The Cowboy Dentist with Smiley Burnette | All Star Western Theatre (09-29-46)

Summary

Old Time Radio Westerns Podcast Episode Summary
Title: The Cowboy Dentist with Smiley Burnette
Original Air Date: September 29, 1946
Release Date: July 21, 2025
Host: Andrew Rines

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Introduction

In this episode of the Old Time Radio Westerns podcast, host Andrew Rines transports listeners back to the golden age of radio with the classic Western radio drama, "The Cowboy Dentist." Featuring the legendary cowboy comedian Smiley Burnette, this digitally restored episode from the All Star Western Theatre series promises rich audio quality and immersive storytelling that enhances the original charm of 1940s Westerns.

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Setting and Main Characters

Hereford Flats serves as the backdrop for our story, a quintessential Western town where the unique characters navigate humorous and adventurous situations.

• Dr. Smiley Burnett (played by Smiley Burnette): The town's only dentist, blending medical duties with comedic antics.
• Custer King (portrayed by Joe Forte): The bumbling yet endearing cowboy dentist whose unconventional methods drive much of the episode's humor.
• Elmer Loudermilk (voiced by Al Slow): A patient with peculiar dental issues and a penchant for trouble.
• Jim Glossop (played by Jimmy Dean): A bank robber with an unusual getaway plan involving balloons.
• Hiram Pettigrew (portrayed by Boy Willing): The ever-patient sheriff of Hereford Flats.

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Plot Overview

The episode kicks off in Hereford Flats' dental office, where Dr. Custer King attends to his quirky patient, Elmer Loudermilk. Elmer's strange requests and humorous dialogue set the stage for a series of comedic events that intertwine dental mishaps with a daring bank robbery.

The Dental Antics

Elmer Loudermilk (02:33) arrives complaining about needing another tooth pulled, despite there being no apparent issue. As Dr. King grapples with Elmer's nonsensical requests, the introduction of dental gas reveals Dr. King's unconventional use of medical tools, blurring the lines between dentistry and shenanigans.

• Notable Quote:
  Elmer Loudermilk [07:33]: "I want you to pull another tooth, Doc."

The Bank Robbery

The tranquility of Hereford Flats is shattered when a masked bandit robs the local bank, fleeing the scene with a peculiar method: attaching the stolen money to a balloon filled with gas.

• Notable Quote:
  Smiley Burnett [15:30]: "Well, that's the strange part about the whole thing."

The Unlikely Pursuit

Determined to catch the robber, Dr. King employs his dubious dental gas to subdue suspects, inadvertently involving Elmer in his comedic pursuit. The balloon filled with gas becomes a critical clue, leading to the bandit's unconventional escape plan.

• Notable Quote:
  Custer King [21:33]: "Now look here, Hiram."

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Key Events and Humor

1. Elmer's Peculiar Dental Issues (07:22 - 10:14):

   • Elmer requests an unnecessary tooth extraction, leading to humorous exchanges about dental health and odd behaviors.

2. Introduction of Jim Glossop (10:14 - 15:00):

   • Jim Glossop arrives with a genuine toothache, contrasting his later revelation as the bank robber. His eccentric behavior and obsession with dreams of Betty Grable add layers of humor.

3. Discovery of the Balloon (19:35 - 20:00):

   • Elmer spots the balloon floating over Dr. King's office, prompting a frantic but funny search using a "squirrel rifle."

4. Climactic Capture (20:46 - 22:56):

   • The balloon, filled with gas, leads to the dramatic yet comedic capture of Jim Glossop, who reveals his elaborate but flawed plan.

• Notable Quote:
  Custer King [13:00]: "Putting it in a hat box."

• Notable Quote:
  Jim Glossop [22:11]: "Let the doc put me to sleep."

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Music and Song Performances

Interspersed throughout the episode are original songs performed by Smiley Burnette and the Riders of the Purple Sage, enhancing the Western atmosphere and providing comedic relief.

• "Someone Won Your Heart, Little Darling" [04:51 - 06:34]: A heartfelt song that contrasts the episode's humor.
• "The Dennis Song" [24:22 - 26:25]: A humorous number written specifically for this episode, featuring sound effects and playful lyrics about Dr. King's dental practices.

