What a Neuropsychological Evaluation Actually Reveals About Your Child

Summary

Podcast Summary: Raising Good Humans – "What a Neuropsychological Evaluation Actually Reveals About Your Child"

Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman
Guest: Dr. Joanna Jacobs (Neuropsychologist)
Date: July 10, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Aliza Pressman sits down with neuropsychologist Dr. Joanna Jacobs to demystify neuropsychological evaluations. Their conversation explores when and why a child may benefit from this type of assessment, what the process actually entails, how diagnoses function in the real world, and crucially, how to communicate findings to both children and schools in ways that empower rather than stigmatize. The tone is compassionate, insightful, and practical, focused on reframing evaluations as tools for understanding and supporting children’s unique brains.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is a Neuropsychological Evaluation?

• Definition: A neuropsychological evaluation explores how the brain affects thinking, behavior, and emotions via testing and in-depth interviews.
• Purpose: It’s not just about finding what’s wrong—it’s about understanding a child’s strengths and challenges to help them thrive.
• Scope: Used often for students struggling academically, but also relevant in other contexts (e.g., concussion, toxic exposure).
  • “Really, a neuropsych is an opportunity to say, oh, wait, my kid is awesome… I know how to help them, and I know how to tell them about their strengths.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (00:00)

2. When Should Parents Seek an Evaluation?

• Trust Parental Instincts:
  • If parents sense something’s off—even when teachers do not—it’s valid to seek answers.
    • “I say trust your gut.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (03:22)
• Warning Signs:
  • For young kids: Not meeting developmental milestones.
  • For school-age: Working much harder than peers, coming home dysregulated, increased procrastination, or avoidance.
• Suffering Is Multifaceted:
  • Difficulties can be academic, social, or emotional—suffering “comes in all colors” (04:47).

3. Addressing Parental Fears and Stigma

• Fear of Labels:
  • Many parents dread the suggestion of a neuropsych evaluation, worrying it means something is “wrong.”
  • Dr. Jacobs reframes:
    • “It is so important to know why, and it’s so much worse not to know.” (06:29)
• Diagnosis as a Tool, Not a Definition:
  • Diagnoses provide shorthand for accessing needed support, not a summary of a child’s whole identity.
    • “Diagnoses are not incredibly specific. They’re necessary for insurance, for school supports, but… ADHD can mean something very, very different for every kid.” (08:22)
  • Labels are context-dependent, not absolute:
    • “If you’re sort of poked in your wound, it looks like a disorder, right?” (12:50)

4. How to Talk to Children About Results

• Openness Defuses Fear:
  • Concealing information makes it scarier for kids—they already sense they’re different.
    • “The more we keep information in the shadows, the scarier it is for a child.” (18:37)
  • Use clear, validating language:
    • “A lot of parents like to use the word ‘neurodivergent’… your brain works differently than the environment you’re in.” (15:03)
• Validation and Naming:
  • Affirm the reality of the child’s struggles and explain them in context. Use real-world examples to promote identification with successful, diverse thinkers.
    • “That word is dyslexia. It makes it harder for you to learn to read even though you are smart as a whip…” (20:55)

5. Strengths-Based Framing

• Beyond Remediation—Celebrating Different Brains:
  • Emphasize the evolutionary necessity of diverse brain types (verbal, visual, fluid reasoning, etc.).
    • “If we all have the same brain, we would be goners. Everybody needs one person who’s really anxious, one person who’s calm…” (17:54)
  • Neuropsychs should identify strengths and potential—not just deficits.
    • “It’s really an opportunity to find what’s right and to capitalize on it.” (27:47)

6. Labels, Community, and Identity

• Finding Belonging:
  • Some kids benefit from having a diagnosis, finding community and language for their experience.
    • “I recently retested a sixth grader… She said, please don’t take my diagnoses away. They help… She says, because I have dyslexia.” (32:43)
• The Double-Edged Sword of Labels:
  • Diagnoses can empower, but also risk overidentification or stigma in certain environments.

