
UGH NATALIE REFUSES TO SUP ON MY SIZZURP. This episode covers chapters 2 and 3-- heartbreak comes in ALL forms in the world of SJM and sometimes that heartbreak is from a relative who refuses to get addicted to your body's heroin sizzurp. I JUST WANNA SEE IF SHE *CAN* GET ADDICTED TO ME is that such a crazy thing to ask? What's a crazier thing to ask is for your fighting slave dragon to GIVE EM A SEXY MOIDA SHOW but the Viper Queen does not mind asking those questions!!! Starting off this book with PLENTY of dissent-- Tharion's upset by his new addiction mommy, Bryce has no idea where she has ended up and doesn't know if these hawtttt Fae are fae friends or fae foes (fums?), our frat boys are at the Meat Market trying to figure out WHAT THE HEL HAPPENED TO EVERYBODY, alphas be alpha-in and the wolves be howlinnnnnnnn. Bryce is all full uppa smol bean and now her POWERS SHOOTIN OUT DA HORN oh gosh how the H-E-Single-L will Bryce ever make it back to Midgard?!?!?! Guess we gotta keep...
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Natalie Jean
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Jackie Zabrowski
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Jackie Zabrowski
For details, visit spectrumtv.com. Welcome to Crescent City with your hosts Natalie Jean and Jackie Zabrowski at me. Man, I would always hit the real hard on that song. You're supposed to please tell me, please tell me why. Why are all the boys being tortured? Oh, no, don't like.
Natalie Jean
Oh, where I starting?
Jackie Zabrowski
Don't like this book naturally. And I'm so sad. Sad. Yep.
Natalie Jean
I'm not Natalie.
Jackie Zabrowski
I'm sorry, you're not Natalie. You are the dragon, Ariadne.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, I am. These don't look like scales as much as bruises in the light.
Jackie Zabrowski
But also, wouldn't Ariadne be kinda like. I feel like she's always fighting. She's always pit. Honestly, you are. You with dark hair give such. You are such a raging, raging in this outfit and I love it. I really.
Natalie Jean
It's pretty close to my natural hair color.
Jackie Zabrowski
Really?
Natalie Jean
Yeah.
Jackie Zabrowski
I didn't know that you would look this bitchy. It's really for the best that you did it because I feel like I think that we look more related when you look like this. Especially because we both have such a. I'm going to say it, Natalie, and I mean it out of kindness. Resting bitch faces.
Natalie Jean
Oh, you're going to say tsl.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, I just know.
Natalie Jean
Just gave myself that. No, it's fine. No, it's great.
Jackie Zabrowski
I'm.
Natalie Jean
I'm fine.
Jackie Zabrowski
No, everything we're doing great. You're dressed as a dragon. I do wish you were a dragon in real life. It would have been really great. And not that I ever want anything to happen to your marriage, but I'm just saying I feel like it would really do a lot for Henry's brand if you were a dragon.
Natalie Jean
Oh. I thought. Okay, you're taking a lot of turns that I'm not anticipating. It's like you're gonna say that I should leave him.
Jackie Zabrowski
No, I'm asking you to become a dragon instead.
Natalie Jean
Okay. Okay. Anyway, it's not. My hair's a little bit lighter, so it's not exactly okay. It's a little lighter than this. Like, I would say, like, two tones lighter.
Jackie Zabrowski
I do feel like, though, and not to say this, I. I think that, like, you and this hair and me with my regular hair, we really could, like, thing one thing to a place up and.
Natalie Jean
What, man? Like, what are we. What are we doing?
Jackie Zabrowski
Destroy it. So, like, thing one and thing two, I think that we gave.
Natalie Jean
Is that what they did? I don't remember.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were. They were little guys that came in and they destroyed everything. It was like they brought. They were like little chaos demons. And I think that we.
Natalie Jean
If we look at tattoos, be like, she's my thing one to my thing, too.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, my God, Natalie, do you want to get Zeus tattoos with me?
Natalie Jean
Isn't he bad now, Dr. Seuss? I think he was a bad.
Jackie Zabrowski
Ah, I thought we were gonna hop on pop until the days dropped to the apocalypse. Yeah, yeah, man. Hop on them to squeeze out the apocalypse out of Daddy. What do you got in that belly, Daddy?
Natalie Jean
That would be a much better Bible story about the apocalypse. Is that you just jump on a
Jackie Zabrowski
man's belly until from the Bible. Did they do that in there? Is that how you make more babies?
Natalie Jean
Yeah, it's an allegory.
Jackie Zabrowski
Honestly, it would be great if they could take the fake book and if they could write in a chapter with where you got to jump on a man's belly until the babies pop out of the end of his dick. And that's the importance of procreation. You got to hop on pop is
Natalie Jean
who's ever in charge with the Bible. Can you take a note if you
Jackie Zabrowski
guys could revise it, if there could be any kind of, you know, addendum added to it.
Natalie Jean
An amendment. Right, like the guy constitution.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, and they're changing that thing every day, so we may as well put it in the Bible. We're also all the places you'll go. Like this fucking burning bush. And we talking about my pussy. That was on the fly.
Natalie Jean
Oh, no, not another sti.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, man, it's another episode talking about another sti. I don't know if I know what an STI is at this point, but honestly, I don't want to find out.
Natalie Jean
You acting like you don't know what an STI is.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, geez. Honestly, it is really crazy. I did a show. I used to do a show with a. With a sex psychologist, and we had a whole episode where we talked about STDs, and we had a bunch of people come and chat on my twitch, and we all just asked questions because when was the last time you learned about STDs and have you? I. It was high school. But even then, I was like. I remember, like, the names of someone. Like, some of them. But I will say, knock on wood, I never got one, which is nice.
Natalie Jean
No tangle.
Jackie Zabrowski
Singles judge. Not an I hear judge, if you had one.
Natalie Jean
But it's just.
Jackie Zabrowski
How are you supposed to know if you don't know what it is? Well, you know, I think you end up.
Natalie Jean
I think you end up feeling pretty bad in different ways.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah. Yeah, I guess. And then you start seeing the little Sebastians down there, and you're like, under the sea. I didn't know that stood for under the Gun. I said I had to say it. I had to say it. I'm sorry. Sorry to everyone. We can bleep it if we have to.
Natalie Jean
As somebody who has had a couple UTIs in my time, you know, I bet.
Jackie Zabrowski
You know, I hear they come a raging. I just. I guess it's more of like a. You know, you want to know what it looks like and what it feels like, and nobody's talking about these things. Just throwing that out.
Natalie Jean
I agree. I mean, you're not wrong. I support your thoughts and your. Thank you.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, my God, Natalie. For the first time ever. Thank you.
Natalie Jean
For the first time ever. You're welcome. Well, we don't know that they have STIs in Crescent City, but I'm gonna guess yes, because there's a lot of different parts going into different things and
Jackie Zabrowski
lots of different drugs. I feel like they're picking up, honestly, stuff that we don't even know about. Can you imagine what happens in the Viper Queen's den?
Natalie Jean
Yikes.
Jackie Zabrowski
Because I don't think we're just supping off that suckage. I think we're getting a little something else.
Natalie Jean
It might make it a more addictive.
Jackie Zabrowski
God, you know, the Viper Queen's so hot.
Natalie Jean
Oh, yeah. And we'll find out soon.
Jackie Zabrowski
I know, because Therion, you know, he can't help himself from keeping himself away from something that's too hot to touch.
Natalie Jean
Well, he Also doesn't, unfortunately, have a lot of choice at the moment, which is not good to say. But he did offer himself, knowing that he wouldn't have a choice anymore.
Jackie Zabrowski
Natalie. He had a choice. He had a choice before he unfurled his clam penis and shoved it inside of the River Queen's daughter. That was his choice. That was the last one he had.
Natalie Jean
You think it unfurls?
Jackie Zabrowski
I think it has to. Like, I feel like if it's. You know. We know SJM says it's inside of a clamshell of sorts. So either that or it's, like, spongy liquid that, with this, like, the feel of the sun, hardens or maybe. Yeah, because I feel like. Or else it's just gonna be the size of, like, a pearl, right?
Natalie Jean
Ain't no way.
Jackie Zabrowski
That's what I'm saying. It ain't no pearl.
Natalie Jean
No sarin is guppy. D. There is no way.
Jackie Zabrowski
You know, it's big. That's what I'm saying. It's gotta unfurl. Or do you think it, like, squirts out of the holes?
Natalie Jean
Like, I just assumed it kind of acted like a human penis, where it's, like, gets filled with blood, and then it comes out.
