Once We Got Farts in the Drapes | Episode 39

Summary

---

Once We Were Spacemen

Episode 39: "Once We Got Farts in the Drapes"

Hosts: Nathan Fillion and Alan Tudyk
Date: August 5, 2026

---

Overview

In this lively and meandering episode, Nathan Fillion and Alan Tudyk reminisce about their youth and discuss the quirks of growing up in the '70s, the evolution of music discovery, and various tangents from nostalgia for truckers to tales of misadventure and friendship. The pair share personal stories—some hilarious, some touching—including a wild camping trip involving mushrooms, encounters with the law, and the chaos of malfunctioning technology at home. Their trademark banter delivers both laughter and insight into their creative lives, while they pay homage to the unsung heroes listening on the road—and even joke about their goat fans.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Shout-outs & Nostalgia: Truckers, Goats, and '70s TV

[00:00 – 05:26]

• Alan gives a heartfelt shout-out to truckers who listen to the podcast and reminisces about their place in '70s pop culture:
  • “There’s a whole bunch of fans that I’ve met that we don’t shout out too much. I think about a lot about... truckers out there, 18 wheeler drivers that I’ve met that listen to us as they drive and keep this country going.” (A, 01:46)
• Alan and Nathan get into a comical riff about '70s trucker shows:
  • “Do you remember who? I do. Big boobs. And what was her nickname?” (A, 03:50)
  • “Jugs.” (B, 04:03)
  • “No, Stacks.” (A, 04:04)

Music Discovery Then & Now

[05:26 – 16:38]

• Alan describes his love for discovering folk music and finds joy in the quirks of singer Dan Reeder (07:20):
  • Alan quotes the song "Nobody Wants to Be You":
    • “And why is she showing everybody that ultrasound? And what does that have to do with you? Whoa, whoa, whoa Nobody wants to be you.” (A, 07:07)
• The hosts reminisce about taping songs from radio as kids, the agony of DJs talking over intros, and the magic of college radio:
  • “The olds will remember there was a time when we’d have to be like, oh, my God, what’s this song? ...and wait till the DJ comes back...” (A, 09:16)

Retro Tech, Headphones, and Audio Obsessions

[12:21 – 16:59]

• Nathan enthuses about finding retro Bluetooth headphones that look like vintage Walkman headphones.
• Debate over headphones escalates to jokes about bone conduction tech:
  • “Have I pushed these on you yet? The bone conduction headphones?” (B, 14:34)
  • “Like a sex move.” (A, 14:48)
• Alan laments buying headphones only to end up with wired ones by mistake.

“Get to Know You” Segment: Alan’s Wild Youth

[17:00 – 31:23]

• Alan tells the epic, comedic, and ultimately poignant story of his “Quest for Freedom” college camp out:
  • A road trip for blankets turns into a quest for a Dairy Queen sundae, which snowballs into a beer run, mushrooms, and a close encounter with local law enforcement.
  • The story is full of classic lines and escalating chaos, ending with his friend Robert D getting arrested over an old seatbelt ticket:
    • “...you gotta stand in this circle waiting for this to go by. And one cop is... ready to say, these guys are just good old boys and let them go. When the other cop goes, I got a roach, which is not ours...” (A, 22:36)
    • “So the quest for freedom ended up with incarceration.” (A, 26:33)
    • “Sticks can look like snakes. Four lessons and a fifth lesson. Cows. Cows can be dangerous.” (A, 28:21)
• Alan reveals the bittersweet fate of Robert D, sharing the impact of his friendship and adventures:
  • “Where’s Robert D? He’s not alive. And I wish I could tell you the story of one of his deaths because he has more than one.” (A, 29:39)

Nathan’s Sensory Quirks & Tech Woes

[31:23 – 39:13]

• Nathan confesses his battle with endless small noises and his “condition” of being unable to ignore them:
  • “That little collar, little plastic ring... That thing will rattle with the vibrations of a car. That little kind of tiny little background sound will drive me insane.” (B, 32:09)
• He describes a maddening beeping component plaguing his house, leading to fantasies of “screwdrivers to the back of this thing” (B, 36:40).
• Nathan’s father’s practical solution to a squeak—spit and a paper towel—becomes a lesson passed down through generations.

Culinary Revelations and Soap-Tasting Candy

[39:24 – 47:09]

• Alan describes his confidence in “off-book” cooking, especially Tex-Mex and guacamole.
• Nathan challenges Alan to impress him with a dish; Alan chooses "chicken enchiladas with green sauce and guacamole.” (A, 50:08)
• They delve into the joys and horrors of cilantro and floral gums (soap-tasting candy):
  • “First of all, it sounds like some kind of mouth disease. I’m sorry to tell you you have floral gums.” (A, 41:37)

Legendary Family Stories: “Farts in the Drapes”

[43:07 – 47:09]

• Nathan retells a classic family legend, including the quote that gives the episode its title:
  • “Bobby, don’t fight. It gets in the drapes.” (B, 43:27)

Old Money, Payment Tech & Novelty Credit Cards

[47:17 – 50:03]

• Observations on inflation and the joy of tapping credit cards.
• Nathan discusses novelty credit card “skins”—his favorite is one styled as a Blockbuster card, and another as an Uno reverse card.

Improv Commercials & Bowen Island Air

[50:36 – 56:40]

• Alan is challenged to improvise a radio ad for “Bowen Island Air”:
  • “Who doesn’t like beaver? Our beaver planes are equipped to take as many as six people at a time. That’s leaving out the people you don’t like in your family.” (A, 54:02)
• Playful banter ensues about the merits and fate of improv vs. written ads.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “For me, that was like, oh, my God, man, I’ve touched. Touched the gods.” (B, 03:03 – on getting a trucker to honk)
• “When you are on mushrooms, sticks look like snakes... and cows can be dangerous.” (A, 28:21)
• “Don’t knock it till you try it. Which is what you also say about the sex move.” (B, 16:46)
• “I have never... It was very alarming as an alarm, I guess.” (B, 37:23)
• “Bobby, don’t fight. It gets in the drapes.” (B, 43:27)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–05:26: 70s truckers, TV nostalgia
• 05:27–12:21: Music discovery & radio taping memories
• 12:22–16:59: Headphones, tech nostalgia, bone conduction jokes
• 17:00–31:23: Alan’s wild “Quest for Freedom” story
• 31:24–39:13: Nathan’s tech sensory quirks, home alarms, squeaks & beeps
• 39:14–43:07: Cooking skills, guacamole, cilantro and soap-candy
• 43:08–47:09: Family stories — “farts in the drapes” and quirky childhoods
• 47:10–50:03: Payment tech, novelty card “skins”
• 50:04–56:40: Improvised commercial: “Bowen Island Air”
• 56:41–end: Closing banter and sign-off

---

Tone & Language

• Playful, irreverent, laced with self-deprecating humor and affection for the absurd.
• Storytelling is genuine, sometimes confessional, with a touch of nostalgia and bittersweetness.
• Language is informal and peppered with inside jokes, callbacks, and gentle ribbing between close friends.

