← Miracle Mentality with Tim Storey (Motivation, Self Help, and Mental Health)
Miracle Mentality with Tim Storey (Motivation, Self Help, and Mental Health)
Unshakable Faith: Gabrielle Bernstein on Healing Trauma and Leading from Self | Spirituality | E36
00:50:25
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- [00:01]
A
Hello, Miracle Mentality family. You just heard my good friend John Paul dejarra. He was so good on this podcast. I want to tell you something that he's doing that I think is amazing. I'm introducing to you for the first time Global sku. It is an app designed to help you make extra money for stuff that you have just sitting around. Now, how does that work? Number one, it only costs $12 a month and you can cancel anytime. What happens is that you scan an item and it tells you what the item sold for in the last 90 days. And it lists across multiple platforms, including ebay, Amazon, Walmart, Facebook, marketplace. This is amazing. Go to the Global SKU website or the App Store and and start making money today. But I have something really good for you. For the first 50 people from my world that comment, I'm going to give you Global SKU for absolutely free for one month. For the first 50 people to comment, I want to give you a free month subscription. So respond right now. That's Global skill. You. Hello, my name is Tim Story. Welcome to Miracle Mentality.
- [01:23]
B
Remember rooftops, drawing spaceships on the ground.
- [01:26]
A
It's for the dreamers, the doers, the believers in something greater. In each episode, I'll invite you to rise above the mundane, to push past the messy and learn to live boldly in the miraculous. Every episode will have practical wisdom, spiritual insight, and my guests will explore what it takes to activate your miracle mindset. Remember to subscribe, follow and like. Welcome back to the Miracle Mentality podcast again. I want to thank you guys for continuing to, like, subscribe and leaving comments. And we're constantly, as you know, in the top five. Thank you guys for constantly letting other people know. I see it as kind of a movement. You know, I like this whole title, Miracle Mentality. A miracle is something that is extraordinary, uncommon, not normal. Kind of think that's how we should live. So when I was looking at guests that I would like, when I was deciding to do a podcast, I thought of this guest, Gabby Bernstein. But you can't just wish something and it happens all the time because she's hard to get. The idea that I get to interview her today is quite exciting to me because when you look at the fact that she has had setbacks in her life, like all of us, but decided to do something about it, decided to study, research, grow, and then turn challenges in her life to then bring a lot of healing to a lot of our lives. She is a New York Times bestselling author, she is a spiritual teacher, and you'll see that she's also an inspirational speaker and phenomenal at it. I've seen her live many times. She's a podcast host at a high, high level everybody wants on her show. She grew up in Larchmont, New York, and studied theater at Syracuse University. That I find interesting that she was in theater in her early 20s. She was confronted by addiction and hit what she called rock bottom moment in 2005 when she whispered, I need a miracle. And that was a decision to launch onto her path of healing and personal transformation. From that moment on, she stepped into spiritual practices, meditation, yoga and principles from A Course in Miracles. And she began developing simple tools for manifesting, building self love, releasing fear, which she's phenomenal at, and stepping into faith for herself and others. She has been singled out by the Oprah Winfrey on Super Soul Sunday as a thought leader for the next generation and the generation that is still here. So let's welcome to the program the amazing Gabby Bernstein. Hi, Gabby.
- [04:16]
B
Hello, my friend. It's so good to be with you. Thank you for having me here.
- [04:20]
A
Was that intro too long?
- [04:23]
B
That intro was beautiful.
- [04:25]
A
Yeah.
- [04:26]
B
I will take you to me anywhere. You could come on the road with me and be my intro.
- [04:30]
A
Ladies and gentlemen, Tim Story has left his current job and now he's the intro guy. So, Gabby, let's get into this thing a little bit about when you were in high school, let's say like senior year, what were you thinking about becoming, like, what was your skill sets because you got into the whole theater side. Were you a theater thespian? Were you outgoing? Were you shy? What was it like? Like senior year, senior year, I was
- [04:57]
B
having an existential crisis. I felt very misunderstood. I didn't have any girlfriends. I just had a bunch of guy friends. They were all in a band, in a rock band. One of them was my boyfriend and the rest of them were my friends. I did find some comfort in the theater arts, which was what guided me to go after a BFA in theater in college. But I think where I felt most confident and most comfortable was actually as a spiritual guide at that time, believe it or not. So I was the president of the regional Jewish youth group in my community in Westchester county, and I would lead these spiritual weekends at the temple. Even to this day, I don't identify as very religious in the Jewish traditions, but that was one of the ways that spirituality was first introduced to me was through this youth group. And it was for me about gathering and singing and being in really in light. Being in the light. With others. I, like I said, was the president of this youth group. So I was kind of just leading. That was like this 18 year old or 17 year old spiritual guy, just a little bit of a Sherpa in Westchester county guiding these weekends. And that's when I felt most aligned. Probably the only time aligned.
