connection. Gabby’s ability to leap from the ridiculous (waxing mishaps, merkin controversies, Housewives gossip) to the profound (existential meaninglessness, the search for authenticity, modern loneliness) ensures listeners laugh and think in equal measure. Whether lampooning capitalist culture or reading out her favorite esoteric words, she brings a down-to-earth vulnerability—and biting humor—that will resonate with fans old and new.

---

Recommended For:
Anyone drawn to unapologetically honest, unvarnished comedic storytelling, cultural commentary with a feminist lens, or just looking for a truly unique and GIF-worthy breakdown of contemporary life according to Gabby Windey.

Transcript

[A]

What about your hair? Let's talk about your hair. Mine has been through it. It's been through styling, blow drying, it's been through all of the color dyes that you could imagine, every letter of the Alphabet. We're not good to it, we're not nice to it. But thankfully, there's the K18 Molecular Repair Hair mask to make sure that your hair stays strong, soft and bouncy no matter what you do. This isn't just a damage cover up, okay? It's a lasting fix that gives you the most fun flippable hair ever. And you know I love to flip my hair. And it's flippable because patented K18 peptide repairs damage on the molecular level, which is really, really, really, really deep. Just like you. Oh. And it only takes four minutes. Minutes. Hello. I do. I love the K18 Repair Hair Mask. I don't know if you've used it before, but it has saved my hair from going literally, literally brown to bleach blonde. My hair was ripping right apart. It was falling on the floor. It was shedding like I'd never seen. But the only thing that actually helped it healed it was the K18. So shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first [e-mail] with code Gabby. That's K18.

[B]

The 2026 Chevy Equinox is more than an SUV. It's your Sunday tailgate and your parking lot snack bar, your lucky jersey, your chairs and your big cooler fit perfectly in your even bigger cargo space. And when it's go time, your 11.3-inch diagonal touchscreen's got the playbook, the playlist, and the tech to stay a step ahead. It's more than an suv. It's your Equinox Chevrolet. Together, let's drive.

[A]

