NLS 660: BAPTIST Girl’s NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE Shattered Everything She Was Taught—NDE with Jennifer Farmer

Summary

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Next Level Soul Podcast with Alex Ferrari

Episode 660: BAPTIST Girl’s NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE Shattered Everything She Was Taught—NDE with Jennifer Farmer
Release Date: January 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Alex Ferrari welcomes intuitive medium and spiritual teacher Jennifer Farmer to share her profound near-death experience (NDE) as a Southern Baptist teenager—and how it radically changed her worldview. Their conversation weaves through themes of religious upbringing, spiritual awakening, generational trauma, addiction, unconditional love, and the courage to choose a path of healing and service. This heartfelt dialogue offers deeply personal insights into overcoming spiritual abuse, reconciling with one's past, and embracing the soul’s evolution.

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Key Topics & Insights

Jennifer’s Southern Baptist Upbringing & Spiritual Curiosity

• Strict Religious Roots: Jennifer describes growing up Southern Baptist in Texas, steeped in fear-based doctrines of heaven and hell. “You’re not good enough, so you better beg. And you're only going to do it this way. And if you make one false move...” (03:59)
• Religious Exclusivity: She recalls silent tensions between Christian denominations and how even Catholicism was considered suspect. “Jennifer, they're Catholic. Don't ask what church they go to.” (04:45)
• Early Spiritual Sensitivity: Despite repression, Jennifer saw spirits as a child, which went undiscussed in her community and family. “I always had a yearning... I knew my path was spiritual in nature. Now I saw spirits when I was little. I had zero clue who they were. They scared me and I just didn't ever talk about it...” (10:26)
• Family Turmoil & Empathy: Her father struggled with alcoholism; the home was chaotic. These experiences would later become key in her developing deep empathy for suffering souls.

Adolescence, Rebellion, and the Build-Up to Her NDE

• Experimentation & Inner Knowing: Rebellion in her teens included substance abuse, but even in her lowest moments, Jennifer sensed something deeper. “I would look up at the sky and I would know that I wasn't alone...I know there's something bigger than this, than where we are. I know we weren't born to suffer.” (07:01)
• Psychic Awareness for Survival: As a child, Jennifer developed intuitive "scanning" skills to sense danger in her household—a survival mechanism that later evolved into her psychic and empathic abilities. (33:00–35:00)

The Near-Death Experience (NDE)

• The Event: At 16, after days of partying and substance use, Jennifer was found unconscious on her front lawn and had to be revived. Her NDE occurred during this critical incident.
  • “It felt like long seconds where I was in a tunnel...the clouds parted, and I felt sort of called and really at peace and whole...I felt whole and pure, like I was a walking being of light.” (19:15)
• Peace and Unconditional Love:
  • In her NDE, Jennifer recounts traveling through a tunnel of light and feeling enveloped by an overwhelming, unconditional love that was unlike anything in the physical world. “I remember mentally...I said, God, I cannot go back there. This is not the place for me...Please don't make me go back. That's exactly what I said. And slowly, I woke up.” (20:43)
  • Upon awakening, she was upset: “I was mad because I had woke up.” (21:11)
• Negotiating With God: Jennifer found herself negotiating with a loving, familiar presence—"God"—asking to remain in that state. “I could feel coming back into my body. And that's why I started to have a negotiation—No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to go. That's 100%...I feel like where I'm supposed to be.” (30:03–30:27)
• The Message:
  • She was told, “You’ve got more work to do.” (21:15)

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Timestamps for the NDE Segment

• Pre-NDE context: 03:59–10:00
• The overdose and NDE experience: 18:45–23:53, 29:38–33:00
• The aftermath: 26:51 onward

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Aftermath: Struggles, Guilt, and the Road to Healing

• Continued Suffering: Despite her NDE, Jennifer relapsed into substance use after her father’s death, struggling with guilt for not being able to support him while maintaining her sobriety. “I had a lot of guilt around my dad’s passing because I had gotten sober. But I couldn't go and see him anymore because it was too painful. I was afraid that I would drink again. He's a trigger.” (40:03–40:17)
• Second Turning Point: After almost stepping into traffic in despair, a stranger’s intervention (a van stopping to help her) marked a pivotal moment, reminding her of the “divine breadcrumbs” on her path. "It's like...I knew I had that feeling, it's kind of like when I told God I was stepping off, I'm done with this...I'm just fixing to step off. And I went to step off and a van stopped behind me and asked me, do you need help?" (42:01–43:34)
• Choosing Healing: Living with her godmother, Jennifer began assembling the foundation for her recovery, embracing sobriety and spiritual growth.

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Spiritual Awakening & The Emergence of Psychic Gifts

• Late-Stage Spiritual Unfoldment: Jennifer’s psychic and mediumistic gifts matured as an adult. She credits her emotional healing and spiritual study as key to safely opening to her abilities—such as reading energy and seeing loved ones in spirit. “...my gift started to awaken in a very safe and comfortable way...from a different, higher version of myself.” (45:14)
• Spiritual Study: Finding new mentors and tools, Jennifer began to meditate, read spiritual books, and eventually studied mediumship in England at the Arthur Findlay College. “Thank God I was an adult. I wouldn't have known what to do [if I’d had these experiences as a child].” (55:00)
• On Being a Late Bloomer: “I’m glad mine didn’t hit until my late 20s, early 30s, because I was mature enough and I was grounded enough to know that what is going on with me is a spiritual awakening.” (53:13–54:00)

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Reconciling Faith, Spiritual Abuse, and New Paradigms

• Religious Trauma: Alex and Jennifer candidly discuss the spiritual abuse inflicted by dogmatic religion—a mixture of trauma, fear, guilt, and shame.
  • “Spiritual abuse. I mean, just to give you the pinnacle...They literally had pictures of guillotines, where people...I remember I was so terrified. Burned into your brain.” (66:23–66:55)
• Processing Anger at Religion: Both share how they were angry after realizing the distortions in their faith traditions, but found value in certain core teachings—especially love and compassion. “The true teachings of Christ did sneak through all the dogma. As much as they try not to let it get through, Jesus gets through.” (65:23)
• Letting Go of Suffering and Shame: Jennifer emphasizes that spirituality need not be defined by suffering; we have choices in our experience. “Sometimes we spend half of our lives finding out that we're not bad, that we're beautiful beings.” (109:16)

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Embracing Many Paths & Story as a Spiritual Tool

• The Role of Story: Alex and Jennifer reflect on how all religious and spiritual ideas are, at their core, stories humans tell to make sense of existence. Alex, as a filmmaker, observes: “Because it trained me to see the story in all things.” (116:44)
• Multiple Paths to Truth: Both agree there are “a thousand paths to the same place,” and encourage listeners to follow the story that serves their unique journey, without being threatened by stories that differ. “Whatever way you want to go down. That's the beauty of this whole story. There’s a thousand paths to the same place.” (98:38–98:46)

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Notable Quotes

• “I knew that my path was spiritual in nature. Now I saw spirits when I was little. I had zero clue who they were. They scared me and I just didn't ever talk about it.”
  —Jennifer Farmer (10:26)
• “I felt whole and pure, like I was a walking being of light.”
  —Jennifer Farmer (19:15)
• “I said, God, I cannot go back there. This is not the place for me...Please don't make me go back.”
  —Jennifer Farmer (20:43)
• “You’ve got more work to do.”
  —Jennifer, quoting the voice she identified as God during her NDE (21:15)
• “Sometimes we spend half of our lives finding out that we’re not bad, that we’re beautiful beings.”
  —Jennifer Farmer (109:16)
• “No one ever left Christianity because of Jesus’ teachings.”
  —Alex Ferrari (81:16)
• “What if, 500 years from now...someone finds a story of Yoda—of the Force?...and now, it literally becomes a world religion?...because at the end of the day, it’s just a story.”
  —Alex Ferrari (121:18–122:35)
• “We don't need a host of believers around you to take the next step.”
  —Jennifer Farmer (58:25)
• “There’s a thousand paths to the same place.”
  —Alex Ferrari (98:46)

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Memorable Moments

• Jennifer’s candid humor about being a “Christian on the fringe.” (23:00)
• Alex likening religious doctrine to “beach balls you try to hold under water.” (39:39)
• Both speakers reflecting on the beauty and baggage of grand cathedrals as “having nothing to do with Jesus”—the difference between Spirit and institution. (86:07)
• Hilarious family anecdotes about “breaking glass in case of spiritual emergency”—keeping holy water on hand, ‘just in case’. (73:35–73:47)
• Vulnerable accounts of wanting to die after her father’s passing, showing the real struggle after a peak mystical experience. (27:28–28:31)
• Both speakers’ lighthearted navigation of “recovering Catholic” and “recovering Baptist” identities, while sincerely encouraging listeners to find their own way.

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Practical Guidance and Reassurance

• On Healing: “If you're surrounded by people that love and support you, even if it's in books and in podcasts...you don't need a host of believers around you to take the next step.” (58:13–58:25)
• On Comparison and Self-Judgment: “Even when we think life is terrible and it's sucking, it's not going our way, there are angels along the path that love us.” (43:31)
• On Embracing Spirituality in Spite of Suffering: “Spirituality improves the story—it gives you a framework to play stuff on.” (109:16)
• On Making Meaning of Suffering: “Do I have to suffer for it to have meaning?...I've gotten better with that.” (101:01)
• On Following Curiosity: “When I started to scan...my energy expands and now I feel everything even more, you see.” (50:22)
• On Sharing Her Work: “Even now, you know, my family love me...But it's okay. I wanted to plant the seed that this is what I do and I'm not afraid of it anymore.” (77:00)

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Conclusion & Takeaways

Jennifer Farmer’s story is a powerful testament to resilience, spiritual awakening, and the capacity to heal generational pain. Her journey shows that mystical experiences, including NDEs, do not guarantee instant transformation, but serve as a guiding light during the darkest times. Both Alex and Jennifer encourage listeners to question, to seek, and to craft a “story” that fits the truth of their soul, regardless of background.

“You’re not making it up. This is for real. Like this whisper that they talk about, like it's a thing that's within us and we have to nurture that.”

—Jennifer Farmer (88:03)

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Connect with Jennifer Farmer

• Website: jenniferfarmer.com
• Events: Ongoing mediumship demonstrations, spiritual development workshops, and resources listed on her site.

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Further Exploration

For more spiritual conversations and transformative content, visit Next Level Soul TV.

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(End of summary)

Transcript

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[Alex Ferrari]

Welcome to Next Level Soul. The place where we deep dive into the mysteries of existence, uncover hidden layers of consciousness and explore the journey of the soul. I'm your host Alex Ferrari and every week we sit down with the world's leading spiritual teachers, mystics, scientists and truth seekers to illuminate the path towards awakening. Here we ask questions that truly matter. Why are we here? Where are we going? And how do we elevate our lives, our purpose and our consciousness to the Next Level? This is a space for transformation, a space for expansion. A space to remember who you really are. So take a deep breath, open your mind and prepare to step into your Next Level Soul. Now, if you're ready to take your spiritual journey to the Next level, explore Next Level Soul tv. Our streaming platform filled with exclusive movies, docs, original shows, transformative series, guided meditations, channeling sessions, audiobooks, and deep spiritual teachings you won't find anywhere else. New content drops every week, helping you expand your consciousness and live from your highest potential. Start your journey today at Next LevelSoul TV. The views, opinions and statements expressed by our guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs or positions of Next Level Soul, its host, or any of the companies they represent. Now let's dive into today's episode. I'd like to welcome to the show Jennifer Farmer.

[Jennifer Farmer]

How are you doing, Jennifer? Hey, Alex. I'm so glad to be here.

[Alex Ferrari]

Thank you for making the trip down to Next Level Soul Studios. I appreciate you.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Thank you. Beautiful space. Love it, feels great.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, thank you so much. It's a very interesting space, for sure. A lot of interesting people have sat in your chair.

[Jennifer Farmer]

All the woo woo people and the spiritual people and open minded people. Plus I love it.

[Alex Ferrari]

Absolutely. So your story is interesting because you died.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I did.

[Alex Ferrari]

You died and you came back.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I did.

[Alex Ferrari]

So as. Let's kind of walk up to the moment of right before you, you passed. What was your life like like all this time? Were you raised spiritually? Were you raised religiously?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, oh, Alex, you go straight for it. Okay, so I was raised Southern Baptist and you know the fear of God.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh yeah.

[Jennifer Farmer]

You know, from a spiritual place, that's, you know, that's it. You're not good enough. So you better beg. And you're only going to do it this way. And if you make one false move. So nobody ever talked about the spirit world. You're either in heaven or hell.

[Alex Ferrari]

That's it. Or maybe purgatory.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Depending if, depending if you're Catholic. But I didn't. Catholics, we weren't supposed to talk about Catholics.

[Alex Ferrari]

You know, it's so funny that, I mean, I saw comedians like, I was Catholic and I went down to the south and told them I was Catholic, but I thought we were all on the same team. They're like, no, no, no, no, Christian.

