LPN Deep Dives: HOSAB / Episode 7: Merde-apy

Summary

Podcast Title: LPN Deep Dives: Crescent City
Host/Authors: Natalie Jean and Jackie Zebrowski
Episode: LPN Deep Dives: HOSAB / Episode 7: Merde-apy
Release Date: July 22, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 7 of "LPN Deep Dives: Crescent City," hosts Natalie Jean and Jackie Zebrowski embark on an in-depth exploration of Chapter 11 and Chapter 12 of Sarah J. Maas's acclaimed adult science fiction series. Demonstrating their signature blend of humor and insightful analysis, Natalie and Jackie dissect the complexities of character developments, plot progression, and thematic elements that make "Crescent City" a standout in contemporary sci-fi literature.

Chapter 11: Therian's Turmoil

Therian's Internal Struggles

The episode delves into Therian's character arc, highlighting his pervasive feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome. Natalie articulates Therian's plight:

"Therian is musing over how ill-equipped he feels to do his job, which is relatable. I wrote he's having imposter syndrome." [19:31]

Jackie expands on this, pondering whether Therian's actions are a form of self-sabotage:

"He chose to screw that up with his penis. So I guess relatable to a lot of people as well sometimes." [30:18]

Unraveling the Mystery Emails

A significant plot point discussed is Therian's discovery of mysterious emails from Sophie Rhinosterone, particularly those involving a cryptic contact labeled "BansheeFan56." The hosts examine the implications of these communications and their potential connection to broader conflicts within the narrative.

"He spots something that stuns him—a report of a child-sized life jacket with the name Boden Graven, linking back to Emil from the prologue." [46:00]

Investigation and Revelation

Therian's investigation leads him to discover unsettling evidence, including an amputated arm belonging to an Ophion soldier. Natalie summarizes the growing tension:

"He makes an educated guess that it was likely Emil on this escape boat, adding more questions to what's happening." [48:23]

Chapter 12: Hunt and Bryce's Complex Relationship

Emotional Dynamics

Transitioning to Chapter 12, the focus shifts to the evolving relationship between Hunt and Bryce. The hosts explore their interactions, marked by a tension between professional duties and personal desires.

"Hunt reflects on the horrors of war, confessing that his actions led to the deaths of many soldiers." [61:32]

Humor Amidst Drama

Natalie and Jackie inject humor into their analysis, particularly when discussing the challenges Hunt faces while in his role:

"It's like a mini procedural show with their unique underwater setting." [44:49]

Intimate Moments

The episode also touches upon the steamy excerpts from the novel, with Natalie reading a passage that underscores the intense chemistry between Hunt and Bryce. Jackie reacts candidly to the explicit content, adding levity to the discussion.

"Ew." [50:25] (In response to the erotic passage)

Notable Quotes

Throughout the episode, Natalie and Jackie highlight memorable lines from the book, enriching their analysis with direct excerpts:

• "He doesn't feel like he's good at any. He doesn't know why he has this job." [20:43]

• "He's frustrating down there in the Mer Police." [46:55]

Thematic Insights

Identity and Transformation

A recurring theme discussed is the struggle with identity, as exemplified by Therian's inability to fully embrace his merfolk heritage without compromising his human aspects. Jackie muses on the symbolism of Therian's physical transformations and their emotional ramifications.

Conflict and Consequence

The hosts examine the broader conflicts between different factions within the story, such as the tension between the River Queen's domain and external threats. Natalie emphasizes the lack of clear-cut good and evil, rendering the narrative morally complex.

"He's overwhelmed by the realization that war is terrible and filled with unnecessary killing." [61:34]

Conclusion and Future Outlook

As the episode wraps up, Natalie and Jackie summarize the key developments in Chapters 11 and 12, setting the stage for future discussions. They tease the depth of upcoming chapters, hinting at unresolved mysteries and escalating tensions that promise to captivate listeners.

"We are going to have to do one chapter today because the next chapter is very long and it's going to take a long time to get through the next little part." [65:14]

Final Thoughts

"LPN Deep Dives: Crescent City" Episode 7 offers a comprehensive and engaging analysis of Sarah J. Maas's "Crescent City." Through their dynamic interplay and thorough examination, Natalie Jean and Jackie Zebrowski provide listeners with a nuanced understanding of the novel's intricate plotlines and character developments. This episode serves both as an insightful companion for fans and an inviting introduction for newcomers to the series.

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Transcript

[Natalie Jean]

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[Jackie Zabrowski]

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[Natalie Jean]

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[Jackie Zabrowski]

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[Natalie Jean]

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[Jackie Zabrowski]

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[Natalie Jean]

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[Jackie Zabrowski]

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[Natalie Jean]

Not only that, but if you use our code far Faybay's at checkout for those events, you will receive an exclusive swag bag from the Weeknd.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'll do anything for a swag bag, Natalie.

[Natalie Jean]

Give it to me.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes, that's right. Use our code Faybase F A E B A e [e-mail] to get your $10 off of any of these events.

[Natalie Jean]

Dreamers and readers. Baby, I cannot wait for this.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Gimme gimme.

[Natalie Jean]

Let's.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Welcome to Crescent City with your hosts Natalie Jean and Jackie Zabrowski.

[Natalie Jean]

I'm trying not to get the mic to cover up my rippling pecs. Yeah, I was trying for a preppy look here, but it looks more like I'm a background actor on Entourage.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I could see that. Yeah, I could see that. I was trying to figure out what you. You look like you're.

[Natalie Jean]

Go on.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You're trying to work at Satriale's. What's his name? What's it? The pork store in the Sopranos.

[Natalie Jean]

Okay.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You look like you're trying to become a made man, but nobody thinks you've got that.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah, see, I was even. Not even giving myself Sopranos. I felt like one of the people in the background of Entourage wouldn't even be at the level of a Sopranos.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think you're hotter than background of Entourage, though, so I feel like that's. And, yeah, I do think that that means that you'd be on the Sopranos and not on Entourage.

[Natalie Jean]

Wow. Thank you.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That is the spectrum of what I find sexually attractive. I'd rather fuck almost anybody in the Sopranos than ever touch anyone in Entourage.

[Natalie Jean]

You know what? If I had to choose that cast, it clocked. It ended up being just who you thought. You know what I mean?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You know Entourage. Yeah. And I feel like it was one of those things that even while Entourage was on, everyone I knew that loved. And I'm not going against anyone that now loves Entourage, but, I mean, at the time.

[Natalie Jean]

Watch your shit.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I remember the only people I knew that loved Entourage was. Were the people in my life that I didn't know why they were still in my life, and I didn't know why I ever listened to anything they had to say. And that was only just, like, at the time. Oh, sure, it's probably different now.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. Now it's like, oh, and the show's older. You can just, like, be like, what's this deal?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Right? And it's like, I still only know that guy from Drive Me Crazy, and I forget what his actual name is. Yeah, the Melissa Joan Hart movie. Yeah. Based on the song Drive Me Crazy.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, I remember that. But I. Now I can't think of the guy.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Adrian something.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Drive me crazy I just can't sleep. Adrian Grenier.

[Natalie Jean]

Yes, right. Of course. The guy from Entourage.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That guy from. I also.

[Natalie Jean]

Actually, I don't know. He's not a bad, is he?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I don't think he's a bad. But I will also say I've never watched an episode of Entourage, so this is only judgment.

[Natalie Jean]

No, I'm fully judging on the little bit that I know about.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Not knowledgeable whatsoever.

[Natalie Jean]

Mostly just like, I know similar men in Los Angeles, and I don't want to watch a show about them.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, I guess I don't want to see them having a good time, but I think that it's also not about them necessarily having a good time, which I think is why people like it for sure.