---

For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Once We Were Spacemen ride: unpredictable, full of cultural callbacks, hilarious and heartfelt. Nathan and Alan’s chemistry keeps the conversation flowing from absurd hypotheticals to poignant reminiscence. If you like stories of youthful idiocy, tales of friendship, and improvised commercials about flying beavers, don’t miss this one.

---

Transcript

[A]

We're standing over. He's like, you gotta stand in this circle. So we're standing in this circle waiting for this to go by. And one good cop is seeming very reasonable, and he goes, yeah, you know, and he turns and he says, hey, Dale, these guys are. And he's ready to say, are just good old boys and let them go. When the other cop goes, I got a roach. Once we were spacemen. Spacemen. Tend to play weird people. Usually aliens and robots and things that don't have romance.

[B]

I once didn't get a job where they were looking for a Nathan Fillion type. Once we were spacemen.

[A]

Once we were spacemen Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a special breathless. Once we were spacemen because once we were spacemen, it was in a spaceship that we became spacemen. Because before you get in that ship and go into space, what are you, man? Maybe some are mice, some are women, others are goats. You can be whatever you are, but until you get in that spaceship and go to space, you are not spacemen. But once you are, you are forever spacemen. And if you listen to this podcast, you too are spacemen, even if you're a goat with Nate affiliated, Alan Tudy.

[B]

That was bordering on wisdom. And then you brought the goat in. I don't know. I just pick a lane.

[A]

I feel like we don't get enough. We don't reach out. We don't reach out a. To our goat fans that are just out there eating grass and being goats and, you know, there's a whole bunch of fans that I've met that we don't get. We don't shout out too much. I think about a lot about. There's truckers out there, 18 wheeler drivers that I've met that listen to us as they drive and keep this country going big, big. I feel like a lot of people forget about the truckers.

[B]

Is this true right now, what you're telling me?

[A]

I am. This is true. I've met truckers who listen to our. Our podcast while they're doing the business of keeping this country fed and. And in TVs and whatever else, you know, you want to go buy at the store that you. You don't. You know, it's got to be trucked to you from someplace. So there's a lot of truckers. Truckers. I have a. I have a fondness for truckers because I grew up like yourself in the 70s, and truckers at that time held a really high position in society of being super cool.

[B]

Yeah. For kids.

[A]

Yes, for kids. Kids. Yeah, truckers were cool.

[B]

It was one of the few things you had control over in the outside world was if you were in the back seat on a highway and you're going past a big truck, you can get the old double pull signal and that's right. And they blow their horn. That was, for me, that was like, oh, my God, man, I've touched. Touched the gods.

[A]

Yeah, well, they were also. You had Smoking the Bandit, one of my favorite movies of all time. Where?

[B]

In the Bear.

[A]

Smokey and the Bear. What was that?

[B]

Smoking the Bear.

[A]

Yeah. What was that?

[B]

It was BJ and the bear.

[A]

Ah, thank you. BJ McKay.

[B]

BJ McKay. And this is my best friend, Bear. And he. Right. He drove a truck and he had a chimpanzee with him.

[A]

He had a chimpanzee who wore human clothes. And he had a. Like, a posse of other truck drivers that helped him. I remember one was a woman. Do you remember who? I do. Big boobs. And what was her nickname?

[B]

Jugs.

[A]

No, Stacks.

[B]

Was it Stacks?

[A]

I thought it was Jugs. Well, I mean, I remember just. Just a little bit.

[B]

Front of a T shirt in those raised fuzzy letters of the 70s.

[A]

Yeah. Stacks.

[B]

Was this.

[A]

I think I.

[B]

Stacks.

[A]

Pardon me. Stacks. Yeah, because the Stacks on the.

[B]

The.

[A]

The smokestacks on a 18 wheeler. But no, no, I get. We know we were referring to her. What? Yeah, it was all referenced to boobs. It was a 70s show, and it was that type of thing where he'd roll into town, solve some crime with a monkey. And a lot of. A lot of criminals in sedans with slacks on committing crimes across this fair country. A lot of. Lot of dudes in slacks. You'd see them in with. In Dukes of Hazzard also.

[B]

Yeah. They're often wearing a vest under their blazer as well. Three piece.

[A]

Yeah. You know, a lot. A lot of leather sold shoe crime on dirt roads. It didn't. It wasn't great.

[B]

It was a different time, Alan.

[A]

Yeah. There was also a movie called Convoy. Convoy. Big, big C. C.W. mcCall had a song called Convoy. And there was a movie, Convoy. And then there was a board game which we played at my house. Convoy.

[B]

Alan, what got you thinking about truckers all of a sudden?

[A]

I don't know. Just our show, the Goats, because they're the greatest of all time. I was listening to a song this morning. Let's do.

[B]

What are you listening to?

[A]

What you listening to? I'm listening to Dan Reader. Dan Reader is a guy who, as I heard it, put out

[B]

a.

[A]

Had an album and Sent it to t. To John Prine, big folk singer, like the greatest folk singer. Sent a. Sent an album in with demos and said, hey, would you record any of my songs? I think they'd fit with your style. And John Prine said, I love all your songs, and I'm not recording any of them. I'm going to produce your album. Yeah. And now Dan Readers put in, Put out a lot of albums, and he's got. There's a lot of novelty in these, which you'll hear when you listen to Nobody Wants to Be you by Dan Reader. I. I'll just read you a little bit. It tells a story like a lot of folk songs do. And this one tells a story. It. It reveals a story as the song goes along. It starts out saying, you're gonna have to tell her where the money went, why you can't pay the rent, why you have to move. You're gonna have to tell her what happened to the car and who those guys are in the living room. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa Nobody wants to be you It's a story of somebody who's made the worst Some terrible decisions. Just a little real quick, the next, the next verse is my favorite. And who's that girl who's been hanging around? The one in the white tube top and the tattoos? And why is she showing everybody that ultrasound? And what does that have to do with you? Whoa, whoa, whoa Nobody wants to be you so that's, that's, that's the song I've been listening to. Dan Reader.

[B]

And where did you discover this one, Alan?

[A]

I guess I just listened to John Prine and possibly, you know, one place to hear songs. And you, you asked me this before. Where do you find your music? I find it on radio stations a lot of time whenever you're in town and you live in Los Angeles, so you can go to. There's, there's. They're usually on the lower end of the 80s and all of that. Those, those. 80. 88. 80. 88.7, 88.3. Marmont University or Mammoth University, something.

