Ep 682 - A Mafia Mistress for Christmas, by Brooke Harper

Summary

Overdue Podcast Episode 682: "A Mafia Mistress for Christmas" by Brooke Harper

Release Date: December 23, 2024

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Introduction to the Episode

In Episode 682 of Overdue, hosted by Andrew and Craig from Headgum, the duo delves into Brooke Harper's steamy romance novel, A Mafia Mistress for Christmas. This episode, recorded just before the holiday season, offers an in-depth exploration of the book's plot, characters, themes, and overall execution, all delivered with the hosts' characteristic humor and candidness.

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Author Background

Brooke Harper, a pseudonym for Harper A. Brooks, is an accomplished writer known for her dark, magical, and romantic narratives. Rooted in the Omegaverse, her works often feature supernatural elements such as vampires, witches, and shifters. Harper's writing under her real name tends to be slightly less dark than her Brooke Harper persona, where she ventures into more explicit and intense themes.

Andrew [07:03]: "When you peel back the facade of Brooke Harper, you find she's doing a Black Francis from the Pixies Frank Black solo career thing where her real name is Harper A. Brooks."

Harper's latest standalone novella, A Mafia Mistress for Christmas, published in November 2023, marks her foray into a blend of mafia intrigue and holiday romance, showcasing her versatility as an author.

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Plot Overview

A Mafia Mistress for Christmas intertwines the high-stakes world of organized crime with the festive backdrop of Christmas. The story revolves around Lacy, an ambitious FBI agent seeking a promotion, and Marco Zakari, a charismatic member of the Zakari mafia family. Their paths collide during a charity auction hosted by the mafia on Christmas Eve in the fictional city of Kingstead.

Key Plot Points:

1. Holiday Charity Auction: The Mafia Zakari family organizes a charity auction ostensibly for a good cause, which serves as a cover for their money laundering and arms dealing operations.

2. Undercover Operation: Lacy is tasked with infiltrating the event to gather intelligence on the Zakari family's illicit activities. Her undercover persona, Natasha Moretti, is fraught with challenges, including unexpected encounters and compromising situations.

3. Brothers in Conflict: The Zakari brothers, Stefan and Marco, are at odds over expanding their operations into drug trafficking, defying a family promise to avoid such dealings.

4. Intense Encounters: The narrative is peppered with explicit sexual encounters between Lacy and Marco, blending romance with the tension of their respective roles.

5. Climactic Showdown: The episode culminates in a violent confrontation during Christmas dinner, leading to arrests and unresolved tensions, setting the stage for future developments.

Craig [10:01]: "Mafia sex story sting operation book written by Brooke Harper."

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Character Analysis

Lacy (Protagonist): Lacy is portrayed as a determined and ambitious FBI agent, eager to climb the ranks. However, her small stature (5'2") and personal insecurities, particularly related to her mother's absence, add depth to her character. Throughout the novel, Lacy grapples with balancing her professional duties and personal vulnerabilities.

Andrew [03:23]: "This is a book that is...a romance novel. It's very...a sexy novel."

Marco Zakari: Marco is depicted as tall, dark, and handsome—a quintessential mafia romantic lead. Unlike his brother Stefan, Marco maintains a veneer of control and morality, focusing on arms dealing rather than drugs. His complex relationship with Lacy evolves from suspicion to passionate entanglement.

Stefan Zakari: Stefan is the more volatile of the two brothers, engaging in drug trafficking and exhibiting erratic behavior. His antagonistic relationship with Marco introduces internal family conflict, making him a compelling yet less likable character compared to Marco.

Craig [14:23]: "Philip the Chicken Man. Testa Antonio Tony Bananas, Caponigro Joseph Joey Electric Servideo."

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Themes and Tropes

Holiday Romance Meets Crime Thriller: The novel uniquely blends the festive season with the gritty underworld of the mafia. However, as Andrew and Craig critique, the integration of Christmas feels superficial, serving more as a backdrop than a thematic driver.

Insta-Love Trope: A Mafia Mistress for Christmas heavily leans into the instant attraction trope, where Lacy and Marco develop a deep connection within a short timeframe. While effective in driving the romance, the hosts point out that this trope overshadows character development and plot coherence.

Craig [22:43]: "I think my favorite line in the book is when Ermilo is like, listen, Stefan, none of this makes any sense."

Explicit Sexual Content: The book is unapologetically explicit, focusing on the sexual chemistry between Lacy and Marco. The hosts highlight this aspect, noting moments where the narrative prioritizes sensuality over plot advancement.

Andrew [37:14]: "Then she sucks his dick? Pretty much, yeah."

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Critical Reception

The hosts referenced online reviews to gauge reader sentiment, noting mixed feedback. Some critics appreciate the mafia elements, while others find the character development lacking, particularly with Stefan's portrayal overshadowing the protagonists.

Positive Aspects:

• Character Complexity (Stefan): Stefan's intricate background and motivations intrigue readers, despite his antagonistic role.
• Engaging Mafia Dynamics: The internal family conflicts within the Zakari mafia family add layers to the narrative.

Negative Aspects:

• Superficial Christmas Integration: The holiday theme doesn't deeply influence character arcs or plot twists.
• Underdeveloped Protagonists: Lacy and Marco's characterizations are seen as one-dimensional, with more emphasis on physical descriptions and sexual interactions than personal growth or backstory.

Craig [65:05]: "Premise was good, but the execution failed."

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Personal Opinions and Insights

Andrew and Craig provide candid critiques, balancing their analysis with humor and personal reflections.

Plot Execution: They argue that the plot lacks cohesion, with mission-critical details overlooked in favor of romantic escapades. The undercover operation's impracticalities and the abrupt character motivations undermine the story's realism.

Andrew [27:29]: "It's not super clear. The op isn't very good, which we'll talk about."

Character Dynamics: While Stefan is lauded for his complexity, the protagonists fall short in terms of depth and relatability. The instant romantic connection between Lacy and Marco feels forced, detracting from the narrative's authenticity.

Andre [66:26]: "I do agree with the assessment that on the page, like, Stefan has more character traits than the other two."

Sexual Content: The explicitness of the sexual scenes is both a highlight and a point of contention. While it caters to readers seeking sensual romance, it sometimes disrupts the plot's flow and character development.

Craig [58:32]: "What can I juxtapose for kind of striking or comedic effect."

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Conclusion

A Mafia Mistress for Christmas presents a bold fusion of mafia intrigue and holiday romance, enriched with explicit sexual content. However, as discussed by Andrew and Craig, the novel struggles with integrating its central themes cohesively, resulting in a narrative that prioritizes sensuality over story depth. Despite its flaws, the book offers an engaging read for fans of steamy mafia romances, though it may leave others yearning for more robust character development and thematic exploration.

Andrew [68:35]: "I did, too. It's very silly."

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Notable Quotes

• Andrew [07:03]: "When you peel back the facade of Brooke Harper, you find she's doing a Black Francis from the Pixies Frank Black solo career thing where her real name is Harper A. Brooks." [07:03]

• Craig [10:01]: "Mafia sex story sting operation book written by Brooke Harper." [10:01]

• Andrew [37:14]: "Then she sucks his dick? Pretty much, yeah." [37:14]

• Craig [65:05]: "Premise was good, but the execution failed." [65:05]

• Andrew [68:35]: "I did, too. It's very silly." [68:35]

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Final Thoughts

While A Mafia Mistress for Christmas may not resonate with all readers due to its narrative choices, it stands as a testament to Brooke Harper's dedication to weaving romance with high-stakes drama. Andrew and Craig's episode encapsulates both the book's enticing elements and its shortcomings, providing listeners with a comprehensive overview to inform their reading choices.

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For more insights and discussions on overdue books, tune into the Overdue podcast by Headgum each week.

Transcript

[Andrew]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Craig]

While Andrew and Craig believe the joy of discovery is crucial to enjoying any well told tale, they will not shy away from spoiling specific story beats when necessary. Plus, these are books you should have read by now. Hey everybody. Welcome to Overdue. It's a podcast about the books you've been meaning to read. My name is Craig.

[Andrew]

My name is Andrew. Who's feeling sexy? It's Susan.

[Craig]

Me and you, we're feeling sexy for the holidays. Whichever ones you celebrate or don't celebrate but recognize as a burden.

[Andrew]

Yes. This one, this one is Christmas. We did Christmas again.

[Craig]

We did Christmas.

[Andrew]

We have ever done Hanukkah.

[Craig]

Yep. We've ever just done Winter.

[Andrew]

Yeah. And I guess not for. Not for December, but we have done like secular sexual books also at other times in the show.

