Podcast
Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera
Hosted by Stacey Herrera - Intimacy & Relationship Coach · EN
Honest conversations about intimacy, desire, and relationships after 40. Sex in Real Life explores how connection, attraction, bodies, and relationships change in midlife and beyond, without shame or clichés.
Instagram: @staceynherrera
Subtack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/
Website: https://staceyherrera.com/
41episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
They're a Good Person, so Why Aren't You Emotionally Fulfilled?
4d ago00:16:27Tap to summarizeGood people are not necessarily good at relationships. In this episode, Stacey explores the social construct of being a "good person." And how being polite, helpful, and uncruel can bypass the emotional nuance needed for deep relationship nurturing. Resources mentioned: Elizabeth Earnshaw - Therapist: "You can love someone unconditionally and yet find that they can't meet the conditions for maintaining a relationship." All About Love by bell hooks 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →Who's Responsible for the Sex Part of Your Relationship? You? or Them?
2w ago00:14:39Tap to summarizeBeing in a relationship often looks like divvying up the life stuff. Maybe they take on the in-the-house chores, and you take on the outside parts. But who's responsible for sex? You? Them? In this episode, Stacey is talking about why sex should be something you maintain together. And how it can feel loaded if that responsibility falls on one person. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →How You See Your Body Impacts Your Sex Life (Whether You Know It or Not)
3w ago00:12:41Tap to summarizeThe relationship you have with your body shapes what you're willing to feel, receive, and experience sexually. This episode explores aging, self-perception, and the shift toward neutrality (and maybe even generosity)—and how a healthier relationship with your body can expand your capacity for pleasure. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →How Their Touch Makes You Feel on the Inside Matters (A Lot)
4w ago00:12:50Tap to summarizeTouch speaks its own language. A hand on your belly. Fingers along your jaw. A palm at the center of your back. And the body feels every word. In this episode, Stacey sits with what touch feels like. When it feels like home or an invitation… and when it doesn't. A reflection on love, desire, and the times when your skin doesn't quite feel like your own. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →Predictability Might Be Killing Your Sex Life (But You Don't Know It)
Jul 100:20:00Tap to summarizeBedrooms don't magically transform into dens of desire after dark. Especially after a full day juggling life sh*t. That's not how desire works—at any age, but especially in relationships beyond 40. In this episode, Stacey explores how the predictability we build to feel safe can drain the tension desire depends on. And how, after years of building a life together, it's easy to stop seeing one another as individual, complex, ever-changing humans. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →Uninhibited Sex After 40: Why Can't You Let Go with the Person You Love?
Jun 2400:25:25Tap to summarizeThe desire to let go and be uninhibited during sex is pretty common. Yet most of us struggle with it, especially in marriage and LTRs. After 40, we assume the self-consciousness is about appearance. Bellies, butts, and love handles. But what if it's deeper than that? In this episode, Stacey explores how the identities we've spent years building might keep us guarded in bed. Resources mentioned: Sex Beyond Yes by Quill R. Kukla From the publisher: " Every discussion of sexual ethics revolves around consent, but is this notion enough to help us understand good sex? How does the dominance of consent help or prevent us from negotiating the complexities of intimacy and pleasure?" 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →What If Presence Is the Secret Ingredient of Good Sex?
Jun 1700:18:37Tap to summarizeIt's easier to believe the thrill vanished into thin air than to admit you left the room. Staying in the room when you've been with someone for years is a tall order, especially in the age of endless attention grabs. In this episode, Stacey gets into how presence, not chemistry, might be what's actually missing. Resources mentioned: Esther Perel - Relationship therapist Perel suggests, in many long‑term relationships desire hasn't disappeared; what's missing is the quality of presence and aliveness between partners. (Paraphrase inspired by her book Mating in Captivity and her TED talk.) 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →Want Good Sex? Then Use Your F***ing Words
Jun 1000:15:07Tap to summarizeWhen they ask, "Are you tired?" You know what comes next. After you've been together for a long while, it's easy to predict the predictable. Which is the opposite of sexy. In this episode, Stacey gets into why using your words makes sex exponentially better in long-term relationships. Before, during, and after. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →What If Blue Light Is Changing the Way You Touch the One You Love?
Jun 300:22:23Tap to summarizeThere used to be these gaps of nothing. Waiting for a table. Standing in line. The 20 minutes or so before the thing started. And in those gaps, almost without thinking, we reached for one another. Now those moments are fewer. In this episode, Stacey explores how screens are changing the way we touch each other. And what we're losing in the spaces we used to fill with each other. Suggested Reading: National Library of Medicine: Blue Light and Digital Screens Revisited: A New Look at Blue Light from the Vision Quality, Circadian Rhythm and Cognitive Functions Perspective Sleep Foundation: Blue Light: What It Is and How It Affects Sleep Harvard Health Publishing: Blue Light Has a Dark Side 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
Transcribe →How Can You Be Irritated and Aroused at the Same Damn Time?
May 2700:17:25Tap to summarizeThere are things that our partner says or does that grate on our very last nerve. But sometimes, as annoyed as we may be, we find desire bubbling to the surface. In this episode, Stacey gets into the alchemy of irritation and desire, and why the thing that drives you absolutely batshit crazy might also stir your loins. Suggested Reading: Arousal transfer (a.k.a. Excitation transfer): https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781119011071.iemp0055 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35471677/ 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/
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