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The following podcast is a Dear Media production and welcome back. Welcome back to another episode of Long Winded. Or should I say 92 percenters? Huh? Should I address you? You guys know what a 92 percenter is? You guys saw. You saw the podcast and we're talking about it today. But first, let me show you my mug. Malta, my favorite place on this earth. Highly recommend you don't go. Ah, but enough of that. Enough of that, shall we? But let's not waste any time here. Let's not waste any time, shall we? Taylor Swift's new album. Just Taylor Swift in general, really. But I heard she wrote this album on the road. On her European leg to be exact. And I do wonder what's wrong with her that she is plagued with this kind of work ethic. It's interminable. She's sick with responsibility. Who wants to be tied down like this to their work? Like Jesus to the cross, Like a dog to a tree. When you go get your tuna sandwich like a hog with its legs right before you make a meal out of it. Who wants to work like this? Not me, for one. I forget that she's a Sagittarius because she acts like a Capricorn. And apparently it's all the same, like collaborators and producers as Shake it off. That album. I don't know what it's called because I'm a new Swifty. Sue me. Pin me to the cross, why don't you? The mic just scared me for a second. But I guess it's gonna be like pop in. In the words of Travis Kelsey, it's gonna make you want to dance. Make you want to make you want to dance. Make you wanna, make you want any. Which is one of the five things that he said on his podcast, which we will talk about. It's like if Taylor Swift is working this hard, do you think she has a vice? Do you think that she's punching a dart after her encore? And a sparkly onesie. The brief cut as to fully cover her butt cheeks. Because she is. She is still pretty conservative. And she has matching sparkly boots with the 2 inch heel as to not miss a step. Ball change. We have to wear on all these kind of legs on the tour. We need our ankles intact. Give me the two inches and a kick. Ball change. Ball change. Sha say Sha say. Break it down. Shake to the left and to the right. But do you think she thinks she's ever getting high on laughing gas while she gets her whole face ultrasounded off and it hurts so bad it makes her feel alive. Pour on that later. Maybe she's. Maybe she's dabbing up when she gets to her next Euro city, when she gets to Amsterdam. Maybe when she gets to Amsterdam, she's dabbing up and she's getting so high. She comes face to face with her demons, but she stares them back. She stares at them back. She stares them down. Back is what I mean. Back into hell where they came from. Because no demons are getting her down. Look at how successful she is. Or maybe she gets a little high before she makes her sourdough bread. I learned all about her sourdough bread and I only like to cook if. If I'm high. Truly. But I know she likes the cinnamon is her favorite next to the blueberry. But personally, when I was hearing all about her sourdough bread, it's like, I would think it would be more of a savory batch versus a sweet. Like, I think I would want my sourdough with some olive oil, rosemary salt. But she goes this weekend. But I am not. I am not criticizing her. But it's like, what are you running from, Taylor? Did your parents ever tell you they were proud? Did you come from such humble beginnings that you cannot rest? No. We know where you came from. Has Jake Gyllenhaal left a hole in your heart after you saw him at palpable chemistry with the late Heath Ledger? RIP that would tear me apart. Side note, that is Robbie's favorite movie of all time. Or is this all stemming from the cursed night at the VMAs with Kanye west, who oddly does have a new doc coming out? Which, speaking of, I did hear a crazed theory. I did hear the. And this is just a theory. This is rumored. This is a tick tock. This is not journalism, okay? This is a. This is alleged. This is not purported. But whatever it means when it's not that credible. But I heard that October 3rd is the release date of the new album Life of a Showgirl. We are about to get in to the state of the album cover. I heard that its Release date was October 3rd because. And because. Because it's. Shut up. It's because. Okay, it's October 3rd because I'm having a hard time getting it out. Like, can I take a sip of my coffee, please? For fuck's sake. I've had raging heartburn. You don't even want to know the type of antacids I've had to take to pregame my coffee to prime me up so the acid doesn't flare and erode away at My stomach lining making me burp like your pervert cousin at a. At a barbecue in Beer fest. Bacon and beer. Okay. I heard Taylor Swift is releasing her album on October 3rd. Because on the night of October 2nd, going into October 3rd, which is when her album will be released at midnight is the date Kim Kardashian was held. Was. Let's not beat around the bush here. None of these videos are suitable for kids. Fuck me. I'm never going to make any views, I'm never going to make any money, but I'm going to keep my integrity. That Kim Kardashian was held at gunpoint. Honestly, tragic. I would be so terrified. But that was the night. So I don't know it. Maybe it's a coincidence, okay, maybe it's nothing but a coincidence. But who's to say I don't mind a buzz. In fact, I prefer it. And you know, maybe you're trying to to lay off the cigarette. Maybe you're trying to lay off the darts for a reason unbeknownst to you. So you replace it with something like a nicotine pouch. You're trading in a heater for a fat dip. But I know you. And you have those cheap, ugly nicotine cans cluttering up the kitchen counter and the coffee table and the bedside table. 