The Eviction of Pa and Ma Skunk | Ranger Bill (09-14-55)

Summary

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Old Time Radio Westerns: “The Eviction of Pa and Ma Skunk” (Ranger Bill, 09-14-55)

Host: Andrew Rhynes
Air Date: April 4, 2026
Featured Western Drama: “Ranger Bill: The Eviction of Pa and Ma Skunk” (Original Airdate: 09-14-55)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Old Time Radio Westerns, hosted by Andrew Rhynes, presents a digitally restored broadcast of “Ranger Bill: The Eviction of Pa and Ma Skunk.” The story follows newly arrived Texan Arnold Fleming and his family as they attempt to settle into their new dream home at Goose Lake – only to discover a family of stubborn skunks have taken up residence underneath. Ranger Bill and his colleagues are called in to resolve the unusually pungent case, exploring both comical and humane solutions to an age-old frontier problem.

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Key Discussion Points and Story Progression

1. The Flemings Buy Their Dream Home

• [03:28] Arnold Fleming, a Texan, inspects and purchases a home near Goose Lake, excited about fishing, schools, and the beautiful setting.
• [04:58] The family settles in, optimistic and looking forward to country life.

2. A Neighborly Warning

• [05:52] Local Abner introduces himself, warning, “Not this time you didn’t, Mr. Fleming… There’s a family of skunks living under your house. They’ve been there for years. Nobody’s been able to get them out.” (Abner, [06:29])
• Arnold brushes off the warning, believing the skunks won’t pose a problem.

3. The Skunks Make Themselves Known

• [08:13] The first night, the family is overwhelmed by the notorious “skunk perfume.” Arnold laments, “We gotta get out of this house. That skunk gas!” ([08:29])
• Forced to leave their new home, the Flemings seek refuge with neighbors.

4. Seeking Help and Brewing Tension

• [10:19] Abner offers to contact the local forest ranger, Bill Jefferson, “If Bill can’t get your smelly friends out, then nobody can.” ([10:33])
• Meanwhile Arnold confronts the real estate agent, George Sims, enraged at the omission of the skunk issue: “I’m gonna throw you right through that door. Anybody who would sell a house with skunks in it ought to be tarred and feathered!” (Arnold, [13:05])

5. Ranger Bill and Team Strategize Solutions

• [13:57] Bill and his crew arrive, striving for a peaceful solution and promising to help, stating, “We’re always glad to help folks in trouble.” (Bill, [15:08])
• [17:38] Bill calls Dr. Fordham at State University for advice. The suggestion: mothballs. “Why don’t you try mothballs, Bill? They should [work].” (Dr. Fordham, [18:13])

6. Comical Attempts to Outwit the Skunks

• [19:50] The rangers don gas masks and crawl under the house, deploying mothballs through holes in the floor.
• The attempt fails; the skunks remain, with Stumpy quipping, “The whole family probably put on weight eating the mothballs. It’s the best candy they ever ate!” (Stumpy, [23:27])

7. Escalation and Expert Intervention

• [23:52] Dr. Fordham volunteers to bring specialized chemicals. Despite their efforts, the odor is only worsened: “That’s the worst smell I ever smelled.” (Stumpy, [26:37])
• The chemicals fail to remove the skunks, but succeed in offending the entire neighborhood with their stench.

8. The Final Humane Solution

• [27:32] Bill proposes and executes a plan: build a wire mesh fence under the house, leaving one opening with food and water outside. “They’ll come out when they’re hungry and thirsty enough.” (Bill, [27:32])
• The group stands vigil in shifts, waiting for the skunks to emerge.

9. Success at Last and Resolution

• After 24 tension-filled hours—and with Arnold ready to take drastic (shotgun-related) measures—the skunk family finally leaves: "Now what do you know? Here comes Pa and Ma and the three little skunks." (Stumpy, [30:32])
• The new “Pa and Ma Fleming and the two little Flemings can move in.” (Arnold, [31:05])

10. Epilogue: Another Would-Be Owner

• [32:48] Sims, the real estate agent, returns to offer Arnold a generous offer for the house. Arnold refuses: "Why, you sawed off groundhog, I wouldn’t sell my property.” ([33:13]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• The Real Estate Showdown:
  “Listen, Texan. You lay a hand on me and I’ll have you pinched. I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
  — George Sims ([13:17])

• After several setbacks:
  “What’s the use? I give up. You fellows have some sense of humor.”
  — Arnold Fleming ([26:57])

• Stumpy’s classic complaint:
  “When one of them fellers swings his caboose around and aims his tail at me… the house will move right off its foundation if I come out from under it, I’m really coming out. Yes siree. Just call me house wrecker Jenkins.”
  — Stumpy ([20:13])