- [06:15]
A
So interesting. I say this and I think you would agree that sometimes our calling calls you.
- [06:21]
B
That's always right. Yes.
- [06:22]
A
And so the word calling is always where you're pulled out and it's specific and it's unique. One thing that I'm loving about your style because I've been in this thought leader space for a while, is that it is very specific and it's very unique. So were there a couple people that you saw that were doing their thing? You said, wow, I like what she's doing or he's doing. And I think I can draw from them to add to what I feel like life is calling me to do.
- [06:57]
B
Totally. When I was 25, I started my career as a spiritual teacher shortly after getting sober. And at that time My inspirations were Dr. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson was a big one. And then, you know, years later they would become my friends and mentors. And to this day, you know, still my friends and mentors. Even Louise and Wayne are passed, but they're still my guides. And these teachers really showed me where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be as a spiritual leader and as a teacher. The path was laid out before me. And to this day that type of teacher isn't sort of the aspiration that a lot of folks might find these days. I don't know that a lot of us out there making the choice to speak on behalf of God in that way and so unapologetically and with such faith and certainty, that is my life's mission is to carry that legacy of being that voice for the masses, being that voice of guiding people to identify and recognize what faith means to them and speak on behalf of the spiritual realm with full bodied certainty so that I can be a powerful example and a guide to help people remember that light within themselves.
- [08:18]
A
So a lot of spiritual teachers that I get a chance to dialogue with, many times they had a specific encounter, a revelation, or as our friend Oprah says, like an aha moment. Was there a time in your early teens where you felt like you had this encounter with God that was really significant where you felt like you got like a revelation of an understanding of what you were supposed to do, at least at that moment?
- [08:48]
B
Yeah, I Had many moments like that. I was brought up as a child sitting on the meditation pillows in the ashrams with my mother. My mother was a devotee of Guru Mai, and I was named by the guru and really brought into these spiritual spaces as a child. And I could feel very early on when I was like, 7, 8, 9, 10, the energy in those spaces. And I could feel, because I was such an empath and such a wide open sponge without the container to hold, that I could pick up a lot of that energy. And I kind of knew then, like, oh, there's a lot of suffering in the world. And then when I started to experience that suffering through anxiety and depression, my mom taught me my first mantra and gave me meditation practice. And this was when I was about 16. I started to develop my own meditation practice. What I realized very quickly, I remember about a week into having this practice, my boyfriend and I went off to the beach, and we were at a guest house somewhere. We pulled up to the house, and I said, I'm super anxious. I need to excuse myself. And I went into this random room in a house I'd never been in. And it was this tiny little white room. And in the room, I remember it like yesterday, there was a little window, and I was sitting on this single bed, and there was this little picture in the corner. And I closed my eyes and I put my hands up, and I started repeating my mantra. And I started to feel this energy start to move through my body, and it felt like this blanket of love pass over me. The anxiety just dissipated. And that peace settled through my system. And that was when I started noticing my extremities go numb, just like they are right now. This is when I start to channel. My hands go numb. And then just feeling that buzzing in my extremities and just knowing, okay, there is an energy beyond my physical sight that can actually heal me and that can guide me from that day forward. I always knew that God was real.
- [10:35]
A
Okay, so from this experience, then, when do you start thinking about who you're going to reach out to and almost release these types of practices and healing on people? I'll go there on myself just for a second. So I went to seminary, so my doctorate's in world religion. But I didn't want to be like a traditional religious leader. I wanted to be like a cool Mother Teresa. But I started having a lot of experiences in spirituality, and the more I traveled, I was very open to other healers and how they did things and really wanted to learn. But then I think More and more it got crystallized of who I wanted to help. And Gabby, who I wanted to help was the underdog. I liked the struggler. I liked the up and outer, the down and outer. That was where I was focused on then and even now. So was there anything similar like that for you?
- [11:32]
B
Ooh, what an interesting question. No one's ever asked this to me, Tim, and I think it's such a beautiful question. At the time I was 25 years old. So I have always taught where I am in my own journey. And there's a message in the metaphysical text, of course, in miracles, that your students will find you because they will recognize themselves in you. And so as I've grown up in the different stages of my spiritual development and in the stages of my own life, my audiences have been a reflection of oftentimes where I'm at and what I have to give. And so I don't know that I actually had a desire of saying this is the type of person I'm going to serve. But I do know that witnessing what was drawn into the room was often people who were meeting their spiritual life where I was today, my demographic that I serve is much less gender specific and age specific. And it's really just teaching and serving anyone who is willing to get closer to God consciousness, to get closer to a miracle mentality.
- [12:34]
A
Gabby, in that case, when you see that this call is on you, do you think that all of us have a similar touch of God, the 8 billion people on the planet? Or do you feel like some of us, we just have a touch of God on us? That is a deeper type of calling, to touch people in a specific way. What are your thoughts on that?
