← Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Long Winded with Gabby Windey
Zohran and the Louvrre
00:49:32
This week were getting into the NYC mayoral race.
Loading summary
Transcript48 lines
- [00:01]
Gabby
Hello.
- [00:02]
Podcast Host
Exciting news. Rachel Sennett has a new HBO original series called I Love la. She's the breakout star from Bottoms and Shiva Baby, two of my favorites. And she created and is starring in this new HBO comedy. It follows a young ambitious friend group navigating life and love in the city. So don't miss the world premiere of I Love LA, this Sunday at 10:30pm Exclusive, exclusively on HBO Max. Subscription required. Visit HBOMax.com for details.
- [00:35]
Gabby
What about your hair? Let's talk about your hair. Mine has been through it. It's been through styling, blow drying, it's.
- [00:46]
Podcast Host
Been through all of the color dyes.
- [00:48]
Gabby
That you could imagine, every letter of the Alphabet.
- [00:52]
Podcast Host
We're not good to it, we're not nice to it. But thankfully, there's the K18 Molecular Repair Hair mask to make sure your hair stays strong, soft and bouncy no matter what you do. This isn't just a damage cover up, okay? It's a lasting fix that gives you the most fun flippable hair ever. And you know, I love to flip my hair. And it's flippable because patented K18 peptide repairs damage on the molecular level, which.
- [01:26]
Gabby
Is really, really, really, really deep.
- [01:29]
Podcast Host
Just like you. Oh, and it only minute.
- [01:33]
Gabby
Hello. I do.
- [01:34]
Podcast Host
I love the K18 Repair hair mask. I don't know if you've used it before, but it has saved my hair from going literally, literally brown to bleach blonde. My hair was ripping right apart. It was falling on the floor. It was shedding like I'd never seen. But the only thing that actually helped it healed it was the K18. So shop at Sephora or get 10 off your first order at K18hair.com with code Gabby. That's K18eighteenhair.com.
- [02:17]
Gabby
Okay, shall we commence? Get organized. And I'm recording. Look at that. Look at that. Let me turn it down a little because I'm blowing out your ears. How's this? Better? Okay. Okay.
- [02:36]
Walgreens Pharmacist
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- [02:37]
Gabby
You know, the neighbors are downstairs and they can hear every word I say because they're on to me. They don't like what's going on around here. I know they're trying to catch me. They're trying to catch me doing something funny, but they're not gonna because I'm tiptoeing. I'm tiptoeing around here on, on, on literally the. The big. The big ball of my big toe. I don't even let my eight other little piggies touch the floor with them around. So what I Wanted to try on an outfit on a Saturday night spent high and alone because this is how I like to spend my time. I put a boot on it. Click, clack, clack, clack, clacks on the floor. What have I done? It's 10pm I put the booted. I put the booted foot. Oh, my God. I just stomped so hard. Sorry. I put the booted foot on the dirty sweatpant, drag it across the floor while the other socked foot follows behind. 1 and 2 and 3. As to not make a sound. Because what would I do with a little bit of criticism besides die inside and never leave my apartment again? And I don't need help with that. Okay, let me light a candle for all of those who have been burdened my by my big stomp or who can't be with us this Thursday because they're off doing other things or they didn't download it in their time for work, or I don't know, they're off of me. But please come back. This one's for you and for the mentally illers. That's nice. Okay, then. A crack of the population. I cracked it by the mic so you can really hear it. I save this for you. I have to admit it's a Diet Pepsi. But I am a Diet Coke, girly. But there was no Diet Coke around, so I had to get a Diet Pepsi. Please, please, don't judge me. But I will not be giving them any free advertisement. I'll put it on the floor. Also, I just got back from an Aqua Gold facial. So if my face moves funny, it's because it's numb. I can't quite move my lips the way I want them to move. Between that and the Juvederm, they're kind of stuck like two inner tubes. And you know what? I like it. I wanted to treat myself after these two hard weeks of work. So I got myself. I got myself a little puncture to the epidermis filled with Botox and other nutrients that'll make me glow like a baby. Some say it works better without the numbing cream, but I wouldn't know because I actually like the numbing cream. Because I don't want to sit and suffer in silence like I do every day of every life that I've had. Which is just this one, I think, so far. Just kidding. I know I've lived again. Anywho, I don't know if it's a scam. I don't know. But I am the sheer. I am the ideal demographic for a scam so sign me right up. But I think I see a difference. Call it placebo. I am at risk of the placebo effect, but I think I look a little more plump. Plump. So that's what I've been doing. But I'm not gonna. And I'm not gonna sit and tell you, oh, how did you get your. How do you stay healthy? How does your skin look like that? Oh, because I have one spinach and banana smoothie a day chased by ice lemon water. But before I drink it, I dunk my head in it. And then I drink the dirty water. It's like eating your placenta. Everything that comes off your face, you need. And you need it in your digestive tract. It's like a fecal transplant. And that's how I stay so fresh. No, no. I have tiny droplets of Botox on my face with amino acids. The Botox that I just got doesn't make your face not move. That's the numbing cream. It just makes the pores go away like glass. Among other things.