7. Practical Considerations: Sharing Results and Choosing Evaluators

• With Schools:
  • It’s okay to share findings (strengths, challenges) without necessarily handing over a diagnostic label, unless required for services.
    • “You have all the information. Why do you need a label on top of it?” (31:23)
• Evaluator Fit:
  • Trust your gut—choose someone you “vibe” with and ask about their assessment process.
    • “You need to, like, vibe.” (38:07)
    • Assess their thoroughness, approach, and whether your child can be themselves.
• Navigating Increased Diagnoses:
  • Greater awareness and pressure for accommodations have increased diagnosis rates. Misuse of the system (e.g., “buying extra time”) is a real issue but shouldn’t overshadow legitimate need. (35:00)

8. Key Takeaways for Parents

• Biggest Misinterpretation:
  • Neuropsych findings don’t spell doom or limit a child’s future.
    • “That this means that my kid will never be successful? … This is a map. This is an opportunity.” (37:25)
• Cultural and Environmental Fit:
  • Many so-called “disorders” reflect a misfit with current educational expectations, not a fixed deficit in the child.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Really, a neuropsych is an opportunity to say, oh, wait, my kid is awesome... and they’re going to understand themselves and they’re going to feel good about themselves, which is the most important thing you can get out of school.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (00:00)
• “Suffering comes in all colors.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (04:47)
• “If we all have the same brain, we would be goners.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (17:54)
• “The more that we keep information in the shadows, the scarier it is for a child.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (18:37)
• “It’s really an opportunity to find what’s right and to capitalize on it.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (27:47)
• “This is a map. This is an opportunity.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (37:25)
• “You need to, like, vibe.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (38:07)
• “That did not define her. Doesn’t define her. It’s part of her, who she is and what her journey’s like at school. But she’s doing great.” – Dr. Joanna Jacobs (33:42)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00: The purpose of neuropsychological evaluation and its potential to empower children and parents
• 03:22: When to seek a neuropsych evaluation—trusting your gut as a parent
• 06:29: Addressing parental fear—the upside of knowing
• 08:22: Diagnoses: purpose, limitations, and communicating with kids
• 12:50: Environmental impact: diagnoses as context-specific
• 15:03: Talking to children: language, honesty, and the concept of neurodivergence
• 18:37: The danger of secrecy—why openness helps kids
• 20:55: Helping kids understand and integrate diagnoses
• 27:47: Under-the-radar kids and the strengths-based approach
• 31:23: Sharing results with schools; managing labels
• 32:43: Community and identity in diagnoses—narratives that empower
• 35:00: Accommodation pressures and system misuse
• 37:25: Reframing results as opportunity, not limitation
• 38:07: Choosing a good evaluator and practical next steps

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Conclusion

Dr. Pressman and Dr. Jacobs invite listeners to see neuropsychological evaluation not as a search for deficits, but as a journey to greater understanding and appreciation of every child’s unique brain. Their focus is on compassionate, practical supports that let children—and parents—feel empowered, not labeled.

For more resources and conversations, subscribe to the podcast or visit Dr. Aliza Pressman’s Substack.

Transcript

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Really, a neuropsych is an opportunity to say, oh, wait, my kid is awesome. And yeah, it's not great that they have to go through a language based curricula, but like, I get it and I know how to help them and I know how to tell them about their strengths and they're going to understand themselves and they're going to feel good about themselves, which is the most important thing you can get out of school.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

If you've been told that your child needs a neuropsych evaluation or you suspect that your child needs a neuropsych evaluation, that's the first step. But then finding a neuropsych evaluator, finding out what you're supposed to ask, what you're going to figure out, how it will benefit you, what the problems might be. Those are all of the things that we're talking about today with my friend and colleague, Dr. Joanna Jacobs, who is a brilliant neuropsychologist who works with families all the time and helps them rethink what a neuropsych evaluation is actually for and how it can truly help you understand your child.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

I'm Dr. Eliza Pressman, Developmental psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, associate clinical professor at the Icahn School of Medicine, and the host of Raising Good Humans podcast. I am so glad you're here.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I feel like you're a gift for everybody because how many people are told we, we want to recommend that you get a neuropsych evaluation? I'm asking, I'm not asking you to answer that. I'm just telling you. So many people. But what does that mean? Why is it happening so often? What do we get out of it? What is the landscape? Talk to us about like, okay, you've been told something's up, but it's so vague. When and how do we know? Do we really need a neuropsych evaluation?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