Oh, for sake. Oh, for sake. Oh, for fuck's sake. I have to talk a little low today because my downstairs neighbors are mad at me. As you can see, I'm in a new location. As you. As you may or may not know, it took me so long to set design, to set all of this up for you. And I know back there, the camera can see this camera. You just call it Lynchian, okay? Because that's what it is. You can see what I'm doing here. I wish you saw me do all this design. It took me over hours. And now I will raise my voice maybe a little bit. You might not like this, and you sure as hell didn't like that bleep from last time. But you know what? I say you need to Be in charge of your own fate. Somebody was like, I'll never fall asleep to this episode. Well, good. For fuck's sake. For fuck's sake. Why are you falling asleep to any episode except this one when I'm whispering and my voice is getting a little louder as I speak, and I'm getting hot, sweating through this sweater, which has quite the story, if I may. And you won't hear a bubble. You won't hear a bubble pop today, unfortunately, because I'm in a new place. Oh, thank God. I'm recording. I'm in a new place and I don't have a bubbly to pop, but I like to pop a bubble because it clears my mind as the bubble travels downward through my intestines and poof out my asshole, it clears out the toxins in my mind and the poof opens up the anus a little bit and there goes all of the bad thoughts. Now I'm clear minded. Just kidding, girl. Fart surprise. Because we don't have. And all of that was hypothetical and I know you're gonna miss it. Okay, here goes my voice. Here goes my voice. It's raising a little bit. And I was. I was doing some creeping on some of my followers because I'm shadow banned officially. So I get to see the five followers that follow me a day. And you know what? I. I'm so grateful for you guys and I'm so proud. I have the chicest, hottest, most stylish followers with the best Instagrams. And don't think that I'm not watching you, because I am. And I appreciate you because here you. Because this is our representation of long winded. There's the bubble. Now I can think clearly. And there's no shade to the basic, I am a reformed one and I will take you each and every as you come. That's what I'm here for. I'm also here, and I'm tired. And what does one do when they're so tired by the intrusive thoughts followed by the sad, desperate reprieve of depression? Let me take a deep breath and let it out. Some may say, it's not working. Stay present. Others may say, stay present with the heaviness of your eyelids. Let the lethargy in. How am I supposed to analyze all of life to think of bits for you all if my brain is numb and I cannot think about my outfit for the next day? But it's all I want to do. Let the divine light, they say let it in. Well, I'm already divinely. Lit baby. That is not the problem. That is not the problem. There's many other problems, like me setting up this thing for an hour and having to. Having to slow my voice, a whisper as to so I don't get in trouble from the downstairs neighbor. But today I am French. My nails are French. I had a steak frites for lunch, hungry, and now my snores are French. Wait a second. Now that I'm French, I'm feeling better. Now that I had a nibble of my French fry with my steak frites and peppercorn sauce, I'm feeling better, awake with this bright light shooting above me that I had to get for 600 to do my job because I can't travel with it, because here I am in Canada. Here I am in a new international country. And I'll start with the Canadian, with the Air Canada Lounge, which was suffused with. With the Brussels sprouts, my old factories. It's too early in the afternoon for a stench of roasted cabbage in my Nairs. But you know what that's a sign of? You know what? The roasted cabbage smell. The little stink is a sign of. Of a delicious beef stew. And that there was with the side of mashed potatoes. And I had three helpings. The Air Canada Lounge is also filled with some international perverts staring at my erect nipples that I was blessed with at birth. It's a blessing that they look like they've breastfed 10 whole children until the age of two. These nutrients are rich for my invisible children's brain. Their neurons are connecting from the colostrum. However, the state of the lounge, however dilapidated and smelly and carpeted it was, and very small, might I add, it felt European. Right away, you could sense the lack of capitalism around you, the absence of hustle. Besides me, because I was editing another podcast for you, because I have 1500 jobs thanks to my seven Capricorn placements, I will never be free. Hey, and you know what? The experience of the airport. The terminal. The terminal felt new, but old. Some may say nostalgic, some may say resplendent, because it's also. It's always the same but different kind of experience. There's new snacks at the register. There's a lack of cherry gummies. And where is the Evian? The lack of Evian is ubiquitous in these airports. What do you have against Evian? And I'm sorry, I can't drink out of a glass bott. I need a microplastic so I can drink as much as I can. And I Look around the airport and there's new faces, new flight attendants, and a new gate in the last five seconds. So I run down the platform with my guests sneakers. Three gates down, I ran. I'm out of breath because I'm now smoking 10 cigarettes a day thanks to my Nardo. I'm running. I'm running. I go up to the flight attendant. She has a sweet face. I heard they were almost done boarding. Did I miss my flight? It is very important. See here I have a passport and a work permit and all this paperwork. And if I don't get on this flight, I don't know what would happen. I would downward spiral into an abyss of shame because I was too busy eating a meat pie to check the gate number. It's all my fault. But Air Canada didn't email me because my email wasn't on the ticket. So by the skin of my teeth, I made it. Also a very familiar feeling at the airport. But this time it was different because it was in the Tom Bradley section of lax. Some parts won't change. The rumination on if your bags will make it. Don't think about. Don't think about if your bags are gonna make it, you're gonna manifest the bags not making it. But what if. What if they don't make it? And then my favorite pair of shoes are in there in the hopes of a pissy toupee, lie in between the buckle.

[C]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like?

[D]

Can we talk about your drinking?

[A]

Yeah, Dad, I think we should.

[C]

Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking.

[A]

Maybe that's what love sounds like.

[C]

[e-mail] An OHA initiative for adults with.

[E]

Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms. Every choice matters. Tremphya offers self injection or intravenous infusion. From the start, Tremphya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self inject Tremphya, proper training is required. Tremphya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions and increased risk of infections and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu like symptoms, or if you need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about tremphya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit.

[A]