[Natalie Jean]

I'm just going to.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm going to say drive me crazy again. I.

[Natalie Jean]

Let's go watch that. I would love to watch Drive me Crazy.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm in. Yes. That it doesn't hold up.

[Natalie Jean]

I don't think it's good, but, like, I'll watch it. Give it to me on a plane. I'll watch it four times. I love watching old teen rom coms on planes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, okay. It was in Enemies to Lovers and Then they foe. Lovers and then they foe.

[Natalie Jean]

Really?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Wow.

[Natalie Jean]

Thanks a lot.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Sorry. Surprise. A rom com from 1999 does not subvert your expectations.

[Natalie Jean]

Wow.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Well, I imagine there's nothing.

[Natalie Jean]

I was looking forward to the surprises of it all.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I just feel like, you know, there's probably a couple of slurs maybe peppered into there. I feel like there's something, you know, there's at least one fat joke.

[Natalie Jean]

Well, I mean, it's probably not gonna be worse than the non consensual fingering and bring it on.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

So everyone needs to hear our uninformed judgments on the show Entourage, and I'm so glad that it's going to be kept in.

[Natalie Jean]

We should do a deep dive on it without ever watching a series single episode.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, and just assume we just read the summary of what every episode's about and we make assumptions about the episode and never actually watch it.

[Natalie Jean]

I think we should do that.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Guys, would you follow us into the Entourage Dark Entourage.

[Natalie Jean]

Question mark?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Do we like this? Maybe this is just because I'm living in Jersey Shore in my brain right now. I'm having a bit of a Shore experience with your.

[Natalie Jean]

Your fit.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Not because of my fit, because I'm way more. You're right.

[Natalie Jean]

I'm way more of a Jersey Shore head right now.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And Natalie, I hate to say this to you. I think you. You could be hitting the G a little bit more in the GTL right now if we're. If we're going against each other. Look at these muscles that I've got.

[Natalie Jean]

Natalie, your wrists are so wide.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, my wrists are. Yeah, they are wide because sometimes you. Your muscles are so heavy, it makes the skin slough off your body. It's difficult being this strong. And yeah, I am a merman right now. Even though Therian. Yes. Is in his humanoid form.

[Natalie Jean]

I mean, he Gets his little tail wet for a minute.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And here's the thing, guys. I bought the tail. I've got the tail.

[Natalie Jean]

You're wearing it for no reason right now. Like, you could just take it off. Like I'm. You can't see your genitals if you take it off.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. But it's kind of nice because I feel safe, Natalie. And maybe the tail makes. Makes me feel like myself for the first time in my life.

[Natalie Jean]

I mean, great. Then you leave it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I've heard some mermaid bitches out there and they love being a mermaid.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's difficult being a mermaid. Okay.

[Natalie Jean]

It is actually really hard. That, like, the training to do that mermaid stuff is freaking hard.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I don't have the core for it. I don't have the feet for it.

[Natalie Jean]

I think the hardest part would be the looking serene under the water where you're like, you're doing all this and you can't breathe actively going, well, if you did that, then drown.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That's the kind of merman I would be.

[Natalie Jean]

You would be drowning.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, well, you know. Or I'd be shore to ponce a rock and you'd hear me.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I mean, being shore back in the water, somebody help me.

[Natalie Jean]

I would do that as the mermaid if I was hired. I would just be like, well, what if my character. Listen, listen. What if my character is punished by sitting on a rock?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Natalie Jean]

And she really wants to go underneath and swim around, but she can't. She just wants to be upset about it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

She's too busy being dry.

[Natalie Jean]

Just see that video of the woman getting bit in the head by the huge fish as the mer woman. No, it's real.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

What?

[Natalie Jean]

I think it was maybe in, like, the Ukraine or.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

What are we talking? We talking marlins? We talking.

[Natalie Jean]

I don't know what it is, by the way.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That's it. That's all she survives.

[Natalie Jean]

I'm not, like, laughing at somebody's death. It. It's insane. You're laughing at somebody put in like, mer woman bit on head.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Mermaid bite head. My. My cat. I'm always on all caps, by the way, because I live an all caps lifestyle. Oh, she really gets bit by that big old fish. Oh, she's fine. She's fine.

[Natalie Jean]

That's that merlife.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

She's barely bit in the head.

[Natalie Jean]

That's what happens if you want to live that merlife. Sometimes China fish thinks you're food. That's not. That's not the fish's fault. Why are you in his house?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think that that is.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, no, you Shouldn't.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

So hard that she was fishing. So hard that the other fish thought she was a fish. Honestly, she's getting wrapped up into the fold. And isn't that nice? Isn't that a nice welcome message?

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. If you're too good at it, you're gonna be folded right into that sea life.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And you don't want to fish burrito right there.

[Natalie Jean]

I look a little bit like a jet when you reject your jet all the way.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Whoa.

[Natalie Jean]

From your first cigarette to your last dying day.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm. I'm scared of this version of you. You know what it is? I don't trust you. Not as far as I can fucking throw you.

[Natalie Jean]

I really wanted to look like a prepper. Like a. Not a prepper. Jesus. A preppy boy.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You can be a prepper if you want. We can get you into some underground bunker if that's what you need.

[Natalie Jean]

I don't. I'm supposed to be like a.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like a Declan.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. Supposed to be like a super preppy cute boy.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Do you remember when I tried to dress as Declan and I also didn't do a good job? There's something, I think, that we just don't have the essence of Declan, I think that's like. Yeah. I think it's probably for the best that we don't.

[Natalie Jean]

I think the only guy that I feel happy about my costuming on is Ruhn, because I think the rock and roll are easier. And I think my sharp features only look good as a guy if I'm, like, dressed like the crow.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Natalie Jean]

Like, I'm just.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like.

[Natalie Jean]

I'm sad.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You're very good at it. And I also realize that I am a beautiful man. I think you can do well, being a theory. And I think I can get.

[Natalie Jean]

Honestly, you look really hot right now.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

My God. Thank you so much.

[Natalie Jean]

I think. I think it's the lat arms. I think it's the. Well, the wrists. And also, I like this mustache with. I'm really. I love a guy liner. I have to admit.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I love guy liner.

[Natalie Jean]

And you have the dark lashes, and it really works just a little bit.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And I only did under the eye. I don't know why I felt like that.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, you have eyeliner.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

That's why I'm under the guy right now.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, it's just a little bit. And it's just. And it's like. Yeah, that little bit of shading just gives you a little bit more. But it goes with the wig. Cause if you see the side of my face. Horrible. That's A horrible face right there. Don't look at the side of my face. Everyone stop. And we're fine. I'm a mer and I've got my fucking wrists out, so you better watch out.

[Natalie Jean]

I gotta work on my guy make. I gotta try it. Like, I gotta do it when I'm not recording. I have to practice.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, practice, like, everything. The shading. The shading and also the, like, the lining of your face. Because I've looked into how to properly. The problem is that oftentimes, especially in the world of the theater, that you can do big. Like, even this, if you got close, this looks very bad. But from far away, it looks good because it's theater makeup.

[Natalie Jean]

Theater makeup.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Sometimes that theater makeup, and on these fucking HDs, oh, it comes back to bite your knees.

[Natalie Jean]

You can't. You can't get away with nothing on these cameras.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You're seeing every pimple, every pore over here.

[Natalie Jean]

So I hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you for watching.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Can you see every whore?

[Natalie Jean]

We are men whores.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I guess we're men. We're manly whores. Men whores.

[Natalie Jean]

Chapter 11. We're back with you, Siri.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm flapping my fins. Can you feel me now?

[Natalie Jean]

We've already.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

My feet are also in the fit. Like, I'm trapped. I am sitting. Why am I sitting in this? It. I do feel like I'm like, maybe. Maybe like a wrap me up. Like, oh, no. I hope I don't develop a spider kink.