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You're skidded all over your Victoria Secrets or Calvin Klein's. I don't know what you wear or your gym shorts because you're not wearing any underwear. And I won't Even bring this to your mind, which is what if this kid gets closer to what? Gets closer to the urethra than you've got a problem. Where Here comes Good Wipes. They're flushable plant based wipes for your bathroom. Soft, soothing and safe for sensitive skin. Think of them as an upgrade to toilet paper. Better clean, better feel and better for your behind. So let me tell you something. It cleans better. It actually leaves you feeling clean. Unlike dry, scratchy toilet paper, 40% bigger and stronger than average wipes, there's no tearing. They're flushable and plant based, which breaks down easily and safely. They have a light, fresh, clean scent. Leaves you feeling refreshed, not irritated. I could go on and on and on. Good Wipes is giving away free wipes. Want to try a free pack of Good wipes? Just buy a pack at Target, Walmart, Kroger or your local store. Then head to good wipes.com/gabby, text them your receipt and get reimbursed. And again, that's good wipes.com Gabby to get your free wipes. Good wipes. Because butts deserve better, don't they? Back to her album cover. Clearly, Taylor was not taking any notes from anybody regarding the album cover. She was not running it by. There was no second opinions. She wasn't running it by. She wasn't sending it to a friend saying, what do you think? She wasn't sending different options. Be like heart, your favorite. She was, no, it was all her. She had full creative control. This one is mine, it's all mine and it will be a reflection of mine. And that is clear, which is why it is the way it is. And you guys know what I'm talking about. You guys all know what I'm talking about because you've seen it. If, if at first I was like, no, it's, you know, it's probably not as bad. Looking at it singularly, I was taking in the environment, the excitement, that all skewing my perception of looking at this album cover objectively. And I hope other people do do the same. But if you look at this album cover, if you go on the Spotify, if you go on these Spotify, click on Taylor Swift and then you see her discography all lined up in a row like this one to two to three to. And then you see this one at the top, it sticks out like a sore thumb, like a plagued staff infected sore thumb. When you put it next to its comps, it's disjointed, it's just, it's Disjointed in many senses of the imagination, metaphorically, literally. The words are like, first of all, the font, the words are taking up, like, no space. It's like aspect ratio, I don't know. But make it bigger. It's like the life of a showgirl. And the showgirls all is like in the right corner, but the words are little. And then her limbs are disjointed for some reason. Like, it's like her. Right at her ankle joint. The hand comes off. It pops right off. Oh, no, my hands over there. Let me grab it. It's very confusing. And then it's like her. Her head is just coming out of water. Just like her face, which. She looks really pretty in it, but it's almost like a wax doll as. Almost like a wax. One of those wax masks that you put over your face as to scare somebody. And then her hands over here, you know, and she did one final. Maybe it was AI. When I first saw it, I was like, okay, maybe. Maybe Taylor's fucking with AI. We know she's probably. She's a billionaire. We don't know how ethical she is. She's flying that private jet left, right and center. And she's going to Sweden in between Vienna in Belgium and Amsterdam, where she's getting all of her weed and dabbing up, and she's going to Sweden to record when you're already a billionaire. What gives? What gives? What has gotten into you? So I was like, maybe this is AI for the album cover. Because what else would explain, you know, how you know that it's AI? Whenever there's like an extra digit or there's a missing digit, that's when you first know. It's like, is this. And then you go down to the fingers, and they have like seven fingers. It's like, I know, I know this isn't congenital. I know because those ones are stubby and this one is full grown. So I was looking at her limbs that were scattered and I was like, maybe it's AI. And maybe she just didn't do a final. A final look, see? And sent it straight to the printing press. This is what I want. This is what I need. All the other