Ep 725 - The Haunted Baby (Choose Your Own Nightmare #13), by Edward Packard

Summary

Overdue Podcast – Episode 725

The Haunted Baby (Choose Your Own Nightmare #13) by Edward Packard
Aired: October 20, 2025
Hosts: Craig and Andrew

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Episode Overview

This week on Overdue, Craig and Andrew dive into The Haunted Baby, the thirteenth entry in the 'Choose Your Own Nightmare' spin-off series by Edward Packard, a mastermind behind the original 'Choose Your Own Adventure' phenomenon. As part of the annual Spooktober celebration, the hosts break from their usual format to read and actively play through this rare, out-of-print interactive children's horror novel. The episode balances nostalgic humor with keen insights, exploring the mechanics and oddities of this twisty, loop-filled “choose-your-fate” story about a babysitter pitted against the possibly-evil toddler Katie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Spooktober and Rule-Breaking

• Spooktober is in full swing—“a spooky month full of spooky books,” says Andrew [04:14]. This year’s (aborted) theme: Spooktober Baby, “all books about scary babies” [05:36].
• The Haunted Baby is highlighted as both a rule break (from classics to interactive fiction) and a natural fit for the spooky agenda.
• Craig admits: “This is our book podcast where each week one of us reads a book and tells the other person about it. But every once in a while we break all the rules and do choose your own adventure books” [04:59].

2. Background on the Book & Series

• Andrew offers a detailed rundown of 'Choose Your Own Adventure' history, noting:
  • The primary series ended in 1998 after 184 books.
  • 'Choose Your Own Nightmare' ran for 18 books (1995-1997), a clear Goosebumps competitor [08:30].
• Trivia: This is “Choose Your Own Nightmare #13”; Andrew wonders if they started at 13 for added spookiness, but confirms there are 18 books [09:46].
• Andrew’s book acquisition story (and near-loss to a neighbor) highlights the book’s rarity and cost (approx. $25-$30 for a battered copy) [13:01].

3. Examining the Book: Physical and Visual Details

• Both hosts share details about their used copies. Craig’s has stickers from a library in Tucson, AZ; Andrew’s hails from Reynolds School District 7 in Oregon [22:08].
• The cover features a raven or crow carrying a baby stamped “BAD” (with a skull-and-crossbones bow), a play on the stork myth [24:07]. “This is one haunted. This is a bad baby,” jokes Andrew [25:01].
• The back of the book advertises: “Babysitting a two-year-old will be a snap. Or so you thought. There’s something creepy about Katie...” [25:25].

4. Book Mechanics: How ‘Choose Your Own Nightmare’ Works

• Hosts read the “Warning” to readers: “If you had known that little Katie Harper was haunted, you never would have accepted this babysitting job. But you’ve already said yes. It’s just you and Katie now… only you can decide what happens” [28:38].
• Immediate foreshadowing: “This baby is haunted. Yeah, because the back of the book was a little more ambiguous about it. Like is this baby haunted or is it just you?” [28:44].

5. Interactive Playthrough Highlights

(Timestamps based on main story sections; choices and results paraphrased for clarity)

5.1. Starting the Babysitting Gig

• The protagonist lands a lucrative $7.50/hour gig with the Harpers; “It was very easy this year to spill over into Spookvember and to take the fight to Christmas” [05:53].
• Mr. Harper is a mall taxidermist who jokes about never having stuffed a human—Craig: “He works at the mall. Taxidermist. He’s saying he’s gonna stuff people and…” [32:37; 32:52].

5.2. Meeting (Possibly Haunted) Katie

• Katie is presented as an adorable, angelic toddler, but only when adults are around—classic horror fakeout [33:33].
• The dead kitten backstory is established. When alone, Katie’s behavior turns, and odd things begin, including a spooky computer program: “Blink and shrink, the computer voice says. A cartoon person appears… Katie clicks on the person’s eyeball. The person gets smaller and smaller. Katie giggles. Fun, she says” [36:05].

5.3. Early Choices and Outcomes

• Skip instructions and follow Katie (51): Leads to the haunted computer, then dolls and dollhouse play, where the protagonist increasingly suspects evil.
• Dollhouse Segment (12, 72, 47, 25): Katie claims “We in my room in the dollhouse.” The narrator blinks and realizes they may really be inside a dollhouse version of the house itself, stuck in a recursive nightmare.
• Key loop ending: “You hurry downstairs, open the front door and step out of the dollhouse into Katie’s bedroom. A giant-sized Katie sitting on the bed. She’s smiling at you, but you don’t smile back. Gently, she picks you up and puts you back in her dollhouse. The end” [45:27].

5.4. Alternate Endings: Mayhem & Paradox

• Stroller Ending: Protagonist, bitten by Katie, loses control of the stroller. “For a split second, you don’t care. Then you realize you have to care. You run as fast as you can... The truck hits you. Smash. As you take your last breath, you see Katie standing on the sidewalk, smiling happily down at you. 'Bye-bye,' she says. The end.” [50:20].
• Tunnel/Caterpillar/Yard Ending: Attempting to escape through play equipment leads (inexplicably) to the protagonist’s backyard, then a surreal for-sale Harper house featuring the ghost kitten: “The kitten runs faster. And you realize it’s not just following, it's leading you home. The end.” [56:17].
• Waking Up?: Includes the unusual ability to just “end the book” as a choice: “If you say, tell her yes, turn to page 17. Otherwise, just say, no thanks, and this is the end.” [57:06].
  Andrew: “I’ve never seen that before…an ending you could just, like, preemptively choose to end it.” [57:08]

5.5. Innovations and the Book’s Structure

• Unique for the genre: Inline choices (“If you feel like it…"), loops that send you back to earlier story beats, endings buried as options rather than page-turns.
  • “We’ve never been looped before like that.” [57:38]
• Economy and Pacing: The book is shorter than a regular Choose Your Own Adventure, but the hosts agree it's “tighter” and more experimental in structure.
  • "This is a house of leaves book instead. It's just tighter, you know." [46:40]

6. The Lisa Path: Splitting the Babysitting Fee

• If the protagonist brings along the friend Lisa (who demands a higher cut!), things devolve fast:
  • Katie bites Lisa; Lisa throws the baby on the couch.
  • Katie plays with a bucket of glass eyes (taxidermist’s tools), grabs a mouse.
  • Afternoon is punctuated by supernatural TV (impossible to turn off, haunted programs), ultimately leading both babysitters to laugh maniacally with Katie—haunted babysitters, the end [68:31].
• Andrew: “Lisa is such dead weight.” [65:28]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the baby as the villain:
  • “We don’t have enough information… it is not 100% clear to me that the baby is the source of the haunting.” – Andrew [70:29]
• On the rare structural tricks:
  • “That’s pretty cool, Edward, good work. I like that… never had that before.” —Craig on the option to simply end the book [57:14]
  • “This book doesn’t want to waste your time. I mean beyond the time that you’re sort of wasting getting caught in loops and stuff.” – Andrew [70:14]
• On taxidermy and the 90s mall economy:
  • “Mr. Harper is much creepier, and he is kind of a loose thread… the one animal he hasn’t taxidermied before. He’s just using the law of attraction to will it into existence.” – Andrew [71:26; 64:44]
• The haunted cover:
  • “With all the subtlety of a political cartoon, this cover is telling us this baby is bad.” – Andrew [25:14]
• On the bizarre humor of the genre:
  • “The baby has resting demon face or something.” – Craig [70:57]
  • “What did you think of this baby, Andrew?” [70:26]
• Reflecting on the Form:
  • “We received a loop. We got an inline choice and an ending inside of a choice. The choice to end the book. We’ve never had that before.” – Craig [70:06]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Spooktober Concept: 04:14–06:08
• Book Series & Acquisition Story: 06:19–13:43
• Physical Book Descriptions & Cover: 22:08–25:25
• Warning & Gameplay Begins: 27:22–31:08
• Taxidermist Encounter: 32:25–33:28
• Haunted Computer & First Night: 36:05–39:02
• Dollhouse Loop & First Major Ending: 40:28–45:27
• Stroller/Street Ending: 47:00–50:41
• Tunnel/Yard/Ghost Kitten Ending: 51:10–56:17
• Waking Up Mechanic & Loop: 56:36–57:52
• Lisa Route & Haunted Babysitters Ending: 59:53–68:31
• Meta-Discussion: Structure & Lore: 69:01–74:14

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Episode Tone

Wry, witty, and warm; the hosts riff on 1990s nostalgia, the absurd mechanics of interactive fiction, and the spooky genre’s cheesy charm. Frequent playful asides and deadpan humor keep the episode engaging even as the conversation veers into literary analysis (“This is a house of leaves book…”) and the nature of evil babies.

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Conclusion: Reflections and Takeaways

The Haunted Baby surprises with its quirks: recursive endings, in-line loops, blunt horror, and surreal choices. Craig and Andrew agree it’s a cut above lesser “choose your own” fare, more adventurous in form and with just the right flavor of 90s kid-lit weirdness.