[Natalie Jean]

What is a spider, kid?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I feel like then I'd want to be wrapped up like a fly. And, like, then I'd be the prey. And then it's like I'm all wrapped up.

[Natalie Jean]

I think people with that kink a lot of times, like, have, like, a mummification kink.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Whoa.

[Natalie Jean]

It scares me, but.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Whoa. Pull the organs out of my nose.

[Natalie Jean]

I know a person or two who has that, and they love it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Do they dress up like a mummy?

[Natalie Jean]

It's not like a cute Halloween mummy. It's a terrifying, like.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like a gimp mask.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. Wow. Don't look it up right now.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm not gonna look it up right now.

[Natalie Jean]

Listen, I'm glad that it gives people feeling good.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Natalie Jean]

For me, that is one of the worst things I can imagine.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, no, that would be. I'd be very scared. I like it in my legs, but I can't imagine it on my chest or on my face. That makes me want. Yeah. To throw up. But again, different strokes for different folks. Everybody.

[Natalie Jean]

Especially if you're a mer. You have to stroke to stay alive.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Stroke my scale. Oh. Not like that.

[Natalie Jean]

We don't know. Yeah, we still. Nobody has given us a good answer.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Breast stroke, anybody?

[Natalie Jean]

We do have an email now, by the way. Isn't it lpn. Romantic email. I'm pretty sure.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Do we?

[Natalie Jean]

Because we had to do it for the YouTube.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh.

[Natalie Jean]

So if you guys want to just give us.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

We don't know the password or how to read it, but somebody does. Somebody's gonna read it.

[Natalie Jean]

So if you want to send us any theories about how Tharion had sex with the River Queen's daughter, it's important for all of us to know.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You're talking legs or no legs.

[Natalie Jean]

No. Remember we had this whole discussion about fish penises?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Here's the thing, Natalie. Usually I say things and then I never think about them ever again.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah, I know. It's like my work doesn't even matter to you.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Your work does matter. All of it.

[Natalie Jean]

I would imagine that would be. The one thing that would stick is thinking about how fish have sex with a wraith. A water wraith.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Here's the thing. I think about the ways in which something could have sex with a fish. Probably more often than you could possibly fish. Yeah. Because of Tom Cruise. I think I've thought about it many a myriad of ways.

[Natalie Jean]

I think he just mashes his. His kind of semi.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

But sometimes. You're making an ass out of you and me, Natalie.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh man. I'm always doing it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Thank you.

[Natalie Jean]

So we're with Therian and he is in the mouth.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Does it cut a hole?

[Natalie Jean]

There's in chapter 11 at the beginning. He's got legs. So. And he knows how to use them.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, I'm popping my legs out. I'm changing.

[Natalie Jean]

He does say that it hurts.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, of course. But now I am nude all the way down. But you guys can't see. See it?

[Natalie Jean]

Nope.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I've burst out of my scales.

[Natalie Jean]

Inappropriate. And you have a penis. Wow.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yay. Yay.

[Natalie Jean]

That's cool.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yay.

[Natalie Jean]

I gotta go now we're getting. So wait. I was playing with my penis as a male humanoid. That's how you're going to masturbate? Your penis?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Well, no, that wasn't me masturbating, Natalie. I'm in front of my sister in law. I was just playing with it. I just. Imagine if I had something dangling.

[Natalie Jean]

You'd go flub and I'd be like your slime.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You know? Have you ever. Honestly, I will say I've seen, I guess just one person. But one person. When they like to slap their dick back and forth because the sound is fun. It's my husband.

[Natalie Jean]

Are you trying to be. Are you trying to be coy about which guy?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I realized as I was saying, I was like, maybe he doesn't want people to know that, but I think now.

[Natalie Jean]

Everyone knows he has a penis.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

He has a penis. And sometimes because it makes me laugh, he slaps it back and forth between his thighs and I go like, ah, yeah. And flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. Our state has changed a lot in the last 140 years. We know because MultiCare has been here guided by a single purpose. Making our communities healthier. That comes from making courageous decisions, partnering with local communities to grow programs and services, and expanding healthcare access to those who need it most. Together, we're building a healthier future. Learn [e-mail] Class is now in session and the UPS store is here to help you. Ace arriving on campus, our certified packing experts can pack everything you need, from desktops to decor. Plus, when you pack and ship with us, you get our exclusive pack and ship guarantee. Your items arrive safe or your money back. Restrictions and limitations apply. To get a 20% off packing coupon and for full details, visit theupsstore.com packing.

[Natalie Jean]

Well, now he's gonna lose his job.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

So, you know, this is what happens when people get married. You know, it's things like that. These are the kind of bits everybody's got. Bits.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah, everybody's got some bits. Maybe. Except for maybe theory. Money has a tail. We're not sure. We're getting advantage more into Therian's day to day life in this chapter because he is on the queen's faculty or whatever you want to call staff. Turns out even ripped merman got to do all the paperwork.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh my God. And we hate paperwork.

[Natalie Jean]

All the red tape, you'd think you get rid of it being a magical creature.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

But no, no. And all the forms getting wet all the time. What are you supposed to do?

[Natalie Jean]

Well, the mer. The. The river queen decided when they started using computers and stuff that they would have buildings down there. She didn't like it, but she does like having the conveniences of modern technology. So they now have big domes underneath where all the. They're in the air. And that's why he's got legs even though he's under the water. Theron is musing over how ill equipped he feels to do his job, which is relatable. I wrote he's having imposter syndrome. And then I saw Jess, our research assistant, had also Written.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, that's cute. Thanks, Jess. And also. Come on, babe. You're doing great job. You're so strong. You can do so much. But also, yeah, you are getting punished. There's lots of punishments happening to you, Therian. Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, okay. I don't know if you were talking about Jess. Is she in trouble?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Whoa. But, like, naughty, sexy trouble. Whoa.

[Natalie Jean]

Not.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Sorry, Jazz. Inappropriate, Jess. That's inappropriate of you, Jazz.

[Natalie Jean]

He has to do this awful. You know, he. He doesn't feel like he's good at any. He doesn't know why he has this job. Essentially, he has had to do this. The awful, torturing parts of the job, because he is. You know, he gets intel for the River Queen, but he thinks about how he's much better doing all the charm. Like, he charms information out of people better. And he prefers it sometimes out of their pants.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I am giving Mike the situation Sorrentino because I am currently reading his memoir, and I think that if there is a situation, it's having abs also. Like a Natalie up to my neck.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Situation.

[Natalie Jean]

What does that do? Situation.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Because those are his abs. The situation is not him. The situation is his abs. Oh, so that's the situation.

[Natalie Jean]

Not clear.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, I mean, this is. This is why I'm here, to make sure everybody knows. So that's why. I guess maybe Therian needs to come up with his own name for his abs. Yeah, it's like. Oh, it's like the mayor. But then it sounds like I'm shit.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah, that sounds like shit.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That I'm a mayor of shit. Or maybe that's what you call the toilet down there. Oh, my God. Why does it say shit on your socks?

[Natalie Jean]

It's so weird.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You just say, natalie. Why does it say shit on your socks? Natalie just showed me her socks. And they say mared on her socks.

[Natalie Jean]

And you just said it. That's so weird.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Weird.

[Natalie Jean]

My socks say marred. Because it's dancer. It is. Instead of saying break a leg to dancers, you say mard before stage.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You say shit. Yeah, you say shit. You don't even say shit on you.

[Natalie Jean]

No, you just say mared before instead of, you know, like, as an actor, you break leg. You don't do that. It's bad luck for a dancer because.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You want to bring leg.

[Natalie Jean]

You say married.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think it would be bad for an actor, too.