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the successful capture of Jim Glossop, thanks to Dr. King's unorthodox methods and a bit of luck. Smiley Burnette's final song ties the narrative together, leaving listeners entertained by the blend of humor, music, and classic Western storytelling.

Notable Quote:
Smiley Burnett [23:48]: "Smiley, I think right about now we ought to have you sing the song that you wrote especially for your appearance on the All Star Western Theater today."

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Final Thoughts

"The Cowboy Dentist with Smiley Burnette" exemplifies the charm of old-time Western radio dramas, combining comedic elements with adventurous plots. The digital restoration by Old Time Radio Westerns ensures that every subtle sound—from the clink of dental tools to the whoosh of the balloon—is crisp and immersive, offering both nostalgia and fresh enjoyment for new listeners.

For fans of classic radio and Westerns, this episode is a delightful journey into the whimsical world of Hereford Flats, where even a cowboy dentist can become an unlikely hero.

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Credits:
Guest Stars:

• Smiley Burnett as Dr. Smiley Burnett
• Al Slow as Elmer Loudermilk
• Joe Forte as Custer King
• Jimmy Dean as Jim Glossop
• Boy Willing as Hiram Pettigrew

Music: Riders of the Purple Sage

Production: All Star Western Theatre, courtesy of Republic Pictures

Host: Andrew Rines

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• Facebook: otrwesterns.com/Facebook
• YouTube: otrwesterns.com/YouTube
• Email: podcasttrwesterns.com
• Phone: [phone]

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Thank you for listening to the Old Time Radio Westerns podcast. Don't forget to like, rate, and subscribe to support more classic Western adventures!

Transcript

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[Unknown]

Foreign.

[Andrew Rines]

Welcome to the Old Time Radio Westerns. I'm your host Andrew Rines, and let's get into this episode. This episode is going to be All Star Western Theater Original air date is September 29, 1946 and the title is the Cowboy Dentist. This one's got Smiley Burnett in the lead role. Hope you enjoy and again, thanks for listening.

[Cottonseed Clark]

The Bakers of Weber's Bread present your All Star Western Theater Drifting along.

[Unknown]

Singing a song under a Western.

[Cottonseed Clark]

From Hollywood comes your All Star Western Theater, starring America's great Western singers, Foy Willing and the Riders of the Purple Sage. Our guest today is Western Pictures grand cowboy comedian Smiley Burnett. My name is Cottonseed Clark and here are the writers of the Purple Sage.

[Smiley Burnett]

Yippee a Yippee O In the play Home We Go Or a cowboy has to sing and a cowboy has to yell or his heart would break inside of him at the gate of the.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Home corral when each new day is born I go riding o' er the wide open plains I ro till the sun in the hills goes hidin There.

[Smiley Burnett]

Will always be someone glad when I get home Yippee a yippee O In the bay home we go For a cowboy has to sing and a cowboy has to yell or his heart would break inside of him at the gate of the home.

[Unknown]

Correct.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

You know, friends, a top hand who worked one of the old time cattle spreads Usually had a string of cow ponies. Each trained by the cowpuncher himself for various kinds of work. But always the cowpuncher would have his favorite mouth. One that was an all purpose horse that could be used on routine as well as special occasions. Today, Weber's bread is all purpose too. Weber's Bread fills the bill no matter what the occasion. Well mixed and well baked. Has a firm, even texture and a delicious flavor that blends well with other food. And Weber's bread is always good bread as a substantial part of your family's daily menu or served on special occasions when you have guests in for dinner. Weber's bread never lets you down. Buy a loaf of Weber's Bread next time you go shopping. You'll like it.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Famous for their authentic rendition of Little Darlin Western heart songs, the writers of the Purple Sage offer one of the year's outstanding favorites. Some one won your heart, little darling.

[Unknown]

Someone won your heart, little darling Now I'm all alone and someone took my place and left an empty space in my heart When I lost you.

[Custer King]

Though.