- [07:36]
Podcast Host
Hello. Exciting news. Rachel Sennett has a new HBO original series called I Love la. She's the breakout star from Bottoms and Shiva Baby, two of my favorites. And she created and is starring in this new HBO comedy. It follows a young, ambitious friend group navigating life and love in Woohoo. So don't miss the world premiere of I Love LA this Sunday at 10:30pm exclusively on HBO Max. Subscription required. Visit HBOMax.com for details at.
- [08:10]
Walgreens Announcer
Walgreens, we know flu season can feel a little chaotic, so we're going to give you our flu info in a.
- [08:17]
Walgreens Pharmacist
Meditation keeping you calm, just like a certified Walgreens pharmacist will do if you're a little, little needle nervous. So walk in or schedule an appointment and Walgreens will handle the rest.
- [08:32]
Walgreens Announcer
That's the human kind of help.
- [08:34]
Walgreens Pharmacist
Walgreens vaccines subject to availability, state, age and health related restrictions may apply.
- [08:46]
Gabby
There's a hair whip for you. For those who are listening, let me narrate what's going on in my body language. Okay. Among other things, among other things, I have a fear of being abandoned. What's new? Is she broken or was she broken? Robbie's coming to visit in Toronto in like two days and she didn't get her flight until the very last second. So I didn't know if it was actually gonna come true because everyone in my life, not everyone, maybe the most important person in my life once was my mother. She abandoned me emotionally and at times physically. So now I have A fear that my wife will too. But you know what? She's gonna have to go through me. And then she's gonna have to go through a lawyer. But it doesn't matter when I buy new sheets and new towels and I wait for her to come. But what if she never comes? These thoughts, they take over my mind. Relax a little. Why don't you just have a baby? Just have a baby, I say to myself. You got a trapper? Now it's time. What am I poking holes in a lesbian condom? I don't want to raise the baby. And I'm not too big to say. I will be jealous. I wouldn't like it if. If my wife gave it more attention than me. I just wouldn't like it. But I do. I will have to be next to her, in her lap the whole time, which is hard because I'm quite larger than. My head is bigger than her too, which we struggle with in photographs. I have to stand back, she has to stand forward. We need a couch that's big enough for us to lay horizontal right next to each other so I know we're watching the tv. And the same exact way we're perceiving the same things. We have the same eyes. And I can look back subtly and know she's still there. No, she's still cuddling my body and she hasn't left me. This is how deep the fear of abandonment goes. I would lock her in the basement. I would lock her in the basement, handcuff her, give her bathroom breaks and feed her and water her three times a day. Now I understand the obsession. I can't let myself have it all. I'm working and I'm in love. It's too good to be true. The doom is impending and it's taking over my mind. Is she going to enjoy these sheets? Is she ever even going to come and be in them, tangled with me, hopefully naked, staring into each other's eyes for a good seven seconds before bed, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ear. Get off your YouTube is the sweet nothing. Put the phone down and touch me. I guess some other things I want to talk about, which you may or may not like. And no, I'm not talking about the World Series, because I don't even like it. We're still playing baseball into the winter time. We're supposed to wait for this, for these balls and gloves to be over and I have to act like I'm interested. When my eyelids are falling heavy from the boredom and my mind is going numb. This is what we're cheering for. The World Series. I don't like to waste my time on remedial men in tight pants. So. So that's actually not we're talking about, but maybe go Dodgers. Maybe go Blue Jays. I'm torn. I'm in the middle of two. But some more important things. The mayoral race. The mayoral race. Cuomo v. Zoran. We're making history. Even if you're not a New Yorker, do not stop listening. Don't press the pause button. Don't press the stop button. I swear these are things you're gonna want to hear. So keep going. I beg a few. Let's get the numbers. I just watched the AO speech. Or the AO yes speech at the most recent rally. My girl. She is my president. She can bring tears to my eyes. In her fuck ass. Bob. She speaks from her chest, from her gut, from her viscera. Our future is not determined by a house built by slaves. The Trump Tower, I'm only assuming. But a city built by free man. She's not even reading off a prompter. She's reading. She's taking notes here. And she's looking down and she's looking up. And then there's passion in her eyes. She knows exactly what message she wants to spend send. And she just really talks about what New York was built on, which is all kinds of immigrants escaping oppression, like the potato famine and other kinds of things. And we are all coming together. She's screaming with fervor. The crowd goes wild. Me. 24 hours later, on a YouTube clip. I'm crying. Is this what hope feels like? I've never felt this before in a political arena. I'm a nihilist. I'm cynical and I don't like anyone. But I feel for her as a woman. For I am Awilez. New York is not for sale. Zo Ran sells. There's no price tag on this city. Get it off. It's priceless. This isn't a dollar store around Park Central and 45th Avenue. I'm not meeting with you billionaires. He says we're supporting the working class for once and focusing on affordability, which is a message we have not heard in a while, or maybe ever, but we all need. Hence his predictable landslide of a victory. He has all the votes. He has this city in a state of excitement, for lack of a better words. Everyone's feeling like a New Yorker right now, including me. I