Once We Used Dog Scissors | Episode 37

Summary

Once We Were Spacemen – Episode 37: "Once We Used Dog Scissors"

Hosts: Nathan Fillion & Alan Tudyk
Release Date: July 22, 2026

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Brief Overview

In this wide-ranging episode, Nathan and Alan lean into their signature blend of off-kilter humor and reflective conversation. They recount recent adventures, misadventures with haircuts (including improvised grooming with dog scissors), discuss their experiences with fandom and fame, interrogate the mysterious world of pet psychics, and riff about personal quirks, awkward family moments, and the absurdities of daily life. Instead of featuring a guest, this installment focuses on their shared life updates and banter, rich with behind-the-scenes anecdotes and honest (often hilarious) reflections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lighting, Video, and Podcasting As Performance Art

• Alan shares his ongoing technical struggles with home video lighting, initiated by Nathan’s encouragement to “up the visual game” for internet clips.
  • “I feel like I'm in a COPS spotlight, though. I feel like I'm being busted.” – Alan (03:38)
  • Both delight in pursuing the perfect video setup for an audio podcast, a distinctly meta moment.

[00:55–04:05]

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2. The Haircut at a Convention—with Dog Scissors

• Alan shares the saga of a disastrous haircut ahead of a charity convention for pediatric cancer. On a whim, he brings dog scissors and, during a live panel, invites the audience to help fix his hair.
  • “I looked like an eraser on my head. A vaguely ginger eraser, which was the name of my band in college.” – Alan (05:02)
• A woman named Carrie expertly fixes his hair live, using the dog scissors—with no cape, mirror, or résumé.
  • “No cape. Which you would think at a con... Nothing but capes. A sea of capes.” – Alan (08:19)
• He rewards Carrie with a lock of hair: “The stipulation, do not clone me.” (08:44)

[04:05–10:35]

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3. Fandom, Celebrities, and Playing Villains

• Alan and Nathan reflect on encounters at conventions, meeting “Andor” and “Game of Thrones” castmates.
• Discussion unfolds about the experience of actors who play hated TV villains, such as Joffrey from ‘Game of Thrones’:
  • “What is the reaction you get? ...It’s got to be hard when you’re known for one character— and a hated character.” – Nathan (12:44)

[10:35–13:23]

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4. Pet Psychic Adventures

• Nathan recounts, in detail, his experience with a sought-after pet psychic for his deaf cat, Bowie.
  • “When I settle down for the call, he settles in with me. Like, he's like, all right, let's do that.” (15:43)
  • The psychic suggests Bowie likes music played when alone—awkward, given his deafness, but she doubles down with “he just wants the vibrations.” (18:40)
• The psychic’s reading unexpectedly hits the mark when she notes he hates "the room with beeping”—Nathan later connects this to a troublesome beeping electronic device at home.
  • “I have a deaf cat, right? ...But now there is some real validity to the room that's beeping. I mean, it's right on the nose.” (21:22)
• Alan is skeptical but shares an upcoming pet psychic session for his own dog, pondering if true supernatural insight is possible.
  • “If you get too cuddly, then she’s like, why am I not in charge of this household? I’m gonna start pissing on expensive rugs." – Alan (24:03)

[13:30–30:53]

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5. Dog Health and Chapstick Analogies

• Alan describes the stress of his young dog's “lipstick” (i.e., penis) not retracting, leading to Google searches and lube adventures.
  • “It was out for so long... So we lubed up his, we loomed up his and had to poke it back in his sheath.” (27:00)
  • Comparing the ordeal to an overextended Chapstick: “If you roll it all the way out, it could fall off. That chapstick's just going in your lap, staining your pants. So I'm worried about his little chapstick, let's say.” (25:29)

[25:27–29:36]

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6. Reflections on Skepticism, Psychics, and Real-World Hits

• The discussion expands to skepticism around psychics—Alan recounts an Oprah story from Cheryl Hines, who had a psychic predict an Oprah call, which came to pass the very next day.
  • “So there are psychics that, I think, know and can say things... I personally don’t want to go to them because I don’t want to know.” – Alan (32:20)
• Alan draws a line between genuine insight and “shysters.”

[30:53–34:01]

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7. Annoyances of Modern Life: Beeping and Safety Laws

• Nathan’s tale of the ever-present beeping room leads to a larger discussion of technological annoyances and resistance to safety innovations like seat belts.
  • Alan recalls his Texas grandmother: “She was from a generation that didn't like seat belts, and she'd get a new car, she'd cut them right out.” (36:47)

[34:01–42:04]

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8. Fame, Perks, and the ‘Perfect Famous’ Level

• Nathan and Alan discuss the peculiar blessings of “perfect famous”—not too famous to be swamped, just enough for occasional perks.
  • Nathan recounts using Alan’s fame to gain access to a private boathouse in Vancouver. “They said, laid eyes on you and went, except you can come and use the doc anytime you like, sir.” (44:51)
• Both reflect on the responsibility to reciprocate kindness and the cons as meaningful spaces to connect with fans:
  • “Cons are the only place... you actually get to hear people’s connections to the work that you’ve done. And it’s about them.” – Alan (48:04)

[42:04–51:26]

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9. Deep Dives: Scent Superpowers and Family Quotes

• Alan reveals a strange superpower: the ability to smell when people have cavities (“I can smell rot in your mouth. People's mouths. I can smell infection.” – 55:09)
• Nathan discusses family traditions of memorable quotes from childhood:
  • “Oh, were you so confused?”—a running inside joke tracing to a moment he was left out of dinner as a child. (59:31)
• A desire emerges to do a future podcast with siblings to share and decipher such family lore.

[54:41–62:11]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On trusting a stranger for a haircut:
  • “So you let a random person who stuck up their hand in a crowd... no resume?” – Nathan (07:53)
  • “She asked for a hug, and so I gave her a hug. I got some hair on her.” – Alan (10:28)
• On the reality of psychic readings:
  • “The psychic suggests Bowie likes music played when alone—awkward, given his deafness, but she doubles down with ‘he just wants the vibrations.’” – (18:40)
• On family running jokes:
  • “Oh, were you so confused? Oh, did you get confused?” – (59:31)
• On pet care oversharing:
  • “Have you ever boiled a hot dog and left like a tip out of the water?... That's what it starts to look like.” – Alan (27:03)
• On con experiences:
  • “Cons are the only place you can meet fans... it’s about them. It’s about the fans.” – Alan (48:04)
• On the perks of moderate celebrity:
  • “They said, laid eyes on you and went, except you can come and use a doc anytime you like, sir.” – Nathan (44:51)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Video & Lighting Chat: 00:55–04:05
• Dog Scissors Haircut Story: 04:05–10:35
• Celebs & Villain Roles: 10:35–13:23
• Pet Psychic (Nathan & Bowie): 13:30–21:22
• Pet Psychic (Skepticism & Alan’s plans): 21:22–30:53
• Dog "Lipstick" Saga: 25:27–29:36
• Psychics: Real vs. Fake: 30:53–34:01
• Beeping Annoyances & Seatbelt Era: 34:01–42:04
• Perfect Famous & Perks: 42:04–51:26
• Cons & Fan Connections: 48:04–51:26
• Music Recommendation ("Me More Cowboy Than You"): 51:37–54:37
• Quirky Self-Facts (Scent, Family Quotes): 54:41–62:11

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Song Recommendation

• "Me More Cowboy Than You" by The Broody Brothers – Alan recommends this tongue-in-cheek country tune mocking cowboy posers.
  • “It’s such a good me, me, me, me more cowboy than you! It’s a very funny... childish way of saying it.” – Alan (53:03)

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Overall Tone

Classic Tudyk and Fillion: part old friends’ gabfest, part stand-up, part earnest reflection. The show’s tone is irreverent, warm, and often self-deprecating—with genuine affection for fandom, pets, and the oddities of showbiz and daily life.

