Raising Good Humans – “The Nature of Nurture” with Professor Jay Belsky
Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman
Guest: Professor Jay Belsky
Date: February 20, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode features a rich, in-depth conversation between Dr. Aliza Pressman and renowned developmental psychologist Professor Jay Belsky, focusing on how children’s development is shaped by both nature (temperament, genetics) and nurture (environment, caregiving). The main theme delves into differential susceptibility—the idea that some children are more sensitive and malleable to environmental influences, for better or worse, while others are more “fixed” in their development. The discussion challenges assumptions about temperament, parenting, and the limits of parental influence, offering nuanced guidance and encouraging compassion and acceptance for both parents and children.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Temperament

• Belsky’s Definition: Temperament refers to consistent, stylistic ways of feeling and behaving, often rooted in emotional and physiological reactivity. It’s observable early in life and acts as a precursor to personality.
  • [01:48] “It has to do with stylistic, how should I say, consistent stylistic ways of feeling and behaving in particular situations.” – Jay Belsky
• Temperament is not deterministic; while some traits are biologically ingrained, experience can “manufacture” temperament into personality, for better or worse.
• Plasticity has limits: There is a “range of reaction”—some kids can change a lot, others only a little.

2. Differential Susceptibility & The Orchid-Dandelion Framework

• Some children (orchids) are much more “developmentally plastic” or sensitive to their environment, capable of blossoming in nurturing settings or struggling in adverse ones.
• Other children (dandelions) are more resilient or fixed—they tend to do okay regardless of environment, but their developmental trajectory is less influenced by intervention.
  • [07:42] “Orchids...have more room to maneuver with support or lack thereof. So imagine one who’s born right in the middle...but nobody waters him. He ends up over here dying young. Or...a nice Japanese gardener and ends up over here, beautiful and sturdy...” – Jay Belsky
• The idea is not about preferential treatment but recognizing that equal support can have unequal effects.

3. Responsiveness to Parenting & Intervention

• Belsky discusses the tension parents feel about investing extra support in more “susceptible” children while worrying about neglecting the less demanding ones.
  • [06:08] “How do you not feel like I’m now getting these two potential challenges?...Am I not paying enough attention to [my dandelion]?” – Aliza Pressman
• Resilience is not inherently ‘better.’ A “resilient” child may not benefit as much from a positive environment, coming out the same no matter what.
• The field tends to overemphasize adverse outcomes and neglect the impact of enrichment—some kids flourish from good environments, others are unchanged.
  • [15:31] “When we look at adversity...we never think of how would that kid do under good conditions. The presumption is all kids would do well under good conditions. But as it turns out, that’s not the case.” – Jay Belsky

4. Individual Experience, Memory, and Sibling Differences

• Children’s experiences and recollections of their upbringing differ, even within the same family, due to temperament and perception.
  • [21:25] “People who are more depression prone...are more likely to think about and remember...those exposures. So what registered powerfully on her could well have been water off a duck’s back on you.” – Jay Belsky
• Non-shared environment: Most of what matters developmentally feels unique to each child, even for siblings.

5. Attachment Theory Revisited

• Belsky challenges the traditional notion that parent sensitivity always leads to secure attachment. Some children are born more or less secure (or insecure), relatively impervious to intervention.
  • [25:13] “Efforts to promote sensitivity in the parents...benefits some kids and not other kids. Even if their mothers increase in sensitivity, it doesn’t have a security-inducing effect on some.” – Jay Belsky
• What matters most is not the attachment measurement per se but the parenting the child is exposed to and the child’s susceptibility.

6. The “Goodness of Fit” Fallacy

• The “lock-and-key” notion that every child can thrive if only the parent acts the right way doesn’t account for hard-wired limits in some children.
  • [27:25] “Some locks have very few keys, if any key at all...So I don’t buy into goodness of fit.” – Jay Belsky
• For some challenging kids (so-called “fixed strategists”), endless attempts to adapt parenting may not yield big changes.