don't even go there. But. But I like to be a part of things. And I have to really get excited about some things. Go down some rabbit holes in order to communicate them to you every week. Because this is my job. So here we go. Here's Zoran. But some of the Democrats won't even endorse him because they're jealous. Because they don't like a young man that's sending a better message than them. Because they. Because they're all being lobbied by the billionaires. Money. They say. So they're tied. They're tied to what the billionaires want. Come on. Dems. Come on. I will say I'm a little bit of a skeptic. I will. But I want to think positive. But I'm going to tell you what I'm skeptical about. I think he's a little hot. I think he's a little too hot. I think his eyes crinkle in just a way that they may not be trusted. His smile's a little too bright. It'll melt you. And you won't know. You won't know what to really think when you're melted into a puddle or a wax doll. You won't. You're gonna lose all of your critical thinking skills. All of your discernment while looking into those big brown eyes. Okay. So what? So there I said it. But what are we supposed to do? We like his messaging. I especially like the bit where he said and we will. I forget. And we will take down the final boss of scaffolding in New York. But haven't we. Isn't that a part of New York now? Haven't we become attached to the old scaffolds? To the old ugly things that we're looking at? But then they protect us from the rain and the snow in the winter months. Haven't we? This is a part of it. You love the good things and the terribly ugly things that you can hang off and make tiktoks. But the crowds seem to like it. We'll see. We'll see. Maybe that'll be the last thing. This is why I'm saying it's the unsettling brown eyes. Don't make promises you can't keep about scaffolding. But yeah. We want affordability. We want to freeze the rent because we're not free. We're not free with the second Amendment or being tied or living from paycheck to paycheck. Are you? Because it eats you alive. Not the food that you cannot afford. But the worry. The worry about money because you're not going to be able to go out on a Thursday night with your Broncos cheerleader friends after working all day from 7am to 8pm for $20 bottle and board night at the local charcuterie place. Even though you have two jobs, you don't know if there's $45 in your bank account, it's going to be enough to clear the bill because our rent prices are too high, health insurance is too expensive and I'm not getting paid enough. That's not freedom. And you know what? He is young. He's young. He's 33 years of age. Who are we to say? But have you ever had any life experience? Have you ever been through it? Have you ever fought with your psychiatrist that you can barely afford over the prescription of a Valium? Of an Ativan? Maybe if you don't give it to me I scream over doxy link or whatever secured video I'm talking to you. But I'm airing out my own laundry. If you don't give it to me I'm gonna get it from Mexico. And we don't know what these things are laced with. Have you ever had the feeling when you're dumb douchebag probably gay boyfriend doesn't call you when he says he was re abandonment issues, social woes. I think men would treat women better if there was free health care in a sense of equality. How about that? Have you ever scold scrolled through the demoralizing LinkedIn website trying to apply for a job with mysterious qualifications? You don't know what any of this means, what it could mean. It's in some kind of a jargon that I think they just made up to sound impressive. But they don't even want you. They don't want you because you don't have enough years of experience or something like that. So freeze the rent for freeze the rent make it ice cold and the cryogen to the dry ice it can never melt. Freeze the rent free. Free for reason the rent. But naturally, as a skeptic of all politicians, obviously Zoran could be the best thing to ever happen to this country. Because this could be a reflection of what the rest of the country thinks and where we're moving, which is into affordability and the working class. But what if he can't do any of this? What if he can't? What if he can't keep his promises? Don't talk like that, Gabby. But we've been lied to so many times. But this time. This time I'll let some hope flow through my ice cold veins that are frozen just like the rent. He did have a funny bench pressing Bit, I guess, because, like, he can't really bench press, but he was challenged to do. How many times am I gonna say fucking bench press? Obviously he's pandering to the bros. I don't even give it. I don't even have to give it out, give it away. I don't even have to get it out with the vocabulary, like bench press, bench press, bench press. Anyways, he was laughing at him. Everyone loved him. But he's trying to get the young man's vote. We're trying again to get the young man Republicans vote. I have an idea. I have an idea. Why don't we. Why don't we make them feel like a woman has felt for once? What about men's suffrage? Suffrage doesn't mean what you think it's supposed to mean, which is causing suffering. Suffrage means, I guess, the right to vote. Take away men's suffrage and then we wouldn't have any problems. Women know, we know what decisions to make. We have an intuition. We have compassion and empathy. So we watch a couple YouTubes, maybe. Maybe we do a wiki search, see where they come from, see how they speak, what kind of. What, what, what, what are the policies they're running on? Okay, got it. Okay. He likes the gays. Okay, here comes my vote. That's it. That's easy. You don't see them trying to get the young woman's vote because we always vote the right way. Well, if the men weren't in the picture, then we wouldn't have a problem. So why don't we oppress the oppressor for once and see where it gets us? I bet it's gonna get us pretty far. Just an idea. Just an idea.