[Jennifer Farmer]

It's very interesting because we had Catholic friends, but nobody talked about it. They go, you know, we go to dinner with them and they go, jennifer, they're Catholic. Don't ask what church they go to. Like, it's fascinating. And so when I would drive by the church and I would see this sort of. Catholic churches are beautiful. They're one of. I love Catholic churches because they're beautiful, and they have reverence and they have discipline. And for me, that's what makes me feel grounded, to have a. You know, for. So I always was like, what's wrong with this world, you know, or what's wrong with my parents, really? But my parents did. They are awesome people, but.

[Alex Ferrari]

And did the best they could with what they did.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Exactly. And. But it was a, you know, Southern Baptist here, you know, and if you were Pentecostal, we had Pentecostal people too, in the family. And so, you know, they spoke in tongues, but nobody. I mean, I would go and they say, oh, your uncle, he speaks in tongues. And I'm like, wonder what that means, you know? But for some reason, they got in because they were family, you know, so it was. It was. I had an eclectic. Of course there's a church on every corner in Texas.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, yes, I know.

[Jennifer Farmer]

There's more.

[Alex Ferrari]

Just driving here. You'll pass 20.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. It's insane when I tell people that, they're like, no. And I'm literally, where I live, there's five churches.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, yeah.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And within 10 blocks. Oh, easy, right? Easily. So for me, I grew up in the space you go to church. And so, you know, I had. My dad was a. He was a periodic alcoholic. He would do a lot of binge drinking. And so at that time, you know, what was going on with me before that, I was like, is this my life? You know that. Is this what it's supposed to be like? And I wanted my dad to get sober. And so I would do a lot of praying, you know, help dad. And I remember one time he went to church. Oh, it was hilarious. I could see him, he was so uptight and he was sweating and, you know, and I. I know he was going there for my mom, but it's like my dad and I were very close. And what was going on before my. Before I died is a lot of badness. I had been experimenting with drugs and alcohol and going my own rebellious path.

[Alex Ferrari]

So you were already rebelling against the programming and against what you were brought up?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I didn't want to be alcoholic. You know, it was like, my dad does that. So I experimented with other things. And, you know, after a long week, weekend of partying, I had these great moments, though, when I was experimenting where I would look up at the sky and I would know that I wasn't alone. It was even though I was doing, per se, what you're not supposed to do. There was nights I would. Felt very austistic. I would have this moment where I'd be like, I know there's something bigger than this, than where we are. I know we weren't born to suffer. I know we weren't created to be bad. I don't understand it. Also, I had those moments where. Those lucid moments where I would be sort of coming to from a long weekend of partying, and I would be like, I know there's something better. I know there's something deeper. And, you know, what I'm thinking is going to work is not working. And I would have those moments where I would just, you know, is this it? There were some moments, too. I remember this very momentarily. I was living with my dad at the time, and living with my dad was quite fun. It was 1942 in our household, so every time we come in, he'd have his. And I think about this now with. With joy, because I love my dad, but it's also the effects of ptsd. And so his truck driver friends would be there playing dominoes, and it would be 1942 in my house.

[Alex Ferrari]

And so. What do you mean by that? Like the music?

[Jennifer Farmer]

No, like fire. And they would be talking about the war and they would, you know, you would hear this recreation of the war in my house. And then they. Depending on how drunk things got, you know, and then by the end of the day, everybody would just pass out. But when I was living in that space, even God came into me in that space where you would think that there was no God and just suffering. And what was. I remember this was when I was thinking about coming. I remember one time I had this knowing that I was going to live forever and I didn't want to lose that. It was one morning, I was getting up, and it was 4 or 5 o' clock in the morning, and I just heard this. Jennifer, you're going to live forever. There's no death. And. And all that mess. How come it came at that moment? It was so profound. I wrote it on sticky notes and put it in my house. And my uncle, who was. I love my uncle, forgive him. But anyway, my uncle's my uncle. And he would say, you're not. What is this? Have you lost your mind? You're hanging out with the wrong people. And I'd be like. And it said, I'm going to live forever. And he would go, and he would rip those. Rip those things down. I'd be like, no. So I know for me, even though I grew up religious and there were things I loved about it, community, being a part of, you know, and there was some things that terrified me about that. But I always had a yearning that that was. I knew that my path was spiritual in nature. Now I saw spirits when I was little. I had zero clue who they were. They scared me and I just didn't ever talk about it, you know. So for me, even though I had a few spiritual or awakening experiences, I didn't really talk about it. And so I sort of internalized them. They didn't scare me as fact as what they were but nobody else was talking about this stuff. So I didn't want to be different and so going, you know. Right, right. When I, you know, I had a near death experience, it was another profound. I mean there are milestones I believe in if you're meant to walk a spiritual path of love and service and be a healer in some way. I do believe that there are milestones along the way that when that time comes to walk through the door, to really take authority over yourself and what you believe. I believe you can look back and see where there were little openings or chance meetings where you'd meet someone. And I'll never forget this. I was talking to this guy and I didn't even know this about myself and, and lo and behold, he shows me, you know, you're not supposed to talk to mediums. I'm like, why is he talking to me about this? I don't know what this is, right. So I can look back where it's kind of like and I'm going to say God. But God sort of opened the door for me that I was going to be different in my beliefs and in my understanding. But for me, I didn't come to the willingness to have courage for those beliefs until I had a lot of suffering.

[Alex Ferrari]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

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[Alex Ferrari]

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[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show. Well, let me ask you a question. Why do you believe that you chose to come into that family, that community, if you knew this is the path that you were gonna eventually walk?

[Jennifer Farmer]

So I have an interesting life. I was adopted at birth. My family never told me I was adopted till I was 18. I always knew that I belonged. I knew. I knew things would always add up and I always knew there were secrets. So I feel like my soul chose that family because it gave, because of my dad. Watching the great suffering of a beautiful soul gave me empathy and it let me know what that looks like on a very dark moment. So now I can recognize that you can always, however dark it is, you can make it to the Light. And that gave me the courage. And then I had my own battles. Right. And so when I feel like I chose that family, I feel like or that family was given to me. My mother was the kind that loved everybody. Everybody was included. I'm in the Southern, I'm in the south, so it didn't matter what color you were, what she loved, everybody got love. So there was a great message from her. Her, in all of her lovely chaos that was, everybody's good enough to love, everybody's okay. You don't have to be afraid of different people. My dad, he just taught me that you can love and be broken and still love. And I think that for me, God knew that I needed more depth and weight to understand what spirituality is. I'm a very grounded person. So I like to feel safe. I like predictable. I like A plus B equals C. So there's part of my personality that loves that. But what that did is it gave me a foundation to believe in myself, that if I prayed and went to church, that there would be spiritual moments in my life that would save me from my mistakes. Right. So that part was confusing for me. You know, when you say, why do I think I was brought here? There was a lot of times before I was 20, I was very confused with why this family. I don't necessarily believe this is the path spiritually I'm supposed to go. And I feel different, but I feel very alone because I don't have anybody to talk to about it.

[Alex Ferrari]

Right. I mean, yeah, you're suppressing seeing spirit, you're suppressing a lot of that stuff because you're not trained. There's no one here to guide you.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. I was taught to be a good girl, obviously, fall in line, you know, don't rock the boat. And there is an elephant, but you cannot even acknowledge one.

[Alex Ferrari]

So you failed on all counts.

[Jennifer Farmer]

All those I remember there's just been so many. The courage it took for me to say that I had abilities and that I want to do it didn't come from the Jennifer that my family knew. It came from a different part of me that said I really feel like I can make a difference. And the near death experience, I think really is what confirmed for me what I had always felt. That spirit was all open and, you know, it included everyone. That there was an unconditional presence of love that is beyond human. I mean, you can't really put it into words for me. I would say it's too big to explain, but what it feels like is home. That's loving and safe. And, you know, that was what the near death experience gave to me. I remember I, like, had a little conversation with God because I had died on the table and I don't know how long I was gone. I don't really know. They were.

[Alex Ferrari]

Well, all right, so before. Let's not go, like, rush over it. So what happened the day you died? So let's kind of go through that process. Right before the near death experience.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, it's not.

[Alex Ferrari]

Take a shot.

[Jennifer Farmer]

It had been a long weekend of no sleep.

[Alex Ferrari]

So you were partying. How old were you?

[Jennifer Farmer]

I was 16.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, wow, you started partying young.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, I was 16.

[Alex Ferrari]

Wow. Okay.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I'd been up probably three or four days. What I know is they found me on the front lawn. My brother had to revive me. He was a cop in the area that I lived in. And I went to treatment. They took me to the hospital. In that moment when I woke up, I had. Had probably. And I can't really equate this to moments and times, but it felt like long seconds where I was in a tunnel. And it's like the sort of the clouds parted, you know, and I felt sort of called and really at peace and whole. And it wasn't the. All the trauma that I had been experiencing. I felt. I felt whole and pure, like I was walking, a walking being of light. And I remember mentally when I could feel this sort of pull coming back to hearing beeps and things like that. And I said, God, I cannot go back there. This is. This is not the place for me. This is wrong. You've got to. I don't want to go back. Please don't make me go back. That's exactly what I said. And slowly I woke up. And there's my mother who was scared to death. I was mad because I had woke up. And, you know, I'd like to say that after I left that experience, I got clean and sober and all was perfect in that world. But that's not what happened. It took a long time for me to come together. But that moment of feeling that unconditional love and that moment of being on the other side, it felt like a lifetime that I'd never want to leave. So much that I mentally was negotiating with God saying, oh, this is where I'm supposed to be, right here. Not down there. And I heard you've got more work to do.

[Alex Ferrari]

They find you on.

[Jennifer Farmer]

In the front yard.

[Alex Ferrari]

In the front yard. At what point did you see the tunnel of light?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Somewhere between when they picked me up. I forgot to Mention I did go to jail.

[Alex Ferrari]

Okay. As you. As. Of course.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And from that space, I guess I had a moment there. Then they took me to the hospital.

[Alex Ferrari]

So. Okay, so your brother took you to jail.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I'm not sure which one, but I know that I was told my brother was very upset that he found me. They found me in the front yard. They meaning his brothers in arms. So that was okay, so.

[Alex Ferrari]

So when you see. Let's. Let's focus really quickly on the actual near death experience. So. All right, so you're. You're. It sounds to me like what you're saying, it's almost like you were in and out. It was kind of like not a full blown. I'm all the way in there hanging out for days.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, it didn't feel like days, but it felt like eternity. It felt like a place where there was no time is what it felt like, where it was just energy. There was no door, it was just no time. But I. 100% going through the tunnel was amazing.

[Alex Ferrari]

So you felt. So it was a tunnel of light.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, it was 100%. And then there was this sort of tunnel of light again. I can't relate to time. Whether that was minutes or hours, I had zero clue. And then I remember having feeling that love. That love, what we call love. It's love beyond supernatural in many ways. And I felt the presence of God. And in God's presence felt like what I felt like God's presence, a loving presence, not necessarily human, but I could relate to him. This presence in English, I could relate to it with a vocabulary in my head that I could have a conversation. So, you know, I always thought Jesus would. Of course, I'm Christian, so I've still got the Christ light within me. I always call myself a Christian on the fringe, literally. But because I still keep my roots of love and devotion and service, I do, you know, do unto others. There's a lot of that. That. Well, stay with me.

[Alex Ferrari]

Sure.

[Jennifer Farmer]

But you know that knowing that time, I can't really give you exactly how much time I was there. I just know that I clearly had a negotiation with God.

[Alex Ferrari]

So you're in the tunnel of light at the end of the tunnel. You're in this. What?

[Jennifer Farmer]

So at the end of the tunnel, it felt like an open space, a void. A void. But the void, it didn't feel like what you and I would. It wasn't empty. It was a void, but it wasn't empty. It was filled with energy. And I always think about the stars in many ways, like this because in the stars they have, you know, between all the stars in the sky they have an aura and they have a light. That means there's a star, but there's no void, there's space between those stars. I was in the aura of this light, what it felt like for me. And so it didn't feel empty. It didn't feel alone. It wasn't purgatory. I didn't, you know, I didn't have it. I didn't say, oh, you've reached now look what you've done. You've not surrendered. But it was that moment I know gave me probably three years later that that near death experience didn't have that much of an impact on me immediately.

[Alex Ferrari]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

My perfect day has sand, salt water and friends, but my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis can take me out of the moment. Now I'm all in with clearer skin thanks to Skyrizi Risankizumab RZA, a prescription only 150mg injection for adults who are candidates for systemic or phototherapy with Skyrizi. Most people saw 90% clearer skin and many were even 100% plaque free at four months. Skyrizi is just four doses a year. After two starter doses.

[Skyrizi Commercial Warning Voice]

Don't use if allergic to Skyrizi. Serious allergic reactions, increased infections or lower ability to fight them may occur before treatment. Get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu like symptoms or vaccines.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Thanks to Skyrizi, there's nothing on my skin and that means everything.