• On the skunks and chemicals:
  “Them there critters probably knocked themselves out trying to outsmell the smell that’s coming from the chemicals.”
  — Stumpy ([26:44])

• On humane wildlife solutions:
  “You know, rangers could have shot or trapped the animals, but they didn’t like to operate that way. Only as a last resort. Rangers like to treat animals the way we’d want to be treated if we were in the same spot.”
  — Bill Jefferson ([33:47])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:28] Fleming family buys the house, meets neighbor Abner
• [06:29] Abner delivers the skunk warning
• [08:29] First night: family flees skunk smell
• [13:05] Confrontation with the real estate agent
• [15:08] Bill and rangers agree to help
• [17:38] Dr. Fordham recommends mothballs
• [19:50] Rangers don gas masks, begin removal attempts
• [23:27] Mothballs fail, skunks remain
• [26:37] Chemical solution only worsens odor
• [27:32] Bill’s wire-mesh and bait plan implemented
• [30:32] Skunk family finally leaves
• [31:05] Flemings can finally move in
• [33:13] Sims tries to buy the house back; Arnold refuses
• [33:47] Bill reflects on humane wildlife practices

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Episode Tone and Takeaways

The episode is infused with warmth, humor, and the characteristic camaraderie of “Ranger Bill,” focusing on patience, community help, and humane solutions to conflicts with nature. Despite the comedic escalation of the skunk crisis, the rangers’ approach is practical and compassionate, leaving listeners both entertained and gently informed about wildlife coexistence.

A family drama with a dash of slapstick and a whiff of hard-earned wisdom, “The Eviction of Pa and Ma Skunk” is classic old-time radio — given new depth by Andrew Rynes’ restoration, and timeless charm by the original cast.

Transcript

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

This week with digital coupons at Safeway and Albertsons. Get beef rib roast for $7.97 per pound. Member price with minimum purchase of $50 or more in a single transaction. Exclusions apply. See Store for details and Broccoli, cauliflower or russet potatoes are 97 cents per pound. Member price limit 6 pounds plus. Selected sizes and varieties of Lucerne butter cheese or Philadelphia cream cheese are $1.97 each member price. Visit safewayouralbertsons.com for more deals and ways to save.

[VRBO Advertiser]

You know what they say. Early bird gets the ultimate vacation home. Book early and save over $120 with VRBO because early gets you closer to the action, whether it's waves lapping at the shore or snoozing in a hammock that overlooks. Well, whatever you want it to so you can all enjoy the payoff come summer with Vrbo's early booking deals. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only.

[Andrew Rines]

Welcome to the Old Time Radio Westerns. I'm your host, Andrew Rines, and I'm excited to bring you another episode. This is one of over 80 episodes released monthly for your enjoyment. You can find more Western shows at our website by going to otrwesterns.com now let's get into this episode.

[Stumpy]

Ranger Bill, warrior of the woodland.

[Bill Jefferson]

Ranger Bill Bill, warrior of the woodland, struggling against extreme odds, traveling dangerous trails, fighting the many enemies of nature. This is the job of the guardian of the forest. Ranger Bill. Pouring rain, freezing cold, blistering heat, snow, floods, bears, rattlesnakes. Mountain lions. Yes. All this in exchange for the satisfaction and pride of a job. Well, Hello boys and girls. Ranger Bill and all his friends have had a lot of experience with animal problems. Mountain lions, bears, wolves and a host of others. But in our story today, they're up against a real toughie. The whole trouble in this problem is that the creatures involved carry their own gas equipment. Yes, you've probably already guessed it. Well, let's find out what happens in this story. The eviction of Pa and Ma Skunk

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

this week with digital coupons at Safeway and Albertsons. Get beef rib roast for $7.97 per pound member price with minimum purchase of $50 or more in a single transaction. Exclusions apply. See STORE for details. And broccoli, cauliflower or russet potatoes are 97 cents per pound. Member price limit 6 pounds plus selected sizes and varieties of Lucerne butter cheese or Philadelphia cream cheese are $1.97 each member price visit safewayoralbertsons.com for more deals and ways to save.

[Bill Jefferson]

A tall Texan by the name of Arnold Fleming is out at Goose Lake right now looking for a home for his family. Goose Lake is mostly a summer resort area for Knotty, Pine, Junction City and Canyon City. But some of the homes are built for year round living. Arnold's been looking all over the area for a home with the help of a real estate agent by the name of George Sims. Now Arnold's come back to look at a particular house again. Let's drop in on the two men and find out what cooks.

[Arnold Fleming]

Mr. Sims, I sure like this here house. Suits me just fine.