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If you missed the episode, this summary brings you the laughs, candid stories, and heartfelt moments that Nathan Fillion & Alan Tudyk deliver in spades.

Transcript

[A]

This little dog love him to death. He's now, I don't know. Karissa keeps. I think she said he's like a year, but I can't imagine it's that long. Anyway, he's maybe a year old. His lipstick keeps coming out. And I've said that before. When he first started out in our household, it was like a Maybelline counter because he was always trying to pass out lipstick samples. Anybody came by, he's like, have some. Once We Were Spacemen. I tend to play weird people, usually aliens and robots and things that don't have romance.

[B]

I once didn't get a job where they were looking for a Nathan Fillion type. Once we were spacemen.

[A]

Once we were Spacemen. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Once We Were Spacemen and We Were Men like few men have ever been men. That's right. We never shaved. You may have thought we shaved, but we just used our manliness to will the hair to grow in the way we wanted because testosterone was at our beck and call. Am I saying testosterone is the thing that is in charge of hair growth? It was in space at that time when once we were there, which now we still are, even though we are with you here on Earth, which is in space with Nathan Fillion and Alan T.

[B]

It was poetic. Then it felt like it got medical and then went back to poetic again.

[A]

I. I realized I don't know what makes hair grow. Rogaine. It's not. I don't think it's testosterone. I think that makes you nuts. I don't know what that does.

[B]

Do you see?

[A]

I got a lot of shadow. I got a lot of shadow. Now that we have screens, I got. I gotta figure out my lighting.

[B]

You've been upping your. Your visual game. Because sometimes we put little. Little quibs on little, little bits on the Internet and we make posts. So sometimes we're doing little bits of video. You've enhanced your video aspect.

[A]

Yes. Thanks to you. I have this great platform, but then my light gets stuck over there. I need an under light and maybe an over. Maybe another. I'll get another.

[B]

I am desperate to. I. I wanted to try to. We. We haven't connected yet, but I want to FaceTime you and look at your space and I want to help you kind of, because I think you need like one more stand. This stuff thrills me, Alan. This stuff thrills me.

[A]

Well, I shouldn't. I shouldn't keep you from.

[B]

Thrill from it. Just. And I love what you've been doing with your Background. There's, like, stuff for me to look at, and it's fun.

[A]

I got a lot. I got a lot. I got a little gorilla mask. I feel like I should be here, but there's no light over here. Maybe I go over there with the light.

[B]

You got to find your light, right? Your light is hiding behind something.

[A]

It's behind my computer, which I know.

[B]

Yeah. Is that. Lets you go a little higher, I think, with the light. Yeah, the light.

[A]

Down light. But do I.

[B]

Do I. Yeah, yeah. You can put that up a little higher and maybe turn it down a little bit. Like, that's a pretty extreme brightness.

[A]

I have a lot of things to try to hide behind. Light.

[B]

I love that we're. We're messing with your video component on an audio podcast right now. This thrills me. I'm not being sarcastic.

[A]

That is better.

[B]

I'm beside myself for joy right now.

[A]

I am in a COPS spotlight, though. I feel like I'm being busted. I feel like it's like, get out of the car, Q beam kind of.

[B]

Oh, that's better.

[A]

Oh, that's nicer.

[B]

Hey, you look fantastic. Well done, man. That's a. That was. That was fantastic.

[A]

That was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, we did it.

[B]

We did it. Yeah.

[A]

We all did it together. For all of you out there listening who were going, you can do it, and if you only believe, it'll happen, you were right. Thank you for that.

[B]

Now, Alan, you. You got a haircut.

[A]

I did get a haircut. I got haircuts.

[B]

It looks fantastic.

[A]

Well, thank you, man. I have. So I got a haircut from a fellow in town here in New York. He gave me a good haircut. Once I went back, he gave me not such a good haircut because I think he was rushed. He was rushed, and he was just trying to get me out of there. And I went to this con. I was going to a con in South Dakota that was for pediatric cancer, which a lot of people are like, oh, foot cancer. And that's not. That's not the pd. That's. No, you're thinking of. That's not it. It's. It's for the children who have cancer or who have had cancer and have battled cancer and came out on the other side and are. And some are in the middle of. Of that fight. It's a fight that stays with you for a while, you know, even if once you beat it, you have to go in for tests and stuff.

[B]

And it's. Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm four years cancer free. You know, it becomes, you know, these Milestones of having beat it and kept it at bay. But it was. I met a lot of amazing children. There's this great guy, Dr. Lou out there, who, anyway, raised a lot of money and it was exciting that way. Met some really cool people and I wanted to look good for them, for the children. I wanted to look good. It wasn't a vanity thing, Nathan. I wanted my hair to look good for our pictures. So I was calling the guy or I was emailing him because they wouldn't let me call. Because of the restraining order? No, because on their website they don't let you call stupid. Anyway, so saying, hey, I need more of the hair cut off. You left too much on. There was a whole, like, middle column of hair that he had. Anyway, I looked silly. I looked like an eraser. I look like an eraser on my head. And a vaguely ginger eraser, which was the name of my band in college, Vaguely Ginger Race Eraser. We were terrible as a band. Yes, well, because we did the summer concerts and so much sunburn. Anyway, speaking of skin cancer. No, what I was saying was that these. I. So I went to the con. I didn't get my haircut. It looked like garbage. I got there. I did. On my first day, I did a panel, which is where you go in front of audiences, people who haven't been to consult. You go. You go see the people that you came to see and they do talks and rooms and. Nathan, I did one podcast. You might have seen a lot of fun. And so I did that. And right at the beginning, I said, hey, does anybody here know how to cut hair?

[B]

And did you? Is that what you did?

[A]

This woman named Carrie raised her hand. She said, yeah, I cut hair. I said, on my way out the door, I grabbed a pair of dog scissors because they. They. Because it was a. It was a charity thing. They flew us there in a private plane, which was very cool.

[B]

What are dog scissors?

[A]

They don't have pokey things on the end so you can stick them in, you won't get hurt because a dog will move around real fast.

[B]

And they're rounded ends.

[A]

Rounded ends, yes.

[B]

Are they long? Are they like.

[A]

No, they're pretty much regular scissor size. They're made for right handed folk. No, just no pointy bits on the end. And they sell them in the pet store, probably more expensively because they call them dog scissors, but they're not. Where did you get anything special? We have them for our dogs, you know, to cut little crusties out of things. They're not the greatest. It's not really anything you want.

[B]

You had them with you. You had them. You had them.

[A]

Put them in my bag when I left. I had the idea right before I left. It was like, well, maybe somebody at the con will cut my hair. So I threw them in my. My bag. I was on a private plane so I could take scissors on the plane. And got there, this woman named Carrie. I can. We can post this on our. On our feed because I took a picture of her cutting my hair.

[B]

So you let a random person who stuck up their hand in a crowd of people. No resume. No.

[A]

Yeah. I said, I just need. Do you see how this is all too much? And she said, yeah. And I said, she's a lovely. She was very good. And. And luckily, you know, I didn't have a mirror to go by. And your hair looks terrific. Carrie did a great job. And so I just had hair all over me.

[B]

No cape.

[A]

No cape. Which you would think at a con. Nothing but capes. A sea of capes. There was no Wonder Woman. There was no Superman willing to give up their.

[B]

Not even a cloak.

[A]

Not even a cloak. My God. No passing druid on the way to a DND game. Nothing. No trolls, no nobody. We just brushed off the hair. I picked up some clumps, put some in an envelope, and signed it and gave it to a fan.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

The stipulation, do not clone me, which is always, you know, don't get in that crisper. Start. Start, you know, becoming mad scientist. And I gotta come meet me later on.

[B]

We did a con and like, right after the con, I. I had a bit of a beard going on, and I shaved off the beard and I kept the mustache. And I had quite a mustache going for a while. I was. My plan was to cut it off at our next con on stage and give away the mustache. Collect that.

[A]

Oh, that would have been good. The one in London.