Jackie Zabrowski
D. Tell me how human.
Natalie Jean
Well, I don't know what happens after that because it doesn't seem like he has testicles, and I think he does still ejaculate, so I don't know what's coming out.
Jackie Zabrowski
I mean, we're not upset with him for ejaculating inside of the River Queen's daughter. We didn't get that far. I don't know. We don't.
Natalie Jean
We don't know if he pulled out or not. I think he must have.
Jackie Zabrowski
He must have.
Natalie Jean
He.
Jackie Zabrowski
He was enough of a dirty dog.
Natalie Jean
He knows what he's doing.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know if he knows what he's doing no more.
Natalie Jean
No. Because we are with theory in chapter two of House of Flame and Shadow. And as you recall, he has sold his fealty to the Viper Queen. Not a great idea, but he doesn't make a lot of very good ideas. And he did it to get out of his betrothal to. And also to stay alive, because he. He did end his betrothal, and that's sort of a death sentence, apparently.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, maybe it really is. Maybe inside of the clan or. All of the blood that should be inside of his brain goes to his dick. He's always hard.
Natalie Jean
It's. I don't think that's just myrrh yeah, you're right.
Jackie Zabrowski
Except only in a mirror. Is it like slamming up the inside of a clam?
Natalie Jean
It's like knocking.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yes. And it's always begging, please let me out. And they won't. He's got fighting to do.
Natalie Jean
He's got. No, he lets it out a lot. It turns out he lets it out quite a bit. Yeah, but he would apparently rather be underground than under the sea. He doesn't want to be where the seaweed is always greener.
Jackie Zabrowski
No.
Natalie Jean
He wants to be on land in exchange. However, now he lives in an underground fighting ring, which seems less appealing, but okay.
Jackie Zabrowski
At least the River Queen's not going after him. Because he did. Like he's bent the knee to somebody else.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, but listen, I don't think he made a good decision, but he's there. It sort of makes Viper Queen the Ursula of the story, I think, which
Jackie Zabrowski
makes her ultimately hotter.
Natalie Jean
Of course. So far, his deal is not going well. We find him utterly beaten to a pulp, standing in front of a bathroom mirror in the bowels of the meat market. He's just taken on a minotaur in the fighting ring and he technically won, but he was a gourd, among other
Jackie Zabrowski
things by that, what we're calling it nowadays. Or maybe I'm just still thinking about morning glory milking.
Natalie Jean
No, it's not like that one.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah. What were they doing? What kind of tussling was happening in there?
Natalie Jean
The kind of stabbing, throwing, or maybe
Jackie Zabrowski
because he wasn't milking him. Right.
Natalie Jean
It's like you go, whoa. The guy goes, oh. And he flies backwards.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, my God. You are a stunt woman.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, I can. Yeah. I thought it was happening. It was like an action scene taking place. So he. His ribs are broken, his face is bloody. He is a mess. He. He's taking some magic potion the Viper Queen has in stock to make his. His healing go faster.
Jackie Zabrowski
Accelerate.
Natalie Jean
Yes, accelerate is the word.
Jackie Zabrowski
I'm thinking.
Natalie Jean
Not out of the goodness of her heart, of course, but so that her fighters can get back in the ring.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yep.
Natalie Jean
He has a hard time looking himself in the mirror. His face is already hollowing out from the beatings and probably the addiction to the venom.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, but you know that slurp tastes so good.
Natalie Jean
Oh, it hurts so good, baby. It's only been two days since he's gotten there. How is he going to survive this? He is like, I'm already about to die. As he contemplates his choices, Ariadne appears behind him.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yes. Hot slut,
Natalie Jean
apparently on her way out to the ring. He notes that she's dressed in a skin tight black bodysuit much like his. And that the Viper Queen liked them to look sexy on their way out to pummel the shit out of different veneer.
Jackie Zabrowski
I do love. I mean, Viper Queen is not nothing if she ain't about branding. That's how you do it. You're gonna look good as you go out there to go beat the out of them. Yes.
Natalie Jean
And I'm sure she sells a lot of like merch. She knows she's got different tapes.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh yeah. Oh my God. You know, they all have capes and they all have different entrance music. Oh, I'll be their manager.
Natalie Jean
Put me in as Jackie or as Sabine.
Jackie Zabrowski
I think as Sabine.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, she. She would be good at that.
Jackie Zabrowski
Although she wouldn't want to work for. But then that's how I think how you work within the realm of like the Viper. But you don't work for the Viper Queen where it's like, no, no, no, I'm bringing my own fighting slaves to this. And they all go and be oh, in.
Natalie Jean
Oh, very threatening.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, I guess maybe I don't. Sing your howl, you know, at somebody you hate.
Natalie Jean
You live your, you live your Sabine life. So she makes basically the Viper Queen makes all of them, including Theory and who's also dressed in a skin tight black suit with it pulled out off his chest to like take care of all the wounds. To like kind of like be sex appeal the way that you would see like wrestling probably. Except they're actually her killing people, which is bad.
Jackie Zabrowski
But there's something about being in the Viper Queen's den that kind of makes it so good.
Natalie Jean
Oh, Ariadne, not one to mince words, tells him he looks like they toss slightly irritated barbs at one another. They're the not truly enemies really. More like almost like a sibling thing because they both are now trauma bonded and locked into this fate.
Jackie Zabrowski
It's kind of like they're. They're like co workers. Yeah. I feel like this is their equivalent to talking around the water cooler.
Natalie Jean
Yeah. But sort of like antagonistic a little bit. Tharion wonders if Ariadne contemplates her life ever.
Jackie Zabrowski
No, I bet she doesn't. Therian, she.
Natalie Jean
I think it's.
Jackie Zabrowski
No, I know, it's nice. It's just funny where it's like wonder if she ever think, well when you know, her brain was all trapped.
Natalie Jean
He's trying, he's trying, he's trying.
Jackie Zabrowski
And also Jackie, he's worse for wear right now. We gotta give Him a little bit
Natalie Jean
of the day a second. I think ladies are people.
Jackie Zabrowski
Whoa. Even dragon ladies.
Natalie Jean
Whoa. Just like me. So, yeah. And also, I think it's a nod for us to remember this is where we can plop in her backstory, which is he does. She tried to find out who she is after she was trapped in the ring by the astronomer, in case you forgot where she came from. He tells her he warmed the crowd up for her and begins to clean his wounds, still facing the mirror with her behind him. When he tries and fails to reach a slash on his back, Ariadne takes the rag from him and dabs the wound. He almost calls her Ari in his thanks, but remembers it irritates her and says instead, thank you, Ariadne. She surprises him by telling him that he can call her Ari.
Jackie Zabrowski
I shouldn't be feeling these feelings, but, like, you know, Ariadne is so smoking.
Natalie Jean
Literally.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah. She's a dragon. I would do. Oh, God. Just with the furls of smoke coming out. Maybe it has something to do with, like, Shadow Daddy. Like, just like the world of shadows. You know, there's, like, a Zaden in, like, a fourth wing of. Of. I mean, obviously, we all. Shadow Daddy's a trope for a reason, but shadow mommies also are a trope for a reason. And I love Pepperin. Anything that has any kind of, like, ooh, smoking gun, where it's like, oh, you're a weapon. I. It's just.
Natalie Jean
So you just. Everyone knows Jackie wants to have sex with Ariadne?
Jackie Zabrowski
Yes, and also most women that treat me poorly. It's a problem.
Natalie Jean
No. Toxic. So Therian.
Jackie Zabrowski
Emery.
Natalie Jean
You think Emery's toxic?
Commercial Announcer
No.
Jackie Zabrowski
You just brought up you couldn't remember we were talking about the. Whose wig this was for. Right.
Natalie Jean
Whose wig was.
Jackie Zabrowski
Whose wig was this one? Because I like Natalie's wig so much, and it was. Right. Was it Emory?
Natalie Jean
It was Emory's wig, yeah. From Acotar, but I repurposed it.
Jackie Zabrowski
Sorry, it was just. That has nothing. I'm not, like, calling you. It's good. We should repurpose some of the outfits. We have to. I, I. We couldn't remember her name earlier, and it just.
Natalie Jean
I can't tell them we forgot.
Jackie Zabrowski
It's okay, Natalie. We're re. There's. There are. You know, I was thinking about this earlier. I think it'll be a fun. It'll be a treat for us every week. Because, as you know, if you listen. If you've been listening to Romantasy Deep Dives. Natalie and I never tell each other who we're going to be dressed up as. But this book in particular, especially with the, like, going between times and stuff, has so many characters that it's like every episode. It's like, I had no idea who the hell you were gonna show up as today. Like, it really could be one of the 20. You know, it's kind of fun.