- [12:57]
B
I think that our soul, before we come into this body, makes a choice and says, okay, what do I want to learn this time and what am I going to teach this time? And we all come to unlearn fear and remember love, and we all come to strengthen that connection to the divine in whatever form that comes. But I think our soul makes the choice. And so the soul says, okay, I'm going to have this experience. I remember listening to Wayne Dyer say this at one point and it really struck with me, like, yeah, he sat there like, I'm going to have my. My father is going to be abusive and alcoholic and he's going to leave my mother. And what it's going to teach me is it's going to teach me forgiveness and self reliance. And that's what I'm going to teach. And so I do think that There is that I believe that. I believe that our soul looks at this lifetime and says, okay, what's the plan? What do I want to learn? What do I want to heal? And how am I going to show up? And I think that different evolutions of our soul, we come in with a different heightened awareness of that God consciousness. We all are touched by God. We all have the capacity to have that awakening and have that connection. And that God within me is the same with the God within every single person listening. It's the same energy. But the choice in the lifetime is, am I going to lean into it or am I going to stray from it? And so that choice is our free will. We're not burdened by this desire that we had and that we never can change. We have free will. But I do believe that our soul has come with this evolutionary path of what's the next level of my spiritual awakening now? And so I can speak for my soul and say that I believe my soul came in saying, I'm going to go through some tough shit, and I'm going to go through that shit so that I can speak on behalf of what it means to return to love. And I do believe that most spiritual teachers, if you line them up, they probably all say the same thing. That I had to experience the depths of this darkness so that I could remember the light of who I am, so that I could teach with authority and certainty.
- [14:43]
A
I, like you, started early. So I remember being like 18 years of age in seminary, but I'm still going through things. I'm going through, am I going to date this person I was dating or not? I'm going through trauma from my father dying when I was 10 in a car accident. So I was going through things that people go through at 18, 19, 20, but at the same time, I could get on stage, Gabby, and this gift from God would just light up. And I was just in this zone. How did you deal with the personal Gabby and then with the other side of you that was really channeling God the way you were, in really such a powerful way.
- [15:25]
B
I think up until last weekend, literally, because something shifted in me last weekend, actually, I decided to go by Gabrielle now. So, Tim, you can call me Gabrielle for a reason. I'll explain it. I think that, you know, you have all these years and decades of healing, and then you can hit these points where you're like, oh, that's flipped, that's flipped. I'm stepping into a new energy now. The flip happened for me last weekend, and so I got on stage, at a talk on Sunday, the day after, declaring that I'm now Gabrielle. And it wasn't moments of channeling. This is answering your question too, but it wasn't these moments of channeling. It wasn't like I'm in my outline and then I'm in this flow, and then I'm back to noticing what's happening in the room to them being back in the flow. I was just in the flow the whole time. It was like the faucet was on. And so I think throughout my life, I've sort of been in this dance of like in the body and then in the spirit and then in the body. Particularly I'm talking when I'm in my art, when I'm speaking publicly. And there would be these sustained experiences of being in the full flow and then sort of thinking my way into something. But this shift occurred where I'm just so surrendered to being in that flow. By the way, I'm obsessed with you and I love this conversation so much and I'm so glad I'm here with you right now because this is the only kind of conversation I want to have. And I'm so excited to be good friends with you. So the shift occurs last weekend and I'm on the stage and I have my outline behind me and I'm just like, it's there. I can come to it if it's in me, you know, But I leave it behind me. And I decide in that moment that I'm allowing and I'm letting this energy come through. And the thing I said at the top of the talk was this group came into this room in this moment to have a spiritual experience. And we're going to create a container for you to have a quantum shift today, for you to have a spiritual experience. And so I immediately indoctrinated the entire group into this familial energy of we're here in the service of each other and in the service of this moment. And it was so clear to me, Tim, that's what I want to do from this day on. As Gabrielle I want to be walking into rooms and creating spiritual experiences. And so that doesn't take away anything that has happened in the past two decades of my work. It's gotten me to where I am here, but it's an up leveling. It's a rite of passage. It's a new wave of being. And so I'm in it. I'm just committed to it. And it's not like it happened overnight. You know, this is 20 years of trauma recovery, sober, 20 years of sobriety, 20 years of internal family systems therapy, 11 books like healing Myself Through My work. To be in a moment where I can be self led, where I can feel free and I can fully surrender.
- [18:07]
A
So what I have seen in you is a real beautiful maturing of you and your gift. Because I think, Gabrielle, what happens to any of us, whether it's me, you, Adipa Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, Marianne Williamson, people that we do know and work with, is that we are asked to be on these stages. And there's certain things that people want from Gabrielle. When you get on that stage. And many times it's like, play the hits. Play the hits from your second book, play the hits from your third book, play the hits from your fourth book. And I think sometimes you don't really want to play those hits. Not that those hits were not great of the things that we've said in past books and spoken in past lectures or talks. But we've evolved into this different space. So when I talk about this idea of so many people wanting you to remain Gabby Bernstein, but now you've moved on as Gabrielle, what goes to your mind as far as you know, I just have to be true to what I know my calling is. And this is what I'm called to do now.
