Once We Coveted Sharp Vision | Episode 35

Summary

Once We Were Spacemen

Episode 35: Once We Coveted Sharp Vision
Hosts: Nathan Fillion & Alan Tudyk
Date: July 8, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, Nathan Fillion and Alan Tudyk explore the quirks of modern technology, travel stories, etiquette (social and olfactory), and personal growth. The conversation meanders from Alan’s memorable encounter at a 90s model casting to Nathan’s reflections on vision correction and Alan’s journey to sobriety. With trademark irreverence, mutual support, and storytelling, the duo reflect on identity, nostalgia, and the collision of old-school experience with new-age gadgetry.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Alan’s Model Casting Story (00:39–08:40)

• Setting: Alan recounts an episode from his 20s in 1990s New York, at a fashion house where he’s inadvertently made an observer in a model casting cattle call—all while waiting for his girlfriend.
  • “There's a naked model right there. She's got a thong on but no top. … By, like, woman five, I was going, oh, she's going to look good in the second one.” (Alan, 04:18–05:00)
  • Alan is both bemused and self-conscious, reflecting on “male gaze,” objectification, and how models are treated as “hangers for clothes.”
  • “For me, that felt like Christmas.” (Alan, 07:18) — which his girlfriend did not find cute.
  • Reflection: Younger Alan felt awe, but recognizes the mismatch with mature attitudes toward objectification.

2. Heatwaves & Filming in London (08:40–10:27)

• London Tales: Nathan and Alan recall attending a convention in a heatwave-stricken London, noting old studios’ lack of air conditioning.
  • “I was back in a retractor hell, which I think was in the first Star Wars compactor. Sorry, that was compactor hell.” (Alan, 10:13–10:27)
• Death at a Funeral Memories: Alan’s “fluky” casting process, generosity from castmate Andy Nyman, and the oddness and kindness of British film production.

3. Friendships & Casting Regrets (10:44–15:52)

• Alan reflects on acting politics (losing out on roles, last-minute cast changes):
  • “I got the audition… I got a call from Frank Oz saying, hey, this is Frank Oz. I want you in my movie. But I accidentally cast somebody else in your role, and we need to… play this out.” (Alan, 11:05–11:47)
• Discussion: Should one step aside for a previously promised actor? Both agree the role belongs with “the right person.”

4. Paris, Catacombs & European Wonders (15:59–23:19)

• Nathan shares tales of Paris, Corsica, and the catacombs:
  • “They moved the bones of over 6 million people.” (Nathan, 17:01)
  • A story of a man who died tunneling for visitors to see his underground prison sculpture prompts story ideas.
• Societal Openness: Discussion about the French comfort with nudity and public freedom.
  • “They are very free. … They tear off their shirts—they might not be wearing under things.” (Nathan, 18:58–19:04)
• Corsica’s complex identity, and the rich mixture of architecture and history.

5. Augmented Reality Gadgets for Translation (23:41–26:28)

• Nathan raves about AR glasses that translate French conversations in real-time.
  • “I had these augmented reality glasses… as people are speaking and I’m listening… it comes up in front of my face what they were saying.” (Nathan, 24:47)
  • The slight social mismatch: “Everybody would laugh at something that was said. And then when they were done laughing, I would start laughing.” (Nathan, 25:16–25:30)
• Alan’s skepticism about invasive technology is evident:
  • “That's spooky.” (Nathan, 27:22)
  • “There's so much intrusive technology now, and there's no escape.” (Alan, 27:44)

6. Technology & Privacy—Creepy Encounters (27:44–30:57)

• Alan tells a disturbing story: his partner wakes up to find her sleeping picture as a travel site’s background (hacked webcam).
  • Highlights digital security vulnerabilities and Alan’s reluctance toward pervasive tech.
• Nathan’s “soapbox” about societal rules lagging behind new tech.
  • “Technology moves so quickly that we don't have chances as a society to say, okay, there's got to be some rules.” (Nathan, 29:40)

7. Etiquette Riff: Conversations & Cologne (31:44–37:34)

• Nathan’s analogy:
  • “Who is the conversation for? … The exact same thing applies to cologne.” (Nathan, 32:03–32:43)
• Application: Both agree moderation is key—social volume and scent strength.
  • “If the issue is stank, the solution cannot be more stank.” (Nathan, 34:12)
  • “You are poisoning every elevator you enter.” (Nathan, 37:29)

Nathan’s “Pro Tips” (36:07)

• Quiet conversation invites engagement—“If you kind of lean in with a little conspiratorial [tone], now you have them.” (Nathan, 36:07)
• “Two pumps into the air, you walk through it—that’s how you put on cologne.” (Nathan, 36:45)

8. Alan Opens Up: Sobriety & Personal Growth (38:45–46:01)

• Alan candidly discusses his 15 years of sobriety, past tales of wildness, and lessons:
  • “I quit drinking 15 years ago… it was just a huge hassle.” (Alan, 38:45–41:19)
  • “For drinkers who end up quitting, you drink, it's fun, and then it's fun with problems, and then it's just problems.” (Alan, 40:03)
  • Connects drinking with identity, masculinity, and environment growing up in Texas.
• Nathan supports Alan’s journey:
  • “Super, super proud of you for that.” (Nathan, 44:25)

9. Shared Vision: LASIK & the Quest for Sharp Sight (46:52–52:08)

• Nathan recounts both his and Alan’s foray into LASIK surgery:
  • “You have this perfect vision. Aren't you excited?” (Nathan, 50:00)
  • Alan’s envy of Nathan’s slightly-better-than-perfect result:
    • “If you bought a car for a hundred dollars, and it did 90 miles an hour, and your friend’s went a hundred… would you be happy?” (Alan, 50:02)
  • Shared nostalgia for those “heroin-like” (Nathan’s words) days of crisp vision, lamenting gradual decline and fantasizing about new bionic lenses.

10. Musical Outro: “Spring Water” by Bird Cloud (52:18–54:12)

• Alan shares a novelty song about wild, drunken misadventure to humorously cap off the sober reflections:
  • “This is a terrible person. It's just really. I mean, that is bad.” (Alan, 53:29)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Alan on fashion house experience:
  “Back in the 1900s… I was in my twenties. I couldn't believe.” (05:00)

• On cologne etiquette:
  “If the issue is stank, the solution cannot be more stank.” (Nathan, 00:11 & 34:12)

• On AR translation & social awkwardness:
  “Everybody would laugh at something that was said. And then when they were done laughing, I would start laughing.” (Nathan, 25:16)

• Alan on sobriety:
  “For drinkers who… end up quitting: you drink, it's fun, and then it's fun with problems, and then it's just problems.” (Alan, 40:03)

• Lasik envy:
  “If you bought a car for a hundred dollars, and it did 90 miles an hour, and your friend’s went a hundred… would you be happy?” (Alan, 50:02)

• On technological intrusion:
  “There's so much intrusive technology now, and there's no escape.” (Alan, 27:44)

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Important Timestamps

• [00:39] Alan’s model casting “naked parade” story
• [10:44] Death at a Funeral and the Andy Nyman friendship
• [16:48] Paris catacombs and the art of stacking bones
• [24:47] Nathan’s AR translation glasses
• [27:44] Alan’s partner hacked webcam story
• [32:03] Cologne and conversation etiquette analogy
• [40:03] Alan’s framework for quitting alcohol
• [46:52] Lasik surgery and the competition for perfect vision
• [52:18] Song recommendation: "Spring Water" by Bird Cloud

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Final Thoughts

This episode masterfully combines light-hearted storytelling with deeper themes of self-awareness and adaptation. Nathan and Alan’s camaraderie grounds their adventures-in-memory with humor, tenderness, and a sharp critique of both past and present. Listeners are reminded of the joys in nostalgia, the importance of personal boundaries (in all senses), and the value of both humility and reinvention in adulthood.