Natalie Jean
I went for some repurposing on these first couple ones because we have a lot of episodes to get through on this book. But I'll have some new. Some new costumes.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, yeah. No, and again, I wasn't trying to call you out. I was just excited to remember Emery's name.
Natalie Jean
No, you did good. I also just wanted to point out she's not toxic the way that is.
Jackie Zabrowski
No, no, no, no.
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Jackie Zabrowski
You got to get in there.
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Natalie Jean
Orbeez.
Commercial Announcer
We have the meats at participating Arby's
Natalie Jean
for a limited time, so he's surprised that she's offering this like nickname to him because she's very standoffish and ironically cold because she's a dragon. She's not cold, but she's cold and so he's like, whoa, what's this? But he still manages to take a swipe at her, even as she's cleaning his back, chastising her for abandoning Ethan and hypaxia.
Jackie Zabrowski
Thanks.
Natalie Jean
In the last book.
Jackie Zabrowski
Thank you. Okay, great. Or we're gonna do it while she's in the middle of helping you. Okay.
Natalie Jean
And, you know, fair. She did bail on them. But also, she's not angered like that he's saying it. She's more like flipping about it. Being like they were fine there. He's like, doesn't matter.
Jackie Zabrowski
You build. I know better than your boys. And he would never do that. Even though. Look at him. Bending the knee to somebody else. But it is funny for you to bring that up, Therian. Yeah, but I do feel that, like, Ari is just goth.
Natalie Jean
Oh, God, Jackie, you're getting hungry over here. You're getting some hungry eyes.
Jackie Zabrowski
Sorry, Natalie. I'm not looking at you.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, don't look at ma' am dresses her.
Jackie Zabrowski
They don't hunger for you.
Natalie Jean
She's not talking to me. She's fantasizing in different. Ariadne different. So she shrugs off his, you know, accusations and asked how she's trying to just change the subject. She's like, how did you end up a decent fighter? Since, you know, your employee, you were employed as the River Queen's captain of intelligence or whatever. For whatever reason. He doesn't really seem like he's good at that either. But she kind of implies that he's not really right for the captain of intelligence job. But he does seem to be very good at fighting.
Jackie Zabrowski
She just keeps being like intelligence. Really? Is that what you were the head of?
Natalie Jean
Are you sure?
Jackie Zabrowski
Did you misread the word?
Natalie Jean
He tells her he just went to Blue Court Military Academy and didn't get any special training beyond that. I guess I'm just, like, gifted.
Jackie Zabrowski
I'm just really good.
Natalie Jean
He asks how she learned to fight survival.
Jackie Zabrowski
He opened his mouth to respond, but the dragon turned on a booted heel.
Natalie Jean
So. There. There. Then he's alone again in the bathroom. He stands there, waiting for the magic to seal his open wounds, which he likens to the feeling of spiders crawling his skin. Oh, that's a tickle I don't want to feel. Although if it's. If a spider's calling all over you, healed your wounds, I would. I would take.
Jackie Zabrowski
Because then you would replace that with a. A negative thing with a positive.
Natalie Jean
No, they're good. It's healing me. Shortly after that, he heads back towards the fighting ring, where Ari would be taking her opponent on. As the arena comes into view, he sees her facing off with three lion shifters. He tries to blend into the rambunctious crowd, but immediately he hears whispers of traitor, loser. There are myrrh in the crowd. And his defection from the Blue court seems to have already been circulating in rumors. Oh, he ignores their taunts. He know you well? It's more of that. He knows he's a loser and what's the point of arguing?
Jackie Zabrowski
He's like, I am a piece of good and defeated. You know, at least I will say humbled him. I think that he did need to be kind of bopped with a little bit of a stick. Not that I want him beaten and enslaved, but like a little bop.
Natalie Jean
It's a good way for characters to kind of be redeemed is when they're punished heavily, you know, so he. He's like, I'm not going to fight. They can say whatever they want.
Jackie Zabrowski
He.
Natalie Jean
He thinks what he's done is really up. And he knows that he in fact only found out his parents hadn't been killed because of his actions. Because they sent him a letter expressing their disappointment as a at his choices. They're not wrong. The mer continue to taunt him until Tharion feels beer raining down on his head. That was seemed to be the thing that made him snap. He growls and turns towards them. The mer who've been taunting him see the rage in his eyes and back up, remembering that Therian could probably kill them.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah.
Natalie Jean
Before he can make a move though, a Viper Queen bodyguard approaches him and tells him that she would like a word with Tharion.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh.
Natalie Jean
He has no choice, physically or mentally.
Jackie Zabrowski
I know. Okay? I know we shouldn't want a partner to be addicted to us.
Natalie Jean
Oh, I don't know. You're making a face there.
Jackie Zabrowski
Especially because he's not a partner. He's her slave.
Natalie Jean
So.
Jackie Zabrowski
Jackie.
Natalie Jean
But he agreed to it.
Jackie Zabrowski
He did agree to it. And he is. He did give himself to her. But part of me does like kind of wish that, like, I wish Jeff and I could be addicted to each other. Like, I wish like we could both be like,
Natalie Jean
you know, just getting suck each other's fluids.
Jackie Zabrowski
A suck. Just a little bit. Like in a way. You know, like the little sips a vampire takes. Right. But then it's blood. Oh, yes, but that. But it does. It intrigues you with sexual desire.
Natalie Jean
Okay, well.
Jackie Zabrowski
And it makes you feel good. And you're addicted to my blood. But Natalie, if you found out my blood was addictive, would you sup from me. No.
Natalie Jean
What is the upside to that, Natalie? You wouldn't sup for me. For what purpose? Whence I do?
Jackie Zabrowski
To make you stronger.
Natalie Jean
How would it make me stronger?
Jackie Zabrowski
My powers.
Natalie Jean
You are not clarifying what any of this is, Natalie.
Jackie Zabrowski
It's like Matt. It's like a magic that you would get if you supped from me, but
Natalie Jean
I would have to continue to take it for just, like, a little bit.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, but I'll. I'll siphon it out. How about Jeff sucks it out and he spits it into a cup?
Natalie Jean
Why is that better? What the. Well, you're making this worse.
Jackie Zabrowski
I'm trying to get closer to you, Natalie.
Natalie Jean
You think I want to drink your husband's spit?
Jackie Zabrowski
You don't want to. You have to because you're addicted to my blood.
Natalie Jean
Really not. This is not a. Like a will you, won't you situation.
Jackie Zabrowski
We have to talk these things out before they become a reality.
Natalie Jean
God, I hope not. You know, I. I do want a lot of magic stuff, but I don't know if I'm prepared for that level of commitment.
Jackie Zabrowski
All right, all right. I'll take it for now, but let's just wait and find out.
Natalie Jean
I'll table it. Yeah. So even if he refused to go see her, the venom coursing through his body literally forces it to move for him towards her.
Jackie Zabrowski
Cool.
Natalie Jean
As he walks, he feels no worry that Ari will flambe those three lions. So he's not super concerned about her safety.
Jackie Zabrowski
He had no doubt there'd be some vendor waiting in the wings to see scoop up the cooked carcasses and sell them in a food stall nearby. It wasn't called the meat market for nothing.
Natalie Jean
That's gross. But also, I guess use resourceful.
Jackie Zabrowski
Use them. Use what you got, you know, get. Get that man out of there.
Natalie Jean
You know, I wonder, though, if they would tell the. That it was different meat than it was. Like, is lion meat. That seems like that'd be a. A meat that you would want. Like, that would be a delicacy.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yes. But also specifically, though, shifter meat. If you're a shifter, do you think that it has elements of human meat as well as lion meat?
Natalie Jean
It depends on when you die. Like, which form.
Jackie Zabrowski
Which. Which form you're in and how. You know, it's just. God, there's so many questions we'll never maybe have the answer to.
Natalie Jean
It's also interesting, like, they obviously have animals that aren't sentient on. On Midgard, but do they eat normally? Like, is that essentially them Selling human meat in the meat market? Because that seems like that would be against some moral code even in Midgard, that you wouldn't eat the meat of something that had that consciousness or.
Jackie Zabrowski
Why would that be?
Natalie Jean
Because it's like. It's like cannibalism kind of.
Jackie Zabrowski
But I feel like if you're shifters, if you're in a world of like, then is it like if you're a cow shifter, then aren't we already cannibals out here? Not, Natalie. Vegetarian, but wouldn't be. You know, I. I feel like I
Natalie Jean
hope I'm not a broccoli shifter because then I'd be in trouble.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, man, I'd also be in trouble. Especially a broccoli rub shift. Oh, that stock of a Brock model broccoli. Yes. I. I only like them better. Say heroin chic. Broccoli.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, I don't know about that.