[Unknown]

You found another Will you think of me.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

As the one who loves you.

[Unknown]

So Someone won your heart, little darling I will miss you, dear, you know.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

If time could turn back the pain.

[Unknown]

Of yesterday.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

To the love that we.

[Unknown]

Once knew Someone won your heart, little darling Now I'm all alone.

[Smiley Burnett]

Well, it's.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Guest time on your all Star Western Theater friends and neighbors. So we'll not keep you waiting any longer. Here comes a return visit from America's great cowboy comedian of the western screen, Smiley Burnett. Oh, Smiley, it's nice to be keeping company with you again.

[Custer King]

Oh, boy, Cottonseed. I sure do like to come visiting here at the All Star Western Theater.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

It's lots of fun.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Ah, that's good. And Smiley, today we have a story about a cowboy dentist and how he catches the bank robber.

[Custer King]

A cowboy dentist? Oh, boy, that's fine. I'm a regular hopalong cavity.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Then let's get a going.

[Custer King]

Yeah, let's do.

[Cottonseed Clark]

This is the little western town of Hereford Flats. Our story begins in the office of Dr. Smiley Burnett, Herford Flatt's only toothpoiler. An ailing customer has just entered.

[Custer King]

How do you do? Well, how do, Elmer? What can I do for you today?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

I want you to pull another tooth, Doc.

[Custer King]

Oh, well, just sit down here in the chair then. That's good. Now, which one you want me to pull?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, just take your choice, Doc. Any of them? Many of them, huh?

[Custer King]

Now, what do you mean by that?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

I just want you to give me some gas and pull it, too, that's all.

[Custer King]

Well, I got to know which. They all look sound as a dollar to me.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, don't. Don't. None of them hurt.

[Custer King]

Well, I can't pull a tooth if ain't nothing wrong with it.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, that's all right. Just give me some gas and let me sleep a while.

[Custer King]

Now, what do you want me to do that for?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, the other day when you gave me gas, I dreamed that Betty Grable was chasing me all over Hereford Flats. Gosh, it was horrible.

[Custer King]

What was horrible about that?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, she didn't catch me.

[Custer King]

That's too bad, Elmer.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, it sure is. I thought maybe if you give me some more gas, I'd give her another chance.

[Custer King]

Look, if you take my advice, Elmer, you leave girls alone. They don't cause nothing but trouble.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Yeah, I reckon you're right. But I just thrive on trouble.

[Custer King]

I had experience with a couple of women ranch hands once.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, what happened, Doc?

[Custer King]

Well, as usual, they was both mad about me. So one day they decided to shoot it out to see which one got me.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, which one got you, Doc? Both of them.

[Custer King]

One of them got me in the leg and the other one got me in the hip.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

That's too bad, Doc. Well, you going to give me that Betty Grable gas?

[Custer King]

No, I. I can't do it, Elmer. That stuff's too costly. You do look kind of pale, though. Look, do you have trouble seeing when your eyes are closed?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, come to think about it, I do.

[Custer King]

Is your head broken down when you nod?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, now that you mention it, yes, it does.

[Custer King]

I'll bet you something else. I'll bet you every time you jump in the air, your feet leaves the ground, don't you?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, dad blamed if you ain't right, Doc. And something else. Every time I close my mouth, my teeth disappear.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

Oh, that's bad.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Now, doctors don't tell me I ain't healthy. I come from a long line of livers.

[Custer King]

Have you ever tried taking vitamins, Elmer?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, gosh, I buy them with a dozen, Doc. While I've taken so many sunshine vitamins, my stomach is appealing.

[Custer King]

You know what you better do? You better go home and get yourself some rest, Elmer.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

All right, Doc. I'll see you later, then.

[Custer King]

Oh, by the way, though, you didn't pay me for that tooth pulling I.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Gave you the other day. Oh, I ain't got no change on Me? Right now, Doc. You see, I spent my last nickel. I had to buy some glasses.

[Custer King]

Oh, if you needed glasses, then that's all right, Elmer.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, I needed them all right. I got tired of drinking out of a bottle. Well, go on, Doc.