[Alex Ferrari]

Nothing is everything.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Ask your doctor about Skyrizi, the number one dermatologist prescribed biologic in psoriasis. Visit skyrizi.com or call 1-866-Skyrizi to learn more.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Flu season is here and the in store pharmacy has you covered with a free flu shot with most insurance plans. And as a thank you, get up to $20 off your grocery purchase. Plus it's cough and cold season. Stock up on all the season's essentials and get ready for relief with discounts on items like Mucinex Children's Multi Symptom cold medicine, Zara B's children's cough syrup and emergency offer ends January 27th. Restrictions apply and offers may vary by location. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Skyrizi Commercial Warning Voice]

Dinner time. It's where little moments are cherished with blue cash preferred. Get 6% cash back at US supermarkets and bring everyone together. I Did say everyone learn [e-mail] Explore BCP terms and cash back cap. Apply with blue cash preferred.

[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show.

[Jennifer Farmer]

But three years later, my dad died. It was very hard on me. I had had put together some sobriety at that time and I'd probably been a year sober and. And when he died, all bets were off.

[Alex Ferrari]

Sure.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. And I remember it was New Year's Eve actually, and it was Texas New Year's Eve. It's cold and rainy and I got nowhere to go. I can't go home to my mom. And I can't believe I'm talking about this on air.

[Alex Ferrari]

Whatever. You feel comfortable.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. But I'd come to a place in my life where I wanted to die.

[Alex Ferrari]

Even after the near death experience.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh yeah, interesting.

[Alex Ferrari]

Okay.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I wanted to die. I couldn't bear being in the physical world. It was too much, it was too painful, it was too lonely.

[Alex Ferrari]

Even after the near death.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, yeah. But you have to remember I was still young, I was still adolescent. Yeah, you were right.

[Alex Ferrari]

You weren't even fully formed yet.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Still brain's still forming. Still a rebel with a cause. Which means I'm not gonna do anything y' all tell me to do. Right. But when I think where it all came together for me was I was walking in the Weatherford traffic circle in Fort Worth. It was raining and I said, God, I was hitchhiking, actually, is what I was doing. But I said I was literally hitchhiking. And I had hitchhiked to California. I had done some crazy stuff.

[Alex Ferrari]

Girl, you've had a great.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I thought California was going to save my life. And so, you know, I hitchhiked to Cal anyway. That's a whole nother adventure. But where angels I know watched out over me because there was a lot of serial killers going on that time. And I just know that there was an angel. One time that a guy picked me up in a van at 3 o' clock in the morning on Hollywood Boulevard.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh. Oh no. Oh, God.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And I 100% there was something that transpired there. And it wasn't scary, but I felt protected. And I don't know what all that was. You know, obviously I made it back home, but after I hitchhiked back from California to Texas anyway, you don't picked.

[Alex Ferrari]

Up in a van at 3 o' clock in the morning at Hollywood Boulevard.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Hollywood Boulevard. Right. But you know, the point with the near death experience, the reason I feel like it's important and was important in my life is there even though I wasn't ready to take the spiritual path per se. I really still was on a mission to die, honestly, because I just didn't see how to be happy.

[Alex Ferrari]

Going back to the near death experience. You're out of the tunnel, you're in this space, this void that you're feeling, the aura and peace and eternity and all of that.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes, it was.

[Alex Ferrari]

And then you're having a conversation with someone or just in general.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, I knew I was talking to God.

[Alex Ferrari]

Someone. There was someone there.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I knew I'd go, oh, this is God. I've got to have a conversation.

[Alex Ferrari]

And did the guy talk back?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

And he's like, no, you have work.

[Jennifer Farmer]

But what was interesting is I could feel coming back into my body. And that's why I started to have a negotiation.

[Alex Ferrari]

No, no, no, no, no, no, I.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Don'T want to go. That's 100%.

[Alex Ferrari]

No, no, no, no, no, I don't.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Want to go to. That's exactly what happened. I. I go, oh, we're going back. Oh, God, this is not the pat.

[Alex Ferrari]

No, no, I don't want this.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Hundred percent. That was exactly. It was like, oh, things are peaceful. I'm whole. I feel like where I'm supposed to be.

[Alex Ferrari]

And then back into this situation.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I feel this vacuum.

[Alex Ferrari]

You feel like being sucked back in.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I did. I was like, oh. And that's when I started to beg, literally.

[Alex Ferrari]

Please, please, please don't go. Please, please, I don't want to go back.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Because after you watch somebody you love destroy themselves, you know, my dad was an out. You know, I'm watching arguments and fighting. I couldn't see. Even though I was raised in church, nobody talked about God in my house right now. My godmother, whom I consider a heavenly angel on earth, when I would go to her house, we would pray and sing and we'd go to their church, which wasn't as fire and brimstone. And I felt very loved there. And there was, you know, God loves you. I got a different message. Different God, different.

[Alex Ferrari]

You got more New Testament God than Old Testament God.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. And then, you know, the only, you know, from that space, you have to. I was taught to not talk if everything's fine. That's the world I lived in. All this was, everything's fine. No, I don't have a problem with drinking or doing drugs.

[Alex Ferrari]

It's all good.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I've got a straight A's. I'm going then, you know, two lives meet and then that's why.

[Alex Ferrari]

So when you were on the other side, though, when you were Negotiating. Were you negotiating as a 16 year old mind?

[Jennifer Farmer]

I sure felt like it.

[Alex Ferrari]

It sounds like I did.

[Jennifer Farmer]

It sounds like, like it a hundred percent.

[Alex Ferrari]

So your personality, like you were, you were still in this.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yep.

[Alex Ferrari]

This, this character, if you will, the character that you're playing right now of Jennifer.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I was.

[Alex Ferrari]

That's who that 16 year old version of Jennifer was. The one on the other side.

[Jennifer Farmer]

100.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah. It wasn't like a higher version of yourself? It wasn't like.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Nope.

[Alex Ferrari]

It was very big, almost base level.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Interesting. Okay, so that's. So then when, and then when you're being pulled back in, God's like, no, you got more work to do. Sorry.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And you're like, no, no, no, no.

[Alex Ferrari]

No, no, no, no. And then when you get. When you wake up and you see the. You're like son of a.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Exactly. I was mad. I was like, oh.

[Alex Ferrari]

So, okay, so now that you've come back. So this is what I wanted to get to. So you come back, you go to jail for a minute, you're in the hospital, all of that. Did you process what happened? Nothing. So what did you. You knew, you KNEW Something happened.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, 100.

[Alex Ferrari]

But you were, you could not deal.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right?

[Alex Ferrari]

Okay. Because you weren't. You, you were sober. You weren't sober yet. No, no, of course not. You weren't sober yet.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I'm sober.

[Alex Ferrari]

No.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Isn't that funny? I haven't ever taken a legal drink. Really? Yeah. I got sober when I was 19.

[Alex Ferrari]

Okay. So.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Wow.

[Jennifer Farmer]

That's funny. I'm like, that's, that's what it takes for me to be in my higher self, you know? And I know that. What I've come to understand is I feel like there are a lot of people that are sensitive, spiritual beings that turn to drugs and alcohol because being this sensitive, it's too much. And whether it's. I, you know, you may think it's circumstantial. Oh, it's because of this. Or. Oh, it's because of this. And, and the truth. And the truth is I now know I needed to drink because I could read when my dad was going to drink. I could read when there was going to be a fight. I could. I remember walking home, I was third grade, and I would, I would just sort of scan my house three blocks from my house just to see what was going on before I. To see if he was home, to see if there was instinctually my. I know that my sort of living with alcoholic home and all that kind of repression really, because on the outside we look good. We had a home, two parents went to work. Right. Had a good school. Right. But it was training ground for me to develop my psychic senses. I could read, like, because children, we always think it's our fault that there's problems. And so I would try to adjust my behavior, you know, six, seven, eight, nine years old. If I could just be a good girl, then maybe things. So I would psychically look to see, is everything okay in the house? What do I need to clean when I get home? Is there going to be an argument tonight? Like, I could tell these kinds of things. And I know that as in adolescence, when puberty hits, all that begins to kind of go like a porcupine. It gets more, you know, all the frills come out of a porcupine. You get more sensitive. And for me, I think that that was probably the only way this beautiful soul could. With being a spiritual being in a physical body is having some relief from all the hypersensitivity of people's emotions and anger. And, you know, I'd know when somebody was gonna die. But no, we didn't talk about it, like. And I could just feel the anxiety of things.

[Alex Ferrari]

And so you had a lot to deal with.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I did, yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

As an empath in that environment with no support and no information about what was happening to you. Yeah.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And it's really. I think that, you know, once my family knew that I had an issue, drugs and alcohol, they. They got treatment. Like, I've been to a lot of treatment centers. Like, they did everything they could, but I think that the family didn't heal. I healed, but the family didn't heal because I had supporters that they did what they knew to do. But I was different. I did not fall in line. I was super emotional. And if I said stuff that, you know, worried them. Jennifer, you can't talk like that. You know, I would. So, you know, I know that, you know, my big protector was my brother.

[Alex Ferrari]

Your cop? You're a police officer.

[Jennifer Farmer]

You know, my big protector. So there were family things going on. My mother would send me to my godmother's house.

[Alex Ferrari]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

My perfect day has sand, salt water and friends. But my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis can take me out of the moment. Now I'm all in with clearer skin thanks to Skyrizi Risankizumab RZA, a prescription only 150mg injection for adults who are candidates for systemic or phototherapy with Skyrizi. Most people saw 90% clearer skin and many were even 100% plaque free at four months. Skyrizi is just four doses a year after two starter doses.

[Skyrizi Commercial Warning Voice]

Don't use if allergic to Skyrizi. Serious allergic reactions, increased infections or lower ability to fight them may occur before treatment. Get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu like like symptoms or vaccines.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Thanks to Skyrizi, there's nothing on my skin and that means everything.

[Alex Ferrari]

Nothing is everything.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Ask your doctor about Skyrizi, the number one dermatologist prescribed biologic in psoriasis. Visit skyrizi.com or call 1-866-Skyrizi to learn more.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this new year. Don't forget about the little ones in the family. Now through January 27th, shop in store and online and save $10 when you buy two or more of your favorite baby care it. Shop for items like Happy Baby Formula, Pampers, Pure Diapers, Pampers Baby Wipes, Pampers, Swaddler's Diapers, Pampers, Cruisers Diapers, and Similac Powder formulas. And save $10 when you buy two participating products. Offer ends January 27th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show.

[Jennifer Farmer]

So even though, and I'm not excusing the dysfunction because it was highly dysfunctional, but as somebody who's sensitive, who only came here to love and comfort others and be of service, I was that way as a kid. Not just because I wanted to be loved, but I just felt like I have a desire to help. I have a desire to heal. I have a desire to make people feel better. I had that from three years old.

[Alex Ferrari]

So then the drugs and alcohol were a way for you just to cope.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Numb, numb, numb.

[Alex Ferrari]

You had to numb yourself not because of pain, but because of just the, the amount of stuff coming at you and because you had no one to help.

[Jennifer Farmer]

You had no tools.

[Alex Ferrari]

No tools, no books. No.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And God didn't show up, by the way, because Dad's still drinking. You have to remember that's how a 15, 16 year old thinks. I'm still waiting for Santa Claus to God to be like Santa Claus. God doesn't. God takes us on the path.

[Alex Ferrari]

So then, so you come back, you continue drinking and drugs after that.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I'm gonna experiment, see if I can make it better and not do that anymore. I used to say if I could just learn how to drink and not black out, I think I'd be okay. If I could Just not black out then.

[Alex Ferrari]

So even after your near death experience, you knew something had happened, but you didn't have the equipment to process it.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And I didn't really tell anybody, of course.

[Alex Ferrari]

Well, why would you? Yeah, that's the devil's work. I mean, that's the devil's work. Essential. So you come back, you're still drinking, you're still doing all your things, but then your dad passes.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, that was the epiphany.

[Alex Ferrari]

So when dad passes, everything that you'd been, I like to call it the beach ball that you're trying to hold under the water, it's 100% true. You're just like, if anyone who's ever tried to do that knows you could hold it for a little bit, but eventually is going to pop out, it's.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Going to pop out.

[Alex Ferrari]

And that's exactly when your dad passes. That's the moment everything comes flashing back up to you.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And I had a lot of guilt around my dad's passing because I had gotten sober. But I couldn't go and see him anymore because it was too painful. I was afraid that I would drink again.

[Alex Ferrari]

He's a trigger.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes, 100%, Corey.

[Alex Ferrari]

He is the trigger.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And so, well, him, because of the drinking, because I couldn't control him. And then my mom, because she's his. She's the reason he drinks. Now, mind you, that's not the reason he drinks. So that's the way my mind thought about it. So when, you know, when he died, I'd been sober about a year, but I really didn't do a lot of the things that really is required for long term sobriety. I stopped drinking. I didn't go down the beer aisle, I didn't go by the dope house. I didn't do any of that stuff. But I did have a desire to be different. But it wasn't enough. When my dad died, he had called me and asked me to come and see him. And I said, daddy, I can't come see you, not while you're drinking. I just can't do it. And he died the next day.

[Alex Ferrari]

Ooh, and you must deal. You needed to deal with that guilt badly.