[Bill Jefferson]

Well, I'm glad you like it. But there's one thing I must tell you about.

[Arnold Fleming]

Now see here, man, you all sound like you're trying to discourage me from buying this here house. Not in the least. It's just what I want you to know. All I know is that I like it. The view's fine. It's close to Lake and it's close to Vittles. And the school is just down the road apiece. Let's go back to your office and you can draw up the papers. I'll go over to the bank and have a certified check made. Okay, Mr. Fleming. I guess if your mind's made up, it's made up. Yes, Mr. Sims. Us Texans know what we want. We know how to go after it. I want this house, you hear? Yes. Let's go back to my office and we'll close the deal.

[Bill Jefferson]

Well, Mr. Fleming, your furniture is on the house without a scratch.

[Arnold Fleming]

You all did a fine job of moving, mister.

[Bill Jefferson]

Yeah, thank you. Here, will you sign this invoice, please?

[Arnold Fleming]

Certainly. There you are.

[Bill Jefferson]

Yeah. Well, we're showing off now, Mr. Fleming. I hope you enjoy your new home.

[Arnold Fleming]

Thank you for them kind words. That's mighty fine of you. Bye.

[Stumpy]

I'm gonna like it here fine, Daddy.

[Bill Jefferson]

Me too, boy. Look at the lake. There must be lots of fish in it.

[Arnold Fleming]

I might be glad y' all like this place, Childer. How do you like it, Sue?

[Stumpy]

Oh, just fine, Arnold. You sure picked a pretty spot.

[Bill Jefferson]

Who's this old fella coming to see us, dad?

[Arnold Fleming]

Why, I don't reckon I rightly know, son. We'll soon find out.

[Bill Jefferson]

Howdy, folks.

[Stumpy]

Howdy.

[Arnold Fleming]

Howdy, sir.

[Bill Jefferson]

Name's Abner, live down the road at the store. The sun runs place now.

[Arnold Fleming]

Glad to meet you, Abner. Our name's Fleming. This is my daughter June, my son Fred, and my wife Sue. And my name's Arnold. We all hail from Texas.

[Bill Jefferson]

Ain't hard to figure you bought the best house on the lake, eh?

[Arnold Fleming]

Yes, sir, we did. Us Texans always do things right.

[Bill Jefferson]

Not this time you didn't, Mr. Fleming.

[Arnold Fleming]

Huh? What you all mean, Abner?

[Bill Jefferson]

Well, Fergusons used to live here. They couldn't get them out.

[Stumpy]

Get who out, Abner?

[Bill Jefferson]

Skunks, that's who in this house.

[Arnold Fleming]

I don't understand. Now, Abner, see here, you ain't joking, are you?

[Bill Jefferson]

No, sir. Ain't we should worry. There's a family of skunks living under your house. They've been there for years. Nobody's been able to get them out.

[Arnold Fleming]

You say they're under the house?

[Bill Jefferson]

Yep, that's where they be.

[Arnold Fleming]

Well, then we haven't anything to worry about happening. I thought they was in the house in the way you talked.

[Bill Jefferson]

You plan to move in anyhow?

[Arnold Fleming]

Certainly. We're not afraid of scums.

[Bill Jefferson]

Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. They get mad and let fly, you'll come out of your house smelling like a barrel of old eggs.

[Stumpy]

Children, it's time you went to bed now.

[Bill Jefferson]

I don't want to go to bed yet. We have to.

[Stumpy]

Now you get to bed. You've had a busy day, do you hear? Yes, mother.

[Bill Jefferson]

You think there's any truth in old Abner's story about the pesky old skunk's dad?

[Arnold Fleming]

I rather doubt it, son. You know how these old timers are like to spin yarns.

[Stumpy]

Well, come on now. You get to bed and no more stalling. Night, mommy, Daddy.

[Bill Jefferson]

Night, mom and dad.

[Arnold Fleming]

Night, Fred. Night, June.

[Stumpy]

Arnold, we've got to buy some rugs tomorrow. I don't like these bare floors.

[Arnold Fleming]

All right, Sue. I'll take you and the children to town in the morning.

[Stumpy]

Arnold, what's that noise?

[Arnold Fleming]

Nah, sue, there's no need for you all to get excited.

[Stumpy]

Land sakes, that racket half scared me to death.

[Arnold Fleming]

I'm here to take care of things. Now.

[Stumpy]

What's wrong, mommy?

[Bill Jefferson]

What's the matter?

[Stumpy]

What's that smell? I smell it, too. Oh, it's awful.

[Arnold Fleming]

We gotta get out of this house. That skunk ass.

[Stumpy]

We all get out of here now

[Arnold Fleming]

before it gets all over your clothes and people won't get near you. Now get here.