Tremphyaradio.Com I didn't buy one of those Kim Kardashian things, but I thought about it. Let me look up my bag tag. I can't find the matching ticket number. I type it in. What's your last name? Who spelled it wrong? I can't find find the matching number. I try a third time. It cannot be found. This is it for me. This is it for me. This is my fate. They're long gone until I see an option to open up the camera and take a picture of the bar tag. They're getting on the plane right now. I can almost see it with my third eye getting onto Air Canada. Maybe there is a God in the form of my grandmother looking down on me like an angel in heaven. God, I love her, and I do strongly believe that she could have been a lesbian and she's responsible for my lesbianism. But maybe we'll get at. Maybe we'll get there at a later date. So we make it. We make it by the skin of the pussy hair to bay. I arrive in Canada, and I must follow the signs to immigration because I am an immigration immigrant looking for a work visa. No one looks at me. In the immigrant station nation, there's six border patrollers seemingly doing nothing but avoiding my eye contact. My eyes are big. I'm staring them each down in the retina. Hello. Hello, I'm here. Hello, I'm here. May I be helped? Please? Pretty please? One looks at me. You will in due time, wait your turn. Okay? Okay. I still don't have my bags. Okay. What if I'm late to my bags? The ruminations begin. Oh, you don't like the lip smack either? But I can't help it. When I'm telling a story. Due time, due time. My time arrives and I approach the security with a bulletproof vest. And he responds to me. We're closed. Immigration is closed. You're closed. You're not letting any of us in. You made me wait in this line of 1 for at least 15 minutes to tell me that you're closed. Come back tomorrow. He says, here's a pink highlighter on your boarding pass, and that should be enough to get you in. What time do you close tomorrow? Oh, we don't close. Well, you're closed right now, so something isn't tracking. Okay, some border security you are. So I come back tomorrow to sit in the sterile environment of something of a solitary confinement where the restraints I'VE done something bad to earn myself a white room with no windows. The fight of bureaucracy continues. They're pushing papers, they're pushing papers, hating their life, not making eye contact with me. Once again, I wait for an hour after being greeted by a really pretty woman who hates me and hates her job. But I continue to pace with compassion because I would also hate my job. But let me out of this place. I'm going crazy. I need sedation. Where is the HAL doll? And maybe, maybe some kind of a microwaved meal. I'm getting hungry. There's another how do you like that? You don't, and neither do I. But as I think it comes out anyways, I get past and I finally make it into Canada. And I can't not say that there is an air of safety. There's an air of safety here because it isn't polluted with the Americans second Amendment, which we live and literally die for. Take away the First Amendment, censor my speech, believe me, my AR15 and AK47. Pew Pew Pew pew pew. For if my guns are taken away, I won't have an identity anymore. I'll just have the unfamiliar feeling of freedom, of the fear of being shot in the head in road rage. All of a sudden, here in Canada, I feel like I don't have to duck in the back seat of a Tesla when he smoothly cuts off a car to turn left because there's road rage here, but there's no guns. So I can sit. I can sit a little more upright, a little more confidently. I can walk around with a pep in my step or a slow shuffle because I'm not gonna be afraid that I'm getting hit met with a tap in the back of a head from a gun simply for having long locks and a furry pussy without the Kim Kardashian merkin. You know what a merkin is? It's a pussy toupee. Thanks to an incredible tiktoker comment. It reminded me of the word merkin. I first learned it from the novella Lolita, which I did have to put down because it was making me stick and sick to my stomach with pedophilic ways. You can't say you wrote this book because you don't have any experience. Experience in the latter, you disgusting freak. Anyways, maybe I want a merkin. You know what? Maybe we should support the Kardashians. Give them all of our money, even if it's for frivolous fake twat hair. How do you feel about the word twat, huh? How do you like It. Should we bring it back or do you prefer twit? Twit actually isn't that bad to me, surprisingly. Because what are you looking in the mirror? You're a plebeian twit. And so am I. So am I. Because we're all the same at the end of the day. We're all just made of matter. Fed by breast milk and if you're lucky, Canadian air. But I can't say coochie comfortably. And vagina. It does. It feels clunky. It feels like there's too many syllables that I don't really like. Words that start with a V. Except for the violin because that also sounds ha ha. Oui oui. France. France. But the pussy toupee. It makes me feel womanly when such hairs are escaping with their roots of the labia from a Victoria's Secret thong. I like my French manicure in a Latin labia. Is labia a Latin word where it show? It sure sounds like it, doesn't it? Because all of our words come from the Latin language. Hello. Use your brain. And maybe Wikipedia, Encyclopedia, Google. Back to my twat. Back to my hairy twat. The hairs escape from the twat like a sea urchin waiting to poke its prey. Your Piggly Wigglies in Cabo. I told you to wear water shoes. These hairs escape like a thought when you're too stoned and trying to have a conversation with your stranger neighbor. I've been bamboozled. I've been bombarded. I wasn't expecting you to be outside of your own house. Oh, yeah, I remember what I was gonna say. Please save your waves and ignore me whenever you see me. I'm not here. It's not me. I am a mere particle of air. Oh, yeah, I remember what I was gonna say. I apologize for my howling and his presence at your back door whenever he scurries around the house. What is back there but a forest and then your back porch? So next time you see him nose to the gate. Let him in. Let him in. He just wants to raid your pantry for a Slim Jim or a nice dehydrated beef treat. And he can do tricks. Oh, yeah. I know what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. So back to my pussy hair. I wonder if Kim will make a variations of a merkin of sorts, such as the clittler. A box mustache right on top of the crack in your lips. Something similar to what Hitler wore during World War II. God damn him. I've had one of these. I have by Accident on an unfateful day. A waxer thought I'd ask for something very specific. And I. And I was like, what do you think I asked for? I didn't ask for this. As I left the salon with a politically suspicious tuft of hair on top of my outer lips. What am I gonna do with this? Whose face am I going to sit on with this? It's offensive. Maybe Kim Kardashian will make the magician mustache of American of a pussy toupee for the magic pussy that is yours and is mine. Maybe she'll make a banana leaf to protect the soft mushy fruit that is inside. Alas, the fauxhair micro string thong is out of stock.