Final Quote:
"I thought we were gonna have fun, Andrew. I did not expect to really think about the form of the choose your own adventure. I’m a little shook, to be honest." – Craig [75:30]

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Next Episode

Up next: Craig reads “I Know What You Did Last Summer” by Lois Duncan — and maybe watches the movie, too [78:42].

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For more, visit overduepodcast.com or join the conversation on social media @overduepod.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I do love audiobooks.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

While Andrew and Craig believe the joy of discovery is crucial to enjoying any.

[B]

Well told tale, they will not shy.

[A]

Away from spoiling specific story beats when necessary. Plus, these are books you should have read by now.

[B]

Hey everybody. Welcome to Overdue. It's a podcast about the books you've been meaning to scream. I am the Craig Keeper.

[A]

I'm Andrew. The Andrew Keeper.

[B]

I wouldn't expect anything less from you.

[A]

You're burning.

[B]

Burning.

[A]

A voice off early is my only concern.

[B]

I may have escaped from the book. I am a haunting.

[A]

You are joining us listener, obviously with the Spooktober 2025 already in progress. Yeah, a spooky month full of spooky books. And this. This week we are returning to a version of a well that we've been.

[B]

To many times now, the haunted well.

[A]

Haunted well, where you throw a quarter down it and it makes your worst nightmare come true. We're reading, we are both reading the choose your own nightmare book, the Haunted Baby. This is choose youe own Nightmare Number 13 by Edward Packard. It is an official, like, choose your own adventure book. It's not a. Not a. It is a spin off series, but it's a spin off series by the same people who are responsible for the main series.

[B]

Yes. Did you say that this is our book podcast where each week one of us reads a book and tells the other person about it. But of course, every once in a while we break all the rules and do choose your own adventure books.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't say that because this was one where we were breaking the rules. So it didn't feel like relevant.

[B]

You can go back and listen to last week's episode on Dark Carnival by Ray Bradbury. If you're just kind of finding this by accident and you'd like to hear us talk about fiction in a more conventional way. But you might also find on that episode that Andrew was like eager to find a theme for Spooktober this year. We got halfway there.

[A]

The theme was Spooktober Baby. And it was gonna be all books about scary babies.

[B]

Scary babies. And we got. We found two of them.

[A]

Yeah. Craig wasn't convinced by the other books that I found that seemed like they.

[B]

Could fit the size we could bring them. They seemed interesting.

[A]

I just like, as I said in our planning thread, it would be very easy this year to spill over into Spookvember and to take the fight to Christmas to go on offense against Christmas instead of just hurtling up here in October to keep Christmas out of.

[B]

Yes. Out of fall. Yes. If the armies from hell want to march on the North Pole, welcome to it. But so yes, we're here with.

[A]

They should do a movie. They should do a movie where someone does that, where Halloween tries to really take it to Christmas. They really.

[B]

I wonder.

[A]

It's a fun idea.

[B]

It would be a bit of a nightmare, wouldn't it? Just like this week's book. So we like to read these choose your own adventure books where we will make the choices and we'll do some voices and you at home can listen in your Rolls Royces and we'll probably. We might not make every choice. Who knows? Andrew, did you find anything on the choose your own nightmare series? Because we've done a give yourself goosebumps before.

[A]

I think we did give yourself goosebumps. So the choose your own adventure series. Just to recap, the company that does it now is named choose co. Yeah. But the original series goes back to 1979. The originators were these guys, Edward Packard and R.A. montgomery, who did not write all of the books, but who were pretty prolific. Like there was a revolving cast of authors who wrote these. And so there are 184 books in the main series, which wrapped up in 1998. And then there are a few spin off series. I don't know how much we've ever talked about these, but there are 30. There are 52 books in a choose your own adventure for younger readers series.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

There are 12 in a Walt Disney series. If we kind of wanted to double our exposure to take down notices, we could do a Disney choose your own adventure book. There are two choose your own super adventure books which are longer and more complex than the books in the regular season, which is an interesting idea that we should perhaps talk about.

[B]

I like that idea.

[A]

There are six in the choose your own adventure colon passport series, which I sort of gather to be the Mario is missing of choose your own adventure.

[B]

Or like Carmen Sandiego. Yes, sure.

[A]

Yeah. Where it's just like, is this book teaching you kind of read it.

[B]

Is this teaching me stuff?

[A]

Teaching me stuff? Am I learning stuff?

[B]

Listen book.

[A]

And there is choose your own adventure. The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. Choose your own Star wars adventure. Choose your own first adventure. Choose your own adventure. Space Hawks. So that, that's sort of the original run in the the 80s and mostly in the 80s and 90s. But choose youe Own Nightmare is a series that ran only 18 books in total from 1995 to 1997. And there's not a lot out there about the. It specifically the Wikipedia article. Just to be upfront about the, the primary source for this information. It's a Wikipedia article that, that feels right to me. So we're gonna, we're gonna treat it as though it's true. But this, this series is done kind of in response to the popularity, the mid-90s popularity of goosebumps. Just trying to get into like the, the kid scaring market.

[B]

Had you looked at the timeline? So I went to Demian's Gamebook webpage at Game.

[A]

I do, I do know that this and Give Yourself Goosebumps did launch. They both launched in the same year in 1985.

[B]

The first choose your own Nightmare was out in April and the first Give your Else Give Yourself Goosebumps was out in July.

[A]

Now we know Jovial Bob works fast.

[B]

He couldn't beat Montgomery and Packard to the point.

[A]

It's possible that Montgomery and Packard put this book out and RL was like, you're not. What, you're gonna creep up on my turf?

[B]

Sure. Yes.

[A]

Here's some Goosebumps.

[B]

Yes. If you would like some kind of user reviews and other things about these books, you can go to gamebooks.org I would like to point out that, you know, every book on this database has. It's like, you know, gamebooks.org item/number and it just like the number of the page. Andrew, what number do you think the haunted baby is?

[A]

Oh, I don't know, 666. Whoa, whoa. It's already number 13 in the series. The fact that it was number 13 in the series did make me wonder.

[B]

If they just made one of them.

[A]

If they only publish one of them and give it the number 13 to make it like extra haunted. But no, they actually did 18 of them.

[B]

You know what is haunted, Andrew, is my story of getting this book, okay, where I ordered it on the Internet and it was delivered to me and I got an image of the delivery from my delivery person.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

And it was someone else's delivery package. I was confused as a much larger.

[A]

Box should you, should you turn your lights out and be shining a flashlight under your face? Just pretend spooky story as you just pretend. All right, all right, all right.

[B]

And I see that it is the address of a neighbor across the street. Not somebody I know, just somebody who lives across the street. And I think about this and I'm a little, I'm wondering, how, what did they get my book? Did they get my Haunted Baby book in the mail? And how's that gonna go if I get this package back? And you told me there are not.

[A]

A lot of copies of this out there. And they did cost like 25 or $30.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Patreon.com overdupod it's not the most expensive book we've ever bought for the show. I think that is still the early edition fix Star Trek book that we did a while back. But it's probably in the top five.

[B]

And I, I did not open my neighbor's package because as soon as I picked it up, it made noises that made me know it was not a book. And you wondered like, you were like, well, why didn't you open it? Or your neighbor's going to open the box that was delivered at his house.

[A]

I said that it's, I believe it is in here in 2025, within the realm of like acceptable non malicious human behavior to open an Amazon package that is delivered to your house without looking at it super hard. Yeah, I'm especially expecting one. Especially when you're expecting one. And my, my, my experience with this is just like opening one for Susanna without like realizing that it was for her and not for me. But yeah, yeah, I could easily see it happening. And I suggested to you that it might happen.

[B]

And lo and behold.

[A]

And you didn't seem to think that it could or that it would.

[B]

I just kind of hoped that it wouldn't because it was simply a box with an old copy of the Haunted Baby in it. And you know, 36 hours go by. I'm kind of at this point, I'm getting ready to leave a note to put on this person's door because I can't tell when they are in their house usually. And dinner time rolls around, there's a knock on my door and there's a man holding an open package with a copy of the Haunted Baby inside. And I, we have to tell each other what our names are, even though we know each other's names from the packages that have been like swapped at birth. Yeah.

[A]

Did you like, did you need to show him your ID to prove that you were you to get the package?

[B]

I showed him his package with his name on it. Like it was such a Weird. I've never had that exact swap happen before.

[A]

Yeah, and the only it does create a power imbalance. Right? Because he ordered. Could have been anything equally or more embarrassing.

[B]

Or it could have been cool. I have no idea.

[A]

Super cool. Yeah.

[B]

But now he knows I'm the haunted baby guy.

[A]

You're the Haunted Baby guy.

[B]

Does he listen? I don't know. I didn't tell him I have a book podcast.

[A]

I could just see him passing you on the street now and be like, hey, I baby. Hey, Haunted Baby guy. That's me now.