- [19:18]
B
I don't think anyone would want to hold me and Gabby. I think that people will be pleasantly accepting of and embracing of Gabrielle, because you know this, because you've created this since a young age. But when you're in that energy and you're holding that channel, people borrow the benefits they can actualized in the presence of someone who has got actualized. And so for me, having that greater access only allows people to recognize their access even more. So I don't think anyone would want to hold me back in what was. I think anyone around me, family, loved ones, friends, audience members, strangers, would be like, oh, I want more of that. That vibration is really reminding me of, of who I am and what's inside of me. So there's no going back and there's no regretting what was right. I believe that every day of our life leads us to the next right action. Especially if we're living in the humility of being that happy learner of saying, okay, what can I learn from this? What can I learn from this?
- [20:20]
A
Yeah. And as you teach, we are constantly unfolding. I remember when I was in seminary and I think at this point I was 20 and I used to study a lot on healing, like how people get healed from all different religions. There was a gentleman that was ill in one of the dorm rooms, and these three young guys said, get Tim Story. He could heal him. And so I remember going. And this young guy had hurt his back, really in a terrible way. So I just remember just putting my hand. I was about a foot away from him, and this energy went through him. And he says, I'm really not joking. I feel heat going through me. And I said, just go ahead and move. And he ended up getting healed. When did you first start to see that? The devotion of Gabrielle and studying spirituality and studying God. And then now you started having experiences where it was changing people around you, whether it was your friends or family at first.
- [21:27]
B
Speaking for what you're saying, I could start healing myself. So I remember in my teenage years when I would have period cramps, I would move them off of my body. Like, I would almost, like, take them off and then be recycled. So the energy shifting, I was sort of practicing more on myself. And as a spiritual student, I followed a lot of different teachers at times. And unfortunately for many of us, this happens. Those teachers turn out to be terrible people. And that's unfortunate, but doesn't mean that some of the teachers are real. And for a while, I was. Would visit this medium, a trans medium, who did really healing work, turned out to be a terrible human, but a real spirit, right? A real healer. And so in that journey, I remember just being in these rooms meditating for hours, like six, seven hours with thousands of people, and just knowing that I was feeling not only the energy of the community, but the energy of the healing that was happening bestowed upon me. Walking out new, witnessing healings, like witnessing miraculous healings, witnessing people walking out of wheelchairs, witnessing people from blindness to sight, like, witnessing it all in real time. And that, for me, really locked it in of, like, this is all real. This is all I know this to be real. And this is the only truth that there is. And that we do have the ability to alchemize and to heal physically, to heal emotionally. That was sort of another level of certainty in my spiritual connection. I know that I was guided to that work for that reason and also to tune my mediumship, right? So at that time, even though it didn't turn out, there's two paths I followed, unfortunately, and it's just an unfortunate truth, it happens a lot. There's two paths I followed that really did spiritually crack me open, but also turned out to be led by very bad people. Reality. So all the more real reason why we have to be as genuine and authentic as we are, right? To make up for those that couldn't, that didn't do that. So what I see, what I experienced in that time was the acceptance of mediumship and acceptance of being able to be in this world but feel the energy of the spiritual realm, use that energy, particularly on stages like being able to hold the container of a room when whether it's 100 people, 2,000 people, but just to hold the energy of the room and to not just from a masterful way of being a presenter or performer, which I think folks like that can do that because they are in their own ways channeling. But being a medium to be able to say, okay, this is a thousand, two thousand people. But I can hold the container with my breath, I can hold the container with my hands, I can hold the container with my words, with my intentions, with my silence. That's such a cool thing.
- [23:57]
A
There's nothing like it. And you know this as well. Maybe we can get on a stage and we may have a talk that we're going to present and all of a sudden we start getting these shifts where we know we're supposed to go a different way and you see the whole room just, just break open and you know, there's just nothing like that, truly. So let me ask you a question about this idea of we have this similarity that we want to help people turn their setbacks to comebacks. You really are helping a lot of people come out of darkness. Where's that coming from of you wanting to help people come out of darkness? Is it because of you coming out of personal darkness or it's just because you feel like that's where God's leading you to lift people up from that state that they're in.
- [24:48]
B
Both. Both, Tim, Both. Yeah, I know that. Remember I said my soul came here and I was like, okay, let's experience this tough stuff. You know, there's real tough stuff along the way. Childhood trauma and depression and suicidal ideation and, you know, just moments in time, loss. Okay, well, I need to know that and I need to know that spirit can hold me and guide me through that. And I lived those extreme moments. I've survived those extreme moments and I've thrived on the other side of those extreme moments because of my devotion to my spiritual faith and my devotion to my therapeutic processes and my commitment to my inner well being. And so having lived that, it's my responsibility to teach that. And along the way I felt like even being in the living process of the Healing. I was called to continue to teach because for me it was healing to teach and it was also healing to be authentic about the truth of where it was at.