photos she took were, like, great, Incredible. She looks amazing. I love the one with her in the dark wig and all of the showgirl outfits. It's like, don't. Now is not the time to try and be creative. We know your creativity lies in your songwriting and how much of it you can do is giving Billy Joel. Don't ask Me what I think about Billy Joel, because it's not great. We did watch the documentary, but it's giving him. But he was like, prolific. He could write and write and write and write and write. You know, when God doesn't give with both hands, you can't make a sick album cover and be able to write like that. So stay in your lane. But apparently she said it's supposed to be reflective of how she feels after a show, which is like a disjointed half head out of water. The only thing I took away from the album cover is that she likes to take baths. That part was clear to me. And she is one of those that likes to wash their hair in the bath. That part was also clear to me because. And she likes to only have her mouth out of water and she likes to practice breathing exercises. She's like, you know when the ears are covered underneath the water and it's like, that's what she likes to do. And that's what I got from her album cover. I don't know if that's what she intended. I don't know if that's the message she wants to send. I think it's more like that she's in shambles. But let's just not be so symbolic and let's just be hot sex cells, baby. But maybe now we can talk about the podcast you went on, which I will not name names because no free press on this tiny niche, but all, all everly important podcast known as Long Winded. I will not say her name, but she went on Travis Kelsey's podcast. And I actually, at first I was like, this guy needs to chill the out, this Jason Kelsey. He was screaming. I'm like, this is. This is ick embodied. This is exactly why straight women alleged who think they're straight run to the other side. Because like, I was getting. I was getting cringed out from the screen. But you know, that is art when it makes you feel something. But. But I actually thought Jason did ask pretty good questions. Like, he was like full dad, uncle. And it was nice seeing someone like him who's so removed. Just like middle America, you know, Crushing beers on their heads, eating hot dogs is like so, so interested in Taylor Swift's life and career. I thought it was really earnest. I feel like he actually did a really good job. And you know what? A man who knows his place. A man who knows his place, he doesn't have much to say. If you were wondering if he, you know, was very smart before, or maybe you were wondering the Lack of his smarts. Now you know, now you know, confirmed. But I feel like he was really endearing. Like, he was like wide eyed at Taylor the whole time. He was expressing how smart and talented and that he could, could not believe the things that she does. And it's like, why Travis? Because you don't think women can be this successful. You don't think women could do this. You don't think, you don't think we're capable. And I don't think he thinks that because I don't think he thinks at all. I do think he has a little bit of the KPS for some reason for being such a large man. I think he has the kicked puppy syndrome and he's scared. He doesn't know who's gonna snap his little puppy neck. Like, because he really didn't say much. I don't know if you watched, but he just really didn't say anything. He just kind of looked at her the whole time, and every time she would say a big word, he'd be like, I didn't know that until now. It's like, okay, we get it. Okay, at least try and keep up. But I was like, after watching the podcast, I. They kind of, they, they, they bought me. I'm sold. I was such a hater in the beginning. I didn't believe them at all. I thought it was like just a PR move because it's like, yeah, why is she dating a football player? I do think she's really smart and obviously business minded, but now she's just dating a man who's at high risk of eventually becoming even dumber and possibly more angry, depending on which part of his brain is affected by his inevitable tbi. She has to know that this is in her future. So we could get an album at some point about her. We could get at least a song, a melody at some point about her being his caretaker and falling in love with a man who was always doomed by dementia. A ballad. From constant trauma to that drama, to that drama to that. All in the name of a game. All in the name of a game of tackling and wrestling other men. And it's like, was he even that good of a football player? Was he? I'm acting like he's done. Is he? The only reason he's still there, probably on the Chiefs, is because of her. His ass would have been traded. But, like, I'm pretty sure at the last super bowl, the last game I saw, he was dropping those balls. He was dropping those balls like he just hit puberty. And it's like if you're dating somebody because they have a skill and they're getting paid. Well, she's not dating him because of his skill, but she's dating someone whose career depends on the skill. And then his skill is