Podcast
Resilient Kid: Therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens
Hosted by Ashley Costello | TEDx Speaker | Author | Psychotherapist | Award Winner · EN
TEDx speaker, author, and award-winning psychotherapist Ashley Costello provides therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens. As the visionary founder of The Resilient Kid Franchise, Ashley shares professional psychotherapy and support for child mental health. Discover practical parenting strategies for every stage of your child's forming years. Access searchable expert advice for families and educators dedicated to building resilience. This show delivers vital tools for raising strong, capable young people, focusing on mental wellness, professional support, and expert-led tips.
25episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
S11E5 - Growing Up GIRL
4d ago00:26:05Tap to summarize"She'll know. She'll just know."WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTThis episode is for every parent raising a girl, especially those who were never given the full picture themselves.We follow Diane, a mum who grew up in a home where periods were called “being poorly”, and Rob, a dad who wants to be someone his daughter can talk to but worries he does not know enough.He does. And so do you.We cover female puberty, periods, body changes, correct anatomical language, body image, social media pressure, masturbation, self-exploration and why girls need trusted adults to speak clearly, calmly and without shame.⏱️ EPISODE TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction — 1998 and the clitoris02:00 Diane and Rob — part one07:00 What actually happens in female puberty13:00 Five practical tips for parents16:00 Diane and Rob — part two20:00 Body literacy and the bigger picture23:00 For mums, dads and trusted adults24:30 Outro📋 PUBERTY IN GIRLS — WHAT TO EXPECTFemale puberty usually begins between ages 8 and 13, although every girl develops in her own time.Common changes include breast buds, pubic and underarm hair, changes to the vulva and vagina, vaginal discharge, wider hips, growth spurts, oilier skin, body odour and periods.The timeline varies enormously. What matters is that girls know what to expect before it happens, so they do not feel frightened, ashamed or alone.🔬 RESEARCH & CONCEPTS MENTIONEDDr Helen O’Connell’s 1998 research accurately mapped the clitoris and showed how much female anatomy had been missed or ignored in medical teaching.Dr Jennifer Gunter reminds us that using “vagina” for everything makes female anatomy vague. Correct words such as vulva, vagina, labia, clitoris and urethra matter.Dr Christiane Northrup’s work on body literacy shows that girls who understand their bodies are better equipped to care for themselves and seek help when needed.Debby Herbenick’s research highlights the shame many girls carry around self-exploration. The message should be simple: self-stimulation is normal, private and not harmful.Plan International UK, Girlguiding and Dr Linda Papadopoulos highlight the pressure girls face around body image, beauty standards and social media.Dr Sarah-Jayne Blakemore’s work on the adolescent brain helps explain why puberty can bring emotional intensity. Their brains are under construction.💡 FIVE TIPS — QUICK RECAPUse correct anatomical language: vulva, vagina, clitoris, labia and uterus.Do not leave the clitoris out. It exists and she deserves to know.Dads belong in this conversation too.Talk about body image before social media does.Tell her clearly: her body belongs to her.📚 FIND THE FULL RESOURCESAll research links, further reading, book suggestions and support resources are available inside our Listeners’ Lounge:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge💬 JOIN THE CONVERSATIONDid this episode give you something you needed? Did it name something that has been sitting unnamed for a long time?We would love to hear from you.Email: ashley@theresilientkid.co.ukInstagram: @theresilientkidWebsite: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.ukUSEFUL LINKSNewsletter Sign-up:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareA Parent’s Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid:https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidWebsite:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.ukA NOTE ON THE STORIESDiane and Rob are composite characters, built from the many parents who have asked: how do I talk to my daughter about this?You are not alone. It is not too late to sit down at the kitchen table and tell her the truth.The Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11 — The TalkThe Resilient People | Trading as The Resilient Kid and The Resilient TeenNew episodes every Thursday