[Jennifer Farmer]

So for me, you know, a 19 year old, 18 year old, we're convinced that if we could just be different and maybe I'd talk to him.

[Alex Ferrari]

You start beating yourself up pretty bad.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I probably relapsed within, let's see, he died in May. I relapsed in August.

[Alex Ferrari]

You held on for a while?

[Jennifer Farmer]

A little bit.

[Alex Ferrari]

A little bit.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Relationships help yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah. You need something to distract you.

[Jennifer Farmer]

It's 100 true. And so after I relapsed, I was out and about doing the deal till January, and I've been sober since. That's.

[Alex Ferrari]

So at what point did the near death experience come back up for you again?

[Jennifer Farmer]

I processed it. When? After. It was New Year's Eve my dad died. And it was nine months after my dad died. I was walking down the road. I said, God, look, I can't keep this sobriety together. I don't want to live here. I'm trying to have a job and do all the right things, but the truth is my dad is not here with me. And I said, I can't live with my mother. And I said, I'm just going to jump out in front of the next car that passes. It's raining, it's 30 degrees outside. And I was really. I was fixing. I mean, this is a highway. I was. I'm just fixing to step off. And I went to step off and a van stopped behind me and asked me, do you need help?

[Alex Ferrari]

Not a Hollywood Boulevard van.

[Jennifer Farmer]

No, this was a soccer van. Got it. Soccer van.

[Alex Ferrari]

It's a minivan.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Minivan. Minivan. Minivan. Stopped and I. And I was probably five miles from my godmother's house, whom I had seen. This is why I know even when we think life is terrible and it's sucking, it's not going our way, that there are angels along the path that love us, whether they're teachers, neighbors. These were. They were. My godmother was my neighbor, and I was five miles from there. I said, just take me to Betty's house. And I said, betty, I gotta figure out my life.

[Alex Ferrari]

How old are you here?

[Jennifer Farmer]

19.

[Alex Ferrari]

Okay.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And she said, you can stay here. And I started to put my life together. And then at that moment, though, when I knew I had that feeling, it's kind of like when I told God I was stepping off, I'm done with this. Because by that time, I had already tried to drink and use myself. Like, I tried to mix things together so I would just die. Even though I looked like I was having a good time, my plan was to get gone.

[Alex Ferrari]

You were trying to exit stage left?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. And my dad left me some money and I had some money to do that with. Of course, that's all gone right by that point. Like, I'm walking, all that money's gone, you know? But that moment when I stepped off, I was talking to that near death person that I felt I was. I wanted to go Back there. And I said, wherever you are, like, this is it. I'm. I'm done. And when that van stopped, it's like that, I kind of paid attention to that. I went, I did get help. I am getting help now. What am I going to do with it? And so that gave me that knowing that all back then, it started to come together for me that something bigger than me wanted me to stay here, that there was something good in me that needed to be a purpose. And that's what I did. It's what I've done ever since, is I have put my life on a higher plane. And through that time, when my gifts started to awaken, which I'm going to say, I think that was better for me as an adult because obviously I couldn't have handled any more gifts.

[Alex Ferrari]

You couldn't handle anything else.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right.

[Alex Ferrari]

Your plate was full.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right, Right. So there were periods that I know that I processed that, and I know that time in the light, whatever charge, whatever beautiful energy frequency that is, I know that when the time came with enough intention, and I'm going to call it virtuous goals, I wanted to do something good for others. That my life, apparently me living for myself was no, that I needed to devote my life to helping others, that that came together. And then my sort of my gift started to awaken in a very safe and comfortable way, began to read people's energy and not be afraid. I used to be able to. I would know things at work, and people would come and talk to me. And people started talking to me about their life, and things would come to me as they did, from a different, higher version of myself. And I think I love the fact that you use the term higher self, because I do believe that if we have education around that, if we understand what that is, that our life can change categorically for the better. And the most powerful life that we can be if we're in our higher self. And it was through this sort of follow the breadcrumbs, through a lot of drama and, you know, suffering and pain, but with the determined to know you want to do something good for yourself, then those gifts started to unfold like a lotus flower in a way that I knew I had something. And that's when I realized when I had that experience, that that frequency. I 100% know when I was ready in my late 20s, to really kind of understand why I could pick up energy and why when I meditated, things got brighter and why when I, you know, would be at the dinner table and I could see somebody's loved one. Now that was kind of weird. But I know it's because of that experience, because it wasn't any other. I haven't had any other kind of profound moment like that in this dimension that meets the frequency that I can now carry with consciousness and awareness. I can get into that place that only comes from the higher self, not the worldly self, the domesticated human.

[Alex Ferrari]

So when you started to these things started to awaken, which it seems like you had already had versions of this when you were younger.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Didn't understand it, but you just instinctually knew I'm gonna scan this situation before I walk out because, you know, crap could just be hitting the fan right now and I gotta make sure I'm pretty. So you kind of knew this. But after your father passes, after you go with your godmother and everything starts to turn around for you, you go sober and you start living your life as these new abilities start coming in. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

My perfect day at Sand Saltwater but my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis can take me out of the moment. Now I'm all in with clearer skin thanks to skyrizi risen Kizumab RZA a prescription only 150mg injection for adults who are candidates for systemic or phototherapy with Skyrizi. Most people saw 90% clearer skin and many were even 100% plaque free at four months. Skyrizi is just four doses a year after two starter doses.

[Skyrizi Commercial Warning Voice]

Don't use if allergic to Skyrizi. Serious allergic reactions, increased infections or lower ability to fight them may occur before treatment. Get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu like symptoms or vaccines.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Thanks to Skyrizi, there's nothing on my skin and that means everything is every day. Ask your doctor about Skyrizi, the number one dermatologist prescribed biologic in psoriasis. Visit skyrizi.com or call 1-866-Skyrizi to learn more.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Flu season is here and the in store pharmacy has you covered with a free flu shot with most insurance plans. And as a thank you, get up to $20 off your grocery purchase. Plus it's cough and cold season. Stock up on all the season's essentials and get ready for relief with discounts on items like Mucinex, Children's Multi Symptom cold medicine, Zara B's children's cough syrup and emergency offer ends January 27, restrictions apply and offers may vary by location. Visit Albertsons or Safeway Dot for more details.

[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show. How are you processing it? Because I always ask mediums this I ask, so when you heard the voice, did you think you were going crazy?

[Jennifer Farmer]

No.

[Alex Ferrari]

Because you already were. You already seen the other side. You have a deeper knowing than most. It's not like you woke up one morning and Uncle Bob sitting there.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, when I started to. And for me it started somebody I'd say, you know, I started to meditate more because I wanted to feel closer to that God. I wanted to be more calm. I'm a little bit of an anxious person and I wanted to be more calm and centered. I didn't realize that when I become calm and centered that my energy expands and now I feel everything even more, you see. So for me, I did a lot of internal processing. Somebody gave me a book and something about energy. I'll never forget this. It was Saniyah Roman's book and I love the way she wrote. She wrote very down to earth practical stuff. It was a personal power through awareness. And she talked about it gave me the understanding why I went back and why I experienced the things I did and why I felt the things I did. And I did the exercise. I'm self motivated per se. I don't again, I still have that. I don't want to tell anybody what I'm really doing because they might try. I still have a little bit of that. You know, I still want to do my own thing and, you know, do that. So I didn't. It took me several months and I'd do the meditation and I'd practice them and I'd oh, what color am I seeing today and who am I going to run in today? And I did that because it brought me joy. I felt good. It felt good to feel connected to something bigger than myself even beyond my, you know, I was in corporate America, which I love. But I knew there was something more because I didn't always say A plus B equals C. I just knew here and so. But I knew it was spiritual. I knew it wasn't going to be about job because I had a job. I knew it wasn't about money. I knew it wasn't about what size clothes I was going to wear. I had done sort of the worldly accomplishments because I'm a little bit of a higher achiever and that didn't fix here. And when I and I knew God, I knew spirituality was going to be my go to and how I started with spirituality. It grew. I had to let go of some old beliefs about what God is and what God isn't. A lot of old beliefs. I had to understand that I could be my own authority, that I could be. You know, there's one thing they did teach us in church is that, you know, the relationship is between you and God. Now. That's one thing that stuck with me. I go that nobody else is meant to judge that. Even though if you go to the.

[Alex Ferrari]

Church, that's all they do in church.

[Jennifer Farmer]

That'S all they do. And so I knew that if I could create a relationship with God that was a loving God, like what I had felt that that was going to be my answer. I can't tell you how logically I knew that. I just knew it. And so then I started to read Spirituality, which I had to go find those books because Amazon wasn't, you know, it wasn't at the drop of the hat. You had to go to the library. You had to get referrals. You had to go to secret, you.

[Alex Ferrari]

Know, stores, metaphysical stores in the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jennifer Farmer]

We had like one look in a house, you know, and I had to asking questions. And when I finally reveal myself, I'm always grateful. I had one. I had a girl that worked for me. She was a friend, and she kind of saw what was going on. And I could tell her, I said, you know, I'm picking up things, I'm seeing things. And she'd say, you know, you need to go a little bit more with that. And I go, yeah, I'm reading this book and now I'm meditating. And then I would do these secret exercises. Like, I travel with my work and say, okay, spirit what. What T shirt? Like, what color is going to be around me on the airplane? And I'd sort of get my. Write my notes down, and dang, if it wasn't right. And I get on the airplane, I'd sit in my one seat and here, that was right next to me. So I did these little stepping stones. I didn't just wake up and go, I got this thing and it's all good. There's some people, I think, that have that. Mine was more, let's tiptoe in, let's lean in. Let's remember why we want to do this. Let's see where this is going to take me. And then that's when I started to really begin to get the vision of seeing other people, because the Claire audience, that worked for me. And then obviously, when I started to see people's loved ones. Thank God I was an adult. I wouldn't have known what to do. I would have thought I was crazy, you know, when I was a kid. And I always think that's not a bad thing that you can, you know, you hear people say, oh, I've had this since a child. And I was developed. That wasn't my experience. I'm glad mine didn't hit until my late 20s, early 30s, because I was mature enough and I was grounded enough to know that what is going on with me is a spiritual awakening. Do I know where it's going to take me? No, but I sure want to go because it's the only sense of that feeling I got from that near death experience in this form, in this body. And so I experimented. I went, you know, I went to Europe to study with mediums because I wanted to understand what was happening was real and if it was something that was just going to go away. Like, is this, like is this just going to go away and then it's going to be like a new pair of jeans, it's going to fade out and then I won't have it anymore. And that's just not what's happened. That's over 18 years ago and I'm, you know.

[Alex Ferrari]

And where'd you go in Europe?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, I went to the Stansted school and yeah, the Arthur family school. I went there many times and worked with the tutors and apparently they were happy with what they saw because they had me up and practicing and there were 40, 50 people in the class. And here I'm from Texas, you know, the Southern draw and all that. And they're like, okay, Jennifer. And I'm like, you know, so that exposure and it was in a church and that was really cool for me because it gave me some comfort that there was some structure around what I was learning. You know, they would talk about, they pointed out, you know, the gifts, you know, in the Bible. It wasn't this kind of brow beating experience, but it was like when you went to Sunday service there at the spiritualist church, they were giving messages, they would sing. I felt like I was at church that are singing and you know, ya da da joy to the world and then here we go and your loved one's here. And I was like, oh my God, this is like nobody's going down to repent for their sins, you know. So that was, I think for me, for my path is what gave me the courage to keep going and the comfort to know that yes, you know I lost some friends, you know, I'm sure. You know, I think so. I think I'm psychic. Oh, Jennifer. I'm not sure. Like. And immediately people stop calling.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, yeah, I know the feeling.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, then you get it.

[Alex Ferrari]

You're like, oh, you think this is easy coming from where I come from?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, I was just like. And so I kind of knew that one door was shutting, but it was worth it for me. The joy, not necessarily the joy. It wasn't joyful at that moment. It was the curiosity of something that feels good. And where can I go spiritually and evolve in a way that may take me back to that feeling from that near death and more? Can I get that on this lifetime? Can I get that feeling without dying? Yeah, without dying and without mixing a. Here, here, here, here, here.

[Alex Ferrari]

That's drowsy. I'll take two of those. That drowsy. I'll take two of those. Let's throw some NyQuil in there. Like. Yeah, it's insane.

[Jennifer Farmer]

So I think that, you know, for people that are. Have gone through trauma, there's always. There is a reason behind that, because their souls are meant to bring hope and healing to other people, to their divine qualities.

[Alex Ferrari]

And you had to go through all of that.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I guess so.

[Alex Ferrari]

Well, I mean, it's just the way it is.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I mean, I think if it would have. I'm always giggling when people talk about that they, you know, were raised around open people. I still don't tell people that I do this. Work out in public.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah, you know, you don't. You don't start with that.

