Gabby (0:01)

The following podcast is a Dear Media.

Robbie (0:03)

Production.

Gabby (0:10)

And welcome back to another episode of Long Winded. Okay, what's new? And we're back. We're back. What's new? Nothing. And that's what they say. No news is good news. And that's what they say. It all come out in the wash. And that's what they say when you give them out a fucking cookie. And that's just what they say. So we're back and lots to discuss. So I'll get right into it. I'm taking an acting class. She's gonna be an actress. It's not me, it's Mises Iglesias. Yes, I'm half Mexican. Yes, submit me for all the rules. No, I cannot speak Spanish. My mom did not one thing right, including teaching me espanyl. She just couldn't do. She had to keep it for herself. No, you can't have none of that. No, you can't have a skill that'll put you above and beyond the gen pop that'll put you first for any kind of selection. No, I'm going to keep that from you. So I had my, I had my meeting with my acting teacher who's absolutely in fucking sane, just like you would expect. I show up, I sit down, we're meeting each other. She has what's called a tuna can behind her. Come to find out it's not tuna, but a 13 year old Chihuahua of sorts. Googly eyed glaucoma almost falling out of its head. Oh, are you here to meet tuna? Oh, are you here to get tuna? Oh, a tuna cans calling. In comes the guy with a limp, just pulled a hamstring. His biceps are popping out of his muscle tease. I'm concerned for his veins because they look dilated, like they cannot control all of the testosterone flowing through. And the 85 grams of protein he just had for a mid evening snack. Bends over to grab tuna. His leg doesn't move. Anyways, now that I've set the scene, Nardo, he likes to eat. Nardo. Hey, he likes to chew holes in this rug. And don't they all like to chew holes in your rug? Anyways, I show up, we finally she gives me a script to study and prepare via email. I'm communicating with an assistant. I have this problem recently where I'm reading things too fast. I'm not really getting into the meat. I print out the whole script, I study it, take it to the spa, mark it up, really try and get into character. I know what I'm doing here. I'm not going to need any more lessons. I led with. I just have to tell you, I'm a Capricorn. I come overly prepared. I really do my homework. I pull out the script, all highlighted. Did you prepare scene to. What? You mean the beginning? Oh, it was instructed to you to prepare scene two. Sure, sure. I know how to play this game. I'm walking into a room where there's a power dynamic. You are the teacher, I am the student. Sure, I'll swallow my pride. I know you're fucking wrong. I know. There was no way there was any differentiation. Any instructions on the hyperlinked line Jenny script? I'm a Capricorn. I come over prepared. I say, turns out I prepared the wrong thing. She was right the whole time. I went back and looked. There's no way she just said scene two. And in fact, she did. She knows exactly what she's talking about. So I'm coming in with an L. I'm coming in with an L right on my forehead. After I told her I'm the type of person to over prepare. Ding. She's got a ding Me. A demerit system. That's what we lived by. My mom would be like, that's a ding. Two dings. And I'm getting the belt. The braided kind. I wish I was kidding. Anyways, so we get into it, and you're a natural of sorts. She says, she's gonna be a star. It went straight to my head. I could barely take it. And she thinks I'm cute. My head cannot fit in the room. You're a natural in some ways and quite an unnatural in others. Drops the bomb. I don't know who I am anymore. What do you mean unnatural? I can learn anything. I can put my mind to anything. I swear, I'm doing this right, and we're talking a million miles a minute. I'm coming in at a deficit. I didn't know what to prepare for. Lack of communication because I didn't read everything thoroughly. I didn't take a beat. I didn't take a second. Unnatural. She doesn't like my vocal fry. She doesn't like the way I said yo. She's. She's like, yeah, where's your accent from? Where'd you grow up, the Midwest? She said, why do you say your use, yo? So you're saying you're used, yo. Why are you saying your use like yo? I didn't know I was saying my use like that. And then I kept doing it. It was like a compulsion. I couldn't stop you. You. How about you over there? Now I have to change you. You. I said. Actually, I'm quite known for my vocal fry. She said, save it for the podcast. Not around here you're not. Yo, yo, yo, how are you? That's how I do it, yo. But she said yo, like okay, fuck. Now I have to start in the pre beginner course. I'm looking at two months of coursework, four hours each, twice a week. Who has time for that when I'm. When. When I'm highly depressed and must be bedridden for 60% of the week in order to have any energy for what's to come? That's including feeding myself. That's including feeding the dog. That's. That's including scrolling social media for hours. That's including preparing