Transcribe →S11E4 - Growing Up BOYS
1w ago00:33:40Tap to summarize"He is going to remember that you showed up."WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTThis episode is a practical guide for parents who want to talk to boys about puberty, bodies and growing up, but are not sure where to begin.We follow two families: Mark, a dad who got through his own puberty in silence and wants something different for his son Theo; and Priya, a single mum raising her son Jude, wondering whether she is the right person to have this conversation at all.Spoiler: she is. And so are you.We talk about male puberty, physical changes, erections, wet dreams, masturbation, emotions, shame, and why trusted adults matter so much. The aim is not to make these conversations awkward. It is to make them possible.⏱️ EPISODE TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction — the question parents ask most02:00 Mark and Priya — part one07:00 What is actually happening during male puberty13:00 Five practical tips for parents16:00 Mark and Priya — part two20:00 The bigger picture23:00 For dads, for mums, and how to start24:30 Outro📋 PUBERTY IN BOYS — WHAT TO EXPECTMale puberty typically begins between the ages of 9 and 14, and that wide range is normal. Starting earlier or later than friends does not mean anything is wrong.Common changes include growth of the testicles and scrotum, pubic hair, penis growth, underarm and facial hair, voice changes, height spurts, muscle development, oilier skin, spots, stronger body odour, erections, ejaculation and wet dreams.The timeline varies enormously. What matters most is that boys are told what to expect before it happens, so they do not feel frightened, ashamed or alone.🔬 RESEARCH & CONCEPTS MENTIONEDPSHE Association guidance highlights the importance of normalising the wide range of puberty timing, so boys understand there is no single correct age to begin developing.Dr Andrew Smiler’s work on adolescent male development explains that spontaneous erections are a normal, involuntary part of puberty and are not always connected to sexual arousal.Wet dreams, also called nocturnal emissions, usually begin between ages 11 and 15. A short, calm conversation beforehand can prevent unnecessary fear or shame.Debby Herbenick’s research highlights that shame around masturbation can be carried into adult relationships. Boys need to know self-stimulation is normal, private and not harmful.NSPCC safeguarding guidance reminds us that correct anatomical language matters. Words like penis, testicles, scrotum, erection and ejaculation reduce shame and help children seek help clearly if something is wrong.The Internet Watch Foundation and Sex Education Forum both highlight the risks when young people get information mainly from online spaces or pornography rather than trusted adults. Pornography is not sex education.Dr Sarah-Jayne Blakemore’s work on the adolescent brain helps explain why puberty can bring emotional intensity. Boys are not simply being difficult; their brains are under construction.💡 FIVE TIPS — QUICK RECAPUse correct anatomical language every time.Lead with normalising: “This happens to boys around your age.”Mums, you are not disqualified from this conversation.Use the car or a walk, where eye contact is not required.Tell them what you wish someone had told you.📚 FIND THE FULL RESOURCESAll research links, further reading, book suggestions, puberty timelines and support resources are available inside our Listeners’ Lounge:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeUSEFUL LINKSA Parent’s Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidWebsite: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.ukA NOTE ON THE STORIESMark and Priya are composite characters, built from the many parents who have asked some version of the same question: how do I talk to my son about this?