[F]

I just heard a door slam.

[A]

Sweating from nerves. Oh, good. I've been going for 20 minutes though, talking about a pussy toupee. Can you imagine? Oh, they're going in and out. They're going in and out. I don't know if that's a message to me. Anyways, I was sent a nice DM that her photo shoot for the pussy for the pussy hairs was taken where the curtains were taken from. Inspiration from my podcast, the Yellow Beef curtains. Sorry. Sorry. The curtains are an exact match to this set that you. I brought the curtains with me, but I cannot figure out how to hang them. You'll see. I brought the tapestry too. This is on top of my suitcase. I did my best to set design, but to Kim's set design, I say l F G. At least someone gets to have the curtains. Sorry, there's a smack again. Something else that can help with your lethargy or tired eyes or maybe help the hair grow on your pussy lips is the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I'm on it. I was watching it during my French. Manning was getting so much anxiety from the fighting, she asked me how long we've been going because I was huffing and puffing. I said, no, ma', am, it is not you. The shape is gorgeous and the subtle curve is just what I wanted. It's Lisa Barlow completely losing her mind over these poster boards. I believe she has lost the plot. I also believe her lawsuits aren't that big of a deal. I don't. I don't think they. I don't think lawsuits happen all the time, especially if they want her Chanel's. And I rue the day I regret her her bringing up the McDonald's hot coffee lawsuit. They'll sue for anything. Hot coffee. Well, that was the biggest public gaslit to a poor woman that we have ever Seen it was too hot. It caused her third degree burn. That is irresponsible, neglect and nefarious. We will not talk about that INS incident in that manner. So maybe you are guilty, Lisa. She does have good one liners, though. Bronwyn, you're loitering. Okay, now you're really loitering. Look at you. You won't leave me alone. You're loitering at a party you were invited to, but you're too close to me because you're loitering. You're loitering because you're loitering. Because you're around me and you're loitering. I'm going to use that. I'm going to use that the next time Robbie officially annoys me. She doesn't really annoy me though, is the thing. She only loiters to me when she doesn't give me attention. And I wish she would wake the up and loiter a little more for I. Women need a minimum of 47 minutes of attention a day. She goes, baby, I give you 49. No way. With YouTube in your hands. I need a big wet kissy right on the mouth to make me feel connected for at least 10 seconds. Lisa also said some. This was one of my favorite. When she called Bronwyn a gout dick sucker that shall go down in history. It should. At first I thought she meant something else. I'm like, what is she confusing gout with? Because it's not a very common word. Maybe a tout dick sucker, maybe a flout dick sucker flauta. But in fact, she was accusing Bronwyn's husband's dick of having a buildup of uric acid. How would uric acid get in your dick? Normally it happens in your toes and there is medicine for that. And honestly, if you had a uric acid dick, it would be pretty big. It makes you swell. I'm sweating again. I did think she went too far when she called Bronwyn a pig. I do. And Bronwyn naturally shut down because it is an offensive insult. But I would have been like, oink, oink. I'm a bacon bitch. Honey baked ham at your service. But I do think Bronwyn can normally hold her own. But I also don't like how Lisa harps on Bronwyn not going to college. It's like, it's just not like that and we know it. Bronwyn's really articulate and she's smart and she. She can fight in a good way. You don't need to go to college to have these kinds of skills. We all know really successful people who didn't go to college. It's too expensive these days. We need trade schools and to stop talking shit about people who didn't go to college. So lay off.

