LPN Deep Dives: HOSAB / Episode 20: IT'S A BUTTCAST

Summary

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LPN Deep Dives: Crescent City

Episode 20: IT'S A BUTTCAST
Air Date: October 21, 2025
Hosts: Natalie Jean & Jackie Zebrowski

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Main Theme

This episode continues the deep dive into Sarah J. Maas’ Crescent City: House of Sky and Breath, focusing on Bryce’s tricky sense of justice, the harsh realities of ballet hierarchy, Hunt’s precarious place among the angels, and an unsettling visit to the mystics as the crew explores the book's darker magical systems. Natalie and Jackie weave irreverent, intimate banter, pop culture references, and unfiltered takes into their comprehensive chapter breakdowns.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ballet, Body Image, and Injustice in Crescent City (10:01–25:55)

• Bryce’s Escape in Dance:

  • The episode opens with Bryce attending a funky contemporary ballet class, a moment of self-care among turmoil ([10:01]).
  • Jackie and Natalie compare her experience to movies like Center Stage:
    “She just killed a triple dog.” ([13:13])

• Juniper's Snub & Ballet Prejudice:

  • Juniper, despite her skill, is passed over for principal dancer due to politics and class/race prejudices in the ballet company ([16:03]).
  • Natalie highlights the change in ballet over time, but how old prejudices persist:

    “For many years, you had to be very waifish and very white.” ([16:16])

  • Juniper’s resilient response:

    “I’m gonna fight through it. I’m gonna be so good. I’m gonna be undeniable.” ([18:14])

• Bryce Oversteps:

  • After class, Bryce’s “savior complex” manifests as she pulls rank and calls the ballet director to advocate for Juniper—without Juniper’s consent, to Jackie’s frustration:

    “Can feel that way all you want. Don’t make the phone call.” ([25:50])

  • Both hosts agree this move by Bryce is “selfish” and “irksome,” a classic case of misguided help for a friend ([25:55]).

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2. Hunt’s Dilemma: Authority, Loyalty, and Angelic Drama (26:04–40:33)

• Sexual Politics and Harpy Shenanigans:

  • Cut to Hunt in the gym where he’s harassed by the Harpy, who’s both a comic and insidious presence ([26:46]).
  • Discussions ensue on angel attire, sexual power, and post-coital looks:

    “I think it’s really just for posing…like the moment before you disrobe for sex.” — Natalie ([28:38]) “You say respectfully, it’s fine.” — On playful podcast sexual harassment ([29:17])

• Celestina’s Leadership:

  • Celestina lays down discipline for Hunt skipping the Archangel meeting (for Bryce):

    “He is to stay at the barracks for the next two weeks, to remember his work priorities…” ([38:53])

  • Contrasted with the punishments of the past, the hosts emphasize how light this “punishment” is—though it’s “Hunt’s penis’s 9/11” ([39:13]).

• Office Tension & The Hind:

  • Hunt leaves only to face the Hind, recalling their dark, complex history, and is rattled by her interrogation about his circle (Ruhn, Ithan, Tharion, Bryce) ([44:45–47:00]).

    “An angel, a wolf, a Fae prince, a Mercury and a half human whore.” — Hind, read aloud ([46:19])

  • The hosts imagine a “bad joke” set-up ([47:09]) and riff on the Hind’s menacing lack of finesse.

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3. The Mystics: Magic, Exploitation & Sci-Fi Horror (51:09–79:21)

• Mystics’ Lair Imagery:

  • The team (Ethan, Tharion, Bryce) visits a Geiger-esque lair reminiscent of Alien, where “mystics” lie submerged in goo, mentally wandering the universe for clients ([58:45–61:02]).
  • Natalie connects their depiction, including a third-gender mystic, to the Baphomet figure (“titties and dick”):

    “It’s the first the books have mentioned a third sex, which is very cool.” ([60:12])

• Dark Magic & Blood Salt:

  • To contact Ethan’s dead brother, Connor, the wizard (“astronomer”) intends to use blood salt—gory ingredients, including blood from birth and death ([69:25]).

    “Could you imagine…can I just come in and get a little sample?” — Jackie on the grisly practicality ([70:06])

• Ethics & Exploitation:

  • The sprites in rings and mystics in pods highlight class exploitation and magical oppression:

    “She realizes when she sees a teeny tiny hand press against the glass that it’s not stars. That’s in fact fire sprites trapped inside the domes.” ([55:35])

• Consulting the Dead:

  • The mystic’s mind makes contact…in hell—with Thanatos, Prince of the Ravine. The “customer support from hell” moment is eerie and comic.

    Thanatos: “Let me see them. Let them see me.”
    The mystic’s eyes flew open in the tank below. ([77:17–77:34])

• Ethan’s Grief & Desperation:

  • For all the horror, the underlying motivation is Ethan’s unresolved grief, which the hosts both understand and lampoon:

    “Ethan, was this worth it? No. Your brother is dead. I know it hurts, but you gotta grieve him.” — Jackie ([79:04])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Juniper’s Struggles:

  “It was clearly a pointed decision. June has been denied the spot even though she’s the best because of rich donors, racism and classism.” — Natalie ([18:13])

• On Ballet Injustice:

  “Sometimes you have to let people die. Okay? You just gotta walk away.” — Natalie, in full satire ([23:48])

• On the Mystic Lair:

  “The pods… I always think of the hyper sleep pods from Alien.” — Natalie ([59:19])
  “I want to feel that goo!” — Jackie ([60:41])

• On Blood Salt Ingredients:

  “Summoning salt infused with blood from a laboring mother’s sex and blood from a dying male’s throat.” ([69:25])

• On Bryce’s Savior Complex:

  “Sometimes it can be the most annoying thing. Not me, but some people overstep their boundaries…” — Natalie ([24:32])

• “Hunt’s penis’s 9/11”:

  “This is Hunt’s penises. 9, 11. Doesn’t matter to him. Towers are crumbling down.” — Natalie & Jackie ([39:13])

• About Podcast Banter:

  “Or you just get a podcast. You have a microphone. Just get a podcast and you just say it into a microphone, into a microphone.” — Natalie ([15:08])

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Important Timestamps

• 02:38 — Start of episode, hosts in studio
• 10:01–14:55 — Ballet class; Juniper’s disappointment
• 16:03–25:55 — Ballet prejudice, Juniper’s determination, Bryce’s meddling
• 26:04–40:33 — Hunt’s gym scene, harpy’s sexual harassment, Celestina’s discipline
• 44:45–47:00 — The Hind interrogates Hunt
• 51:09–55:09 — Arrival at the mystics’ lair
• 60:12 — Introduction of nonbinary mystic (“titties and dick”)
• 69:25–71:25 — Blood salt and the ethics of contacting the dead
• 74:11–77:34 — Mystic in hell meets Thanatos, Prince of the Ravine
• 79:04–79:21 — Segment wrap-up, instructions for next reading

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The episode delivers a mix of biting social commentary (racism/classism in dance), empathy for the characters’ traumas, and the hosts’ trademark bawdy, referential humor. Both deeply analyze character motivation while also veering off into comedy—whether riffing on Ace Ventura, pondering angelic fashion, or envisioning “mystic goo.” For all listeners, whether reading along or tuning in for the banter, the episode underscores Crescent City’s blend of high fantasy, real-world social critique, and pop-culture-injected irreverence.

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Next week: Read up to Chapter 42 for discussion.

Transcript

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We're excited to announce that we're going to Prythian and Vaalbara and Bezgaeth.

[A]

If you're nasty and you can too.

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Join us in spring of 2026 at the Dreamers and Readers Festival. A three day event chock full of choose your own adventures, multiple fables, fashion shows, photo shoots, hoteez, Everybody.

[A]

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Visit fantastiquecollection.com and use our code FAYBAYES at checkout to receive $10 off of any of these events.

[A]

Dreamers and Readers Night 1 and 2.

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Mythical Creatures Masquerade, Fantastique, Starfo Ball and the Farewell Faebash.

[A]

Not only that, but if you use our code fayebaes at checkout for those events and you will receive an exclusive swag bag from the Weeknd.

[B]

I'll do anything for a swag bag. Natalie.

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Good swimmer. Gimme.

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[A]

Dreamers and readers. Baby, I cannot wait for this.

[B]

Gimme, gimme.

[A]

Give me that swag.

[B]

Welcome to Crescent City with your hosts, Natalie Jean and Jackie Zabrowski. I'm surprised you're not sweatier.

[A]

Wow. So you think I'm not committed to this costume?

[B]

Yeah, I feel like, you know, that's fine. Although you know what? What? I take back what I said. I feel like. Don't spill the coffee. That would have been horrible. You strong. You try to get in the way. Actually, I think Bryce is so hot that probably she would be even more beautiful After a dance rehearsal.