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Transcript

[Alan]

But the cologne, who are you wearing it for? Some people are wearing it for themselves because they've got to cover up possibly a stank. You know that maybe if the issue

[Nathan]

is stank, the solution cannot be more stank.

[Alan]

Once we were spacemen Spacemen. I tend to play weird people, usually aliens and robots and things that don't have romance.

[Nathan]

I once didn't get a job where they were looking for a Nathan Fillion type. Once we were spacemen Once we were

[Alan]

Spacemen Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Once We Were Spaceme. If you're asking yourself, it's that thing you don't have enough of in your refrigerator. Space is that area between your thighs that used to exist before you started eating all those corn chips. Space is that place that echoes between your ears. Space is that gap in the tooth of that model that everyone says is so attractive, and you can't stop looking at the gap in that person's tooth. Space is also outer space. And that's the one we're actually talking about it.

[Nathan]

Wow, that was a long walk. We got there.

[Alan]

Did I ever tell you the story about the models? And I may have go. I had a girlfriend once who was a. Who was an actress. She was in a movie and she was going to the premiere and she was trying on dresses that were like being lone dresses. You can do that. You have stylists as actors and they. They dress you. So you go to these, these people and they have racks of clothes that fit you or don't fit you. And there's different ways of doing it. Sometimes they're new clothes, sometimes they're just like, especially like evening gown dresses. They're dresses that you're like, oh, I'm now wearing something that is drenched in Gwyneth Paltrow's sweat because she wore it the night before and she got her goop on it. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, this was a while back. This was back in the 1900s and we were in New York. And she had to go to this fashion house which was just a first floor office, open floor thing. There was a desk sort of right as you came in. There were some racks of clothes in the back. There was a couch off to the side, sort of deeply set, like in the wide part of the room with a coffee table. And she came in and they're like, okay, we have some dresses for you. We have a dressing room back here. She disappeared in the dressing room with a stylist and wasn't seen again for like an Hour, as was her timing at that. Was that person's timing with dressing.

[Nathan]

She didn't come out and just check on you just once to say, hey, you're all right.

[Alan]

No, no, no. She would get. She would get very tunnel vision on what she was doing and obsessive and. And would try on things and try on things and try on things and try on things. So I was just sat there waiting, and as she's in there, there's a buzz because it's on the bottom floor. The person at the desk, this woman sitting at the desk, she unlocks the door in locks. What is a. Is a model. She's a model. She's obviously a model. She's shaped like a model. She's pretty like a model. And she has a portfolio. Again as the 1900s, I'm sure they probably do it differently. She hands it to her. She flips through. She goes, that's good. That's good. Okay. She takes out a Polaroid again, 1900s. Takes a picture of her and says, okay, the clothes are right back up over there on those racks. There's three looks. Give them a shot and come back over here for a. To. To. For me to photograph you. There's racks in the back. We have a dressing room, they said, but it's being used right now. That would be my girlfriend. And so she goes over there, takes off her clothes. I'm there.

[Nathan]

I'm.

[Alan]

It's in the same room. I'm right there with a magazine. Just like. I. I don't. I'm looking down. I'm looking everywhere, but there's a naked model right there. She's got a thong on but no top. And then she puts on this little furry outfit thing. There's, like, a little dress. She comes back, she does a walk in it, like, the Runway walk. She takes a picture of it. She goes back, changes, does the whole, I'm naked again, and then does that, and then does it again. And then she leaves. And I'm like, oh, my God, I cannot believe that just happened. Hi, Yi Yai. And the woman sort of looks at me at one point like, oh, yeah, you're there. And. But that's not an issue. Not an issue.

[Nathan]

Was there an exchange of looks to her? You. Something like, why are you. What do I. Where do I go? How do you.

[Alan]

What do I do now? There was one look, I re. I recall one look which was like, oh, yeah, you're over there. And just like. Almost like, oh, I need to take out the trash kind of a look at me, sort of. You know, the look of, oh, right. Oh, God. When is she getting out of that dressing room? Or just reminded her, this chick's taking a long time because she used the word chick. I would never use that word. This woman. That's what I would have said. But she had that look in her eye. Cause she's in the fashion industry and they treat women like hangers. Anyway, the woman leaves. I was freaked out. A couple minutes go by, in comes another model. Oh, my God. It is a casting call. There were like seven women who did this same thing. By, like, woman five, I was going, oh, she's going to look good in the second one. That's just definitely. She's, She's. That, that fur thing is going to. She's going to knock that one out of the park. It was, it was. I don't know. As a young. I was, I was in my twenties. I couldn't believe.

[Nathan]

And you finally hear from the changing room, honey, are you okay? You're like, yeah, take your time.

[Alan]

They do their thing. She comes out, she's found a dress, she's happy. And she said, sorry it took so long. I said, well, that's fine. Actually, I, I. There's a lot I gotta tell you. There were a lot of women who came in here and took off all their clothes. And some were fully naked, some weren't wearing thongs. They were just fully naked. Wow. This was before the Internet, guys. We didn't know men didn't know what women look like naked.

[Nathan]

This was all new.

[Alan]

It was all new. You just knew your girlfriend and how they look naked and that was it. Or the woman you married, you know, and there was just, you know, whatever. However many of those people that you've both agreed to look at each other naked. And then the rest of them, you know, it wasn't like. So anyway, I said, there was a lot of naked women. They came in. I don't know what happened. They were just all naked. They were just there and I was there. They didn't care, but they just kept. And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah, that's. That's models. They don't, they don't see their bodies the same way that other people do. They're. They see themselves as hangers for clothes. I said, oh, really? She's like, yeah, wow.

[Nathan]

Wow.

[Alan]

Crazy. I said, oh, wow, you're really cool about it. I said, because for me, that felt like Christmas. And she looked at me and said, what? I had said the wrong thing. I should not have. I was not Allowed to enjoy. I wasn't allowed to have a child's like wonder at the whole event because then that was I, I was then objectifying them. I had to have a more mature, detached, like. Oh yes, quite. There is a specimen of female human.

[Nathan]

You can witness it. But she didn't want you to appreciate it.

[Alan]

I wasn't supposed to have that opinion. I guess I could have been disgusted. Why don't you. I don't know. Put on cl, Stop flashing. I don't know but it was a, that was a day I remember in my 20s in the, in the 1900s. Yeah, I know. I didn't ask for, I didn't seek it out. Yeah. Never happened to you?