[B]

Yeah. It just shaved off a mustache. It. It's a little bit of work.

[A]

Well, it was very full. You had a full mustache. It was pronounced. It looked very good.

[B]

It does seem a bit like a stunt, too. So I kind of decided against it also. I just. I kind of got crazy and just. I gotta get rid of this thing. But I did save it having.

[A]

You're all right, but you have it to gift.

[B]

Well, Alan, I love that you just caution to the wind and just said, anybody out there can. Because that could have been any crazy buddy. Just wanted, like, I wonder if I can get his autograph. I'm going to get him to sign this. If I get in close enough.

[A]

I was thinking, like, if. If they were somebody who just, like, put their hand up because they wanted to get involved, I was going to. I checked back in with her at one point. How's it going? Because I was still answering questions from other people while she was cutting my hair.

[B]

Oh, you're. That was during the panel.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Alan, this is brilliant. Oh, my goodness, Talk about stunts.

[A]

It was.

[B]

That is a brilliant. Because before everybody's eyes, you got a fantastic haircut.

[A]

Right? And I did everybody agree.

[B]

Was there a big. Was there some applause for. It was a Carrie.

[A]

I offered to pay her. She wouldn't take any money. She asked for a hug, and so I gave her a hug. I got some hair on her.

[B]

I was going to say, there's probably some hair transference.

[A]

Yeah, there was a hair transfer shirt to shirt, sweater to sweater. But it went really well. It was great. It was a great convention. I met some nice people. There was a lot of. There was some. Yeah, some people I worked, you know, andor. I was very little in Andor.

[B]

But there were some fans there.

[A]

There were some. No, there were some. Some celebrities. Some andor folk. Well, Denise.

[B]

Yes. So cranky, that lady. She had that stony face.

[A]

Yes. And she's so not a stony person.

[B]

No, no. She seems. In interviews, she seems very happy and chipper.

[A]

Yes. She's Irish. Denise Gao. And her and I met in Japan when we did the Star wars celebration before Andor came out. But it was a weird time because I was meeting the entire cast, like, hi.

[B]

For the first time.

[A]

I'm in this. Yeah. I don't know. We didn't ever get to work together. I. I love your work in season one. So we got to hang out on our private plane.

[B]

Wow, that's the second private plane we got you in today.

[A]

Yes. No, that's. That's the same one.

[B]

Oh, the same private plane. Gotcha. Yeah, same from the same story. Gotcha.

[A]

Yeah, we went. We went together. And there was also a fellow named Rory McCann, who you may know from Game of Thrones, who was the hound. And he was there, and he and I got to hang out, and I really like him, and I'm hoping he'll come on the pod at some point. We'll. We'll get back to you on that. But put that in your pipe and think about it.

[B]

What a fantastic job he did now. And here's something. Here's an experience. I mean, like, he's. Alan, you. You and I Kind of share the experience of.

[A]

We play likable characters pretty much.

[B]

But he is, I guess, a likable character, isn't he? He is a likable character, but he does such detestable things. You know that young man who played the young man who played Joffrey, who played King Joffrey. I often wonder about his experience because such an incredible role, such an incredible job. Right. But playing a hated character, what is the reaction you get?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Being a young man, I bet his experience was very unusual.

[A]

Yeah. Who knows? I know that he left. I know he left. Acting came back, and then I think he left again. I don't know. It's got to be hard when you're

[B]

known for one character and a hated character, though. Not like, oh, I loved you in no, I hated you.

[A]

Couldn't wait for you. I was happy when the person who did kill you told us they killed you. Yeah. He was a. He was a prick. He was disgusting. He was a murderer.

[B]

I think you have to have a kind of a thickish skin to find the compliments in that.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. That's tough. And you want to move on to. You want to move on to something else quick because you don't want to just be that guy.

[B]

Alan. Yes. So much has happened since we last.

[A]

Oh, really? Really?

[B]

Yeah. What?

[A]

What happened?

[B]

So much has happened. I'm going to open up with. I had the pet psychic reading.

[A]

Oh, my God. You went. You did the pet psychic for your cat, Bowie.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Who's sometimes a dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have a better understanding of that now?

[B]

I can't just jump in the middle of the story, Alan.

[A]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What did he have? What? What do you know? What happened?

[B]

This. This was. First of all, when I said to you, I'm gonna endeavor to get this pet psychic reading. I thought it would just be like, I'll call her and, you know, like the following day or something, we'll have something set up. It's like, she's booked till December.

[A]

Oh, Jesus.

[B]

She's busy. Yeah, sorry.

[A]

Cats are very inarticulate that you need someone to translate.

[B]

I. They had a cancel. I don't know what it was. Something happened. She was able to squeeze me in. So we got a call back and say, oh, how about this time? And so. Oh, so we've recorded a couple of podcasts. I think between that time where I said I was going to do this and where it was actually done, and that was because I finally got squeezed in now. So then Though I. But. So. So here we are now. Okay. This is Pet Psychic.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Now, Alan, I. I'm a cynic. Remember the other day we were talking about Fear Cages? I talked to. About. Yes. And that was gonna be your. Your. Your. Your. Your. What was your band name?

[A]

My tag name? Oh, no, no, that's my band. No, that's my DJ name.

[B]

Your DJ name?

[A]

My DJ name is Fear.

[B]

So, like, when you. When you're having that sense of something, like, there's ways to explain a lot of, like, I would like. I love hearing these ghost stories. Like, I want someone to convince. Convince me. Like, I really want to.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Believe on the other side. But I'm a skeptic.

[A]

Right. Yes, I hear you.

[B]

I wanted to approach this experience with an open mind. It's a zoom call. I set up my iPad. I have my coffee. I'm. I'm ready to have this little zoom call. I settle down on the couch, and my cat, who was sleeping, appears at my feet. And he jumps up on my lap, and he settles down on the big. I put a big pillow next to me. He kind of settles into my armpit right there, and I just like, oh, that's kind of neat as an experience. I'm going to do a pet psychic reading to try to communicate with this cat. And when I settle down for the call, he settles in with me. Like, he's like, all right, let's do that. You know what I mean?

[A]

I do. I think that's very cool. Just real quick, I. My mind went to. In the crook of your arm. He found yet another sandwich.

[B]

No, thank you.

[A]

That's. That's. I just thought that's where that was going to lead. That was going to pay off.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. He's in your lap.

[B]

I'm on the call. And it's nice. She has a bit of a spiel saying, okay, you know, sometimes this is how it goes, and blah, blah, blah, here's what you can expect. And she's going really fast, and you can tell she's done this a bunch of times. I'm kind of. It's. It's a little monotone, so a little hard to track, but I get the gist. Well, she's going. Sometimes I get an image, sometimes I get a sound, sometimes this. He's not talking directly. He's this. She's got a spiel about what's on. Going. Gonna. Would you. If you have any questions. She kind of covers a bunch.

[A]

I would have thought she would talk slowly and sort of like that. She would have said, okay, we're gonna do this and I just want you to get comfortable, we're gonna go on a ride.

[B]

No, no, no, no. She was very well spoken and very polite and very, very. Yeah, she was like. I felt like I was talking to like a, someone who's just graduating from college. Oh, clean cut. Kind of like in a, a college apartment kind of set behind them.

[A]

Was it a, was it a video conference or.

[B]

It was a video conference. Yes. Yes. I'm looking at her. Yes.

[A]

Oh, okay. You have some information to go on.

