Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Episode: "Zohran and the Louvrre"
Date: October 30, 2025

Overview of the Episode

In this solo episode, Gabby Windey takes listeners on a comedic and candid journey through her current obsessions and experiences: from her personal beauty routines and struggles with abandonment, to heated takes on New York City’s mayoral race, to the glamorous audacity of the latest Louvre heist, and finally, a series of run-ins with entertaining (and sometimes exasperating) Canadian rideshare drivers. With her signature mix of irreverence, vulnerability, and razor-sharp humor, Gabby scrutinizes both public figures and her private life, seeking empathy, laughter, and a place for hope in modern chaos.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Gabby's Self-Care & Mental Health Musings

• Beauty Treatments & Skepticism
  Gabby opens up about recent aesthetic procedures, including an Aqua Gold facial and Botox. She humorously debates whether it’s placebo or real, and lampoons influencer wellness advice:

  “No, no. I have tiny droplets of Botox on my face with amino acids…The Botox that I just got doesn’t make your face not move. That’s the numbing cream. It just makes the pores go away like glass.” (06:18)

• Coping with Anxiety & Abandonment Fears
  Gabby reflects on her childhood and current relationship, her fear of being abandoned, and how that manifests in anxious habits when waiting for her wife Robbie:

  “Among other things, I have a fear of being abandoned. What’s new? Is she broken or was she broken? ...What would I do with a little bit of criticism besides die inside and never leave my apartment again?” (04:46, 02:37)
  “I would lock her in the basement, handcuff her, give her bathroom breaks and feed her and water her three times a day. Now I understand the obsession.” (11:23)

NYC Mayoral Race: Humor, Critique, and Hope

• Passionate Analysis of Zohran’s Campaign
  Gabby dives deep into her fascination with the fresh-faced, idealistic candidate Zohran, contrasting him with establishment corruption. She’s skeptical but hopeful, swooning and side-eyeing his “dangerous” handsomeness:

  “I think he’s a little too hot. I think his eyes crinkle in just a way that they may not be trusted. His smile’s a little too bright. It’ll melt you.” (16:30)

  She highlights his progressive message:

  “We’re supporting the working class for once and focusing on affordability…hence his predictable landslide of a victory. He has all the votes. He has this city in a state of excitement.” (14:56)

  She admits to her own political cynicism but gives in to some hope:

  “…this time I’ll let some hope flow through my ice cold veins that are frozen just like the rent.” (22:12)

• Sharp-Tongued Takendown of Andrew Cuomo
  Gabby spares no venom for Cuomo, labelling him with creative epithets and not shying from the details of his scandals:

  “Cuomo, I thought. He was previously the mayor of New York. I didn’t know he was a bedeviled wax face man with soulless eyes… He was impeached for assaulting 13 women when he was the governor of New York… a certified bonafide freak.” (24:30–25:10)

  On Cuomo’s COVID-19 response and use of taxpayer funds:

  “…he took a lot of the taxpayers money of New York to fight his lewd legal fees when he was in court for…assaulting these 13 women, which made him get implomed.” (27:39)

• Curtis Sliwa: The Quirky Republican
  She details Sliwa’s “invincible” persona—his signature beret, Robin Hood schemes, and surviving gunshot wounds—and prefers his eccentricity to the “molestation grease” of other politicians:

  “This is who Trump wishes he could be…All that he has left to show…is Crohn’s disease. This man is invincible.” (28:41)

The Great Louvre Heist

• Immediate Reaction to the Jewel Theft
  Gabby is enthralled and in disbelief about the sheer boldness of the heist, comparing it to reclaiming lost items from an ex:

  “Reclaim anything from your ex’s house…I suggest you call these AM burglars because they know what they’re doing. And why aren’t you scared at 9:30am to break into the most prestigious museum in Europe?” (34:11)

• Ridicule of Security and Conspiracy Theory
  Gabby mocks the slow Louvre response and theorizes about insidery involvement, absurdly nominating Sabrina Carpenter and RuPaul as possible masterminds:

  “Why would you put them on a commercial flight? …Put them on a private flight. Get them out of there, hide them…I think this was an organized crime, an insider job. The dawn. The head of this job being Sabrina Carpenter. I’m sorry. She likes sparkly things.” (35:10, 37:29)