Transcribe →
S11E3 - The Talk We Never Had
3w ago00:28:26Tap to summarize"The silence is never neutral. It always teaches something. The question is only what."WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTWelcome to Season 11 of The Resilient Kid Podcast — The Talk.This season is dedicated to the conversations many parents dread, but many children desperately need: puberty, periods, consent, bodies, relationships and sex.In this first episode, we look at why so many grown-ups avoid these conversations, what silence can teach children, and how we can begin gently, honestly and without shame.At The Resilient People — the organisation behind The Resilient Kid and The Resilient Teen — we see the gap every week. The gap between what young people need to know and what they are actually being told. In that gap, young people often fill in the blanks themselves through friends, social media, the internet and pornography.This episode is for parents, carers and educators who want to do it differently, but are not quite sure where to begin.EPISODE TIMESTAMPS00:00 Opening note and season introduction02:00 Why this season exists04:00 Pete’s story — part one09:00 Why silence is not neutral14:00 Five ways to start17:00 Pete’s story — part two21:00 The bigger picture23:00 What is coming this season24:30 Outro and resourcesRESEARCH & CONCEPTS MENTIONEDBrook highlights that many young people use the internet as a key source of information about sex and relationships, often before they have had meaningful conversations with trusted adults.The Sex Education Forum has found that young people often feel underprepared for the realities of relationships and sex, and want more honest, relevant conversations.Ofsted’s 2021 review of sexual abuse in schools and colleges found that sexual harassment and abuse had become normalised for many young people, with some no longer reporting incidents because they felt so common.Dr John Bancroft’s work reminds us that shame around bodies and sexuality is not something children are born with. It is often learned through silence, discomfort and avoidance.The NSPCC Talk PANTS campaign shows why children need correct language for their bodies and permission to speak openly. Language is a safeguarding tool.The Internet Watch Foundation and PSHE Association both reinforce the importance of ongoing, age-appropriate conversations with trusted adults.💡 FIVE WAYS TO STARTStart before you feel ready. There is no perfect moment.Use the correct words for body parts from the beginning.Keep the conversation light, regular and ongoing.Tell them what you did not get when you were young.Use this season as a starting point for conversations at home.📚 FIND THE FULL RESOURCESAll research links, further reading and support resources mentioned in this episode are available inside our Listeners’ Lounge - https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge💬 JOIN THE CONVERSATIONDid this episode resonate with you? Are you a parent who has been putting off The Talk, or someone who has already started and wants to share what helped?We would love to hear from you.📧 Email: ashley@theresilientkid.co.uk📸 Instagram: @theresilientkid💻 Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.ukUse the hashtag #TheTalkWeNeverHad and share your story.A NOTE ON THE STORYPete is a composite character, built from the many parents and carers who have sat across from us over the years and said some version of: I want to do this differently, but I don’t know how.If you see yourself in Pete, that is entirely intentional. You are not alone, and it is never too late to open the door.USEFUL LINKSNewsletter Sign-up:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareA Parent’s Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid:https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidWebsite:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk
Transcribe →S11E2 - The Words I Never Had
4w ago00:23:15Tap to summarizeI Don't Even Know What I'm Feeling Half the Time. How Am I Supposed to Help Him Know What He's Feeling?When you were a child — when you were scared, sad, overwhelmed or angry — what happened?Not what should have happened. What actually happened.For some people, someone came. Someone sat with them, helped them make sense of what they were feeling and showed them that emotions could be understood and managed.For many others, feelings were ignored, redirected or met with discomfort. Not because they weren't loved, but because the adults around them had never been given the words either.And then they became parents.Parents who desperately wanted to do things differently, but often found themselves facing a child in distress and wondering what to say.In this episode of The Resilient Kid Podcast, Ashley explores what happens when emotional language isn't passed down through generations, why some children struggle to identify and express what they are feeling, and how emotional literacy