[A]

Well, I think she would definitely look like.

[B]

Oh, my God, it's so difficult listening. Also accidentally, Natalie, I didn't even realize it until we were actively playing the game. And I will say that over on LPN soon, if you like TTRPGs, we will start releasing our version of Vampire the Masquerade, where we get to do essentially, if you have no idea about it, it is vampire improv. And so we're doing vampire improv. And I didn't realize that I essentially made a vampire Bryce Quinlan. I made her tall, thick, juicy, bitch, red, long hair. I mean, definitely doesn't have, like, the confidence of a Bryce Quinlan, as if, like, being that beautiful. But she never noticed she was that beautiful.

[A]

Like one of those kind of ways.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Does she have a sapphic sire? You damn right she does. But we're not talking about vampires right now. I just wanted. I just. As I was describing her, because I hadn't thought about what she would look like physically. And then I started describing her to Jared, and I was like, I, this is Bryce Quindlen. And these boys here don't even know who Bryce Quindlen is. So I couldn't even bring it up.

[A]

Well, some of them have been her.

[B]

Yeah. They have seen her. So it's like, you should get to know the person you've been inside of or been penetrated. Yeah, Been penetrated by, like, they've been.

[A]

They. Her. They. Well, they. They took in someone as her.

[B]

They received someone. Someone.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Reverse birthed.

[B]

Yes. In the same way I received a lot last night.

[A]

So what I call sex.

[B]

Reverse birth.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Henry, ready for your reverse birth, man? No one loves it more than, like, thinking about their mom and going through a mom's pussy or belly hole or from somebody else's pussy or belly and.

[A]

Or a test tube.

[B]

Oh, wherever. Wherever you're getting your goods, you know, that's what you want to be thinking about right before you just slide into the horny base.

[A]

Unfortunately, I think some people do think about that.

[B]

You know, intrusive thoughts happen to everybody, guys. You know, everybody. We're not here to just stop what happens in our brain. Sometimes things come up and what do you do? You recognize them and you go, goodbye, and you send them away. And apparently that's what you're supposed to learn in meditation. But I've never really meditated for longer than, like, two minutes. So I imagine if you did, you would get to that place.

[A]

I recommend transcendental. I'm sure I've said that before. Mindfulness meditation does not work for me. Some people can do it, I can't. Transcendental meditation works for me, though.

[B]

Get into it.

[A]

But also, so does drugs and medication.

[B]

Yeah. Doing tutors, trying to get through the day. Like my dog.

[A]

My dog is on a bunch of drugs right now because her back leg.

[B]

Is all Jack giving her a bunch of blow cane. She don't need it. No.

[A]

Opposite.

[B]

Yeah. No, honestly, she's got the fun drugs. Have you tried to sip off the top a little bit?

[A]

Natalie. I know. I'm scared.

[B]

Why get the puppy pills. Say, come on, bitch, share it. You're also having to go through this while Carmi is locked up at home. I think you should take a little.

[A]

It's a liquid. We have to try to catch your mouth.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I bet. Do you love doing it? And you get to do it twice a day?

[A]

That one's. No, that one is twice a day. Yes.

[B]

Yay. I love to get a little mouth to listen.

[A]

I just love when my dog's frightened of me. It's my favorite.

[B]

Adelie, I think we should talk about this. I've been scaring everybody at the network, and we know that you like to scare the dogs, but we're scared now, too.

[A]

Dog scarer.

[B]

That's why Boo's not here today. It's because Adam knew that you were gonna be here. We couldn't have Boo in here.

[A]

Why did you take it away from us? Why are you doing this? I know I started it. Where is he?

[B]

Adam, give us Boo. You can't demand people bring their dogs to work. Apparently. But I did try to call him at least seven times this morning to see if Boo was coming. Didn't answer a.

[A]

You gotta dress him up as a ghost for this Halloween.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I can't wait.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

Yesterday, it's just like, I have a living thing in my home that I take care of, except that I don't. Yesterday, I got home from a long day of work and Jeff had gotten Gloria.

[A]

I.

[B]

She's a ghost. She's a goose. And oh, my God, she is the cutest goose I have ever seen in my life. Yes. I'm talking about my porch goose. And she. And it's got lights in it. Oh, my God.

[A]

She loves it.

[B]

Loves it, loves it. I did ask him if he asked consent first, and apparently she gave it honkingly, so don't worry about that very much.

[A]

The perfect makeup for this conversation. What are you talking about?

[B]

Everybody left me to have sex with My husband. Now. Everybody left, and now it's just me and him here. And I don't hate him, but I don't love him. And I won't clean myself up, I guess.

[A]

Are they husband and wife?

[B]

I. I guess or I guess they're just. They're mates. They're faded. Mated. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, they're mated.

[B]

So they're not husband and wife?

[A]

I don't. They might be. I forget.

[B]

Put those human terms on them.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yuck. No, I'm above that. Hiller.

[A]

I do think this is the perfect face of makeup to casually talk about your porch goose.

[B]

It's just me sitting on my porch dressed like this, trying to talk to people that are passing by. Like. Did you say she's a ghost? Did you say she's a ghost? You're not.

[A]

Right there. Oh, isn't she fun?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love this for. For your neighborhood.

[B]

Except she's yelling goo. It sounds like. It just reminds me of like a Holden McNeely coming all over the porch. Because that's what he does every time he comes over to my house. And I'm like, get off my porch and get your dick out of your hands.

[A]

Geez Louise.

[B]

And he goes, let's.

[A]

I guess after the 15 years you've known each other, it's nice that he still gets hard for me. Yeah.

[B]

Is that what you were gonna say? Natalie? It's nice that he gets hard for me. Honestly, it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I still got it celestial.

[A]

But we are.

[B]

We are.

[A]

We are not with Holden McNeely on a porch right now, unfortunately. We are in a funky down low ballet class a la Center Stage. Cool.

[B]

Gotta let it out somewhere. Yes. Whoa. Oh, my God. Is she Bryce or is she Jody Sawyer? Wow. You do know that movie better than I do. Yeah, I think I do.

[A]

Yeah. This ain't your mama's ballet class, okay.

[B]

Funky beats. Honestly, get me over there. She could use some working and twerking it out.

[A]

Who are you pointing at? Me?

[B]

Oh. As Celestina.

[A]

As Celestina. Got it, got it, got it. Okay, so Bryce. Yeah, we should get her in there. Bryce is enjoying the class she's in. You know, she's now doing her ballet classes again, which we love.

[B]

Good for her. It's like my choir. You got to do something that's just for you.

[A]

It's true. And she's thinking about how she's not having to worry about being like, ill shaped now in her dance class. Because it's funky, you know, just like Jody Sawyer, who famously also tried to Defend her busted ass feet by saying, Marco Fontaine didn't have great fear feet.

[B]

Did you funky it away? Did you get your funk on in between ballet so that you can get it out?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I love.

[B]

Do you feel that it provides a freedom that ballet doesn't?

[A]

Well, we did contemporary ballet a lot when I was in school and stuff, but also I did hip hop and jazz and all that stuff too. Yeah. But I love. I love classical ballet too, though.

[B]

Do you ever refer to yourself as a fly girl?

[A]

I mean, I have since childhood.

[B]

Nobody else does get those knee pads in here. I just.

[A]

I have like. I have like 12 pairs at my house, literally.

[B]

You should be wearing them at all times.

[A]

I've been taking heels classes. You might see some video of it soon.

[B]

Taking what classes?

[A]

Heels is a basically like a hybrid of what we call it, like jazz, contemporary, bottoms of shoes. No, you're in full. Like usually about 4 or 5 inch heels. And so it's also voguing. It's like some kind of pole adjacent. And they have.

[B]

They have any classes called Flats? Because I'd like to sign up for that one.

[A]

Most. Most dance classes are technically flat.

[B]

That's great. That's how you get me in there.

[A]

Yeah, I've been doing that though. It's been fucking fun.

[B]

That's great. Hell yeah.

[A]

We're in our funky class.

[B]

This is a little bit of the Julia Stiles.

[A]

Oh, man. The worst one, as we all know, famously.

[B]

Although honestly, Julia Stiles, if you had had wings, it really adds to. And then you can knock over all the drinks around you.

[A]

She should have been an angel in the movie. That would have added the not piece de restance. Sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

That is it. Sure. Yeah. I think all of every. Everything international you've said is what I encourage.

[A]

Great. This is her reprieve from the strain that has happened. All of the stuff that is already happened in this book. She needs the ballet class for a second. She just killed a triple dog.

[B]

Yeah, she wasn't even triple dog dared.

[A]

She wasn't there to do it. So Madame Kyra calls a break in the middle of the class and she walks over to Juniper, who's there also taking class with her. Over to Juniper, whom she hasn't told much about. All of the bullshit that's gone on. She's not really like revealing a lot of it because why, Like, Juniper's got her own life. She can't deal with all of your trauma the time.