- [23:07]
Austin James
Hey, it's Austin James. Yes, I'm living with diabetes, but it doesn't have to define me. Thanks to the freestyle libre 3 plus sensor, I get real time glucose readings throughout the day. The freestyle Libre 3 Plus sensor is small and easy to wear, giving me the freedom to focus on my life as a parent and a musician. Now this is progress. You can get a free sensor at FreeStyleibre US offer available for people who qualify.
- [23:28]
Gabby
Visit MyFreestyle US to see all terms and conditions. Certain exclusions apply. Data on file Abbott Diabetes care or prescription only Safety info found @freestyleibre us.
- [23:37]
Walgreens Announcer
At Walgreens, we know flu season can feel a little chaotic, so we're going to give you our flu info in.
- [23:44]
Walgreens Pharmacist
A meditation, keeping you calm, just like a certified Walgreens pharmacist will do. If you're a Little needle nervous. So walk in or schedule an appointment and Walgreens will handle the rest.
- [24:00]
Walgreens Announcer
That's the human kind of help.
- [24:02]
Walgreens Pharmacist
Walgreens vaccines subject to availability, state, age and health related restrictions may apply.
- [24:21]
Gabby
Now, as you may or may not know, depending on where you live. Sorry I have to educate you on these things, even if you don't care. But you have nothing else to do on your way to work. His opponent is Andrew Cuomo. I did. All I knew was he was a little corrupt. Cuomo, I thought. He was previously the mayor of New York. I didn't know he was a bedeviled wax face man with soulless eyes. What's behind those soulless eyes is depravity. I didn't know he was like all of that. He had been impeached. Too cute of a word. I was impeached. He was impeached. Impeached for being a certified bonafide freak.
- [25:09]
Austin James
Pervert.
- [25:11]
Gabby
A sex pest is the formal term. If I may. A profligate predator. Puny penis, if I may. Again, a boner blight. He is, if you can even get it up, a blue pilled boner blight. Patient zero of the crotch sniffing epidemic. Along with meemaw murderer. Bubby butcher. Elder liquidator. Incinerator. Sorry for the graphic visuals, but this is what he is. He was impeached for assaulting 13 women when he was the governor of New York. Everybody knows this. Like, everybody. Everybody's saying it on the debate stage. He has no rebuttal. He's like, yeah, and I want to be the mayor. What? And he killed a bunch of Grammys and grampies by. During COVID By putting them all in the nursing home like all the old people in the nursing home where disease runs rampant like geriatric gonorrhea because they're all immunocompromised and the nurses are busy taking care of so many patients. We don't even have clean PPE. They don't even have time to clean their PPE when, you know, Uncle Freddy, who's 80 years old and confused because he has an infection, is trying to get out of bed. So they're all going to get Covid. And then we know those people can't fight off Covid, so they died all because of him. This isn't even a conspiracy. He killed like 15,000 people. And this is his. This is Zoran's opponent. And there's even a third one and Zoran is still in the second and the second place. And he's actually so dumb, it's like, okay. They just get it. Like on the debate stage, this is as if this is what happens. His team gives him a sheet of white paper. It's a flowchart. He has categories like this, like this, like boxes. And it's like, okay, the. If they ask you a question on what have you done politically as a governor? And then there's two umbrellas. One is sexually assault 13 women and the other one is decrease homelessness by 4.3% and he chooses that one. So this is who he's running against. And he took. He took all a lot of the taxpayers money of New York to fight his lewd legal fees when he was in court for. For assaulting these 13 women, which made him get implomed. I can't do the impeached in Peachy. It's not cute. It's not cute. It should sound more dramatic. More nefarious is what he is. So I don't even. And he's the Democratic candidate. I don't know. He reeks of a Republican to me. Which brings me to the Republican candidate, the real standout, Curtis Sliwa. What? Nobody's ever heard of him before, that's for sure. But he has a Perez since on the debate stage. I thought he was the moderator because he was seemingly not in either or conversation and didn't have any kind of vengeance against Zoran or Cuomo. Was just kind of staying in his lane, doing his thing. But he has good quips. This Curtis Lewa, let me