[Craig]

Secular Healing, as it were. Yes. So we are a book podcast where each week one of us reads a book and tells the other person about it. Every once in a while we like to break our rules because we typically cover books that like, you've heard of them or they've been canonized, not to say maybe you've heard of this book but are like, you know, represent an interesting, like popular trend or genre. And this is part of that, right?

[Andrew]

Romance, I think. Sexy novels, yeah.

[Craig]

But we do like to just genre fiction reach our hand into Santa's present bag and just see what comes out.

[Andrew]

And just feel around in there, you know.

[Craig]

So this is a book where, you know, we are the number one podcast for teens. But maybe this book isn't for all teens. And maybe this episode will involve some cussing and some description of discussion of the sexual act. Adult behavior.

[Andrew]

Not like doing your. Not like doing your taxes, am I right?

[Craig]

No, no taxes in this book. So, you know, just a programming note up front. We've got the explicit tag on this here episode for a reason and we're going to talk about. What is the name of the book? It is A Mafia Mistress for Christmas by Brooke Harper.

[Andrew]

We both read this.

[Craig]

We both did read this because why would we give only one of ourselves the pleasure?

[Andrew]

Well, in keeping with our Happy Hornadays series, which includes things like what, Stealing Christmas. That one. Where is it?

[Craig]

Home for Hanukkah, possibly.

[Andrew]

And then that one where the lady got double teamed by those dudes.

[Craig]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew]

This is a book that is. I guess you'd describe it as a romance novel. It's very.

[Craig]

It's like a sexy novel. It's a sexy novel.

[Andrew]

It's a sexy, like a smutty romance novel?

[Craig]

Yes. I don't want to use the term smut pejoratively, but no, I'm not.

[Andrew]

I. Absolutely not. I thought that was implied.

[Craig]

Okay, good, because that is exactly what this book is.

[Andrew]

But like the, the emphasis is on the smut. Yeah, like, like we've read a lot of romance novels that are like, hey, I'm a novel first. And then they're gonna have sex. Like, yeah, two thirds of the way in or whatever. That's not what this one is.

[Craig]

No, this is sort of like that book where, where Santa was a lady who likes to get down. Whereas like, this is mostly.

[Andrew]

Yeah, that one was interesting.

[Craig]

Mostly an excuse to give you some titillating words to read.

[Andrew]

We like to. We like to find a small. A strong pitch for these. So like gender swap Santa, I think was a good, strong pitch. This one caught us because of the mafia angle. I think next, next year we are considering a sexy Krampus book that was just, just a little too long to read in time for this year.

[Craig]

I do have a calendar reminder for next year that just says Sexy Krampus question mark. We're both invited, Andrew. Rsvp. So we'll see what happens. A year.

[Andrew]

I accepted, but yes.

[Craig]

So the thing that struck me about opening the Kindle edition of this novel. We'll talk about Brooke Harper a little bit in a second. Talk about the Mafia a little bit. Is that there was just a. Hey, this book has some stuff in it. You know, dark themes, sexual material. Here's a link to the list of trigger warnings which I just haven't. I don't think I've encountered in one of these books before. And it sends you to her website and it does have like dark themes. Assault and abuse, stalking, obsession, murder, violence, revenge, bondage, breath play, you know, all sorts of stuff.

[Andrew]

Edging asms. Come on. Kidnapping, age gap, 10 plus years.

[Craig]

That's one bullet point. Mafia gangs is on here. That guy.

[Andrew]

Mafia slash gangs, Torture, traumatic past. I think these are. It's interesting because I think these serve partly as trigger warnings and partly like the tags you would find on an AO3 story because it's like partly, partly warning people to stay out, but for a lot of other people it's also inviting them to come a bit of a neon depending on what you are, what you are, what you are getting into it for.

[Craig]

And this is in the standalones section of her website where currently this is the only book listed. So this is her being like standalone. Hey, this is the stuff I like to write about. It's going to be in the book if you can, you know, take it or leave it. Like read the book or don't.

[Andrew]

She has done a separate series of Mafia themed books called the Mafia Rose series.

[Craig]

True.

[Andrew]

Which has like five. Five books in it, I think.

[Craig]

Yes.

[Andrew]

There's the Thieves Honor series, the Cruel Empire series, several things in the Omegaverse.

[Craig]

Yes.

[Andrew]

And then this one standalone Mafia novella. Well, but when you peel, when you peel back the facade, of course, of Brook of Brook harbor just a little bit, you find that she's doing a Black Francis from the Pixies Frank Black solo career thing where her real name is Harper A. Brooks.

[Craig]

She.

[Andrew]

And she writes slightly, I would say very slightly less dark things under her regular name. And then Brooke Harper is a nom de plume for when she wants to get really dirty and into it.

[Craig]

Yeah. The phrase she uses is dark contemporary pen name.

[Andrew]

Yes.

[Craig]

And Harper Brooks is from New Jersey and has a pet named Sammy. Her website refers to it as her four legged furry son. Does not specify what species the sun is. I'm intuiting it's a cat or a dog. But Harper Brooks has written the Reaper Reborn series, the Kingdom of Monsters, Supernaturals in Training, Moon Kissed Shifters Unleashed Bad Wolves, Sin Demons, Kings of Eden. Those last three she co authored with other authors. But pretty prolific. Yeah, lots of writer.

[Andrew]

Super supernatural. Angels, demons, witches, sorcerers, vampires, shifters, wolves, monsters. These are all things that I found on her.

[Craig]

Yep.

[Andrew]

Website. She says this is her bio, which is pretty much the only thing that exists on the Internet about her. Like if this is what was on her Goodreads page in her Amazon authored page. Also, she likes to hide out in the mountains of Virginia with Bigfoot and all his little woodland friends. Even though classic authors have always filled her bookshelves, she finds her writing muse drawn to the dark, magical and romantic. When she isn't creating entire worlds with sexy shifters or legendary love stories, you can find her either with a good cup of coffee in hand or at home snuggling her with her furry four legged son, Sammy. Again, not clear what Sammy is.

[Craig]

Yep. He could be a shifter. Who knows?

[Andrew]

Could be a shifter.

[Craig]

Ooh, I did find an interview with her on theliteraryvixen.com from 20. Mostly promo for whatever book she was writing at the time.

[Andrew]

This book came out in like 20.

[Craig]

23. 23. November 2023. Yeah. And she closes it with just like, what is one thing you want people to know about you and your books? And she says, my head can be quite a chaotic and scary place. But out of that craziness, I can create some really beautiful and magical stories. That's what keeps me writing. I'm always thinking about the next story, the next character, the next thing. So if you're looking for a story that can remove you from your hectic life and transport you to somewhere else entirely, that's where my books can help. This book did remove me from my hectic life for a period of time.

[Andrew]

It did do that.

[Craig]

I'm not sure where it transported me to. I'm not. Is Kingstead a real place? I didn't Google it.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I'm not sure if it's like a dairy main situation or what, but it appears to be kind of an urban center, though. Like, there's stuff. There's stuff around.

[Craig]

There's a large convention center. There are several cartels. It's a hopping city.

[Andrew]

I mean, the cartels are within traveling distance. You do have to, like there's product that needs to be transported into, like, the airport or whatever.

[Craig]

Yeah. So this is the book.

[Andrew]

Better not. You Better not lose it. This is a Better not lose that product or the cartels will get mad.

[Craig]

Mafia sex story sting operation book written by Brooke Harper. Anything else on the author, Andrew?

[Andrew]

No, I don't. I don't think so. She lets her work speak for itself.

[Craig]

I think she does. I do just have a few notes on the Mafia here in case anybody listening isn't, you know, doesn't know, you know, you're a big Sopranos fan. So, like, you know what, the Mafia?

[Andrew]

Yeah, no, I know all about the Mafia.

[Craig]

I'm just gonna read.

[Andrew]

Forget about it.

[Craig]

Gonna redirect from Britannica. Andrew, you tell me if any of this sounds incorrect to you. Mafia hierarchically structured society of criminals of primarily Italian or Sicilian birth or extraction. The term applies to the traditional criminal organization in Sicily and also to a criminal organization in the United States. None of that really factors into this novel. They do appear to be Italian of some kind, maybe.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Their skin is described as, like, darkish for white people, but they do seem.

[Craig]

To be operating in their own little family thing.

[Andrew]

Yeah, it's. And it's. We get a very oblique reference to the fact that there are a lot of families in this. In the Mafia in the area, and they all kind of vie for supremacy. And then this one. That's the book is the subject the book is about is that's the family that's on top right now.

[Craig]

Yes.