[B]

And she's telling me nice things like, oh, he's, I'm communicating with him now. And he wants you to know he really, he likes you. Like he's into you. Like he likes hanging out with you. And so she's saying nice things that you know you're going to want to hear and stuff. And I was like, oh, that's good. She was like, I'm not sure where, you know where he is right now. I said, oh, he's right here. And I just, I angled the camera down and now you can see the cat is, you know, right up on me and we look like buddies at this point. You know, you know you have an animal. You know when your animal is connected to you, when they're, when they're next to you, when they're lying down next to you or when they're connected to you?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

This cat is clearly connected to me right now. He's like looking at me and he's purring away. He's having a great day.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

She says something about, oh, he wants you to know. He's like, the dry food's really important. And I'm looking, I'm like, okay, yeah, but you're looking at this 20 pound cat and you're telling me that he wants to tell me that food's important to him. Of course. Yes, of course it is. So, you know, it's nice, it's, it's fun, it's fun to hear, but it, I, I don't feel like we're the

[A]

walls of your own personal fear cage are not coming down yet.

[B]

Exactly. Thank you. Thank you. I'm not, I'm, I'm trying to be open minded, but nothing's really convincing me at this point. Then she says, oh, by the way, when you leave, he would like you to play music because he just wants the, the sound.

[A]

Nathan, your cat is deaf.

[B]

That's right. I have a deaf cat. So I said, oh, my cat's deaf. And she says, oh, okay. Let me think here. And she doubles down. She goes, yeah, he just wants the vibrations. And I was like, okay. And now he's giving up. Good. I'm not gonna lie, Alan. I had a moment where, like, I'm like face down, looking at the cat, trying not to laugh, but it's a zoom call. So you. So I don't want to, you know, you don't want to be offensive anyway, and I'm trying to be open minded about this, but that I. This part is at least extremely funny. She says to me at some point, and I have this all recorded, but these are the, these are the bullet points that I think are important. She says to me, oh, and he says he doesn't like the room with the beeping. And I go, I don't know. I don't know what that is. And she goes, yeah, do you have a room? No. I said, no, I get it, but I just don't. I don't know what the. I don't. That would drive me insane. I can't have a beeping room. I would go nuts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we wrap it up. I had a fun experience. Honestly, top to bottom, it was fun. And in the first part of it, like, I was like, ready to believe something. Like, I was, I was. I had a nice little moment of kind of suspending disbelief or whatnot. A friend of mine, a friend of ours, magic, was doing an improv show last night and I said, oh, crap, I gotta get ready. I gotta go. And while I'm getting ready, I hear a beeping. And I go, what the heck is that sound? It's this incessant beeping. I track it down to those electronic components. There's a little room in my laundry room storage room that has a rack of electronic components. And the one at the bottom is beeping. And I said, son of a bitch. I just had this fixed a week and some ago, and it kind of clicked with me. Oh, my God. A little over a week ago, this little room was beeping all day until I could get a technician in here to stop that beeping. Wow. And now today it's beeping again. And it's gonna. I mean, right down the hallway right now, Alan, there's a beeping. And this little room.

[A]

Oh, you haven't fixed it. It hasn't been fixed.

[B]

What do I know, Alan? I'd like to think I'm kind of clever, but there's components on this rack.

[A]

Throw a bucket of water on it.

[B]

I have. It's not built for the common user. There's three buttons on this thing and a little screen. I don't know what any of them mean. I have no idea what this thing does. It beeps. It needs another button first. I got it. It's not working right. It's beeping. I need to stop the beep button.

[A]

It's annoying the shit out of Bowie.

[B]

It's driving me mad. Now I still have a deaf cat, right? But now there is some real validity to the room that's beeping. I mean, it's right on the nose.

[A]

But how can he hear it? He's deaf. It's not like.

[B]

Now I'm gonna just throw this at you, Alan, and then I'm gonna let you be the judge, all right? I have been told that minutes before I arrive home at this house, my cat will get up, go to the front, and meow to high heaven. He's very loud, waiting for me to come in the door minutes before.

[A]

And you don't come in at the same time every day.

[B]

And I certainly do not come in at the same time every day because

[A]

you're on odd schedule.

[B]

And I drive an electric car and the gate is not always closed. Sometimes it's open before I come home, and sometimes it's already.

[A]

So there aren't cues for him to be like, it's happening.

[B]

I'm. So that's been a curiosity since I've. Since he's started that habit, right? Because I'll come home and he's. He's there at the door. I wonder, like, has he been there all day?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Has he been there for the last four hours? But I've been told about five minutes before I come home.

[A]

Were you told this by the pet psychic or this is by the.

[B]

This is by an in house witness.

[A]

I see. I see.

[B]

Yeah. Those are the facts, Alan. Yes. That was the experience. Those are the facts.

[A]

And that's it? That's all you got? You got.

[B]

I. I came in with an open mind. It was pleasant. Kind of lost me a second.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Lost me a little bit more. And then walking away from it, I go, oh, I have that realization of that part was right on the money.

[A]

But yeah, I don't know, man. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah. Where does it lie, Alan? Where. Where are we? You're not a believer? You're not.

[A]

Well, I'm not. I'm not. And we have. We have someone who's going to do a pet psychic reading for us, for Carissa, that our realtor that sold us our house, took us out to dinner and I paid for it, and I guess I wasn't supposed to. And she's like, well, that's not what this is. I. Okay, I'm going to. I'm going to buy you a pet psychic reading to make up for it. So now we have a pet psychic reading. And that she has a friend is going to do it. I don't know if we're going to get squeezed in, like, a couple of anal glands on our dogs.

[B]

Wait, wait. What was the thing that she's correcting with a pet psychic reading?

[A]

I don't know if there's anything to correct. Just to chat, I guess. Check in. I mean, I guess I. I'm more nervous about talking to Aunt Clara, our middle dog, because she doesn't get a lot of love. She gets less love. And I'm sorry to people out there who think maybe that's mean, but if you give her too much love, she acts like a dick. And so you kind of have to. You can't. You got to be really careful with how much love you give her. Give her. It's like, if you give her love, she's like, it's about damn time, and she starts peeing on things. And if you just pet her and treat her like, hi, nice. Good to see you, and walk her and do all the. Give, feed her and do all the good things that you can, but don't get too cuddly with her, she'll be all right. But if you get too cuddly, then she's like, why am I not in charge of this household? I'm going to start pissing on expensive rugs. So we maybe check in on that. The boy. Man, this little dog, love him to death. He's. Now, I don't know. Karissa keeps. I think she said he's like a year, but I can't imagine it's that long. Anyway, he's maybe a year old. His lipstick keeps coming out. And I've said that before, when he first started out in our household, it was like a Maybelline counter, because he was always trying to pass out lipstick samples. Anybody came by, he's like, have some. Have some. And I. And it became so common that I worried, you know, I don't know if you've ever had, like, some chapstick. And if you.

[B]

If you.

[A]

If you put. If you roll it all the way out, it could fall off. That chapstick's just going in your lap, stain your pants. So I'm worried about his little chapstick, let's say.

[B]

These are the challenges of pet ownership.

[A]

This is a challenge. And yesterday he's running around, he's got about an inch and a half out. He's like, I just need a little touch up, a little glossy touch up amount out. And, and it's like, how long has it been out? It's like it's a half hour, 45 minutes. I was like, just a second. I say, dear Google, what's going on? My, my dog's penis and it tastes funny. That's a joke from Alan's wife, ladies and gentlemen. That was in a play I did a long time ago. Why does my dog's dick taste funny? Anyway, that didn't happen. It was just, it was out for so long. So I looked up on the Google and said, what's happening? And Google said, that's a problem. It's got a name and it's not, it's a condition. Yeah. Unsheathed peen. It's something else.

[B]

And maybe it's Maybelline.

[A]

So we've had to, for two days in a row put some like Kyle Jelly type stuff on it. Oh, like some lube, like sex lube on it. Something you gotta, you gotta keep penis, penis safe. Lube. We got to keep with Jimmy loon lubed.

[B]

It's gonna come because otherwise it'll dry out.

[A]

Yes. And swell up and then get stuck. And then you have to lop it off. It's like a hot dog. Have you ever boiled a hot dog and left like a tip out of the water and that? And like the rest of the hot dog cooks and then the tip kind of just gets darker and sort of bends in on itself. That's what it starts to look like. Anyway, got that visual. So we lubed up his, we loomed up his and we had to poke it back in a sheath.