bad. Like he's a faker. He's playing pretend. He's playing dress up. He's playing dress up every day when he gets dressed and he puts on his uniforms. His uniform. His shoulder pads and leather gloves. He's playing dress up like Madonna. He wants to be Madonna. He doesn't use those shoulder pads. Maybe he does, but he definitely doesn't use the gloves because he can't catch. He can't catch. We know he was dropping them all over the place. Catch the ball, man. You have one job. What do you have? A bunch of butterfingers? Oh, he should have caught that. All the beer bellied dad scream from their suburban living room. And I hope he hears. And it's like everyone has to know that he would not be this successful without Taylor. Like his skills are just not that good. You know, they're just. The skills aren't lying. His skills, his. His play is L line, but it's very clear he has none. But he's like the most famous person in the NFL right now. And his mother is on Traders and I hope she sent a thank you note to Taylor because she didn't get there by herself. With that being said, I am tuning in for her, specifically for her and for her only. And Porsche from Real Housewives of Atlanta and obviously Lisa Rinna, and I'd be lying and remiss if I didn't say I wasn't tuning in. Also to see Rob from Love island because he's. Because he's not very smart. I'm sorry that this podcast has to be. This episode has to be surrounded by dumb men. But what. What other kind of. What other kind of option do I have? I want to see his idiocy. And I will. I will say the next thing with a heavy heart. 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And now get 25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com winded. That's therealreal.com winded to get your $25 off, start shopping now at the realreal.com/winded. The URL must be lowercase. And speaking of Travis successes, his riding on the coattails of Taylor Swift's bedazzled coat is his GQ shoe. Oh, no. Oh, no. Woke up to that. First thing it honestly gave me life. Because I'm a hater to my core. It put life right back into my veins. Like death becomes her, which was the original substance. I feel like the movie. But what. Who made the mood board? Let me see the mood board. Let me see your Pinterest login. And let me see the pitch deck, because scram. Scram out of here. Get out of this office. What are you thinking? But GQ honestly doesn't have great, like photo shoots. You guys remember Ryan Gosling's when he literally had a frosted tip to pay? It's like his hair was blowing in the wind. But we know his age and his testosterone has got to be not at a level it should be. And his hair, I'm sure, was thinning, but he had a thick, full head and they had frosted tips. Odd choice. And he was clad in pink. Okay, we get that he was in Barbie. We understand he was in Barbie. And he was actually pretty good in Barbie. See, I don't have just bad things to say about men. He was good in Barbie. And I loved his beach football scene. It doesn't mean that in every photo show he photoshoot he does he has to look like Ken. Take the wig off. Take the wig off. Supposed to be for women, especially a man wig. Please save something for us. God. Fuck. Please, will you save one thing for us? Okay, enough of Ryan Gosling. He's had his time. Back to our. Back to our big man. Trav, there is nothing worse than a wig on a man re Ryan Gosling. I guess. Guess I'm not done with him. Here is a beaver hat on a huge, large, strong, like ox, big fellow of a man. And that beaver hat made him look small. Do you understand what I'm saying? Are you understanding the size proportion here? Are you picking up what I am putting down? Do can you imagine how big this beaver hat had to be to make this giant of a man look Small. The native people making these pellets had to. Had to get the whole beaver dam into one hat for this gq. And now the beaver population is compromised. Say goodbye to the beaver, for they will be. For they will be woolly mammoth in no time. Honestly, imagine what it would be like if we could see a woolly mammoth just one more time, just once in real time. And the likes of. Of Travis Kelsey some 500 years ago. Some yield, sir. Probably killed off the last one for a woolly peacoat. Probably for the first zine, probably for the first magazine. With that being said, obviously, I probably don't even have to say, but the styling was just not very good. There's multiple things. There was this hat that I cannot. There were pants tucked into tall boots. I think they were Uggs. It's just imagine how tall this guy is. He. He shouldn't be wearing that many clothes. Just put him in a nice fitting jean and like, in a button down, that's all. We can't go too crazy for it with him because he's so large. It's like there's too much fabric. But what really got me was the random insert of Lana Del Rey's husband in the carousel. No tag, no context. They just wanted everyone to know that they ripped off this swamp beaver pellet photo from Lana Del Rey's husband. Who it's actually. Who. It's actually authentic to him. We know he's a gator lover and loves a swamp. And obviously