[Nathan]

Never.

[Alan]

Yeah, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, Yeah, I, I, that feels like

[Nathan]

a fantastic day for a young man. Just thinking I have a terrible time waiting for my girlfri to these dresses.

[Alan]

You know I, I will I averted my eyes in the beginning and I, I have to admit I, I did, I stopped, I stopped averting. So what's up buddy? How you doing?

[Nathan]

I just got back from my, my vacation, Alan. Oh cool. You and I went to London. Uh huh. We were con in London. There was a heat wave in London. And your hotel did not have air conditioning?

[Alan]

No, it had fans but they were built into the walls.

[Nathan]

Where did that go? Did it did was hot Ellen.

[Alan]

It was hot. They were retractors. They had retractors. That was what they used when we were making death at a funeral. They, they would, in the studio that we were in, they Ealing Studios, a very old studio. They had, the walls were stuffed with, There was one wall that had ripped open. You could see hay in it. That, that was their soundproofing. Oh, I remember one of the grips is like, you see that? Hey, that was stuffed in there during World War I. I said your accent isn't very good. He said yeah, off. And I said cool, cool. But yeah, World War I. So anyway, they didn't have any air conditioning in there. And when you would get hot and you're sweating through all your makeup, is there something to the 80s? Because there's something you guys can do about the air. And they go, oh, we'll turn on the retractors and there is no such thing. I think they were fans. But they were supposed to suck the air. I don't know. It's the same technology that you have over your range in your kitchen just to suck the smell of your food out. But where does it go? You know who Knows the idea is

[Nathan]

to pull hot air out, but if it's a heat wave, it's hot air going back in.

[Alan]

Just removing this, I guess the sweat, stink leaves. That was the benefit. But. So I was. I was in the. I was back in a retractor hell, which I think was in the first Star wars compactor. Sorry, that was compactor hell.

[Nathan]

While we were there, we had a. We had a lovely con. It was. It was nice to see you. Nice to hang out with you. And we also had dinner with Andy Nyman.

[Alan]

Andy Nyman, Nimon the Diamond. Yes, man.

[Nathan]

Where did you meet Andy Nyman on that movie?

[Alan]

On death. At a funeral.

[Nathan]

That's right.

[Alan]

He was. He was very nice. I didn't know anybody, and I. I was the last one cast. It was a very odd casting process. I'll just say this. There was somebody else cast in the role that Frank Oz, who directed it, had agreed that the producer said, you can cast whoever you want in this movie, but except for the role of Simon, which is the role I played, he said, I've got a guy. I want to play that role. And Frank said, okay, yeah, sure. And then he cast everybody he wanted to. Matthew McFadden, he cast Andy Nyman, he cast. Watch the movie. All of us. All those people. That's who he cast, except me. And I got the audition through. Somebody somehow knew that it was happening. And it was just like by a fluke that the script even landed. There was no casting director. Casting director did me a favor. I put it on tape, I sent it off, and then I got a call from Frank Oz saying, hey, this is Frank Oz. I want you in my movie. But I accidentally cast somebody else in your role, and we need to. We need to play this out.

[Nathan]

You need to kill him for me.

[Alan]

Yeah. So I had to kill this guy. Do you remember that actor who used to do stuff? He basically saw my audition and said, that's the guy I want for this role. And the producer said, no, we've already cast this guy. We already. It was a straight offer. He said, yes, he's going to come. He said, put a hold on that, please. I really want this guy. And then they. Then there was this process where the guy had to go on tape them, which is really lame to do to that guy. Out of respect, you got to say, kind of lame. He's like, we're going to offer you this role. You want to take it? Yes. Great. Could you put yourself on tape real quick? Oh, we're sorry. We had somebody else put Themselves on tape. And we like their tape better. So I got the role. Do you think I should have. Because I found out about that. Do you think I should have backed out? No, because I've now, like, in the last year or two, I was like, maybe I should have just said, you know, what if you gave it to that guy? I don't want to cause them any problems there.

[Nathan]

No, you were the better person for the role. That's coming directly from the director. You can tell the director you don't know what you're doing with your own movie.

[Alan]

Right.

[Nathan]

No, listen, it. Someone's got it. Someone's gonna walk away with that role. It's gonna be somebody. Why not you?

[Alan]

I guess so. Well, it was me, and I. And I met Andy Nyman, and he. From the first day, I feel a little better. Thank you for that, buddy.

[Nathan]

I.

[Alan]

For the first day, and he's like, you don't know anybody. Come over to my house. We'll have dinner. And I think it was the first night because I showed up. They were already in rehearsals because the process took so long. And I, like, I showed up on set, and they're like, and this is where we have a production office. And this is where we have this, and this is where we have that. And I said, where's the. Where's. Where's the cast? Where's the set? They said, they're actually working right now. They're rehearsing. I was like, I'm. I'm get. I need. I would stop this tour. Can I get on set? Like, yes. And took me to set and I sat down in. If, you know, it's a funeral. They were in the middle of the funeral set where they're. Matthew McFadden's giving the speech for his father. My father was a great man. And I sat down and I acted to. With the whole cast before they even were introduced to me.

[Nathan]

Wow.

[Alan]

Started cackling like a fool because I was high and my character was high. And then he introduced me to everybody and. And he said, come over to my house. I went over to his house, had two kids who, you know now, and they were young, and his wife, Sophie. And we had Indian food, and it was just like. We all just hung out in his living room. I think I sat on the floor. It was, like, real chill. And I love that he just invited me over like that. Like, I get caught up. I'll be like, I'd love to invite you over, but I'm going to need six to nine months to get My house in order. Like, I need to hang every painting in the right place. I have to vac. I mean, vacuuming is easy, but like, you know, get everything. Oh, I've ordered something, a rug for that room, but it hasn't come in. So we're gonna have to wait till that. And that's a 10 week thing because they shut down in August. And so anyway, it was, it just became. It was. I felt like family. When it's that casual, it feels more personal, you know.

[Nathan]

And you started inviting Andy out to come out and hang out with us and have dinner with us when he came to Los Angeles. And then he would bring his family, we'd all go to Disneyland. We, we, we go to the beach, we had barbecues.

[Alan]

We'd go see him at Magic Castle.

[Nathan]

That's right. He's an incredibly talented magician as well as being an incredibly talented actor. Writer. Ghost Stories is his, that incredible play that. I've never seen the play. I just downloaded the movie. I can't wait to have a nice dark night to watch it on. Yeah. So we had dinner with Andy. I want to pitch a movie to you, Alan, right now. A guy who's just, he's always like, ah, you know what? You were right there in the running. It was you and this other guy. And the other guy got the role. So he starts going around killing his competition. That's my pitch. That's my pitch. He starts getting movies because he's always the other guy who didn't get it. But he starts killing the other guys that are in his wife. What do you think of that? Dark.

[Alan]

Yeah, let's do it. Write it up.

[Nathan]

So we had dinner with Andy. We, we parted ways. Where did you go from London? You went straight home?

[Alan]

I had to come right back.