[Natalie Jean]

It's true.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

But that's really weird that I wore those and you just said that, so.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And that's what they call an undersea toilet. And it's not just the entire ocean. What I feel like that's what they would call it. They call it the mayor.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And they're like. And then. Oh, they.

[Natalie Jean]

In the toilet.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

In the toilet.

[Natalie Jean]

Sure.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Not that I'm saying that everyone.

[Natalie Jean]

You're not.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm just saying they happen to be French. In the mayor toilet.

[Natalie Jean]

Okay. So we have figured out nothing. Well, I forget how we got. I'm trying to bring it back.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm thinking about how charming Therian is. Because that's what the situation like that's how he's gotten.

[Natalie Jean]

We got here the situation.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Because he's very charming. And that's me right now. I'm feeling validated. Natalie.

[Natalie Jean]

I value as a mayor.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Thank you.

[Natalie Jean]

He sees an otter pass his office window. Which jealous. Oh my God. Because he's under the water and he thinks about how much like the mer. The otters can live both in the blue court and. Or on land. Though most mer per. Prefer to be under the sea. His office is in the blue court.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm not. Did you. Are you proud of me that I didn't sing it?

[Natalie Jean]

I mean it would have been my fault if you did.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It would have been. But I just needed to at least you to acknowledge the fact that I didn't. I validated the Caribbean accent. Thank you. I appreciate that.

[Natalie Jean]

His office is in the blue core. Of course he needs to be at the queen's disposal since he couldn't control his little penis or whatever his egg splashings oops. Or whatever happens during sex for them. Even though he looks down at his bare feet and realizes he's been with legs for almost a full day. And he's going to need to hit up one of their. They have like these water pod things can go into. To like flush water onto their legs and then they can turn them into fins for whatever magic creates their ability to shift.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. So that's technically what I'm doing right now. I'm in the.

[Natalie Jean]

You're in. You're in the pot.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. So this. It's just like a moment in time.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. He's in that. You are. You are cosplaying a specific scene.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

Which is like pretty impressive.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Thank you. I'm very. That's how in character I am.

[Natalie Jean]

He.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

My legs.

[Natalie Jean]

Well, he does say it hurts.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I know. I'm trying. I'm trying to give the chapter life.

[Natalie Jean]

You are giving. You're giving life.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Thank you.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. So they have to refresh their tales every 24 hours obviously. Because like duh. And they are going to, he's gonna need to do it. He's gonna have to do it pretty soon or he to never going to be able to have his fins again. I think because it, it is so common. He's not like that worried even though it's like kind of this huge threat because they're so used to having to do it. He's like, I'll get there in a minute. Even though he's running out of time.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's like the real ID of the mayor world, you know what I mean? Like, I feel like it's, we're getting.

[Natalie Jean]

So many threats, but every time I go to do it they're like, you better change it. But then I tried to go and like, hey, on the site they're like, if you don't need, if you have a pass, just don't worry about it until your license expires. And I'm like, I got one. And they keep telling me, be afraid, you need that real ID. And then the, the DMV's like, Nah, don't worry about it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Empty threats, empty threats.

[Natalie Jean]

And I'm like, hello, we need somebody to know. Nobody's in charge.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I need to wet my legs till they become other kinds of flesh.

[Natalie Jean]

Different kinds of. So he realizes, okay, I gotta get up pretty soon. He loved the above world his whole life and thinks about that even as a young mer. His parents didn't understand, but he just like Ariel, he gotta get them legs and his thoughts. He also notes that he really, he loves TV and he loves non soggy food. He just has an affinity for human or humanoid like things.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

He wants to be part of their world.

[Natalie Jean]

He really does. But he also, he chose to screw that up with his penis. So I guess relatable to a lot.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Of people as well sometimes, you know, the dick wants what the dick wants.

[Natalie Jean]

So many of the mer choose the more traditional merlife. But Tharion just is like, he's like, I gotta get up the sea, out the sea somewhere up there somewhere. I gotta know something right now, right? I forget the lyrics. He's trying to do part of your world.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, part of your world. He wants to be where the people are. He wants to see. He wants to see them dancing, strolling around on those. He doesn't even remember the words because he's fucking under the sea.

[Natalie Jean]

He's under the sea.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, but now he's not under the sea.

[Natalie Jean]

No, because he made a bad decision with his bottom half or maybe middle half.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Middle somewhere knows where it pops out.

[Natalie Jean]

And that's a good lesson. If you're feeling like making a bad choice, maybe try rubbing one out before you leave the house, you know, and.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Also it is interesting because he is described as humanoid shaped, you know, in his other form, but that doesn't necessarily mean just a dangly between his legs. It could really, like, maybe the dicks come out of the nipples, maybe they transform out of there. Maybe they come out of the belly button. We don't know.

[Natalie Jean]

Wow, you're just having. Now you're having fun.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

You're like God.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Let's think. Thank you. I have been feeling godlike recently and it's like, I don't know if it's just because of my ethereal power or if it's just my undone beauty, but sometimes your chest shifts. Natalie.

[Natalie Jean]

I don't know why I need to. I'm like literally gonna take this to a seamstress and ask if they can lower their shoulders so my pecs sit right. Pissing me off.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I was, I was gonna say you look horrific right now.

[Natalie Jean]

I do.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And I. It's like, don't even look at my wrists.

[Natalie Jean]

I don't. I don't. I try to look into them. I peer inside to see what I learned. So. Oh, yeah. So he really loved this above world and then he did this thing that immediately made him not be able to do that because the river queen now is like, well, now you're betrothed and beholden into my daughter. Is this self sabotage? Did he feel like I don't deserve what I want and I'm going to make myself ruin it?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

He's been through a lot and maybe, you know, he doesn't want too much pressure on him. Maybe this is like, in a way, it's like it wasn't on his own, like, brain. He didn't mean to destroy it, but I feel like it makes sense that he would want to destroy a part of his mare, part of his mare world, because I think that if it's completely destroyed, then, oh, no, I can't go back. Like, I feel like there's a little bit of that of like, oh, I have to stay with the humans now. And I know that he hasn't said that, but I wonder if part of it or if it just because of like, everything that happened with his family and he didn't want to be, like, held too high of a standard also. But I don't know, these are things I'm just throwing out there.

[Natalie Jean]

See, I could see that. But I feel like he's doing the opposite where he could have been a part of the human world. And then he latched himself to the under the sea with his penis under the sea. You got your dick.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And so then that would keep him there.

[Natalie Jean]

And so maybe he's like, I don't deserve to have the life I want above water, so I'm going to destroy it. We've seen this happen a lot with our friends and family over the years of like, I've never self sabotaged.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

No, but you beg them to get mare pathy. But they don't.

[Natalie Jean]

They don't marepathy. They're. They're merpy.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

They're merpy. Ew. Ew. That sounds like a mayor.

[Natalie Jean]

The Blue court has buildings underwater as mentioned because the queen finally acquiesced to utilizing technology. But it's how he ended up meeting the river Queenstown in the first place and ruining his life, kind of. As he sits here this day, he is scanning through Sophie Rhinosterone emails prior to her being pushed off of that boat. We remember from the the prologue, he paid for Declan to install some hacking technology over to Whoop. I just lost my place. Oh, I just shot it to the end of the ripped.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

If there's one thing I know about it is hacking technology. Oh, you let me improv on it, man. You put the filters in it and it's gonna be good, right, Declan?