• Classic Gabby Quips
  On the French:

  “Put down the espresso and maybe give your teeth a swipe. They’re looking extra. Yell and go look for these AM burglars. What are you doing? Put down the skinny zig, huff and puff until halfway and act.” (36:23)

  On the Louvre’s lack of insurance:

  “Of course, they weren’t insured because who can afford insurance?” (37:29)

Canadian Rideshare Chronicles

• Adventures in Tipping with Technology
  Gabby shares an elaborate Venmo/Zelle mishap with a helpful driver and his sister, foregrounding the endless awkwardness of modern kindness logistics:

  “He sends me her information in the morning…In the memo I said, the money. Your brother Ozil. So that was one. I let him know I sent the money. And you know what? I haven’t heard back since.” (43:22)

• French Vibes, French Gum
  A French driver offers her gum, leaving her hyperaware and slightly paranoid about her breath:

  “For when I enter, he immediately offers me a piece of gum. Did I breathe wrong? Is there something atop my epiglottis that I should be aware of that is emitting some kind of a stank?” (44:34)

• Being “Out” and the Limits of Male Understanding
  In probably the most memorable and direct exchange of the episode, a young Canadian driver asks, “Why are you alone? Lesbian? …Why are you a lesbian? You’re so pretty.” Gabby breaks down the cluelessness and egotism behind such questions and highlights the lack of understanding for queer relationships:

  “I am the lesbian, but you are the problem. Leave me alone. Why? What do you mean why am I a lesbian? …Because of boys. Stupid, dumb questions that I cannot tolerate.” (51:55)

  “If I met Robbie, I wish I would have met her when I was ten years old…But now I had to wait.” (52:24)

• Closing Wisdom from a Tough Canadian Woman
  Gabby ends her rideshare tales with a smile:

  “She introduced me to one of my favorite sayings. It goes, summer teeth. Some are teeth, some are there, some are not there.” (53:54)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Hope in Politics:

  "But this time. This time I'll let some hope flow through my ice cold veins that are frozen just like the rent." (22:12)

• On Cuomo’s Past:

  “Patient zero of the crotch sniffing epidemic. Along with meemaw murderer. Bubby butcher. Elder liquidator. Incinerator.” (25:10)

• On Lesbian Relationships and Male Ignorance:

  “I am the lesbian, but you are the problem. Leave me alone. Why? What do you mean why am I a lesbian? Completely discounting that. I married for one. I told you I had a wife. You are seemingly hitting on me. Why are you a lesbian? You're so pretty. I'm not a lesbian because of the way I look. I'm not a lesbian because there's a deficit in my life when it comes to men, because they don't. They can't wrap their head around an idea, a sexuality that has nothing to do with them.” (51:55–52:47)

• French Security Advice:

  “What were you doing? Digging in your butt. What were you doing? Plucking the hairs from your dirty butt. Wondering why you can't wipe it clean with the two toilet paper. What were you doing for step? What were you slowly somersaulting parkour in slow motion before you got to the alarm?” (37:29)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Gabby’s beauty/facial routines – 02:16 to 07:35
• Abandonment fears and waiting for Robbie – 10:00 to 13:30
• NYC mayoral race: Zohran, hope, skepticism – 13:44 to 22:12
• Cuomo takedown – 24:21 to 28:41
• Curtis Sliwa’s mobster antics – 28:41 to 33:10
• Louvre heist discussion – 33:24 to 37:29
• French policing & insurance rant – 37:29 to 39:22
• Canadian driver stories and queer frustration – 43:19 to 53:54

Tone & Style

Gabby’s voice is sharp, confessional, and peppered with biting humor, pop culture references, and occasional absurdist flights. She is unfiltered and emotionally open, switching between sarcastic social analysis and moments of poignant vulnerability.

For Listeners Who Missed It…

Gabby delivers a whip-smart, empathetic, and frequently hilarious monologue, moving seamlessly through topics like queer visibility, political hope vs. skepticism, high-stakes heists, and the trials of everyday (and not-so-everyday) interactions. If you enjoy hot takes with heart, smart societal critique, and self-deprecating humor, this episode is not to miss.