[Nathan]

Yeah, wonderful, wonderful. You went back to New York City? I went from there to Paris where I did some touring. I went and saw the, the Paris Opera House, which is an incredible facility.

[Alan]

Is that where all those skeletons were from? I saw that.

[Nathan]

That's the catacombs, Alan.

[Alan]

Because the opera. I didn't think that would be a good place.

[Nathan]

No. Far fewer bones at the Opera House than there are in the catacombs. And I learned a lot. I didn't know stuff about the catacombs and how they came to be and why they were there. And they were underground quarries, Alan. They were, they were mining limestone to build quartz Paris. They were mining it 65 meters. That's like over 180ft down underground. They were digging up limestone and what

[Alan]

are all those skeletons doing down there?

[Nathan]

Well, that was. That was. Hundreds of years later, they had to move some cemeteries. I think they moved the bones of over 6 million people.

[Alan]

Oh, my God.

[Nathan]

Yeah. And instead of just throwing them down there willy nilly, they organized them quite nicely. And it became, like, a thing to. Yeah.

[Alan]

I love that they hire. They're like.

[Nathan]

They.

[Alan]

The people that they hired to put them down there, they're like, can we stack these?

[Nathan]

Yes. I. I respect the artistic nature of what those guys did. They had to have been stonemasons or bricklayers or something. Miners at the very least. But they put a lot of care into it, and it was incredible what they did.

[Alan]

Whenever we got leg bones over there.

[Nathan]

One fella spent a few years in a prison and carved into the limestone underground a model from memory of the prison where he spent years incarcerated. So there's this little area down there with this model of a prison carved into the limestone. Now, he wanted people to come and see it, but the powers that be, they said there's really no safe way close by. Like, they have to go so far to come and see your little thing. Wouldn't be very safe. So he started digging a new entry tunnel so people could come and see his work, and it collapsed on him and he was killed.

[Alan]

This dude is a. This guy. There's your movie, man. Jesus Christ. He gets out of prison and he's so obsessed with it, he carves his cell. He recreates the place that held him. He's free, but he can't get free of the prison. And he's so obsessed with it, he decides to make his own tunnel, which is his coffin. My God.

[Nathan]

Happened,

[Alan]

as they say in France, also

[Nathan]

the hottest May in history in Paris. The heat wave that hit Paris the day we arrived, it had been raining and crappy and overcast and chilly. And the day we arrived, everybody just tore off their clothes and went outside and laid in the sun.

[Alan]

Hold on. How much are the clothes? Because I, you know, I've had an issue with. They are very free there.

[Nathan]

They are very free. They are very free because they tear

[Alan]

off their shirts they might not be wearing under things.

[Nathan]

Yeah, I was listening to a prior episode where you actually went on about Paris and. And the. The. The ladies don't wear the. The brassieres.

[Alan]

Yeah, that's. That was the episode titled Once We Were Pervs. Actually, that's episode 31, once we scared Aunt Jeannie. You can check it out. It's archived wherever. You're listening to this now.

[Nathan]

I, I, Yeah, I couldn't help but notice. Yes. Like, oh, my goodness. Yeah. Alan, was, was I right? You were right, Alan. You were right.

[Alan]

It wasn't just me. Yeah, well, I, Yeah, because my, I was there at a special time. There was a cool breeze and a sudden squall where rain happened. So suddenly there's people running down an alleyway and the one piece of clothing they're wearing, it's wet. And so it's just like it was suddenly just all coming at you. It's like guns, like just the barrels of guns. But they were, I don't know that

[Nathan]

you had to walk me through, I think.

[Alan]

Yeah. Oh, you got it without me going.

[Nathan]

Yeah, it was there. I got you. But it was, yeah, it was extremely hot. So, you know, you know, not every place you enter is, is, is air conditioned. You know, it's a very old city. Everything's kind of retrofitted. If it's.

[Alan]

It used to not get that hot there too, I think, I think, yeah,

[Nathan]

I think things are, Things are a changing. And then after Paris, I took off. I went, I saw Cor Corsica.

[Alan]

Now, is that in Italy?

[Nathan]

It's an island, so it's its own thing. It's its own thing, but it is a, it is a French. It was at one point time a Greek island, then Italian and then French. Now it's French. And but, but they think they're very much. They are a French colony. I don't. They're all in the same under the France flag. But there's also, I, you know, there's like an undercurrent of let's be independent though. We want to be our own thing. There's like an identity thing as theirs, of course.

[Alan]

They are their own thing. They are, they have to be. If they have Greek and all that other. Whatever we said was all mixed in there on that island. Just because France comes in and says, here, have some infrastructure, doesn't mean you own me.

[Nathan]

And these beautiful old cities built hundreds of years ago. And you can see, oh, over here, this was, you know, this was a castle built in the 1100s. This building was in the 1500s. Across the street, this is the 1800s. And you know, over here, it kept kind of going like that. I think that the building that I was visiting my girlfriend's family is from there was built in the 1800s. It's a, it's an apartment that are just a series of rooms. No hallways, Alan. There's no hallways in this entire apartment. It's just room after room after Room. It kind of reminds me of Versailles. There's no hallways in Versailles. Just a. A series of rooms.

[Alan]

Wait a second. So it's just like. Is there a doorway into each room?

[Nathan]

Yes. Separated by doors.

[Alan]

Room door. And then you walk through the doorway. And now you're in a new room.

[Nathan]

Yes. If you want to get to this bedroom, you have to go through the dining room and the living room. Now you're in the bedroom.

[Alan]

I see. Yeah, I see.

[Nathan]

Very interesting. Wow. Yeah.

[Alan]

Okay. And their house was built in the 1800s.

[Nathan]

It was an apartment building on a park. Yeah. They're at the top floor. They have, like, windows on all sides. They have the apartment above them as well. It's unused entirely. It needs a renovation. But they have, like, a double apartment. It was. Was incredible.

[Alan]

Wow. Wow. How cool. So the. The castles, were they French castles or these from other conquering people?

[Nathan]

I think the castles predated the French coming over there and doing their thing. How wild.

[Alan]

That's just.

[Nathan]

Yeah, it was. It was old, this history. A lot of history there. And then you. And you go from one town to the next. You know, these. These incredible historical hallways clinging to the side of a mountain right on the harbor. And then you go to this little beach town over there. But in between, oh, there's a Hyundai dealership, and. Oh, that's where they sell electronics. Well, they finally got a Burger King here. And in the middle, there's some modernity. Modernity. Modernity.

[Alan]

Yeah. Kfc.

[Nathan]

Yeah. Thank you. So they got that kind of going on, I think. But Burger King, I think, is their first fast food. Like, it's. It's.

[Alan]

Jesus.

[Nathan]

It's still. It's. The world is there, but at the same time, the history remains. It's really.

[Alan]

Yeah.

[Nathan]

Beautiful and wonderful.

[Alan]

That's fantastic. Man, that is so great to be. I love being in places that have history just all around you, where you can look and see that, you know, people have been around for a long time and that we're just another generation of hairless monkeys.

[Nathan]

I don't know if you know this.