[B]

KXLU 88.9 FM is a college and community radio station broadcasting out of Loyola Marymount University in southwest Los Angeles.

[A]

University stations, they get these young people who are DJing. They're, they're like, you'll hear them, they'll be like, hi. So that was the back spasms. And they're really good and they, they talk too long, but when they play a stretch of music, it's music you haven't heard or they have just really good chunks of. Of new music in Austin. Whenever I get to Austin, I find. Just find college radio. College radio. Because they're just putting out great stuff.

[B]

So my next question is then, because I don't listen to a lot of radio.

[A]

Yeah, you listen to serious radio? Maybe.

[B]

I tend to only listen to what I want to hear. So I'm not. I've kind of narrowed my scope to only what I want to listen to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But my question is, what device are you using to listen to radio?

[A]

Well, when I was in la, the car. Car radio. That was where I was getting it. Because you're always stuck in your car.

[B]

And then do. Do you hit your iPhone to say, identify this song for me so that I know what's going on here?

[A]

Yeah, usually that. Because the olds will remember there was a time when we'd have to be like, oh, my God, what's this song? And you'd have to listen and listen and listen and wait till the DJ comes back, and then they'll be like, okay, that was. And they'll. And they'll tell you who it was, hopefully.

[B]

And then your mom goes, alan, I want you to unload the dishwasher. Make sure there's a list on the door. You get the orange juice made.

[A]

You're ruining everything.

[B]

Okay, good. Well, nothing needs to happen right now, so wait till later.

[A]

And he goes in. So that's who that was. Coming up next. We got our drive time at 5, and we're gonna check in with our helicopter traffic. So I would listen to the radio in the car. I don't have a radio I'm listening to now. I got. I don't own a radio.

[B]

That's what I was thinking is like, who owns a radio?

[A]

I used to listen to radio when I lived here before I listened to one station. I used to listen to a station that had new music, and I would record it on a cassette. I record the radio station on a cassette while they played it so I could go back and listen to who the people were. So I've been. I've been combing for music for a while because I. When I find a good song, I cherish it.

[B]

Part of the technology is if you wanted to collect a song that was out but was not available yet, you had to record it off the radio. So you'd call into the radio station and say, hey, I'd. I'd love to hear this song, and I want to record it. So they would know not to talk over. Oh, the top of the song. That's next level radio DJs do. Ah. And then they stop talking right at the.

[A]

Yeah, that's the worst. That is the worst.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, hey, man, my ex wife is in town.

[B]

You don't find that singer coming down, stepping all over your DJing. Yeah.

[A]

Where they're like, okay, and I'm gonna play for you now. Terry Jacks with. Who is Terry Jack? Does Terry Jacks do pictures? Pina Colada? I think he's the Pina Colada Song. Pina Colada Song. Either that or he's the one about Escape. Seasons in the Sun. What is it?

[B]

Escape is the name of the Pina Colada song. Well, the Pina Colada song is in brackets, but it's called Escape.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Harry Jacks is known for his 1974 hit song Seasons in the Sun. Escape. The Pina Colada song is a song written and performed by Rupert Holmes.

[A]

I just learned that Seasons in the sun as Terry's Jacks. A sad song. I'm bringing up more songs that aren't necessarily on the album that I'm putting out.

[B]

Goodbye, my friend, It's Hard to die.

[A]

Yeah, that's a real weepy song.

[B]

Yeah, but like, they're really putting their finger on it with that one. Like they're trying, like, hey, let's write something with this. Really sad.

[A]

It's so good, though. It's so good. Goodbye, papa. It's hard to die. All the birds are singing in the sky.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, so they would talk over the thing. I, I, I'd like to DJ one day. I want to be a DJ one day. And I'll try, I'll try not to talk over too much, but I probably will a little bit.

[B]

I kind of love talking about this old, how we used to have it versus now. I mean, we've witnessed technological breakthroughs. I mean. Oh, you know, I just found a pair of retro headphones. You remember if you had a Sony Walkman, you had the little wire headphones across the top with two little orange sponges.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Okay, so imagine that little bulkier.

[A]

Just a little bit.

[B]

Not much, just a little, a little more arm on it. And they're Bluetooth.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And man, they just pump music. The quality is amazing.

[A]

Bluetooth. Oh, you found these as a new, as a new product you can buy right now.

[B]

A new product. It's a retro design. It looks like those headphones of the 80s that we loved so much. Buddy.

[A]

All right. You gotta go jogging with those. Put on some of those sweat wristband sweat bands. The Sweatband on your.

[B]

Oh, yeah, those.

[A]

All the sweat bands, buddy.

[B]

I had a sweatband that had silver wings on the side.

[A]

I think that that seems almost like a costume.

[B]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[A]

I was.

[B]

I witnessed all your stories of the costumes you wear to school.

[A]

You wear aprons, but that's sort of like. And I delivered flowers.

[B]

This. I put on a. It was for athletic endeavors. And the wings were there for speed.

[A]

They acted like children's new sneakers. Look how fast I can run in these.

[B]

That's exactly the age I was. Honest. The age I was and. Exactly. Yeah, I was really into that headband. I really liked it. I hadn't thought about that headband in decades. I haven't thought about that so very long.

[A]

Nice. Yeah, well, I. Yeah, that. That. I need to. I ordered some headphones because outer headphones on the top of your ear is evidently better for your ears than earbuds. And I use earbuds all the time. Earbuds all the time.

[B]

I find them uncomfortable. The stick in the ear stuff, that's.

[A]

Well, yeah, I. I have the ones that go inside my ear. Can't do it. Get out of there. That's for. That's for my. That's my business. What goes on.

[B]

Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Good day, sir. Have you tried. Have I pushed these on you yet? The bone conduction headphones?

[A]

Jesus, no. What? The phone conduction.

[B]

Like a sex move.

[A]

I didn't go there, but I call this one the bone conduction. You won't walk for at least 10 to 15 minutes, but you'll dance.

[B]

All right, so instead of, like, a wire going over top of your head, it goes behind your head. Instead of, like, kind of going over and into your ears, it goes over and sits in front of your ears on your cheekbone, and it delivers the music directly into your skull.

[A]

Yeah, I don't need that. I don't want that.

[B]

If you are talking about going outside and exercising. If you're talking about. I want some music, but I don't want these things in my ear. If you're parenting, these things are.

[A]

When are you parenting? Who are you parenting? Just.

[B]

I'm just saying there are people out there who are parenting that I've given these headphones to. If you're on set.

[A]

Oh, so you can hear the child screaming also, you can still hear. Oh, no.

[B]

We need you in five minutes, sir.

[A]

Oh, I see the child.

[B]

I'm gonna tell you that I don't

[A]

do that parent look.

[B]

But do you do headphones?