[C]

Think you know your breaking point? If you're a woman with weak bones due to osteoporosis after menopause, sadly, you may not. Women can lose up to 20% of their bone density within five to seven years after menopause, making bones weaker and more likely to break. And after the first fracture, we're five times more likely to break another bone within a year. It could happen from a simple slip or just bending to lift a bag of groceries. Don't wait for a breaking point. Visit bonebreakingpoint.com to learn about how osteoporosis medications can reduce the risk of fractures. I won't let my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis symptoms define me emerge as.

[G]

You in two clinical studies, Trimfia gusoquimab taken by injection provided 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks in 7 out of 10 adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. In a study, nearly 7 out of 10 patients with 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks were still clearer at 5 years. At 1 year and thereafter, patients and healthcare providers knew that Tremphya was being used. This may have increased results. Results may vary.

[D]

Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremphya may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms of infection, including fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough. Tell your doctor if you had a vaccine or plan to emerge as.

[G]

Learn more about Tremphya, including important safety [e-mail] or call 1-877-578-3527. See our ad in Food and Wine magazine for patients prescribed Tremphaya, cost support may be available.

[A]

Also a part of the Bad Moms of Housewives Club besides candies from Real Housewives of Atlanta. I cannot with her mom is Bronwyn's mom. She was like, you wouldn't be here without Todd. That's so unfair. Manifest our destiny. Yes, she would. Why would you say that to her daughter? Because you're jealous of her Moschino. She could have been here without Todd. She would have found a different way, a different route. She created this herself. Why do you have to tear down Mom? It gets under my skin. I do also really like Whitney this season. I like that she's being vulnerable about her failed business. It must not be easy to admit that you're business failed. Like, nobody wants a failed business endeavor. But she just said it on national tv. And I do like her and Heather's relationship. They seem like they have a lot of fun together. But this season it is. I know we tune in for the drama. We're like, what's going to happen next with the fight? What's going to happen next? But I want us to have a little more lightness. I want us to have a giggle every now and then. It's exhausting. It's making me stressed out. I did ask. I asked the manicurist if I could stay in the lounge chair to get a pet a pedicure, because it was so comfortable. She's like, table's open. I was like, can I stay here? I kicked off my shoes. I have the massager on my traps. Can I stay? She's like, of course you can stay here. And she gave the best manny in my life. I was like, are you almost done here? She was like, I like my job. I was like, what? What? Say that to the bureaucrats behind the immigration bar. Since we're talking about Real Housewives of SLC cast, Heather is obsessed with Robbie. Like, full blown. She said to my face that she would her. And I was like, well, sorry, she's me. So I don't know what to tell you. And we are very monogamous. We are a gay lesbian couple that's very monogamous. We don't even really have wandering eyes. And if she does, I don't want to know about it. But one time she called Emrata really hot, and I cried because obviously she's the most gorgeous woman in the. I don't need to be reminded. But what about me? I was. As I was watching, I was like, I wonder what all their signs are. I feel like a lot of housewives are Sagittariuses, Leos or Tauruses. Like we get. Oh, Marisol from Real Housewives of Miami is a Capricorn. And I bet Meredith is a Capricorn because I would have dealt with Britney in the same contemptuous way. Britney, shut the fuck up. You don't bring anything of value here. Nobody likes when you speak. You don't even say anything good. Your clapbacks are bad. And Meredith shut her ass down. And I would have done the same. So. So if I were to pick a Rushmore of Real Housewives cast members to maybe sit around and philosophize with if I Could have had. I don't know if we could have written up our own constitution of what it means to be a housewife. Bottle of Cabernet for them. Not me. I only drink. Don Julio Reposado. Two at the max