[B]

Hey. Hey, guy. Who opened someone else's package. And it was a copy of the Haunted Baby. If you're listening, we're neighbors. You didn't know, did you?

[A]

Other titles in the choose your own nightmare series is just kind of like every. They put every Goosebumps book title and every name of an Are you afraid of the dark episode into a language model and just had it spit out a bunch of stuff. So. Night of the Werewolf. Beware the Snake's Venom. Island of Doom. Castle of Darkness. The Halloween Party. Risk your life, Arcade. Oh, Biting for blood. Bugged out, exclamation point. The Mummy who wouldn't die. It happened at Camp Pine Tree. Watch out for room 13, which is book 11. Missed opportunity.

[B]

What are we doing?

[A]

Something's in the woods. The Haunted Baby. Something's in the woods. The Haunted Baby. The Evil Pen pal. How I became a freak. Welcome to Horror Hospital, Attack of the Living Mask and the Toy Shop of Terror.

[B]

Yeah, those are all. Those are all good.

[A]

Yeah. You know, they all feel like a thing that I've. That I've read already. Like, I guess the Haunted Baby. I don't remember a Goosebumps book about a haunted baby. Arlstein prefers to deal mostly with like more supernatural scares and less with just like the. The fear of being a human person.

[B]

I feel like in a Goosebumps book he would really pause before putting a baby in proper danger like that.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

I feel like that would be a little too rough.

[A]

Well, just in the way that R.L. stein writes about the things that kid. Like what scares 12 year old kids do, like what scares them and what they do for fun. It just like I'm not sure how what he's gonna write about what a baby does.

[B]

I do think it happened at Camp Pine Tree is almost an R.L. stine title.

[A]

It's very. Welcome to Camp Jelly Jam, which is a Goosebumps book.

[B]

It feels like a haunted camp. It feels like. Yeah, it feels like it needs like one escalation in there, but it's pretty close.

[A]

We need some indication of what happened at Camp Pine Tree. Or we need a slightly weirder name for the camp.

[B]

That's. Yes, Camp Dye Tree.

[A]

Or just like Camp Slime Bucket. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yes. We have read several. Before we take our quick break, I will let folks know we have read several books written by Edward Packard in the past. You can go listen to them. Some of them include episode 78, the Mystery of Chimney Rock. Episode 84, you are a monster. Wow, we really dove right back into Edward Packard for that one, I guess. 121 space vampire. That. That's one that comes up in our discord a lot. You Are a shark. Episode 241, We Never Were. Spoiler alert. Episode 520, War with the Mutant Spider Ants. And episode 694, Super Computer. So go check those out if you like this or you find this particular choose your own wanting and you want some more. So, Andrew, should we take a quick break and then we can compare our editions and dive right in?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

All right, let's do that. See you soon, everybody.

[A]

Craig, this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Life is full of choices. Yeah, we're about to make a bunch of them ourselves.

[B]

We must select the things that we are doing the select the quests that we are going on, you know.

[A]

Yeah. Right. And, but, and so sometimes, you know, with all the choices that you have to make in your everyday life or when you're recording a podcast for content, sometimes you just want someone to come along and make some of the choices for you. Just like just, just tell you what to do so you don't have to.

[B]

Think about it or give you really good choices. To choose from is often an important step. Right.

[A]

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[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know the thing about the sausage being. Being made? That is an idiom.

[B]

It is an idiom.

[A]

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[B]

Oh.

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[B]

Andrew, it's time to compare our editions of the book. We checked before recording that we do appear to have the same printing, same number of pages.

[A]

Yeah, this one's a light.

[B]

Boy.

[A]

It's a light. Only 85 pages in this which is like 20 or 30 short. I think of a. Of a typical choose your own.

[B]

Yeah, 15 endings out of 85 pages. You know, hopefully that means we don't. We still get to make a lot of choices. We'll see. Where is your edition from, Andrew? We both have used copies.

[A]

Both have used copies. Mine, it's been through thrift books. It has a sticker on the front that just says PBF fic pack on it, which I don't. It's either.

[B]

What'd you call me?

[A]

I don't know like what this political action committee's cause is, but PBF thick pack. I have your book and also it's sort of the spine has not. It's not been like rebound or anything. I have. I have gotten a choose your own that's been rebound or like in a library binding before. But the Spine of this has been reinforced with a pretty wide strip of a sort of clear adhesive material to try and help it.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Help it stay together. But I do have the clearest sign of where it came from or where it started its life. It's got a stamp on the inside cover for the M. Scott Media center from the Reynolds School District 7 in Fairview, Oregon. Oh, this is, this has come to me from the Pacific Northwest all the way across the country.

[B]

That's fun. Mine, I, I don't really know all of the various stickers of who is selling this, but I do know that it, it says Golf links up top.

[A]

Ooh, Golf links.

[B]

I'm not sure what that means, but golf links.

[A]

Links is a like a golf term, right?

[B]

It is. You hit the.

[A]

Are they, Are they talking about websites though? Like which one do they mean?

[B]

Well, or like it could be like library links or something? Because on the side it says golf links. Child paperbacks. Maybe that was a program they were running in the Tucson Pima Public Public Library. I did check the Pima County Public Library website. They do not. They no longer have this book in their system. They do have other choose your own adventure books, including the Cave of Time. The Mona Lisa is missing. There is a Stranger Things branded choose your own adventure book in their system. But I guess nobody wanted choose your own nightmare number 13, the haunted baby anymore. Andrew, would you like to describe the art on the COVID here for me while I look up who made the art? Bill Schmidt.

[A]

I guess the Reynolds School district is still a thing. I cannot find anything about the M. Scott Media center, but.

[B]

Cover and interior design also by Beverly Lung. Okay, Bill Schmidt and Beverly Lung, go ahead.

[A]

The COVID is playing on the, you know the thing where the stork brings you a baby and like a little bindle.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

In the background we've got two storks who are carrying babies. We're doing some gender normative stuff. Oh, there's like a blue blanket. One has a pink blanket, but then in the foreground is a, I think a raven.

[B]

A giant black bird.

[A]

A giant black bird. Either raven or a crow. I'm not good at telling which one is which, but is carrying a baby in a white sheet. And this small sleeping baby has a stamp or a tattoo that says bad on it. Yeah, on their foot.

[B]

If it is a tattoo, it is made to look like a stamp. Like it's gotten little corners and it's like a font. It's not.

[A]

Someone inspected this baby and declared it bad and gave it a Stamp.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then also it has a little bow in its hair that has a little black skull and crossbones.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On top of it. So this is one haunted. This is a bad baby.

[B]

Yeah, that's what we are led to believe. There's a little.

[A]

With all that. With all the subtlety of a political cartoon. This cover is telling us this baby is bad.

[B]

And there's a little blurb that says you're the babysitter, but who's really in charge?

[A]

You want to read the back or should I read the back?

[B]

You read the back. I'll read the intro thing. You read the back.

[A]

A bundle of joy is the heading. You've got the easiest summer job ever, babysitting little Katie Harper. You've never babysat before, but the Harpers are paying you $7.50 an hour. An offer you can't refuse. Babysitting a two year old will be a snap. Or so you thought. There's something creepy about Katie. When her parents are around, she's a perfect angel. But when they leave, Katie turns into something frightening, Something you don't want to mess with. Is it all in your head or is Katie evil? Control your fate before it's too late. What happens in this book, you make all the choices. You decide how long your nightmare will last. Choose from more than 15 terrifying endings. If you dare to choose your own.

[B]

Nightmare, you know it's a real nightmare and more.

[A]

So you said 15 endings. This is more than 15 terrifying endings, which means at least 16 endings.

[B]

At least.

[A]

Possibly more than that.

[B]

You know what's horrifying was that they're going to pay you 750 an hour. The minimum wage in Pennsylvania in the year 2025 is 725 an hour.

[A]

Yeah, I was thinking about the minimum wage when I was working at McDonald's in. In Ohio in. In the 90s, early 2000, early 2000s. And it was like 525 or something.

[B]

Like it was minimum wage in Ohio right now and $11.

[A]

Ooh, Ohio. How'd you do that, Pa?

[B]

Come on, Pennsylvania.

[A]

What's interesting is that this copy of choose your own Nightmare costs $3.50 U.S. so assuming this takes place in the U.S. you can buy two copies of.

[B]

Haunted Baby for one hour, for one.

[A]

Hour of babysitting and have a little bit of change left over for some candy or something.

[B]

My edition also has a blank date do slip taped into it, implying that no one ever checked out this book. I'm not sure, but that's what I'm going on here?

[A]

Well, we've checked it out.

[B]

We're checking it out right now. Here we go.

[A]

All right, I read the back. Do you want to flip to the warning page and read the warning to me and describe the image that you see?