[Andrew]

Was it the Zakari family?

[Craig]

The Zakari family. The thing about Mafia that you need to know is that they have the omerta code. The. Is that how it's pronounced?

[Andrew]

Yeah, I think so.

[Craig]

Which means you're not supposed to go to the authorities. You're never supposed to assist in the detection of crime by other Mafia people. Basically, it's a very fancy. Snitches get stitches. And the dude in this book does break it, so.

[Andrew]

Yeah. I mean, for many decades, my understanding is that this wasn't. They never actually broke this. And it made the Mafia very, very hard to actually go after because there were lots of levels of organization between the people at the top and then, like, the street level people who you could actually pick up for doing stuff. And then they changed laws to make it a little bit easier to, like, build a case.

[Craig]

The RICO stuff. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew]

RICO laws are about. And they. That combined with, like, economic anxiety led them to all start, like, ratting on each other in the 70s. And that's what all Mafia fiction springs from, is my understanding.

[Craig]

Oh.

[Andrew]

Interest on having consumed the Sopranos, Boardwalk Empire.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

What other. What's some other.

[Craig]

We should probably read the Godfather at some point.

[Andrew]

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[Craig]

I. I was. Britannica told me. Also, I don't know someone in the Mafia, so I can't go direct to the source. I have to go to Britannica.

[Andrew]

And if we did, we couldn't say anything.

[Craig]

Yeah, exactly. More on that in just a second. They.

[Andrew]

Because of. Because of omerta.

[Craig]

But, yes, they came out of Sicily's unique history of weak foreign rule. But they did, they did, they did survive Mussolini. But then also emigration to the States creates the Casa Nostra, the American Mafia, which our thing.

[Andrew]

Right.

[Craig]

Flourishes during Prohibition and then moves into other things. And then, as you said, the 70s and 80s happen. And then I just have a note here about the Philly Mafia, because I do, you know, I do live in South Philadelphia. You just bump into the notion of it sometimes.

[Andrew]

Yeah. But you have a rather loud and proud Italian American cohort in the part of South Philly that you live in, I would say.

[Craig]

Yeah, that's.

[Andrew]

There are parts of South Philly that are not like that. But your part of South Philly is not that.

[Craig]

Yep. So I just made a list of some of my favorite Philly Mafia names because I just. I like them. Mm. For a while, the Philly mob was run by Nicodemo Scarfo, AKA Little Nicky, AKA the little guy down the shore. Great name. Philip the Chicken Man. Testa Antonio Tony Bananas, Caponigro Joseph Joey Electric Servideo. Vincent, Al Pajamas, Pagano, Vincent Bay, Beeps, Centurion Peter Pete the Crumb, Caprio.

[Andrew]

Like, all these people needed to come up with these cool nicknames to disguise that they're all names like Al and John and whatever.

[Craig]

And then one of the more recent leaders of the Philly mob, Joseph Salvatore Skinny Joey Merlino, he was kicked out of the Mafia after he. Not because of this, but he did appear in a public photo with Trump in Florida in 2023. And then he parlayed that into, like, a social media presence and launched a sports betting podcast called the Skinny with Joe Merlino, which is a good name.

[Andrew]

That's pretty good.

[Craig]

And so he's out of the mob right now, purportedly.

[Andrew]

Is it just because he, like, he's all for himself, not for the organization?

[Craig]

Yes.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Craig]

His.

[Andrew]

Wikipedia says a Mafia scab.

[Craig]

Yeah, they say he's the only leader who's gotten demoted for something other than breaking Omer. And there's a cheesesteak place that he's trying to open not far from me. And if several months ago, it may or may not have been the subject of arson. I don't.

[Andrew]

I was going to ask when we were going to go, but. Well, it sounds like it might be a little long.

[Craig]

It might be a little longer than you think. May or may not is highlighted in my notes here. So, you know. But a fellow podcaster. So what are you going to do?

[Andrew]

Yeah, Brotherhood. That's. That's our pod. Merta. You can't talk about it. Well, you can only talk about it. You can exclusively talk about it.

[Craig]

You get kicked out if you don't talk about it. All right, well, we'll take a quick break, and then we will get a little. We'll get into it.

[Andrew]

We're gonna get Randy.

[Craig]

Gonna get Randy. See us. See you on the other side.

[Andrew]

Bye. Calling all overdue Ians, Overdoers, overdue listeners, whatever you call yourselves, we're the over dummies. Over dummies. Yeah, that's a. Well, anyway, whatever. Whatever you call yourself. We are conducting an audience survey at GUM FM Overdue, and we want to hear from you so we can keep making content you love. You know this. We know this. There are ads on our podcast. You might. You may or may not be listening to one right now.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

And we want to improve that experience. But in order to do this, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is a quick, easy, and free way to support the podcast. It'll take you two minutes, and you'll be helping us out so much by doing it. So go to gum.comoverdue to fill out our audience survey. This is, like we mentioned, advertising focus. Not really about show content, but it's about, you know, stuff that financially supports the show and making sure that we are giving you stuff that's, that's relevant and not junk. Something we already try to do. But, you know, the more we know about you, the more we can, the better we can do that job. Yeah. Gum FM overdue O V E R D U E to fill out the audience survey. Thank you so much.

[Craig]

Hello, over Duffians, over Duders, it's Craig and Andrew here again. Still, I wanted to share something that seems pretty cool. We're loving it right now. It's Play on podcasts. Play on Just a quote from Shakespeare, if you didn't know that, reimagines Shakespeare's timeless plays, bringing them to life with original music and incredible talent. Their current series on Julius Caesar is a powerful adaptation that reinterprets Shakespeare's political drama through the lens of the civil rights movement. It's directed by Harry Lennox and with a modern English verse translation by Shashir Khorup. The production features standout performances by Michael Potts, Megan Boone, and more, all set to original music and sound design by Lindsay Jones. If you are a fan of Shakespeare or just great storytelling in general, be sure to check out Play On Podcast's latest season. Wherever you get your podcasts. Zunes.

[Andrew]

Okay, Greg, when we. We've read enough of these at this point that I was trying to think of just, like, how to. How to structure the podcast. And it occurred to me that in any one of these books, there are three things colliding.

[Craig]

Oh.

[Andrew]

Thing one is, what is the plot? What is actually happening?

[Craig]

Yep.

[Andrew]

Thing two is what about the fucking, like, who's having sex? How are they having sex?

[Craig]

Who's having sex? How are they having it? Are they enjoying it? Is it fun to read?

[Andrew]

Yes. And then number three, it's Christmas. How's that? How's that incorporated? Yeah, that's true. There are books that we have read that have more thoroughly, I think, integrated the concept of Christmas into the overall thing. And then there are some books that we've read that have been set at Christmas, kind of sort of like Die Hard in a way that's like, incidental to the, to the action of the book. And in this one, it's very much like, you know, people will be going to town on each other and then one of them will like, look out the window and be like, huh, it's Christmas. I don't like it.

[Craig]

Yes, yes. This one is Christmas in that there is a charity auction the day before Christmas, Christmas Eve. Run by mobsters, run by the mafia, a money laundering mafia, money laundering, arms dealing. Mafia run launches a charity auction in the biggest convention center in the made up town of Kingstead. And it's on Christmas Eve, which is not really important, except that's how the event is decorated. It's unclear what the fundraising event is.

[Andrew]

Meant to do other than raise funds, but it's raising funds awareness.

[Craig]

There's some like, you know, hand wavy writing about it being some element of their money laundering operation. Who knows corrupt city officials will be there. But then the, the second, you know, half of the book is set on Christmas day during a high stakes cartel meeting at our mafioso's home.

[Andrew]

Mm.

[Craig]

And then we kind of get a jump ahead in the future during the epilogue. That's like, wow, last Christmas was crazy, huh? This Christmas is really nice. And next Christmas will be great. So. Yeah, this is not a very Christmassy. Other than the fact that they say Christmas miracle. Other than the fact that they go to a Christmas party.

[Andrew]

There are some moments where it has as tenuous a grasp on Christmas as it does on the. On the Mafia, I think. Yeah. And the FBI. Let me find the one section I'm thinking about.

[Craig]

Sure.

[Andrew]

Yeah. So the. The action is taking place on Christmas Eve and then at the start, but at the chart start of chapter 13. Okay, Craig.

[Craig]

When we haven't really set anything up, but go ahead.

[Andrew]

We haven't set anything up yet. I'm just saying, when does Santa go on his sleigh ride?

[Craig]

Oh, Christmas Eve.