[Stumpy]

Arnold, you should have opened the window.

[Arnold Fleming]

That wouldn't do a bit of good. Wait till I get my hands on that high binding real estate agent that sold me this place.

[Bill Jefferson]

What'll we do now, dad? It's cold out here.

[Arnold Fleming]

Well, we'll have to Move in with the neighbors in the morning. I'll see what I can do about these here skunks.

[Bill Jefferson]

Don't like to slow you down, Arnold, but I got the miseries in my back. You go on ahead if you want. I'll catch up.

[Arnold Fleming]

You all take it easy. Abner. I'm in no hurry to open the door to my house. Just wait till I get my hands on the Skin Flint real estate agent.

[Bill Jefferson]

Too bad you didn't listen to me. You never get that skunk smell out of the house for a long time.

[Arnold Fleming]

I guess I gotta learn the hard way. Abner, you'd better stay here or I'll open the door.

[Bill Jefferson]

I think Will just can't move fast anymore.

[Arnold Fleming]

Oh, my. This is terrible. I thought rotten eggs smelled bad, but this is worse.

[Bill Jefferson]

I'll say it's worse. It's worse than the feed of cabbage after the first frost.

[Stumpy]

Listen, let's get our way from here, Arthur, before we pick this up in the clothes. Come on.

[Arnold Fleming]

I wish I knew what to do about them pesky skunks.

[Bill Jefferson]

Maybe I can help you.

[Arnold Fleming]

You can? Why, Abner, I'd be mighty obliged if you would.

[Bill Jefferson]

We get back to the store, I call Bill Jefferson.

[Arnold Fleming]

Who's Bill Jefferson, Abner? A specialist in evicting skunks?

[Bill Jefferson]

No, he's forest ranger. Best there is. If Bill can't get your smelly friends out, then nobody can.

[Arnold Fleming]

I'd sure appreciate it if you'd call this here ranger. And when you're finished, I'm going to call that no account real estate varmint and get him out here. I think I'll throw him inside my house.

[Bill Jefferson]

You wouldn't do that, would you, Arnold?

[Arnold Fleming]

Why not? Then he'd be with his relatives.

[Bill Jefferson]

I got it, fellas. Hello, Ranger headquarters. Bill Jefferson speaking. Why, hello, Abner. How are you? That's fine. What? Oh, no. Maybe Bill swallowed feather and tickled stomach. Abner really shouldn't laugh because it's serious. Those skunks probably have ruined the poor guy's personal belongings. What? Oh, sure. We'll get out right away and see what we can do. Okay, Abner. Goodbye now.

[Stumpy]

Bill Jefferson, what's all fired funny?

[Bill Jefferson]

What? This about skunks? Well, fellas, as I told Abner, it really isn't funny. But then again, it is. There's a family of skunks under a house at Goose Lake. Seems as though they won't let anybody live there but themselves.

[Stumpy]

I suppose you're gonna go out there and talk to Ma and Pa Skunk and ask him to move, huh?

[Bill Jefferson]

Yeah, that's the general idea, old timer. Until you make joke, I ain't gonna

[Stumpy]

get close to any polecats, honey.

[Bill Jefferson]

Now, Stampy, be reasonable. We're not going to get close to them. You know that.

[Stumpy]

I got close once and had to take a bath every night in the

[Bill Jefferson]

week for a month.

[Stumpy]

Then my ma made me sleep out in the barn. I didn't mind sleeping in the barn, but I sure didn't like taking all those baths.

[Bill Jefferson]

Come on, fellas, let's ride out and take a look. Maybe we can help these folks.

[Stumpy]

Okay, sonny. But if one of those critters raises his tail, I'm gonna get, and I mean get good.

[Arnold Fleming]

I'm gonna throw you right through that door. George Sims. Anybody that would sell a house with skunks in it ought to be tarred and feathered and rid out of town on a rail, you hear? Listen, Texan. You lay a hand on me and I'll have you pinched. I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen. Listen to me, you Ballin Maverick. The only thing you told me was the price and where to sign my name. I'm going to heave you right through that door.

[Stumpy]

You touch me and you go to jail.

[Arnold Fleming]

Keep away.

[Stumpy]

I'm warning you.

[Arnold Fleming]

Don't threaten me. You saw Dog Fury. Dog. It'll be worth going to jail to see you get what's coming to you.

[Stumpy]

Hey, you two, give me a hand. Ranger.

[Arnold Fleming]

He's twice as big as I am. Rangers.

[Bill Jefferson]

All right, mister, take your hands off this man. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

[Arnold Fleming]

I just wanted to make this fellow smell like his relative.

[Bill Jefferson]

Now, let's cool down and find out what this is all about.