[Jennifer Farmer]

In fact, I, you know, there are a lot of people that know me that they know. I. You know, they only know me now because I've been around a long time, and somebody's told somebody that I did this and they had a reading, that kind of thing. But I'm in a place in my life where if we can help awaken more people from whatever path they're drawn to, to go further into, it's okay. It's safe to dive in and that if you're surrounded by people that love and support you, even if it's in books and in podcasts, like, for me, I had that one friend, that one or two little conversations that she said, I think you're okay. I think you got to keep and go here and go. Look at this. You don't need a host of believers around you to take the next step.

[Alex Ferrari]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Flu season is here and the in store pharmacy has you cover with a free flu shot with most insurance plans and as a thank you, get up to $20 off your grocery purchase. Plus it's cough and cold season. Stock up on all the season's essentials and get ready for relief with discounts on items like Mucinex, Children's Multi Symptom cold medicine, Zara B's children's cough syrup and Emergen C. Offer ends January 27th. Restrictions apply and offers may vary by location. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show. Yeah, it was one person, Amy. Or it could be a book that aims you in the right direction or a podcast that aims you in the right direction.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I always call it the catalyst. Like what? What's your catalyst? For me it was my dad dying and then it was. That was the entry point. But the actual awakening happened when I realized that the worldly objectives that we are taught of career, being good people, putting money in the bank, success, the right size, the right look, when I realized that that was never going to be, that's never going to give you life sustaining fuel for joy and happiness, that that was never going to be enough. And then I did that same thing. You know, I go to temples, I've meditated with monks because I want to find the shortcuts like how so and then I go to go to Yogananda, you know, treats and I go to silent retreats which don't work for me, silent retreats, I last about 12 hours and that's about it for me. But I'd meditate with the monks who are spiritual and I'd be, oh, this is where I'm going to get the shortcut. What? They do the same thing I do at home. We sit, we relax, we focus, we become aware. I'm like, oh, okay, so we're going to get it. This is our, this is our destiny. We're going to be that kind of, of person that prioritizes spirituality even in spite of all pressures from the outside world.

[Alex Ferrari]

I have to ask you something, Jennifer. You and I come from similar backgrounds. You're Christian, I'm Catholic.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh yeah. I love Catholics.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah, I'm a recovering Catholic, as I like to call it.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I love that.

[Alex Ferrari]

And when I kind of discovered that, it was all bs, you know, and please, anyone who's watching who's a Catholic, forgive me, but this is my truth. Theirs is different, but this is my truth. That a lot of the fear based stuff and all this stuff and holes in the plot and the story and all that kind of stuff, it just started to get me angry. And for years I was very, very angry at the church, very, very angry at the religion because I'm like, you lied. And I went to Catholic school. I went to Catholic school from first four years and the last four years I went to high school. I was all Catholic. So I had the nuns, I had the priests, I did the whole thing. Oh yeah, I got paddled the principal's office constantly because I was a troublemaker, as you could imagine.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

Troublemakers. That's the only people who change the world are the troublemakers. But, but when I left, not left, but when I decided that this just was not even when I was in high school, I was like, this is some BS but I'll go to the school because it's a good school. But it was, you know, and the funny thing is most of my classmates felt the same way. It was. There was very few Catholic people in my, at least in my, in my class, my senior class or the class I went through all four years that were like church every Sunday. There was a handful, but most of them are like, whatever this is, we're just going to Catholics. So it was really interesting. I went to Catholic school in South Florida, so it was just a really interesting thing. But once I got out and I really started to study other religions, study other philosophy, start doing my own journeys into like Yogananda and other things and I, and I studied every I mean, every religion, every philosophy, every. I just wanted to learn about all of it. And then I started to put together my own. My own philosophy with everybody else's. And then going back, I was very angry. I'm like, you guys lied.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

You guys lied to try to control. You guys lied about Christ. You know, no one tells me what happened in the yada yada yada years, which is from year 12 to year 30, I call the yada yada yada years.

[Jennifer Farmer]

That's.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah. Like, no one talk. I asked questions. No one talks about. So there was so much. All that anger. Did you. I eventually turned the corner, and then I found a lot of beauty and love for what I was exposed to, because without being exposed at that young age to Catholicism, it did bring in a couple of core ideas. God, something larger than yourselves. And then a lot of the true teachings of Christ did. Did sneak through all the dogma.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

As much as they try not to let it get through, Jesus gets through. So with all of that, I finally got around to, like, very. Being grateful for what I went through, and I needed to go through that for you. You were raised Baptist, Southern Baptist, still live.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I. I love being in Florida, by the way. Florida was one of my favorite adventures. I was there for 10 years because people were more open. More open to this kind of work.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, yeah.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And, you know, and so I got the experience of going and being in Florida where people were, oh, you do this and that. Where in Texas?

[Alex Ferrari]

No, no, no.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right. So I just want you to say there are some great things about Florida as far as.

[Alex Ferrari]

I mean, we're in Austin. Austin's where the weirdos are. So you're. You're. You're. You're at home here.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, I got off track. So. So what was your question?

[Alex Ferrari]

My question is when you look back at your Southern Baptist roots, and, I mean, a lot of it was trauma and dogma and fear.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Spiritual abuse.

[Alex Ferrari]

That's a great term.

[Jennifer Farmer]

It's a spiritual abuse. I mean, just to give you the pinnacle, I didn't get paddled in church, but I remember I was probably in early middle school. They took us kids during school, during church and to watch a movie.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, God, what was it?

[Jennifer Farmer]

And they literally were talking about the trials and tribulations where they literally had pictures of guillotines, where people. This is hands down, I remember I was so terrified.

[Alex Ferrari]

Burned into your brain.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Burned in my brain, you know? And what I know is that even though they were trying to scare me into God and to show me what would happen if I didn't believe into God? You don't show that to a seven year old.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh no, I was told that. I was told the hell was real in first grade. I was, I went home crying. Crying, the trauma that was.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And of course I didn't tell anybody about this. Years later I talked to my godmother about it because she is in the different church and she'd said, Jennifer, I can't believe you didn't. I said, betty, you know, they took me in at seven and I'm watching people getting, you know, beheaded because, or you know, being separated from their family because they are not believers. And this is the trials and tribulation. She goes, I can't believe. Believe. I didn't know that. I said, betty, because I was taught you don't talk about things that aren't, you know, you just don't talk about things that upset people.

[Alex Ferrari]

Well, that's gone out the window in today's world.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh yeah, I'm gone. Yeah, right.

[Alex Ferrari]

I think everybody's gone.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, yeah, I did, you know, I call it spiritual abuse. And of course I'm a mother and I took some time deciding how I was going to raise my son.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah, that's.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And I had for us, because we lived in California at one point and.

[Alex Ferrari]

I was where all the heathens are. Obviously all the heathens lived. I lived there for many years.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And so he was in Lutheran school. I decided to put him in private school because the other schools were a little. And I kind of watched the messages. But when he got about, I'd say probably seven, eight, I was like, okay, he's going to get to decide his own path on church. Because, you know, I'd moved back to Texas, which is where all the, where all the. God only lives at certain churches, obviously.

[Alex Ferrari]

No, of course.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And so I decided at that time I wasn't going to pressure him to decide what his path was. And so he had some good experiences, but he's chosen another path for now, which is fine, but I think that 100% it's spiritual abuse.

[Alex Ferrari]

It's insane.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. And I do believe I'm a recovered that way. Part of me, even though I say, you know, I kept some of my teaching, I think secret, there's probably a 7 year old that's afraid to not to believe.

[Alex Ferrari]

You know, it's funny, it's like when I had my kids, I've told this story, but it's still funny that my mom turns to me one day and she's like, so are you going to get them baptized? Mind you, my mom.

[Jennifer Farmer]

You're Catholic.

[Alex Ferrari]

My mom went to church maybe on Christmas, maybe on Easter and she hasn't been to church 20 years.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, okay.

[Alex Ferrari]

And then she turns to me after our kids are born and they're like, so you gonna get baptized? And I just, I was in awe. I just turned to her, I go.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Why?

[Alex Ferrari]

She's like, you know, just in case.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Ah, see it is, it's that little.

[Alex Ferrari]

Bit of like, it doesn't hurt. Throw some water on her head just in case, you know, you're wrong and they were right. It's that fear is.

[Jennifer Farmer]

It is. It is there. And then the grown up and this goes. Okay, now let's just think.

[Alex Ferrari]

Okay, let's. Okay guys, everyone needs to come up. Then fast forward. Years later, we tell our daughters the, the whole. They're fascinated with, with spirituality in general and they, and they are asking about this and we told them the story about the baptism and they go, so wait a minute. So if, and by the way, they, they've traveled through Europe with us and they've gone to every major.

[Jennifer Farmer]

They've seen all the spiritual pinnacles.

[Alex Ferrari]

I mean we went to Italy, so Italy is worse than Texas. Like you can't go 15ft without getting into a church.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Not like a strip mall church. Yeah, A church church where like oh yeah, Leonardo painted that. Yeah, yeah. And Donatello painted that. I'm like, what? So they've been into probably, I don't know, at least 100 churches throughout Europe. Europe, you know, and all the big ones, Nora diamond in Spain and all this kind of stuff. So they've experienced church, real church.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

You know, from the, from the motherland, if you will.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

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[Skyrizi Commercial Warning Voice]

Don't use if allergic to Skyrizi. Serious allergic reactions, increased infections or lower ability to fight them may occur before treatment. Get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu like symptoms or vaccines.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Thanks to Skyrizi, there's nothing on My skin. And that means everything. Ask your doctor about skyrizi, the number one dermatologist prescribed biologic in psoriasis. Visit skyrizi.com or call 1-866-skyrizi to learn more.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Flu season is here and the in store pharmacy has you covered with with a free flu shot with most insurance plans. And as a thank you, get up to $20 off your grocery purchase. Plus it's cough and cold season. Stock up on all the season's essentials and get ready for relief with discounts on items like Mucinex children's multi Symptom Cold Medicine, Zara B's Children's Cough Syrup and Emergen C. Offer ends January 27th. Restrictions apply and offers may vary by location. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show. We're explaining baptism to them and they're like, so wait a minute. I'm like, that's right. You were born with original sin. And since we have chosen not to baptize you, you're pretty screwed. And they're just like, what? Like, yeah, you're screwed. You've got original sin on you. And we decided not to clear it, so. So really can't do anything about it. And they're like, that sounds insane. Oh, no, they're very. Oh, they're very.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I love it.

[Alex Ferrari]

They're both. Yeah, they're both. They were just like, highly evolved. Very. They're like, that doesn't seem right.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Highly evolved.

[Alex Ferrari]

But with that said, we're at the Vatican. We bought holy water. Oh, we bought. They're beautiful little things.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I would want it.

[Alex Ferrari]

I want. Yeah, we have a little bottle of holy water. And I go, why do you want to buy this? Like, well, it's cute. It looks really like. It looks like a perfume bottle. It was beautiful.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

And like. And just in case some stuff goes down.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

You mean like when the vampire shows up?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

They're like, hey, why not? But the, the just in case breaking break glass in case of emergency 100% scenario is really.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. That's how deep, subconsciously deep ingrained that we've been, you know, told that we aren't good and that we have to prove ourselves to be enough. And then the only way you do that is if you only do it a certain way way.

[Alex Ferrari]

And that's.

[Jennifer Farmer]

That's almost like the military, but that's.

[Alex Ferrari]

Also the opposite of what Jesus said.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, 100%. I always, I think about that now.

[Alex Ferrari]

Like, it's the literal opposite of what.

[Jennifer Farmer]

He didn't say anything. In fact, I. I had a lady when I was first in this work, she'd say, you know, Jesus is the best medium there is. And she goes, he actually did come back from the dead. You know, none of this crazy stuff.

[Alex Ferrari]

You'Re talking about, but Jesus actually.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, yeah, he actually did that. I went, yeah, he did. And so I think that, you know, wherever we are in our souls, you know, I was thinking about coming on this podcast and I was thinking about the kind of people that listen.

[Alex Ferrari]

Sure.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And where they're at in their journey. Cause I usually meet people in a certain place in their journey. They've either had a catalyst like a loss, or they've hit a major part of depression. And they're looking for spiritual clarity or spiritual truth or to understand that there's something bigger. And that's what I think your show does, is you've got enough information that people can go and listen when they're walking and maybe hear something like, what happened to me? That just gives you that little bit of, oh, this feels. This feels good. This resonates. I want to go a little bit more and I want to go see what's next, you know, And I think that's when people are curious about spirituality, which is where I think the church did a disservice is they don't encourage spirituality. Encourages you to explore all beliefs.

[Alex Ferrari]

Correct.

[Jennifer Farmer]

It's all inclusive, never exclusive. Right.

[Alex Ferrari]

This one, like true, pure spirituality.

[Jennifer Farmer]

True. Yeah. And so you're meant to we as higher souls. And I'm talking from a higher self space now. Me doing this work for as long as I have. I think there comes a space when our soul just kind of begins to become part of how we interact and see the world. It doesn't have to be the magic. See, I had the magic. I had the near death experience. I had. I'm going to the van that picked me up in Hollywood Boulevard. I'm sorry.