[Andrew]

He goes Christmas Eve. Right. So this is happening on Christmas day and it's getting toward nighttime on Christmas day. And the main character of the book says, even with exhaustion pressing down on me and the night outside dark and inching towards Santa's sleigh ride, I don't need him worrying his head off. So it's like, I guess, like, is Santa going home or does she just not. She really doesn't like Christmas, so maybe she doesn't know when Santa goes on a sleigh ride. Yeah.

[Craig]

Is there like another tradition I don't know about?

[Andrew]

Yeah, I just like. It's trying to do something a little. It's trying to tie it into Christmas and it's trying to do just like a little literary shimmy. The night.

[Craig]

This is a.

[Andrew]

Towards Santa's sleigh ride, but it doesn't.

[Craig]

In the context of this book. This is a character who. It's kind of front loaded that she does not really care about Christmas. So it is kind of odd that she would like, idly drop Santa's sleigh ride as a metaphor or something like that, kind of.

[Andrew]

Especially at the wrong. At the wrong time.

[Craig]

Yeah. I enjoyed this book for what it is also. Certainly we're gonna have.

[Andrew]

We always. We usually do that.

[Craig]

We're gonna have some fun like we just did, being like, what is it doing? But I think that's. Honestly, I do think that's part of what it is out to do. It's out here to give you a few chapters of people fucking fucking. And it's out to have some funny kind of. Isn't it silly how the plot is working? I don't. It's not meant to be like, wow, you've never read an FBI plot like this before, you know. But I am going to have fun overthinking a number of elements of the story because, like, I'm reading it and what else am I gonna do, you know?

[Andrew]

I mean, I'm just saying this. The author has written several books about the Mafia, and there are some. There's some reviews on the Goodreads page that are like, I love anything to do with the Mafia, honestly. That's what Hecate's library on Goodreads says. But if you're expecting like any kind of like verisimilitude, even even to like Sopranos, Godfather, Goodfellas sort of fictional standards, there's not really a ton of that going on in this. It's not long enough for it mostly. But it's also not very interested in it.

[Craig]

No, it's not. It is a. It is a book about two crime brothers, more so than it is a book about the Mafia.

[Andrew]

Two Italian brothers.

[Craig]

Whoa.

[Andrew]

Who are working together toward a common end. Let's start with that.

[Craig]

Interesting.

[Andrew]

Okay, let's talk about these super brothers, these super Italian brothers.

[Craig]

Do you want to talk about the brothers first?

[Andrew]

Where do you want to start, actually? Well, you just want to start with the. With Lacy party.

[Craig]

My overall take on this novel is that the timeline is bananas.

[Andrew]

It happens over like three days maybe, right?

[Craig]

The.

[Andrew]

The party. Okay. When is the party? In the first.

[Craig]

It's not clear what date it is, but it feels like it's literally December 22nd or 23rd. There is a holiday party at the Kingstead FBI office. Whatever this city is that has a major crime problem and no Batman and several drugs. Major drug dealers and whatever. And so we have our main character, Lacey, who is an FBI agent desperate for a promotion. She's been putting in her work, not getting anywhere. She has a partner named Wes who looks like Ryan Gosling, and she has.

[Andrew]

A work nemesis named Angela. Blonde Angela just gotten promoted or congratulations or something. It's a. Lacey's feeling very competitive, and.

[Craig]

Also, everybody underestimates her because she's 5 foot 2. And Wes accuses her of being grumpy because she doesn't ever talk to her mom. And it's Christmas time. The. The holiday party is. Whatever. Why is the FBI throwing this type of holiday party? I don't really understand what's going on. And then Wes is like, hey, good news. Just before the party, I talked to the director, and he gave us the most challenging assignment from his pile. FBI Santa said, here's a gift. Why don't you go after the Zakari family? They run a big money laundering business, and four months ago, they killed an FBI agent.

[Andrew]

They did kill.

[Craig]

The last guy that we sent tried to infiltrate them. But I guess the green light has been given by management. West says. And he says he's been monitoring them, so he has some extra intel, and they're going to work together to infiltrate this charity auction.

[Andrew]

It's. Yeah, I'm reading. I'm skimming through the first chapter. It's not clear what day this is taking place, except it is at an office Christmas party, and she does reference being thrown into things at the last minute. So I would say not more than one week before the event is scheduled.

[Craig]

To happen, which is Tony Bananas. Given. Given the. The operation that they are being tasked with, or did they come up with their own op? It's kind of unclear.

[Andrew]

It's not super clear. The op isn't very good, which we'll talk about.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Got some pretty big holes in it. But it's. Listen, I don't know. FBI. I'm not an FBI. I mean, if you were. I am a. I have. I have ever been sort of a journeyman female body inspector, but I don't know anything about the Federal. Federal Bureau of Investigation.

[Craig]

So brave to admit that on this podcast.

[Andrew]

I just feel like it's, you know, it's a time for honesty. It's a time for. For opening up.

[Craig]

Mm.

[Andrew]

But I don't. I just feel like undercover agents are their own. They get their own training, and they're their own kind of agent. I don't think you go to, like, the. The steno pool and you're like, hey, who wants to take an undercover side?

[Craig]

She makes a reference to having to like, being not good at undercover either. And it's like, tomorrow. The gig is tomorrow.

[Andrew]

It's very soon.

[Craig]

It's not. But. But it's not a gig where, like, a political leader is going to be assassinated. Like, it's. Can we bust up these brothers at their charity auction?

[Andrew]

And her qualifications have been enumerated in the chapter. You're a chick. You can woo Stefan with your female assets. Not to mention. He trails off, glancing right and left before lowering his voice. I've had my eye on this case for a while, and I've been secretly monitoring the Zicaris. I have intel no one else has about this. The last minute nature will actually be to our benefit, Lace. Okay, so you're a chick. You're gonna go. You're gonna bone your way into the inner circle, and we're gonna take these scumbags down. Is the. Is the pitch.

[Craig]

Is the pitch. And we don't get to learn more about that because we have to cut. The book always cuts between Lacy and Marco. Not Mario.

[Andrew]

Marco, one of the. One of the super brothers.

[Craig]

And he is arguing with his brother Stefan. They're the Flying Zakari brothers. And Stefan is basically in charge after their dad died, even though they're both quote, unquote, in charge.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

And their mom also died at some point.

[Andrew]

And so. Okay, so reasons why we are allowed to like Marco, but we're not allowed to like Stefan.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Is. Stefan is more unhinged and he beats up his girlfriend.

[Craig]

He's like, the scene in succession where Tom Wamb's games throws all the bottles, except he's actually abusive to people. Like, he just goes in a room and just kind of has a temper tantrum all the. And everyone's like, he's having a tantrum. Like.

[Andrew]

And Marco is the only one who calm him down.

[Craig]

Marco is the only one who can calm the Hulk down.

[Andrew]

The other. The other reason why we're allowed to like Marco but not Stefan is Stefan wants to get the mob into drug. Into drugs. Selling drugs.

[Craig]

They promised their dead mom that they would not do drugs.

[Andrew]

And Mar. Marco's like, we promised. We promised them we wouldn't. We wouldn't do drugs. And Stefan's like, you're an idiot. But Marco, our boy Marco, our sweet, soft Mafia boy, is only into weapons trafficking.

[Craig]

Only into arms dealing.

[Andrew]

But later times throughout this book, even Lacy is like, there's good in him. He's only into arms dealing.

[Craig]

He's done his best to keep his nose clean. He deals in illegal weapons, but hasn't stepped off whatever path he set for himself. Lacy, how does the FBI employ you, girl?

[Andrew]

That is not. Yeah, you're not. That's not a cool thing.

[Craig]

There are people.

[Andrew]

Because of his guns. Yeah. So Marco is. Is tall, dark, and handsome.

[Craig]

Yep.

[Andrew]

Is very frustrated with his brother and is kind of looking for a way out. Lucky. Lucky. Usually lucky. Lacy.

[Craig]

Correct.

[Andrew]

And that's the gist of this first Marco chapters. We get just, like, a bunch of stuff to illustrate how. What a big. That Stefan is and how cool Marco is.

[Craig]

And Stefan has made some deals with local cartels that Marco didn't know about, and some of them are coming home to roost today on Christmas Eve at their charity auction. That's the. That's the ticking clock there. He sees Lacy enter the convention center.

[Andrew]

And she's dressed in. She's dressed in red. She's got red hair, right?

[Craig]

Yep. And he thinks that she's a cop right away.

[Andrew]

Yes.

[Craig]

Also, he thinks she's very bangable. Right away.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't even worry about it. What's her cover name? Natasha.