[Alan]

I speak a little French, I guess, the little Quebecois.

[Nathan]

There's a French, you know, identity. To Canadians, there's. It is. Our second is. Our other official language is French school. Very nice accent. Very, very nicely done, my friend. So I was surprised at how much I remembered simple stuff, restaurants. I was pretty much on top of everything that was happening at a restaurant. Some of the conversations at dinner tables would escape me a little bit, but I had these augmented reality glasses. Wait, what? You Put them on. Do you remember I did that? I told you. I was so proud. I became a doctor not too long ago. I think it was like our second episode.

[Alan]

We talked about this, and I was asking what kind of doctor? And you.

[Nathan]

Doctor of Arts computer, what episode was that?

[Alan]

Once we were failures. Episode five.

[Nathan]

So these glasses that were in my speech, I used them as a teleprompter.

[Alan]

No way.

[Nathan]

Also have a translation function. It's a little delayed, but as people are speaking and I'm listening, I go, oh, I think they're talking about something. And then all of a sudden, in green type, it comes up in front of my face. What they were saying.

[Alan]

Wow, how cool.

[Nathan]

It allowed me to participate and follow conversations without someone having to translate.

[Alan]

Most importantly, are they stylish, or do you look like a douche?

[Nathan]

I keep getting a lot of compliments on him.

[Alan]

Nice. Good.

[Nathan]

I think it was compliments, but it was in French, so I had to

[Alan]

wait for a second for it to come up. How cool. That's really cool. They're like, he's really lovely. He's a little slow.

[Nathan]

That was. That could have. That could barely have been said. Yes. Because everybody would laugh at something that was said. And then when they were done laughing, I would start laughing.

[Alan]

You nailed it. You got it.

[Nathan]

And that was clearly the slow guy at the table.

[Alan]

That's really cool. That's great. When we went to. When Coris and I went to Japan, it was. We had early technology. The first time we went to Japan and to Tokyo, and we were using it, but the. The translations were always so obviously not what anything was saying. Like, you.

[Nathan]

It.

[Alan]

It helped you. It was always bizarre. It made nothing. No. No sense. It was just like, take a bunch of words, stuff them into shotgun, blow them against the wall, and read what stuck. It was like that.

[Nathan]

It was.

[Alan]

This is. That's great.

[Nathan]

Well, it certainly was an interesting. You know how I love gadgets, Alan. I do know how I love gadgets. And this was. I felt like I was a cyborg. I felt like I was part robot. I felt like I was in the future. Like, this is. This is awesome. I get it.

[Alan]

I get it.

[Nathan]

Where it's kind of at its. Its infancy. I think there's gonna. I think there's room to grow there, but I'm gonna want it to grow.

[Alan]

I don't want it to grow, man. I saw a thing on these. These glasses that that Zuckerberg freak is putting out where there are people who are like, they got this. His version of the glasses and they go up to people, and so they've. They've imaged, captured them. They've searched this person. They're like, okay, that's probably her. Oh, that's her. That's her. That's her. She went to this school. She went to this school. And they go, hey, are you Mary who works at this place? And they're like, yeah, I know Tom. Now they know. They're as. They've searched their friends and they're like. And that person goes, oh, really? Yeah. I think we briefly met at a party. But anyway, I'm this person. I'm this person. Oh, great, great. And then starts asking about, are you. Are you here because of the job? Because they're right over here. And. Yeah, it's amazing how quickly we just like two or three points of information about you. Your guard goes down. Because they're like. It all seems. Oh, oh, you know them. Oh, well, if you know Tommy, then you're my friend.

[Nathan]

That's spooky.

[Alan]

Yeah, it can easily. It easily with these glasses. So I think we're gonna.

[Nathan]

When people have the glasses on and they're recording you, there's a little light that appears on this that, you know someone's recording you with their glasses. Like a little. There's a little hint. There's. There needs to be a little something that hints to you that, hey, this guy is getting this information from the Internet on you.

[Alan]

Yeah. Besides their drool and their. The fact that they showers something. Yeah. Crazy eyes behind the glasses and the fact that they have different hygiene. They. They have that acidic smell that's just kind of coming off of them. Like they're constantly in ketosis because they're weird people. Get away, man. I don't like this technology doing this stuff. There's so much of it. There's so much. There's so much intrusive technology now, and there's no escape. There's no escape. I did. I have to tell you this. This is a crazy thing that happened. We were in. Carissa and I were in a hotel. I think we were in London, and she was looking at a website that was. I don't remember.

[Nathan]

We were.

[Alan]

We were about to go abroad because we went up. We went from there because I was doing Rogue One and she. She would come and then we shoot out from there. We've had a few days off and go around Europe and come back, and she went. She fell asleep on her computer looking at some odd website that was for travel. When she woke up, the background of that Website was the picture of her sleeping. She took a screenshot of it. So basically somebody was snuck into her computer, was watching her sleeping, took the screenshot, like took over her computer, somehow screenshotted her sleeping and added it to the background of the travel site somehow.

[Nathan]

I don't know a lot about computers, but I know that that's really creepy.

[Alan]

Yeah, man.

[Nathan]

I would be very upset if that happened to me.

[Alan]

I would put a little tape over my, my camera for a while and then I found something that they sold. They're like, you can put this over the camera, slider, little thing. But it, it jutted out just enough that whenever I closed my thing, it put stress on my screen and it cracked it and broke it. So now the hackers are looking at me 247 because I'm on my computer 247 I'm not. But you know, 13 7. I'm on my computer a lot.

[Nathan]

There, There is that concept that technology moves so quickly that we don't have chances as a society to say, okay, there's got to be some rules. And the example I use for this all the time is the technology of mobile telephones. Culture has not caught up to where that. I mean, the fact that someone lets one of those things rock in a restaurant and answers a phone call in a restaurant or a theater like that is so far beyond the pale. What are you doing? This is. I get that you can. That doesn't mean that you should. There is a disconnect between. There's some countries that make it illegal to look at your phone while you cross the street. I'm all for it. I think this is a culture and a. And a law and rule catching up with technology. You're going to have your face buried in your phone. You can't do that while you're crossing the street. We're all counting on all of us to pay attention at that time. So you have to. This is something you have to do. People argue about these kinds of things. A rule will come up and say we got to safeguard everything. And people will complain, say what? My freedom and my this and my that. They did it with seatbelts.

[Alan]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Nathan]

They did it with drinking and driving. Yeah, it was a backlash.

[Alan]

What freedom?

[Nathan]

My road, Beer. My this, my that. And then there was. Well, then there's acceptance eventually. That's the rule, man.

[Alan]

Well, some people never accept it.

[Nathan]

And then there's the attitude of how could this have ever been otherwise? And I'm really looking forward to some of the kind of mobile telephone Faux pas crap that people do. The interconnectivity stuff.

[Alan]

That's the least of it. I mean, that is good.

[Nathan]

I get it.

[Alan]

It's. It's good.

[Nathan]

This. And it's just one example, and certainly it's a poor one. I. If I were prepared for this topic, which I am not. I just have my little.