[Alex Ferrari]

I'm still terrified about that story, by the way.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I had. I won't even tell you about the truck driver that brought that walked into the truck driver station, said, I need a ride back to Texas. And I'm in Ontario, California now. That worked.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah. You definitely have angels, girl.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And so I think about where we are now. You're an evolved soul.

[Alex Ferrari]

Well, I'm doing the best I can.

[Jennifer Farmer]

But you're in a space where you're working in a vibration that you spend more time as your higher self than in Maybe your part of you that was asleep, you're more awakened to spirituality.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah, right. That I will agree with for sure.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And I feel like our job, jobs for people that have gone through these expert Catholic. Like how, you know, some people think they're too afraid to leave their religion because of the just in case, but they have the yearning to want something more. And that's where I think sometimes seeing our lives give people permission to say it's okay to look. Yes, it's okay to look, you know, and that's what I think my one friend did for me when she said it's okay to look. Because the last thing you want to do is go around reporting. Now listen, I'm starting to see spirit guides and you know, and by the way, I had this vision in my dream and hey, I'm channeling, I'm channeling, right? At least in Texas that may be fine somewhere else, but that's in the area that I grew up. And the people that I know even now, you know, my family loved me. My brother, it's the first time I've done, first time I recorded a complete demonstration, a two hour demonstration for him. And I said, hey Bubba, I said, I'm going to send, I said, are you open? I'm going to go ahead and send this to you. And he goes, oh yeah, I'd like to see what you do. Ain't heard nothing back, you know, but it's okay. I wanted to plant the seed that this is what I do and I'm not afraid of it anymore, even by the most people that love me, that they won't reject me because of my beliefs. And that's the other thing is when we step out like you did in your career and you were, the human side of us needs to be wanted, needed and loved. And sometimes when we step out of that mold and we go that another path, we are afraid we're gonna lose people we love. And what I'll say to anybody that's out there is that if you go on this path, you'll have more people support you along the way than you maybe thought you would. People and the other people were not here to change their beliefs. We're here to fulfill our beliefs.

[Alex Ferrari]

You were saying about the, the trauma, the spiritual abuse that people take. And the one thing I always, I, even at a young age, even I think in those first four years, first four grades that I did when I was in Catholic school, I always even thought about because even at that age I was aware of other religions, was aware Of Buddhism. I was aware of. Of Hinduism.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, good for you. I didn't mean that.

[Alex Ferrari]

Muslim and all that. Yeah, I mean, I was exposed to it somewhat.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

But I would say, wait a minute. I mean, there's a billion and a half Buddhists, another billion and a half Hindu, another, you know, billion Muslims, but we're the only. Right. It's our way or the highway.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And you got that in fourth grade.

[Alex Ferrari]

I think, around there. Yeah. I was starting to think about these kind of things and I'm like, well, wait a minute. How about that African Trib tribe that's never heard of any of these things and they live their life doing that? Or how about the kid that has a short life or, you know, someone have to. There were so many what ifs that just didn't. The story didn't make sense. And then only once I started to explore all spirituality and to put together this story structure from my own story, right? That was like, oh, this now makes sense. Reincarnation makes sense to me. The soul. Why we're, you know, why bad things happen. Happen to good people, quote, unquote. What are the negative and the positives of the world? What. What's happening in our little, you know, blue marble in the universe.

[Jennifer Farmer]

That's exactly right.

[Alex Ferrari]

You know, all of these kind of things started to change the way I looked at the world. And that's what I always find fascinating when. When you talk to people who are only like, it's my God is better than your God. And if, you know, that's why I love talking like, I talk to a Templar, one of the leader. The leaders of the Templar, modern Templars. And I said, and I said, hey, so the Crusades, you know, how'd that go? He's like, yeah, that wasn't a really good idea. And then we went deep into that. Explain kind of talking about like, in the name of Jesus, I kill you because you don't believe in Jesus. I'm like, that goes against everything that Jesus talked about. And these kind of things that just didn't make a whole lot of sense in the story. It just. A friend of mine said this once and I'll never forget. I think it's one of the best quotes. No one ever left Christianity because of Jesus teachings.

[Jennifer Farmer]

That's 100% true.

[Alex Ferrari]

No one.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I love that.

[Alex Ferrari]

Isn't that amazing?

[Jennifer Farmer]

I gotta. I'm gonna have to write that down.

[Alex Ferrari]

No one ever left Christianity because of Jesus. They left because of Paul. That's a whole other conversation. But they left because of the Dogma and the Roman Church and all the. The other crap that they threw on this beautiful soul's message that he came to try to awaken a humanity that was not ready for him. Neither was Buddha, neither was many of the others that have come after these other avatars, these other beautiful masters who've walked the earth.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I kind of got that feeling probably like, how can everybody else be wrong? I kind of felt that around that age, you know, but who I had to go along with authority. I'm not asking anybody those questions. I didn't say, hey, mom, so why does, like, Aunt Clara, why do we have to keep all that, like, why does she have to go to her secret church, you know, which was at the big Roman Catholic church? And I said, and I said, well, why don't we go to mass? I said, that sounds fun. Like, I love that about. I love the drama and the beauty and the. I like a lot of the pomp because I feel like it gets you into the energy.

[Alex Ferrari]

That would be. The friend of mine calls it the Catholic calisthenics.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh my gosh.

[Alex Ferrari]

The up, the down, this knee.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I do. I'm kind of of like, that's where you're checking your energy. That's where they're checking their aura. That's where they're checking on their surrender, you know, because I've seen the power and I've gone through that. So I've seen the freedom when we surrender what we think we know into something bigger than ourselves.

[Alex Ferrari]

But the thing. I agree with you, okay? But the thing is that when you surrender yourself to an organization.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

My perfect day has sand, salt water and friends. But my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis can take me out of the moment. Now I'm all in with clearer skin thanks to skyrizi. Risen Kizumab RZA a prescription only 150mg injection for adults who are candidates for systemic or phototherapy with Skyrizi. Most people saw 90% clearer skin and many were even 100% plaque free at four months. Skyrizi is just four doses a year after two starter doses.

[Skyrizi Commercial Warning Voice]

Don't use if allergic to Skyrim. Serious allergic reactions increased infections or lower ability to fight that may occur before treatment. Get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu like symptoms or vaccines.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Thanks to Skyrizi, there's nothing on my skin and that means everything. Ask your doctor about skyrizi. The number one dermatologist prescribed biologic in psoriasis. Visit skyrizi.com or call 1-866-skyrizi to link. Learn more.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this new year. Don't forget about the little ones in the family. Now through January 27th. Shop in store and online and save $10 when you buy two or more your favorite baby care items. Shop for items like Happy Baby Formula, Pampers Pure Diapers, Pampers Baby Wipes, Pampers Swaddlers Diapers, Pampers Cruisers Diapers and Similac Powder formulas. And save $10 when you buy two participating products. Offer ends January 27th. Restrictions applied apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show that is doesn't have arguably your best intentions. It's all about control. It's all about this and money and all of that stuff, which I always find. And I don't know if. Have you had a chance to go to the Vatican?

[Jennifer Farmer]

I have not. That's one place I haven't gone yet.

[Alex Ferrari]

So if you, if you ever do go, there's two things you want to do. One, you go to the Vatican, you museum, which is right next door to the, to St. Peter's Basilica. And, and when you go there, the embarrassments of riches is so almost like it's, it made me kind of sick how much they have so much stuff jammed in.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

That it's like you walk into one room and there's 500 statues that have been stolen from around the world. All this is stolen stuff, obviously. Obviously. Unless it's Roman, it's stolen Right. From another culture. And you're walking around and you're just sitting there like what is happening? And then you go into inside the Vatican and not the Vatican, but you go inside St. Peter's Basilica and you walk in and you're just like, there's walls of gold.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

And in the Vatican, gold, gold, gold. Like gold gold. Not gold plated gold gold. So much money, so much power. So much like you just sit there going my. And I still remember standing in front of St. Peter's Basilica in a pretty empty courtyard at the time when we went was quiet. And I just sat there go, this has nothing to do with Jesus.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

That was the first. That was like, that hit me so hard. I was like, oh, my God, this has nothing to do with him. Has nothing to do with. To do. It's kind of like that scene from Last, the Last Crusade, the Indiana Jones scene.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Where they go and they look for the. The cup of Christ and the. And the Nazis going after the. The gold talus and everything. And it's all about the. And if. If you look behind you, there is. That's that.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, there it is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

There it is.

[Jennifer Farmer]

That is.

[Alex Ferrari]

That's it. That's.

[Jennifer Farmer]

That is the Holy Grail, right?

[Alex Ferrari]

That is the Holy Grail from last Crusade.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Crusade.

[Alex Ferrari]

And he's like, no, it's a carpenter's son's cup. But that is a perfect example of what it was. It's a simple cup made of wood, as opposed to a gold encrusted. That's all, man. Put that stuff there.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I kind of had that feeling. I remember a lady when I was on my. Questioning my beliefs, she goes, jennifer, there was no paper when the Bible was written. Oh. I said, you mean it's like the telephone game. Somebody says one thing, they write it down, but what they thought they heard is something else. So now here it's this. She goes, there's no paper there. And I go, oh. And so I'd have little tidbits along the way that, you know, it's okay to explore different philosophies and beliefs. It's funny because you knew about Buddhism and Hinduism. I knew there was a Catholic church, that we was a sacred church.

[Alex Ferrari]

I had an Indian friend.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, see?

[Alex Ferrari]

So he opened me up to Hinduism. I'm like, what is he? Seems like good people.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

I don't understand why he's. You mean he's going to hell? Because according to you guys, he's going to hell.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a come. Coming to terms with spiritual abuse, I feel like, is part of everyone's. If you're called to the spiritual path. And I got to say. Called.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Because I do feel like there are some people that are called. And I was called to do the kind of work I do now, coming from where I come from, I did.

[Alex Ferrari]

There's that. That's a hell of a calling.

[Jennifer Farmer]

There's that. And then I kept doing what I was going to do, but I do feel like there's a calling. And if we take that, if we listen to that, it's something deeper than ourselves calling us. If we keep learning, keep exploring, keep. Of course, at this time, it's podcast, but when I was really tuned in, it was hay house radio, when, you know, free radio was on. And so different people would come on and I would listen to what they have to say and I'd say, oh, does that resonate with me? And I learned to start asking myself. Does that feel right to me? Because of what I had kind of decided that organized religion is not for me. The principles of organized religion, some of those support me, do unto others, sort of the teachers and the lessons that I've learned and that I don't have to be a part of a group to have God, but I do need a group because I'm human and I like to be around like minded people because we're communal beings that if we continue to listen and explore, like I don't know where I'm going next, but I feel like spirit is going to open whatever doors that looks for me. But my higher self is also with me. And that's what I feel like I do is through passings or through depression. We can take people to, hey, there's something deeper in you and you're not making it up. This is for real. Like this whisper that they talk about, like it's a thing that's within us and we have to nurture that. And so that's why I love the work you do is because you give people spiritual food and spiritual nourishment with spiritual teachings and ideas and concepts. And that's exactly what I needed coming from a very and I'm going to say closed area of like I didn't even know there were Hindu, except if I saw something on TV I'd be like, what's the thing on the I. You know. And so it wasn't until I got out of my circle, my box per se. And I hope we're inspiring people to whatever book you think you've been wanting to get this year since it is a new beginning year in 2026, there is new energy coming in for everybody to look at, new beginnings and new ideas and new thoughts to have the courage to do it. And that's what I love about your story about being in. I feel like you had courage from the very start, sort of the rebel within you from the very start. But you also had. I feel like women, and this is not a general, this is not a gener. I think some women are not taught to have their voice correct where men are. Men are taught to have a voice to protect their family, to do make a life. Women are meant to nurture a life. And so somebody having. That's what I really appreciate about my family. They didn't say, jennifer, you can't stand on your own two feet. But they didn't say I could either. You know, it's kind of like I had to chew. I had to sort of Grab up my bootstraps and go. And that's what I think the first step in spiritual awakening is. One is. Is recognize what parts of your spirituality has worked for you. For me, I like treating people with love. I like coming with an authentic space that people are suffering and that you can make a difference, even if it's a smile, that then you begin to get quiet with yourself. And then you begin to explore different things and see that there's something great in each soul. Cause even though we have, what, 8 billion people on the planet now there's 8 billion stars in the sky. Everybody's got a light and that. And for each light looks different. Yours is creative. Yours is in the movies and telling stories and. But waking people up. And you had some really great people healers that, you know, channelers that came on board. Oh, my gosh. I saw some of the channelers coming. I go, oh, I bet my grandmother would be rolling over in her grave saying, somebody is channeling Jesus. I was like, oh, my.

[Alex Ferrari]

We get a bunch of that.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I'm sure you got a few little notes.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah, we get. We get a couple notes on those things. But the way I always look at that stuff, because people always ask me, you think it's real, man? I'm like, well, I wouldn't put it on the show if I didn't. But regardless of. And I'd say this with everything.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Whether it's psychic mediums, whether it's channelers, whether it's mystics, whether it's, you know, gurus. What. I don't care who it is. Quantum physicists, whatever.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right.