- [25:46]
A
Thank you for watching the Miracle Mentality podcast. So many of my friends are texting me, DMing me, speaking to me and saying, tim, thank you for these great guests that you're bringing on. So share it with somebody, a friend, a family member, a colleague. And then make sure and reach out to us at Tim Story Official and let us know that you love what we're doing. Thank you for being a part of this movement. I want to go here with you because I work with a lot of men and a lot of men who do well in their careers or financial. But I saw an interview that you did with Lewis Howes about a year ago, and you were talking about the trauma and the pain and the hurt that really challenges the innocence of us being children. And I see this in so many of the men that I work with that they're the type of men that are like, I'm going to beat the sun up and I'm on my grind and no matter how much they have, they just keep going and going and going and going and going. And then many of them are labeled then narcissists because they're not good with relationships. With women, usually they're not great relationships if they have children. If you're working with a man that's like that, give me maybe two things that you think would help somebody that is just that type of a. We're talking about men for now, that he's just needs to realize that he's causing a lot of damage to himself and others by being that way. Maybe give me two things that would help a person like that step out of it.
- [27:25]
B
My therapy training. And I'm not a therapist. Maybe one day I'll get a doctorate or something. But I'm not a therapist yet. But I'm trained, level two, trained in internal family systems therapy. And the interview you're referring to is when I was talking about my book Self Help, which is a self help book based on the practices of ifs.
- [27:43]
A
Yeah. And can I pause there for a second? Because I've read that and gone through it. Make sure and get Gabrielle's book on self help. So good. And I love so many of the ideas you have because you're coming up with a lot of great original thoughts because I go way back to a lot of the people that have been doing things similar to both of us for years. And I feel like life is downloading a lot of beautiful things to you. And that book is fantastic. Which I think it was done maybe about a year ago.
- [28:16]
B
Yeah, came out a year ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Life is downloading a lot of beautiful things to you. That's so nice. That's beautiful. Yeah. I mean, this was part of my journey, right. You know, part of my journey was this trauma recovery and remembering childhood trauma when I was 36. So a decade ago I remembered sexual abuse from my childhood and that journey of recovery. One of the big therapies that healed me was a therapy called internal systems Therapy, founded by my very close friend, one of my best friends, who I'll have to introduce you to, have him on the show is Dr. Richard Schwartz. And again, a pure channel, that man. And he created this therapy that has healed millions of people through one on one therapy sessions. And with Dick's mentorship and permission, I was gifted this opportunity to write this book based on internal family systems therapy, but as a self help practice. And so for the men that are listening, that are your students, that are high achieving, called narcissist, put in that corner, labeled in that way, the high achieving, pushing past, making happen, leaving behind all that is actually a protection mechanism. It's not a bad part of them, they're not to be blamed or shamed. They're meant to be guided to self compassion and witnessing. And the witnessing in this work that I'm speaking of in IFS and in my book, self help is being the non judgmental witness of these parts of ourselves. And to see these aspects of ourselves that are oftentimes the most shamed, blamed parts of ourselves that may seem like they're successful on the outside, but make us feel like shit on the inside. Right. These experiences of really extreme parts of ourselves are actually protection mechanisms. And if you asked yourself how long has that workaholic been around? That workaholic will say forever. Or how long has that controlling part been around? Forever? How long has that rage been around? That people pleaser, whatever it might be, is the case of these sort of extremely successful men that are kind of figuring out who they are now maybe it's a part that feels like if I'm not achieving, I'm not good enough or I have to prove myself to the world. And so you ask yourself, how long has that part been around? And the self help practice that I've created based on IFS is four steps. And the first step is to check inside instead of check out. So normally we get triggered by something we want to check out. We want to go pick up the drink. We want to go back to the work. We want to go call the person that's not right for us. We want to go binge at the refrigerator. Instead of checking out, we check in. So we just focus our attention inside. The second step is to offer curiosity towards that part of yourself. So the part that wants to overwork or the part that wants to rage, just curiosity. Where are you in my body? What do I know about you? What do you want to tell me? And then the third step is compassionate connection by asking the part of you. It's like a child inside of you saying, what do you need? And let it speak up.