[Craig]

Natasha Moretti, the girlfriend of Gerardo Mad Dog Fonte.

[Andrew]

Now, what is really cool about this undercover Persona that they've given Lacy is that it's a real person who hangs out with a lot of mafia people all the time. And the real Natasha is known to have been picked up by the cops and is in for questioning right now.

[Craig]

She flashed a cop, and then they found drugs in her body, and so they're holding her. And. But this. This is a bad plan.

[Andrew]

And. Yeah. So if you're thinking wouldn't. Isn't there a pretty high risk of someone who knows the real Natasha Moretti seeing her and saying, hey, you're not Natasha Moretti, and blow her and cover instantly. If you would think that that would be a factor, then you're absolutely right. And that happens nearly instantaneously. Yes.

[Craig]

And to me, this is the thing where, like, if these guys were gonna kill the mayor, like, maybe you send a lookalike, lower level agent in to do something like this. It's just such a risky op for. I think these guys are using charity to launder money.

[Andrew]

Especially when, like, I don't think that her identity as Natasha Moretti is supposed to make. I mean, is it supposed to make the brothers, like, more comfortable with her from the. From the jump, or is there any reason for it to be this way at all?

[Craig]

Just event access? It's just A costume from the video game Hitman. Like, it does. She does not have. She did not get any training on who this woman is. She literally just like, wow, I guess I'm a mob lady now.

[Andrew]

And they just send her in with, like, a gun in her purse. And the gun supposed to be, like, undetectable by. By metal detectors, but it is extremely detectable by, like, a simple physical search of her small hand.

[Craig]

Very good stuff. Very good.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Speak.

[Craig]

This book speaks. Well, maybe if the. If you read this book as a takedown of the FBI, or if the.

[Andrew]

FBI, if this is really is the. The organization of female body inspectors, and they have no. They have no cause to be doing what they're. They've decided to try their hand at solving crime while they're inspecting female bodies. I don't know.

[Craig]

Huh.

[Andrew]

She gets. She also gets drunk at this party, like, instantly.

[Craig]

Yes. Because he. He finds her, and she's like, wow, this guy's hot. She says, how long is it? She's like, this guy's. His scent, the proximity. How long has it been since I've last been fucked? Stupid lady. You're on an FBI. And he is like, I want to fuck this lady stupid. And he's like, I would do.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

But she says to him, sometimes the dialogue in this book can get a little blunt. Like when she says to him, what are your motives?

[Andrew]

I mean, that's the first thing you got to figure out as a crime fighter.

[Craig]

That's true.

[Andrew]

What's the motive?

[Craig]

And we learn a little bit that he wants to bring down his brother, but he has to go deal with his brother's temper tantrum. So he tells her to stay right where she is, and we learn that the drug mules who were on an airplane got caught, and the drug guys are coming, and everyone's upset.

[Andrew]

And Stefan doesn't have the drugs.

[Craig]

No.

[Andrew]

Oh, no. I was just going to make a big deal with the drug lords in the cartels, and now I don't even have the drugs. This is the worst thing that could happen.

[Craig]

Merry Christmas. You're right. She gets drunk.

[Andrew]

This is very much like a sitcom plot where you're like, boss is coming over for dinner. But, like, you burned the roast, and now you need to, like, improvise something.

[Craig]

It is like, embarrassed Season one, Breaking Bad Coded. Right. But no, you're right. She gets drunk and tries to get information out of Waldo the rat. And Marco interrupts her, and it's like, hey, you got drunk. What are you doing?

[Andrew]

What are you doing? You're an idiot.

[Craig]

And then they. And then they. They go to some auction. Storage room.

[Andrew]

Yeah, they go to a storage room. And this is when he says, oh.

[Craig]

I was going to help the other FBI guy, but he got killed because he didn't believe me. And then what happens? Andrew.

[Andrew]

And then she just starts sucking his dick? Pretty much, yeah.

[Craig]

She's like, pretty. How vulnerable? Will you get with me? And she whips it out and she says, nice dick, and then goes to town.

[Andrew]

Then. Yeah, she sucks his dick.

[Craig]

Who shows up?

[Andrew]

I mean, does. Does he come first? And then Stefan shows up and then they have to do something else, Correct?

[Craig]

Yes. The brother walks in.

[Andrew]

So she's sitting there with, like, her face dripping with fluids.

[Craig]

Like, it's. It's very uncomfortable to imagine this who scene.

[Andrew]

And then Stefan comes in and he's like, whoa, look at you with Natasha Moretti. Now do something else while I stand here and watch.

[Craig]

Prove that you're an item.

[Andrew]

He says, yeah, prove you're an item.

[Craig]

So he finger bangs her in front of his brother.

[Andrew]

He does. So she did have an earpiece in.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

And he throw it on the. He did throw it on the couch and destroys. And. And then while he is getting ready to do stuff to her, he smoothly, in one motion, kind of picks it up and breaks it and puts it in his pocket without anybody noticing.

[Craig]

Marco is kind of a blank slate in this book. He doesn't have a lot of qualities that he's an army. Yeah, he does, like, think ahead a little bit, which I.

[Andrew]

He has a big. He has a big wiener.

[Craig]

He does have a big wiener. He's tall, she's short. I. The book tells me that a lot.

[Andrew]

Very short. Like, refractory period.

[Craig]

Yep.

[Andrew]

That's something, you know?

[Craig]

And after they are done, like, sexually proving to his brother that they are an item, he goes, I'm sure our guests enjoyed the display, which is awful.

[Andrew]

And then he's. And then he's like, well, one of these guys says that Natasha Moretti's like. One of these guys, like, knows Natasha Moretti. And she's like, oh, yes, you. Nice to see you so good. And he just kind of looks at her blankly. It's immediately clear that she is not Natasha Moretti and that she doesn't know what she's talking about and she doesn't.

[Craig]

Have a plan for this.

[Andrew]

She doesn't have a plan for this. Nobody had a plan for this, so. And it's not clear what the plan was in the first place. Like, you're just supposed to go in there and just, like, talk to people like Waldo the rat until they spill all the secrets of the. Of the crime syndicate. What's the. What's the deal?

[Craig]

If I were the FBI director in this story, who's clearly overworked because he has a case file that he can just dole out to nincompoops to get it done, I would maybe recruit one of the corrupt politicians in town and say, hey, we will charge you of your corruption unless you help us go to the charity auction you've been invited to by the criminals and maybe get some dirt for us. I don't think I would send in the ladder climbing bad at undercover lady.

[Andrew]

See, I just think this is why. This is why you got to get Chris Ray out of there. Like, this is the kind of stuff that's going on under him in the FBI. That's why you got to replace him with somebody else.

[Craig]

Maybe. Maybe you do. And so Margot just picks her up and takes her to a car because he's like, we got to get you out of here.

[Andrew]

We got to get you out of here before your cover is. Which is already blown. It's blown. Or let's go to my limo with my driver who doesn't talk, and you're gonna bend over in the backseat, and I'm gonna go down on you, because I can't help it.

[Craig]

I want to take a giant bite out of her and eat her ass instead of breakfast with a giant cup of coffee to get the day started right.

[Andrew]

See, that's he. What is it with guys in this. In these books and I. This happened a lot in Fifty Shades of Grey, too, where they, like, sleep with. They do, like. They get to, like, third base with a woman, and then they're like, so when can I put it in your butt?

[Craig]

Yep.

[Andrew]

Is that on the table? Yeah.

[Craig]

Yep. Yep.

[Andrew]

When Can I do something with your butt?

[Craig]

I know.

[Andrew]

Can I. Is it now? Can I do. Can I do it yet?

[Craig]

I know we just met when you were undercover at my arms dealer charity auction, but you're in my limo now. Can I.

[Andrew]

Can I do stuff in and on and to your butt, please?

[Craig]

I am a female butt inspector.

[Andrew]

I'm a felonious butt inspector. I would like to get inside your butt, please.

[Craig]

So, yeah, they're in the car, and that happens. And he takes her to a hotel and, like, tells her to go stay at this Marriott or whatever, and she.

[Andrew]

Hears and gives her credit card that's, like, really thick. It's described as thick enough to cut somebody's throat. How do you think throats get cut?

[Craig]

All of this is like setting off my. How do you fill out the case report later? Part of your.

[Andrew]

She hasn't been in contact with. With her work friend Wes this entire time. And so I don't. And I don't like. Obviously they didn't have a contingency for. What if she is talking to one of the brothers and then the mic goes dead? Yeah, protocol. They didn't talk that one out.

[Craig]

Everything I've seen with sting operations, there's. There's more than one person in the van.