[B]

Yeah, there's usually some sort of page here that is like. As if you've never read a choose your own adventure book. You need to know that this book is different. This scary version is accompanied by a very grumpy cat. Very grumpy gray cat. It says warning. You have probably read books where scary things happen to people. Well, in choose your own nightmare, your writer. In the middle of the action, the scary things are happening to you. If you had known that little Katie Harper was haunted, you never would have accepted this babysitting job. But you've already said yes. It's just you and Katie now. Don't forget, you control your fate. Only you can decide what happens. Follow the instructions at the bottom of each page. The thrills and chills that happen to you will depend on your choices. Take a deep breath. Are you ready to meet a terrifying toddler? If the answer is yes, then turn to page one and choose your own nightmare. I am intrigued that they are laying it out up front. Baby haunted.

[A]

This baby is haunted. Yeah, because the back of the book was a little more ambiguous about it. Like is this baby haunted or is it just you?

[B]

Yeah, this is not turn of the screw. This is not like.

[A]

And then you get in there and it's like, hey, this baby is haunted. Good luck. Also you can just say toddler. You don't have to say terrifying toddler.

[B]

This baby can fit so many things.

[A]

That's just. That's unnecessary extra words.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You're right to say terrifying toddler.

[B]

They're all terrifying.

[A]

I think that this book is going to fall apart as I. As I read it. So we really only have one shot to get this episode right.

[B]

Usually we aim to get at least three endings. We might put some pins and some pages to come back to. We'll see what this adventure holds, Andrew.

[A]

We'll see what we're moved to.

[B]

Yeah, take us on page one here.

[A]

Page one just on the. We've got an illustration on the left here. It's just a kids letter. Blocks that spell out the name Katie.

[B]

Nothing haunting about them.

[A]

Nothing haunting about them yet. You can't believe it. Mrs. Harper from down the street is on the phone offering you $7 and 50 cents an hour to babysit her little girl Katie for three afternoons a week. She wants you to start at 2:00 tomorrow afternoon. You could use some extra cash this summer. And $7.50 an hour. Sounds great. I'd love to babysit. You tell Mrs. Harper we're just going to go with default voice for us. I think Katie is cute. You've seen Mrs. Harper pushing her in her stroller. Mr. Harper is a taxidermist. He stuffs dead animals so that they look real. You think it's pretty weird, but he just opened a shop in the mall, so business must be pretty good to go to the mall and pick up a Funko Pop from Hot Topic and then hit the taxidermist one in the.

[B]

Same man, same store.

[A]

Now that you're going to be babysitting at his house, you decide to bike over and have a look. Turn to page two.

[B]

I love to ride a bike. The shop is jammed with fish, birds and other kinds of animals all stuffed jam. You notice a white kitten with black markings on its forepaws. No one would stuff a kitten, you think, but when you see that it is stuffed. But then you see that it is stuffed. Ick. You're staring at it when you hear a sound behind you. Mr. Harper is standing there, his lips pulled in so that his mouth is just a narrow line on his long thin face. You sure have a lot of animals here, you say. Quite a few. He fixes his eyes on you. And I've stuffed a lot besides these, he says. There's only one type of animal I haven't stuffed yet. What's that? You ask. A human. He chuckles, but you don't think it's funny. I've gotta go, you say, and quickly walk out of the shop without even bothering to tell him you'll be babysitting for Katie. Go to the next page, Mr. Harper. Mr. Harper gives you the creeps on. This is on page three. After seeing what he's like, you're not sure you want to go into the Harper's house alone. Maybe you should call your friend Lisa, who lives a couple of doors down from you. Lisa's not afraid of anything, but if you ask her to come along, she'll want to split the money with you. Lisa is nobody's fool, Andrew. If you want to ring up Lisa, go to page nine or go to the Harpers alone on page 17.

[A]

I think eventually I will want to meet Lisa. I don't think we should leave without meeting Lisa, who seems to.

[B]

We have to meet Lisa if you're.

[A]

If you're mentioning her this early. I think she's gonna be a foundational character. But also, I do want the whole 750 to myself. So I think we go to the Harpers alone.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Also, I like that we're already page two. We're already in dangerous most dangerous gay territory.

[B]

I know he works at the mall.

[A]

He works at the mall. Taxidermist.

[B]

He's saying he's gonna stuff people and.

[A]

Some kid comes in and he's like, I haven't stuffed any humans yet. Page 17. You pull your bike up to the big cream colored house at 39 Bleak street and arrested against the porch railing, Mrs. Harper opens the door. She's a tall woman. She leans against the doorway, looking you over. Come inside, she finally says. You follow her into a cheery living room with a bright blue sofa and chairs and a thick rose carpet. A little blonde girl is sitting in a miniature rocking chair, rocking and humming. There's a big pile of wooden blocks in front of her. She smiles at you. This is Katie, Mrs. Harper says proudly. Katie tilts her head coyly and waves. She's really cute. Stay there, angel, Mrs. Harper says to Katie as she leads you into the kitchen. Beautiful crystal glasses are lined up on the counter. You remind yourself not to let Katie near them.

[B]

Turn to page 28 so this kid can walk. This is like it's a baby walk.

[A]

Into a little bit of communicating. Like it's the the front matter, said toddler. So I assume we're talking about like the kid is like two, two and a half.

[B]

At least 18 months. Probably no older than two and a half. We'll find out. 28.

[A]

Page 28. Okay, this is Mrs. Harper speaking.

[B]

There's juice and applesauce for Katie in the fridge, Mrs. Harper tells you. She grabs her keys from a hook. I've left instructions on the hall table, but there's one other thing I think you should know. She pauses a moment. A few months ago, Katie's kitten died. It was very hard on her, and sometimes she thinks the kitten is still alive. Mrs. Harper sighs. That's too bad, you murmur. Mrs. Harper glances at her watch. Oh, I've got to run. I'm late. She gives you a smile. Remember, the instructions are on the table. You'll do fine. She hurries out of the room the second the front door slams behind her. A second later, you hear Katie scream. Turn to page 59.

[A]

59. That cat's back on page 58.

[B]

I don't want to know what's going on over there. Yeah.

[A]

You hurry to the living room, almost tripping over something on your way. You look around in time to see a little white kitten scoop behind the sofa. It's funny that Mrs. Harper didn't mention that Katie got a new kitten. You think. Katie is standing on the seat of her rocker, but nothing seems to be wrong. Did the kitten frighten you? You ask, picking her up. Kitten here, she murmurs. You bad. You chuckle. I'm not bad and you're not bad. We're both good. Katie giggles. Do you want to play with the blocks? You ask. Meow, she purrs, sounding just like a kitten. It amazes you how she imitates it so exactly at that moment. You remember that you haven't read the instructions yet. Read Mrs. Harper's instructions on page seven. Skip them for now. Turn to page 51.

[B]

I'm just so entranced by this child, I think I'm gonna skip the instructions. I think I'm ready to just hang out with this cool kid who talks like a totally normal child.

[A]

All right, 51.

[B]

You stay with Katie. She grabs your hand and starts leading you through the house. You're amazed at how strong her grip is.

[A]

I will say I have. Toddlers will do that.

[B]

They will do.

[A]

That's not necessarily a haunted baby thing, because they don't like a normal toddler.

[B]

They don't know what they're doing, you know. You follow her along the carpeted hallway into a small room. There's a bookshelf filled with books. Duh. A coffee table and a small plaid couch. Against the wall sits a desk with a computer. Katie heads straight for it. Un, she says, flipping on the power switch. I don't think we're supposed to touch this. Katie, you say, reaching over to turn the computer off. Un, says Katie, brushing your hand away. The computer screen lights up. Blink and shrink, the computer voice says. A cartoon person appears on the screen. Katie clicks on the person's eyeball. The person gets smaller and smaller. Katie giggles. Fun, she says. What is happening? Blink and shrink. Turn to page six.

[A]

Bookmark for Lisa. I gotta turn to page six. Congratulations, the computer voice says. You've passed the shrinkage test. This was well after that Seinfeld episode.

[B]

It really was. Yeah.

[A]

You begin to feel lightheaded. You put your hand on the desk to steady yourself. Katie leans over you, patting your head. Poor babysitter, she says, stroking your face. You manage to turn the power off on the computer. The person vanishes. You suddenly feel better, as if your energy level has been given a boost. Come on, you say, grabbing Katie's hand. You lead her Back into the living room. Katie sits down, giggling. Would you like to play with one of your toys? You ask. Turn to page 30.

[B]

What just happened? Who's this hacker baby?

[A]

Do you want to read this or is it. This is a short little one. You want me to read it?

[B]

Well, I made the last choice. I'll read this so that you can make a choice. I have a dollhouse, Katie says. Want to show it to me? She nods. You can come in. It must be a big dollhouse, you say. Katie stares at you. It not big, she says firmly. You're curious about this dollhouse. But Katie's stare gives you a creepy feeling. She looks almost evil. What now? That line makes a lot more sense when you know you're reading Haunted Baby.

[A]

Haunted Baby.

[B]

But if you're like a 12 year.