7. Parental Acceptance, Limits, and Compassion

• It can be both relieving and upsetting to recognize that not all children can be “molded.” Acceptance is often a saner strategy than endless optimization.
  • [31:33] “Some people are going to be who they’re going to be and there’s not much you can do. So acceptance may be a little bit more effective for your functioning than chasing some kind of...” – Aliza Pressman
• The story of raising especially difficult children highlights the real need for resources—not just for children but for parents, who need the capacity to reflect, regulate themselves, and provide consistency.

8. Misinterpretations, Sensitivity vs. Susceptibility, and Social Implications

• Many resist the idea of “differential susceptibility,” fearing it means some kids are “unreachable” or will be neglected, which Belsky strongly refutes.
  • [41:29] “That doesn’t mean taking the kid who’s not highly susceptible and putting him in a closet and feeding him. One of the mistakes that developmental science has made is it’s all about tomorrow. What about today?” – Jay Belsky
• Sensitivity = Immediate reactivity, Susceptibility = Lasting influence. They aren’t the same.
  • [43:04] “Sensitivity is a good word for immediate reactivity, an initial response. But it needs to be separate from susceptibility.” – Jay Belsky

9. What Parents Can (and Can’t) Control

• Parenting matters, but it’s not all-powerful. Most parents are “attentive, worried,” and do their best within their constraints.
  • [73:23] “Love your kids and take care of them...not because of what it’s going to do down the developmental road, but what it’s doing here and now.” – Jay Belsky
• Live your values and be present—don’t parent out of anxiety for the future.
• Who children become is shaped by an unpredictable mix of genetics, temperament, their lived experience, culture, luck, and more.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [07:42] “Dandelions are not guaranteed to just be fine and dandy...And so it doesn’t mean that these kids will turn out either perfect or nightmarish. It just means what they experience will register on them more powerfully and shape them more than the other kids.” – Jay Belsky
• [15:31] “The kids who do the worst in life are often the kids who could have done the best in life. And that’s a huge human capital cost to a society.” – Jay Belsky
• [31:33] “Some people are going to be who they’re going to be and there’s not much you can do. So acceptance may be a little bit more effective for your functioning...” – Aliza Pressman
• [41:29] “That doesn’t mean taking the kid who’s not highly susceptible and putting him in a closet and feeding him.” – Jay Belsky
• [43:44] “Sensitivity is a good word for immediate reactivity...But it needs to be separate from susceptibility.” – Jay Belsky
• [69:42] “There aren’t simple answers to critical questions unless you’re an ideologue. It’s genes, it’s environment, it’s a whole mess of stuff.” – Jay Belsky
• [73:23] “Love your kids and take care of them as you think is right and appropriate, and not because of what it’s going to do down the developmental road, but what it’s doing here and now.” – Jay Belsky
• [74:46] “Live your values and worry less about tomorrow because you don’t know what world he or she’s going to live in.” – Jay Belsky

Key Timestamps for Reference

• 01:48 – Belsky defines temperament and its role in development.
• 04:52 – The parenting challenge with more and less “susceptible” children.
• 07:02–12:07 – Orchid/dandelion framework and individual differences in plasticity.
• 15:31 – Why focusing only on resilience or adversity misses half the story.
• 21:25 – Retrospective memory and why siblings often disagree about childhood.
• 25:13 – Critique of classic attachment theory’s universality.
• 27:25 – Problems with the “goodness of fit” model.
• 31:33 – Acceptance versus endless striving.
• 41:29 – Sensitivity vs. susceptibility distinction.
• 43:44 – Reactions versus long-term impact.
• 69:42 – The complexity of development (“it’s a whole mess of stuff”).
• 73:23 – Practical parenting advice: focus on values and the present.

Takeaways for Parents and Caregivers

• Parenting matters, but its influence is shaped by the child’s temperament and susceptibility.
• Differential susceptibility means not all children respond the same way to the same environment or parenting.
• Orchids and dandelions are not value judgments—there are trade-offs in each, and both deserve attention and care.
• Acceptance and presence are as valuable as effort and intervention; don’t blame yourself for what’s unchangeable, and don’t neglect what you can influence.
• Focus on the present needs and values of your child rather than trying to guarantee or engineer a particular future.

This conversation is an enriching blend of science, wisdom, humor, and humility—reminding parents that raising good humans is as much about understanding diversity and accepting limits as it is about offering support and striving for success.