[B]

Give me a minute to catch my breath.

[A]

And it worked. He was, he, he, he, he looked, he honestly looked like he'd been violated. He went and sat down by himself. He didn't want to be around people for a bit. As you would, as you would if your parents started putting sex lube on your jock. I was, yeah, he needs to go to therapy.

[B]

So you have a lot to discuss with this pet psychic.

[A]

Yes. How's he doing with his, with all of that?

[B]

How does he feel about all the attention?

[A]

Yes. And we had to do it again today. It was, it was back out. It was back out making a, you know, making an appearance and just lubed it up and it went back in pretty quick. And he was cool about it. He didn't get all freaked out this time. He was like, ah, thank you.

[B]

Now is it. He's too young.

[A]

Have.

[B]

Dogs are typically you.

[A]

You cut off their nuts.

[B]

Yes. What's the process? Was that. What's the official process called?

[A]

Neutering. Neutering. Not snoring.

[B]

Yeah, I lost that word.

[A]

Yeah, he was. He was neutered. Female dogs are spayed. We do have spayed neutered dogs. And we. We got rid of his nards pretty early because they said if you get rid of him early, he won't lift his leg to pee. And for some reason that's preferred. I don't know why. Or that he doesn't mark or something. Anyway, we got rid of him and he. He was pretty cool about it. I would have been angry, but he was pretty cool. And if this continues, we got to take him to the vet and they got to do some kind of surgery, some kind of retract. He's not. His retractors are off. He doesn't have reverse. It goes out anyway. He's a great kid. And then, you know, also, Raisin's getting old. I'd love to. We could pet psychic on raisin. Raisin, 16 and a half. She's, you know, she has good days and bad days, but. But, you know, like a bad day is like, her stiff and like, I don't want to do anything. And she can't hear very well now. And if you leave the room, she barks, which is just annoying.

[B]

So what I'm hearing is you are not convinced with my pet psychic experience. However, you are holding out hope and really looking for some answers with your pet psychic experience.

[A]

Well, we have. We have this. You know, it's been. It's been gifted us. I'm interested to see what she says if she comes. You know, I've heard about pet psychics that can say things. I've heard about psychics that say things. You know, do you believe? I do. Okay. I did a show called Suburgatory. Cheryl Hines was on that show. I think a lot of people know Cheryl Hines is being married to Robert Kennedy Jr. Now. He's very much in the news at that time. They were dating. And he was a very different person back then. And like, he was. He was a liberal. He was. He would never have. You wouldn't have thought that he would be in. He would be a Trumpian type guy. He was. He was about water rights. He was like a lawyer for water rights. And I did a lot of stuff with him on water rights, it was called the water Keepers, and they used law and they would sue cities that would basically just use litigation. So you could never catch them if they just dump chemicals into the ocean. They're like, oh, yeah, let's see how good your lawyers are. We'll put your lawyers against our lawyers. And Waterkeepers, it's kind of a boring charity. You're like, we're gonna sue you. It's not really like.

[B]

Right. But it's actually quite powerful. It is actually quite powerful. The Waterkeepers Alliance. Yes, it's. It is a worthy. Because they. They do go after companies that take advantage of the land, hit them where

[A]

it hurts in their wallet. And he was all about that. And they were dating and. And she was in. Cheryl was always into charity work and stuff like that. And he did a great deal of charity work, so it made sense. And he said, he's an ex. He's an exciting guy.

[B]

You were gonna. You were gonna say something about a psychic.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I'll stop talking about him. But I'm making excuses for Cheryl Hines. Free Cheryl Hines. All right. So she went to a psychic. She came to work and she told me about him. And she was saying she did a party, and they had a psychic over. And the party, the woman comes over. She's like, oh, hi. Yeah, okay, you're dating somebody. He's big. His world is very big. And she goes, yeah. She's like, well, you need to come to terms with that either, because he's not going to stop that. His world will always be big and he will pursue largess. And if you're cool with that, then just know that. And absolutely, that came true. And she said, oh, and Oprah's gonna call you. And she's like, what? Oprah's gonna call me? I don't know Oprah. I don't. You know, she's. She is a. She's a famous person. She was on the Larry's not. Larry Sanders show. Hey, computer. Who do. I mean? I was on the show twice. Curb your enthusiasm was a comedy series

[B]

created by Larry David.

[A]

You appeared on it one time. I was only on the show once. Thank you. I'm sorry. I was on the show once. I'm trying to. Didn't mean to get. Try to get one by a computer. I'm on the Larry David, the thing he's doing for the 200 year anniversary. Look, this isn't about self promotion, computer. Screw you. Well, screw you, too. So anyway, she said, oprah's gonna call you. And she's like, I don't think that's right. Next day, Oprah called her. Oprah reached out.

[B]

Day.

[A]

Next day, Oprah reached out, said it was about a thing. She's like, yeah. I mean, it made sense once Oprah's people got in touch with my people. And I was on the phone with Oprah, why she wanted to talk to me. It had. It had something to do with charity stuff that she was working on that Oprah was then getting involved in. Wow.

[B]

Larry David.

[A]

Larry David. Anyway, so. So there are psychics that I think knows and can say things, and I personally don't want to go to them because I don't want to know. I don't want them to go, oh, you're gonna. You're gonna die later today.

[B]

Or a bakery truck is gonna hit you.

[A]

Yeah, because, you know, I love bakeries. And that's just. I don't want to carry that around with me. I don't want to think bad about them. But. But. So there are psychics at work. And this may be a. I knew a guy who had a dog psychic. Even that worked. He said after his dog passed away, he was having real trouble. They were best friends and. And the guys. It was a woman who'd said, just know that he's thinking about you. And I see him right now sitting by a big blue bowl, which was his bowl that he always. He. He always. They had this big blue food bowl that the person couldn't have known about. So instead of other couple of things, I forget what they were, but it was like, oh, wow, that sounds real.

[B]

So you want to believe. You do believe you just.

[A]

There's a lot of shysters, but you don't.

[B]

But my experience has not. Has not convinced my. Doesn't pass muster.

[A]

I think this is a girl, you know, we didn't say her name, so we're not crapping on her. But, you know, she's young, she's out of college, she needs some money.

[B]

She's probably in her 40s. And I'm like, I have no idea what's going on. I'm really not one to judge.

[A]

She has a drug problem. Obviously, she's.

[B]

There was a collegiate vibe.

[A]

She has a gambling problem, and she needs money, and it's just too easy to gamble these days.

[B]

She's booked till December. Like, she's. She's very popular. She's clearly doing well.

[A]

I think it's a good gamble that everybody has a beeping room in their house these days. When. Even on this. When we were in this. There was beeping in my house. I don't.

[B]

Listen, of all the things I think that was like, that was the one for me. That kind of shook me a little bit, because in the moment, I'm. I'm kind of looking at her like she's crazy. And then all of a sudden, I realize, oh, my God. I had that thing where it was like, six hours of beeping.

[A]

I don't know that there's a room you could go in in 20, 26 that doesn't beep.

[B]

If there was. If. I would go nuts.

[A]

Alan, we are lousy with beeps.

[B]

You know when you. When you're driving in your car and you hear that little. Just like a little ticking, like. Like there's something loose in a pocket in a door somewhere or.

[A]

Yes, yes. Like vibrations or.

[B]

I cannot abide. I can't abide.

[A]

No. Ticky, tacky.

[B]

You recommended a scuba trip to me once. Roatan.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

So I went to Roton with a couple of friends and my brother and. And these guys who gave us the boating experience. You know, they were very excited to show us the island and whatnot. And this one fell wanted to show us around, and he would drive us around in his car, but he would never put his seat belt on. And we were just listening to the seat belt chime the whole time.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I said, I'm going to murder this guy.

[A]

Did you tell him to buckle his seatbelt?

[B]

We, Every single one of us was like, you can't. That can't be a thing that you just. Oh, I don't even hear it.