[B]

You're also supposed to ask. We're Supposed to ask friends, like, do you have the bandwidth for me to trauma dump? You know, we are supposed to. Because, you know, you don't even know what Juniper's going through. So it's like, yeah, you're not sharing your stuff. And sure, you're like. It's like, bigger than just, like a dance thing, but you're not supposed to compare tragedies to each other. All right? That's true. Everybody's upset is their own upset, and they're allowed to have it, even if you have it worse. Although sometimes it's hard.

[A]

You can go talk shit on. Somebody's blowing their own shit up to be. You can go like, okay, girl.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Did you hear? Oh, oh, her life's hard.

[B]

Okay, Okay. I mean, yeah. To other people. Talk behind their back.

[A]

Their backs.

[B]

That's fine. Yes. So it's sad that I kind of mean that because, like, I mean, well, don't. Unless you're going to, like, encourage them to change, but you can't force anybody to change. So you can tell them how you feel, but you also have to be okay with maybe you're not gonna do anything with it, so just throw that out there.

[A]

It's a good reason to have. You know, you could say this to your therapist also good reason to have a therapist and be like, these are the toxic thoughts I've had this week.

[B]

Let me get it all out and leave it here. Like a lockbox. So.

[A]

Or you just get a podcast. You have a microphone. Just get a podcast and you just say it into a microphone, into a microphone. So she sees the Juniper. She walks over to her. Juniper's on her phone, and she's kind of frowning. And it turns out when Bryce inquires what's going on, that despite the company saying they weren't going to promote anyone this year, the ballet company, another dancer has been announced to be moved to principal. Are we serious right now?

[B]

Pissed. Because you're supposed to, like, work really hard to get there, and then you just get it at a point, right?

[A]

No, I mean, you just have to be, like, exceptional. Just like you. You. You can work your fucking yourself to. To death and still never get to principal. You just have to have that it factor.

[B]

Oh, I love it. I love having. Oh, you just have to be not like the other girl, kind of unfortunately.

[A]

And the thing is, is that Juniper has that. But this is a prejudiced kind of move, which is kind of a statement on the ballet community, which has changed drastically in the last 10 years. But for many years, you had to be very, very waifish and very white. Very kind of like.

[B]

Is it because she's a deer?

[A]

Well, that's kind of what the suggestion is. And also that she doesn't come from like bread stock because a lot of ballerinas in the past had to come from like kind of up well to do families. And now that's, that's not as much the case even. I mean, back in the day, even you might be plucked away because of your skill as a, a poor child.

[B]

But God, I would love to be plucked.

[A]

Nobody, nobody plucks me.

[B]

Yeah, nobody was begging for these talents over here.

[A]

Just really try. Just like the, you know, adult men grooming. Does that count? Not really, no.

[B]

It's not even enough. It's like if you're going to groom.

[A]

I got scouted by adult men. Isn't that cool?

[B]

At least set me up for a retirement at some point if you're going to like, if you're going to be doing that kind of damage to me.

[A]

Right, exactly.

[B]

Where's the paper?

[A]

Yeah, so you know, she has she some, you know, the person who got the principal role who got pushed up. It's probably some Fae Nepo baby in total control of herself, if you know what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah, I do know what you're saying, bitch.

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[B]

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[B]

That. How you say that word?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What? It's. I'm sorry, you're saying she's out there on the floor doing her footies, if I recall.

[A]

I think it means to whip in French, but it's. How do you say to nae nae, nae nae?

[B]

Am I a thousand years old? Yep.

[A]

Yeah, it's fine.

[B]

But. But back then, children liked that song, so it's kind of like, I'm young back when. Watch me whip. Watch me nae nae.

[A]

Oh, you mean that's the, like. Yeah, that is mental gymnastic that I didn't know was capable. So 32 fortes is like a classic.

[B]

What is it? Ballet?

[A]

Goal.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

It's a kind of spinny. It's a spinny and you stay on one foot the entire time.

[B]

Oh, wait. Is the one where you go down and then you spin and then you go down and then you spin and then you go down and you spin. You go down.

[A]

Yes, but the one foot that's turning you never comes down the whole time.

[B]

Oh, fatees are hard.

[A]

Fatees flat days are very hard. They are like the clap. That is like, the thing everybody wants to achieve, you know, like, can you do 32 WA days? So she does it.

[B]

Juniper whipped around like the wind itself propelled her. Her grounding hoof not straying 1 inch from its starting point. Perfect form, a perfect dancer. Yet it wasn't enough.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

But, like, Bryce knows this about the dance world, right? Like, sure. You can be like, bitch, that's my friend. She's so good. She's a perfect dancer. But, like, I feel like Bryce, it's like she's learning about the injustices of. Of a craft for the first time.

[A]

Well, she's not, because she. She was unable to be there because of her body.

[B]

Right? So she knows she's already angry. That's what I'm saying. Like it's not just this. She's already pissed.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. She's already mad. I think it was the. The trigger point was that there wasn't supposed to be a new principal this year. And then they just picked us some other chick who's supposed to be the head of the school. There was already principals, and then you just sometimes don't get any new ones, if that makes sense.

[B]

Oh, okay, that does make sense.

[A]

After class, June seems to intentionally leave quickly, like she doesn't want to talk about it. Like she thinks Bryce is probably gonna push this subject, and she doesn't talk about it. Talk about it. Bryce walks up to Madame Kyra. The teacher asks her about how she feels about Juniper. Snub. Because the teacher knows the Juniper is. Should be the principal. And Madame Kyra, in typical ballet teacher form, is caring but extremely cold, which is pretty much on par. She knows it's. She's aware that it should be Juniper, but she has about the same amount of pull that Juniper does. Technically, she's not one of the elite wealthy class who's funding the company. She's a former prima, but still, at the end of the day, they're just getting pulled by the puppet strings. A lot of the time she thinks the donors are creeps, but they hold the purse strings.

[B]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

And the company, and even the city doesn't want to jeopardize that. Then she says something that triggers a bad decision on Bryce's part. I get why you want to help her.

[B]

Kyra shouldered her duffel and aimed for the double doors of the studio.

[A]

I want to help her too, but Juniper made her choice this spring. She has to face the consequences. Buu, uh, that's like a pretty fucked up thing to say, because her choice was to save lives.

[B]

Yeah. And her choice was also to make a good decision for herself. And this was the one that she wanted, and it was her choice.

[A]

Very, very harsh world. So Kyra.

[B]

But also, just imagine, I guess, she's under a good amount of weight if she was like, I'd like to choose to not have this on me right now, right. Of like, not being able to do it. What, you mean that she, like, made the choice? That she made her choice that she has to face the consequences? Like. Well, her choice was to do that. Like to go save people.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I guess that was her.

[B]

I mean, yeah, she like, made a great choice, but also that's how it goes and also, you gotta think about who gets hurt in situations like these, the people that have the money.

[A]

If you want to make it in the dance world, sometimes you have to let people die. Okay? You just gotta walk away.

[B]

And it's worth it.

[A]

And it's worth it.

[B]

That's what Natalie is saying. Let him die.

[A]

Yeah. Yep.

[B]

Get to twirling. Get to twirling.

[A]

Madame Kyra leaves the room, and Bryce is left alone in the studio for just a moment. Looking at the space where she just watched Juniper dance moments ago and ruminating on what Madame Kyra just said, her savior complex kicks in. Sometimes that can be a good thing.

[B]

Sometimes it can be the most annoying thing.

[A]

Sometimes. Not me, but some people overstep their boundaries and try to fix everything.

[B]

I've never heard how many times I've yelled, I can fix him.

[A]

And just, you know, you know, I, I, I'll figure this out. I figure I'll, we can figure this. Don't worry. We'll figure it out. And it's, like, impossible. We, as the reader, observe her get on her phone and demand to speak with a, quote, director, presumably the ballet company director, and she pulls out her princess card.

[B]

I'm so, I am so annoyed by this. I am so, this irks me. I think that this, when asked, why don't you love Bryce Quinlan as much as the other female leads? It is, it's, honestly, it's not even. The only other things that she does that, like, are all positive. I know there's wonderful things that she does, but this annoys me so much. I would be so upset if someone did this to me.

[A]

It's definitely, when you read it, I think most people probably are, like, going, like, don't do, Stop, Stop this. Don't.

[B]

Because I understand where she's coming from. Like, I get it.

[A]

Yes, I get it, but it, you.

[B]

Can feel that way all you want. Don't make the phone call.

[A]

It is kind of selfish in that you're like, well, I, you know.

[B]

Well, I think you deserve it.

[A]

I'm going to take the, you know.

[B]

And I'm a princess.