[Custer King]

Come on, Elmer. I'll see you later.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, come on.

[Custer King]

Come on in, mister. Come on here. You're next, sir.

[Jim Glossop]

Howdy, Doctor. Howdy. My name is King. Custer King.

[Custer King]

Well, now, I'm right glad to know you, Mr. Custer King. You're a stranger in these parts, ain't you?

[Jim Glossop]

Well, you might say that I am. I'm a big cattle buyer from Fort Worth. I came out of this country to look over the cattle situation.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well.

[Custer King]

Well, we're mighty glad to have you, Mr. King. Now, what can I do for you?

[Jim Glossop]

I have a molar that's been giving me a lot of trouble, and I thought I'd like to have you yank it out.

[Custer King]

I'm just a man who can do it.

[Jim Glossop]

You will give me gas, of course.

[Custer King]

Oh, sure. What would you like, Regular or. Ethel? Ethel.

[Jim Glossop]

And wipe my glasses, please.

[Custer King]

Yeah, all right, Mr. King. Now, just give me a minute here to hook this thing up.

[Jim Glossop]

Now, just a moment. Just a moment. First, you must recite the oath.

[Custer King]

I must recite the oath?

[Jim Glossop]

That's right. Now, hold up your right hand and repeat after me. I promise to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

[Custer King]

I promise to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

[Jim Glossop]

Now, you may gas me.

[Custer King]

Well, now, look, mister, I'll have to take that little box that you have there in your lap. No, no, no.

[Jim Glossop]

I'll just hold it, if you don't mind.

[Custer King]

Oh, might be a new hat, honey. You're afraid I'll try it on?

[Jim Glossop]

Yes, yes, that's right.

[Custer King]

It's a new hat. I see. Now, first I'll look at this tooth. Now, open wide here. Beautiful, beautiful, I tell you.

[Jim Glossop]

What was it, Doc?

[Custer King]

Well, I. I was just admiring that cavity in your upper mole. You know, I've seen bears come out of smaller holes than that. Hey.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Hey, Doc, can I see you a minute?

[Custer King]

Oh, go away. I'm busy, Elmer. What is it you want, Pop?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

I want your teeth clean.

[Custer King]

Well, you'll have to come by tomorrow, Elmer.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, he said he wouldn't have time to come by and have it done himself, so I just brought him over.

[Custer King]

Oh, well, lay him on a table over there.

[Jim Glossop]

Well, by the way, Doctor, I'd like to have a glass of water before I take the gas. Would you be so kind?

[Custer King]

Oh, glad to, Mr. King. Come on, Elmer, you help me. You pump and I'll hold the dipper.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

All right, Doc. I'll be glad to hold a dipper for you.

[Custer King]

We'll be right back, Mr. King.

[Jim Glossop]

Just take your time, Doc. No hurry.

[Custer King]

You know, that Mr. King is a mighty big man, Elmer. He's a big cattle buyer from Fort Worth.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

Come on, start pumping that thing.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Yeah.

[Custer King]

Yeah.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

If I wasn't tied down to my old woman, I might be a big man like him. I've been wanting to ask you, Doc. Have I got grounds for a divorce?

[Hiram Pettigrew]

You married, ain't you?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, sure I'm married. You know that.

[Custer King]

And you got grounds for a divorce.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, Doc. Well, why does it cost more to get a divorce than to get married?

[Custer King]

Well, it's worth more.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

That's enough, dad.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Don't pump no more. Let's.

[Custer King]

Let's take Mr. King his water. Hey, wait, wait, Elmer.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

What's wrong, Doc?

[Custer King]

Look at that.

[Jim Glossop]

Look through that door there.

[Custer King]

See what that King feller's doing?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, what do you know? Plan with a toy balloon? Yeah.

[Custer King]

He's filling it up with blooping gas and from my tank.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

That is the silliest thing I ever saw a grown man doing.

[Jim Glossop]

He's got it blown up big, ain't he?

[Custer King]

Putting it in a hat box.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Hey, maybe he's going to take it home with him and try to stir up a dream about Betty Grable like I did.