with a squeeze of a lime. But here we are talking about morality. None here. Maybe religion. Break out of the Mormon Church. They're no good. And taking all your money and they don't care about you as women. Maybe we'll talk about the human condition. We are all perfect in our own ways and live for blowouts and long baths and retinol lotion and French manicures and clay masks and a cigarette while the mask is hardening on your face and you regret ever putting it on because it kind of smells funny and you're gonna get your washcloth all brown. We think about long kisses from our lover and how it boosts our serotonin. Naps in the morning and naps in the evening before bed in long vintage hauls. And these philosophers of the real housewives I choose to philosophize with would be Bronwyn. She's a good conversationalist. Sonia Morgan. Iconic, chic. She wears her glasses down her nose. She already has the philosophical aesthetic. The cat eyes. I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm trying on readers everywhere I go. The 0.25s. I think I almost have bad eyesight, so I can wear them down like this. Nene Leakes, for obvious reasons. Marisol, because I love her. Kathy Hilton for the gifts. And Dorinda to host at Bluestone Manor. That would be my group of philosophizers. Philosophizers. Okay. I can feel these people getting mad. But I also have one more thing to complain about, one more thing to lament, if you will. As I was driving around la, fresh off a hypomanic high on Nardale that I have been on for a week. And it hit at just the right time. A week of very important meetings. I was in the Beverly Hills Hotel at the Polo Cafe, feeling like myself again on no Sleep in a Wired Mind. I noticed some bad marketing. I noticed the state of the billboards in the city of Hollywood. Here, another Kendall Jenner. What about me? We've seen her enough. She's gorgeous. Timothee Chalamet. I forget for what. Maybe Cartier. Dua. Lipa. She's always the face of something. Dua. But I do love her. And they're lining Sunset Boulevard. One after another after another after another. And then you travel along a Little more where the milieu changes. And here's the billboard of Scientology. And on the billboard, there's a text, the slogan, this catchy slogan that they've invested, I don't know, $150 for, maybe for each of these billboards, because they're cut in half. This is what they went with. I'm a mother and I'm a Scientologist. That's not selling me. It's weak. Scientology. Try a little harder. This is why you shouldn't have billboards. Don't worry. It's totally normal for a church to advertise, but it's not for money. We swear it's gonna save your soul. There will be no monetary roi, only your presence in your mind. Give me your soul that I can barely see in your eyes. Because if you're already going to Scientology route, then, like, you've already kind of halfway sold it it. That would have been better marketing. Let me have your soul and maybe $5 and we'll turn things around for you. But instead, it was a stock photo of a mother holding her son high. First of all, he looks huge. Your arms look like they're gonna fall off. He's too big to be held in the air like that. Your traps are shaking. How long must you hold this huge baby for? I mean, this is not even a baby. He's like a four. They can weigh up to 50 pounds or more. It's a big baby. They did pay attention to detail because the baby had glasses just like the mom. But the baby's glasses probably weighed some more ounces. What if he throws a tantrum midair and punches you right in the head and your glasses shatter and you can't see anything, but he can. And now he's a Scientologist, so who knows knows what he's gonna do with your soul. I wouldn't even wear contacts with a child. They can put their hand, foot, and mouth right into your eye. There it is, swollen shut in pink with discharge for a whole week or more. Conjunctivitis. That's what it's called. You're stuck on warm compresses and eye drops and can't leave the house because there's green goo coming out of your eye, all from your Scientology son and his hand, foot, and mouth disease, because it's been all up in his butt and all up in his toes and all in your eye in the name of this Scientology billboard. And you'll be shunned. You'll be, you think the alien. You think you're going to make it to the top tier of Scientology. You think that aliens are going to want you in your conjunctivitis? Think again. They don't have antibiotics. They barely have oxygen, and you need oxygen to air out the bacteria.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