I'm following the Ethel v. Lana beef very closely over a family guy meme. And you know what? I support an ethereal diss track. Lana's always been petty, but I think her fans are cuckoo insane, and I wish they would reel it back. So anyways, GQ back to her husband. I'm like, do. Do a GQ shoot on him. He didn't interview shoot. And I was like, oh, this is cool. But they're ripping off. They're ripping off the lifestyle of these swamp people who live love and laugh gators. Because you could never live this life. You can't even go near a gator tour because you'd sink. You're so heavy. You would sink to the bottom. And if you got in a boat to do the gator tour, you'd sink that too. And you're too soft now. You're just too soft, Kelsey. That's what the scoring Chiefs fans say, because you found love. Also, why. Why would you be wearing a completely fur hat in the middle of a swamp, which is presumably very hot and humid. And don't even get me started on that oversized birkin to give to a man who doesn't even appreciate it. I don't like the mustard yellow color. I'll say it. And it's giving. It's giving the Greek yogurt. Fage Faye, it's like you're trying to be Lenny and George from Of Mice and Men making a statement with a hat, but you're missing the mark. And don't ask me which one I think you are. But overall on the podcast, I do think their interaction was was really sincere and cute and I wonder if they're gonna get married. I know it sounds, I know it sounds like I'm not having a good time here, but to lament is to enjoy. And that's my motto. I can't wait for her new album. I hope it's good. As a depressed girl, I do like the TTPD slower albums folklore of it all. Robbie and I, that's our go to for sex. But she has been bumped due to swag. And this, this album won't take its place, unfortunately, because we don't like to be too boppy in the bedroom. We like it slow and sensual. Start with a massage, I guess, to switch gears to move on to something else, which is, I feel like a common topic of the pod, my aesthetic treatments. I got a new one for you because I'm not. I'm gonna keep it real. Know one thing I do is I keep it transparent. You know, I'm not going to lie to you. If it was up to me, I'd wear a medical disclaimer around my wrist like some people have to if they fly with any kind of a health ailment. And people have to know in case they collapse that TSA from all the stress that is dirty looks and abuse of power from a TSA agent. But I know there are nice ones and big shout out to you because honestly, a subtle smile or a joke from TS from a TSA agent can really go a long way and make your travel day. It's like, oh, oh, the whole world isn't against me today like it is every other day. You may say to yourself after a TSA agent smiles back at you, this nice agent isn't going to make me feel bad for bypassing the automatic photo they force upon you for no reason. They understand your existential fear of being surveilled. Thank you for an easy path today. Nice agent. If one may flash a subtle smile at you as opposed to the snarl in utter Dumb that we are normally met with as mere travelers. Anyways, I'm not. I don't want to come for government workers. Or do I? I don't know. Because they are keeping us safe. So I hope anyways. And finding what I assume is only millions of shoe bombs a day, God forbid. But hopefully if there's one, they'll sniff it out. And if you are, then please keep your attitude problem. I have thick skin. Literally. Not actually figuratively. So I will be. I will be shamed and filled with dread if you look at me funny. But I understand that, you know, they've only, they're only fallen. They've only fallen victim to, to this career path. You know, and I get it. It's like the parking lot attendants at Venice beach who have to rip you off via the fine print because some landlord pimp who, who owns the parking lot property is making them Charge 1 arm 2 legs for all day parking at the beach. It says $20 on the sign. Already a little steep. Normally I can find a ten dollar lot, but we're kind of on a time crunch. Let's park at the $20. You get closer. How much is it? $20 for an hour. And he says to me and oh, it also says $40 all day in the fine print. The big flag that you're waving says $20. But who am I to argue with you? It's not your fault. It's. It's. It's the evil man mob who owns this parking lot and you have no choice but to enforce it. And I'm your victim. I will not be tipping you though, because you it did default to a percentage of a tip. Please don't. Oh, that took a detour. I do. I love to crack a cold one. A cold soda. And do I have news for you? Simply has launched a new prebiotic soda. Simply. Simply. Simply Pop. The new Juicy soda. There are five flavors. Pineapple, mango, lime, strawberry, citrus punch and fruit punch Salus. All my favorite flavors. They're made with real fruit juice because please, I hate it when they're not. Simply Pop. Supports gut health with 6 grams of prebiotic fiber, no added sugar and is sweetened with juices. Monk fruit extract. Now we're talking. 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