[A]

You didn't say you wanted me to do this, but I'm going to. So let's see how that goes for her. We cut over to Hunt, who, we cut over to him, who is cut in the, in the scene with his abs being sharp and he's carving them even more defined in this scene at the comedian gym. And he, so he's working out, he's sweating, and the harpy comes over to him. To sexually harass him. That and to tell him Celestina is looking for him. She was tasked because she vulgarly explains that Celestina and Ephraim were just copulating and that the heart.

[B]

Yes. They were using big words. Huh? Big words for little dates.

[A]

I feel like it's not a sexy situation.

[B]

You don't? Honestly, I thought about this while putting on the makeup because I was like, oh, should all of her makeup be destroyed? I was like, no, no. This was like a. Okay. He did the amount of kissing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To make it so that his angel dick can penetrate. I feel like it was just this amount, which was not even technically that much. So I did think about the makeup.

[A]

No, I, I think I appreciate it.

[B]

We're putting it on because I feel.

[A]

Have you displayed your sleeves enough, by the way? They're pretty fun. You look cute.

[B]

I just got shocked. I'm the pearl of the angels.

[A]

You just got shocked, huh? Yeah.

[B]

And I feel like she would be in this, like, very, like, come to talk to me post clitus. Help me.

[A]

To like anyone passive aggressive to people or to be like, look what I have to do. Yeah.

[B]

This is me. And I think it's also just like that I have to go do this. And I gotta go put this shit on. Okay. And now. And you leave.

[A]

You left.

[B]

So what? What is it? You know, I barely even have time for you. I'm not even gonna try to reapply my lipstick right now.

[A]

I get it. I think that's. That's fair.

[B]

Also, I think I wanted to be in this outfit so I could get this robe. You'll see the. Look at the robe on the socials because.

[A]

Oh, Natalie.

[B]

Under regions. It is a huge. I don't know what. I guess this robe is only for draw me like one of your French girls because, like, it's huge and there's no way you can sexily move around in it.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's really just for posing. It's kind of like the moment before you disrobe for the sex. And they can just. It's like a burlesquey kind of robe. Yes.

[B]

Let me unwrap your gifts. Oh, it's a jack in the box.

[A]

Oh, and your boobies. Yeah.

[B]

It's my breasts. What if I just had big, like, springs and clowns on my tits instead?

[A]

James.

[B]

James Boeing.

[A]

Boing.

[B]

James.

[A]

Is that sexual harassment?

[B]

I'm sorry, James.

[A]

Might be.

[B]

I, I.

[A]

It's a blurry line there.

[B]

Respectfully, I got jack in the box in my titties.

[A]

Yep. Respectfully.

[B]

You say respectfully, it's fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sorry. Also, real quick, this is the tiniest of Davids, and it was just because I was thinking about Hunt, obviously, and I was thinking about his lightning. Obviously.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just real quick, there's a song on the new Taylor Swift album that is called Obalight. And it is. There are references to. To. And a lot of people are like, oh, my God, she read Fourth Wing. Because she's talking about, like, having, like, the lightning in him and having lightning. But then it's like, for me, Opalite is about Hunt instead. But I have read 4th Wing, and I understand. You know, I'm down with her. You know, I'm into Give me the rocks. And you gave him over. I just wanted to throw. I didn't know where to put this. So this is where I'm putting it.

[A]

Okay. This is. There was not another podcast to say to Ponce.

[B]

I don't have any other places to say it, Natalie. I have to say it here.

[A]

Like, I don't. It's like you can't even say anything anymore. Like, I feel like I'm being censored.

[B]

Yeah. It's like you can't even get paid a bunch of money to go to Riyadh. It's like everybody's got a problem begging for us to go, and they're like, get us that LPN Romantasy. And we said, no, we don't care how many millions you're gonna give us.

[A]

I wouldn't.

[B]

No, but I mean, millions. No, no, we wouldn't.

[A]

No one got millions.

[B]

Like, let us know if you want us to do other things.

[A]

Other thing?

[B]

Yeah, Like, I like, like, shows. Like, big shows.

[A]

Okay, we got to clarify. So Harpy has come to sexually harass Heinz, but also. Also tell him Celestina is looking for him. She says that she was nearby whenever Celestine and Ephraim were done copulating stuffing.

[B]

Please call it what I obviously refer to it as me as Celestina. You imagine her saying, stopping.

[A]

No stopping. And she was the nearest Triari member to them. And then that made me wonder if she was in the chair. Like, was she there in the room.

[B]

With her knives, just going.

[A]

Sharpening her knives and watching?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel like Harpy would love to be in a cock chair creeped out by her. Hunt tries to walk away and make his way towards Celestina when the harpy sneers that she was to escort him. Basically saying, I was told that I need to watch you and to get to, like, walk to the office, which is not a good sign.

[B]

No. When you have to be walked to the principal's office. Yeah, it is. That's. That You're. You're looking to be a runner. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Especially, it's like, when one of the bullies is taking you to the principal's office.

[B]

Like, oh, and you trust this bitch to do your bidding? But you're obsessed, upset with me. Well, also, maybe the harpy didn't. Peace out, Hunt.

[A]

No, she didn't. We're about to find out, I think, what kind of archangel Celestina really is, because, again, she could be. The way she's acting, or she could be an archangel, and he might be about to be, like, having his foot severed or something.

[B]

Sorry. I put my. The wig behind my ears, and I realized I'm giving Dopey. Like, Dopey just got stuffed. Oh. Oh, where did that come from? Oh, I can't believe it.

[A]

My little.

[B]

My little brain is so small. Oh, do I help her with the birds?

[A]

I think Dopey, the seven dwarfs.

[B]

Seven dwarfs. What does he sound like? It's like that. Did he talk?

[A]

I don't remember.

[B]

I couldn't remember. So I. You know, I just kind of made up what I imagine he sounded like.

[A]

I want to say it's probably like, gee, gosh.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Snow White. Yeah. Something audible. And that's not gonna shriek and scare children. Yeah.

[A]

Like, it does. It's only because it pushes your ears so forward because there's so much weight behind it. In the wig.

[B]

With the lipstick. Dopey, what have you been doing?

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, me too. I don't. My God, is your makeup. Again.

[A]

Again, not sure what the correlation is to Dopey, but it's fine. Does he have side.

[B]

I think he's got big ears. Yeah, he's got big ears. He's got big ears.

[A]

Okay, I believe you. We have to continue the story. So I think we're about to find out how much danger Hunt is it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hunt is relieved, though, at the same time because the harpy taunts him about how this is probably about bailing on Celestina during the welcome meeting that just happened. And he's technically involved in much worse espionage than that, so this is kind of preferable that she's just mad about him bailing because the other stuff's worse.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So she continues to taunt him during the journey because, of course, she's just, you know, escorting him there.

[B]

Also, imagine that whole long walk and being like, God, are my wings about to be Fucking sawed off again. Like, what is. What is this about to be?

[A]

And then you just have the harpy going like, I hope you're ready to have a fun time in there.

[B]

I was like, stop. Do. Stop witching.

[A]

She's like trying to grab your butt.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, get her. Get a little harassment in on the way.

[A]

Maybe your punishment will be my chamber bed. Knife, knife, knife, knife, knife, knife. Ah, dsw Earth, Place of the humble brag here. The shoes are so good.

[B]

No one would ever know how little you paid if you didn't go Telling everyone, that is.

[A]

And with never ending options for every.

[B]

Style, mood, and occasion, all at really.

[A]

Great prices will definitely give you something to brag about. So go ahead, stock up on fresh sneakers from your favorite brands or try those boots you always secretly knew you could pull off. Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores [e-mail]. let us surprise you. So he has to listen to all that, and then he finally gets to sell scene his office and can close the door in the harpy's face.

[B]

You before me.

[A]

And then we're in front of Celestina, who might be being a little melodramatic.

[B]

I've never been.

[A]

She's never been melodramatic. Noting that if she had been tussling. Oh, breaking stuff.

[B]

Oh, I'm not.

[A]

You're really wiggling around over there. So he faces her, noting that if she had been tussling. Tussling with Ephraim. She doesn't show it that much. Her makeup's not fully messed up. He's not gonna notice the lips. He's gonna be like, she doesn't look like. He imagines tough. Cuz when he's fantasizing about Bryce. Like, Bryce's hair is like everywhere. She's like sweating.

[B]

She's like, infidelities.

[A]

Yeah, infidelities.

[B]

Screaming infidelities. Remember your hair. It's everywhere.

[A]

I don't know what that was.

[B]

Dashboard Confessional. I think that was. I think that was at the point when you were way too cool to be listening to Dash.

[A]

I wasn't, but I was. I would have acted that.

[B]

You would have acted. At least acted it.

[A]

Yeah. Yes, I guess. Like that.

[B]

Just like that.

[A]

And she's not.