can be learned at any age.If you've ever thought, "I don't even know what I'm feeling half the time. How am I supposed to help my child?" this episode is for you.In This EpisodeWhy emotional language mattersWhat alexithymia ("no words for feelings") is and how it developsHow children learn emotional skills from the adults around themThe science of neuroplasticity and emotional growthPractical ways to build emotional literacy in your familyHow to break patterns that may have been passed through generationsTimestamps00:00 — Intro: The words we were never given02:00 — David and Marcus's Story, Part One — I don't know what I'm feeling07:00 — The Research: Alexithymia, emotional socialisation and the neuroscience of change13:00 — Top Tips: Learning the emotional language you were never taught16:00 — David and Marcus's Story, Part Two — Gutting20:00 — The Bigger Picture: Breaking the chain, one named feeling at a time22:00 — The Close: Beginnings are everything24:00 — Outro and resourcesFive Key TakeawaysStart with your own feelings before focusing on your child's.Use a feelings vocabulary — even if it feels awkward at first.Name your emotions out loud to model emotional literacy.Repair the moments when you get it wrong.Let your child know you're learning too.Research HighlightsThis episode explores the work of Daniel Siegel, Mary Hartzell, John Gottman, Allan Schore, Joseph Ciarrochi and Mark Wolynn, looking at emotional literacy, alexithymia, neuroplasticity, emotion coaching and intergenerational patterns.Practical Resource MentionedThe Feelings WheelA simple visual tool that helps children and adults identify and name emotions. Search online for a free printable version and consider putting one on the fridge for the whole family to use.Important NoteDavid and Marcus are fictionalised composite characters created to protect client confidentiality while reflecting the realities many families experience.Find the Full Show NotesFor the complete research references, recommended books, additional resources, links and extended notes, visit the Listeners' Lounge:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeIf This Episode ResonatedWe would love to hear from you.Please consider:Leaving a review to help more families and professionals find the show.Sharing this episode with a parent, teacher, therapist or youth worker.Passing it on to your team for discussion.Useful LinksListeners' Lounge: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeNewsletter Sign-up:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareA Parent's Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid:https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidYouTube Channel:https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Website:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk#TheResilientKid
Transcribe →S11E1 - The Anxiety I Didn't Know I Was Giving You
Jun 100:30:15Tap to summarizeI Think This Is Me. I Think I Gave This To Them.When your child is anxious — when the stomach aches appear on Monday mornings, when worries multiply overnight, when the school gate becomes a battleground — where do you look for the reason?Most of us look outward. School. Friends. Social media. The state of the world.But sometimes, and I say this with every ounce of compassion, anxiety can be closer to home than that.In this episode of The Resilient Kid Podcast, Ashley explores how anxiety can move through families without a word being spoken. Not through blame, but through co-regulation, modelling, and the emotional atmosphere children grow up in.If you have ever thought, "I think this is me. I think I gave this to them," this episode is for you.In This EpisodeWhy anxiety can feel contagious in familiesHow children pick up on a parent's emotional stateWhat research says about parental anxiety and childhood anxietyWhy over-reassurance can sometimes make anxiety worseThe power of doing your own emotional work as a parentPractical steps to support both yourself and your childTimestamps00:00 — Intro: Sometimes the thing making a child anxious is us02:00 — Claire and Ellie's Story, Part One — The "Oh" Moment07:00 — The Research: Co-regulation, Anxious Parenting and Intergenerational Transmission13:00 — Top Tips: What to Do When You Recognise Yourself in Your Child's Struggle16:00 — Claire and Ellie's Story, Part Two — She Actually Noticed20:00 — The Bigger Picture: You Are Not the Reason They Are Struggling — You Are the Reason They Will Be Okay22:00 — The Close24:00 — Outro and ResourcesFive Key TakeawaysGet curious, not guilty.Regulate yourself before trying to regulate your child.Swap excessive reassurance for validation and encouragement.Your own healing work benefits your child.Let your child see that adults can ask for help too.Research HighlightsThis episode explores the work of Allan Schore, Stephen Porges, Lynne Murray, Daniel Siegel, Mary Hartzell and Mark Wolynn, looking at co-regulation, attachment, parental