Jackie Zabrowski
Broccoli.
Natalie Jean
They must have non sentient animals they eat. I. I would just. I can't. They can't. They don't eat the otters, Right? Right.
Jackie Zabrowski
Natalie, they eat those otters. There's no way they don't eat those otters. Sorry, you. You know what? Like the whole phenomenon of something so cute, you want to destroy it?
Natalie Jean
Yeah, but I don't. That's. That's an intrusive thought.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, that is. But maybe in the world of Midgard, you know, they're out there.
Natalie Jean
Jojo, the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, yeah, No, I don't think they're doing that. We're at the meat market, though. I hope that they're not eating humans.
Natalie Jean
Sounds like they are.
Jackie Zabrowski
With.
Natalie Jean
Because the lion shifters are people.
Jackie Zabrowski
Lion shifters? All people.
Natalie Jean
The meanest people. Okay, so he feels glum as he's walking towards the Viper Queen's lush office rooms, thinking about all the failures that led up to this moment. Feeling foolish for thinking that he and the others could have ever defeated the Asteri. Thinking about Cormac and how he's dead
Jackie Zabrowski
and we're not thinking about you, Morvin.
Natalie Jean
No. No one's who's thinking about Mor and God.
Jackie Zabrowski
Both of them. Morvin and Inar. God. Stupidest names.
Natalie Jean
His whole life has started to spiral. Well, basically it started to spiral as soon as his clam took charge.
Jackie Zabrowski
You know, then I've been there. Yeah.
Natalie Jean
Then his sister's death, and then all the chaos of the last year. Things have just gotten very bad. He reaches the Viper Queen's office and enters where she's watching Ari from her massive one way Window. She's dressed in only a silk romper, smoking a cigarette and bare feet evoking the image of Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction. She informs him that he made his last fight too short. Tells him to observe Ari, that how she stretches it out makes it a good show. So essentially being like, yeah, I know you just, like, almost killed yourself, but it was like, way too short.
Jackie Zabrowski
Can I give you some feedback? Yeah. I'd really love to circle back to that fight that you just had. This is is what happens when slave fights get corporate.
Natalie Jean
It's true.
Jackie Zabrowski
He doesn't want any feedback.
Natalie Jean
He doesn't. Darian's bout had only lasted five minutes. She informs him then that because he made his fight so short, Ari was now commanded to make hers extra long. He contemplates why Ari didn't chastise him for that earlier in the bathroom. Cuz she'd already known at that point that he had gone to short and that she was being forced to do a much longer fight. Instead, she helped him tend to his wounds. Which is interesting because she has such, like, a hard exterior. But we'll find out what that means. He asks if there was something that she wanted. Like, why are you. Can I go to sleep? I'm done. I'd like to go to bed now. Smirking, she tells him she thought he'd want to top off. And he's disgusted to see that she is offering her arm.
Jackie Zabrowski
Natalie, no.
Natalie Jean
What the.
Jackie Zabrowski
Literally not supper.
Natalie Jean
I think you are a beautiful woman.
Jackie Zabrowski
Thank you.
Natalie Jean
I'm not necessarily enticed by the idea of drinking the fluids out of your arm.
Jackie Zabrowski
Good. Because this was a test. Okay. Good. I'm glad that we finally got to this place.
Natalie Jean
Did Henry tell you to?
Jackie Zabrowski
Henry entice me. Henry was worried that you were only in this family to sup from his sister. And he sent me in as a double agent to find out. And I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I just wanted you to know that you've passed.
Natalie Jean
It's been a long 11 years to get to this point.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah. Yeah. 11 years that I've been taunting her with my scissor.
Natalie Jean
You call your venom scissor, Paul?
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, obviously. So.
Natalie Jean
So, yes. She's like, I thought maybe you'd want some. A night cap. And the venom enrages him at the same time as he's disgusted because he also craves it immediately.
Jackie Zabrowski
You are the perfect job. Perfect job. Whoa. Perfect job. Oh, no. Natalie, are you singing this to me? I thought we just passed this. No.
Natalie Jean
Okay, so the Viper Queen knows how much he hates this and smiles at him.
Jackie Zabrowski
Go ahead, she urged, and Tharion wanted to scream, to weep, to run as he grabbed her arm to his mouth and sucked in a mouthful of the venom. It was beautiful. It was horrific. And it punched through him. Stars flickered in the air. Time slowed to a syrupy, languid scroll. Exhaustion and pain faded to nothing. See, she refers to it as a scissor as well. That's getting a little bit. All right, maybe she didn't refer to it as her scissor, but, you know, it makes you zerpee.
Natalie Jean
That's what I mean. It does seem like it's sort of like what heroin must feel like. I've luckily never tried it.
Jackie Zabrowski
No.
Natalie Jean
And no. No hate to anyone who struggled with it. I have many friends who have, but it's like I. I wouldn't want to know what it feels like. You know what I mean? Like, I'm glad I never.
Jackie Zabrowski
No, I don't. I. I don't want to know. I don't want to know.
Natalie Jean
But it's okay.
Jackie Zabrowski
I think it's okay to recognize there are certain feelings in life. I want to know.
Natalie Jean
I don't want to know because what if it's great? No, thank you.
Jackie Zabrowski
I hear it's fairly addictive.
Natalie Jean
I hear. I've heard tale. Seriously, no hate. And amazing congratulations for those who've gotten so.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, yes.
Natalie Jean
One of the hardest things, apparently, on planet Earth.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah. And I mean, it's hard enough that I drink coffee all day to an extent that I have to now drink decaf cold brew because I literally can't stop drinking coffee. But my doctor is like, your heart will explode.
Natalie Jean
Well, literally.
Jackie Zabrowski
Literally, yeah. And I said, well, that's actually really cool. And she said, it's not. So this is the problem. And you know, sometimes you learn things from doctors you don't want to learn.
Natalie Jean
It's true. Tharion feels shame as he drinks from her wrist. The Viper Queen trails her nails along his skin like he is a pet.
Jackie Zabrowski
Her fingers tightened on his throat, an invitation. This time. The Viper Queen's lips brushed against his ear again as she whispered, let's see
Natalie Jean
what kind of stamina you have now.
Jackie Zabrowski
Sarian babble, babble. I'm in trouble.
Natalie Jean
Is that what I think it is? It certainly sounds like she's saying, jump on this.
Jackie Zabrowski
Jump? Yeah, man, that's a hop on pop. But it's different.
Natalie Jean
We don't find out exactly what she's saying here just yet, but obviously we think we know.
Jackie Zabrowski
I think I've been around the block.
Natalie Jean
Instead we cut over to our favorite longhead.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh good. It begins.
Natalie Jean
Ethan. Holster.
Jackie Zabrowski
I got this wolf. You know. I gotta take this wolf and let me do it. Thanks to the wolves. And it's just, you know, I'm pro wolf. Okay. And. And it's not. Maybe it's why I'm dressed as Sabine today. Maybe. All right.
Natalie Jean
You're being wolfest.
Jackie Zabrowski
I and I. It's difficult as sabitch to be wolfest. Although she is.
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Natalie Jean
So just so far we've been in the thoughts of Lydia, Bryce, Tharion and Ethan. Now I think that's everyone, right?
Jackie Zabrowski
Correct.
Natalie Jean
So Ethan is also in the meat market at this moment with Tristan, Flynn, Declan, Emmett and Dex boyfriend Mark. He where with his thoughts, he reflects on all of the scumbags they have talked to over the last couple days.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, you just said scumbags.
Natalie Jean
With your cute little.
Jackie Zabrowski
With your like Philly kind of.
Natalie Jean
Oh my. My Pittsburgh.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah. Yeah man.
Natalie Jean
Skill. Hear it?
Jackie Zabrowski
Sorry, I. I like. I think I call it out because I enjoy it.
Natalie Jean
Oh no, it's great. I don't want to do it. Usually if I've had a couple glasses of wine is when it really.
Jackie Zabrowski
I've heard that. Yeah, I heard it.
Natalie Jean
They have talked to many people in like these sort of circles the last few days attempting to get any information on all of their missing friends. So we are in the days same time frame as Tharion, who gave his fealty over to Viper Queen the same day that they were all in the Crystal palace.
Jackie Zabrowski
Two days ago. I bet it feels like forever. Yeah.