[B]

She.

[A]

Her face is neutral and she looks polished and beautiful just like that.

[B]

Also, I feel like Hunt would look at lipstick like this and be like, maybe it's like fashion. Or maybe she likes looking like that.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think he would Understand? She asks him about why he left, not revealing much in her questioning. She's trying to keep this. Sort of like he still can't tell what she's thinking, but you get a sense of her disappointment. She asks if his leaving had something to do with Quinlan. He doesn't deny it. She tells him it made it look like that her Triari was prioritizing a Fae princess over their Archangel and that it sent a very bad message.

[B]

Not a good look.

[A]

It's not, truly. And she knows that they are in an intimate relationship of sorts, and she's allowing it. But to some, observing, it would just look like her. Triari is not loyal to her.

[B]

Which I get.

[A]

Would be a bad thing for, like, a high figure of her.

[B]

Yeah, because also it means she's vulnerable. Like, if you don't have the trust of your Triari, well, then you can be gotten at, I would assume.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Especially because she got sent from a small island to this huge city and that she's being observed by everybody right now.

[B]

So I'm just an island girl trying to get by in the world?

[A]

As long as you're not an island boy. I heard what they get into.

[B]

Wow. Kissing brothers. Yep.

[A]

He.

[B]

She.

[A]

She sells in this. And he apologizes. And he means it. He does feel guilt for leaving her, but not so much that he is excited about which punishment she's about to lay down. And he also acknowledges in his mind that even though he does feel bad, he's always going to choose his mate. Because he's a golden retriever. Boyfriend.

[B]

Yes, he is. That's why we love him.

[A]

Yeah. And so she is about to lay down this punishment, and here's what it is. He is to stay at the barracks for the next two weeks, to remember his work priorities and to make sure he is paying attention to helping Baxian adjust.

[B]

And that is final.

[A]

There will be no questions.

[B]

No.

[A]

All things considered. This is literally nothing. It's like, nothing after what happened the last Archangel. This is literally nothing. However, this is Hunt's penises. 9, 11. Doesn't matter to him.

[B]

No.

[A]

He.

[B]

Towers are crumbling down. Yep.

[A]

He knows his options are to take this punishment or quit. And he's not ready to do the latter. So he's not happy. But I feel like he should just be like, oh, thank God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She could have just cut his penis off or something.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

She dismisses him. Good boy. And though he's angry, he takes a look at her before he walks out the door.

[B]

Drink it in, bitch.

[A]

I think she's more maybe serene in her sadness.

[B]

Oh, is that not being serene in your sadness? Okay. Oh, serene. I don't know how. I don't.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I don't know if it's an emotion I have.

[A]

Come on, you can do it. Nope. No, that's not it. Is that a bean? Serene.

[B]

You're gonna have to watch the YouTube if you want to see how great my acting is.

[A]

It is good.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Good. I know that you have the capability of being serene as an actor. I know you do.

[B]

Thank you. It's in there somewhere. You gotta dig it out.

[A]

So he looks at her and he. He. It's another pang of guilt that hits him as he observes her, sees her utterly alone, being forced to mate with someone she doesn't love. It's horrible. It's a horrible. No, no. That's sort of like a dog in a window.

[B]

It's a little Wendy. Yeah, I'm giving Wendy.

[A]

Oh, you're giving Wendy.

[B]

That's when, you know, when Wendy gets too excited that she's got a call.

[A]

She chokes on her own throat. It's too small.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Angels have small throats too.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, that's not good for the matehood, I guess.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. He's never satisfied, but I'm there. I guess it's a compliment.

[A]

Right? Yeah. And then, you know, all of this stuff, and then she's abandoned by her guards. She's left alone. Even in this moment where she just asked for almost like a kinship of being like, can you please stay with me? I'm very nervous about this thing I have to do. And he feels terrible about it as he kind of grumps out the door, ruminating on these thoughts. He's grumpified further when he sees the hind leaning against the opposite wall in the hallway, seemingly waiting for him.

[B]

It's like, get away. She is every.

[A]

Always bugging him. All of them are, what do they not have anything to do at their office? They're just constantly going around Hunt being like, hey, Hunt, remember when we tortured you for a century?

[B]

But also, it's because, like, I feel like they need to go out and have other excitement experiences. Like, it's like if you're only on tour, you know, comedians say, then you're only end up writing jokes about airports. You gotta go out and live or else what are they gonna talk about? Yeah, they're just gonna keep bringing up the hundreds of years of torturing me. It's like, hilarious. Love it when you bring it up. But if we could have, like, go watch the Pit, you know, I love to talk to you about Noah Wiley.

[A]

Yeah, well, I mean, you don't want to put. Yeah, the harpy. You don't want to put on the street because she's very grab. She's got Roman hands, Russian fingers. Hey, you need to get her one of those. Those. What are those called? What is the I thing called?

[B]

Eye patch.

[A]

No, the videos inside it. Watching videos.

[B]

Minority Report.

[A]

Oh, my God. What is it called?

[B]

A vision. Technical. Technical eyes. The thing got VR.

[A]

VR Headset thing. VR. You get one of those things where she can just watch porn like Bert Kreischer does and makes a bunch of money as he sits there watching.

[B]

And in VR, you could. In the porn.

[A]

Yes. And then she can just go in there and do that, you know, have a dime. Then she can put it on a podcast and make a hundred million dollars.

[B]

Make that content. So, God, if we had a triari, think of how much more content we could make. Like, you hold this. You make sure my makeup's good. You may like having them as, like, a, like, forever team.

[A]

Like, yeah, like having, like, your. Your. Your beauty squad.

[B]

And I guess I just want to be a real housewife because they all have their own teams, you know? Yeah, all right, I'll be a real housewife. Okay. Okay, well, Begging for it.

[A]

So we're back with a hind. He is annoyed. Obviously his distaste for her sends him into his memories of their shared history.

[B]

He.

[A]

He knows she's deadly in so many ways. We're learning a little bit about the hind in this moment because we. She's still kind of a mystery to all of us. And he's thinking about when he first met her. And. No, she. He knows how deadly she is. And yet when she arrived in Sandriel's grip, he had preceded her, by the way. So he had been there first before the hind to take her role. A spy master. She was so very young, had just made her drop, and didn't have an extraordinary amount of magic, and yet she was put into this very difficult role in the Triari. So, doing the math, she's 47 in these books, meaning she'd been with Sandriel Somewhere around 25 years to Hunt's century. So relatively new. Beyond her deer shifting abilities and her cunning, it's not fully clear how or why she was scouted for the spymaster role.

[B]

Bitch got plucked.

[A]

Yeah, but someone given that role in their early 20s is someone to be afraid of.

[B]

She Must have something in there.

[A]

Something like Big Balls. Remember Elon? Remember Big Balls got beat up?

[B]

His balls got hit like a punching bag.

[A]

Just singing about dystopian country we live in.

[B]

Oh, gotcha.

[A]

There was a kid named Big Balls who was scouted for the government. Stole all our information. And his name was Big Balls.

[B]

Wow. Yeah, I, I, you think to always trust someone named Big Balls, especially when.

[A]

He'S like 20 years old and runs the in the government. So he tried. So this is the, this is Lunathian's Big Balls, I'm saying, is the hind. So he tries to sideswipe or make his way to the elevator. Tries to ignore her, but of course she follows him and begins asking a very specific set of questions about very specific Lunathians. She follows him into the elevator and she's suddenly very curious about Ruhn and Ithan. Oh, and Tharion. She just seems to have. Oh, what do you know about Ethan? Oh, how about Tharion? That obviously is suggesting that she knows about their little meetings in some way. Hunt is panicked internally. What does she know? How does she know these things? But he's calm on the outside. Or at least he thinks he is. I don't know if he actually looks.

[B]

Calm, but he thinks the umbra mortis. He must be able to have a mask at this point, right? You'd hope.

[A]

I'd hope so.

[B]

Her small, bland smile raked down Hunt's temper.

[A]

An unusual group, even in a city as progressive as Linathian. An angel, a wolf, a Fae prince, a Mercury and a half human whore.

[B]

Hunt growled at the last word, Ray, shaking him from his dread.

[A]

It sounds like the start of a bad joke.

[B]

She's not wrong. She's not wrong. I would love to hear her try to attempt the punchline, though. Just where she's trying to be so menacing. It's like, yeah, in the bar. And then they drink together.

[A]

And the mer asks the half human which half is the fins or the top.

[B]

Funny, isn't it, Hunt? It's like, oh, you really didn't stick the landing there. But all right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you this one.

[A]

That's right. Who El. Because I'm the Hein.

[B]

And I'm behind.

[A]

Behind you.

[B]

And she starts grabbing his ass.