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. Yep. You gotta do the coding.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

What? It's like putting a screen door on a submersible.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, no, too soon. So he sits, as he sits here this day, he's scanning through these emails. Declan gave him this hacking technology. He's. I guess Declan just doing all kinds of crazy stuff. And even though he' running out of time to get his fins back, he's locked into these emails in her inbox. He's basically like sorting through every single one, trying to find something related to finding a meal because he has been tasked with that. And he's like, gotta get back over there, but I gotta get through these stupid emails. And he's watching the clock tick down. Then his eyes snag on an email sent from Sophie. But then as he is about to get up to go get his fins, his eyes snag. And it's on a sent email from Sophie.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Subject re Dusk's Truth. Working on gaining access will take time.

[Natalie Jean]

It's all that it says in the body. Working on gaining access will take time. And then he notices from the scent files, because it looks like Sophie maybe like deleted a bunch of stuff, but then she didn't like get everything.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

She didn't delete the deletes.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. Or delete sense side.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You got to delete the deletes.

[Natalie Jean]

Delete the deletes. And so there's this weird response and it. That's all it says. So then he notices who this answer was to.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Banshee fan56 okay. Just like saying it as if it's like dropping knowledge. Banshee fan56. Oh my God.

[Natalie Jean]

We actually don't know what that means yet. But he's like, huh. Okay. He scrolls to find the original email that Sophie was replying to that she thought she deleted.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Have you gotten inside yet? I want to know the full story.

[Natalie Jean]

So that part was from banshee fan56.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Who the hell are you? Banshee Fan.

[Natalie Jean]

Who the hell are you? Benshifan. He doesn't seem to have any insight into that, but something about it strikes him. He does a quick search for anything called Dusk's Truth, to no avail. He then goes through her email logs looking for any other correspondence with this banshee fan56. It seems like Sophie deleted her ends but didn't delete these sent ones.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Another half deleted chain, this one originating from Banshee Fan 56. Subject project. The.

[Natalie Jean]

What he reads, he kind of sounds like a code. Like a bit of code. Like their email exchange is them kind of speaking in code, but he can half follow what they're saying. The two of them seem to be debating some kind of mission with Sophie, saying if she tries something, the six quote unquote will kill her. Therian thinks she means the Asteri because there's six.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Six of them there.

[Natalie Jean]

You can't find anything online about a project sir either. He's like, been trying to figure out all of these weird code words that are in these email exchanges. But we do know about the God sir at this point. We talked about him at the beginning of the book because his sculpture was at the ballet.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

And he is basically like Thor, but in Midgard. Then the clipped email conversation ends with basically Banshee fan telling Sophie to lie low when she finds him. So it's all these like, sort of mysterious things that we don't really understand. But Banshee Fan is telling Sophie to lie low in the place where the weary souls find relief from their suffering. In Lunathean. So at the very least, what he's taking away is that this person is telling Sophie to go to Lunatheon, and that's where they are.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Also, Banshee fan is a fun word to say and I do recommend you say it aloud because it's Banshee fan. Banshee fan.

[Natalie Jean]

It is fun.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Kind of feels like a party in your mouth.

[Natalie Jean]

Banshee fan.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Having a banshee fan. Oh, look at all of us having a bit of a banshee fan. And now the word doesn't make any sense anymore. You're welcome words.

[Natalie Jean]

What are they? Just sounds coming out of your throat?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yep. Am I smarter than a fifth grader? No, I'm not.

[Natalie Jean]

Sophie is probably not a lot of them. I mean, there's some really smart fifth graders. And I'm saying that for myself, not you.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I just, like, when was the last time I got into, like, geography? You know what I mean? Like, I know I can do long division, but not the way they teach it anymore.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, yeah. No, because they do it different now.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

They do it all different. Natalie.

[Natalie Jean]

Sophie has started to write a sentence back to this last email, but never finishes it. It's like she cuts herself off in the middle of the sentence for reasons unknown. We'll probably never know. He clicks out of the emails and uses Declan's hacking program to search for the email. Banshee Fan56, the one that Sophie was communicating with.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

He started as the result came in Danika Fendir.

[Natalie Jean]

This bitch again.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

But don't she love banshees? We'll never find out. But did I love evil ducks when my screen name was Evil Duck? 59? No. And do we all know that I said 59 even though I was thinking 69? Yes.

[Natalie Jean]

How did you come up with evil ducks?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I don't know. It's just. I think that I was looking at a rubber duck that I had. I literally know exactly what it was. I had a rubber duck that had little horns on it. And it was that sat on my desk. And so I thought evil duck. And then I was like, Evil Duck 69. Really nice. Very nice. And then I'm gonna put 59. Cause then nobody will know what I meant. Because you know what? I wasn't known for my smarts ever.

[Natalie Jean]

I feel like a 59 is essentially like, if you're doing the shape of the five, it's still kind of the same shape as a six. So it's like the same.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You mash them all together in parts that are parts and farts are farts. It just depends on how small of an environment you're in.

[Natalie Jean]

Thank you for that. That deep thing to contemplate after the over.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

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[Natalie Jean]

Whether it's the recorded sounds of the.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Ocean we doze off to or the.

[Natalie Jean]

Succulents that adorn our homes, nature makes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

All of our lives, well, better.

[Natalie Jean]

Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it. But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With alltrails, you can discover trails nearby and explore confidently with offline maps and on trail navigation. Download the free app today. So it seems as though Danica has yet another secret that Bryce will learn about only after she has died.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Jesus.

[Natalie Jean]

Danika was communicating with this ophion. Rebel slash human slash thunderbird. What the heck was she doing? What was she doing, everybody?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Danika, how did you have the time to be this mysterious?

[Natalie Jean]

They all do. Bryce is always doing side quests. Like, how do you plot these out? Do you have to write it down in a notebook?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I feel like they must have post its everywhere with, like. Like, definitely, like, email this person. But then also, like, make sure that the, you know, serpent queen is fucking being it.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. Like, get the dishwasher fixed. And also don't say the code word that'll make the world explode.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That's what I'm saying. I feel like they would have, like. It would be really difficult for me to be, like, a champion of the world because I'd write down. I'd have to write down all of my plans.

[Natalie Jean]

But that's the thing. You don't want to have somebody who's the champion of the world who thinks they can be the champion of the world. Which means you might be the champion of the world.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

No. Well, I'm just gonna sit here in my tail and you can't make me move.

[Natalie Jean]

Kinky Secretary. Remember that?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. I've seen Secretary.

[Natalie Jean]

Because he got so pulled into this new info that Tharion is, like, going through. He was like, o, my fins. So he runs down the hall to the water chamber thing, noting the glass hallways are filled with creatures moving about outside the office building through the water. And again, I'm jealous. I want to have an underwater tunnel where I can look at sea life. Do you ever do one of those at, like, an aquarium?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

I mean, so fun.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I have, like, maybe we should pitch it to the boys that we could turn this network into an Aquarium, where.

[Natalie Jean]

We are under that. We're at the bottom of it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, but I don't want to have to like take a boat or like a chute of some sort to get here. So.

[Natalie Jean]

No, I think we just keep it at the entryways where our offices. And then we hold it around underneath.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like a secret. Like a. Like a James Bond. Do they have something like Atlantis? Like Atlantis but for James Bond.

[Natalie Jean]

Let's pitch it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Henry. He must be able to hear me if I scream his name loud enough and I pitch it it from here.

[Natalie Jean]

Well, I think if either of us are talking, he's just. He has like a little twitch in his eye.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Especially when we're both dressed like this. There's something about it that I feel like Henry can't hear us.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, maybe he's. He shuts it off emotionally.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think that he doesn't accept that. Maybe we get so lost in the character that he doesn't even see us anymore.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, no. Then he's attracted to this character and he's like, why?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, yours. And then he looks at my wrist. Not yours. No, my wrists. No, the wrists alone. He's not into this. This is too saggy for my brother. He can't deal with this. Talking about he'd make me shave my skin off as a mayor.

[Natalie Jean]

He wouldn't. He would just ask you to clip it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, just so he didn't have to look at it. And that's understandable.