anxiety and intergenerational patterns.Important NoteClaire and Ellie are fictionalised composite characters created to protect client confidentiality while reflecting the realities many families experience.Find the Full Show NotesFor the complete research references, recommended books, additional resources, links and extended notes, visit the Listeners' Lounge: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeIf This Episode ResonatedWe would love to hear from you.Please consider:Leaving a review to help more families find the show.Sharing this episode with a parent, teacher, therapist or youth worker.Passing it on to your team for discussion.Useful LinksListeners' Lounge: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeNewsletter Sign-up:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareA Parent's Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid:https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidPinterest:https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademyYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Spotify Podcast:https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costelloWebsite:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.ukTeachers' Guide Waitlist:ashley@theresilientkid.co.uk#TheResilientKid
Transcribe →Building Wellbeing Communities for Kids & Families
May 2700:48:51Tap to summarizeAshley is joined by Neil Lewis (The Empathy Coach) and Becky Percival (Rebecca Percival Coaching), the co-founders of the Warrington Wellbeing Festival, for a conversation about community wellbeing, future-proofing our children, and creating spaces where families feel supported.Now in its fourth year, the festival has grown into a thriving community event, and this year The Resilient Kid team will be running both the Kids Tent and Teen Tent.In This Episode We CoverHow Neil and Becky created the festival and the values behind it.Why wellbeing should be accessible for everyone, including free entry for under 18s.The growth of the “Wellbeing Warriors” community.Stories of lives changed through connection and community.What families can expect on the day.Why children’s mental health is a community issue.The launch of the new Family Pot sessions.The Warrington Wellbeing Festival 2025 Details📅 Date: Saturday, 11th July 2025🕙 Time: 10am – 4pm📍 Venue: The Engine Rooms, Birchwood Park, WarringtonTickets: £15 pre-booked | £20 on the day👧 Under 18s: FREEWhat to Expect on the Day50+ wellbeing sessions, talks, and demonstrations.A marketplace featuring therapists and wellbeing practitioners.The Kids Tent and Teen Tent run by The Resilient Kid team.Family Pot sessions and family wellbeing activities.Food, drinks, and lakeside surroundings.Tip from Neil and Becky: Check the programme before you arrive — with so much on offer, planning helps.Follow the Warrington Wellbeing Festival📱 Instagram & Facebook: @WarringtonWellbeingFestival🌐 Website: Warrington Wellbeing FestivalMentioned in This EpisodeThe Family Pot — listen to the dedicated episode on how to run a Family Pot with your kids.The Brianna Ghey Legacy Project — briannagheylegacyproject.orgHappy Place Festival — mentioned as a comparison for festival value.Quote of the Episode“Resilience doesn’t build in isolation. It grows in community.” — AshleyA Note from AshleyThis episode genuinely moved me. What Neil and Becky have built isn’t just a festival — it’s a movement.We are so proud to be part of the Warrington Wellbeing Festival this year. Come and find us in the Kids Tent and Teen Tent.Timestamps00:00 Welcome and Guests01:07 Becca Introduction02:35 Neil Introduction04:01 Shared Values05:20 Festival Origin Story08:25 Early Growth and Venue12:00 Community and Access16:13 Festival Day Experience22:32 Kids and Teens Focus24:07 Why Youth Wellbeing Matters25:36 Why We Must Act25:58 Festival Moments That Matter27:11 Polly Finds Her Calling28:28 Lynn Stays All Day30:05 What Excites Us This Year33:01 Kids and Teens Tents35:29 Helping Kids Open Up37:27 Family Pot Sessions43:15 Accessible Tickets and Value45:39 Event Details and Thanks48:11 Resilience Through CommunityJoin the ConversationHas this episode brought something up for you? We would love to hear from you.YouTube Link: Spotify Link:#TheResilientKidIf This Episode ResonatedLeave a review: Leave a reviewShare this episode with someone who supports young people.Find All the Resources in Our Listeners’ Loungehttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeUseful LinksSign up to our newsletter: Newsletter sign-upGet A Parent’s Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid: Amazon linkFacebook: The Resilient Kid on FacebookInstagram: The Resilient Kid on InstagramLinkedIn: Ashley Costello on LinkedInYouTube: The Resilient Kid on YouTubeSpotify: The Resilient Kid Podcast on SpotifyWebsite: The Resilient AcademyTeachers’ Guide waitlist: ashley@theresilientkid.co.uk
Transcribe →S10E10 - The Moment They Let Me In