[Alan]

That's your. That's your soapbox. That's the one for that.

[Nathan]

Yeah. I got my soapbox moments about this stuff. Alan. I got some. So can I. I'm gonna throw another one at. You can.

[Alan]

Wait a second. Let's get out. The soap is singing in the bathtub.

[Nathan]

Get out the soapbox, Alan.

[Alan]

Yeah.

[Nathan]

Conversation and cologne.

[Alan]

Is this a cologne called Conversations?

[Nathan]

Nope. These are two topics, two things.

[Alan]

Oh, I see. Okay.

[Nathan]

Conversations and colognes. The same rules should be applied to both.

[Alan]

Okay.

[Nathan]

You're out in public, right? Let's say you're. Let's say you're in a restaurant. You're having a conversation. Who is the conversation for? Is it for the people at your table? Is it for the people at the next table? Is it for the people across the restaurant? Mitigate your volume. Well, adjust your volume so that that conversation is taken in by whom it's intended for. I understand. The exact same thing applies to cologne. Is it for the people that are sitting across from you at the table?

[Alan]

Right.

[Nathan]

Is it for the people that are saying the next table? Easy. Right? I'm. There's. Unfortunately, when you have a conversation, when you buy a bottle of cologne, there's no directions.

[Alan]

I take if they were they in that French language and. Screw that. Right. All right, okay. Sorry.

[Nathan]

They got a word for everything, and it's toot. All right. There's, you know, I. I use Uber. I use, like, a. The Ride Share app. And when I get into a car, it's like, hey, I can tell this guy is wearing cologne. Matter of fact, I think he's drinking it because there's so much of it.

[Alan]

Right.

[Nathan]

It's. It's. It's overpowered the interior of this vehicle and.

[Alan]

Got it.

[Nathan]

It's. I. I barely have a chance to breathe.

[Alan]

Going back. Okay, so conversations. Yes, some. Of course. I mean, the other side of is people get excited, people get dry. Especially in a restaurant, people start drinking. Drinking can fuel a conversation to where people get caught up and they're like children who have no sense of volume. And where they are, they lose where they are. And at that point, they're a drunk. Yeah. Holiday. You're sloppy. Or they're just Having fun. They're just unwinding. But the cologne, who are you wearing it for? Some people are wearing it for themselves because they've got to cover up possibly stank. You know that maybe, maybe if the

[Nathan]

issue is stank, the. The solution cannot be more stank. That they tried that in, in France back in the revolutionary type times. They were trying to drown out the stink of France with more stink of prettier things. Listen, yeah, soap, I guess so that's, that's what soap is for. Is there be stank address the stank.

[Alan]

Right.

[Nathan]

The source of the stank. Don't cover the stank.

[Alan]

When I was, when I was a young. And I'm going to come back and this is, this is probably just. I found great Joy as a 13 year old. Me and my friend Greg would go into the department stores and take the cologne testers and we would spray ourselves with every tester. A lot of pumps, pop, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump. Until we reeked like shit. And then we would take turns walking up next to people looking at people clothes, looking at tapes in the, in the record store, watching the people get offended, shaking, what the hell is that smell? And then moving away. We thought that was hilarious. And I had shirts, there were shirts that I had that never came back to us to no smell. They always, they contained the stink. Two of them. But. So yes, it is, it is bad. I can say that I've been in a few cabs here in New York where I would have just given, I don't know, my left arm for a. Just a little Drakar Noir, like even that crap. Just buddy, please. Yes, something. I rode down the highway from the, from the JFK last time with the window down. I was on the highway because sweet Jesus, it was a potent brew happening.

[Nathan]

I will throw this out there for you. If you're out there saying, well then what's the solution, Nathan?

[Alan]

Where?

[Nathan]

Where?

[Alan]

Let me say that you got the problem. What is the solution, Nathan? I mean, you got a problem. What's the solution?

[Nathan]

Alan, I'm so glad you asked. When it comes to conversation, if you think you need to be heard, volume being louder is not the answer. Bring it down so that people will listen harder. If you kind of lean in with a little conspiratorial. Let me tell you a little something. Now you have them. Instead of going, here's the thing, people will actually resist that second one. Here's the thing about that, Alan, let me tell you, you don't want to listen at that point no, but if I leaned into you and said, alan, here's the thing that you're going to want to know. Now you're listening hard. Okay.

[Alan]

Right.

[Nathan]

Second thing.

[Alan]

Intently. I'm not.

[Nathan]

Yes, gentlemen, you want to put two pumps into the air in front of you once you are dressed and ready to go out. Two pumps into the air, you walk through it. That's how you put on cologne. Oh, all right. All right. A lady is close enough to you to smell you or a guy. Smell good. Smell good. But if a lady or guy is on the other side of the restaurant and you're walking past and she goes, I can't smell my food anymore because of that gentleman that just walked past me.

[Alan]

Might be coveted.

[Nathan]

You're. You're doing yourself a disservice. You're not doing what you think you're doing.

[Alan]

Right.

[Nathan]

You're wearing too much stack.

[Alan]

Yeah. You don't want your food to taste like the person you're eating with.

[Nathan]

You are poisoning every elevator you enter.

[Alan]

Yeah, you know, that's.

[Nathan]

It's.

[Alan]

It's air pollution. It's expensive air pollution, but it's. It's air pollution.

[Nathan]

That's a lot. You don't need it, buddy. You don't need it.

[Alan]

I don't wear it.

[Nathan]

You know what? Hug somebody. Just give somebody a hug. That's all you need. You need a little hug. And they don't want to hug you if you're wearing all that cologne.

[Alan]

Is this your way of telling me I need to wear it?

[Nathan]

Alan, this is where I'm trying to get to. You got stank.

[Alan]

I. You know what? I. I worked with a guy who always smelled like cedar, but it was, but it was somehow better. He didn't smell like a gerbil cage, which you would think. Oh, habit trail. No, it was some. It's like kind of a. Like a cedar essential oil. And that was, that was. I like that smell. I could do that.

[Nathan]

Listen, a waft of it is great. Even if it's a good smell, it's great. But you don't want to be smelling like when he's standing next to it. You don't want to think like, oh, someone shut me up in a cedar trunk and I can't get out.

[Alan]

Right.

[Nathan]

You know what I mean?

[Alan]

Yeah. No, I'd rather be moth eating at that point.

[Nathan]

Alan.

[Alan]

Yes.

[Nathan]

Let's get to know you better.

[Alan]

Oh, yeah. I know you and you know me.

[Nathan]

Let's get to know you better.