So I think if there's an adult out there that cares enough about your kid to say your kid needs a neuropsych, you pay attention to that. Okay, So a neuropsych is an evaluation that is conducted to understand how the brain affects what we think, what we do, how we behave. So we do a series of tests and they measure things like problem solving, memory, executive functioning, how our brain gets things done and how efficiently and how much energy it takes us to do that, and emotional functioning. And then we also talk to people. We do lots of interviews with the child, with teachers, with anyone who has any interaction with the child who may be able to inform how they function in multiple environments. But of course, neuropsychs are not just for children who aren't functioning perfectly at school. So we're talking just about a specific kind. We also use them in college awards to track the of the toxicity of treatments post concussion.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Like there are many reasons.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

There's tons of them. Those we're talking about for students who are not functioning up to their potential at school.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

So let's say there's a parent of a young child or a school age child who feels like, I don't know why, but I feel like something is adrift and I want a neuropsych evaluation, but the preschool teacher or the elementary school teacher does not seem to see a reason for it.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I say trust your gut. I love it.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay. And what kinds of. So like what are the kinds of things that might happen in a school setting or home that would bring up those questions?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

In my practice, I only see kids six and up.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

For younger kids, it would be like not meeting developmental milestones. A parent might see their kid is not functioning at the same level as their age peers. And that of course, I think it's always best to listen to parents they know.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

In latency age kids, school age kids, it is a parent who sees a kid who is working harder than they need to be. They come home, they cannot self regulate at the same level. Maybe as their peers or the teacher says, you know, it should take 10 minutes to do this assignment. And they see their kids becoming dysregulated or procrastinating or avoiding neuropsychs really or psychoeducational evaluations. It's sort of synonymous. It's a good tip to have they are really to understand, to understand a kid and to help them live their best life possible. It's really about. So when a teacher, a parent sees a kid suffering, it's really, it's important to pay attention to it.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Is the suffering typically in categories like it's there's suffering, social, emotional suffering, or they're suffering.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Suffering comes in all colors.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay, so child suffer every way. Right. Isn't that so nice?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yes.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

If the child feels like. Let's give some scenarios here, not for diagnosis, but first scenarios that parents experience where and I hear this a lot, parents are like the teachers say, everything's totally fine, but my child's coming home and melting down. To which I am usually feeling like that's just because they feel safe at home and not at school. But is there a point at which it's like something else is up Yeah,

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I mean kids are very, very motivated in elementary school and beyond to preserve their appearance as a competent, independent kid. So it's much more, yes, they feel more comfortable at home, but they're also very invested in preserving that look to their friends. We all have a certain amount of energy units like that. We have the start of the day to get through the day. And if you're using too many of them or more than most of your peers are at school to sit still when you're one of when your body needs to move or to decode when everyone else is reading fluently or to parse some sort of nuanced social, non verbal communication, you're working harder, you come home and you're depleted. So yes, yes, of course kids feel safer at home. They're not filtering what they're saying. But also it could be an indication that they're working harder at school. So it's not, not academically, but in every other way.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

In every other way. Is there a world where when parents hear I recommend a neuropsych evaluation, what do you see happening for parents so scared?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yes. And it is, it is a shame because, because a neuropsych is an opportunity to attune yourself to your kid and to understand them. And yes, of course it's scary. We all come and we all have our kids and think, you know, I think we are all sort of built like if something goes wrong, something's wrong. But of course something's gonna go wrong, right? There's not a, you know, so of course it's not fun to hear, yeah, your kid's not keeping up with the package. But it is so important to know why and it's so much worse not to know. So it's always, while I understand as a parent, it's petrifying, it's such an opportunity because so much the way that our school system is designed, this like tradition of verbal language based curricula is devastating to all the kids that don't have those strengths and they walk, you know, they go through the system misunderstood, unseen. Really. A neuropsych is an opportunity to say, oh wait, my kid is awesome. And yeah, it's not great that they have to go through a language based curricula. But like, I get it and I know how to help them and I know how to tell them about their strengths and they're going to understand themselves and they're going to feel good about themselves, which is the most important thing you can get out of school.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay, so you just mentioned something that I think we really need to address, which is, let's say you're. Your child is going to have a neuropsych evaluation, and you do the evaluation and you feel like there is a diagnosis. There is an explanation for some of this. What do you recommend parents do? Because some parents I'm imagining are like, I don't want to tell my child there's a problem because they'll think the problem is with them and they need to be fixed.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