[A]

Whoa. That's the harpy's job. Yeah. He does his best to seem unbothered and tells her it's because Bryce has a great gaming system. That's why they all hang out together. She laughs at him, unbothered, telling him she always finds out what she wants to.

[B]

I would do that every time I was trying to be menacing. This is why I can't be menacing.

[A]

Somebody was raised by Ace Ventura.

[B]

Yes. And I know he's like, we're not supposed to watch the movie anymore, but you can still make all of the. The, you know, say all the phrases you want.

[A]

I mean, I. You can't. It's already in my brain forever and ever and ever.

[B]

I'm gonna start talking out of my ass if you want me to. I don't know how it's going to affect the podcast, the Budcast. Yeah.

[A]

Man.

[B]

We would get a lot more hits.

[A]

All right. Get it out you. Hunt is rattled by this, of course, but outwardly he goes, great. Looking forward to it. Finding. When you find all the things out about us, because we're not doing anything. They reach the floor where they're getting off the elevator, and as the doors open, they come to face to face with a Maxian again.

[B]

Get a hobby. What do you go play? Pickleball.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Little paddles. Everybody loves it.

[A]

It's probably. It's called pockleball there because it's different.

[B]

It's different, but it's not that different.

[A]

Yeah. So he and the high intense at one another, looking like two competing cats. Hunt is startled to see this. He doesn't expect the two of them to see each other and go, like you, because they were always on Team Torture.

[B]

Yeah. Then they've been. Yeah.

[A]

The hind almost cringes away from Baxian. What the hell is that about you? He's not used to seeing the hind cringe from anybody as he kind of hightails it away from both of them. As they sort of face off from one another, he hears the beginning of their confrontation. The hind taunting Baxian for disappearing the previous night. Baxian telling the hind, well, you don't have to worry about it because I don't work for you.

[B]

Her voice was smooth as silk.

[A]

Not to me or Ephraim, but you.

[B]

Still answer to the Asteri, her true masters, whose will is mine. Hunt's stomach churned. She was right. And he'd do well to remember it before it was too late.

[A]

Well, if you remember last with Tharion and Ethan, they were about to call on something called the Mystics. They were trying to figure out they both wanted these things. Ethan wants to see Connor. And if you remember, when we last left them, he had a very good idea about jet skiing in front of the gate in case Connor was standing there.

[B]

Have we even looked?

[A]

Maybe If I just swim by, yeah, he's gonna be there.

[B]

And I'll just be like, connor, honestly, it's just set. It's more sad than anything of just like, okay, bud. Yeah. You want to go look?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're in the middle of a lot of things, but, yeah, we can go look.

[A]

It is sad, but it is also irritating to me. I understand he's grieving and he's trying to get closure, but there's other stuff also. What are you going to do after that, Ethan? You're going to see him. And then what? Then what?

[B]

Put all the annoyances in one chapter, I guess. SJM's editor told her, and she's like, how about we just condense it to here? And you're like, well, what if I spread it out throughout the rest of them? It's like, okay, yeah, just keep making them more annoying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now that I find Bryce more and more annoying. It's just. It's just this. These chapters got me.

[A]

So they. They're standing in an alleyway outside a shady sounding building that apparently holds said mystic. So this is where we are at the beginning of chapter 38. We are standing in this alleyway in front of this door. Therian and Ethan are there to see the mystics. Bryce has joined them. She's been informed of their little plan, and she is not happy about it. She thinks it's a trash idea. But maybe she recognizes that many of her ideas are trash, and who is she to stop another?

[B]

Yeah, let's think about that for a moment. Bryce.

[A]

Yeah. So she's with them. They're about to go into this mysterious place. It's just the three of them. As Hunt was not answering his foam or with her pov, they ring one of those old timey bells, you know, where you go, like, pull down on the chain.

[B]

Oh, I was thinking more of like a little Quasimodo.

[A]

Like, that would be intense as a doorbell.

[B]

But maybe, wouldn't that. Maybe you guys need that doorbell, okay. In the front of your house? And it's like. And if you aren't strong enough to ring the bell, guess you're not strong enough to be our friend.

[A]

I love that. Get. Find one for us, right?

[B]

No admittance to the house until you ring the bell.

[A]

So that's what I think it sounds like. The door itself sounds honestly sick. I want this door for our house. Also, it's a carving of their solar system. And the planet th in their solar system is hiding the peephole. So when they. They ring the bell, it Swings open and after a moment, a sketchy old eyeball appears inside of it. Tharion pulls out his credentials and the guy opens the door. He says, basically, I'm with the Blue Court.

[B]

She takes out a fish. And was like, see fish?

[A]

So he, He. The guy opens the door for them. He says, this is official government business. The trio walk into a darkly lit official. Official. Sorry. The trio walks into a darkly lit open space.

[B]

A gray robed old male stood before them. Not human, but his scent declared nothing other than some sort of veneer. Humanoid. His heavy white beard fell to the thin band of rope that served as a belt. His wispy hair, long and unbound. Four rings of silver and gold glinted on one of his withered spotted hands with small stars blazing in the center of each. Trapped in the nearly invisible glass domes. I also want the rings with the prisoners. I want. Yeah, but like, bad ones.

[A]

Oh, they were like, in jail.

[B]

Yeah. Like, not like. Because I don't like your ideologies. It's like, more like you've been bad to me and now I keep you on my ring as a tiny little bound.

[A]

So in this fantasy, you have sprite enemies.

[B]

Well, I don't want them to be sprites. So can we change it? Can they be like, you know. I don't.

[A]

Goblins.

[B]

Yeah. Like. Yeah. Well, how about. I like goblins, too. Trolls. They like trolls.

[A]

Dwarves.

[B]

That's it? That's all you've got? You could only think of all of the things that could also describe your husband. And I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to be good and say, I. I appreciate. I welcome all of them. Because that's our family, Natalie. That is our family. Wow.

[A]

Leprechaun.

[B]

I mean, again, your husband.

[A]

What things do you want in there?

[B]

Like spiders. My problem is that the, like. Yeah. Honestly. Sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

How about the ones that do the spider silk? That's what I would keep in there. The big ones. The big ones in throne of glass. I can't remember what they're called. Make the spider silk. And those are the ones. But then, like, I'm nice to them inside. Like, they have a whole, like, free heaven for spiders in there. It's like all web, all mountain and tree. And that's good for them.

[A]

Staging. Stygian spiders.

[B]

Stygian spiders. Thank you. Stygian spiders. I Also known as Kung Kui. But it'll be great. Oh, my God. If my rings. I can go rings and like. And I'll be like, oh, you spider man. And then I'd spider silk at him and he'd be like, but it's not coming from your wrists. And maybe he'd be scared of where it's coming from, but he'll never know because he'll never get me.

[A]

Wow. Okay. Well, we've worked that out.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you.

[A]

Those rings, by the way, the guy that they just described sounds like a stereotypical wizard character, you know, from one of these. But as mentioned, Bryce's guts fill with horror when she sees the rings. Because when she finds first thinks of them as some kind of star glow inside of them, she realizes when she sees a teeny tiny hand press against the glass that it's not stars. That's in fact fire sprites trapped inside the domes. Bought and sold and thrown into his rings. I always envision the sprites are bigger than that. And so I think that they must be shrunk into the rings. Right? Because there I think. I think they're more like this size. Like. Like, I don't know.

[B]

This is a shrinking process.

[A]

Four inches?

[B]

Yes. That's why I was thinking of the stygian spiders, because, like, in my brain, there is a shrinking process involved in making the rings. I didn't know I thought this, but I imagine it's like a large regular sized things put into.

[A]

Well, because we do know. No spoilers. One of the rings is containing something that is definitely larger than a fingy. So they're trap fire sprites, bought and sold. They're thrown in these rings. Obviously they're already considered lessers and lowers, and they're already treated in this bat poor way. But this is even like a step further where they're like literally trapped in.

[B]

A glass and just realize, I want to amarantha my enemies. That's what I want to do.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, that. That makes sense.

[B]

That's. I mean, that's a scary thing to realize. I think it's good that I don't have any enemies though, right?

[A]

Yeah, just don't get any enemies.

[B]

Don't become enemy is what I'm saying. Because I'll turn you into a ring and I will squeeze your silk out of your holes.

[A]

Ooh. So Bryce feels rage at this and holds it in because she wants to. She's here for Therian and Ethan, and she's holding herself back. She's furious that there are these trapped sprites, probably thinking of Lehaba especially. And she just is standing there, like, ready to attack. What she waits for there and Ethan to speak with the wizard Guy. They explain they need this old wizard's services and he leads them further into the building. So he himself maybe isn't the mystic.

[B]

The space consisted of two levels. Bookshelves crammed with tomes and scrolls rising to the dark veiled ceiling. An iron ramp winding up the walls in a lazy spiral. A great golden orb dangled in the center of the room, lit from within and beneath them in tubs built into the slate floor.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

And do a mistake.