[Alan]

I have something. I don't want to take too much Time with this. Maybe this is the thing I'll say. Okay, so I have a lot of stories. I've been wanting to share this because I have a lot of stories about, like, going out and getting drunk, getting wasted, or I've had some where drinking plays a role in it and making poor decisions, or maybe even sitting in a. In a place without excusing myself when all these women are getting naked. Maybe that was the right decision. You know what? Back then, I drank alcohol. I quit drinking 15 years ago. And not that it excuses my behavior of not leaving the naked parade, but so when I tell stories about this, about the days when I was out partying and did crazy things, some of it was. Some of it I was doing for the story because that was kind of what I was about as a young man. They say for drinkers who. Who end up quitting, you drink, it's fun, and then it's fun with problems, and then it's just problems. And I. That was sort of my journey with drinking. I just got to a point where it was just a huge hassle, where I didn't know. You know, I didn't know if I was a bad driver because I was hungover in the morning and driving and running into my neighbor's fence and hitting. Running into so much stuff, or if it was just me. Turns out I got sober, still a bad driver, so that I solved that one. I'll hit up. If it's stationary, it's not safe. But I. I felt shame about it. You know, I would hit a thing and I'd be like, I'm. This is because I drank too much last night. And I'd feel all this shame, and it would screw up my life because I'm going around with a dark cloud over my head and beating myself up all the time, when in fact, I just suck at driving. My eyesight's a little bad. I'm just a little distracted all the time. Maybe they should take my license away. Anyway, I live in New York now. I don't have to drive. Better for everybody. It's not something I've ever shared about because it's. Some people call it a good thing to keep anonymous. You know what I'm saying? But it seems a lot of people share this stuff. If it's inspirational people, I. I did it 15 years ago, and my life got extraordinarily better. It was a good choice for me. And that's. I guess you knew that about me. I'm sort of sharing this for others to say.

[Nathan]

So your Is your. Get to know you better about how there's been a period in your life where you. You approached choices differently?

[Alan]

I just approached life differently. I just was really about the party. I really liked drinking. I. I grew up. I grew up. Where I grew up, it was like a sport, man. It was like, how much we're gonna drink tonight. You know, when you're young.

[Nathan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alan]

And. And people. And. And it also was tied up in masculinity and being a. A tough guy. Like, do you know that that Clint Eastwood movie, he won an Oscar for it, where he's older and he directed it. Morgan Freeman's in it, and he's like. They're like, that guy's the biggest badass cowboy in the world. He's a killer. Unforgiven. Unforgiven, Unforgiven. Gene Hackman that in Edmonton.

[Nathan]

Allen.

[Alan]

Holy.

[Nathan]

Yeah.

[Alan]

All right. So he's this guy that. They're like, he's the craziest. He's the baddest. He's the best. Morgan Freeman comes and finds him. He's like, I don't drink anymore. And he's a wussy. He's like the worst. He's like, I just take care of pigs. He's like, no, I need you for this thing. We need it. We got a job. I go kill this guy. He's a bad guy. We go kill him. It's in a town with a bad guy. We just need your. Your. We need you to do this one last time. He's like, I swore to my wife before I died I'd never drink again. But I saw. Do it, but I'm not gonna drink. So he goes along in this movie, and he's just a. I'm sorry. I know they're strong things, and so it doesn't. But that was. You could call him that. And he goes. And he's like, I don't want to kill anybody. He gets the flu at one point and almost dies. He's just like. From a sickness, you know, and this woman's throwing herself. And he's like, I can't. My wife is dead. I've got to stay true to my dead wife. And you're like, this guy is not the classic manly, manly, manly, manly. In a western that you always see. That's like cowboy. He kills a guy. It's ugly. He. The guy suffers. It doesn't go well. Finally, Morgan Freeman. Spoiler alert. Gets killed. His friend gets killed by this bad sheriff. The Gene Hackman character picks up a bottle of Liquor turns it up and gets drunk. And then here comes the badass. He shows up and kills all these people. He just, just. He comes and kills five guys in this saloon. He's a mental patient. He's a coward. At the same time, that, that part was good, that he was a coward, but, man, that was. There's a, There's a tie. That. Growing up in Texas, the drinking, the cowboy. Like those stories I told about where I, I got drunk and I killed the deer and I stole the thing out of the car. Just. It was all tied in and mixed up with all of that, and I just had to walk away. I had to walk away from it and, and like, apologize to people for people that I, I, I was, you know, just not myself around and was poorly behaved around. I think I owe those models. I'd like to meet with every one of them, honestly. Although Carissa said no, so I'm stuck here not saying I'm sorry to them.

[Nathan]

Alan, 15 years sober.

[Alan]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nathan]

Super, super proud of you for that.

[Alan]

Yeah, it's a better life for me. You know, everybody do what you want. And I'm, I'm one of those bad guys would be like, people are like, I, I know maybe I shouldn't have a drink. I'm like, probably should. I? I'm not like, a good advocate for not drinking. I, I, you know, especially young people. But, you know, like, if, if you can, if it doesn't, if you can put it down and you're like, one of those people, like, ah, sometimes overdo it sometimes. But most of the time I don't. I think that's what it's for. People use it that way. But I was never one of those people. I was like, let's keep the party going.

[Nathan]

Well, your experience being what it is, I just want you to know you've never been. I've always considered you a good man. But I will say this. You are happier.

[Alan]

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

[Nathan]

That much was.

[Alan]

That's true.

[Nathan]

Really apparent. That was, I think, the start of a cavalcade of really great choices you

[Alan]

made in your life, Carissa.

[Nathan]

That's the one. That's the one I'm thinking about. Yeah.

[Alan]

I kept getting in relationships that were, like, doomed from the beginning, and I'd be like, have a buzz on going, this is gonna work out. Everybody's looking at the ground, shaking their heads. I don't think that's gonna work out. Three years.

[Nathan]

I like that, Alan. I like that.

[Alan]

This is.

[Nathan]

That was a really wonderful, sweet. Get to know you better.

[Alan]

Thank you. I just wanted to share the rest of it. So I'm telling these stories. I don't want to hype up the. The drinking aspect of it, knowing that there. There. There are, you know, because I've also got some other stories are going to come out about that I've got to tell you about that. Involved from that time of my life that are going to.

[Nathan]

We'll give a little addendum at the beginning of the stories. This was before I stopped drinking. This was.

[Alan]

And this is why I probably shouldn't drink, because I made choices like this.

[Nathan]

Yeah, I like this. I love this, Alan. This, like, this was like. Like I really got to know you better.

[Alan]

Great. Thanks, man. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to share

[Nathan]

and for hearing I'm here for you. I wish you would tell me ahead of time. Like, hey, man, this one's gonna hit deep. It's gonna be like. Because, I mean, you remember the whole deer killing fiasco.

[Alan]

Yes.

[Nathan]

Your get to know you better segment. I mean, there was tears. Everybody was really sad about that incredible story. It was intense. And then I had the flashlights and then.

[Alan]

Right. Well, no, but I mean.

[Nathan]

Computer. What episode was that once we came of age?

[Alan]

Episode 12.

[Nathan]

Alan, here's to echo that experience. There's a get to know you better that really won't change anything between us. I covet sharp vision. Oh, wow. Now, I'm gonna bring you to a period in time I want to say close to 20 years ago when I came out to Venice beach where you were living. We were going to play some of that. What was that? Paddle tennis?

[Alan]

Yeah, man, right.

[Nathan]

We're doing a little paddle tennis out there on the beach by your place. And I said, hey, man, you notice anything about me? And he said, no. I said, nothing different? He said, no. I said, no glasses. He said, oh, you're wearing your contacts. I said, nope. And you went, wait a minute. Did you get LASIK surgery? I said, yes, I did. And you immediately made an appointment. You were like two or three weeks behind me in the process.