[A]

We do.

[B]

That's not right. You can't not hear that. That's a. That's a constant dinging, beeping chime.

[A]

Yeah, that's tough. I can't. I've had that with, like, drivers that are, you know, driving you to the airport or whatever. And I'll insist that I. I have a memory of one where he and I got it got a little heated because I was like, you can't leave it. He's like, it's fine. It'll stop after a while like this. It's been going on way too long already, man. Just seat belt, put it behind you.

[B]

That important to you? Yeah, just put. Buckle the seat belt up before you get in the car. Just sit on the belt, man.

[A]

My grandmother, God bless her, she. She was from a generation that didn't like seat belts, you know, and she'd get a new car, she'd cut them right out.

[B]

Jeepers, you Couldn't.

[A]

There were no seatbelts because she got him. That's some Texas for you right there, man.

[B]

There's. That the whole concept of something will be introduced, like a seat belt law and the resistance to it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What my freedom is being. And then there's this. Gradually, there's an acceptance.

[A]

Yeah. Because people come up or they have kids.

[B]

It's the law. And you're gonna start getting tickets, and if you don't, you know, that's. I mean, you're gonna have to do. I mean, it just is no winning that argument. It's the law. And then there's this kind of communal sense of. Yeah. I mean, why hasn't it always been this way? So now we're talking about someone who doesn't believe in seat belts, and we're kind of. We're talking about how ridiculous it is. But for her.

[A]

Yeah, she's still in that. I mean. Yeah, you watch old movies where people have, like, babies on their laps while they're driving, and you just don't. That was just how it was. Now you can't do that in films because it promotes that unsafe behavior. Like, there's people that won't let you. You can only smoke so many cigarettes in a thing. You can only. You know, you can't drink and drive, not only in real life, but in a film. Unless it's, you know about that. You know, you can't casually have, like, Bad News Bears if you watch the old. The original Bad News Bears. Love that movie. There was, like, two, three of them when I was a kid. When we were growing up, that was a big movie. And Walter Mathau would hand me that flask. It's in the glove box. He's got a bunch of kids. Nobody's got seat belts on, and they're handing them liquor to drink while he's driving the kids to go play baseball. So different time now. Yeah, it was a good time. Yeah. But no, it was a different time.

[B]

Has that ever happened to you in. In a project where the. There's something that you were going to do, and they said, ooh, you can't have more than this many cigarettes or. I know candles. Having an open flame on a set is a huge deal. I look back at some of those Game of Thrones episodes where they have tons of candles, and I think, how many of those are cg? And I wonder if the rules have

[A]

changed now that there's streaming. I have had stuff I wasn't allowed. I did a show called Dollhouse that Joss Whedon created for Fox for some reason after Firefly, worked for Fox, but I guess that's how Hollywood works. And it. I. I spit.

[B]

I went.

[A]

I did that gross. Sound. Sound. Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry. To those folks who just gagged and spit and they cut that some.

[B]

The.

[A]

Somebody cut that. I know, but that's about all. Yeah. No, not, not in Resident Alien. I guess that was. I had to smoke a bunch of cigarettes the last season. And that was. I wasn't policed, but there was a time where. Yeah, I've. I've been on sets where that. That has been discussed about who can smoke, who can't. I wanted to smoke in 42. I wanted to be. Because that, that. But that didn't happen.

[B]

That was an age of smoking. That for sure.

[A]

Yeah. When I Like in the, in the. After the game where you're in the locker room like the manager smoking cigarettes with all the players, like that was something they did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're good for you.

[B]

I have a question.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You and I have discussed how fun it is to be perfect, famous.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Have you ever entered into a situation and kind of like hoped they'd recognize you so that you would get some preferential treatment? You ever said, that's Alan Tudyk and just cross your fingers, hope that they go, wait a minute, I know that name. And look up and have you ever kind of like, I hope this. I hope, I hope my face will be my ambassador, Right?

[A]

Sure, I'm sure. When I was younger and I wanted to get into places that were like partier places, party places. One time in Cancun, Mexico, on a New Year's, we had no plans, like idiots. And it's like, all the places that you would want to go were like, we, we. We have no reservations available for you. We've had. We've been filled up for way too long. You're like, but what if I told you there are some people in the sci fi world who think I'm pretty special? Could you please get out of the way? We have other customers who are actually here who made. Who were smart enough to make reservations. And that's the only one I can think of.

[B]

But did that, did that open a door for you in Cancun? Did that work?

[A]

No, no, it did not. Because my face did nothing. My face, nothing. And I was with people and everybody's pretty cool about it, except for my date. Oh, she, she held it against me, so I stopped holding it against her. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

That's right.

[A]

That Relationship ended. That's. Yeah. So that was over.

[B]

A lot of pressure on, like, a New Year's.

[A]

Oh, it was awful. And Cancun was a terrible place to be. It's so not who I was. We were in a place where, I mean, Cancun's, I'm sure. Very lovely, all that. But it's like a place where you go. Where it's like, hey, there's a bar in the pool. Like, I don't give a. That we swim up and get wasted. And there was a lot of people out there doing that. And in the elevator, the music was. And so, I mean, it felt like, like, it felt douchey to me. What I would think was douche.

[B]

You want a good time on New Year's, gather six friends that you love.

[A]

Are we talking Polyamory is like, listen,

[B]

what you do is up to you.

[A]

Oh, but I'm just saying, what kind of love.

[B]

Keep it real at home. Control your environment. Do not go out there into that mental mess.

[A]

Yeah, that's cool. You're right. That's. I. It was again, I was younger and parties were interesting to me, I guess somewhat. Definitely not. Bar.

[B]

Pool.

[A]

Bars were not interesting. Me and, and not. I always thought that would be fun to have in, in, like, right into a thing. Anybody can have this one. You can put this in your thing if it works out, if, if it fits the style of your comedy. To have somebody who's like, oh, I've been DJing at the elevators over here. Like, there's a while where people are like, I'm DJing at. You're like, at the brunch place. Why are you.

[B]

What do you do? I'm an elevator dj.

[A]

I'm an elevator dj. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's up and down. What?

[B]

Hello. What I'm looking for is, Is a success story, a thing where it opened the doors.

[A]

And I know one you must have.

[B]

Well, I know one where you were present. And I, I, I feel like we've talked about this before, but we were in Vancouver. This was not so recently. This was a long time ago, but not the first time we had done it. We rented a boat. You, Carissa? Myself. Oh, yes. It was kind of colder weather. We were all bundled up.

[A]

We have not talked about.

[B]

Beautiful day.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we rented a boat from Coal Harbor.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Right there in downtown Vancouver. Went up the Narrows, swung up by Deep Cove, and went way up to the end where you can, I mean, where it gets too shallow, you can't go with A boat anymore. And there's a private boat club there. There's like an old shining hotel looking place.

[A]

It's massive. It looks so cool from the water. It's obviously like steeped in history and tradition and old gangsters used to hang out there.

[B]

I swear to God. We've spoken about the this on the podcast computer. Am I wrong?

[A]

This story was first told during episode two, once we were bejeweled with Jewel State. In the extended Patreon conversation. We've talked about the boating, but we did not talk about this specific part of that trip.

[B]

Okay. It was a long boat ride. We had to go to the bathroom. We pulled up to that dock. Someone came running out and said, this private dock, you can't, you can't come here. And then laid eyes on you. Get out. They said, laid eyes on you and went, except you can come and use a doc anytime you like, sir.

[A]

Well, he was excited about me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I didn't remember that part. I remember he let us in.

[B]

Yeah, he was a. He was a big old Firefly fan. So then he. Then he got an eye full of me and things got even better. And then. And he was very happy for us to use the restroom facilities in his shining hotel.

[A]

And he said he saw charisma, was like, get out.