[A]

I do do headphones I want some over the ear things. I, I, I, the ones I wanted. I went, hey, these look great. Great reviews. Clicked on them. He said, out of stock. Dang it. Well, let me get the earlier one that this is. This was a new one, so everybody's buying it. Let me get the one earlier. Oh, that one's out of stock too. Let me get the one earlier. That one's in stock. I'll get it right now. And I got it. It was, I went too early. It was a, it had a cord, so it was no longer Bluetooth. I backed up too many models. So now I have another pair of headphones that have a cord and I don't. I need.

[B]

So I still need down right now. Alan. Send Alan headphones. I don't need you some headphones.

[A]

Not bone conductors.

[B]

Hey, hey, that's. Don't knock it till you try it. Which is what you also say about the sex move. I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask you a review. I want your review of the bone conductors.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It seems like bone conduction.

[A]

Okay, yeah, sure. I'll conduct them. Yep.

[B]

You'll conduct some reviews.

[A]

I'll conduct some reviews about my boner. We will talk in my head about this. Yes. Great. Good.

[B]

Alan.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Sometimes we wait so long to get to this point of the show, we kind of wait till the very end to get to the let's get to know you better part.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And I think it opens up a lot of conversation, so I want to hit it a little earlier. How you feel about that?

[A]

That's, that's fine. Yeah. I have one that's maybe a little longer, too.

[B]

Good. Then let's get to know you better.

[A]

I know you and you know me.

[B]

Let's get to know you better.

[A]

Okay, so you are asking me to go first.

[B]

That's correct.

[A]

So here's something you didn't know about me back when I was younger, 18. Young. So stup. I was, I was. And I was especially young at 8. I was wild. And my buddy and I, I'll call him Robert. Robert D. He and I, so we went to college. I was in college at this point. And we had, we were, we had girlfriends. We were like, we need freedom from our girlfriends. And like, we had a group of guys, we're like, we need space where this is. This we're doing. We're going to do a camp out called the Quest for Freedom. So we titled it the Quest for Freedom.

[B]

Freedom, ladies.

[A]

Freedom from that. Yes, the oppressive yoke of the ladies. And all Their bone conduction. We need to get out into the woods. Do man things. Build fires? Sleep under the stars? So my friend Robert D. Had an uncle in this small Texas town near the college where I went, and tons of land. And so we went onto this land and we took mushrooms. We took several of them. And when we got there, there's also cows roaming the. The land. Just so you know, cows don't always say moo. Sometimes they go. That is a true sound that.

[B]

That comes out of cows.

[A]

Comes out of cows when they're in the woods and when they're protecting their woods. Cow. Woodsy cows. Like, what's a cow doing in the woods, man? You don't want to see that. But we saw it plenty. But we got way out and we set up camp and we only had tequila to drink.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

And it was not great tequila. And anyway, we said, we're going to go get some blankets. Me and Robert D. Said, we're going to get some blankets from the truck. And when we had keys, it wasn't our truck, it was our friend John's. And we opened the thing. Like, wait, we got keys to John's truck? Now we're on mushrooms.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

I know this is not advisable. Also, this is back when I was crazy and stupid. So we said, you know what would be cool?

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, that's. It started the whole thing. We found a token in his truck for a free Sunday from Dairy Queen.

[B]

That will do it.

[A]

Like, look, there's a Dairy Queen just five minutes up the road. If we walk back into this camp with a Sunday, we are going to be kings. We're going to be kings. So we get in the truck and we drive to Dairy Queen. We're about a minute on the road before it comes to our mind. Like, wait a minute. If we go buy beer, we'll be even bigger kings. For some reason, we were. We. We really wanted to be kings. Kings. We wanted. We wanted some hierarchical authority possibly granted by God himself.

[B]

He wanted the hero moment. Party just got started.

[A]

Exactly. We were looking for a monarchy. Nothing short of a monarchy. And we. We said we should have some beer. And my friend Robert D. Said, hey, you know, I'd know a place. We're 18, but Robert D. Looked a little older. And it was in the middle of nowhere. So we pass right by the Dairy Queen and we go to this place. Damned if they didn't sell us a case of beer. We threw it in the back of the truck, which was John's truck with the blankets. That we were going to get in the first place and just pocketed the. Forget about that Sunday. We're driving back. We're driving back, we pick up a tail. It's a cup of. And he's behind us for a bit, and Robert D. Says, hey, the county line is right there. We're gonna be fine. And. Right. And then he goes and pulls us over. I mean, we parked maybe a few feet from the county line, which I guess is a real thing that we could have avoided any problem. So we pull over, we've got a case of beer in the. In the bed of the truck. We're both 18. Cops come in, and they're like, hey, hey, get out of the truck. We get out of the truck. They make a stand over in one spot. Robert D. Is explaining, hey, I am. Guess who I am. I'm Robert D. My uncle is this guy. So this is all small town. He's like, my uncle's this guy. We're out on this property. We're out on that stretch. We're just. A few minutes. We just came out, and the cop that we're talking to is like, all right. And the guy. There's another copy ransacking the truck. He's going through the cab of the truck looking for drugs, which we don't have.

[B]

But you ate all the mushrooms.

[A]

We ate all the mushrooms. And the. Any extra mushrooms were at the campsite. So we knew we were okay. Well, we're standing over. He's like, you gotta stand in this circle. So we're standing in this circle waiting for this to go by. And one. One cop is. The good cop is seeming very reasonable. And he goes, yeah, you know, and he turns and he says, hey, Dale, these guys are. And he's ready to say, are just good old boys and let him go. When the other cop goes, I got a roach, which is not ours. And it was not the kind of roach that crawls on the ground that you check in but don't check out.

[B]

Right.

[A]

What is. What is that in Spanish?

[B]

Cucaracha.

[A]

The cucarachas that check in but don't check out.

[B]

Oh, Las cucaracha central. Perono puedens alira.

[A]

Thank you, God. I could never. I can't remember it unless it's in Spanish. One of Nathan's few. Few Spanish sayings that he knows.

[B]

My few finished. My few Spanish phrases.

[A]

It's fantastic. Yes. So he holds up a roach, and now he's like, oh, we weren't in the circle until the road. So he's like, get over here. Stand in the circle he draws. You got to be over here. Now we're in trouble. We're like, okay, you got to understand, this isn't our truck. It's not your truck? Well, I mean, no. Does the person who owns this truck know you have his truck? I mean, he gave us the keys. We were gonna get the blankets. And then they're like, this beer is a problem. We're like, yeah. God damn it. And then I hear he's. They've got our IDs. And then right here, Robert D. Warrant, blah, blah, blah.

[B]

And I go, oh, no.