It'S just not working. And the billboard is small. It was half the size, in a weird shape. It wasn't even like a long rectangle. It was like a perfect square outside of a gas station. Excuse me. You could have saved all this money that you used on a billboard to go back into your money laundering business. Your real estate, which we know is Scientology, is actually a business of. I think. I think they're the ones who buy up a bunch of real estate. Don't quote me. This is a podcast for entertainment, not for knowledge, but I think so. If it's not them, then it's somebody else.

[F]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. But if they're looking for. If they're looking for people to convert to Scientology, this is not it. But you know what could be, and I hate to give them any ideas. I heard their buffet is actually really good. So why don't. Why don't you give people free lunch? Come on in. I have this delicious food, and I have an awful lot of. I got an offer for you. You'll never leave. Another billboard I have problems with is PETA. And yes, they are blocked, but, yes, I do buy all vintage furs. They haven't been chic since Pam Anderson, so get out of my DMs. They're aggressive. They really lead with violence for human beings. In lieu of being animal activist. Which. Which one is it? You and me, baby. Ain't nothing but mammals. So let's do it like they do on this kind of channel. But, like, you don't want to because you want to tear people down and beat them up emotionally, but you're a compassionate organization. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The only thing we remember about you and your red signs, symbolic of pig's blood on the Runway of Giselle's Victoria's Secret fashion show is Giselle. And it was iconic. You could have paid her to endorse PETA. Hello. Because it's an endorsement. Sell out already. They just want you to sell out. And maybe I will. No, I won't for PETA, but I will for other things. But this is the real problem I had with the billboard. On the PETA billboard was the profound sentence, crab see the individual go vegan. What? Who is the intelligentsia intelligencia at the top of marketing? Who Thinks crabs are the best animal for us to feel bad to eat. They chop their own legs off. You think, I'm not going to eat that. They're shellfish. They don't even have neurons. They're bottom feeders. I'm not going vegan for the sake of a crab and a crab cake. It's literally a crab. Its eyes are on the side of its heads and it moves in a horizontal way. It's not think like, it's just not thinking. It's not the brightest. It's barely sentient. It can't even move in a way that really makes sense. It'll turn itself in circles with one of those missing legs that it chopped off itself. It's chopping off his own legs. I'm not supposed to crack it and eat it in a dip of butter. You're telling me a ton of people, you're telling me that this is your big billboard. Oh, this message is gonna make it, like, not that many people eat crab, but now I'm wondering if the grocery stores are in on it with their buckets of imitation crab. Is this all a greater conspiracy to get us to go vegan? No, because there's mayonnaise in it and we don't give a fuck enough about the imitation crab to go for it. We'll just go right next door to the real crab. If you really thought about something, why do you put an octopus up there? Oh, because, PETA, you're probably eating octopus off of the menu, and you don't want to be a hypocrite. You've seen my octopus teacher, haven't you? Put an octopus up there. None of us eat octopus after that. And if you do, you're sick. The tentacles, they can feel, they have, like eight hearts and they fall in love. Why would you not put an octopus on there? Instead, you put a crab. Tell a shark he can't have the seafood platter of the crab. It's the natural food chain. Tell the sharks that they're at the top and I'm at the tippy. Top, top, top, top of the food chain. So that crab is mine. I would never eat a shark, though. No, thank you. I feel like it's bad karma because they, they'll. Because if I ever come next to one, I don't know. I don't know that I want them to know that I've eaten their brethren. And PETA is probably one that's pushing cow colostrum on us. They're pumping it, they're pedaling cow colostrum you probably sell that for your health. Vegan propaganda. But I would never take away fresh milk from a baby cow. They need it the most. It's nutritious and they have to grow big and strong. So I can eat her as a hamburger for lunch? No, I'm not sorry. I need the iron. My iron's low. I need the protein to feel live. Wagyu or not. I don't give a fuck. She's mine. That's sad. It really is sad because I know they're really cute, but I hear Taco Bell actually is the most ethical of fast food places because they use end of life cows. So that's what I've done for the cows recently. It's gotten a big gordita crunch.

[C]

I won't let my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis symptoms define me.

[G]

Emerge as you. In two clinical studies, Trimfaia gusoquumab taken by injection provided 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks in 7 out of 10 adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. In a study, nearly 7 out of 10 patients with 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks were still clearer at 5 years. At 1 year and thereafter, patients and healthcare providers knew that Tremphya was being used. This may have increased results. Results may vary.

[D]

Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremphya may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms of infection, including fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough. Tell your doctor if he had a vaccine or plan to emerge.

[G]

As you learn more about tremphya, including important safety [e-mail] or call 1-187-7578-3527. See our ad in Food and Wine magazine for patients prescribed tremphaya. Cost support may be available.

[A]

Okay, I want to give you what you came for. So with that, I will read you a list of my favorite phrases and maybe words. I have a list of vocabulary words and phrases that I keep because I read, because I'm literate. Surprise, surprise, it's new. I have to look up a lot of words and then I try and use them in a sentence. It's called practice. Robbie's mom says that everyone needs a good dictionary in order to write. So she gave Robbie these huge dictionaries that I lay in bed with and I read them page by page. No, I don't, because I just always go back to Gurgur. Okay, but here, let me start. Baroque Euro Inspo for opulence. Revelatory. Revealing. Something hitherto unknown. Colloquial. I like that one. Used in everyday language. Okay, this is. This is getting boring. Boring, boring. Indelible in a way that cannot be forgotten. Prodigal. I like that one. Like prodigal son. Spending resources freely. Slash. In ex. Slash. Extravagant. Lisa Barlo. I would say she's pretty prodigal because she is under the lawsuit that she cannot pay her bills. She borrowed money from somebody who is suing her. But I'm like, that's not illegal. You shouldn't lend money to people. When you lend it to them, you give it to them. You cannot expect anything in return. Odious. Repulsive. Ooh, that's good. M. Let's see if I have any other good ones. Anti macassars. Not anti massacre. Anti Mac. Plastic covering or furniture. Desultory. Lacking a plan. That denouement. Final part of the play. That's one of my favorites. Senecal. Second. All a barbiturate, please. I'll take one right now and I'll have one later. Apropro of the moment. A baguette in Paris. French manicure in Paris. Apropos subterfuge. One of my favorites. To see in order to achieve one's goal. Picadillo. Unimportant offense. I love picadillo. I love pica. Picadillo. Picadillo. Diaphanous light and delicate. Auspices. Auspices, Endorsements. I don't know. Tar baby. A difficult problem only aggravated by trying to solve it. How would I use tar baby in a sentence? This whole podcast. That is a tar baby. The harder I try, the worse it gets. And I'd say my personality. And I'd say the end of this podcast. Really? Some of my favorite phrases. A climate devoid of irony. Institutional anxiety. Marijuana is done more for my memory than I can remember. By nirvana. You forget when you're high. Soto Voss. A whisper.