- [31:19]
A
You do this in such a wonderful way. I remember when I was a young kid, I got a knot in my Converse tennis shoe. I must have been about eight. I was playing basketball. I came home and I said, mom, can you help me get this knot out of my tennis shoe? I'll never forget Gabrielle. She went to the kitchen and she got a. A needle, like if you had a thread and needle. And just with one hand, she went like this, and then she took the other hand and boom. Next thing you know, she untied this knot, like, literally within about 12 seconds. And I feel that you have a gift to untie knots, and I like the way you're doing it because there's a lot of men's movements where they try to yell it out of men, man up, get the f up. Get over your crap. And to me, that's really not the way to have a man find the solutions he's looking for, to step into what he needs to step into. And even the two things you just shared with us are so important. There's a book called the Shame that Binds. And shame is an amazing thing, as you know. And I see so many men, because I deal with men and women, but so many men that are just stuck in that shame cycle. And as you are saying, but this is Tim story verbiage. I say if you don't run to the refuge, which is the things of God, you will run to a refuge which is trying to find ways to find release.
- [32:58]
B
Beautifully said. Beautifully said. The a refuge that you run to, in ifs terminology, is a protector part. It's a young child part of you. It's an inner child that's been around for as long as you can remember trying to protect you from impermissible feelings of inadequacy, shame, blame. So if you were to line up all these successful men that you Work with, and I hope they're listening right now. And you were to say to all of them, you know, that part of you that works so hard, or that part of you that pushes past, or the part of you that's addicted or whatever it is. And you said, how long has it been around? It's been very young. It's been here for as long as I can remember. It's going to be the answer. It's going to be the answer. And then you can say, okay, maybe a little bit more exploration. What experiences did you have an experience in your childhood that was impermissible, where you felt unlovable, where you felt not good enough, or you felt ashamed, or you felt terror? And everyone will say, yes, yes, yes, big T, small T's all in the room, okay? And then you look at that person, you'd say, well, wouldn't it make sense that you would do whatever it took to protect yourself from ever having to feel that feeling again? These men may all say, yes, yes, yes, yes. Any one of us would say, yeah, makes sense that, yes, I was abused as a child, or my parents. Laughter I was not feeling like I was seen or my brother got all the attention. Of course I would do whatever it took to put out the flames of that fire and protect myself. And so you can see pretty clearly now as you start to take the needle and thread it, that that pattern that you like least about yourself is actually a protection mechanism. That's a child inside of you that's working its ass off to keep you safe. And so good, soon as we see these parts of ourselves from that lens, so much inner expansion because we can have this tinge of compassion. Oh, I am not my addiction. I am not my workaholism. I am not my rage. I am not my charm. It is a protection mechanism. It's a part of me that's stuck in a story. It's stuck in time. And so the work here, it's a spiritual practice as well. It's updating those parts of ourselves and letting them know, hey, no, we have actually an inner self. You might call it God in ifs, we'd call it self capital S. We have an inner resourced, calm, connected, courageous, compassionate, confident part. And that part is called self. And so when we start to bring aspects of ourselves to self energy, the aspects can feel safer inside. It's just like if you bring your fear to God, you're fear can start to dissipate. It's the same with self.
- [35:39]
A
I want to go into the personal side like for me, if I'm in a relationship with someone, I was married for 11 years and then I got divorced from an amazing lady who's a college professor. But it's interesting when you start to grow and you start to get enlightened and you start to evolve and the other person does not.
- [36:01]
B
Hmm.
- [36:02]
A
That can be a very frustrating place to be. And I've been also in relationships where I'm just dating someone. And it's an interesting thing because I'm very compassionate. I really accept people as they are. I'm never trying to fix a friend. It's more if they want to come to me, then I will dialogue with them. How has that worked for you when. With being as evolved as you are in so many of these things and being so aware and being in a relationship with a man, but yet you see him staying stuck.
- [36:41]
B
Well, the beautiful thing about my partnership is that as I grow and I develop more self, my husband self expands because self energy begets more self energy. And so if I can sit in our couple's session and I can be neutral and I can stay calm and I can stay curious, connected to him, clear about my needs, that's himself, right? Courageous to speak up, then he can be in his parts. But his parts, these parts of him, they don't have a match anymore. There's no match for it. And so that's the choice of the other individual in that moment. Can I match that energy or am I going to stay stuck in this protection mechanism? And the beautiful thing about my partner is that he can match pretty quickly. And we actually noticed it yesterday in couples therapy, where we have this extraordinary new therapist. And she was saying sort of, I don't want to get too into the personal stuff, but she was sort of saying, say something back to each other about what you saw in each other. And I was able to say to him, like, wow, your ability to show shift so quickly is incredible. But it's. It's not. He can't do that if I'm stuck in a part, right? So if I'm in my knives out rage part, which I had been in for 20 years, it would be just activating his shame parts. It's just this fight. And so as I started to heal that knives out part and start to let her be more in self, his self starts to actualize.
- [38:07]
A
I love what you're saying, and I love this side of you again, of being that type of woman that is patient with your husband and listening and letting him flow in his own.
- [38:20]
B
Always this Is new, baby. This is very new.
- [38:24]
A
This is Gabrielle.
- [38:25]
B
This is Gabrielle. And it really is new. It's very like a month new again. It happens over time, right? It was getting less and less and less and less. And I was having more. The distance between the stimulus and the response became shorter and shorter and shorter. It was start to expand, like I didn't need to react as much. And so it started to happen over time through the therapy, and now I can in the stillness.