[A]

Hey, Robert D. Did. Do you have a warrant out for your arrest? He's like, I don't think so. Wait, No, I don't think so. Classic Robert D. And the guy comes over. He's like, robert D. He's like, yeah. He goes, could you come over here, please? And he handcuffs him. He's like, you're under arrest for an outstanding seatbelt ticket he had a year prior that he never paid. And he's looking at me, and I'm looking at him. We're on mushrooms. This whole time, we've got cops, they're rifling through a truck that isn't ours. We've got this. We're high and trying to keep it together to not be high. And now they're putting Robert D in the back of the. In the back of the squad car, and they say, all right, follow us to the station. So I'm now driving. I can't. I'm driving following a cop car going 80 miles an hour, which they drove way over the speed limit, by the way, to the police station where they have my friend now. And they're like, we're keeping him all night long. I don't even know what you're doing here. You need to go back camp. And I'm like, I don't know where I am.

[B]

Like, I.

[A]

It's Robert D's land. It's not my land. I don't know how to get there. They're like, it's just up I80 or whatever the hell. I'm like, those. These are just not. Also still on mushrooms. Still on mushrooms in a police station.

[B]

Meanwhile, your friends are abandoned in the woods, thinking, where are these blankets?

[A]

We're freezing. Yeah. Yeah. They just. They didn't realize what was going on. So one cop goes, I'll drive you out there. Because they knew where it was, because, again, small town. So he gets in his cop car and drives like a bat. Out of hell with the lights on. And I'm just driving. These lights are like kaleidoscopes in my windshield. Just like, oh my God. Trying to follow a cop while I'm high on hallucinogens, driving way over the speed limit to get to where I am. And he just points it. He slows down and points where the turn in is. And I turn in and I'm there where the truck is parked. But it's still like a mile or two miles to the campsite with woods full of cows that make that noise I made earlier. And I'm high, so I locked the doors and I prayed to God to fall asleep as fast as possible. Basically it was the quest for freedom and. And my friend Robert D. Ended up in jail. So the quest for freedom ended up with incarceration. I made it back early in the morning to the campsite. The guys were like, where the hell were you? And it was like, we.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Robert D's in jail. They're like, what the hell? And then he shows up 10 minutes later, he's like, walks into the campsite. He's like, hey, what's up? It's like, you're free, you're free. And evidently they had called his grandfather, who is from that area, who came down and cussed out all the cops for ruining our camp out.

[B]

Oh, man. Some small town authority. That's amazing.

[A]

For a goddamn seat belt ticket. You sons of. He could pay that in the morning. You gotta run. You know how it is.

[B]

Well, that is how it is. Or was the moral of your tail.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is always wear your seatbelt.

[A]

I think that's one of them. Sure. Maybe don't drive under the influence. If we hadn't have driven under the influence, none of the bad, bad would have happened. You know, it's a twofer.

[B]

There's two lessons in this one.

[A]

Yeah, I mean there's a whole. There's a whole thing about maybe don't do. But we, we went out specifically went out into the woods to do mushrooms. Because you're not constrained by rules. You're not going to be getting into any trouble that would cross the law, you know.

[B]

That's three lessons.

[A]

Yeah. So that, that was a lesson also. I didn't really get into this, but when you are on mushrooms, sticks look like snakes. So just. That's another lesson. Sticks can look like snakes. Four lessons and a fifth lesson. Cows. Cows can be dangerous.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just bulls. Cows. So that was a. That's something you didn't know about me that I followed a cop. That was what I. What you did know is I followed a cop at high rates of speed while on mushrooms in a somewhat stolen

[B]

truck following a kaleidoscope of. Of strobing light.

[A]

Yeah. Could he turned off the lights? If he could have just turned off the lights, I would have been so much happier. But it was just.

[B]

Wow. Allan, another. Another item on a long list of incredible adventures that you've had throughout your life that I've just. I shake my head.

[A]

Yeah. I. I tell it. And, and just so you know now sober, because I was. I was the type of kid who liked adventures and that. That was one of them.

[B]

Where. Where are, where are all those guys right now?

[A]

Not all of them are alive. Oh, boy. Yeah. Where's Robert D. He's not alive.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he's. He's not alive. And I wish I could tell you the story of one of his deaths because he has more than one. Yeah, I mean, I did some of the craziest I've ever done with Robert D. He's currently not alive, but I'm in touch with his family. And you know, he's the. He's the guy who moved to New York with me. The. He was the only one of all my friends, respectfully, all my friends who said from Texas. And there were many of them who were like, hey, you go to New York, I'm right behind you. We're moving up. You get the. You, you get the lay of the land, here we come. There were some, A lot of people who said that. The only person who followed through was Robert D. Wow. He showed up at Juilliard and lived in my dorm room for a few days.

[B]

Wow. My poor man of his word.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It meant a lot. It meant a lot to both of us like that. We both were there cutting our teeth and he did really well in the, in the. He was a technician. He was a lighting guy and he worked on Broadway. He like quickly moved up the. Up the ranks. He was just such an incredible, incredible worker and lighting technician. Like everybody wanted him. He was. He was the master electrician for Playwrights Horizons for a while. And the rest of the guys, I don't know. I don't know. I think John G. Is off in Houston, Texas, last I heard. Still playing the guitar. He played guitar. He's with somebody who was on that. Luke. I don't know what happened to Luke. Smart guy. Love D D and the other guy, I. I have no idea. So those Are names that. I didn't even cover that. Now you're wondering. Thank God we don't even know now what they're doing.

[B]

You're welcome, Alan. You know when you get into the car and someone hasn't put their seatbelt on? Yes. And there's that chime.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know when you get into a car and somebody has tossed something somewhere and it's rattling in a plastic pocket in the door?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or there's a. There's a water bottle sitting in your drink holder, your little cup holder. But you know when you pop the cap off a water bottle, it leaves a little collar there. That little collar, little plastic ring. That thing will rattle with the vibrations of a car. That little kind of tiny little background sound will drive me insane.

[A]

Even just the little collar on the

[B]

thing, I will lose my marbles. So I'll be driving and you'll see me just touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch. Like I'm touching everything, trying to. Silence. I can hear a rattle now. You know, also, too, that I have. I don't have great hearing. So in my left ear, sounds like

[A]

you got amazing hearing.

[B]

But yes, in my right ear I do. But if you don't have hearing in one ear, you lose the sense of where sound is coming from. You can't localize a direction.

[A]

No echolocation happen in there. Exactly. And it.

[B]

I can hear it. I can hear it if it's getting louder or quieter, which is harder, I think, to find something in that way. But I. I just. I don't have, like, super ears. But. But if there's like a little background sound going on, if someone's trying to have a conversation with me and there's news radio or news television playing in the background, I. No, I can't. I can't focus on all these conversations. I can't do that.