[F]

Soto Voss.

[A]

Fork found in the kitchen. What a good one. Time brings odd mutations. Joan Didion. I don't. I don't know. That one's scary because I have the type of anxiety when things are going too well. I'm afraid that time is going to bring an odd mutation. When are things going to go bad? Because they're going well now. When is it going to turn on me? Knock on wood. Jesus. Jeez. But that's the kind of anxiety that I have because my whole life has really been hard. So when it's going good, I cannot settle. I cannot settle. But I don't want to wish Anything bad upon myself or on you? Enough of that Fortress of Solitude read in a sarcastic way. Yeah, sure, Like a breach, baby. Going through immigration felt like a breach, baby. Ooh, sentences. Ooh, wait, hold on. He can't find his ass with both hands, now, can he? No, because he's actually so dumb. This is your boyfriend I'm talking about. He cannot find his gluteus maximus with all of his hands because he thinks his butt is in his head and he thinks his brain is in his butt. So he gets him all confused and his hands are all over his body. He can't find his butt with both hands. Ooh, honey in my ears. And put me on an ant hill. Isn't that the truth? Whispers of maternal instinct. Necessity drives invention. I was thinking about things could I invent? And I'm literally. I can't because I just don't. I just can't. Let's see. I don't know what journey you're on, but I can't take this trip with you. Literally, me, right now. Meaningless of experience. Joan Didion. This is how she thinks of her whole life. I like her because she's actually quite cynical and quite dark, and she thinks that everything means nothing. Which in a larger world, when you're six feet under, that is precisely what is happening. Oh, see, this is a good one. This is also her. Oh, I think I read that. Okay, I'll skip it. And then she goes. I have seldom seen a house so evocative of the unspeakable. Loathe to relinquish it. I think those are two different sentences. I have seldom seen a house so evocative of the unspeakable. That's an ugly ass house. She's talking about the Getty in La Lo to relinquish it. All right? Right. Okay, you guys, I did enough, okay? I've been going through a lot. I'm working, and I hope you come back time and time again. I don't know if I still have your attention.

[F]

Thank you. Maybe if I whisper for the rest of the time, then you'll come back. I'll do a little asmr. Maybe if I tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap on your head. I'll tap, tap, tap to tap, tap, tap on your head. You'll like it. This is me sending subliminal messages to like my YouTube to upvote my YouTube. This is me sending subliminal messages to fall in love with me. This is me to come back next week. I promise it will be better, but I don't know if that's true, but I think it will be and I think it will be. And thank you. I love you. I love you and the whole rest of you time to smoke a cig and decompress.

[C]

I won't let my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis symptoms define me emerge as.

[G]

You in two clinical studies, Trimfaia guselkumab taken by injection provided 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks in 7 out of 10 adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. In a study, nearly 7 out of 10 patients with 90% clearer skin at 16 weeks were still clearer at 5 years. At 1 year and thereafter, patients and healthcare providers knew that Tremphya was being used. This may have increased results. Results may vary.

[D]

Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremphyia may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms of infection, including fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cold. Tell your doctor if you had a vaccine or plan to emerge.

[G]

As you learn more about Tremphya, including important safety information, at tremphya.com or call 1-877-578-3527. See our ad in Food and Wine magazine for patients prescribed Tremphya, cost support may be available.

[E]

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of angie. One thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. And for decades, Angie's helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that make matter. Get all your jobs done well at Angie. Combination.