[A]

Old, it's like, this baby looks evil.

[B]

This baby looks evil. I gotta call Lisa. Ask Katie to show you her dollhouse. Turn to page 12. Go out to play in the yard. Turn to page 34. Take her for a ride in her stroller. Turn to page 85. I'm thrown off by the like, phrasing of the choices so far, Andrew. They don't.

[A]

Well, these all have question marks after them too, which makes the other ones really didn't.

[B]

And like, I think I'm used to like. If you'd like to do this, go to page blah blah blah. This is very. Anyway, what do you want to do? Dollhouse play in the yard stroller?

[A]

Andrew, I think that we need to. Look, we need to go. We need to figure out this dollhouse.

[B]

We need to figure out the dollhouse. I might put a pig on this page. Just.

[A]

Yeah, just to be safe. That's a good idea.

[B]

All right, page 12.

[A]

Page 12 for the dollhouse. I'm reading this, right? Katie leads you upstairs to her bedroom. There's a white wooden bed with a pink quilt on it, a drawers, and a huge framed photograph of a tiger on the wall. She got zoo books. A two story dollhouse sits on the floor near the window. It's a perfect model of the Harper's house. The front wall of the dollhouse is cut off so you can see the rooms inside. There are little sofas, tables and chairs, even pictures on the walls. You can see Katie's room in the dollhouse, furnished just like her real room. In it is a model of the dollhouse itself. This is pretty cool, you say. You must like having a dollhouse to play with. As you say this, your eyes blur for just a moment. You blink, making sure you can still see straight. We're playing in the dollhouse, katie says happily. Turn to page 72.

[B]

You mean we're pretending we're in it, you say gently. Katie shakes her head. We not pretending. We in my room in the dollhouse. Look out the window. You go along with her game and look out the window as she asks and gasp. No trees, no grass, no sky. Instead, you're staring out at a high wall and a pink carpeted floor with an enormous bed covered in a huge pink quilt. Turn to page 47. Okay, there is an Are you afraid of the dark? Where you get where somebody gets trapped in a dollhouse, right? Or something like that.

[A]

I can only think about the one where they get trapped in, like the arcade in the game. It's also like a mall.

[B]

Yes? Well, yeah. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, that's totally possible, though. You rush to the other page 47. You rush to the other window. It looks out on another wall, and on it is a huge photograph of a tiger. Zoo books are back, though. Through every window you see what you'd see if you were in Katie's room in the dollhouse. Now you're sure she has evil powers. Can't you just have powers? Like, why do we need to assign like a that also like values to.

[B]

Also implies that at any step of the way we have thought she had evil powers. We just thought.

[A]

I mean, she gave that look that looked almost evil. And now we're ready. We're ready to believe this baby's evil big leaf. You run to the door. The hallway looks the way it did before. But that could be because you're in the dollhouse. You'll have to go downstairs and go out the front door to make sure you tear out of the room. Where you going? Katie cries. You said you play with me in dollhouse. Turn to page 25.

[B]

The commitment to busted toddler talk is really something. You stop in your tracks and try to calm yourself. You've got to get outside. Not only outside the dollhouse, but outside the Harper's house. Then maybe everything will get back to normal. Katie, you say, trying to keep your voice steady, let's go out and play in the yard. She shakes her head. Dollhouse doesn't have a yard. I don't care, you say. We're going outside if I have to carry you. Waa. She wails, jumping up and down and shaking her chubby fists. You don't feel like a babysitter anymore. You feel like a prisoner. You're tempted to forget about Katie and just try to get outside, back to the real world. If you run out of the room and try to get outdoors. Andrew, turn to page 53. If you stay with Katie in the dollhouse, turn to page 50.

[A]

Maybe it's just the. The babysitter's club.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Influence in me. But we can't leave our charge behind, Craig. It doesn't matter how evil she seems.

[B]

Oh, so we have to stay in the dollhouse?

[A]

To stay with Katie in the dollhouse.

[B]

We got to. Well, yeah, we got to convince her to come out. We're going to make it her choice, right?

[A]

All right. You tell Katie we'll stay here. What do you want to do? Play in the doll house? Katie says in a sweet voice.

[B]

Why is that like a Guns n Roses?

[A]

I thought that's what we were doing, you say wearily. This dollhouse, she says brightly, pointing to the model dollhouse. What you thought was the dollhouse inside the dollhouse? Yes. Starting to give you a headache.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Craig, if you go along with her, turn to page 24. If you don't, turn to page 56.

[B]

Where you said we're going along with her. 24. We got it. Inception. Dollhouse. We have to find out what happens next.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. How do we get in? You ask. Your vision blurs for a moment. You blink. We already in it. You're not making sense, you tell her. You sit down on Katie's bed. I'm getting dizzy, you add, holding your head in your hands. Let's play in the dollhouse, she says, pointing at it. No, I can't take it anymore. What's wrong with you? A grown up voice demands you look up. It's Mrs. Harper. Think about what you will tell her while you turn to page 60.

[A]

Um, we were just pretending, you say nervously. Mrs. Harper looks at Katie. Did you have a good time, darling? She asks. Yes, Mommy. Katie smiles sweetly. Good, says Mrs. Harper. She takes $15 from her purse and hands it to you. Thanks for. Thanks for doing such a good job. We'll see you tomorrow then. Same time, all right? Sure, you say. You're feeling a bit better. Maybe you're not in the dollhouse. Bye, says Katie. Bye, you say. You hurry downstairs, open the front door and step out of the dollhouse into Katie's bedroom. A giant sized Katie sitting on the bed. She's smiling at you, but you don't smile back. Gently, she picks you up and puts you back in her dollhouse. The end.

[B]

And we're looking at.

[A]

We're looking at a picture of Katie holding us sort of pint sized us in her hand. She's got AI fingers. Yeah, a little bit. I'm mostly distracted by what appears to be an illustration of Eeyore.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the background.

[B]

An off brand or in the back. I don't even know.

[A]

It's not even very off brand.

[B]

No, it really isn't.

[A]

But, like, why is it. Why is part of Eeyore, like, overhanging the canvas onto the frame?

[B]

I love it. Yeah. Because it does.

[A]

This looks like. This all looks like AI to me.

[B]

Does it? Well. And, like, why is there a banister where there's a banister? I don't know. Listen, Bill Schmidt, you. Your work is fine, but this one, I don't know what assignment. I don't know what you got assigned on this one.

[A]

I. I will say I think. I think the hair is well rendered. I think the facial expressions are good. I just think there are some things about the. How the space is represented and also, like the, you know, the copyright of it all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's that I have questions about.

[B]

Okay. Where do you want to go back to? That was. That was pretty good. That was a haunting. Yeah, a little.

[A]

I don't really. And we. And now we're trapped in the dollhouse forever, which is cool.

[B]

Classic. Classic.

[A]

So we have two. We have two points. We could go back and see what Lisa's deal is. Or there's that page 30 where there are three choices.

[B]

Oh, let's do page 30. And then we'll go. We'll jump over to the Lisa time.

[A]

We'll jump back to the Lisa time.

[B]

Next ending. Okay. So we went to the dollhouse.

[A]

Yep. So go out to play and that you can make this choice. I feel like I've made one more choice than you. Go out to play in the yard. Turn to page 34. Take her for a ride in her stroller. Turn to page 85.

[B]

Well, just to review where we're at, we are not sure that she has evil powers yet, but this is the page where she gave us a creepy feeling. And she looks almost evil.

[A]

She looks almost evil. And this is where she's trying to talk us into going in the dollhouse. And we're gonna try and maybe redirect her. Her attentions.

[B]

I'm gonna take her for a ride in the stroller. I think it's possible we will, like, see other people on the sidewalk. Maybe she won't be so evil. So, 80, 85.

[A]

Get out in the public place.

[B]

Yeah. Katie fusses at first, but finally she agrees to go riding in her stroller. You push her down the street. Well, not that way. She's strangely quiet. Maybe she's fallen asleep. You stop pushing the stroller and take a peek at Katie. She smiles up at you, sweet as can be. Then you realize you haven't been paying attention to where you're going. You're at the top of High street, the steepest street in town. You make sure Katie's strapped in tightly. This is some hill, isn't it, Katie? You ask. Your feet begin to pick up speed as you descend. Eee. Cady squeals unexpectedly. A moth has landed on her arm. You lean forward to brush it away, but as your hand gets near her, Katie bites you hard. Turn to page 69.

[A]

Nice. Whoa.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

You leap back in pain. Ouch. That hurt. You yell. Without thinking, you let go of the stroller to rub your hand. In a flash, the stroller with Katie in it is rolling down the hill. For a split second, you don't care. Then you realize you have to care.

[B]

Wait.

[A]

You scream, running after it. But it's gathering speed. We've got the block motif with Katie's name repeated.

[B]

For fun, I guess, some reason.