[B]

Who are you? Kicked her back into the lake. It was the ocean. I remember a little room with like really old carpet, some built in shelves that were empty, some exposed wires that ran to an old tube TV that had a VCR underneath it. And there was like a pile of like crappy old movie tapes.

[A]

And like there was like two or three bodies that were decomposed and walled up.

[B]

Could I mummify?

[A]

But mummified behind sheetrock. I could sense them there. I could just. I could sense it.

[B]

It was. I think it would be very different at night time if we'd gone creepy. Creepy.

[A]

The guy did us a solid. We all urinated or I don't know what everybody did. I know what I did. I took care of my number one business.

[B]

And so that's one experience where perfect Famous worked out really great for you.

[A]

You're right. He was, he was not. He was not going to let us in. He had, he had one job, which was to tell people, no, you can't use the restroom. Because I think people that do take boats up there probably make that request a lot. Sorry, we're not open. We're not open for two months. Like it was off season. That's why we weren't allowed now, now

[B]

I've stimulated your memory. Is anything jogging loose as far as time, where it paid off?

[A]

People are very nice. A lot of. I get a lot of niceness. Ever since Resident Alien, people have been even more nice. And I. I'm shocked and always surprised by it. But I also don't register it anymore. Like, I don't. I. I try to. I. I'll be like, thank you. And I move on. I move on very fast. I don't want any favors. Oh, you know, a guy gave us some free dessert the other night that was very cool. I just. It makes me a little uncomfortable. I say thank you, and I don't register it as something I deserve or, you know, I. I'll take a picture with anybody. I'll do whatever they want. I'm happy to. I'm. I'm glad in the moment. Wow, how cool that. That. That you saw that and cared about it. Because we put in this was. Resident Alien was very. A hard show to do just because it was very low budget. And when it's like anything in life, when you don't have a lot of money, it makes it a little harder. Things are a little. You got to get a little inventive, got to get scrappy. So I'm always happy, but I don't. I tend to just immediately forget it.

[B]

I always. It happens sometimes on a larger scale, sometimes on a smaller scale, but it's always really convenient. It's always really nice when it happens. So I always try to remember, though, it's not about me, it's about the position I hold.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they are honoring that position. So I try to honor my side of it as well. I try to make that experience pleasurable.

[A]

I would think it's. It's. I think of it, yes. It's also about their experience of the thing that you did. Like, the cons. Why? You know, we go to cons and stuff like that. Like, cons are the only place you can meet fans. It's the only place that have. That have this formalized structure of meeting fans, and you actually get to hear people's connections to the work that you've done. And it's about them. It's about the fans. It's a. It's, you know, it's. It's set up to a way. You're like, oh, they're giving you a lot of praise, but it's really about their experience of what you did. I agree how it had the. The positive effect. Usually people don't get in line, stand in line to Go. And you suck balls. They don't. That's rare, actually. Never has happened. They just there to say, I had this great experience. A lot of times it's very personal and beautiful. So I try to honor them. And. Yeah, like you were saying, honor them. Some people think it's cool that you're on tv. I try. Just like, I don't read reviews. I don't want to. I don't want to believe it either way. But if somebody says it, their family got together and watched Resident Alien or watched something like, this is how my dad and I get along. We watch Firefly. That is the coolest thing, because that's real connection.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just. I just happened. You know, we were there as a part of that. Just.

[B]

You have a very different experience. You're in a bubble. You're doing your job. Your experience is very different. What you're doing as far as how you tell a story. You trained and you're doing this. But that work is experienced by someone else and gains its own meaning right through, like you said, a relationship with their father. It. It brings so much more value to what it is you do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because of how people experience it together.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And.

[A]

And a lot of actors don't get that experience, but if you go to cons, you do. It was something when con man that I really wanted to make fun of. I wanted to. No, I wanted to highlight. I wanted to shine a light on it, but I didn't want to disrespect it because it's really something I cherish. And I. It's one of my proudest things that we pulled off with Greg Wilson. He was dressed like a tooth fairy. He comes up, we sign, he signs the. He asked me to sign his picture, and he's doing my quote with me. I will see you in hell. And even though he's. Wilson doesn't sound Hispanic. He's. He's Mexican. Texas Mexican guy I went to high school with. And so he had this accent, and he's like, yo. And he looked ridiculous. He had a white wig on. Is the tooth fairy. It was his Halloween costume he brought to. Brought to shoot in because I. We just had fans as extras. And. And. And Greg came in to do this one bit, and he says, your show helped me forget what happened to my village. And I said, oh, wow. I burned it down. So we got to have. Oh, oh, oh. The look at his face. You're an angel. And it was. It was so much fun because it. We got to have the honor. The Moment of that he was touched by the show, but also the tragedy that happened was caused by him.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes. He's looking at you say, like, how it was very sad.

[A]

Yeah. All my.

[B]

Alan.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What you listening to?

[A]

What are you listening to? Oh, so I want to share a great song and you'll find this. I got to figure out how we're going to put this up there, where you're going to get the people who are. Who are. Some of our cosmonauts can get this. This mix of mine, but for those people who don't, you're getting it piecemeal and you can put it together yourself. It is a song. It is called Me More Cowboy Than you. This is a little bit of a. Has a bit of a folky country twang to it, but it's from the broody brothers. It is a song that is about these young men and women who are posers, basically, that are trying to look like cowboys, but they don't know anything about cowboy, about being a cowboy and that. And the chorus is great. It's me, me, me, me More cowboy than you I swear I'm working class through and through Me, me, me more cowboy than you it's so. It's so great. It's such a good me, me, me, me more cowboy than you you. It's a very funny. Because it's such a childish way of saying it. And, yeah, you know, they're. They're saying, you don't know. You're wearing Carhartt, you all this, but you daddy pays your bills, all that kind of stuff. And I'm. I'm sure I've glimpsed it in Austin, Texas, probably once or twice when I've been there, but I just love the me, me, me, me, me more cowboy than you this is great.

[B]

So, Alan, you have an eclectic taste in music.

[A]

Where do you.

[B]

Where do you find these songs? This. This particular song, where did you find it?

[A]

I think it was Instagram.

[B]

I bet your Instagram feed, your algorithm feeds you some crazy music stuff, doesn't it?

[A]

There are some. Yeah. And some people who are just like, people go, hey, you guys want to hear this music? Boom, boom, boom. But then, like, you know, I went to go see a movie. Chris and I went to go see I Love Boosters, which was a great, crazy, funny, socially aware movie by Boots Riley. It's. I recommend it. If you like his stuff. If you like that. If you just see that movie. It was. I'm sorry to bother you. It's crazy like that. Where there's moments where you're like, what is happening now? Oh, my God, this is crazy. So I've not seen this. Anyway, there's a song in there that came on, and I just shazammed it from. In the middle of the movie. I pulled out my phone. There weren't that many.

[B]

I was gonna ask if you use that app.

[A]

I use that app. I pulled out my phone and Shazammed it, and I'll Shazam stuff people walking by this on the street. Because I don't know a lot of. As I've discussed on this, a lot of rap, unless you're white for some reason, racist. But I've been able to pick up a couple things from Just from people out on the street.

[B]

They ever, like, follow, follow. Somebody sound hounding them from behind.

[A]

I went out on my front steps, halfway down my front steps, because it was down. I could hear it coming. And I was like, oh, that's good. Get the phone out. As he passed down my steps. Got it. I can put that one on. I'll. I'll shout that one out later.

[B]

Okay. I like this. I like this. Alan.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let's get to know you better.

[A]

Let's get to know you better, Nathan. I know you and you know me. Let's get to know you better, Nathan. I have the ability to smell when you have a cavity. Not just when I have a cavity. Yes, when you have a cavity, which I have never smelled, but when people have cavities. I can smell rot in your mouth. People's mouths. I can smell infection in mouths.

[B]

A dead tooth.

[A]

Dead tooth. I can smell it.

[B]

I sure hope so. That's a. That's a smell.