[A]

I like to have three things going on at once. Yeah, that's. That's tough. And then you have. You touch around to find it. So if somebody. Let's say somebody's got.

[B]

I will stop a car to stop a rattle. Like, if I'm not late, I got to get there. I'll put it up with it. I'll turn up the music or something. But I can't. I don't. I. I can't. That there's a condition. I think that. I think there's a name for this. Yeah, you can't have that rattle. That sound that be. And I shared this with you because we recorded a couple days ago. There's a Component in my little audio visual rack of components of equipment.

[A]

Oh, yes, right. That beeps.

[B]

That is beeping.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

For four days now, Alan.

[A]

Oh, Jesus, man.

[B]

Four days. I think I talked to you about this, about this on day two. It is maddening. It is. I will do all sorts of things to drown out the sound. Like I'll watch this movie loud. And then there's a silent part of the movie. There's a quiet part. We know they're building some suspension and all your beep in the back. And I'm. It's behind two doors, behind two rooms. And just. It's. Why, why is it this loud?

[A]

I get it.

[B]

It's beeping. I got it. There should be. There's. Here's the other thing. I'm a pretty clever guy. This component has a little screen on it and three buttons. I couldn't tell you anything about what this machine is, what it does or how to use it.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's how they take over a consumer product. This is a commercial product.

[A]

I don't understand. You've bought.

[B]

This is for a technician. A technician will come and look at this and go, oh, your A4D3 is out. Looks like the battery backup is fried. We're going to have to bypass it. Okay, but, but what's the button that says stop beeping?

[A]

Right,

[B]

that's the button you forgot to put on this.

[A]

Do you, do you. Can you call a technician out? I'm sure you've thought of this. This seems like the.

[B]

Today is the day, so circle your calendar.

[A]

Good, good. Okay. I hope this, I hope this fixes it because that is.

[B]

There's like things I want to do in my house that. I said, no, I'm not doing that because I can hear the beeping from there with this activity.

[A]

Like I'm just wait till AI takes over, man, and starts destroying our lives.

[B]

I remember once I was driving in my old truck and there was a

[A]

squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeakity, squeaky.

[B]

Something was just. It's a high pitched squeaking rattle thing. And my dad was my passenger at the time. He goes, oh, oh, yeah, I think it's coming from up here. When we pulled over, he took a little paper towel, he jumped out, spit on my door, rubbed it and jumped back in and closed it and it went silent. What? The rubber seal where it touches metal. He just found a spot where it was rubbing there and it would. It just rubbed a little bit of rubber off onto the metal there. You could tell where the friction was happening. You could tell right there it was just dirty. He just cleaned it and it stopped that rattle. And it's. It's a. I learned this lesson when I was like 18, 19 years old. I've never forgotten it.

[A]

Wow. Only if he could come look at this industrial strength component that you have in your house with little spit, a little paper towel maybe stops that beeping.

[B]

I am one day away from putting some screwdrivers to the back of this thing, pulling it off and just finding the wire to the speaker and just pulling it off. I've done that. By the way, Alan, I've lived in this house, I think almost 18 years now. Yeah, I think it's been a long time. And at one point there was an alarm on this house with like a different system than. I installed an alarm on the house. It's all fancy and futuristic and ready to go. But there's an old alarm that was defunct until one night, two o' clock in the morning, it goes off.

[A]

Haunted. Go on.

[B]

I have never. It was very alarming as an alarm, I guess.

[A]

Yeah, they tend to. That's. Yeah, that's in the title.

[B]

But this thing's going

[A]

submarine. That's.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it was. I. I had never heard the. The like. And I don't know how to turn it off. It's not my system. It's a different system. I don't know where there's even a keypad for this thing. So I'm running around trying to figure out where the sound is coming from with my no good ear. Just. And it's loud. And it's 2 o' clock in the morning. I'm in my underwear, running around my house. And I'm running outside my house. I find a spot by the air conditioner heater. Outside. It's outside in this kind of a closet, utility closet where the, the water heater is whatnot. There's a speaker up there and there's a coup wires running to it. And I jump up, grab those things and. There's a moment of just absolute silence. And I thought maybe some neighbors would come running down the street and go, are you okay? But that didn't happen.

[A]

This is highly unusual, Nathan.

[B]

Yeah, they said so please get your

[A]

hands off of my wires. Are you turning me off?

[B]

Most intelligent house. Not so intelligent with the beeping. So don't hear so good. But those little. Yeah. Oh my God, that's. You can drive me insane.

[A]

Now I know this about you and I know a way to drive you insane. I. I Add it to the list of things I know that can drive you insane. Good.

[B]

Are you compiling a list of my

[A]

weaknesses just if I need them?

[B]

One day you just said, yep, but you kind of shook your head like, no, but then you said, Yep.

[A]

Mixed messages. 1. It's on the list. It's one of the things that drives.

[B]

I'm confused.

[A]

I don't know. You're saying yes, but you shake your head no. The hell, Alan?

[B]

You don't cook,

[A]

buddy. I would make a great cook.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Don't cook? I don't cook. I. I have the ability. If I make a recipe like, two, three times, which I. There's been times in my life where I'll start to make things. Covid was one of them. During the COVID days, I was. I was cooking Chris, and I cooked a lot more then. And I get the recipe. Once I learned the recipe, I'm. I'm off book, and I'm like this. I don't measure things. I'm like, this much of this. I can smell a thing and go, a little bit of this, little bit of that. This is the amount of salt. Bam. And I can get it right. So I think I would make a good cook because I can imagine flavors and smells in the process. I don't. I. I definitely don't know. I don't have any skills. I guess that's something I don't have. Like, I don't know how to brown butter. I have to look that crap up. I have to, you know, do all of those types of things. But if I said to you, hey,

[B]

impress me, what would you. What. What dish would you say? Well, this is something I do well. And you had all the ingredients. You don't have to have it memorized or anything. You can look up the recipe if you need to. But all the ingred beer, what would you make that would go. He'll.

[A]

He'll go, whoa, probably some kind of Mexican food, because I was always a Mexican food restaurant, so I, I. And. And when I was a taco bueno, I had to make a lot of fast food, Mexican food. So my guacamole recipe is pretty, pretty dope. And I can do, like, two or three versions of it. So I could do guacamole, and then I'd probably do some enchiladas pretty easy. Some green enchiladas.

[B]

You do some, like, fresh veggies in that guacamole. Do you do tomatoes and onions in there?

[A]

I have a version. Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And cilantro, which some people find Tastes like soap. But cilantro, onions, tomatoes, little pepper and then spices.

[B]

I love cilantro.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[B]

And I think it tastes like soap. So when they say, you know, some people like cilantro, but for some people it is like, so how. I'm both those people.

[A]

I guess so.

[B]

There's a candy I grew up with called.

[A]

Yes, I know this. Of course. It makes sense.