tell. Let me give you a background. He wears a red beret constantly for the last 40 years. This is who Trump wishes he could be. But I'm not worried about Curtis's scalp being yeasty and ridden with spores because he survived multiple gunshot wounds. When I say multiple, I mean multiple. We only know of a mere 7, and I'm sure there's more. And all that he has left to show from it, from the metal shards that exploded in his back is Crohn's disease. This man is invincible. They asked him, oh, have you ever smoked weed? He's like, yeah, I got shot five times in the back of a cab. No. He's like, yeah, I've smoked weed after I got shot and I have Crohn's disease. And they're like, how do you use transportation? He's like, well, not in a yellow cab, because as you know, I got shot five times in 94 by the good knees and Gambinos, which I think is the mob. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He's still up on that debate stage. And he did take a business model from the mob. This courtesy while you guys have to look him up, he's a very interesting character as he ran his own Robin Hood citizens arrest of sorts. In New York in the 70s, he got a whole bunch of citizens to fight crime. They would break into cocaine dealers house is, steal the drugs, steal all their money and give both the drugs and the money to the soup kitchen. Maybe not the drugs, but they went right over to the Catholic church. Here, get yourself some canned goods. And honestly, he could have given them the cocaine so he could revise the Bible on some amphetamine amines, you know. And during these break ins, this is one of the times he got shot. He was like shot twice in the chest, totally fine. Like I said, Crohn's disease. Nothing a little medical marijuana can't fix. He was already going to jump out the window himself, but then he was held at point blank, shot again and then pushed out the window. And here he still is somehow alive and running for mayor. Also won't take a dime from billionaires. I don't know, he's the Republican candidate, but he doesn't reek of pedophilia and chf. He doesn't have the. He doesn't have the molestation grease of DW45, DW40 all over his body like the Republicans do. And might I add some Democrats. I hate to say, I hate to say it, but nobody's perfect around here. And he has good quips to Cuomo. He said, he said, if you're under 30, he's always flirty. And he said, what is he, slapping fannies and killing grannies? Everyone knows, everyone knows that there is creepy corruption in his dirty dick Cuomo. In that vast deference lies non consensual D based rape fluid. In the sperm lies your tax money. In the tip of the peen lies Machiavellian. Freeze the rent. Freeze the rent. So you can kick out your boyfriend who's been squatting there, but you don't want to pay the rent on your own even though he eats whole rotisserie chickens right in front of you. And when you walk away, he hides the carcasses under the couch because he's a disgusting freak. Freeze the rent. Okay, now let's move on to something lighter. The heist. The big heist from the Loebra. Stealing from the Louvre in broad daylight. Light as the sun just came up from the east horizon. It's climbing. It's Climbing. It's climbing. It's not even at its peak yet. At noon it's not even going to set until Hours. Hours, hours, hours. Like in the mid morning light, the lorva was broken into in priceless pieces were stolen. If you need to reclaim anything from your ex's house, like maybe a special edition Broncos cheerleade Christmas shirt with the mascot called Thunder, a white horse printed across the front that has been missing since 2022. I suggest you call these AM burglars because they know what they're doing. And why aren't you scared at 9:30am to break into the most prestigious museum in Europe? Aren't they mere human? What has happened to them in the past that they aren't afraid of using some kind of a window cutter to break in and dress up like construction workers and do this all while a line of tourists forms around them wondering if this is the new entrance. Is this an immersion experience? Oh yes. Let's take the electrical elevator up. You get on the truck, you press green, go through the shattered window and here we are surrounded by diamond. It's immersion. It was executed. It was a business plan. They say you want to be successful in business you have to have a clear plan. And that's what they did. And it was executed almost perfectly in my opinion. I will say two of them got caught because they went straight to a commercial flight.