each week for a dissertation on topics you don't give a about. Welcome to Long Winded Yo. Anyways, that's how we begin. And then I'll move in to all of the ways in which men have gotten under my skin, likely lately and likely in which all the ways men have gotten under my skin. Like a terrorizing tick burrowing its disgusting disease ridden head on its way to give me limes. That's how I feel about men recently because of various circumstances, instances that I've been privy to which I am here to tell you about. On your long drive to work, on your morning commute, on your evening commute, hopefully on the tv. I'm trying to get on your terms. I want to be a YouTube star. Please like and subscribe and leave me five stars. I'll start. I'll start with this. In order. In order to become. In order to show up to my first acting class and blow her out of the water. I was prep after therapy. I was reading the script over a meal of sugarfish over where I do the best thinking over a salmon nigiri $35 lunch special. It's my favorite place to be. Yes, I'll take. Yes, I'll take an ice cream tea and yes, I'm gonna snort it. Yeah, I'm gonna put it right up my butt so I can be firing on all fours when it comes to Jenny. That's the character I was playing, which I thought was made for me, but apparently it wasn't. Yo, there's a couple right next to me. F Now I have no choice but to put the script away and eavesdrop and hang on to every word so I can report the news to you all in real time. Here's a couple sitting next to me at the bar. Big A, big old uggo. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He earned it. Receding hairline and all. Pot belly. Chiclets for veneers. I need to memorize this man's face in case I need to recognize him in a lineup for all of his crimes that he will be committing. Undoubtedly. And I know this because I watched him for 35 straight minutes. Maybe he had some kind of an adrenal insufficiency. I don't know. It was, it was giving, like, hypothyroidism in the face. Of course it can be treated with a dose of Synthroid, but I'm sure he doesn't go to his PCB quite often enough. He's. He's on, he's on the homeopathic regimen. He doesn't believe in western medicine and he doesn't believe in. And Westernization of women. Let me get into it. His girlfriend, I'm, I'm, I'm assuming is, is his girlfriend also. They probably have not made it official. I hope to God for her sake they haven't. She is gorgeous. She has her eyelashes done. She has a cute hat on. She has a bubbly personality and she's eating it up. She's under the man's thumb. She's gotta get out of there. But she's young, so there's still time. She's playing along with the terrible humor that is this man. And I will say most straight men, I don't, I don't come into contact with straight men often. And this is what happens when I do. He thought he was being funny. He thought he was making a joke. Oh, the music was so good. They should win an Emmy just for the music. It's so good. It's giving me a boner. What? This is what they do. They think that there's. They think that there's no other metaphor. They think that there's no other joke. They think that there's no other conversation starter than, than they're micro dick, which is vasodilating. Not growing. It's maybe growing by a couple centimeters because of the music he heard. What, What? This is all that you have to say, actually. You're doing the music that you love and you think should is award winning. You're comparing it to your teeny tiny little dick. I, I put some respect on this music's name. It's not funny. She lets out a giggle. I'm like, oh, I've been there. You don't have to laugh at these things anymore. You don't have to do it anymore. No, we're getting our power back. You don't deserve a boner. Boner, boner. And that's something. It's like if we talk about. If we talk about our vaginas like that everybody. Everybody laughs. And not. I'm in. Not in a way that makes you want to be in on it, in a way that's laughing at you. Well, have I got news for you. There's this new thing called pussy power. Anyways, he goes, okay, that was one tasteless joke. All right? Okay, so I'm tuned in. All right? Now I have some entertainment. Okay, I'm paying attention. And then he goes on to say, I don't know if. I don't know if he was trying to make conversation. I don't know if he was trying to connect with her. I have actually no clue what he was doing. And then he goes, oh, yeah, did you fuck him? The room falls silent. The room being the three of us. They don't know that. I'm a third. Listening into the conversation, she's like, what? Or, oh. And then he goes, oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, maybe he just put it in. What kind of conversation? What? Why are you asking your girlfriend, or soon to be girlfriend, who she's fucked? And if they put it in all the way, this is the only thing that you have to talk about. This is your charisma trying to woo your hot young girlfriend. No, no. You're getting on my nerves. And I want to squeeze you until your head pops off like the dirty