[B]

Floral gums. I think I made you try these once or twice.

[A]

Yes. Floral gums. First of all, it sounds like some kind of mouth disease. I'm sorry to tell you you have floral gums. It's gonna be a painful, long process to get rid of this. But no, it's a quote unquote candy.

[B]

Because we're gonna need some weed killer.

[A]

Yeah, this is. It's gonna take several different doctors. Orthodocters.

[B]

Forgive me, what were we just talking about?

[A]

Is an ortho. Orthopedic. I think ortho was feet.

[B]

The kid.

[A]

Okay, sorry. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Have you ever heard of a gum called thrills?

[A]

Wait a second. You have to describe this horseshit candy that. That tastes like soap.

[B]

Floral gums are like dots. If anybody's ever had dots. The American candy dots. It's like a little tiny jujube, but it's much harder. Much. If you chew on these things, they will your teeth for a week.

[A]

Yes. The floral gums are harder than dots. Yeah. And they'll stick to your teeth. But dots also stick.

[B]

They have a very. They're. They're slightly sweet and they have a very perfumey, lightly perfumey flavor. They taste like those little rose shaped soaps in my grandmother's bathroom smelled. My grandmother had these little rose. These little soaps that look like roses. And. Yes, don't use those.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Don't use those soaps. Those are. That's for show. Use this soap. It was a big chunky bar of Irish Spring or something like that.

[A]

Is that voice you're doing your mother? Because that seems rude.

[B]

It's gruff. I don't know. Why don't you have a cold? Nobody in my family talk like that. It was more like a kind of a Boston kind of a nasally thing.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

One of my grandmother's family quotes was, Bobby, don't fight. It gets in the drapes. So I'll let you concoct the story around that one.

[A]

Bobby, please don't fart. Bobby's got some serious fats. If they are just staining the drapes. Yes. Good God.

[B]

Okay, I'm going to tell you another Story about my dad. This is the olden days, okay? This is early 60s, 50s, early 60s. My grandmother is living in a little neighborhood in Edmonton, Alberta and has two young boys and two, two little girls now. And you know, they're a nice little family, but the neighborhood and you know who's who and there's a, there's a hierarchy, there's a, there's a society in the, in the neighborhood and it's very important. And there was a neighbor who was pretty high on the hierarchy of the neighborhood. And my grandmother and her family were invited to dinner at this woman's house. Finally they're invited to dinner. So boys, you behaved, you know, you be well, you know, well mannered tonight, like, big deal. We're making a big impression. She served turkey. And my dad, young man, took a taste of something wrong with the turkey.

[A]

It's rotten.

[B]

And my grandmother is horrified. No, Bobby, you got the gizzard. You just got a piece of the neck there. It's just, it's bitter, it's bitter. Don't just, don't eat that part. Just. He goes, no, no, no, no. He doubles down. Something's wrong.

[A]

This thing's rotten.

[B]

They didn't get invited back to dinner at the neighbor's house.

[A]

The turkey was fine. It was just he, his, he didn't like the cooking. I was about it.

[B]

He didn't like that. He decided to tell everyone at dinner it was rotten. I'm sure if their turkey was rotten, that would have been the subject of the story. But that was only not the case.

[A]

I thought maybe your uncle, Uncle Bobby may have farted and got into the. Bobby's my dad, but Bobby's my dad. Oh, sorry. Maybe Bob, it settled in the turkey as well.

[B]

He was quite a, he was quite a scamp when he was a little fella. There was another story. My aunt Mary Louise lived not a couple blocks away. You know, the family lived very close to the tight knit neighborhood, you know, very, very tight knit units back in the day. And she said hey to her sister, hey, can you send your son Bobby over with his little red wagon? Because I got to go get some groceries for the corner store and I don't have to carry them. She loads up her groceries into Bobby's little wagon after grocery shopping. And Bobby says, hey, can I have a nickel? And the nickel's a lot of money back then. And she goes, no, we can't have a nickel. Hang on a second, I'll be right back. She goes back in the store, takes care of. I Don't know what comes back outside. No Bobby, no wagon. Groceries spill out over the sidewalk.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, the toll is 5 cents.

[B]

He did not have that thing in his brain that said, maybe I shouldn't do this because this could come back and bite me in the ass. He just. Wow. Yeah. That was my dad.

[A]

It's a kid. It's a little kid. I have a nickel. A nickel.

[B]

I bet she wish she gave him a nickel after that.

[A]

In the 60s, I guess nickels were money. It's crazy to think a nickel is money. I mean, it is money, but when

[B]

I was a kid, I remember being able to buy a candy bar, a proper candy bar, like a coffee Crisp, my favorite. For 25 cents. You can buy four candy bars for a dollar.

[A]

Yeah, 25 cents.

[B]

When I was a kid.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. What are they now?

[B]

Oh, gosh. $20 something. $something.

[A]

Yeah, it is. Things got. Things are. Things are. Yeah. Inflation. Things go up. Yeah. God boy, though, like, you get a cup of coffee, it's such a route, you know, you just go in, you want a cup of coffee? I like coffee. I go to coffee a lot. You just sort of ding. You know, it's so easy to pay with your phone or your credit card. You look down after your 25% tip, but it's like, oh, this was an $8 cup of coffee. I will be done with this $8 cup of coffee in a matter of minutes.

[B]

When you go pay for something and you do that little tap on the. On the machine. I kind of love that process. And I've gone so far as to find these little stickers, these little credit card skins that you can put on

[A]

your credit card on the. Where on the credit card?

[B]

Right over top of the whole thing. It's the.

[A]

Oh, so it's the top of the credit card.

[B]

The whole thing has a little window for your chip there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Chip can be red, but everything else is covered up. They have different versions for different cards and whatnot.

[A]

But what's on your new skin?

[B]

So one of my credit cards is now a Blockbuster card, the Blockbuster membership card. So I'll say, you guys accept Blockbuster, right? And I'll show them the card, and then I'll tap it on the thing before they have a chance to answer, and it goes beep. I go, ah, great. Shove that back in my wallet. I also have one of my credit cards is an Uno reverse card.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

So if you and I were to go to lunch, and I owe you lunch, and you go, no, no, Here, let me. And you put your credit card down. I go, no, no, no, no. Led me, you know, reversed you.

[A]

There you go, man.

[B]

I have one that. It says, it looks like cardboard and someone has scrawled on it, official credit card. Trust me.

[A]

Nice. And you can get these? Yes. You could get these skins anywhere online or some places online. Just say credit card skin and it'll

[B]

come up at your local credit card dealer. Credit card, skin dealer.

[A]

Skin dealer. Sounds gross, but it's. It's a fun novelty. That.

[B]

Induction skin dealers.