[A]

But, like, I can. Like, oh, he's got a cavity. Oh, they've got a cavity. And I. I asked Carissa, hey, this person, when we get around them, tell me if you can smell it. Because I can. Every time I'm around them, I smell it, and it's. It's bothersome to me. I try to. I. I adjust my position. I don't want to. It's a tough thing to say to somebody, hey, I think you got a cavity. That's tough to say. It's a big.

[B]

When you asked Carissa, did she confirm

[A]

she could not smell anything? She could not smell a thing. But for me, it was like, jesus Christ, is there any other smell but that smell?

[B]

No.

[A]

Like, I'll. If somebody's got a booger hanging, I'll be like, you got a little something. You got a food? I'll be like, you got a little something if you got, you know, I don't know, stains. I probably won't point that out because I got stains, but go on.

[B]

You are. Are you sensitive to people's scent? Their. Their body odors? Like, because. Because it's kind of designed to both hook us up with people who are genetically compatible and to repel people who are not genetically compatible?

[A]

I guess so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am sensitive to that. The first girl I ever kissed, Robin F. Will say her and I were not compatible because I remember every time we kissed, there was the weirdest smell. I was like, what the is that smell?

[B]

Was it a cavity?

[A]

Who knows? We were little. Could have been boogers, because, you know, kids are just loud. Stinky boogers.

[B]

That's your dagger name.

[A]

It was like a scent that we made together that when we kissed, it on our. Like a pheromone type smell.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And it was only her. It wasn't the tree. We would go under this tree because then we. We kissed in a closet once and. And that was always there. Like, what the hell is that? It's awful. Is that what the Catholic Church says is sin? Because it smells like sin.

[B]

So it was sulfur and brimstone you were smelling? Is that.

[A]

Yes, I was going to hell. Oh, boy. I passed a girl yesterday. We were walking our dogs, Chris and I, which is a job.

[B]

So many.

[A]

These dogs are our job. Pass. This girl, she looks like she was dressed up to go to a prom or something. She's out there with her dad out in front of her house. I passed by her and she was wearing perfume, and it smelled like Fruity Pebbles to me. And it was like such a perfect young person smell because that's what I. You know, Fruity Pebbles. I ate them as a young. As a child, even younger than her.

[B]

But it opened up pleasant memories for you. It was. Yeah. And it was a fun memory.

[A]

It was neat because it. Like her. It was. There's an innocence to that. High school people are these days, but she was. She was.

[B]

Breakfast cereal is innocent. Yes.

[A]

It. Well, you know, you look at the ingredients. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The marketing is great.

[A]

The marketing. They really. I mean, you got Fred Flintstone. What's more innocent than that? He used to sell Chesterfield cigarettes.

[B]

That's right. That's right.

[A]

I guess that's. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. Nathan.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The girl was also smoking a Chester. What. What do you got for me, buddy? What do I know about you, Alan?

[B]

I don't know about your family, but my family has a plethora of Quotes, family quotes. Something that happened that can be whittled down to one quote. And this is something I actually want to do. I actually want to have, like, pull someone from your family, maybe a sibling, and from my family, and do an episode where we chat with our sibling, find out a little bit about Alan through the eyes of one of his siblings.

[A]

I think that's a good idea.

[B]

And you've met my brother. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, he's. He's a hoot, he's fun. And this is a game I would love to play with him is I would say a quote from our family and he would have to tell you the way it was said, you know, the intonation and then the story behind it. That kind of.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That's something I actually want to do.

[A]

I would love to hear you two play that game.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That would be fun.

[B]

So I'm going to give you one of the quotes. And it's probably my least favorite family quote because everyone thought it was so funny. Except for me, I guess. But as a, as a young man, we traveled to the east coast. We have family down there. We did like a. We rented a car in Boston and drove south. My father's from Fall River, Massachusetts, so we have family in that area. So we're visiting all these distant cousins and whatnot. One evening, you know, everybody's gathered for a big, you know, multi family, multi generational, big old meal. And I'm upstairs playing and having fun, just whatever. I'm one of the kids rooms playing with their toys. And then someone pokes her head in and says, hey, Nathan, would you like some dessert? I was like, oh, dessert. I, I didn't know we had dinner. Like, nobody, nobody told me it was dinner time. Like, I was just by myself up in this room, just entertaining myself. We got back to my aunt's house where we were staying, and I asked her, I said, can we have a little bite to eat? And she's like, we just came on a big dinner. And I said, yeah, well, I didn't get any dinner. Somebody was offering me dessert suddenly, and I hadn't had dinner. I was so confused. And, and then that was the quote. I was so confused. Oh, were you so confused? Oh, did you get. Oh, were you so confused? Oh, did that happen and something happened? Did you get confused? Oh, you were so confused. I mean, first of all, yes, I was confused for the moment that you were talking about. I think that's fair. Second, can we maybe lean a little heavier on the part where the guardianship wasn't up to snuff. You got a kid here you haven't fed. That's kind of your deal. You gotta feed the kids. Part of my language. But yeah, yeah, it's funny. But it's kind of funny that you neglected your duties.

[A]

I think it's a little nuts that they're pushing. Put it in your face. Oh, were you confused that we didn't feed you? I would. I would hope for a little more sympathy, like, oh, my God, we forgot you.

[B]

You. Yes, a little like this.

[A]

Get some food in this kid. Yeah.

[B]

Before he calls child protective services,

[A]

because he's got a good case.

[B]

But that's. That's one of the many family quotes from. From my family is. Is that one.

[A]

I'm so confused.

[B]

Oh, were you so confused at least? Yeah.

[A]

So in your family, it would be something where you're like, ah, what's going on over here? They go, oh, what are you so confused? They'll come now.

[B]

Now, here's. Here's the upside. I mean, I don't know if this is an upside, but the vast majority

[A]

of people who were present for that

[B]

have really passed away.

[A]

That is an upside. I'm pretty sure that's.

[B]

It's that joke. That joke is kind of a generational one that's almost died out. Everyone who was there is. It was pretty much on their way

[A]

out because you cursed them.

[B]

Listen, I cursed my time, Biden. My time. My parents are gonna hear this podcast and go, wait, wait, what?

[A]

We're sad they're gone, but, yeah, one

[B]

minute they were here, and then they were gone. I was so confused.

[A]

I was so confused. Exactly.

[B]

See, you can use it anywhere, Alan. Which is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why it was so overused.

[A]

Somebody put some grease on the steps. So confused as I fell to my death. Well, Nathan, that was fantastic. I think we should land. I'm gonna try this. We're gonna. We're gonna land this ship that we've all been on. That's the idea here now, guys.

[B]

All right.

[A]

We've been on a spaceship this entire time.

[B]

Let's program this for re entry.

[A]

Okay, Take us in. One of my favorite parts, ladies and gentlemen, this has been an episode of Wands. We were spacemen, and yay. Still we are. But it's time to touch some terra firm. And we are enjoying a little reentry. Oh, sweet, sweet reentry. We remember the good times when we were there before. And now we're re entering again and again and again until. Hey, hey, we need a nap with alternate.

[B]

He said reentry so many times, I started to get uncomfortable.

[A]

Yeah, I. It became a. That was my orgasm. And then we needed a nap at the end.

[B]

That's a wrap.

[A]

That's a wrap. Thank you for listening to Once We Were Spaceman. If you haven't yet, head over to our Patreon to get bonus content, longer episodes, and the chance to take home some incredible crap. The most amazing crap. The kind that does not smell. And if you love this show, please leave us a review and tell your friends. Once We Were spaceman is a collision 33 production, whatever the hell that is. The show is produced by Michelle Chapman, Siobhan Holman and Josh Levy of Collision 33. There that is again. I'm sick of it. Production Fair services are done by Rabbit Green Productions. Why is the rabbit grinning? I don't like it. Her team music is from the minds of Carlos Sosa and Joshua Moore and the playing of Fernie and El Sorallo. And the artwork is created by Louis Jensen. Until next time, Throw a bucket of water on it.