We should talk about diagnosis. Let's talk about that and profile. Yeah. Diagnoses are wrought first because they're misunderstood and they're not incredibly specific. And they're very necessary for parents to access insurance reimbursement or to access care or services from their school district or to communicate with other clinicians in shorthand. But they're not descriptive, like, what is adhd? And ADHD can mean something very, very different for every kid. And it's not helpful until you understand what it means for your kid, which is why neuropsych is so helpful, because it is that breaking down everything, okay, these are the behaviors that you're concerned about, and here's why it's happening. So a diagnosis is really the last thing that I talk about in feedback meetings because I think it's most important to really understand your child. So when talking to a child. Now, listen, everybody's very interested in a diagnosis, even kids, because of TikTok.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right, right. Yes. I want to get into all of that.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yes. I usually find it most helpful to describe what I'm seeing and to have a conversation with parents when they can say, yeah, yeah. And then ideally they're like, oh, my God, yes, I see that. And this is the pattern I see at home. And there's a real conversation around who their kid is and then talk about, okay, the best diagnosis to capture this is X. It's not the most helpful piece of information to get. And then in terms of talking to about the kids, they. It's, you know, it's not one size fits all. Obviously. Generally speaking, I'm a big believer in not keeping information in the shadows because it makes it scary and dark. That's my big question. Yeah.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

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[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

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[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

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[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Let's really talk through that. So if you do have a diagnosis, because the clinician wants to help with insurance, because the clinician needs to find.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Because it's the language we speak in, right?

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

It's the language we speak in. Thus far, do you find a situation with parents where they're like, I don't want my child to hear a label and can you address that?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I hear it all the time and I get it. And I think it's founded. It's well founded. I mean, the interesting thing about diagnoses too is that they're environment specific. So for example, if you send your kid to a very well, we all send our, we send our kids to schools that have a very specific demand. And therefore if you're sort of poked in your wound, it looks like a disorder, right? But if you are, let's say, put on an island where you have to figure out how to survive that Verbally, you know, astute child will die.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

It's not that.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Right, right, right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I'm just gonna. Well, not get.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Not thrive.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Not thrive. Not get the A. So it's very environmentally, you know, dependent. And so these. That's why the word disorder is just terrible.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Diagnosis is about putting language to something in the service of what we need to figure out right now. But disorder.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Why isn't my kid doing well in this classroom with this teacher, with these kids? Right.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

That's a much better way to.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Or in our family. Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right. Versus thinking. Is this disordered or not? So even going into a neuropsych evaluation, thinking we're asking a question that's context specific.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Absolutely. Well said.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

That can really change the experience of the parent and the kid.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah. Really the worst thing about not being successful in school is that you, you know, it just wreaks havoc on your confidence and your identity as a competent person. When it's such a narrow assessment of competency.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

When you're talking to a family or a child, what do you do if the family. Like what. What would you say to the family that's like, I, I'm not, I don't want to label them. What's the language that they can use to address that issue? Because you think you explained it really well in terms of context.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

But then going further, what do they say to their kids?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

A lot of parents like to use the word neurodivergent, which I think is not a bad way to say, hey, your brain works differently than the academic setting you're in and it's going to feel harder. And it is a challenge and it is a struggle. It doesn't mean that you're not a competent person.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I think it's really important also to validate the difficulty of, for example, being a dyslexic kid. In any school. In any school.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

It is hard. And so that is not a disorder. That is an evolution. That's a. That's part of human evolution. That's important and necessary.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

But what do you do?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

But it's disordered because it makes life very difficult for a dyslexic kid.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay. So then translating disordered or retranslating it to it makes life difficult for you. And so we're going to try to figure out ways to adapt to in this context or move you out of this context if it's totally unacceptable.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I think that's language that's much more generous and like, easier to work with validating and validating than, again, it Comes

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

back to that, like parental attunement, which I think is one of the best things that come out of neuropsych.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah. Is parents can see more clearly understanding

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

the motivations behind their kids behavior instead

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

of feeling like they're just oppositional or. Right. And so what do you do if they are? What if a. Well, you probably don't do this then. Like what if they have. Are you diagnosing oppositional defiance disorder?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I don't like that diagnosis.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah, I bet you don't.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