- [38:46]
A
Okay, I have two more questions for you, but I love talking to you. We're going to do a lot of wonderful things together. You know that I've been to 82 countries of the world doing this.
- [38:55]
B
I believe you have.
- [38:56]
A
And we could really do some beautiful things together.
- [39:01]
B
It would be an honor.
- [39:02]
A
So, Gabrielle, I think that with you, when I saw you just start to just take off, and I would say, Oprah Winfrey is my real friend. She's like my sister. And I saw you just take off. And one of her executive producers for 23 years is Diane Hudson, who is one of my best friends. So I'm friends with the whole team. I used to come and teach her for staff. And I saw you just come up, come up, and then I'd see you come up here and here and here. What is that pressure like for people to see you as this person up here? Was it okay for you and is it okay for you, or did it almost feel like too much at times? How do you deal with the pressure of the way people perceive you? Again, I've seen you at events that I was speaking at that when you came up. Stand innovation, all the energy towards you. How do you handle that?
- [39:59]
B
You know, there's this Joan of Arc quote that I've felt in my body for so many years. I'm not afraid. I was born to do this. And it feels to me like this is just my path. I don't have a question of is this me? And I'm sure many years along the way. The ego was there for years and years. I'm sure it was very present. But the older I get and the more aligned with the mission I get and the more in self I become, the less it is about how am I perceived or what am I here to do or any of it. The pressure was less for me recently about how do I show up and, you know, be this perfect person. It was more about how do I get so good with me inside so I can be the purest teacher I can be that. That. And I never spoke for that Pressure. But I think it wasn't a feeling of pressure from the outside. It was an inner knowing. I'm on the pursuit of getting so good inside that the purity and the channel can be clean. And I feel like we can be doing really good work in the world and suffering at the same time. That's not uncommon, and it's not something that should hold us back from doing the great things that we're here to do. But it's a beautiful place to come when the suffering doesn't have to sustain that energy anymore. And you can be free in the service of what you're here to do. I've always also, Tim, been very authentic about who I am, good, bad and ugly, which takes all the pressure off. You know, you could line up 15 people that worked for me over the last 20 years and they'd probably be like, let's say, let's imagine they're not working for me anymore because there's maybe a handful that have been with me for a decade. And then a lot that did that are gone. You line those 15 people up and you might say, well, what do you think about Gabby Bernstein or Gabby? Because it would have been Gabby, not Gabrielle. And they'd say, she's really well meaning, she's very beautiful teacher, she's a good person, but she's a real fucking pain in the ass to work for. She was a real bitch. Or she was, yeah. Because I had a lot of parts, you know, parts that were like, yes, you're meant to take care of me. Why are you fucking. You know what I mean? Like, just so much.
- [42:06]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [42:07]
B
So much rage and control. And I was probably just a big pain in the ass to work for. Especially now I have sort of recognized, like, the type of person that will thrive working for me. And I can look back and look at all the people that were there, and I'm like, they're not that type of person, God bless them. That was probably so hard for them. And so, you know, I know that being in the truth of that and being able to be like, yeah, there's relationships that I've had over the years that were just not right or difficult or. Or these controlling parts of myself were so extreme. It must have been so difficult to be married to me or whatever it was. Right. I can speak to that with so much compassion towards myself and so much gratitude for my recovery and living amends, right, for sort of saying like, oh, yeah, you know, this is where I was and this is where I am that it takes the Pressure off, because I'm not trying. I never want to pretend to be anything I'm not. And I'm not your guru. I am not a guru. I am a teacher. I am here to just tell the truth. I'm here to have fun along the way. I'm here to enjoy being. Doing the work that I'm doing. But I'm mainly here to help people recognize themselves in me. You know, Tim, I was at a dinner the other night and with another sort of wellness person or whatever, and we were sitting together, and this guy's going through his own shit, whatever. And this woman comes up to us, and I think he thought she was coming up to say hi to him. And he looked at her, and he goes, I have. And we were in a very intimate moment. Like, he was talking about something very personal. So it wouldn't have been far off to say, hey, I'm so sorry. Like, I'm having personal conversation right now. Like, do you mind if I have a. Like, boundaries are beautiful. But the way it happened was, like, I'm having a personal conversation right now. Don't come near us. And this poor woman, like, her whole face just dropped, and she just looked and I looked. I was like, I'm so, so sorry. And I think that she was actually coming to say hi to me. You know, that was the other interesting.
- [43:52]
A
Exactly.
- [43:53]
B
But it's like, never treat anyone like you would not treat your best friend or your house or your child. Like, treat people with love and kindness. Of course, have a boundary. Hey, I'm so sorry. We're having a moment right now. Like, I'm just in a deep conversation. Like, maybe we can say hi later. I'm so sorry. Totally get it. But we can't put ourselves above anybody.