[A]

That Uno reverse. That's. That's four dimensional Uno right there. That is getting to pay the bill. Four dimensional bill. Who picks up the bill? Move right there. That's. That's pretty great.

[B]

I want to go back because I didn't get an answer. If I said to you make a dish and impress me, what would this be?

[A]

It would be chicken enchiladas with green sauce with guacamole on the side. And I would do beans and rice.

[B]

Okay. I can make a Dutch baby pancake. Have you ever seen these things?

[A]

It's made of babies. Sweet Jesus.

[B]

Just Dutch babies. Oh.

[A]

Oh, good. Sons of. Too many of those in the world. Just kidding. And especially I want to apologize to our Dutch truckers out there. Sorry, I didn't mean it.

[B]

Dutch truckers keeping the world moving.

[A]

Put that wooden shoe down on the pedal and put that pedal to the metal.

[B]

I think I'm gonna come up with a new segment where I'll throw a product at you and you'll have to give me the commercial that our show would do for that product.

[A]

We should get. We should. I think. I know nobody wants this, probably because I know I listen to podcasts and you get these commercials and you're like, jesus, another commercial. But I think we should. We should get commercials and we should get to do them because that would.

[B]

Oh, definitely. There's no way. I mean, you'd have to be able to write your own commercials, right?

[A]

Yeah, I would want to do that. I would want to. I'd want to say them now.

[B]

Hang on a second. Now. Let me just throw this at you. You're a businessman. You. You've started up a business. You're like, oh, my God, I'm on the roll. Like, things are happening here. I'm actually at a place where I can start advertising and I can do this thing and I want to affect my reach. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to hand it over to this guy and points it Alan and let him Take control of the marketing for this.

[A]

Well, they'll give us copy. You know, they'll give us a copy and say, hey, could you read this? And maybe I could. Or maybe I spice it up a little bit and I add voices and I am. And, you know, I, I add my two cents.

[B]

Right. But now by the end of it, someone's got a rash. Someone, I mean, you, you really can take it places. I just. If you were the businessman on that deal, would you. Right. Would you be going, this is great for me and my product. I'm gonna hand it to Alan, see what happens.

[A]

I think there's got to be people who think that there's got to be one born every day. They say, You know, I could, you know, we could, we could maybe give levels of like, how much spice do you want this? Can we ask how much can I spice it up? I just don't like false sincerity. You know, there's. These guys are like, oh, we love this cereal. It's so good. Which one did you eat this morning? I had the cinnamon tonight. Toasted. So good. I ate it and it gives me protein and it gives me. I don't know.

[B]

I'm gonna give you a product.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You are. You, you habitualize. Not a word. Well, it is a word, but not the word you're looking for. You. You reside there. You go in Vancouver at times.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're familiar with Bowen Island?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

There's a little. There's a little island off the coast of the downtown area there called Bowen Island. Okay. You've driven up there. When you get. When you go north towards that sea to sky highway, Bowen Island's on your left.

[A]

Okay, right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Over there. Yeah.

[B]

This is. The product is Bowen Island Air. It's that little, those little Cessna style beaver water planes. They have four of them and they only go from downtown Vancouver to Bowen Island. That's all they do. And I need their commercial for Bowen Island Air now.

[A]

Oh, for Bowen Island Air. Yes, right now. You want that?

[B]

Yes, please. Let's go.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

This section of the show is brought to you by Bowen Island Air. Alan.

[A]

Bowen Island Air. Are you sick and tired of the rust and tumble every day today? And Vancouver? Well, stretch out your legs and your wings. Going on Bowen island flights. Who doesn't like beaver? Our beaver planes are equipped to take as many as six people at a time. That's leaving out the people you don't like in your family. So you get to choose only the Best and land just right up the road in Bowen island where we won't bring the relatives you hate going on in planes keeping you safe from your in laws. Ah, I don't know. I don't think so.

[B]

That was. Listen, listen. That was a good start.

[A]

That's my first one. That's my first one.

[B]

It's a fantastic start.

[A]

I. I don't improv. That's Edie's thing. That's, that's. That's. You know.

[B]

Every single episode, Alan, I, Jim Rash, rely on you to introduce the whole thing. And then every single episode we rely on you to. To send us out. And you keep saying you're going to write it, but you keep improvising.

[A]

I never did. Right. You're right.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

I think it's just. I procrastinate. It's a different.

[B]

It's improv. Procrastination.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Improc.

[A]

Exactly. And procrastination. That's what I meant. That's what I do. I'll work on it. I mean, I think I need to start. You know, when you do a thing like that, you're like, okay, so this is for the flights to Bowen Island. This is the plane company to Bowen Island. I think I would want to start somewhere like in a commercial. You might want to go, dad, for the time you have left. Can we do something special? Why, sure, son. But we don't have much money because of all the bills. Why don't we go to Bowen Island? You're always talking about how great it is. Well, we had to sell the car for the tests. What about the flights? There's flights. It's an Owen island flights.

[B]

You can't drive to an island.

[A]

I can't drive to an island. That's why you fly there on Bone Island Flights. Our beaver planes are equipped with seats made of real beaver. And we serve only the best hypoallergenic peanuts. They taste like beaver because they're made of beaver. Enjoy your weekends at Bowen island before you die. There you go.

[B]

That one's better one every episode. I can't wait.

[A]

Okay, I gotta. Yeah, I gotta. I gotta think about different ways commercials go, so.

[B]

Oh my God. I gotta think about products. You think you got a problem? My job is tough. Well, Alan, this is always. It's always illuminating.

[A]

Yes. Yes. I hope I didn't offend too many people.

[B]

I learned about you darn close to nothing.

[A]

Yeah, I used to be a ne' er do well. And you don't like the rattle of things. This is amazing. I'm glad that we. I feel closer to everyone out there, out there in the podverse and. Yeah, and of course, a big shout out to my trucker friends. All right, ladies and gentlemen, this has been an episode of Once We Were Spaceman.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

We're orbiting a new planet. It's green in shade and we can see. It's mountainous. And there's a great deal of what looks like water. I'm gonna drink some. We'll see if I survive till the next episode. Thank you for listening to Once We Were Spacemen. If you haven't yet, head over to our Patreon to get bonus content, longer episodes, and the chance to take home some incredible crap. The most amazing crap. The kind that does not smell. And if you love this show, please leave us a review and tell your friends. Once We Were spaceman is a collision 33 production, whatever the hell that is. The show is produced by Michelle Chapman, Siobhan Holman, and Josh Levy of Collision 33. There that is again. I'm sick of it. Production services are done by Rabbit Grand Green Productions. Why is the rabbit grinning? I don't like it. Her theme music is from the minds of Carlos Sosa and Joshua Moore and the playing of Fernie and also Rallo. And the artwork is created by Louis Jensen. Until next.