- [34:45]
Podcast Host
Idiots.
- [34:45]
Gabby
Idiot. Stupid idiots. But they almost got away. Why? Whoever whatever inside job this was. Because someone had to know where the Napoleon diamonds were. Why would you put them on a commercial flight? Put them on a private flight. Get them out of there, hide them. I don't know. So the other two are at large. They're just at large in France with jewels and crowns atop their heads. Maybe they missed out on dress up as a child. They skipped the plastic healed era clacking around. My neighbors would hate me as a child and they hate me as an adult. But the thieves, they're searching for some kind of a nostalgia to make them feel feminine, to really embrace their femininity. So they had to steal from the lurve. Well it's not gonna bring it back. Are they closeted gay men who will go to severe lengths to try on that diamond clad bow to put on their Linda Evangelista wig. I don't blame them. The bows, one of my favorites personally. Maybe they just needed a little decor. Maybe they just needed a little accessory. A little. A little. A little. I can't get away from the French.
- [36:23]
Walgreens Announcer
Ha ha.
- [36:23]
Gabby
On their ski mask while they drive away into the sunset on their Yamaha scooter. Anyways, they're at large. Two of them have still not been caught. What are you doing? What are you doing? French police. Put down the espresso and maybe give your teeth a swipe. They're looking extra. Yell and go look for these AM burglars. What are you doing? Put down this skinny zig, huff and puff until halfway and act. Act like these thieves are on the run from your. From your timeless and priceless pieces of history. Quit looking at your sister naked and get to work. They don't care. They just don't care. They're waiting for the sapphire jewels to be listed on Facebook Marketplace for probably $1800. One for each year that it had lived.
- [37:30]
Podcast Host
And if.
- [37:30]
Gabby
If anyone sees this listing, please let me know. I'm looking one. I'm looking for some jewels too. I did. I don't have my crown atop my fucking head like I should for winning a scholarship pageant. I wouldn't trust the Louvre. I wouldn't trust the lure with my rhinestone to crown with my plastic crown with hot glue. I wouldn't put that in there because they don't have insurance or security. Security took seven minutes to get there. What were you doing? Digging in your butt. What were you doing? Plucking the hairs from your dirty butt. Wondering why you can't wipe it clean with the two toilet paper. What were you doing for step? What were you slowly somersaulting parkour in slow motion before you got to the alarm? No, they're understaffed because they're underpaid and unionized. And we need to take a lesson out of their French book. I'm sure the prime minister made a statement, but it's like, who even cares? Who even cares about you? Who even cares about you? With all the drama that he's in, his first lady being also a groomer pedophile who slapped him right across the face in a video that we can see. Did you guys see that video where she slapped him? It was like one of those slapping contests. It's like MMA in a rink. They do it in Vegas. But open slap, you hit as hard as you can, kind of on the ear. That's what she was doing first sport. It looked like she was enjoying it, but it was caught on camera. So nobody wants to hear about what you think of the Loeb being broken into, because maybe if you are more of a man, you wouldn't get slapped. And you would be protecting these priceless crown jewels. And of course, they weren't insured because who can afford insurance? But I think this was an organized crime, an insider job. The dawn. The head of this job being Sabrina Carpenter. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She likes. She likes Bob Mackie. She likes sparkly things. She's always clad in some kind of a sequence or sparkle. And too much will never be enough. She's insatiable for many things, and she needs these jewels. She's probably been to the Louvre many times. She has resources everywhere. She's mapping a map. She's mapping a map. Okay, go here. These. These are where the diamonds are. And give them to me while I finish out my sweet and short tour. I forget my man child tour so I can put them in. My next surreal is a music video. And then people will reverse image search their vintage from the Empress of Napoleon in the Lurve Met Gala Museum. Can't have them. Can't have them. It was her or RuPaul. It was. Those are the only two, really. I know I'm speaking a lot about France and in French lately, so let me switch to another topic. Canada. Canadian, French. My time here in Canada. And I've had various drivers. Various. They are here. The drivers. They're everywhere and they're interesting. So let me start at the beginning. I had a nice driver who took me from the airport to home the night I landed. He had went to a Chris Brown concert the night before. No judgment. He said we must separate the art from the artist. Of course. He was like, yeah, you know, he was canceled from all the Rihanna stuff. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the Rihanna stuff. We continue to talk about music, the music industry, which I know nothing about. And Rihanna is overdue for an album. Anyways. We get the streets dark as we arrive. There's no street lights. It's scary. The wind is gusting. The leaves are on the floor. So he helped me find my Airbnb in the dark. Sketchy, maybe. He was my. He was my only hope, my only shot at making it in with his little flashlight. I should have been quicker to shoo his little fly ass away. But I didn't have any other option. I needed somebody. He was shining the light on the lockbox while I opened it. Look away, I said when I was entering the code. This code isn't working. I showed him the message. No, I didn't. I figured it out. We got in. As I'm fiddling with the key. He moved all five bags. Who knows how many tons? Maybe the weight of a. Of a small pig. Up to the curb. I haven't experienced this kind of chivalry maybe since I was an infant baby, because my biceps didn't work, I didn't have any muscle fibers to contract and pick up my own luggage. So I wanted to say thank you. I'd never have any cash with me. And normally if I don't have cash, I'll be like, do you have a Venmo? So I asked him. He was about to drive away. I knock, knock, knock on the window. He rolled it down. Do you have a Venmo? I exasperate. No. He says back, do you have a Zell? He thinks, my sister has a Zell.