[A]

And then the main illustration is us standing, like, right in the middle of the road, apparently. With a car behind us.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And Katie is in her stroller, and she is careening down the hill, screaming. And then we are behind, kind of reaching our hand out, helpless to stop Katie's descent.

[B]

Yeah, it's all fine. It's all doing the work here.

[A]

Turn to. Turn to page 38.

[B]

Turn to page 38. Okay.

[A]

For a split second, you don't care.

[B]

But then you have to care. Well, you run as fast as you can, but the stroller rolls even faster. Your sneakers pound the pavement as you fly down the road. Katie. You cry. You begin to catch up. Soon you're only a few feet away. Just as you're about to grab the stroller, it jumps the curb and tips over. The strap gives way and Katie sprawls out into the street. You hear a tremendous horn blast. A gigantic truck is coming right at her. You race to pull Katie away. As you reach for her, she breaks free and leaps back onto the sidewalk. The truck hits you. Smash.

[A]

It does not say. It does not say smash.

[B]

Oh, excuse me. It says smush. As you take your last breath, you see Katie standing on the sidewalk, smiling happily down at you. Bye. Bye, she says. The end. Wow.

[A]

We got killed.

[B]

We got hit by a truck. Thanks to a baby.

[A]

I think we just do the third choice on that.

[B]

Yeah, we're 30. Let's just do it.

[A]

Let's just do the whole play in the yard.

[B]

Play in the yard.

[A]

So so far we've got one. Trapped in a nightmare forever. We've got one. We died.

[B]

Killed by a truck. Smushed. Smushed by a truck.

[A]

Smush. So let's go play in the yard and turn to page 34.

[B]

Yeah, tell me about playing in the yard, Andrew.

[A]

Let's play in the yard. You tell Katie. The backyard is quite nice. There's a jungle gym with swings and a slide and a curving tunnel shaped like a caterpillar. You can crawl into the caterpillar's head and come out its tail. Come out its tail. I'm on. I don't think that's what you're coming.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Go in the caterpillar. Katie says, you first. You say, no, you first. I scared.

[B]

When you do it like that. It's like there's a witch inside the toddler who is like, I. I scared.

[A]

If you're scared, let's not go in at all. You say. You go, she answers. All right, you say. Reluctantly, you squat down and crawl into the tunnel. It's barely big enough for you to move through. Soon it's completely dark inside. You keep crawling along. You'll be out the other end in a few seconds. But the tunnel is longer than you expected. You turn around, but there's no room. On and on, you crawl. You definitely should have reached the end by now. You wiggle a little farther. Are you close behind me? You call back to Katie. No answer. Crawl on to page 57. These Katie blocks are back.

[B]

The Katie blocks are back. You crawl on anyway. You have no other choice. And then light. The tunnel slopes upward. The plastic walls give way to large stones wedged together. Soon the tunnel is heading almost straight up. The stones stick out a little so you can plant your feet and get handholds. You begin to climb.

[A]

Know that we were going into a caterpillar of leaves.

[B]

The prison from that bane was in. Turn to page 30. Keep climbing to page 36. Andrew, go ahead.

[A]

Blue Sky.

[B]

Hey, hey.

[A]

Page 36.

[B]

I'm there.

[A]

Yeah. I'm not gonna make a blue sky joke for seven people. You can make all of them in your head if you want. Blue sky. You climb out and look around in amazement. You don't know how, but the tunnel has opened up in your own backyard. You can't believe it, but it must be true. You hear your mother's voice. I told. I told you not to go down in that old well. You shrug your shoulders. You don't know what to say. Your mom walks over to you. Besides, aren't you supposed to be babysitting at the Harpers? You're so amazed to find yourself back home, you've almost forgotten that you left Katie alone. You've got to go back to see if she's okay. Turn to page 77.

[B]

Doing like James Brown. Set. Set her out. 77. How did you get back to your own house? Right, Mom. There's no use trying to explain the situation. You hurry to the front of your house and get another shock. Your bike, the one you rode to the Harpers, is leaning up against the garage. How did it get back here? Come to think of it, how did you get back here? What's been happening seems real, but maybe it's all just been some weird nightmare. If so, you'd better try to wake up. Go to the Harper's house on page 31, Andrew. Or. Or try to wake up on page 44.

[A]

I think we do need to put a pin in this one. Yeah, I think we should go to the Harper's house. Like we're gonna wake up. We're gonna wake up.

[B]

Yep, yep, yep. That. Yeah, I know.

[A]

That's not how choose your own adventure logic works. But that's yep, yep, yep how I'm choosing to approach it. You race over to the Harpers on your bike, pumping as hard as you can. In a few minutes, the house comes into view, but it doesn't look quite right. The grass has grown about a foot since you left and the paint is faded and chipped. It's a real mess. A for sale sign is stuck in the lawn. You rattle the front door knob and peer in a broken window pane. All the furniture is gone. Behind you, a car honks. You turn around. The driver yells something. Find out what on page 84.

[B]

Okay, Edward, a man yells at you. Turn to another page and hear what he's yelling. Right.

[A]

You gotta get a new voice in the chamber on page 84.

[B]

The people who live there moved out of town. He shouts as he drives away.

[A]

Thank you, yelling stranger.

[B]

You take another look. Suddenly, something furry brushes against your ankle. It's a white kitten with black markings on its front paws. Katie's kitten.

[A]

Meow.

[B]

It purrs looking up at you.

[A]

Meow.

[B]

They. They must have left it. Meow. They must have left it behind, you think. You peer in the windows again. All is empty and silent. Your mind whirls, thinking, what strange. Thinking about the strange things that have happened? The kitten continues to rub against your ankles, purring quietly. What is it about this kitten gives you the shivers? You hop on your bike, anxious to be away from this place. The kitten runs ahead of you. It turns a corner, looking back over its shoulder. You pump harder. The kitten runs faster. And you realize it's not just following, it's leading you home. The end.

[A]

The end. That's a weird one.

[B]

The kittens taking you home.

[A]

Kittens taking you home.

[B]

Hey. What?

[A]

Do you want to try to wake up real quick?

[B]

Let's try to wake up.

[A]

Or do you want to go meet Lisa? Finally, we're moving. Try to wake up, and then we're gonna meet Lisa. Page 44.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

You go back to your room, lie on your bed, and close your eyes. Then you think hard. Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, says your mom. You've been napping long enough. It worked. You're out of the nightmare. Besides, your mom goes on. Mrs. Hopper's on the phone. She has a babysitting job for you. She'll pay $7.50 an hour. What should I tell her? If you say, tell her yes, turn to page 17. Otherwise, just say, no, thanks, and this is the end.

[B]

I've never seen that before.

[A]

Ever seen an ending? You could just, like, preemptively choose to end it.

[B]

End the book.

[A]

Look.

[B]

That's pretty cool.

[A]

What do you think?

[B]

I mean, I want to tell her yes and turn to page 17, but that is pretty cool. Edward, good work. I like that.

[A]

Page 17.

[B]

You pull your bike up to the big wave.

[A]

We've literally looped back around.

[B]

Whoa. Whoa. We've never been looped before like that.

[A]

We've never been looped.

[B]

Two innovations in one page. Edward.

[A]

He's feeling. He's feeling playful. This is like 1995. He's been doing this for two. Deck two and a half decades at this point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's doing the choose your own nightmare series.

[B]

I did.

[A]

He knows the sun is setting on the choose your own adventure empire. He's got to pull out all the stops now.

[B]

We have not read every single one of these books, though it feels.

[A]

We have not, though I think I would have to. Look, this is definitely one of the later ones we've read, if not like, the latest one button.

[B]

But I don't think I've ever. Like, every, like, six months, somebody sends us an email with the, like, an article about choose your own adventure books and, like, the care with which people have, like, mapped out different it, like, volumes.

[A]

People love to do like subway map.

[B]

Yeah. It's cool.

[A]

Your own adventure books. Yeah.

[B]

But I don't think I've seen one with a loop in it before.

[A]

I'd have to look. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not sure. It must. It must exist somewhere.

[B]

That's pretty spooky.

[A]

Yeah, but we've been. We have been looped.

[B]

We've been looped. Okay. I mean, I think, honestly, we've, like, we've got. We got to go meet Lisa.

[A]

Yeah. Because I think we've done, like, we've done most of the choices that exist in this loop.

[B]

I think all the ones that I found interesting, I think we somehow saved the loop for last in, like, a way that we did not plan to do, which is kind of impressive.

[A]

So, so far we've run into, like, I would say three and a half endings, because we did three real endings. And then that one, that's pretty cool ending in the. In the footer that we chose not to not to do.

[B]

I do like that. But let's go meet Lisa.

[A]

All right. I'll just read page three again real quick just to ground us back in our regular reality now that we've escaped the loop. And then we'll ring up Lisa on page nine. Mr. Harper gives you the creep. So we've met Mr. Harper, the tax. The mall taxidermist, and that's the only person we've met? Yeah, yeah. Mr. Harper gives you the creeps. After seeing what he's like, you're not sure you want to go into the Harper's house alone. Maybe you should call your friend Lisa, who lives a couple doors down from you. Lisa's not afraid of anything, but if you ask her to come along, she'll want to split the money with you. Ring up Lisa on page nine. I just.750 an hour is still, like, decent money.