[Natalie Jean]

So Tharion runs. He runs across this beautiful hallway. And I do love Sjam's scene setting. I think it's so pretty.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's beautiful.

[Natalie Jean]

With only minutes to spare before this weird ancient sea witch magic sets in and he can't shift any longer. He flings himself into the chamber and he porky pigs it. Rips his pants off. Allows the water to rush over his legs as they fuse into a finger. He then pulls his shirt off too, letting his scales and talons etc build.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, it's me, Natalie.

[Natalie Jean]

He seems to say it only hurts to get his legs. He doesn't say it hurts to get into his merbody. Like his body is like feeling more natural as a mer.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think that's why I'm. I'm envisioning like his penis shooting out of the ends of his nipples. Like I feel like that's where the pain would come in.

[Natalie Jean]

I can't imagine anything other scenario than that. For sure.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Literally not one other option.

[Natalie Jean]

Literally not even one other option. So he, as he is sitting there letting the water wash over his in myrrh body. He's pondering this magic that changes it him back and forth, not really knowing much about it other than knowing that he technically only has to shift for a moment into a mer to get his fins to stay before getting his legs back. And he also knows because he has water power. And he's like, I don't know why, but, like, their magic water, like, it's almost like the magic water is made out of something different because he can't shift into his mer form by just spraying himself down.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Right.

[Natalie Jean]

Which makes me. That immediately is just like, what. What is this?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like, yeah, what magic?

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah, like what's coming out of you.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Right.

[Natalie Jean]

Gross. So. But he still makes. He still waits five minutes after he changes just to, like, be sure. And so he's sitting there thinking, and he's wondering what Sophie's emails while he waits, but can't come up with too much of making sense of what has been said in these emails. He wills his legs back, redresses into his wet clothes. Yuck. And pulls on a BCIU Blue Court Investigation Unit windbreaker. And that's technically the same as the ox. That Hunt is in is how they meant how they met initially, because they had a friendship through being in the Ox, but they have their own little blue core windbreakers. That's a procedural show I would watch.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Please. But also, I really can't get past. And maybe it's just, like a tactile thing for me, but him sitting in wet clothes, I. I know he's a mayor, so he's probably used to being wet, but the. Like, he's used to the wet gliding off his body. Not. Not hanging.

[Natalie Jean]

No, it's gross.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Heavy on his chest.

[Natalie Jean]

Jeans.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. And, like, how do you investigate when you're sitting in wet jeans and it's festering down there?

[Natalie Jean]

I imagine everything down there is a little damp, you know, Always. I hope not. Maybe there's spells to dry stuff off. That's what we'll say. Yeah, we'll say just. He just says to wait a second, and I guess a spell will dry his pants off.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I hope so.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. He starts looking through his field reports that now that he's back to his human legs that hurt, that he ripped back together, and he wonders if perhaps he could make some connection. And then he spots something that stuns him a little. So he's like, going through all of the Murfield reports, being like, does this connect to anything that's going on right now? And he finds a report from an investigation that just Started that very day. A fisherman found an abandoned boat.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Okay.

[Natalie Jean]

A small little boat. But on it was discovered a child sized life jacket with the word Boden Graven written on it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It would be weird if it also said merred on it. Ah. Whoa. We're in the book.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, no, we're in the book. Like Never Ending story.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Just like. Stay tuned. Yeah, stay tuned.

[Natalie Jean]

No, I'd rather it be Never Ending story than Stay tuned.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

Okay, so a small boat with this little child sized life jacket with bodengravin printed on it. That's the escape boat that Emil was on. From the prequel part. The prologue. From the prologue part. I'm having bad brainstay.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I mean, you know, that's what happens. A guido's got a guido. Yeah. Oh, Johnny two nuts. Yeah, that's what I'm calling you now. Better watch out. You don't know where the nuts are gonna come from next.

[Natalie Jean]

Isn't two nuts implied?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Depends.

[Natalie Jean]

Do you need to have that description?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think I'm gonna start calling every Johnny Regular. Find out. Yeah, how many nuts you got?

[Natalie Jean]

Plain old regular genitals.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Johnny, start calling everybody with two nuts. Oh, Henry do nuts. Oh, it sounds like Henry tuna, though.

[Natalie Jean]

Is that. Is that cute?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think it would be cute if Henry also turned into a tuna fish. I was thinking more of like the star kiss, like the Charlie cartoon. Yeah. And then I be like, you're a fucking fish. I'm a fucking mer. You're gonna get eaten, you idiot.

[Natalie Jean]

I think you might get eat. Like the mer. And that the mer woman in that video, she gets her head chomped.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, my God. Oh, I'm the fish food now, dog.

[Natalie Jean]

This is the escape boat. This Boden Graven. Not this boat he found. That's a little boat.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Boden Graven.

[Natalie Jean]

But his jacket is from that boat. Sophie's brother was on it. The veneer on site who, like, made this report earlier in the day, noted that they sent it a human mail, but no sign of him. So this was like just like a casual report put in. They didn't see it as a crime scene. It was like if you found like an abandoned car on the side of the road. Right? So that's what happens. So initially, this is what Tharian is walking onto, and he's like, wait a second. He knows that that was the boat that Emil was on, and this was a little boy's jacket. That has to be Emil.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Right?

[Natalie Jean]

He makes an educated guess that it was likely him on this escape boat. Using these clues and context from the emails between Soph and Danika. Now the big question becomes, where is this little boy? And did Sophie really die? Or did she and Emil have a grander plan to meet somewhere? Like, why is this boat here? Why is this probably Emile's jacket? And where did he go?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

A lot of questions now.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Where are my dry jeans? And they. I must have something that could fit these big thick man legs that I've got, because how can you find out these answers when you're sitting? Just think of the seam of a wet jean.

[Natalie Jean]

Well, not only. Only that he took the waveriner out. This is in the middle of a bog, essentially. So the marshes. They're called the Nelthian marshes. And he is walking through the reeds and mud and muck in these jeans. So don't even worry about them being dry right now. They're getting grosser covered in mud.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And then they're gonna get all stiff.

[Natalie Jean]

Yep. And there's probably bugs in there.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I guess he's fine with water bugs.

[Natalie Jean]

I guess.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Right? I feel like. Then it's just. Then it's just like your neighbors.

[Natalie Jean]

I don't think I'm cut out to be a merman.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, it is difficult. It's hard out here for a mayor. And I don't want to be a human anymore. I think I say that every other episode. Yeah. I am ready. I think it's because of all the vampire stuff I read. I think it's just. I'm just bored. I'm over.

[Natalie Jean]

I hate it here.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Even just thinking about. I was thinking about this earlier today, because vampires don't really have need for toilets, but oftentimes there are toilets in their homes. But not. That's not. I mean, how do you know they. I mean, in the Sookie Stackhouse books, they say vampires don't need. And that is something that I've asked in my brain before of like, where's their mered? Like, where. Like. And if they're like, they're not spewing out make. So what are they spewing?

[Natalie Jean]

Who knew this was gonna be a poop centric episode?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And usually poop humor is not my thing.

[Natalie Jean]

Well, it's. You're being classy about it, though.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Thank you. I was gonna say, obviously I'm being classy about it.

[Natalie Jean]

Everyone knows when the French go to the bathroom, it's very demure.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Nicer than when we do it. Cause usually we're going, yahoo, Animals. Shit's coming through. Sheets come through.

[Natalie Jean]

I mean, we do eat much worse food Here.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah. It's all fake. It's the American way.