- [43:20]
Walgreens Pharmacist
O. Okay.
- [43:22]
Gabby
My sister has a Zell and I owe her money. If you would like her information. Absolutely, I reply, give me her information. I will send her Zell. So he sends me her information in the morning. It was too late in the night, about 11 to 2am to ask her for her for an email. That night I get a text the next day I type in. I type in the email to the Zelle. And in the memo I said, the money. Your brother Ozil. So that was one. I let him know I sent the money. And you know what? I haven't heard back since. But. But it's okay. He really, he. He earned that money. And his sister. I was gonna. I didn't know how much she owed her. I was. I wasn't gonna get into it, even though I wanted to, because I'm like, how much are you expecting that I. That I give to you, but then give to her via Zelle and you're excluded? Should I assume so I just. Much I was gonna give him and I hoped it covered it all. The neck. The next driver I have, I'm sorry, was a dear French man with a Casio watch. At least it wasn't an apple watch. French music blaring in the background. I forget where I'm going. Oh, I'm going to the spa. These French people, they're on me like flies on sh. Insane. But anyways, normally, as a Frenchman, you would. You would assume that their. Their mustache smelled of must and old cigarettes were gathered and a reek of poor dental care. But not him. Yes, maybe I'm judging the free socialism of the dental care, but not him. For when I enter, he immediately offers me a piece of gum. Did I breathe wrong? Is there something atop my epiglottis that I should be aware of that is emitting some kind of a stank? I don't think so. I brush My tongue twice daily and a third if I know I'm going somewhere, which I was going somewhere. Sure, I'll take the gum. I take a hint. I split it in half. My jaw. My jaw cannot chomp, chomp, chomp on a way on a full piece of gum. Ugh. So I take it and I put the other half of my purse in. Who knows what the other half is gonna come out with? Because who knows what lies in the bottom of my purse? Lip liner, pencil shavings, crumbs from God know what dust of propane, Alol. I like to take a nibble of a pill at a time. Sure, maybe it's not scientific or recommended by a doctor, but who are they? I want a half here, a quarter there. If I don't have a scissors, I have my incisors. So this gum, If I want a taste of everything at the bottom of my purse, I will put it in my mouth. He also has French music blasting. He asked if I should. Yes, if I want him to change the channel. No, I screamed. I like it. I find the little. Excuse me, whatever. The album cover in the back. I take a picture of it to listen to for later because I have exquisite taste, a cultured palate. What else could you say? I think that's it. So then I. I look it up and I cling to it, and you know what? And I start singing along. I'm. I have it blasting outside. My last cigarette of the day. But I don't have a mustache, so it's not gonna suck up the must and the fumes. I do have a mustache, but I shave it. And I think I can. I think I can decipher the lyrics, actually. I know exactly what she's saying to me. There's the guardian in her legs and they lay her down to rest. She sings in French, but all of a sudden, I am a savant and can actually translate in my head, so. So that was that one. And then. You know what? You know what? I saved the best for last.
- [48:23]
Walgreens Announcer
At Walgreens, we know flu season can feel a little chaotic, so we're going to give you our flu info in.
- [48:31]
Walgreens Pharmacist
A meditation, keeping you calm, just like a certified Walgreens pharmacist will do if you're a little needle nervous. So walk in or schedule an appointment and Walgreens will handle the rest.
- [48:46]
Walgreens Announcer
That's the human kind of help.
- [48:48]
Walgreens Pharmacist
Walgreens vaccines subject to availability, state, age, and health related restrictions may apply.