Natalie Jean
And now these guys are there at the same time. But they're on the surface level of the meat market trying to get information from all of the ne' er do wells there they are. All strained and desperate to gain any news whatsoever beyond knowing that the males are being held at the Palace. Ithan is in the midst of trying to convince the others to help him free Tharion from his servitude. The Fae boys aren't particularly interested in focusing time on springing Tharion from where he is they have quite a bit on their plate with finding their best friend, among other things. They are extremely strained worrying about Ruhn also.
Jackie Zabrowski
It is difficult because it's like they. He bent the kneader. It was like. I feel like the other friends are. We're being taken. Like, you have no idea where they are probably. And like, especially with Bryce. Like, they think she's in hell maybe. And then they do know their good friends are being actively tortured. So it's like Therian. Sorry, bud, you made your bed. We're gonna circle back to this. But we'll be back.
Natalie Jean
Yeah. Which is what Flynn says. Immediately he's like, there. He made his choice. Defect. It not their concern right now. But Ethan kind of pushes back and. And sort of does the. Well, technically, like run and Hunt also made their choice to go there. And then Flint just is like, get out of here.
Jackie Zabrowski
Get off.
Natalie Jean
He says off, if you're gonna hassle them about this. Ethan just wants to save Tharion, though. And Flynn knows this. And he changes from angry to just exhausted. He tells Ethan he should go home and get some rest and take the female sitting nearby back with him. Who do you think that is? Remember the last thing that we read in House of Sky and Breath is Ethan just kind of decided he was just gonna break down the door and just like bash in the tank and just like take the woman.
Jackie Zabrowski
He's the female. That's what he is. He's. He's bringing that wolf, putting it back together and be like, you're gonna be a wolf for us now.
Natalie Jean
You're gonna be a w.
Jackie Zabrowski
But is it that easy, Ethan?
Natalie Jean
We'll see. So the two of them look over to where Flynn is pointing and they see the female. Mystic eyes are darting around. So she's there, she's sitting up, but she's just like overwhelmed by everything that they're seeing. She's never been just out in the world around all these people. And so she's sort of just like watching everything go by. And the three fire sprites are also there with her, like napping on her shoulders because they're trauma bonded. We learned through his thoughts that she is named Sigrid Fender. And ever since she was busted out a few days ago, she has refused to sit alone in the Fay frat house. Hence her now sitting awkwardly in this marketplace, looking around, stunned. Ethan is surprised at how assertive she has been from the get go, demanding to know all information about everything that's going on. He had sort of expected her to cower and Be fearful. But as you knew, Ethan, she is an Alpha. And she had become a pain in his ass, which, of course, he didn't consider.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh. Oh. I didn't think she was gonna have a personality that. That might be different in mine. Whoa.
Natalie Jean
Yep. Too late. She's out.
Jackie Zabrowski
Him and Therian together. What? Little knuckleheads, aren't they?
Natalie Jean
And yet, I'm deeply attracted to the theory and not whatsoever attracted either.
Jackie Zabrowski
And it is. And also, that is crazy, even. It's just, like, because I'm. You know. I love me a werewolf. I love me a wolf.
Natalie Jean
Problematic ones, too.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, yeah. But not this one. No.
Natalie Jean
He spent a good chunk of the three days together they've had giving her a full history lesson on what has happened in the wolves den. She wants to know all of the historical goings on. She is indeed Sabine's niece, it seems, though she won't tell Ethan much about her father, other than he fought Sabine for the place of prime. And when Sabine won, her father was exiled. Sigurd was born after all of this took place. Now all the males are grappling with the fact that Sigrid being here makes everything harder, since she is openly disgusted by the meat market. Not to mention the risk of Sabine discovering her and realizing that she's out and about, because this is a massive threat to Sabine. The whole reason Ethan, like, busted her out, other than he, I think, wanted her to, like, not be trapped, was that we need a Fendir to take us over. So Sabine is gonna be one to kill her ass. I mean, I assume, yeah, you're dressed in a very sexy business lady attire. You're not ready for fighting.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah. What are you talking about? Sabine can fight wearing anything, Natalie. That's the beauty of Sabine. I feel like, even in this. Also, Natalie, she's got little shorts underneath the dress.
Natalie Jean
Oh, thank God.
Jackie Zabrowski
So she doesn't have to worry about anyone seeing anything underneath. So she's got the little shorts on so she knows. So she can kick high.
Natalie Jean
There she goes.
Jackie Zabrowski
And that
Natalie Jean
you. Come here. I'm not getting up.
Jackie Zabrowski
Come here.
Natalie Jean
No, closer to my foot.
Jackie Zabrowski
Nope. Closer. Yes, yes. Let me make. See. But also, if you were Sabine, I would. Come here.
Natalie Jean
Come here.
Jackie Zabrowski
Let me kick you. Let it kick out.
Natalie Jean
And I think, you know, I guess that's. That's on them. If they decide to walk forward towards
Jackie Zabrowski
her, I think that they would be so scared that they would feel compelled. And I think that that is my power.
Natalie Jean
Yeah.
Jackie Zabrowski
But I am in, I am dressed, and I am here. So something's gonna happen.
Natalie Jean
Okay.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, no. I feel like she really is always dressed to slap somebody.
Natalie Jean
Oh, yeah. But I do think she wears. She's not just wearing, like, like, battle gear. I think she does wear, like, fashion.
Jackie Zabrowski
I think she does. I feel like she and Viper Queen, and maybe I've just, as someone that has to cosplay them multiple times, decided, genuinely decided that I was like. I imagine both of them, no matter what, still want to look like. You think about Viper Queen wanting the fighters to even have a certain brand and a certain look. You think Sabine wouldn't. Sabine wants everybody to know that she is Sabine. Everywhere she goes. She ain't never dressing down ever.
Natalie Jean
She's got, like. She's got all the purses and all the.
Jackie Zabrowski
All of it.
Natalie Jean
I feel like the label stuff, the stuff that I find kind of boring. She's just like. Like, look how expensive.
Jackie Zabrowski
Ex. I do feel like that is the difference. I feel like Viper Queen would still, like, she don't mind tiny hands making it. I feel like Viper Queen's still getting from, like, sheen and all that kind of stuff. Like, she's getting fast fashion. But I feel like Sabine. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, honey, you don't understand how much this cost. And I think that Sabine is one. I think you're right. She's a Gucci. She's a product.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Definitely. Now that we have that cleared up.
Jackie Zabrowski
Figured it out for you, in case you also were wondering.
Natalie Jean
So now they're dealing with Sigrid being out. She refused to stay back at the Fae frat house.
Jackie Zabrowski
She's out, which makes sense. I mean, would you want to stay there?
Natalie Jean
No. Also. Yeah, like, what do they. They just sprung her. What, are they just gonna, like, lock her in again somewhere so they technically don't. Themselves don't even need to be in the meat market. They just all are feeling helpless and trying to find any information at all that they can to help guide them towards what could have happened to Bryce or how they can get closer to the torture dungeons. And it's like one of those, you know, those situations where, you know, you can't help, but you just can't sit there.
Jackie Zabrowski
Right. So you're just like.
Natalie Jean
I guess we'll just, like. I don't know, we'll ask questions. Maybe some of you will have an
Jackie Zabrowski
idea or move around, just get, like, back into your body, too. Especially, like, after a trauma.
Natalie Jean
Yeah.
Jackie Zabrowski
You know, and after what they've just been through, you don't want to just sit at your house. You're not feeling, you know, like, oh, I just want to be cozy right now. Although, I mean, I guess if I were in a battle, I'd probably be like, I'm going to go sleep for seven months. But no one's calling Jackie to battle. Not yet. Yeah, soon.
Natalie Jean
So, yeah, they. They're also on the level of again, they know that Bryce is gone and they know that the. The boys are in trouble some in some way, but that's pretty much all they know. He thinks back a few days ago to when he had come and taken cigarette immediately from that tank to the frat house. So we saw him remove her. And that was where the la. We, you know, pick up from the last book where they all have now put this other thing with all of this was happening. Then he shows up with this person he's kidnapped. And they all still have to pretend like nothing is happening because so far the hysteria has kept all of this out of the news. So aside from the Autumn King, like, literally nobody knows that Hunt and Rune are missing. So, like Flynn and Deck have to just keep going to work and actually everything's normal. But now they also have this on top of it. And so as far as the.
Jackie Zabrowski
I'm being attacked. I'm sorry, I was being attacked by my wig.
Natalie Jean
By your wig?
Jackie Zabrowski
Yes.
Natalie Jean
As what? You. You deal. You go.
Jackie Zabrowski
Thank you.
Natalie Jean
So as for why the Astronomer or the Autumn King hasn't shown up, there's no. We don't know. They don't know. Nobody knows. Ithan walks over to Sigrid, who comments on how terrible this place is. She also mentions that the Astronomer came here frequently, which makes her like kind of shudder when Ithan inquires as to why. Sigrid says she doesn't know, but remembers him saying something about a satyr and his salts.