little tick you are. Exhibit A. That's just one way they really got under my skin. And then the next one I'll let you know is Maroon 5. I forget where I was. I was somewhere, maybe waiting for a vitamin shot, and this gorgeous song comes on, and you will be like. And then I start listening to it, and I start listening to it, and I'm like, Adam Levine, are you predatory? Obviously, we knew that he cheated on his wife with some, like, I don't know, 126 girls or something. Obviously. But you had to hide it in a beautiful ballad View. Even then, I was thinking about the lyrics. And she. Beauty Queen of only 18. What? You're a pervert. She's sobbing, crying in your arms, and you're making her believe that you're the only one that can save her. No. You know, she has to save herself. And you will be love. Not by you, you sick freak. You're too old to be going after an 18 year old and you know it. And she needs to go on her own journey of self worth to decide who she wants to be loved by. And I know it's not you, you creepy old man. Get out of here. I knew all the words. Ugh. I had to wait. I had to wait this long for my frontal lobe to develop, to actually realize what this. What this song was about. And there goes my childhood once again. Shambled, cracked like fine glass in pieces on the floor. For fuck's sake. Can I get a break? Which leads me into my next topic. Here comes the brides. We're lesbians dressed in off white. As you know, we're married. No, I won't stop talking about it. We opted out for the bridal party thing and opted in for Reverend Nature at a Vegas chapel. You know the story 799. 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She's the only fan girls who reportedly makes $43 million. A jaw on the floor, hyperventilating. Where's the sign up? Obviously, obviously this, this creates some discourse from some conversation, a controversial topic. All the men are enraged. Okay, you're the one subscribing. Okay, men, okay, the patriarchy created this demand of popping titty tootin on an app. You created this. You and your tech buds you because. Because you need this demand because you have an insatiable need for sexual activity. Remember, Remember when it was like a bragging, right? When the dudes were like, we're thinking about sex every seven seconds? Oh, yeah, bro. I don't have a brain. My brains in my pants and there's barely any blood flow there, so there's definitely not any of my real noggin. I think about sex every seven second. And we thought it was cool. And then we. And then as women, we internalize that and we're like, why don't I think about sex every seven seconds? Because I have to think about my safety because my maslow's hierarchy of needs is not even being met yet. So I don't get the luxury of thinking about penetration. Reverse doggy ten times A minute. Because I'm moving through mud. Let me take a breath. Okay, so whatever part of the conversation. Are these men enraged? Who gives a fuck about them? Obviously, obviously there's. There's other things to think about. Another part, another part of the discourse is she's so successful because she looks about 15. Yes, yes. Because this is what also created the beauty standard. Because when women. Okay, let me, Let me. Let me get this straight. In my mind, youth is a sign of fertility. Because somehow, somehow this may. This may be the most intuitive part about men that they have not tapped in on, but they only act on it, is that young means fertile. They haven't lost all their eggs yet. Monthly. All their eggs haven't dropped into their panties and flushed down the toilet. That's right. That's right. When I feel an egg coming, when I feel my middle schmurtz, I squares it out wherever I am and I wave it goodbye. But they know, so. So then their prehistoric brain. I take back all of the credit I just gave them. It's actually not any kind of insight that they're working with. It's actually their caveman brain, which we know is the only. You know, is they're still thinking as a troglodyte, a theovan of sorts. You guys get it. So younger women, because they're all pedophiles, because they're all freaks and disgusting and they're creeps. So this is the highest earning creator on only fans. Because she's a child. She looks like a child. She's 20. Which I will get into anyways. So everybody knows, whatever we're perpetuating the sexualization of girls, We've all been sexualized as girls. It's part of the reason why we're so fucked up. I can't be safe in this world unless I'm leading with sex, which I can abide by on my own terms when I want to. When I want to send a message. Because sextiles, baby. Anyways, I'm getting off track. I can't tell which side I'm on. So I do more research. It's piqued my interest. And that's not spelled. P, E, A K E, D U, you idiots. P I, Q, U, E, D, Q, Q. I got to work on the U. It's piqued my interest. Okay, I'm doing more research now. I'm learning things. I'm becoming enlightened of these really top only fan creators are all ran by this. By an agency. So they have this creepy man exploiting them. And he's taking