[Stumpy]

Just behave yourself, sonny. We'll get to the bottom of this.

[Bill Jefferson]

I'll tell you what happened, Bill. Arnold here is too hot under the collar to talk saints. That'll be fine, Abner. Go ahead. Well, sir, toll started when Arnold here bought this place. It was Ferguson's house for when these folks from Texas came along. So that's the whole story, Bill. Thanks, Abner. Now, Mr. Sims, you better leave while the leaving's good. I think you pulled a fast one, but I'll go into that later.

[Arnold Fleming]

You just go ahead, Ranger. If that man wasn't such a know

[Bill Jefferson]

it all, I'd have told him. But I couldn't get in a word edgewise with a crowbar.

[Arnold Fleming]

You should have drove those smelly varmints out before you sold the house.

[Stumpy]

Now see here, sonny. If you don't get ahold of your blood pressure. We'll just up and skedaddle.

[Arnold Fleming]

Oh, well, no, D. Don't do that. I'll control myself from now on.

[Bill Jefferson]

Then we stay and try help. You really think you can get rid of them there pesky skunks? Bill yes, we'll help. Arnold Abner. It's not our job, but we're always glad to help folks in trouble.

[Arnold Fleming]

I sure appreciate your help. I'm just playing up a tree, and it looks like the skunks will keep me there unless you fellows get me down.

[Bill Jefferson]

Well, I'm not making any promises, but we'll do our best. How you plan to get those fellows out? Bill the first step of my plan is to make a phone call. We're going back to town for a while. Arnold don't start anything until we get back.

[Arnold Fleming]

Don't fret about that, Bill. I ain't got a hankering to get perfumed with that antisocial gas the skunks put out.

[Bill Jefferson]

Okay, we'll see what we can do to make the skunk family more acceptable. Society.

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

This week with digital coupons at Safeway and Albertsons get beef rib roast for $7.97 per pound. Member price with minimum purchase of $50 or more in a single transaction. Exclusions apply. See STORE for details and Broccoli, cauliflower, or russet potatoes are 97 cents per pound. Member price limit 6 pounds plus selected sizes and varieties of Lucerne butter cheese or Philadelphia cream cheese are $1.97 each. Member price. Visit safeway or albertsons.com for more deals and ways to save.

[VRBO Advertiser]

You know what they say. Early bird gets the ultimate vacation home. Book early and save over $120 with VRBO because early gets you closer to the action, whether it's waves lapping at the shore or snoozing in a hammock that overlooks. Well, whatever you want it to so you can all enjoy the payoff come summer with VRBO's early booking deals. Rise and shine. Average savings $141.

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

Select homes only this week with digital coupons. At Safeway and Albertsons, get beef rib roast for $7.97 per pound. Minimum purchase of $50 or more in a single transaction. Exclusions apply. See STORE for details and Broccoli, cauliflower or russet potatoes are 97 cents per pound. Member price limit 6 pounds plus selected sizes and varieties of Lucerne butter cheese or Philadelphia cream cheese are $1.97 each. Member price. Visit safeway or albertsons.com for more deals and Ways to save.

[Stumpy]

Who you calling, bill?

[Bill Jefferson]

Dr. Fordham at state university, stumpy.

[Stumpy]

State University?

[Bill Jefferson]

I'd like to speak to Dr. Fordham, please.

[Stumpy]

Just one moment, please. I'll ring Dr. Fordham.

[Bill Jefferson]

Thank you.

[Stumpy]

This feller, Skunk specialists, honey?

[Bill Jefferson]

Not as such, old timer. He's an outstanding chemist and zoologist. One moment, please.

[Stumpy]

I'm ringing Dr. Fordham.

[Bill Jefferson]

All right, operator, I'll wait.

[Stumpy]

You think he'll be able to tell you how to get rid of skunks?

[Bill Jefferson]

I hope so. Dr. Fordham speaking. Hello, Doctor. This is Bill Jefferson. Well, hello, Bill. How are you? Just fine. How are you, sir? Oh, Fitz. A fiddle, Bill. Not bad for no manner. What are you talking about? You're not old. Well, what's on your mind, Bill? How can I drive skunks out from under a house? Your house? No, a friend of mine has them under his house and they won't let him move in. They're giving him the gas, huh? Yeah, more than he can bottle, too. Really, it's nothing to laugh about. Hey, why don't you try moth balls, Bill? Will they do the trick? They should, but you know how skunks are. Yeah, they're used to strong smellers, all right. Only they don't smell with the same organ that they make gas with. That's a good thing. They'd be trying to run away from themselves. That's right, Bill. Mothballs, huh? Well, we'll try it. Thanks for your help, sir. That's quite right, Bill. If it doesn't work, let me know. I will. Goodbye.