[B]

I just had to review that. Like, we didn't have to go visit this creep at the mall. We just decided to.

[A]

We just did it. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, turn to page nine.

[A]

Ooh. Oh, wow. This is a lot.

[B]

Wow. What? You get on the phone to Lisa and tell her about the babysitting job. How much is in it for me? She asks. Well, I get 7:50 an hour. I'll give you half. That's 375. Four is my minimum, says Lisa. Well, that's not fair. You blurt out, I'm the one who got the job. Why should you get paid more than me? Take it or leave it, Lisa tells you. If you feel like it, just say no. Deal, Lisa. And turn to page 17.

[A]

Page 17 is the loop page.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

It page 17? Yeah. Page 17 is the. Is the trap page.

[B]

This is a good book.

[A]

We were worried it would be less good because it's shorter than most of them. But this is a house of leaves book instead. It's just tighter, you know.

[B]

Choose your own leaves or keep read. No, you, the folks at home, you don't understand what it's like to see the choice italics midway through the page.

[A]

And then have more page to read. If you don't make the choice, it's very disorienting.

[B]

Oh, like I think. And honestly, my house is bigger on the inside.

[A]

Now this is kind of partially explaining why it is shorter because in most of the choose your own adventure books we would read like these things would.

[B]

Be all dead ends.

[A]

Yeah. Like you just, you just, you just flip to another page and instead they're doing some weird like formatting trickery instead.

[B]

That's kind of weird. Okay, if you feel like it, just say no. Deal, Lisa. And turn to page 17, the loop page. Get on the loop or keep reading. You hate the idea of Lisa making more than you, but you may need her. Oh, all right. You say, meet me at the Harper's tomorrow at 2 o'. Clock. Meet Lisa on page 16.

[A]

Okay, we're gonna meet Lisa on page 16. But I am determined to throw this girl under the bus at the first possible opportunity. Lisa is waiting for you on the sidewalk by the Harper's house. Mrs. Harper answers when you ring the doorbell. She's a tall woman with a long thin face. This is my friend Lisa. You explain. She's going to help me. Mrs. Harper's eyes narrow as she looks the two of you over. All right, follow me. She leads you into a bright, cheery living room and points to a sweet looking little girl nestled on some pillows on the sofa. This is Katie, she says. Lisa goes over to her. Can you give me like the carnival barker voice that you're using?

[B]

Yeah, let me go back. It's. She's sort of like a. She's a 1920. She's a woman who has made it into the newsroom in the night.

[A]

She's out on. She's.

[B]

Yeah, you know. You know, four is my minimum, you know.

[A]

Oh, she's so cute, she says, tickling Katie under the chin. There's juice and crackers for Katie in the kitchen, Mrs. Harper says. She looks at her watch. Oh, I'm late. She gives a little wave and suddenly she's at the door. Turn to page 23.

[B]

These Katie blocks.

[A]

The Katie blocks are back. Just the house.

[B]

Is there a rule for these?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

This is the cutest kid I've ever seen, says Katie. She sits down on the couch and scoops up Katie. You nod. Yeah, she is pretty adorable. You are so cute. Lisa chants, bouncing Katie up and down on her knee. Katie gurgles happily. You walk over to turn on the TV and hear a blood curdling scream. It's Lisa. Find out why on page 55.

[A]

Guess who's making $7.50 an hour again?

[B]

Uh oh.

[A]

Oh, she bit me. Lisa throws Katie on the couch and jumps away. Katie lets out a wail so loud it hurts her ears. You run to pick her up. No biting Katie, you say. That's bad. You turn to Lisa. You can't just throw her like that. Well, I need a band aid. Lisa huffs. She hurries toward the kitchen. You try to distract Katie's attention, hoping you won't get bitten too. There are some toys on the lower half of the bookcase. You carry Katie over there and sit her down. Want to play with one of these? Katie reaches in and pulls out a small plastic bucket. It's full of glass eyes. Mr. Harper probably uses them when he stuffs animals. Katie dumps them on the rug and starts to sift through them. Turn to page 45. The illustration is just Katie upending a bucket full of bloodshot eyeballs.

[B]

Yeah, there's no reason for them to be bloodshot for his taxidermy, nor for them all to be human eyes. But, well, he does have goals, this man, now that he's opened his store in the mall. That is the one.

[A]

That is the one animal that he's never taxidermied before. He's just using the law of attraction to. To will it into existence.

[B]

Okay, that. That art was not representative because on page 45 it says there are little eyes for little animals and big eyes for big animals. Looking at. Looking at them makes you feel slightly sick. You scoop them up and put them back in the bucket. This makes Katie angry. She starts to wail again. Lisa races back in. What did you do to her? She asks. Well, nothing, you answer. At that moment, Katie pounces on something on the rug next to the sofa. It's a mouse. Katie clutches.

[A]

It's a lot of like, free association stuff.

[B]

This is just jazz, baby. Katie clutches it, then drops.

[A]

The choices you don't make.

[B]

The mouse scoots under the sofa. She turns, scowling. While you and Lisa stand There, gaping at what you've just seen. A moment later, the front door opens and Mrs. Harper walks in. Katie has started playing with her blocks. Her mother picks her up and hugs her, then turns to you and Lisa. You two have been such good babysitters. I'm giving you each a dollar bonus. See you tomorrow. Sure, you say. Has it been like two hours?

[A]

We've been here for like 15 minutes. And one of us threw the baby.

[B]

It bit Lisa, she dropped it. She spilled all the eyeballs. And then she grabbed a mouse.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Turn to page eight.

[A]

Turn to page eight. Craig, guess what's back.

[B]

Uh oh. Oh, the blocks.

[A]

The Katy blocks. They're following us around. I'm haunted by these blocks. On your way home, you and Lisa discuss what happened. It's obvious that Katie is a very strange little girl. You can't help worrying about what might be in store for you if you go back there again. If you return tomorrow, turn to page 37. If you decide to quit, turn to page 62.

[B]

I think we gotta go back.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the money's too good.

[B]

Money's too good, even if we're splitting it. When you arrive the next afternoon, you find Lisa there ahead of you. Mrs. Harper has already left. You walk into the living room. Katie is playing happily with her blocks on the rug. Lisa is on the sofa, watching you plop down next to Katie. Wanna build a house? You ask. You start piling blocks. Hey, look. Lisa cries. She points at the ceiling. You see a large wet spot that gets larger as you look at it. Only then do you hear the sound of running water upstairs. Stay still, you tell Katie. You and Lisa race upstairs and run to the bathroom. Off the hallway, the shower is on full force. Water is spilling over the edge of the tub and spreading across the floor. Turn it off. Lisa screams. You reach for the faucet, but before you can touch it, it stops by itself. Lisa gasps. How could you're cut off by a scream from downstairs. Turn to page 67.

[A]

Alright. When you get downstairs, you find that Katie isn't screaming, she's laughing. The screaming was coming from the tv. A monster with long, scaly arms strangling people on a street. No tv, you say, and reach for the remote. Katie howls. You push the off button, but it doesn't work. Instead, you see another movie. Waves of slime are breaking on a beach. People are running from it, screaming as the waves wash over them, drowning them in dark blue goo. Nice, says Katie. She gurgles happily. You push hard on the off Button. Only to get back to the first movie. Now the monster is crushing people under its elephant sized feet. This is crazy. You shout. You wedge between the wall and the TV set, planning to pull the plug, but it's already unplugged. What? Lisa, help me. You cry. But Lisa is sitting on the floor next to Katie, laughing with her at the horror on the screen. Turn to page 58. Lisa is such dead weight.

[B]

A second later, you're laughing with them and there's no way to stop yourself. You and Lisa have become haunted babysitters. The end. And there's that angry cat again.

[A]

There's that grumpy cat again.

[B]

What? Huh? She got us.

[A]

She got us.

[B]

She got us.

[A]

We're having fun, though. We're having fun watching tv. Watching people be drowned in the dark blue.

[B]

Blue on the beach and smushed by elephants.

[A]

By the elephant sized feet.

[B]

The elephant sized feet. Is that what it said?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's awful. Yeah, it did say. Oh, the monster under its elephant sized feet.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I feel like that's we're at time pretty much.

[B]

I think we are, but. Wow.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

This book had a lot more to offer than I thought it would.

[A]

This is an interesting one. Yeah.

[B]

I'm way more intrigued by this series now.

[A]

You want to. You want to go back?

[B]

Well, and you know, even what you said earlier, like, maybe we need to do one of those like, quote unquote, like super books because maybe there's more. I don't know what else, what other tricks they have.

[A]

Mm, mm. But like, I think the super adventure ones are like back to the 80s again. So I don't know if they'll be like, quite as interested in sort of exploring the form. But like, they are here.