[Andrew]

Yeah, usually it's usually him and the other two guys.

[Craig]

Almost always.

[Andrew]

Sting operation.

[Craig]

Yeah. Yeah, but no, they do.

[Andrew]

I mean, I know that. I know the police haven't been together in a long time. It's fine.

[Craig]

Gordon. Is that his name?

[Andrew]

I don't.

[Craig]

His real name.

[Andrew]

Sting is the only one.

[Craig]

No, no, Sting's real name. I think it's.

[Andrew]

No, I don't know. Sting's. It's Sting.

[Craig]

Oh, it's just Sting. Sorry, I didn't mean to besmirch Sting. But no, they. They do that in the car. And then he says, oh. She says, I can't believe I just let a stranger eat me out. He's not a stranger. He's a member of the crime family you're trying to infiltrate.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I think if you've read somebody's rap sheet, they're no longer a stranger to you. Just someone being an extremely bad idea does not qualify them as a stranger, I don't think, necessarily.

[Craig]

She spends the night at the hotel, talks to her friend Wes, says she's going to keep going with the operation.

[Andrew]

He's like, okay, I guess.

[Craig]

Yeah. His driver mentioned an address, so she goes to the address. It's this guy. It's Marco's. Like, I'm a good. It's. It's like his I'm a good guy back cave that.

[Andrew]

He goes, yeah, he's. I'm a good boy. Like his sparsely furnished bachelor apartment, where he goes to be a good boy.

[Craig]

Where he helps the neighborly old lady sometimes. And she know that he's a good.

[Andrew]

Guy because he probably would sell her a really good gun for pretty cheap.

[Craig]

Yep. Keep her safe in the city. It's like, you know, he only shoots the cat in the tree. He doesn't shoot people. You know, like that sort of. That's how you know he's a good guy.

[Andrew]

But only to get the cat out to scare the cat out of the tree.

[Craig]

And so then she Goes into his apartment. They almost shoot each other, but they don't. And then he is like, feeding her information to build trust because he does want to bring his brother down. And he reveals that his brother is basically Richard Nixon and tapes everything. Yes, he's very paranoid.

[Andrew]

Yes, he tapes everything so he can blackmail people later without really through the. Yeah, the paper trail that. That leaves when the cops come a calling. But, you know, but he has a really good. A really good 4 digit numeric password on his computer.

[Craig]

Yeah, he does.

[Andrew]

That protects all of his information.

[Craig]

He does. But then they. They. They have sex by a window. This. They actually have sex this time.

[Andrew]

She is. And she. She is looking out over the city and there's some qu. There's some question as to whether his big, big dick is gonna fit in her small pussy. This is the. What the book says. And they both think about it for. For a minute. And he kind of tentatively, like, slides on in there and she's like, yeah, that feels great. And he's like, good, me too. And then they have sex.

[Craig]

He does not. He does not finish inside of her because he says that there will be. There's more of that later.

[Andrew]

Yes.

[Craig]

Which seems rude. Honest. Like, he made a mess.

[Andrew]

You're mad that he made a mess by.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Coming on her back and said, yeah.

[Craig]

It seemed like, rude.

[Andrew]

What do you think happens when it goes in, Craig? It still makes a mess, my dude.

[Craig]

Well, yeah, but like, you know, in the place where you expect the mess to be.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I guess. And then this makes an extra mess and then she still has to go pee so she doesn't get a yeast infection, which she doesn't do, by the way. Another note of what's going on in this book.

[Craig]

You know, she does reference that he. That she let him have sex with her without a condom and then just doesn't talk about it ever again.

[Andrew]

No, it's a UTI. I'm thinking of UTIs.

[Craig]

Yes, a UTI. Yeah.

[Andrew]

Yes. Apologies. I need to be. I need to be aggressively fat.

[Craig]

You need to be on point.

[Andrew]

Yes. Sorry. I'm sorry.

[Craig]

You're going to get your. Your body inspector badge.

[Andrew]

They're going to pull my badge. Give me your gun and your little 10 pack of condoms and you're on administrative leave. Get out of my sight.

[Craig]

His brother calls and is like, hey, we're having the cartels over for Christmas and you and your little lady need to come to dinner. Yes. And he's like, I guess that I can't refuse.

[Andrew]

Yes. And Marco's like, well, there's no way out of this.

[Craig]

And so she tells Wes about the plan. He doesn't like the plan. Again, nobody else at the FBI seems to know this is happening.

[Andrew]

There is like a, at some point, the discussion of like a backup team, like, or an infiltration team.

[Craig]

West says he will call the backup team. Yes.

[Andrew]

And it just makes me like, what does that mean? If that. Well, okay, so if the end goal you can just accomplish by sending a team of guys into his house guns blazing, why are you doing the undercover subterfuge in the first place? Like what, what information are you trying to. To gather?

[Craig]

Yes.

[Andrew]

I don't know.

[Craig]

Especially because at the end of the book when they have arrested the bad guy and they're like. And he's like, y'all, I'll beat the charges. You'll never hang this on me and the FBI. You know, Chris Ray is there and he's like, listen, we have enough dirt on you that it will be easy. Don't worry about it. To your point, Andrew, like, why did you jeopardize this woman's life? Yeah.

[Andrew]

And Stefan is being like, you have to have a warrant. And the. And I think the FBI guys answer is like, well, we'll find plenty of stuff in here that'll enable us to put you away. There's not. The warrant question is. Not really.

[Craig]

I suppose they maybe needed a warrant to approve the op, but it's not.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Because she's like, she does have a wire on or something.

[Craig]

Yeah. So that's what I learned from the wire, is that you need a warrant to get the taps. Right.

[Andrew]

But they haven't tapped the phones.

[Craig]

Well, no, but. Any interesting. No, you're right. No, you're right.

[Andrew]

They just sent in a lady with a microphone. I don't know if you need a warrant for.

[Craig]

Just thinking about her like holding a microphone, because that's basically what she's doing. They go to Christmas dinner and the.

[Andrew]

Cartel people seem like a class act all the way.

[Craig]

What's the Ermilo, the Viper? I think that's his last name is.

[Andrew]

Herrera, but yeah, Ermilo the Viper.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Is there. And he's really being a real stand.

[Craig]

Up guy for the men and heroin.

[Andrew]

Dealer in Kingstead about the, the missing drugs. And he's just like, listen, I want the. I want drugs or money equivalent to the amount of product that you lost and then we can continue this relationship. He's very, you know, I guess you. I guess the first one's free with Ermila, the Viper. We don't really find out. Yeah. What happens if you cross them again?

[Craig]

It's good for him if you owe him, right? Yeah, like, that's probably the game he's playing. And he's kind of also the, like, straight man to the. The brother's nonsense that he has to witness.

[Andrew]

Yeah, he's just trying to be a pro. He's like, listen, man, it's Christmas. I don't. I don't know why we're having this meeting on Christmas Day at your house, but I'm just here for business and to have a nice dinner, and I. And you've turned this into some kind of a standoff situation. I just don't appreciate that.

[Craig]

Because she goes to pee, but she's not actually going to pee. She's gonna go sneak into his office where all the recordings are, and Stefan finds her, brings her out and is like, hey, the cartel sent this spy, and my brother's in on it.

[Andrew]

Well, first he's like, yeah, I called one person who knows the real Natasha Moretti.

[Craig]

Did not take long at all.

[Andrew]

And I confirm that you're not her. So what's your. What's your deal, lady? Yeah, and he assumes the wrong thing. Yeah. He assumes that she's there from the cartel, but again, does not hold up to even the slightest amount of scrutiny. This whole undercover Persona.

[Craig]

I think my favorite line in the book is when Ermilo is like, listen, Stefan, none of this makes any sense. You're acting Tony Bananas right now, and I need. I. I want all of this to stop, and we can get our money or drugs and we'll leave. He's like, I'm not amused by this. And Stefan says, you're not amused. You're insulted. You're put out. Wow. Wow. Imagining someone actually saying those words out loud and actually laughing. I thought it was very funny. Stefan became a very charming, funny character to me in that exact second. But no. Then the brothers have a big fight about their dead parents, and it turns.

[Andrew]

Out that Stefan killed the dad, which doesn't really hit with the.

[Craig]

Doesn't really make sense.

[Andrew]

It doesn't hit with a lot of weight because Marco never really reacts to the revelation in real time as it's happening.

[Craig]

No. No.

[Andrew]

And again, the book has not been long enough for us to really establish, like, Lacy has nondescript, like, mom problems that we don't.

[Craig]

Yep. Super.

