Gabby Dunn (0:01)

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's hot. It's hot in here. And not in the good Nelly kind of way. In the. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I have a guest here who's of some kind of stature and status that I'd like to impress. What am I going to do when they're here and there's no circulation? What am I going to do when the air is so thick with heat and stale it's getting to your brain and you can't think? There's not oxygen. There's no oxygen around here. It's only thermodynamics. Nothing's even. Nothing I want that would make me hot in a good way is even making me hot. I gotta get a fan. I think I gotta get a Dyson fan, but what's that gonna do? Nothing. $300 down the drain for one swift blow of the wind. It probably won't even feather one of my layers, but I don't know if I can put an AC in here. Quick. Before we get started, I saw someone hated the beginning of the episode. Can crack. And this one's for you. Plug your ears. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, well, I gotta get going because I have a lot to say. I'm back. I'm back. None of you knew I was gone because I'm so good at time management and organization that I had planned X amount of episodes before. So. So as my audience. So as to my audience will not miss one week of content, entertainment, reprieve or stress. I don't care why you come back and back again. Maybe this is keeping you on the edge of your seat and you need to feel something. I all the time now get different med combos that have worked for. For an array of my followers. You know, I take 5 of Adderall in the beginning and at night and then I'll take an Ashwagandha at 2 mixed something I've never heard of that for. It's worked for me and my ADD. It's the only thing I never said. 1. I never said I had ADD. I've never said that. Actually, I've never. I've never said. Nobody's ever diagnosed me besides you, which I appreciate. Honestly, I don't give a fuck what you're DMing me about. I just. I do. I like to see them. I might not respond to them all, but you bet your ass I'm looking at them. And whatever I have, I. I don't want to treat it. Okay, well, I was gone for a month. I can't talk about it quite yet because life is suffering and suffer I must. But this is going to come out on July 3rd. Tomorrow is July 4th. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say about that. Sure, maybe I'll have a hot dog, but it's not in celebration, it's in spite. I'm not single gulping down a pork stick and a bun as a way to say thank you to this country, but instead a fuck you. And I'll take two scoops of baked beans to drop a different kind of bomb. But I did have so many baked beans in Europe because that's the only thing that they serve for breakfast, really. And I never say no to anything really. In a Heinz can, it was like baked beans and SpaghettiOs. I'm like, oh, well, am I living my childhood dream? And I don't even say that because I didn't have dreams as a child, but I loved spaghettios and baked beans. We hadios fresh out of the can. Botulism, anyone? I didn't give a fuck. I was invincible. And probably a referral, a reflection on how much we could afford. But who didn't like SpaghettiOs? Okay, so I come back in. Even when I'm there, words war. World War Three breaks out. And I'm supposed to go to work every day for the sake of entertainment, being as dumb as I can, making up any kind of alliteration I could think of doing the most unserious work you've ever heard of when there's bombs dropping and ice raids happening. And I did say in my Instagram story, obviously, because this is what influencers do, this is how we will change the world is by posting Instagram stories and posting a link to GoFundMe and donating under a non anonymous name because we need people to know where our head and our heart is in a non performative way. But we got to let them know, I have to do my part in this world. Yeah, I posted an Instagram story and I meant it. I do think, much like a lot of people, that the ICE raids are depraved, disgusting and inhumane. They're awful. I mean, I live in la, so it's just, it's, it's really terrible what's happening. And it's like, you see videos of, of all, of all of the raids and them almost stalking these people. Like these victims, they're preying on a vulnerable community. They know what they're doing. It's it's awful the amount of force they have to use. I know it's like we've all heard this before, but honestly, it seems like it's like, how are you literally stalking people? You're at their place of work on their lunch break. Who is tipping you off? Who are you getting your information from? Who are the people that are complicit in this disgusting act? This is how you get off tipping off an ice agent on who's on their lunch break at Walmart. Are you actually okay? You have nothing better to do? I just don't even know. Like, I don't even know. Yeah. What kind of system or. Or how they're finding like really these people to. To just ruin their lives. Meow. Wow. Who's that? That is Nom Nom. She's always screaming about her food. She spends the night sleeping. She's always sleeping and hiding from the dog. But she will wake up 7am sitting in the middle of the hallway risking her life for her breakfast. And we do Smalls Smalls cat food. It's protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients you'd find in your fridge. And that's what Nom Nom deserves and it's delivered right to your door. You think she's going grocery shopping? No, she's way too pretty for that. This is why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. It's no joke. So you're probably like, why can't I just do the kibble? But believe it or not, your cat descended from ferocious desert cats who hunted live prey for food. And your cat isn't any different. 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And this is all in one place, all on your terms. So they have some priority features, design, intelligence. It empowers anyone to build this gorgeous, more personalized, unique online presence, which is what you need. There's Squarespace Payments. Hello. Don't you want to get paid? And you connect. You can connect all your social multimedia accounts. So it's like, it's like a three for. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're Ready to launch squarespace.com Gabby to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. But I saw one video of this, of them, of the ICE agents going to detain someone who was literally a Walmart worker on their lunch break. They were waiting around. There's a ton of agents dressed in civilian clothes and unmarked cars, no license plate. So scary, really scary stuff. Just using excessive force. Like, obviously, obviously whoever was being arrested is going to put up a fight. Like, this is, this is so wrong. Just literally like treating these ICE agents, treating other people like animals, expecting them to, you know, just willingly be arrested and be taken away. It's wild. But so anyways, so, so then the ICE agents literally choked this guy that they're arresting because he didn't want to get in the car, put their hands, you know, the agent's hands around the, the, the guy being arrested, his neck and literally pushed him in the back seat. It's just beyond. And we have it all on video. And thank God, everyone who was like kind of standing back, videoing everybody, like they're calling the Ice Age. I don't know. You know, the people in my DMs are going to be like. And you think that's okay? Not, not many people, but some people. And you think it's okay to treat a government agent like that, calling them a bitch? Yeah. Yeah. In this scenario I do. Because nobody has any couth around here. This is full blown anarchy. And they should. I like, I would be terrified. I'm, I'm so afraid of authority. But some, because, you know, it gets to them. Because these ICE agents, their pants are way too fucking tight. It's cutting off circulation to their brain and their heart. Their compassion has been lost in the lack of elasticity in their jeans, in their skinny jeans. How do you move around like this? No wonder you have to resort to literally putting your hands around someone's neck because you're Incapable of. Of doing anything else because your lower half of your body is so constricted. Like, this is our quote, unquote government. They can't even size up. Did you not try these on or you thought this was a good idea? There's no oxygen getting to their vans deferens, which is where they hold most of their thought in their testiculars. It's completely anoxic. This is why they cannot think. And they're absolutely evil. If, if maybe they would get a gene that would fit and a mother who loved them, we wouldn't have these ICE raids. But nonetheless, this is the state of our country. And I was going through the airport because I was coming back from this job that I cannot talk about, but that I was working long hours. Mind you, for someone who doesn't want to work, work always finds me. There were literal, like, big signage, you know, like posters apply here for the Department of Defense. No qualifications, just a QR code. And I'm assuming this is what funnels into becoming an ICE agent. Because they're so desperate for agents now because they're on the loose, committed to doing these disgusting things. Like, this is actually a crime. They're doing it in the name of criminality, when they're actually the criminals. Robbie and I were talking about this earlier and she. We were talking about that and she said that I have to give credit where credit where credit is due. But, like, it's like applying for Starbucks. You don't think there should be any kind of qualification for this, but a tiny head in skinny jeans running the government, it's like a Starbucks. But I feel like a barista would at least operate in the world with more humanity. It's just wild. It's. It's really devastating. It's. It's sick. And then I was like, I'm like, trying to work. Not to make this about me, but it is my podcast. And then I was trying to work on negative self talk where, you know, you know, sometimes you get a little scared about going to work. You know, you're not as confident as you'd like to be. You're in a new scenario, new environment. You don't know how to act. But sometimes you got to leave that at the door and fuck the fuck up. So I was done with the negative self talk. I wasn't waking up in the morning berating myself like I normally do first thing in the morning. What the fuck are you doing here? What do you have to do today? You're not going to do it. Good. But this day was different. And then I opened up my text message to breaking news from a former NFL cheerleader, one of my great friends. This is how I get my information. The U.S. bombed Iran. Oh my God. And we're all going to say, they're all going to say, well, Trump is anti war. Have we ever had a president that's anti war? Does he act anti war? No, he likes to be at the center of drama. This is how he thrives. He treats his life like a reality show. If he's not the in the center of conflict, he's not getting enough screen time, enough people aren't talking about him and he will act accordingly. Even if it comes to other people's lives. He's an anti war president. And this you'll be surprised to know. I watched one breaking news podcast discussing it. It lost me over halfway when they talked about assembly of building a ballistic missile. Oh, well, it all sounds pretty phallic to me. I'm not interested. You know me, the pinnacle of mental illness. I'm going to always let you know my medication combination. 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So thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well being. Head on over to rula.com gabby to get started today. After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to r u l a.com Gabby and take the first step towards better mental health Today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares. Join the fun on DraftKings Casino, ranked the number one online casino experience. They've got everything you've been searching for. Thousands of exciting games, huge jackpots, exclusive offers and more. New players get a 10 day welcome offer 500 spins on Huff and more puff when you play. Just 5 bucks to start. Download the DraftKings Casino app, sign up with Code Gabby Wendy and spin your favorite slots. The crown is yours. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly. 21/physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario eligibility restrictions apply. New customers only. Non withdrawable casino spins issued as 50 spins per day for 10 days. Valid for featured game only and expire each day after 24 hours. See terms@casino.draftkings.com promos ends 82425 at 11:59pm Eastern. Number one, based on Eilers and Kresek 2H24 product analysis. And there is, I think, oh, the White House. I don't even know whitehouse.org they have a list of. It's like, whose side are you on? Are you for. Against them? So confused. But they have a list of how many times since like 2023, when Trump started running, how many times he was like, we can't let Iran have nukes. Iran cannot have this power. We can't let this happen. Like, basically, obviously what he's saying is that he is going to take powers into his own hands. This is all documented. What do you mean? He's anti war. Oh, it's terrible. And it's like, well, if women, if women ran the country, this just would not happen. It just wouldn't. We would prioritize other people's lives and we figure out a way to figure shit out. We could talk. We could talk it out. If women ruled the world, global conflict could be solved over a couple cocktails. We just cannot waste our time with a science project gone too far. A Nuki Dookie. We're not sitting around wondering, what two elements, three elements, if you combine them enough and combust them, will literally kill everybody and ruin the world and all the geography. And if you're a bystander, if you're too close to this science project of uranium and it spares your life. Do not fear, you'll get an extra kidney and two extra foreheads. All will be fine. This is what men have to do because they have too much time on their hands, because they're not rearing. All of the responsibility in the household goes to the woman. So they have a little bit too much time to think. Oppenheimer. Yeah, I'm talking to you. One time at his first or second grade science fair, he made a volcano explode. Everyone's done that. We know what baking soda does. And he took it too many steps too far. Oppenheimer is largely credited for the creation of the Nuki Dookie. That's what it is. A big pile of out to ruin everyone's life, literally. But I know. But I know. But I know Iran doesn't have nukes. I feel like at this point. We know that, but let us still talk about it, because this is what's been burned into our brain ever since we've been alive. Be afraid of Iran. They have nukes, but apparently it would take some three years plus for them to actually pull it or actually put it together. Re too phallic for me to really think about, but you have to put the uranium to this. You have to do this. Compress, not combust it enough, I'm sure, to. To move it into a stable state, to put it into the body of the missile and then to figure out how to put the head on it that has some kind of a technology, maybe a laser technology or sensor that can get to its target. It doesn't happen overnight. So Trump just wanted an excuse to tweet, it seems, because he doesn't have enough of those lately. But back to us women. We just wouldn't do it. We would have an actual conversation. All we want is birth control that isn't blasting our body with enough estrogen to give us some kind of cancer in the sex organ and free child care so we can actually go to work. And God forbid you have a man. You need to keep tabs on him so he's not messing with the uranium. We've had enough of it. Lay off and make me come for once. How about that? Like, you can't touch the uranium until you find my clit ten times in a row. You miss one, you have to start over. These are the things that actually matter. Women we would meet for an apparel spritz. Okay. With another nation leader over the first drink. Heavy on the Prosecco. I know we don't see eye to eye. We'd say to each other over an aperol spritz, maybe at some. I would. I would go there. We would meet somewhere neutral in the eu, somewhere Euro, probably on the coast. We'd be in our best linens. This is us. I know we don't have the same values or practice the same religion, but I Do think there's a way to talk it out if you kind of mind your own? I'll mind my own and then we won't meddle. Okay, okay. We're moving on to a skinny margarita. Let me draft up a peace treaty in my notes app. I'll share it with you, you can make your edits and we can come back look it over tomorrow and settle somewhere in the middle. I'm sure I'll send you a docusign and then there won't be talk of any kind of a ballistic missile. We will round things off with an espresso martini and probably just plan our outfits for the next day. What are you going to wear to address the nation? I'm thinking more Melania, less Hillary. I'm already a lesbian. I don't necessarily need to dress like one. You, on the other hand, are still straight, so you probably have to be, you know, you have to make your own decision. I can't help you. Another difference. But it's not. It's not going to get us to fight in a nuclear way. I can support your sexuality from afar. I can't tell you what to wear. I'm just telling you what I'm thinking. Have you ever seen girls in a bathroom after your three drinks deep? The only thing we're dropping is our lip combo. Never mind international relations. What's on your lip? It's the perfect cool tone. This is what I need. And this is what would happen if women ruled the world. But unfortunately, I don't know if we're ever gonna find out in my lifetime. The girls don't care about your regime. The only thing we want and need is the strap on coalition. Obviously, speaking for the lesbians and probably the straights, you're pegging your boyfriend. He's gay. But for. For sake of argument and for more power behind my argument, all we want is a strap on coalition. They're too big. I don't know what everyone's doing out there to make strap on so big, but we just need somewhere in the middle. Robbie calls me Goldie Cox. You know that these are the things that we care about. Leave us alone. We don't want to be dragged into this. We want to hang by the fireplace over a Joan Didion. Currently I'm on plays as it lays incredible. With our pussy hair and armpit hair hanging out, surrounded by our cats. This is all lesbians want. We don't need an explosion of sorts to give us purpose. I just had a Waterloo. Oh, my God. That literally wasn't me. I don't know. Who was that? Anyways, you guys get it. We just cannot be bothered. So. So that's all there is to say with that. Maybe that's the setting you like or the. Or the three speed. You know what I'm talking about you and your vibrator. 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