[Alan]

Yes, well, because you insult. Insisted I do it.

[Nathan]

I said, you gotta. You gotta do this. And I think. I mean, I waited five, six, seven years, I think, to make that choice. And you made it.

[Alan]

Yes.

[Nathan]

An afternoon. Yes, I was. I. That was. I admired that. I gotta tell you, I admired that. But I. I had just been through it. So you knew that. You knew what it was going to

[Alan]

be like, and when you got it done, you. You weren't 2020 anymore, or you were 20, 20 when you were younger? Then it went bad.

[Nathan]

It went bad. No, I don't. I have no idea if I was ever 20, 20. I got glasses when I was in fifth grade. I had no idea I couldn't see. I had no idea. I remember as a child watching a balloon go away. Like, my brother and I, we had a little red balloon, and off it goes into the sky. And I see it go. We're watching it. And I go, well, it's gone. And my brother would say, no, it's not right. I remember that.

[Alan]

Yes.

[Nathan]

I also remember not being able to see the. The board. And then fifth grade, they kind of figured it out. This kid needs glasses. So I was wearing glasses since fifth grade.

[Alan]

High school, what was the final event? When I started mowing the sidewalk?

[Nathan]

I remember. I think I was just. I couldn't read the newspaper. I remember it was that I couldn't be the blackboard in school. I got the Lasik surgery. And it had gotten to a point where they had really, really got it really going really well at that point. There were some problems in the beginning, but they had ironed out all those problems. The guy said, I can guarantee you 2020, there's a chance you'll get 2015, which is a little better. There's a very small chance you'll get 2010. And I was like, oh, crossing my fingers, thinking, I hope I get 2010. I went through the process. I came out the. I had 2015. I had better than average vision. And Alan, it was like heroin for me. I was high on the crispness of the leaves in the trees at a time.

[Alan]

I don't think you've done heroin. Not that I have. I just.

[Nathan]

Pretty sure having never done heroin, it was exactly like heroin.

[Alan]

And I had to have it every day.

[Nathan]

I think that was pretty anyway. And I remember I was walking in Vancouver with my brother, and he was asking me, just how good is it? So we would pick a sign in the distance that neither one of us could read and then see who could read it first. Oh, wow. And I had better vision than my brother, who always had the eagle eyes out of the two of us. I remember then this is where you come back into the story. You went through the process and you came out the other end. They tested your eyes, and you had 2020 vision. And you went, ah, this is emotion. Said to you, yes, what? You have this perfect vision. Aren't you excited? And you said, hey, my friend just did this exact process, and he got 2050. If you bought A car for a hundred dollars, and it did 90 miles an hour. And your friend bought the same car for a hundred dollars, but his car went a hundred miles an hour. Would you be happy? And I said to you, Allen, the speed limit's 55,

[Alan]

but you're going 100 miles an hour. And it's. It's not fair. Not fair.

[Nathan]

Well, they. They said. And they said to me, we guarantee this for five years. After five years, you're probably gonna have to start wearing some glasses again. Probably start with readers, and then off you go. I lasted. I don't know how long yours lasted. Mine was a good 12 years before I said, oh, I'm having to pull my phone away from my face to read it.

[Alan]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Nathan]

I started putting on readers, and I thought, this is cute. This is fun. And then the reader started getting stronger, and then my. My vision for certain things at night started blurring, and now I'm back to glasses and I need them to read. And I just keep dreaming about those days, man. I had 2015 vision. And I'm deep diving on all the new processes by which they're fixing eyes and thinking about getting my lenses replaced with. With a. With a perfect lens. Like they can. They. They replace lenses now. This is something they do. I want to get like a bionic lens. I want to get. We have a one dioptic lens. I want to get a 1.5 dioptic.

[Alan]

All right, well, let me know before you do that. Okay. That seems.

[Nathan]

Maybe you're gonna be two weeks behind me. You're gonna go, I'll do it.

[Alan]

And mine will work almost as good as yours, buddy. I knew. I want to. I want to suggest a song.

[Nathan]

What are you listening to?

[Alan]

What are you listening to? Out of respect to the coming out about my sobriety. It's a song called Spring Water by Bird Cloud. It is a song about. It's called. The chorus is just man. It's these two women, and it's that moment where your life is going so shitty that. Are you. You. Especially for drunks when they have done something, they've just really run. They've run the car into a ditch and they just. All they can say is, man. Man. There's no other. You've just really screwed up. I'll give you just a couple of. Of some lyrics for you.

[Nathan]

These are the lyrics that speak to you.

[Alan]

Yes. Yes. So these are. This is a female singing sang CCR after huffing gasoline, threw up potato salad on the karaoke machine, told my friend's kids Santa wasn't real. Are you interested in boobies yet? Do you want to feel one man, Man?

[Nathan]

And that. That spoke to you. That's the part that.

[Alan]

That. It's a funny song. It's a novelty song. I love good novelty in my music. And it's just that kind of. It's that drunken somebody who's. How screwed up is this person? They were huffing gasoline. They threw up on the karaoke. But they say karaoke, which is a great thing. Karaoke machine. Can you imagine, first of all, telling your friends, kids that Santa isn't real? And then she follows it up with, are you interested in boobies yet? Do you want to feel one man? Jesus Christ. This is a terrible person. It's just really. I mean, that is bad. All right, well, thank you for letting me share that, but it was wonderful. This has been great. This has been fantastic.

[Nathan]

I don't know how many episodes we've got, but you're getting pretty good at this.

[Alan]

YouTube. YouTube, brother. How are we doing? Computer, how many? Which number is this?

[Nathan]

35.

[Alan]

Let us know it all. I resent technology. I can't help it. I just. Well, you appeared at one time. Well, you, too. Jesus Christ.

[Nathan]

Easy. You too.

[Alan]

I just. I just like the Ghost in the machine, man.

[Nathan]

I'm not asking you to be friends. I just want you to have a working relationship.

[Alan]

Okay. Okay, we will.

[Nathan]

Alan, send us out.

[Alan]

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this has been another episode of Once We Were Space Man. As we land on a foreign, strange, new, other world. The planet. It's hues of yellow and orange. Its atmosphere is oxygen. I think we're gonna take off our suits and go look around. See you next time. Thank you for listening to Once We Were Spacemen. If you haven't yet, head over to our Patreon to get bonus content, longer episodes, and the chance to take home some incredible crap. The most amazing crap. The kind that does not smell. And if you love this show, please leave us a review and tell your friends. Once We Were spaceman is a collision 33 production, whatever the hell that is. The show is produced by Michelle Chapman, Siobhan Holman, and Josh Levy of Collision33.33. There that is again. I'm sick of it. Production services are done by Rabbit Grin Productions. Why is the rabbit grinning? I don't like it. Our theme music is from the minds of Carlos Sosa and Joshua Moore and the playing of Fernie and also Rallo. And the artwork is created by Lewis Jensen. Until next time, Can we stack these.