You can be the “nice one” and still feel secretly furious. That mismatch is the clue, not the problem. We’re pulling apart one of the most socially rewarded habits out there: saying yes when you mean no, keeping the peace while your needs get buried, and calling it kindness even when it leaves you drained. The core truth we keep coming back to is simple: nice is not the same as kind, and “being easy” can become a quiet form of self-abandonment.

We break down what people pleasing actually is: not generosity, not empathy, not being thoughtful, but shrinking yourself to manage someone else’s emotions and approval. Through a painfully relatable potluck story, we show how resentment gets created when we volunteer out of fear and then blame others for agreements we made. From there, we reframe kindness as care plus honesty plus boundaries, even when it feels a little uncomfortable in the moment.

You’ll leave with practical tools you can use immediately: how to tell whether your yes is fear-driven or capacity-driven, how to practice kind honest no’s without overexplaining, and how to let other people feel disappointed without treating it like an emergency you must fix. We also give you a small challenge for the week to retire one act of “fake nice” and replace it with something respectful that includes you in the equation. If you’re a recovering people pleaser who wants better boundaries, less guilt, and more self-trust, hit subscribe, share this with a friend who’s always “fine,” and leave a review with the boundary you’re practicing next.

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Why People Pleasing Isn't the Same as Kindness