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In this episode, Michaela Thomas talks about the common feeling of not fitting in—especially for late-identified ADHD women—and how it can create a constant background self-monitoring of how we come across.

She shares a personal moment of feeling “too much” on the school run while wearing bright pinks, and how small daily flickers of self-consciousness can build into a belief that we’re different and need to adapt by overexplaining, overapologizing, shrinking, or camouflaging to feel safe and accepted.

Drawing on Brené Brown’s distinction between fitting in and belonging, Michaela explores how these coping strategies often come from past experiences of criticism, misunderstanding, or exclusion, and how the cost can be exhaustion, social burnout, loneliness, and losing a sense of self. She close with a compassionate reframe: you don’t need to change who you are to belong—you may just need the right people and spaces, including my London meetup on May 15.

Join Michaela:

Golden – London (15 May)
A brunch-style in-person event to pause, reflect, and connect with like-minded women
https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/golden-in-person-event-may-2026/

ADHD and feeling like you don’t fit in — why being yourself hasn’t always felt safe