May 2000:31:45Tap to summarize"Trust is not given. It is earned. Slowly, quietly, in the accumulation of ordinary moments."In all the years I’ve been doing this work — sitting with young people and their families, walking into schools, being in the rooms where the real conversations happen — one thing comes up more than any technique, model or framework.People heal when they feel safe enough to be honest.And they feel safe enough to be honest when someone has shown them, consistently and over time, that they are not going anywhere.This episode is about trust — what it actually takes to build it with a young person who has every reason not to give it.It is about Mia, a fifteen-year-old who had already been through four services in three years before she came to us. A school counsellor who left. A CAMHS referral that ended in discharge. A voluntary worker who lost funding. A social worker who changed three times in eighteen months.Four services. Three years. Not one consistent face.What that teaches a young person is not just that support disappears. It teaches them that trusting adults is dangerous.This episode explores what happened when we stopped trying to break through the wall and instead sat alongside it.IN THIS EPISODEWhy trust has to come before any real therapeutic work can happenWhat repeated breaks in support teach young peopleThe neuroscience behind safety, guardedness and connectionWhy side-by-side conversations often work better than face-to-face onesBrené Brown’s BRAVING framework and what it teaches us about rebuilding trustThe moment Mia finally asked the question she had really been asking all alongKEY THEMESTrust is built slowly: Not through grand gestures, but through ordinary moments repeated consistently over time.Safety comes before honesty: A nervous system that feels threatened cannot access vulnerability or reflection.Consistency matters: Sometimes the most therapeutic thing you can do is simply keep showing up.Walk and talk matters: Side-by-side conversations can feel safer and less exposing for guarded young people.Small moments count: A walk. A hot chocolate. Remembering details. Keeping promises. These things matter more than we think.FIVE WAYS TO BUILD TRUSTDon’t take the wall personallyMatch your energy to theirsDo things side by side, not always face to faceName the pattern without blameLet the small moments be enoughTHE BIG MESSAGEEvery young person who finally lets us in is doing something incredibly brave.Trust is not built in one dramatic moment. It is built slowly through consistency, honesty, repair and presence.Sometimes the walk with the hot chocolate looks like nothing.But it is everything.FIND ALL THE RESEARCH, RESOURCES & FURTHER READING IN OUR LISTENER’S LOUNGEhttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge IF THIS EPISODE RESONATEDPlease consider sharing it with a teacher, therapist, parent, youth worker or anyone supporting young people who have learned not to trust.And if you found it helpful, leaving a review helps more families and professionals find the show.A NOTE ON THE STORYMia is a fictionalised composite created to protect confidentiality while honouring the truth of the work. She represents many young people who have experienced breaks in support and learned to protect themselves accordingly.USEFUL LINKSNewsletter: Sign up hereBook — A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid: Amazon LinkWebsite: theresilientacademy.co.ukInstagram: @theresilientkidFacebook: The Resilient KidLinkedIn: LinkedInYouTube: YouTube ChannelSpotify: Spotify Podcast
Transcribe →S10E9 - The Science of Small Things
May 1200:25:34Tap to summarize"The small things are not the consolation prize when the big things aren't available. The small things are the thing."It's Mental Health Week, and this episode is not going to tell you to do more.It is not going to give you a seventeen-step programme or add to the already very long list of things you feel like you should be doing and aren't quite managing.Because the science does not point to more as the answer. It points to the breakfast table. The school gate hello. The named feeling. The repair after the hard moment. The predictable ritual before bed.It points to the small, repeated, ordinary interactions between a child and a trusted adult — the things so many parents, teachers and carers are already doing without realising they count.WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTOne in six children in England aged five to sixteen meets the criteria for a probable mental health condition, and CAMHS waiting lists in many areas continue to stretch far beyond what families need.In response, we often search for bigger solutions: more programmes, more training, more resources, more interventions. And while all of those things can have value, the research has been quietly pointing to something else for decades.The most powerful protective factors for children's mental health are often not clinical, expensive