[Natalie Jean]

It's our one thing. We have so big shits. Big old fast food poops. So he is in the marshes and he's just kind of like. He's walking around in here trying to figure out. He's like. He finds this boat, right? He goes, he takes the wave run, the wave skimmer. It's called out to these reed swampy areas called the Neltheon Marshes north of Ludathian, which is where the boat was reported to be. He finds it amongst the high reeds. The boat is seemingly abandoned without any major signs of immediate trauma. He keeps a watchful eye on the many Sobecks hiding just out of sight all around him. As we mentioned before, at some point I forget when they were mentioned, but they were. They're in the river. So he. They are basically. Asobek is an Egyptian crocodile deity, which I assume means that they in Midgard are essentially semi sentient crocodiles.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

So cool. Also very scary, but kind of sexy cool.

[Natalie Jean]

I know I kind of wanted to dress as one, but I didn't have everything I needed. But stay tuned. Can you hardly contain yourself?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Sobek's in our future.

[Natalie Jean]

Tharian wonders if Emile was victim to these Sobecks because he can't find him, but doesn't seem to scent anything immediately. He boards the boat after looking around and begins to scent blood. He peers around the surrounding area and finds a whole ass arm just chilling in the reeds that's not supposed to be there. Probably not. Not feeling dread, he approaches it, worried it's a meal, but is kind of relieved to find it's just some dumbass adult's arm. Just some other guy's arm. Who gives a Ophion adult actually, because the arm. Then we give a. I don't know how we're supposed to feel about this. And I don't think that Therian actually knows either because he's just. This is just adding more questions onto what's happening, right? So he finds this adult arm, adult Ophion soldier's arm. And they know that because the uniform is still attached to the arm where it got chomped. And we don't know if the Sobecs got this person or if they just got to reap the rewards afterwards. But we do have this arm here and it's not only an Ophion uniform, but it has the insignia of Pippa's Elite Light Squadron. So it is a high up up Opon member.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

The mystery thickens yeah, just sounds like you're bad at not getting killed. How'd you make it all the way to the elite squadron?

[Natalie Jean]

Well, or were they killed by pimp? I mean, Pippa's out of control.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Whoa. Turn coats.

[Natalie Jean]

Turn coats. He carefully moves through the reads and finds the scents of more humans, and they are coming from the mainland, not the water. And so he's basically scenting them that this boat stopped and then a bunch of humans appeared from the mainland. And he concludes that perhaps Pippa and her squad either intercepted a meal here or there are some kind of meeting planned. Possibly the former, because somebody got killed. There was some kind of trauma that happened and got their arm chopped off, at the very least. And he's like, what is happening? He's pondering this new information and considers that perhaps Emile was attempting to escape Ophion. They were after him for no good, and he knew that and he didn't want to be captured by them, which is like, man, that sucks. Everybody's trying to get this little boy.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And he's a kid.

[Natalie Jean]

He doesn't want to be got.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

All that Tharion has is more questions now.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Man. Quite a confusing afternoon. I just. I feel like at this point, it's like I need to go. Like, I need to go hit a Dube or something. I feel like I need to, like, get some perspective and think about all of what just came about me.

[Natalie Jean]

Sorry, not gonna happen.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I don't have the time. Okay? I'm too important.

[Natalie Jean]

He's got a. He's got a bunch of stuff he's gotta solve because he put his penis inside of a wraith.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That's what happens.

[Natalie Jean]

Remember this. There are consequences. Everyone think about it before you stick it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

Before you leave the house.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Hell, yeah. Empty the drain before you use the brain.

[Natalie Jean]

There you go.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You're welcome.

[Natalie Jean]

He phones into his mer police and tells them that they're now looking at a crime scene at this boat and to head over to start searching. Chapter 12 is back with Brunt, and they are trying not to think about sex as they sit next to each other. So if you recall, last episode, Hunt had tackled Pollux, ended up in the Comedium holding cell because he got in trouble. Bad boy Rice shows up.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Up.

[Natalie Jean]

She meets with Celestina. Celestina's like, hey, I'm pretty chill, Bryce. Sort of like, I like you, I think. And then Celestina's like, you can take him home. So now they have removed Hunt from the holding cell, and now Bryce and Hunt have gone about their day Afterwards. And they got ice cream cones together.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

See, they're not getting in trouble. Who, us? Making trouble?

[Natalie Jean]

Very. This is a very different situation. After Hunt was put in the. That same holding cell with Micah, now they're just going. They're sitting in front of the. In an ice cream cone. What's gonna happen next?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Right? But it's like, here's the thing. None of us are trustin'. I don't trust no peace. Not in this portion of an SJM Novel.

[Natalie Jean]

No, no, no, no. But in this moment, they pick the sexiest treat to get. Even though they're not trying. They're trying not to have sex with.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Each other, but sometimes you gotta suck a cream off a spoon, you know?

[Natalie Jean]

But if you're trying to hold off on sex, you should've gone with something less sexy, like a corn on the cob.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

See, I feel like at that point, though, when you're that horned up, don't you think a cob could get you doing this?

[Natalie Jean]

I'm gonna say that is slightly less erotic than an ice cream cone. I love corn on the cob. But I'm not usually trying to seduce somebody when I'm eating it. I'm just like.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I guess my thing is I can't seduce anyone while eating anything. Because I imagine if I was eating ice cream, you, like, say. And I'm just.

[Natalie Jean]

Read it like a cartoon child. You go.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, you have to make the little, you know, gremlin noises.

[Natalie Jean]

Well, then again, you're going back to that. Your husband would be seduced by that.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

He would be.

[Natalie Jean]

But no, they chose the most erotic of desserts to eat together. Hunt tries not to watch Bryce go to town on that ice cream cone by thinking about something else. And he just, like, reflects on what just happened in the previous chapter.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I feel like in this scene, it's like, cartoonishly. Every time he looks over, it's like an even more phallic thing. Like. And then it's just like her sucking the condiments off of a hot dog. And she's like, I just got. And he's just like.

[Natalie Jean]

But he's doing the same thing.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Of course he is.

[Natalie Jean]

Because she. He notes that she's looking at him as he's eating his ice cream cone. And he's also. You know what happens when. When a tongue comes out?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

No, I don't know.

[Natalie Jean]

Sex things.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Especially you saying this dress like that. That means a lot.

[Natalie Jean]

I'm not. I'm not.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You know, when the tug comes out. Sex things.

[Natalie Jean]

It doesn't look like A guy who's like 40 year old virgin, who's just pretending he knows he's. That's like what sex is.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes, it is.

[Natalie Jean]

Everyone knows the breast feels like a bag of sand.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think it's funny because we've both dressed as Declan, both of us. And Declan is supposed to be another really hot character. And I.

[Natalie Jean]

Not my type, but like, not my.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, not either. Really one of our type too. Clean cut, very preppy. Not really for either one of us, but we can't.

[Natalie Jean]

We can't do it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Sexualize.

[Natalie Jean]

I tried to make him look cute. It didn't work.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I did too. You.

[Natalie Jean]

I think you did better than me. Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'll show you a picture and remind you.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah, I actually don't remember what you're.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I had the popped collar. Like, I remember. I was really trying. Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

I still think yours looked better, but.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I had even a worse. I had a much worse wig and it was.

[Natalie Jean]

You think this is a good.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Way better.

[Natalie Jean]

Okay, well, I mean, I'm here, folks.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm not given, you know, all the sex that Tharian is given right now. Although a little dirty. I'm a little dirty.

[Natalie Jean]

What's up?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, my God. Are you gonna put technological hacks on my email?

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah, hang on a second.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Whoa. Oh, my God. You're gonna set my computer on fire. Better get a little bit of water. That was him trying to convince Declan to get in the water. And then they were gonna.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, there's Scott. I gotta get. I got. I like it. I like that scene. It's great.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You know, sometimes you gotta ask or El.

[Natalie Jean]

You're never gonna fix my computer.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oops, I got it all wet.