It's a symptom.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

It's a symptom of a misfit between the kid and his environment.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

So a lot of this sounds like figuring out what's happening in the context the child is in and how much

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

given the brain the child has.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Given the brain the child has. And then deciding with the family because they might not have a choice. Right. Like that might need to remain the environment the child is in.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

True.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

So then it's finding the support systems that can help them be in that environment or no.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah, I think it's finding the language, like creating the narrative, finding the supports in the system, finding the supports at home, teaching the child how to navigate the obstacles that they will encounter and teaching the child to understand why their body, you know, why they have anxiety around certain situations and what to do. I mean, it's not different than any other, you know, disorder and what to do to help navigate it.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I really want to stress that I love how you explained that disorder is really like, we just shouldn't think of it as like you have a problem brain. It's.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Or you are a problem.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

It's just disorder for this environment that you're in.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I really believe we need all those brains. Like from an evolutionary standpoint.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I mean.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Yes.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Because if we all have the same

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

brain, we would be goners. Everybody needs one person who's really anxious.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I'm probably that person.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

And we are very available for that role.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Let's keep it in line.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I just, I think it. No, but it is interesting. It's like when you even in a silly way, when you look at families, like one person is probably like, everything's safe, everything's fine, don't worry about it. And the other person's like, yeah, but I just noticed this thing.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

What if.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

And so you need both of those people. So let's go back to neurodivergence telling the kid the diagnosis.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right. I think the more that we keep information in the shadows, the scarier it is for a child I think that most children, when they end up, at least in my practice coming to me, they know something is wrong, they know they're different, they know that there's displeasure and they are scared out of their minds that there's something wrong with them. I know, I know. When you name it, I mean, obviously we know this. Right. It opens up a world of conversation and connection and it doesn't necessarily pathologize. Now. Yes. The names in and of themselves. We can do better.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

We can do better. And is that something you can say it to, to the child? We can do better with these names?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yes, of course. I mean, every eight year old kid knows seven kids with ADHD that are completely different. Right.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

And woman of a certain age is presenting those same inattentive features, but maybe is very calm looking.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

For example.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

So pretend you're talking to a kid right now let's do the version where you leave the conversation like feeling great. I feel great about how I just articulated this.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

That usually happens when I talk honestly about the kids struggles. Like, okay, so you came in here and we know you're having difficulty, you're feeling left out, you're feeling, you know, frustrated, you're feeling overwhelmed. And then, you know, have a conversation, get by in with the kid who's talking to you about their struggles, who feels like, oh my God, this is great. And also a little scary that we're talking about this in front of my parents and now they know I struggle and now maybe they won't love me. You know what I mean?

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Because that's just like what a little kid thinks they want to please. It's all about competence at that age. Right. And how you show your devotion to your parents. And if they're failing, it's like so lonely and scary. So like the idea is to communicate to the kid like you're not alone in this. And yes, you're not crazy. It is harder for you.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

You've sort of connected with this child, you've validated their experience.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right. And now there's a word, there's a word that people use. You're not the only one that's going through this.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

That word is dyslexia. It makes it harder for you to learn to read even though you are smart as a whip, even though you are quick like lightning.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right. And then sometimes I'll say, does it sometimes feel confusing to you that you can do other things as easily or more with more facility than other kids and yet you can't get this reading down you're not crazy. This is a thing, you know. And then I like to throw in the famous people.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

That's exactly what I was gonna ask you. And then do you start to say, like, do you know all these people that have had wonderful, successful lives?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah, most.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Most are neurodivergent.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Most of those people high up on the hill. Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

And then parents love to talk about AI and how neurodivergent brains are the most protected. Yeah. Because they can't be programmed. They think outside the.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

What a great point.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I know. And it's like, you know, it's true. Because not to like, you know, poo poo verbal learners. I'm absolutely a verbal learner. School is my. I'm good at it.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

No, we're not poo pooing it.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

We are both.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Obviously by nature, we need all brains.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

We need all brains. But people, for example, who excel in non verbal reasoning, like fluid reasoning, visual spatial reasoning means. I'll just, I'll explain. Being able to solve problems on your own without the benefit of someone giving you a sequence of how to complete.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Or, or finish that problem. And if you think about it, that sequential learning is very like computery. Right. It's like very aiy.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

You know, if X, then Y. I'm very programmable. Same. I listen and I do what I'm told.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Same. I am the most boring rule follower. And we were really good in school.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Because.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

It's like, here's what you have to do. And if you do it, you get to this.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

So I have this like little game I play with myself with kids. It's kind of crazy. Like I'm sitting with them and I'm like, okay, I'm stuck. We're on a lifeboat. Like we were on a cruise and it's just me and this kid and like a boat that survived. Are they going to be a liability or are they going to save my life, you know?