[Custer King]

Now, look, don't you say nothing about us peeling him. It might be embarrassing to him.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

All right, Doc.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

Come on.

[Custer King]

Well, Mr. King, here's your water.

[Jim Glossop]

Thank you, Doctor. Thank you.

[Custer King]

Now I'll get ready to pull out that old tooth.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, Doc, I'll come by tomorrow and pick up Pappy's feet.

[Custer King]

Okay, Elmer. Goodbye to you. And give My regards to Mrs. Loudermill.

[Jim Glossop]

You know, Doc, it's a funny thing. Funny thing? That tooth has quit hurting.

[Custer King]

Well, good. When I get through with it, it won't ever hurt again.

[Jim Glossop]

I take it you're a painless dentist.

[Custer King]

That's right, Mr. King.

[Jim Glossop]

I won't take chances. I must be sure.

[Custer King]

What'd you stick me with that sin for?

[Jim Glossop]

Protest you, doctor, you profess to be painless, but when I drove that pin into you, it proved you were not. I can't do business with a quack.

[Custer King]

Good day to you, sir. That guy is nuts. I wonder why he filled that little old balloon up with us. He can get. Take it easy, Jim. I'll get it this time. Oh, that got it. Ain't that A beauty. How many you want to pull, Doc? Huh?

[Jim Glossop]

How many more you want to pull?

[Custer King]

I'm going to pull all of them. Jim. I'm going to make you the prettiest set of false teeth. Will they look natural? I'll make them look the natural ill ache.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Doc, the bank was just robbed.

[Custer King]

Robbed? Who done it?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, nobody knows. But all I know is Hiram Pettigrew is over there having a hissy.

[Custer King]

Ryan. Come on. Come on, on. Let's go see what happened. I got $13 in that thing. Oh, my God. You can't leave me like this. I can't? How? Well, you just grab that drill and start grinding on your own front teeth. That'll help you kill time while I get back. Come on, Elmer.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Let's go.

[Custer King]

I've always wanted to.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

I want these things working. Let's see.

[Custer King]

Where do you turn? How did it happen, Hiram? Which way did he go?

[Smiley Burnett]

I don't know, Doc. The guy just walked into my bank about an hour before opening time with a big match on his face and shoves a gun right in my rib.

[Custer King]

How much did he get?

[Smiley Burnett]

Five grand.

[Unknown]

Whoo.

[Custer King]

That's more than a hundred dollars, ain't it?

[Smiley Burnett]

Well, that's the strange part about the whole thing.

[Custer King]

What do you mean?

[Smiley Burnett]

Well, I had about $10,000 on my desk, and he tosses me a little.

[Custer King]

Old cloth bag and said, stuff $50.

[Smiley Burnett]

Hundred bills into that.

[Custer King]

You mean he left all the rest of it?

[Smiley Burnett]

Every bit of it. Then he goes right out the back door of the bank. No sooner had he gone through the door than I rushed back to see.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

In which direction he was riding.

[Custer King]

Which way did he go?

[Smiley Burnett]

Well, he didn't go anywhere. He just disappeared.

[Custer King]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jim Glossop]

Hello there, Johnson. What's going on?

[Custer King]

Oh, howdy, Mr. King. Somebody just robbed the bank.

[Jim Glossop]

Well, that is unfortunate. I suppose the bandit was apprehended?

[Custer King]

Oh, I don't know nothing about his religion. I just know he disappeared in thin air.

[Smiley Burnett]

Well, that's strange.

[Jim Glossop]

Did you get any description of the bandit, Mr. Pettico? Couldn't tell a thing about him, huh?

[Custer King]

No. His face was all covered with a mask, and they said he was too excited to notice anything else.

[Jim Glossop]

Well, I'm sure everything will work out for the best. I hear that Hereford Flats has a splendid sheriff.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Say, there's a pretty heavy wind blowing up.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Wind?

[Jim Glossop]

Wind? Did you say wind?

[Custer King]

You heard what the man said. What's so strange about that?

[Hiram Pettigrew]

Well, nothing.

[Jim Glossop]

That is, I. I must be going. I want to do a little scouting around over the country today. See you later, Doctor.