[Stumpy]

Say, whoever heard of driving out skunks with mothballs? That's like using fly paper to catch grizzly bears.

[Arnold Fleming]

What in the world is that gear you're taking out of the car? Looks like you're getting ready for a rainstorm.

[Stumpy]

We ain't getting ready for no rainstorms, honey. This is our battle gear for a skunk war. Well, you see what else we brought?

[Arnold Fleming]

Well, a gas mask.

[Stumpy]

Sure. You don't think I'm going to put my bare face under your house without this over it, do you?

[Arnold Fleming]

You think the gas mask will keep the odor out?

[Stumpy]

I don't know, young feller. When they see me coming with this mask over my face, they'll probably drop dead from fright.

[Bill Jefferson]

They think you men from Mars. You see?

[Stumpy]

I'll tell you how you'll know if this gas mask works or not, Arnold.

[Arnold Fleming]

How's that, Stumpy?

[Stumpy]

When one of them fellers swings his caboose around and aims his tail at me, well, the first whiff of skunk perfume I gets through the mask, I'm coming out from under the house. In fact, the house will move right off its foundation. As if I come out from under it, I'm really coming out. Yes siree. Just call me house wrecker Jenkins.

[Bill Jefferson]

Let's get down to work, fellas. First, I want to carry out Arnold's clothes. His family's too. Then we'll carry out the upholstered furniture and store it in the garage. Then we go to work and put down the mothballs under the house.

[Arnold Fleming]

You really going to crawl under the house, Bill?

[Bill Jefferson]

No, Arnold, we're not. With your permission, we'll open up the floor in strategic places and drop the mothballs down.

[Arnold Fleming]

That's okay with me. Anything to get rid of them pesky skunks. You bring along some extra gear so I can help you.

[Bill Jefferson]

Yeah, we'll have your outfit sorted out here in a minute. Gear already?

[Stumpy]

Now, Bill, I hope those polecats don't take these things for candy and come back for more.

[Bill Jefferson]

Put mothballs down here, Stunky.

[Stumpy]

Okay, sonny, what do you want me

[Bill Jefferson]

to tear up floor next, Bill? Make a hole in the kitchen floor, Gray wolf. Okay, I do. I think we got enough mothballs under the house. Except for the kitchen.

[Stumpy]

Quit mumbling. What did you say?

[Bill Jefferson]

I said this is enough.

[Stumpy]

What's your say?

[Bill Jefferson]

Oh, forget it. Howl.

[Stumpy]

Don't we smell pretty? You think we'll ever get that odor off the rubber gears, honey?

[Bill Jefferson]

Oh, sure. It'll wash off old timer, and wash off rubber easier than off skin.

[Stumpy]

Those white striped kitties are getting some of their own medicine. When they get out in the woods smelling like mothballs, none of their relatives

[Bill Jefferson]

will come near them.

[Arnold Fleming]

I sure haven't seen any of them running out from under the house yet.

[Bill Jefferson]

On given time, mothballs not work as fast as skunk gas.

[Arnold Fleming]

That's true, but I hope this here stuff starts working soon.

[Stumpy]

Arnold, when are the skunks going to leave?

[Bill Jefferson]

I'd like to get back in my room.

[Arnold Fleming]

Dad.

[Stumpy]

Yes, Daddy? You said the mothballs would drive him away.

[Arnold Fleming]

You all have to be patient. Now, Bill didn't make any promises.

[Stumpy]

Well, we can't stay with our neighbors forever, Arnold.

[Arnold Fleming]

I reckon you're right. Maybe the skunks will be out in a couple of days.

[Bill Jefferson]

What do you see, Stumpy?

[Stumpy]

This house is so big I can't see them critters, but I sure can smell them. They're still under there, Bill.

[Bill Jefferson]

I say same thing. Mothballs not work.

[Stumpy]

The whole family probably put on weight eating the mothballs. It's the best candy they ever ate. Oh, Stumpy, put the can of mothballs out here and see if they don't come out and lean up against it.

[Arnold Fleming]

Now, see here, fellas, I don't like to be ornery, but, well, I don't think we're getting anywhere. If you all don't get results, I will.

[Stumpy]

How's that, sonny?

[Arnold Fleming]

I'll get a shotgun and go under there after them.

[Stumpy]

Don't be foolish, young feller.