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

And it's like, it's amazing because I

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

would be a liability.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

No, you wouldn't.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I would. I would not come up with anything.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

That's okay.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I found a thing that works for me. I'm like, I'm very straightforward. I like. But if you put me on a boat and you're.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Because I'm the verbal learner, I'm like, will this kid be thinking about the things that like, I can't see. Yeah. I cannot see.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I'd be thinking, well, what are the rules?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right. Like, what does one do in this situation? Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

What do you do in this situation? Let me read a book and then I will get back to you.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

You can be sitting with 6 year olds and be like, that kid will save my life. You know what I mean?

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I think we can all. I'm picturing right now who, who are those people that, where you're just like, yeah, yeah, that one, that one, that one. I'm gonna be fine.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

This one maybe is not gonna be

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

in a great position, but the reading comprehension, a game. Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

So I think, and not to diminish the value of that too, like obviously

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

that's just they're underrepresented and they're unseen and it's like really a problem not to be like panicky, but society wise, we need to nurture those brains. Those are the most. You know, those brains need nurturing too.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yes.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

And they really are not, they are missed. Like this talent is missed. And so that's why just to go back to neuropsychs, like they are so important for that reason because you could have a kid that does just fine in school. But they are thinking of themselves as eh, nothing special. I've got nothing to share when they are, you know, just a powerhouse.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I need glasses at all times. I am just a glasses wearer, as

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

you know, if you know me. And Goodr has awesome glasses. First of all, they come in so many good colors. They're affordable, they're stylish and they're great for performance. Let's say you're going for a hike or a run. I'm probably not going for a run, but I'm definitely going for a hike. They're so great because they can handle your sweat. They are snug, the position sticks, they've got no slip grip and no bounce fit. Again for you runners out there, hopefully one of these days I'm going to be like, I was running and they didn't slip. Also they goodr is uv 400 protection

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

and anti fog and anti glare.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

So if you're ready to upgrade your eyewear to something functional, fashionable, fun and affordable, head to goodr.com humans to claim $10 off your first order. That's G-O O D R.com humans. This episode is brought to you in part by BetterHelp. I care deeply about the mental health of the caregiver because I care about you. We know that the mental health of the caregiver is inextricably linked with the

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

mental health of our children.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

So if you need extra support, BetterHelp

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

is a great way to get it.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

If you've wanted to get a therapist, you've wanted to get experience with therapy. You've had questions, you've had needs, but you didn't think you could find the time. BetterHelp is such a good solve because they make it really easy to match you with an appropriate licensed therapist for times and places that are convenient to you. This is all online and you can find the time.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I want you to take the time.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with better help.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] humans

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

that's B E T T E R h e l p.com humans.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

What about the kids who are not. They're doing just fine. So nobody's really naming that they need a neuropsych evaluation.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

That's what I like. The moms that are like, something's not

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

right here, something's up.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

What do you think of the kids who are a little bit under the radar and like, what if. What are the sort of gnawing questions that maybe are quietly in parents minds but they don't know how to name that like would bring them to. Maybe I should. And the reason I'm thinking of this is because you said there are kids who are like passing. They're doing well enough. They're not like throwing a desk at the teacher and screaming and getting Ds. So like they're not really, like, they're not harming themselves or others. And so they might, you might not notice that they are not flourishing, but they're doing well enough that you don't notice.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I mean, and that's why we should not be looking at neuropsychs as necessarily an opportunity to find what's wrong. It's really an opportunity to find what's right and to capitalize on it.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I mean, words of wisdom.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