[Alex Ferrari]

Does it move you? Is it helping you?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Does it resonate?

[Alex Ferrari]

Is it resonate with you? I don't care what the package is.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

I don't care if it's someone. If some channel is coming in there doing some crazy stuff.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

And bringing in this message, you know, crazy in the. In the. In the scope of other people's opinion of it. I don't care what they do. Is the. Is it profound? Is it helping you on your path? Is it coming from a place of love? Not fear. All of these things. So I don't really care what the people.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, I don't care. You know, it's like. It's. You know, when I remember the first time I listened to somebody that was doing. Working with Past the Power of youf Past Lives. Oh, my gosh. It was such a. That was another thing. I knew that the soul was present, not just because I died, but there are moments like I'd go to Scarborough Fair and I had, I had this vision where I knew I, I had been on that guillotine at one point. Oh, sure, you know, and, but it was, but it was terrifying, right? And so it was those, I think as we're exploring this, is it real? Well, is it a calling? Do you still feel like you are called to make, take the next step and learn one more thing? And did that, did that channel message wake something up in you? And that's really, I think the reason and that spirit works between two people or through. I mean we have to have the voice to feel connected to something greater than ourselves or else we do end up, you know, little of this, little of that, little of this.

[Alex Ferrari]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

My perfect day has sand, salt water and friends. But my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis can take me out out of the moment. Now I'm all in with clearer skin thanks to Skyrizi Risankizumab RZA a prescription only 150mg injection for adults who are candidates for systemic or phototherapy. With Skyrizi. Most people saw 90% clearer skin and many were even 100% plaque free at four months. Skyrizi is just four doses a year. After two starter doses.

[Skyrizi Commercial Warning Voice]

Don't use if allergic to Skyrizi. Serious allergic reactions, increased infections or lower ability to fight that male occur before treatment. Get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu like symptoms or vaccines.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Thanks to Skyrizi, there's nothing on my skin and that means everything is everything. Ask your doctor about Skyrizi, the number one dermatologist prescribed biologic in psoriasis. Visit skyrizi.com or call 1-866-Skyrizi to learn more.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Flu season is here and the in store pharmacy has covered with a free flu shot with most insurance plans. And as a thank you, get up to $20 off your grocery purchase. Plus it's cough and cold season. Stock up on all the season's essentials and get ready for relief with discounts on items like Mucinex Children's multi symptom cold medicine, Zara B's children's cough syrup and emergency offer ends January 27th. Restrictions apply and offers may vary by location. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show. Jennifer, let me ask you, do you believe that, you know, when we all get kind of spit out into this World.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, we do.

[Alex Ferrari]

You know, this is a very difficult environment.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes, sir.

[Alex Ferrari]

I spoke to a guru the other day and she said something so profound that it really hit me. She's like, suffering is part of this package, and not one of us gets out alive, first of all. Secondly, not one of us does not have some sort of suffering or trauma or something throughout our lives. It's just part of being human. But she said something so profound. In the Vedic text, there were six, and I can't remember all six of them, but there's six sufferings, essentially, which is like you're born into this life. So one suffering. Suffering is if you don't breathe, you suffer. So that. That's a constant. So if something stops you from breathing, there's a suffering.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Food and drink.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

Without food and drink. This body is an automatic suffering machine if you don't have food or drink. And I was like, wow. And then there was three other ones I forgot. But I just thought that was so profound as far as the. That that idea was like, oh, she's absolutely right. And people are like, oh, I want a life without suffering. Like, all of us have a version of it, just different levels of it. So we're all trying to figure this out. We're thrown into a Southern Baptist, a Catholic, a Hindu, a Muslim, a non atheist, or just nothing. And we're all told stories from people in front of us who came before us, who say, this is how this all works. And I think we're all looking for a story for us to structure our life around and build a foundation from.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes, we are.

[Alex Ferrari]

Does that mean 100%, whatever that story is for you, whether it's Wicca, you know, and being a witch, or more earthbound philosophies or ideas.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, yep.

[Alex Ferrari]

Or indigenous.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

Or Hindu or Muslim, or Kathy and all of it.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

We're all trying to figure out the story. The problem is, is that when sometimes we get these stories, we believe them. And so we have. We've attached ourselves so much to the story that if your story is different, it threatens my story.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

As opposed to you and I have our own stories.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right.

[Alex Ferrari]

And no other story threatens my story. Because I'm very comfortable in the story that I've built in my own mind and my own foundation of this idea, which is what I talk about on the show, which is, is this look what works for you?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

It doesn't have to be my way.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right.

[Alex Ferrari]

It doesn't have to be your way.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right.

[Alex Ferrari]

Whatever way you know you want to Go down. And that's the beauty of this whole story.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

There's a thousand paths to the same place.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

What do you think?

[Jennifer Farmer]

I think so. Number one, I do understand the human condition is. Has a propensity for suffering. That's a general statement, right? It does. So. So I'd like to say that we don't have to suffer. That's not been my experience. I apparently have to suffer like I keep thinking. So the story I have slowly, I have really practiced on this. I had a friend of mine, she's in spirit now, but she'd say the last thing I let go of in life was suffering. And that really, it's powerful. It was very profound for me because I was like, what planet are you on? You know, for me it's either suffering from mental, like, you know, self esteem issues or because I don't have the suffering. I have food, I have shelter, I have purpose. I have, you know, now I'm dealing with, you know, living of a certain age. You have other sufferings like, you know, you know, your shoulder hurt, your foot hurt, you know, there's girl preach. You know, nobody warns us after 50, the warranty runs out. And so now you see the wheel.

[Alex Ferrari]

Starts the wobble off the right.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Like, am I going to. So the bigger picture about. And this is what I loved about Joe Dispenza's work. And I'll tell you why I love Joe Dispenza. Number one, I always believe in transformation. Wherever you are in your life, you as a spiritual being with intention can transform your life. Now, it may not be intentional, but if you start on, you can recreate your life at any minute, either with a story, a behavior, a habit or attitude, 100%. And I believe that's the gift of human. I believe it's also the gift of us having our brains. And we were given intellect. And so we do have that power, but we also have it as a soul. Our souls can transform so we can reincarnate our own life. I still haven't got to the place that life. I'm trying to get for me personally, trying to work on. Do I have to suffer for it to have meaning?

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah, agreed.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And that's. I've gotten better with that. Right. But I use it with, like, my shoulder hurts. Like, do I have. Does my life have to feel more connected? Because I have shoulder pain and now I heal. Can I just have shoulder pain and still be okay? Right. And so I think that they're humans. We were taught in church now in our generation in our dogma, it was from the first breath we took. You're a sin. So I think at some level. But maybe not your children. So your children weren't raised that way. So they have. Where you and I instinctively think, well, we're here to suffer, to make a point. Or you can only show transformation through this. Where it may be harder for you and I to get past that deeper story where your children, you didn't raise them that way, so they don't. And some people may call that entitled. Now they are entitled because, you know, they have everything else that they need. But maybe they chose that they. That they didn't want to suffer. Just. See, I feel like it's about attitude is altitude. And when we think we have to suffer, that's exactly what we're going to do. Absolutely right. Do we have basic needs that if we go without it. Yes. But I do believe that's what you're. And I'd be curious what that, what your guru was talking about that was there. Is that like the option, you know, even in Buddhism, letting go of the attachment, like the, you know, that we get suffering because of an attachment to something, either an idea, a person, place, idea. For us, it's all about ideas and beliefs.

[Alex Ferrari]

The. And now we're going into a deeper conversation. But I believe, I believe though, that what the Buddhists are trying to say.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

They're not wrong.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

But by doing what the Buddha is saying in those moments, I don't know how you work through life. Yeah. Like, I don't understand how do you walk life. Unless you literally are monk. Like, you have to interact with another human being. You have to, you have to, you know, do you have ambitions? Do you want to build a business? Do you want to have children? So, like, a lot of those ideas are beautiful and they're absolutely correct. It's a choice on how you want to move now. Can you have elements of that and still live in life? That's an other thing. So a lot of the older ideas were set up at those times. I'm not saying that whatever Buddha and Jesus said don't apply now. I'm not saying that at all. I think you could take elements of all of that, but you have to understand that there's also just. Even if you have positive thinking and you bring in beautiful things to your life, you are still going to deal with this world regardless.

[Jennifer Farmer]

The physical dimension is not easy. So how often do you change your story?

[Alex Ferrari]

Almost daily. It's, it's. So I wanted to make it Clear though some of the most profound spiritual things have happened to me were without struggle.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah, Hello. Right.

[Alex Ferrari]

It was out. I didn't have to die.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

I didn't have to be tortured or in pain to get it. So I, I'm not saying that you have to struggle to get some sort of epiphany or something like that.

[Jennifer Farmer]

We don't have to get hung on the cross to spiritual experience.

[Alex Ferrari]

We do not. Much of it has happened in meditation. Many of other times I've been in spiritual places that things have happened without any pain involved, any struggle involved. Some of it's been very open. Now with that said, some of the most traumatic and painful things in my life have been some of my greatest teachers.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Teachers. Yes. Yeah, I like that. I like that.

[Alex Ferrari]

It has been one of my greatest teachers. Whether that be relationships, whether that be interactions with other people, whether that situations when, you know, I don't know if you know. I almost made a 20 million dollar movie for the mob when I was 26. I wrote a whole book about it.

[Jennifer Farmer]

You're here. This is wonderful.

[Alex Ferrari]

And I was tortured for like toward literally life threatened on a daily basis for a year, a 26 year old. So I went through that. But now I have a lot of love for that situation because of what it did for me. But it was arguably some of the most, probably one of the most traumatic things ever happened to me. Terrifying. Yeah, it was. It was horrible. And it took me years, decades honestly, to get over it. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

My perfect day has sand, salt water and friends. But my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis can take me out of the moment. Now I'm all in with clearer skin thanks to skyrizi risen Kizumab RZA, a prescription only 150mg injection for adults who are candidates for systemic or phototherapy with Skyrizi. Most people saw 90% clearer skin and many were even 100% plaque free. At four months, Skyrizi is just four doses a year. After two starter doses.

[Skyrizi Commercial Warning Voice]

Don't use if allergic to Skyrizi. Serious allergic reactions, increased infections or lower ability to fight them may occur before treatment. Get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu like symptoms or vaccines.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Thanks to Skyrizi, there's nothing on my skin and that means everything.

[Alex Ferrari]

Nothing is everything.

[Skyrizi Commercial Narrator]

Ask your doctor about Skyrizi, the number one dermatologist prescribed biologic in psoriasis. Visit skyrizi.com or call 1-866-Skyrizi to learn more.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this new year. Don't forget about the little ones in the family. Now through January 27th, shop in store and online and save $10 when you buy two or more of your favorite baby care items. Shop for items like Happy Baby Formula, Pampers Pure Diapers, Pampers Baby Wipes, Pampers, Swaddlers Diapers, Pampers Cruisers Diapers, and Similac Powder formulas. And save $10 when you buy two participating products. Offer ends January 27th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show. But. But I'm grateful for it because it made me who I am. And it's honestly one of the reasons I do the work that I do now is because of that scenario. So you have to kind of look at that. And now as we get older and the wheel has come off a little bit, there's things that like, my daughter came to me the other day and she's like, my back hurts. I'm like, shut up. Just shut up. Your back does not hurt. You're too young for that. Stop it. She's like, oh, my back. I'm like, you didn't. Stop it. Stop it. But now that things are. You start looking at the beauty in this. You have to. Because, yeah, things are hurting you. I'm like, okay, what, what is this trying to teach me? What am I dealing with here? What is the story behind this? Yeah, because we all go through it, every one of us. Now some of our us are going to go like, I've never really drank in my life. I've never done, I've never any done drugs in my life.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Good for you.

[Alex Ferrari]

It's just something that I just, yeah, I try. I didn't try to do drugs, but I tried to drink. It just didn't.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Didn't sit with you energetically.

[Alex Ferrari]

My body just rejected it. I literally went to Napa Valley looking for wine.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, good for you.

[Alex Ferrari]

And I just couldn't. It was just not part of my experience in this life. I've had other issues and I've had other journeys to things to go over, but that wasn't one of the things that I had to deal with in this life. But as I've gone through my, my journey and trust me, there were times I really like, I was like, man, I wish I drank.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I wish you drank. Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

Or I wish I did.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Drinks for relief. Right?

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, my God. I get, I get it. I was looking and I tried, and my body was like, nope.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Well, I think that suffering. I do believe there is a fact of suffering in the human experience. We do. I do feel like, you know, I kind of look at my elders that have gone before me, not necessarily spiritual gurus, but I look at Betty. She died at 92. And this woman was teaching, you know, English as a second language. And she was in her mid-80s, right? And she, you know, I see her moving along physically and her faith and her spirituality and how that keeps her going. I think spirituality improves the story.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, no question.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Right? Because then I see.

[Alex Ferrari]

Gives you a frame rate. It gives you a framework to playing stuff on.