Jackie Zabrowski
Okay, clocked that. Okay, Seder and salts.
Natalie Jean
So if you remember, maybe he likes baths. That's probably what. Yes, I mean, they are in baths 24 7, technically.
Jackie Zabrowski
Where do you think he gets his bath salts from?
Natalie Jean
I think that is what's happening. But also, if you remember, this is where Bryson Hunt visited in the first book to get the illegal salts to some of the demon.
Jackie Zabrowski
Illegal salts? Salts.
Natalie Jean
Okay, so it seems like that's what the Astronomer was like getting things to keep them in the tanks. Ethan knows of him also, since he's always on the Ox's shit list. The Seder who sells the salts. He's like a. He's like a dealer. He looks towards the door as he's Thinking about what Sigurd just told him. And she catches his gaze and understands he must be looking towards the seller's door, like the doorway where the guy is. That infuriates her and she jumps up, intent on rushing the door to confront the salesman. Likely, you know, again, the seller who helped keep her and her fellow mystics trapped in a tank. She wants to scream at him and like tell him how horrible he is. Ethan panics and blocks her. The sprites are arousing themselves. Finally, because they've been asleep on her shoulders, he tells her do not go up there.
Jackie Zabrowski
She looked down at his hand, then up at his face, her nose crinkled with anger or what? The steel of an alpha rang in her voice. Ethan's very bones cried out to submit, to bow away, to step aside.
Natalie Jean
He pushes past it though. The Holstroms also have alpha blood. Now two alpha wolves are getting fired up in the middle of the meat market, about to cause a seed. And in the middle of all of this stuff. Flynn sees this happening and rushes over and whispers them to get to them, to get the out of there if they want to brawl. They have enough going on right now. Sigrid especially.
Jackie Zabrowski
You're a stolen entity. Sigrid, think about this for a second.
Natalie Jean
Nobody's especially these wolves. They're just doing whatever they want.
Jackie Zabrowski
Well, so it's that alpha babe, you know, it's the alpha blood in there
Natalie Jean
always making really bad decisions. So Sigrid now faces off at both Ethan and Flynn. Now don't act as if you can order me around. Mark joins the group and reminds Sigrid she technically has no rights at the moment and it wouldn't be a good idea to get in trouble with the law. Declan joins his boyfriend and tries to diffuse the argument that is building up. So now all of the, the. The players here have come over to where Ethan and Cigarette are fighting, trying to get them to stop what's happening. It's, you know, he's coming over like hey guys, whoa. While the boys aren't really handling this that well, the fire sprites come up with a better plan. Sasa gently floats in front of Sigrid's face to kind of block her from the males and to get her attention, kindly suggests that since they're they're there to do other things that day, perhaps they could come back and confront the salt seller another time. She calls her Siggy, which almost makes Ithan gawk in amazement. Only the sprites would come up with a pet name for this cranky. Boss, babe.
Jackie Zabrowski
Also, I know that they shouldn't, but don't. These three fire sprites, aren't they given the three little fairies from Cinderella, like the different from Sleeping Beauty or Sleeping Beauty. Excuse me. Yeah, don't they. I feel like every time they talk about them, I see them as the three different colors and I see them at like, as like the different, like light sprites that. That fly around.
Natalie Jean
No, you're right. You're totally right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like giving good advice.
Jackie Zabrowski
Giving good advice. And they're giving like good washing over. Yes, yes, totally.
Natalie Jean
Sigrid grumbles some more, seeming to concede to the sprite's logic. Eventually, the group.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, I'm in a battle. I'm in a bang battle.
Natalie Jean
Not. Not like a. Not like a.
Jackie Zabrowski
No, it's not a bang battle like that. No, it's. It's. I can't. How do people with real life bangs. How do you do it all the time? I feel like I can feel them on my face.
Natalie Jean
Well, it's a bang half for most of my life. You just cut them.
Jackie Zabrowski
Can I call you that?
Natalie Jean
You should mostly bang, girl. But I've been doing no bags for the last like half year. Yeah, and you should be. I wish you would have acknowledged it.
Jackie Zabrowski
I'm sorry. There has been a difference in your bangs and it has been huge.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, it's been a big talking point in the office.
Jackie Zabrowski
It has been. Everybody's always breaking.
Natalie Jean
Everybody's talking about it. Those bags are long. They're like too long.
Jackie Zabrowski
These bangs are too long, correct?
Natalie Jean
Yes.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, that's. That is what the problem is.
Natalie Jean
So she concedes. She stops the argument. The group returns their attention to the task at hand. What do they do now? It's real. It's less than a. It's less a task at hand and more of a looking for a task at hand. They're just like, what do we do? They don't know how to make this better. But they also can't sit around while their brother is being held in a dungeon going through urge knows what. They all acknowledge that if they find some miracle to get them out that they will probably need immediate medical attention for their injuries, which sends them into a tormented silence. So basically, like plotting out. Even if they got to them, they.
Jackie Zabrowski
We. How are they going to get out?
Natalie Jean
We would need to tend to their wounds because they're. They're like, you know, coming to the realization they're probably deeply injured from the torture. And then how do we take Them. Where do we go after that?
Jackie Zabrowski
Especially because there's nothing in the news. Can you imagine setting everything up, watching your friends go into a battle and then you hear nothing? No, it's not even like, oh, you can at least get news about the battle. You hear nothing.
Natalie Jean
Yeah.
Jackie Zabrowski
And how did. How can they possibly assume that any of them are alive? You know what I mean?
Natalie Jean
Like, I think they have to for their own mental.
Jackie Zabrowski
For their own sanity.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, yeah, I think so. But they're like, they're all like just sitting there in silence just like trying to grasp this. They ponder their options after they think for a while and consider getting to that Myrrh submarine that had saved them prior. In the last book. That would entail, however, getting Tharion. Ethan reminds them. He recalls how they learned what even happened to Tharion. It wasn't that he got a message to them. It was that they literally walked past a flyer advertising his fight.
Jackie Zabrowski
But also, man, Viper Queen so great at branding. How fast she had that out there. She was promoing him so fast.
Natalie Jean
I like, it's like very gorilla advertising to still put like flyers, flyers up in the meat.
Jackie Zabrowski
I mean, I guess if you have like a, you know, addicted slave fighting ring, I guess you're not gonna just get like ads on Insta. You know what I mean?
Natalie Jean
No, you're gonna have them. They're gonna need to be cutting paper and they're gonna need to tape. You know, they can't always just be fighting. They have to have other things, other tasks. You know, they need to go to get copies made and stuff like that. So they question what that would even do. Would they all just. If they got the ship to come, if they found a way to get to Therian and then theory and got them to the ship, what would they do? Are they all just gonna go live on this underwater vessel forever?
Jackie Zabrowski
They.
Natalie Jean
They're. They just don't see a way forward. They don't know what to do. And I mean like they. Their mission failed.
Jackie Zabrowski
So yeah, now they don't.
Natalie Jean
They weren't banking on that. They didn't come up with a contingency plan really. And so they're like, now we have to like think about our entire lives now. Flynn snarkily points out that Sigrid lived in that tank forever and they could live and certainly live in a city sized ship just fine. Which is like, pretty up thing to say. This seems to trigger Sigrid, who walks away from the conversation. The sprites trailing her and whispering something
Jackie Zabrowski
in her ear and maybe you shouldn't talk about her like she's a piece of furniture.
Natalie Jean
Yeah.
Jackie Zabrowski
In front of her.
Natalie Jean
Unless you just immediately bring up, like,
Jackie Zabrowski
the torment she was that she went through. Like, do we have to do. You know, But. But also, they're all just, like, trying desperately to figure out which way to go and how to continue on forward.
Natalie Jean
So Ethan recalls how little she knew about basic people things when he retrieved her. How he'd had to show her that, like, getting in the shower wasn't a trap, that the door would open. Or how she had never slept in a bed before. They mall over, wonder she's pissed. Yeah, right. They mull over options for a while. Flynn makes a snide remark about Bryce leaving, suggesting she must have abandoned them.
Jackie Zabrowski
Animals.
Natalie Jean
Ethan feels his temper rising and reigns it in. He knows Flynn is in pain, but he insists that she would not have left them intentionally. They don't seem to know about the whole portal situation, so, like, they're very much in the dark. After the debate, they decide the mer ship helping them to get near the palace is their best bet. And that means getting Tharion.
Jackie Zabrowski
Okay, so at least, you know, they start figuring out. Where do we start? Yeah. Yeah.