most of their money. This is alleged. I'm actually hoping it's not true, but I think it is. I wish it wasn't, because I'm all about the girly getting her bag. So now. Now we've introduced the patriarchy again. They cannot let us have our own thing. Naturally. They have to control it. They created this industry, and now they're controlling it, and they're taking all the. And these girls are not seeing probably a fraction of that. Some were even like, is this a marketing tool? Because Sophie didn't go on this podcast. She was like, this is how much I make. I don't want to hurt your feelings. But she didn't really expand. She kept that part to herself. Could never be me. I would be fired immediately. And I'd be like, and this bitch ass with the furry belly and hairline starting. Starting about the. The tops of his cartilage on his ears, who should be freshly off a plane from Turkey after getting hair plugs, is taking all my money. And he doesn't deserve it. Human trafficking, sex trafficking is a crime. And exploiting goods and sex, okay? That's what they're doing, and they're dead to me. So now I'm upset, okay? Because first I thought that she was, you know, just making some money off of these dumbass men. And then. And then I got all high, and I was like, I gotta do the math. I gotta know the sheer amount of men that are subscribing and paying her to make more money than they ever will in selling in their basement, creating some kind of a tech app that will never take off. So instead, they're still eating TV dinners because their mom refuses to cook for them because their mom doesn't even want them around. Do you blame them? I sure don't. They'll never make this kind of money. I want to know how many of them there are. So I do. So I come up with a baseless formula. Naturally, I know exactly what to do. I remember the fraction times. Times x over 100 equals a percentage of men I create. I'm like, okay, if she's making $43 million. So I'm just. I don't. I don't even know where I got these numbers. I do think. I'm not gonna explain things, but I do a lot of thinking in my head. I have a lot of internal thoughts. This number equaled about 4 million. That is wrong, because that means that she would. That they would only be paying, like, $10. And I know she probably has the same people coming back over and over again. But what I'm assuming is that I'm sure all the. It's like a mid sized city. All the men in a mid sized city. Which isn't nothing. But I did think it was going to be more. I would like to know basically how many subscribers she has. Okay. The formula is not working. It's not proving to be true. I cannot figure it out for once in my life. I need help. I need to know how many perverts are out there. So. So basically I'm like another Hulu Netflix documentary waiting in the wings. Will never know the truth. So I think there should be a union of sorts. I think there should be a union for sex workers. Let's unionize. Because it's dangerous work by nature. So they need protection. And first, the first chapter would be no men allowed to manage them. Nuh, nuh. Don't even come close. No. Women only. And they can only. And the managers can only take a max percentage of 30%. Chapter one. Chapter one. Get those grubby little XY chromosomes off my money. I want to be managed by a woman. Because. Because with a man in the picture, there's already a power dynamic just by sheer anatomy. They're stronger, they're bigger, they're more powerful than you. And. And sex is another layer that's dangerous and exploitative. Get the out of here. Second. Second. If I had it my way. If I had it my way, they'd be 25. That's when our. That's when our cerebellum, that's when our white matter, our gray matter, our pituitary frontal lobe is fully formed at 25. That would never fly. So for sake of ease and whatever the legalities are around creating a union, we'll go with 21. Another arbitrary number which has been not detonated but designated to be the age where we can engage legally in activity which might harm us. What's the difference between 18 and 21? I guess three years, honestly, which is a lot of time for your brain. But I'd like to push it. What? And nothing's gonna control me. I started drinking at 13 anyway. What are you gonna do? We can at least try. I think they should be 25. We're no stranger to a head buzz around here, are we? Are we? Because. 