[Jennifer Farmer]

You need something. And then I look at, you know, other people in my life who physically have every human illness that you have to deal with, but they also, you know, think God hates them. And that experience, when I look at two people right here whom I love greatly, I have taken great. And this is something that I learned is watching other people's experience. And then I can decide, is that the kind of experience I want for myself or can I choose it different? So I always talk about my mom. She loved to spend money, okay? She died with lots of credit card bills. I go, mama, I can't have that life. So now I learned from her what I don't want to do. And I think that we can learn that from spirituality. Same thing with us choosing to move beyond our religious upbringing. We look at, are they who we want to be like? And I think that's the gift in our soul's path that, yes, we do have suffering, but we can have a choice in how we approach it. Just like you said, what is this giving to me? Me? What is this bringing in my life? You know, it took me a long time to realize that I could still be comfortable in myself with physical pain. I've had two back surgeries, you know, major shoulder problems. And I probably spent six months whining and grumbling about all that. I'm like, oh, the truth is, it's not going anywhere, right? So now in my spiritual, can I choose to enjoy or have moments in my life that I'm not so focused on the problem? Can I look beyond that? You know, Wayne Dyer used to talk about, you know, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, which I think is instrumental in when you talk about spiritual principles, because you talk about big things here. You talk about, you know, the Egyptians and, you know, the deep thinkers. But I always think about the practical spirituality. I get up in the desk. I got phone calls to make. I gotta figure out my health insurance. I've gotta worry about my kid, Can I afford to get him to college? Or I'm in a job that I hate. Right. How can you find your soul and your soul's purpose in that? And I feel like that those moments are where we bring our soul to it to help us change the way we're looking at things. So an example would be like, well, maybe your child isn't supposed to go to college. Maybe they. Maybe they're not college types. Maybe they're going to be entrepreneurs. And so now you encourage them to be independent and to walk a different path. And that's your spiritual gift to your child. Not that you feel bad that you can't send your kid to college. It's, no, you don't feel guilty, you know, because I can't send my child to college. I'm looking for this child's strengths where they have what they can do and decide, do you want to go into $100,000 debt? Okay, so let's try it this way first. And this is what you're good at. So trying to see the best in situation isn't just positive thinking. I think it's a spiritual discipline to stop even with positive intelligence. Talks about that with, oh, gosh, Shirzad. I love. I do a lot of mental work to keep my spirituality up is, you know, to keep the cobwebs out, but to really change the way I think, think because you come from where we come where we're born bad. Sometimes we spend half of our lives finding out that we're not bad, that we're beautiful beings. But sometimes those old ideas, the program is in there. Yeah. Will come up. And so suffering, you know, I'd like to get to where my wonderful friend Mary Lou, she was great. Jennifer. I've just given up suffering. I'm like, how does that happen?

[Alex Ferrari]

How does that work? Can I have two of those, please?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Exactly. And so, so I've practiced it with a few things like, can I let this focused problem go today and just choose the attitude of like, it's going to work itself out. I'm going to have it. It's not going anywhere. So how do I want to handle it? And I think that sometimes is our sort of pragmatic spirituality is, can we be at peace? Can we be in our higher self with all these outside circumstances? And the answer is yes. But you have to have spend time to nurture the stillness in that and recognize and I think that's what a lot about what the Indian traditions talk about suffering. And you look at their countries and how much love they have. And I don't know if it was your show that I watched, but they had an Indian physicist come on and they were talking about the advantage of all the people that sleep together, families sleep together, and how that neuropathically changes things. Well, we don't do that in this country. Right. That, you know, everybody gets their own bed. Right. But this doctor talked about, you know, where I look at it and say, oh, my gosh, they have. They all live in one room and I feel like they're suffering and they're not suffering because they all get to hang out and be together all day long and they're working for. See, it's that kind of thing where it's. The story is that you and I just have, you know, religious stories that we overcome. And I like that you are recovering, but you have. The best parts of your Catholicism stayed with you because it gave you having inspiration to do something for others.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, that the. That religion opened me up to basic core concepts that I kind of had to dig out of all the crap that was. That came with. But I was able to, you know, looking back at it, but I was. Oh, my God, so, so angry.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

So angry about it all, you know. But then you start, you know, the one thing that people keep. For. Don't talk about often is the lost gods. No, the gods that came prior to Buddha and Jesus.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

There were many, many, many, many, many gods.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Zeus. Yeah. Oh, my son will talk about Zeus.

[Alex Ferrari]

So Zeus and Apollo and let's. That's just two. But there's the Egyptians and the Sumerians and all these were gods, you know, these were gods that humanity at that time, that was the end. That was the stories that they were going around. So if you start thinking about that, you're like, well, if there's only the one. The one dude. Because it always is a dude. It has to be a dude. It's always a dude.

[Jennifer Farmer]

What's all that about? What about Kuan Yin, though? Because, you know, she's right there. I know. Like, you know, she may not be a God, but a goddess.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, no, it's Mother Mary. Yeah, there's Mary Magdalene.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Mother Mary. Mother Mary.

[Alex Ferrari]

Mary Magdalene. All that.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I call on her when we got children problems, I'll come home.

[Alex Ferrari]

There's a. There's a man. They're making a comeback, the female ascended masters. But there was this time that that it was prior to Buddha, prior to Christ.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

And what happened to those? So it's just different stories at different times. And there was a Buddha, there was a Christ, there was a Muhammad, there was a Austrian.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, that's a good word.

[Alex Ferrari]

That's it. Yeah. There's so many different, you know, obviously Krishna and, and all of that. So there are all these gods, but they're just different flavors, different stories. Different stories going to the same place and people who get caught up in their own story.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

You know, you have to as. And I think that's probably one of the reasons I came in as a filmmaker is in a lover of story because. Because it trained me to see the story in all things.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah. That's pretty profound.

[Alex Ferrari]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

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[Alex Ferrari]

And now back to the show.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Like, I'm gonna take that with me. Like, what story are they telling themselves? It's all about stories and I know that, you know, when I started to explore one of the first symbols that came a lot in my world, which I had, like, I would see the Egyptian cats everywhere and I'd be like, what's this? And. And I would look it up, you know, or I would, you know, I'd get it. I'd be drawn to it. I learned early on, what am I drawn to? To, you know, I go to a store. You know, it's how I learned to sort of tune into what my soul was calling me to. Right. Some people use oracle cards, some people use symbols. And for me, spirituality had to come physical and then to this, you know, to the. To the confidence of what's going on. But I remember I, you know, early on when I was sort of stepping out and reading energy and reading channeling and reading different kinds of philosophies and going to the monk's house and going to the Hare Krishnas and just how. What are they doing? Sometimes I was looking for a shortcut, but I got introduced to different, like, what you're talking about. But you're 100% right. Like, I don't see books about Zeus somewhere on. You know, unless you're in Greek mythology.

[Alex Ferrari]

It'S considered completely a myth. And I promise you, I don't know, maybe. Maybe in a thousand years, maybe in 5,000 years from now, all these guys that were on these walls, all these and the females as well, they'll all be looked upon as myth.

[Jennifer Farmer]

You know what's great, though? I think they all. I think if you were to like, sum them up in one thing is, you know, to thine own self betrayal. Like, even if you were to look, you know, you're being guided to some of them. They're all here to help us find our own inner truth of our soul's calling or destiny, our own frequency, so that we can be spiritually connected to those around us and we need that more. I always laugh about there's so much division now.

[Alex Ferrari]

Isn't it funny that imagine, Imagine. I've thought about this. I think this would be. I don't know if it would be funny, but I think it could be something, let's say. Let's say 500 years, a thousand years from now, and something happens. And a lot of the stuff that we know now, all our information is gone. Well, what survives is this. For whatever reason, Star wars survives.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, I love Star Wars.

[Alex Ferrari]

So, but. But imagine. But imagine somewhere, someone finds a story of Yoda.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Of the Force.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Of all of the spiritual aspects of that and that. That they look at the movies.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

As actual. Oh, my God. This actually happened.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

They wouldn't know the difference. I'm just throwing it out there.

[Jennifer Farmer]

No, I think it's.

[Alex Ferrari]

Wouldn't that be interesting that now, 500 years from now, what. You know, a filmmaker named George Lucas put together, literally becomes a world religion. I'm just throwing it out there. And then another group finds some Superman comics.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

Who is Christ, essentially? I mean, that's. It's literally Christ.

[Jennifer Farmer]

All the multi universes, obviously, that.

[Alex Ferrari]

And then some other group finds the Matrix. And now all of a sudden Neo is in and this whole idea starts to come up. So. Because they're just stories.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yeah.

[Alex Ferrari]

And they're really good. Those three are really good characters, good story lines, you know, and then the dark person would be Batman. And I mean, you know, you could just go, but how is that differ from all the stories that we've been told for all these other religions? I mean, I'm just trying to.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, I get it.

[Alex Ferrari]

Because at the end of the day, it's just. It's a story.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And that's what I think is so profound about movie making.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I remember years ago, you remember when AI came out.

[Alex Ferrari]

Oh, the original.

[Jennifer Farmer]

The original, sure. Steven Spielberg. Right. And you know, people were like, oh, it's too out there. And I said, so that wasn't out there enough. Like art imitates life. So your story. And I do believe that. And that's what I always. I'm always. Now I've been on this earth and this soul long enough. I was kind of watch what movies are doing and what TV shows are doing. You know, not necessarily the, you know, the crime scene investigators.

[Alex Ferrari]

Sure.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I'm. Which. Those are fun. I love to figure some stuff out. Sure. But I think more of the Star wars, the Marvel. The Marvel. Com. But. But also some of the political movies that came out years ago. Wag the Dog and then here we are. And I always. I'm always paying attention. Not that filmmakers are gods, but you have a capacity to get information in your creative process. Just like Steven Spielberg did that. Here we are 20 years later. Probably 25 now. 25 years later. And so these new movies that are coming out always kind of. What theme is behind that? Because it sort of prepares me now since I Now have seen AI come to life in this lifetime through ChatGPT and some other pieces, which is basically just not the robot. It's not the human. But yeah, it's gonna happen. It's what we're hearing is the voice of that. And I always pay attention to, you know, what are the, what are the stories we want to leave behind for our children? You know, I was in thinking about this, I'd say, you know, my four year old grandson on, you know, what would I want him to know about spirituality and about what your purpose is here and what story do you want to have told? And I had to really think about that. And I would just want him to believe in himself and to trust that his own soul is going to take him to a path far beyond what he thinks. He just has to reach for the bigger dreams.

[Alex Ferrari]

That's beautiful. That is beautiful. So Jennifer, where can people find out more about you and the amazing work you're doing in the world?

[Jennifer Farmer]

Oh, you're so sweet. Jenniferfarmer.com we talked about a lot of stuff that we don't talk about in my world and so this has been very exciting. Jenniferfarmer.com I have, my website's up. You can see all the events I've got going on. I'm doing messages from the spirit world coming. I have all the events and stuff. I love to do event things, you know, with people and to help get them on their path.

[Alex Ferrari]

Beautiful.

[Jennifer Farmer]

I hope this has been helpful for your audience today.

[Alex Ferrari]

Yeah, it's been a wonderful conversation. I mean, we obviously started with the near death experience, but it turned into a much deeper spiritual conversation that I think people need to hear. Well, this was created because someone needs to hear it.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Yes.

[Alex Ferrari]

So whoever's listening and it's resonating with them is like, well, we did this for you essentially.

[Jennifer Farmer]

And I think with the religious piece and how that fits into spirituality, I do believe that with all the division that's going on in our world today and how we're in what I call the two energy, we're in the 2000s. We're in that time. People are more sensitive to anxiety and to fear. And this is a time where if you were ever going to work on your spiritual truth and your spiritual power, this is the time to make it a priority. Because you're the sort of vision of your own pathway and you don't want to be pulled in by everything and all the distractions outside. You want to be able to stay within yourself and be the center of that experience in a calm way, knowing your soul will guide you on where their mission will may be. And I think that's always kind of like, wow, we need church more than ever, but we need a different kind of church. And we need everybody to, you know, find a common truth. And it won't be with spirituality or politics. But I hope that the souls that are open will find the people in their path and share the story of love and connection and that there's great power in that. Even so, you know, helping other people with food and shelter and, you know, a lot of the human problems haven't changed and so but the spirituality time is now for us to do it.

[Alex Ferrari]

Jennifer has been a pleasure talking to you. Thank you so much for coming out and for being here and for helping awaken this planet.

[Jennifer Farmer]

Love it. Thank you so much.

[Alex Ferrari]

Thank you for spending this sacred time with us today. If you feel comfortable, call to explore this conversation further. You'll find the show notes for this [e-mail] 660 and if your soul is craving an even deeper journey, step into Next Level Soul tv, our streaming sanctuary for spiritual films, documentaries, original shows, guided meditations, channeling sessions, audiobooks and transformative teachings. It's a space created to support your awakening, your healing, and your return to the truth of who you really are. Begin your journey at next LevelSoul TV. Until next time. Keep expanding, keep seeking and keep walking your path towards the next level of your soul.

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[Alex Ferrari]

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