Natalie Jean
So they think they're going to give this a shot. Mark points out that there's literally no way for Tharion to leave. They cannot take him away. His body would physically return to the Viper Queen. But maybe they can at least get to him to get some information out of him. They convince Mark to escort Sigrid home against Mark's own wishes. He doesn't want to. He's like, why do I have to leave? But Declan just kisses his cheek and is like, thank you. I really appreciate it. He's like, fine. Ithan walks towards Sigrid, who has begun accosting an opal seller because she walked away from their conversation asking accusatory questions about the opal's alleged power, which is very funny. Just being like, how do you know it does magic? What do you mean? It brings strength.
Jackie Zabrowski
Prove it.
Natalie Jean
Talking about. He touches her elbow and she jerks away. He steps back, forgetting that she doesn't like to be touched. This is uncommon for wolves, who tend to crave touch. He wonders if she lost that aspect of herself. Being isolated.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, there's not a love.
Natalie Jean
She asks him how he can stand to feel every day like he's trapped inside a rotting corpse.
Jackie Zabrowski
He isn't that kind of nice. So he, you think she's trapped, but she thinks you're trapped.
Natalie Jean
I don't know. Yikes is a bit. That's a big yikes. I don't know what you say to somebody who asks, do you feel like you're trapped in a rotting, rotting corpse?
Jackie Zabrowski
How does it feel? How does that corporeal. Does it suck?
Natalie Jean
She's referring to the fact that she's always been traveling in her mind in the tank. And being more to this, the corporeal seems stifling to her. But I think she might need a therapy session or two to work through that.
Jackie Zabrowski
She, you know what, maybe even just get her a journal. You know, a little journaling, something.
Natalie Jean
Feel like she's walking around in a corpse. He tries to comfort her. Starts out with Sigurd, but we learn here that when he calls her name out, that's not actually her name. She doesn't know that she's ever had a name, ever. Sasaad actually named her cigarette just two days ago. She doesn't see the point in her having her own name after all this time. And again, she might need to address that with a professional because she's sort of like, why would I need a name? I've never had one.
Jackie Zabrowski
Well, that's what happens when you're always. When you're laying in a tank, traveling in your mind. But out here with the rotting corpses, we kind of got to know something to call you Argus hey you, hey, you thing. If you. If you like that, we'll do that instead.
Natalie Jean
Your name's hey you, hey, you. He drops it. He's like, she's. She's in a headspace where she's like, I don't need a name.
Jackie Zabrowski
That's a bad brain. He can't attempt to try to unravel another day.
Natalie Jean
So the others kind of approach them. They. He was supposed to go over to her to tell her that she was gonna leave with Mark, but then he didn't. And so they all are, like you told her, right? Then he's like, oh. And then they glared Ethan and they
Jackie Zabrowski
confirm and they say, literally, what are you for then if you can't even transmit a message?
Natalie Jean
They don't say that, but they don't think about it. And you know, like, she's gonna be leaving with Mark. So they're like, well, Mark, and you'll with it. But then they're about to all take the pathways they just talked about. But then Mark tenses, tells them to be quiet. As a shifter, he has sensed something or picked something up.
Jackie Zabrowski
Mark's tawny eyes scanned the warehouse, the skylights. He sniffed. Ethan did the same as Shifters. Their senses were sharp, sharper than those of the Fae. From the doorway behind them, the blend of smells from the open night leaked in. The reek of the sewers beyond. And the scent of converging wolves.
Natalie Jean
Uh oh. The wolves are coming. That's not good.
Jackie Zabrowski
No, no, no, no, no.
Natalie Jean
But we don't know just yet what happens. Chapter three. We're in the aftermath of Bryce swallowing that small bean. Do you like that? I keep saying?
Jackie Zabrowski
Just makes me think of how much Henry specifically hates that kind of talk.
Natalie Jean
I hate it too. And I can't stop mo be. So that's where we are.
Jackie Zabrowski
Where are your doggos? What are the other ones? Your wolfies, your wolf ends wolfens. What's the other ones? The doggos, your woofers and your dog. Go. What are the other ones that they used to say? Puppers.
Natalie Jean
Oh, puppers.
Jackie Zabrowski
That's another word that Henry, really? I. You also, apparently, I love. This is a family trait I didn't know we all had. I don't care.
Natalie Jean
Yeah, but Bryce swallowed the bean and small bean, please. And her starlight exploded, if you'll recall. So nobody planned on this happening. But when her magic interacted with this magic, it like exploded out of her. And it had revealed the message on her back through her white T shirt. And Amrid had recognized it from the Book of Breathings, y'.
Jackie Zabrowski
All.
Natalie Jean
Which is from Actar. Yes, that was from when they went to the summer court. That's all.
Jackie Zabrowski
Special magic book.
Natalie Jean
But it's the same language the others now. No, Bryce is kind of like crumbled on the ground. And the three have converged on her, demanding to know why that is inscribed on her back. Because they take it as a threat. As they stand over her, weapons drawn, she insists that she doesn't know what the letters mean. Rizond, who has now gone into full protection of his herd mode, has more murder in his voice. She realizes he means to kill her. If he detects lies coming from her. Amen circles around her on the floor. She tells them that she can feel something in the still glowing letters.
Jackie Zabrowski
Get Nesta.
Natalie Jean
She commands. Azriel remarks if they get Nesta, that quote, Cassian won't be happy.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, you even just saying his name. Stop it, Natalie, my boy.
Natalie Jean
Rizond disappears and reappears rapidly. And Bryce, hearing that they're bringing people in, is preparing for some sort of attack.
Jackie Zabrowski
Before Bryce had finished rising to her feet, he returned a familiar female with golden brown hair in tow. As she had earlier in the foyer, the female wore dark Leathers akin to those on Asriel and Rhysand, and stood with an unruffled, cool sort of calm. A warrior. Oh, it's Nesta.
Natalie Jean
That's right. She looks into Bryce's eyes and Bryce feels stunned at what she sees in the female's gaze. It's some kind of unique magic. The female speaks, telling the group in a bored voice.
Jackie Zabrowski
I'm not like the other guy.
Natalie Jean
They're. None of them are like any of the other girls. So that she's. She comes in, she's like in a bored voice that she's already told them that something on her is made.
Jackie Zabrowski
Cauldron made.
Natalie Jean
Bryce doesn't understand this term. Made. Acotar readers know, but you can get the gist. Something of magical significance. They're all staring at her as though making some big decision. She's like that. I'll fight this to the very end. She thinks they're about to attack her.
Jackie Zabrowski
I mean, I get that Bryce and I do love that energy.
Natalie Jean
You got to. I mean, what else are you gonna do? Just sit there and take it, I guess. Nesta seems to sense this and brushes her off. Yeah, you want to fight? You can fight. Will kill you without even breaking a sweat. So probably just so powerful. Bryce, ever defiant, faces off with Nesta.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, that's a. Off the end, all right.
Natalie Jean
Saying you want to touch this tattoo and you'll regret it. Amren stops this impending verbal throwdown by telling Nesta to keep her mouth shut about made objects and tells her to beat it. Get out of the room. You're good. Thank you. We. We got it. Rizan takes charge of the situation and tells Bryce she needs to rest. And essentially assuring her that they're not about to attack. But also, you need to think about what you want to say to us because we're going to leave. The others begin to exit the room the old fashioned way through the door. Bryce can't help but call out asking where the Star sword is. Because of course they've disarmed her. Azrael only tells her it's somewhere safe. When she demands it to be returned to her. Azrael gives her a small smile and tells her to give them a good reason to.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh,
Natalie Jean
fine. You're very attractive. Whatever. Cut to some hours later, or days even time has passed by. Food comes at regular intervals and she marvels at the sustenance they have and how similar it is to Midgard's food, even down to the herbs and seasoning. How could this be? Did this travel with the Fae also did the Asteri. Sprinkle them across the universe. It was pointless. That's what they do.
Jackie Zabrowski
They bring, you know, they bring horrible power. And also herbs.
Natalie Jean
A little bit of a yawny apple seed.
Jackie Zabrowski
Thank you. Rosemary.
Natalie Jean
I mean, I am grateful for the rosemary in time.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, but if it came from the Asteri, Natalie.
Natalie Jean
But what if there if they didn't come? But then we wouldn't have rosemary and time anymore.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, and that would stuck.