[Natalie Jean]

Nothing sexier than a bunch of.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, my computer doesn't work.

[Natalie Jean]

Electric devices on.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Natalie Jean]

Covered in water. So HUD is like, like reflecting on the. What just happened in the previous scene and that she and him had walked to the. This bench getting ice cream after the holding cell, sucking on his jimmy.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like, you're calling me, wanting me all the time.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. And he's thinking about how they just got there by walking. Even though Bryce had come with her. Her bike and had like sped over to get him. But then they walked back as she was like pushing it. And both of them seem to want to be thinking about anything other than sex or whatever. So they started to discuss the mechanics of Bryce's bike, which leads to Hunt revealing he can fix most machines.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Go.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, she's Aegon.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I like that quality.

[Natalie Jean]

She asks something to do with his electricity. Like, does it have Like a. Does he have a knack for machinery because of it and you? He says, yeah, that is true. But he really learned because Sanriel would force him to break down Ophion mech suits they had captured to force him to sabotage the suits mid battle. It's a trauma point he's bringing up. He can sense her watching him as he gazes out over the water in front of them and confesses that his work on the suits likely led to a lot of soldiers dying.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You had to do what you had to do, babe.

[Natalie Jean]

He thinks about how at the time, he tried to justify it by acknowledging the fact that the mech suits were kind of like sinister technology to they were basically killing machines themselves. But Hunt knows that Sandriel made him do this just because she found it amusing that the humans would begin to panic mid battle, awaiting the horrific deaths that were going to come because their suit wouldn't work anymore. He describes in his thoughts the suits as being 15ft tall, essentially big ass exoskeletons. Which is sweet.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I mean, it's pretty cool.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah. And they, some of them have like first light swords, like these big long, like powered swords on them and stuff. And it's like basically the only chance that humans have against Veneer's power. So they are built to be fighting chance against Vanir.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Honestly, I'm really. The more you talk about Hunt and in rereading this, I'm starting to realize that my D and D character, Baxton, I think, is very Hunt coded. And I didn't even mean it because I just. We just leveled up and he's an Eldritch knight. And.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah, I was in my house and I had to drown it out.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You did. She was just screaming in the other room being like, make it stop. Make it stop. But Baxton does have jolt and it also can restart, so it can shock somebody, but also can like restart any machinery. But also he's got firebolt and so he can firebolt it. So it is. I think I didn't even realize that Baxton is he Jax. Yeah, he's big. He's a big old himbo.

[Natalie Jean]

Do you guys have banging in this? I hope.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

No, only in my brain. No, I wouldn't play it with my brother quite as much.

[Natalie Jean]

Or like Mike Lawrence.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah. But it is. It gets dicey. I love Mike Lawrence, but sometimes it gets dicey because my husband is the dm. And sometimes in character, I will flirt with a character that he's playing and then technically it's all in game. So it's fine.

[Natalie Jean]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And I'm a himbo. I'm a big throbbo with two dads that are adventurers. Okay.

[Natalie Jean]

Wow, that sounds like Hunt. You're right.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I just want to make my daddy's proud.

[Natalie Jean]

Aw.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And I'm so hot. Sorry. I have a crush right now.

[Natalie Jean]

He's feeling a sense of shame and self loathing.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, well, sometimes I need to just talk to you about my crush. Okay. It's not like a book crush. It's different. And I feel ways that I never expected because I have a crush on myself.

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, God.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, God.

[Natalie Jean]

It's the real bitch of war.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Thank you. Thank you. Validation is important.

[Natalie Jean]

Hunt is feeling, you know, a certain way about these reminders of his past. So Bryce watches him and puts a hand on his knee, telling him that she's sorry Sandriel made him do that. But he, you know, he feels like this self loathing about it. And that is why war is terrible. There's not good in the battlefield. You're just killing people. It's not like, oh, these are the good ones and these are the bad ones. It's just like you're fighting each other and everybody's just killing and it's stupid. And we are going to have to do one chapter today because the next chapter is very long and it's going to take a long time to get through the next little part. And. And so sometimes you just talk about dumb stuff for too long and then you gotta wait for the sexual tension, which is coming up in the next little piece.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Natalie, you're gonna make me fucking shift again. Real hard, but real fast. Real wet.

[Natalie Jean]

As a little thing to hold you off. Guess what time it is, everyone?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Is it time to get. Get horny?

[Natalie Jean]

Oh, it's time to get horny. That really helps. That helps a lot.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Awesome powers.

[Natalie Jean]

Wow. Timely.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And now, dudes, grappling with erotica. Featuring Henry Zabrowski and Holden McNeely. Unfortunately.

[C]

And though the path she'd been thrust onto was royally fucked and had led her through the lightless halls of grief and despair, here, here before her was light, True light. What she'd raced toward during the ascent. And she wanted to be kissed by that light now. Wanted to kiss him back and tell Syrinx to go wait in his crate for a while. Cool name. Hunt's dark eyes turn near feral. As if he could read those thoughts on her face, in her scent. We have some unfinished business, Quinlan, he said, voice roughening. He threw Syrinx a look. And the chimera leapt from the bed and trotted out into the hall, lion's tail waggling as if to say, it's about time. When Bryce looked back at home Hunt, she found his focus on her lips and became hyper aware of the fact that she was sitting across his lap on her bed. From the hardness starting to poke into her backside, she knew he'd realized it too. Ew. Still they said nothing as they stared at each other, so Bryce wriggled slightly against his erection.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, behave.

[C]

Drawing a hiss from him, she huffed a laugh. I throw one smoldering look at you and you're already what was it you said to me a few weeks ago? Hot and bothered and hard. One of his hands traced down her spine again and tent in every inch of it. I've been hot and bothered for you a long time now. Penis, penis lemonade. Round the corner the cum is made. His hand halted on her waist, his thumb beginning a gentle, torturous stroking along her rib cage. With each sweep, the building ache between her legs ratcheted. Hunt smiled slowly, as if well aware of that. Then he leaned in, pressing a kiss at the underside of her jaw. He said against her flushed skin, you ready to do this? Gods, yes, she breathed, and when he kissed just beneath her ear, making her back arch slightly, she said, I recall you promising to me until I couldn't remember my own name. He shifted his lips, grinding his into her, searing her even with the clothing still between them. If that's what you want, sweetheart, that's what I'll give you. Oh, gods. She couldn't get a solid breath down, couldn't think around his roving mouth on her neck and his hands and that massive, beautiful cock digging into her. She had to get him inside her right now. She needed to feel him, needed to have his heat and strength around her, in her.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Ew.

[C]

Daddy. Bryce shifted to straddle his lap, lining himself up with all of him. She met all of him, satisfied to find his breathing as ragged as her own. His hands bracketed her waist, thumbs stroking, stroking, stroking as if he were an engine waiting to roar into movement upon her command.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Ooo.

[C]

Brice leaned in, brushing her mouth over his once, twice. Hunt began shaking with the force of his restraint as he let her explore his mouth, but she pulled back, meeting his hazy, burning gaze. The words she wanted to say clogged in her throat, so she was like so she hoped he understood them as she pressed a kiss to his now clear brow, sketched a line of soft, glancing kisses over every inch where the tattoo had been. Hunt slid a shaking hand from her waist and laid it over her thundering heart. She swallowed thickly, surprised to find her eyes stinging, surprised to see the silver lining his eyes as well. They had made it. They were here, together, Hunt leading in, slanting his mouth over hers. She met him halfway, arms sneaking around his neck, fingers burying themselves in his thick, silken hair. Thank you. A shrill ringing filled the apartment. She could ignore it, ignore the world. Call from home.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Please read up until chapter 13 for next week.

[Natalie Jean]

It.