No, but really just to. So a kid. But most importantly, so a kid knows, you know. Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Now I want to talk about a harder diagnosis when you're talking to a child because I'm thinking of parents who, okay, they get a diagnosis for their child that is one that throws them into a, you know, telling themselves stories about the future that are really scary, inaccurate and inaccurate. What do you say to the parents? What do you recommend saying to the child or what do you say to the child?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I really try and measure this. The gauge is how much is the child suffering and how much is the child aware of their families. So if a child is not, if the parents have the concern and the child is blissfully unaware that there's anything off. It's a lot harder to be like, hey, kid, you're autistic.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

You know, Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Here's to, like, messing up your whole view of the world.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

If they're not aware that there's any difficulty, it's a much. It's really worth doing the work to help them identify where they are not operating in a developmentally appropriate way or where they're kind of getting in their own way. And then once that's more aware, to help, you know, once that's more sort of within their grasp than to talk about what it is.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay. So that you wouldn't say, like, oh, this. Like you're thinking, this kid's thriving in their own way. They feel like they're thriving.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

They feel good. They feel successful. They are. You know, they're not concerned.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

There's not a lot of, like, anxiety.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Then you feel like. To tell them that would put them in a position of now questioning themselves.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I just think it would do more harm than good.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay, and so what are the cases? So the cases where they are suffering and they've expressed that to you, that's where you want to say, hey, I think I figured out why.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah. And. Yeah. And to talk about what it means.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

And.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

And mostly we're just talking about a difference, really. Like a different way of communicating, a different way of parsing what we see and what we hear in the world. And often, I mean, almost always that difference comes with real strengths. I think it's a gift to tell the kid they're not alone with their worry.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

So now you've done the evaluation, you've had conversations with the parents and the kids, and then you give a recommendation. What do the parents now do? Because I think a lot of parents are, like, now, what do I tell the school? Do I hide this? Is this gonna label my kid? Is this gonna help my kid? What do you want, like, in an ideal world, parents to do once they have that piece of. Is it a piece of paper anymore?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

So many pieces. No. Unless you print it online on the Interweb. I just had a family who was having second thoughts. Listen, my philosophy is it's always best to give the school the benefit of the doubt and say, if they have this information, they're gonna help my kid. They're gonna be more able to help my kid. Of course, that's not always true. This family said, I want them to have every single piece of information that you've given me, just not the Diagnoses. And I was like, fine.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Why does the school need a diagnosis?

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I mean, I guess like to give them.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

They might be like, well, I need a diagnosis or I'm not gonna abide by these.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right. These accommodations. But I mean, this is an independent school and you can argue you have all the information. Why do you need a label on top of it? Yeah. And I really was like, yeah, let's do that.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

See what happens.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay. And what's the thing?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

So they weren't afraid of any of the information in there, Just that label,

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

which I get like the lab is the fear. If I tell the school a label, they will, they won't read the report. Maybe they'll just translate it as, this is a disorder that this kid has

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

and it's not my kid. What's more specific? Right, right. The report I wrote with the strengths and the challenges this child has and how they correlate to the way he behaves in the world or the label. Right. I mean, it makes sense.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

And what do you say if the child has a label and they identify with it and they've that now they're like, I kind of like this. Is there a way for them to like, are you noticing in the world? Thanks to. And this is probably for older kids

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

like Instagram and all that.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Instagram and TikTok and like all of the self diagnosis. And so many kids that are older coming up to their parents and saying, I think I have X. Because they saw, you know, a real.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

It's a double edged sword, obviously.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Tell me.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Kids are looking for belonging. So that's, I mean, a whole different topic. So if you feel different, right? If you feel like you don't fit in, if you feel misunderstood, you're looking for a community. So yeah, sometimes that diagnosis brings you community, brings you community. I recently retested a sixth grader who I tested when she was in second grade and I diagnosed her with ADHD and dyslexia. She's a bright, bright kid. She was struggling in school, then she came back, she's going to middle school. And she went, blah, blah, blah. They wanted to update. And she said, please don't take my diagnoses away. They help when kids are like, why is it taking you so long? She says, because I have dyslexia. And it is amazing.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah, because it's not. Something's wrong with me. It's just sort of like, this is who I am. I'm wearing a white shirt.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

And that's like her parents were doing a Great job. Her school was doing a great job. She, you know, that's. That's like, it takes a village.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

But she. That did not define her. Doesn't define her. It's part of her, who she is and what her journey's like at school. But she's doing great. And I think a lot of it is that, like, that so much of the anxiety that she was walking around with has just dissipated.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