- [44:17]
A
I'm loving this because I think we stay in a state of recovery. I'm still being healed from tragedies of my childhood. And I'm okay with that. I really. I'm okay with it. There's a statement that says, you may not be what you want to be, but thank God you're not what you used to be. And if you allow yourself to go through recovery, I say you go through recovery and discovery at the same time. I'm okay with that.
- [44:46]
B
Yes. Yes. And you know what? My friend lashed out on this woman. He's probably in his own recovery and discovery at the same time. He's doing the best he can in that moment.
- [44:54]
A
Yeah. And. And that was nice of you to eat with them and try to walk him through it.
- [44:58]
B
Yep. That's right. But I think that when you do take a stance to be in the service of others, you do have to be really kind and meaningful about that kindness in the ways that you can.
- [45:08]
A
Okay, so, Gabrielle, what are we going to do with all your excellence and beautifulness right now? Where will we see you? We're going to see you with your own TV show. You're going to do specials or you're going to do conferences, you're going to do gatherings. Write a new book. Tell us a little bit about what you're going to be doing.
- [45:28]
B
Everything you just said. Everything you just said. I'm working on a new book called Unshakable Faith, and it's a big one in terms of my spiritual download. And it's timely. It's timely. It's timely. I want it to be the kind of book that people have next to their bed, and they just hold it so closely and they just know it's making them safe. And they read it a thousand times over and over. And it's a curriculum, too. It's like, you can do it. It's a book you can do. And I'm being mindful and sort of curating what the next wave of Gabrielle is looking like. So I'm in the process right now of who are the people that are going to be around me and how am I going to do this. Right. And intentionally. And so that's where I'm at. And I'm also really being led because like I mentioned earlier, my teachers, Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay, they talk to me all the time. And so they're showing me. And so as I said that, I just looked right over at this letter that Wayne sent me 20 years ago, and it's a quote of his. And then it has a little note from Wayne. It says, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And then there's this little note from Wayne here. This falls down a lot, like it's sitting on my desk. And then it just like falls randomly at times.
- [46:38]
A
Yeah.
- [46:39]
B
So, you know, Wayne's here and really wanting to do good by that. Right. I want to carry the message in that energy in that way and be part of that new wave of messaging.
- [46:51]
A
I want to ask you one last question. I have a movement called Lead with Love. And the reason I say that is because I think so many things are not led with love anymore. They're transactional for money or whatever. But I'm all about what you're about, and that is moving with Compassion. So Lead with Love is a movement that's doing very well. We travel around the world with a team and speak to people and have masterminds and bring in amazing people. I'd like to talk to you about that at some point. So I want to ask you a question that I've been asking people that have been on my podcast is what does Lead with Love mean to you? And maybe if you can just give me a real short answer for it. But what does leading with Love mean to Gabrielle? What does it mean to lead with love?
- [47:43]
B
This is actually something I'm really wanting to teach as much as I can too right now is self led leadership. Leading with calm, compassion, curiosity, connection, creativity, connectedness. Like I said, courage, confidence and leading. From those se qualities, we can create real, long lasting change when we're in that energy.
- [48:08]
A
Yes, you are a amazing soul and an amazing wordsmith because I'm really good at connecting words. But what you just did with those C's was fantastic.
- [48:20]
B
Richard Schwartz's. These are IFSC's. That's the definition of self. Yeah.
- [48:25]
A
That was wonderful. Gabrielle Bernstein. Awesome. Best way to stay in touch with you would be where check out my
- [48:33]
B
YouTube channel at Gabrielle Bernstein. Just see what I'm doing on YouTube. I've got a lot going on there. Just get the teachings. Just. It's a good place to start.
- [48:41]
A
I love the humility. It's like talking to Robert Dairo and he says, you know, I'm doing a few movies.
- [48:49]
B
As it should be. As it should be. We can't take ourselves too seriously.
- [48:53]
A
You're wonderful. You look wonderful. You are wonderful. Thank you for watching and listening to Miracle Mentality podcast with Gabrielle. It's what a beautiful conversation. Just talking about life and how we're all unfolding and that we can be healed. We don't have to stay in the dark places. Continue to follow her and read really her last many books. I've gone through four of them. She's helping people's lives on purpose. And truly think about some of these takeaways and don't stay in that shame. Don't stay in that shame. Don't get stuck in that. Don't nurse it and don't rehearse your shame and step out of it. So Miracle Mentality. Continue to like subscribe and comment. Comment some of the takeaways that you had from this podcast today with Wayne and Gabrielle together, life is good. Keep going forward. Talk to you soon. Thank you for sharing space with me on this episode of Miracle Mentality with Tim story. If today sparked your courage or helped you understand why you're created for success, I invite you to carry that miracle mentality forward. Visit me@timstory.com that story with an ey on the end. Until next time, walk by faith, embrace possibility, and create your own comeback story.