[A]

What is the Mystics? Oh, into the mystics. Mystic spiral, mystic spoil. Trent Span from Daria.

[B]

Oh, I was singing the Van Morrison song.

[A]

But I know, but I was singing. I was thinking of my crush.

[B]

Oh yeah, do tell.

[A]

On Trent from Daria.

[B]

Gotcha. Do you think that you would have found him more attractive if he lay inside of tubs built into a slate floor?

[A]

No, I think I was attracted to him as a middle schooler because he is who. Who ends up dating middle schoolers. It's a guy who lives in his parents house in the basement and has a band and like doesn't have any ambition, which is really cool to age.

[B]

Very attractive to. Yeah. 12 to 14 year old. Yeah.

[A]

Yep. So this explanation of this room, like I love the imagery of it and it's the same. Yeah, yeah. So I was, I put this in, in this script that the pods that she mentions, I always think of the ones, the hyper sleep pods from Alien. That's what I envision them.

[B]

I thought the same thing. I know that they do that in many, many spit like many space and horror movies, but specifically the alien ones I was thinking of. And maybe it's just because it's a weird situation.

[A]

I think it's also the room makes me think of like Geiger itself.

[B]

Yeah, like all that.

[A]

So they're in these pods, except they're. They're submerged in some kind of liquid goo. They're three humanoid beings. This is the first view of what mystics are. They're encased, they're in these things, they're wearing breathing masks. And Bryce describes them as one male, one female and one both. And I think this is the first. The books have mentioned a third sex, which is very cool. And it also reminds me of the Baphomet figure, which is something that is titties and dick.

[B]

Titties and dick.

[A]

It's something that some people like. Movies portray that as like the like devil, which is not what that is. It's a mythical figure that has appeared in rituals since I mean, as far back as like the 11th century. And in modern times it balances like non theistic Satanists use it a lot. It represents equilibrium, like as above, so below. Anyway, the sight of these mystics isn't something comforting to any of the three of them. They're all like, oh, that's what a mystic is.

[B]

I'd want to touch that goo though. I want to feel that goo.

[A]

Oh, would you use it like when you're, you're stressed out?

[B]

Oh, so I like my slime.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You really, the way that you were gripping down, I was like. To jerk off? Yeah, I think so.

[A]

You could try that too.

[B]

Because I feel like, honestly, I feel like I would be so busy thinking about having to. I guess when you become a mystic you're gonna have to like swallow, suck that back into you at some point. And that's gotta be a difficult process.

[A]

Swallow, suck this, the goo. Why?

[B]

I imagine the goo goes into you. They're like laying in the goo. I imagine there's goo in their holes. Right.

[A]

They have a thing on.

[B]

What about their other holes?

[A]

That's probably got a lot of goo in them.

[B]

It's like when you go to the beach, you find sand in every hole.

[A]

It's true. I wonder how they go to the bathroom.

[B]

Oh God. That's what I'm saying. Definitely don't touch that goo.

[A]

Don't touch that goo. So they're all kind of horrified by this realization of what they're looking at. Whether or not the mystics are there by choice is unclear at this point. But regardless, they look as caged as the fire sprites on the old male's hand. Nervously, the trio tells him that they are on a tight schedule. And the old male nods and begins to ascend a spiral staircase that winds around the rim of this rhymes around. Wow. That winds around the rim of the round room.

[B]

I do think it's very funny where there's like, can we get going? And then he just very slowly, like, yes, we can get moving. Like I can't.

[A]

I don't imagine him is a fast.

[B]

I don't think any of them. I. I don't think anything that's happening in this Geiger esque hall is going quickly.

[A]

No. But he begins to go up this like things spiral like stair thing around that goes around the room that overlooks the mystic's paw. It's almost like a balcony. That's a spiral.

[B]

As he walks in my brain, he adds Geiger Escher, you know, like a little bit of like a hybrid.

[A]

Totally. As he walks, he explains that when the Mystics are, quote, not in use, that their minds are wandering through the universe, which is. It's cool, but maybe we'll learn why. Maybe that's kind of messed up. So he begins the process of whatever they do. He starts flipping switches on a machine halfway up the ramp, because as he describes to them, this is half magic, half tech. And the three gasp as planets fill the room like a big projection.

[B]

Pretty cool.

[A]

It is cool. Bryce hates this. She knows some. Some about mystics and none of it's good. They have a reputation of being hustlers at best.

[B]

From the goo. That's impressive.

[A]

From the goo. Well, I think the own. The. The mystic owners at worst. The mystics are essentially known to be indentured in an indentured servitude, almost technically paid for, but then handed over to an owner. As in, if they have the. The skill set and they're very poor, their families will sell them into servitude, essentially, much like the three probably are here. Bryce begins to follow this male up the ramp, asking him questions. When she asks his name, he tells her that he's known to some as the astronomer. And that's all he'll tell her. But he's obviously. His name it is, but she obviously was asking his real name and he's being shady and probably a little irritated. She's even asking and she's like, I.

[B]

Already don't trust you, so if we could just.

[A]

No, he's shady. As the figures below begin to twitch the area, and Ethan and Bryce all look startled because it's just creepy looking. And he explains that they're fine. They actually, they love being here, getting to see all the mysteries of the universe.

[B]

Don't ask them, don't look at them. But then just goes over and like, moves their head through the goo. Like, look, they love this.

[A]

I love that. So Bryce knows he probably is leaving out some very important information. That whether or not they enjoy exploring the universe, the fact that they can't leave even if they want to is not being mentioned here.

[B]

You're so sensitive.

[A]

I know. But yes, legend has it that they choose this over living their own mortal life. So if they are to become mystics, you don't get to like have vacations. Like you just live in this tub forever.

[B]

So it's like, I guess, may as well. I guess the God growing up as a mystic, much, much stuck too. Because it's like once you find out that you're a mystic, you're like, oh, great.

[A]

Well, you.

[B]

Now I gotta think all the time I think you. If you.

[A]

You might be, like, somebody. Like a Thunderbird. You have to hide it.

[B]

Okay. I thought it's, like. I feel like it's probably something that, like, comes out, like, you know, later on.

[A]

You have to hope your family's not. They'll help protect you, man.

[B]

We should write a will just in case we happen to be mystics.

[A]

Why? Why a will?

[B]

To make sure that we don't get sold.

[A]

Oh, wait, but if we're dead, are we still mystics?

[B]

I don't know. We have to ask the mystics. Okay. This is why we have to talk about these things.

[A]

I know, I know, I know. As a family.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

So this moving 3D map of planets, or the. Or the astronomer calls it, looks eerily similar to Bryce's father. She notes. Bryce's fathers.

[B]

Or that is. Yeah, you look like my daddy astronomer.

[A]

That planet looks like my daddy daddy.

[B]

Or a planet she.

[A]

She thinks about. Or she says out loud to the astronomer that her father has a very similar solar system thing that floats around in the air. And the astronomer's like, yes, he has. A very good one.

[B]

You're too excited. You got to Google out. All right? We're just here for some answers.

[A]

But, you know, her being having this associated with something her dad does is probably another thing where she's like, this is probably not good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tharion chimes in, obviously trying to get this over with. Requests to ask the questions that they came for. Ethan steps forward and asks the mystic whether his brother dwells in the bone quarter or if his soul has already passed through the gate. So this is, like. He asks, I guess the astronomer. And the astronomer uses his machines to connect to the mystics, I suppose. And at this question, yes, the astronomers like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You want to find a soul? Like, a dead soul? Hey, buddy, this is. Summoning ghosts is hard, okay?

[B]

And we know that from Buffy.

[A]

We know Bryce rolls her eyes at whatever she perceives as sort of a showman thing when he tells them that to summon a spirit, it takes a special kind of journey. And then we have to. You know, it's a little more.

[B]

Yeah, we got a boat, but we got a boat. We'll just.

[A]

No.

[B]

Swim over there.

[A]

Or. Money, baby.

[B]

Money, please.

[A]

Money, please. Before Bryce can get a word in to, like. Be like, no, no, Ethan says, it's fine. I got it. He made. He has a big inheritance from his parents, but he asks for an astronomical. Because he's an astronomer. Amount of money. Good Lord, Ethan. He's just Handing over this massive fortune to this guy who's probably a con artist. We don't really know. He quotes.

[B]

Scammers can find you in so many different ways.

[A]

It's so true. And usually they get you when you're the most vulnerable. Like when you're in grief.

[B]

Yeah, via text. Via text. Man, you see this? Oh, man, the scammers are all coming in the text messages now. Natalie, I hate to break it to you, none of them said they were.

[A]

Gonna talk to a ghost for me.

[B]

No, it's just all toll roads and it's like, well, I haven't even been in Florida, all right? I don't owe any tolls. Fines. There I have it.