[B]

We were haunted with three breaks of the form. We received a loop. We got a.

[A]

We got like an inline choice.

[B]

An inline choice and an ending inside of a choice. The choice to end the book. We've never had that before.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, this book doesn't want to waste your time.

[B]

No, it doesn't.

[A]

I mean, beyond the. Beyond the time that you're sort of wasting, getting caught in loops and stuff.

[B]

What did you think of this baby, Andrew?

[A]

I. You know, we don't have enough information to work on, to work off of. I don't think, like, it is not 100% clear to me that the baby is sort of the source of the haunting. Like the baby could also be a victim of the haunting.

[B]

Correct. Yeah, the baby.

[A]

I know. We're quick to cast aspersions.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because this baby has an evil looking smile. I guess.

[B]

Yeah. This baby has resting demon face or something. Yeah, but. Yeah, I mean, I guess, like, the baby wanted us in the dollhouse. The baby wanted to watch tv, right?

[A]

Yeah, but.

[B]

But I'm with you. That the baby might not be the source of the supernatural.

[A]

And, yeah, it might just be incidental. Mr. Harper is much creepier, and he is kind of a loose thread.

[B]

Like, we.

[A]

We do not run into him. We did not run into him again in our. In our run.

[B]

What do you think is more likely? That Mr. Harper has a plot line or there's an ending that, like, explains the evil.

[A]

I bet we get at least. Honestly, I think there's a non zero chance the two things go together. Mr. Harper gets kind of a monologue that explains some of the evil.

[B]

Let's think about the lore for a second. What's up with that white kitten? Because there's a white kitten in the taxidermied thing in the mall. That's your set piece. You put at the front of the store in the mall next to the Orange Julius. And then when we first get the job, beginning of the loop, she's like, oh, the cat just died.

[A]

The cat died. And then you see a cat. Yeah. And you think it's a ghost cat.

[B]

And then there's that when you go through the tube, and then there's another cat. That leads you home.

[A]

That leads you home. But to what end?

[B]

But to what end?

[A]

And what happened to the Harpers? And did the cat do it? Did the cat vanish these people somehow.

[B]

You were just trying to figure out what happened to the Harpers.

[A]

No, I was. I was. I'm not trying to figure anything out. I'm just curious. What. What hap. Like, why was their house empty in that ending? Because that's the one where you're staring through, like, their broken window and the guy drives by and yells at you to tell you.

[B]

Yeah, well, I was just trying to tell you that the reason the house is empty is because the people live there, move out of town.

[A]

Oh, right, right.

[B]

But.

[A]

But, like, did they move out of town because, like, Katie, like, killed someone or something or. Yeah.

[B]

Turned into a cat?

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Those are all the reasons.

[A]

Like the. The sort of mall taxidermy racket. Just not what it used to be.

[B]

Well, it's. It's 1998, I think.

[A]

Everybody's getting. Everybody's getting their taxidermy done online now.

[B]

Oh, pets.

[A]

Deadpets.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, malls were doing okay in 98, I think.

[A]

Yeah, I Don't. I don't think they. I don't think the mall collapse happens for another like what, 10, 15 years at least.

[B]

Yeah, it depends.

[A]

It depends on the location.

[B]

There's that whole scene in Gone Girl where they go into like a decrepit mall that's like. That's like very financial collapse coded.

[A]

I think that the sort of like the midwestern mall that I grew up with, I think died more aggressively than the sort of like east coast.

[B]

Yep, yep. I think. I think that's a thing for sure.

[A]

Central hub mall that we. That we have out here. Like the. I think I feel like the. The KOP Mall and like the. The Jersey Mall. The Jersey Mall, like as a format.

[B]

Yeah, they seem fine. KOP Mall is. Is doing just fine as far as I understand. There's a lot more restaurants on the outside of it in the parking lot than there used to be.

[A]

I've never actually gone in there. I've been near there. We should go because Micro Center's out that way.

[B]

Yeah. You go out there all the time.

[A]

Yeah. Me and. Me and Henry go to Micro center and get 3D printer filament together.

[B]

I'll give you a tour of them. All of what I know. It's probably the cold.

[A]

The cold stone where you.

[B]

They moved it.

[A]

Well, you can show me where it used to be.

[B]

Yeah. And then I'll show you where they moved in house.

[A]

You sort of learned to apply your trade.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Where I smell where your apprenticeship happened. Yeah.

[B]

Where the. The odor of waffles merged with my khaki shorts. Yeah.

[A]

Where you became like genetically at least.

[B]

Like 2% waffle cone and 3% milkshake. Yeah. Anyway, that was the haunted baby. And I thought that we were gonna have fun. Andrew, I did not expect to really think about the form of the choose your own adventure.

[A]

I'm a little shook, to be honest.

[B]

Yeah. What else.

[A]

Got quite. I mean, more Katie blocks probably. But I've got questions about Katie. I've got questions about like the characters. Yeah. This definitely was not as character. It was more economical from like a character perspective. They're not like 100 guys voices for.

[B]

Yeah. And like boom, boom, boom. You're gonna get haunted. Here's what. Here's the like Twilight Zone riff. Here, here's this, here's that.

[A]

It's baby's evil.

[B]

This baby's evil. I mean the book told us from the get go, but yeah, those Katie blocks are weird just like everywhere.

[A]

We're only got some. We got some blank space. Throw in the Katy blocks.

[B]

Yeah, we wrote a paragraph for this one. Can we put some Katie blocks here?

[A]

Mm.

[B]

But it was fun. I'm glad we read a pick. Good find, Andrew.

[A]

Thank you. Haunted baby.

[B]

The choose your own nightmare number 13. Go check it out.

[A]

It's pretty fun for $30.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, check your public library system. Maybe it's in it.

[A]

Our podcast could blow up the market for this particular book. Like, we could be responsible for a spike in its value. So if you've been holding onto a copy, waiting for it to be worth something, like, I guess, you're welcome.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, tell us about it. Tell us about your experience with mall taxidermists or whether or not we have, you know, raised the, like, Google search index of haunted babies out there. Send us an email about it with screenshots, please overdupodmail.com or hit us up on social media at Overdue pod. Please don't show us any photos of your haunted babies. I don't want to see them. I don't want to know about them. They're haunted. Don't tell me.

[A]

You should just. You should not be posting pictures of your baby on your own social media accounts, haunted or otherwise.

[B]

Don't do that.

[A]

Just so. Yeah. Respect their privacy.

[B]

Yep. Huh. And now if they say it's okay if they give you a thumbs up, I still don't do it. I don't want to see your haunted baby. But anyway. Our theme song is composed by Nick La Ranges. Andrew, if folks want to know more about the show, where do they go?

[A]

Overdue Podcast.com is the Internet website. We have links to the books that we have read and are going to read. We have a little web player for the current week's episode. We have an archive of all the episodes that we've. We've done. There are 724 other mainline overdue episodes and then several spin off series.

[B]

Yeah, just like this.

[A]

Just like, just like, just like. Choose your own adventure. Patreon.com overduepod Craig mentioned it earlier in the show, but that is the URL that you use to get to our Patreon page, support us financially, help us buy $30 out of print copies of choose your own nightmare books, buy equipment, get childcare, all kinds of other stuff that helps our lives work and helps the show happen. And then in exchange, you get access to our Discord community. You get some, you get some bonus episode content. You get to sit in on some like live stream stuff with us ad free feed is there patreon.com overdue podcast. Check it out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Craig, what are you reading? I know what you are reading next week, but can you tell everyone what.

[B]

It is I'm reading? I know what you did last summer. Not this summer. Last Summer by Lois Duncan. Who knows what can happen if you don't know?

[A]

Should I watch that? Do I need to watch that movie? Like, I wouldn't prep for this.

[B]

Might be. Might be a fun idea. That couldn't hurt. Mm, that could be fun.

[A]

All right.

[B]

It is my understanding that they're somewhat.

[A]

Different, so, yeah, maybe I'll find. I'll find a copy of it to watch with all the lights on.

[B]

It's a good movie. In my recollection, it was from that, like, kind of late 90s. Is it? I don't know if it's also a Wes Craven, but we'll talk about it. We'll talk about next week.

[A]

Sounds good. All right, everybody, thank you for listening to our show for another week. And until we talk to you next time, please try to be happy. That was a Headgum podcast. What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney and what's up, everybody? I'm back, Bell and man.

[B]

Oh, I got.

[A]

We got something to tell you.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes.

[A]

It's a brand new podcast on Headgum.

[B]

That's right. And it's called what's our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we.

[A]

We don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about.

[B]

Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about, and then we try it. Yep. Guests like Mark Marin, Jack Black, Brittany.

[A]

Broski, Kate Berlan, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Balls. Landon Axler, Jory, Joanie McGree, and Dender and Dender.

[B]

New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe.

[A]

To what's our podcast on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Forms. Yeah, I'm going to go do it right now.