Natalie Jean
That would suck. So she this is obviously pointless thinking, but it's better than thinking about all the other things going on in the moment. So she finds herself like pondering these things, these little bits and pieces of thoughts in this room. Because that's just hours are passing by. She to like pastime, she tosses scraps of her meal through the grate in the center of the room and listens to the responding hisses. Okay, so not safe that way. She's tried the doorway, but unsurprisingly she couldn't get through whatever wards were placed there. Then she wonders, are they testing her? Her maybe, seeing how long before she can break through their spells. The door itself swings open easily, but beyond it is a wall of night, preventing her from moving down whatever hallway was outside this room. Even if she did get out, where would she go? She presumably needs a gate of some sort to teleport back to Midgard.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, and you don't have the Star
Natalie Jean
Sword girl when she landed here though, she thinks she didn't come through a gate. She just sort of like plopped onto a grassy landscaped yard behind a lovely manor. So maybe she doesn't need a portal. But also she's kind of in the same position as the Fae boys in the meat market, where they're all just like, I don't know what to do.
Jackie Zabrowski
Yeah, kind of stuck between a rock and hard place.
Natalie Jean
When knife and sword are reunited, so
Jackie Zabrowski
shall our people be, Bryce murmured into the quiet. To what end though? Sidebar to whatever end. Sidebar Back in the fay were horrible. The ones here weren't much different from the ones she knew, as far as she could tell.
Natalie Jean
She doesn't know if she wants to reunite the Fae as she thinks it over, because they're kind of dicks. Regardless, she'd need to get back to Midgard and to hunt. Hours pass by, and yet no plan comes to her.
Jackie Zabrowski
Back with the meat boys, all right. Not the bad boys with the meat boys, all right, so don't get all A lit with sexual prowess.
Natalie Jean
No, this is the opposite. This whole Group is now sprinting towards the opposite exit of where they spotted the wolves appearing. So they scented the wolves entering the meat market. They run the opposite direction. Flynn chastises Ethan for bringing Sigrid here. Sigrid snaps that they want the boss of her, that nobody, nobody tells her where to go.
Jackie Zabrowski
You're an alpha, Cigarette. We know.
Natalie Jean
Ethan feels the command in her voice. It gives him actually a slight feeling of hope that even though she was sort of implying that she held rank over him, she was also taking accountability for her being in the meat market. Which is more than Sabine would have ever done. She would have just been like, like, why did you make me come here after she demanded to come. So he's like, maybe she can be an alpha leader. Who knows? Whoa. Wow, Sabine, wow. You know. Thank you. They reach a door that's like an exit door. And they like wait, decide what they're going to do in this little hallway. It's like this back hallway towards an exit. And they contemplate if they should split up or not. They decide no, they'll send Cigarette out even more with fewer people around her. They hear the wolves howling nearby. There's Sabine's howl. I know it cuz it goes. Cuz it goes.
Jackie Zabrowski
That's whenever it ends like that, you know, Sabitch can't be far.
Natalie Jean
It's condescending as all hell. The wolves, how they're nearby. And Ethan senses it as what he'd thought that these wolves are aware that Cigarette is there and they are trying to find her. Yeah, they come up with a plan quickly. He thinks about how he wishes he could go to Jesiba. But Griffin's is gone now. There's not a safe haven there. Then finally he says the committee him. He tells the group, Isaiah is where we need to go. The face seem hesitant to trust an angel. Ethan insists you go on the good ones.
Jackie Zabrowski
Oh, well, if Ethan insists, Declan agrees.
Natalie Jean
He says, okay, we are really short on options here. But he just expresses his distrust of Isaiah and realizes that he may immediately turn them over to Celestina. Flynn says that Celestina seems pretty cool. But Mark's like, now you never trust an archangel. Okay. He's not wrong.
Jackie Zabrowski
Nope.
Natalie Jean
Ethan can sense the wolves approaching the little hallway they're huddled in and knows they only have moments to to make a decision. There are more howls and Ithan recognizes Amelie's. While they contemplate which direction they're going to go, Sigrid just makes the decision for them. She takes charge and she slams open the exit door, making all of their choices.
Jackie Zabrowski
And there, standing in the alley beyond, stood Sabine Fender. Sabine let out a joyless laugh. Her eyes met Ethan's, filled with nothing but hate. And then she faced Sigrid, Ithan's dismissal clear. He was nothing and no one to her, not even a wolf to acknowledge. Ethan bared his teeth. Flynn, Deck, and Mar clicked off the safeties on their guns. But Sabine just said to Sigrid, through a mouth full of things, you look exactly like him. Alert.
Natalie Jean
There's a lot of in this.
Jackie Zabrowski
Everybody get out the bell. Bong bong Bells ringing Bong bong It's a and she's at your dog Bong bong.
Natalie Jean
Horrible song.
Jackie Zabrowski
It's a horrible song. It's a horrible bell
Natalie Jean
Will Sabine be the of the the of the ball?
Jackie Zabrowski
We'll find out when she just became a cat even though she's a wolf
Natalie Jean
I'm done. I'm done for today.
Jackie Zabrowski
Please read up until chapter six for next week.
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Natalie Jean
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Episode 2: Suppin’ on Sissy
Hosts: Natalie Jean & Jackie Zebrowski
Release Date: June 2, 2026
This episode of LPN Deep Dives: Crescent City continues the hosts’ comedic and thorough breakdown of Sarah J. Maas’s “House of Flame and Shadow” (HOFAS), the third Crescent City novel. Natalie and Jackie focus on early chapters, honing in especially on Therion’s new “life” under the Viper Queen, the fallout of Sigrid’s rescue, and Bryce’s predicament in Prythian. The show is rich in character-driven analysis, jokes referencing the SJM universe (and their own lives), and banter exploring the sex, violence, and gender tropes of Maas’s work.
“Especially because we both have such a—I’m gonna say it, Natalie, and I mean it out of kindness—resting bitch faces.” (Jackie, 02:38)
Jackie: “He had a choice before he unfurled his clam penis and shoved it inside of the River Queen’s daughter. That was his choice. That was the last one he had.” (08:36)
Natalie: “You think it unfurls?” (08:49)
“Viper Queen is not nothing if she ain’t about branding. That’s how you do it. You’re gonna look good as you go out there to go beat the shit out of them.” (Jackie, 13:38)
“I shouldn’t be feeling these feelings, but Ariadne is so smoking. Literally. She’s a dragon.” (Jackie, 16:45)
“If you found out my blood was addictive, would you sup from me?” (Jackie, 26:01)
“If you’re a cow shifter, aren’t we already cannibals out here?” (Jackie, 29:19)
“Stars flickered in the air. Time slowed to a syrupy, languid scroll. Exhaustion and pain faded to nothing.” (Natalie, paraphrasing HOFAS, 34:35)
“And there, standing in the alley beyond, stood Sabine Fender. Sabine let out a joyless laugh. Her eyes met Ethan’s, filled with nothing but hate. And then she faced Sigrid, Ithan’s dismissal clear. He was nothing and no one to her, not even a wolf to acknowledge.” (Jackie, 75:11)
“When knife and sword are reunited, so shall our people be, Bryce murmured into the quiet. To what end though?” (Jackie, 70:58)
On Therion’s poor life choices:
“He had a choice before he unfurled his clam penis and shoved it inside of the River Queen’s daughter. That was his choice. That was the last one he had.”
— Jackie (08:36)
On the Viper Queen’s sexualized wrestling pit:
“Viper Queen is not nothing if she ain’t about branding. That’s how you do it. You’re gonna look good as you go out there to go beat the shit out of them.”
— Jackie (13:38)
When Ariadne allows Therion to call her ‘Ari’:
“He almost calls her Ari in his thanks, but remembers it irritates her and says instead, thank you, Ariadne. She surprises him by telling him that he can call her Ari.”
— Natalie (16:45)
On supernatural addiction:
“If you found out my blood was addictive, would you sup from me?”
— Jackie (26:01)
Wry hope for redemption:
“It’s a good way for characters to kind of be redeemed is when they’re punished heavily, you know.”
— Natalie (24:11)
Sabine’s entrance:
“And there, standing in the alley beyond, stood Sabine Fender. Sabine let out a joyless laugh. Her eyes met Ethan’s, filled with nothing but hate.”
— Jackie (75:11)
Bryce versus Night Court:
“When knife and sword are reunited, so shall our people be, Bryce murmured into the quiet. To what end, though?”
— Jackie (70:58)
The podcast maintains a bawdy, irreverent tone, punctuated by explicit humor, meta commentary, and quick-witted references to fandom, real life relationships, and current events. The language is frank, playful, and unflinchingly honest about awkward or dark topics.
Read up to Chapter Six for the next episode!
This detailed breakdown equips new and returning listeners with context, plot, analysis, and signature LPN banter, all while preserving the unique flavor and humor of Jackie and Natalie’s conversations.