[Andrew]

Get into. But that's why she hates Christmas. Hey, did you remember. Hey, remember that it's Christmas?

[Craig]

Well, it's Christmas dinner.

[Andrew]

Lacy hates Christmas. Because she's got mom problems.

[Craig]

99 problems, but a mom ain't one.

[Andrew]

And Marco. Hey, what was he.

[Craig]

What does he say about Christmas?

[Andrew]

Yeah, I've got. I've got a passage.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

I want to take a giant bite out of her and eat her ass and say breakfast with a giant cup of coffee to get the day started right. Not really the kind of person who likes to string lights everywhere I stare at her. You might call me a scrooge. Yeah, well, you get older and things change. It's kind of hard to keep the spirit alive when you're working every day. There are no breaks when you're fighting crime or committing it.

[Craig]

Whoa.

[Andrew]

I used to be big into the season. The kind of person who went to all the light displays and volunteered, bought presents for kids and wrapped in all kinds of shit, I fumble around in my dresser for a change of clothes. Judging from her voice, Lacy hasn't moved from the living room. You'll pardon me if I find that a little hard to believe. It's true. You never saw a jollier man than me. What changed then? My dad died. Pain still laces the statement, even though it's been years. About a week before, he was supposed to come and spend time with me and Stefan here. One minute he's on the phone talking about the drive and all the food he planned to buy, and the next the hospital is calling, telling me to hurry, that he's not going to last much longer. I'm sorry. She sounds honest, empathetic. Death really does change things in so many ways.

[Craig]

I love that he's Batman. And. Yeah, it is interesting to get. That's another thing about these books. To go back to your earlier. Like this is to. How do you engage with books that are playing with the holidays?

[Andrew]

Right.

[Craig]

Because it does. You just without warning, will veer into like Hallmark movie dialogue.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

That is like, about how your parents did or did not celebrate the holiday with you and how they are. Or not here anymore.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

And it's like this man is dealing drugs on the streets of Kingstead.

[Andrew]

He's not dealing drugs. He only deals in weapons. He only deals in illegal weapons.

[Craig]

Sorry, you're right. He's just arming the cartels. He's not slinging product himself.

[Andrew]

Yeah, yeah, but. But yeah. In all of these books, I think at their best, they're using Christmas to illuminate character in some way. Like the way you feel about Christmas is an in to some aspect of your personality. Probably. But. But. But while this book is doing that this is pretty much the extent of.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

It being about Christmas, except for just occasionally. Sometimes they mention that it's Christmas.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Or we get a tortured metaphor about how we're drawing close to the slaying hour or whatever.

[Craig]

More. In more ways than one, Andrew. Because Stefan shoots Marco, doesn't kill him. And then a gunfight erupts between Stefan's people and Armillo's people. And meanwhile, this is happening. Stefan has, like, you know, has grabbed Lacy. She is fighting him. Manages to get a bit of a one up on him. And, you know, she's doing all right. That's right. She breaks his nose. Reveals herself to be an FBI agent, but he regains the upper hand until a almost recovered Marco hits him with a candlestick. Did it in the dining room with the candlestick. And Marco has been.

[Andrew]

Let's. Let's. For future reference, I'm just noting now that Marco has been shot clean through with a gun.

[Craig]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Andrew]

Did pass through his body, but he is. He has been shot with a gun. And there's blood everywhere.

[Craig]

Because then all the cops show up. They arrest everyone that they want to arrest. Except Marco.

[Andrew]

Not Marco, who they don't ask any questions of and don't charge with anything. Even, like, Wes is like, I'll. I'll avoid arresting you for as long as I can, but that's all I can do.

[Craig]

They open up the office with the tapes with the golden ratio number.

[Andrew]

There are two brothers who run this crime syndicate. You've arrested one of them. How are you okay? Anyway.

[Craig]

And they just leave the house. This is the thing that got me.

[Andrew]

They just leave. They're like. Sorry.

[Craig]

Like Boondock Saints. Gunfight.

[Andrew]

Sorry to get in your way, sir. We'll get. We'll get out of here just as soon as we can.

[Craig]

Merry Christmas.

[Andrew]

Your dinner. Yeah. Merry Christmas.

[Craig]

And she stays behind. Does not have to go into the office for a debrief. Stays behind.

[Andrew]

Well, I mean, she's gonna get debriefed in the.

[Craig]

Well, exactly.

[Andrew]

In the house.

[Craig]

Because now they're alone in the house. And despite his gaping abdomen wound, listen.

[Andrew]

He'S been bandaged up and he's got enough blood left to get it where it needs to go, I guess.

[Craig]

And they. They engage in some light restraint play. She likes him to take charge. Yeah. Which is a thing that they negotiate pretty well over the course of the book, even though she's the first one who takes charge when she whips it out and says nice dick in the auction room of the convention center. Of course Yep. But, yeah, it's not bad. I didn't. I don't know that I have a. Like, a passage that I would pull. It seems pretty serviceable. Nothing about it rang particularly awkward to me. It seems like maybe you have a passage. I don't know.

[Andrew]

No, I'm just looking around. I didn't have anything pulled, but I do think I. I did highlight some stuff.

[Craig]

Okay.

[Andrew]

I feel like when you're talking about clothing, it can get weird.

[Craig]

Oh, yeah?

[Andrew]

Sometimes. I don't know.

[Craig]

Yeah. No, please.

[Andrew]

Like, what's the. Oh, okay, wait, here's. Here's. The base of my spine tingles with the need to slam home, to test her limits, to make her scream. You're holding back, she whispers harshly as she reaches back and grabs my hand at her waist. I'm not. You are, she says. Fuck me, Marco. Make me your mistress. Holy fuck. Her words, they shatter the last parts of my restraint. I'm not sure you know what you're asking. Not really. She wiggles her ass against me, teasing me. And God help me, I'm going to take that ass one day. I swear it.

[Craig]

Jesus Christ, Marco.

[Andrew]

It's Christmas. But damn. The man moves like he hadn't gotten shot hours ago, going faster with each thrust, not holding anything back. Fuck. But neither will I. Not when lust and pleasure rocket through me. Not when the feeling of his girth stretches me from the inside out, his hardness branding my goddamn insides. Yes. Let's see what you can do. Let's see how loud you can scream for me. He urges me on. If this is some kind of punishment. It's the best damn punishment of my life.

[Craig]

They seem to have locked into a dynamic that works for them, which is fine. And she likes him to take some charge.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Even when he's got a hole, like a whole extra. An extra hole that he doesn't normally have in his body from a gun.

[Craig]

Yeah. I just have a note, too, that just says that I don't think the FBI would like anything that they're doing.

[Andrew]

But she and Wes both get promotions. Yeah. A year later, this is a big year for them. Professionally. Marco apparently doesn't go to jail.

[Craig]

No, he does not. I don't.

[Andrew]

I don't know why. Now they would cut him any kind of deal, like after the fact, when they already have all the tapes that they need to put. Probably both of them, because I'm sure you're right. Evidence of Marco's illegal arms dealing is documented on the tapes that the FBI has taken.

[Craig]

You are correct. They do not Need. I do not think that they need his testimony.

[Andrew]

As I have said, I am. I am but a humble female body inspector. I do not know what the FBI does or what it needs.

[Craig]

But at Christmas a year later, in the epilogue, we are at his good guy apartment, which he still has the funds to retain somehow, and celebrating Christmas with his elderly neighbor and her and her work husband and her work husband's actual wife.

[Andrew]

Basically, every named character who's not the evil mafia brother is here at this Christmas party. Yeah, it's six people.

[Craig]

And Wes, her work husband's gonna have a baby. That's fun. They all got promotions. I just have a note here that says, what is Marco's job now?

[Andrew]

Legal arms dealing.

[Craig]

Okay. For the president.

[Andrew]

Maybe the FBI is like, hey, can. Hey, can we arm some Syrian rebels or something? Do you have the connections to make this work?

[Craig]

She's talking to her mom again. Again, very, very vague posting about her mom. Vague looking about her mom. And then he proposes to her. It's a Christmas miracle. Next Christmas will be even better.

[Andrew]

Yeah, and maybe it will be. There is a point where. So he gets shot, right? And he falls down on the ground. And her reaction to this is like, how. How will I go on?

[Craig]

The love of my life is going to die.

[Andrew]

Yes, the love of my life. This evil man who I met 18 hours ago.

[Craig]

This book requires you. Requires you to be cool with the instant love trope.

[Andrew]

It's the Insta love thing. And yeah, it's. I'm making fun of it in, like, full awareness that it's a trope. But it does. Like, once the fog of war clears later, she's like, yeah, I don't know anything about this guy. Literally nothing.