[Custer King]

Well, what do you know about that, Elmer? That guy is wind happy.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

I'm glad it ain't Iranian, because he wouldn't have sense enough to get in out of it.

[Smiley Burnett]

Well, Doc, if you get any strangers under the influence of gas and they start telling how they rob the bank, well, let me know.

[Custer King]

Well, I sure will, Har. Oh, I do hope we can find that robber. Come on, Elmer. We better get back to old Jim Glossip. I gotta pull some more of his teeth.

[Jim Glossop]

Okay, boy.

[Custer King]

Well, Jim, what are you doing? Make him new teeth for me. Yeah, I got these all drilled out right down to the boom. Dirty, dirty. Does someone won your heart, little darling? You know, I just wonder why that sheriff ain't been able to catch that old bank robber. Oh.

[Jim Glossop]

Oh, Doc. Doc, my tooth is killing me.

[Custer King]

Well, howdy, Mr. King. What's wrong, Doc?

[Jim Glossop]

The tooth is really hurting this time. You gotta pull her out.

[Custer King]

Are you sure you ain't gonna run out on me at the last minute like you've done the other day?

[Jim Glossop]

Oh, no, no, Doc. I really want you to pull at this point. Time. Oh, it really hurts.

[Custer King]

Well, all right, Doc. I'll give you some gas. Let me get this thing ready here, and I'll have you out of your misery in no time at all. Oh, the Yanks are coming. The Yanks are coming. All righty, Mr. King, lay back there and let me put this little conception right over your nose.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

That's it.

[Custer King]

No time at all, you'll be in the arms of Murphy.

[Jim Glossop]

That's Morpheus.

[Custer King]

Well, whichever it is, he's gonna be hugging you pretty soon. By the way, where have you been the last couple of days since the bank robbery?

[Jim Glossop]

Oh, just roaming around the country looking for cattle. Oh, Doc, Doc, turn on the gas. I want to meet Murphy.

[Custer King]

No, it's Morpheus.

[Jim Glossop]

I don't care who it is. Hayward Sheraton Garbo. Oh, I'm suffering.

[Custer King]

Turn on the gas. All right, Mr. King, here she goes. Well, he's sound asleep now. I bet I could pull his head off and he wouldn't even know it. I'll just sterilize the nippers here and I'll have that old tooth out of his head before you could recite Beowulf.

[Jim Glossop]

I want my balloon. I want my balloon.

[Custer King]

He wants his balloon. This guy must be in his second childhood.

[Jim Glossop]

I want $5,000. I want $5,000.

[Custer King]

He's growing up now. My balloon.

[Jim Glossop]

My $5,000. I won my balloon and I want my $5,000.

[Custer King]

Well, I only hope you got $2 to pay me for pulling this tooth here.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Hey, Doc, Doc, Doc, guess what I just saw.

[Custer King]

Oh, go on away now. Don't bother me, Elmer. I'm about to. It put Mr. King's tooth.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

And it's his tooth.

[Custer King]

Sure it's his tooth.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Oh, I ain't talking about a tooth. I'm talking about that balloon.

[Custer King]

Elmer, I don't know who's the craziest, you or this Mr. King. What do you mean?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, you remember that balloon we seen him fill up with your dental gas the other day?

[Custer King]

Yeah, so what?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

The dang thing is a floating around all over town.

[Custer King]

It is? Well, let her float.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, I guess I'll have to. The ding busted thing is away up in the air.

[Custer King]

Now, how do you know it's the same balloon?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Well, I reckon it is. It's the same color. A white one with a big black stripe around it.

[Custer King]

Well, whatever it is, he sure wants it back. Listen here, I want my balloon.

[Jim Glossop]

I want my balloon. By $5,000 I want him.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Elmer.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

Yeah, Doc?

[Custer King]

Elmer, where is that balloon?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Floating right straight up over your office here, Doc.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

Looks like it's got a rock tied to it.

[Custer King]

Quick, Elmer, go get my squirrel rifle. Well, what do you want with your squirrel rifle?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

There ain't no squirrels around here.