[A]

My area code is still for keyed to Pennsylvania, so I get really weird Pennsylvania based ones.

[B]

Same for Florida. And I'm just like, I, you. I know you're lying to me, you piece of garbage.

[A]

I haven't lived there in 20 years. Yeah. So basically the astronomer says, you want to talk to ghosts, that's fine, but I need more money. Some. For some reason, he quotes the price. And then Ethan says, cool. The astronomer comes back, he pulls out a block of red salt. Bryce gasps. It's what's known as blood salt.

[B]

Blood for life, blood for death. It was summoning salt infused with the blood from a laboring mother's sex and blood from a dying male's throat. The two great transitions of a soul in and out of this world. But to use it here, you can't.

[A]

Mean to add that to the water.

[B]

Bryce said to the astronomer, oh, yeah, is what he replied.

[A]

Yeah, shut up. That's fun. Kind of the salt.

[B]

But I mean, the idea of it is cool as is cool like for.

[A]

Like a horror movie or something.

[B]

But could you imagine like mid labor? I'm asking for those people out there that have given birth, birth before. Can you imagine someone like, can I just come in and get a little sample? Can I just. Sorry. If I could just get in here. And you're just like. There's like legs up in the air.

[A]

It's less fucked up than if you find a man just down there. Not asking the dying male's throat blood.

[B]

That part I'm fine with.

[A]

I mean, they're gonna die anyway.

[B]

You squeeze in a little for old Jackie.

[A]

You just have to be adjacent to somebody being throat cut. Yeah.

[B]

And then you get your salt. I mean, I imagine it's probably like bad juju if you slice the throat yourself.

[A]

Yeah, you shouldn't do that.

[B]

I feel like you shouldn't so if you find one, find one.

[A]

What are you gonna do?

[B]

Got all these lemons. Make them into blood salt.

[A]

Yep. So that's probably why he's like, it costs money, because it's probably blood salt. It's hard to come here, whatever. But he does mean to put it into their water. The astronomer waves off all the three of their discomfort, being like, yeah, the mystics already got salt in there. What's a little blood? And I guess they already are just, like, laying in disgust. So Therian asks if it's safe to talk to the dead. And the astronomers like, yeah, they love it.

[B]

They love being bothered in the afterlife.

[A]

Yep. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's cool. They like it.

[B]

Begging for it.

[A]

And Ethan is like, I'm just like, ethan. He don't.

[B]

He's not thinking about you anymore, bro.

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

Leave it alone. There's so much going on. You got to do this right now, bud.

[A]

There's no way this is safe. But it doesn't matter at this point, because the astronomer pushes a button at this moment and the floor slides away. So it leaves the tanks hovering over in an undeterminedly deep abyss underneath them. Also.

[B]

Again, very scary. Very cool.

[A]

It is cool. But that floor leaving also has Bryce, Therian, and Ethan stranded on the ascending ramp. The front door is too far away from the base of the ramp to jump to. So basically, it's just like they are kind of trapped there because they don't got no wings with them.

[B]

So what happens, Celestina? This is what happens when you take Hunt away. Okay? He's gonna be gone for two weeks. They don't have any wings. What are they supposed to do?

[A]

I don't know. The mystics begin to jerk in spastic motions, and the astronomer cheerily tells them that tells the the three of them, Therian, Bryce, and Ethan, that this may take a long while to find a soul in the universe. The astronomer operates a sort of switchboard from his position, and the solar systems kind of switch out. So as the mystics are kind of, like, looking through the universe, he's sliding through all these different solar systems, which is pretty.

[B]

It's cool.

[A]

As they wait, the astronomer explains that the mystics are responsible for the first space maps and that they have gone places that none of us can imagine. He claims that in the sub levels of the Eternal City, the Asteri have maps that extend beyond even what he knows. Bryce thinks about how Hunt has been down there and wonders if he's ever seen them. Absolutely.

[B]

God, it's got to be things like that. That's like Bryce. Do you realize how much Hunt has seen and has experienced that you'll never know about that. Like it's already difficult enough to get to know somebody when you start dating them. But imagine having to catch up on hundreds of years at least for a.

[A]

Couple decades of that time wise. He was just like sitting in a dark room.

[B]

Yeah. He was being tortured. So there's only so much there's that.

[A]

You know, so they're just like he's. He's rattling off these, these fun mystic facts while they're looking around. And as it's happening absentmindedly, almost the astronomers like, hey, oh look, the male mystic has reached hell. And Ethan reacts. Why did the male mystic go to hell? Could Connor be in hell? As the astronomer continues, he looks at the screen. It's basically the screen he has in front of him is turns transcribing the conversation the mystic is having with the beings they're reaching out to in the universe.

[B]

Cool. Honestly, it's like the zoom AI you know, it's like when they track your. They. I haven't used it because I'm scared of robots listening to the meetings. And you know what it's feel. It feels good to confess that.

[A]

Yeah. No, try to limit use of AI in general. It's garbage.

[B]

I mean all. Yeah, no, for all of it.

[A]

A lot of it.

[B]

But I forgot what I was gonna say after that. That's it.

[A]

Wow. The astronomers. Ah, the. Oh, maybe I stands for astronomers Intelligence.

[B]

Aw. That's why he likes it so much.

[A]

Yeah. So they look at this machine that's transcribing this conversation between the mystic and whoever's in hell. In this moment, the mystic asks if Connor is here in hell. The creature that he's speaking to says no. The three of them, Bryce, Ethan and Therian are all relieved to hear this. But even at this point, the astronomers like, then why are we here? Why did you end up going to hell? That's strange. The mystic asks the creature who he's speaking to, his name. And it is revealed that he is speaking to Thanatos, the Prince of the ravine. Man, these princes really be meddling in a lot of stuff. In Lunatheon, we just keep running into these princes. Why is the Prince of the ravine here right now?

[B]

Like, once you're a figurehead, you know, you've got the time like you did all the work to work all the way up there and then it's like their own retirement. I think it's it's like, bored.

[A]

Yeah, it's like when exactly boomers get on Facebook too much and then they, like, get a bunch of bad ideas.

[B]

Exactly. This is, you know, this is his version of sending on chain emails, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The prince also seems to be confused as to why the mystic is there. So nobody knows why the mystic went to hell. Prince is like, why are you here? The mystic asks if Thanatos knows where Connor is or if he's in the bone quarter still on Lunathean. Instead of answering the question, Thanatos wants to know who's asking. The three of them read the mystic's response on the teleprompter thing.

[B]

A wolf, a mare, and a half fae, half human female.

[A]

So the mystic is speaking through his thoughts to Thanatos, and apparently he's aware of the three of them in the room. Bryce is startled that the mystic seems to know that they're there.

[B]

So the robots are always listening to the conversations, is what you're saying? Oh, yeah.

[A]

Okay. Even more scared when Thanatos asks what these creatures names are, like the wolf, mare and half a human female. What are their names? The mystic tells Santos that he does not know.

[B]

Another long pause. We need to stop this. Ethan nodded toward the male's tub. Ice was beginning to inch over the water. They are listening, are they?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Again, silence. And then the demon prince said, let me see them. Let them see me. The mystic's eyes flew open in the tank below.

[A]

Okay, so we got them. We. We've met the mystics. We're in this weird building. They. They've asked where Connor is. For whatever reason, the mystics are being sent into hell, which we now know is some kind of planet, not just like a plane of existence. They don't know why. Nobody knows why the mystic went towards hell. The Prince of the Ravine is now like, hey, what are you doing here? I want to see who's asking. And something just occurred with the mystic's eyes flying open. And it sounds like something's nothing but trouble.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it ain't gonna be good Bank. And he comes out and he performs all of Tommy the Musical. See Me, Feel me. And they're like, you just come out here to play fucking pinball? Get out of here, bro. Can't you do that in the ravine?

[A]

I'm gonna say, I don't think Tommy's that good of a musical.

[B]

You know, I think it's more of the fact that it gets like, think about it all the time. But I can't remember. Like, I haven't seen it since college. Just molested. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you know, that's, you know, but it's still, I think about it.

[A]

Yeah. As a middle schooler, it's like, this is the craziest thing I've ever seen. All right.

[B]

It blew my mind. Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, we got a lot of stuff on hold we got to figure out. We're gonna see what the consequences of Bryce's actions are next time. I'm sure.

[B]

But also, it's like, Ethan, was this worth it? No. Was this worth it for you? I'm sorry, bud, but your brother is dead. He's dead. And I, I, I know it hurts, but you gotta grieve him.

[A]

Get back on that jet ski.

[B]

Man, these wolves Jet ski into the Please read up until chapter 42 for next week. Sam Foreign.

[A]

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[B]

Literally. So unwrap something good, like boots that.

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[B]

Find shoes that get you and everyone.

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