or complicated. They are the everyday moments of safety, warmth, consistency and connection.In this Mental Health Week special, I explore the science behind why those small things matter so much — and why parents and educators may already be doing far more than they know.IN THIS EPISODEWhy we have been looking in the wrong direction when it comes to children's mental healthWhat small moments of connection do inside a child's brain and bodyWhy trusted, consistent adults are such powerful protective factorsThe five small things parents can use every dayHow teachers can create safety and belonging in simple, practical waysTHE FIVE SMALL THINGSThe Twenty Second Hug: Physical warmth helps signal safety to the nervous system.The Transition Check-In: A warm hello at the school gate or when they come home can land deeply.The Named Feeling: Naming what a child feels helps them feel seen and understood.The Predictable Ritual: Bedtime, breakfast, songs, jokes and routines help children feel safe.The Repair: Children do not need perfect adults. They need adults who come back, say sorry and try again.FOR TEACHERSYour small things matter too.Use a child's name warmly.Notice the quiet ones.Regulate yourself first.Acknowledge the hard stuff without needing to fix it.Sometimes, “Looks like today is a tough one. I’ve got you,” is enough.THE BIG MESSAGEThe small things are not a backup plan when the big things are unavailable. The small things are the thing.The breakfast table matters. The school gate matters. The named feeling matters. The repair matters. The twenty-second hug matters.Every ordinary, unremarkable, quietly revolutionary bit of it matters.LISTEN AND FIND THE RESOURCESYou can find the full research references, further reading and supporting resources inside the Listener’s Lounge:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeIF THIS EPISODE RESONATEDPlease share it with a parent, teacher, colleague or anyone working with young people who needs reminding that what they are already doing matters.And if you found it useful, a review means the world. It helps more families and educators find the show.USEFUL LINKSSign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareGet “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.ukFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello
Transcribe →S10E8 - Someone Finally Stayed
May 700:24:23Tap to summarize"No one's ever actually said that to me before."People heal when they feel safe enough to be honest. And they feel safe enough to be honest when someone has shown them — consistently, over time — that they are not going anywhere.At The Resilient Kid, everything we do comes back to two things: meeting young people where they are, and wrapping around them 360 degrees. Because a young person doesn’t exist in isolation. They exist in a family, in a school, and in a community.Today, I want to tell you what that looks like in practice. This is Ryan’s story.WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTRyan was fourteen when he came to us. Hood up, arms folded, absolutely certain this wasn’t going to work. His dad had left when he was seven — not with a dramatic moment, just a slow fade — and for seven years Ryan had been quietly carrying one question: what did I do wrong?His mum was loving, exhausted, and stuck in a cycle she hadn’t chosen. His school described him as fine. And fine, in our experience, is one of the most worrying words there is.This episode is about what happened when we met Ryan where he was, wrapped around his whole world — therapy room, family home, school corridor — and stayed.It’s about why healing never happens in isolation. It happens in relationship.KEY IDEAS IN THIS EPISODEThe relationship is the intervention — young people need to feel seen and safe before they can open up.Meet them where they are — not where we need them to be, or where the system expects them to be.Behaviour is communication — our job is to understand the need underneath it.The 360 Wrap matters — family, school, and professionals working together creates real change.Repair builds trust — staying through the difficult moments can be part of the healing.THE 360 WRAP IN PRACTICEIn Ryan’s story, the work wasn’t just happening in one session a week. It was happening through conversations with Mum, check-ins with school, and shared understanding between the adults around him.When the same language is spoken at home, in school, and in the therapy room, a young person begins to feel held. They begin to believe the adults around them are working together — and that they are not alone.A NOTE ON THE STORYRyan is a fictionalised composite, created to protect client confidentiality while honouring the truth of the work. He is not one specific young person — but he represents many real ones. Every detail has been changed. The emotional truth has not.TIME STAMPS00:00 — Intro: The heart of The Resilient Kid02:00 — Ryan’s Story, Part One07:00 — Why the relationship is the intervention12:00 — The 360 Wrap in practice15:00 — Ryan’s Story, Part Two19:00 — Youth mental health and the gap22:00 — For parents, teachers, and young people24:00 — OutroFIND THE RESOURCES IN OUR LISTENERS’ LOUNGEYou can find more information, links, research, and resources inside our Listeners’ Lounge:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeJOIN THE CONVERSATIONDid this episode resonate? Are you a parent in the cycle, a teacher with a Ryan in your class, or someone who was once that young person carrying something too heavy alone?Share your thoughts using #TheResilientKid #SomeoneFinallyStayedIF THIS EPISODE MOVED YOUPlease consider leaving a review, sharing the episode with a parent, teacher, or professional, or passing it on to anyone working with young people who needs to be reminded that the relationship is the intervention.USEFUL LINKSIf you'd like to know more about how we work with young people, families, and schools together — or if you have a young person in your life who needs support — we'd love to hear from you.Get “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk
Transcribe →S10E7 - The Place I Finally Fit
Apr 3000:26:28Tap to summarize"You made this place look like somewhere worth being."Can I ask you something personal?When did you first feel like you truly belonged somewhere?Not tolerated. Not managed. Not just allowed to exist in the room. But wanted. Expected. Like the space would feel different if you weren’t there.For some of you, that feeling came early — a family dinner table, a school team, a bedroom that felt like the whole world.But for many, it didn’t.And when it did arrive, it often came from somewhere unexpected.Not a system. Not a programme.A person.One adult who decided — without being asked, without it being written into a job description, without any guarantee it would work — that this child was worth showing up for.This episode is about those people.The youth workers. The support workers. The ones sitting in community centres, church halls, and temporary spaces — who quietly change the direction of young lives.WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTKezia is thirteen.She has been to four schools in five years. She eats lunch in the library. She draws entire cities in the margins of her notebooks — detailed worlds she has been building quietly for two years — and she has never shown anyone.Then one Thursday afternoon, she ends up at a youth centre she doesn’t want to be in.A youth worker called Marcus asks her one question about her drawing.A question no one has ever asked before.This is the story of what happens next.And why one consistent, caring adult — in an underfunded room with a broken table tennis table — can change the trajectory of a child’s life.This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like they didn’t quite fit anywhere.And for every youth worker, support worker, and community professional who shows up anyway — week after week — even when no one seems to be watching.KEY IDEASBelonging uncertaintyFor children who’ve experienced instability or rejection, there’s often a quiet question running in the background: “Do I belong here?”That question takes up space, making it harder to connect and engage.Even small moments of genuine recognition can begin to settle that uncertainty.Fitting in vs belongingFitting in is becoming who you think you need to be to be accepted.Belonging is being accepted as you are.The power of one stable adultFor children experiencing instability, the most protective factor isn’t a programme — it’s one consistent adult who shows up.The youth work gapYouth services have been reduced, yet their impact remains profound.When young people lose access, they don’t just lose activities — they lose relationships, safety, and belonging.FIVE WAYS TO CREATE BELONGINGStart with their interests, not their historyReward presence, not disclosureBe consistentLet them contributeSay it out loud: “This place is better when you’re here.”LISTENERS LOUNGEFor all research, references, and deeper reading:👉 https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/loungeUSEFUL LINKSSign up to our newsletter:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareGet A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid:https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidPinterest:https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademyYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Spotify:https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costelloWebsite:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.ukTeacher guide waitlist:ashley@theresilientkid.co.ukA NOTE ON THE STORYKezia and Marcus are composite characters, built from real experiences and stories shared by young people and youth workers.If you see yourself in Kezia, that’s intentional.You were never too much.You just needed someone to notice your city.
Transcribe →