[Custer King]

Don't ask no questions, Lumphead. Just go and get it and hurry. I'll be out front of waiting for you. Now go on, get going.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

All right, Doc, I'm a going.

[Custer King]

I'll be right back.

[Smiley Burnett]

Say, what's the idea, Doc, of calling all of us out here in the street like this?

[Custer King]

Well, you haven't found your bank robber yet, have you?

[Elmer Loudermilk]

No.

[Smiley Burnett]

Do you know where he is?

[Custer King]

Well, I might.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Here's your gun, Doc.

[Custer King]

Oh, good. He said, what's this all about, Doc?

[Smiley Burnett]

What's the gun for?

[Custer King]

Well, you see that balloon floating way up there, right straight above it?

[Smiley Burnett]

Yeah.

[Custer King]

Now you watch. Now stand back. Now, don't knock my arm up. Here she goes now, boy. Here it comes. All right now, Harm, if I ain't mistaken, here it is now.

[Smiley Burnett]

Now look here, Doctor, what kind of a prank are you playing?

[Custer King]

Just look in this little sack here and see. Here it is, Harm.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Here it is.

[Smiley Burnett]

Well, that's a sack all right. And here's the money, every bit of it.

[Jim Glossop]

That explosion.

[Cottonseed Clark]

What's going on around here?

[Custer King]

Why, it's the money.

[Smiley Burnett]

Sheriff Smiley found it up there.

[Custer King]

Up where?

[Smiley Burnett]

Up there, floating around in the air.

[Custer King]

Now look here, Hiram.

[Jim Glossop]

Hiram, Hiram. Now look.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Now look, Hiram don't do nothing Rash, just take it easy.

[Jim Glossop]

Grab him quick, Horse.

[Custer King]

He's nuts. He ain't neither nuts now, Sheriff. He ain't neither. I shot it down from up there in the sky about a million feet high with my squirrel rifle. Right.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Just for a minute, you've all gone crazy. What kind of a gag is.

[Custer King]

Now, if you come on into my office, Sheriff, and I'll let the bandit himself prove that we're not crazy.

[Jim Glossop]

All right, I'm caught. I'll confess the whole thing.

[Custer King]

You better start talking, Custard. Cause this is your last stand.

[Jim Glossop]

Well, I stuck up the banker here and made my escape out the back door where I had this balloon hidden. I pinned the sack with the money to it and then turned it loose.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Well, tell us, King, how did you.

[Custer King]

Figure on recovering it?

[Jim Glossop]

Well, I checked the wind current. And according to my plan, the balloon should have been overturned to pass about 12 noon. My plan was to shoot it down and leave the country a free man. The doggone wind changed and ruined everything.

[Custer King]

Well, why did you want to go.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

To all that trouble first?

[Jim Glossop]

Oh, I figured if I was caught making a getaway and you failed to find evidence on me, you couldn't convict me.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Now just a minute. We just got to hand it to you there, King. You know, come to think about it, that was an awful clever plan you had.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

Sheriff.

[Jim Glossop]

Sheriff, before you take me in, could I have one last request?

[Cottonseed Clark]

Well, I reckon so.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

What is it?

[Jim Glossop]

Let the doc put me to sleep.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

With gas once more.

[Custer King]

What do you want me to do that for?

[Jim Glossop]

Oh, I was having a wonderful dream. I dreamed that Betty Grable was chasing me all over Hereford Flats. And I want to give her a chance to catch me.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Are you double crossing ratchet?

[Custer King]

Ah, that was lots of fun, Smiley.

[Cottonseed Clark]

And I know you folks enjoyed another visit from your old friend of the Western stream. Heard with our guest star was Al Slow as Elmer Loudermilk. Joe Forte as Custer King Boy Willing as Hiram Pettigrew. And Jimmy Dean as Jim Glossop. And now here comes four Willing, returning Smiley Burnett to the microphone.

[Smiley Burnett]

Smiley, I think right about now we ought to have you sing the song that you wrote especially for your appearance on the All Star Western Theater today.