[Bill Jefferson]

Stumpy's right, Arnold. Let's take it easy. I'm gonna call Dr. Fordham and tell him what happened. He'll have something else. So that's the bad news, doctor. Stumpy says it's the best candy they ever ate. Oh, that's funny, Bill. Did they really eat the mothballs? Frankly, I don't know. I rather doubt it. Say, Bill, I'm driving down in my car right away. I'll bring some chemicals with me. No, that's fine. We can pick up the chemicals if you wish. I'd rather bring them along. Bill, I'm intensely interested in this problem. I'll be there in a couple of hours. Okay, Doctor. We'll be waiting. Goodbye.

[Stumpy]

Now what, Bill?

[Bill Jefferson]

Let's get a bite to eat and then we'll drive back to the Flemings home. Dr. Fordham will be here in a couple of hours. Ah, he better have good idea this time or Arnold will get plenty mad.

[Stumpy]

How do you think the skunks feel? You ever had somebody try to evict you? I don't know which is worse. Got this skunk smell all over your drown in your own sweat from wearing

[Bill Jefferson]

all this rubber clothing.

[Stumpy]

I feel like I've been in the shower bath.

[Bill Jefferson]

Plenty hot inside. Rubber gear. All right. Well, Dr. Fordham, we've got the bags of chemicals placed under the house. We put them in the same places we put the moth poles. Well, that's fine, Bill. Chemicals would probably activate the mothballs as well as generate their own gases. We might as well go home for the night. Nothing's gonna happen till morning.

[Arnold Fleming]

I sure hope this works, Dr. Fordham. I'm getting mighty short of patience.

[Bill Jefferson]

Can't make any promises, Mr. Fleming. I'm not a specialist at driving out skunks, you know.

[Stumpy]

Why don't you charge him rent?

[Arnold Fleming]

I would, old time, if I could get clothes enough to collect.

[Stumpy]

Yeah, that's right, Sonny. These skunks are getting more attention than any of them ever got in history.

[Bill Jefferson]

Oh, Arnold, wait for us. Be plenty mad. I assume the chemicals aren't doing their job, Dr. Fordham.

[Arnold Fleming]

What are you trying to do to

[Bill Jefferson]

Me trying to get rid of the pests under your house, Mr. Fleming.

[Arnold Fleming]

That's great. All the neighbors are complaining of the odor.

[Bill Jefferson]

From the skunks?

[Arnold Fleming]

No, from the chemicals.

[Stumpy]

Get a whiff of that.

[Arnold Fleming]

Well, you see what I mean.

[Stumpy]

I smell what you mean, sonny. I guess his gums are dead by now.

[Bill Jefferson]

Dead?

[Stumpy]

Them there critters probably knocked themselves out trying to out smell the smell that's coming from the chemicals. That's the worst smell I ever smelled.

[Arnold Fleming]

What's the use? I give up. You fellows have some sense of humor.

[Bill Jefferson]

I'm sorry, Arnold. I know you're in trouble. Let's get our gear on, fellows, and take the chemicals out. You can throw them into the lake. It'll dissipate the odor.

[Arnold Fleming]

You kill the fish.

[Stumpy]

Nope, it won't, Arnold. That stuff's only good for getting rid of people. It won't bother fish or skunks.

[Bill Jefferson]

I'm sorry it didn't work, Mr. Fleming.

[Arnold Fleming]

Well, that's all right, doctor.

[Bill Jefferson]

You.

[Arnold Fleming]

You tried your best.

[Bill Jefferson]

I think I know what'll work for sure. What'll that build? We'll build a wire mesh fence around the bottom of the house and leave only one opening. Outside the opening, we'll put food and water. Well, they'll come out when they're hungry and thirsty enough.

[Stumpy]

Sounds like a good idea, Bill.

[Bill Jefferson]

Let's get the material and go to work.

[Stumpy]

I think that there boys of ours has a good idea here. Even a pole cat gets hungry and thirsty.

[Arnold Fleming]

I believe this is a workable plan too, old timer.

[Bill Jefferson]

Here comes bill. He and Dr. Fordham must be finished on the other side of house. That's good enough, fellas. I want to leave a big opening for them to get out. Maybe they go back under house if they get food and water. And we'll make a gate and drop it on a rope and pulley after they go for the food. Oh, that'll do it. If you leave the wire mesh around the house, Mr. Fleming, no animals can get underneath it. That's right, Doctor. Let's get the bait set and the gate up, fellas. We do right away, Bill. The Arnold told me that you've got the right idea. Now sort of make them rascals move. I'll tell you better two or three days from now. In about an hour we'll be ready to see what happens.

[Stumpy]

It'll soon be dark. Bill, how do you plan to split up the watches?

[Bill Jefferson]

I'll take the first watch and Gray Wolf the second and you the third.

[Arnold Fleming]

I'll take a turn to setting up

[Bill Jefferson]

I will, too, Bill. Why should we sleep when you fellas are watching? Okay, this will make it easier.