[Craig]

She does even say that. Yeah. The thing that gets me about the way that Insta Love trope functions here is that, like, he. She is in hand to hand combat with his wannabe drug lord brother and he is dying. Maybe. But she's an FBI agent. Like, she's on a mission. Like, come on, lady. The book is not really interested in the tension between her Insta Love and the. The job that she was sent here to do.

[Andrew]

Yeah, she doesn't really put work first. Like, the work kind of happens. Listen, we've all been there between orgasms.

[Craig]

It's the holidays. You're kind of phoning it in before breakfast. I get it. You just want to be with your loved ones, even if you just met them. I understand. I do have some reviews of the book, Andrew, from a website.

[Andrew]

From a website.

[Craig]

Yep. That Traffics in stars now something movies. No, these are three star Goodreads reviews.

[Andrew]

Okay, wait, which chord does it start with? This. I think it's a C.3. Yeah, there you go. Three star Goodreads review.

[Craig]

So I do have two reviews to share here. One is from D. Who says this was a story more about brothers than it was Marco and Lacy. Stefan had too big of a role in this holiday mafia romance.

[Andrew]

Really? Is that. That's your complaint?

[Craig]

That was Dee's primary complaint, I think. Did not find the other characters as compelling and chalked that up to Stefan's presence in the novel, which I think is. I think is a misdiagnosis. Yeah, I sort of agree with Rain's review.

[Andrew]

I would to that first review. Before you. Before you. I think that what that person is actually responding to is the main characters weren't fleshed out well enough. And so this like two bit background character stole a bunch of focus, which is easily.

[Craig]

Which is what Rain likes the book, essentially.

[Andrew]

Okay, good, tell me.

[Craig]

Published their review on December 24, 2023. Spending the holidays, right? You know.

[Andrew]

Yeah. I mean, as the hour of Santa slaying approaches, you have to spend time with a sexy book that you think you're gonna like.

[Craig]

Premise was good, but the execution failed. The idea. Don't usually mind instant love, but didn't think it worked as well here. Found Lacy to be always horny and super mega, ultra boring. Not to mention that her whole personality revolves around how small she is.

[Andrew]

Yeah, she's a little small. We haven't talked about it. She's got red hair too. That's another thing about her.

[Craig]

Yeah, the book. Listen in. In the world of the FBI and having to be an. An agent who fights crime, like, and if you're, you know, five foot two, like, I'm sure that's gonna come up. Like, I'm not saying it's not gonna come up, but it's one of the few things that this book tells us about Lacy. Unfortunately, Marco is plain as white rice. He's not undesirable or anything. He's just there.

[Andrew]

Yeah, sure.

[Craig]

Stefan, on the other hand, is the best character in this book. I wanted to know him. His complexity is captivating. And although he's a straight up criminal with a murder background, he's intriguing. I wanted to know what happened to him that made him as depraved and paranoid as he is now. There was no context of their father's death. I was left wanting more.

[Andrew]

Sure. I think you sounded like you were creeping up on Agreeing with that statement. I stuff about Stefan. You want you needing to know more about Stefan.

[Craig]

I just think that is, like. I do agree with the assessment that on the page, like, Stefan has more character traits than the other two.

[Andrew]

That is true.

[Craig]

Now, the other two have more sex than Stefan does. So if, like, if. If you're here for the sex, you're covered.

[Andrew]

He drives into me, telling me what a good little dirty girl I am, how tight I am. I come around his cock a second before he thrusts in balls deep, and pulses his own release into me. Look what you do to me, Lacy, he whispers. Except I can't look because I'm barely able to breathe. I have to learn how to keep my heart rate from going so sky high it makes me dizzy. Then Marco kisses me. I'm sweaty, covered in blood and ribbon. And I've never had a merrier night seeing his face light up brighter than the tree. I know Whether we'd actually taken down the syndicate or not, we both won.

[Craig]

You read the first part of that like, it was this American life, and then you were Marc Maron all of a sudden.

[Andrew]

Covered in blood. Whose blood? From once did it come?

[Craig]

Marco?

[Andrew]

Sure.

[Craig]

She was patching him up.

[Andrew]

It's just. It's just that she's covered in blood in the first place from, like, the bullet wounds and stuff.

[Craig]

Yeah, it's just.

[Andrew]

Or from, like, crunching her brother's nose.

[Craig]

It's. It's like when we play Baldur's Gate and people killed an orc two hours ago, and they still got the blood on their face while they're boning, you know, So I had fun with this book. It's very silly.

[Andrew]

Yes, I did, too. It's very silly. It is not the most plot forward or cohesive of the. It turns out that it's a lot easier to write, like, yeah, I work at a mall and I do Christmas. It's easier to write that than I work the FBI. Crime solving is my whole life. Oh, look at this hot criminal. He only does arms dealing. I think that I'm in love.

[Craig]

Yeah, that part's a little funny to me. It's just funny. It's just funny. I think if you read. If you read that stuff in this book as kind of being vaguely comedic, it'll work better than if you try to be like. But wait, I think, yeah, there's a.

[Andrew]

Combination of just like. That's how the trope works. Don't ask me questions. And like. And, yeah. What can I juxtapose for sort of striking or comedic effect. I think that's all that it is.

[Craig]

In terms of the sex scenes. Auction room. The first time was an interesting setup. The second time did not like that Stefan was watching. Didn't like that.

[Andrew]

No, didn't love it.

[Craig]

The car was a fine, unique thing. I don't think we've read a car one before like that.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

Window scene. Sure.

[Andrew]

She's looking out over the city.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

In the final scene, they have the Christmas tree up where he did that to her.

[Craig]

That's true. They do.

[Andrew]

And that is how she thinks of it. That is how she thinks about that window in his apartment now.

[Craig]

Yeah. And then they do a little light bondage while he has a bullet wound in the fifth scene. So, yeah, that's just the rundown. Want to make sure people got it all. Don't want to, you know, Penny pinch them at all.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Craig]

Merry Christmas, Andrew.

[Andrew]

Merry Christmas, Craig. And a Happy New Year, horny New Year to all.

[Craig]

Send us an email over to potmail.com you don't have to tell us about the Mafia, but.

[Andrew]

And don't do it. You're not supposed to. But don't bring us into that.

[Craig]

But.

[Andrew]

But.

[Craig]

Overdue. Podmail.com inbox is open. Find us on social media. But don't do it if you're currently a mob boss. They don't like that. Verdupod on Bluesky Instagram. And our theme song is composed by Nick Laranges. Andrew. If folks want to know more about the show, where do they go?

[Andrew]

Overduepodcast.com is our Internet website. December's not over yet, gang. We still have another book up there that we're gonna read this month. It's the Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot. Cabot. Cabo.

[Craig]

Probably. Cabot.

[Andrew]

Cabot.

[Craig]

We'll find out.

[Andrew]

Yeah, yeah. We look up pronunciation on the episode closer to when we're recording the actual episode. But the Princess Diaries, like the movie. He's only mostly dead. Is that that one?

[Craig]

We'll get there.

[Andrew]

You kill my father, Prepare to die.

[Craig]

It's not that one.

[Andrew]

Wait, is that okay? It's definitely not Mayow. Is that the one? It's not that one. Wait, what movie am I thinking about?

[Craig]

You're the Princess Bride.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah. Okay, cool. Patreon.com overduepod is our Patreon page. You can support the show financially. Oh, the Princess Diaries is. What's Anne Hathaway and the little country between Spain and Portugal.

[Craig]

Yes.

[Andrew]

Yes. Okay, cool. Yes. I'm looking forward to that. I was looking forward to it for a different reason. But now I know which book it is, and I'm also excited. Patreon.com overduepod you buy books? Pretty sure I bought the right book. But if I didn't, boy, your Patreon money is going to go a long way toward making sure that I read the right thing. Next week, access to our Discord Server bonus episodes early. Send me a baby one more time about the Babysitters Club. Those bonus episodes are running now. Yeah. Patreon.com overdupod thank you for your support over the past year, and we hope to continue that relationship with you into 2025.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Embark upon this era of uncertainty with us. We. We are. We haven't missed a Monday in years. Like three presidential administrations. So, like, we're. Yeah. Come rain, come sleep, come dark of night or whatever, we're going to be there.

[Craig]

We are a public good.

[Andrew]

Yes.

[Craig]

For you.

[Andrew]

All right. Anything else is like, we good? Can we go?

[Craig]

I think we have to go.

[Andrew]

All right, female body inspectors, until we talk to you next week, please try to be happy. That was a headgum podcast.