[Custer King]

Well, all right, boys, suppose you tell the folks about it. But first let me tell you and all the gang here as well as all the folks listening. It sure has been lots of fun.

[Elmer Loudermilk]

Being with all of you again.

[Smiley Burnett]

That's very nice of you, Smiley. And we want you to come back real soon.

[Custer King]

That I'll promise. Now let's Go get on with the singing, huh, folks?

[Smiley Burnett]

When Smiley learned of the kind of a story we had planned for him today, he got busy and wrote a very special little song with sound effects and all, especially for you and this program. It's entitled the Dennis Song. Molly, the folks are waiting.

[Custer King]

All right, boy, here it is. I used to make a little money pulling people's mowers but they complained so much I had to quit. They didn't mind the pulling and the yanking that I did but that grinding wheel just made them throw a fit. It goes e row da wow. And they start to scoot and blower in the chair it goes. And they squirm around and grabbing hunks there, give them gas, put them under. You'd suppose it'd make them tame but that buzz and whiz and grinding they can hear it's just the same. It goes and they looked at me with murder in their hearts it goes and I feel I'd better head for other parts. Once the feller came to see me and he had a tooth to fill and it hurt him like the mischief so he said but the gas just made him drowsy and he wouldn't go to sleep so I used my chisel mallet on his head. It goes easy. He kept shooting lower, lower, lower, lower it goes and the first thing you know, he's on the floor. Then his wife came in the door, sees her husband underneath, throws me down on the floor, starts a grinning on my feet it goes z ra and I'm never going to do it anymore no more. And I'm taking down that sign above my door.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Along till you're smiling and.

[Custer King]

Come back every time you can.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

The friends of the great cattle kingdoms of the early Old west were known by their brand. A ranch brand then had the same significance as a company name today. The men who worked the great cattle ranches guarded the reputation of its brand. Just as the bakers of Weber's Bread guard the reputation of Weber's Bread today. Yes, they make very certain that Weber's Bread is always good bread. For breakfast, lunch, dinner, or in between snacks, you'll find that Weber's Bread has a firm, even texture and a distinctive flavor that your entire family will really enjoy. And remember, the quality of Weber's Bread is always consistent. Write down a loaf of Weber's Bread on your shopping list right now. You'll find Weber's Bread on your grocer shelves in the familiar blue gingham wrappers. Violo band. Quiet, partner.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Here they are, folks. Boy, willing in the writers of the Purple Sage with the song you All Star Western Theater listeners have asked for time and again, the song that has become almost the national anthem of the West. Men of the west from out of the west with your Song of the.

[Unknown]

West, Almost the Rain O give me a home where the buffalo.

[Custer King]

Where the.

[Unknown]

Deer and the antelope play.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

Where seldom.

[Unknown]

Is here A discouraging world and the.

[Custer King]

Sky.

[Unknown]

Unshirting world and the skies are not cloudy all day O give me a land where the bright diamonds end hold me journey down the where the graceful white swan won't gliding alone like a mah will play where seldom is heard A disparaging world and the skies are not cloudy.

[Cottonseed Clark]

From Hollywood you've heard your All Star Western Theater a VM Bear production starring America's great Western singers, Boy Willing and the Riders of the Purple Stage. Our guest star today has been that famous cowboy comedian of Columbia Pictures, Smiley Bernay. My name is Cottonseed Clark.

[Custer King]

The writers of the Purple Sage appears.

[Cottonseed Clark]

Through the courtesy of Republic Pictures Next week, another great star of the west and a Story of the West.

[Hiram Pettigrew]

This program came to you from the studios of KNX Columbia Square there.

[Andrew Rines]

This has been a presentation of OTRWesterns.com and we hope you enjoyed. Please take some time to like and rate our shows in your favorite podcast application. Follow us on Facebook by going to otrwesterns.com Facebook subscribe to our YouTube channel by going to otrwesterns.Com YouTube and send us an email podcasttrwesterns.com you can call and leave us a voicemail 707-986-8739 this episode is copyright under the Attribution Non Commercial Share Like Copyright. For more information go to otrwesterns.com copyright have a great day and thanks for listening.