[Stumpy]

Let's hit the hay, Fellers. If your body don't need the rest, your patience will. This is going to be a long wait,

[Arnold Fleming]

Bill. 24 hours have gone by and nothing's happened. How long can they hold out? No food, no water.

[Stumpy]

Well, they've probably still got some mothballs left to eat. And they've gnawed through the water pipe.

[Bill Jefferson]

They can't go too much longer without food and water, fellas.

[Arnold Fleming]

Well, it better happen soon because my patience is getting mighty thin. Bill. I've given you gents long enough. Now I'm going to do things my way. I'll get those skunks out of there.

[Bill Jefferson]

Arnold, where are you going?

[Arnold Fleming]

To get my shotgun.

[Bill Jefferson]

Oh, don't be foolish, man. Wait a little longer. They can't live in there more than the rest of the day without food and water.

[Arnold Fleming]

Wait, wait, Wait? That's all you can say? Well, I'm through waiting, you hear?

[Bill Jefferson]

Look, fellows. Now come skunks.

[Stumpy]

Now what do you know? Here comes Pa and Ma and the three little skunks.

[Bill Jefferson]

Let them eat and drink, fellas. Don't scare them off until they've had their fill. All right, drop the gates, dumpy.

[Stumpy]

Rouse mitt.

[Bill Jefferson]

Em, fellas. He got em. There they go. Right for the woods.

[Arnold Fleming]

What's all the yelling about?

[Bill Jefferson]

You missed it, Arnold. The skunks came out and they're gone.

[Arnold Fleming]

Now Paul Moore Fleming and the two little Flemings can move in.

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

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[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

This week with digital coupons at Safeway and Albertsons, get beef rib roast for $7.97 per pound. Member price with minimum purchase of $50 or more in a single transaction. Exclusions apply. See Store for details. And broccoli, cauliflower or russet potatoes are 97 cents per pound. Member price limit 6 pounds plus selected sizes and varieties of Lucerne butter cheese or Philadelphia cream cheese are $1.97 each member price. Visit safeway or albertsons.com for more deals and ways to save.

[Bill Jefferson]

How are you feeling now, Arnold?

[Arnold Fleming]

I'm feeling mighty fine, Bill. Thanks for all you and your rangers did for us.

[Bill Jefferson]

Ah, forget it, Arnold. We're glad to help. Uh oh, here comes the real estate agent. Better control yourself, Arnold.

[Arnold Fleming]

Hello, Mr. Fleming.

[Bill Jefferson]

Rangers. Hello, Sims.

[Arnold Fleming]

What do you want, Mr. Sims?

[Bill Jefferson]

I'd like to buy your house, Mr. Fleming. I'll give you a thousand dollars more

[Arnold Fleming]

than you paid for it. Why, you sawed off groundhog. I wouldn't sell my property.

[Bill Jefferson]

Take it easy, Arnold. He's gone.

[Stumpy]

Look at him take off down the road, would you?

[Arnold Fleming]

That's right, Stumpy. He got the same thing the skunk's got. Eviction.

[Stumpy]

You said it, sonny. Maybe we should have kept the pole cats in a bag so he could take them home with.

[Bill Jefferson]

Maybe so, Stumpy. Well, the skunk family moved after they'd given everybody a bad time. Or I should say a smelly time. You know, rangers could have shot or trapped the animals, but they didn't like to operate that way. Only as a last resort. Rangers like to treat animals the way we'd want to be treated if we were in the same spot. We'll see you next week for more

[Stumpy]

adventure with Ranger Bill.

[Andrew Rines]

This has been a presentation of otrwesterns.com and we hope you enjoyed. Please take some time to like and rate this episode within your favorite podcast application. Follow us on Facebook by going to otrwesterns.com Facebook and subscribe to our YouTube channel by going to otrwesterns.Com YouTube become one of our ranch hands and unlock some exclusive content. We want to thank our most recent ranch hands, Steve, who joined us recently. You too can join by going to otrwesterns.com donate send us an email podcasttrwesterns.com and you can call and leave us a voicemail 707-986-8739. This episode is copyrighted under the Attribution Non Commercial Share alike Copyright for more information go to otrwesterns.com copyright have a great day and thanks for listening.

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

This week with digital coupons at Safeway and Albertsons. Get beef rib roast for $7.97 per pound member price with minimum purchase of $50 or more in a single transaction. Exclusions apply. See Store for details and Broccoli, cauliflower or russet potatoes are 97 cents per pound member price limit 6 pounds plus selected sizes and variety of Lucerne butter cheese or Philadelphia cream cheese are 197 each member price. Visit safewayoralbertsons.com for more deals and ways to save.

[Bill Jefferson]

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