And so when people feel. Because I do feel like there's different, there's the part of the world that's like, talking about diagnosis, talking about this openly and almost overdoing it potentially. But then there's the other side of, like, why does everybody have a diagnosis now? This is becoming people's identity. This makes it feel like it's destiny. And I'm like, as I say it out loud, when we say biology isn't destiny, are we also kind of in and of itself naming that? There's a problem with that biology. Right. You know?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

I don't know because I have never thought about it that way.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right, right.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Because there are increases in diagnoses. So what's going on?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Well, I'd like to say that there's an awareness that, oh, one size fits all educational system is not going to cut it. There is, of course, the ability to purchase extra time, which we need to talk about.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

And there is an increased awareness and I think in terms of neurodiversity.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

So wait, let's go back to your buying extra time. What you're saying is now there's also. Some people are like, I need a diagnosis for my child so that they can get extra time. They don't need it. I just want it.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah. Like, a friend of mine was in, she was watching a tennis match for her kid, and she started talking to another mom. And mom's like, oh, my God, you should totally get your kid extra time. Here. Here's a list of names of people

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

who do this and will just give a diagnosis for no reason.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

No, my name was on it.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Oh, wow.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right. But that's. That's the, that's what people are talking about.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right. That is interesting. And, but. But I think then it undercuts the kids who really do need the extra time because they're like, yes. Now. Now people are looking at me like I'm taking advantage of the system, but actually other people are taking advantage of the system and undermining the kids who

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

need it or whatever it is. Right.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

What is the most common misinterpretation of neuropsych results that you see misinterpretation.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

That this means that my kid will never be successful.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Right.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

This is the end.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

And what do you do when the parents and teachers, like, the other people you've interviewed don't agree with you? Like, they're like, I don't. Basically, I don't like what you're saying. It doesn't.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

That my job is not over. I have to figure out why.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right. Are they not agreeing because they don't want it to be the truth Parents. Or are they not agreeing because they don't see it in their. The environment. The environment in which they are with the kid? And then I have to do more digging and have to understand it.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

At the bottom line of all these diagnoses is, is it. Is there a meaningful impairment? And so if a parent doesn't see a meaningful impairment, a lot of it's cultural too.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Like, how valuable is it that your kid is able to talk to anybody they see in any environment? Like, it's some, you know.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

That's. That's a family value.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Right. And so I pay attention to that.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

If a parent is sitting with a report right now and they're just feeling overwhelmed about what's to come, what is the one thing you want them to know? Which I kind of feel like you've said. And I want you to say it one last time.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

This is a map. This is an opportunity.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

This is a map. This is an opportunity. I really love that. I think that's so much more, really getting the opportunity to know our kids and help them thrive versus a scary thing where we're trying to show what's wrong with our kid. And I think that's what people hear when they hear. I want to recommend a neuropsych evaluation. Last question. Do you have any advice for finding, like, knowing if you're with a good person other than qualifications, obviously?

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Well, I think, like, just talking, like, you're gonna, like, have a really intimate conversation.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

So you need to, like, vibe.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Okay. Vibing.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Vibing. A general vibe factor. But then also, like, these are all different, these evaluations. They are. You know, it's unfortunate because you have to ask sort of like, what are you doing? Like, what are you giving my kid? How comprehensive is this?

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Are you gonna be analyzing the data or even just be telling me about the data? So I think it does take some work to sort of get the right person.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

It's expensive.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

You don't want to mess it up.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

It's expensive.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

But it's hard and it's a lot

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

of time and it's a lot of emotional energy.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

Yeah. And you want to make sure your kid is spending the time with a person who will be able to elicit, you know, the real them.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Right.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

And who you know so. And who they feel comfortable with. And.

[Host (possibly a parent advocate or co-host)]

Ugh, doesn't everybody wish you could do everyone? I want you to do mine. My kids, everybody in the world.

[Dr. Joanna Jacobs]

I want to do the world.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Thank you for joining me for this conversation. Please stick around and subscribe to this channel for more episodes and practical content that you can learn from and use in your parenting in real time. Watch the next video here or sign up for my substack newsletter@doctor elisapressman.com substack.com and consider becoming a paid subscriber for Access to Me Live each month in our subscriber Q and A.