- [48:55]
Gabby
My face is still quite numb. I don't know what they put on It. But I like it. Cause I like to feel something, even if it's numb. Where am I touching? I don't know. Maybe at the bottom of my chin. No, on my cheek. If I close my eyes and I touch my nose, I can't really feel it. On the tip because it's acrylic. Or on the tip of my nose because it's numb. I feel alive. Okay. Anyways, the last one. Save the best for last. I have another driver, a nice young Canadian man. We start small, talking. And I would like to shove my head out the window like a golden retriever. And it slowly roll it up electronically. He wants to go to Malta. I say, don't do it. He's like, oh. Everyone speaks. Whatever. It's like a hot tourism place. I'm like, don't do it. The food's not good. It's very expensive. There's one cobblestone road to get your sous vides, and that's about it. But don't listen to me. Me. Don't take my word for it, okay? We chat a little more. The window gets tighter and tighter around my neck. I bring up my wife, my. My hubby, baby Robbie. Wifey. My one true love who shall show up any day now. She is filming her comedy special today. I could barely rest. I could barely rest. I took all of my good luck charms with me to work that day. I'm rubbing the Buddha belly. I'm praying to Hashem. I know she's going to do good. I can't rest. She rests. And then the conversation takes a turn. He's. Instead of. He goes, can I ask you a question instead of just asking me the question? Oh, sure. I thought it was gonna maybe be work related, maybe something about la. I don't. I just could not predict where this question was going to go. And he says, why are you alone? Lesbian? What? What? You're so pretty. He says, I'm sure all the guys go up to you all the time. You have no shortage of suitors. He didn't say suitors. He doesn't know that word, but he's alluding. Why? Because of you. I'm a lesbian because of you. Because of this right now. Because of boys. Stupid, dumb questions that I cannot tolerate. I am the lesbian, but you are the problem. Leave me alone. Why? What do you mean? Why am I a les. What do you mean, why am I a lesbian? Completely discounting that. I married for one. I told you I had a wife. You are seemingly hitting on me. Why are you a lesbian? You're so pretty. I'm not a lesbian because of the way I look. I'm not a lesbian because there's a deficit in my life when it comes to men, because they don't. They can't wrap their head. They can't wrap their head around an idea, a sexuality that has nothing to do with them. I knew where his mind was going. Oh, you don't have. Oh, you must be crazy. He was thinking, oh, she's never met a man that liked her back, so she had to go be a lesbian. No, My sexuality, my love, my marriage doesn't come from a lock. But they can't understand. They can't understand why a woman would not be attracted to them. And then again, it's like, okay, people just don't take lesbian marriage seriously. It's like, what if I said I was married to a man? Would you probably continue to hit on me? Yes.
- [52:47]
Austin James
Yeah.
- [52:48]
Gabby
Yeah. Because they're animals. Because they have no rules for themselves or for others. Why are you a lesbian? Literally, because of this conversation we're having right now. I don't want to. I don't want to have to interact with men. I don't want to have to endure this. I don't want to have to explain myself. What about. What do you like about your partner? How did you fall in love? Or, I don't know, something better than, why are you a lesbian? It's not even about being a lesbian. It's about being in love. And this doesn't happen because you experience a debt. This wasn't my last case scenario. It was my first case scenario. If I met Robbie, I wish I would have met her when I was 10 years old. And then we could have been together at least for, like, I don't know, 15 years now. I would have known her more intimately than anybody else. But now I had to wait. Lastly, lastly, I love the Canadian women around here. I love it. They're rough and tough. And I had a particularly rough one drive me home the other night, and she introduced me to one of my favorite sayings. It goes, summer teeth. Some are teeth, some are there, some are not there. Until next time.
- [54:14]
Austin James
Hey, it's Austin James. If you're like me, trying to live your best life while living with diabetes, you can relate to worrying if you're doing a good job managing your diabetes. I use the freestyle Libre 3 Plus sensor to get real time glucose readings and see the impact of every meal and activity to make better decisions. The freestyle Libre 3 Plus sensor can help me live for life. With diabetes on my own terms, and it gives me more time for the things I love, like being a dad and a musician. Now this is progress. Learn more at Freestyle Libre Us for.
- [54:41]
Walgreens Announcer
Prescription only Safety info found at Freestyle.
- [54:42]
Gabby
Libre Us At Capella University, we believe.
- [54:47]
Walgreens Pharmacist
Accessible education can make a difference.
- [54:49]
Gabby
That's why we offer scholarship opportunities to all eligible students. Un futuro diferente estam mas cerca de lo que cres con Capella University. Learn more at Capella. Edu.