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But we're not having these conversations with children, okay? Okay. I can play those games on their little. On their little Nintendo's. Yeah, I want to be the cool looking girl who kicks ass, obviously. Anyway, so that's what I think. Let me backtrack for a second. I did forget one other bit that has caused me to crawl. Crawl out of my thick skin, which is a Reddit thread I saw labeled I feel weird after having sex with someone I'm not attracted to. I feel weird. What the do you think we feel? This is obviously coming from. From a man. What do you think we feel when you come at me with your pencil dick into my belly button? Have you ever seen a vagina before? Yeah, we feel weird. We don't run to the Internet, but begging for sympathy, playing some kind of a victim. What do you mean you feel weird? We didn't want to have sex with you either. Maybe that's why you feel weird. I know what you're doing. You're flipping the narrative and you think going to the Internet and lighting it all, that is going to abate you from your weirdness. No, you don't get to feel weird. Yeah, you, you feel weird when I'm running home to take an Ambien to give me some kind of amnesia where I totally forget. And I hope it's the Ambien that makes me walk off a ledge. I hope it's that kind, because you made me feel more than weird. I want to forget you ever exist. I want to forget I ever existed. That's what I think. But I don't go running around telling people it's just a fact of life. You just internalize it. Yeah, you make me feel weird. All right. You're not the only one who gets to feel weird. And, and do you not have any self control that if you weren't into the girl, you just can't, you just wouldn't want to her? Yeah, maybe that's called guilt. Yeah, maybe that's called a conscience. Ever thought of that? You didn't need to bring her home and soak because you're too tired to actually pump a couple you get to feel weird. No, I don't think so. I'm feeling weirder than you, and I beat you to it, so there's that. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, weirdo. That's what they say. And put it in your pipe and smoke it. Where you guys know we're watching Life Below Zero, and one of my favorite characters is called Sue. The whole Internet hates her. I love her. There's a guy, they're like, they're trying to survive in, you know, obviously Life Below Zero. It's in the title. Most are out there because they want to connect with nature, and they're really doing it. They're building their own homes. They're hunting for their own dinner. They're heating their homes with firewood. Not Sue? No. Sue lives on a compound of sorts with the generator and for refrigerators. Refrigerators. She's not dedicated to the lifestyle, but she's dedicated to something. She's Sue. She's the only one that I'd want to sit down and smoke a joint with because she'd be a good time. Because she has a personality, because she's always saying things like, put that in your pipe and smoke it. Because she's putting the sneak on them. She pretends to be able to hunt, but she can't. And she gives up way too soon because she's getting flown in Hostess products on a helicopter and smoking ciggies inside one of her compound buildings that's being heated, like I said, by a generator. She has a computer. She has a tv. And one of our favorite lines is when she tries to hunt, she says she puts the sneak on him. She's out looking for a caribou. She's looking for a bear. She said she's been attacked by a bear. Nobody believes her online. Nope. Everyone thinks they're lying. They've even gone so far to try and prove that it was a lie. I don't believe her, but let her have it. So now when she goes hunting, hunting for any kind of a bird, which all. All of the other families and cast members are hunting, fishing, no problem. Sue cannot. She just can't. She has a four wheeler. She does lops around the compound. She makes friends with all the foxes. These other guys would be killing them for food. She's like, let's see if we can put this sneak on him. So now me and Robbie in bed, we're like, should we put the sneak on? I'm like, I'm gonna put this sneak on you. I'm like, Robbie, baby, will you please put the sneak on me? Please sneak me. I'm feeling hot and horny. And she's like, we're all gonna be bear meat. Bears want nothing to do with her. She's not blending in with nature. They want absolutely nothing to do with her. She's like, we're all going to be bear me. She's like, if you go outside without a gun, you might as well put some ketchup on you and call you a pork chop. Nobody's out to get used to. She thinks she's a victim of sorts of mother nature and they just absolutely want nothing to do with her. But she's entertaining and that is why we watch pursue. And as you guys can tell, I've been in my raging lesbianism feminism. Are you a lesbian? Are you a lesbian? That is the question. Am I? Are you a lesbian? Why didn't you think about that for a second? Yes, I did smoke just a little bit of a joint. As you know, I abide. I adhere to the concept to the therapeutic intervention of retail therapy. Yes, I think it's real. Yes, it's the only thing that can rid the depression from my brain, in my body for even 30 minutes at CVS or even online. My favorite. Oh, I have a package. Oh, it's Christmas. Then I get 15 minutes of a dopamine hit. So let me help you with Nuuly. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental service that's all about helping you have fun and get creative with your style. For just $98 a month, you get your choice of any six styles. You choose whatever you want to rent for whatever you have going on. It's totally up to you. 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